#michael scribbles

[forflightlessbirds]

daily reminder that if you do not provide the same amount of care, respect and support to people with gi issues, to people who have to use the toilet a lot due to their disablility, to people who are incontinent, to people who vomit a lot, to people who have ibs, to people with chronic nausea, to people with bladder or bowel control issues, to people who use diapers, to people who cannot control their bodily functions, to people who drool, to people who smell bad due to an aspect of their disability, and to people who have any "gross" aspect to their disability that you do to those who have more "conventional" disabilities then you are not an ally.

[pearatwar]

grins at you. Hi pear have a michael update

iam. very cold. brr

my hip has managed to dislocate (?? methinks) and now it Hurts ow ow ow ow ow walking ow. time to get out the old Painkillers and Hope it doesn't Kill me because my joutns are made entirely of silly string and frayed knots of childlike hope

got into a new media! this does unfortunately mean that i don't like the old ones as much. my attention is a hive of bees and they can only land on so many flowers you get me

may have started a baking business with my friends. i bake they manage all the business-y aspects and they get a cut of profits + free food! yahoo!

i am currentlyyy preparing for a french speaking exam. Oh boy! can't be worse than last time right guys (swore at the examiner fell off the chair started speaking english and Cried) HOWEVER i feel the Hope! the Joy! i like exams actually quite a lot[GUNSHOT AND THE SOUND OF MY BODY BEING DRAGGED]

i will. Fight someons. in a fighting mood

bites you botes yu bited upu

michaeld out

ouuhhg mi cbdl bupfstr micbsel ulfzatw michael update

i'm replying to this with halfclosed teary eyes in the pe changing rooms so. geah bad things going on in Life

its frisjy in yhe morninf but hot in the afternoon. so my parka turns from a lifeline to a cage rqttle rattle

i get it! only so muhch space to allocaten to the stuffs, you run out and you have tk dispose the older ones. sometimes i rry and dig them up but theyre all dirty and grimy and slathered in mud blood tears and estathe

wwow.. initiative.... action!! actually soing something wortwhwile!! seething coping malding grinding teeth and shaking fist and crying crying crying cr

i used to be so selfcritical (still am to a degrree) that in middle school when i got a 6/10 (minimum passing grade) i yelled, threw a yogurt to the ground and threatened to kill myself. my parents did not hear any alarms!! morons

i dont have any enenrtigy to commit to fighting. or anything. i just endlessly chase thlse sparks of dopamine alll the meanwhile my serotoning production is - 1

dontb have any energy tk bute either. no bjte only lightly brusb head afainst arm fehshrghsfrhs frush

[grilled-chez]

I am not a Who, Archivist, I am a What

[forflightlessbirds]

i'm michael and i'm bringing mac and cheese (who expected this ((everyone))

i'm thankful for a lot! my wonderful boyfriend, my friends, my theatre group, the people around me. y'all genuinely saved me, even if half of you won't ever see this, and to those i've lost, i love you and i miss you more than words could ever say. sorry op, i'm about to write a LOT.

to start!

i'm thankful for my boyfriend. he's wonderful, generous, he has given me the space i needed to grow and become better than i was a year and a half ago. he's the most beautiful soul. he's creative, funny, caring, he knows me like the back of his palm. i would never have it any other way. and, in all meanings of the word, he saved me. he knows how. i love you, bug. you've never been anything but my star. <3

i'm thankful to all my friends, both irl and online!

robin, you're amazing and creative, you are so funny and smart and i am so thankful that i got the chance to talk to you and that our mutual opp didn't Kill me /silly. you're so insanely talented that it shocks me. you deserve so much and i know that one day, you'll do great things.

henry, you're genuinely one of the most caring people i've ever met, you're intelligent and funny and you somehow got me into homestuck?? that was my OPP fandom dude i don't know how you magicked me into that. i'm so glad i met you, i'm so glad we got closer.

joey, you're incredibly smart, you're honest, you have given me like 75 different and new interests /silly and i love love LOVE talking to you. i appreciate you very much and i know more about raggedy ann now. i'm also glad our mutual opp didn't Kill us /silly

i appreciate all y'all so much! computer eaters ily slash piss you have been the best friends a man could ask for, even if i struggle to articulate that

pear, you never cease to understand me. you're incredible, your writing and poetry has always awed me, and i know we don't talk much, but when we do it's brilliant. you deserve friends who know you for you. i hope you find your people. everyone needs to be understood. one day you'll find the people who are willing to understand you fully.

chloe (even though you won't read this), you're like my sister. you're the one person who has stuck with me for these 5 years, you've been through hell with me and i love you to death. you're the strongest, most beautiful girl i know, and i adore you completely. you'll never understand how much love i have for you.

now, for the people who don't have tumblr

alyssa, i'm so glad you trust me. it's an honour to know you, it's an honour to be your friend. it's lonely, the experience we're both living. we're trans and closeted in a public secondary school, and i know how much it hurts to do this. but i'm happy we're together in it. you're amazing.

narayan (i GUESS), you've made my best friend happier than i've seen her in a long time. you're funny sometimes. get your act together, stop being a dick, because when you try, you're amazing to be around. your smile is one of my favourite things because it makes everyone around you happier.

nadia, i'm glad we're friends again. i missed being around you. the year seven group is finally back together, sans the Evil one. i never imagined it, but i'm so happy you're around again. it's nice to heal.

rena, you're amazing. i know we don't spend a lot of time together, but i value you and i love talking to you. i'm glad to be your safety pin.

sorry fellas it's about to get sad, tmi and a little poetic under this here cut. this is the sad tmi poetry app it's fine it's jus t me grieving /silly

no pressure tags!!! @pearatwar @sweet-thangman @batsmidflight

to everyone i've lost.

eury. golden girl. i don't know where you are. who you've become. you're not alive, most likely. god, i miss you. i miss you with every breath and every heartbeat, with every word i write. all of it's for you, sweetheart. your brat brit boy misses you, more than you could ever know. i hope you're with him now. i know your best friend loved you more than words could say. that's why he never drew you, my love; your beauty is beyond the transparency of paper and ink. my daughter, my best friend, my soul. apollo kissed my fingertips and i'll use them to write about you. i'm so sorry i never got to hear that song you wrote. i wish i could have hugged you, told you it was okay. i mourn you, kid, like i mourn my childhood home. you once told me that i made you feel like you had that childhood again, and that you hoped everyone could experience me. to you, i'll always be micae. your dad, your friend. i love you, golden girl. be safe. be happy. eat oranges and draw in charcoal and write and sing for any god that has the honour of hearing you.

my brothers. i hope you're proud of me. i wish you knew how much i needed you. i hope i'm doing you proud. i never wanted to be the oldest brother, but i hope i'm doing okay. i look for you in everything; in music and the beach and football games on a cold morning, in reading and turtlenecks and an arm slung around my shoulders. i'm always a breath away from shaking off the years: from returning to you, returning home. i'm strong for you. i'm brave for you. i'm kind for you. i'm only myself because you got me here, i know that now. i'm so sorry i never got to see you grow with me. i love you more than life itself. i know you're watching me, i can feel you in the air. i know you've been here all along. i'm so sorry it took me so long to notice. i try to be bold for you. i hope you're okay with that.

kai. it's a different kind of grief. you were my best friend. you were my everything. i wish you had been different. i shouldn't have been hurt like that. i was so young. we were so young. you were horrible, and you were my best friend. i was a little bit in love with you. i don't recognize you now. you make me sick. i wish you peace. please don't call.

niv. i'm so sorry the world was against you. i wish you had known how much i loved you, despite how scared i was. please don't text me. you've hurt me enough already. i'm glad you found a god that you love enough to save you. please, god, don't call. i don't know if i hate you, but the thought of talking to you makes me sick. i hope you're okay. i hope you get better. please don't talk to me.

i'm thankful for everyone i've had. for every experience, every love and loss, every person who has come and gone. thank you for making me. i'm sorry that the sadder paragraphs are longer; grief is easier to write than love. i love you all.

Happy Mootsgiving, everyone!

So, technically, I know Thanksgiving is an American holiday… history… yadda yadda. However, this is not Thanksgiving.

This is Mootsgiving, and what I say goes ‘cause this is my holiday. Anyway! Mootsgiving is all the basic ideas of Thankgiving but better because I’m great like that.

I just wanted to show everyone how grateful I am, since gratefulness is a key principle of Thanksgiving.

I want all my moots from different countries to be able to have the picture-perfect movie-esque Thanksgiving of being surrounded by friends and family with all the care and love and gratefulness that can be poured into a single human. And, as the ever-dramatic Runar, what better way to do that than to organize a huge event?

So! Rules!

State what food you brought

State one thing you’re thankful for

My name is Runar, I brought the eggnog, and I’m grateful for each and every one of you 💗🫶

Really sappy and really long paragraph/speech under the cut!!

Soooo… to start off my big long speech… *clinks my fancy wine glass that’s filled with a mysterious substance* (It’s eggnog)

When I first started this blog, it was off a whim. I wanted to do something, something that involved putting my work out there, as I was just starting out. I wanted to mean something. In any sort of way, I wanted to leave a sort of mark. Not just any mark, though, no. I wanted to add a bit of joy, a spark of life that comes from creativity, and adding words and love into the space we occupy on this floating rock in space.

I wanted to write because it made me happy, and I wanted there to be a possibility of someone who was who got joy from reading to maybe stumble upon it, and get joy from me. Get joy from something I was able to provide for them.

I was also incredibly lonely. I had no friends, I had nothing, pretty much. I didn’t talk much. I was reclusive. I was okay, but I was empty. I didn’t have a purpose. And while I wasn’t expecting much, nothing at all really, I was overjoyed at the prospect that maybe just one person would stumble upon something I wrote and for a moment of their day, maybe they got peace from it.

Maybe they felt a little less lonely. I would have been at peace with just knowing the possibility of it was out there. And then… it did. And I got more than I bargained for, even, I got a friend. My first friend.

From there, everything… clicked. Slowly, but ever so surely, things were falling into place. I was gaining something that had not even crossed my mind. A family.

So, my silly dream born from a whim became friends, connections, and family, it became life-altering. It had ups, it had downs, it had in-betweens. It was beautiful and messy and happy and sad and fucked up and so wonderfully… human?

Yeah, this is online, this is a silly mootsgiving idea I thought up three hours ago because I wanted people to know I love them.

But to someone who had nothing, this is everything. You are everything.

Even if we’ve only talked one time, you have a special place in my heart. The character growth has been… one hell of a ride. I’ve gone through many eras, and made new friends in each and every one of them. So, with the end of the year closing soon, I suppose in a way this is not just a silly mootsgiving.

My bigger end goal, really, was to make sure as we get to the end of this ear, you know how genuinely important this whole year has been to me. How important you have been. I got an anon ask,

What does it feel like to be wanted?

It was beautiful poetry. I replied, said I wouldn’t know what it feels like to be wanted. But really? I think maybe I do. I think it feels like having enough people that you love to organize and invite everyone to a huge event online, to write out this heartfelt paragraph and trust that at least one person will care enough to read it.

My beginning goal has changed so much, and not at all. My biggest purpose in life has been, and I think will always be, to add something into this world.

Creativity, joy, happiness, compassion, I want to ensure that no matter what, as long as you know me, you know you have one person on this earth who loves and cares about you with as much feeling that can physically be felt by one person without exploding into a bunch of tiny little runar pieces.

But moreso, I think maybe my goal has changed from wanting to put stories out there, to putting myself out there. I don’t want to write stories that are just fiction, just crafted ideas meshed together to create a blob of fiction.

I want to write pieces of myself into everything, which i think might genuinely be impossible to not do. I want my heart to pour out of my fingers into the things i type out for you, and i want to not only feel things, but to maybe make you feel something too. Something warm and fuzzy, something good, as good as you deserve.

Aaaaannnd…. to end this….

I love you guys, thanks for being here <3

@marauding-almond @percyweasleyapologist @yesiamprocrastinating @dieatthealtar-deactivated @caramel-covered-apples @thatoneslytherinnerd @thatoneslytherinnerd2

@hedgehog-troops@circe-butbetter @stars-on-my-bedroom-ceiling @l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft @aidens-ocean-galaxy@rainystarsx@liggy-not-potter @goformoony@i-still-got-love-for-you @definitionoffuckup@mairon-goth-minion

@weewooooweew @residentdisaster @matty-os-blog @starkissed-mars @printershorts @the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus @lesbian-disaster-tm @star-dust-shark @enbysiriusblack @sadnappo @kawaiibarty @hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe

@jamespotterbbg @scrumblewonk @seekmemystar @rins-batcave @utterqueerdisasterthesimp @gasolinehornet @asters-tempo @here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can @permetutotheworld @theprongspotter @sotiredimbored @yourlocalbadgerscales @raeprise @burgundykicks @whydousernamesevenexist @jaydove-writes @the-stars-drowning @inara-tries-to-survive @saturnsconstellation @royallygray

[tomgregs]

i am not immune to the mommy show

[skyblueartt]

I saw this meme and had to take a break from homework to doodle this thing in 5 seconds bc I thought this fit them sooooo welllllllll. I gotta do a digital version of this dumb thing I’m crying

[skillissue71]

they have moles on opposite sides . makes them mole kiss

[forflightlessbirds]

this is such a weird thing to say bro. you're accusing someone who actually does research on the cultures of the characters he likes in order to represent them accurately, and who will own up to a mistake if told, of racism, when you named yourself after a canon racist... weeeeeird.

not to mention you probably deliberately seeked out his blog to send this after multiple url changes?? and with the emoticons?? listen man you just seem like an asshole trying to upset and aggravate someone you've probably not spoken to for almost half a year - because of past conflict that has since been resolved - for no good reason by accusing him of racism of all things?? do you feel good about yourself for this? ☠️ pettiest shit ever bro let it die

hi ummmmmmm not to sound rude but what is with you and asian characters (⁠˘⁠･⁠_⁠･⁠˘⁠) it feels weirdly fetishize-ey ;-; no hate but the way you obsess so much over them and gatekeep just seems icky :ppp

you mean. vincent lin and haowen yang as in the characters i’ve found comfort in as they’re characters that behave like me and are also queer trans men????,!!?! how am i. gatekeeping or obsessing over characters, genuinely. i am a fictionkin, i am quite literally spiritually connected to these characters, not to mention i find comfort in them, as i am a narcissistic, trans gay guy with autism.

if you dislike the way i am about my favourite characters, theres a button you can press to never interact me again. i am well aware ive fucked up in the past (the entire. rowan thing in 2024 — i was processing trauma etc etc), but i am a completely different person now. Literally

like i wouldn't be so pissed if it were a genuine question from someone who maybe got the wrong idea but i havent posted on tumblr properly in Months, let alone about melliot. i have changed my url multiple times.

(also i can tell who you are via the emoticons)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

oh boy 2AM !!!!!!

[plipple]

[forflightlessbirds]

whatever. go my greaseball

(click 4 better quality)

[ineffablehubbys]

I’m still not sure how I managed to draw this. Think I must have blacked out

[ganymedian]

I did watch Bright Young Things

[forflightlessbirds]

have my visiodns (they may be sad i apologuse but do not shoot the prophey) (The flapjack was not evil) (these visions are rambly and perhaps indicative of some disorder of the mind) (wow they're long oh jeez)

the first one started with the cold. or maybe that's all i remember of it? knees to my chest, dressed all in black and feeling so very tall and brittle and miserable. i was watching a football game on the fake turf of my school grounds, crouched in the shadow of the wall. i was alone. then i wasn't. a figure, huge and so much more than me, better than me (but human, so human), dressed just like me, comes to sit next to me and pulls me into him. my head is on his chest, his arms wrapped around what's left of my ribs and his life is warming me from the inside out (my brother, always my brother, one i lost so long ago that i only remember him now in sleep) and his hair is as dark as my father's. there is sunlight (my other brother. they were twins, you know) and i know with an unshakable certainty that he is stood there, a few feet away, his golden hair sweeping over mirror shades and his frame tall, filled with the confidence of age and success (years older than me, you see? their teenage years were spent teaching me how to read and write and play, at least in this world where they were with me). it ends with me falling asleep. (i wasn't meant to be oldest. what cruel god would take a pair of older brothers from their younger? sometimes i think it's my fault, man. i might have doomed us.) this was months ago. i worry that i'll forget them again.

the next was the night before last. a huge theatre, built into the sky and stretching up like a desperate hand. the stage was an aquarium, slides running into it, the air dark and humming with velvet excitement as it always does before any self-respecting audience. i don't really know how i ended up in the water. i always do. (it's where i belong, i think? it's always suited me better than land, anyway.) a classmate was there, too. i don't like him. his body split open and feathers and fins poured over him from the wounds, setting like wax, building him up. (he was a penguin from the waist down. his head had a helmet over it that i knew would never come off. i was okay with that, probably.) i did what i always do; i swam (always been better at swimming than running. if it weren't for everything else, i would be in competition by now) and i was okay. and then i was out of the water, and walking around a market inside the theatre. it was bare, the air an intangible blue now, like the bottom of a pool. then, i knew he was dead. (my boyfriend. i didn't know he was there. why?) i don't know how i knew. maybe a text, a call, a scream. he'd been crushed under a wall. i cried. (what did you expect? i knew his significance even in a world where nothing was how it should have been. and, despite all my weakness, he made me strong enough to cry. it was a parting gift.) i got to see his body: already a skeleton, despite the death being only minutes ago, so i never got to see his face again despite the blood soaking the coffin. there was a dagger with a red leather handle tucked into his ribs and his bracelets still on his wrists. he was curled into a fetal position. distantly, i wondered how i was meant to live without him. i woke up at 4:17am and cried for the version of me that had just lost his other half (but thank god that it wasn't me).

last night started in america (OH GOD) with friends. we had decided to visit, astounded by the (in hindsight, rather disproportionately) huge stores and restaurants, driving in a red car that was really just being driven by the coolest of us (not me! laurie was driving). we went into a donut shop, as vast as a full-size mall, and i distinctly recall someone being by my side, but i don't know who. we split up. got lost. found some of us. left the rest as we sped off. there were winding, impossibly curved roads across the sweet green countryside that we flew across, launching into the air more often than not but somehow not feeling unsafe. we got to a cabin in the woods, gloomy and suddenly feeling a lot less comfortable. my friends were replaced by my family, the convertible into a tight and boxy car. my family were then outside. they looked terrified. something was in our house (yes, our house, because it must have been; why else was i there?) and it was trying to take us. i huddled with my younger brother (i don't have a younger brother) in front of the wooden slats of the door, trying to ignore the pounding. it wanted us to carry its spawn and then kill us, at least then. my father was determined to protect us. i somehow shed all my eggs (the curse of being transmasc still lingered in my dream) and they became a gear; a cog, a mechanism, and also a frisbee that i tossed toward the window, hoping that the monster would catch it and reproduce by itself. it did. but even though i squeezed my eyes tight shut, slammed fists into them so i wouldn't have to see it, i caught a glimpse of a many-jointed black hand and half of a face so cruel, so inhuman, so set on destroying me that everything folded in on itself. it repeated three times, that throw. the face changed each time. it was still the same outcome. i ended up inside. there was a girl in there, featureless and completely blank, and my mouth reached up to my eyes as i ate her. i had many teeth, many limbs, too much of everything that should have made me a person but instead unmade me. (i didn't want to be it. it was the worst thing in the world to think of until i became it. then, it was wonderful.) i ran full speed into a door with a sharp-toothed grin and felt the smile spread as i merged with it.

and, sometimes, i have a dream. always the same. i have to make a choice. i'm on a cliff. it's foggy, and yet not so foggy that i cannot see ten metres behind me. the grass is grey-green. there is blood on the ground, sometimes. it isn't mine. the choice is simple. a horde of zombies are behind me, slowly but steadily making their way to me. i'm cornered. a spike pit is waiting in front of me, just off the edge of the cliff. you want to know something? i've always chosen the pit. i feel it every time. the sharp stab that becomes a dull ache as i slowly bleed out from the head, or the ribs, or the arm or leg or stomach. sometimes it's fast. sometimes not. either way, i feel myself dying. it's all black, pear. and then i start again. zombies or pit? i always choose pit.

peam. i am in maths class. i have flapjacks. i am thinking about the visions that have plagued me. this is your michael update

which visions plagued you. michael talk to me. is the flapjack evil

[intricate-ritualz]

who else up be more chilling

[kenniecrazyface]

Never say that again

(Michael had a lot to say during the last streamily lol)

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