Sonic the Oz-Hog Act 6/12: Four Score and Three Games Ago!
Sonic Super Special Magazine issue 3
AU Publication Date: 4th June 2012
Price: $16.95
As our ancient Mayan forebearers gazed upon unspoiled lands from atop majestic pyramids, one can only imagine how they'd react to modern interpretations of their culture. How despite the transformations and advancements of western civilization, glyphs methodically chiseled to immense stone slabs continued to fascinate. How translations suggested the conclusion of their 13th b'ak'tun (or whichever term they preferred at the time) would unleash a time of speculation, panic and turmoil on a society often proclaiming itself as peak humanity.
Chances are they'd pause, stare at one-another, and share a good chuckle.
Such was the feeling of living through 2012. While the months slowly clicked down, prophecy morphed into profit seeking. Books, documentaries and movies sought to captivate audiences with doomsday diatribes. Local frugal publications printed tales of an impending destructive December. Murdoch's finest conservative newspaper covers heralded hastily photoshopped images of a drained Darling Harbour. Yet above all this doom and gloom, the impending extinction of all life on Earth meant something far more sinister; a grand total of zero new Sonic the Hedgehog media beyond that terrifying date.
Obviously the resultant cosmic shift would impact all of SEGA's output, but that didn't stop fans logging on to voice their outrage. "It's bad enough having to contemplate the crushing futility of a mortal universe…" wrote Shawn Nickeltenn, a youth volunteer at Marble Gardens Retirement Village who often posted under the alias of 'MightyPrower93' on the now-defunct Radio Free Robotropolis message board. "…But now there's not even the comfort of knowing that Sonic will continue with new games and comics under a new creative team in an entirely new universe for fans to complain about!"
Humour aside, the fandom didn't need rely on ancient Mayan calendars to spruike dark times for the blue boy, when financial and critical woes already plagued the House of Hedgehog. Sonic Generations started strong, as SEGA proudly boasted their 2011 offering broke all previous pre-order records in Sonic history. Critics loved it. Audiences loved it. Until sales tanked within a month against a flurry of other high profile games.
2012 marched on. Fans across the world were poised, primed, ready to celebrate their favourite masot's impending 21st birthday. Good timing too, for the rodent would undoubtedly need a stiff drink after future IGN subsidiary GameTrailers declared in early March that Sonic won the "well-deserved perch" in their Worst Blockbusters list. The beastial undertones of Sonic '06 proved horrifying enough, while Unleashed, Adventure 2 and the Olympic tie-ins "Do not deserve the cash they generated".
Between intense layoffs in their US and European divisions, and reports of SEGA suffering a predicted loss of upward 85 million dollars, rumours soon abounded of a potential series reboot coming 2014. Some hoped Nintendo or Archie would buy out SEGA, or try a new game in the style of then-hot Skylanders. Other commentators, optimistic as ever, declared "I don't see SEGA being around ten years from now. So the reboot idea seems pointless to me". It wasn't all bad however. US viewers got to see Sonic back on TV in January 2012 spruiking $380 automotive insurance. Probably the only "Progressive" media that hardcore conservative Sonic fans might enjoy.
Australian media meanwhile was enjoying Julia Gillard (and how refreshing it is to discuss a different Prime Minister for once), sadly for all the wrong reasons. By this point she was two years into top job, having successfully retained national leadership after a second spill motion from vindictive predecessor Kevin Rudd. This would not be the last time they went to loggerheads as she continued battling the vengeful former leader, entitled internal party members, and low polling brought on by a complicit conservative mainstream media. Elsewhere in June 2012, cunning linguist Flo Rida managed to whistle his way to number one on the local music charts, blowing away Carly Rae Jepsen. Men in Black 3's time travel antics weren't enough to stop Ridley Scott's Promethius bursting the box office. And in less than two months, Channel 9 would captivate audiences with their coverage of the London 2012 Olympics. Ultimately the home team reaped in a paltry 35 medals, with the swimmers having to pick up the slack by scoring ten.
A disappointing result. As would be fan reaction to Archie's third installment of their Sonic Super Special Magazine series.
Making its way to local newsagents over a week before Sonic the Hedgehog issue 235 and less than a week after Sonic Universe issue 39, the existence of this premium packaged product was already contentious among fans, with its often hedgehog hodgepodge of reprinted stories. Reviews this time around saw little improvement.
What should've been a turning point for the book with its "Exclusive story inside!" was anything but. "Oh boy, I can say I was disappointed with SSSM. The Sonic 4 plot? Tiny. To put it in a nutshell "Sonic, beats Death Egg robo, talks to Tails on Little Planet, fly off, hey look its metal." That's it. Bit of a shame really." or "Someone please tell me that the Sonic 4 ep 2 story will be more than five pages? That's all we usually get for game adaptations lately, and it's usually ridiculous.". Reader reactions ranged from "Oh geez, that sucks. You'd think for a 130-page magazine we'd get something a bit more substantial." and "Pretty much is a cas(sic) grab putting something slightly new in there to get people to buy it.", to "Yardley accidently drew Green Hill instead of Splash Hill..".
Setting aside the game adaptation, the special's remaining stories raised further eyebrows. Issue 176's 'Cracking the Empire' made the cut because... reasons, while Michael Gallagher and Patrick Spaziante's acclaimed 'Go Ahead, Mecha My Day!' ensured Archie literally gave complaining fans the finger. As opposed to 2008's Sonic Archive Volume 7, this version of issue 25's blockbuster story saw a further edit on the penultimate page, whiting out a finger used to represent the reader pressing a button. Resources such as the Archie Sonic Wiki may suggest the reason for such a change is unknown, but it's clear they did it to disguise the Caucasian pantone, making the insert feel more inclusive. Archie Sonic pulled quite a global readership for its time, thus fans could imagine themselves regardless of race in Sonic's shoe-erm, gloves, pressing the button to bring our loathed Big Round Guy crashing down.
For Aussie readers, and fans of Sally Acorn in bondage (a sentence this author never thought they'd unironically type), the inclusion of 'Reigning Cats and Dogs' was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. The two-part reprint specifically chosen to hype upcoming stories featuring Lupe and her Wolfpack proved a happy coincidence, as the latter installment completed a nearly 2-year long 'lost' Sonic story. More on that contentious matter in a later post.
As history has come to show, the world did not end right before Christmas 2012, and Sonic's adventures both in and out of comics would continue for many years to come. Much to the conviviality (or was that consternation?) of fans everywhere.
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in honor of that anon who said jews have done nothing for the world, here’s a non exhaustive list of things we’ve done for the world:
arts, fashion, and lifestyle:
jeans - levi strauss
modern bras - ida rosenthal
sewing machines - isaac merritt singer
modern film industry - carl laemmle (universal pictures), adolph zukor (paramount pictures), william fox (fox film forporation), louis b. mayer (mgm - metro-goldwyn-mayer), harry, sam, albert, and jack warners (warner bros.), steven spielberg, mel brooks, marx brothers
operetta - jacques offenbach
comic books - stan lee
graphic novels - will eisner
teddy bears - morris and rose michtom
influential musicians - irving berlin, stephen sondheim, benny goodman, george gershwin, paul simon, itzhak perlman, leonard bernstein, bob dylan, leonard cohen
artists - mark rothko
actors - elizabeth taylor, jerry lewis, barbara streisand
comedians - lenny bruce, joan rivers, jerry seinfeld
authors - judy blume, tony kushner, allen ginsberg, walter mosley
culture:
esperanto - ludwik lazar zamenhof
feminism - betty friedan, gloria steinem, ruth bader ginsberg
queer and trans rights - larry kramer, harvey milk, leslie feinberg, abby stein, kate bornstein, frank kameny, judith butler
international women's day - clara zetkin
principles of journalizm, statue of liberty, and pulitzer prize - joseph pulitzer
"the new colossus" - emma lazarus
universal declaration of human rights - rene samuel cassin
holocaust remembrance and human rights activism - elie wiesel
workers rights - louis brandeis, rose schneiderman
public health care, women's rights, and children's rights - lillian wald
racial equity - rabbi abraham joshua heschel, julius rosenwald, andrew goodman, michael schwerner
political theory - hannah arendt
disability rights - judith heumann
black lives matter slogan and movement - alicia garza
#metoo movement - jodi kantor
institute of sexology - magnus hirschfeld
technology:
word processing computers - evelyn berezin
facebook - mark zuckerberg
console video game system - ralph henry baer
cell phones - amos edward joel jr., martin cooper
3d - leonard lipton
telephone - philipp reis
fax machines - arthur korn
microphone - emile berliner
gramophone - emile berliner
television - boris rosing
barcodes - norman joseph woodland and bernard silver
secret communication system, which is the foundation of the technology used for wifi - hedy lamarr
three laws of robotics - isaac asimov
cybernetics - norbert wiener
helicopters - emile berliner
BASIC (programming language) - john george kemeny
google - sergey mikhaylovich brin and larry page
VCR - jerome lemelson
fax machine - jerome lemelson
telegraph - samuel finley breese morse
morse code - samuel finley breese morse
bulletproof glass - edouard benedictus
electric motor and electroplating - boris semyonovich jacobi
nuclear powered submarine - hyman george rickover
the internet - paul baran
icq instant messenger - arik vardi, yair goldfinger,, sefi vigiser, amnon amir
color photography - leopold godowsky and leopold mannes
world's first computer - herman goldstine
modern computer architecture - john von neumann
bittorrent - bram cohen
voip internet telephony - alon cohen
data archiving - phil katz, eugene roshal, abraham lempel, jacob ziv
nemeth code - abraham nemeth
holography - dennis gabor
laser - theodor maiman
instant photo sharing online - philippe kahn
first automobile - siegfried samuel marcus
electrical maglev road - boris petrovich weinberg
drip irrigation - simcha blass
ballpoint pen and automatic gearbox - laszlo biro
photo booth - anatol marco josepho
medicine:
pacemakers and defibrillators - louise robinovitch
defibrillators - bernard lown
anti-plague and anti-cholera vaccines - vladimir aronovich khavkin
polio vaccine - jonas salk
test for diagnosis of syphilis - august paul von wasserman
test for typhoid fever - ferdinand widal
penicillin - ernst boris chain
pregnancy test - barnhard zondek
antiretroviral drug to treat aids and fight rejection in organ transplants - gertrude elion
discovery of hepatitis c virus - harvey alter
chemotherapy - paul ehrlich
discovery of prions - stanley prusiner
psychoanalysis - sigmund freud
rubber condoms - julius fromm
birth control pill - gregory goodwin pincus
asorbic acid (vitamin c) - tadeusz reichstein
blood groups and rh blood factor - karl landsteiner
acyclovir (treatment for infections caused by herpes virus) - gertrude elion
vitamins - caismir funk
technique for measuring blood insulin levils - rosalyn sussman yalow
antigen for hepatitus - baruch samuel blumberg
a bone fusion technique - gavriil abramovich ilizarov
homeopathy - christian friedrich samuel hahnemann
aspirin - arthur ernst eichengrun
science:
theory of relativity - albert einstein
theory of the electromagnetic field - james maxwell
quantum mechanics - max born, gustav ludwig hertz
quantum theory of gravity - matvei bronstein
microbiology - ferdinand julius cohn
neuropsychology - alexander romanovich luria
counters for x-rays and gamma rays - robert hofstadter
genetic engineering - paul berg
discovery of the antiproton - emilio gino segre
discovery of cosmic microwave background radiation - arno allan penzias
discovery of the accelerating expansion of the universe - adam riess and saul merlmutter
discovery that black hole formation is a robust prediction of the general theory of relativity - roger penrose
discovery of a supermassive compact object at the center of the milky way - andrea ghez
modern cosmology and the big bang theory - alexander alexandrovich friedmann
stainless steel - hans goldschmidt
gas powered vehicles
interferometer - albert abraham michelson
discovery of the source of energy production in stars - hans albrecht bethe
proved poincare conjecture - grigori yakovlevich perelman
biochemistry - otto fritz meyerhof
electron-positron collider - bruno touschek
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Helluva Boss season 2 cast lists
So some casting credits have been revealed for the remainder of the season and I wanted to share for those who have yet to see. This Most Definitely Contains Spoilers
Confirmed by reliable source
Stated by unreliable source(s)
Apology Tour:
Brandon Rogers - Blitzø
Bryce Pinkham - Stolas
Cristina “Vee” Valenzuela - Verosika Mayday
James Monroe Iglehart - Vortex
Ghostfuckers:
Brandon Rogers - Blitzø
Richard Horvitz - Moxie
Vivian Nixon - Millie [Credited as Nixon and not Williams, same for The Full Moon. Don’t come for me]
Erica Lindbeck - Loona
Alex Brightman - Fizzarolli
James Monroe Iglehart - Ozzie | Asmodeus
Michael Cusack - Mammon
John Waters - Rolando
Jinhee Joung - Barbie Wire
Mastermind:
Brandon Rogers - Blitzø
Don Darryl Rivera - Cletus
Vivienne Medrano - Keenie
Jayden Libran - Collin
Michael Romeo Ruocco - Agent One
Erica Luttrell - Agent Two
Sinsmas:
Brandon Rogers - Blitzø
Richard Horvitz - Moxie
Vivian Nixon - Millie
Erica Lindbeck - Loona
Bryce Pinkham - Stolas
James Monroe Iglehart - Ozzie | Asmodeus , Vortex
Michael Cusack - Mammon
Kesha Sebert - Queen Bee-lzebub
Patrick Page - Satan
Jason LaShea - Andrealphus
Barrett Wilbert Weed - Octavia
Harvey Guillén - Vassago
Notable Missing OFFICIAL credits:
Harvey Guiillén - Vassago
Edward Bosco - Striker
Don Darryl Rivera - Wally Wackford
Georgie Leahy - Stella*
Morgana Ignis - Sallie May*
Jinhee Joung - Barbie Wire
Johnathan Freeman - Cash Buckzo / Paimon
Faye Mata - Glitz & Glam*
*Specifically notable as they we’re all in the LVL Up poster. It's possible maybe Glitz & Glam and Stella will have shorts like Sallie May did?
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