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seeingivy · 1 year

Text

historic wins

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: mentions of implied SA/uncomfortable agent, nothing else too serious. reader has anxiety before performing, eren being sick in love, baddie moment

an: when I tell you writing this chapter took ten years of my life, it really did. i literally had the worst day ever regardless BUT i regurgitated out and i can't tell if i hate it bc my mood is bad or bc its actually bad if its bad let all just collectively close our eyes please bc it ACTUALLY gave me a tension headache FDSFDSF

previous chapter

You knock on the door, the stress sitting on your shoulders, as you hear rustling behind the frame. When it swings open, you’re met with Marco and Reiner answering the doors, the two of them swiftly pulling you in and slamming the door shut behind you.

“Did anyone see you when you came in?” Reiner asks, his hand still pulling you up the stairs.

“No. Was-is there someone there or-”

“Paparazzi. They’ve been swarming since yesterday, we've barely been able to leave as it is.” Marco responds.

They drag you up the stairs and both push open the first white door open. You’re met with five pairs of eyes staring you down. Eren, Connie, Mikasa, Ymir, and Historia - who looks downright horrible.

You figured it was bad. You had seen the headlines on your way down - saying Historia was canceled, her trending on Twitter, her socials getting blocked. And you always thought that situations like this were sensationalized when you weren't famous, something horrible to go through. But it’s worse than you expected.

She looks sick.

Her complexion is pale green, her eyes rimmed red, and her hair is tangled into such a mess at the top of her head that it’s making your stomach turn.

The Historia you know - glimmering blue eyes, soft blow-dried hair - is no comparison to the downright ghost you’re looking at now. And the worst part of it all is her expression.

Broken. Defeated. Crushed.

You walk forward, opening your arms for her to sink into, and she immediately breaks out into sobs. She’s crying into your shoulder, her salty tears making a home against your skin and her cries so loud they're giving you goosebumps. You can see the rest of them behind you - Mikasa and Ymir sharing a knowing look - as Historia lets go and crawls back into the middle of her bed.

You take a seat next to Eren on the floor, the two of you crisscrossed against her pale pink walls. He links his hand with yours as you plop your head onto his shoulder.

“Is that everyone?”

“Yeah, Hisu. The rest of them couldn’t get off and Levi and Hange are on their way now.” Ymir responds, her hands making small circles into her back.

“Okay. I-I appreciate you coming, even when everyone hates me right now.”

“We could never hate you, Hisu. Ever.” Eren responds the tone definitive, angry, and firm. It only occurs to you now that you’ve never really seen Eren like this - his shoulders tensed up, the look in his eyes burning hot instead of softly warm.

“I know, I just-”

“No one could ever make us change our mind about you, Historia. The shit they’re saying doesn’t even sound like you. Why would you randomly fire your agent when you’ve literally loved him for years?” Reiner responds.

Historia’s face pales at the mention of her agent, the reaction catching all of you off guard. Eren pulls his arm around your shoulder as you both slump farther down the wall, the anticipation, the anxiety of what Historia’s about to say so palpable it makes your throat dry.

“I did fire my agent.” Historia chokes out.

You remember her agent well, from when you met him at the season two premiere. He was a tall guy, with chocolate brown hair and a fair amount of wrinkles. He couldn’t be much older than your own parents, but he was always the biggest supporter of Historia. The first person in line to brag about her, about how amazing her career has been, how many credits she has for how old she is.

“Why?” Connie asks.

Historia takes a deep breath, her head in her hands and her voice shaky as she starts explaining.

“I was set to act in Endless Love, that big movie being produced at the end of winter. I had gotten the lead role and I found out on my birthday, while I was still filming that limited series. I-I threw a big party to celebrate the fact that I was turning eighteen, that I was getting my dream roles, that my work was finally coming to fruition and-”

She pauses, leaning back on her bed as she screeches it out of her voice. And what she says hangs in the air, making your head feel like solid metal.

“The party ended and he was…congratulating me on everything. And I told him that I appreciated everything he had done for me, how far he had helped me come. And when-when I said that, he said…if I was really grateful, I’d give him a kiss.”

You pause, the implication sticking in your mind. Eren had hinted it to you before. That people in the industry take advantage, that they’re so powerful, so successful that it makes them feel entitled, deserving of whatever it is they please.

“I fired him. He went on Twitter, made a few tweets about my character when the news broke and you know how he is. They’re-they’re dragging my name through the mud. Calling me spoiled, that I paid to get the roles that I had, calling me names, sending me death threats and I-”

“You don’t have to worry about that. Levi and Hange will be here any minute and you know they’ve had their fair share of this. Hange especially and they’ll know what to do and-” Ymir starts.

“This is career-ruining. I didn’t do anything- anything at fucking all and my career is over if I tell the truth. I have to stay quiet, put my head down, and take it all if I still want to do this and I do.”

You all sit quietly, head down as she pants, the words angrily spilling out of her mouth. The words hang in the air, the silence deafening. Because what do you even say to that?

Can you really compromise your own feelings for the sake of your career? Your art?

“Okay, Historia. Let’s talk, just us, okay?”

You all turn your heads to find Levi and Hange leaning against the doorframes, Erwin standing at the back too. You all stand up, Historia running first to Hange and the rest of you following suit. You and Eren reach for Levi first, squeezing him way too hard. Levi ruffles both of your hair as you look up at him, a soft smile pressed against his face.

“Okay, run off. Let us talk to Historia first, okay?”

You both nod, letting go of Levi as you walk down the hall.

“Levi?”

“Hm, Y/N?”

“I missed you.”

“Don’t be corny, brat.” Levi responds, glaring at you. You smile back and he most definitely murmurs something that sounds like I miss you too as you and Eren walk out.

The lot of you settle for milling around the kitchen, Mikasa talking Ymir down from her hill of rage in the back. You can’t help but watch Eren in the back corner, leaning against the counter with his eyes fixed on the outside.

There’s a group of stormy, angry-looking gray clouds simmering in the air above, the grass outside lush and green. It’s positively gloomy, the weather matching the storm brewing in all of your heads.

Eren flicks his eyes over at you, making a gesture for the two of you to go outside. You nod, setting down your phone as you walk over to him, the two of you sliding open the side door and walking out onto the pavement. Historia’s house opens up onto a nice green field, surrounded by lush, flowery hills.

He’s walking faster than you, his long legs carrying him to the closest slope. When the breeze picks up, it’s moving through your hair strongly and sending a shiver down your spine with it.

“Are you cold?”

“Just a little, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this cold outside.”

He immediately shrugs off his dark green hoodie, the one you’ve seen a hundred times, and yanks it over your head. He’s placing it over your head haphazardly and you can hear him laughing at your protests.

“You know, you could have at least aimed for my head when you yanked it on me.”

“Be quiet. Let’s sit.”

He plops down onto the grass, lying flat against the flowers as you join him. You’re both watching the clouds swirl above, the blades of grass whistling in the wind against your hands.

“This is lying down, Eren.”

“Oh, shut up. Do you always have to talk back?”

You turn your head to the side, looking into his eyes.

“Maybe a little bit.”

He rolls his eyes, turning his head back to the sky. You can tell he’s more tense than usual, his jaw clenched against his skull and his eyebrows knit in irritation.

“Are you okay, Eren? You've seemed off today and-”

“Quit asking me that!”

You’re thrown off by the immediate rejection, the tone in his voice so angry it nearly makes you flinch. You can feel your skin burning - in embarrassment and humiliation for asking him something stupid-

His hand comes down on yours, squeezing three times, as he shifts over to face you. You follow suit, the two of you lying on your sides, face to face with your interlocked hands in between you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I-I’m not mad at you. Marco and Connie, they’ve just been asking all day and I’m okay and it’s just getting tiring to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I-I can never be mad at you, I just-just got frustrated for a second, but never at you.”

You lift your hand, placing it on his ice-cold cheek, and squeeze once.

“It’s okay, Eren. I know,” you whisper.

He gives you a smile, closing his eyes as he leans his head against the flowers. They’re pale yellow and you silently wonder if they’re as soft as Eren’s skin feels under your hand.

“I’m not okay, Y/N.” he whispers.

“Want to tell me about it?”

“I-I have a brother.”

“Zeke. I remember, Eren.”

“We-we don’t really get along anymore, but I loved him when I was a kid. He was always so cool - driving me around in his car to get ice cream, teaching me tricks on all the video games I used to play, and acting in all these really cool shows. But, he-he”

You place a hand on his shoulder, moving it back and forth and trying your best to comfort him into talking. Eren was always the worst with words.

“He had a scandal like this. And then he started talking to all these big producers, acting differently all of a sudden. He stopped talking to me all together after it all happened and only to my parents when he needed something. Even to this day, he’s come back from what happened but he was never the same. And I-”

“That’s not going to happen to Historia, Eren. Don’t think like that.”

He leans forward, dragging you into his embrace, as he digs his face into the crook of your neck. You bring your hands up, dragging him through the tresses of his brown hair as he squeezes harder.

“It just-I got iced out by him. I wanted to be around him, wanted to be him and he just stopped talking to me all together. I loved him so much and I-

“Eren. Historia loves you. She’s not going to ice you or any of us out from this because she’s not like that. None of us will. And maybe your brother had a reason for what he did.”

You and Eren stay like that for a few minutes, the words hanging in the air between you. You can feel your chest stinging at Eren’s words, his stress from the situation making more sense now. You curse the fact that Eren might have been dealing with something like death threats, people spewing hatred before he was old enough to even understand what it meant.

“Hey. You’re supposed to be on my side, Y/N.”

“This is being on your side. Sometimes that means being a devil's advocate a little bit, Eren.”

He rolls his eyes as he readjusts and you can’t help but stare at them. His eyes. Bottle green, with specks of darker shades in the middle. Like a clear ocean or a shiny gem, glittering even in the dull light of the clouds.

“What are you thinking, Y/N?”

“Your eyes have lots of colors, Eren. Pretty greens.”

“Pretty?”

“Pretty.”

He smiles, bringing a hand up to your cheek, his thumb tracing the shape of your lips. You can feel your body burning at the touch, at his eyes, at his smell all over you.

“Eren. What are you do-”

“Do you ever think about how we live in a fishbowl?”

“A fishbowl?”

“Like an aquarium. We’re fish on display, that everyone gets to point at and laugh at and enjoy. And then one day, when they don’t like us, they put their rods out and wring us out.”

“I guess, Eren. Why do you-”

“I like being a fish with you.”

You lean back, squinting your eyes at him.

“You like being a fish with me?”

“I just mean- that I- I like”

“You think I smell like a fish, Eren.”

“What? I didn’t say that- oh my god, I just meant that we’re two fishes swimming together and-”

“The plural of fish is fish. Not fishes.”

Eren rolls his eyes, getting up off the grass to tackle you in the grass, pinning you down by your arms to hover over you. He’s smirking at you, his lips only a few feet from yours.

“You’re annoying, Y/N. I was trying to be cute.”

“Let me go. Is this how you treat your fellow fish?”

“Shut up. We’re not fish together anymore because you’re rude.”

He gets up off of you, plopping back into the grass next to you. You’re both laughing, your cheeks hurting from smiling so hard and the blood rushing to your head.

“I’m just teasing, Eren. The whole fish thing is cute.”

“Now you’re just saying that so I’ll stop being mad at you.”

“Hey! I get what you’re saying. It’s like…we’re fish. People stare and talk and whatever and it sucks. And no one really understands what it’s like to be a fish, even when they’re staring at us through the glass, but you do. They’ll always be something between us and them, but you and I are always on the same side. We-we have each other.”

He smiles, bringing his hand back up on the back of your neck and pulling you closer to his face. When he talks, he whispers, the breath tickling your skin.

“So if you got the fish thing why were you giving me so much attitude about it?”

“I have to keep you in line, Eren. You can’t have all the cards.”

“I don’t even have one, Y/N. Not even one when it comes to you.”

He smiles, his eyes shut as he leans forward to press his lips to yours. But before he can, his phone starts buzzing behind him and he leans back, the two of you awkwardly scrambling off of each other.

The moment passed.

“Reiner. This better be something fucking good.”

“What? Okay, we’re coming back now. Oh my god.”

Eren stands up, holding out a hand to you. You place your hand in his and he nearly yanks you up, the two of you running downhill back to the house.

“What-what happened?”

“The TV awards. They announced the nominations.”

When you both run back in, Reiner and Marco immediately drag you to the center couch, next to Historia who's crying puddles and Ymir who's holding her like there’s no tomorrow.

“Hisu got a nomination. Despite this shit.” Reiner says, smiling.

You and Eren smile at each other too, piling onto Ymir and Historia, and squeezing hard. A win.

When the program starts again, you’re all staring intently at the screen, you and Eren anxiously fumbling with each other’s hands as you wait for it. They’ve announced almost all of them, except the major acting ones which are the only ones you and Eren could really be nominated for.

“Speaking of historic nominations, lead actor for hit series Attack on Titan, Eren Jaeger, has garnered three nominations - including a major six category for Actor in a Lead Role. He is the youngest person to be nominated for this award.”

You turn your head, squeezing the entire circulation out of Eren’s hand as the realization sinks in. Actor in a Lead Role. Like Eren’s lifelong dream, Actor in a Lead Role. You reach forward, tangling your arms around his neck as Reiner and Mikasa pile on too, the three of you nearly strangling him by the way you’re shaking him.

“Okay, okay let me go. You’re going to kill me before I can even go to the show and lose.”

“Shut up. You’re so winning.”

He rolls his eyes at you both keep watching the lady, announcing the costume design and casting awards.

“And finally, our record-breaking announcement. Lead actress for the hit series Attack on Titan, Y/N L/N, has broken history by being our most nominated actress in Institute history. Including nominations for the ensemble cast, she has garnered five nominations, including two major six categories for Actress in a Lead Role and Breakout Actress. She is the first non-SHWA affiliated actress and the youngest to ever do so.”

Eren drops the remote and turns to you, cupping your face in his hands and dragging your face as close as he can to his.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You-you’re insane. You just-”

He nearly leans forward, pressing your lips together for the second time in the past twenty minutes, but Marco and Mikasa cut him off before you can, the two of them jostling you from his embrace to squish you in a hug. You give Eren an apologetic look, which he shakes his head at.

They’re all squishing you so hard - Levi and Hange pressing kisses to the top of your head and Historia squeezing the life out of all of you - but all you can think about is one thing. Eren, standing a few feet away from you, smiling at you like you’re the sun.

It only occurs to you then and there.

That you’re in love with Eren Jaeger.

You guys leave on your press tour two weeks later, meeting up in New York. You have a full day of interviews for the pre-awards show the day before and then you’re all going to fly out to Los Angeles together and attend the awards.

Not only are you nominated for six awards - which you still haven’t wrapped your head around - you’re also performing at the show. Your agent had reached out to you a few days after the nominations list went out and mentioned that you were listed to perform at the show.

You hacked it out with Eren. You’d play the piano and perform New Year’s Day, the song you wrote together last year on your birthday, and be done with it. It’s the song you have the most practice working on since the rest of your songs are half-baked.

But now that you’re doing press, you barely have any time to practice - being stuck between interviews all day. You shake the thought from your head as you and Eren clip your microphone jacks to each other’s shirts before walking onto the stage and standing in view.

“My name is Eren Jaeger and I’m one of the leads of Attack on Titan.”

“My name is Y/N L/N and I’m the other lead of Attack on Titan. We’re going to be taking a Friendship Test today!”

Around halfway through the interview, the crew brings you and Eren little notepads and pens, instructing you guys to compliment each other. You scribble a few thoughts down as you and Eren stand on the stage, now facing each other.

“Okay, you first, Eren.”

Eren flips the notepad in his hands, awkwardly fumbling with his fingers when he does. When he looks up, his green eyes are awkwardly meeting yours.

“Jeez, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this hard for you to compliment me.”

“Shut up. I was just thinking about how to start.”

“More like thinking of what to say.”

“Be quiet.”

“Okay, okay. Compliment me, Jaeger.”

He rolls his eyes, giving you a smile as he runs his eyes over the notepad. He seems much more at ease now, the awkwardness from before coming off in waves.

“Y/N. I am the most stubborn person on the planet. Which only speaks volumes about how patient, understanding, and compassionate you really are for being my best friend.”

You can feel your throat getting dry and your eyes welling with tears at literally the first sentence, taken aback by how sincere Eren’s being. The soft eyes, the one he only reserves for when he’s lying down on hills or writing songs with you on the piano are out in the flesh, and they’re making your heart pound so much you’re sweating under the lights.

“You’ve always been able to sense my feelings - my happiness, my frustrations, my pain - without me having to tell you. And you always, always know how to say the right thing to bring me back down to Earth from it all. You make me a better person and I love you for it.”

You can feel the tears streaming down your eyes as reach up to wipe your tears away, knowing you’re smudging the makeup your team spent hours on.

“You’re not terrible to look at either.”

He smiles into the camera on the side and you can feel the tears spilling from your eyes, your nose filling with snot.

“Eren.”

“Told you it was good.”

“Shut up. That was so sweet, I didn’t even know you knew half of those words, let alone what they mean.”

Eren reaches forward, rolling his eyes at you as he squishes your cheeks.

“I literally just called you the best person I know and you’re still being annoying?”

“Yes. It’s a full-time job.”

He turns to the camera, moving your squished face towards the camera with him.

“Do you guys see what I have to deal with? My girl is literally the most stubborn person on the planet.”

“Didn’t you call me infinitely patient five seconds ago?”

You both stand back on your marks as you wipe your tears, reaching forward to hold Eren’s hand. You squeeze three times, which he returns with another three squeezes, before you take your own notepad and read your compliment out to Eren.

“Eren. I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for you. Not only because you took a chance on me after our first screen test, but every other hiccup along the way was only something I could swallow because of you. You-your steadfast determination and belief in me is something so inspiring, so warm unlike anything else. You’ve always been a safe place for me, somewhere I can always run to when I need someone. I’m so glad we can always be fish together.”

Eren smiles at the fish line, leaning forward to crush you in a hug. You can smell the clean laundry smell on his shirt, breathing it in as you soak in Eren’s embrace around you.

“Hey Y/N.”

“Hey Eren.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too, Eren.”

After the interview is over, you and Eren are stuck on this stage for another hour before the rest of the cast comes to do another interview. You both stay in the back, near the snack table and run through the song again.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know why I got signed up to perform at this thing. I-I don’t think I’m ready to perform this song yet.”

“You are. New Year’s Day is a great song and you’re an amazing singer. Plus, the person you wrote the song about is really attractive, so that helps your case too.”

You reach forward to flick his cheek.

“Shut up. New Year’s Day is not about you.”

“I’m literally your inspiration. You literally wrote a love song about me.”

“You wish, Eren.”

“I don’t have to. I can see it written all over your face, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart? When did you become so cocky?”

“When did you become so beautiful?”

“Eren.”

“Y/N.”

You’re both cut off by one of the crew members, a shorter, older woman standing near the table with her eyes fixed on you. She smiles when you guys both turn towards her, extending her out.

“Hi. My name is Le-”

“Leila. I remember. You helped us fix the microphone packs before we started!” you respond.

“Oh. Yes, Leila. I can’t believe you remembered that. I-I was going to ask you for a favor if that’s okay.”

“Sure. We’d love to help however we can.”

“My daughter. She’s a really, really big fan of the show. I was wondering if we could take a picture together so we could send it to her.”

You smile, gesturing to Eren to stand up with you as you take a picture with her. You and Eren are both taller than her so you put your hands around her shoulders and muster the biggest smiles you can for the picture.

“Are you sure you didn’t want us to make a video of us saying hi to her or anything? Or maybe call her if she’s free? If there’s a paper here we can sign something as well or anything you want.” you ask.

“Oh, I couldn’t impose. You guys have been so kind already and-”

“Nonsense. Eren and I are just going to sit here and I’d really love to help make her day. You work so hard day and night on these sets for us and make sure everything works by the time we get here and we really, really appreciate it.”

You and Eren end up filming a video for her daughter since she’s already asleep so you can’t call her, and you and Eren also sign a few posters for her to take home to her daughter.

“Y/N. Just so you know, you’re amazing. My daughter was so inspired when you signed yourself up to perform at the awards show after you openly talked about how nervous it makes you. You actually gave her the courage to sign up for a dance team at her school and she actually made it on the team now. My point is you’re a big inspiration to everyone and the strides you’re making for all of us don’t go unnoticed.”

She gives you both one last hug as she runs off back to the other side of the set, giving you a smile as she leaves. Eren brings his hand around your shoulder, leaning forward as he smiles at you.

“You hear that, Y/N? You’re an inspiration.”

“It’s weird to hear that, Eren. I remember being that kid watching Hange win on the screen when I was little. And if I win-”

“When. When you win.”

“If I win, it’s weird to think that I could be that for someone else.”

“You’ve always been that way. People are just noticing it now.”

“Do you have to sign yourself up to sing for the awards, by the way? Because…I never even told my agent that I had written a song. She just told me that I would be performing and then I started prepping.”

“Yeah. You have to send a demo for them to accept the performance.”

You lean back, even more confused than you were before. There’s no demo of New Year’s Day. How could they accept your performance if there’s no record of you singing it? How could they even know you wrote a song when the only person who knows you even finished it was Eren?

Eren.

“What did you do?”

“Hm?”

“You did something, Eren. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Eren.”

“Maybe, I took the sheet music and recorded a demo of me singing it. And convinced them that it would sound even better when you did it, because it’s your song.”

You smack him across the shoulder.

“You signed me up to sing the song? In public, on live television?”

“The song is good. You’re a phenomenal singer. And you can’t become a triple threat unless people hear you sing.”

You stand on the other side of the curtain, shiny and gold, as you readjust your dress one last time. You take a deep breath as you give a smile to Marco and Jean, who are right behind you, squeezing your arms.

“You’re good. You look great and you’re going to kill it tonight. And Eren just walked out on the carpet so he’ll be right there.” Marco says, smiling brightly at you.

You nod, giving the two of them a smile back, as you part the curtains and walk out onto the red carpet. You can feel your ankles shaking from the heels you were wearing, making sure to walk slowly so they didn’t tangle with the long, purple billowing fabric of your dress. As you turn to the right, you’re immediately blinded by the flashing lights and the sound of screaming from the photographers on the other side of the red carpet.

The lights are so blinding that you can feel yourself squinting, trying your hardest to muster a smile with your eyes closed. You can already feel the embarrassment coming on from how these pictures are going to trend later, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Put these on.”

You turn to the left to see Eren, his hair messily styled to perfection. He’s holding up sunglasses, a matching pair in his hand as well. You both place them on your nose, garnering a big amount of cheers from the paparazzi as you both pose together, Eren’s hand around your waist.

“How did you know?” you whisper under your breath.

“You can barely handle Armin’s Polaroid. You get used to the flashes, but the first time it’s hard to adjust. And this is a big night, so I had to make sure I had a contingency plan.” he says.

“Always thinking ahead, huh?”

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

All you can think about is the awards, the performance, and the anxiety building in your stomach with every passing second. You force a smile as you both walk down the carpet, stopping every few seconds to take pictures and smile. At one point, Eren stands in front of you in the camera, blocking the view.

“What a picture, Eren. You really want them to get a shot of your ass?”

“No. Your dress. It’s kind of sliding off the side.”

You look down, realizing that in all the movement and sweating you’re doing under the lights, that one of the clasps keeping the fabric in place came undone. You quickly tuck the clasp back together and look up to shoot Eren a smile.

“Thanks. You just saved me from flashing everyone on the carpet.”

“That doesn’t sound too horrible, doll.”

You and Eren turn around to find Sukuna and Nobara standing at your side, the two of them wrapping their arms around you and pressing a kiss to your cheeks. Eren immediately yanks Sukuna off, his arm stiff around Sukuna’s shoulder.

“You never get less annoying, do you?” Eren asks.

“Not really, no.”

“You look really pretty, Y/N. We’re really rooting for you, we want you to win.” Nobara says, her hands squeezing yours.

“Don’t get your hopes up. These types of things are kind of a long shot, Kugi.”

“We know. Doesn’t stop me from rooting for you though.”

You smile, leaning to take a picture with her before the four of you walk off to the side, continuing your conversation.

“Where are Yuu and Maki? I haven’t seen them since they started dating and stopped responding to my texts.”

Sukuna and Nobara share an awkward look, leaning forward to whisper in your's and Eren’s ears.

“They broke up. Well, just wait. You know the mess they're in is going to find its way to the tabloids somehow.”

You and Eren cringe as you share a look, thinking about Historia’s scandal from a few weeks ago. You can’t imagine how much worse it must be when it involves the two of them. The intimate details of their relationship being on display.

“You look pretty, doll. Way more confident and self-assured than you were when I met you. It suits you.”

Eren slithers his hand around your waist, the grip firm, as he responds to Sukuna.

“She’s always been like that.”

“Okay, Eren. Pipe down. I’m not about to be swapping saliva with your girl anytime soon. Though you might want to get a move on that, everyone’s going to have their eyes on your girl by the end of the night.” Sukuna says, smirking at Eren.

“You sound disgusting, Sukuna. Like a pervert.” Nobara says, rolling her eyes at him.

“That’s what happened with Yuuta and Maki. Everyone went all gaga for Yuuta after the movie dropped. And after she sings too, Eren’s going to fight to stay afloat over here.”

“Ignore him, Eren. His neurons are decaying as we speak.” Nobara responds, giving Eren a smile.

“I’m well aware,” Eren says, giving the two of them a smile as they walk away.

As Sukuna walks away, Eren only tightens his grip on your waist, literally seething with anger as he turns to you. You can tell he’s burning, that he’s jealous or aggravated like he always is when Sukuna's around, and you put a hand on his shoulder.

“I hate that guy. So much, Y/N.”

“You know he just says that because you’re easy to piss off right?”

“Are you really taking his side?”

“I’m just saying. You give him a lot to work with when you react like that. You should try to be zen. Like a flower.”

"I'm so zen right now."

"There's a vein on your forehead that's pulsating from how hard you're clenching your jaw, Eren. You're more of a cactus than a pretty flower."

Eren rolls his eyes as he drags you into the auditorium, the two of you taking your seats at the front.

Five awards later - two of which you won - and you’re standing behind the stage ready to puke. You choked out your best acceptance speech when you won Breakout Actress, spilling tears as you spoke, and luckily enough the other award was one you and Eren won together. He carried most of your speech together, though Eren spent most of it raving about you.

Reiner’s still on stage, doing his acceptance speech for Breakout Actor and you’re ready to annihilate yourself. When you came back out after winning your award, getting ready for the performance, you received the worst news possible.

You have to play the piano while you sing. You have to play the piano while you sing because the pianist you’ve been practicing with has food poisoning.

You lie down flat on the ground, the silver dress you just put on, feeling heavy against your skin, weighing you down.

“Are you okay? Y/N, you’ll be fine, it's just a piano.”

Marco brings his hands to the side of your face, lifting your head so he can rest it on his lap. You’re totally aware of the fact that Marco’s sitting on this disgusting floor with you, in his expensive ass outfit, because you’re having a meltdown. You make a mental note to thank him for it later.

“Oh my fucking god, Y/N. Can you believe it? We’re literally breakout stars.”

You look up at Reiner, now having come off the stage with his shiny silver trophy in hand and a huge smile on his face. You give him a weak smile back, the pressure in your head only getting more intense when you realize it’s your turn. Reiner nearly cringes at the sight of you, which you ignore as you flutter your eyes shut. After the ad break, they’re going to roll out a shiny black piano you're expected to play.

“Get Eren.” Marco says and Reiner gives a swift nod. Reiner leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, whispering good luck, before he runs off into the background.

Not even thirty seconds later, you’re met with Eren, a third person now sitting on the dirty floor with you with the softest expression on his face. He’s taken both of your hands, pressing your knuckles to his lips as he presses a kiss onto them both.

“You okay?”

“The pianist. Has food poisoning. I have to play the New Year’s Day piano, Eren.”

“You have magic hands. You can do it.” he whispers.

You can feel Marco’s hands in your hair, fixing away the flyaways as you look up at him. Marco nods too and you can feel yourself feeling dizzy.

“I can’t do it. I can’t sing for the first time and play the piano. I-I can’t do this.”

"Y/N. Come on. You can do this."

You can feel the tears burning in your eyes when you meet Eren's bottle green ones, washed over in concern. And you know that it's just a piano, that it's juat a crowd, and that it's a song that you've sang a million times. But the anxiety is as big as a balloon, ready to burst into something ugly the second you walk out there under the lights.

Eren frowns as he looks over at the piano, getting rolled out onto the stage, and the crew awkwardly looking at you splayed out on the ground. They're pointing at their watches, signaling that if you're going to perform, you're going to do it now. And Eren can't let you choke, not when it's this important. So he does the only thing he can think of.

“I’ll play the piano."

You sit up and put your hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard on the fabric of his suit.

"Huh?"

"I'll sit at the bench with you. Play it for you so you can focus on singing."

“Really, Eren?” you whisper.

“Can’t do anything without me, can you?”

You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, his face immediately turning pink at the sensation. He holds his hand out and helps you up, his hands leaning forward to fix the folds of your dress. You both stand on the side of the curtains and you’re nearly positive you’re cutting off circulation to both Marco and Eren’s hands as you wait for your cue.

When you and Eren walk out, taking your seats on the piano bench and adjusting the microphones, you stare at the crowd. There’s a light flashing on you and Eren that’s partially obstructing your vision. You’re staring out at them - two hundred faces you don’t know and half a million watching at home.

Don’t choke. Don’t choke. Don’t choke.

It’s only then that Eren stops playing the piano, his hand on his shoulder shaking you. And then you realize now that he had started. Meaning he had played the entire intro waiting for you to sing and you didn’t. That you blanked on stage. He places his hand on your chin, lightly guiding your face to look at his.

“It's okay. Just you and me. Like we did on set okay?”

You nod and Eren starts playing the piano again. And before you know it, you’ve choked out the last lyric, and Eren’s holding your hand as you both bow on the stage. You see people cheering, standing up out of their seats as you walk off and you feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. When you get off into the curtains, they immediately start yank the microphones off of you two as you reach forward for Eren’s hand.

“I-I blacked out. Was it bad?”

“It was amazing. You’re amazing. You-you’re”

Eren leans forward, wrapping his hands around your neck and pressing his lips to yours. You can still feel people moving around you, setting up things for the closing part of the ceremony, but the only thing you’re paying attention to is Eren. And his lips. And the way he’s pulling you closer like he can’t get enough of you.

When you pull apart, you’re both panting, smiling at each other, foreheads pressed together.

“Thank god. If I got cock-blocked from kissing you a third time, I was actually going to commit murder.”

“You want me so bad,” you say, sarcastically.

“Obviously.”

You both smile and turn to the left, to a very smiley Marco staring at you two. And then you cringe, remembering that you and Eren are literally backstage and there are like seven people who just watched you suck face in public. Marco walks up, wrapping his arms around both of you and hugging hard.

“I love you guys.”

“Marco. Don’t-” Eren starts.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. You need time to figure out whatever is going on, without Connie and Sasha up your ass the entire time. But I’m really, really happy for you.”

“Really, Marco?” you ask, leaning into Eren’s touch.

“It’s always been you guys. You guys better not break up or else I’ll come hunt both of you down. And if I’m dead, I’ll come back to life just to haunt you guys.”

You both laugh, smiling at Marco and then each other. Levi and Mikasa call you from the other side of backstage, gesturing for you to come over to watch the video of the performance. You give Marco and Eren a smile before you run off to where they’re standing.

“Told you she liked you, Eren,” Marco says, elbowing him in the side.

“I love her,” Eren responds, watching Mikasa and Levi crush you in a hug as you all hunch over the video of you and Eren performing.

Marco smiles, giving Eren a pat on the back before he walks off to join you. Eren stays, trying to commit the memory to mind. You in a sparkly, silver dress looking at him like he's the sun.

Eren Jaeger is in love with you.

Two afterparties later and you and Eren are in a disgusting tattoo parlor down the street.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to do this, Eren.”

Eren smiles as he presses a kiss to your cheek, the two of you leaning through the little prints in the binder. You’re getting matching tattoos.

“I can be very persuasive.”

“Uh-huh. More like hypnotic. I’m half convinced you have me under some spell right now.”

“You pick what we do. Whatever you want, I’ll get it tattooed.”

“We should do something special, Eren. Like something that has significance to us.”

Eren smiles, lifting your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles again before he responds.

“Okay, okay. Let’s do fish.”

You smile, nodding at him.

“Koi fish. Like from that show, the Last Airbender. One fish is the ocean and the other one is the moon” you say.

“I call the ocean, Y/N.”

“What? I wanted to be the ocean.”

“No. That doesn’t fit.”

“Why not?”

“Because the moon pulls on the ocean. The waves in the ocean, objectively the best part, don’t exist without the moon. I’m the ocean. You’re my moon.”

You smile, leaning forward to kiss Eren before you tell the artist the design you two want. And when the two of you walk out, matching sore arms from the ink, you can’t help but wonder how you ever got so lucky in the first place.

A few years down the line, you stare at Eren's blocked contact and think back to that moment. The two of you running down the streets, bathed in dim lamplight laughing into the night. Matching tattoos, a confession on the tips of your tongues like you're two soulmates destined to be together.

You wonder where it got so fucked up between the two of you in the first place.

next part linked here

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

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daisynik7 · 1 year

Note

hey! :) if you dont mind doing my request here it is! angst/smutty/fluff where reader fucked up they argue and it was really bad but goes to jean appartment to apologize and they have makeup sex :3 thx u

Pairing: Jean x f!reader

cw: established relationship, language, angst, fluff, smut – daddy kink, PIV sex (doggy style), sex without a condom, cream pie

Author’s Note: WEEEEE my very first Jean fic EVER. Thank you for the request, anon! I had fun writing this one. I hope you like it! 😘

“Jean, what’s wrong? You’ve been quiet the whole car ride.”

He stands beside you in silence, arms crossed, watching you unlock the door to your apartment, brows knit in a tight scowl. You open the door, entering first, hearing him slam it shut, startling you. “What the hell? Seriously, what’s wrong?” You hang your jacket on the coat rack, slipping your shoes off simultaneously.

He looks towards the kitchen, avoiding your gaze. “Nothing.”

You roll your eyes, knowing damn well it’s something. “Please, baby. Just tell me.” Stepping towards him, you wrap your arms around his neck, pouting.

He sighs. “You were flirting with Eren all night.”

The accusation makes you laugh at first. But when he continues to glare, you stop. He’s actually serious. “I was not flirting with Eren.”

“You were. You wouldn’t stop talking to him.”

“We were sitting right next to each other; I didn’t want to be rude,” you defend.

“And he kept touching you, and you just let him. It’s like I wasn’t even there.”

You try to recall how the night transpired. The two of you attended Mikasa’s birthday dinner at a swanky restaurant. The entire gang was there, including Eren, who Jean is always weird about for whatever reason, despite being good friends with him. They’ve known each other since they were kids, always pitted against one another, a constant competition in all aspects of life. Who’s stronger, who’s smarter, who gets the most action. Even as adults, they never grew out of it. Jean always felt bested by Eren, which didn’t help with his insecurities. But the one thing Jean has that Eren doesn’t is you. And maybe that’s the deeper meaning behind why he’s so upset tonight.

It might be the wine from earlier muddling your memory, but you don’t remember Eren touching you. Well, except for his hand on your shoulders, laughing at whatever funny story you were telling him. Or when he brushed his fingers along your neckline to inspect the dainty gold chain Jean gave you as an anniversary gift two years ago. And there was his palm resting on your bare knee underneath the table, slowly creeping up your thigh before your boyfriend had to pull you out of your seat to use the bathroom. In the moment, you weren’t aware that whatever was happening between you and Eren was flirting. Honestly, you’re still unsure, but now that you think about it, you can see why Jean is upset. But being immature and petty, you won’t admit to it. You don’t take his claims seriously, deciding to tease him just a little bit to push his buttons.

You grin, squeezing his cheeks between your hands. “Well, I can’t help it. He’s hot. I wish you weren’t there.”

Immediately, you regret it. It’s a mean joke that preys on his insecurities, and you only realize that now as you see the look on his face. His jaw hangs open, eyes betrayed, staring at you dumbfounded. “Are you serious right now? Why would you say that?” He escapes from your grasp, stomping into the kitchen for a glass of water.

You swallow hard, knowing you fucked up. “Jean, you know I’m kidding. It’s a joke.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” he replies sarcastically, chugging his drink.

“Baby, I wasn’t flirting with Eren. Maybe he was flirting with me, but I was definitely not doing it back.”

“Oh, please. You were giggling at all his jokes, batting your fucking eyelashes at him. You were definitely flirting, don’t give me that bullshit.”

“You’re overreacting.”

“I think I’m reacting the perfect amount, actually. I mean, how would you feel if I started rubbing my hands all over Christa? Or Mikasa?”

Annoyed, you scoff, muttering, “Like you haven’t already tried.”

His expression worsens into a grimace. “What?”

“Nothing,” you respond, almost certain he understood you.

He stays silent for a moment, letting the situation sink in. Eventually, he murmurs, “Fine. If that’s the way you want it to be, I’m leaving.” He makes his way towards the door, face red with anger.

“Jean.”

“Go ahead and call Eren. Since you didn’t want me there in the first place, you’re free to do whatever you want now. Go fuck him, for all I care.”

“Jean!” You yell out, tears welling in your eyes.

He doesn’t look at you as he exits the apartment, slamming the door shut without another word.

~~~

Jean sits in his own apartment, sulking on the couch in front of the blank TV. He’s got the remote in his hands but hasn’t bothered pressing any buttons because his mind is reeling over the fight the two of you just had. This might the worse one yet. And he’s not sure how it can be salvaged after what was said.

He’s mad at you for making his insecurities a joke. He’s mad at himself for yelling at you instead of explaining that is actually hurts him deep down. Both of you could have handled the situation better. But, of course, emotions get in the way of logic, causing a bigger mess than necessary.

It’s been almost an hour since he stormed off. He checks his phone for any notifications. Nothing. The urge to call you is strong, but he resists. Maybe he needs a bit more time to collect himself.

The buzzer rings. Heart thumping, he presses the intercom. “Hello?”

“Jean. It’s me.” There are bits of static on the other end, but it’s undoubtedly you. “Can we talk?”

He sighs, relieved and excited to hear you. Without saying anything, he buzzes you in. Within minutes, you’re knocking on his door. When he opens it, he finds you cuddling the Pompompurin plushie he bought for you at the Sanrio store ages ago. Your eyes are swollen from crying, clad in your favorite sweats. Unable to contain himself, he wraps you in his arms, resting his chin on your head.

“I’m sorry!” you cry out, sobbing into his shirt.

“I’m sorry too,” he says, squeezing you tighter, the plushie suffocating between your bodies. He waddles the two of you into his apartment, kicking the door closed.

“I shouldn’t joke about it. I know how you feel about Eren. It was mean and I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I was jealous and insecure, and I was taking it out on you. I know you weren’t flirting with him. I know you’d never do that to me.”

“And I was riling you up on purpose. I shouldn’t have done that. I was being cruel and petty for no reason.”

You finally let go of Pompompurin, tossing it to the floor to embrace your boyfriend fully. The two of you stay in each other’s arms for a while longer. Finally, you peer up at him, sniffling. “I got your shirt all wet.”

“I’m going to take it off soon anyways,” he says playfully, bowing his head to kiss you on the lips.

You giggle into his mouth, kissing him back, tugging lightly at the hem of his t-shirt. He grabs your hand to lead you into the bedroom, stripping off his clothes in record time, boner sprung stiff against his abdomen. You follow, removing all your clothes until you’re naked, laying on his bed, thighs spread wide. He immediately positions himself between your legs, lapping at your clit.

This is how most of your little fights conclude: in the bedroom, having the nastiest makeup sex. Jean continues to slobber all over your pussy, sucking and flicking his tongue on your bud until you’re whimpering for him. He slides his middle finger inside you, curling at the tips. He adds his ring finger in, pumping his digits in and out of your wet slit, mouth still latched on your clit. You come like this, a high-pitched whine escaping your throat as his fucks his fingers inside you, the wet squelches lewd and arousing to your ears. He dribbles his spit on your swollen pussy lips, smearing it around you, getting you extra wet for his cock.

Sliding down the edge of the bed, you turn over to wiggle your ass for him. He smacks it, watching the flesh jiggle upon contact. “This is all mine, right princess?”

Craning your neck to face him, you grin, shaking your ass some more. “All yours, daddy.”

He bites his lip, grabbing your cheeks with both his hands, spreading them. “Daddy’s gonna give it to you so good right now. My little slut is gonna get pounded by this fat cock.”

Your knees tremble with anticipation, eager for him. “Give it to me. You always give it to me so fucking good.”

He slides his cock in smoothly. “I do, huh? I know how to make my baby girl cream all over this cock.” His thrusts are rough and fast, exactly how you like it. “Fuck, baby. You feel so fucking good around my cock.”

“Yeah? You like this tight pussy?” You throw your ass back, his dick stuffed in your pussy, hitting that sweet spot.

“I love this tight pussy. Fuck,” he curses, gripping your hips tightly as he pounds away at you.

He’s buried so far into your womb, you almost feel it in your belly. “Fuck! Right there!” you whine, hand pressed to your abdomen.

“I give it to you good, huh?” He tightens his grasp on you, railing you harder. The bed squeaks below you noisily. “Tell me what I want to hear.”

You gulp down whatever saliva is gathering in your mouth, wiping away the drool leaking down the corner of your lips. “You’re the best, daddy. The best I’ve ever had.”

“That’s fucking right. You’re so good for me. Such a slut for daddy, fuck.”

He finishes inside you, filling you up with his load. After he pulls out, he watches the cum ooze out of your slit, fingering some of it back in. You turn to lay on your back, face up, smiling at him. He spoons you from behind, sliding his arm around you waist, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I love you. I’m sorry about tonight.”

“We’re a little past apologies now, aren’t we?” you joke, interlacing your fingers with his.

He buries his nose into your neck, inhaling your familiar, sweet scent. “I know. Still, I hate it when we fight.”

“Me too,” you respond, snuggling closer to him. “I love you.”

It’s silent for a moment, before he asks, “So, do you really think he’s hot?”

This time, you pretend to fall asleep, a clever smile on your face.

#jean kirschstein x reader #jean kirschtein smut #jean smut #jean kirschtein fanfiction #jean kirschtein #jean kirstein #jean kirstein smut #jean kirstein x reader #requests #jean requests #aot requests #aot smut #attack on titan smut #aot jean smut #jean Kirstein x you

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magicxc · 6 months

Text

Holidays

Pairings: Survey Corps - their fave holidays

Word Count: 871

Warnings: none

A/N: I considered Japanese holidays for this bit but then laziness got the best of me. Like most pieces I create with these characters a lot of how I envision them will relate to western/modern culture in some way or another. Though they probably won't celebrate half of the holidays I'm about to list, I want to reiterate that this is my idea of the traits these characters possess and also they are not real.

Headcannons Masterlist

Eren - Christmas

Eren is big on family, especially the family he’s made with Armin and Mikasa. It’s clear that he stands ten toes down behind them and when he gets his own family, it’ll be much the same. I actually think having kids will bring out the fluff in Eren and he’ll be that obnoxious holiday parent that's doing the most with decorations and presents. But it's honestly the atmosphere that gets him going. The holiday cheer, the kindness, the emphasis on giving - he loves it all.

Levi - New Years

The new year signals a new beginning but also the close to another chapter. Each time Levi makes it to a new year he’s thankful but mostly shocked. From life underground to humanity's biggest threat, he never knows when disaster might strike. But, when the clock strikes 12 it's a moment of relief, one where he can sit back and relish in the thought that he’s made it to another trip around the sun.

Erwin - Fathers Day

Lmaoo I'm not tryna make Erwin sound egotistical at all, but I was also running out of popular holidays. The day the Scouts headed to their mission to plug wall Maria was the first time we saw them get a standing ovation and it was also the first time we saw Erwin express such vocal excitement. Even though he can come off a bit aloof, I thought it was fun to see him in that way. That being said I think he’d enjoy being celebrated and can even play up the wowwwws at the macaroni necklaces and handprint construction papers lol. He would love and take care of his family obvi but it’d also make him feel good to feel that admiration in return.

Connie - Thanksgiving

You feed this man and he’ll love you forever. It’s his favorite holiday because it has back to back benefits. There's tons of food, a four day weekend off from work, and the opportunity to spend time with his family. He’s the type to pitch in money but over the years Connie has been more inclined to learn how to cook and has even started bringing in a dish. He’s most excited to try a Friendsgiving as he considers them family as well.

Jean - Valentines Day

I firmly believe that Jean is a romantic. I don't think he’d be the most creative at gift giving lol but it’s certainly the thought that counts. On valentines day he goes all out - teddy bears, flowers, chocolates, etc. ya know, the usual. Although his gifts are very on the nose and sometimes he needs to be spoon fed the information, what he lacks in creativity, he'll gain in experience; learning to step his game up as the years go by. Again, sweet guy.

Onyankopon - Easter

He more so likes the spring break aspect of it. With the flowers blooming and the sun making regular appearances, it was usually the first sign to what summer would be like. Ony enjoys traveling, meeting new people, and experiencing different cultures. So although spring break was meant to party, which he did, Ony always made the time to immerse himself in the customs of whichever country he visited. Now as an adult, he still indulged in his version of spring break as he always enjoyed the mini relaxation that it brought about; thinking of it as his summer outside of summer.

Reiner - Independence Day

Reiner is over the whole patriotic thing, however he can't help but enjoy the events that take place because of it. There’s literally a bbq happening on every corner so he’s for sure house hopping for a plate. There's all sorts of sales and Gabi is making him put that wallet to USE hunnie. And while he doesn’t mind, he more so enjoys their time spent together. There's also the beautiful fireworks that light up the evening sky. And at the end of the day he gets to spend his remaining time with family, gathered around over good food and even better vibes.

Armin - Mothers Day

Armin is def the type to dote on his wife. Hard day at work? He’s rubbing the stress out of your shoulders. Hungry? He’s cooking and prepping lunch for the week. Overwhelmed at work? He’s booking you a spa day. Armin literally adores his woman and enjoys any chance he has to celebrate her and Mothers Day is no exception. Expect him and the kiddies to hand make you some arts and crafts, cook you breakfast, and plan the holiday around your desired interests; with him making sure, at the end of the day, to show you why you celebrate the holiday in the first place.

Floch - Halloween

He’s big on the spooky vibe but not to a concerning extent. Like many others he just enjoys the activities surrounding it. This is actually where Floch flourishes in creativity and fun. He’s making spooky themed treats, decorating to upstage the next door neighbor, and enjoying all the movie classics. Let's not even get started on the lengths he’ll go through to make the most life-like costumes and the parties where he shows it all off?? Top mf notch! Bonus points for getting some action at said parties.

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byhimawari · 6 months

Text

“One Scoop for Two”

(a RivaMika drabble)

“Eren. You should try, too.”

Excited and curious for him to try the unfamiliar but delectable treat, Mikasa hands Eren an —what the Marleyans call — ice cream cone. After witnessing Connie’s and Sasha’s reaction, she was quick to buy one for Eren and her to share, deep down hoping they’d also forget the task at hand for just a second out of their blood driven lives and actually bond.

Eren takes and observes it, also curious, albeit not in the same way Mikasa and the others were, because unlike them, and Mikasa knew, his mind is at an unreachable place where sharing ice cream with her is, quite frankly, of no importance.

“Ice cream?”

Mikasa blinks in surprise, caught off guard that he knew what it was called before she had the chance to tell him. “You knew?”

Eren’s features grow somber, an immediate indication that her hope for bonding has now become a cold case. She can almost hear the needle drop at the bottom of her glass heart.

“From the old man’s memory, that is.”

Mikasa doesn’t pry about his visions, knowing if she even asked, Eren would be too vague or reluctant to share. Instead she just nods, as she always does, her shadow standing besides his but never quite touching a constant remnant of what she will always be.

—

Levi, after great effort, finally manages to yank Hange away from their foolery of chasing cars and yelling at inanimate objects. How troublesome it was for the ship to dock at the busiest port in Marley. It’s enough to keep eye on the brats, what more having to babysit the Commander?

Speaking of brats, from a distance he sees the gloomy one standing with the reckless one, seemingly offering him ice cream with a faint glimmer of excitement in her eyes. Levi, against himself, because he’d rather blow their cover than admit that Ackerman looks rather appealing in her outfit, observes and sees the dejected slump of her shoulders as Eren just stares at now melting dessert in his hand.

He sees them chat for a moment. Eren’s facial features appear deep in thought. So deep in thought, in fact, he hands Mikasa back the ice cream cone mindlessly and excuses himself, walking away completely unaware to the confused and surprised gaze that follows him.

Normally he’d pay them no mind. He’s used to seeing Mikasa waste her valuable time and efforts on that kid. But there was something in the way her eyes glowered to the ground, a melancholic aura surrounding her like a dark cloud, that got under his skin, where his foot literally ached to kick something, someone, preferably the Titan boy himself, in order to ease the itch. And it’s when Levi sees Mikasa throw away the ice cream cone before walking away herself that he decides that he’ll definitely kick Eren’s ass. It only makes sense.

What doesn’t make sense, however, is Levi suddenly finding himself ordering one of those damn cold, much-too-sweet contraptions for himself and then walking hastily through an alien town in search for the woman worth a hundred soldiers turn damsel in distress. Yet, there he is, playing knight in shining armor for reasons he will never admit aloud.

Though his approach is everything but courteous and noble.

“Oi, gloomy brat.”

He finally finds her, sitting lonesome on a bench, staring blankly at nothing as she so often does when in her sunken moods. Mikasa doesn’t move an inch. He expected as much.

“Go away. I’m not in the mood.”

He expected that much, too. Even from behind, he knows exactly what sour face she’s making. But of course he doesn’t falter. He walks over to the bench and sits beside her. Levi notices her tense and he prepares himself.

She swiftly turns her head, “I said I’m not in the—!”

Levi shuts her up, softly pushing the tip of the ice cream against her mouth. Her eyes widen in shock, then it evolves into her piercing glare.

“C-Captain! What was that for?” she wipes her mouth and nose with the back of her hand.

“You wanted ice cream, didn’t you?” Levi asked plainly, pulling the cone back slightly, “I saw you dispose the one you bought earlier without even tasting it. What a waste.”

There’s a pregnant pause between the two. Mikasa then just sighs and turns away to look back at nothingness.

“I got it for Eren,” she says quietly, as though embarrassed to even hear herself say it aloud.

Ah, just as he thought. Seems Levi has a knack for accurate observation.

“I take it the brat didn’t want any?” Levi scoffs irately as he leans back against the bench, “Tch. Even common courtesy the boy lacks.”

“He’s just going through a lot,” she’s quick to defend.

Levi’s quicker to rebuttal, “And you’re not?”

His words came out much sharper than he intended, like a paper cut to the tongue, and he realizes from the slight fall of her face that she felt the sting too. He sighs. Sometimes even he forgets that underneath her steel armor is still a delicate heart.

“Look, I understand he’s on edge, as we all are by just simply being here, but…” Levi starts but then his eyes drift to the tip of the ice cream, noticing it’s starting to melt. He twitches slightly, not wanting it to get on his skin or clothes. But still, he continues before his train of thought goes away, “That doesn’t justify him taking you for granted. He was wrong for that, just as he was all the other times.”

She turns back to look at him with eyes he has seen so many times before; defeated but stubborn. It’s the same eyes she always has when she’s with Yaeger. Levi sees right through her, not because she makes it obvious, but because he’s the exact same, loving from afar but standing so close. He understands.

“It’s just ice cream, Captain,” she attempts to dispute.

And because be understands, he’s determined to make sure she does too.

“Is it really, Mikasa?”

She doesn’t respond, her vanquish clear. Mikasa knows that it isn’t just ice cream. He knows that she knows. It’s supposed to be something that binds them, to create a fond memory, to close the gap.

Just like the one melting in his hand.

They were never just ice cream cones to begin with.

After some silence, Mikasa nods, acknowledging his point as the storm in her eyes slowly comes to a calm.

“Just don’t stop yourself from enjoying something just because someone else doesn’t want to enjoy it with you, you gloomy brat,” Levi quickly reiterates as to not make the silence between them awkward.

But then his attention shifts and his brow furrows uncomfortably when be sees the trail of ice cream start flowing slowly down, his skin surely to meet its sticky demise.

Without any notice, Mikasa leans towards the ice cream he holds and uses her lips to take a generous bite at the top, stopping it from melting onto his hand. She shivers at its coldness, having swallowed too fast. Something fluttered within Levi’s chest at the sight, like that of a butterfly floating to the rhythm of his rapid heart, and he doesn’t know if he likes it or not.

Levi clears his throat, trying to ground himself away from the corners of his mind.

“Next time, just enjoy it yourself or find someone else who does,” he says, “Like right now. You’re not bad company.”

Levi tenses, realizing the weight of the last bit he said, subtly confessing that he enjoys her company, thus implying that he could be that person she can always eat ice cream with, should she ever wish…should that chance ever come again.

“Thank you, Captain,” she says warmly, a rare soft smiles on her lips that he never thought he’d have honor of witnessing himself, “For…the ice cream.”

It’s chaste when he smiles back, but ever the skilled one, and really, he should’ve known better, Mikasa catches it before he has the chance to make away with it. There’s a gleam in her eyes that, wishful thinking as it may be, tells Levi that the chance, someday, will indeed come again.

“You must’ve been watching me closely for you to notice all these things, Captain.”

To that, he only chuckles, taking the risk of not denying it. Levi tilts the ice cream cone towards her mouth, keeping his hand there for her convenience.

“Shut up and eat your ice cream, brat. It’s melting.”

fin

#rivamika #levi x mikasa #levimika #rivamika fanart #rivamika fandom #mikasa x levi #rivamika art #rivamika fanfic #rivaille x mikasa #rivamika drabble #rivamika headcanon #rivamika fic #rivamika fanfiction #riva

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anniemika · 11 months

Text

Just the two of us

Eren Jaeger x Mikasa Ackerman

…..

“I love you.”

He’s choking. His throat burns from the alcoholic drink he just chugged down, and even though he tries to maintain some kind of composure while doing his best not to die from lack of breathing, it’s still unbelievably hard.

His mind’s not working properly. It repeats the sentence over and over, and still, it can’t quite comprehend what the words’ actual meanings are. Maybe he didn’t hear her correctly. It’s pretty crowded, the music’s loud, and Jean and Connie can’t talk to anyone without yelling because of their intoxicated state. So, it must be that.

One thing his brain’s insisting on is not looking at her. It sends him the same signals it does when there’s danger surrounding him, and because of his military life, those signals have become as quick as lightning, and yet, they couldn’t detect her and how close she’s sitting next to him. Never mind her slurpy voice and the sweet mix of her rosey smell with the tinge of alcohol.

But his heart says otherwise. So, when he finally stops choking, his head is turning towards her. And god, what a mistake it is.

“What?” The last letter of the word gets lost somewhere along the way because he’s seeing her up close and dear god, she’s the most beautiful thing in the whole world. With her flushed cheeks and big butterfly lashes, her white skin looking like the softest cotton that he wants to touch so desperately, but refrains himself from. It’s torture, it’s always been, ever since he found out he only had 8 years left to live and the realaziton that one day she would be living her life without him became a reality.

Eren’s known all kinds of pain and sorrow throughout his short life, but the greatest one yet has to be the fact that he’ll never get the chance to grow old with Mikasa. He was going to have to leave her, it was going to happen soon, and it wasn’t going to be by choice.

And still, right here, right now, in this crowded and chaotic moment, Mikasa's words cut through all the noise and chaos, reaching deep into his very soul. The weight of her confession hits him like a tidal wave, crashing against the walls he had built to protect himself from the pain of their inevitable separation.

His mind races, trying again and again to process the significance of her words. Does she truly mean it? Does she understand the gravity of what she's saying? Or is it just the alcohol talking, clouding her judgment and leading her to say things she may regret later?

“I- I said that,” she hiccups, her voice soft and vulnerable. Readjusting herself, she leans in even closer, her eyes searching his for a response, “I love you.”

He gulps, his heart threatening to burst inside his rib cage. It’s true. It must be true. This means the future is not set in stone. She said it twice. She has to mean it, she must mean it-

“And not just as family, but as..”, he notices her cheeks have gotten so red, it would’ve been alarming if he didn’t know how shy of a person she was. She struggles to find the words she so desperately wants to express, and Eren can see that.

“As a.. lover.” She finally stammers, her voice barely audible above the surrounding noise.

Eren's breath catches in his throat, his mind reeling. A lover. The words hang in the air, heavy with the untold emotions they’ve been hiding for years.

A mix of disbelief and overwhelming joy floods Eren's senses. He reaches out, gently cupping her flushed cheek, his thumb brushing against her soft skin.

“Mikasa,” his voice has a sense of urgency that catches her off guard, “Come with me.”

Her pretty brows scrunch in response, “Huh?”

He decides there is no time for an explanation. He grabs her by the hand, helping her up, then leads her outside, while she struggles to keep up with his pace.

“Eren, where are we going?” But she doesn’t get a response. Eren's grip tightens around Mikasa's hand as they rush through the hundreds of tents, their surroundings becoming a blur. He doesn't have the words to explain, but his actions speak volumes. There is an urgency in his movements, a determination to create a space where they can be alone, away from prying eyes and distractions.

Finally, they arrive at a quiet park overlooking the sea, where only the sound of crashing waves fills the air. Eren stops abruptly, turning to face Mikasa, who looks back at him with a perplexed look on her face.

A heart beat later, Eren closes the remaining distance between them, his lips pressing against Mikasa's with a hastiness that takes her breath away. Mikasa's initial shock gives way to a wave of longing and surrender, her hands instinctively finding their place on Eren's broad shoulders. Their bodies press against each other, fitting together like two halves of a whole, as if they were always meant to be this close.

The world around them fades into insignificance, leaving only the intoxicating bliss of this moment. A moment that should’ve happened long ago.

As their lips finally part, they remain locked in a breathless embrace, their foreheads resting against each other. With his eyes still closed, Eren finds the strength to whisper, “I didn’t want this to happen in front of everyone.” He pulls her even closer, “I wanted it to be just the two of us.”

Mikasa can only nod, too overwhelmed by what just happened between them. When they lock their eyes, determination burns brightly within Eren’s greens.

“I want to be with you. I want us to-“, he finds it difficult to put into words all that he feels, all that he wants, but he knows that Mikasa understands. She always understood him, even when he couldn’t find the right words to express himself.

“I just… I love you too, Mikasa.” Eren finally finds the courage to say them, the same words she had effortlessly spoken moments before. The words that had been nestled inside his heart ever since they first met, and now, he couldn't hold them back any longer.

Mikasa never notices the tears falling down her cheeks as she stares at the man in front of her almost in disbelief.

“Hey.. don’t cry.” He gently swipes his thumb across her cheekbone to gather her tears, “It’s okay.”

She tries to find her breath, looking up at his beautiful eyes, and then it hits her. This is actually happening between them. A radiant smile spreads across her face, lighting it up. . “I’m just.. I’m happy.” She wraps her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. “Oh, Eren, I’m so happy!”

He buries his face into the crook of her neck, before whispering, “Me too.”

Time seems to stay still. They both know that this moment would forever be etched in their memories, a turning point in both of their lives.

After a while, Mikasa pulls away to look at his face again, “I’m sorry.. I didn’t meant to confuse earlier-“

Knowing what she’s about to say, he stops her in her tracks, “Shh, hey, no apologies. You’ve always been braver than me.”

She quickly shakes her head, “There’s no one braver than you.”

He gives her a small chuckle, then plants a soft kiss on her cheek, “Yes, there is. You proved it tonight. You shared your feelings with me.”

Mikasa’s cheeks flush apple red as she hides her face in his chest. She can’t believe this is real. And yet, as she clings to him, she realizes it couldn’t be more true. She presses her cheek against his rushed heartbeat, and if it was possible to die of joy, she thinks it might happen to her any second.

“Mikasa?”

His voice breaks her thoughts, causing her heart to skip a beat.

“Will you run away with me?”

…..

I just needed to write something for them. It’s probably not the best but I felt the need to write something a bit lighter given all the heartbreak we’ve been put through that last couple of days. I have never felt the raw emotions I’ve felt for this couple with any other characters in fiction. I’m thinking about writing some cabin content soon, btw. Hope you like this little thing. Bye❤️🗝️🧣

#eremika #eremika fluff #attack on Titan #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #eren x mikasa #eren jaeger x mikasa ackerman

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dead-dolphins · 1 month

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About Mr. Senator.

In Mr. Senator, there’s going to be this really important scene where a young Mikasa gets into an accident that leaves her with that famous scar on her face. Eren, being the kind and thoughtful gentleman that he is, immediately steps in to help her. This happens while Mikasa is still a teenager, so the whole thing is completely platonic, but it has a major impact on her (and hers only).

So, here’s how it goes down: Mikasa is in a bit of a predicament, maybe a fall or something similar, and Eren happens to be nearby. Without a second thought, he rushes over to help her. Eren doesn’t think twice about helping out—he’s just doing what he feels is right. He’s calm, collected, and super respectful, not making a big deal out of the situation at all. But for Mikasa, this moment is huge. She’s already had a bit of a crush on him, but seeing him act so selflessly and kindly really cements in her mind that Eren is not just some man but a genuinely good man. It makes her crush grow even stronger because she starts to see him as this ideal, respectful gentleman.

Meanwhile, Eren is totally oblivious to the effect he’s having on her. To him, he’s just helping out the daughter of his guardian—a damsel in distress, if you will. He’s just being his usual, decent self, not thinking too deeply about it. It’s kind of funny because while Mikasa is probably lying in bed that night, replaying the whole thing in her mind and feeling all sorts of emotions, Eren is just going about his day, thinking, “Glad I could help!”

So, it’s one of those situations where they both walk away with very different takeaways. For Mikasa, it’s a moment that deepens her feelings and admiration for Eren, while for Eren, it’s just another day of doing the right thing, totally unaware of how much more he means to her now. I think he will start seeing Mikasa in another light after a big, big event that actually starts the fic 👀

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imthepointe · 4 months

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no offense maybe I just don’t understand multi shipping a character who only has ever had eyes for one person, especially when he’s been obsessively visiting them in ice like I can’t imagine them even glancing at someone else

hii anon no offense taken! i’ll do my best to explain why i personally like multishipping (with armin, in aot, and in general)

first, you’re definitely right that armin and annie have the most “canon” relationship. they clearly have intense feelings for one another that are certainly romantic. aruani is absolutely my favorite armin ship, too. i just think their characters mesh so well together and the dynamic is delicious.

but just because armin and annie are “canon” doesn’t mean that i don’t like the idea of having armin, annie, and whoever else romantically involved with other people. if aruani *were* out of the question, then i think jearmin is my next fav armin ship. jean and armin also have such an interesting dynamic— just like aruani! jean is a natural leader, with an unforgettable presence on screen as both a charismatic authority and close friend of everyone in the 104th. and, honestly, jean has helped armin and comforted him (and vice versa) more than annie really has. jean and armin compliment each other so well, and honestly for me, it’s super easy to see them in a romantic context because of the intensity and nature of their relationship— especially during the 4 years annie was in the crystal.

and, of course, eren and mikasa. i rlly love arumika/eremin a lot!!! this is because i think armin and mikasa share such a close bond. throughout aot they are able to communicate just through their eyes multiple times. mikasa is always there for armin and armin for mikasa. they are seriously each other’s only constant in life— again, makes for a pretty good romance. same thing with eremin. eren and armin are genuinely connected at their soul to each other! there are sooooo many romantic eremin moments too, literally since chap 1 of the manga, and i daresay more than aruani moments. this was certainly fueled by the anime ending additions but it’s always existed.

for one, some of these ships can coexist; it’s highly doubtful that armin ever only had one crush on annie for years, and even if he did, he’s 19/20 by the time annie is finally out of her crystal and i’d venture to say has probably kissed someone before. who knows? maybe he and sasha got super drunk one night. maybe he comforted mikasa in more ways than one when eren left in marley. maybe he and hitch got bored one day. maybe he and jean experimented some. these are all things that could have happened and are worth exploring or headcanoning.

second, i think that some multiships as a whole are typically, like, in parallel timelines. for example im a suckerrrrr for post rumbling aruani and post rumbling jearmin, and i don’t typically think of these ships as occurring in the same universe. basically im treating these ships as separate timelines that don't affect each other.

i totally love aruani more than anything, but every other armin ship has a reason to be compelling because armin is just a compelling character whose relationships are *literally* the thing that keeps the plot moving in aot (eremin moment). armin did visit annie in the crystal for years, but you could just as easily focus on the fact that eren and armin promised to spend eternity together or that mikasa and armin can actually read each other’s minds to justify the other ships. interpreting some of his interactions with the other characters as romantic is a totally valid thing to do (within reason lol). and, to me, these are relationships worth exploring and loving! sorry this is so long lmao but thanks for asking! <3

also armin is just such a fuckable and breedable guy. who wouldn’t want to get in on that?

#armin arlert #aruani #eremin #jearmin #arumika #multishipping #basically everyone has a crush on armin that’s it that’s the moral of the story #i rlly hope this makes sense!!#armin harem

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kleoyeager78 · 9 months

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10 things I hate about you | 16

This is Eren's pov after the park chapter!

ERENS POV

I walked into my house, it was cold and empty.

Per usual.

Zeke had left for work and my parents were at work like always. I ran to my room to put my stuff down and went back downstairs to wait for Armin.

After a few minutes there was a knock on the door and sure enough it was the blonde he was waiting for, the two locked Erens front door and headed out.

“So how was studying with y/n, did she show up?” Armin asked while the two of us walked to Mikasa's house.

“Yeah” I said, not paying him any mind and just scrolling on my phone.

“You didn’t give her a hard time did you?” Armin laughed while scratching the back of his head.

“Why would you think that?” I looked up from my phone and stared at him.

Armin just blinked at me, “well you know you aren’t exactly easy for her to deal with” he said trying to put it to me nicely,

In all honesty I knew exactly what he meant. I just liked seeing him all worked up. I smirked, “I don’t think I did” I said knowing that those words to Armin meant I most definitely did.

Armin shook his head and sighed, knocking on Mikasa’s door. “Why do you have to be like that?” He asked in disappointment,

Just then Mikasa opened the door and Armin walked in, “like what?” I said teasing him while walking in Mikasa’s house right behind him.

Mikasa closed the door and we all made it upstairs to her room,

“Why are you like that?” I was laying on Mikasa’s bed reading some boring book for English class when Armin asked,

“Like what?” I closed my book because I was bored of it and this topic might interest me a bit more.

“How you treat y/n? She does nothing to you and you are so mean Eren” Armin said meeting my eyes from on the ground,

I laughed, “I really don’t know it’s just fun for me.” I shrugged. “Why are you always worried about y/n anyways? Do you like her or something?” I asked knowing I was just going to make Armin upset

“Do you?” Armin asked. His voice was filled with sass.

I chuckled, “and why would you think that?”

“Because YOU are the one that’s always bothering her. You can’t go a day without bothering her”

“You guys let’s focus on-“ I cut Mikasa off,

“Yet you’re the one checking on her constantly, you’re the one who has to be nice to her and has to make sure she’s okay every time she throws a bitch fit. So Armin tell me who’s really the one with the crush?” I said standing up,

Armin just scoffed, he knew that there was no use arguing with me, because he would be arguing with someone who was wrong and knew he was wrong but liked seeing people upset.

I knew for a fact Armin liked Annie. He had liked her ever since second grade when he got scared on a field trip and peed himself and she gave him spare pants. But seeing him get so worked up over the subject made me want to laugh.

“I’m gonna go downstairs for water, y’all want anything?” I asked.

Armin didn’t say a word and Mikasa asked me to get her a water,

When I got downstairs I let all my laughs out, I didn’t even know I had been keeping them in but as the moment upstairs replayed in my head I couldn’t help it.

I got a snack with two glasses of water and headed back upstairs.

We stopped studying about 20 minutes ago, Armin left about 5 and I had to stay to hear a lecture from Mikasa. Usually Armin would stay with me through these but I guess today I made him extra mad and he decided to just leave me,

“If Armin does actually like her, which we both know he doesn’t, then why be a piece of shit to her?” Mikasa asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged.

“You never fucking do, that’s your problem Eren. One day Armin isn’t going to take your bullshit anymore, I told you a million times to stop messing with people, it bothers him.” Mikasa sighed, “you most likely aren’t taking me serious right now anyways just go before it gets too late”

She was right, messing with people who gave me a response was a habit for me.

When I made my way outside I was surprised to see Armin waiting for me, “hey I thought you left” I said but he just started walking away.

“You still mad?” I said catching up to him but still I got no response.

After a few minutes of silence I decided to break it, “I’m sorry”

“For” Armin spoke.

“So now you can speak?”

Armin scoffed, “you know what? Actually no I won’t be speaking to you until you can form a decent apology.” He started walking faster but this time I didn’t bother catching up.

I actually started slowing down so I could just walk alone, I didn’t even feel like going home right now, and soon enough I had lost Armin in the distance of our walk.

When I finally returned home I saw Armin waiting outside for me, which made me laugh. Even when he was mad he still had to make sure I got home safely.

He rolled his eyes and walked away to his home that was a couple blocks away. When I seen him get inside his home I went inside mine.

I was met with my family spread out everywhere and eating. Zeke was sitting in the living room, my mom was standing in the kitchen and my dad was sitting at the table.

Zeke was the first person to notice me, “where have you been?” He asked me.

“Minding my business ugly” I said walking away to my room but before I could go to my room I heard my mom say ,

”don’t you want to eat with us?” To which I ignored and closed my room door behind me.

I never felt like eating at home, maybe it was all the weed I smoked or simply because I hated this place.

I grabbed clothes and went to take a shower,

When I got out the shower and went back to my room my dad was there sitting on my bed,

I sucked my teeth,

“Hi son” he patted my bed indicating for me to sit next to him but I chose to stand with my arms crossed, “you can stand if you want” he chuckled. “Listen, it’s around that time,” he cleared his throat.

“What time?” I asked ready for him to leave,

“Well you know uh,” he began to dig in his pocket for something and then pulled out a condom, “so basically you use these to-“

“How old do you think I am?” I yelled,

“Old enough to know?” He rubbed his neck sensing I was only getting more angry,

“Zeke already taught this stuff to me maybe if you weren’t so obsessed with your job you could’ve done it yourself” I yelled,

He stood up with tired eyes and grumbled something while reaching in his pockets, he pulled out a hundred dollar bill and left it on my bed before leaving my room,

I heard my parents talking and I could hear my mom was mad, “I said a talk not the talk you fool” she said slamming something down.

“Well I’m sorry but either way it would’ve been a waste of time he doesn’t like talking to us”

“Why do you think? You’re always at work”

“SO ARE YOU” my dad yelled. “Why am I the only one to blame? I told you that you could’ve stayed home and I would take care of all the bills”

“If you would’ve let me finish my sentence and not cut me off I would’ve said that,” my mom scoffed. “And you know I have to be busy all the time I can’t afford to stay home”

“With the son we have you would’ve been busy all the time”

“What is that supposed to mean” I mumbled to myself but then started listening to the conversation again.

“Great so I’m expected to just give up on what I love and stay home to make it easier for you huh?” My mom yelled.

“Did you listen to anything I said? Who am I kidding of course you didn’t because it’s all about you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Carla I already had a kid and I got to see first hand what it took to raise them, kids need parents, love and support I knew that and I told you that before we had him but you insisted that you wanted to be a mom and me being the idiot I am i allowed you to”

“But I wasn’t busy at the time” I heard my mom’s voice cracking, “I didn’t know I wouldn’t have- Grisha, where are you going?” I heard footsteps and I assumed it was my dad walking away but then my bedroom door opened.

it was zeke, “hello” he sat at my desk.

“What do you want?” I rolled my eyes.

“For you to stop being sassy, for your teachers to stop calling me, for you to clean your room like I asked you to multiple times, for you to stop-“

“I get it” I said sitting on my bed losing the ‘sas’ (as zeke liked to call it)

“How was your day?” He said relaxing in my chair,

“Okay I guess. It was nothing special about it”

“Everyday you wake up is special Eren,” he said, taking a cig out of his pocket and opening my window. “Take the money Eren” he suddenly said

“No, it’ll be on the counter tomorrow.” I said

“Why do you have to be so stubborn? If someone gave me a hundred dollars at your age I would gladly go spend it with my friends or buy new shoes or some shit”

“I don’t want money from them and besides my big brothers got me.” I said knowing it wouldn’t do much to faze zeke.

“You’re right I do but I’m also struggling. I don’t have much right now” zeke leaned his head back exhaling smoke.

“So you take it” I handed it to him.

“Why to use it on you later?”

“Exactly,”

Zeke chuckled and got up, “I’m glad you’re doing okay.” He opened the door, “oh and Eren-“

“Yes”

“Please stop fucking over my bosses daughter, if you keep making her cry every week I won’t have a job” he said in reference of Historia.

“She won’t leave me alone man”

“Whatever” with that he threw a small roll of paper at me and closed the door.

I realized that it was the money. I sighed and put the money in my dresser drawer before turning off my light and getting in bed, I didn’t go to sleep right away though, it was actually a routine for me to lay in the dark and think about things I had heard and said throughout the day until I just felt sleepy.

I began to think about Mikasa, Armin Historia and y/n but mainly y/n because almost every conversation I had today was about her.

The one with Armin,

The one with Mikasa,

and the one with Historia.

Earlier today

“Eren, do you want to go to the mall after school?” Historia asked me,

“No I have something to do,”

“What are you doing? Or should I be saying who?” She scoffed,

I rolled my eyes, this girl was by far the most annoying person in my life, “I’m going to the park with y/n for a class project”

Historias face changed, “why don’t you skip that and hang out with me” she said pulling her skirt up and touching my chest,

“I would but this is worth 60% of the class,” I lied. I really just didn’t want to do anything with her, I haven’t really wanted to do anything with her since I found holes in my condoms and I know she put them there because her friend sent me text messages of her saying it, when I confronted her she acted clueless which only made me think she was more crazy.

“Fuck, Mr.smith must be so annoying” she said kissing my neck,

“Yeah but I really need that class to pass so I don’t mind,” I said, trying to be more convincing.

“Is that the only reason you don’t mind?” Historia said,

Here she went again trying to start more problems, “what are you talking about?”

“Come on Eren” she scoffed, “you like the fact she’s in that class don’t you” she looked at me and I just sucked my teeth.

“What the fuck are you going on about?” I said looking at her in annoyance,

“Shut up and leave me alone” she said and walked away, I knew she expected me to run after her but I sure as hell didn’t,

She was obsessed with thinking I loved y/n, everyone was if I’m being honest but Historia was crazy about it, she’d let her friends put stuff in her head and run with it,

Which made her unbearable to be around,

Everyone wanted to know the reason I do what I do to y/n but if I’m being honest I don’t think I really know,

I mean it started when we were little, the first day we met actually.

When I saw how nice she was in class that day I hated it, I know it’s cruel but from that day on I tried to do anything to make her not smile because I thought it was unfair for her to smile all the time, there she was with a smile that never seemed to fade, positivity that never seemed to leave her body yet there I was with a smile that was non existent and an attitude that was never joyful nor happy, I hated my life and I just wish she could feel what I felt back then, every day I had to come home to nothing, no one, and I hated that someone could be so happy. I felt as though she had everything and as though I had nothing so I wanted to make her have nothing as well. But as time passed it just became a habit to mess with people who gave me a reaction it just made me feel like I was finally in control of something in my life.

THIRD PERSON POV

What Eren didn’t know is that you also had nothing. But when you started school you seen it as an escape from what was going on at home, everyday you went home to arguing, fighting and just pure violence. You would cry yourself to sleep with hands over your ears because of the screams you heard from behind your door. But going to school got you away from all of that, he didn’t realize once he took away school he took away every good thing you’ve ever had

A/N ~ I’m definitely going to have to edit this later but I’m not going to starve y’all any longer. I’ve missed y’all a lot. I just can never keep my mind on one thing.

#aot fanfiction #aot x reader #aot x y/n #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #bully!eren #eren x y/n #eren jaeger #eren yeager

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shiorihyuga · 4 days

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Tides of Fate

When the Scouts of Paradis meet a mysterious pod of powerful sirens, their world is turned upside down. Mating with these beautiful yet dangerous creatures gives them enhanced abilities, but the bonds are deeper—and far more complex—than anyone expected. Eren, Levi, and the rest of the top brass find themselves falling for their siren mates in ways that challenge their loyalties, while Mikasa struggles with jealousy and resentment. The lines between duty, desire, and power blur as tensions rise both inside and outside the walls.

Chapter 18: Under the Siren’s Net

The sun had risen high in the sky, and the day was lazily passing by with the sound of the ocean waves and the occasional rustle of the wind. Levi sat at the edge of the camp, sharpening his blades in his usual, methodical way. He was focused, trying to keep his mind off Aria’s latest attempt to get under his skin.

Hange and Sasha, however, weren’t making that easy.

They sat nearby, watching him with amused expressions. Hange, of course, had that gleam in her eye that usually meant she was about to say something Levi wouldn’t like, and Sasha—well, she seemed to be enjoying the entire situation a little too much.

“So,” Hange started, her voice casual but filled with mischief, “have you given any more thought to what Aria said to you earlier?”

Levi didn’t look up from his blades, his hands continuing their steady work. “No.”

Sasha chuckled, leaning forward slightly, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. “You should, Captain. I mean, Aria’s... well, she’s Aria. She’s beautiful, she’s funny, and she’s actually really nice. Why not give in?”

Levi’s hands stilled for a moment, his jaw tightening as he shot them both a hard glare. “I’m not giving in to anything.”

Hange leaned back, crossing her arms as she studied Levi, a sly smile tugging at her lips. “Come on, Levi. Don’t be so uptight. She’s practically throwing herself at you, and you’re still acting like it’s a battle.” Her voice softened just slightly, as if she knew Levi would hate what she was about to say. “Maybe it’s time to stop fighting.”

Levi’s expression didn’t change, though his grip on the blade tightened. “I’m not interested,” he said flatly.

Sasha let out a soft laugh, clearly unconvinced. “Oh, come on. You don’t have to act so tough, Captain. You’ve been through a lot—don’t you think you deserve to relax for once?”

Levi didn’t respond, but Sasha took his silence as encouragement to continue. “The siren honeymoon doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Two weeks with Aria, relaxing in her moonpool… no stress, no battles, just… peace.”

Hange leaned forward again, a playful grin on her face. “You’re always so tense, Levi. You’re like a spring that’s wound too tight. What’s the harm in letting go for once? Besides, Aria’s more than just some flirt. She cares about you. You’ve seen that.”

Levi’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t respond. He hated how they were ganging up on him, pushing him to consider something he had been trying to avoid since Aria showed up.

Sasha, clearly enjoying this far too much, added with a giggle, “Plus, she’s gorgeous, and I bet you’ll have fun. You deserve that, Captain. I mean, have you seen her?”

Levi shot her a warning glare. “That’s not the point.”

Hange chuckled softly, clearly amused by his resistance. “Then what is the point, Levi? You’ve been fighting for years, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. Maybe it’s time to let someone else carry the load for a while.”

Levi’s jaw tightened as he finally set the blade down, his patience wearing thin. “This isn’t about me needing to relax,” he muttered, his voice low but edged with frustration.

Hange raised an eyebrow, her smile softening just a little. “Maybe it should be. You can’t keep going at this pace forever, Levi. You’re human, whether you like to admit it or not. And Aria—she’s offering you something that could actually help.”

Sasha nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! She’s really sweet, too. I think she genuinely cares about you. And, I mean, the siren honeymoon thing? Sounds pretty nice. You can finally just… breathe.”

Levi’s fists clenched at his sides, his mind racing. He didn’t like being pushed like this, didn’t like the idea of letting his guard down, especially not for something like this. Aria was persistent—too persistent—but Hange and Sasha weren’t entirely wrong. He knew that. He just wasn’t ready to admit it.

“She’s not going to stop, you know,” Hange added, her voice quieter now, almost gentle. “And honestly? I don’t think you want her to.”

Levi glared at Hange, his frustration clear. “What makes you so sure?”

Hange’s smile was knowing, her eyes twinkling with that usual gleam of curiosity. “Because if you really didn’t want her around, you would’ve pushed her away a long time ago. But you haven’t. And that says more than you think.”

Levi clenched his jaw, hating how right Hange always seemed to be. He had tried to push Aria away, had tried to keep his distance, but she was relentless. And, as much as he hated to admit it, there was a part of him—a small, buried part—that didn’t mind her presence as much as he should.

Sasha grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Plus, Captain, two weeks in a magical moonpool with a gorgeous siren? Sounds like the perfect break, if you ask me.”

Levi shot her a look, clearly unimpressed. “It’s not happening.”

But the words sounded less convincing than they should have, even to him.

Hange chuckled, leaning back with a satisfied smile. “We’ll see about that, Levi. We’ll see.”

Levi didn’t respond, turning his attention back to his blades in an effort to shut out the conversation. But the words lingered, sinking deeper into his mind than he wanted to admit.

As the waves lapped at the shore and the camp settled into a quiet lull, Levi knew that no matter how much he resisted, the pressure was building. Aria wasn’t going to stop, and now, with even Hange and Sasha pushing him to let go, the walls he had built up around himself were starting to crack.

But for now, Levi did what he always did—he kept sharpening his blades, kept his guard up, and pretended the battle wasn’t already happening inside him.

…

Hours had passed and Levi hadn’t seen any sign of Aria. Normally by now, she would have found some excuse to bother him, to tease him, or to make some cocky remark. The camp was unusually quiet without her constant chatter, and that nagging absence left an uneasy feeling gnawing at Levi’s gut.

It wasn’t like Aria to be away this long. And that, more than anything, set him on edge.

The sun had started its slow descent, casting long shadows across the sand as Levi stood at the edge of the camp, scanning the horizon. He knew better than to assume she was just playing around somewhere. Something felt off.

Levi’s instincts kicked in. Something was wrong.

Without hesitation, he set off along the beach, his sharp eyes scanning the coastline for any sign of her. The waves crashed gently against the shore, but all he could hear was the pounding in his chest. Aria was reckless, sure, but not stupid. She wouldn’t just wander off without a reason, and that reason was beginning to look a lot more dangerous than he’d initially thought.

As he moved further away from the camp, the silence of the beach was interrupted by a faint sound carried on the wind—something sharp, panicked.

A scream.

Levi froze for a split second before his body snapped into action, his legs carrying him toward the source of the sound. He could hear her now, the raw terror in her voice sending a chill down his spine. Aria.

When he reached the far end of the beach, hidden behind a cluster of large rocks, his heart nearly stopped at the sight before him.

Aria was in her siren form, her shimmering lavender tail thrashing wildly in a net that had been cast over her. She was caught, tangled in the heavy mesh, her normally graceful movements frantic and panicked. Around her, a group of men—siren hunters—stood with crude grins on their faces, pulling the ropes tighter as Aria struggled to break free. The also had some kind auditory contraption and Levi wasn’t exactly too sure what it was. Still, it was obvious that it was harming Aria and probably preventing her from using her voice to compel the hunters.

Her terror was palpable. Her usual confident demeanor was gone, replaced by pure, unfiltered fear. She thrashed against the net, but the more she struggled, the tighter it became, cutting into her skin and leaving her trapped.

“Let’s see how much she’s worth on the black market,” one of the hunters said with a sickening grin, pulling the net harder.

“She’s a rare one, alright,” another added, eyeing Aria like she was nothing more than a prize to be sold.

Levi’s eyes narrowed, his blood boiling as he took in the scene. He was moving before he could even think, his blades flashing in the fading light as he sprinted toward the hunters, his movements swift and lethal.

“Get away from her,” Levi snarled, his voice low and dangerous as he closed the distance between them.

The moment Levi saw the hunters, his decision was made. He wasn't about to let these scum escape. Not after what they had done to Aria, and not with the knowledge that they would just come back for her. The leader, the two others—they all carried the same look in their eyes. Greed. Cruelty. This wasn’t just a job for them. It was a twisted form of sport. And men like them didn’t stop.

Levi didn’t move as he stared them down, calculating in his silence as they stepped forward, weapons drawn. The leader’s voice was dripping with fury, his frustration evident. "What do you think you’re doing?" he spat. "Do you have any idea who we are?"

Levi’s eyes remained fixed on the leader, unflinching. "Siren hunters," he said coldly, his voice barely more than a low growl. He could sense Aria trembling behind him, her fear like a pulse in the air. His grip on his blades tightened. "You’ve made a mistake."

The leader sneered, though there was a trace of hesitation in his voice. "That siren is our prize. She’s worth more than you can imagine. Step aside, or I’ll—"

But the shorter hunter cut in, his eyes wide and darting between Levi and Aria. "Wait," he hissed, his voice tinged with fear. "He’s… her mate, isn’t he?" The realization was dawning on him now, a dark cloud of fear creeping over his face.

The leader’s sneer faltered, but his pride wouldn’t let him back down. "That’s impossible—"

The taller hunter took a step back, his grip on his weapon tightening. "He’s not scared of us. If he’s really her mate, we’re dead."

The leader, realizing the situation was slipping out of his control, raised his electrified spear toward Levi. His voice quivered with anger, trying to regain control of the situation. "Mate or not, you’re just one man—"

But Levi wasn’t listening anymore.

In one fluid movement, he unsheathed both blades. The cold gleam of steel caught the morning light as he stepped forward with deadly purpose. There was no hesitation. No mercy.

In a heartbeat, Levi was upon them.

The leader didn’t even have time to react before Levi’s first blade sliced through the air, severing the hand that held the spear. The weapon clattered to the ground as the hunter let out a guttural scream, stumbling backward, blood spraying from the wound. Levi’s movements were swift and precise, each step a deadly calculation.

The other two hunters froze, their eyes wide with terror as they watched their leader fall. They had heard the stories of siren mates, but none of them had ever seen one in action. And they had no idea what they were truly up against.

The shorter hunter turned to run, but Levi was faster. In the blink of an eye, he was on him, one blade slashing across his throat in a swift, brutal arc. The hunter collapsed to the ground, gurgling, clutching his neck as blood poured between his fingers.

The taller hunter, now the last one standing, let out a strangled cry of panic, stumbling backward as he desperately swung his weapon at Levi. But it was a pathetic attempt, born of fear rather than skill. Levi ducked easily, moving like a shadow as he closed the distance.

With a swift upward strike, Levi’s blade drove into the hunter’s chest, piercing his heart with brutal efficiency. The man’s eyes widened in shock as his body went rigid, the weapon slipping from his grasp. For a moment, he stood there, stunned, before collapsing to the ground in a heap, lifeless.

Levi stood over the bodies, his blades dripping with blood. The air was thick with the scent of iron, the once-still beach now tainted by the carnage. He had moved through them like a force of nature, swift and merciless. There had been no time for hesitation. No second thoughts.

Aria, still in her siren form, lay trembling behind him, her wide lavender eyes fixed on the scene before her. She had never seen anything like it—never seen anyone move with such precision, such deadly intent. The hunters, who had terrified her just moments before, now lay dead at Levi’s feet.

Levi didn’t waste any time. He cut through the rest of the netting with a few swift motions, his heart pounding in his chest as he freed Aria from the tangle of ropes. She collapsed into his arms, her body trembling, her breathing ragged from the terror of the encounter.

For a moment, Aria didn’t speak. She just clung to Levi, her hands gripping his jacket tightly as if she was afraid to let go.

Levi knelt beside her, his voice low but steady. “You’re alright now,” he said, his hand resting on her shoulder as he tried to calm her. “You’re safe.”

Aria looked up at him, her lavender eyes wide with fear and disbelief. “Levi…” she whispered, her voice barely audible, her body still shaking. “I… I didn’t see them coming. I was just swimming, and then they… they caught me.”

Levi’s jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing as he looked out at the ocean, the weight of what had just happened settling heavily on his shoulders. “Siren hunters,” he muttered, his voice filled with cold anger. “They knew what they were after.”

Aria’s tail flicked weakly, still trapped in her siren form as she lay there, vulnerable and shaken. “I’ve been running from them my whole life,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “I thought I was safe here. I thought… with you…”

Levi’s eyes softened for just a moment as he looked down at her. Aria—the one who always seemed so fearless, so confident—was terrified. Her walls had crumbled, and for the first time since he’d met her, Levi saw just how vulnerable she really was.

“They won’t touch you again,” Levi said quietly, his voice filled with quiet determination. “I won’t let them.”

Aria looked up at him, her eyes still filled with fear but also something else—trust. She had always teased him, always pushed him, but now, in this moment, she needed him. And Levi wasn’t going to let her down.

He stood, pulling Aria up with him, his arms still wrapped around her to keep her steady. “Let’s get back to camp,” he said, his voice firm but gentle. “You’re safe now.”

Aria nodded weakly, leaning into him as they made their way back toward the safety of the camp. She was still shaken, her body trembling with the aftershock of what had just happened, but with Levi by her side, she felt a sense of safety she hadn’t known in years.

For once, she wasn’t alone.

…

Levi guided Aria back to the camp, his arm steady around her waist as she walked beside him, still shaken. Her usual confidence was gone, replaced by a quiet vulnerability that Levi hadn’t seen before. Aria’s siren form slowly faded, her shimmering tail transforming back into legs, but she leaned heavily on Levi, her breaths coming in shallow gasps.

As they reached the camp, Hange and Sasha, who had been chatting by the fire, immediately noticed something was off. Hange’s sharp eyes locked onto Aria’s pale face and trembling form, her curiosity quickly giving way to concern.

"Levi," Hange called out, standing up quickly and walking toward them. "What happened?"

Sasha followed close behind, her expression filled with worry as she took in Aria’s condition. "Is she okay?" Sasha asked, her voice soft with concern. "Aria, what happened?"

Levi guided Aria to sit down on a nearby rock, his hand still steady on her shoulder as she sank into the seat, her breathing slowly calming. "Siren hunters," Levi muttered, his voice low but filled with cold anger. "They ambushed her while she was swimming. Had her trapped in a net."

Hange’s eyes widened, her usually playful expression completely serious now. "Siren hunters? Here? I didn’t think they’d make it this far."

Levi gave a sharp nod. "Neither did I. But they’re here, and they knew exactly what they were after."

Aria, still catching her breath, looked up at Hange and Sasha, her lavender eyes filled with fear and exhaustion. "I didn’t see them coming," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I thought I was safe here, but they were waiting for me."

Sasha crouched down beside Aria, her eyes filled with sympathy. "You’re safe now, Aria. Levi got to you in time."

Hange, ever the analytical one, ran a hand through her hair as she began pacing. "Siren hunters this close to camp… That’s a problem. We’ll need to keep a closer watch. Who knows how many more could be out there?"

Levi stood still, his gaze dark. "I won’t let them get close again."

Aria glanced up at him, her lips parting as if to say something, but she remained silent. The fear still lingered in her eyes, though she seemed reassured by Levi’s presence.

Hange finally stopped pacing and knelt down next to Aria, her usual curiosity tempered by the gravity of the situation. "Aria," she said gently, "we’ll figure this out. We need to understand how they’re tracking you and how they managed to get so close. If they’ve developed new methods or technology, we need to know."

Aria nodded, though she was clearly exhausted. "I don’t know… they caught me off guard. I’ve always been able to sense danger before, but this time… it was different. They were waiting for me, like they knew where I’d be."

Sasha frowned, looking between Aria and Levi. "What can we do to stop them?"

Levi’s voice was hard when he answered. "We eliminate the threat."

Hange sighed, clearly deep in thought. "We’ll need to set up a perimeter, maybe lay a few traps or scouts to keep an eye on things. They might not just be after Aria; they could be targeting the others, too."

Aria winced at the thought of her sisters being in danger. "They don’t know," she whispered. "They’re still out there… in their moonpools with the scouts."

Levi’s jaw clenched, the thought of his men being caught off guard by hunters only fueling his resolve. "We’ll warn them when they get back. But first, you need to rest," he said firmly, his eyes locking onto Aria’s.

Aria hesitated for a moment, her gaze flickering between Levi, Hange, and Sasha. But then, slowly, she nodded. "Okay," she whispered, her voice small but steady. "Thank you… for saving me."

Levi didn’t respond, but his eyes softened ever so slightly as he gave her a brief nod. It wasn’t over yet. Siren hunters were a new threat, and Levi wouldn’t rest until he knew they were dealt with.

But for now, Aria was safe.

…

The beach was quiet again, the waves lapping gently against the shore as the last of the siren hunters disappeared into the treeline. Hange and Sasha had retired to their tents for the evening, leaving Levi and Aria alone. She sat close to him, her lavender eyes gleaming with something he couldn’t quite place. Gratitude, sure, but there was something more there—a warmth, a tenderness that unsettled him in a way that no enemy ever had.

Aria took a small step forward, closing the distance between them. Levi noticed her slight hesitation, but the look in her eyes was unwavering. She had been flirtatious with him before, constantly testing his limits, but this was different. She wasn’t teasing now. She wasn’t trying to push his buttons. This was something real.

“No one’s ever protected me like that,” Aria said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Her gaze never left his, and Levi felt the weight of her words settle heavily in the space between them. There was an intensity in her eyes, a mixture of emotions that he could feel pulling at him, drawing him in.

He shifted his weight slightly, uncomfortable with the vulnerability in her voice and in her gaze. “I told you, they weren’t taking you,” Levi muttered, his usual stoic tone betraying the faintest hint of unease.

Aria smiled, a soft, genuine smile that made Levi’s chest tighten. “I know,” she whispered, stepping even closer. Her hand lightly brushed against his arm, and Levi felt a jolt of electricity shoot through him at the contact. “But still… thank you.”

Before Levi could respond, Aria moved. In one fluid motion, she leaned up, her hands gently cupping his face as she pressed her lips to his in a soft, passionate kiss.

Levi froze for a moment, his body going rigid at the unexpected contact. His mind raced, a flood of emotions and thoughts hitting him all at once. He wasn’t used to this—this kind of closeness, this kind of vulnerability. But then, something shifted. The warmth of Aria’s lips, the gentle way she kissed him, stirred something deep inside him.

Aria’s heart pounded in her chest, and she poured everything into the kiss—her gratitude, her affection, the emotions she had been holding back for so long. No one had ever protected her the way Levi had. No one had ever made her feel as safe as she did now since her parents died. And now, sitting there with him, kissing him, she felt something shift between them.

Levi sat still as a statue, his heart pounding in his chest as Aria’s lips pressed softly against his. His mind, usually so sharp and calculating, had gone silent for the first time in what felt like years.

A part of him had expected to recoil, to pull away from the kiss out of instinct, but he didn’t. Instead, his body responded naturally, without the hesitation he’d expected. His lips moved against hers, and he kissed her back, slowly, deliberately, as if some long-buried part of him had decided this was exactly what he wanted.

Aria, sensing his shift, leaned in closer, her hands sliding up to rest gently on his chest. Her heartbeat quickened, but she kept her touch light, not wanting to push him too far too quickly. She could feel the tension in his body, the war between his usual guarded nature and this rare moment of vulnerability. But Levi wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t protesting. He was kissing her back, and that was enough.

The kiss was slow, unhurried, and filled with something deeper than either of them had expected. For Levi, it was as if the walls he had built so carefully over the years—the ones that kept everyone at a distance—had started to crumble, just a little. Aria had always been persistent, always pushing him, but this… this was different. This wasn’t just teasing or flirting. This was something real.

Aria pulled back slightly, just enough to break the kiss, her breath coming in soft, shallow gasps as she looked up at him. Her lavender eyes searched his face, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. The air between them was thick with unspoken feelings, and Levi could feel the weight of it settling over him like a blanket. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to letting anyone this close. But now that it had happened, he couldn’t ignore it.

Aria smiled softly, her fingers lightly tracing the fabric of his jacket as she sat there, her body still close to his. “You didn’t pull away,” she whispered, her voice gentle, as if she were afraid to break the moment.

Levi’s gray eyes met hers, his expression unreadable, but he didn’t look away. He could feel the heat still lingering on his lips, the ghost of the kiss hanging between them. “No,” he said quietly, his voice steady but softer than usual. “I didn’t.”

Aria’s smile widened slightly, her gaze softening as she leaned in just a little closer. “You kissed me back,” she added, her tone filled with quiet wonder. There was no teasing in her voice this time, no playful edge. Just sincerity.

Levi’s expression remained impassive, but there was a flicker of something in his eyes—something that even he couldn’t fully hide. “Yeah,” he muttered, his voice low. “I did.”

Aria’s heart fluttered at his words, and she leaned closer, resting her forehead gently against his chest. The warmth of his body, the steadiness of his presence, made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t expected. She had always felt drawn to Levi—his strength, his resolve, his quiet intensity—but now, sitting here with him, she realized just how deep that connection ran.

“I’ve been waiting for that,” Aria whispered, her voice barely audible over the sound of the waves. “I’ve been waiting for you to let me in.”

Levi sat still, his hands resting loosely at his sides, but he didn’t push her away. He didn’t pull back. He just sat there, letting her words settle over him like the weight of the ocean pressing against the shore. He wasn’t used to this—this kind of closeness, this kind of vulnerability. But now that it was happening, he couldn’t deny the pull between them.

For so long, Levi had been focused on survival, on the mission, on protecting those around him. He had never allowed himself the luxury of wanting something for himself. But now, with Aria standing so close, her warmth seeping into him, he realized that maybe—just maybe—there was more to life than the constant struggle. Maybe, for the first time in a long time, he could allow himself to want something beyond the battlefield.

Aria tilted her head up slightly, her lavender eyes locking onto his once more. “Levi,” she whispered softly, her voice barely more than a breath, “you don’t have to be alone anymore.”

Levi’s eyes flickered, his jaw tightening slightly at her words. He had always been alone, hadn’t he? That was how it had to be. That was how he kept people safe. But now… now he wasn’t so sure.

He looked down at her, his expression still stoic, but the way his hands lightly gripped her waist betrayed the depth of his emotions. “I’m not used to this,” he admitted, his voice rough, as if the words themselves were difficult to say.

Aria smiled up at him, her hand coming up to lightly brush a strand of hair away from his face. “I know,” she said softly, her eyes filled with understanding. “But you don’t have to be.”

Levi was silent for a long moment, the sound of the waves crashing softly against the shore filling the air around them. His grip on her waist tightened just slightly, and though his expression remained composed, there was a softness in his eyes that Aria had never seen before.

Slowly, deliberately, Levi leaned down, his lips brushing against hers in another kiss—this time softer, slower, but filled with an emotion he couldn’t put into words. Aria responded immediately, her arms wrapping around his neck as she kissed him back, her heart pounding in her chest.

This time, there was no hesitation. Levi wasn’t pulling away. He wasn’t fighting it. He was letting her in.

And as they sat there, locked in each other’s embrace, Levi realized that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to be alone anymore. Not with Aria by his side.

And for the first time in a long time, Levi felt something that wasn’t duty, or responsibility, or the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He felt hope.

Masterlist:

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shingekinosimpson · 2 years

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You Had Me At B Minor: Chapter 9

First | Previous | Next

Pairing: Jean Kirschtein x Marco Bodt

Other relationships: Reibert, Springles, Historia x Ymir, Levi x Hange, a smidge of Jearmin

Rating: Mature

Summary: Jean's band needs a new bass player. Cue freckled Jesus.

Warnings/tags: Long fic, slow burn, Jean POV, friends to lovers, British AU with cannon locations, northern Jean, Unsigned band AU, nonbinary Armin, I promise there will be smut eventually! drinking, mentions of death, descriptions of domestic violence, panic attacks, see start of each chapter for more specific trigger warnings

******************************************************************

Trigger warnings: Alcohol, Floch being a massive tool

I’m a little unsteady on my feet And carrying the world is overrated I fall to the curb You laughed 'til it hurts Who cares we've been here so many times We're all stumbling through the night It doesn't matter, we're all together And it's paradise in our minds Falling together, arms 'round each other

It’s a dumb thing to say and I know I sound like a total dork, but...texting Marco might be my new favourite thing. We text each other A LOT over the next few days, but the weird thing is, it isn’t weird in the slightest. Once we start it feels like we’ve been doing it forever. I’m proud to say I’m the one who got the ball rolling. After everything that happened on Wednesday night, I made damn fucking sure I reached out the second my sleep deprived brain was coherent enough.

HeresJeany:

Hey bud. You doing okay today? Hope you managed to get some sleep when you got home x

Yeah I know, a kiss on the end. If I had a fan club, I'm sure they’d be pissing their pants with excitement right now. I must have deleted and retyped it about five times before I said ‘fuck it’ and hit send. The message just didn’t feel right without it. And if he decided to rip on me for it, I wouldn’t care. I don’t care if he teases me - actually, I quite like it when he teases me.

I also got the gossip from Connie that same morning. He was up and looking super perky when I eventually rolled out of bed in search of some breakfast.

“Morning! D’you want a coffee?” he chirped.

I could tell last night had gone well – it was written all over his face - but when I pressed him for details on why he’d had an ‘amazing night’ he got very coy.

“You kiss her?”

“No, but she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she went home.”

“…Aaaaaaaand?”

“And nothing!” he chuckled. “Nothing else happened.”

“Connie c’mon. You’re grinning like a Cheshire fucking cat. What else?”

“Look I swear all I got was a peck on the cheek but…I dunno. We just, we had a really good night. I think she likes me too. I think…I think this might actually happen finally.”

“Really?”

He had shrugged his shoulders, but I knew he was ecstatic.

“I think so. I’m not rushing into anything - things are good the way they are now – but I’m not being an idiot either. I’m not pushing her away with mean jokes or playing games like I used to.”

“You mean you’ve finally realised being a stroppy little bitch isn’t exactly a turn on?”

“Hey!” He chucked a tea towel at my face. “Cheeky bastard! But yes. I’m just being straightforward, and things are…things are good.”

“Man. I can’t believe Sasha might finally give you a chance. You’ve been crushing on her for like, how long?

“Too long. Hey,” he smirked. “If Sasha and I finally get it together, you gonna try again with Mikasa?”

“Ha! Yeah right. She’d probably laugh in my face, which I guess is a step up from punching me in the face like the first time I tried it on with her.”

I’d felt weird in that moment, knowing I have this big crush on Marco and not telling Connie about it. I knew it was for the best – if no one knows then Marco can’t find out – but still, it didn’t sit well with me. I felt guilty for keeping it from Connie, but also a little down that Connie could talk about his crush and I had to keep mine a secret. I kind of wanted to talk about it.

“So, you lusting after anyone at the minute then?”

The words had barely left his mouth when my brain did a complete one-eighty and started freaking the fuck out.

Oh god no. I take it back. Please don’t ask me anything!

“You’ve not been on any Tinder dates for a while. Is nobody swiping right for my little Jeanbo?”

“N-nah,” I’d said in a fluster. “Doesn’t matter anyway. Once I get that uniform I’ll be beating them off with a stick.”

Pretty typical of me to deflect something with cockiness but thankfully, Connie took the bait and we started talking about my ever-closer start date – two weeks left to go.

Later that day, I had a reply from Marco waiting for me and we’ve text each other every day since. We started off reasonably civilised, but it didn’t take long for things to escalate into the ridiculous or just random shit we knew the other would like - he sent me a video of Chino Moreno singing with the Pumpkins captioned ‘the planets have aligned’, I responded with a gif of Ned Flanders screaming. I sent him a slideshow of baby sea otters I found on Instagram, he replied with a picture of himself with heart eyes that nearly made me spit my coffee out. He sent me a (weirdly brilliant) 80s remix of a Linkin Park song, I sent him a boomerang of me dancing like a twat.

Don’t get me wrong, we do actually talk in between all these daft pictures and videos. I just can’t help that my first thought when I see something funny is ‘I need to send this to Marco!’ and I really love the idea that he thinks the same thing about me.

I feel a little guilty today though. We were texting each other ‘til quite late last night even though I knew he was at work today. We somehow got onto the subject of Lord of the Rings and then fell down a huge rabbit hole about Frodo and Sam and a whole bunch of other stuff.

Yeah, I know - what a couple of nerds.

I woke up around 10 and sent him a text, apologising for keeping him up. I get a reply at lunchtime.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Hey! Don’t be daft. I’d say it was more my fault anyway. Sorry for keeping you awake with my nerdiness B-)

HeresJeany:

Dude I work in a bar, I’m used to late nights ;) What you doing with the kids at nursery today? Quantum physics and modern philosophy no doubt

ItsaMeeMarco:

We managed to cover quite a lot of that yesterday so we gave ourselves a break with a messy morning today

HeresJeany:

What the hell is a messy morning?

His next message is a picture with the caption ‘Well my pants now look like this so have a guess :p’

It’s a photo of one of his legs, stretched out, with a few red and green handprints smushed into the fabric of his joggers.

Is it wrong that I still think his leg looks sexy? Probably.

HeresJeany:

Haha! Hope you weren’t too attached to those pants

ItsaMeeMarco:

You should see the state of some of the kids. One literally painted himself top to toe and then lay down on a pile of cornflakes

HeresJeany:

Fucking hell that’s hilarious!

We send a few more messages back and forth while he’s on his lunch break and when his last one promises to text me later, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

_______________________________________________

On Tuesday night I’m working at the bar with Connie. My penultimate shift before I leave – a fact that Connie feels the need to mention constantly, before dramatically wailing and swooning like a Victorian lady. Oh, and when he’s not stage-crying, he’s using my impending departure as an excuse to Koala bear himself to my back.

“You’re leaving meeeeee!”

“Con, we live together. I’ll see you all the time.”

“No you won’t. You’re going to abandon me for all those hunky firemen!”

“We can hold him down and break his legs if you like son!” Pixis is sitting at the bar considering us with a cheeky twinkle in his eye. “I don’t know where I’ll go for a decent whisky sour when this one leaves,” he continues, gesturing to me with his empty glass.

“You’ve still got me!” Connie grins. “I’ll still be here to make you one.”

“Not a bloody chance! You always make them too sweet Mini-Springer.”

Connie releases me to defend himself, one hand on his hip, looking eerily like his mam. “The hell d’you mean I make them too sweet? You always bloody finish them so they can’t be that bad!”

“Yes, because I always pass it back to Jean when you’re not looking so he can fix it!”

Connie is absolutely agog, standing there like a guppy fish. Pixis and I crack up laughing.

“Wow. Okay. I see how it is,” he grumbles and shoots me with a glare of utter betrayal. It just makes me laugh even harder.

“Listen, you can stand there pouting about it, or you can help me Kathy Bates this son-of-a-bitch and keep him here!” Pixis laughs.

“Woah, okay listen. I’m sure there’s a way we can do this without smashing my ankles to pieces. How about I teach Connie to make it the way you like?”

Connie scoffs next to me.

“Hmm.” Pixis narrows his eyes as he considers my proposal. “Go on then. Let’s give it a try.”

I turn to Connie with the smuggest grin and pat him on the shoulder.

“Oh please, oh great one! Teach me how to make the holiest of whiskey sours. It’s not like I’ve been making them for SEVEN YEARS OR ANYTHING!” he cries, throwing the last words at Pixis.

I ignore Connie spitting his dummy out and start mixing up the drink. “Look, it’s nothing fancy. He just likes more bitters and less syrup. Pass me that lemon juice.”

I finish up and pour the liquid over just the right amount of ice.

“Cubes, not crushed or I’ll crush you!” Connie mocks in his best Pixis voice.

“Heard that!” Pixis retorts.

“Here,” I say to Connie. “Have a try.” He dips his straw and puts a finger over the end to suck up a sample. “Taste the difference?”

He nods pensively with the straw in his mouth. “Mmm. Okay I think I got it.”

I pass Pixis the drink while Con has a go at replicating it, sliding it in front of Pixis’ nose moments later.

“It’s on the house,” he grins, batting his eyelashes.

Pixis looks at the glass suspiciously and takes a sip. “Hmm, the fact that it’s free may be clouding my judgement but…that don’t taste too bad son.”

“Yes!” Connie cries in triumph.

I bow and mime taking a crown off my head. “I hereby pass the whiskey sour crown to you Sir Springer. Use it well.”

Pixis has all but drained Connie’s drink and slams the glass down with a satisfied ‘Aaah!’

“Can I make you another P-Dog?” Connie asks.

“Easy now. If you two buggers keep plying me with free drinks, I’m liable to go soft and start doling out money for your wedding again.”

Connie’s eyes go wide. “You remember that!?” he says aghast.

“I remember everything,” Pixis smirks with a tap of the temple and a wiggle of his moustache. “C’mon then, you courting her yet or what?”

“Yeah Con, you courting her yet or what?” I parrot.

“Piss off you!”

The smug smile drops from my face when the little bastard reaches out and twists my left nipple.

“OWWW JESUS!” I squeal, slapping him with a cloth.

After a few more eye-for-an-eye acts of retaliation, Connie tells Pixis about his date night, who in turn, regales us with tales of great loves lost and won over the years. He even brings up his wife, who he rarely talks about. It’s not difficult to understand why when an uneasy mix of pain and tenderness crosses over his features. It’s about ten years since she passed, or so I’ve been told, but it clearly still affects him deeply.

He finishes telling us a story of how the little caravan they honeymooned in got loose and rolled downhill into a ditch while they were ‘consummating shall we say.’ Connie and I are both crying with laughter by the end, picturing the look on the face of the helpful dog walker who looked through the window to check they were okay.

Pixis barks an infectious cackle before growing solemn again.

“I know we talk a lot of nonsense lads, but if there’s one sensible piece of advice I could give you, it would be this: If you find someone special, someone that gives you strength you never knew you needed, hold them close…and don’t take your time together for granted, because you never know when that precious time will suddenly run out.”

My heart contracts at his words and it takes me a beat to realise my hand has reached into my pocket, where my phone should be, my fingers stroking absentmindedly across the rough fabric of my jeans.

“Well, that’s enough soppy bullshit for one evening!” Pixis cries, jolting me from my wistful thoughts. “Mini-Spring! Tell us something silly before we all wither away in despair!”

“Erm…Ooo! I made friends with a squirrel the other day!”

“Of course you did. Tell me all about it!”

I decide to take my first break and leave them to it. I hate to say it, but I miss Marco and I want to see if he’s texted me.

Urrrrrgh! Just admitting how needy I am makes me squirm.

I jiggle the key in my locker and open it. Connie’s mam has always been super strict about phones behind the bar - a rule we respect even when she’s not here. It’s one of the few things I’ve known her be deadly serious about.

“No self-respecting son of mine is going to put our customers off by being an anti-social, candy crush loving…bloody…app-for-that worshipper! And that goes double for you Jean!”

“What!? Why double for me?”

Marco and I last text at lunch today, but you’d think it had been weeks the way my heart giddy ups against my ribcage when I see a new message from him.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Sooooo guess what my mum brought home today

Very random. I have no idea what the hell he’s on about…but I fucking love it! It’s exactly the kind of message you would send to your favourite person without even thinking about it. Not that I’m delusional enough to think I’m Marco’s favourite person, but I can pretend…

HeresJeany:

I hope for your sake it was a family size pack of Jaffa Cakes

His reply comes through. A picture.

Oh. My. Fucking. God!

It’s a kitten. Marco’s got a fucking kitten. Black with white paws and a white chin and possibly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

HeresJeany:

asfkslkdjkldjsjhdskfj!!!!@@

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! Right?

HeresJeany:

How have you got a kitten????

ItsaMeeMarco:

Well technically she’s Mia’s. Mum thought it would help with her anxieties. She surprised us both with her today.

HeresJeany:

What's she called?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Mia’s called her Katniss

HeresJeany:

Brilliant

I’m so jealous. If it wasn’t for Connie being allergic, I definitely would have got myself a cat by now.

We used to have a cat, my mam and me. Lucy. We got her when I was 5. She was tiny, but she was a little scrapper - she’d send big Tom cats running for their life if they so much as looked at our garden - but she was also super playful and affectionate. One of her favourite things to do was fall asleep on my chest. Even if I was already asleep, she’d jump on my bed and nudge my nose until I held up the blanket for her to come under and snuggle down. We fucking loved her. She left a big hole when we lost her. She had a good innings though; seventeen when she died which is pretty good going for a cat.

And now one of my friends has a frickin’ kitten. I need to think of a way to get myself invited over to Marco’s. Like, I NEED this furball in my life.

HeresJeany:

Not to sound too dramatic but if you don’t let me have a playdate with her I might actually die

Okay. Not exactly subtle, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

ItsaMeeMarco:

Haha! I’m not busy tomorrow night if you wanna come over?

Well that was easy. Shame I’m working tomorrow.

HeresJeany:

Can’t :( I’ve got my last shift at Springers tomorrow. Will you be in on Thursday?

ItsaMeeMarco:

Yeah but aren’t you at practice on Thursday?

Shit that’s right. Marco’s babysitting but Connie, Eren and I all agreed to practice on Thursday night. Would it be bad of me to ditch? Probably. But then again there’s a kitten on the line here so how could I not?

HeresJeany:

New rule. You’re allowed to ditch practice for kittens

ItsaMeeMarco:

Ha! Okay sure. I’m keeping an eye on Mia but I’m up for a bit of company if you don’t mind?

HeresJeany:

Yeah sounds great what time do you want me?

ItsaMeeMarco:

My mum’s going out around 7 but come over whenever :)

_______________________________________________

I rumble down the road towards Marco’s house, hitting the odd pothole here and there. This is by no means a rough part of Trost but being mostly rental housing means it’s an odd mix of students, shared houses and families hoping to get on the property ladder, so no one feels the need to spend money keeping up their home’s exterior.

My car purrs to a stop as I pull in next to a bay window set back from a low brick wall. Marco’s house looks a lot more inviting than the rest; it’s original art-deco tiles gleam in front of a navy-blue door, flanked on either side by pots of bright daffodils. It’s a nice touch.

As I jump out and lock my car, I check my watch – nearly half seven. I’d like to say I’m late because I didn't want to seem too eager, but in truth I was stressing over my clothes.

I know, standard Jean.

It’s really hard to look good but also like you’ve made no effort okay! I decided to play it safe in the end and put my big hoody on under my denim jacket. Dressing up just to hang at his house would look a bit suspicious.

I push the doorbell and fiddle with my sleeves while I wait. My stomach rockets into my throat when the front door clicks.

“Hi!” Marco swings the door open and fucking beams at me with that big dorky smile of his. He looks so genuinely pleased to see me. Honestly, it makes me a little weak at the knees and I wonder how I’ve survived the past few days without seeing that face in person.

“Hey! You alright?”

I made a good call with the hoody – Marco’s not dressed up in the slightest, just grey joggers and a well-worn, black Nirvana t-shirt. I don’t know if that’s worse though, he looks kind of…cuddly.

“Good thanks. Come on in.”

He moves to the side but I still have to squeeze past him to get in the house. Not quite close enough to touch, but almost.

“Kettle’s just boiled. You want a cup of tea?” he asks as I follow him down the hallway.

“Yeah please. You want a hand?”

“Nah you’re good, make yourself at home.” He gestures through an open door to my right and I step through. “Milk and sugar?” he calls.

“Yeah, one sugar please.”

The living room’s a decent size, running the length of the house. There’s a dining area towards the back and seating area at the front, with two mismatched sofas and a comfy looking chair I can imagine causes many an argument over who gets to sit in it.

My eyes study the smaller sofa in the bay window, distracted by the fact that there’s a small clothes rail next to it. Odd place to have one.

Moving closer, I recognise one of the shirts hanging on it. It's the black and polka dot one from Marco's first gig. Wait, all of these clothes are Marco's. Why would he-

"Hey Marco are you-? Oh hi."

I nearly jump a friggin’ mile when Mia swings round the doorway, another girl looking over her shoulder to see who's in the room.

"Hey. Err, Marco's in the kitchen."

"Oh okay," she says flatly, grabbing her friend by the arm and tugging her away.

I debate following them to see if Marco needs any help, but the not-so-coy smile Mia's friend throws me over her shoulder makes me rethink that plan.

“Jesus Charlie be more obvious why don’t you?” Mia scolds as they walk down the hallway.

“What? I can’t help it if he’s fit!”

Oh jeez.

“Are you seriously victim blaming the poor guy for being attractive?”

“No I just meant-"

The kitchen door closes and I (thankfully) don’t hear the rest of the conversation.

While I wait for Marco, I check out the bunch of photographs perched on the mantel piece. Baby Marco has to be here somewhere...BINGO! Third from the end is a picture of a chubby, freckled baby. He’s sitting in blue dungarees clapping his hands with a look of sheer joy on his face – eyes bright, gummy mouth wide open.

I grin wickedly and take a sneaky picture on my phone – I’m sure I’ll find a hilarious use for that at a later date. Another picture catches my eyes and I snort. Oh my god. It’s Marco in fancy dress as Billie Joe Armstrong! At least I think so - I suppose it’s entirely possible Marco used to wear all black with a red tie and eyeliner for real. A tiny Mia dressed as a pumpkin is stood next to him, not looking at the camera, just staring up adoringly at her big brother with the biggest smile.

At first I think it’s cute, but as I study the picture a little closer, I find there's something, I dunno…off. It’s like I’m not really looking at Marco. The tell-tale freckles and dark hair are there, but the boy in this photograph has a different aura about him. At first glance, you'd assume he’s a typical awkward teenager who hates having their photo taken, but there's something else in his eyes. A subdued look...a sadness.

I barely register I've picked up the frame to look at the picture more closely. Then I spot it. He's trying to hide it by tucking his arm behind him, but it's just visible below his elbow. A bright orange cast. This must have been taken not long after he broke his arm…or rather, after his dad broke his arm.

A huge, jagged rock drops to the pit of my stomach, making me wince. When Marco was describing his past, I could only imagine it, which was heart breaking enough. Now, the reality is staring back me. A mixture of anger and grief prickles over me and I put the frame down with a sad sigh.

The next photograph, thankfully, tugs a smile from my mouth, and I breathe a little easier taking in three freckled faces.

It's a much more recent photograph of Marco with his mam and his sister. His mam’s half screaming, half laughing, while his sister lies across her lap striking a ridiculous pose. Marco's wrapping his arms tightly around his mam’s shoulders from behind, his face flushed and grinning wildly.

Warmth spreads through my chest. Looking at Marco and his family here, you'd have absolutely no idea about the hell they've been through. You can feel the joy and the love they have for each other. A perfect moment captured forever, showing how far they've come.

They're not victims. Even the word ‘survivors’ doesn't do them justice. They're fucking superheroes.

“Hey, here’s your tea.” I turn to see Marco padding towards me with two steaming mugs. “Having a good laugh at my expense are we?” he smirks nodding at the rows of pictures.

“Maybe. You look good in dungarees,” I say jostling him in the shoulder. He just laughs. I point towards the one with his mam and sister. “I like this one. You guys look hilarious here.”

"Yeah," Marco chuckles softly. "That was at my uncle's birthday party when we'd just moved here."

As I turn, my eyes fall on the weird rail and sofa arrangement again. “Hey how come all your clothes are down here? Doesn’t that get a bit annoying?”

“Oh, well…” He scratches the back of his neck. “This is…kind of my room.”

“What? How come?”

He shuffles over to the sofa and sits down. I take it as my cue to join him.

“Well when we moved here all of the three-bedroom places were way more expensive and it seemed pointless paying for it when I knew I’d be looking to move out in a few months so I offered to just crash on the sofa bed.”

Oh Marco. Could he be anymore selfless? I’d lose my fucking mind if I didn’t have my own space.

“Aw man. That must suck in the short term though. I’d go mental if I had to stay in my mam’s living room.”

“Yeah it’s a bit annoying at times but Mum and Mia are pretty good about leaving me alone. And we have a system for when I’m getting changed.”

“A system?”

“Yeah I basically just yell ‘I’m having Nakey Times!’ and then they know not to come in.”

I throw my head back and laugh. Nakey Times, brilliant.

“I might start using that system with Connie. I’ve seen his arse way more times than anyone should ever have to.”

Our laughter is interrupted by a loud tinkling noise that has me seriously wondering why the fuck Santa would be riding his sleigh through Marco’s house of all places, but then I see an excited little furball skipping into the room.

OH. MY. GOD.

No words. There are no words to describe how adorable this cat is.

“Hey little pudding!” Marco chirps, leaning down to greet her.

“Oh my god she’s so fucking cute,” I gush holding my cheeks like a total dweebus, already completely in love.

She sniffs at Marco’s fingers, her little tongue peeping out for just a second, before stepping forward to investigate my shoes. Her paw starts batting at a loose lace and I try not to combust.

“Hey gorgeous!” I squeak, bending low to tickle her head. I chuckle as she stops to press her nose to the end of my finger. Then she jumps up to investigate my denim jacket slung over the arm of the sofa.

“Oh my god. I actually love her.”

Marco laughs, a gorgeous musical chuckle. “Worth missing band practice for then?”

My mouth says, “Yeah definitely!” but I feel a horrible twist of guilt. I made up some bullshit about seeing my mam tonight instead of telling Eren and Connie the truth. One, because I knew they’d be pissed, but two, because I don’t want them to realise I’m not just here for a kitten.

“Oh have you eaten? I was gonna stick a pizza and some chips in the oven if you wanna share?” Marco asks.

“Yeah thanks, pizza sounds good.”

_______________________________________________

After sorting things out in the kitchen, we settle down on the sofa and Marco starts flicking through the TV guide.

“So how was your last shift at the bar?”

“Yeah good thanks, though my sides hurt from Connie squeezing me so hard. Also, his mam cried.”

“Aw that’s so cute! Love Connie’s mum. She was so funny when I was talking to her at our gig.”

“Yeah she’s great. I’ll miss seeing her as often.”

Marco scrolls through the guide before blindsiding me with the comment, “Aw yes! The Greatest Showman’s on!”

I cock an eyebrow at him. Oooookay. Did not expect Marco to be into musicals. He sees the disapproval in my face and quirks a smile at me, like he’s ready to fight me on this. I’m really starting to love how genuine he is around me. A few weeks ago, he probably would have blushed and smiled awkwardly at his dorky film preference – now he couldn’t care less.

“What?” he says with an air of challenge. “You gonna sit there and tell me you don’t like The Greatest Showman.”

“Never seen it.”

“You’ve never seen it? The hell is wrong with you!?”

I metaphorically bite my knuckle with a nnggh! Why do I find it so hot when he teases me?

“The hell is wrong with me?” I retort, fisting my hand in the cushion next to me. BOOF! “What the hell is wrong with you?”

He grabs a cushion before I have a chance to stop him. We smack each other in the face a few times amongst bouts of laughter. He eventually backs down and calls truce.

“Okay okay enough!” he laughs breathlessly, and when he sweeps a hand through the hair that’s fallen in front of his face, I notice the crinkles at the corners of his eyes – my favourite type of Marco smile. “Well we definitely have to watch it if you’ve never seen it.” He picks the remote back up. “And even if you don’t like it, we can at least perv on Zac Efron.”

Zac Efron? Really?

"Yeah he’s err, not really my type."

"What buff with a ridiculously handsome face?"

I almost look Marco up and down and say 'You’ve got me there!' but hold back. Bit inappropriate.

"Whenever I hear the name ‘Zac Efron’ I always picture him in High School Musical with that awful hair,” I grumble.

He scrolls to the right channel and selects it. “Okay wait ‘til you see how hot he looks in this.”

“Marco, I really don’t think I’m go- Oooookay yes he’s rather attractive.”

If you ask me, Zac Efron should always wear a tight shirt and waistcoat, because Lord have mercy. Boy’s came a long way since his Wildcat days.

“Told you! Yes, it’s up to a good bit. Watch the barman!”

I do enjoy the barman. I tell Marco about the messes Connie and I have gotten ourselves into, trying to do tricks like that at Springer’s. His laughter is infectious. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of hearing it.

"Have I sold you on Zac Efron then?”

“…Maybe. Still not sure who I’d choose between him and Zendaya though.”

“Told you,” he grins, finishing off his tea. “So you know how you said he’s not your type?”

“Yeah?”

“Who is your type?"

Oh god. This could open up a whole can of worms Marco! Seriously, is he trying to make me flustered and slip up here!?

Well no, obviously not because you’re friends so just answer like you would with anyone else.

Trouble is, when I think about my past crushes, I find I don't really have a 'type' - raven-haired Mikasa, sweet and waif-like Armin, tall, strong (and painfully straight) Joe from my old job, fair but fierce Hitch...

"I don't think I have one really...I find all kinds of people hot. Like, the other week, I finally got round to watching Call Me By Your Name, and I couldn't decide who I wanted more out of Armie and Timmy, and they couldn’t be more different."

“Oh my god I love that movie! They're both so hot aren't they?"

"Yeah so hot...I guess I have a bit of a thing for people with tattoos or piercings, but that's about it."

He nods, placing his cup down on the coffee table.

"Hey I keep meaning to ask,” he says cocking his head to one side. “Do you have any tattoos?"

A wicked thought flashes through my mind and before I can stop myself, I'm grinning and lifting up my top to show off my chest piece – the white pony from my favourite Deftones album with a pair of wings spreading out across my pecs, surrounded by black and white florals. If Marco thinks I don't notice his eyes widen, he's sorely mistaken (hehe) but he composes himself quickly and leans forward for a closer look.

"Oh wow! That's really cool! Did you design it?"

"Nah I just knew I wanted the white pony. My tattoo artist whipped up the rest."

"Did it hurt? Having your chest done?"

His breath just manages to tickle my skin and I break out in goose bumps. Kind of regretting my decision to show off - now I'm the one trying to compose myself.

"The bit in the middle was a bitch but the rest wasn't too bad."

"Marco, does Floch know you're looking at other guy's tits?"

Jesus fuck!

I hadn't noticed Mia standing in the doorway. Marco jumps a fucking mile as I yank my shirt back down and turn roughly the same colour as a beetroot.

Well, that little show of audacity backfired quickly!

"Christ Mia! You scared the hell out of me! And I wasn't doing anything! We were just talking about tattoos!"

She cocks her head to the side as she looks at me. Gulp. “Why you got a horse on your chest?”

“It’s a pony. ‘S from an album.”

"Mmhmm. Okay pony boy," she smirks as she turns to leave, clearly pleased with how flustered we both are. “Hope you’re keeping your tits under wraps Marco. No shenanigans!” she calls back down the hall.

"Stop saying tits!" Marco yells after her.

"TITS!" she shouts.

It's cruel, but I can't help but burst out laughing at that point, spluttering at the exasperated look on Marco's face.

“Shit,” Marco says looking at me nervously.

“What?”

“She must’ve smelled our pizza! Quick before she nabs it!”

_______________________________________________

I behave myself while we watch the remainder of the movie, though Mia doesn’t. I shit myself for the second time that night when her and her friend burst into the living room during ‘This Is Me', singing at the top of their lungs and holding wigs to their faces for beards. Even Katniss toddles in to see what all the fuss is about – cue me ignoring the film so I can play with her/take a ludicrous amount of pictures.

All the attention I give her pays off though. Near the end of the film she wakes from the spot she’s made on the comfy chair, walks over to the sofa and jumps up on my knee.

“Oh my god,” I whisper to Marco. He smiles sweetly, watching her turn in circles before settling down. “I’ve been chosen!”

“She’s taken to you very easily.” He rests his head on the back of the sofa. “My aunty was here yesterday and Katniss kept ignoring her. She was like, ‘Why won’t you let me love you!?’ It was so funny.”

It’s not particularly late but there’s a sleepy, almost dreamy quality to the way he looks now. I’m drawn like a moth to a flame, right back to those beautiful eyelashes I’ve admired so often – casting tiny shadows over his soft features.

I think this is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him. It’s so good to see, and not just because of how gorgeous he looks, but because of how rough a time he’s been having recently.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

“...This sounds serious.”

“It is.”

“Okay. Shoot.”

“Do you curl your eyelashes?”

He splutters before wheezing with laughter. Katniss' ears twitch at the sound but she doesn’t stir.

“Dude, what the fuck?” he giggles.

“What? I’m serious! They’re so long and dark its unnatural!”

“Yeah I thought you were about to ask me something actually serious you weirdo!”

I love this. I love how silly this is. I love his laughter.

We chuckle together a little longer. Katniss doesn’t seem to mind the movement and purrs when I start scratching her ear.

“While we’re on the subject though, we can talk about something more...serious...if you need to.”

He may not want to, and that’s fine, but I promised myself I wouldn’t leave here tonight without asking how things are, how things really are. I need him to know that he can, that last week wasn’t a one-off, that he can come to me anytime he needs to, and I won’t feel awkward about it.

“Well actually…I had an argument with Floch last night that’s been making me feel a bit shitty.”

Oh.

“Sorry I know you probably didn’t mean relationship stuff! We don’t have to talk about it. It’s fine.”

Even if it means hearing things I know will hurt me, because his wellbeing is more important than my stupid infatuation.

“No don’t be daft! C’mon tell me what happened.”

He studies my face for any trace of ‘just being polite’ but continues when he doesn’t find any.

“Okay well…it’s not that big a deal really. I mean…we patched things up and it’s better now but, I dunno…I feel bad.”

“Why do you feel bad?”

This better be good. Like he better have ran over Floch’s grandma or something because if he’s made sweet, kind, beautiful Marco feel bad over nothing I will hunt that fucker down.

“So yesterday, I’d had a bad day. Work had been a bit crap and it had set my anxiety off so I wasn’t in the best headspace. Anyway, he’d text me that morning asking if I wanted to come to the cinema with his friends. I’d said yes at the time but later on, the thought was really starting to panic me. Like, I don’t know them very well and I’d felt really on edge all day and I just wasn’t feeling up to it, so I made up an excuse that I didn’t feel well and asked if we could just hang out at his place instead.”

I get it. I have a pretty good handle on my anxiety these days, but I remember that sickly feeling when you know you have to go into work or meet someone and it takes all your energy to get through it. Guilt twists in my gut when I remember Marco had originally asked if I was free last night. If I had been, then maybe I could’ve helped.

“Floch was pretty pissed off about changing things at the last minute but he went along with it. We hung out at his and I felt better...but then I got a message from Mia. She was really upset and asked me to come home, so I had to leave. We got into a big argument and I got really defensive about Mia, but it wasn’t his fault. He was just annoyed that I’d changed our plans and then I ended up having to go home anyway.”

What a fucking child. Like could he seriously not read between the lines and realise something was up? I try to keep my voice even.

“Does Floch not know? About Mia and...” I don’t want to say ‘your dad’ - the bastard isn’t worthy of the title – but I suppose saying ‘that shit stain of a human being’ wouldn’t be appropriate either. “...everything.”

“No. He doesn’t know. I’ve wanted to tell him but, I’ve never found the right moment and then yesterday…” He huffs and runs a hand through his hair. “I should have told him then. It would have explained why I was acting so weird.”

“So…what held you back?”

As much as I hate Floch, he is Marco’s boyfriend. Marco should be able to lean on him for these kinds of things. Yeah, he’s got me, but I can’t give Marco everything he needs, as much as I want to.

“I dunno…We’ve been together a while now, but a few months isn’t really that long in the grand scheme of things. I guess I’m just worried about scaring him off. We don’t really talk about serious stuff.”

There’s something about the way he says this that angers me. I have to wonder how many times Marco’s needed to talk about ‘serious stuff’ recently and he hasn’t been able to. Why can’t he talk to Floch? Why does he feel like he would scare him off if he did? If I’ve picked up on those moments where Marco hasn’t been himself or has had something on his mind, then surely Floch has. Why hasn’t Floch asked him about it? Why hasn’t he given Marco that small push to open up and trust him?

If you’re serious about being with someone, surely you would want to learn more about them - the good and the bad. If someone is willing to share in your happy moments, they should be more than willing to share in your pain too. And if they can't be there when you need help picking up the pieces, they don't fucking deserve to.

I so desperately want to tell Marco this, for him to understand that he deserves better, but in my current agitated state the best I can manage is, "Marco, he’s your boyfriend. You should be able to talk to him about anything. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, if he cares about you, he should want to know.”

“Yeah I know... I guess you’re right. I should tell him. Thanks Jean.”

Typical. I wanted to show Marco it's not right that he doesn’t feel comfortable opening up to Floch and I end up giving him good relationship advice.

“Don’t mention it. It’s what I’m here for.”

“Oh I nearly forgot, I got you something!”

He what?

“You what?”

“Hang on.”

He gets up and walks to the sofa bed, digs around behind it and then pulls out a brown paper bag.

“What’s this?”

“Just something I saw and thought of you. It’s nothing big! I just wanted to say thank you for last week and…everything.”

My heart is threatening to smash out of my ribcage like a fucking juggernaut. He saw something and thought of me. He bought me something to say thank you.

“You didn’t have to,” I say blushing. It comes out a little too breathless.

“I know,” he replies with an amused smile. “I wanted to.”

I blush even darker and reach into the brown paper bag. My fingers clasp around something solid and I pull out a book. It’s a rich, dark blue, covered in ethereal sketches of various beings and creatures.

‘What we see in the stars: An illustrated tour of the night sky.’

Oh my god.

“Sooo it’s all about space, obviously, but it’s mainly about the stars and constellations! I thought it might inspire you to learn more about the stories they were named for.”

He leans over and opens it, so excited to share what’s inside, while I sit here dumbfounded.

Marco…

Something in my chest begins to blossom, spreading outwards, wrapping its tendrils around my heart and squeezing in the most agonisingly beautiful way.

He babbles on while I flick through the pages, looking anywhere but him for fear of what he might see in my face, but then the fact that I haven’t spoken for what feels like an eternity must start to make him feel uneasy.

“Sorry,” he says blushing. “I know this is probably the nerdiest gift you’ve ever gotten.”

“No, Marco this is…wow. Thank you.”

It’s a strange feeling, knowing such a small gesture can make my heart sing like this, striking chords in my heart I haven’t heard before. And I don’t mean a simple chorus, I mean full on crescendo, like the climactic screech of a guitar solo. It’s as if Jimmy Hendrix himself is back from the dead and has taken up residence in my aorta.

And then he smiles at me, my favourite crinkly-eyed smile, and it’s like all the stars and magic have leapt from the pages of his gift, right onto his beautiful face.

“S’alright. What are mates for?”

Friend-zoned once again, but it still doesn’t hurt. How could it? How could it when I’m holding what is quite possibly the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received? Let me be friend-zoned, because if this is what it’s like, I’ll take it. Yes he’s breaking my heart, but in all the right ways and I will happily glue it back together just to let him obliterate it over and over.

_______________________________________________

I stay for a couple more hours, our conversation flowing easily, but when Marco yawns like a bear for the third time in twenty minutes I decide I should let the poor guy get some sleep.

“Sorry, I got up pretty early this morning and it’s catching up with me.”

“No worries sleeping beauty. Hey d’you want a hand with the bed?” I ask nodding at the sofa.

“Hmm? Oh! No don’t worry I got it.”

“Nah c’mon let me help. I’m kinda curious to see how it works.”

He tries and fails to stifle a yawn again and I can’t help but smile. It’s really cute. “Alright then, thanks. Just chuck the cushions wherever.”

After carefully removing Katniss from my lap, we each grab a bit of the metal frame and heave it out. The mattress seems way too thin to be comfortable. I sit down and give it an experimental bounce. Katniss jumps up to have a nosey too.

“Shit man, how do you sleep on this?”

“Oi! I don’t come to your house and bitch about your bed!”

He shoves me in the shoulder and I flop backwards onto the mattress with a chuckle. He sits next to me, and for a moment, I kid myself that I’m in some romantic movie, that any second now our eyes will lock and he’ll know. He’ll know and he’ll lean down and kiss me.

He doesn’t. He just re-tucks the sheet that’s came away from the corner.

“I’m used to it by now. And I usually just throw on some extra blankets to make it softer.”

He gets up and grabs a duvet and some pillows from behind the sofa, plopping them down onto the mattress. I fluff up one of his pillows, placing it down gently on the side nearest to me and find myself wondering which side of the bed Marco sleeps on.

Katniss settles down on top of it and starts cleaning herself.

“Hey have you played the blanket game yet?” I ask.

“The what game?”

I smirk and drop to the floor, sliding my hand under the blanket and moving it up and down to catch Katniss’ attention. She spots it and freezes, watching intensely before her pupils blow as wide as saucers and she launches herself. I swipe my hand and she scrabbles around on the blanket before pouncing again.

“Oh my god!” Marco laughs.

“I’ve never met a cat who didn’t go batshit crazy for the blanket game. Be careful if you do it with just a sheet though, because she WILL rip your hand off.”

“Let me try.”

My breath hitches as Marco slides his arm under the blanket with mine. I retract my hand quickly, startled by how warm and soft his freckled skin felt. I watch as he plays with Katniss, sweeping his hand left to right and laughing every time she misses.

God he’s adorable.

He gives in eventually and lets her attack the lump where his hand is.

“Ow fuck!” he takes his hand out and gives it a shake. “How the hell did her claws get through the blanket!?”

I laugh at his expense but stop when something dawns on me. I’m so fucking dense – why didn’t I think of this before?

“Listen I’ve just thought. If you’re looking for your own space, I’m pretty sure Eren’s in need of a roommate.”

His sleepy eyes perk up at that. “Really?”

“Yeah the last one moved out a few months ago and I think he’s getting a bit sick of paying all the rent on his own. You should ask him.”

“Yeah. That would be good!”

“And…I know you’ve got Floch but if you ever need some space and want to come over, me and Connie are always down for playing Fifa or something. Stay over even…if you like.”

“Okay, thanks. I might take you up on that.”

“Course…but definitely ask Eren in the meantime. Maybe have a chat on Saturday when we’re out.”

“Oh, I can’t come on Saturday.”

What!

“Aw why?”

“Mum’s had a night out with her friends planned for ages and I promised I’d stay in to keep an eye on Mia so she can enjoy herself.”

Aw man. I was really looking forward to hanging out with Marco on Saturday - having a drink and a dance and just generally being silly together. But then I think about trying to do all that with Floch constantly at his side and I’m relieved. I much prefer hanging out with Marco when it’s just the two of us and I don’t have to worry about his dick boyfriend pissing me off. Maybe not seeing him on Saturday will be good for me. I can just hang out with my friends and forget about my aching heart for a while.

“Aw that’s shit…Just make sure you’re free for the next one okay?”

“Okay I will.”

I move to grab my denim jacket and sling it on over my shoulders. “Right I’m gonna head off and let you get some sleep.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Marco smiles.

“Thanks for having me. I just need one more kitten cuddle for the road.”

Katniss is sat on Marco’s bed cleaning herself again but doesn’t object when I pick her up and cradle her to my chest. “God I so wanna take her home!” I give her a cheeky smooch on the head and plop her back down.

“Oh god Jean, you’ve got cat hair all over you!”

He starts brushing his hand against my chest to get them off and I die on the spot.

"Oh! Er..."

Apparently, someone has switched my brain with a sweet potato because I'm incapable of forming a coherent sentence. But I don't think anyone can hold that against me when his fucking hand is rubbing down my chest and stomach!

My body tenses, scared of how much I could enjoy this if I let myself.

"God sorry," he says letting his hand drop. "I'm like a mother hen, aren't I?"

He smiles sheepishly and I hate myself for making him think it made me uncomfortable. Then again, the alternative wouldn't be so great either.

No Marco, the truth is when you touch me, I simultaneously freeze on the spot and melt into you. I need you to stop, but I hate it when you do.

I force a laugh to keep things light-hearted and head for the front door.

"Well if you're that way inclined, feel free to come over to do my washing and bitch at me to tidy my room."

"Ha. At least you've got a room!"

"Alright don't make me get my tiny violin out."

He shoves me playfully and my stomach somersaults.

Yeah, I should definitely get going.

The cool night air bites a little against my face when he opens the door for me and I tug my denim jacket closer. Marco's only in a t-shirt and wraps his hands around his biceps, gripping and rubbing them gently, the tattoo on one side flashing between his fingers.

"...Jean?"

Fuck I'm staring at his arms!

"Hmm?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Sorry I just zoned out! Think I'm ready for bed too. Ha."

I give him my best awkward smile and search his face for any signs of being creeped out. Lucky for me, he seems more amused than anything else.

"I said have fun on Saturday."

"Oh right! It's shit you can't come mind."

"You sure you can cope without me?"

The cheeky smile he throws me makes me swoon and I can hear my brain screaming at me to leave before I embarrass myself.

"I'll do my best. Alright catch you later."

I know I should be walking to the car right now, but my legs refuse to move. I really want to hug him before I go, like last time. This isn't like last time though. I can't just assume we're always going to hug because we did after one emotionally charged night.

"Alright see you."

He doesn't move either. Why isn't he moving? He must be freezing.

Maybe he’s just being polite. I'll go. I don't want him catching cold.

"Err, excuse me! Where do you think you're going without a hug? I'm not standing here freezing my nips off for nothing!"

Before I can fully comprehend what's happening, he clasps a hand around my shoulder and pulls me towards him. My arms reach around his waist like it's the most natural thing in the world, while my brain becomes incapable of doing anything other than repeating the phrase ohmygodohmygodohmygod.

We both draw back with a chuckle and huge grins on our faces.

"Alright, get back inside you goon."

"Send me some pictures tomorrow night of what you guys get up to."

"Will do mate. Night."

"Night."

I hurry down the path and give him one last wave before he shuts the door. Once I'm seated in the car, I have to take a moment to catch my breath and get over my giddiness. My face is starting to hurt from smiling so wide. I give my cheeks a rub and shake my head at myself.

C'mon you lovesick idiot, you need to drive home.

I replay the evening over and over in my head on the drive back; images of Marco I've committed to memory playing like a slideshow. It doesn't take long for my elation to give way to melancholy though, and by the time I turn the engine off outside the flat, I'm flip-flopping between heart-wrenching pining and hatred at myself for letting things get this far.

Is it going to be like this every time we spend time together? Is it seriously going to hurt this much every time I walk away? I look down at the book on the passenger seat and run my fingers over the cover. It's starting to scare me, how hard I'm finding it to shake this off...I like him so much.

I know I need to stop this. But how? I don't even know where to begin.

_______________________________________________

“Jean! Get your skinny arse in the car!”

“Alright, alright!”

I finish locking the front door and jog over to the Uber. The front seat’s free but I squeeze in next to Connie and Sasha in the back just to be a pain.

“Move your arse Con, I can’t find my belt!”

“Yes you can. You’re just using that as an excuse to feel me up! Aah!”

They both squeal as I squash Connie into Sasha so I can strap myself in.

“This is a space safe Jean. You can admit you’re feeling desperate enough to feel Connie’s arse.”

“What’s desperate about wanting to feel my arse!?”

“I’m not desperate!”

“Okay when was the last time you got some action?” Sasha smirks.

“Like…two weeks ago!”

“No! Hitch doesn’t count! OWW!”

I thump Connie on the arm.

“No he’s right. Hook ups with exes don’t count. We definitely need to find you a man and-or lady friend tonight!”

“I knew I should’ve got in the first taxi.”

“You love us really.”

“Yeah Jean, we just want you to be happy!”

The shit-eating grins on these two, I swear to god. They know fine well they’re winding me up.

“I’ll be happy when you stop talking about my sex life you pervs!”

It only takes us fifteen minutes to get into town. Eren, Mikasa, Armin and Historia are already at the bar ordering drinks when we arrive. There’s a decent spot free with an eclectic mix of chairs, stools and sofas so Connie, Sasha and I nab it, taking the best seats for ourselves.

Beyond the Wall is always a good place to start a night out. The interior has seen better days and the floors are a bit sticky, but the drinks aren’t pricey and, more importantly, the music is the bee’s fucking knees. Saturday night is ‘Uplifting Grooves’, which is basically just an awesome mix of reggae, soul, classic hip hop and a sprinkling of decent electronica.

Mikasa, Armin and Historia spot us and walk over, followed by Eren carrying a full tray of Jaegerbombs (obviously), a mischievous grin on his flushed face.

“Alright goobers grab a glass!”

The drink helps me to relax after Connie and Sasha’s grilling in the taxi and we all slip into easy conversation. I’d been really looking forward to tonight and I’m not disappointed. The first hour flies by; everyone draped over each other, having a good laugh chatting about random stuff, and moving around like a game of musical chairs every time someone goes to the bar or the loo.

Historia’s face lights up when I point out Ymir getting a drink at the bar. She comes over to join us and we somehow fall into a pretty intense conversation about how ahead of its time and ‘woke’ The Rugrats was.

“Mate that show was progressive AF! I have this distinct memory of Lil saying she was going to marry a girl because they were both pretty and me thinking ‘Fuck yes bitch!’ Or you know, whatever the equivalent of that thought would have been for me when I was six.”

I like Ymir. She’s inappropriate, sharp witted and unapologetically herself. I can see why Historia likes her too.

When I return from taking a whizz, Connie and Sasha are practically bouncing up and down in their seats with crazed smiles, beckoning me over. Uh-oh. This can only spell trouble.

The alcohol must be kicking in, because instead of just walking over to them I do a little dance. In my defence, Bam Bam by Sister Nancy is playing so I don’t see how I can be expected not to dance. Instead of laughing, like I’m expecting, they both start frantically waving their hands looking mortified.

“Stop dancing like a knob you idiot!”

Excuse me!?

“The fuck’s wrong with you two?” I glower.

“Dude that hot girl at the bar was definitely checking you out just now. Don’t ruin it!”

“Huh?” I glance over my shoulder but don’t see anyone looking at me. “What girl?”

“Jean she’s fit as fuck!” Sasha gushes. “She’s facing the bar. C’mere so you can see!”

Sasha grabs my wrist and tugs me down to sit next to her.

“Connie move or it’s gonna look really obvious!” She starts pushing against his backside to get him up.

“Why do I have to move!?”

“Oh for godsake, here!” She drags a free stool over. “Sit there but don’t face the bar.”

“Okay I won’t but tell me if anything happens,” he grins.

“Okay,” Sasha starts in a low voice. “She’s the one with braids in a high ponytail. She’s talking to the girl with orange hair. Wait ‘til she turns around.”

I spot her. Dark-skinned, dark hair, wearing high-waisted skinny grey jeans and a black t-shirt tied in a knot. I can’t see her face yet, but I’m not going to lie, her tiny waist and round arse are already piquing my interest.

Hmm, okay. She’s turned to the side now and I can see her upper arm is covered in tattoos. Her arms are really toned too. Like, frickin’ Lara Croft-esque.

O-oh Christ. Nose ring. She’s got a nose ring!

“See! How fit is she!?”

“You sure you don’t want to go out with her?” I laugh, nudging Sasha playfully.

As I chuckle, I look back towards the bar, and Fitty McNose-ring is looking right at me. God she really is gorgeous. She holds my gaze for a second but then looks down at her drink, smiling and blushing prettily.

Sasha and Connie are both gawking at me expectantly. “Okay yes. She is fit.”

“We told you! Go talk to her!”

“What? No!”

“C’mon why not?”

…Because of Marco.

The thought sends a horrible pang through my chest and knocks the wind out of me. I’ve barely thought about him all night and now his name hits me like a sledgehammer.

Because of Marco. I’m such a fucking idiot.

What about Marco exactly? My brain screams at my heart. The fact that he’s not even here right now? That even if he was he’s unavailable? That even if he was available he wouldn’t think of you that way, because he’s filled with more magic and starlight than you could ever hope to deserve?

You know what? Enough is enough. The absurdity of longing for something as far-fetched as Marco realising his undying love for me is exhausting. I’m sure unrequited love makes for a brilliant romantic novel, but this is my life and it sucks fucking balls. I’m done.

“Jean she’s looking right at you. She’s definitely interested,” Sasha presses.

Fuck it. I’m going for it. I need to think about myself and get back in the game. Connie and Sasha are right; it’s been too long since I dated someone.

“Okay, okay,” I relent, getting to my feet. Oh my god, I’m actually doing this. “Wish me luck.”

I throw a grin over my shoulder and laugh at them both grabbing each other’s hands and ‘squeeing’ excitedly. I make a beeline for the bar and squeeze into a space next to Miss Sexy Braids. She’s still chatting to her friends, but I catch her looking my way in my peripheral. I chance a sneaky look myself while I wait for the barman.

Welp. She’s got one side of her head shaved and her black t-shirt has Death Grips on the front. I may have genuinely found the future Mrs Kirschtein.

“Hey,” I smile.

She smiles back. “Hey.”

“Nice t-shirt. You ever seen them live?”

She glances down at her t-shirt and quirks an eyebrow at me. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda hot.

“Yeah, I saw them at the academy last year.”

“Oh me too! So good weren’t they?”

“Yeah, fucking relentless. One of the best gigs I’ve ever been to.”

“Yeah same. I lost my favourite hoody in the crowd and couldn’t hear properly for two days but it was worth it.”

“You need served mate?” the barman interrupts.

“Can I get a session IPA please?” He scurries off to the fridge. “D’you want a drink…?”

“Rae,” she smirks offering a hand.

“Oh you’re a handshaker?” I chuckle, flashing her my best smile.

“Sure am.”

“I’m Jean,” I say, shaking her warm hand in return.

“Nice to meet you Jean, I’ll have a rum and coke if you don’t mind.”

Our conversation turns back to gigs as we sip our drinks. It turns out we were both at Wolf Alice the other week and her friend suffered a similar fate to Connie in the mosh pit, which gives us a good laugh. She’s really easy to talk to and smiles at me a lot, which I take as a good sign. My phone buzzes in my pocket; no doubt Connie or Sasha sending some idiotic words of encouragement. I ignore it.

“Do you wanna go sit down?” she asks.

Fuck, this is going well. “Yeah okay.”

We grab a small table down the other side of the bar. Although it’s a few metres away, it’s dead opposite everybody else and I can see them all fucking grinning at me. I roll my eyes and turn back to Rae.

“So,” she starts, setting down her drink. “When you’re not at gigs, what else do you do?”

“I’m in a band,” I say with a cheeky grin. I can’t help myself. Old habits die hard I guess.

“Seriously? Me too!”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Which band?”

“We’re called White Rose. I play drums.” That explains the Lara Croft arms then! “You?”

“The 104th. I sing and play guitar.”

“That’s where I recognise you from! You guys played the Trost Unsigned festival last year, right?”

Oh, so she’s heard of us. “Yeah! Were you playing too?”

“Nah but I was in the audience.”

“And..? Did you enjoy the show?” I ask boldly.

“Meh. You guys were okay I guess.”

She fixes me with a devilish smirk I can’t help returning. Hot.

“Wow. Clearly we made an impression then.”

I give a small laugh at her attractive cheeky nature and take a sip of my drink, but when I look up, the music stops, Trost falls silent and the whole world grinds to a halt. My imagination must be getting the better of me…because it can’t be.

But it is.

I’d know those dark yet impossibly bright eyes anywhere, those lips I’ve touched so many times in my daydreams, those arms that slot so perfectly around my back.

Marco?

The feelings I’d decided to stamp down only moments ago come rushing back like a tidal wave. I was an idiot to think that they wouldn’t. I should have known the second I saw him again, no matter where we were or how many people surrounded us, that all I would see is him.

He doesn’t see me though. He looks around on his way to the bar and spots Eren, followed by everyone else.

“You got any gigs coming up then?”

I watch as everyone takes turns greeting and hugging him, and how he beams at each of them in turn.

“Hey space cadet!”

“Hmm?” Shit. Rae. I’m supposed to be talking to Rae. “Sorry what was that?”

She quirks an eyebrow, her eyes shifting between me and the boy I was staring at. “You okay?”

“Yeah! Sorry! S’just…my friend’s just came in and err…I haven’t seen them for a while,” I lie. “Do you mind if I go say hello?”

She pauses, almost imperceptibly, before answering. “No ‘course not. Go ahead. I’m gonna go get another drink anyway.”

“Thanks. Sorry, I’ll be right back.”

Part of me knows what I just did was shitty, but I don’t think I could stop my legs walking towards Marco if I tried. My stomach flips as I get closer. He’s talking to Armin and doesn’t notice me, but then his gaze flicks to the right and the way his face lights up at the sight of mine almost bowls me over.

“Hey man!” he beams.

“Hey!” My arms reach around his broad back and I squeeze him against me with a chuckle. “What you doing here?” I lean back but my hands stay on his shoulders, my fingers keeping a firm grip.

“Didn’t you get my text? My mum came back early so I decided to come out.”

“Aw mate. I’m so glad you’re here.” I pull him to me again.

Did I really just do that? And say that?

“Oh! Having another hug are we?”

He laughs but my grip slackens and I pull back with a blush, remembering myself.

“Ha. Guess I’m a bit tipsy. Do you want a drink? We need to get you caught up!”

He doesn’t get the chance to reply.

“Mate, what the fuck are you doing!?” Connie asks with Sasha at his side, looking at me like I’ve gone mental. “Get back over to that girl!”

“Girl? What girl?” Marco asks looking over my shoulder.

“It’s fine! She wanted to get another drink, so I decided to come say hi.”

“Jean I’m sure Marco won’t mind you not saying hi for a girl that hot!”

I could punch Connie in the face for pointing that out. Like I don’t already know just how much Marco wouldn’t mind.

“Which girl?” Marco asks quietly. “Point her out.”

Sasha does the honours. “That one at the bar. The one…Are you and Jean wearing the same outfit?”

Marco and I look each other up and down and crack up laughing. We are indeed wearing the same outfit. Blue denim shirt with our sleeves rolled up to the elbows, black skinny jeans and Vans.

He puts his hands on his hips and huffs. “Well one of us is going to have to go home and change!”

“Anyway back to the girl!” Sasha interrupts. “She’s at the bar. The one with braids and an arse that could kill!”

Marco laughs at Sasha’s enthusiasm and then he spots Rae.

“Woah. Oh man she’s really fit. Go for it Jean. Get back to the bar!”

Going back to the bar now feels like the last thing I want to do. I want to stay here with Marco and have a laugh and find more reasons to hug him.

“Look I will but don’t get your hopes up. I get the feeling she’s not quite as into this as you guys thought.”

Liar liar pants on fire.

“Well get back over there and change her mind!” Sasha shoves me in the shoulder, turning me around.

I head back over to Rae, but anxiety clutches my chest, tightening with each step. I haven’t planned what I’m going to say, I just know I need to talk myself out of whatever I’ve started.

Rae’s watching me with a strange expression as I get nearer. She’s smiling softly, but there’s something else going on…Why do I suddenly feel like I’m looking at Armin?

“Your friend’s cute,” she says gently. “You must’ve really missed him. I don’t even hug my sister that hard.”

My cheeks flame red as I give an awkward laugh, blind-sided by her comment.

“Erm…yeah. I guess I must’ve.” My hand reaches back to scratch my neck just for something to do. “So…”

“Listen. I’m sure you two have a lot to catch up on and I don’t really want to stand in the way so go be with your friend. It’s honestly fine. I feel kind of bad ditching my girls anyway.”

“You- Really? You sure?”

Why is she being so cool about this? Maybe she actually wasn’t as interested as I thought.

“Yeah, really,” she smiles offering a hand again. “It was really nice to meet you Jean. Maybe I’ll run into you again sometime.”

“Yeah maybe.”

She releases my hand but reaches for my arm with a gentle squeeze. “I hope it all works out for you,” she adds, gesturing with her chin towards Marco.

I look at him over my shoulder, and when I turn back to potential Mrs Kirschtein, she gives me a knowing smile and walks away.

Am I being stupid? Am I making a huge mistake? I almost grab her by the hand and stop her but decide not to. There’d be no point anyway. She knows. I don’t know how she knows, but she knows.

Oh man. I need another drink.

I shake my head and grab a space at the bar.

_______________________________________________

I re-join the collective with drinks for myself and Marco and squeeze into a seat next to him. We chat and laugh and tease one another, the others drifting in and out of our conversation. We’re talking to Sasha, Eren and Mikasa when the subject of Marco’s new kitten comes up.

“You’ve got a kitten!?” Eren and Sasha squeal in unison.

“Yeah! Well, my sister does.”

“Why am I only just hearing of this? Show me some pictures NOW!” Eren demands in mock-outrage.

Marco obliges and we all gush over how cute she is.

“She’s obsessed with that blanket game by the way,” Marco tells me.

“What blanket game?” Sasha asks.

“Oh, the other day Jean was playing this game where you move your hand around under a blanket. She goes nuts for it!”

“Aw what! Jean’s met her? No fair!”

“Haha, yeah. He demanded a playdate with her on Thursday night…”

Marco keeps talking but I don’t hear it. Dread settles in my stomach at the words ‘Thursday night’ and the way they make Eren’s eyebrows pinch together in confusion.

Shit, shit fucking shit!

Eren turns to look dead at me, clearly after some sort of explanation. I daren’t meet his gaze, so I take a long sip of my drink. I can still see him out the corner of my eye though, staring.

I’m so glad Connie is wrapped up in a conversation with Armin and Historia right now.

Fuck, Eren please don’t say anything.

I need some space to think of a plan, so I stand and make my way to the men’s. How the fuck am I gonna explain this? Explain that I lied. Explain why I lied.

It only takes a few seconds for Eren to follow me in, not nearly enough time to think of a good excuse.

“Dude, why did you lie about Thursday?”

He’s never been one to beat about the bush.

“What? No I didn’t! My mam cancelled so I went ‘round Marco’s to see his cat.”

Wow. Convincing.

“Bullshit. If your mam cancelled, you would’ve just came to practice so why didn’t you?”

“Because…erm.” My cheeks burn as I stumble over my words.

“Oh my god. You like him!”

“Wha-! No I don’t! I-”

“Yes you do! You like Marco!”

“Do you want to say that a bit fucking louder mate?”

Then the door swings open and Connie’s standing there.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Did you know?” Eren asks without missing a beat.

A typical look of confusion plasters Connie’s face. “Know what?”

“That this dickhead likes- Marco! Hey bud!”

Marco walks in behind Connie and my entire body fills with cement. He looks between all three of us with an unreadable expression.

“Well this is just rude. Are you guys having a band meeting in the toilet without me?”

Eren laughs, but it’s a weird, pinched sort of laugh and I can tell he’s panicking on my behalf.

“Who does Jean like?”

Connie I swear to fucking GOD!!

“What? Jean likes someone! Who?”

Marco looks at me excitedly and it hurts. It hurts that I don’t see even a trace of disappointment on his face.

“Is that why you ditched that girl!? I knew it!” You didn’t know shit Connie. “Who is it? Who do you like?”

I start seriously considering how I’d go about murdering Eren Jaeger; where I’d hide the body and what I’d need to begin my new life on the run.

Okay. Deep breath time.

“No-one. I don’t like anybody. S’just Eren getting the wrong end of the stick as usual,” I say, with surprising firmness considering the cement in my body has now turned into jelly.

“Oh. Well good because I am still on a mission to get you some action tonight!” Connie grins, grabbing me by the shoulders.

I somehow manage to force out a laugh that sounds halfway convincing and thank my legs for remembering how to walk.

“Yeah okay. What could possibly go wrong,” I deadpan and push past Connie.

I feel Eren follow me. He doesn’t speak until we’re a good distance from the toilet.

“Shit, I’m sorry about that man.”

“Look, can we just drop it? Somebody else is bound to hear us if we do this now.”

“But I am right, aren’t I?”

The fucking audacity of this guy!

I give a huff of resignation. “Yes alright! I like him, but it doesn’t fucking matter. He’s our bandmate. He’s got a boyfriend. I’ll get over it. So please don’t make this into a whole ‘thing’ okay?”

“Alright, alright. I promise I won’t say anything else.”

Everyone’s finishing their drinks off when we get back.

“Time for karaoke!” Historia yells, jumping on our shoulders. “C’mon let’s go! We haven’t got long before our booking starts!”

I glance at my watch. How did it suddenly get to be quarter to 11?

Once Connie and Marco are back from the loo, we all head off. The karaoke place is only two minutes down the road, but between piggyback rides, selfies and silly dancing, it takes everyone the best part of ten minutes to make it there.

I sheepishly try to stick with Eren near the front of our group, but Marco comes to find me. I fix Eren with a death stare. I don’t care if it’s his birthday, if he dare says anything to wind me up, I’ll fucking smack him.

“Jean we haven’t had a twins selfie yet!” Marco says with a goofball grin, gesturing at our outfits. It really makes me want to kiss the stupid idiot.

“Oh I’ll take it!” Eren chirps. “Right let’s do a serious one first. Just stand side by side and do nothing. Marco stop smiling!”

“Oh right. Sorry.”

Dork. I snort and elbow him in the stomach. He does it back to me and we start play fighting, laughing as we slap each other anywhere the other doesn’t block.

“I said serious!” Eren shouts.

“Yeah Marco!” I snort. “Be fucking serious!” I stand like a soldier next to him just to be even more obnoxious.

He shoots me a glare, trying his best not to smile and comes to stand next to me. “You started it,” he mutters. “Dick.”

“Nimrod.”

“Douchebag.”

“Cock gobbler.”

“Cunt flapper.”

PPPFFFffffttt!!

I absolutely lose my shit and double over. I’ve never heard Marco say anything THAT filthy before.

“Oh my fucking god!”

He cracks up at my reaction and we both grab each other wheezing. Despite the chilly air, his forearm feels soft and warm beneath my fingertips. I have trouble letting it go.

Oh man. I am definitely drunk.

“Right you two wankers, let’s have a silly one now,” Eren laughs.

I start to strike a pose when a pair of strong arms wrap around my legs and back and my feet lift off from the floor.

“AAAH! What the fuck!?”

I hear Eren laugh as Marco sweeps me off my feet and hoists me up like a goddamn princess. The worst part is I really fucking like it. I don’t know whether to scream or cry.

Oh fuck. Please don’t get a hard on!

Eren must’ve taken the photo by now.

“Feel free to put me down any time freckles!”

He doesn’t. He just laughs and starts carrying me down the street. Fuck. I should not be enjoying this as much as I am. I try squirming out of his grip but he just laughs harder and swings me around in circles. I give in and start laughing too, absolutely giddy with all the attention he’s giving me.

“C’mon Marco give us all a lift!”

Connie jumps on Marco’s back and he has to put me down. It only takes a second for everyone else to try and get in on the action. Armin and Sasha both grab an arm to hang off, all of them begging Marco to carry them, but when Eren tries to jump on top of Connie, Marco’s knees buckle and they all tumble to the floor with a collective ‘Waaaah!’.

I laugh at first but then I just stare, smiling softly and enjoying the warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest. The sight of Marco laughing like this, finally surrounded by friends and people who care about him, is just perfect. He’s slotted into our random little group so easily, like there was always a space carved out for him. I know how much he’s wanted this since he moved here. No-one deserves it more.

Marco helps Sasha to her feet, but probably regrets that when she immediately jumps up for a piggyback. I offer a hand to Armin, before pulling them into a side hug and kissing them on the temple.

“What was that for?” they smile up at me.

“You did good Armin.” They raise an eyebrow at me curiously. “Marco, I mean. I’m really glad you introduced us all to him.”

“Oh!” They snuggle an arm around my waist and we walk side by side. “Yeah I guess I did. I’m really glad everyone likes him.”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe…some more than others?” They squeeze a little tighter and look up at me expectantly.

“…Yeah, maybe.”

_______________________________________________

We’re all pretty hammered by now, which means the first thing we do after we’re shown to our karaoke booth, is fight over who gets to sing the first song – cue Sasha literally tackling me into a chair to wrestle the microphone off me.

“You’re a singer in a fucking band. Give someone else a chance!”

Sasha and Historia go first in the end, getting things started with Blondie - Atomic.

I cheer them on, sitting next to Marco on the mauve-pink velvet seat that wraps around most of the room. The walls above that are decked out in various album covers, cheesy pop stars grinning at us from all angles. I watch the disco lights dance across Marco’s gorgeous, freckled face and enjoy the way his eyes seem to glitter as he watches our friends make idiots of themselves. I’ve noticed Marco gets extra giggly when he's drunk, which I fucking love, taking every opportunity I can to say something silly and watch him smile.

After a couple more songs, I get to my feet (albeit a little wobbily) and demand the mic for Fleetwood Mac, then I hog it again so Eren and I can show off by belting out Jimmy Eat World’sThe Sweetness. When we have a group sing-along to some Hall and Oates, I notice Marco hangs out at the back, the furthest away from the microphone. Maybe he’s not drunk enough to sing a tune on his own yet, but I am determined to get a duet.

I take a seat beside him and throw an arm around his shoulders. “Right c’mon mate. What we gonna sing?”

“Excuse me, we?”

“Yes we, as in you and me,” I grin prodding our chests in turn. “What’s your go-to karaoke song?”

“There is not a chance in hell I’m duetting with you. Your voice is amazing!”

My stupid face breaks out into a blush and smile combo that could give a crushing schoolgirl a run for her money, but I power through.

“Mate you can’t be any worse than Connie! And he’s not shy about singing with Eren.”

I gesture to Connie, who’s currently butchering Alanis Morrisette, despite Eren’s best efforts to do it justice.

“Pleeeeeease!” I beg, leaning into his space and fluttering my eyelashes.

He huffs but starts smiling in spite of himself. “Okay fine. I’ll do ‘Call me Al’ with you, but you’re not allowed to take the piss!”

“Yesss! Tune!”

I grab him by the hand and drag him up, entering the song into the console just as Eren and Connie screech one last ‘you oughta know!’.

There’s a wave of recognition and a few whoops when the opening notes ring out. We start singing and Marco seems to know most of the words without looking. I start to wonder why. Maybe it’s a family favourite. I can just imagine him singing and dancing around the kitchen with his mam and Mia to this.

On the next verse, we strut past each other like we’ve been fucking rehearsing, then he mimes reeling me in with a fishing rod. Obviously, I shimmy my way over to him - hips first - earning a few cackles from our friends and a wolf whistle from Eren. I can only imagine how ridiculous we look considering we’re wearing matching outfits.

When the instrumental kicks in he dances over and starts bumping his ass against my hip. Refusing to be out-done, I slut-drop and twerk my way back up. His musical laughter bathes me in a warm glow, but so does something else, something that’s been slowly dawning on me – Marco can fucking sing! Like seriously, he has a good voice! I don’t know what he was so worried about.

I lean in close and lower my mic so only he can hear. “I’m on to you,” I smirk.

His eyebrows crease together, so I waggle mine in return. ‘What?’ he mouths. It’s cute. He almost looks scared.

I dance back over to him whilst singing ‘na na na-na na-na!’

“You can fucking sing!” I cry over the music.

His face splits into shock followed by a coy smile and a shake of his head.

We finish out the song to rapturous drunken applause from our devoted audience. I’ve barely taken a bow when Sasha wrestles the microphone out of my hand, demanding a turn with Armin. Marco and I collapse back onto the seat and high-five each other through breathless chuckles.

“I was being serious by the way.”

“What?”

Some of his hair is stuck to his forehead. I fight the urge to brush it back for him.

“About you being able to sing!”

“What! No you weren’t! Shut up!” he says, embarrassed.

“I was! You can seriously sing! I should get you to start doing backing vocals with Eren!”

“Hmm. We’ll see if you still think that’s a good idea at practice…when you’re not hammered!”

It turns out, a few more drinks is all it takes to get Marco singing with more confidence. After a couple of shots, he’s back up singing Toto - Africa with Armin and Historia, then Sasha convinces him to do a duet to Shallow with her, which he absolutely belts out, then he gets Ymir up. It turns out they both know every single fucking word to I wish by Skeelo. Epic doesn’t even begin to describe how good it is!

I’m content to just sit back and watch him, absolutely enamoured with the way his contagious smile spreads to everyone around him. A warm, soft feeling seeps pleasantly into my bones and I pray no-one catches the dopey looks I keep sending his way. I know I’ll regret letting myself do this later - when I’m alone with my thoughts, and all of them keep finding their way back to Marco and how he looked gripping the microphone, with a drunken flush and a twinkle in his eye. Yeah, it’s gonna hurt.

For the time being though, I can’t bring myself to care. Or rather, I can’t bring myself to believe anything this beautiful could possibly cause me any suffering. I’d rather believe that this memory we’re making right now is something I’ll cherish, something I’ll hold tenderly in my heart, not something I’ll push away in moments of pain.

Our time’s nearly up so Eren gets us all to join in for one last sing-along to Hey Jude. Everyone crowds the microphones with their arms around each other. Marco wraps an arm around my shoulders, so I do the same and we sing in unison.

When the song reaches its crescendo, he squeezes me so tight, his arm slips up and my head goes in the crook of his elbow, but he’s too drunk to notice. I shimmy in closer, so he doesn’t squeeze my head off and move my arm to his side. My heart skips a beat when my fingers find a hold in his waist, just above his hip bone, my pinkie finger barely grazing the skin where his shirt’s rode up.

I try to savour every moment before the song plays out, knowing moments like this won’t be awarded to me very often.

As we sing the last note, he releases me to cheer and clap his hands above his head and I almost wince at the loss of contact; a chill prickling up my side where he was pressed against me.

When I turn to my left though, I find I’m unable to keep up my little pity party. Eren has started crying, like full-on ugly crying, clinging to Armin and Mikasa like his life depends on it.

“I fucking love you guys!” he cries between sobs.

Cue everyone cooing ‘Aw Eren!’ and wrapping him up in a giant group hug.

“Every fucking year,” I chuckle as my arms stretch as far as they can around Connie, Armin and Marco.

“Exactly,” Eren sniffs gaining a little composure. “So why break tradition dickwad?”

Eren always finds it a bit overwhelming when we get together for his birthday. He really misses his mam around this time of year. Since she died, we’ve always made sure we hang out on Eren’s birthday and make a fuss of him - it’s like an unspoken pact between us all – and every year without fail he cries.

It’s never the type of crying to make us worry though, we know it’s just his way of showing his appreciation for his adopted family. We all give him a big hug, he laughs, and then he’s over it. I think he just needs to get it out of his system.

Everyone bar Mikasa relaxes their grip, so I weedle my way behind Eren and snake my hands up his chest for a purely platonic, bro-squeeze.

“C’mon, let’s get these sexy tiddies to the gay bars!”

“Yes!!” Sasha cries. “Let’s go to Rainbow Boulevard! It’s the only place I can request RuPaul and not get laughed at!”

Rainbow Boulevard is an area of town filled with LGBT+ friendly bars and nightclubs. Nine times out of ten, we always end up there on a night out. It’s a safe space where we can all be ourselves without the worry of some arsehole mouthing off.

After a short running competition to see who can get the highest number on a road speed display, we head straight for Tickled Pink – a nightclub where all the staff wear drag and the music constantly flip-flops between cheesy and amazing.

It’s well after midnight by the time we get there and the place is packed. We’re just trying to find a good spot for all of us to dance, when I spy two familiar faces. Or rather, I vaguely recognise the sight of two faces smushed against each other.

I lean into Marco with a giggle and ask, “Hey do you recognise those two sucking face over there?”

He squints for a moment but then breaks out in a big goofy grin. “Oh my god! We have to interrupt them!”

Before I can say anything, Marco has taken my hand and is dragging me towards Bert and Reiner. Maybe it’s a combination of the alcohol in my system and the strobing in here, but I’m utterly transfixed as I watch him lead the way. The lights seem to dance around him, attracted to his natural brightness, and the firm but gentle hold he has on my hand makes me feel soft and light and warm all at the same time.

“Alright boys that’s enough, you’re upsetting the children!”

Reiner’s head snaps towards us with an indignant look but it softens when he recognises us.

“Hey! You guys alright?”

We invite them to join us for the rest of the evening, everyone more than happy to make friends and gain new dance partners when a good song comes on. Our foreheads are a little damp and we’re all slurring our words by now, but everyone’s having a good time.

Connie and Sasha seem to be getting on especially well I notice, leaning into one another and laughing between dances. Although Connie has to temporarily abandon her when The Prodigy comes on and he, Eren and I collectively lose our shit, dancing around the place like absolute twat-bags.

I’ve barely caught my breath back when Eren wraps his arms around my legs and hoists me up in the air.

“Ah! Jesus!”

And then I don’t know if it’s because he’s drunk or because he’s a mischievous little shit, but he topples right into Marco. Strong hands grab a firm hold of my waist and hold me steady until my feet are safely back on the floor.

“Shit! S-sorry!” I practically squeak.

Marco’s eyes, though slightly lost in a drunken glaze, still sparkle when they find mine and something catches in my chest.

“S’alright I got you!” And then he pats me playfully on the stomach and I fucking implode.

Eren gives me a devious, all-knowing smirk and I fight the urge to punch him, choosing instead to make a trip to the bar.

No one offers to tag along, which is fine by me. I’m glad of the chance to take a moment and calm down. The butterflies in my stomach could qualify for the Olympics with the amount of somersaults they’ve been doing tonight. A few people clock me as I weave/stagger my way back to the group and give me a wide berth, clearly not trusting the drunk guy with a handful of drinks.

I’ve just handed a drink to Eren when I notice a guy wearing a pride vest and VERY tight skinny jeans edging nearer to us. The next thing I should notice about this guy is how tall and muscly he is, but I don’t, because all joking aside…What the fuck are those things on his face!? Like seriously, ‘eyebrows on fleek’ doesn’t even begin to cover what this guy has going on!

It gets very obvious very quickly why they’ve wormed their way into our space on the dance floor - they’re smiling at Armin and trying to catch their eye. He should give up now - this guy is so far from Armin’s type it’s almost laughable. I’m sure plenty of people in here are into big hunks of man-meat, but Armin tends to go for more androgynous looking people.

Armin smiles politely, but starts looking a bit uncomfortable, so I decide to come to the rescue. I move so I can snake an arm around their waist and press a quick kiss to their cheek. They beam at me like they’re head over heels and the guy gets the message, making a hasty retreat.

Eren leans in close to us so we can hear him over the music. “Dude, what the fuck was up with that guy’s eyebrows!?”

Armin and I both burst out laughing. My natural instinct is to look over at Marco and get him to join in, but when I turn to look at him, he’s not smiling. Like, not at all. He’s looking at me like…like he’s hurt?? Why would he be hurt?

Holy shit is that jealousy!?

Wait…no. He’s not looking at me, he’s looking at something behind me. I twist my head over my shoulder and then I see it. Two guys kissing each other like it’s their last fucking night on Earth…and one of them is Floch.

My head whips back to Marco. He’s staring, rooted to the spot, but I feel like I can see him falling. The signature brightness behind his warm eyes warps into glazed disbelief, and I can only stand by and watch as the light behind them goes out completely. The shock, the hurt, the betrayal – all of it encapsulated in one look.

Empathy and pain seeps into my bones but I compress it into seething rage and turn back towards Floch, gritting my teeth. It’s as if he senses people staring, because his eyes open dead on us. There’s a flicker of recognition before he hurls himself backwards and pushes away the guy he was locking lips with. The guy stumbles, clearly confused, shouting as he looks between us and Floch.

I turn back around to Marco but all I see is his back as he pushes his way out of the crowd and away from us.

“Marco!”

I follow him. We all do. I try to keep up but he’s fast and the crowd doesn’t dissipate until we’re almost at the doors.

“Marco. Wait a minute.”

He keeps moving forward - I’m not even sure he can hear me – but he stops dead at the sound of someone else shouting just as we leave the exit, away from the thudding bassline into the sharp night air.

“Marco wait!”

It’s Floch. I round on the motherfucker.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” I spit.

He sneers at me. “Fuck off you. Mar-!”

“Are you fucking deaf!?” I shove him forcefully by the shoulders and he stumbles backwards. “Leave him the fuck alone you piece of shit! You don’t fucking deserve him!”

I’m right in his face now, almost nose to nose.

“What and you do? Dream on. Get the fuck out of my way.”

He puts all his weight into it as he pushes past and nearly knocks me over, but I grab him by his collar and pull hard, sending him reeling backwards onto his arse.

Someone comes to stand next to me. I don’t need to look to know it’s Eren - ready to have my back, whatever happens next.

“Jean! Stop!”

Connie.

He puts himself between me and Floch, his hands on my chest trying to encourage me backwards. Floch starts getting to his feet though and I know I need to be ready. My hands curl into fists on reflex and I push against Connie’s hands.

“Jean c’mon please! Eren tell him!”

Then a gentler voice. “Jean…”

I spin around and all the anger in my face evaporates in a second. Marco’s standing just a few metres away from me, flanked by Bert and Historia. “Jean please…just leave it.”

Floch’s on his feet now, but I fight the urge to knock him back on his arse and keep looking at Marco. The rapid rise and fall of my chest steadies and I regain some sense of control.

“Hey you piece of shit!”

My eyes snap back to Floch, but the words didn’t come from him, it’s the guy he was kissing.

“Look I’m sorry!” he says in our general direction, clearly not sure which of us is the one that’s hurt. “I had no idea he was in a relationship, but you should know tonight isn’t the first time we’ve hooked up and I wouldn’t be surprised if there are others.”

“What the fuck are you doing!?” Floch is directing all his rage at the other guy now.

“What? I’m not the one in the wrong here! You said you wanted casual so who knows how many other guys you’ve been seeing!”

“You fucking dick!” Floch storms towards the guy and any sense of restraint I’d felt goes flying out the window.

“Hey!” I launch myself forward ready to grab him but Reiner beats me to it. He moves in front of the guy and puts a hand out to Floch as a warning.

“Alright that’s enough. I think you should go back inside,” he says, calm as anything. It honestly stops me in my tracks. He’s so in control of himself.

Floch hesitates. I get the feeling he’s right on the edge of mouthing off again, but he looks Reiner up and down and obviously thinks better of it. Though it doesn’t stop him from casting one more scornful look over his shoulder at me and opening his mouth.

“You-!”

“Inside. Now.”

Floch’s eyes bulge at Reiner, but he obeys with a scowl and turns to go back.

I’m just starting to think that’s the end of it when he looks back at the guy cowering behind Reiner and mutters, “Stupid mouthy bitch.”

The fucker just couldn’t help himself.

“What was that?” Reiner is on it like shot, eyes narrowed and looming over Floch.

Shit. I’m guessing Floch’s really wishing he’d kept his mouth shut, because Reiner is intimidating as fuck right now.

But then just like that, his stern face softens into amusement. “Ha! Jog on.”

And then I swear to god he pushes Floch back through the doors by his fucking face! Reiner, you’re my goddamn hero.

He doesn’t bother to look back, satisfied Floch will be no more trouble, and walks away, encouraging the other guy to do the same, his big arm around his shoulders.

The guy comes straight up to me, his face full of regret. “Listen, I really am sorry. I swear I had no idea he was seeing anybody else. At least not in any serious way.”

“No, no he wasn’t seeing me he was seeing...” Shit where’s Marco? “…my friend.”

Armin and Sasha step in to comfort the guy, who’s visibly shaken up, as I turn and look around for Marco. He’s not here, but Bert, Ymir and Historia are further up the street, walking back down towards us.

Why isn’t he with them?

I jog to reach them quicker. “Where’s Marco?” I ask, not caring that my voice sounds strained.

“He jumped in a taxi,” Bert says apologetically. “We tried to get him to stay but he was adamant he wanted to leave.”

“He said he wants to be on his own. He heard…he heard everything,” Ymir adds.

“What? No.” I scrabble to get my phone out of my pocket so I can ring him. “He shouldn’t be on his own, not after what just happened!”

My stupid fingers keep pressing the wrong button and I curse under my breath.

“Look I know, but just give him some space okay?” Historia’s hand comes to rest on my arm and strokes up and down soothingly.

I know what she’s trying to say, but she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know about all the other shit Marco has piled on his shoulders. What if this proves too much? What if this is the tipping point and there’s no-one there to help him up?

My pained expression must tell Historia something, because she gives me a sad smile and changes tack.

“If you ring him he won’t pick up, so maybe just send him a text. At least that gives him the option to get in touch later if he needs you.”

I nod, worried my voice will betray just how upset I am if I speak. We wonder back over to the others. Bert and Historia explain where Marco went, but it all dissolves into murmurs as I concentrate on typing a message.

HeresJeany:

Marco I’m so sorry

Please let me know you get home okay

And please ring or text me if you need anything

I’m right here

I want to add more. I want to tell him he’s too good for Floch and how that bastard isn’t worth a single drop of his tears.

The harsh glare of my screen stares back at me as I wait for two grey ticks to turn blue, but nothing happens.

Fuck.

I feel so fucking helpless right now.

“Jean?”

Eren. Shit, yeah. It’s his birthday and we’ve all just abandoned the club.

“Yeah mate?”

“I was just talking to Connie and I think we’re gonna go grab some food and then head back to mine. You comin’?”

He doesn’t say it, but he’s basically giving me the option to bail and go after Marco if I want. I can’t abandon one of my best mates on his birthday. I refuse to let Floch fuck up this night any more than he already has.

“Yeah ‘course.”

“Alright,” he smiles, moving to walk next to me shoulder to shoulder. He shouts at the others to follow and we head along the street towards the late-night pizza and kebab shops.

I don’t order anything when we get there. Now that I feel stone-cold sober, a greasy kebab smells about as appealing as a broken septic tank. Eren comes to sit on the uncomfortable plastic chair next to me while he waits for his food.

“You text Marco?” he asks.

“Yeah. He hasn’t text me back though.”

“He will when he’s ready. I wouldn’t be surprised if that bastard's ringing him now with some bullshit excuse.”

“Hmm.”

“If he’s got any sense he’ll switch his phone off. That’s what I would do,” Eren adds.

“Yeah.”

Anger reignites and burns in my chest. The idea that Marco might be talking to that arsehole when he could be talking to us…to me. Or even worse, that he wants to speak to me but he can’t because he’s turned his phone off.

My knee starts bouncing up and down like crazy. The need to do something is all consuming, but what can I do? I settle for picking at Connie’s pizza box while we wait for everyone else’s orders to come through.

A big, firm hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I look up to find Reiner - Bert standing next to him with a sad smile.

“Hey man. Our taxi’s here so we’re gonna head off.”

“Oh okay. It was good to see you both. Thanks for helping out back there by the way.”

“Yeah of course. That prick needed to be put in his place. Have you managed to get in touch with Marco?”

“Nah not yet,” I say shaking my head.

Bert gives a sad huff. “It’s shit. Marco’s the last person who deserves to be treated like that.”

“Yeah he really is.”

“Anyway, we’ve got to go but it was good to see you. Enjoy the rest of your birthday mate,” Reiner adds to Eren.

“Cheers bud, good to meet you. We’ve got a gig next week if you guys are free. Thursday night. It’s a Battle of the Bands thing. Should be a good laugh.”

“Yeah sounds good. Where you playing?”

“It’s at Riverside Bar. We’ll get Marco to text you the details.”

“Alright cool, we’ll probably see you next week then. Later.”

They offer their goodbyes to everyone else and then leave. I watch them walk up the street, hand in hand at first but then they untangle their fingers and wrap their arms around each other instead.

I check my phone. Still nothing.

“Hey,” Eren says leaning his head on my shoulder. “Here’s the pictures I took of you guys earlier.”

I lean into him too, glad of the contact, and look at his phone. He swipes through the pictures of Marco and me on our way to karaoke – standing side by side, play fighting and then a few of him swinging me around in his arms.

Despite how shit I feel, the tiniest of smiles blossoms over my face. Before everything that happened tonight, Marco really was having a good time. I like to think I played a large part in that and seeing how he’s looking at me in these pictures, I think I did.

“Well, silver lining in all of this,” Eren says. “At least we don’t have to deal with that wanker anymore.”

I lift my head up to look at him. “You never said you thought he was a wanker!”

“Course not! You don’t bad mouth your mate’s boyfriend. But no, I never thought much of him. I’ll be glad to see the back of him.”

Eren’s not wrong. It can’t be a bad thing to have that fucker out of the picture, but to have it happen like this…in a way that causes Marco so much pain…I don’t know if it was really worth it.

“Can you send me those pictures?”

“Yeah I'll WhatsApp them over to you.”

“Thanks man.”

Armin and Mikasa order a couple of taxis for us and we leave soon after with our various pizzas and cartons of chips. I don’t talk to anyone on the ride back, choosing instead to stare at my phone and let my leg jitter.

I’m so restless by the time we arrive the first thing I do is make myself a drink to take the edge off - Southern Comfort and some flat coke Eren’s left lying around the kitchen. I commandeer the sofa and lie with my phone in my hand while everyone sits about chatting and joking softly. People try to nudge me back into the group a couple of times but give up pretty quickly. I don’t mean to be grumpy, I just can’t stop thinking about Marco.

I’m busy trying to distract myself with a game of solitaire when, finally, a text comes through. My heart leaps into my throat.

ItsaMeeMarco:

I got home safe don’t worry. I’m going to go to bed now. Speak to you later.

He’s home. Thank fuck.

I’m relieved, but every time I reread his message, the knife in my gut twists a little deeper. It’s as if this text wasn’t even sent by him. There’s a disconnect between these words and the messages he usually sends to me and I hate that. I hate picturing the look on his face as he typed that message and how much effort it probably took him just to say the bare minimum. I hate the thought of him lying in bed feeling alone.

I open up the pictures Eren sent me and zoom in on Marco’s face. His smile helps push away the memories of how broken he looked less than an hour ago, but not for long.

It’s not fair. It’s just not fucking fair. Bert was right – Marco really is the last person who deserves to be treated this way, but he was regardless. What kind of fucking idiot gets lucky enough to find the sweetest, kindest, most gorgeous guy in the world and then throws it all away for a quick shag with some fucking random?

I feel so fucking sad, but then angry because Marco is sad and sad because Marco is angry. This cycle continues for a while before I finally realise, the only thing that will stop it is sleep. I shimmy further down the arm of the sofa and curl onto my side. I allow myself one last look at the pictures of me and Marco, before I let my eyes close and doze off into a fitful sleep, clutching my phone in lieu of his hand.

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