#mind you this is how all of my fics somehow end up way over wordcount lmao

[lunar-years]

it is unfortunate when I think up dialogue that's really good. and then I think up more dialogue I think is good. And then it feels like the conversation has been going on far too long and the story is being bogged down by dialogue, and these characters really just need to shut it. And then I have to go back and edit out dialogue :(

[sweetprfct]

High Infidelity

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Did you really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? Did you really have to tell him how he brought you back to life?

Author's Note: I have no words honestly. My mind has been everywhere lately. Anyway, hope y'all like it! :)

Disclaimer: 18+, emotional abuse, mention of harming, infidelity

(Please, please don't read this if it triggers you. I need you all to think hard about it before reading this one. This is a bit of a dark fic).

Wordcount: 3.5K

part one - part two - part three - part four - epilogue

The salt air breeze touched your skin as you pulled your coat closer to your chest. The view of the ocean in front of you. Waves roared as it crashed against the gigantic rocks and then settled calmly at the shore. A bit of fog blanketed over the cliffside that you were standing on. You took a deep breath and took in the view in front of you, the wind flowing through your hair. 

It has been a week since you and Eli had fought. One week since you had finally left that haunted flat and broken relationship that consumed every part of you. If you had stood on this cliffside one week ago, you probably had followed your fears and insecurities all the way down. Now, it felt like you were a different person. 

You haven’t felt at ease in a long time.

You thought breaking it off with Eli was going to make you feel like you had regretted the decision. That maybe, you were overreacting but somehow, you felt the heavy weight off your shoulders. You felt as if you had this newly found freedom, and you didn’t know what to do with it after two years of feeling trapped in that prison of a relationship.

Joe had been there with you every step of the way. He had been there when Eli terrorized your dreams at night. He was there when you needed to let your emotions out because of everything that happened. Joe understood all of it. He never hesitated to take care of you. But the problem was that you also didn’t want to depend your world on him. You had spent two years depending yourself on a man and look where that landed you. 

It wasn’t because you thought Joe was just like Eli because he was different. 

He was much different. 

But stepping out of your mentally abusive relationship and immediately being in another new relationship was all so overwhelming. The thought of Eli and all the shit you went through was still consuming your mind, and you were afraid that because of all your open wounds, you might end up hurting Joe. The one you care about the most. 

You were still bleeding, and you didn’t want Joe to experience the same thing because of the sharp edges of your broken pieces. You didn’t know how you could start to puzzle up the pieces that Eli had left you with. What if along the way, you also end up hurting Joe? That was the last thing you wanted. 

Strong arms wrapped around your waist, snapping you back into reality. Joe stood behind you, tucking your head under his chin. You felt him smile. Even when you couldn’t see it, you could feel it injecting right through your veins and restarted your heart back to life. 

A small soft hum escaped from him as he said, “What’s on your mind, darling?”

His voice made your heart skip a beat. 

“A lot of things.” You exhaled sharply, closing your eyes for a moment and leaned back against him. 

Joe dropped a soft kiss on your hair before you turned yourself to face him. His wool coat was keeping him warm, and his curls were flowing through the wind. It made him even more beautiful. 

Your arms wrapped around his waist as you stared into his eyes.

“What is it, darling?” Joe asked.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” You murmured. 

Joe’s brows furrowed, a confused expression washed over his face. He could see the worry in your eyes. Joe had noticed how much you have been sort of distant from him all week. He never said anything because he knew you were going through a lot, and he wanted to give you your space. However, hearing those words escaped your lips, he couldn't help but wonder how long you have been having these thoughts.

To him, you were everything. Ever since you had walked into that studio and were introduced to him as part of his team, he knew that you were more than that. He knew that you were someone that he wanted to get to know more and when he did, he couldn’t help but fall for you. You never noticed it because you were always inside your mind. Those thoughts were always reeling everyday.

He only had realized as to why you were always within yourself until you had confessed to him about Eli that night at the park. Joe never knew the hell that you went through for two years. All he saw was this intelligent, hard working and beautiful woman in front of him until you had split yourself open to him, and he saw all the corners of you. 

Somehow, he only fell harder.

He would do anything to make you happy. He would do anything to keep you safe and treat you better than Eli could ever would. 

“You’re not, darling.” He replied, his eyes deep into yours. 

“I mean…” You sighed, letting go from his arms. 

For a moment, you turned to stare at the ocean in front of you. Waves breaking and crashing to the shore. Joe followed you as you both settled on the grass. There was a comfortable silence between the both of you for a minute.

“I have open wounds.” You murmured, looking down at your fingers on your lap. “I’m broken. What if… I end up hurting you? That’s not what I want.”

You felt Joe moved closer to you, taking you in his arms and his hands found yours. He held you close, his strong arms wrapped around your delicate body. 

“I know you’re struggling a lot right now, darling.” Joe murmured. “But I know you could never hurt me.”

You exhaled a deep breath through your nose, your eyes fell on your lap as you said, “I’ve been enough of a burden to you. I need to put myself back together again. I don’t want to hurt you because sometimes, my emotions could be so strong.”

“Hey,” Joe set his index finger under your chin and lifted your head, so you could look at him. 

His eyes were full of love and affection for you. You could see all of it through his eyes, and you wondered how could someone like Joe love someone so broken and wounded and weak. 

How could he love you?

“You’re not broken. You’re so strong and resilient. I know you will get through this. I’m not gonna go anywhere. I’ll be here every step of the way.” Joe said, his eyes trying to find you inside your wet brown ones. 

“Unless…” Joe added, his head tilting a little towards the side. “You need space? To have your own solitude?”

It wasn’t a secret that you had hidden yourself too much in your own world for a long time now. However, hearing that coming from Joe, suddenly you felt a knot forming in your stomach. It wasn’t Joe nor his words. It was the chemicals in your brain from the way Eli had talked to you for the last two years. It was almost like you couldn’t believe what Joe was saying to you. That he was so understanding about all of this. 

When you couldn’t seem to answer his question, you felt Joe’s thumb caressing the back of your hand. Suddenly, you were brought back into reality. Suddenly, you felt yourself breathe again. 

He was almost like oxygen that kept you alive. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” Joe gave you a small reassuring smile. “I won’t be mad if you need your time. I understand that. I know how you feel about me, and I know that you don’t want to hurt me. So, whatever you need to do to find yourself again, I’ll understand.” 

“It’s not just that…” You whispered. 

You couldn’t say the words because you were too afraid. 

Too afraid that it could be true. You haven’t heard from Eli all week, and you knew how his threats were. If something happened to him… If he did something to himself because of you, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself. You wouldn’t be able to face the fact that you had made someone lose their life because of one decision. The thought of it made your hands tremble in fear. You couldn’t even imagine how it would feel if you woke up one of these days and heard the news about Eli. 

It would be your fault. 

It would be all your fault. 

“What is it, darling?” Joe asked, his fingers found your cheek as he caressed it softly. 

“When… When I was with Eli.” You took a deep breath. “He told me that if I ever left him, he would… harm himself.”

It wasn’t even the correct word to describe the threats he had told you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say it out loud. 

Joe stared at you for a moment, eyes blinking and trying to find the right words to say. He felt his mind shut down for a minute. He knew the gaslighting and the manipulation that Eli had done to you, but he never would have imagined that he would say something like this. That he would threaten you like this in order for you to stay with him. 

To choose him.

Without a choice. 

Joe felt his heart pumping out of his chest. He felt it drumming in his ears as he tried his best to calm himself down and gave himself a reason as to why he shouldn’t get up right now and go and punch Eli for treating you like this. For trapping you and guilt tripping you in order for him to own you. 

Like some kind of property. 

“If something happens to him… I…” You began shaking your head as tears welled up in your eyes. “It will be my fault.”

“Hey, listen to me.” Joe cupped your face between his hands. “No, it’s not. The things he had said… The things that he had threatened you. Those are all the things he wanted you to hear, so you would feel as if you needed to stay. As if it would be your fault.”

Joe exhaled a sharp breath. You saw the anger in his eyes, his jaw locking together, and his muscles tensed not from the cold air but from the anger washing over him. He was soft and gentle with you, but you could see the emotions that were whirling inside of him. It was almost like a hurricane, and he was trying his best to keep it inside of him. To keep the collateral damage that could leave if he sets it free. 

“He was manipulative. He wanted to make sure that you stayed without a choice.” Joe shook his head. “You deserve to live your life the way you want. You deserve to want the things that you want without anyone stopping you. You deserved to feel alive. You deserved to be free.”

Suddenly, the chemicals in your brain have been altered as you listened to Joe’s words. All you ever did was love Eli. You gave him everything and somehow, that was never enough for him. You let yourself vanish and disintegrate like ashes from a fire and yet, it was always never enough. 

“You know your strength and your worth.” Joe’s face was inches from you now. “I know you’ll be able to pick yourself up, and I’ll be here next to you and help you.”

“What if…” You exhaled through your nose, your head hung low. “What if I become too much to handle? What if… he was right all along? That I’m weak. What if you see the real me and change your mind?” 

“I love you then, I love you now, and I will always love you.” Joe said sternly. “That’s never going to change.”

Pulling your body against his, a soft kiss was placed on your hair. Your back leaned against his chest as Joe wrapped his strong arms around you. 

“Fly free, darling.” Joe whispered. “And if you let me, I’ll fly right with you.” 

Looking over your shoulder, a small smile tugged on your lips as you leaned and kissed Joe softly on the lips. In here, you felt safe in his arms. In here, you wanted the time to freeze and just be in this moment with him. Your mind had stopped working. Your body was melting into his as you turned yourself in his arms and gently pushed him on the grass, towering over him. 

You earned a soft approving hum from him as his nose gently grazed against your cheek, breathing you in. Joe was so soft, and the heat from his body was radiating between the two of you that made your whole body set on fire. When his lips had found your lips again, your brain was now on fire. You could feel every emotion he has for you in your bones. The way how much he wanted to be with you. How much he would do anything for you. 

You could feel all of it. 

He treated you like you were never broken and that you were strong. He never saw you as someone so vulnerable or helpless. He could see that you could do anything, and you didn’t need anyone else to pick yourself back up. Not even him. He knew your worth. 

His kiss was soft and loving. When his lips found the line of your jaw and down your neck, he tried to memorize every inch of you like you both have all the time in the world. You couldn’t help but gasp softly, feeling his cold fingers slid under your sweater and gently touched your heated skin. His fingers softly ran on your sides and then up your back, pulling you close against him.

“I love you.” Joe’s voice was gentle and silky as he pulled away from the kiss. 

Your eyes studied him for a moment. You couldn’t find the words to reply back because it was those three little words, and they meant so much. Joe, however, just smiled and caressed your cheek with his fingers. You could see how he was patient and understanding as he let out a soft chuckle when you buried your face on his neck. You planted a soft kiss right there, making you smile through his soft skin. 

“I could never get tired of you.” You felt Joe’s chest rise before exhaling a sharp breath and gazed down at you. 

Joe felt you smile as you closed your eyes and your lashes tickled the soft skin on his neck. For a while, you both just laid there on the grass. Gray clouds and fog blanketed over the two of you, while the waves crashing echoed your surroundings.

It was peaceful.

It was something you needed. Something you wished you could stay at forever. Just in Joe’s safe warm arms and in this cliffside with an ocean view. It almost felt like you were in heaven. 

The person that greeted you and Joe the next morning when you both went back to the city was someone you didn’t expect at all. Exiting out of the car, Joe immediately walked towards Eli, who was sitting on the front porch of Joe’s house. 

“What are you doing here?” Joe asked, his voice was stern.

You followed right behind him, your hands found Joe’s forearm as you tried to hold him back. You never saw Joe like this, and you could see the anger in his eyes as Eli got up from the steps and stared at him then back to you. 

“I… I just want to talk to her.” Eli said, his voice trembled.

From the last two years you have known Eli, you have never seen him like this either. You noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and he looked exhausted. He looked like he hadn't slept in days nor had eaten anything. You could tell how his face looked different. His eyes were deep and cheekbones were more prominent. 

“You stay the hell away from her before we call the police.” Joe warned, taking a step forward towards him.

Your hand never left Joe’s arm as you tried to pull him back. His eyes were glaring at Eli, and you could see Joe’s hands turning into a fist.

“Hey,” You set a hand on his back that seemed to help him unclenched all his tensed muscles. “It’s okay. Let me talk to him.”

Joe turned his attention towards you with a worried look on his face as soon as he heard the words come out of your lips. 

“It’s okay.” You whispered, reassuring him as you squeezed his hand lightly. 

Giving Eli one more death glare, Joe slipped his touch from yours and made his way inside the house. Crossing your arms on your chest, you stood tall in front of Eli, trying to show him that you weren’t the weak girl that he had made you for the last two years.

“What is it?” You asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Is this really over?” Eli’s eyes were already starting to well up.

If your mind wasn’t thinking about all the shit he put you through, you would feel bad for him. Although at this point, you didn’t know if you could trust every word that he said because he was always manipulating you. Eli crying in front of you used to be one of his tactics for you to feel guilty and feel bad for him. 

Well, that wasn’t going to work on you anymore. 

“H…How long have you been seeing him?” Eli asked. “You cheated on me?”

“Yes.” You immediately answered him. “I’m not proud of it, but I did.”

Eli nodded his head and walked past you, but he paused in his tracks and turned around to face you. You saw the unshed tears in his eyes. 

“Can I ask you one thing?” Eli said. 

You stood by the front porch and waited for him to continue. 

“What was it? What did I do wrong?”

You exhaled a sharp breath. You couldn’t believe that he was asking you this after everything you told him that night. You couldn’t believe how dense he could be. How he couldn’t even recognize his actions and all the shit he put you through. At the end, he still believed what he did in your relationship was okay. That it was all fine, and he was innocent.

That it was you who chose to leave him for no reason.

It was you who cheated and was the bad guy.

You had your own mistakes and cheating on him wasn’t one of your proudest moments, and you admitted it. But Eli? He couldn’t admit one thing he did to you. 

“How could you not recognize your own actions, Eli?” You shook your head, brows furrowing. “You trapped me for two years. Controlled everything I did. You wouldn’t let me wear makeup, you wouldn’t let me wear a dress unless it went over my knee. I couldn’t see my friends nor text them because you always wanted my attention. You gaslit me until I became so weak and just followed all the orders you told me.”

Eli was shaking his head now. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is!” You exclaimed. “How could you be so blind? How could you not admit that you were choking me every day. How could you not realize that I was dying everyday, trapped in the prison that you have built for me?”

Eli was quiet. 

He couldn’t say anything. 

“It’s over.” You stated sternly. “Please don’t bother me again.”

You watched as Eli nodded his head, “You’ll always be my girl.”

Those words sent shivers down your spine. It made you cringe as you watched him walk away and entered his car, driving away from the house. You felt a tear rolled down your cheek as you heard the front door open and felt Joe’s hand on your forearm.

“Come here.” He whispered, turning you to face him and pulled you into his embrace. 

You quietly sobbed on Joe’s shoulder, wrapping your arms around his waist. You didn’t realize even after everything you had gone through, your heart could still feel like it was being ripped out of your chest. You did care for Eli for the last two years, and you didn’t want to hurt him but you also couldn’t keep hurting yourself. You couldn’t keep breaking yourself for someone who never loved you. His love meant something else to him, and you couldn’t let yourself be the victim of that anymore. 

Pulling you inside the house, Joe held you tightly in his arms until you had calmed down.

One day, you would be okay.

One day, you would be able to pick yourself back up again.

But until then, you were at least free from the prison that you were trapped in for the last two years. 

Taglist:

@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @browneyes8288 @bylermaxmayfield @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @capricornrisingsstuff @missonlypost @ali-in-w0nderland @amberolivia666 @lalalala-melmosworld @niallersfreckles @nanas-lasagna @emma77645 @indulgence-be-thy-name @readergf @ladamari68 @1paire2vans @d4rk4ng3l86 @paleidiot

[dottores]

MY TURN | CYNO

pairing: cyno x fem!reader

summary: cyno finally let’s you take care of him for once.

warnings: sub!cyno, teasing cyno (again), oral (f->m), body worship (f->m), soft lil ‘i love yous’, taking care of cyno, unedited and written in like an hour or two

notes: a drabble, i say. a full fic, it becomes. i want to bite his thighs so bad @mxnjiros @dxlucs @albedophoria @suyacho @manjiroscum @7rkx @tokyometronetwork @hanmas

wordcount: 2.5k

You giggled, hands splayed across Cyno’s tanned chest as you straddled his waist. His skin was darker than usual, face flushed and breath quick, chest rising and falling rapidly beneath your touch.

“What’s the matter, Cyno?” you said softly, leaning over him, hands sliding up his chest and then back down his abdomen. “Oh, ‘m sorry, General Mahamatra,” you corrected, lips pulling up just barely. 

Cyno inhaled sharply, pupils blown wide as he watched you lean down to kiss his neck softly, and you smiled against his skin at the reaction, feeling his fingers trembling from where they were resting on your thighs.

He had brought this on himself, you declared, reveling in the feeling of his body shuddering beneath yours even at the barest of touches. He had promised that the two of you could do whatever you wanted if you let him finish his mission report in peace for once, though you were certain the last thing he expected was for you to ask him to lay back on the bed and give you full reign to do whatever you want with his body.

“I-it’s early enough that we can still go to the new exhibit in the Akademiya,” he all but gasped, voice lifting off into a near-whimper at the end of his sentence when your teeth grazed his skin. Ah, that’s right, you remembered, you had mentioned to him that you had wanted to see it before access was granted to the rest of the scholars in the Akademiya. He was going to use his position as General Mahamatra to get you in early. 

You were sure that had been what he thought you were going to ask today, but you just couldn’t get your mind off the thought of Cyno letting you take control for once. He was always so adamant about the one being in control, and whenever you tried to take control, it often somehow ended up with you folded underneath him anyway--this time, you declared, you would keep control because Cyno had promised anything you wanted and he never went back on his promises. 

“We can do that tomorrow, you have off,” you murmured into his neck, pausing only for a moment before you continued nipping at his neck.

“That can-” Cyno cut himself up with a grunt as you rolled your hips against his suddenly, you could feel the way his abdomen tensed and spasmed beneath you, and you wondered if this was how he felt whenever he had you underneath him--it was a sort of ego boost that you didn’t know you needed. “That can change at any moment, you know that.”

You ignored him this time because while he was right, you simply did not care, too lost in the idea of getting Cyno to unravel beneath you. You wondered if you could render him to some of the states that he left you in--fucked out so bad that you were dumb and drooling and he was cradling you to his chest and telling you how good you did. 

You kissed down his neck, paying careful attention to that spot right below his jaw that always had him squirming. You smiled as his hips jerked up, just as you expected, cock grinding hard against your inner thigh.

It was interesting, really, you had done some studies while at the Akademiya about the human body and levels of sensitivity as a side project and you had found that the more often one’s body was exposed to elements, the less sensitive it became in general. Cyno, who was constantly prancing around in that revealing outfit throughout the jungle and desert, was an anomaly in your studies--he was quite possibly the most physically sensitive man you had ever been with, no matter how many times the two of you were intimate it was always the same.

“Stop teasing,” Cyno said, voice low, but you only hummed, shifting down his body to run your lips across his collarbone, sucking gently on the bone before tracing the hollow with your tongue, rubbing soft, soothing circles on his chest with your thumbs as his whole body lurched beneath you.

“You said I could do what I want, it’s my turn to have fun,” you complained quietly, resting your head down on his shoulder, looking up through your lashes at his face. You watched as Cyno’s head fell to the side so he could look at you, red eyes sharp and narrowed on you but his messy hair and the sweat beading at his forehead gave him away. 

Cyno let out a low noise from the back of his throat, one that you couldn’t tell if it was irritation or acceptance, and you pouted, moving to rise off of him. “Fine,” you said, “I’ll stop.”

Instantly, his hand was wrapped around your wrist, holding you in place, “Don’t,” he said and your eyes lit up, searching his face to make sure he was telling the truth before you returned to what you were doing. 

“I love you s’much, y’know,” your voice was muffled against his skin as you returned to kissing down his chest with a new fervor, spurred by each barely audible whimper he let out each time your teeth grazed his skin.

“Mm, I love you too,” Cyno’s voice was strained as he spoke, one of his hands toying with your hair while his other gripped the sheets beneath him in what you’re sure he thought was a subtle manner.

You dragged your lips down further, fingers splayed out on his pelvis as you sucked at the skin of his body, making sure to leave bruises in your wake as you followed the contours abdomen. 

He wouldn’t be able to cover them, you noted to yourself, smiling briefly against his skin before returning to mouthing at his skin, feeling the way he was trembling beneath you, how his muscles were twitching with each kiss. Your tongue traced a line over a particularly deep scar that ran across his lower abdomen and Cyno groaned, the fingers playing with your hair tightening into a borderline painful grip.

He wouldn’t cover them even if he could, you corrected, nose bumping against his pelvis as you kissed down the ‘v’ that disappeared beneath his pants. It was a strange sort of power trip, really, knowing that you could mark up one of the most powerful men in Sumeru and he’d walk around displaying them with no shame or care, knowing damn well no one would dare say anything to him.

Your fingers slipped beneath the waistband of his pants, tugging them down just far enough down his thighs so that his cock could spring free, tip flushed red and leaky, dribbling down his length to pool at his pelvis. You heard him inhale sharply, and your tongue darted out to wet your lips, barely restraining the urge to lean in and lick the precum off his cock.

He said your name quietly, and you looked up at him, questioningly, waiting for him to speak, but he said nothing, just watching you. You waited for a second before returning your attention back to his lower body--but instead of turning to his cock, which you were sure he was expecting, you turned to his inner thigh instead.

Cyno gasped loud as you pressed your lips to the skin there, kissing softly once, and then twice, before biting down hard. His entire body jerked, a low moan of your name spilling from his lips as you lapped at the bite mark, soothing your tongue over it. 

“You’re so sensitive,” you murmured against his skin, watching his legs tense as you trailed kisses up and down his thigh, nails raking gently over his skin. You swore you could spend the rest of eternity between his thighs and live a happy life. 

Your eyes flickered up, tracing across Cyno’s throat, the way it bobbed as he gasped and swallowed, the way he tossed his back against the pillow, back arching off the bed as he grinded his hips up against the air. 

He really was the prettiest, you thought to yourself as you rested your cheek against his thigh, observing him--tan chest rising and falling rapidly, fingers tight around the bed sheets, abdomen muscles tense. You hummed quietly to yourself, running your palm up and down his outer thigh as you waited for him to calm down from the near-high and look down at you. Even when he was all stoic and serious doing his Mahamatra duties, Cyno was always the prettiest, but he was especially the prettiest now, lost in your touch, a mess with every movement you made. 

You wondered the last time he ever let someone take care of him--never, you had to assume, up until you met him Cyno had always been a lone wolf except for the times he would join Tighnari and Collei in Gandharva. He never worked with anyone, he never found company in anyone, he cared for little other than his duties as Mahamatra. You found peace in the fact that Cyno could find peace, and pleasure, and comfort, in you--even when he rarely allowed you to take care of him, both in sexual and more domestic situations.

You weren’t sure how long you laid against his thigh waiting for him to finally look down at you, tracing gentle patterns on his thigh, but finally he did, craning his neck down, red eyes heavy and lidded as he looked down at you. 

“I love you,” you said again, even though you knew he knew it from the number of times you told him but you were certain that someone could never hear the words enough, especially someone like Cyno who had never been loved completely and properly in his entire life.

It took a minute for him to process your words but as soon as he understood, he softened--expression going lax, and shoulders slumping as he reached down to brush his fingers against your cheek. 

“I love you,” he echoed, and you smiled, leaning into his touch only for a moment before you finally turned your attention to his cock, pulling off his thigh to nuzzle your nose against his length before licking up the leaking precum. 

Cyno’s response is immediate--a moan, high-pitched and needy, a sound that you never thought you would hear from him. Encouraged by the reaction, you captured the tip of his cock in your mouth, savoring in the taste of him as you licked at his slit.

You braced your hands against his thighs as you bobbed your head on his cock, not enough to take him fully down your throat but enough so that he was squirming beneath you, clawing at the sheets, abdomen straining as he forced himself not to fuck his hips up into your face. 

“Please,” he gasped out, trying to look down at you, eyes wild and lips swollen and bitten from where he had been gnawing at them. “Please.”

And that was really all of the convincing you needed, taking Cyno fully into your mouth, forcing yourself not to gag when he hit the back of your throat. Your nails dug into his thighs and his tore through the bedsheets as you began a steady pace, struggling to not choke around his thick length with every bob of your head.

The moans that escaped his lips were perhaps lewder than anything you had ever heard from him before, loud and desperate, garbled attempts at your name that slipped into low groans and pleads. You hadn’t realized how much your lips on his body had been edging him until you realized that he was already on the verge of cumming, thighs tensing and spasming, cock twitching in your mouth.

You circled your thumb over his thigh, s’okay, you tried to convey, cum for me, and a ragged gasp ripped from his throat, a cry of your name so loud that you swore that passerbyers on the street would know what the two of you were doing, back arching and body spasming, hips snapping up against your face and one of his hands coming loose to grab your hair and hold you down as he finished deep, deep down your throat.

You choked and spluttered over the cum, but you did your best to swallow it all, lungs burning as he kept your nose pressed to his pelvis, cock throbbing and twitching in your mouth before he finally released your hair, letting you pull up, chest heaving as you tried to get air back in your lungs, choking over his cum. 

You pressed your hand to your mouth, blinking away the tears, and you mourned for a moment that you wouldn’t be able to appreciate Cyno in the immediate afterglow--by the time your vision was steady and you decided you were no longer on the verge of passing out, Cyno was already trying to sit up, arms trembling as he reached for you and an apology at his lips. You only slapped his hands away, scooching up the bed until you were next to him, and tugging him into your arms while he was still weak from the aftershocks of his orgasm.

“What’re you doing?” he murmured, tense for just a second before he relaxed into your chest--you could feel the way his long lashes fluttered shut against your skin, arm wrapping loose around your waist as he gave in. “Let me get you off.”

“Shhh,” you hushed him gently, kissing the top of his head, and you smiled as he instinctively let out a soft hum at the action. “S’okay, I just want to hold you.” 

“But-” he tried to protest, but his voice was weak and his body was still shaky, and all it took was another kiss to the top of his head to quiet him down. 

“Cyno, please,” you said quietly.

Evidently, your tone was enough to get him to back down. He tilted his head up to look at you, hazy red eyes peering up to study your face for a moment before he nodded, leaning up to press his lips against yours, letting out a quiet noise at the taste of himself on your lips before he laid back down on your chest.

“Okay,” he said quietly, and you couldn’t help the light feeling that bubbled in your chest at his words, arms tightening around him just a bit more.

[flydotnet]

Bad Things Happen Bingo! The event where you send me requests according to this marvelous card! (Red cross is the completed prompt, character headshots are prompts I’ve already filled).

Papa’s a liar.

New fandom, new bazillion questions I ask myself about whether or not this is even worth finishing - and thenI do anyway because I'm stubborn and my card looks prettier with one more character on it. I'm not sure how I can still stress myself out over my characterization being at least serviceable when - and I counted - this is the fourth time I'm writing a new fandom with this card alone*. At this point, it's just to cause myself issues. Anyway! I love Twilight/Loid. He's the best spy of Westalis but he's also the dumbest idiot I've ever seen. My man buys his daughter a dog first because she wants it and then because something something Operation Strix. It was also funny to remove like 70% of his agency but that's because I'm a horrible person. And also it's fun. The prompt itself wasn't very fun up until I realized I could use "Crutches" as in both the actual item and emotional crutches - aka Anya and Yor, who are absolute units at disarming a spy, apparently! Have I mentioned I love this manga yet? I hope I don't regret this fic man

----

Break a Leg, See If It Brings You Luck

Summary: It’s a good thing the only bullet he took was in the leg. It’s an easy thing to take care of and hide for the most part – far easier than on the chest or back, at the very least – as long as one finds a way to justify the slight limp it may carry with it, they’ll find themselves doing just fine.

Except this just had not to be an ordinary gunshot wound. No, the bullet just had to strike in right the perfect way to fracture the femur.

This is going to be a very long month.

Fandom: Spy x Family Characters: Loid, Anya and Yor Forget, the whole fam’s here (with a cameo from Bond too!) Ship: The eternally mutually pining TwiYor, you know how it is

Wordcount: 2.5K words

Event hosted by @badthingshappenbingo

AO3 version.

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Getting shot at is nothing new. It comes with the job, one could say: dismantle a smuggling network, or fight off human traffickers and you have a good 90% chance to get attacked with firearms in retaliation. In fact, it’s an exception when you’re not – which has also happened to him, of course – so you must be prepared to patch up a gunshot wound in case thing take a turn for the sour.

He’s not above admitting, at least to himself, that he’s sometimes not been able to avoid bullets as well as he should’ve. Most of those times are so long ago that the details of it are starting to lose their edge (kind of like him, at the moment, and he still has to take care of that issue too…), but they’ve all reminded him that, in the end, they’re simply bigger flesh wounds: they merely require a bit more tending to than your regular scratch or cut.

A bullet fracturing the femur is a new one, though, even to him.

 What’s also new to him is the dependency that comes with such a fracture. Despite his best efforts, he didn’t manage to pretend like it didn’t exist in front of his fake family. He should’ve seen it coming, in retrospect, considering how much of his edge he keeps losing in front of both fake wife and fake daughter – but to Anya’s credit, she seemed to have realized on her own even before he could lie to her about this not being a big deal.

Sometimes, he wonders about the sharpness of this little girl’s instincts. For a child whose grades in school are nothing to write home about, she’s able to get through most of his smokes and mirrors, as if she could read what he meant to hide behind them. It’s… surely just his edge getting dull, though. What else could it be, huh? Surely this child who he found in some dump-like orphanage that barely deserves the name of one doesn’t read minds.

(If she somehow does, then Twilight must apologize, because exposing such a young girl to spy affairs could be considered child cruelty, he’s certain).

 At least, it’s perhaps the easiest gunshot wound in the world to explain. After all, breaking a leg can happen for a wide variety of reasons and he doesn’t have to blame a crazed patient to get away with it. It made him look somewhat stupid when he had to tell both Anya and Yor that he had tripped in the stairs because they had just been washed and he had conveniently forgotten about that, slipping on a step and tumbling down the stairs. (As long as neither of them sees the bullet-shaped hole under the cast, it’s fine).

On the flipside, it’s handicapping him more than a regular bullet hole in that area. A bone takes longer to heal back to usable capacity than flesh and skin. That’s not even getting into the fact it’s his right leg that he can’t walk with: it means he’s even limited in his movements. A broken arm, as bad as it is, at least doesn’t prevent him from running and shooting; a broken leg, on the other hand, severely limits his options for walking and, by virtue of doing so, also prevents him from using his arms when moving around.

Crutches are a pain. How did he even forget?

 Having to use both arms to move an immobile leg means he can’t even take care of chores at home, despite those being the only thing he has to worry about at the moment, aside from Operation Strix: WISE, for once, gave him time off from his usual missions, albeit only because he physically can’t handle them, he’s sure). He can’t cook dinner, he can’t walk Anya to school, he can’t walk the dog—

 “Papa, can I walk Bond today?”

He jumps – he really needs to stop losing himself in thoughts, this is smoothing his edge – and faces a concerned-looking Anya.

“We should wait until your mother is home, Anya. You’ll get carried away by his strength.”

“Mama said she’d come back super late from work today,” Anya replies.

That’s true, yes. Yor proposed to stay home and take care of housework for him, but he refused. His broken leg shouldn’t impede on her professional life. Still, this is an issue, and the fate of his undercover operation relies on Bond being happy… Right!

“I could ask Franky to take care of Bond.”

“Yay, Uncle Scruffy to the rescue!” Then Anya freezes. “But, Papa, how are you gonna use the phone? You can’t stand up and use the phone at the same time!”

Dammit, she’s right… Well, partially, at least. He’s not that powerless, is he now?

“I assure you, Anya, I can maintain my balance on one foot and use the phone with my available hand.”

“That sounds dange’ous, Papa.”

Well, it’s not like he didn’t portray himself as a klutz no later than yesterday, he supposes.

“It’ll be fine.” She looks around for a moment, then walks to the phone. “What’re you doing, Anya?”

“I’m calling Uncle Scruffy!”

“What did I just—”

 Anya, ever the free soul, grabs a chair and, with every single fibre of strength in her tiny body, puts it next to the phone.

“Papa?”

He sighs as he grabs the crutches at the foot of the couch.

“How do you use a phone again?”

With an annoyance he can’t even bring himself to hide (he doubts Anya would be convinced he doesn’t hate having to rely on sticks to walk around anyway), he gets up, sighing. Walking on those things is more tiring than it should be allowed to be.

“Let me at least input the number before you try calling at random, Anya.”

 This is going to be a very tedious month, he can already tell – and it’s only been two days.

  If you put it in a certain way, this entire fiasco benefits Operation Strix. Sure, it’s at the detriment of every other mission WISE is on, which means it’s detrimental to the peace between East and West because he’s stuck on pretending to be a psychiatrist (driven to work by his wife, of all things) and paperwork duties; but it means he can decipher documentation that may’ve taken longer to getting understood and he can watch over Bond. After all, the dog is part of the family, so taking care of him and making sure he’s well-fed and happy is of primordial importance.

(Maybe less so than Anya’s grades or his cover as a psychiatrist with patients so violent one has to wonder how it’s even possible, but important nonetheless).

Anya seems happy that “Bond has a friend”, at least, and to be fair, at least, the dog doesn’t ask about if he should be moving around the place, unlike Anya and Yor and every single one of his fake and real workmates. Maybe, if he could talk, Bond would ask to; but as it stands, Twilight doesn’t speak dog and Bond doesn’t speak human, so it’s fine.

 In that way, it makes interacting in woofs a much better thing than constantly telling Yor that, no, he’s fine, just moving slowly compared to usual (and not having his hands free for most of it).

 Do crutches really make you look that much like an invalid? When he listens to her, Twilight can’t help but think he’s actually lost his damn leg when, no, Anya just keeps asking if she can draw on his cast –he keeps telling her no, but each time comes out with less strength than the previous one, it’s a war of attrition and the child is winning – and it’ll be fixed. He’s not even tried walking on the damn thing (from experience, it only works when you’ve got enough adrenaline to cover up most of the pain).

Since coming back home with that gunshot wound (which, he’ll admit, he did underestimate quite a lot), Yor has been more insistent than ever on handling any chore that isn’t cooking, insisting she must get the groceries and see Anya off every day to school, among a shopping list of things Twilight isn’t even sure they’ve actually done at (Loid Forger’s) home like dusting bedsheets outside.

Yor’s help at home, as excessive as it is at the moment, is good for Operation Strix: it makes their fake marriage seem this much more realistic to outsiders, as Yor is regularly seen shopping for groceries with or without Anya, while giving him more time to gather intel for other WISE agents. These past few days, he’s been able to crack about a dozen ciphers that had been bothering the agency, catch three secret correspondences between Ostalian pro-war factions and repair very exactly fifteen tears in Yor’s and Anya’s clothes.

This is less of a net negative than expected; Twilight’s sure of it.

 Still, he should set things straight with her again, and he has the perfect opportunity: Anya is sleeping at Becky Blackbell’s mansion today, which she referred to as “a mission for Papa’s peace” (she really must love spy cartoons), so it’s only Yor and him at home tonight. He was supposed to have a side-mission, but it got cancelled due to those same unforeseen circumstances that have been biting at him all week – and no matter how much he tried to insist, Handler refused to let him take care of it. Training to be able to conduct an operation while having one leg amputated really had no use, it seems.

Yor is also available, which is very convenient, in this case. They decided, like most of the time these days, to order something and eat it at home. To his misfortune, and almost as a bad omen, as soon as he goes to grab his crutches from the side of the couch, Yor picks him up like a glass statue of some kind and sits him to the table, going as far as to slide the other side to put his leg on another chair.

This really isn’t starting the right way.

 They both pick at their dish until, finally, he decides enough is enough. He won’t be dependant on human crutches, be it a young girl or a strong woman who can absolutely bench-press over twice his weight.

“You don’t need to concern yourself with doing everything around home, Yor,” he tells her in almost a clinical tone.

She, however, stares right back to him like it wasn’t obvious.

“But you’re…”

“Partially incapacitated, I know. I wish to assure you, this isn’t as cumbersome as it looks.”

She looks down, eyes fluttering and cheeks reddening.

“But, Loid… I’ve seen how frustrated it’s made you to… have to compose with this.”

“It’s nothing I can’t manage, I assure you.”

A heavy silence settles between the two of them, only broken by bites of food and sips of water. It’s a deeply uncomfortable one – which Twilight rationalizes as silence never being a good sign for spies. Something about calm itself being a sign a threat is hiding beneath the surface. Yes, something like this, not about how he seems to have let Yor down or made her feel uneasy… (Uncertainty is also a lethal enemy).

 In the end, she breaks the silence, fiddling with the hem of her red sweater (which matches her eyes oh so well – no time to think about that, Loid).

“I don’t mind, you know… In fact, I really like it! I’ve always liked helping people, I suppose, but it feels… different, when it’s you.” Her cheeks grow red as a poppy. “U-unless you really mind, of course! Then I can just let you be or wait until you really need something from me!”

Loid sighs. How is he supposed to say no to this, really? This is going against everything he’s ever learned, and yet he finds himself walking headfirst into it. Dangerous business, really. (The blur of mask and reality should worry him much more than that).

“I’d usually prefer handling myself, but if you say it doesn’t bother you, then I don’t think I can quite go against it.” He clears his throat to regain some seriousness. “Albeit, I don’t want it to be a burden on you. Think of yourself first.”

“Oh, of course! You’ll probably still have to at least help with dinner, but don’t worry, I’ll take care of everything else!”

She didn’t quite get what he meant, he’s pretty sure, but she’s got the spirit.

 Crutches really are a spy’s worst hurdle to overcome.

  There’s this one sentence that keeps getting on his nerves, no matter how he thinks about it.

Oh, no, let me take care of this for you!

And there’s this other sentence that triggers… something within him that he doesn’t quite get, but which doesn’t feel bad per say.

Oh, no, Loid, let me take care of this for you!

 …wait. They sound the same.

 Yor is nothing if not well-meaning (and a special brand of impossible not to stare at) but having to rely on her has felt horrible all week and he’s not sure of how much longer he can last with her insisting to do anything for him, from cooking to taking care of Anya, without forgetting driving him up to work (and that still stings). The feeling grows worse with each day passing too: like a poison, it sinks into every last cell it touches, no matter how unrelated, and it makes hard to focus on ciphers and intel gathering.

Loid Forger’s a lucky man, Twilight supposes, to have such a caring spouse ready to help him with so much for something as little as a broken leg and what it causes. Loid Forger, in fact, must absolutely relish in being able to take a break from violent patients and working graveyard shifts every single night of the week. Twilight? Not so much.

He thinks.

Maybe.

 Okay, truth be told, he needed the break from the late-night, about-to-get-shot-multiple-times missions. He had already thought about it even before getting shot in the femur, but this has only confirmed his need for a breather, no matter how short. This, of course, comes at the price of his peace of mind, because he shouldn’t be taking it easy while WISE is going through such an intense staff shortage, but it does come with the main perk of not wavering on his feet so frequently.

Relying on civilians still doesn’t sit right with him but considering he too can’t sit properly at the moment, it may sound hypocritical of him (who is he kidding? He’s always a hypocrite, it comes with being an undercover agent and like a second nature to him). Some part of him doesn’t even hate it, per say; being able to spend time with Anya and Yor, not having to manage everything, taking his time… It doesn’t sound so bad. It goes against everything he’s ever known, but it feels… maybe not quite right, but quite agreeable. Or, at least, less uncomfortable than anticipated.

He’s even sure letting Anya draw on the cast was a good thing for Operation Strix. It makes him look like a good family man, which he needs for the sake of the mission.

 This… might not just be about Operation Strix, though.

Just might.

[woodelf68]

AO3 tag game

Tagged by @luthienebonyx

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

75

2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?

272,188

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

For fics that I've published/posted to share with others: Robin of Sherwood, Wizards and Warriors, Zorro (the Family Channel series), Lord of the Rings, Once Upon A Time, Stargate: Universe, The Tournament, Thor -- and like 99% of that is OUAT, SGU, and Thor. Everything pre-OUAT was no more than one or two fics per fandom. (I am not a natural story writer. I find it easy to write missing scenes, or extend existing ones, but a proper fic with a beginning, middle and end? At that age, the only thing that could force me to come up with enough words to count as a proper fic were those magic words "free contributor's copy". I did do a lot of art and poetry/filks for RoS, though.)

For all those journals filled with fannish scribbles that I wrote just for myself? Various soap operas, with the most being from Days of Our Lives probably, since I had a couple of big OTPs there. House. Highlander. Beauty and the Beast (Ron Perlman series). A bit of Hercules the Legendary Journeys? I remember writing something for Aphrodite and Hephaestus and at least one thing based on Tyr from Andromeda. More of all the shows that I listed as having posted online or had published in zines. Maybe some ST:TNG for Picard and Crusher? It's hard to remember, it's so long ago; I'm sure I've missed at least one fandom.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Bearing in mind that most of the Rumbelle and Rushbelle ones were posted on tumblr years before I copied them to AO3 (thus having most of their likes over here), these are all my more recent Thor fandom ones: Measuring Up, Child of Love, Tumblr Prompt Fics, Mornings, and Trust.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.

Yes, always. I very much appreciate any and all comments and I want those who leave them to know that.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*Scrolls through my fics on AO3* Hm, I can't decide, my three fics in which I accept Neal Cassidy as being dead all make me sniffly. It's either 'Rumple and Henry at Neal's grave', 'Rumple names a star after Neal for Henry's birthday present', or 'Years after Neal's death, his sister visits the grave of the brother she never met'. I debated rewriting that last one when the Rumbaby turned out to be a boy, but was too pleased with the way the fic came out to mess with it.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I've done several Rushbelle ones and one Macelle one that springboarded off a Bad Faery fic. Craziest one was a prompt for SGU's Nicholas Rush to turn into a unicorn. It somehow ended up not feeling like crack at all, though.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I got a few critical reviews from someone this past winter, but nothing strong enough that I would call it hate or be bothered by it. Like 'this is too fluffy and OOC' and I was like 'if you're looking for angst, you're in the wrong place, but thanks for reading!' I was having quite a bit of fun responding to this person tbqh, I was kind of sad when they stopped after three fics.

9. Do you write smut?

Yep. My brain keeps providing me with ideas, rudely not caring that it's much easier to play out sex scenes in my head for my own pleasure than to actually write them down.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No. (At least that I know of!)

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh boy. *Drums fingers* I'm going to go with Vincent and Catherine from Beauty and the Beast, because their journey was cut short when Linda Hamilton left the show and I was left feeling unfulfilled and cheated of everything that they could have been. Fic was good, but they were canon, and we did not get enough of them. I wish they had either tried recasting the role or just cancelled it without doing what they did in the third season. Their romance was just so beautiful.

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

If little isolated scenes I just wrote for my own pleasure (often extending an aired scene to make it fluffier or smuttier) in a journal counts, then Days of Our Lives, I think. Or maybe General Hospital. That was the first soap I got hooked on at the tender age of 12, thanks to my mom. For a proper fic written to be shared with others...it might have been a very short Robin of Sherwood scene where Robin wasn't killed due to some Herne-sent Magical Mist™ shrouding him from view of the Sheriff's archers and allowing him to escape back into the woods. (My more experienced self is asking what good that would have done, when the dogs could have just tracked him right back down. I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?)

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh man, I've got too many to choose from. The best I can do is say that for Rumbelle it's probably one (or all) of the fics in the Floofy!verse, and for Thor, one (or all) of the completely self-indulgently fluffy kid Thor and Loki fics.

Open tag for anyone who wants to do it!

[merakiaes]

Shoot Your Shot - Jason Kolchek

(A/N: Started writing it, had a breakdown, bon apple teeth. This is a combination of three anonymous requests, one of which is one that I accidentally deleted which asked for the reader to be Eric's sister. This fic isn't 100% accurate to any of the requests, I took certain parts of each and combined them into one. I keep zoning out when I write for some reason and this was the first time I wrote anything in very many months so I'm a bit rusty. Might rewrite this at some point, but until then I would really appreciate to know what you think hahah. I need a confidence boost.)

Pairing: Jason Kolchek x reader

Requested: By anon, anon and anon.

Prompts: #56 from the fluff/humour-list.

Warnings/notes: Unprotected secks (wrap it before you tap it, kids). Very poorly written smut, kinda rushed and kinda shitty, probably very OOC. But would still appreciate to know your thoughts and opinions. I could really use some new motivation hahah. Not proofread so apologies in advance for any mistakes.

Wordcount: 12,182

Summary: Being Eric King's younger sister, you're without a doubt as fierce as they come, and Jason just can't seem to hold a conversation with you without stumbling over his words and fucking it up. It isn't until the two of you go through and survive the same hell that feelings are confessed and actions are taken.

During the short time that you had been with your current team, you weren’t quite sure what the worst part was; Merwin’s horrible choice of music echoing through the vacant stone castle every wake second of the day, or having to turn a blind eye to your sister-in-law having a love affair behind your brother’s back.

But in a much more real sense, you knew exactly which part was worse.

Eric and Rachel’s relationship had been something you admired and envied more than anything back when they had first met. You had never seen your brother so happy and so much himself, and as you got to know her better, you eventually realized that he was not the only one to change for the better.

They were both very… turbulent people. That was the only word you could think of to best describe them. They had issues, both within themselves and in general, and they helped even those issues out by creating a mutual balance.

It was beautiful to you how two people could lift each other up like that, and no one had been happier than you were when the two of them told you that they were getting married, more in love than ever.

But then the accident happened. The accident that couldn’t really be blamed on anything or anyone but still, somehow, managed to bring everyone down with guilt, and drag everyone into one big game of “point the finger”.

Eric would never admit it out loud but at the start of his recovery, he blamed Rachel. Rachel blamed herself, as well, and Eric did everything that he could to comfort her and let her know that it wasn’t her fault, but he was just so angry, and that anger needed to be directed somewhere. So, after a while, he just… shut off, convinced himself that he was so angry at Rachel that he eventually couldn’t even look at her without getting mad, even though, in reality, the only one he was angry at was himself.

It drove the two of them apart and, eventually, Rachel couldn’t take it anymore and took off, leaving the responsibilities behind with the person who was second closest to him; you. You didn’t mind taking care of him. You wanted to help him in any way you could, just like he had helped you throughout your lives.

And on the inside, Eric appreciated your help, more than words could even begin to explain, just like he had Rachel’s. He just… couldn’t bring that gratitude out to the surface, no matter how hard he tried which, in the end, made him push you away, as well.

“You’re too much like Rachel and I can’t take it! I need to figure this out on my own without you, or Rachel, or anyone hovering over my shoulder at all times!” He had yelled at you one night during one of your many arguments, after which he had then proceeded to arrange for you relocation.

You guessed there was some kind of hidden consideration for your wellbeing in the fact that he arranged for you to go work alongside Rachel instead of just throwing you into a random warzone. At least that’s what you told yourself to prevent yourself from giving in to the anger he had caused you feel. It did the trick, so you wouldn’t change your mind.

But still, having seen the relationship you had once admired above all else fall apart like it was nothing, had caused you to see the world a lot clearer. Your brother had been the one to raise you in many aspects so seeing him and Rachel drift apart was like seeing your own parents get a divorce, and having to watch Rachel go behind your brother’s back only made the issue worse.

You would never condone cheating, ever, but at the same time, you had reached a point where you’d accepted that the relationship between your brother and sister-in-law would always be too complicated for you to understand. There was a lot that had gone on behind the scenes, things that you didn’t know, and so you pretended not to see it, leaving them to deal with it on their own, in their own time.

It might have been a morally questionable choice on your end, but you couldn’t be bothered to care. You had been stuck in the middle of their drama since day one following the accident and you didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. All of it made the mere taste of the word “love” rest bitterly on your tongue, which you guessed was why you denied yourself of your own emotions the way that you were currently doing on a daily basis.

Yeah, although mentally exhausting and emotionally traumatic, the aftermath of of your brother and sister-in-law’s broken marriage wasn’t the worst part about being with your current team, nor was it Merwin’s shitty music – shocking, yeah.

No.

The worst part about being with your current team was a so-far unmentioned option, one that came in the shape of a man, a certain marine, who had, for some unexplainable reason, caught your eye and developed a fondness for you that was as clear as day to anyone with eyes, since you had first joined them in Iraq.

Like you said, he had caught your eye, so it wasn’t that you weren’t interested, because in your own, weird way, you were. But the version of him that you were attracted to, was the one you heard and saw interact with his friends and mutuals from afar.

The version he became when the two of you interacted directly was someone else entirely, and one of many permanent results of having had to deal with your brother’s marital issues, was that you didn’t care much for uncertainty, anymore. You wanted things to be frank and straight forward. No bullshit, no lollygagging, and it infuriated you to no end that you had yet to have a successful actual conversation with the Lieutenant, which you knew was probably scaring him off even more.

Camp Slayer was as noisy and disorganized just like it had been every day since you first arrived, with teams from different branches of the military still working on getting settled and making sure everything was in place.

As always, Merwin’s shitty music – the third worst thing about being where you currently found yourself - could be heard echoing through the entire premises from wherever he currently was and if you were to take a guess, Rachel was off somewhere playing tonsil hockey with her new favourite toy.

Meanwhile, you were on your way to the front of the palace, where you had just gotten word that your brother had arrived.

As you turned corner after corner, the music, much to your dismay, became louder, and it wasn’t long before the sound of faint voices joined in.

“I see you, old man. Keep busting out those reps.”

The voice of Jason Kolchek was the first your ears picked up on, not much to your surprise, but much to your annoyance. Your face fell into an involuntary scowl as your stomach uncomfortably churned, but luckily didn’t get any more time to dwell on your troubles before the people you had been looking for entered your line of sight.

Jason was still talking, but now that your eyes had found the form of your brother, you couldn’t focus on the words coming out of his mouth anymore. And as Jason turned his head at the sound of the approaching footsteps, only to find you heading in his direction, he lost the ability to focus, as well, his arm instantly coming up to scratch the back of his neck, as if the cocky playfulness he’d previously had when conversing with Merwin, hadn’t been there at all.

“Ma’am.” He instantly greeted you, clearing his throat and visibly making an effort to stand up straighter.

You blatantly ignored him, not daring to move your eyes as much as an inch away from your brother’s face.

Said brother stared back at you through the dark sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose, the corners of his lips tugging up ever so slightly as he nodded his head – enough to show fondness, but not too much as to lose professionalism.

“(Y/N). You’re looking good.” He said.

Giving a curt nod in response, you clutched the rifle in your arms closer to your body out of habit. “Likewise, Colonel King.”

It didn’t take Merwin long to pick up on the tension hanging in the air – it rarely did seeing as tension just so happened to be his favourite thing to mess around with, especially if it wasn’t his own - and just like always, couldn’t stop himself from making an entrance into the ongoing conversation the second he picked up on the fact that there was something scratching from underneath the obvious surface.

“Oh, I see how it is.” The shit-eating grin that overtook his entire face reached all the way to his eyes. “Old lover of yours, sweetheart?” He directed the question to you, but his teasing eyes kept moving back and forth between you and your brother.

The mere sound of the suggestion was enough for your face to twist into an expression of pure disgust.

“Hardly.”

“Fuck no.”

Both of you replied in unison. You couldn’t see it through the dark fade of his glasses, but you could still feel the scolding glare your brother sent your way for your choice of words.

Turning his attention back to the front, Eric continued with a short but calm: “She’s my sister”, obviously being a bit – read, a lot – more capable of keeping his cool and hiding his disgust than you were.

“No shit.” Merwin laughed. “Well, this is just great, isn’t it, Lieutenant Kolchek? Should you tell the Colonel about his sister’s new boyfriend, or do I get the honours?”

Merwin got up behind you and brought his hands up to your face, squeezing your cheeks together lightly in an attempt to get you to make a kissy face.

“Boyfriend?” Eric’s eyebrows shot up so high that his forehead crinkled together, his head turning back and forth between the three of you with clear confusion, and interest.

Merwin’s attempt to deform your face failed when Jason’s hand quickly moved up to slap his arms away, causing them to fall back to his sides.

“Ignore Corporal Merwin. He lacks social skills.” He told your brother, giving the man of the hour a warning glare.

“I guess every unit has its resident jackass.” Eric was, thankfully, more than happy to drop it, as usual wanting nothing more than to get down to business. Unfortunately, however, you knew your brother well enough to know that he’d get back on the topic eventually, with the way his eyebrows remained raised in your direction for another short moment.

The smirk never left Merwin’s face as he stepped back and returned to the bench he had previously been seated on, but he did know better than to keep pushing it and, luckily, shut his trap.

Clearing your throat, you emptied your mind of the rushing thoughts and put on a professional face, turning to face Jason. “I’ll take Colonel King the rest of the way from here, Lieutenant. I have some things to go over with him before the briefing.”

Jason smiled that crooked half-smile that he always did and respectfully nodded his head. “Yes, ma’am. We’ll see you in there in just a minute.”

The three of you exchanged nods of departure and then sister and brother turned around and walked away, leaving Jason to stare after you left.

“Yes, ma’am.” Merwin imitated Jason in a much lighter-than-necessary voice, and the second you had turned the corner and disappeared from his sight, Jason turned to his fellow brother-in-war and lightly flicked his head.

“What the hell was that?” He asked, and despite just having been hit upside the head, all Merwin did was laugh.

“What’s the matter, lover boy? You don’t like it when I touch your girlfriend? You don’t do it so someone ought to, don’t you think?” He teased, which only made Jason’s annoyance grow.

“She ain’t my girlfriend and you well know it, Merwin.”

“Oh, don’t we all.” Merwin smirked, and Jason narrowed his eyes.

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, please. We all watched you throw every last shred of dignity out the window the second she got here, following her around like a lost little puppy, about ready to get on your knees and eat from her palm if she asked you to.” Merwin cackled, seeming to find this the most entertaining thing in the entire world.

“She doesn’t like me like that, and making a fool out of me hardly helps my case, does it?” Jason raised an eyebrow.

“You do that more than well enough on your own, brother.” Merwin shot back. “You’re so pathetic it’s almost sad. I’ve fucked girls with more balls than you.” He laughed loudly again, but Jason didn’t find it as amusing.

“Thank you, thank you for that very pleasant image.” He sarcastically said, his lip turning up in disgust at the picture that was painted in his mind against his will at the sound of the words.

“I’m just saying, you need to stop fucking around and do something, or someone else will. Pretty little birdie like that never goes too long without being picked up, you know what I’m saying?”

“You know, I can’t remember where I invited you to comment on my love life.” Jason pointed out defensively, but he knew that his friend was right.

He did know what he was saying; in fact, he knew exactly what he was saying. But the fact remained that you didn’t like him the same way he liked you. There just wasn’t a chance in the world that a girl like you would settle for a guy like him, and so the best thing he could do was to leave you alone, much to the dismay of those around him, who had to watch him pathetically pine after you in silence.

The following day was the first time in a long time that they didn’t have to watch the painfully awkward stares their Lieutenant would send after you, but seeing as the reason for the absent second-hand embarrassment was quite… unfortunate, they unfortunately couldn’t bring themselves to count themselves lucky.

Because no matter how cringeworthy it was to watch Jason lose all sense of self just from one, mere look at you, it sure as hell beat being chased around an ancient temple by vampires.

None of you had been able to focus on anything personal since you’d been swallowed by the sinkholes, your sole objective being to get out of there with your lives intact and having to work as a team in order to pull that off, which was a lot easier said than done when you kept getting split up.

But you managed, miraculously, and were currently, slowly but surely, making your way back up to the top after having blown up the massive mountain of cocoons down below.

Once you had exited the lift, Rachel took the lead with Nick at her side and Jason and Salim close behind, while you and Eric lingered back a bit, walking slowly side by side.

“You’re not still mad at me for relocating you, are you?” His voice reached your ears, causing you to turn your head to look at him.

You raised an eyebrow.

“Is the sky blue?” You asked sarcastically, but when seeing the disappointed fall of his face, you dropped the attitude and heaved a sigh. “No, I’m not mad at you. Slightly annoyed, perhaps, but that’s just one of the many charms that come with siblinghood, isn’t it?”

You made your best attempt to smile through your exhaustion, and Eric matched it with a smile of his own. “I suppose that it is.” He agreed, chuckling.

Silence fell over the two of you again, but only for a short, short moment.

“So, about that alleged boyfriend of yours.”

A defeated groan instantly left your lips. “I knew you weren’t going to let that go.”

Eric laughed. “What? You can’t expect me not to ask. So, what about it?”

“I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s just some running joke the guys have to mess with Kolchek.” You insisted, rolling your eyes and hugging your rifle closer to your chest. “Getting a boyfriend is not as easy as they make it look in the movies.”

The bitter tone that your voice adapted brought your brother to chuckle. “How about you let a guy take you to one for a change, then?” He teased and raised an eyebrow. “Lieutenant Kolchek does seem kind of fond of you.”

You threw him a side-eyed glance and proceeded to ignore him.

“Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” He continued teasing, even though the fact that you hadn’t replied to his previous statement was all the answer that he needed.

Still, you shrugged your shoulders, muttering out a low: “I might,” as confirmation.

At that, Eric raised a prying eyebrow. “So?”

“So?” You mimicked him, keeping your eyes ahead of you.

“Why haven’t you given the guy a chance?” He asked, and once again you just shrugged.

“I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.” You admitted flatly. “But then I think about you and Rachel, and how the two of you ended up, and I don’t want that to happen to me. I wouldn’t be able to handle it, to be completely fucking honest. You guys are a fucking mess.”

“You’re not us, though, are you? You’ve always been better than both of us. Just because we didn’t get a happy ending doesn’t mean you shouldn’t chase yours.”

“And you think I’ll find that with Lieutenant Kolchek?” You turned your head slightly to the side, raising an eyebrow at him with the hint of an amused smile playing on your lips.

Your brother made a “meh” sound, shrugging his shoulders and tilting his head slightly to the side. “He’s a better option than most.” He admitted, and although you were still smiling, you shook your head.

“Yeah, that’s the problem.” You pointed out. “Knowing myself, I’ll probably end up breaking his heart, ruining him completely and scarring him for life.”

“Honestly?” Eric’s face rose in a suggestive, playful smirk. “He seems like he’d be into that.” He continued, and chuckled.

You couldn’t help but laugh along. “You’re probably not wrong.” You admitted, thinking back to the countless of times you had witnessed him stumbling over his words and feet whenever you’d enter the same room as him. You always pretended to not see it, both to spare him the embarrassment, but also to not have to admit to yourself that you maybe, possibly might have liked him, too.

“It’s not very often that I am.” Eric said, and you snorted in response.

“That is seriously debatable. But whatever helps you sleep at night.” You objected, and beside you, your brother’s mood took a more serious turn.

“I would sleep better at night knowing you’re happy, that you’ve got someone to look after you.” He said.

Another snort left your nose.

“I’m very well capable of doing that myself, thank you very much.”

“I know you are, but still. That guy seems about ready to take a bullet for you.” He shrugged, and snickered.

“Well, yeah.” You chuckled. “We’re marines, that’s kind of in the job description.”

“You know what I mean, (Y/N).” He mused, but you just shook your head.

“Look, if he wants something from me, he can come and take it. Until then, I’m going to pretend like this conversation never happened.” With those words hanging in the air, you reached out to pat your dear brother on the cheek, and then turned back forward, quickening your pace to catch up with the others.

Luckily for you, you didn’t even have to pretend, as the conversation you’d had with your brother mere moments before was as good as forgotten ten minutes later, when the lot of you found yourself facing a dilemma.

With everyone being tired and aggravated, it didn’t take long for Eric and Rachel to make said dilemma personal, even though it wasn’t about anything even remotely related to either of them; said dilemma being that the way through which you had come in, was now blocked by a pile of debris, leaving only two, narrow ways out of there.

“I can’t believe you’re seriously arguing about which way to take.” You finally snapped, having been able to keep your cool for five minutes, but no more.

Eric and Rachel grew silent and turned to face you along with everyone else, as you walked into the centre of the room you were currently holed up in.

“You know what, why don’t we break the first rule of every horror movie ever and split up? Rachel will go left with Clarice, Merwin and Salim, and I’ll go right with Eric, Nick and Kolchek. Sound good? Good.”

Rachel rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. “Of course, you’re siding with him. How sweet.”

“No. You do not get to do that.” You quickly shot her down with a harsh, pointed glare. “I’ve supported you through the shipwreck that you call your marriage just as much as I’ve supported Eric. So don’t even try starting that shit with me, you hear me? This is not about you, about me, about Eric, or about anyone. Least of all is it about choosing sides, because the only thing we need to be doing right now is work together. So drop the whole petty victim act and get yourself together, because I am not fucking dying down here because of personal drama clouding people’s judgment.”

Rachel glared back at you just as fiercely as you finished, as always too proud to openly apologize. But the way her arms came uncrossed and she took a step back showed you that she had gotten the message and regretted lashing out.

With her having backed down, Eric took a step forward and nodded his head. “She’s right. This is bigger than all of us. We need to remain focused on the mission and the mission only.” He said to everyone, before turning to his wife. “Since we can’t seem to agree on one option, we’ll do it (Y/N)’s way and see where we end up. It’s not like we have anything else to lose.”

“Yeah, except for our lives.” Nick was the one to speak up this time around, and having had enough of this bullshit, you could only roll your eyes.

“We’re risking our lives no matter what we do. Better we go down trying to find a way out than standing around arguing like a bunch of five-year-olds.” You said, giving everyone one last, pointed glare before heading for the right side of the room.

“Kolchek and I will take the lead. Move out.”

There was a collective mumble throughout the group.

“Yes, ma’am.” Nick replied through clenched teeth as you passed him, clearly having to bite is tongue to prevent any further protests from slipping out.

No more needed to be said, everyone else scattering and following your lead, heading in the direction they had been assigned. As Merwin and Jason crossed paths, the former smirked suggestively at the latter.

“Doesn’t it make you all tingly when she takes control like that?” He teased, and Jason’s automatic reaction was to respond with a silent glare.

“Cut the crap and focus on the mission, Merwin.” Rachel, who was walking behind the man in question, pushed on his back to get him to keep moving.

“Yes, ma’am.” Merwin replied and did as ordered, not before flashing Jason another suggestive face.

As the group split into two and everyone fell into their respective places, a thick blanket of silence fell over them, tense with the lack of promise. But after everything you had been through these past few hours, you refused to give up hope, staying alert and focused on nothing except finding a way out of there.

Jason, on the other hand, couldn’t seem to focus on the task at hand no matter how much he tried, no matter how much he tried to force himself. The fact that you were walking so close beside him was too distracting, so close, in fact, that if he just twisted his body slightly to the right, his arm would brush against yours.

He cursed himself out in his head for being so easily-affected.

To and with everyone else, Jason was a confident guy. But with you, everything was different.

He hadn’t gotten around much since enlisting in the army – or at all, for that matter, as was kind of to be expected.

After leaving his old ways behind in 2001, he had dedicated his entire life to making a better man of himself, to finding a purpose and making a difference. It turned into a competition with himself and everything else became irrelevant, nothing but a distraction that he eventually stopped paying any mind, that including women.

Hell, he wouldn’t have been able to get with anyone even if he’d wanted to, seeing as being a marine rarely left much time to spare for pleasure; least of all in the first few years of service during which you were still either training or climbing your way up the ladder of ranks.

The sad reality was that some men would pay for prostitutes during their deployments, but Jason had never felt that strong of a need to get his, well, needs satisfied. He recognized that he was more man than animal and he wasn’t so desperate to get his dick wet that he would deprive someone of their own free will in order to make it happen. There were more important matters that needed his attention.

But despite the fact that he was currently out of practice, he had always had game when the moment called for it. He had the confidence, and a natural charm that he’d always been able to sway the ladies with, but not with you.

With you, everything was different. It was like merely being in your presence turned his brain into a mess of incomprehensible thoughts, like it switched off the English that he knew and turned on a language he had never heard before.

It made him say the dumbest, most idiotic shit, and when under stressful circumstances? He lost control even more, which is probably what prompted him to say what he did next.

….

“So, uh…” Jason cleared his throat. “You like football?”

Damn it.

He visibly flinched at the sound of his own question and somewhere in the back, he could faintly pick up on the sound of Nick snorting through his nose and then covering it up as a cough.

That detail did nothing to boost his confidence, a deep, annoyed breath escaping his nose as he realized his mistake.

“This is hardly the time or place to talk about sports, Lieutenant.” You instinctively snapped in response, still set in attack mode after your brief, but still unpleasant, dispute with your sister-in-law.

If his confidence had been low before, it was absolutely demolished now, your reaction making him feel even more stupid.

“Right.” He cleared his throat again, awkwardly adjusting his grip on his rifle. “Just trying to ease the nerves, ‘s all. Don’t seem to be working very well, though.”

“Yeah, you’re telling me.” You muttered in agreement, before heaving a deep sigh of your own. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping. I’m just so fucking fed up.”

He turned his head to look at you. Your skin was littered with cuts and bruises of all shapes, colours and sizes, your hair caked with dry blood and mud. The exhaustion was just as visible on your features as it was evident in your voice, and no one could blame you.

On the contrary, he admired you for how collected you had remained through it all, while everyone else had lost their shit on at least one occasion each; including him.

“I get it. This shit’s got all of us on edge, and you have to deal with your brother’s wrecked marriage on top of it.” Jason quietly spoke, turning his head back forward. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s fucked up that you’re stuck in the middle. Their fuck-ups shouldn’t be dumped on you and left for you to deal with.”

At that, you broke your stare away from the narrow path ahead of you for the first time, to instead turn to look at him. Your eyes met as he did the same, and you offered him a weak smile.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” You said.

A few second of silence passed, the two of you just holding each other’s stares. When you finally broke the eye-contact to turn your attention back forward, you couldn’t help but to chuckle.

“You know, I think this is the most you’ve ever spoken to me in one go. I’ve been with you guys for weeks and you’re only now making an effort to actually converse with me. You’ve got a weird sense of timing, Kolchek.”

You shook your head, eyes sparkling with amusement. He watched you from the side as you turned your head to meet his eyes again, and then without saying anything else, you turned back forward and walked ahead, leaving him behind in your tracks.

“You are so whipped.”

Jason barely even got a second to recognize that someone else had taken your spot at his side before the voice of his best friend and brother-in-action reached his ears.

He wasn’t spooked, however, simply sparing him a sided glance before turning his sight back to the path ahead.

“That obvious, huh?” He wondered somberly, not even attempting to protest.

He could deny his feelings for you to anyone else all he wanted, but not to Nick. He wouldn’t even bother trying, knowing already that he wouldn’t be able to get away with a lie.

“To anyone with eyes? I can hear your heartbeat from here.” Nick chuckled at his lovesick friend, admittedly feeling his pain and struggle. “Why’d you let her walk away, man? You had her right here, you could’ve at least tried to make a move, seeing as this might very well be your last chance.”

The truth that Nick spoke left a bitter taste in Jason’s mouth.

“I did try.” He replied, and Nick raised an amused eyebrow at that.

“Oh, yeah? When? You mean the fiasco of a conversation that I was just forced to bear witness to? Yeah, I heard that. That was just sad. If that’s what you consider trying, then you very clearly have the wrong idea of the word’s definition. But hey, one positive thing to come out of this is that I now know what to get you for Christmas – an English dictionary!”

As the cave around them echoed from Nick’s voice slightly increasing in volume, Jason sent him a pointed glare, silently giving him the note to be quiet.

“How am I supposed to know what she likes talking about?” He followed with.

“Uh, I don’t know, maybe ask. You know, like a normal person, instead of diving straight into your own interests. Just a thought.”

“You’re one to talk. Don’t think I don’t see you sneaking looks at the Queen Bitch.” Jason scoffed an amused, teasing laugh.

This time it was Nick’s turn to glare. “The difference between you and me, my friend, is that I have game.” He stated plainly, still not abandoning the friendly banter despite now being the subject of the joke.

“I have game.” Jason was quick to object, which prompted Nick to raise his eyebrows amusedly.

“Really? Then where are you hiding it?” He mocked.

“I just don’t know how the hell I’m supposed to talk to her.” Jason defended himself, but what he thought was a good defense only seemed to have the opposite effect.

Nick raised his eyebrows. “So, you admit that you don’t have game.”

Jason opened his mouth, ready to fire back with equal cockiness, but before he could get another word out, his agenda abruptly changed and caused him to immediately spring into action, launching his body forward.

“(Y/N), watch out!” He called out to you where you were walking a little bit ahead of them.

At the sound of your name being called so urgently, you wasted no time in whipping around to search for the source, only to find Jason running straight for you. Your instinct told you to look down at your feet and so you did, finding that you were merely an inch away from tripping over a tripwire.

Luckily, you managed to secure your footing quick enough to back away before that happened. Unlucky, however, was that this set an entirely new set of actions into motion, as you then backed into a nearby wall instead, which just so happened to hold a number of lose, large boulders on the top. The boulders in question came barreling down in the direction of your head, and before you had the time to react, your body was tackled out of the way and, in the process, straight to the ground.

You didn’t know how you had managed to be the one to land on top when Jason had been the one to tackle your body to the ground but, somehow, that’s still where you found yourself once the dust and noise caused by the boulders had settled.

You automatically let out a quiet groan, feeling your muscles ache more now than ever before. You forced yourself to bite through it and slowly began moving.

“You okay?” You managed to get out through the pain, and Jason coughed as you rolled off of his body.

“You’re heavier than you look.” He commented before he could stop himself, and rolled over in the other direction, following your example and beginning to stand up.

“Wow, you sure know how to flatter a girl, huh?” You breathed.

“Aw, shit, I didn’t mean it like that.” You watched as panic and regret pulled over his features and couldn’t refrain from chuckling at how easily you could get a rise out of him.

“Calm down, Kolchek. I’m just messing with you.” You spoke. “This one’s one me. If clumsy was a currency, I’d be a fucking billionaire by now. Ask my brother and he’ll happily tell you all of the embarrassing stories from our childhood.”

You straightened your back and brushed the excess dirt off the front of your clothes, and then reached your hand out to the man in front of you, who had obviously taken the biggest hit judging by the way he was still hunched over in pain.

“I guess I better keep a better eye on you then.” He jokingly remarked, accepting your gloved hand and allowing you to pull him back up to his full height.

Where he’d gotten the sudden boost of confidence from neither of you knew, but you couldn’t deny that you were pleasantly surprised, a mischievous grin spreading over your lips at the sound of his words.

“Maybe you should.” You agreed.

He held your gaze as he straightened himself up and regained his balance and composure, but much to both your and his own disappointment, he didn’t say anything else. Whatever smidge of confidence he had gotten in order to make his previous comment was already long gone, leaving the two of you in a silence that was everything but comfortable.

You cleared your throat to break the silence in question, the ghost of a smirk stretching over your lips as you continued, “Well, uh, thanks for saving me. And hey, maybe I’ll be more willing to answer any inquiries that you might have about sports once we’re back on the surface. You’ll have to try and see. Maybe you’ll get lucky.”

With a small wink, you turned on your heel and went ahead once again, and this time around Jason watched as you watched your feet more closely.

“You’re done for good now, man.”

Nick was immediately back at Jason’s side, like one of those bad consciences that you sometimes saw appear on cartoon character’s shoulders and that wouldn’t go away.

Once again, Jason had barely gotten a second to pull himself together before being ambushed by the fellow marine, but once again he was not a stranger to Nick’s intrusive actions.

“I’m guessing you heard all of that, too.” He said as he brushed himself clean from the dust and dirt, readjusting his backpack and rifle and making sure everything was in place and close at hand after the fall.

Falling into step with each other again, Nick and Jason followed you where you were walking ahead of them.

“We’re in a cave system where every sound echoes for miles. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in here heard you.” Nick didn’t waste any time in sugarcoating.

His words immediately brought a deep sigh out of Jason’s nose, his lips stretching into a straight line and the muscle in his jaw clenching every so lightly as he muttered out a quiet: “Great.”

While Jason silently tortured himself for butchering yet another chance to actually make a connection with you, Nick was clearly finding amusement in his misfortune.

“It’ll be a miracle if she agrees to go out with you after this, that being if you ever grow the balls to ask her out in the first place.” He chuckled and shook his head as he went on. “But then again, she just straight-up flirted with you after you called her fat, which is already a miracle in itself.”

“Hey now, I don’t think that’s how it went-“

The sound of someone clearing their throat suddenly came from behind them, interrupting Jason mid-sentence and unlike when Nick crept up on him, admittedly catching him by surprise.

“Fuck.” Jason cursed under his breath before he could stop the curse from slipping out, partly because he hadn’t expected an extra person to join in on the conversation that was already crashed by one too many unwelcome participants, but also because the most recent addition to the party just so happened to be the last person that Jason wanted to be involved in the subject at hand.

Still, he put on a brave face, quickly moving to straighten his posture and regain his composure with a clear of his throat.

“Colonel, didn’t see you there.” He murmured, and watched as Eric amusedly raised his eyebrows in return.

“Clearly.” He chuckled, lips stretched into a small smile. “You know she likes you, too, right?”

His direct approach took Jason by surprise and out of pure instinct, his eyes briefly flickered to the side where Nick had previously been standing, only to find that the man in question had now disappeared. How brotherly of him.

Turning back to the Colonel with a slight annoyance brewing in the pit of his stomach, directed at his supposed friend, Jason cleared his throat once more.

“With all due respect, sir. I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.” He curtly stated, freeing his face of emotion and letting his lips pull into a straight line.

”Are you shitheads coming or what?! I ain’t got all day!”

As if sensing the compromised situation that Jason was currently caught up in, your voice then called through the cave from somewhere up ahead. Stupidly, the mere sound of it was enough to make his professional front falter.

Eric, who seemed to find this amusing more than anything, laughed, and spoke, “Don’t worry, Lieutenant. I’m not one to meddle with my sister’s love life.”

Jason could feel the back of his neck grow hot with embarrassment, even more so when Eric then reached out to place a hand on his shoulder.

“But a piece of advice?” He started, immediately continuing, “Don’t take too long. She doesn’t care much for waiting around for things that don’t lead anywhere. Shoot your shot, and make sure that you don’t miss. Because if the moment calls for it, I won’t.”

Ah.

There it was.

The sign that Jason had been waiting for to confirm to him what he had feared; that your brother had heard everything he had said about you. A threat of some kind had only been expected and although a lot milder than he would’ve expected from someone like Eric, Jason still took the same amount of offense that he would have if the threat had been more severe.

“Yes, sir.” Was all that he managed to get out through slightly clenched teeth, but his stare never wavered, and he managed to stay cool enough to give a nod of courtesy.

“Glad to know we understand each other.” Eric nodded back and smiled, squeezing his shoulder once before letting his hand drop back to his side.

Luckily, the conversation ended there, no more words being exchanged between the two as they moved to catch up with you and Nick, where you were now making a makeshift bridge in another cave.

It wasn’t long until you regrouped with Rachel and the rest, the woman in question not being so tough anymore as she begrudgingly admitted that they should’ve gone with Eric’s choice of direction from the start.

From then on forward, everyone stuck together and focused on nothing other than getting out of there, with the parasite-infested vampires hot on your trails and the unstable ruins that you were forced to climb posing just as big a threat to your lives as they did.

By the grace of everything holy, you miraculously managed to find your way back up to the surface and once up there, survived the final attack brought on by the eclipse. Salim went on his own way as your brother called for a pickup and before you knew it, you were all safely aboard the helicopters and on your way back to Camp Slayer.

Once arriving at the palace, you were almost instantly whisked off into separate interrogation rooms by people dressed in contamination suits, to be briefed about the events that you had just lived through.

A lot of arguing, three blood-tests and a few aggravated outbursts later, you were finally released to go clean yourself up, and even though the showers were only portable ones with no more than a showerhead and some plastic curtains working as a makeshift cubicle, you could safely say that you had never before felt as relieved to feel the heat of a shower as you did right then.

It pained you when you had to turn off the water and go back to the real world, but you knew that you couldn’t stay in your bubble forever and forced yourself to leave it despite your body and mind both desperately begging you to stay.

Getting dried and dressed was as painfully boring as it always was, and you were eager to get some long overdue rest. You weren’t sure you or anyone else would be able to sleep after what you’d just been through but nonetheless, getting to crawl up in a warm bed sure as hell beat being hunted by an alien species through an underground maze.

Even after your long, hot shower, during which you had cleaned yourself off with soap and shampoo not one, not two, but three times, you still felt dirty from all of the blood, mud and God knows what else that had been covering all thinkable parts of your body.

The dirty feeling left you feeling cold, and you couldn’t wait for the uncomfortable sensation to go away.

”Ah, crap. I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked.”

The sound of a voice suddenly echoed through the vacant bathroom, successfully pulling you from your deep set of thoughts and back to reality. Not having expected it, you jumped slightly in surprise, your hand automatically moving to the holstered gun that was resting on the sink beside you.

Whipping your head around to find the source of the disruption, however, you only found Jason, standing with his back turned to you, one of his hands shielding the side of his face and his head sheepishly hanging low.

Realizing that there was no danger, you let out a breath that you hadn’t even known you were holding and pulled your hand back from the gun, instead going back to getting dressed.

Stepping into your unlaced boots and pulling your sweater on over your head, you were done, grabbing the wet towel from the floor and throwing it in the trash bag beside the sink like you had been instructed to do.

”I was just finishing up, anyway. It’s all yours.” You told him as you collected your belongings – the few ones that they had let you keep upon your return.

”It takes a while for the hot water to come through so you might wanna let it run for a bit if you want it warm.” You added as you pulled your dog tags back over your head, and taking this as a sign that you were now decent, Jason slowly turned back around to face you, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

”Thanks.” He answered as he shuffled further into the room.

Keeping it simple, you offered him a nod and a tight-lipped smile as you passed him, and headed for the exit without another word.

Jason didn’t let himself look after you, nor did he make an effort to stop you. The atmosphere between the two of you had been tense and unpleasant ever since you’d come back to base, and neither of you were willing to admit to yourselves that the reason behind the drastic change was what went unspoken; not just the secret attraction, but most of all the fear.

What would happen once the adrenaline left behind from the recent events had died down? What would happen if one or both of you were unable to move past it? Would you still be as tempted by each other? Would you still be drawn to each other? Or was the only reason behind your sudden increase in attraction the fact that you didn’t want to be alone, that you wanted an escape?

Jason knew that he had been attracted to you since long before this day, but he had seen enough relationships go downhill as a result of trauma to know that the human mind was unpredictable and also the emotions that it felt, and he knew that there was no guarantee that he would be the same man as before once reality had settled in.

And you knew the same.

You both knew that getting romantically involved with someone who had just been through hell, when you had, as well, was a risk. Vices of escape were all fun and games when you were just escaping the trauma, but less so when you crossed the line between that, and needing an escape from yourself.

And yet, you couldn’t stop your body from literally whipping back around when your name fell from his lips, heart beating in your chest with an emotional whirlwind so mixed that it was impossible even for its host to make sense of.

”Yeah?” You asked, and cleared your throat to regain some of your momentarily lost composure, raising your eyebrows in question.

”Uh…” Jason turned to the sink and reached out his arm to grab something, turning back to face you a moment later with your watch now in his hand. ”You, uh, you forgot your… your watch.”

He cleared his throat, and you slightly raised your head.

”Oh, right.” You didn’t know why, but you felt relieved. ”Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it.” You forced another stale smile as you reached out to take the watch.

When your fingers brushed against his and the touch then disappeared just as quickly as it had been made, you realized that it may not have been relief, but rather disappointment, that you were feeling.

Whatever it was, you pushed the feeling to the back of your head and stepped back. “Goodnight, Lieutenant.” You offered him one last smile, and he smiled back.

“Goodnight.” He replied and, with that, you turned around and headed back the way you came in, listening to the sound of the shower being turned on as the door closed behind you.

Shoot your shot.

Your brother’s words echoed through Jason’s head. He clenched his fingers around the edge of the counter that he now stood leaning over and looked himself in the mirror, being met with his own glare as regret and self-directed annoyance flooded his body.

”Idiot. You had her right here. You could’ve done something. You should’ve done something. You’re a marine, for Christ’s sake, what’s wrong with you? Fucking pussy.”

You’re not us.

Your brother’s voice rang in your ears, repeating the words that he had told you down in the cave and sounding so clear that it was almost like he was right there beside you. You had never bothered going out of your way to pursue any type of permanent relationship, and your brother had always given you crap for it, telling you that life is too short to not take a few risks.

As if becoming a marine wasn’t risky enough as it was.

But granted, it did feel a lot worse when it was your emotions at stake. At least it did to you.

But your brother was right. You needed to put yourself out there more, you needed to break a rule every once in a while, and you couldn’t deny that it was infuriating you to no end to not know what was going on inside Jason’s head.

An annoyed breath forced its way out your nose at the mere thought of his constant shillyshallying. You knew that he was attracted to you, just like you knew that you were attracted to him, but even then, he hadn’t done anything except beat around the bush since you first met.

There was nothing you hated more in life than leaving things unfinished, whether it be business, personal projects, or anything in between. And when it came to Jason, not a single one of the few, brief conversations that you’d been able to hold felt finished. Even though you said goodbye, it always felt like something unspoken was left hanging around in the air, floating around your heads, taunting and mocking you.

You were getting riled up by your own thoughts and you didn’t know if it was because you were actually annoyed about the Lieutenant’s lack of initiative, or just because you were trying to gather the courage you needed to turn around and go back, and your body and mind’s way of doing so was to through flaring your temper.

Either way, it seemed to do the trick, as you came back to reality and realized that you were now heading back in the direction of the showers.

A normal person probably would have stopped outside and knocked or called out to make sure that they weren’t about to walk in on someone standing around in their birthday suit, but on this particular day, it would seem that logical thinking was something both you and Jason were lacking in.

And so, you didn’t even think twice before flinging the door back open and walking back inside, your eyes immediately finding their target over by the sink.

Jason’s eyes instantly caught yours through the mirror and he wasted no time in standing up to his full height and turning around to face you, a mixture of nervosity and mild surprise overtaking his features and triggering an automatic increase in heart rate.

His mouth opened to speak, but before he could get as much as a sound out, you beat him too it, wasting no time in getting to the point.

“I’ve either completely misinterpreted everything about you, us, and this, whatever this is, because I left the invitation quite open down in the caves and you have yet to even attempt to make a move on me. Or you’re just completely incapable of expressing what it is that you want, so here’s the thing, Kolchek. I sorta, kinda, maybe, might, slightly, possibly like you, and regardless of which one of the options that it is, I need you to pull yourself together and tell me what you want to say, because it’s painfully obvious that you do have something to say to me, and even though I’m a smart enough girl to figure it out on my own, I want you say it to my face, because I’m not doing this whole beat around the bush thing with you anymore. Okay?”

Jason opened his mouth once again, and then closed it, and opened it again, like a fish out of water. He didn’t know what he had been expecting, but an outburst like that sure wasn’t it. It left him at a loss of words, like it would anyone, and all that he managed to get out under your burning stare was a small, quiet, and most of all pathetic:

“Okay.”

….

Silence fell over the two of you, the only sound audible being the shower that was still running by your side.

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Okay, you’ll tell me what you want or okay, we’re not doing this? You need to be a bit more specific.” You answered, maybe a bit too harshly.

However, before you could dwell on the tone of your voice…

“I want you. God, I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.”

This time it was your turn to be taken by surprised. You were very well aware of what you had just demanded him to do, but a small part of you hadn’t actually expected him to do it.

Suddenly, your attitude was turning into a challenging one and as you uncrossed your arms, you raised an eyebrow as you asked, “So, so are you going to do something about it? Or am I going to have to lie to my diary and say that you kissed me when, in reality, you were too cowardly to follow through?”

“I’m not a coward.” He objected shockingly quickly, and it was clear judging by the way his jaw flexed and his eyes narrowed that you had struck a sensitive nerve.

You quirked an eyebrow at him to challenge him even further, and from that moment forward, everything happened very quickly.

Three long, determined strides was all it took for him to reach you where you stood and once he did, you wasted no time in raising your arms to greet him by grabbing on to either side of his neck and pulling him closer to you.

Your lips met in a heated kiss and as an automatic reaction, Jason’s hands came to rest at either side of your hips, so lightly that you could barely feel the pressure at all. And yet, it was just enough to get your heart racing in your chest.

It wasn’t until you were urgently kissing and gripping at each other that you realized just how much you’d wanted this to happen. You had known that you felt some kind of attraction for him, that much being pretty much inevitable seeing as he was the one person who was closer to your age and also happened to be your exact type on paper - that is, when he wasn't turning into a verbally challenged clutz who couldn't seem to get a single coherent sentence of actual value out.

But you had still denied yourself of anything pleasurable for so long that you hadn’t really realized to what extent those feelings of attraction had been brewing, nor had you realized just how starved you were of any kind of physical contact that didn’t include patching up bloody wounds or assisting someone in battle.

And opposite of you, Jason seemed to be coming to the very same realization, as he gradually started becoming more and more comfortable and with that also more daring, with his hands gripping at your hips with a bit more pressure, and slowly but surely making their way up your clothed sides.

Your body reacted the only way it knew how, with excitement tingling in your chest, churning your stomach and sending your heart into a hard an uneven beat, and quickly making its way down to the lower regions of your body.

You were no stranger to the familiar feeling, but it had been so long since you had felt it to this extend that you responded to it with an urgency you didn’t know you possessed, your hands moving from the sides of his neck and up to the back of his head, far enough for your fingers to find hair long enough to become lost in.

The feeling of your fingernails scratching his scalp as your hands wandered was enough to make him release a small groan into the kiss, and when you then took a firm grasp of his hair to lightly tug him even closer, he had to stop the movement of his own hands and squeeze where they currently resided on your waist in order to keep himself stable.

Without breaking away from the kiss, the two of you worked together to flip sides. With your back now turned to the sink, you slowly backed closer to it, taking Jason with you with every step.

It wasn’t long until you felt the hard surface press against the small of your back, and only then did you break away from the kiss, bringing your hands down from his head to instead place them on the edge of the counter.

You held Jason’s gaze as you raised yourself off the floor and onto the surface, and he watched your every move as you then proceeded to kick your shoes off to the side.

At that point, his previously braver front briefly faltered.

“We’re really doing this in here?” He questioned in a hushed and doubtful voice.

This time around, as opposed to any other time, you found yourself feeling surprisingly amused by the obvious fact that his otherwise macho bravado was nothing but a front that he put on to appear tough – clearly not being quite as tough as he liked to make himself out to be.

Quirking an eyebrow at him, your amusement showed through the small, teasing smile that was now playing on your lips.

“Unless you don’t want to.” You lightly shrugged.

“That a trick question?” Jason asked back, and you couldn’t stop yourself from chuckling.

“Just kiss me, you idiot.” You said and reached out in front of you to grab the front of his shirt, leaving him very little time to think of an answer.

He did nothing to try to stop you, though, giving in to you immediately and allowing you to place your lips back on his by meeting you in the middle.

Your hands moved down to where his were now grabbing the edge of the counter on either side of you and grabbed a hold of his wrists. With little to no struggle, you tugged on them to make his hands lose their grips of the counter.

Jason got the idea and allowed you to guide his hands to instead rest on either of your thighs. From there, you started to trail your hands up his thick forearms, picturing the black ink that adorned them behind your closed eyelids. His tattoos and forearms being two of your favourite physical attributes of his, this immediately succeeded in riling up your lust and need for him even more.

While your hands kept making their way up his arms, along to his shoulders, neck and eventually finding their way back into his hair, his hands slowly but surely began moving up the insides of your thighs as he regained some of his momentarily lost confidence.

As your movements once again became more urgent, his lips left yours to instead attach themselves to your neck; a surprising but welcome move that automatically resulted in your head falling back into the mirrored wall behind you.

His hands passed your hips and grabbed a hold of the end of your shirt, giving it the smallest of tugs to indicate what he was thinking. You wasted no time in responding, nodding your head and allowing him to pull the sweater over your head and discard it somewhere on the floor.

His lips returned to your neck and his hands to your hips just as quickly as they had left.

“Is this alright?” He asked you, hesitating at the line of your pants. The southern drawl dripping off his voice only poured more fuel to the fire burning in your stomach, even more so with the way it came out muffled from his face being pressed into the curve of your neck.

“Yes, just-“ You jumped slightly, hissing at the feeling of his fingertips brushing against your skin. “Fuck, your hands are cold.” You cursed.

“Sorry, sweetheart.” The chuckle that followed was so deep and amused that it sent a flurry of butterflies through your stomach, and the nickname that seemed to fall so easily from his tongue did nothing to help calm it.

But you stayed silent, focusing on controlling your successively quickening breathing while his fingers nimbly unbuttoned the front of your cargo pants and pulled down the zipper.

You automatically raised yourself off of the counter to give him enough access to pull your pants down your hips. His lips left your neck as he took a step back. Despite the loss of physical contact, you never let your eyes break away from the other’s as you individually kept working on discarding your layers.

You kicked your pants off your legs and watched with heaving breaths as Jason pulled his shirt over his head. Only then did you fail at keeping the eye-contact, your eyes instead traveling down to his now bare upper body.

With thick, tattooed arms, wide chest and shoulders even wider, Jason stood before you, his breaths just as ragged and urgent as yours already, even though you had barely even gotten started.

But no matter how attractive you found his build, there was nothing that did it for you as much as his next course of action did, your breath literally catching in your throat as you watched him unbuckle his belt and then proceed to yank it out of the loops with one swift motion, the long string of leather falling to the tiled floor with a clink.

“Fuck.” You cursed, breathing out in what you could only describe as amazement. “That was kind of hot.”

Your unexpected comment caused Jason’s eyebrows to shoot up. “Yeah?” He nervously but fondly chuckled, and you nodded your head, releasing another breath.

“Yeah.” You answered, and when you then reached behind your back to unclasp your bra, letting it fall off of your body, it was his turn to become stunned.

But he didn’t stand around for long, only long enough to take you in in your entirety before stepping back between your legs.

“You are so fucking beautiful.” He praised you, his eyes following the curves of your torso and chest, and his fingers gingerly following suit.

Hearing those words spoken in his Southern drawl was enough to send another flurry of butterflies through your stomach, and no more words were spoken as you pulled his face back to yours to reattach your lips to his.

His hands found their way back to your thighs, where his fingers copied their previous actions by trailing back up the inside of them. The feeling had been nice enough before, but now that there was one less layer of thick fabric between your skin and his, the feeling that it brought you was enhanced by a thousand, even more so when one of his hands moved up your side and stopped to cup one of your breasts.

Your nipples hardened at the feeling of his calloused fingertips brushing over them, and a moan uncontrollably left your lips at the sensation. As if your body was moving on autopilot, your legs instinctively moved to squeeze together, the heat between your legs begging for some friction and release.

Having had his other hand on the inside of your thigh, Jason didn’t miss this move of yours and took action, trailing his hand up to the fabric of your underwear.

As his hand pressed against your aching heat, you were no longer able to keep yourself collected enough to keep your lips on his, your head instead falling back against the mirrored wall once again as yet another moan escaped from your slightly parted lips.

“Jason.” His name slipped out before you could catch it.

Fuck. His body immediately reacted to it. He was so used to you calling him by his formal title or surname that the sound of his first name falling from your lips sounded damn near orgasmic and successfully added fuel to the already burning fire, urging him to move quicker.

Moving both of his hands to the line of your panties, he quickly pulled them down with your help, letting them fall to the floor like the rest of your clothes.

He brought a finger to the centre of your folds and carefully parted them, coming to find that you were already so ready for him that your arousal had escaped you and evenly distributed itself without needing any help from you or him.

As a result of your body’s eagerness, his fingers easily and effortlessly slid over the small bundle of nerves that was just aching for some kind of frictional release.

You had to bite down on your lip to prevent yourself from being too loud when he inserted a finger, and furthermore press your head harder into the mirror behind you when it got too difficult to contain.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jason mumbled against your skin as he kissed along the curve of your neck, and you nodded, using your legs to pull him closer.

Without saying a word, you moved your hands down to the line of his boxers and inched it inside, grabbing a hold of him with no hesitation in your movements.

“Shit.” He involuntarily cursed at the feeling of your warm hand wrapping around him and setting him free from the straining fabric of his boxers. His breathing increased in speed significantly and quickly as you gave him a pump, his hands hurriedly leaving your body to grab on to the counter-edge to hold himself upright.

With his head hanging low right beside your face, his warm and ragged breaths fanned right by your ear, and to see, hear and feel the kind of power you had over him only succeeded in turning you on more.

So, without further ado, you scooted further out on the counter and spread your legs, wrapping one arm around Jason’s shoulders to hold yourself steady, and using the other to help him line himself up at your entrance.

Neither of you being able to wait any longer, he slowly pushed himself inside of you.

Aroused as you may have been, you had still had very little stretching prep, and so you had to take a moment to adjust to his size, nodding your head once the momentary pain had disappeared to signal that it was okay for him to start moving.

And once he did, you couldn’t contain the moans no matter how hard that you tried.

“Shit, Jason.” You moaned in a borderline-whiny tone, and let your head fall back against the mirror once again.

There it was again; the sound of his first name falling from your lips with such neediness. He had never heard a sound as sweet as it before, and he wanted to hear nothing else for as long as he lived.

Breathing hard while slowly pumping in and out of you, he murmured into your neck, “Tell me how you like it, alright? I want to make you feel good.”

You nodded your head as to say “okay”, but you couldn’t muster any words.

Jason was so eager and nervous, and so incapable of hiding it, that his hands and breaths shook with every move and breath that he made and took. He mentally cursed himself for being so easy, begging to God that you hadn’t taken a mental note of your own, of how pathetic and willing for you that he truly was.

Had he been able to read thoughts, though, he would have known that you, luckily, hadn’t. You couldn’t think about anything in that moment, not even the feeling of his hands on your body. All you could think about was the sensation said hands left behind, his fingers and lips leaving burning trails of pleasure in their wake.

Contrary to his worries, he was already doing everything perfectly, touching and kissing you in all the right places, and hitting you in all the right spots.

Meanwhile, you tried to distract yourself from the intense waves of pleasure by grabbing on to anything you could find; his hair, his shoulders, his arms, and the back of his neck. Your wandering hands, the way you would squeeze his muscles and flesh and tug at his hair with your fingernails lightly scratching his scalp, was quickly bringing him closer and closer to the edge, much sooner than he would have liked.

So to assure that he wouldn’t leave you unfinished, he moved the hand that had previously been making its way up and down your side to instead focus on the place where you desired him most.

You immediately moaned when you felt his fingers brush against you and the pace of his rhythm increased, his hips snapping in and out of you. While one arm remained wrapped around his shoulders, your other hand rushed down to hold on to the counter’s edge to keep your body in place. And as the tension in the pit of your stomach intensified, you had no other choice but to lean forward and press your face into the crook of his neck to prevent any further sounds from slipping out.

Both of you were reaching your finish points judging by the way you were starting to shake and his movements were becoming sloppier, and before you knew it, an intense wave of pleasure came over you as you toppled over the edge, your nails digging into the skin of Jason’s shoulder as you came.

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed together as he focused all of his senses on you an you alone. He listened to the muffled moans you were releasing into his neck right by his ear, tasted the memory of your lips on his, and felt the way you were clenching and unclenching around him.

“Fuck.”

The curse spilled out before he could stop it and his entire body tensed up as he reached his own end no more than a few seconds after you had done the same, releasing into you with a guttural groan escaping his lips.

He rode his orgasm out and then he stilled, his entire body slumping against yours. His exhausted pants fanned across your skin and you brought your hands up to his hair, combing your fingers through the damp strands of brown in an attempt to still his tremble all while trying to catch your own breath.

Once a minute or so had passed, he finally raised his body from yours, your skin sticking together with sweat.

“I still have to take a shower.” He spoke, pointing out the very obvious.

You nodded in response, slowly straightening yourself up as the weight of his body disappeared from on top of you.

“Yeah, I think I might have to take another one.” You chuckled, tilting your head slightly as you looked at him.

”You don’t mind if I join you, do you? It’ll save time.” You asked, and all he did was shake his head and smile, holding his hand out for you to take.

You took that as another chance to admire the way his tattoos complimented his muscular arms, and accepted his outstretched hand, allowing him to help you down from the counter and over to the shower where the water had been running this entire time.

When you were finished cleaning up and getting redressed, the two of you turned off the lights and headed out. You almost felt like two lovesick teenagers when you had to sneak past your brother in one of the corridors and into your assigned sleeping quarters.

You had to admit that it felt weird sleeping next to someone after having slept alone for so long, but after getting settled beside each other in bed, you still - contrary to your previous belief - quickly and effortlessly drifted off to a peaceful sleep, both of you happy that Jason had taken your brother's advice to shoot his shot.

Tagged: @cheyenne-dunn-universe @thefictionalgemini​ @katnisspeetaprim​ @merrymarmalade​ @kade-is-gay @bow-to-fox​

[annaizscribbling]

Just Out of Reach

Chapter eight of my Patton Centric psychological horror/ Dad!Patton suburban family fic.

Read on AO3 here or read chapter eight below!

CW: Blood mention. Gaslighting. Manipulation. Nightmares. Lost sense of reality. Depression. Insomnia. Child abuse (sorta?). Horror elements. Light gore.

wordcount: 5500

The next five days pass in a brightened frenzy of paper crafts, animated movies, endless animal facts, sunny midday naps, long walks filled with chatter, rowdy trips to the park, and a pile of worn-out kids squeezed on the couch together, eyes struggling to stay open as the movie winds down for the foreseen yet satisfying happy ending.

Patton was comfortably situated on the armchair pushed up against the couch. He wasn’t watching the television but preferred to admire his children instead. He didn’t dare move to find a camera or something but rather he tried to remember the moment in his mind as vividly as possible, that way he can recall it and reignite that warm spark in his heart when his head gets cloudy again.

Logan is curled into Virgil’s side, using the end of his brother’s open hoodie as a makeshift blanket. Virgil is holding his phone in one hand, occasionally glancing at it, then back at the television. His free hand is holding the snoozing toddler’s neck, keeping it from lolling into an uncomfortable position. Both twins are draped over Janus in some way, with Roman having lain himself across both Virgil’s legs and then propping himself up with Janus’ shoulders. Remus used the arm of the couch as his seat, but toppled over halfway to lean on Janus, who is mostly unbothered by them. A thin blanket is spread over his lap, as Janus is the most prone to getting chilly, even in the middle of the hottest summer months.

Something about the sight thaws parts of his heart he didn’t realize had frozen over, and somewhere deep down he makes a grave decision.

The next hectic week had Patton almost too busy to dwell on confliction or fear, he was instead caught up in the bustle of everyday life that comes with raising a gaggle of rambunctious children.

Patton also learns quite a bit about his kids.

He learns that Roman hates carrots with a fiery passion. Logan likes his juice watered down, but not if it’s cranberry juice. Patton had to pretend he forgot what day it was to cover for himself when Virgil leaves to go to a local arcade with his friends like he apparently does every Tuesday night. He learns that Remus refuses to wear both pieces of a matching pajama set, and Roman refuses to mix and match them. Janus likes to make his bed in a very particular way, and if you try and do it for him, he gives you the silent treatment for hours. Both twins can be persuaded into cleaning if you tell them to pretend to be a tragic protagonist like Cinderella, as Virgil demonstrated for Patton with a wink. Logan and Virgil can communicate without speaking somehow. Janus will find a way of tricking the twins out of their dessert if you don’t pay close attention.

And they all enjoy Crofters jam, but of course, none so much as Logan.

Something about it all seems so meant to be. Patton settles into the role as if it were second nature. Each new fact he learns about the children finds its way into his head and lodges there, as if he’d known for years and it just slipped away for a single moment. He takes each little dilemma in stride, settling petty squabbles, comforting each moment of distress, providing new and inventive meals, picking out a brightly colored band aid for each scraped knee, and sneaking up on his boys with a bear hug and a hair ruffle, that always ends in a playful tussle and a kiss on the head.

Every day is a new and unique mosaic of imperfect perfection.

He balances Logan on his hip as he vacuums, listening to him excitedly explain how he picked up all the blocks upstairs. Patton uses the end of his socked foot to kick toy cars out of the way as he vacuums and keeps an eye on the twins as they dust the shelves. He’s talking over his shoulder to Janus, telling him which disinfectant sprays can be used on the coffee table. Virgil is mopping, headphones strapped on and so loud that Patton has to tell him to turn it down before he damages his hearing.

While dusting with probably just slightly too much enthusiasm, Roman knocks a picture frame off the bookshelf, startling Remus into jumping two feet back, knocking into an unsuspecting Janus who trips and accidentally kicks the bucket of water that Virgil was mopping with, flooding the kitchen tile with dirty mop water.

And all Patton does in response to it is sigh and chuckle, ready to grab an armful of towels from the linen closet.

As big of a mess it ended up being, Patton was completely okay with it, because it was really just an inconsequential mess that could be fixed with a bit of patience and some towels. He managed to turn it into a game, getting the children’s competitive nature involved. Soon afterwards, the spill was cleaned, and they could all get back to their Saturday chores. Patton turned on some Disney music and they finished within the hour.

Everything ended up perfectly fine.

Little mishaps weren’t so bad. They were part of that messy perfection that Patton believed in. So he didn’t mind the mess. Because Patton could handle those types of messes.

It wasn’t complicated or painful. Littles messes are one sided, black and white, straightforward, manageable. They teach a lesson to be learned from and can be wrapped up neatly at the end of the day. They were simple.

Sure, even the little messes can seem massive and unsolvable to children, but Patton was the father. He had the answers, the easy fixes, the gentle nudges in the right direction. That was when was it was easy, that’s when life was hazy in a good way.

Spilled buckets of water, breaking a vase, throwing a baseball into the window by mistake, scraped knees, crayon scribbles on the wall, and bad dreams about the shadows in the closet.

Those were some things that Patton could explain and guide kids through without fearing repercussions or permanent problems if he slipped up. Those weren’t the multi-faceted issue with multiple complex points that all contradict, had no real answer, and caried heavy moral consequences that hinge on how you both handle and explain them.

But Patton could handle the little messes.

The little messes were okay.

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Virgil had intercepted Patton just before he went to bed that night.

Patton was admittedly pretty tuckered out after such a long day of crafts, walks, games, and wrestling with the twins. It was all incredibly fun, and Patton wouldn’t trade it for the world, but it really took some energy to keep up with them all day.

He’d accidentally kept the kids up just a bit too late. Save Virgil, the kids had all gathered in the twins’ room, where Patton couldn’t help but read a book for them, making the story as animated and exaggerated as possible.

Logan somehow managed to fall asleep face down on the carpet, but the twins and Janus were more than happy to stay awake for the full chapter, commenting and giggling at Patton’s wide array of silly voices, funny faces, and sound effects. Roman especially seemed to love it, loudly shushing his brothers when he got invested in the characters as Patton read.

But eventually he glanced up at a clock and realized the poor kids really could use some sleep, so Patton decided on a stopping point, sent Janus to bed with a big hug, tucked in Roman and Remus, scooped Logan off the floor to carry him to his room, then left the peacefully dozing toddler to go say goodnight to Virgil before getting some shut eye himself.

As Patton was approaching his room, he ran into Virgil, who had left his own room to find him. He was leaning up again the wall, his ever-present phone lit up in one hand. The wall of framed family photos behind the teenager had Patton resisting a smile. The photos were adorable, all at least a bit grainy, but such fun pictures that all could have been taken just yesterday.

The yellowed hallway light was the color of childhood nostalgia. It cast golden shadows over his child’s face.

“I just, uh. I wanted to ask if you were feeling better,” Virgil said, rubbing the back of his neck, “Last week, or whatever, you said you were really tired, and I guess I just wanted to check.”

Patton smiled softly, “Aw, thanks Kiddo. I’m feeling much better actually.” he said, and he felt a sense of self reassurance with how honest he was able to be.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I am!” Patton said. “It’s been really good lately, I’ve been,” he paused, picking his words carefully, “… I’ve been happy.” he decided.

The tension that Patton hadn’t noticed in Virgil’s shoulders gently melted away. He broke into a relived smile. “I’m really glad, Dad. I’ve been worried since you mentioned the allergy medicine stuff.”

Patton’s smile tightened slightly around the far corners of his mouth. “Yeah.”

“You’ve seemed like yourself again the last few days,” Virgil shrugged. “All chipper and bouncy again. But yeah, I was pretty scared for a day or two. Thought that maybe something happened, maybe. I don’t know, I-I was just worried about you.”

“I’m so sorry kiddo, I didn’t mean to worry you. Everything is okay now.” Patton promised gently.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Virgil said, a smile pulling at his lips.

“Me too.” Patton whispered, tenderly pulling his eldest son into an embrace. Virgil returned the hug, wrapping his arms around Patton’s middle and giving a tight squeeze.

“I won’t take that stuff again,” Patton said into Virgil’s hair. “I won’t end up like that anymore. That’s over now.”

Virgil nodded into Patton’s chest. “Please don’t.” he responded, voice muffled and quiet.

“I know you worried about it,” Patton said, holding Virgil tighter. “I’m sure it kept you up at night, and stuck in your head when you tried to relax, but everything is okay. We’re all going to be perfectly fine.”

After a long moment in that hug, Virgil pulled away, wiping his eyes. “Love you, Dad.” he said quietly.

“I love you too, Virgil.” Patton whispered before pulling him back once more for a quick squeeze. Virgil laughed and playfully rolled his eyes and he wriggled out of Patton’s embrace.

The kid lingered for a moment before slipping away into his room across the hall. His footsteps were as quiet and delicate as fresh fallen snow.

The sticker covered door shut with a tiny click that rang in his ears, and Patton was left alone in the dim hallway.

Patton swallowed a mix of love and guilt that was building behind his tongue. Love for his kid, who cared so deeply and unashamedly for all of them. His kid who was so at ease and so authentic, who harbored no bitterness or deep seeded pain.

But the love was soured by a horrible tangy guilt.

Allergy medication.

Years of difficult choices. Hours of arguing. Months upon months spent in isolation and resentment. His entire lifetime up until now as a function.

He was letting Virgil blame it entirely on allergy medication.

He was really going to stick with that one, wasn’t he? Would it end there? Would he just let that one little lie be the foundation for everything else? Would that eat at him forever? What was he supposed to do? Tell the truth? He doesn’t even know where on earth he is. How would the truth help?

He rubbed his eyes as he opened his bedroom door, feeling an upcoming headache creep in. He just needed to go to bed and forget about it until morning or something.

Though really, he wouldn’t do ‘something’. No, he’d just forget about it, or at least tell himself he had forgotten.

Patton bit back a groan as he shut the door behind him. It was pitch black in his room, with the curtains drawn so no moon light was present to illuminate where his furniture was.

He vaguely remembered a floor lamp beside his bed, so he stumbled around looking for it, reluctant to hurt his eyes by turning on his ceiling light. Too bright.

Naturally, he tripped over the stupid slippers that always made their way into the center of his floor no matter how many times he kicked them under his bed. It was well known that Patton rarely swore, but the things he’d audibly called those cursed slippers would make a sailor do a double take. Unfortunately, Remus would probably be proud of his rather creative language.

After what felt like far too long for such a simple task, Patton bumped into the lamp and managed to locate the switch around the back.

A pleasant sharp sound greeted his ears as his eyes were blinded by a harsh cold light. He squinted and blinked to rid his vision of the spots floating around his eyes.

“Took you long enough.” A voice nearly directly beside Patton said dryly.

Patton jolted backwards with his eyes wide, clutching his chest like he’d had a heart attack. He nearly tripped over the stupid slippers again but managed to catch himself before he took a tumble.

His visitor smiled with a smug amusement, eyes flicking over each detail.

Of course, none other than Janus, was seated crisscrossed in the middle of Patton’s bed. He was still in his pajamas from earlier, but somehow managed to carry a completely different aura than before. His spine was straight, his hair was neater, his eyes were narrowed critically. He held himself with the distain and elegance of a renowned art critic instead of a nine-year-old boy, and he didn’t have to say a word to do it.

It made Patton’s bones feel tense with a tight dread.

After the few seconds it took for Patton’s nerves to recover, he ran a shaky hand through his hair. It felt silly to be so frightened by nothing but a little blonde boy, but he really was quite shaken, and judging by the way Janus was introducing himself, Patton had a sickening feeling that this conversation would not be pleasant.

“Janus? What are you doing in here? I thought you were in bed.” he said wearily.

In response, Janus smiled thinly. “I go where you need me.” he said noncommittedly.

Patton sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Well, it’s late, so I need you to go to bed now, Janus.” he said.

“Just like you need Virgil to trust you.” Janus shot back coolly, making absolutely no effort to get up and leave. He almost seemed to settle down even more.

“Janus, please,” Patton said in a low voice, headache beginning to throb.

The child did not respond. He just stared calculatingly.

“What do you want?” Patton caved timidly.

“I want exactly what you want.” Janus said easily, examining the edges of his nails.

Patton’s jaw tightened as he crossed his arms. His gaze hardened. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“Really?” Janus said, very clearly holding back a smug grin. “Because I disagree. You wouldn’t have acted like that with Virgil just now if you had a different goal than me.”

“You don’t know anything about that.” Patton retorted, feeling a hot defensiveness building behind his lungs. He swallowed thickly.

“I know a lot about that, actually. I know you’re telling him what he wants to hear, that way you get what you want, which is also what I want.” Janus challenged, eyes bright with a defined taunt.

The air in Patton’s lungs felt significantly thinner than before. He bit hard at the inside of his mouth. “Janus, stop. I don’t know exactly what you’re trying to do, but I know you’re manipulating me again.”

“Me? Manipulating you?” Janus asked with false doe eyes.

“Yes!”

Janus raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. “So just like you just manipulated Virgil?” he said sweetly.

Patton nearly took a step back. “W-what? Janus what are you talking-”

“Oh!” Janus interrupted. “I’m so sorry, maybe I misheard you. Because I thought I heard you tell Virgil that the reason you were acting so weird was because you took a different allergy medication.”

Patton faltered as guilt stabbed him like a hot knife in the gut.

Janus fluttered his eyelashes innocently, “Or did I mishear that?”

“No. No that’s not manipulating.” Patton argued weakly, though the confliction in his voice was far too thinly veiled to hide from Janus of all people.

“I’m pretty sure it is.” Janus said with an eyeroll. “You wanted Virgil to trust you and feel safe with you, so you lied to get him to feel that way. I’m pretty sure that’s manipulating, or am I just a silly little kiddo of yours?”

“You told me to say that!” Patton panicked.

“And you immediately agreed to lie,” Janus smirked. “Which maybe could be seen as a panic response,” Janus admitted with little reluctance. “But that was when you first got here. Now do keep in mind, you ended up using that lie multiple times, even going so far as to reinforce and add to it. I may have given you the lie, but you’ve seemed more than happy to use it when things get sticky. Not very moral of you, is it?”

Patton stammered in response, “But it wasn’t like that! I-I just wanted to comfort my son!” he protested hotly.

A slow Cheshire grin stretched over Janus’ lips. “Well look at that,” he purred.

The hairs along Patton’s arms pricked. He felt something icy settle in his gut. “… what?” he dared to ask slowly.

“We now know what you want.” Janus said, cruel victory lacing his voice.

Tears threatened to breach Patton’s eyes, but bitterness kept them at bay, at least for that moment. His hands gripped and ungripped at his sides. He felt his headache intensify threefold.

“Don’t cry, Dad.” Janus soothed sarcastically. “I’m not going to ruin any of that for you. We’re one and the same.” he smiled. “Remember? I want the very thing that you want.”

Patton bit harder at the inside of his mouth until his saliva went bitter and coppery.

“It’s just easier to work with someone who has come to terms with themselves.” Janus continued, “I for one support it. You know what you want, and finally, you have the opportunity to take it. I’m not stopping you, Patton. I’m helping you.”

“Stop.” Patton whispered as he rubbed his face with his hands, as if trying to hide.

“Only if you mean stopping to smell the roses.” Janus chuckled lightly, as he finally stood up from the bed to depart.

“Goodnight, Dad. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He padded around the side of the bed and left the room, shutting the door behind him firmly.

Patton kept his head buried in his hands until the weak stream of tears had pooled out onto his hot palms. He could feel his arms shaking and his headache continue to grow more fierce with every passing second.

Finally, when he felt he could face reality again, he pried is hands from his face and looked up.

There, on his nightstand, sat a very large vase, filled abundantly with flowers. They were, in fact, roses. Spotless white roses to be precise, all completely uniform and at the perfect peak of their bloom.

Patton scrubbed his face of its tears, turned off the light, and collapsed into bed, not bothering to get under his sheets.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As it had been his entire time at the little home so far, Patton’s dreams were few and indecipherable. When his mind drifted off, it drifted nowhere in particular. Dreams were an inky void that revealed nothing good nor bad, they just spun and echoed rather peacefully until he woke up to face what felt like a dream in itself, in a good way at least.

Sleep had stopped being restful before he came to the suburban home. He just craved sleep constantly because sleep was a reprieve from being awake, and being awake was not a good thing, though something about falling asleep was also dreadful, because he knew that eventually he’d have to wake up at some point.

And again, being awake was not a good thing back there. Being awake meant dead silence, guilt, and the crushing burden of his present reality.

In the suburban home it was different. Sleep was nice. It was nice because he felt good afterwards, and there was something to look forward to when he woke. It felt healthy, and Patton decided that he liked feeling that way. Though he couldn’t remember when he first lost that feeling to begin with. He’s certain he had it at some point in time.

After his talk with Virgil in the hallway, and of course, his brief conversation with Janus in his room, Patton had fallen asleep quiet easily. It seemed to be a benefit of living there.

He was deeply asleep, comfortable, and blissfully unaware of the white roses at his bedside table, the curtains that swayed ever so softly with the AC, or the tiny padding footsteps going slowly down the hall.

Patton did not hear when the footsteps came to a sudden halt. He did not take note of how the sound went silent directly outside his door, lingering there for many dead seconds. He did not awake when the little brass doorknob turned, or when the door opened with the gentlest of creaks. He didn’t hear the door close once more, or when the footsteps came closer to his bed, slowly walking around to the side with the bedside table.

Though Patton did notice when a cold hand gingerly reached forward to press against the side of his neck.

He awoke with a sudden start, flinging himself backwards to the far side of his bed, head whipping wildly to catch sight of what touched him. He was standing on his knees on the bed, wide eyed.

The little shadow at his bedside also jumped back, cowering in the dark like a frightened baby bird.

“W-who’s there? What’s going on?” Patton stammered as he squinted at the figure. His heart continued to beat wildly in his chest, but the more logical part of him had already begun to calm down significantly as he suspected what had happened.

A tiny sniffle was heard as the little shadow curled into itself further. “Sorry,” came a tiny whisper as Patton’s breathed a sigh of relief.

“Logan? Kiddo? Is that you?” he called gently, easing himself back into a more comfortable sitting position.

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Logan said quietly, still huddling away from the bed.

“Don’t be sorry honey,” Patton soothed, “You just startled me. C’mere.”

The little shadow that was logan hesitated, still sniffling.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, Kiddo. It wasn’t your fault, it’s okay. You can come.” Patton beckoned as he moved to set his feet on the ground. “It’s okay.”

Logan was up on his feet after just a second more of deliberation. The toddler shakily jumped up onto the bed beside Patton, still sniffling and holding himself in a hug. The little guy was clearly even more frightened that Patton was and judging by his poor baby’s slumped form and exhausted words, he had an idea of what had happened.

“You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Patton cooed, bringing an arm around Logan to hold him closer to his side. He used his freehand to part the curtain by his bed, using the little bit of moonlight to see his son.

The child leaned fully into Patton’s pajama shirt without saying anything. Patton could feel damp eyes leaking into his side and his heart winced in sympathy. He went a step further and just pulled Logan into his lap, wrapping his arms around his tiny form and letting him get comfortable. He could feel the poor guy shivering despite the summer heat.

“Bad dream.” Logan whimpered into Patton’s chest.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Logan.” Patton said gently, pulling him a little closer. “Bad dreams can be really scary, and you’re so brave for coming and getting me.”

Logan rubbed his nose and buried his head in Patton’s arm. “You were there. In my dream.” he said quietly.

“I was?” Patton asked as he rubbed Logan’s back gently, keeping a secure grip on the toddler.

“Yeah,” Logan sniffled again. “y-you got hurt.”

“Oh baby,” Patton rested his chin on Logan’s head of curls. “That must’ve been so hard, but I’m not hurt for real. I’m perfectly okay, everyone is fine in real life.”

“You hit your head.” Logan whispered frightenedly, doe eyes glossy with tears that he could just barely make out in the moonlight

Patton found his grip on Logan a smidge tighter than before, and not necessarily because he was aiming to comfort the child.

“You fell down,” Logan continued shakily, “And you didn’t get up. There was blood everywhere, until it was in my socks and my shoes a-and I kept falling on it when I tried to get you. It was turning my clothes red, and it wouldn’t come off! You didn’t hear me yelling, but I was yelling, and I could hear cracking sounds, over and over and it wouldn’t stop!”

It was a remarkably dark dream for a child to have, and something about it made Patton’s stomach flip with discomfort. He kept rubbing circles into Logan’s back.

“What happened next, honey?” He prompted gently.

“You got up.” Logan said through fresh tears. “You got up and started walking, a-and there-there was blood all down the back, and it was everywhere. You couldn’t hear me but you walked away, and everything was getting really dark and you were gone and- and”

Logan was beginning to get hysterical, so Patton very softly shushed him and cradled him against his chest, bouncing him slightly. He rubbed circled into the little kid’s back and let him cry it out for a few minutes.

“It’s okay, everything is okay. I hear you, buddy. You’re okay.” Patton murmured as Logan sobbed.

“Roman stopped me.” Logan whispered as soon as his tears were tame enough to speak through. He was nearly gasping from lack of air.

“He stopped you?”

“Yeah,” Logan hiccupped. “He stopped me from getting you.”

Patton frowned. “He stopped you from getting to me?” he inquired.

Logan nodded frantically. “Yeah. So I tried getting up to find Vee, but he wasn’t waking up, even when I called him really loud.”

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry. But it’s only a dream, we’ve got to remember.” Patton said, still holding the child securely.

“That part was real.” Logan said quietly, eyes beginning to flutter from exhaustion.

Patton’s blood turned to ice. He froze before asking, “… which part, Logan?”

“Hmm?” The child hummed sleepily.

“Kiddo, you’ve got to tell me now, which part was real?” Patton said more firmly, trying to wake him up a little as urgency built in his throat.

“Roman and Vee.” Logan said tiredly.

“Roman stopped you? Was he in your room? O-or-”

Logan rubbed his eyes droopily. “No. I got up to get Vee, an Roman was there. He told me I couldn’t get you, but I went to Virgil when he went downstairs.”

“Then what?” Patton asked, hoping his own dread wasn’t too obvious.

“Vee stayed asleep.” Logan said, voice crumbling a bit, “he says I can come wake him up if I’m sad, but he stayed asleep, and it was too scary. Then I came and got you.”

Patton nodded numbly, not that Logan could see it. His own thoughts were racing at a thousand miles an hour, all of which were moving too fast to process. He bit at the inside of his mouth, finding blood there very quickly.

“Logan, honey, did you see Janus at all?” Patton asked softly.

The reaction was immediate. Logan stiffened and clamped his mouth shut so quickly he could’ve bitten his own tongue off. He went silent.

“It’s okay baby, did you see him?” Patton tried again, as nonthreateningly as possible.

Logan’s frail form began to shiver violently. More tears began leaking from wide eyes. The child kept his mouth clamped shut still.

“Logan-” Patton tried to console him, but the kid was frantic now.

The child yanked himself out of Patton’s grip and tumbled to the floor, breathing erratically and covering his head like he was expecting to be thrown in a boxing ring.

Patton was panicking now. “No, Logan. It’s okay, I’m not mad. It’s fine- Logan. Logan- please-” He scooped Logan off the floor to try and settle him in his lap again, but it was proving difficult.

“Don’t tell him.” Logan begged. “Please don’t tell him. Please- Please. I’ll be good. I’ll be normal. I- I won’t talk. Don’t tell him. Please don’t tell him. Daddy I’m sorry. I won’t talk. I’m sorry-” Logan was sobbing and thrashing as he begged.

All Patton could do was hold him, whisper to him, and resist crying too.

It took what felt like hours for the child to wear himself out, but eventually his breathing began to return to a normal pace. Silent tears remained fresh on both their faces as he cuddled the child close to his chest, as if he could possibly protect him.

“Don’t tell Janus.” Logan whispered through his ragged breathing.

“I promise.” Patton whispered back.

They remained in silence for a very long time, neither speaking nor attempting to. Patton was content to just remain where he was, despite the pained crick in his neck from his position. Nothing could pry him from his child.

Then he hears a floorboard creak outside his door.

Patton’s heartrate shoots up so high he gets dizzy for half a second, but he hardly has time to think before he’s acting.

He doesn’t check to see if Logan is still awake or not, he just immediately opens his covers and pushes the kid far beneath them before crawling in himself. He settles down as fast as possible, closes his eyes and forces his chest to rise and fall slowly.

Then he waits.

Nothing happens.

Not a single sound can he detect beside the roaring of his own blood in his ears.

  Nothing happens.

  Nothing happens.

  Then another creak as the door swings open.

Patton’s heart threatens to give out, but he ignores it to strain his ears further.

  Nothing happens.

  Nothing happens.

 Another creak and the door closes. Footsteps retreat back into the hallway.

Patton doesn’t dare stir for at least ten whole minutes, focusing on listening and the child pressed up against his side, who isn’t moving at all.

Ten more minutes pass before Patton very slowly sits up, and checks on Logan. He throws the covers off the kid’s head to find that Logan had own hand clamped over his mouth and tears running down his face.

Patton has so very little to offer, so he gently presses a shaky kiss to the top of Logan’s head and gathers him in his arms to just hold him for a moment. Logan doesn’t remove his hand from his mouth, even when Patton tries to nudge him.

“You’re shivering.” Patton whispered, getting no response. “I’ll get another blanket.”

There’s a basket in the far corner of his room with a variety of blankets that he could wrap the child in, so he very gently eases Logan off his lap and tiptoes across the room to rummage through his options.

It takes maybe half a minute to pull one out. His hands are shaking too, making it hard to wrangle one out.

It takes ten seconds to make it back to the bed.

Logan is gone.

Patton rips the sheets away in a panic. He drops to his knees to look underneath the bed. He runs to the connected bathroom to search for him. He turns on his lamp and spins twice before terror gets the best of him.

He sprints to his bedroom door and flings it open without a trace of hesitation.

There’s a horrible scream coming from the far end of the hall, shrill, pained, and raspy. He can’t make out exactly what voice it is, but it is most certainly a child.

There are no second thoughts to have before Patton is running towards the noise.

His vision goes stark white.

Then pitch black.

He finds carpet in his face, his body hurts.

He’s on the ground, he realizes.

Patton tries turning over but he’s met with more darkness.

Then something soft.

The world tilts and turns and there’s a screeching pain in his ears that rings and echoes before suddenly fading away.

  Patton is sitting up in bed on a sunlit summer morning.

[doctorstethoscope]

The Right Chapter 2 || Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader

Hello besties, laptop is going haywire but for the moment we are back!! 

Read chapter 1 of this fic here!

TW: This chapter contains swearing and descriptions of domestic violence. Please read at your own discretion! 

wordcount: 2.6k

tagging: @the-modernmary @greeneyedblondie44 DM to be added to the tag list :) 

Josh fell asleep on your ride home. You roused him gently as you pulled into your designated parking spot outside of your apartment.

“Josh,” You whispered, pushing at his shoulder gently. “Come on, we’re home. It’s late. Let’s go to bed.” 

He jerked awake. “Fuck. I was sleeping. Jesus.” He barked. 

“Sorry, baby. We’re home.” You repeated.

“Don’t know why you even bother calling it home. You’re never fucking here.” Josh grumbled, clumsily unbuckling his seatbelt and sliding out the passenger seat of the car. He went on ahead as you went into your backseat to gather your go-bag and purse. When you got to the front door, he was still fumbling with his house key. 

“Here, let me.” You took the key from his hands gently, unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door. 

Before you could even turn around, you were on the floor in the doorway, your nose slamming into the carpet. You were bleeding onto the floor, your blood soaking the tan fibers. It takes you a moment to realize that he’d pushed you. 

“Josh, what the--” a well placed kick to your hip cut off your protest before you could finish it. You rolled over, looking up to see him panting, with angry eyes. 

“You think you’re real slick huh? Staying late at work with the boss? Jesus, sweetheart. I thought you were better than getting a promotion on your back.”

“We were working, Josh. There’s nothing else going on there.” You argued, scrambling backwards away from him and propping yourself up on your elbows. You know that there should be some sort of instinct kicking in, one that allows you to disarm him as if he were an unsub, but you feel helpless as you struggle to put distance between the two of you. He followed you across the room, kneeling over you and pinning you against the floor before delivering another harsh slap to your already-swollen cheek. 

“Listen to me when I’m talking to you.” He growled, and you gulped. He smirked, before grabbing you by the hair and throwing you against the closest wall. You see stars, but you will yourself to stay awake. You’re scared of what he might do if you can’t fight back. 

“Oh yeah? Just working, at 2AM when everyone else is gone? And what was that he called you? Invaluable.” He spits out, pulling you up roughly by your forearms. He leaned in close, presumably to intimidate you. You don’t give him the satisfaction, looking him in the eye and doing your best not to let your glare betray your fear. “Well, we’ll see about that.” He smirked, reaching an arm around to take your gun out of its holster, placing it against  your chin. Your face dropped. 

“Josh… Joshua, you’re drunk. Let’s just go to bed, okay? I’m sorry I was out late. I’ll make it up to you in the morning. I swear.” You’re frantic, your training leaving you once again. De-escalate, de-escalate, de-escalate. “I’m sorry, baby. It won’t happen again, I promise. I’ll request a transfer so I don’t have to travel anymore.” 

He chuckled. “Okay, dear. We can talk in the morning. I’m going up to bed. Get that blood out of the carpet, will you?” He placed your gun on a nearby end table.

He kissed you on the forehead before he went to the bedroom, but the gesture had never been less comforting. He left you there, standing against the wall, blood streaming down your face. You slid down the wall, knees curled up into your chest on the floor, regulating your breath for a few minutes before you rose again. You holster your gun before tending to the blood on the carpet, realizing belatedly that you can’t get it clean because you’re still dripping all over the stain. You chuckled a little, although none of this is really all that funny, sitting back on your heels and looking up at the ceiling, wondering how the fuck you ended up here. Realizing you had no clue what time it was, you reached out your work phone, seeing a missed text from Aaron. 

Please let me know that you’re safe.

You looked around, at your blood on the carpet, at the dent your head had made in the drywall when Josh threw you against it. You brought a gentle hand to your face, feeling how your nose was definitely not in the same place it was when the day had started, and you sighed. Things with Josh were never perfect-- but this was too far. You texted Hotch back. 

I need help. 

Hotch could have easily blamed his inability to fall asleep on the cups of coffee you both had been drinking well into the evening, but he knew that wasn’t the case. If that were so, there was no reason for him to be flicking his eyes over to his phone every three minutes. But here he was, in his study, file open in front of him, and not a word of it absorbed.     

Finally, finally, his phone buzzed. He unlocked it fervently, anxious for the assurance that you were fine. Your text provided no such assurance. 

“Are you safe right now? Do you need medical?” He texted back, trying to keep his head for your sake. 

“Not urgently. Can’t stay here.” 

“You alone?”

“He’s asleep.” 

“On my way. Pack a go bag.” 

“Don’t come in. Light sleeper. Just text.”

You were suddenly grateful for the load of laundry you’d left in the dryer that morning, tossing it all in your go bag without folding it. When you realized that you didn’t know when or if you’d be back here, you took the lockbox off the top of the fridge and pulled out all of your important documents-- your passport, birth certificate, social security card--you tuck them all into a file folder as you feel your phone buzz. 

“Outside.” Hotchner texts you plainly. You gingerly pick up your bags and slip out the door, careful not to make any noise. 

Hotch is out of the car in an instant once he sees you-- he doesn’t know what he expected, exactly, but somehow you look worse, even from a distance. 

“Hey, hey, give me that.” He said, taking your bags from you. “You said you didn’t need medical.” He said, accusatory, but not mean. 

“I said not urgently. I didn’t want you to send an ambulance.” You told him. “I feel fine. I just need advil.” You said as the two of you climbed into his SUV. 

He looked you over, incredulous. Your nose was definitely broken, and he couldn’t tell in the dark of the night, but he was pretty sure you were still bleeding. Your cheek was swollen from where he slapped you, and you were sporting a black eye, likely a complication of the nose. And that was just what he could see. He shuddered, although he tried to hide it from you. 

“We’re going to the hospital.” He said, turning his key in the ignition and taking off.

“Hotch, I just want to sleep. Please. I’ll take myself to the hospital in the morning, I promise.” You practically begged. 

He turned his head towards you. The only thing he wanted more than to give in, in that moment, was to make sure that you were safe. “Did you hit your head?” He asked, 

“What?” You asked. 

“Did you bump your head at all, when everything happened?”

“Yeah,” you told him, running a hand over your head and feeling the tender bump that was forming there. You cringed, and Aaron caught it. 

“I’m sorry, but we need to take you to the hospital. You probably have a concussion.” He apologized. 

“I really don’t want to go through the whole ‘you were clearly involved in a domestic dispute’ thing that they’re going to do,” you complained.

“You don’t have to answer any questions you don’t want to answer. I just need to make sure you’re okay. Everything else goes at your pace.” He promises you, sneaking a glance away from the road and over to your face. You’re already looking back at him. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

Already looking back at the road, Hotch took one hand away from the wheel and gave your forearm a quick squeeze in response. You drove in silence for a few moments before Aaron pulled into the hospital.

“Alright, let’s get this over with so we can get you to bed.” He told you, climbing out of the car before coming over to your side to help you walk. Truth be told, you didn’t really need assistance, but your hip hurt so badly that you were limping, and it seemed better to have Aaron slowed down by helping you, rather than just by watching you. 

The emergency room was, thankfully, deserted, and you were seen relatively quickly. Aaron offered to stay in the waiting room but you asked him to come with you. 

“I, uh. I don’t really want to be left alone right now, if you don’t mind.”

“No, no, of course not.” He said, standing and following you and the nurse. 

“What brings you in, dear?” The nurse asked, moving slowly to accommodate your pace. 

“My boyfriend beat the shit out of me.” You said, figuring she might make it easier if you  just bite the bullet, and Aaron shot you a glance. You shrugged in response, and then noticed the nurse’s eyes shifting between the two of you. 

“Oh, no. Not him.” You assured her with as big of a smile as you could muster, given the amount of pain that you were in. “He’s a friend. He picked me up.” You explained as she led the two of you into an exam room, shutting the door behind you. Aaron helped you up onto the exam bed gently, choosing to stand nearby rather than sit in the chair provided.

“Okay, ma’am. Our policy for domestic disputes is not to involve police unless requested by the victim.” You cringed at her word choice. “We don’t want this to be more stressful than it already is. What we do instead, is we take a detailed account of everything that happened to cause you bodily harm, and if you decide to pursue any legal action, we can send those records along on your behalf. So can you tell me what happened tonight?” 

You glanced over at Aaron before you started, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t going to like this. You told the nurse, clinically, what had happened, leaving out the things he had said to you for Aaron’s sake. You did your best to keep your emotions in check, although regurgitating everything that had happened was making you feel sick. You glanced over at Aaron-- his jaw was set, his mouth in a straight line, nostrils flaring, even as he stared at the linoleum tile on the floor. You closed your eyes and attempted to zone out as you continued, as if you could distance yourself from the emotions by imagining that it was just a story you were telling. 

“And then he pulled my gun out of my holster---”

“Ma’am, do you have a gunshot wound?” The nurse interrupts you, voice slightly panicked.

Oh, shit. You probably didn’t need to include that part. Your eyes are open in an instant, and you look over at Hotch. He’s pissed, and not looking at the floor anymore.

“No, no. Sorry, that is um--- that’s clinically insignificant. He didn’t fire the gun or strike me with it. That’s how it ended.”

“Okay, hon. Why don’t you get changed,” she said, handing you a hospital gown, “and I’ll send the doctor in in just a second.” 

“Thank you,” you said, and Aaron echoed his thanks. 

“Clinically insignificant?” Aaron asked incredulously as the nurse shut the door. 

“Can you turn around? I need to change.” You deflected.

He turned to face the wall as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “He pulled a gun on you, (y/n).” He shook his head as you quickly changed. 

“I know. I’m sorry. You can turn back around now.” You told him.

“No, I’m sorry. How long has this been going on for? How did I not notice?” He asked as he turned to see you, practically swimming in the oversized gown.

“I think we all work really, really hard not to be profiled, Aaron.” You tried to comfort him.

He was interrupted before he could respond by the doctor knocking and then swinging the door open.

“Good evening, folks.” The smiling blonde woman said. “Let’s get you home so you can sleep some of this off, yeah?” 

It takes a couple of hours, but you’re sent home with a nose that’s set back in place, as well as a prescription for enough pain killers to put a large dog in a coma, in addition to the confirmation that you did, in fact, have a concussion. Your hip, thankfully, was just bruised. 

“She needs to be woken up every couple of hours for the rest of the night and the day tomorrow. Just to be safe.” The doctor told Hotch. 

“Not a problem.” He said resolutely. 

“Do you have any questions?” She asked, turning to you. 

“When can I go back to work?”

“Well, if you work at a computer--”

“I work for the justice department. So, I guess I’m really asking about field work.” You clarify.

“At least ten days, and that’s if you’re feeling better.” She said, giving you a stern look. You visibly deflated, knowing that if the doctor said ten days, Hotch wasn’t letting you in the field for at least twenty. 

“Thank you, doctor.” Hotchner said, placing a hand on the small of you back as she opened the door and allowed you both out. 

“Of course. Call us if anything changes.”

You trudged out to the car in an exhausted silence, sure that you’ll fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving. Once you’re buckled in, Hotch speaks. 

“I’ll tell Strauss that we aren’t coming in today,” he says offhandedly as he cranes his body back to pull out of the parking spot, his arm strewn across the back of your seat for leverage.

“We?” You questioned. 

“You need to be woken up every two hours. I can’t exactly do that from the office.” He reminds you. 

“I can just set an alarm on my phone, it’s not a big deal.” 

“Uh huh, and when the alarm doesn’t wake you up because you have a brain bleed?” He’s teasing you, but you also know him well enough to know that there is a very real twinge of anxiety behind it. 

“Hotch,” you scoffed at his joke, breaking into a smile despite yourself. “I don’t need you to take care of me.” You added more seriously. 

“I know you don’t.” He placates you. “But will you let me do it anyways? Plus, you’re not the only one who didn’t sleep last night.”   

“I guess that’s my fault.” You admitted. 

“Hey, I’m glad you called me. And I’m also glad the bureau has a generous sick leave policy. We both need it right now.” 

You can sense that this is an argument that you’re not going to win, and even if you could, you don’t have the energy to try. You close your eyes and lean back against the headrest in the car, giving him a resigned nod before you fall asleep.

[oftenderweapons]

Into you | Yoongi

This fic was posted for the June Writing game A Summer Night's Dream, hosted by Professor Dove through @bangtansorciere

AU Types/Tropes: Silvery & Hush Established Relationship AU

Themes: Pining

Kinks: Marking, Fingering, Handjob, Blowjob, Edging, Overstimulation, Sex Toy Usage, (Praise kink, if you squint).

Pairing: Yoongi x reader (nicknamed Kitten)

Wordcount: 6.3k

Genre: pwp (very little plot) smut, fluff, established relationship, idol!AU

Rating: 18+

Synopsis: we've all been traumatised by SoWooJoo!Yoongi, but apparently Kitten has very fancy ways of reacting to trauma. Expect a very special, very fond ending.

Trigger warnings: first of all, this is basically unedited, I'm sorry. Now on to canonical warnings: swearing, domme!reader, sub!Yoongi; assplay, rimming, anal fingering (all male receiving); edging (male receiving), marking (male and female receiving); blindfold and handcuffs (male reeciving), spit play, blowjob (male giving and receiving. yeah, he's blowing the strap, it's a thing, believe me. a hot thing too), brief oral, (female receiving); grinding/humping, masturbation (female), cum play/eating, lots of lube ofc, strap on/pegging, lots of possessiveness, very mild degradation (very fond, he calls her bitch but very, very affectionately), overstimulation, cumshots (plural, very messy). Lowkey voyeurism (it's in the final extra). The sex described is overall as safe as sex can be, with the exception of all anything oral and all the cum eating. That is not safe, get tested before you do that with your partner. Sorry, the warnings are very detailed but this is sort of different from what I usually write, so i tried to be extra careful.

Thanking the wifey, @joheunsaram for being the eternal sweetheart 💜💜💜

Here is my masterlist and well, enjoy!

When Yoongi came through the door, he looked quite happy, though his expression was slightly tired.

“Kitten?” he called, looking for you in the living room, and kitchen. Were you still working? He hoped you weren’t. Maybe you were still with the girls. But after two hours?

And then you appeared. Naked, leaning against the bedroom door.

“Hi, kitty cat.”

He hummed and grinned as he stared at your silhouette. “Is that for me?”

You nodded and walked towards him, staring at the way he bit his lip as he observed your swaying hips, the curves of your breasts. You laughed. He knew so little, poor boy. “It sure is,” you purred before hugging him, acting as if you were just going in for some intimacy before you found your target, grabbing his left asscheek while your other hand slid from his spine to his side to his stomach, all the way down to belly, teasing his belt and heading further down, cupping his crotch.

His mouth opened as he exhaled, his hot breath fanning over your bare chest. “You know what you want, don’t you?”

“I’ve always known it,” you replied, stroking him through his jeans. “I don’t think I could want anything else after what you put me through tonight.”

“Did you and the girls enjoy the show?” he asked, mouthing at your neck, feeling the heavy thump of your vein underneath the sensitive tip of his tongue.

“I believe Candy fainted or climaxed a couple times,” you considered, feeling Yoongi chuckle beneath your jaw.

“The kid will be getting it good tonight.”

You smirked, starting to undo his belt. “He's not the only one,” you teased before your hand dove into his pants, feeling him up. “Now I want you to focus on me, though,” you said with a pout, tracing the shape of his lips with a finger. “I want to blow your mind.”

He was speechless as he nodded, his mouth gently agape as you gripped the neckline of his shirt and dragged him to the bedroom. He wasn’t entirely sure he knew what was going to happen, what he did know was that he liked it, and he hoped you would walk the talk till the very end. Somehow, tonight he needed you to.

“What are you thinking of?” you started, your hands undoing the buttons of his shirt.

He placed his hands on your waist, caressing up and down your sides. “How much I love you.”

You smiled and knelt in front of him, kissing his belly button before nibbling on the soft skin just below it. “You’re such a liar.”

“You would be too dangerous if you knew the truth,” he hinted vaguely, pushing your hair back as you kissed his happy trail, your hands slithering into the back of his trousers and slowly, painfully slowly, pulling them down. Unintentionally, his underwear slid down too, his erection springing free against your cheek, a tight hiss coming out of his gritted teeth at the impact.

“Come on, darling,” you cooed before licking up the shaft of his cock. “Won’t you tell me?”

He was tempted to let you continue, making you become dirtier and dirtier as you tried to get him to talk; however, he was too eager to play other games with you. “I’m hoping you’re going to dominate me.”

You looked up at him.

“I want you to fuck me.” He looked away, his cheeks hot as he murmured the two words. “Ruin me.”

You stood immediately, placing your hands on his cheeks, combing his blonde locks back. “What am I allowed to do?” you asked, giving him a soft peck on the lips.

“You pick.”

You felt your soul leave your body. “Get on the bed. All fours.”

Yoongi bit his lip as he felt you switch, your demeanour getting assertive in a second. He loved when it happened. He loved feeling you so at ease with him to let yourself act upon your most animalistic instincts. He wasn’t sure of what it meant to him, but he loved being used by you. And he loved being part of your darkest, most unspeakable fantasies. He loved being kept in that sweet, dark place that was your libido, knowing he would always be the only one residing there, because he trusted you when you told him he was the only one you wanted.

And from the way you made love to him, night after night, he could feel it was true.

He heard a low buzz starting in the room, the sound almost disturbing compared to the quiet harmony of your breathing and his chasing each other.

He felt exposed on the large bed, lonely as you circled around it, around him.

The buzzing stopped.

“Love, would you like wearing a blindfold?” you asked, letting him choose on such an insubstantial matter. It wasn’t your main focus anyway.

Yoongi thought about it for a minute. Could he? Did he want to?

And then he remembered how he had trusted you that one time. “I want to.”

You grinned and held the silk piece between your hands, kneeling behind him on the bed and pressing your hips to his ass, beginning to work him up while you slipped the fabric over his eyes. “All fixed?”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he replied, the tone excessively teasing for that to be actual submission.

“Are you all cleaned up?”

He nodded while unconsciously pressing his ass to your hips. “All clean.”

You smiled. “Did you do this in the hope I would use you tonight?” you inquired, feeling him nod as his hair tickled your arms.

“A man can hope,” he replied mischievously.

“Do you need to be used, Yoongi?” The question rang in the room for three full seconds.

“I’m yours to use.”

“Good.” You rose from the bed, picking all your tools of choice. “Let’s get this started.”

Yoongi was in for a long night.

The first thing he felt was the squelching noise of your hands getting wet, next a vague pineapple smell drifting through the room. He could somehow imagine that the thump he heard next, with a click following, was you, putting down the bottle of lube and closing the cap.

“Does your shoulder hurt, love?” you asked, kissing his back. Though the surgery and the recovery was almost complete, you still treated it gently — mostly because you liked spoiling him and babying him.

“I’m okay, don’t worry,” he replied with certainty.

You hummed and tickled his nape. “Good boy,” you praised before bringing your hand around his waist, finding his cock and starting to tease him gently, with slow, light tugs that focused on finding the veins running along his shaft. They were rather delicate strokes aimed at your own pleasure rather than his. “I’ll check in on you later, okay love?”

His confirmation came through a hum that quickly turned into a moan as you reinforced your hold on him. “Yes, Kitten.” And that ‘yes’ felt more like a nod at the pleasure instead of an answer to your question. You grinned and let him live — you loved when he started growing so hazy he lost contact with reality.

While your hand kept going, you started approaching your actual target, your mouth leaving soft little nibbles on his ass, licking the skin you had just bit before moving to the next spot, making sure you left a bruise this time, Yoongi’s exhale turning into a whimper as you found the perfect spot with your thumb.

Now, the worst part of teasing Yoongi is that he loved having your mouth on him, but that automatically meant that you had to choose between his oral fixation and dirty talking, or just very mundane teasing.

“Do you like your pretty ass bit, my love?” The question was spoken softly, with your deepest voice, the one that always drove him insane. He called it your bedroom voice, velvety, low, sultry and so elegantly feminine. In his mind it looked like a black panther to him, hiding deep in the forest of his desire.

“I like anything you do to me,” he replied, trusting you blindly — quite literally — as you lead him exactly where you wanted him to be, in places he’d never had the courage to explore by himself.

“I love you, Yoongi,” you rewarded him, giving him that safety, that reassurance you knew he needed to take the next step.

“Love you,” he replied meekly, his breath laboured. And then he felt it, your mouth, lingering in between his asscheeks before you pushed them apart, dipping your tongue into the crevice and lashing it against the rim of muscles around his hole.

“Kitten,” he cried out, getting on his elbows, spreading his legs and arching his back to offer himself more fully.

You hummed, appreciating his new position. You wanted to answer him so much, but you kept going, rubbing the skin between his testicles and his anus with your thumb, covered in latex and lube. It was the easiest way — which you had learnt the hard way. Lubrication seemed to last longer on the gloves, and you were okay with sacrificing skin-to-skin contact when the glove allowed you an efficient job, and a quick clean hand when he needed aftercare.

As you let your spit dribble down his skin, meeting your finger, you rested for a second. “Do you still want my tongue or would you like my fingers, babe?”

He groaned and started moving to push his cock into your hand.

You loosened the grip, the touch too light to give him the friction and pressure he wanted. “I said, my tongue or my fingers, Yoongi.”

“Fingers, finger!” he replied quickly — anything to get your grip back on his cock. He needed it, he was desperate and foolish and he needed it so bad.

And then you pushed your middle finger inside, a gasp and a moan exiting his mouth as he crumbled forward a little, clawing at the sheet, the lack of vision unsettling him a little. “Oh god, Kitten! Just like that!”

You grinned and started moving your finger inside just barely, beginning to work at his inner walls little by little, stroking his cock every time he got too quiet.

“Do you know how many people wish they could do this to you?” you teased before bringing your finger out, stretching his entrance and pouring more lube onto the glove. “Do you know how many people want to be in my place, right now?”

He shook his head, too overwhelmed to think, to speak.

“Everyone wants to fuck you. Or be fucked by you,” you murmured, adding one more finger and catching him by surprise. “Everyone wants to suck your beautiful dick. My dick.”

He cried out your name as you found his prostate and started rubbing your fingers gently against it. “All yours,” he purred, swirling his hips against your hand, humming when you gave him the perfect angle. “Kitten, fuck.”

“Is it turning you on?” you asked, removing your fingers to make sure he didn't cum too soon.

“Yes. Now tell me, are you edging me?”

Though his tone was requesting and assertive, you let it slip. He would go back to whining like a good sub in seconds. You placed your lips at his ear, tracing the shell with your tongue and making him arch his back. “Maybe.” You kissed his temple and smiled at him as he purred at you, trying to find anything he could kiss. “Are you in the mood for that?”

He nodded and gasped as he felt your tongue caress his lips and your fingers linger at his entrance. He opened his mouth, ready to be doubly violated, imagining you kneeling at his side.

“Do you want me inside?” you teased, your hot breath fanning over the lower half of his face.

“Yes, please,” he replied, his voice so shy and open.

You held on, caressing his ass, back and forth, slowly, sensuously before you pinched him. “Lay on our back, kitty cat. I have plans for you.”

He snickered and obeyed, curiosity and arousal being the only things keeping him from taking over. “You’re really on your worst behaviour, uh?”

You hesitated, slightly confused at what he meant. Did he like that? Did he…

“Kitten,” he called, stretching his hand and finding your leg. “Love.”

You thought it ridiculous that with such a simple comment he had managed to make your commandeering mood wobble.

He lifted his blindfold at the lack of response. “Hey?”

“Do you really want it?” You looked away from him, feeling like you were maybe pushing him too far.

He sat up to grab your chin and make you look in his direction. “I want it, Kitten. Do you want to give it to me?” You nodded, earning a peck on your lips. “Then give it to me, love.” He laid back down, and put the blindfold back on. “There, you have me. I trust you. I know our safewords. Please, do whatever you fancy.”

You blinked and gave it a try. “I love you, Yoongi.”

“I love you too, ____. I adore you. This is a judgement-free zone, love. It’s always been. It’s the two of us. Nothing can be wrong as long as it’s me and you.” His hand abandoned your leg so he could grip the headboard. “Come on, do it. I know you want it.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, already stretching to your drawer. “You want me to cuff you?”

He hummed and smiled brightly. “It was only a matter of time until you wanted the tables turned, Kitten. I accepted the idea of being cuffed the night you let me put them on you.”

You sighed and straddled his waist, stretching to the headboard to fix the prop on Yoongi, looping the links behind a bar and letting the other handcuff click close on his other wrist. “Too tight?” you checked on him, letting him tug at the restrain a little until he gave you his approval.

“It’s perfect. I’m doing perfect. Now could you please take care of my cock? It’s just a teensy tiny bit hard,” he hissed as he felt the mattress dip between his spread legs, your form crouched there right before you slipped your gloved hand under his balls, searching for the lube bottle and pouring some on your joined fingers before you dipped them in, making him groan in pleasure, your other hand running up and down his thighs as you playfully skimmed them with your nails.

“Kitten, I—” he stopped mid-sentence as he felt your lips around his soft, bulbous tip, his veins so thick you could feel them as you squished him with your cheeks, swallowing the first couple inches of the shaft and bobbing your head with the same rhythm of your fingers inside him. He exhaled, his breath coming out so hard that it resonated in small whimpers.

You let yourself continue for a while, waiting for his abdomen to start twitching right before you sucked him painfully hard, only to let him pop out of your mouth, his loud cries turning into a desperate little tumble of sobs as he felt stimulation stop entirely on all fronts.

“I only do this because it feels so good when you let me cum, but damn it feels so cruel when you edge me.” His words were raspy and vaguely ironic.

“Too cruel?” you asked, sitting up and stretching to his face.

“Perfectly cruel. I love it when you’re a bit of a bitch,” he replied with a semblance of a snicker. “You know, since I’m a bit of a saint. You balance me out.”

You grinned and pushed your naked fingers to his lips, letting him have a taste of his cum before he parted his lips wide, your face leaning over him as you made your lips touch his, your drool falling from the tip of your tongue right into his mouth.

Yoongi simply moaned at the gesture before chuckling. “That’s my lovely bitch.”

You nodded and hummed, kissing down his body, slowing down only to study the wet stain of saliva and precum pooling at his lower belly. Once at his stomach, you placed a heavy kiss there, deciding to mark your territory. You weren’t sure about what was making you feel so jealous of him all of a sudden — secretly your brain was still processing the mental image of him pole-dancing, after the guys had suggested it — nevertheless, you were a horny mess. Well, a hornier mess than usual.

Feeling your courage renewed, you stretched to his head, pulling up the blindfold. You needed him to look at you as you decided to remind him who he belonged to; however, you had to stop right on top of him as his beautiful eyes emerged, lashes fluttering softly as he stared at you, stretching to get your lips on his. As always, you gave him what he wanted, peppering a series of childish pecks over his reddened lips.

“Love you so mad,” he confessed as he watched you moving down his body, kissing the previous mark, already blooming in scarlet red and placing one right after, just one inch before his belly button. “You want me to watch you mark me up?” he questioned, his voice guttural and low pitched.

You nodded and pressed another kiss, even lower, feeling the salt of his sweat and precum sting your tongue as you sucked his skin in, feeling his taste settle in as you made sure the shape of your mouth transferred onto his flesh.

Lower some more, your index finger tracing his hard on, making him hiss.

Lower, to his pubic bone, where his shaved hair tickled you slightly.

And then up, one last hickey where the tip of his cock laid, taking note of the spot for later, when his sex would swell and twitch with a powerful orgasm, only to deflate and shorten a few minutes later, when he would grow sleepy and tender and his whole body would curl up with exhaustion. Then, you would look at the spot on his abdomen, stare at that burgundy sign and remind yourself that the tender kitty napping at your side is fucking hung — and knows exactly how to use every single inch of that beautiful dick.

And that every single one of those inches belongs to you.

With your eyes deep into his, you started sucking him some more, your fingers working in tandem as you started stretching his entrance, making sure he was absolutely ready for what would come next.

Again, his breathing started growing ragged, his wrists tugging at the cuffs as realised he was too aroused to let go of his high again. “Kitten, please…”

And that’s what broke the spell, his length sliding out of your mouth as you smirked and replied, “yes, my love?”

He threw his head back in frustration, pushing his hips up in a way that allowed him some friction against your mouth and chin before you moved away, recognising his intention. And just like that, sudden inspiration struck you, making you turn with your back to him, straddling his hips before you placed your sodden cunt over his erection, feeling the hard flesh glide easily with your drool covering it. It was almost too easy to sync that up with your fingers on your clit and the two digits still inside him. “Is this what you were begging for?”

He hummed, barely coherent as you started humping him, making him grunt and groan as he tried to get more stimulation, more sensations, something just remotely similar to your mouth sucking him off — obviously, to no avail.

You took only a few minutes to cum, deciding to do so with your hips over his face, too far for him to stretch out his tongue to taste you. And just to prove his patience further, you decided to press the softness of your boobs over his pelvis, one hand between your legs and the other one too busy to take care of him — which was actually a shame — still, you decided he was stretched and relaxed enough that you were probably ready for next step.

Plus, at this point, he was speechless, desperate and needy, begging you with a litany of ‘please’ and ‘Kitten’ and ‘let me’, all coherent thoughts out of the window as you finally came, gifting him with your open cunt right on top of his mouth as he pushed his tongue inside, humming and jerking his hips up when he finally felt your cum in his mouth, the salty, bitter tang of you so liquid and hot over his taste-buds that his eyes rolled shut and his nose sent a puff of fresh air tickling your overheated, drenched skin.

As you descended from your orgasm, slowly and carefully unstraddling Yoongi in the process, laying at his side and kissing his chest before you moved to reach his mouth, you realised he was the most incredible lover you could have ever wished for.

“Love you, baby,” you murmured at his side, watching him struggle slightly as his hands were still bound. He whined meekly as he found your lips once more, the kiss scorching hot as the two of you started moving in unison. “You still stretched?” you murmured, his confirmation coming with a brief delay as he tried to bring his brain to work.

“Do you wanna…?” Your question was vague, but Yoongi understood it nonetheless.

“Yes. I really wanna. I want it a lot,” he whispered, resting his face against the crook of your neck. You untucked him from there, drawing the shape of his lips with your finger before he swallowed one, tasting you.

You kissed the mole on his nose, on his cheek as he kept sucking, pushing your hand away as soon as you decided you needed to see him crumble. You removed the glove, reversing it inside out as you rolled it off. Next, you undid the handcuffs, making sure that Yoongi could be perfectly autonomous before you walked away from the bed to grab your required accessories from the drawer at the far corner of the room. Studying the straps and rings, you found out the correct holes for your legs to slide in, bending down to push the small harness up, getting a relatively small dildo in the ring fitting just on top of your mound, reminding yourself you should put a condom on it just to make the cleaning process easier.

Condom on, flared base holding the toy into the metal ring, you started doing the straps around your waist and ass, struggling to decide whether the harness was too loose around you.

“This is one of the sexiest things you’ve ever done,” Yoongi murmured gently from the bed, his eyes hungry and desperately in love with you. You gave a couple thrusts with your hips, feeling the addition at your pelvis and deciding that yes, it fit you perfectly.

Yoongi waited for you at the feet of the bed, kneeling, watching as you walked over to him and stood right before him.

“I love you so much,” he whispered, looking up at you, his eyes focusing on your blushing cheeks, on your turgid, red lips, at your swollen breasts and hardened nipples, following that line that lead from your sternum to your stomach to your belly, right to the toy at his eye level.

He licked his lips and kissed the tip, wishing with all of his heart that it could make you feel the same way as when he would press his barely agape lips to your clit. Grinning about your clean hand, you pushed it into his hair, combing it gently before he started taking an inch into his mouth, then another, then another, his eyes fixed on yours.

Even though you could feel nothing but the base of the dildo pressing into your skin, the sight was enough to give you a pleasure bigger than the physical one.

“You like it, my love?” you asked, watching him bob his head needily and gag before he backtracked, your thumb collecting the small tear that fell on his left cheek after his eyes watered. “You look beautiful, baby.”

He smiled and took the toy in once more, closing his eyes as he went further down on it, his hands placed on the back of your thighs as he pulled you closer, humming, sinking his pretty fingers into the flesh of your asscheeks.

“Wanna make you cum, Yoongi,” you murmured, using his hair to pull him off you.

He looked into your eyes, his lips messy with spit as he made his way to the middle of the bed, on all fours, trying to be as sexy as he could, but also feeling like he was miserably failing.

You smiled fondly at him, your reaction reassuring him as you climbed back on the bed. “How’s your shoulder, love?”

“Fine, but I prefer not staying on all fours,” he replied, getting on his knees and almost turning around before you stopped him with a hand around his waist. He knew his cock was leaking the very moment you put your hand on him, a white blob joining the ones caused by the feeling of your dildo inside his mouth and throat.

“Let’s do it like this,” you said, already pouring some lube onto the toy. “You love doing me like this,” you continued, getting both your hands around his waist and helping him scoot in between your parted thighs, the tip of the strap-on teasing the seam of his ass. “I want to feel the way you do.”

He nodded, fixing the tip to his entrance, pressing it and tipping his ass down, feeling the head fit into his hole. “Fuck,” he breathed out, abandoning himself so slowly onto the shaft, the object making his walls part until it reached his prostate, getting him to crumble entirely and sink down. “Fuck fuck fuck, thank you, Kitten, thank you so much, love,” he babbled, wiggling his hips as he found his favourite spot and started rubbing it against the dildo.

He was so grateful, so immensely thankful that you’d challenged yourself, that you’d explored so far so he could have this moment with you.

It wasn’t the first time you had tried pegging, but you hadn’t done it that much either. It was maybe your third or fourth time, but Yoongi couldn’t care any less.

The simple fact that you had agreed on trying was enough for him to be entirely smitten over you. Neither of you had even taken it into consideration when you first started dating, and now Yoongi loved how dominating and caring you became every time he felt like receiving assplay, or full-on anal sex; at the same time, you loved how vulnerable he became once you took control, and how easy it was for him to melt in your arms, or underneath you, once you started teasing his delicate hole.

As you moved into him, his back sweaty against your soft front, Yoongi threw his head back, resting it against your shoulder, mouth open, eyes closed, so heartbreakingly beautiful. You found his hand close to yours, lacing your fingers together while he found your other one, repeating the gesture right before you wrapped his arms and yours around his torso, holding him tight to you.

“I won’t let go, love,” you spoke in his ear, his whole body relaxing against you right before you gave a tentative thrust, making him whimper before he growled. “You’re safe here.”

He pouted, begging for a kiss, stretching as far as he could to get your lips against his. “Please. I love you. I want you so much. I’m so hard.” He almost sobbed when he felt you move inside again. “Please, let me cum,” he spoke, babbling slightly as you started pulling out, the dildo rubbing against his prostate. “It hurts, Kitten. Please. I wanna cum,” he sighed, gasping when you pushed back inside.

“Like this, my love?” you asked with a teasing grin, leaving a gentle peck on his delicate neck, drawing the profile of his adam’s apple with the tip of your tongue. “You’re so pretty when you beg, kitty cat.”

He moaned and shoved his hips down, gyrating them as the perfect friction hit his favourite spot. “Don’t play with me, Kitten. It’s been an hour, I’m begging you.”

“I know you can do way more than one hour, baby.” You started drawing circles on his tummy with one thumb, refusing to let go as you twisted your grip so your palm could rest on his abdomen, his own hand clinging to yours as you let your digits tiptoe further down, to the base of his cock, skimming the underside of the shaft in a way that had him setting a crushing grip on your hand.

“Kitten, I’m going mad, please. I love you. Please. Why are you so cruel to me?” he wailed, his body shaking against yours.

“Because you love it, Yoongi. Because you love me.” You chuckled as you felt his hand pressuring yours into jerking him off. “Because you let me ruin you so cutely. You’re such a pretty sight.” You decided to be merciful, starting to stroke in faster. “Because you want this, don’t you? Or you could use your safeword, my darling. I wouldn’t hold it against you, you know it.” You kissed his temple. “I’m yours, in any way you want me.”

Yoongi brought your joined hands to his mouth, kissing the back of yours. And then it hit you.

Everything was perfect. He was perfect. You felt perfect with him. And you knew he would take you, no matter how you came to him. He would take you and hold you — sad, happy, scared, excited, serene or troubled, powerful or powerless. He would wait for you and hold his arms open for you. He would kneel if you knelt, and he would rush to you if you crumbled and fell on your way to him. And he would have you, without condition.

Just like that, you went slower again, but deeper. Harder. Your hand, still teasing his cock, once more played an emotional tango as your pinkie lingered on his skin while you inverted your positions, your hand hugging his as you wrapped both your arms around his middle.

“Kitten,” he murmured, noticing that something was shifting between the two of you. “Like that, please, yes,” he said, letting the sound sibilate, giving you the answer you were searching for.

“Marry me, Yoongi.”

He opened his eyes, licking his lips as he stared at you with the widest, most incredulous eyes. “What?”

You rolled your hips good for him, making him purr and swear. “Marry me, Yoongi,” you repeated, kissing his brow. “Please, marry me.”

He twisted his head just enough to kiss the sweet spot under your ear. “Are you trying to fuck me insane so I’ll say yes?”

You chuckled. “Something like that.” You wanted to caress his hair, but holding his hands was more important — the most important thing in the world. “My heart is yours. I don’t want anyone else having it.”

Yoongi inhaled and made you tighten your grip around him. “Please,” he whined as you started going faster.

“Please what?”

“Yes,” he groaned. “Yes, yes, yes…” he said, starting to bounce on your lap, using you as he felt his cock swell, his eyelids quivering before they finally rolled shut, his release shooting out, against his chest, against your forearms and his abdomen. “Yes!” he finally growled, his expression becoming ecstatic as he rode you until not an ounce of pleasure could be drawn out anymore.

“It’s all mine,” you reminded him, his pleased smile getting even wider before he started nodding, only one of your hands leaving him as you wrapped it around his cock, even more cum coming out as you squeezed him, knowing he could be overstimulated, and that he would love it. “This cock is mine.”

He nodded, out of his mind, moaning as he reached the deepest pits of pleasure.

“And this sweet ass is, too, all mine.”

He nodded even harder, his lovely locks tickling your shoulder, his grin lopsided as he opened his eyes, brow furrowing as you smeared the cum on his chest with your fingers. “Your heart. Right here. All mine.”

“Yes, yours,” he confirmed, again getting worked up, all the edging and foreplay rewarding him with one more growing orgasm. He felt slightly sorry that you had cum only once through the night, but all his worries faded as your dirty fingers reached his lips. “These lips?”

“Yours,” he replied, automatically, opening them to suck at your digits.

“All your pleasure?” You went harder on him, ramming your hips up, feeling his muffled moans against your hand as you gritted out, “mine.”

He freed his mouth. “Yours,” he confirmed, fucking himself onto you as once more he shot another load onto his chest and abdomen, this time only barely less abundant than before. “It’s all yours. Everything. Everything,” he repeated, entirely spent as he tumbled forward, the dildo exiting him as he laid on the bed and rolled on his side, his entire body shivering with the aftershocks of pleasure as he still rolled his hips shyly, cum pooling at his slit and rolling down in heavy, white, blobs, all pressure gone after the insane amount of semen he’d shot all over himself and on the sheets.

You found a quick way to get rid of the strap on, laying behind him before he turned around, his body messy and tired. Still, you rubbed your hands all over his strained muscles, trying to ease out the sensory overload he’d just gone through.

“Yoongi,” you breathed out, before his eyes grew glittery. He smiled as the first tear rolled down.

“Did you really ask me to marry you while you were fucking my ass?” he joked, trying to hide just how emotional he felt.

“We can make up a more appropriate story to tell family and friends,” you joked back, your hands touching his face in a way that matched the feelings in his glance.

“We might have to, yes...” he conceded, finding the vaguely greenish mark between your breasts, kissing it before he renewed its bright red colour. Soon it would be purple again. “Do you really want me to be your husband?”

“I really do,” you replied without hesitation. “Do you really want to become my husband?”

“You will also become my wife in the process. Are you ready for that?” he teased, chuckling together with you.

“I’ve been told I’m a fast learner,” you cocked an eyebrow. “Great versatility,” you went on, giving him that cheeky smirk that made him know exactly what you were referring to. “I’ll learn on the go.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to agree to your proposal. You know… Taxes… Health benefits… Saving on all those boring law procedures…” he mused, his eyes telling you that it was for the most antithetical reasons that he was saying yes.

Love, faith, trust, devotion, commitment. True companionship.

“I could use a very expensive diamond ring to pay for a sugar baby once you’re old and boring.” The joke made him snicker before he placed a kiss on your lips.

“Already thinking of substituting me,” he mused, kissing you again. “I’ll buy you one of those fake stones.”

“Then I guess I’ll be stuck with you forever.” You replied, grinning. There was nothing better you could think of.

When Yoongi woke up, he felt slightly dizzy. He had slept all the way to mid morning, the aftercare so gentle and relaxing that after the bath he crashed on the fresh sheets, nuzzling his face into your chest before he fell asleep like a baby. And apparently his sleep was so heavy that he’d managed to sleep through you messing in the kitchen, baking a cake and icing it too. In your messy handwriting shining bright blue on top of the cake, the words read: ‘thank you for letting me peg you’, which genuinely stole a giggle from his throat.

What didn’t steal a giggle was a small piece of rolled up paper planted on the cake, almost resembling a small candle. He untucked it, rolling it open and reading it twice, feeling his heart swell with pride and love and gratefulness. ‘Thank you for agreeing to become my husband.’

Yoongi smiled at it, feeling his eyes growing wetter as he groaned an ‘aigoo’, standing up from the chair and finding his wallet inside his jacket. Opening it, he found the spot where he kept the cinema ticket from your first date, and the passcode to your apartment door, slipping in one more trinket of your story together.

Yoongi looked around as the other boys worked out. Maybe he shouldn’t… Maybe he should just… keep it on the down low.

And then Jeongguk, shrugged and removed his shirt, an avalanche of definitely-not-mosquito-bites covering his chest. Namjoon, spotting the maknae’s puffed out chest, pride prickling at his ego, also removed his tank top to expose the eight matching red lines down his back. He grinned even more as he turned around, small bite marks appearing at his collarbones and delicate crescent-shaped indentations on his pectorals.

Jimin blushed as he decided to pass. His marks were way too low to be shown publicly.

With a smug grin, Yoongi decided to keep his dongsaengs humble, removing his shirt only to expose a line of bruises starting at his stomach and disappearing at the waistband of his shorts.

Everyone hollered at him, Jimin chuckling before chanting, “Suga-hyung won!”

Tagging: @hesperantha

[h2bakugou]

hi i really like your stories! can i request a bakugoxfemreader where bakugo gets hit by a love quirk and it kinda lingers for a bit and everyone teases him. then it goes away and he kinda humiliates y/n and she goes off on him and he feels bad? fluff ending please? <3!!

a/n: hiii!! thank you so much hun! of course, this idea is actually really cute omg skfkdjh yes lets do this

summary: after getting hit by a love quirk that makes bakugou a little more interested in you which only makes everyone tease him. when its effects begin to wear off, however, he insists on teasing you.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: swearing, fluff, some angst im so sorry what is it with me making like borderline love angst fics lately yall-

wordcount: 2.2k

;cut for length;

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“We’ll just have to wait for the effects to wear off, there’s nothing we can do.” Recovery Girl was telling the truth, whether Bakugou believed it or not. He was fed up with this.

“You’ll return to the dorms, be thankful we have tomorrow off.” Mr. Aizawa instructed, letting Bakugou leave to head back to the dorms. Grumbling something under his breath, Aizawa shook his head as he watched Bakugou leave past the doors.

“Look after him.” Mr. Aizawa stated to the few class members that had come to see if he was okay. Those few students consisted of Deku, Mina, Sero, Kirishima, Kaminari, and you.

You were worried about Bakugou. Not only that he’d be dealing with the effects of a quirk for however long it lasted, which Recovery Girl estimated up to 72 hours.

But because the blast that hit him was hard. He’d took a pretty good beating from the villain alone, but he sure showed them who was boss. But not before declaring his love for you.

It was an effect of the quirk.

Bakugou was now feeling the effects of being madly in love with you. You happened to be right beside him when he was hit, making you the first person he saw when you helped him up off the ground, making you the target for his feelings.

Of course, he was under influence of the quirk, so you knew not to get ahead of yourself.

It felt awful. You felt worse than you could’ve felt. Watching your crush parade around calling you ‘his’ and acting like you really were an item, all while the rest of your classmates teased him, finally calling him soft and vulnerable.

But for the sake of not letting anyone know how you truly felt, you kept a smile on your face. You kept your head up, and only let it fall when you were in the privacy of your room, all while Bakugou blew up your phone with texts.

The effects of this god forsaken love quirk were at it’s peak on the second day when Bakugou attached himself to you. Holding you, hugging you, holding your hand, he had to be touching you or he claimed he was in agonizing pain.

So you just let it slide. You didn’t mind it, or mind his warm breath on your neck when he laid on you in public. His breath against your neck only made your face hotter, but you knew it was just the quirk.

You had to remind yourself that it was just the quirk.

“Kacchan’s all soft for you! How cute.” Kaminari teased. You shook your head. Then you heard the snap of a phone camera. 

Kaminari now had a collection of pictures, all consisted of Bakugou clinging onto you somehow.

Sending it in the group chat shared between the Bakusquad, Mina was the first to respond, quoting that you should take him out on a date while you had the chance.

You didn’t feel right taking advantage of him. None of it felt right. But you couldn’t peel him off of you. You wanted this to actually be him, to actually be Katsuki Bakugou holding you close, whispering that he loved you in your ear just loud enough for you to hear.

“I’m gonna head up to my room.” You mentioned, finally pulling Bakugou’s arms off of you, but he quickly stood up.

“Where are you going, Babe?” Bakugou’s voice was the same, and it made chills run down your spine as you heard it.

“Awe!” Kaminari smiled, already shipping the two of you together.

“Shut up dunce face.” Bakugou turned to Kaminari to insult him. Kaminari just smiled and hugged him, Bakugou hugging him back for once.

You took the opportunity to run to your room. 

Looking through the group chat that included Bakugou, you saw nothing but photos of Bakugou being nice. Being kind, being not himself. Hugging you, and others, being nice to Deku, like without screaming at him.

Most of the photos included you and him somehow, whether it be like just now where you were cuddling together on the couch, or how he’d held your hand.

There was still a bit of Bakugou that hadn’t completely disappeared, that was beginning to show up more and more as the effects of the quirk began to wear off.

But the pounding on your door was more than enough to keep you out of your thoughts.

Kaminari and Sero were lurking around the corner, keeping an eye on Bakugou as he knocked on your dorm door.

You quickly opened the door thinking something was wrong.

“Bakugou-”

His lips slammed onto yours, with just enough time for Kaminari to snap a picture.

Pushing him off of you, you could feel your heart racing. You shook your head and just stared at the blonde as he smiled at you.

“Go to bed, Katsuki.” You showed him your phone to indicate that it was way past his usual bedtime.

“Let me kiss you one more time idiot.” Bakugou’s voice was still so eerily familiar. It was the same one that called you a dumbass on the regular, the same one that you heard yelling as you sparred.

You didn’t know Kaminari and Sero had seen the kiss, let alone taken a picture of it. 

“This isn’t you. Just go to sleep.” You were hurting, more than you should’ve been. Why couldn’t you just tease him like the rest of your friends? Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be Bakugou?

You stayed in your room the following day, asking Jiro to politely bring you some food during lunch and dinner. 

She didn’t ask questions, but she had a feeling she knew what was wrong. But she didn’t bother you, she just told you to feel better and went along with her day. 

Bakugou’s texts eased up and by the end of the night, they had completely stopped.

Finally, after about two and a half days, the effects had completely worn off and the usual grumpy, egotistical, and crass Bakugou was back.

Class had gone by fine, you sat in your seat beside Bakugou, knowing he knew. Knowing he’d seen the texts, the pictures, all of it. He was a bomb waiting to go off, quite literally.

As the time dwindled down, you were on edge. 

And finally it happened.

Heading to the stairs to go back up to your dorm for some alone time, to hopefully get your mind off of Bakugou entirely, he stopped you, slamming you into the wall near the stairs.

“We need to talk.” Bakugou’s eyebrows were knitted together, his red eyes were glaring into your own (e/c) ones.

“What’s there to talk about? I know you’ve seen it all already.” You looked away, taking interest in the floor.

“I know you know I know. Don’t think that it was actually me.” Bakugou didn’t want to say that. Despite being under the influence of some love quirk, those were his true feelings.

Sure keeping it all bottled up was his way of doing things, but that quirk freed up a lot of his emotions. How he felt toward you. 

He didn’t want to be saying all of this, but he was.

“Don’t you think that I already know that?” You looked back up at him, hurt written all over your face.

Kaminari and Kirishima peeked their heads around the corner watching as the two of you talked. More classmates came over, watching the exchange.

“You should. I don’t like you.” Bakugou was lying. He just couldn’t say the truth. It was easier to lie about it, it was easier to keep it all inside, but seeing you like this was destroying him.

“I have liked you since we met back at the entrance exams. Do you know how awful it was to sit and watch you act like you were actually caring for me? Like you had even just the tiniest bit of interest in me? I knew it wasn’t you. I knew it was just some stupid quirk. I knew it wasn’t fucking you. Do you know how bad I wanted to kiss you back when you kissed me? Do you know how bad it hurt t shove you away like I didn’t fucking love you?” You shoved Bakugou back, now painfully aware of the audience watching you.

“Hey-”

“Save it. It’s time for you to go to bed right? Eight-thirty?” You turned and began to walk up the stairs, leaving him behind.

You picked up your pace once you were out of sight, tears beginning to flood from your eyes as you clenched your chest, your heart finally shattering into a million pieces.

“Woah dude.” Kaminari approached Bakugou.

“What?” Bakugou stared at the blonde, watching as Kaminari just sighed.

“You might want to go talk to her.” Kirishima stepped in.

“I know.” Bakugou mumbled, proceeding to head up the stairs after you.

Bakugou had his hands tucked in his pockets as he approached your dorm door. He didn’t know what to say, or how to say it.

In the middle of searching for the right thing to say, all he could think about was how he hugged you, how his hand fit perfectly in yours. How your lips felt for the few seconds they were on his.

Knocking quietly, Bakugou looked away as you pulled the door open. You didn’t say anything as you stared at him, your eyes red and puffy as tears still fell from them.

You went to close the door but Bakugou stopped it, pushing it back open as you took a few steps back into your room.

You were silent save for the muffled sounds of your crying which you cushioned with the sleeve of your sweater. You didn’t face him either. 

Bakugou stared at your back. He stood quietly as he searched harder to find the words to say, to fix this mess that he’d made. Or at least had a hand in making.

“I am an asshole.” Bakugou started. Whether it bruised his ego or not, it was the truth. He couldn’t believe he’d actually said that.

You didn’t reply, despite wanting to agree with him.

“But I am so fucking in love with you.” Bakugou raised his voice just enough so you could hear the strain behind his words. Your eyes widened as you froze in place.

“And I can’t explain how I feel. I’ve never been good at it. And I was heavily influenced by that stupid fucking quirk but I swear, behind it all, I wasn’t doing it absentmindedly. I love you.” Bakugou admitted.

“And I saw all of the shit that happened and I just wanted to erase it. Because I didn’t know how you felt. I felt like an asshole even more for acting like a dumbass.”

“And I know I am an asshole but just please look at me.” Bakugou pleaded. His voice was soft again. You slowly turned around and met his eyes.

“I don’t regret anything. And I certainly don’t regret this.” Bakugou took a few steps, almost like he was running at you, and cupped your wet cheeks, bring your lips to his.

It was perfect. The feeling of your lips on his. The way they fit against his. The familiar feeling that Bakugou recalled the first time he felt your lips. 

He savored it, even the vaguely salty taste from your tears. He didn’t stop, he couldn’t. He needed this. It was his antidote. You kissed him back, your hands slowly rising to meet his.

And when your palms cupped his hands, he pulled away, holding your face still as he butted his forehead to yours.

“I fucking love you, dumbass.” Bakugou smiled, the same smile he wore whenever he was being a jerk, the same smile he taunted all your classmates with, the smile that you knew belonged to Katsuki Bakugou.

“You are an asshole.” You cried, more tears falling from your eyes as you shook in his hands. Bakugou’s eyes widened, not knowing how to react.

“I love you too.” You smiled. It was all Bakugou needed to pull you into a hug, wrapping his arms around you, holding you like you were going to slip away.

After a few hours of explaining and talking, the two of you were on the same page, completely understanding of how one another felt, despite it being difficult to open up about it.

Waking up the next morning in each other’s arms was not how you expected the school day to start. You rubbed your eyes as you stared at a sleeping Katsuki hugging your side. 

“Hey, wake up.” You smiled, nudging his shoulder. Bakugou quickly opened his eyes at the sound of your voice.

“Oh shit.” Bakugou glanced at the clock that sat on your bedside table and darted up.

“I’ll see you in class, love you.” Bakugou gave you a quick kiss before running out of your room and over to his.

You smiled, feeling so much better. Talking about it helped. And Bakugou was now proud to call you his. And even more so, he wasn’t ashamed of the pictures taken of him, or the dozens of messages he’d sent to you.

He was going to fill his camera roll with dozens more of pictures of you and him. Ones that allowed both of you to be open and loving toward one another, without some second-hand quirk getting in the way.

And it started with one picture of Bakugou kissing you while you laid together.

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masterlist

[smaidjor]

i know they're losing (chapter 2)

Hello everyone! Since the last chapter received such a positive response (well, if screaming could be called a positive response), I've decided to not make you all wait long for the second chapter of this fic. Also, I have no self-control. Anyways!

Once again obligatory disclaimer this is characters not people, don't ship real people, etc.

Chapter Title: over snow and winter's morn

Chapter Wordcount: 3203

Content warnings: more discussion of death, also quite a bit of Scott being a bit of a dick. He's going through it, besties.

AO3 Link

Chapter 1

Actual fic under the cut:

Jimmy doesn’t get a chance to return the ring any time in the next few weeks. Scott must have told Katherine that he visited, since she doesn’t come to bother him about it, and every time Jimmy tries to go to Rivendell, something gets in the way. Demon attacks, urgent business in his empire, once even Scott’s own guards turning him away. Apparently Scott is a ‘busy elf’. Jimmy doesn’t doubt he is, but he also doesn’t doubt that Scott’s actively trying to avoid him. Scott is a petty man, ultimately, and Jimmy knows this, used to love it like he loved all his husband’s flaws, all his imperfections that were perfect to Jimmy. Now, though, it just hurts that Scott’s turning that pettiness on him.

Finally, something changes. Jimmy gets an invitation (in person!) from one of his closest allies; Lizzie wants to hold a ball, and she wants as many people as possible to come. It will be fancy and formal, with dancing and politics and all the things Jimmy’s just a bit awkward with, but he is an extrovert at heart, and well...Scott will be there, as Lizzie warns him.

“I know you and him don’t really get on, so I get if you don’t want to come. I really hope you will, though, it’s going to be a fun night!”

Jimmy nods. “I’ll be there! I need to talk to Scott anyways, actually, got to return this ring to him. It’s important, I think.”

“Gotcha! See you there,” Lizzie says with a broad smile. Jimmy appreciates that she doesn’t ask any questions about the ring, especially given that it’s the one thing holding together his emotional state right now.

And that’s how he finds himself frantically searching for something fancy enough to wear to a formal ball, wishing he’d had the forethought to plan for this a bit better. Scott would have planned, he thinks, would have had an outfit laid out for each of them and the time it would take them to get there exactly calculated.

He shakes that thought off, settling for a green tunic with copper accents. It’s not the most elegant thing in the world, especially when you take into account the slime that’s dripped onto it, but it’ll have to do. It’s representative of his empire for sure, and the copper is a nod to his ally. It’s good enough, and that’s what matters, Jimmy thinks.

Lizzie greets him when he enters the ballroom, smiling widely with her new fiance by her side. “Jimmy! Glad you could make it!”

“Yeah, yeah, I did make it! Here I am!” The smile he gives her is genuine; he likes Lizzie. She's fierce and kind all at once, the best kind of ally.

Joel offers him a brief wave, which Jimmy happily returns before Lizzie drags him off to chat.

“So, heard from a little birdy you’ve actually been visiting Scott,” Lizzie says, a grin like the cat that got the bird on her face.

“As a favor to Katherine,” Jimmy quickly clarifies.

She nods. “She did say that, yes. She also said she heard about the visit from Scott himself.”

Jimmy hates himself a little for being pathetic enough to ask “What did- did she say what he said? Was he talking about me?”

“She didn’t say exactly, but he seemed ‘shaken up’, apparently...and a little wistful.”

“Oh, no. Lizzie, no.”

“Say, why did you have his ring?” She’s still grinning, a little more evil this time.

“It’s a long story!” Jimmy blurts, and flees. How’s he supposed to say ‘oh we were married on a server where we thought we were going to permanently die and then we respawned here and now Scott’s refusing to talk to me because the grief over my last death is slowly killing him’ tactfully? There’s just no way to do it! Nice one, Jimmy, now she thinks you’re in love with him or something, he thinks ruefully. Not that he isn’t- wasn’t. Wasn’t. Scott’s made it very clear that he and Jimmy are through.

Still, even with his depressing thoughts, the ball is pretty okay. No one’s gotten assassinated, there haven’t been any demonic appearances, Lizzie’s already showing off her engagement ring, and he’s pretty sure Joey’s going off about how hot demons are. It’s a decent party, by empires standards.

Scott makes an appearance some twenty minutes or so later, stepping into the ballroom with typical elven grace. He’s not a very elven elf, as he once told Jimmy, short and sarcastic with a love for mortals, but he still looks twice as elegant as everyone else in the ballroom. The shakiness in his step from a few weeks ago seems entirely gone, and for a minute, Jimmy’s heart leaps in hope. Maybe he’s getting better?

Well, only one way to find out. Jimmy swallows the complicated knot of emotion in his chest as he crosses the ballroom, coming to an ungraceful stop in front of Scott. Up close, the elf looks worryingly pale, and there are dark circles under his eyes. He looks like a strong breeze might sweep him away.

“Lord Codfather,” Scott greets.

“Elvenking,” Jimmy returns, dipping his head a little. Look, Scott, he can be formal too, alright? “Care for a dance?”

Scott stares for a long moment before giving a single nod. “I suppose I wouldn’t mind.” He takes Jimmy’s outstretched hand in his own gloved one, letting Jimmy put a hand on his waist as they start into a simple waltz.

Now, Jimmy is a terrible dancer, and he’s not too proud to admit it. He steps on Scott’s feet, gets off-rhythm once or twice, and nearly crashes them straight into Lizzie and Joel. But despite their current status as enemies(ex-spouses?), Scott says nothing about it. He’s silent, in fact, seemingly caught up in the music. There’s something wistful about his expression, something soft and gentle hidden under his icy facade. If Jimmy tries hard enough, he can almost pretend that the two of them are back in 3rd life, dancing under the stars, and Scott is looking at him like he’s the most precious thing in the world.

The illusion is shattered, however, by how heavily Scott is leaning on him by the end of the dance. He’s unsteady on his feet, grip like iron on Jimmy’s hand and shoulder. Though Jimmy can’t feel his hands though the gloves, when he brushes against Scott’s arm, it’s still a little too cold to be entirely right.

The music slows and then pauses before the next song, and they head for the edge of the dance floor.

“Thank you for the dance, Codfather,” Scott says. He steps away, face falling back into the emotionless facade so quickly it’s hard to be sure the tender expression of a moment before wasn’t a dream.

That’s the final straw for Jimmy’s fragile self-control. “Can we please stop acting like we don’t know each other?”

“What else do you want from me?” Scott snaps back.

“I- something! Anything! Just acknowledge that I exist, won’t you?”

“Acknowledging you exist doesn’t mean I’m still in love with you, you know.”

“I know,” Jimmy says, a little softer, a little bitter. “I know, trust me. I just want you to stop- to stop hurting yourself to try and avoid pain!”

“That’s not what I’m do-”

“Then what are you doing? Enlighten me, o wise elf!” They’ve kept their voices low enough, but people nearby are still starting to stare at them. Jimmy can’t bring himself to care. “You told me it would destroy you to lose me, but you’re losing me now by pushing me away!”

Scott’s expression is pained for a moment before he covers it with a glare. “I’m trying to do what’s best for the both of us, Jimmy.”

“No you’re-”

“I am an elf, and I cannot love a mortal. Humans are quick flames, burning and changing quickly. You’ll fall in love again, and you’ll forget me. There will be a mortal who loves you- I’m sure there are many already.”

“But I don’t want a mortal,” Jimmy protests. “I want you.”

“You can’t have me.”

“But why? Why, Scott?” His voice breaks, embarrassingly enough. “You said you loved me, you promised me all the time we’d be able to- to carve out, to steal from the universe.”

“I can’t give you that!” Scott snaps. “You’ll live sixty more years, maybe, a fraction of my life, a blink of an eye to an elf, and I can’t even give you that long! Not when I have to be the elvenking before anything else. Nothing I can do will ever be enough for you.”

“Enough for me? For ME? All I want is for you not to die to your own dumb plan and acknowledge my existance once in a while!”

“And all I want is for you to realize I can’t love you again!”

“Why can’t you care about me?”

“Why can’t you move on?” Scott counters.

“You’re not moving on, you’re just trying to forget!” Jimmy shouts.

In the silence that follows, he realizes that most of the ballroom must have heard the end of their little lovers’ quarrel. In fact, Lizzie’s somehow appeared next to him, laying a hand on his arm.

“Is everything alright, boys?” Her tight smile says that they will most certainly get kicked out of the ball if they continue this, and Jimmy can’t blame her.

“My apologies, Ocean Queen,” Scott says, switching to a formal tone with ease that Jimmy envies. He dips his head in respect, and only Jimmy sees how his hands tremble. “Everything is alright, but I am afraid I will have to leave early.”

She smiles again, dangerous this time. “No need to worry, Lord Smajor. Do try to avoid picking fights with my allies, next time, though.”

“It won’t happen again,” he promises, and sweeps away.

“Coward!” Jimmy shouts after him, anger making him bold. “You’re a coward, Scott!”

“Stop it,” Lizzie scolds. “You’ve already made quite the scene, and I did essentially kick him out. I’m not sure how much further you really want to carry it.”

“He is though, Lizzie, he’s a coward! Doesn’t want to face me because that means facing- well, facing everything that’s happened!”

“What do you mean, everything that’s happened?” Lizzie turns to the gathered audience of people who have been watching the spat, shooing them off as best as possible. They slowly disperse, thank goodness. “You and he are enemies, right?”

Jimmy almost winces. “It’s a bit- it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“I can see that. Jimmy, that looked like a messy breakup!”

“It, um, well, it was. Sort of.”

“Oh, Jimmy.” Lizzie’s giving him a sympathetic look, which she follows up with a tight hug. “Next time, how about we don’t invite him?”

He nods against her shoulder, rage leaving him as quickly as it came. Instead, he just feels...tired. “Thanks, Lizzie.”

“Of course. We look after each other, yeah?’

“Yeah.”

Jimmy leaves the ball exhausted, still reeling from everything that happened. The few lingering bits of anger are what gets him home, a bitter taste in his mouth from the bitter words he spat. Coward! You’re a coward, Scott! He refuses to regret them.

Scott’s ring nearly ends up in the swamp again, but Jimmy’s cooled down enough by the time he gets back that he can’t bear to throw it away. Instead, it goes in a box which he tucks into his old storage chest, somewhere he’ll never have to see it again. Scott can go to hell if he wants the ring back after all that.

-

For a while, Jimmy’s plan to tuck the ring and never think about Scott again seems to be working. Lizzie visits a few times to check on him, but she never asks specifically about Scott, and Jimmy doesn’t say anything about him. He receives radio silence from Rivendell, and he tells himself that it’s good, that he doesn’t want to hear from Scott.

So yes, his plan is working, up until he gets a knock on his door and opens it to find Scott there.

The elf looks terrible, frankly, almost worse than he did at the ball. His hair, which is usually so nicely done, is a mess, cyan strands falling all across his face. His clothes are wrinkled and have swamp mud on them, his eyes have dark circles as violent as bruises, and he’s swaying a tiny bit. In short, he looks like he didn’t sleep for a week, chugged coffee, and fought god in a denny’s parking lot.

Jimmy thinks he’s kinda hot.

No, he doesn’t. Fake news, brain.

“Hi,” Scott says.

“Scott? What- why are you here?” Jimmy’s voice rises, in shock or outrage even he doesn’t know.

“I came to apologize.” Though he looks like he’s going to pass out at any second, Scott’s voice is steady. “I was scared- I am scared. I’m terrified to lose you again. But I shouldn’t have pushed you away and hurt you.”

“No, you shouldn’t have!” Jimmy snaps, but there’s little real rage behind it.

“I know. I- uh- fuck.” Scott’s hands are shaking as he pulls out a little box from some hidden pocket. “I brought a gift as an apology.”

Jimmy takes it, curious despite himself, and finds that what’s inside is a silver bracelet with little crystals embedded in it. Flowers are the predominant design; he recognizes roses, hyacinths, irises, anemone, and poppies. On the underside, there’s elven lettering, though Jimmy has no clue what it says. The whole thing is a little clumsy, not quite as professionally made as the ring Scott once gave him, and Jimmy looks up at Scott. “Did you make this yourself?”

“Mhm. I did my best, but it’s not as nice as I’d like.”

“It’s pretty,” Jimmy says.

Scott’s shoulders slump with relief. “It’s spelled, too. Protection, good fortune, that sort of thing.”

“Do the flowers mean something?”

“They do.”

Jimmy doesn’t press for details.

“I-” Scott starts again, a tremble in his voice that wasn’t there before. “I’m sorry, Jimmy, I really am. I won’t ask you to forgive me, but I needed to apologize before my time ran out.”

“Is it that- that dire?”

The barest nod. “This is what I chose to do with it. Making that, coming here. You deserved an apology.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, Jimmy staring down at the bracelet.

Scott breaks it. “It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to love me. I can’t promise you eternity. I can’t promise you happiness. I can’t promise you that I won’t have to be the elvenking first and a husband second. But I am yours still, if you’ll have me.”

A part of Jimmy is very tempted to throw both Scott’s gift and his love back in his face. He can’t bring himself to stay mad, though, not when Scott’s looking at him like that, with so much raw vulnerability. So much devotion, like Jimmy’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen. It would be so, so easy to break that last strand of fragile hope in his expression; he’s offering up his heart on a silver platter, ready to shatter. Jimmy could- should- yell at him, reject his gift, tell him that he’s ruined any chance he has at Jimmy’s love.

Jimmy kisses him instead. It’s messy and it’s sudden and he very nearly drops Scott’s gift in the swamp in his haste to tangle his hands in Scott’s hair and press their lips together, but it’s real.

The little startled noise Scott makes gets cut off by Jimmy’s mouth on his. Scott’s lips are chapped and taste a little of glowberries, but Jimmy doesn’t care. He’s going to kiss his damn husband, something he thought he was never going to get to do again.

When they finally have to separate, Scott’s breathing hard, cheeks flushed. It’s a good look on him, Jimmy thinks, much more alive than his pale, rigid expression from before.

“So, I’ll take that as you want to stay married?” Scott’s voice is wry, collected, but his blush ruins the smooth effect.

“Of course I do! You absolute idiot!”

“Just checking.”

Jimmy kisses him again, just to shut him up. Scott goes with it easily, leaning into Jimmy’s embrace without complaint.

They pull apart quicker this time, and Jimmy holds the bracelet out. “Can you help me put this on?”

Scott nods. His hands are cold against the skin of Jimmy’s wrist when he fastens the clasp, but Jimmy grabs them and holds them in his own warm ones until they don’t feel quite so much like ice. It’s something. It’s a beginning.

“Come in and catch up with me?” Jimmy offers.

Scott nods again, and he doesn’t let go of Jimmy’s hand when Jimmy turns to go inside.

They talk about a lot of things. Empires, 3rd life, nightmares. Pufferfish, cake, flowers. They talk about the trials and tribulations of ruling; really, Jimmy complains that people keep attacking him and Scott nods in sympathy.

Eventually, though, the sun is starting to set.

“I need to get home,” Scott says. “You need sleep, not to stay up all night talking.” He goes to get up, and Jimmy immediately lunges, catching his sleeve.

“Don’t go! Please,” he adds, feeling his face flush at how desperate he sounds.

“Jimmy, darling, we both need to sleep.”

“We can sleep! I just….nevermind.”

“No, no.” Scott kneels back down, peering at him like Jimmy’s a puzzle that needs solving. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Jimmy.”

“I don’t want to be alone!” Jimmy blurts, and immediately flushes again. “It’s just, I’ve been alone for a long time, and there’s this demon thing that keeps showing up, and I’ve only just got you back, I’m not ready to let you go, and-”

“Hold on. What was that about a demon?”

“There’s this demon creature that I keep seeing, and it’s really messing with me,” he manages. “It sounds like you, sometimes, but all distorted, and I can’t handle it! You know me, I’m not brave or smart or anything, I’m just Jimmy!”

Scott’s frowning, worry wrinkling his brow. “Alright. How about you come to Rivendell for the night, then? I can protect us both easier there.”

Jimmy nods, feeling especially pitiful as Scott helps him to his feet. “Thank you.”

“Always. Do you still have the ring I gave you?”

“I do, I just….give me a moment to remember where I put it.”

“Good. It’s important.” Scott doesn’t elaborate, and Jimmy is too distracted looking for the ring to ask what he means.

Scott’s offer of protection feels flimsier when he has to lean on Jimmy as they travel back to Rivendell, but even then, it’s impossible to feel quite so afraid now that Jimmy isn’t alone anymore. And it’s even harder to fear anything that could happen when he’s safe in a warm bed, his head tucked against his husband’s chest. They’ll be okay, Jimmy thinks. They’ve been given another chance, and this time they’re going to get it right.

[ohheyitsokay]

congrats you angel, you deserve all the love and praise for your writing bc holy shit you’re so talented!!! for the soulmate au celebration, i’m thinking either javi or jack (your choice bc i can’t choose) with the soulmate goose of enforcement au 💕 ik it’s a bizarre au but the potential for chaos is insane 😂 anyways ily and i hope you’re having a great day honey

...not me, having JUST reread your javi/jack fic, considering both... definitely me

Anyway, thank you, jj, you absolute gem of a human. I swear I had to turn up the fan reading this I got so flustered. I hope you have a great day too! And I hope you enjoy- I had to do a little research, and made it shorter than I wanted to, so hopefully it fills your chaos cup still!  (You'll understand, and hopefully forgive my delay when you see what's under the cut :) )

wordcount: 2.5k

warnings: strong language, lil angst with happy endings all around. mild menace meeting menace shenanigans 

Okay this is written as pt 1 Jav, pt 1 Jack, pt 2 Jav, pt 2 Jack, bonus pt 3. If you’re only in it for one of the boys, it makes reading a bit weird, but I liked the format for the whole thing. Sorry!

>>

Javier wanted to hit it with a bat. Or a car. Or anything. All that mattered is that maybe then it would leave him the fuck alone. Of all the stupid, infuriating, ridiculous guides the universe could have given him to find his other half, he was sure this was the worst. Rumor was, he couldn't even kill it if he tried.

It's not that he didn't want to find his soulmate, but he... well, he didn't want to find his soulmate.

There were all sorts of excuses to spout - work, obviously a priority, inconvenience, not wanting to give up his way of life. Not to mention following a damn goose was an impossible task, plus the fact that the stupid thing didn't even like him.

It would appear seemingly at random, honking insistently or flapping erratically, and then be gone before anyone else could bat an eye. To say that he had become increasingly irritated would have been a huge understatement.

The truth of it was that Javier was afraid. No one in the world liked to feel like they were being controlled. People liked to know what was going on, and this just didn't fit the bill. He didn't like that he didn't know you, couldn't be chosen, by you.

His life was already complicated enough - messy enough - that a soulmate would only make it worse. He had made it this long, this far without needing one, so he was fine without, thank you very much. Even to himself, his lie sounded okay.

It was hard to face, the idea that there was someone out there, a relationship that he couldn't have control over. And someone who would love him unconditionally? Terrifying.

Unfortunately, he wasn’t allowed to do nothing, because it seemed like every direction he turned there was a goose from hell wreaking havoc on his life.

They had reached an impasse - glowering at each other as it had planted itself in front of his door. Little feet pacing angrily, unreasonably long neck, all of it was just begging to be kicked. Except, for all he was a seasoned DEA agent, Javier was almost afraid the thing could go a few rounds with him. Feet shuffling uneasily, his hand twitched for his gun, even though he knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t shoot.

It was stupid to have a staring contest with a goose. And even more stupid that the goose won .

Javier turned away, spitting spanish curses in a stream that would make his mama smack him. Maybe it wasn't too late to find a hookup he could use to crash, he was thinking, and that thought was apparently the final straw. The goose reappeared in front of him.

Hissing.

More curses, a quick turn on his heel. This time, it didn't move in front of him, it left a sharp peck on his calf, before dodging his kick.

It was herding him, against his will, to you.

-

When he saw the goose, Jack thought he was delirious. The Statesman lab must've screwed something up because he'd seen that horrible, wonderful, stupid goose once before, in another life.

And he never, ever thought he'd see it again.

He did a lot of thinking, that night and the next day and the next. Strangely, he did a lot of feeling, too, noticing how light his shoulders felt, how kind the ache on his heart had become. He visited their grave, pressed his forehead to the headstone, and breathed some deep breaths.

And when he saw the goose again, he lassoed it.

It wouldn't have died even if it was powered up, but he didn't take the chance, determination and longing filling his being like blood, pumping through his heart to each and every part of him.

Miracle of miracles, it let him, with all the glare a bird could give. Knees only making small pops, Jack settled on his heels, looking at it sternly.

"Can you take me to them?"

The expression on it's tiny, smug face didn't change, but it also didn't disappear to free itself, so he waited.

And he waited. And waited. And eventually, watching it with half an eye, he grabbed a doughnut and offered it to the stupid soulmate goose god.

It considered the doughnut, pecked it as Jack yanked his fingers out of reach, and apparently accepted. After it was finished, it began to tug him along, waddling on its makeshift leash as Jack's heart leapt into his throat. He grabbed the bag of doughnuts and his hat before getting dragged along, to you.

-

At his very core, Javier was a man driven by his personal sense of justice. Being herded by an immortal goose of mischief was unfair, it made no sense that he had to find you, somehow needed more, and wasn't allowed to choose. It pecked and honked and bullied him all the way to a crowded bar, which was a perfect example. 

Just as he was thinking, trying to convince himself he would've come here on his own, it disappeared again and he sighed.

He needed a drink. And, he needed to make some of his own goddamn decisions. Defiance and determination, he told himself. Not stubbornness. There was nothing to prove, it was just defiance and determination, to take his fate into his own hands and make his own choices. And if he was going to do that, he wanted to look for someone who wasn't an informant or a one night stand. His gut was looking for someone he could pull to his side and to show the universe that the goose was right to give up on him.

You were a perfect fit. Slightly disgruntled for whatever reason, even through the crowd he could see the faint, telltale wrinkles of someone just as... determined as he was. Shoulders held the same defiance he was so proud of, and he would be lying if he wasn't physically drawn to you as well. The inconsistent lighting could make anyone look good if you wanted it enough, but you... were something else.

There was a line of pink neon reflection from the top of your ear, across your cheekbone, and just grazing the line of your upper lip as you looked thoughtfully at something he couldn't see. Javier thought he wouldn't mind tracing that path with his fingers, and then maybe his own mouth, and his feet were already carrying him to you to look for an open door. The rest of your form came into view, and Javier noticed the bass of the music was turned up a little bit more than necessary- he could feel it thumping in his bones.

Talking to you went smoother than maybe it ever had before. You seemed resigned, at first, which was a reaction that caught him off guard, and that combined with the weariness of his week, making him unusually candid. In turn, you opened up to him like a flower turning towards the sun, fun and thoughtful and refreshing. 

He liked the way you laughed when his lines came out a little awkwardly - open and appreciative, and it made his chest puff out a little. He liked the way you spoke, too. There was kindness and romance in your soul, just whispering at the edges of the words, and while he didn’t pick up on that, per se, they made him feel special, handsome, worthy, but also trusted and comfortable and safe. Neither of you noticed at first, that you had shuffled into a quiet corner of the bar, that his body had moved close, a gentle shield boxing the two of you into your own little world.

When the question came - what brought you here, anyway? - he found himself answering honestly about half being led by his guide, then wanting to make his own path. His confidence faltered at your quiet laugh. His heart ached. A glance at the clock told him it had been two hours since he'd found you, and already he wanted to... choose you. To have you choose him.

He felt stupid that he had confessed so soon, but...

Oh, you were kissing him. There were hands shooting off sparks into his soul against his chest and his jaw and you were kissing him. Javier kissed you back.

When you pulled away, his mouth chased yours, not ready to give up the contact so soon, but you stopped him, laughing again.

"I have a confession," you whispered, and he paused.

“My guide led me here, too. I thought when it gave up on me when I saw you,” your next kiss was more chaste, “I think we got tricked.” Noticing he liked the feel of you in his arms, even if he didn’t remember pulling you there, he tightened his hold.

Javier felt light, understanding your laughter, and blissfully unafraid. “No,” he said, knowing already you’d understand him. 

“I chose you.” 

- 

Jack was running out of doughnuts. It was easier, safer to have the dumb bird half hog-tied, but he still didn’t feel any closer to you, just halfway across town. He dug in his boots and sunk onto a bench, yanking the goose to a stop, too annoyed to beg for a break. 

He wasn’t giving up and running away, absolutely not, he was just... running out of options. Or, doughnuts. And breath. If this pace kept up, he wouldn’t be able to tell you all the things he had planned out in his head. 

Eyelids closing against the southern sun, he let out a long, slow sigh. His heart was still racing, and he wondered if he was really as ready as he wanted to be, to meet his next soulmate. A sturdier inhale grounded him. He was ready, he knew he was. Whoever you were, you had to have the patience of a saint - it would be alright, he just needed a breath. The ground under his boots was sturdy, the breeze over his skin cooling, and the goose was mercifully quiet. 

“That’s one strange lookin dog you have there, cowboy,” The voice was teasing, but not malicious, and he grinned, eyes still closed. 

“She’s a purebred,” he replied, and he heard a huff of laughter like the first few notes of music. Waiting for your footsteps to carry you away, he savored the moment, feeling silly as he hoped his soulmate would like to laugh as much as he did. 

There was a weight on the other side of the bench, and he wondered at it, as you said, “Want to talk about it?” His smile was softer, this time, intrigued by the moment, but not wanting to be tempted into flirting, not when his soulmate was on the horizon. 

“Nothin to tell,” he replied, feeling suddenly strange. Jack opened his eyes, looking at the rope in his hands, feeling the fibers run through his fingers. “Just a free range chicken... taking a break from tryin to chase down my second soulmate.” He winced, definitely not wanting to look at you, after the second had slipped out. 

It wasn’t judging, though, the voice that said, “You seem like you want to talk about it.”

For once in his life, Jack didn’t know what to say, slipping off his hat to run his fingers through his hair before replacing it. He heard your half-laugh again, and it felt refreshing, like sweet tea on a southern summer day. 

“Okay,” you said, and he heard amusement this time, like you had something to say, some thought you were chewing on. 

Then, there was that terrible honk of the goose, not from his feet, but from where, assumedly, you were. Snapping his gaze to the other side of his bench, he saw a sight for sore eyes, half backlit, glowing like something he never thought he’d see.

There was an indignant goose in a cage at your ankles, now making grumbling bird noises in indignant conversation with the one at the end of his lasso. 

“I thought you were never gonna look at me,” Your arm was across the back of the bench as you grinned at dynamite smile at him. 

Jack returned it, feeling bashful and eager, dropping the rope to grab your closest hand. 

“I promise I aint making that mistake again, sugar.”

-

bonus ending:

Jack was clinging to your hand, grinning like a fool as you introduced yourselves, when another movement caught his eye. There was a man, walking up behind you, a resigned look on his face. Whiskey’s hackles should have been all the way up, yanking you into his arms at the way this man was approaching you, but instead he was dumbfounded for the second time that day. 

He was backlit, too, with shoulders that carried as much weight as the man in his mirror every morning, and he could see the shape of a gun as he knelt next to his soulmate. The stranger’s eyes when they looked at you... were as adoring as he was sure his must have been, a moment before, and he was familiar with you, like you’d known each other before now. Jack wanted to swallow, but his heart felt like it was in his throat, beating like he’d gone a round with a bull at the rodeo.

“This is probably a lot,” Javier said, taking you other hand and quirking an eyebrow. The geese made some loud, obnoxious noises and he looked at them appreciatively. “I wish I had thought of that,” he gestured at the lasso, and you smiled at him. 

“This is Javier,” you said, and you let go of them both to stand up and brush yourself off. Warm hands and strong grips were exchanged, and you watched them curiously as they shook, murmuring names and titles again. They were sizing each other up, certainly, but you felt a rush of relief as you saw a familiar spark of attraction in Javi’s eyes. 

“You got any more surprises for us, then?” you looked up at the cowboy, confused, only to realize he wasn’t talking to you. The goose in your cage was free halfway down the walk, the one in the lasso hissed. The poor man had been an RV in an earthquake and come out the other side overwhelmed and happy, of all things, but there wasn’t much more he could handle. To your surprise, he grabbed a crumbled paper bag and tossed the contents to the bird, before it gave a final honk, and waddled after it’s friend. 

“I guess that’s a no,” you said, suddenly shy at the fullness in your heart. 

“That’s alright,” Jack picked up his lasso, before looking at you and Javier, his eyes happy, and glinting with something stronger. “I think this is more than enough.”

And you agreed.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms @beautyagegoodnesssize @princess76179

for whiskey:

@0celestialbitch0

[strayen-fx]

Afraid

》 Seo Changbin x (gender neutral)reader

》 Wordcount: 1.3k

》 Angst, some fluff at the end? Idk

》 Requested: Yes. Hi anon~

》 Warnings: depression , anxiety (if you are easily triggered, please don't read❣)

》 Notes: Just want to clarify I'm not romanticizing depression in any way. This is a sensitive topic, I know. Believe me, I've been there. Still not sure if I gave it any justice tho... but anyway. I placed a part of me in this fic. And YOU. If you're going through something, remember that you are not alone. We are here for you, both Stray Kids and Stays, regardless of whether you are a Stay or not. You are welcome here. You are loved. You matter. 💙

》 Side note: I recommend listening to 🎶Afraid by Day6🎶 while reading this. All the love~

○○○

"But you're gonna watch our performance, right?"

You scratched your head, trying not to make your sigh heard over the phone. Usually, it makes you feel happy and warm inside whenever Changbin enters this sweet mode of his where he calls you almost every hour, reminding you not to miss their live performances and other schedules. Him asking you if you have eaten, if you have already taken your meds... usually, these simple things were enough to clear your head and remind yourself that you are never alone, that you have a loving and supportive boyfriend who understood you and loved you despite your shortcomings and flaws.

But today is not one of those days. Today, despite hearing Changbin's excited ramblings over the phone, you still can't help but feel that gaping black hole at the pit of your stomach. Your head was spinning. There was a ton of office works on your desk, a bunch of voicemails from your parents and colleagues, multiple household chores left unattended. You had accepted your boyfriend's call, hoping to get a slight sliver of comfort, but then you remembered that he has an online performance in half an hour. Another one you forgot to squeeze into your cramped up schedule. You could just miss the live and lie to Changbin afterwards, but you know you can't do that to him. You know how he loves it when you watch him perform.

Another thing: late night perf means he couldn't come over until the next day. You can't tell him your worries right now--you didn't want to dampen his mood nor ruin his concentration. You didn't want your black hole to expand and swallow him, too.

You were alone.

"Of course, Bin," you said, trying--and failing--to sound upbeat. Your voice sounded sharp and cold even to your own ears. "Can I... uhh... can I hang up now? I think my boss is trying to contact me."

"Are you sure you're alright, y/n? You don't sound--"

"Which part of 'I'm fine' don't you understand, Changbin?!"

Your harsh words surprised you. For a moment, the line was silent. You bit your lips in regret.

"Y/n--"

"I'm sorry, Changbin. I didn't mean to snap. I'm alright. I'll see you tomorrow."

You immediately cut the call, frustrated at yourself. You turned your phone to silent mode and threw it onto your bed.

°°°

10 p.m. Changbin's live would've ended by now, and you missed it entirely. You sat on the floor of your living room, your back against the couch, folders strewn all around you. Some bits of paper where torn up beside you, a habit you had developed way back in high school whenever you were at your limit and just wanted to let it out somehow.

You hadn't finished any work. You didn't even want to check your voicemails anymore. You hadn't eaten anything since lunch, but you didn't have the strength to make food for yourself, either. You were staring off into space, your mind swirling, your heart plunging into that dark place you had been very well accustomed to.

You just wanted to lie down and cry, but you felt too dried up to shed any tear. It frustrates you even more.

Too unfocused and mentally drained, you failed to hear the sound of your apartment door opening and closing. It wasn't until you saw a very worried Changbin walking towards you that you realized you weren't on your own anymore.

"Hey, Changbin." You smiled, but it didn't quite reach your eyes.

"Hey, y/n," he greeted back, kneeling in front of you. He smiled softly and reassuringly, and that smile immediately opened the dam of emotions you had been keeping at bay. You started to cry.

Changbin inched closer to hug you, but you stopped him. He looked confused, but he obliged. He sat on the floor beside you, trying to take in your situation.

One look at the torn up papers and Changbin immediately understood, if your messy appearance hadn't been enough of a giveaway. You hadn't even changed from your pajamas. Changbin was sure you hadn't been listening to your doctor's instructions, but he decided not to scold you about it for now. He knew how difficult your work could be especially towards the end of the year, and he mentally punched himself for not noticing your piled up stress before it could go out of hand. He wanted to hold you in his arms, give you assurance that everything's going to be fine, but he knew you needed your time.

The two of you just sat there for a while. Looking at your boyfriend, you could see him glowing with the light from your open windows. He looked breathtaking. His raven hair was styled up, exposing his forehead. Traces of makeup were still visible around his eyes, making it obvious that he rushed out from his schedule to see you. It made you even guiltier.

"Why are you still with me, Changbin?"

This took him by surprise. He moved to hold your hand but stopped, realizing you might not want him to.

"I love you," he answered. "You are important to me. I don't want to lose you, and that is more than enough reason for me to stay."

You looked at him, right into his eyes, and you could see that he said those words in all sincerity, without any flowery metaphor. And you saw his growing worry, too. An unmistakable sadness, and you knew it was caused by you.

Because of my greed, you thought. I'm holding him down. I'm letting him down.

Your tears continued streaming down your face. "You shouldn't be with me." You tried to wipe your tears away, but they just kept coming, gushing out. "That moment, when you came in and smiled at me, I realised that I can't make you happier than you were before you met me." You shook your head. "Your light is being covered by my darkness."

Changbin reached for your hand, desperate to give you any form of comfort. "Y/n, listen," he said. When you didn't push him, he took both of your hands and caged them in his. "You are my light. Do you know how happy you made me feel when you came into my life? Do you know how lucky I felt when you said yes, when you said you would go out with me?"

You shook your head, not wanting to believe him. He gingerly cupped your face in his hands. "I love you. If you could see yourself the way I do, you would see how amazing of a person you are. How strong and beautiful you are. You would see an infinite of reasons why you should love yourself."

He pulled you into a deep hug, and you just melted in his arms. You felt safe and secure--you felt like you could trick yourself into believing that everything would be alright. That everything would be worth it.

And perhaps everything is worth it.

"In these days when you hate that you're you, in those days when you just want to disappear, I will be here for you. I will always find you."

The thing is, you wanted to believe. You wanted to believe in yourself, in your future, in your abilities. But it's too easier said than done, easier to dismiss an emotion until reality comes flooding into you without any warning.

"You helped me realize the best in me," he continued, stroking your hair. "That means you could also realize the best in you."

You hugged him back as tight as you could, burying your head in his chest. "I'm afraid, Changbin."

"I'm afraid, too," he admitted. "But you're here for me, right? And I'm here for you. As long as we're together, we can get through anything."

°°••°°

You are valid. :)

[redsector-a]

AO3 Ask Game

I was tagged by @themarshalstale which, thank you so much! I feel like I always get missed on these (I know why, it’s been 84 years since I published anything but still). 1. How many works do you have on ao3?

46 it seems. Which...look I’m slow man so that’s not surprising. lol Also crippling depression does not make for much production, at least for me.

2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?

309662 according to the stats.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

So do I could only AO3 or in like life? lol I suppose it should only be on AO3 since this is an AO3 ask game. Hrm. Basically AO3 can be summed up as: Marvel (in several iterations - all Avengers related) Torchwood Highlander But isn’t it more fun to consider my entire fandom life, which, I’m sorry, I’m old so...yeah. Not all of this is was published and beyond that a lot is not available anymore...which is likely for the best. Highlander Star Wars Babylon 5 Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers Marvel (again, several iterations also of note Avengers and X-Men both count) Torchwood Star Trek LOTR Stargate (SG-1, SGA) Mortal Kombat I dabbled with the idea of Potter fic but never got past the ideas stage.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: You rearrange me till I’m sane Clint finds himself spiraling into a deep depression after the Battle of New York...until the Winter Soldier ends up saving him and inadvertently giving him a new purpose – to save the man that the Soldier had once been – Bucky Barnes. Not one to be outdone, the Soldier decides that his new mission is to ensure that Clint remains alive himself. Protecting a blonde man with a self-destructive streak is somehow very familiar to him. Through the back and forth of who is saving whom they cross the country and learn more about themselves and each other – and perhaps find a reason for living. 2: Five Dates Bucky Didn’t Realize He Was on And the One He Planned Himself To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it.Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.

3: Puck Luck Bucky Barnes is used to the ups and downs of an NHL season. He's used to the unpredictability of the game, knows that bounces don't always go your way, but that doesn't make a broken hand in the final third of the season any easier to deal with. Especially not when he ends up with an impromptu roommate/personal assistant in the form of one Clint Barton - his agent, Natalia Romanova's (rather attractive) friend he hadn't known existed before his injury.

It's just for six to eight weeks - what could possibly happen in that span of time?

4: Loose Lips Launch Ships

Based on the following prompt: “We go to school together and I think you’re cute and apparently you’re also the pizza delivery guy and my little sibling opened the door screaming hey sibling! you know that kid you’re in love with? you really weren’t kidding when you said his jawline could cut steel holy shit-” Bucky is the pizza delivery guy. Clint's younger (foster) brother has a big mouth.

5: Indelible Bucky Barnes has a pretty decent life – a good job, good friends, a cat that adores him - but something is missing. He’s always found body art to be beautiful and inspiring, and on a whim (and with the hope that maybe he can find what he’s missing) he decides to take the plunge and get a tattoo. That's how he meets Clint Barton. Clint's talented and compassionate and there is an instant spark between the two of them. It's not long before Bucky finds himself wondering and wanting more from the relationship despite the ghosts of the past that crop back up. Because Clint makes him feel normal in a way he truly hasn't for years...

(this was pre-Alpine so I was totally chuffed when canon confirmed Bucky’s status as a crazy cat lady (affectionate).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.

I really really really want to do it but I often times don’t end up doing it. There are a few reasons. First, I am akwward AF and bad at interaction adn I feel like just saying thank you would be...not enough? Second - I often times tend to like...turtle (aka retreat into myself) when life gets Too Hard/Busy which happens a lot to me (sigh) and then I miss the vague window in my mind in which it would be okay to respond and then it’s even more weird. I do love and cherish all of them. Like there was one months ago that made me go “hmm...I didn’t think I was going to do a sequel to that fic (You rearrange me till I’m sane), timestamp glimpses sure but a sequel hadn’t come to mind” but then the comment made me think! So...who knows? lol Anyway, I literally have been rereading some in an effort to try and get myself going again. Know that if you have commented, I love you.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

At the moment? Probably: Look at you look at me Bucky's in love with Clint - problem is he's really not supposed to be. For Winterhawk Week 2019 - Forbidden Love (I really don’t want to give away the spin in the fic but...if you’re familiar with the Secret Avengers Vol 2 run circa 2013ish (aka when SHIELD initially ‘took control of the team’) that’s a bit of a hint as to the spin). Were it done, Torch Song would be up there. ;) Torch Song Clint is sent back in time, via an alien device, to 1938. While he tries to figure out how to get back home, he takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet and does his best to not disrupt the timeline.Then he meets a 21 year old Bucky Barnes. --- A torch song is a sentimental love song, typically one in which the singer laments an unrequited or lost love, either where one party is oblivious to the existence of the other, where one party has moved on, or where a romantic affair has affected the relationship.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Does *wanting* to write crossovers count? lol I want, so badly, to do more crossovers and fusions (which...are kinda deeper versions of crossovers in a way). The only one I do have posted is a crossover between Highlander and Torchwood -

The Immortal Mr. Jones A series of vignettes (some long, some short) in the life of the newly immortal Ianto Jones. My most ambitions project that I have been working on since late 2011/early 2012 is a fusion of the Avengers with Stephen King’s the Stand. I will get that done at some point *shakes fist*  The Stand, for those who don’t know it, is an epic 1000+ page novel about a flu epidemic (I know) that wipes out over 99% of the population and then two figures representing Good and Evil pull the survivors in two directions for a showdown. So basically it’s a non-powered modern AU set in that universe. It’s a passion and comfort project. lol

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Well, minor bitching back when I was in a prior fandom because I tagged a pairing in a fic but it was pre-slash and not labeled as pre-slash. I got hate on...I think it was Torch Song? And I’ve gotten hate on tumblr re me and my fic in general as well. Fandom! *jazz hands* Oh! And I’ve also been hit by those reviewers within Winterhawk (among general Clint pairings actually) who like rate you on either number scales or the “meh” scale. Which isn’t hate exactly but...it’s passive aggressive bullshit because I can’t believe none of them realize at this point that the authors can see their bookmarks - you know?

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. Do I write it well? I have no idea. lol

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. Well...there was, I think, one of those reposting sites that had a few fics on it but I don’t think it was being passed off as someone else’s? I can’t quite recall. It’s why I have a note on AO3 about reposting my work anyway.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not entirely, but sort of. Let me explain - I am part of a PBEM game; which for those unfamiliar since it’s a term that was most heavily in use 15-20 years ago, in which you basically do a round robin type writing thing but rather than everyone writing the same characters you write your own characters and you play off what other people have done. Another way of looking at it is  it’s basically DnD without dice and written down rather than done out loud. You also don’t have to all be around at the same time. It’s a lot of fun and yes I have been in it for 20 years even though there aren’t many of us left but they are some of my dearest friends and fabulous writers. Wins all around.  One of the other writers and I have actually toyed with the idea of doing a co-written fic actually, mostly because we work super well together and keep getting ideas for things but can’t really do them as rpgs since the pbem style isn’t used much anymore.

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Winterhawk probably. Though, let’s be real - Han & Leia are epic and amazing as are John & Delenn (from Babylon 5).

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Does wanting to expand The Black Stallion books as a wee child count? lol Not much of that was written save for world building ideas but there was a great oral tradition of telling stories to my friends. Otherwise...maybe a tie between Star Wars and Highlander. Star Wars was a love since I was super young but the writing bug didn’t hit me until around the same time Highlander was a thing as well.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? You rearrange me till I’m sane for sure. Though Torch Song, if it were finished, would be tied I imagine (I suck at picking favorites). Honorable mention to Puck Luck and Indelible. Tagging: I have seen this like a million times (okay 5) so I feel like everyone has been tagged already that I know. But...I guess... @vexbatch @crazycatt71 @heartonfirewrites and @disruptedvice sorry if anyone has been tagged before.

[jeonjk1998]

Before Us | Jungkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: college!au fuckboy!au bestfriends!au friendswithbenefit!au director!au tattoo!au piercing!au fluff!au smut!au angst!au

Wordcount: 4518 words

Summary: You and Jungkook has been best friends ever since the both of you were just a kid but you never expected to fall in love with him

Notes: I hope you like this fic! I know it’s clichè but I can’t help it haha, anyways I was hoping to write this into a fic someday but since I’m not good at writing, I’ll just leave it here as a draft

Masterlist

You were five years old when you first met him

You remember it was one summer when your parents brought you on a vacation along with their business partners’ family and that is where you met Jeon Jungkook

To be honest, you didn’t like him at all when you first met him, he was so full of himself and annoying sometimes

It’s not surprising that he’s acting like a spoiled child since his family are one of the richest family in the country and he literally can have anything he wants if he just names it

But that wasn’t just it, he and his friends, Jimin and Taehyung would always find a wat to prank you whenever your parents were not around

Despite all of that, you tried your best to make amends with him but it was no use, you ended up hating him even more

You honestly have no idea why would he keep bothering you or why is he always so rude around you

You just assume maybe because you were the only girl around here and he just didn’t want to hang out with you

But what you didn’t know is that Jungkook has the fattest crush on you and he just wanted your attention

Eventually, you got tired and stopped trying and that’s when things starting to get better

You even got along with the boys and surprisingly, your relationship with Jungkook has gotten so much better

You remember you even cried when you thought you didn’t enroll into the same high school as Jungkook

Sometimes your parents would even question if the both of you were in a relationship but you and Jungkook knew very well that it would never happen

You wouldn’t say that you’re not attracted to him, it was impossible to ignore that gorgeous boy and the fact that he has tons of admirer waiting in line for him

You never had a crush on him, you thought you did at one point but it turns out that you only find him attractive

You never told him before but you admired him a lot, especially when it comes to his passion, you respected how much effort he puts in towards the things he loves

You remember it was on his 12 years old birthday when his Grandfather gave him a video camera as his birthday present and ever since then, he would bring it along with him wherever he goes

Jungkook loves filming a lot, he’d even put you in his videos just so he could make it into a documentary, at least that’s what he said

He even attended classes so that he could improve his filming and editing skills

But before you could witness it, the both of you somehow just got drifted away from each other, it’s not like the both of you stopped hanging out with each other, you guys just have a different group of friends to be with

Jungkook became more popular and started to get involved with stuff like parties and sex but you weren’t surprised since he’s always so socially involved and outgoing

Just when you thought that Jungkook couldn’t get any more attractive, he became so much hotter

He started to go to the gym more often and he started to get more tattoos on his body or you just assume it’s because he became more cocky and confident

It wasn’t a lie that Jungkook was undoubtedly hot and gorgeous, even you couldn’t deny that he was hot as fuck

Sometimes you’d even catch yourself staring at his biceps while he was working out, it was no doubt that Jungkook has a great body

Although, you never know why he never dated before since girls would normally just throw themselves to him

He only said he didn’t like commitments and that it’s easier to just have sex and even though he can be a dick sometimes but he was also a genuinely nice guy

It was no different with you, you used to be this cute little girl that Jungkook used to have a crush on but for somewhat reason, puberty hit you like a truck and you got hot

You’d even caught Jungkook checking your ass out sometimes, all thanks to the pilates classes you took with your roommate

You’d be lying if you said you never thought about sleeping with your best friend before, anyone with eyes can see how attractive he is but you never did make a move and neither does he

God, if only you knew how much Jungkook wanted you that way

Ever since he started to get involved with sex, he has been thinking what would it be like to have you under him, screaming his name

It was obvious enough that the both of you were attracted to each other sexually but nothing ever happens

The both of you knew so well that your friendship was way too important to mess around with

You have to admit, it’s hard to hold back when you’re best friend is so damn attractive

Right now, you were trying so hard not to stare at the way Jungkook’s bicep is flexing while he was holding the huge camcorder in his hand

It reminded you back to the day when he told you that he got recruited into one of the most famous entertainment industry and now he’s working here

You were so happy for him and honestly, he deserves it, Jungkook was very talented in the things he does, especially when it comes to video production

As much as you love seeing him with his camcorder, you and Jungkook were supposed to be at Jimin’s party right now but you’ve been waiting for him for almost an hour and he’s still hasn’t done yet

God, your feet were killing you from wearing the Jimmy Choo heels that Jungkook bought for you on your birthday and you really don’t feel like waiting anymore

It didn’t take him long to wrap everything up when he saw how annoyed you get

To be honest, if it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t be working for an extra hour

You have been distracting him the whole evening with that tight dress you’re wearing, wrapping around your ass so perfectly

When both of you arrived at Jimin’s place, he was already half-drunk

He then pulls you in for a drink before he grabs you in to play beer pong with him

You were sitting on the table beside the boys while watching them playing when Taehyung suddenly suggested that he wanted to play truth or dare

You never really like the game but since everyone is playing, you have not much of a choice but to say yes

Like always, you choose truth and it was Jimin’s turn to ask you “Who do you most want to sleep with, out of everyone here?”

He smirks at the question while he asks as he knew exactly what your answer will be but he just wanted to tease you

You then saw Jungkook was staring at you and you knew exactly what he was thinking since he already knew who was on your mind

Thanks to all the alcohol in your system, you didn’t hesitate as you blurted his name “Easy, Jungkook”

The boys cheered loudly at your answer and you saw Jungkook was smirking at you and god, you wanted so bad to wipe that cocky smirk off of his face

When you thought things couldn’t get any worst, it was then Jungkook’s turn and of course, he’d choose dare

You then saw Jimin whispered something to Jhope before he could give the dare, making him smile as he then blurted out “Make out with Y/N for 3 minutes”

Your heart instantly races at the thought of it when you saw Jungkook walks over to you

God, just when you thought Jimin couldn’t get anymore devious, here he is smirking at you, waiting to see the both of his friends eating each other out

The boys started wooing and cheering around as soon as Jungkook’s lips crash on yours

He hungrily kisses you as he pulls you closer to him, grabbing your thigh while giving it a tight squeeze which made you moan into the kiss

You then started rubbing yourself onto him when you felt his dick poking on your thigh

You almost forgot that there were still people around, watching the both of you making out until you heard people started murmuring around

You then quickly pull yourself away from him as you can feel how fast your heart is beating and how warm your cheeks were

Jungkook then smirks at you when he saw how tense you look

God, you wanted so bad to wipe off that cocky smirks from his face but why does it turn you on so much

You knew you’d eventually give in and there is no way you could hold it back, at least not after what just happened

You ended up fucking your best friend in the car and boy, it felt so good

You almost lost your shit when he turns you around, thrusting into you ruthlessly

He was stretching you out so nicely, you still couldn’t believe how you manage to stuff that huge cock inside you

Jungkook never thought he’d get to see you like this, to have you under him, screaming his name with his balls deep inside you

God, it’s still hard to believe that he’d get to fuck you like this, his favorite girl

He knows that things aren’t going to be the same after this but right now you’re the only thing he can think of

You thought things would be awkward after that night but it turns out you have nothing to worry about

You and Jungkook decided that it’ll be easier if the both of you become fuckbuddies

Although, it was quite awkward to do this when you weren’t drunk but you decided that you’ll make the first move and that’s when everything started to change

The both of you then became more and more comfortable around each other and started to have more frequent sex than usual

Like now, you were supposed to do some researching in the library but instead, you were hoisted up against the wall by Jungkook as he fucks you mercilessly

“You like that baby? You like my cock deep inside you?” You were trying to hold back your moans by biting on your lips when Jungkook rubbed his thumbs on your clit

You then slide your hand down to his back as you rake onto his broad shoulder, feeling how his muscle-flexing with every thrust he takes

“Jungkook I can’t, I have to go” You whine helplessly when he tries to convince you to get on with him for another round

“C’mon, I promise I’ll make you feel so good” God, it’s like no matter how many times you guys fuck, he just can’t seem to get enough of you

Honestly, the whole friends with benefits thing were starting to worry him

He was afraid that he might fall for you, he even thought of pushing you away, just like how he did when the both of you were still in high school but he can’t afford to lose you anymore

You were the most precious thing to him, you were everything to him

You have always been there for him throughout his toughest time and he couldn’t possibly ruin what the both of you already had

But little did he know, he has already fallen in love with you long before he knew it

Your friends weren’t blind, they knew what was going on between the both of you and they have been teasing you for so long about how you and Jungkook were head over heels for each other but you knew that wasn’t possible

Jungkook hated commitments more than anything and there is no way he would give up all the sex only to be with one girl

Although, you have to admit that you’ve been acting strangely around him ever since you caught your roommate sucking his dick

And seeing all those pretty girls that he works with trying to get Jungkook to dick them down didn't help at all and you really didn’t want to see any more of that

You were so done waiting for him, he was supposed to be at the gala right now since his parents were having a celebration tonight but as usual, his works keep him away so you had no choice but to go with him

God, you can’t look at him anymore and since he was so busy flirting around, you then decided that you’ll leave first

Jungkook was so confused when he saw you were leaving

Something was off with you, he didn’t know why are you so annoyed at him over these past few days and it’s starting to bother him a lot

God, it’s like there’s something wrong with you, you knew you’ve been acting like a brat around him lately but you just can’t help it

Of course, Jungkook wouldn’t let you go just like that, he’s been keeping up with your shit for days and he wanted to know why

“You sure you wanna keep acting like a brat baby girl?” You knew Jungkook was starting to get annoyed by your bratty attitude and you sure gave him a huge headache since you’ve been acting like a bitch

“Just leave me alone” You tried to shove him away but he’s not having any of that

“Only if you stop giving me that attitude” God, you’ve already had so much on your mind and he’s sure is starting to get on your nerves

“Make me” Your heart immediately races when you felt Jungkook lips crash on yours, kissing you roughly while he grabs onto your thigh, carries you up before throwing you on the bed

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard until you stop giving me that fucking attitude” You already know how this was gonna end and it’s not going to look pretty

God, he wasn’t lying, you can’t even remember how many times he made you came tonight

“Mum, don’t worry, we’ll be there soon, I promise” You can’t believe Jungkook would actually pick up the phone while he’s rutting into you

You then saw a smirk curve upon Jungkook’s lips when he saw how hard you’re biting your lip while trying to hold back your moans

Tears well up in your eyes when he speeds up his pace, thrusting into you faster

God, he’s fucking you so good that you kept cumming around his cock

Thank god your parents had already left for the gala, it was just you and Jungkook in the house

You can’t believe how late it already is when the both of you arrived at the gala

You then glared at Jungkook when you caught him smiling like it wasn’t a big deal

But you, on the other hand, was not even though you knew his parents wouldn’t mind at all since they were both very fond of you, they even said that they would love to have you to be their daughter-in-law

You were surprised when you saw your brother, Seokjin was here too since you didn’t expect him to be home anytime soon

God, you missed bim, it’s been such a long time since you last saw him

“Why are you wearing that ridiculous dress?” Was the first thing he said, you then ignore all the snickers from the guy and pouted at him

You knew your dress was quite revealing but truth to be told, your brother was just way too overprotective over you

“Hey hyung” Jungkook went in to hug him when he saw him, so does the rest of the guys

Just when you thought Jungkook would drop the conversation that the both of you had earlier this evening, he then brought it up again

“What’s going on?” You know he would never drop it if you don’t talk to him and you really didn’t want to have that conversation now

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal, I just... I accidentally walk in on you and Jinny when you guys were... “

“You know what? Forget about it, it’s not like you’re not allowed to sleep with anyone you want so...” God, you’ve never sounded so ridiculous before

Smiling at your response, he knew he was damned, he only hoped you didn’t hear how fast his heart is racing

How did he not realized that he was already falling for his best friend

He thought sleeping with other people would get you off his mind, but it didn’t

You were all he could think of when he’s with other girls

Ever since that night, you and Jungkook gotten more intimate with each other

He’d casually hold your hands in public and he’d showers you with lots of kisses and hugs just because he feels like it

Of course, you were aware of your feelings for him but you never wanted to talk to him about it, you were scared that he might just end things with you if you confess

But you were getting tired of it, girls would flirt with him whenever the both of you went out and they would ask if he’s your boyfriend and you hated it when you say no

What’s bothering you, even more, is there was this girl, Ivy, she works with Jungkook and they’ve been spending a lot of time together

She’s super pretty and nice, it’s hard to not like her even if you don’t want to but you had to admit that you didn’t like seeing them together

It’s obvious that Ivy has a crush on Jungkook and he knew it too

Sometimes you’d wonder if Jungkook likes her since he’s been telling you about how cool the girl is and how the both of them hit it off so well with each other

“Do you like her? Ivy?” It took you a lot of courage but you had to ask

“Yeah, she’s cool and fun, it’s hard not to like her I guess” You were trying so hard to fight back your tears when you heard what Jungkook said

“Let’s not do this anymore, us being fuckbuddies” You finally said it, although it hurts but it’s the right thing to do

“What? What are you saying? Is this about Tae? I know both of you have been hanging out a lot these days but you can’t tell me that you like the guy?”

You and Tae have indeed been hanging out a lot these past few days but it’s because he knows about your feelings towards Jungkook

What you didn’t expect is for Jungkook to react this way

“Why are you acting up? I thought you said you like Ivy?” Jungkook was confused, how can you not know that he’s in love with you, he was so obvious

“Are you serious right now? I can’t believe you would think that I like Ivy, I only meant it as a platonic way, for god’s sake, I’m in love with you, how can you not see that?”

You were taken aback by Jungkook’s confessions as you didn’t expect to hear him say that or that he’s in love with you

“Look, I thought you knew about it if I knew you hadn’t known I wouldn’t have-” You didn’t let him finish before you crashes your lips onto his when he grabbed the back of your neck to deepen the kiss

“God, you don’t know just how hard it is to not be in love with you” He murmurs out in the kiss which made you blushed

“Well, you’re not the only one who feels that way” Your heart races when you saw he was gazing at you with all smiles

God, you really do love the guy

Honestly, Jungkook was everything you could ever ask for, he’s been there for you for your whole life as your family, your friend and now your boyfriend

Things couldn’t turn out better than you hoped

Of course, you’ve dated before but nothing ever felt like him

Sure, both of you had your ups and downs but Jungkook was always the one who made it up to you even though it wasn’t his fault

To be honest, you thought it wasn’t possible to be able to love someone so much but he made that happen

“Five years old me could’ve been so proud of myself” It still gets you every time to think that Jungkook had a crush on you when you were four

You were supposed to meet up with your friends today but because of your clumsy boyfriend, you’re late

You can’t believe that he actually thought baking muffins would be fun, he even messes up the sugar and salt and made a mess in the kitchen

You know he just wanted to hang out with you since the both of you haven’t been able to spend much time together lately and he misses you

Even though you really wanted to hang out with your boyfriend longer but your friends would kill you if you bail on them since you’ve already made your promise that you’d come

Jungkook has been busy with work these past few weeks and sometimes you don’t even get to see him for days

You just assume that maybe he has a lot of work to do but it started to bother when he doesn’t even have the time for you anymore

You didn’t want to overthink but you’ve been seeing him with Ivy together a lot

Even though you know that they work together but you just can’t stop thinking about it

You remember there was this one time when you saw Ivy texted him while the both of you were watching a movie at his apartment and he just left, saying that he still has some unfinished work to do

You tried not to let it get into your head but it eventually came to a point where you couldn’t stand it anymore

You need to talk to him

You then decided that it’ll be much easier to go to his apartment and talk to him but you lost it when you saw Ivy there

Tears started to form in your eyes when you saw Jungkook came out from his room, almost half-naked while tugging down his shirt

“No... Baby, please listen to me” You ran away before Jungkook could even get a hold of you

He knew, he knew how much you dislike the girl and yet she’s there, in his apartment

You know you were being unreasonable right now but you just need to get out of there

It broke his heart to have to see you like this

The last thing he ever wanted is to see you cry

God, you weren’t supposed to be here, he was going to ask you to come over tonight so he could celebrate your birthday with you and now you’re not even answering your phone

He has been preparing for this for so long, he was so busy over these past few weeks because he wanted to give you a surprise

He literally spent a whole month making the video for you, it was your birthday gift

It was all the videos that he has been taking of you for all those years ever since he got his first camcorder

You practically sums up his whole life

God, and now he blew it

If only you knew Ivy was just there to help him out with the video

The guys were also there as well, they were at the rooftop helping Jungkook to set up the projector and the screen and some of the stuff that he bought from Ikea

He knew how much you like these kinds of things, you said it’s romantic

He just hoped that your friends would help him to get you over here tonight

You were supposed to be with Jungkook tonight but since you were too stubborn, your friends decided that instead, they’ll bring you out to celebrate your birthday and hopefully you’ll stop sulking

You were distracted the whole night as you couldn’t stop looking at your phone, hoping that you’ll at least get a message from him

Did he finally got tired of you?

The thoughts were slowly eating you up as you felt your tears starting to stream down your cheeks

“Oh god Y/N, please don’t cry” Your friends started to get nervous when they saw you were crying again

They were supposed to help Jungkook to surprise you but now you were asking for him

You weren’t supposed to see him now but you were crying so much and they have no choice but to bring you over, seeing how upset you are

“Baby why are here?” You couldn’t hold back your tears the moment you saw Jungkook and went in for a hug

“Hey, it’s okay” Jungkook then slowly pulls away from you, wiping your tears away “You’re okay” He then places a soft kiss on your forehead while caressing your face

“Come on, there’s something I want to show you” You were confused when Jungkook brought you up to the rooftop as you have no idea what is going on

You were soon in awe when you saw the rooftop was romantically decorated into a movie theatre

“Happy Birthday baby” Fireworks started launching in the sky as soon as Jungkook wishes you while he snakes his veiny arm around your waist

“Come here” Jungkook then held your hand as he led you towards the couch and pulls you down beside him before he turns on the projector

You couldn’t believe your eyes when you saw the video that Jungkook made for you, you thought those videos were far gone but you didn’t expect that Jungkook would keep it

“Why don’t you hate me?” Guilt starting to fill you up as you couldn’t believe how badly you’ve been behaving over these past few weeks only because Jungkook was so busy with your birthday surprise

“Where is this coming from? I thought I was going to get a kiss after this” Jungkook tries to joke with you as he didn’t want to see you looking like that

“You are... I just felt so bad for always lashing it out on you” Jungkook only chuckle at your response “I’m serious!” You whine only to make him smile at how adorable you are

“Baby, I’m your boyfriend, not a stranger, and can I please get a kiss already?” You smile at his response as you then lean in for a kiss

Jungkook then took his chance as he pulls you closer to him before you could run away

Honestly, it has always felt like this with him, you thought maybe, just maybe, you had already fallen for him long before you knew it

[bnhayyy]

The Call (6)

Chapter Title: Heartache

Wordcount: 2.8k

Fic Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Chapter Summary: Mikasa tells Annie about her past.

Notes: Alright! So this chapter is a little on the short side. The next two chapters will be as well, having originally been one super long chapter that I cut into three for the sake of themes and pacing. But on the bright side, yesterday I posted a Yumihisu one-shot that takes place between the second and third scene of chapter three, so be sure to check that out if you haven't seen it already. Once again, thank you to Celadon for betaing this chapter! And if you’re enjoying this fic, please consider joining my writing discord or buying me a ko-fi! You know, ko-fi. The thing that exists so monetized tumblr doesn't have to.

The week following the visit to the club passed by in a blur. Annie watched as Mikasa doubled down on trying to hunt Ymir, only for none of her efforts to bear fruit. For good reason. The whole time Mikasa hunted, Annie carefully walked the line of looking helpful while contributing nothing. 

Her faked efforts and need to preserve the scapegoat for as long as possible canceled out Mikasa's genuine zeal.

Or maybe Ymir was just better at this than they were. The results were the same either way. It looked like they weren't going to see Ymir again until she was ready to be seen.

Krista had proven herself to be both a help and a hindrance.

Annie hadn't seen the girl since that night at the club. Art was the only class she shared with her, but a little snooping had revealed that she hadn't been to any of her other classes either. Apparently, she had been calling in sick. Although they had been able to find the apartment building she lived in, they hadn't been able to get her exact address, and Mikasa wasn't quite ready to break into every single apartment in her quest to find Ymir.

Or confirm that Krista was still alive.

Annie noticed that Mikasa's anxiety had subtly grown with every day that they didn't see Krista… just not enough to make her break the law. For her part, Annie didn't press the matter. Seeming too willing to break into someone's apartment could set off all kinds of alarms. Besides, it was good that Krista was making herself scarce. If she had decided to stick around and give Mikasa ideas about Ymir's innocence, Annie really might have had to act.

That didn't mean that she was in the clear. Even if she was staying away for the time being, the fact remained that Krista Lenz was an unknown factor in a carefully calculated equation. Ymir too, for all that her little group had been using her presence to their favor so far. They had the potential to throw everything off balance if they decided to get involved. For that reason, they had decided to crack down on as much as they could.

Getting phone taps set up was a risky, tedious, and nerve-wracking process. However, by the end of the week, the phone in Smith's office, Smith's landline, Smith's cellphone, Mikasa's phone, and even Jean, Connie, Sasha, and Armin's phones were all bugged. Annie still had to find an opportunity to get Smith's friend's phones, but she planned on taking care of it soon.

Annie didn't know what to make of those two. An overly energetic watcher and a grouchy little demon hunter, the meeting Smith called to introduce them to everyone had been dominated by the former rambling while the latter glared at anyone who dared to look at him for more than three seconds. She didn't understand how Smith would mesh with personalities like theirs. Yet watching them for a little while had made it clear that the three of them were close. Genuinely close, not like the act that she, Reiner, and Bertolt put on.

Or the lie that she was building with Mikasa.

***

Annie: Patrolling tonight?

Mikasa: Of course

Mikasa: I'll be at your place at 7

***

It was 7:15 when Mikasa arrived. Annie may not claim to know her well, but she had gotten to know the last slayer well enough over the past few weeks to know that being late was unusual for her. She raised an eyebrow when she opened the door for her, allowing it to ask her unspoken question.

"Armin was over," Mikasa said as she stepped inside.

"I see," Annie said, closing the door. "You seem... close."

No. That wasn't right. One of the first things she had learned about Mikasa was that she wasn't truly close to anyone, Armin included. Annie leaned against the door as she reconsidered her phrasing. "You seem like you could be close," she settled on.

Mikasa stiffened. She turned to face Annie, but instead of making eye contact with her, she looked down at the bag that held her slaying supplies. "Yeah," she said, voice soft, but too vague to make out any specific emotion. She clutched her bag to her chest, probably unthinkingly. If she knew that she was holding onto it like a comfort and a shield, god knew that she probably wouldn't let herself. "If things were different, we probably could be."

Annie frowned. So that was the problem, the mindset that she and Reiner had been working so hard to cure her of. (Just in time to snatch her life away from her.) "You keep him at a distance because you're the slayer," she surmised.

"No," Mikasa said, causing Annie to blink in surprise. "It's because of..."

Mikasa hesitated. At least, that was what Annie thought was happening at first. As the seconds dragged on, she saw that whatever she was thinking about seemed to be actively causing her pain.

Annie frowned and stepped away from the door. She wanted to know about Mikasa, but not if it forced the other girl to dredge up painful thoughts. Annie was already going to be enough of a shadow on her existence. If it eased her suffering a little, she was okay with the other slayer dying a mystery. "Hey," she said, "you don't have to-"

"No," Mikasa cut her off. "You deserve to know this." A shadow of resolve fell over her expression as she spoke. She clearly wasn't happy about whatever she was going to say, but that wasn't going to stop her from saying it.

Annie felt something warm flicker in her chest. Maybe it was respect. Maybe it was admiration. Whatever it was, it was helpless to change the course of events. She still acknowledged it, because there was something to be said for someone who was willing to face things that they knew would hurt them. 

This feeling was probably the closest that Annie would ever come to self-sacrifice, the selfish, cowardly person that she was. But she could still allow herself to look at that light.

For as long as it was allowed to burn.

"Do you want to talk in my room?" Annie asked. If Mikasa really was about to spill her guts, then a degree of privacy was the least she could offer her. It was the only thing she could offer her.

Mikasa swallowed heavily and nodded. "Yes please."

Annie nodded and turned to lead her down the hall. The room at the very end was hers. It was small - all of their rooms were. Their organization had paid for them to rent a small house so that they didn't have to take the additional risk that would have been killing someone and occupying theirs, but they hadn't been willing to spring for anything extravagant. At least it wasn't hard to make people believe that a trio of college students could afford to rent it.

If Mikasa had any thoughts on how sparsely decorated the room was, she didn't voice them. Annie lead her over to the bed, where she sat down on one end while Annie took the other. There they sat, Annie trying not to stare too intensely at the other slayer as she waited for her to start. For her part, Mikasa was clearly trying to gather herself. She stared distantly up at the ceiling as she ran through whatever thoughts might be racing through her mind.

Finally, Mikasa shifted her gaze to Annie. "I met Armin through his best friend," she said. "A boy named Eren Yaeger."

Annie frowned. Barely anything had been said, yet she already got the sense that it was more complicated than that. The look on Mikasa's face made it impossible for her not to. 

"There was a home invasion when I was fourteen," Mikasa continued. Her voice was gaining a distant quality, like she was trying not to get caught up in the memory. Based on what she was saying, Annie was all but certain that really was the case. "My parents were killed and I was abducted. Eren ran into us when they were forcing me into the car."

Mikasa paused. Her attempt to distance herself from her emotions must not have been working, because something in her gaze fractured.

Suddenly, Annie had a horrible feeling about how this story ended for Eren. 

"Eren saved me," Mikasa managed. "He killed two of my abductors, and when the third arrived, he gave me the strength to kill him myself."

Mikasa had killed someone? A human being? Annie tried to keep her surprise from showing too readily. She must have failed, because Mikasa paused, fresh hesitation written across her features. 

Annie gave a tiny nod. "It was understandable, given the circumstances."

"That's…" Mikasa faltered. "Eren said that they didn't count as human beings."

"I suppose he might be right." Of course, by that logic, she probably didn't either. 

Mikasa nodded. Whether she was agreeing with Annie or simply recalibrating herself, she did not know. The slayer pulled herself together and continued before she had a chance to make a definitive guess either way.

"After that, it looked like things might be... Eren wrapped his scarf around me and said I could come home with him." Mikasa's expression was blank in a way that could only be forced. However, something in her eyes said that she was struggling to breathe. "That was when the vampire showed up. I didn't know that I was the slayer yet or understand what that meant. But I think he knew, somehow, and wanted to kill me before I could become a problem. It was me he was after. But he was harder to fight than a human, and I was scared, and Eren... he wouldn't let him take me without a fight."

For half a second, Mikasa zoned off, her gaze focusing on some point over Annie's shoulder. She snapped back to herself before Annie could figure out if she should say something. It made her wonder if she didn't want any interruptions.

No. It was more likely that she just wanted to be done with this story as soon as possible.

Annie understood the feeling.

"The vampire knocked both of us unconscious," Mikasa continued. "He must have taken the car keys off one of the dead men's corpses, because when we woke up, we were in the trunk. We tried to get out, but it was no use.

"He took us out by a cliff looking over the sea. He went for me first. Eren didn't like that. I tried to fight the vampire off and told Eren to run, but I couldn't... It wasn't..."

Mikasa started blinking as she fell silent. Annie would have been horrified to see the normally stoic slayer struggling to hold back tears if she weren't surprised that she hadn't started crying sooner.

"You were fourteen," Annie whispered. "You didn't have any training or know what you were dealing with."

Even fourteen-year-olds with years of training and who knew what they were dealing with would have a hard time against a vampire. How much had she struggled against Bertolt and Reiner when she was that age? She had been one of the best human cadets in the organization and Bertolt was far too prone to trying to go easy on her, but it was still hard. It might have been easier if she had already been called back then, but even that wouldn't have been enough to make up for the fear and ignorance if she hadn't been aware of the supernatural.

It seemed that Mikasa didn't see it that way. She shook her head and murmured, "I still had the strength of the slayer."

"Raw strength isn't everything," Annie insisted.

"Maybe not," Mikasa said. "But it should have been enough.

Her gaze drifted back to that spot over Annie's shoulder for a moment. Annie couldn't begin to try to gauge the look in her eyes, especially since it was only visible for a short moment. Her eyes switched to something far more shuttered and closed off in an instant.

"I was thrown over the cliff and into the ocean," Mikasa continued. "I thought I was going to die. And for a moment, I did."

The slayer's eyes closed as she remembered the moment, and Annie was foolishly tempted to do the same, just to acknowledge the event that allowed her to come into being.

Even if Annie herself had only become a slayer two years after Mikasa's death. She wondered, did Mikasa realize that some poor, unknown, short-lived slayer had come between them? She must have. Annie had already said that she was called in 2016 back at the meeting. The lost slayer was probably going to be one of those things that no one talked about, for those who realized that she'd even existed.

Just like Eren Yaeger.

Mikasa opened her eyes. "The cliff was by a park," she said. "Someone must have heard the commotion, because emergency services arrived and resuscitated me. But it was too late for Eren.

"Armin and I met at his funeral."

Annie felt her mouth go dry. What could she possibly say to that?

Perhaps it was a good thing that Mikasa wasn't done talking yet.

"There were holes in my story. Most of the adults brushed it off as trauma, but not him. He asked what really happened, and I was still weak and scared. I told him everything, and he... he offered to help me. I said no, but I did reach out to tell him when I killed my first vampire, because it was... it was the one that killed Eren.

"I thought that would be it for us, but he kept reaching out. Kept trying... to be my friend." Mikasa paused, the fragile expression of someone caught between hope and longing fluttering across her face before she remembered to shut it down. "And I want to. He's... Armin is good. But that's exactly why I can't let him get close. Erwin may have had a point about him knowing how to defend himself from the Supernatural, but I want him to stay as far away from this as possible. And..."

You can't see him without thinking about Eren, Annie thought.

She understood. That was exactly how she had felt about Porco in the months after Marcel died. That was how she felt when she looked at the vampires she'd been abandoned with for a while after Porco and Pieck disappeared. Armin may have been a good person, but he had also been Eren's best friend, whereas it sounded like Mikasa hadn't even known him for a day. If being around Armin was painful for Mikasa, then she could only imagine how it felt for him.

How difficult must it be to build a genuine friendship around a barrier like that?

Impossible, if you weren't even willing to try.

"...It's complicated," Mikasa finished.

"Sounds like it," Annie murmured. "But... it also sounds lonely."

This, she also understood. That understanding did not make her any less of a vile thing. It did not stop her from taking advantage of a moment of vulnerability and loneliness to draw the other slayer closer to her. Closer to her eventual doom.

"It is," Mikasa admitted. Her words were slow and measured, holding all the weight of an unbelievable, life-changing confession. "But it's... less with you around, I think."

Annie's heart did a funny thing as it tried to stop and speed up at the same time. "Is it?" she asked. The dryness in her mouth was back. She wanted to move closer to Mikasa, even though there were a million reasons why she shouldn't.

"Yeah," Mikasa said. "It's... it's nice having someone around who understands what it's like to be the slayer." Her lips twitched into a small, bittersweet, but genuine smile. Annie's eyes lingered on them. "I'm glad that I met you, Annie."

Annie swallowed heavily. "Me too," she lied. In that moment, she wished that she had never met Mikasa Ackerman. She wished that she'd never even heard of her, that she and her companions had continued with their lives utterly unaware of her existence.

She wished that she didn't have to kill her.

She wished that she didn't want to kiss her so much.

Annie shifted back, only then realizing just how close she had gotten to the other slayer, and stood up. "It's getting late," she said. "We should get patrolling, if you're still interested."

Mikasa nodded, snapping out of whatever trance had fallen between the two of them. "I am," she said.

And that was that.

Or so Annie told herself. Because although she wanted to believe that it was a fluke, that she had caught herself and would be able to continue walking her predetermined path, unwavering and unstoppable...

...In her heart of hearts, she could not deny the tension, that there was tension between them for the rest of the night.

She couldn't quite convince herself that it was gone come morning.