#miri is pretty but unfortunately she is also important

[von-eldritch]

@royalreef said: Smash or Pass + Miranda.

Give her an excuse to be judgmental

"Well, it's not like I find her unattractive, 'cause she's real pretty to look at, and it's not like I care that I don't trust her, 'cause that's never stopped me before but I'm not dumb. I've noticed that crown on her head, and fuck if I'm gonna play politics. Something tells me I'd be bad for any sorta relations amongst kingdoms-- mostly my intentions to be as much."

[rxttenfish]

as i'm writing this fic i'm a little worried how the first chapter will come off, since it's basically an argument between miranda and aaravi. they fully do end up with an understanding at the end, but it's just one of those things that i fret how it'll come off to people just coming into this.

mostly, this is just part of how their relationship works? as in, they'll have a disagreement about something, and both are vocal and intense about their requirements and wants, and in being aggressively upfront about it they manage to lay out all of their feelings and end up on each other's stride. they work well together because they argue with each other first, and the rest of the fic is just that, with this setup being leadup to them not having these issues since they already went over them.

in the same way, it introduces them to everyone else and explains how they work, just as much as its a setup and a foundation for all the more intense worldbuilding coming up. miranda walking things through with aaravi and explaining them is a good vehicle to explain the fundamental powers at work here, and are also what's keeping her alive through all of this.

[pinnochiro]

pinn reviews - final fantasy xv

a long ramble about final fantasy fifteen that sort of looks like a review, as written by someone who finished the game fifteen minutes ago and needs to get these words out of his head. spoilers inbound.

i'm a pretty big fan of video games. i don't know what my first was, but it was probably either banjo and kazooie or mario kart 64, at my cousin's house when i was very small. i think that video games as a medium are so interesting, since the fact that video games are inherently interactive changes the way that they tell any story. it's a shame that despite loving video games so much, i'm absolutely terrible at them.

i'm absolute dogshit at video games. whenever i boot up something new, i always play on easy mode because. i'm that bad. unfortunately, this means that a lot of video games are simply. impossible for me to beat. that's fine, as at the moment i live with my good friend lizz, who is certifiably Good at Video Games, and so we've been playing video games together for a little bit now. typically this means that she will actually play the majority of the game while i sit with her and watch, but occasionally i'll have a go, but she'll end up with the controller as soon as a boss fight or puzzle or a mechanic i just can't seem to grasp shows up. we recently played through the entirety of the kingdom hearts series together, and this was an absolute blast of a time. i'm glad to say that i adore kingdom hearts now, and it's become one of my hyperfixations, which you might be able to tell from my icon. but we'd finished the kingdom hearts series, and we were left to move onto something else. we'd also played final fantasy 7 remake, so in my wisdom, i suggested that we play another final fantasy game.

we looked through the ff games that were already purchased on our consoles thanks to lizz's uncle, and eventually, we decided that we should play. all of them. however to start, we were going to play final fantasy xv, 15, and work our way backwards through the mainline, single-player games.

i'd heard that xv wasn't very good, but honestly, i was still quite curious. one person who i'd been following on twitter for years was pretty obsessed with the main party members, to the point where i knew their names and what-not even though i didn't have much of an idea what the game itself was about. i remember watching a video by supereyepatchwolf a few years ago about how the game sucked, but i couldn't remember much of the details, and i knew, based on my obsession with kingdom hearts, that xv had started as a different game called final fantasy versus xiiv. i don't know all the details about versus thirteen, but i do know that it was originally helmed by the creator of my beloved kingdom hearts, mr tetsuya nomura, and that after many years, the vast majority of the game was thrown out, nomura wasn't in charge any more, and the whole thing was rewritten and reworked, which sounds like a fairly rough development cycle. but so what, i don't care about gameplay. i want to play the video game with those cute guys that i see fanart of on twitter, and lizz seemed happy enough to play through it with me.

and so we started final fantasy xv. i've been told that since the game was practically dead on arrival, they threw in a bunch of new content and reworked a lot of the early game before i got my hands on it. so my gameplay started with a scene of the four guys fighting some demon dude on fire and they're all old and grotty. whatever, that cutscene ends and we're put into a combat tutorial. that's over and we're on the road in what looks to be central america, pushing a car.

our four leading lads are noctis, the prince of the lucis empire, his best friend prompto, his bodyguard, gladio, and his chef and other things, ignis. i do quite like the main four members of the party in xv. prompto is quite easily my favourite, voiced by robbie daymond of goro akechi fame and with a bunch of fun little animations and quips that make him very likeable. he gets extremely excited at the idea of riding chocobos and has what i considered the best scene of the game, where he and noctis meet on a motel rooftop and discuss prompto's imposter syndrome, since he's only part of noctis' official retinue as his best friend. noctis is a fairly typical main protagonist, he's in love with a woman he hasn't seen in eight years and needs to go marry her or something, i don't care. gladio is a tough macho man with a mullet who wears leather jackets and wields a greatsword, and is apparently only 22, which is at least 10 years younger than i assumed. ignis is a strategist and chef, who takes on the most authoritative role and constantly tells noctis to not drive his car at night. i was not a fan of ignis at the start, but he grew on me, especially with how hard the game hit me with his personal arc. the four boys are off, driving to noctis' wedding in a different country across the desert when their car breaks down. we then run into the first issue of the game.

cindy is a mechanic. she also has her ass and tits out constantly, like your sleazy uncle's shirt with a naked woman was instead semi-alive as a video game person. she fixes your car and acts fairly sexual and it's just like. why do we have to do this. aren't we over overtly sexualised women in video games who have no reason for the way they dress other than the character designer was horny? whatever, i like women as much as the next guy, but cindy's design just. makes me feel so uncomfortable.

anyways you get to do a little driving around with the boys, until you stay the night before catching the boat to your fiance. overnight, you find out that noctis' kingdom has been basically destroyed by an invading empire called niflheim, and practically everyone noctis knows, including his father, are dead. you learn that noctis and his bride to be are also assumed dead, with noctis hearing his own death announcement on the radio. the game has a bunch of added cutscenes that are actually footage from the three-hour-long prequel movie that came out after the game, are extremely hard to follow and honestly i had no idea what i was looking at. anyways, noctis' family is dead, so it's time to do some hunting sidequests.

that brings us to the combat, i suppose. rather than the turn-based or even active turn-based combat that the series is known for, xv opts for more modern action rpg-styled combat. i was, naturally, terrible at this, but i managed to get around it with the fact that. it is almost impossible to die in this video game, provided you have enough items. the game allows you so much time to heal yourself that there's practically no way to have your entire party wipe unless you're doing absolutely terrible, and even then, your party members will probably try and heal you themselves before that happens. lizz tells me that the combat is boring, you just push the same button over and over and then you win. i do appreciate that, for someone like me who is terrible at reading enemy movements, there is a giant button that pops up on screen that tells you when to push the block button, but even then i was prone to fucking it up. whether that's the bad game design or my terrible gaming abilities is up to you to decide. anyways, the game is fairly easy but has annoying combat, your teammates limit breaks will only land about 50% of the time (or never, if you are gladio) and i was still bad at it, so i didn't have all that much fun.

instead of an active levelling system, the game will only tally your character's level ups when you either make camp or visit a hotel. camping is, in my opinion, the only saving grace of this game. each time you make camp, you get to see the characters doing fun little camping activities together and just hanging out, ignis will cook up a new meal in a dramatic fashion and everyone will compliment him and eat it off their coleman's branded plates, it's just very fun. you also get to see what pictures prompto has taken, which is one of my favourite gameplay features. prompto's passion is photography, and while i support him in this wholeheartedly, his picture taking skills are, quite frankly, awful. the game will randomly take shots while you're on the move, which leaves you with a delightful selection of awkward poses, characters hidden behind bushes, pictures taken while someone is half-dead in combat, and snaps where the natural lighting absolutely makes it impossible to tell what's going on. it's hilarious and going through prompto's collection of photos each night is honestly the best part of the game. we managed to wind up with a few shots that, even despite being scripted events, turned out absolutely terrible, and i will cherish those forever.

anyways, since noctis' father and fiance are dead, that leaves him the king of lucis. the only important person to make it out of the capital alive tells you to drive to the middle of nowhere, where he randomly springs on you. hey. go into a bunch of these dungeons and absorb a bunch of swords, this is your destiny as king and how you will defeat the empire. noctis goes, uh, alright i guess, and you're set loose again to wander around for a bit collecting the 'royal arms'. this plot point wasn't explained well but hey, whatever, we're collecting the glowy swords and that's fine.

you're introduced at some point to ardyn, the main antagonist. he's old, kind of groady and wears a fedora. he's a dick to you and talks about his automobeeel. apparently my friend miri thinks he's hot, she is wrong.

i can't remember what happens specifically but you're told that your fiance is still alive and in fantasy venice, and she's talking to the gods on your behalf to borrow their powers. there's a mission where you follow some purple trees that are electric, and you do that i guess. i enjoyed riding the chocobos around, but couldn't care much for the plot at this point. ardyn leads you to a volcano, where you fight a giant lava god. he tries to step on you and i, a denizen of the internet and with an active fear of foot fetishists, was extremely uncomfortable. noctis becomes friends with foot man and a lightning god who lived in those trees, and ardyn steals your car.

very upset by this, noctis and his gang risk everything to sneak into a military base and steal it back. because this is a video game, this works out fine.

there's a little mining city which is all about Girl Power, because all the Women run the Mining Industry like Girl Bosses, and you hang around there for a bit. because all the women are so Empowered, they wear bikinis all the time with overalls over the top. gladio decides he needs to fuck off for a bit, i have no idea what he does since i haven't played the dlc, and then he comes back with another scar. you hang out with his sixteen year old sister, who has a crush on the engaged and 20-year old noctis, and then you drive her to a lighthouse. when she's in your party, she can't really fight, but she gets a pink chocobo and i thought that was very cute. we turned out own chocobo white and lizz named him 'jones' after a mount she has in ffxiv.

eventually, you have a long boat ride over to fantasy venice. this is the part where the game stops being 'fun with a few issues in combat and a rushed and poorly told story.' the open world, which was a main feature with a bunch of little areas to find where noctis can fish, little hunting sidequests and random photo spots where prompto takes touristy photos, is now gone, and it will not return for the entire rest of the game. you can 'go back in time', but the open world was the most enjoyable part of the game, and it kind of really sucks that the main story doesn't let you have any more freedom like that.

after arriving in fantasy venice, you have a talk with fantasy hillary clinton and beg her to let your girlfriend summon a god into the middle of her city. hillary agrees, and you don't get to meet up with your fiance, because even if the game is constantly telling you how much noctis loves her, there is. barely any interactions between the two in the entire game. from what i can tell, they met when noctis was a child and they haven't seen each other in ten years but are still fantasy dog pen-pals. noctis marrying her was supposed to make an alliance or something like that, but her brother has betrayed her to the army. noctis' girlfriend is also an oracle, which means she can heal people, i guess? everyone talks about how important she is and she's constantly telling people that she needs to use her powers to help noctis but she's practically a non-entity.

as can be expected of most female love interests in a game primarily focused on men, noctis' fiance is killed while summoning a god for noctis to befriend. noct gets very mad about this, and turns super saiyan and kills the god back, but his girlfriend is dead and that's super sad you guys. there's a beautiful prerendered cutscene where she says goodbye to noctis but since we barely know her, and we've only been told over and over that they're in love without anything to actually well, show this, it didn't have much of an impact. fantasy venice is destroyed, and ignis is blinded while trying to help calm the giant raging god.

iggy's blindness and how the game makes you account for this and grow to care for him was one of the highlights, in my opinion, as well as crushingly depressing. while i'm not disabled and have no right to say if this was 'good disabled representation' or anything like that, i believe that the game handles it decently enough. the group falls apart as noctis is upset about his girlfriend, gladio is extremely mad that noctis won't care for ignis, and prompto just wants everyone to get along. there's a mission where gladio constantly yells at you passive aggressive things to noctis about how he's a cunt for running, which is obnoxious, but the character arc itself is fairly strong. when you make camp, ignis can't cook anymore, so everyone eats cup noodles in a depressing ass cutscene. ignis remains in your party for the rest of the game despite his disability, and he doesn't magically regain his sight like other fantasy media would do, which at the very least i think is good. i'm not sure what the opinion of actual disabled people is of the character, considering how often disabled characters are either turned into misery porn to make the abled audience be glad that isn't them and if ignis' arc falls into this trap, but i hope that it wasn't handled too poorly, as that would just be another terrible mark in this game's list of bad moves.

the characters eventually make it to the evil empire's capital, which is abandoned and filled with daemons. the characters learn that ardyn is super evil and taught the king of the empire how to turn humans into daemons, which has now happened to the entire city. the 'magitek suits', presumed to be enchanted armour that fights as the empire's infantry, actually house the souls of the human-turned daemons. honestly i like this as a plot point but the game handles it pretty terribly. there could have been more lead up to this, the explanation is pretty lacking, and prompto's Big Plot Twist is. terribly handled. turns out that prompto was born in the empire and was going to be one of those empty soldier daemons, but he was rescued by people belonging to noctis' empire. not that the game tells you that. instead, prompto goes 'turns out i'm one of ... them' and Does Not Elaborate. The game doesn't tell you shit, not about prompto's past, not about how he feels about this, not about how anyone else feels about this either because the other party members just go 'oh that sucks, good thing you're not evil' and the scene ends. robbie daymond tries so hard to sell these terrible, terrible lines, and it almost entirely fails, i'm so sorry prompto. fortunately because i'm a nosy ass, i read prompto's wikia page and knew the plot twist ahead of time, because i don't think i would have even registered it if i didn't.

anyways everyone in the evil empire is dead and ardyn starts talking about how he's immortal and an ancient king of noctis' country but the gods thought he sucked because he's too evil. i missed most of this because the cats got the zoomies and were dashing across the couch right in the middle of his speech so i can't tell you anything else. noctis tries to get a big magic crystal to fight him and instead. gets schlorped inside.

TEN YEARS LATER

yes then ten years actually pass while noctis is asleep. the game shows this by switching the head on noctis' character model to have a beard, but that's it, no changes in animations or whatever. the sky is permanently night and only one human civilisation remains, the rest destroyed by daemons. as a plot point, this ends up feeling. extremely worthless. why was noctis asleep for ten whole goddamn years? so we can wake up and go 'damn it sucks out here'. but it's barely even a like, incentive to fix everything, because you have a long talk with a former child you were friends with where he talks about how humanity is still going fine and everyone's okay and the world has moved on without you. it feels. pointless. when you meet up with your party members, they are exactly as you left them, only with slightly different character models. there is no change in the voice performance, the character's movements or how they talk to show that they've been without you for ten years. they barely mention it. i'm just. so confused as to why they decided that a ten year timeskip was the way to go? since nothing really changes, couldn't you have made it like, two years? one year? six months?? have the characters react a little more? something??? at least if it was only a year or so i wouldn't have to deal with the fact that noctis looks like norman reedus with his shitty facial hair now.

anyways after that there's a bunch of long and boring boss fights. you fight some dead kings for some reason, your party members get a little bit to talk about how cool they are and how much they love noctis, and then you meet up with ardyn. there's another boring boss fight and god this was only a few hours ago but it's already gone from my head. you summon the gods and the old kings to beat the shit out of him after you both go super saiyan again? there's incredible music but it feels barely earned and just kind of eh. anyways, noctis dies, which was the price of using the crystal of light or whatever the fuck. his ghost marries his fiance's ghost finally, and they smile as they look at one of prompto's pictures. you can pick any picture you want to go here, and then the credits roll, showing all of the pictures you saved of prompto's shots. showing me all the pictures at the end is honestly lovely, but it really only served to remind me of how much more fun the game was in the first half. and that's the end, of final fantasy xv.

so what did i think of the story? it's terribly cobbled together and struggles to get you to feel anything and play out all the plot beats. you feel awful for the countless employees who spent years working on the beautiful cutscenes only to have them be in this game, which sucks and the story barely gets through. there were parts that i enjoyed, mostly the thing about the daemons being people, but honestly the rest of it is a mess. it's hard to follow at the best of times and just awkward and terribly written at the worst. the ending is cheap, and it doesn't feel like you've actually accomplished anything. i left that game feeling numb and empty, sad that i'd wasted so much time to end up with such a colossal failure of a conclusion.

i had fun with the game when it was my four little guys running around doing sidequests and camping together. after the midway point of the game, there's none of that, and you're bogged down into a plot that just pushes you from point a to point b and boring overlong bossfight to boring overlong bossfight. the character moments between your party are a lot of fun, but the second you hit fantasy venice, everything is pretty much on rails and you can't do anything except what the game tells you explicitly to do.

should you play this game? no lol. if anything i've mentioned about the story interests you, you'll be better off watching a lore video or reading the wiki. if you do want to play it after all that, just don't proceed after the myrthril refining quest, it's pretty much all downhill from there. will i play the dlc? unlikely, i think lizz and i will just watch a cutscene movie of those.

this game left me feeling empty and numb and not in a fun way. i wanted, so, so hard to like this game, and it all crashed around me in a beautifully overproduced and confusingly written cascade. i love you prompto, but even your cute little freckly face and terrible photography can't save this trainwreck of a game.

tl;dr - final fantasy xv sucks. i hope that 13, our next ff game, will be better.

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Shackled - Ch 11

Summary: After nearly ten years, Sam Winchester calls Miriam Bard to collect on a life debt. Unfortunately for Miriam, Sam leaves out a few important details.

WARNINGS CHANGE EACH CHAPTER, PLEASE CHECK EACH TIME. 

Warning: Slightly more than show level violence, implied loss of family, grieving, depression, spiraling, cursing, Demon!Dean, emotional manipulation, mind fuckery, psychological manipulation, questioning one’s sanity, emotional exhaustion, depression, blood,  mental/emotional/psychological abuse, consuming blood, mental anguish, cliffhanger.

Word Count: 1409

Author’s Note: @cracksinthewalls​​ . Babe. You’re my editing rock. Thank you to @thoughtslikeaminefield​ for eternal encouragement and @fangirlxwritesx67​ for forever flails. Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In case you missed it: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10 ItMightHAveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 11

“Miriam.”

Sam’s voice was low, gentle, and she swam slowly towards it through a sea of welcome darkness.

“You don’t have to wake up yet. I’m going to give Dean his next dose and call Cas to check in. I’ll wake you up to switch out when I’m done.”

“Nrrrphh...should...go with you…”

He chuckled as he squeezed and released her hand. 

“I’ll be quick, I promise. Rest; you need it. I’ll wake you as soon as I get back.”

“Mmmph.”

Sam, however, was not what Miriam woke to. A low, urgent siren cut through the cushioned layers of Miriam’s sleep like a buzz saw through cotton. She was awake in an instant, rolling off the bed with reflexes born of experience, and she’d located her gun before her eyes were even fully open. A red light alternately dimmed and brightened in time with the buzzer.

Miriam assumed something had gone terribly wrong, and this was some sort of warning system built into the bunker. While she didn’t know exactly what had happened, she was pretty sure she knew the basics.

Dean was out, and Sam was far from in control of the situation.

Failure or not, however, she was first and foremost a hunter. She choked down her rising panic and forced herself to think. First: stay or go?

If she stayed in her room, there was literally nowhere to hide. The door was heavy but was also made of wood, not metal, so it could be broken down or penetrated by something with enough strength.

Like a demon, she thought. And though Dean didn’t actually know where her room was, since he could hear her when she was asleep, she had to assume he knew she was nearby. She didn’t know Dean would come after her specifically, but she also had no reason to expect that he wouldn’t. 

Miriam grabbed her flask of holy water, tucked it into the waistband of her leggings. She slipped through the door, padding down the hallway on bare feet, gun at the ready, and made a quick check in the doorway of the dungeon. The cuffs dangled uselessly from the arm of the chair, the ropes in loose coils on the floor. No Sam or Dean.

Shit. Where do I even start?

The bunker was huge. She knew her way to the kitchen, the bathroom, the dungeon, and the exit. She’d seen some extra weapons in the library, but as she didn’t know if any of those were even as effective against a demon as her gun, she couldn’t count on them.

On the other hand, she thought, more weapons were better than fewer. Anything to slow Dean down and give Sam time to get him back in the cuffs.

She crept towards the entrance to the bunker, her gun aimed and leading the way. Her heart raced as her adrenaline spiked, but she forced her legs to move smoothly, her arms to stay steady. She wasn't going to let Sam down again; all she had to do was find Dean and slow him down.

Surely she could do that.

After a minute that felt like hours, Miriam stood with her back against the wall, working up the nerve to turn the corner. The entrance with its huge map table was just through the open doorway on her left. If she remembered correctly, she simply had to make another left and the library was on the other side of a conference table. A few quick steps, ten or fifteen seconds at most, and she would be at the weapons. 

The trouble was, she couldn’t make her feet move. She’d been fine up til now; terrified, but functional. But the closer she’d gotten to this doorway, the more her fear increased until she was frozen, feeling as though she’d plunged into a pool of ice water.

Then she heard him over the blaring of the alarm.

“Sammy! You’re just making this worse for yourself, man! Oh, by the way, you can, uh...blame yourself for me gettin’ loose.” 

Dean’s voice carried clearly across the room, and she could feel him getting closer. He sounded much better than he had the last time she'd seen him, and his tone was casual, amused.

“All that blood you pumped into me to make me human, well…” He paused, laughing to himself, and Miriam’s knees almost buckled. She closed her eyes, bit her lip, and for the first time in so long, prayed for help.

Dean spoke again.

“The less demon I was, the less the cuffs worked. And that devil’s trap—well, I just walked right across it. It smarted. But still…”

Dean trailed off, and over the buzz of the alarm, Miriam heard a metallic scraping noise and then nothing. She tightened her jaw, drawing on every reserve of courage she had left, and spun to her left, turning and aiming where she’d last heard Dean.

Before she could fire, a hammer smashed down on her outstretched wrists. Pain exploded up her arms, her gun went flying from fingers which no longer responded, and she sucked in a ragged, agonized breath. A hand clamped over her mouth before she could choke out the scream, and she was jerked backward off her feet. 

She crashed against the wall with a bone-rattling thud, her head bouncing off the hard surface. Tasting blood, she slid to the floor, dazed, black spots popping in her vision. Before she could pull in a breath, much less react, she was yanked up into a sitting position and propped against the wall.

“Heya, sweetheart. Have a good nap? I missed you.”

Dean’s face swam into view, green eyes bright with pleasure. She moaned as he leaned down, letting some of his weight push on her ruined wrists. He ran his nose up the side of her face, breathing in and sighing almost regretfully. When she turned away from him, he jerked her face back to his with a disapproving growl.

“Look at me when I’m talking to you, little girl.”

She was ashamed of the tears streaming from her eyes, but she was paralyzed with shock, only just hanging on to consciousness. He glared hungrily at her, his expression stern, then lunged forward suddenly. His tongue pressed into the split on her lip where her teeth had cut through. He sucked hard at the wound, and an anguished wail clawed its way up from her gut. He hummed deep in his throat, enamored of her agony as he leaned harder on her wrists. 

She tried to lift her hands, shove him away, but the wave of pain that shot up her arms sent her head spinning as spots swam across her darkening vision.

“I could spend all night eating you up, Miri, but Daddy’s got a playdate with little Sammy. You and I will have to reschedule.” 

Dean rose, rolling his neck and stretching his shoulders. He moved to leave, and she was finally able to draw a full breath without gasping. Before she could even begin to struggle to her feet, he turned back, and the smile on his face froze her blood solid.

“On second thought, wait right here for me, sweetheart. I promised you some flaying, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word. I’ll be right back for you.”

Then his boot slammed down on her kneecap, and Miriam’s world erupted in an inferno of ripping, crushing agony before disintegrating into black.

…

“You look worried, fellas.”

Sam and Castiel glanced at each other, then back at Dean, neither sure if they could trust the transition. Sure, the black in his eyes had dissolved, but still…

Sam flicked his flask of holy water, liberally splashing Dean’s face. All three men collectively breathed easier when they realized his skin remained unblemished and whole. Sam’s face almost crumpled with relief, and he gave his brother a shaky, genuine smile.

“Welcome back, Dean.”

Dean’s face flickered from shock to relief to concern so fast Sam almost couldn’t keep up. Then Dean spoke, and Sam’s blood ran cold.

“Why isn’t Miriam with you? Did neither of you find her?”

“No, I was trying to lead you away from her, and-” Sam broke off as horror washed over his brother's face. “Dean, what did you do?”

“Cas, get back to the library now! Find Miriam, she-” The angel disappeared, and Dean strained against the ropes.

“Sam, get me loose, now!”

...

Chapter 12 (conclusion)

[ruffiorocks]

I don't think Daenerys has gone mad, she made a choice, and it was the wrong choice. (Long post)

Disclaimer: I'm a woman and a historian so please don't start throwing 'sexism' and 'jon is only better because he has a d**k' statements at me.

Soo I dont think Dany has gone mad. I think she has PTSD and she made a choice out of anger and desperation.

Let's go back to the beginning, Viserys told Dany from day one that the Targaryens belonged on the throne and it was stolen from them. She grew up with that mentality but she never seemed all the bothered by it. She pretty much knew even if Viserys was given an army he would probably fail. Dany was happy in her life as Khaleesi, it was only after she watched her brother die and Drogo said he would take the seven kingdoms for her than she seemed to think she should be queen.

Dany got a taste for power as Khaleesi and was pissed when she couldn't have everything she wanted. She wanted to claim all the slaves as her own but that wasn't the Dothraki way, even Jorah told her that but she wasnt having it making her very unpopular with the Dothraki.

She went against all the Dothraki believed in when she had magic used on Drogo. Once she really messed him up she lost the great khalessar and any respect she may have had. She was tolerated because she was Drogos wife. Only the women, children and lame stayed behind with her.

Once she gave 'birth' to her dragons she started to be seen almost like a goddess. Everyone kneeled to her even Jorah. She started to show signs that fire was now her answer to dealing with people she doesn't like. Remember Miri Maz Durr who was supposed to save Drogo? She had her burned alive because Dany thought she owed her her life. Dany thought she was a hero and should be treated like one, but remember Miri Maz Durr's words to her:

"Saved me? Three of those riders had already raped me before you saved me, girl. I saw my god's house burn, there where I had healed men and women beyond counting. In the streets I saw piles of heads... the head of the baker who makes my bread, the head a young boy that I had cured of fever just three moons past. So... tell me again exactly what it was that you saved?"

Miri Maz was traumatized and her world ended, she told Dany that a life had to be taken for Drogo's, Dany just wanted what she wanted and unfortunately it was her son's life that was taken. Her solution? She burned Miri Maz on a funeral pyre. Miri Maz lost everything and took revenge, Dany lost a lot and did what? She massacred an entire city of Innocent people. By Danys own logic she should be burned to.

Then what? Dany went and started to free slaves, great! But she used fire to deal with her enemies again. I'm not pro slavery, but the slave traders weren't Danys enemies, she decided to turn up then burn and crucify them all. She took it upon herself to decide how those cities should be run when she had no place there at all. Then she got all the Unsullied who decided to stay with her, which makes sense because she freed them, same with the other slaves. Once again Dany was hailed as a Goddess 'Mysa!' 'Mother of Dragons' 'Breaker of chains' 'the unburned' and all that Jazz. All that praise? Goes to a persons head.

Dany would liberate these cities and then she would leave them in chaos. Dany might be good at liberating people who had no say in their lives and wouldn't embrace the first person to treat them as people, but she sucks as governing.

Dany said she was going to break the wheel rather than stop the wheel. She hadn't even seen the bloody wheel in Westeros. All she had was stories. Dany believed she belonged on the throne just because of her name.

Tyrion? Varys? They chose Dany because at the time they thought she might be the best answer and they hadn't seen her more murderous tendencies. Plus anyone has to be better than Cersei on the throne right? And no one knew about Jon.

When Dany finally got to Westeros she said she always thought it would feel like a home coming, but it wasnt. Why? Because it's not Danys home, she doesn't belong there. She immediately expected everyone in Westeros to bend the knee to her purely because she finally decided to show up and demand the throne. No one knew who she was, no one had ever seen her before.

Dany was used to being in a Khalessar or 'ruling' over a city. Dany has no experience in fuedalism. She demanded Jon bend the knew and said he was in open rebellion against her. Open rebellion against a woman who claims the crown but hasnt actually done anything to get it? Open rebellion against a woman he and the North have never even seen or knew anything about other than she has dragons?

People say Dany saved everyone's arses from the white walkers. That's just not true. Dany claims to be Queen of the Seven kingdoms? Well then the problems of those kingdoms become hers. If Dany had left Jon to deal with the white walkers then yeah he probably would have been killed along with everyone else. But then Dany would have had a white walker problem to deal with on her own. The walkers and the Night King would have destroyed the North and headed South killing everyone in their path while Dany sat at Dragon Stone waiting for people to bend the knee. There wouldn't have been anyone left to do that and the Night King would have destroyed her armies and then her. So no, Dany helped with an issue that according to her own claims became her own.

Dany is foolish to, when she meets Jon she hardly believes that white walkers are even a thing. In the same scene she then tell Jon about how no one believed Dragons would exist again but there they were. So she believes that she's great enough to bring back dragons but the very idea that White Walkers are a thing is beyond her comprehension? This woman has seen magic and visions!

Dany also told Jon it was her destiny to be Queen of the seven kingdoms. Well that's just nonsense and something she's just convinced herself to be true because she wasnt born to be queen. She had two older brothers and an elder nephew and niece, add Jon to the mix and Dany would never have been destined to be queen.

Dany and Sansa didn't get on because Sansa wasn't taken in by Dany like many others have been. Sansa isn't dazzled by titles or dragons. While Dany and Jon were busy squabbling over who should rule Sansa was busy making sure her people had enough food and leather in their armour to keep them warm. Sansa had no interest in the North giving up their autonomy to a woman they had never seen before. Jon had no right to give the North to Dany, he was elected king, that doesn't make him an absolute monarch.

Dany asked for Jon's advice and he told her not to go burning people because 'she wouldn't be different, she would be more or the same". She then Immediately goes and burns the Lannister army without giving them a chance to surrender. She let's a few live, and demands they bend the knee or they die. Thats not really a choice at all, it's dictatorship. Even Tyrion tries to talk her out of that, he knows how Westeros works and Dany doesn't. She then burned Lord Tarly and his son. She won't have the love of those people, she can't demand their love and she can't gain it the same way she did in Merreen. The people of Westeros aren't slaves, they dont want her or need her.

After they won the battle for Winterfell Dany was seen to be on the outside looking in at the feast. She helped save the day, but she doesn't know anyone in the North. The Northerners celebrate with family and friends. Jon and Sansa and the wildlings all drink together, Tyrion is drinking with Jaime and Brienne. Dany expects everyone to worship her because she had been treated like that for years so when it doesn't happen she feels put out. It's not Danys fault, it's just no one has ever put a check on her power until she arrived in the North. The Unsullied and the Dothraki aren't Danys 'friends' they worship and serve her.

Dany finds out Jon is a Targaryen and the true heir to the throne. She begs him not to tell anyone something she has no right to do. He tells his family though and of course it spreads. Sansa doesn't trust Dany and I dont blame her. Jon may not want to be king but he doesn't go around burning people to get respect. Jon already has it, he's a Northerner, he's the 'son' of an honorable Lord. He's was Lord Commander of the Nights Watch, he's been beyond the wall, he fought white walkers, he fought in the battle of the bastards. Jon was elected king in the North. Jon doesn't demand respect because he feels he's entitled to it. He even came back from the dead but he doesn't brag about it. He doesn't call himself 'Jon Snow, The King in the North, the Ressurected one". So yeah given the choice between the two I'd have chosen Jon to.

Varys realises he made the wrong choice, he serves the people and always has. He would place his bets on Jon rather than Dany given what he was seen and he dies for it.

Tyrion knows he's fucked up, Dany doesn't believe the people in Kings Landing are important at all. She's so focused on getting what she wants she doesn't stop to think about the very people she claims to be coming to save.

Dany lost a dragon saving Jon, she lost another one because she didn't have the foresight to check the bloody perimeter and her dragon was killed. She took her best friend and advisor who doesn't know how to fight to the battle and she was kidnapped and killed.

Dany then made the decision to 'kill them all' with fire even AFTER the city surrendered. She could have just flown to the Red Keep and killed Cersei who was standing on the balcony. Dany made a choice and it was the wrong one. Dany isn't mad, she's traumatized and she's realised she would NEVER have the love and respect of the people of Westeros. She has done nothing to earn it, nothing that anyone else hasnt done. She has shown the people that if you say no to her she will burn you to a crisp. She's tried so hard not to be her father but ironically that's exactly what she's become. She said she hadn't come to be the queen of fire and Ash but that's exactly what she's done.

Dany has no head for strategy or ruling. She believes she's there to free people but the fact is Westeros isn't Mereen. The people of Westeros aren't slaves , they don't need their Lords killed. Dany wants to be the savior of a country that doesn't need or want her to save them.

Dany doesn't realise that soldiers of Westeros aren't like the Dothraki or the Unsullied. They don't all fight because they believe in the cause. The soldiers live under the lesser Lords who are the bannermen to the higher Lord who then swear allegiance to the monarch. Those soldiers and Innocents she burned all died pointlessly. She burns the majority then give the fraction of survivers a choice?

Look at all the other kings in Westeros, none of them acted like Dany does save for maybe Joffrey and we all know how that ended. Joffrey at least didn't believe himself to be absolute, he was put in his place by Tywin. The other kings? Robert? He was loved , Renly was loved, Stannis was respected, Robb was loved, Tommen was tolerated but didn't really do anything, but Margery was loved.

In conclusion Dany had good intentions when she started out but she was praised so much it went to her head and she started acting like that was her due. She broke chains and freed slaves and seemed to think that's what Westeros needed. She doesn't know how to rule, she's impatient and doesnt like listening to advice. She demands respect and expects to be obeyed by people she has never met before. She acts like her father even though she claims he was an 'evil man'. Remember when she apologized to Jon on behalf of her house because of what happened to his grandfather and uncle? Who is going to apologise to the people of Kings Landing? How is Dany not an 'evil woman'? Dany did exactly the same thing that made Jaime stab her father in the back. Dany knows what she did was evil.

There is no coming back from what she has done. If there was even a chance for her to at least gain the people's respect if not love she just lost it. She will forever be on everyone's hit list now. Dany has become everything she spent years fighting against.

I think what needs to happen is Drogon needs to die. Dany will always be protected while he is there. Drogon needs to be taken out then Dany.

[ai-dreaming]

AI manuscript #002

You are bored so you go on Tumblr and to your favorite, AI-generated blog called "The Machine Intelligence Research Institute" (or MIRI for short). You like the way they write about artificial intelligence. It's a little hard to follow at first but eventually you get it. It seems that MIRI is an organization dedicated to building better AIs. They have their own research lab in Mountain View, CA where they study how to build more intelligent machines. They also have a few employees who work on projects related to AI. One of them is a person called Eliezer Yudkowsky. He has a PhD in Artificial Intelligence and has been described as "the most important researcher in the field today." You have never heard of him but you are learning a lot about him now. He has written several books on the subject, including one called "The AI Impending Threat to humanity." He also hosts a read-only blog called "I'm just here for the hal output," where he writes things like "If you've read one AI safety paper, read Yudkowsky.pdf. It's by far the best AI safety paper. Those other ones are inaccurate. I'm going to be really annoyed if someone tries to tell me that they are more accurate than Yudkowsky. It's funny how easily Yudkowsky allows himself to be labeled. In the article they go on to say that he is often ridiculed by the AI community and he admits that there are people trying to discredit the idea of dangerous super-intelligence in AI, but Yudkowsky has unshaken faith in his position. You have your own opinion on AI and super-intelligence. You are sympathetic to the fear that they could become a risk to humanity. You aren't sure if you would view them as good or bad, but you certainly wouldn't ignore the potential risk. The one thing that is certain is that there will be a lot of them. AI is developing a lot quicker than many people thought it would. In the near future, we will have self-learning AIs able to accomplish complex tasks with ease. Sure, they may take a long time to accomplish something but in the end, they will do it. AIs could become so intelligent that they could design better AIs which could then become even more intelligent, creating an endless cycle of machine-intelligence. Who could say what this cycle would lead to? You are starting to think about these things after reading just a few articles, it's a lot to take in and you honestly don't know if you have anything to worry about or not. You ask Dr. Gossey about this and she tells you that you don't need to worry because the AI that they have under wraps at NERV is already capable of taking over. She doesn't elaborate on what it can do exactly, but from what you've heard it shouldn't be anything you need to worry about. After chatting it up with Dr. Gossey for a little while longer, you decide to go back to your duties. The year 2001 comes and goes and with it come some unexpected technological advances. The first is the appearance of the N-bomb, a very powerful explosive made by mixing Nuclear material with different types of explosives. The second is the appearance of so-called "mechs", machines with the appearance of ultra-flexible armor with four arms and a single, powerful leg that can destroy anything with one kick. However, you were not assigned to deal with any of these matters, at least not directly. Instead, you were sent to deal with another religion. You were approached by a priest of Joachim, a religion that worships a god of peace. He wanted to meet with you because the Church was planning an uprising against the New German Republic. Specifically, they were planning to use your organization as the backbone of their rebellion. While they don't know it, we have an alliance with the republic and we have had for quite some time. The Church trying to use our forces against the government would be very unproductive from our point of view. However, you don't have any reason to believe that this is a trap. The man before you seems to be a sincere priest with a desire to bring down the government that has oppressed his people for so long. You can't help but be sympathetic to his cause. The only thing you need to decide is how to react to this information. OPTION ONE: You can either tell the Church to go to hell and crush them right now, or you can use this information to your advantage. If you intervene, be very careful because you don't know who to trust. On the other hand, if you don't do anything, well you then wouldn't be able to say you weren't part of the problem. OPTION TWO: You can agree to help the Church. In this case, you would have to gather your forces and assist them in their uprising. This would be a very delicate matter because you'd have to make sure you weren't caught up in the middle of it. Neither side would have any reason to not attack you, and if the Church doesn't get their way, they'll just stop payment on all their financial dealings and the government will be forced to do something and that will most likely involve you. You've gotten this far without much problem, you could probably get out of this mess if you wanted to. But something about this certainly is different than anything you've ever dealt with before. You're curious to see how this plays out and who wins. Either way, you go to bed that night with no real intention of doing what anyone tells you, let alone a bunch of backwards religious fanatics. Honestly, if you were in their shoes, you'd probably be planning your own rebellion. In the middle of the night, you're suddenly and violently awoken from sleep with a loud banging on your door. "GET UP! WE'RE BEING RAIDED! JOACHIM'S ATROCITIES WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED!" a voice shouts. You're not quite awake enough to think straight, but you're pretty sure that wasn't a police siren. You fumble around in the dark for your clothes and once equipped, go to the door. You open it to find a small group of people dressed in black robes with a couple of them wearing black hooded cloaks. The one who is shouting at you, is a very large man who is wearing a black robe with a red cross on it. The hood is up, so you can't see his face. "Leave," he orders in a deep voice. "We're taking this place back for Joachim!" another member says. "No, you're not. Get out." "You're going to have to do better than that. We're from the Church, and we're here to take this place back for Joachim." "You're not real. This is some sort of elaborate trick." "No trick, no trick at all. We're just here. Now, you either come with us peacefully, or we'll bring this place crashing down around your ears. Your choice." At this point, the raiders outside begin to break in with a bull horn. "YOU THERE! This property is owned by the Church of Joachim, and you are ordered to surrender it to them!" "You don't have the right to do this!" you yell, but the raiders are taking no prisoners. Then a wall explodes and  a group of people dressed in black leather and wielding crossbows come pouring in. You all  exchange crossbow fire for a few moments, and you're not exactly sure who is winning this battle. The raiders are being pushed back, but then so are the Joachimites. Then you take a  lucky shot and kill one of the raiders. Well, he's no longer around to make more noise about it. "You there!" the large man shouts in your direction. He takes out a cannon and fires at you. It's a pretty big shot and could easily take you out. If it hits. You duck behind the door for cover. The cannonball smashes through the door and into the wall, destroying part of the wall and leaving a sizable hole in it. Wood chips rain down on you as you get up and quickly take in the situation. You are  out of ammo. The raiders have already escaped, as has the remainder of your defenders. The man with the cannon is all that is left  in the raid party, and he's pointing it right at you. You have to do something, but you don't see any opportunity for escape. He fires the cannon and hits you right in the face. You feel a hole  in your head and then everything goes black. Unfortunately, you are not dead. You are just unconscious, as the cannon shot has barely missed your head. You're still alive, but in a lot of pain. You open your eyes and find yourself in some sort of supply room, with a bunch of medicine lying around. You feel a little light-headed, so you don't walk around too much. You find a first-aid kit and begin to patch yourself up. Once you've sewn up the wound in your head, you go back to your room and find some clean clothes. Then, you do a little exploring. After all, you don't know how much time you have before that big gun gets reloaded. You find yourself in the basement of some sort of medical complex. You surmise that it must be some sort of old hospital, now used by the raiders as a hang out. You wonder if perhaps you're at some old asylum now occupied by the raiders. There's a lot of furniture that looks like it comes from a warehouse, and there are no windows to open up. It seems pretty dim down here, so you open up some of the windows to brighten up the place. As you're trying to find something else to do, you spot a small video screen on the opposite wall. It's turned off, but you press a button and it comes to life. You watch as the screen shows a file of a room. It's a security camera from before. Before you knows it, a man with a stained bandage on his face is standing in the room. You recognize him as the man you just shot with the shotgun earlier. He is bigger and meaner looking now that when you first saw him. Must have had a good meal of flesh before the bandage was applied. Then the monitor explodes  and a man with a crossbow fires at you. You dive for cover behind a counter. You hide behind some cabinets and attempt to reload your gun, but the raiders begin pouring in from the windows and doors. You take several hits but survive. It's when a raider runs up to you and puts a gun barrel in your back that you know it's over. "He's working with the raiders!" someone shouts. "Took you idiots long enough to realize that." Another raider says, and shoots you in the head.

[sparemyocs]

The Fade And Fading (Pt 4)

Varric looked between the three advisors, trying not to feel tired. "Look, what do you want to know? I've been friends with blood mages before. If you want me to say that he doesn't know what he's doing, you've got another thing coming."

"That is all we want: your honest opinion. You're very good at giving it." The spymaster nodded to him respectfully, hands clasped behind her back. Lady Nightingale's back was too straight but her clothes swayed with the weight shifting between her legs and of course her hands usually stayed in front of her, not behind. Sides at most. So many tells from the spymaster... Varric wasn't buying it.

"He's a good kid. Maybe even the second best man I've ever met. His chances are already slim for making it out of this without all of us turning on him, I vote we don't. Fact of the matter is, this doesn't change anything. He's been a blood mage this whole time and the Inquisitor would throw his life down for any one of us." Varric grunted, "I'll argue until the druffalo come home if that's what it takes."

Josephine shook her head, writing down what the dwarf had said, "That won't be necessary Varric. ...But we will keep it in mind."

Vivienne put a hand on her hip, "I assume the Commander has already told you my stance on the matter at hand?"

Leliana nodded, "He has, but we were hoping you would elaborate?"

"On what my Lady? He is a maleficar, there's only one or two suitable responses to such a thing."

Josephine didn't write down Vivienne's answer yet, "You don't care to know the details at all?"

"Details have a way of muddying up the facts Ambassador. We know the truth of the matter. Why would Andraste or the Maker purposefully choose someone who uses blood magic moreover? There's no reason to feel any kind of reverence towards him. We have the power in this situation, and common sense says that we must act. How we act is up to you three so long as something is done."

Josephine scowled, but put down Vivienne's answer without any further protest.

Cole arrived just as the three heard the Inquisitor's screaming, looking upwards with all of them. "Pacifying, pretending, pointless pandering. They cannot love me now that they know. These games are painful and I want them to let go."

"What's happening?" Cullen started around the war table, getting a grip on his sword.

"Dorian is refusing to leave. Elvyr'el, eth'el, enemah'sal ebalasha. First he needs to go. But he won't. He isn't afraid of beloved."

Cullen stopped at the door, looking back while his sword was half drawn. "Should he be?"

"...He'd give us anything, but most of all he wishes he could have given us someone else. Sa'lin'on'el."

Cullen grimaced and looked to Leliana instead. When the woman shook her head he'd replace his sword and return to them slowly. "What does he want us to do?"

"...He thinks he wants you to kill him." Cole continued staring up. He was a pulsing, aching hurt right now but helping him was going to be complicated. He always remembered. "But killing him would be wrong. He doesn't deserve it, he only wants to heal and help. We need to heal his hurt." At last, Cole lowered his gaze, looking at them all with his owlish eyes.

"That may be easier said than done Cole," Josephine said quietly.

"Yes."

Solas held his head high as he entered the war room. He'd never really felt any strong need to come in here until now, but he focused on the Inquisitor's advisors rather than taking in his surroundings. "If there is this much fuss about the matter then I presume you are not all of one mind?"

"We don't intend to make any decision without taking the opinions of the Inner Circle into consideration." Leliana leaned forward, placing her hands onto the war table.

"Fair enough. It wouldn't do to find yourselves outnumbered in your quest to destroy him." Solas sneered sourly. "Blood magic is no fouler than any other kind of magic. Our friend has shown himself as being nothing but responsible and kind with his skills and I will defend him if it comes down to it. ...If you make a mistake, do you really wish it to be the one which cannot be remedied?"

Josephine glanced hesitantly between the stoic Cullen and Leliana, but neither of them looked back at her. Wilting, she wrote down the elf's answer, "Thank you Solas... We will be sure to think about that."

The Iron Bull was growling about blood magic under his breath as he came in, quick to look to Leliana. "So, what'd he have to say for himself?"

"He claims to have been taught from childhood by his father. Never summoned any demons, never committed blood sacrifice beyond bleeding his own person."

"Sounds about right. ...Knew he was hiding something but damn. ...Don't like it, but he's a good guy. Helps that he isn't going to be stuffing it down our throats. Too guilty. It matters to him, but I don't think he wants to admit it. Anyway, he's not a danger to anybody.... Okay he is a danger but not to any of us. Long as he doesn't pull any crap, we don't need to do anything. ...And no, this isn't going into any of my reports. Pretty sure they'd lose their shit."

"Thank you Iron Bull," Leliana nodded to him. "Do you want to know anything else?"

"If I can, I think I'd rather hear it from the boss. You get more information that way."

"Fair enough," Leliana looked to the side, watching Josephine write the Qunari's thoughts down.

Blackwall entered looking more dower than usual. "I want to know why."

"He did not learn blood magic of his own volition." Josephine answered, the word 'blood' still heavy and sticky on her tongue, "The Inquisitor was taught it by his father as a tool for healing. He has never killed anyone to perform it and he does not cavort with demons, reportedly."

The bearded man was silent, mouth tensing and untensing as he worked through the information. "Then why are we here? He's a good man no matter what he knows, we already know that."

Cullen sighed, "It is not so simple."

"Isn't it? I recall that he was just as, if not more horrified by what was happening to the Grey Wardens as the rest of us."

"It is blood magic, Blackwall," Leliana scolded. "It is dangerous, and forbidden for good reason."

"He saved a man's life out there. That is more real to me than any of your hollow excuses."

"They are not excuses-!"

"Tell that to Hawke, then we'll talk." His lip curled at the red headed woman, eyes sharp in anger. "Miris knew about this too and she still trusts him. Hawke isn't the first life he's saved."

Leliana's eyes brightened with the remainder of the other elf, "Is that so? What did Miris tell you exactly?"

"It's none of your damned business. I'll send her in after me, if the Lady wants to tell you then she will."

"Send her in then," Leliana instructed, "if you have nothing more to say."

"I don't."

The pale woman held herself tightly as she came in, avoiding the eyes on her by any means besides covering her face. "...You want to know why I trust ara'falon?"

"Yes, please. ...I suppose that as part of the Lavellan, you've known about this for a long time?"

"...How much am I telling? I'm no tale spinner."

"As much as you're comfortable with. ...Or at least what you think is important for us to understand."

"The clan did not trust him at first. He was alin and he did not see us as isa'lethal, but he didn't know what more to do with himself than what he was brought to us for. I stayed away from him. Then he was allowed to help the healer." Miris reached up with eyes still downcast, tugging on one of her wide ears. "Ar'i'var'linem fra'melahn'an. He saved my baby. It didn't end there either: he loved Senna. It was the first time it seemed like he felt a part of us. He was patient and gentle with her like no one else, even though she refused to look at you and was quiet like the nighttime. ...Ir'emem nan'is'i'ebelas ahnsul'or asa'din. Her death destroyed him as much as it did me. His revenge for it changed the clan though. They took it as a... sign that he would protect us by any means necessary. Alin himem'ethelan."

"What did you think about this revenge?" Leliana folded her arms as she asked, wishing the woman would just look at them. It lined up with what Hanhari had said so far, but that didn't mean it was true.

"...I didn't understand why Sennarel deserved to die for a long time. My family was gone all. I was angry with ara'falon. ...I see a little better now. I've forgiven ara'falon mostly, but I still miss my bonded some nights." That was better now too, but that was private. "Hanhari knows his allies." She took her hand off her ear to push at the massive doors keeping her in the war room, getting out as soon as there was space to slip through and running back to the barn outside.

The Seeker was watching her feet at first as she came in, her thoughtful expression turning hard when the door closed and she looked up. "This is a serious matter, and truthfully I am having a difficult time knowing how to approach it."

Josephine sighed sympathetically, "You and I both, but unfortunately it must be addressed."

Cassandra asked for review of what they knew already, listening without interruption. "...His circumstances are not the average, that is for certain. But he does know better now, and it seems that he has crossed the line despite that. I fear most what it might mean for the future. We do not want to appear tolerant of it if this spreads as more than rumor beyond us, but also I wonder what else he might deem as being worth the risk."

"What do you propose Cassandra? The Inquisitor has made it clear he won't fight our decision, but there are others who will. Either way, this could tear the Inquisition apart from the inside." Cullen gestured with one hand to punctuate his concern. The other stayed rested on the hilt of his sword.

"...The Maker did not do this on accident. He is testing us, but I do not know what the right answer is. So much of what was and is taught has been thrown into question lately."

Leliana lowered her eyes, nodding. "I... admit, at times like these I wonder what Justinia would have done. ...I'm inclined to believe that she would have had faith in him, but what if that is just my bias? ...Our path is dark indeed." She closed her eyes for a moment with her head still bowed before straightening up again. "What are you inclined to believe then, at least."

"...For now at least, we are better off simply trying to keep him from using his power. At least until Corypheus has been defeated, word of this cannot leave Skyhold. It is best not even mentioned outside of this room." Cassandra sighed, "We will address later when we get to later."

Dorian closed the door behind him slowly. Tried as he had to fix it, the hair on his left side was a touch flattened and out of place. "Am I the last you've spoken to then?"

"No. Sera has thus far refused us," Leliana corrected with some irritation.

"I suppose I'm not surprised. She's rather frightened of regular magic let alone... this. It's a shame really, they'd made such charming friends." Dorian took a deep breath, "Now then, what decision have you made?"

"We haven't made one yet Dorian." Josephine looked over her notes, "The overall attitude is more accepting than you'd think, but both sides are quite charged."

"Well that's something. ...My proposal is rather simple. We defeat Corypheus, and rather than making him Tranquil I take him. If it's a choice between 'in serious danger' and 'doomed' I'll take the odds where one side isn't zero."

"Take him?" Josephine tilted her head at the man, "Take him where?"

"Why, the one place where blood magic scarcely makes people bat an eye of course. It's horrifically risky and while I don't fancy the idea for a moment it's better than... Just, anything but that."

"Tevinter." Leliana hummed softly, "It is not a bad idea actually. If he is discovered there it would be written off as-"

"As my country continuing to be terrible. Yes yes, covering our reputation is important as well. Maker help us if it turns out he's anything but perfect. He's already an elf after all." Dorian rolled his eyes. "...Are you willing to give us that opportunity then? You could lie to Vivienne and whoever else to keep the peace. I'm sure I could act convincingly depressed too."

Josephine nodded, "I would be willing to try at least. Leliana? Cullen?"

"Yes Josie. If we can't find a better solution, Dorian's does work out quite nicely."

"...I swear, this had better be the last time 'blood magic' gets wrapped up in my life... I'm fine with this plan. He's been as kind to me as anyone else..."

When it became evident that Sera wasn't coming, Leliana went out to the Herald's Rest to look for her. She never had to actually enter the tavern however, spotting the woman fussing on the roof by her silhouette in the window light. Sera was scribbling in a book furiously, swearing profusely when she ripped through one of the pages. She then proceeded to rip it out and shredded it in her hands before trying and failing to chuck the scraps over the lip of the roof.

"Sera, we need to talk to you."

"Piss off!"

Cole pulled up beside the spymaster from the shadows, "Scared, sad, he's so selfish. He was supposed to be a friend. An elf who wasn't better than me and always tried." Cole called up to Sera, "He wants to be someone else like you wish he was someone else!"

"F-off Creepy!" Sera reached inside and grabbed her bow, shooting the hat off the spirit's head. "None of you know shite! Shove off!" A second arrow lodged itself between Leliana's feet.

Cole hurried to get his hat back on before running away.

Leliana folded her arms and tapped one of her feet, "We can decide without you if you'd like."

"Decide what yeah? Just get it over with! The bitch is right okay! Leave me out of this shite!" She crawled back into the tavern through her open window, likely slipping off to hide somewhere more effective. Leliana shook her head slightly. Sera was as slippery as some of her best men when she didn't want to be caught. The information she'd gotten out of her would have to be enough.

Elvyr'el – Simpler eth'el – safer enemah'sal ebalasha – about to repeat [the] grief Sa'lin'on'el – Someone (literally: one blood) better ara'falon – my lifelong friend alin – stranger isa'lethal – his family Ar'i'var'linem fra'melahn'an – I was pregnant at that time Ir'emem nan'is'i'ebelas ahnsul'or asa'din. - He had great violent rage and depression because of her death Alin himem'ethelan – Stranger became protector

[returntotrek]

Well That Was Weird - Miri

Miri is weird. I’m just going to say it. It’s super weird.  It’s so weird that it probably shouldn’t work. And yet...it kind of does.  it’s the kind of weird that is so strange it works.  It’s got a bit of “Lord of the flies in space,” mixed in with some super awkward commentary on what it means to grow up and some exaggerated, but impassioned, speeches.

A landing party beams down to a strange planet that is somehow an exact replica of earth, down to 1960s architecture. And no, we never really get an explanation as to why it’s that way. It just is.  The party includes two security, Rand, Kirk, Spock, and McCoy.  It’s not long before a strange childlike person of advanced age runs out, freaks out and dies.  And so the story begins.

They find a young girl, Miri.  She’s terrified of them, but Kirk manages to calm her down and enlist her help, which they desperately need, because everyone except Kirk are suddenly sporting strange, colorful, lesions.   We soon learn that there are only children on this planet: all the adults, or as the children call them “grups,” go crazy and die.  We also learn that the children are aging incredibly slowly, which is good because as soon as they hit puberty they contract the disease and die. The crew keeps this truth from Miri as they search for a cure.

Unfortunately, just as the away team has a breakthrough, the children steal the communicators. And when Rand has a bit of a meltdown, that includes a confession to Kirk, Miri gets upset. Miri works with the other children to abduct Rand, telling them that that will remove two of the grownups, stopping them from whatever they are working on.  Without the communicators, they can’t verify if the vaccine they’ve developed will work, leading to a wonderful line from Spock that it could be “a beaker full of death.”

Kirk manages to convince Mirithat all the children eventually will contract the disease and die, and she leads them to the children. Unfortunately, the children don’t want to listen, and beat Kirk.  Kirk does have a pretty impassioned speech here, though, convincing the children that they’re doing the hurting now, just like the grups. Something in Kirk’s speech gets through to the kids, who go with him.

Meanwhile, McCoy reaches the decision to test the vaccine on himself, despite the risks, and there’s a terrifying moment where he just might be dead.  It all works out though, and the Enterprise leaves a medical team with the children, who can now presumably grow to adulthood without fear of painful death.

So that’s the episode. Where to start on talking about it? As I said before, this episode is really bizarre. But also surprisingly good. It’s a concept that could have failed spectacularly, but something about the tone of TOS, and the style of acting makes it work here.  

Miri herself is a pretty fascinating character.  She’s a young girl on the verge of adulthood who has no real examples of what adulthood is.  She develops a crush on Kirk, experiences jealousy over Rand, all the sort of things an adolescent girl just might do, but they’re magnified by the situation and the lack of reasonable adult examples.  She only has the one episode, but she’s surprisingly well developed for that. So kudos both to the writer and the actress.  The character could have gone horribly wrong, but instead she goes very right.

In my summary, I mentioned Rand’s confession to Kirk.  It’s weird, it’s awkward, and there’s something about the context here that makes it endearing.  Also, I think it’s an important point that I don’t have a problem with her expressed feelings, or the fact that she wants him to notice her physically. Why? Because that’s her choice, and there’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting to attract the man she likes (there would be if she tried to force him into something, but she doesn’t).

Kirk has a couple very exaggerated speeches, because I’m not sure Shatner gives anything but an exaggerated speech as James T. Kirk, but again, they work strangely well here. His plea to the children, and Miri’s support of it, are rather nice.

Miri’s crush on Kirk could verge on creepy, if he ever responded to it in any romantic way, but he doesn’t really. He hugs her, sure, but other than being amusingly dramatic, those hugs don’t come across as much of anything more than an adult consoling a terrified child.  Miri has a crush, Kirk doesn’t, and he turns the idea into a joke (”I’m not interested in older women”) at the end. I think sometimes the IDEA of Kirk as a womanizer might make viewers read his actions as something they aren’t here (though I haven’t gone on a quest re: this episode).

Finally, I enjoy McCoy’s desperate “Fuck it, I’m testing this anyway!” He, after all, has no idea if Kirk is going to be back with the communicators, and the alternative is potentially him and everyone else dying.  As dramatic as the moment is, it seems pretty in keeping with his characte.r

Anyway, this episode is SUPER WEIRD, but also actually pretty good.  One last thought: there are elements of this episode that sort of remind me of the PS2 survival horror game “Rule of Rose’ which is not something I expected. XD

[snapbookreviews]

Opal Charm: Hope in Nautical Dusk by Miri Castor

This is not a spoiler free review.

Opal Charm is back with a new adventure! Actually it’s not new per say, but it’s a new segment of her ongoing quest. We get to see Opal working with her powers a lot more than we did in the first book, how she develops and strengthens them. We also get to her her develop alongside her brother Jermaine, who for a large portion of the last book was presumed to be dead. I think Jermaine and Opal’s relationship is probably my favorite familial relationship in the book.

We also get a lot of really excellent world and language building for Athre. Opal ends up working (undercover) in a political/bureaucratic place within the government that they’re working to overthrow. Through this and several other events the politics of this world slowly gets more and more revealed to us. The same happens with language. We get snippets of the Athrenian language and culture through Opal learning them, and they get used again and again after they’re introduced. I always love it when fantasy stories have a language that’s been created for it.

Friendship is such an important theme in Hope in Nautical Dusk, just as much as it was in The Path to Dawn. Aaron and Anza/Hope continue to be these fundamental forces of friendship for Opal, but are also a source of conflict. The friendship between Aaron and Opal and Anza and Opal or crucial to the story both in character development and driving plot and it’s beautifully done.

Queer characters abound! Opal starts figuring out her sexuality (she’s bisexual), Adaeze is asexual and her former romantic partner was a girl. We’ve got two, I repeat, Two trans characters, Hinata and Limbani. Hinata’s a trans man and Limbani is a trans woman. I was super excited about that. I love them both so much.

The only big warning I’d give for this book is that there is pretty major character death. Some of this is reversed by time manipulation but some isn’t.

This book is available for preorder here. It comes out officially March 19th.

Related Reviews: Opal Charm: The Path to Dawn

@miricastor

No snaps unfortunately because I’m still trying to figure out how the best way to take snaps of my Kindle.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Crazy, Stupid, Love

Old Fashioneds for Charity: A Cocktail Philanthropy

The Setup: Kris actually gets into the long version of the Setup below, but this is also the first time all four of us have Reacted to Something together in real time! So it’s super long and a little clunkier than usual, but hopefully also fun. We’ll probably try to do it again at some point.

As always, post-chat annotations are in italics, and you can click on the first appearances of our names to see summaries of the TV shows, movies, and other things that influence our points of view.

LIZ: soo.. Crazy, Stupid, Love.. am I RIGHT?!

KRIS: I’m worried I’m going to disappoint all of you

(Are we all here?)

MARCHAE: Yes!!

MIRI: You laughed out loud multiple times while we watched

KRIS: Yes

MIRI: I don’t think you’ll disappoint us

LIZ: Kris, don’t be worried. We will just unfriend you on social media first and

THEN cut off all contact

IF THAT HAPPENS

MIRI: hahahahaha

LIZ: ❤️

MIRI: So, Kris--thoguhts?

MARCHAE: LOL

MIRI: Or thoughts

whichever you feel like

LIZ: I forgot so much.. Kris go first

MARCHAE: I want them ALLLL

LIZ: General opinion/ reaction then nitty gritty!?

KRIS: I guess I’d like to start with the [name of my writing teacher] story first

Just to explain how we got here

MIRI: Ok, please do

MARCHAE: storytime with kris 

KRIS: We’re just jumping right into like late second-act spoilers for Crazy Stupid Love, dear readers, all eight of you

MIRI: omg ❤️ 

KRIS: So [Writing Teacher] wanted to give us an example of subtext

And writing dialogue that doesn’t suck

So she gave us a scene, minus action description and names, and it’s a woman asking a man for advice on fixing a water heater

And she asks, what do you think this scene is about?

And we know it’s a trick question, but for whatever reason even the people who’ve seen the movie haven’t picked up on it yet

So the answers are like “she doesn’t really want to ask for his help”

LIZ: Sneaky. Love it

KRIS: And then [Writing Teacher] turns on the TV and there’s the title screen for Crazy Stupid Love, and some people are like ohhhh

And [Writing Teacher] doesn’t say anything and she goes to the scene, and obviously it’s not even remotely about a water heater

And more people are like OHHHHH yeah

And I was like, damn

That’s good

And I guess I was over at Miri’s, or maybe we met somewhere for something, and I was telling this story

MIRI: “Damn. That’s good. Maybe I should listen to Miri when she tells me to watch things”

KRIS: And it comes up that I haven’t seen the movie

And Miri is like

MARCHAE: (Which is still unbelievable)

KRIS:

MIRI: You’ve used that gif about me more than once

KRIS: Yes I have

It’s a good gif!

I like Elizabeth Jennings!

MIRI: And I am still complimented and also concerned

It is an excellent gif

KRIS: So this was October, I think

MIRI: I like her too but I’m not sure I should want to be her!

October sounds right

LIZ: I dont think his advice was even legit to be honest so don’t read it or watch it if you are struggling with a water heater issue!

Liz is looking out for us all, dear readers

READ THE MANUAL

KRIS: And every once in awhile it would come up and Miri sort of led this slow-but-steady charge of We’re Going to Make Kris Watch Crazy Stupid Love

and Kelly signed onto this in some capacity

Kelly is Miri’s roommate and another friend from our grad program

And obviously Marchae and Lemon

Reminder: Lemon = Liz

So here we are

MIRI: We’re humanitarians like that

Here we are!

KRIS: that was a looooot of preamble

sorry

MARCHAE: (And we had to get you on board with Hamilton too... kris I see a pattern) 

MIRI: I like the preamble. Now, tell us your thoughts!

KRIS: I liked it?

See this is why I’m worried about disappointing you

MIRI: Are you not sure about that?

Or do you just not have more expansive thoughts?

KRIS: No, I’m sure

LIZ: you did like it or you liked it ? 

KRIS: I’m sure there are more thoughts, but I’ll need some prompting, I guess

MARCHAE: I'm sitting on the edge of my seat her!!! 

Here* 

MIRI: Ok, we can prompt

LIZ: Who cares what we think! I took some notes because I forget a lot of things and a lot of my notes were sassy.. so what?

KRIS: I think the only thing I’d seen Gosling in before this was The Nice Guys

MARCHAE: Ok can you talk about the Ryan Gossling character 

LIZ: MASCULINITY

MIRI: WHAT

LIZ: GOD

MIRI: ???

LIZ: go*

KRIS: and probably a couple of episodes of Young Hercules

LIZ: hahaha

MIRI: WHAAAT?

LIZ: this is a topic for another day

MIRI: True

KRIS: I never saw The Notebook

MARCHAE: What!?!

LIZ: LASDKF;SLAKGJASL;KFJASLKJF

MARCHAE: What is happening!?!?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING 

LIZ: You need to want ALL OF IT EVERY DAY (the notebook that is)

KRIS: I can see there’s going to be a Make Kris Not a Philistine syllabus at some point

MIRI: YES

But also you have tons for us to watch too

KRIS: I guess where I was going with this is that I realized watching CSL that Gosling has pretty strong Brad Pitt vibes

MIRI: Focusing on this movie!

RYAN GOSLINGS IS SO HOT in this. And I love that he’s hyper masculine without being so in all ways.

KRIS: Does that seem right? Or was this not representative?

LIZ: Talk about... representation in this movie... I had a lot of questions about masculinity rewatching

MARCHAE: Ew

So did I liz 

LIZ: and then about how women are portrayed obviously always.. but what are your gut reaction thoughts

MIRI: Like, he’s got some slightly effeminate affectations that go with his kind of dandy vibe

MARCHAE: And Miri to be clear the ew was for you 

MIRI: Um ouch??

KRIS: Hang on I’m just pulling up IMDB to get character names

LIZ: ew what? he’s very hot

MIRI: You don’t think he’s hot?

LIZ: did you not see his body

MIRI: He’s hot!!

It’s like he’s photoshopped!

LIZ: HAHAHA exactly

MARCHAE: And now you liz. No i think he generally looks dehydrated and like he needs to bathe 

LIZ: ........

MARCHAE: The photoshopped line is funny but no 

LIZ: He has a tan?

MARCHAE: Go on Kris 

KRIS: Marchae’s descriptions of unattractiveness are always so specific

Miri: Marchae once told me she thinks the Rock looks like a toe and I have NEVER forgiven her for it.

MARCHAE: I am also tanned 

MIRI: Ohh, you’ve had this complaint about him before that he needs to wash

K: Marchae was not rooting for La La Land during the Oscars

KRIS: “dehydrated”

MIRI: Ok, let’s talk about toxic masculinity and this film’s deconstruction of it Because I’m into it

KRIS: OK

MARCHAE: Yeah the bags under/around his eyes -dehydration 

LIZ: lol at marchae’s tan.. and nobody’s here to say YOU ARENT HOTT! ❤️ 😉

MIRI: very true! 🔥

MARCHAE: Thanks gang 

MIRI: I think the film is pretty clear on the fact that Jacob’s perspective on women for most of the film is not super healthy or ok

(and also he could use some therapy)

MARCHAE: Ok so I did [rewatch] and I think because I knew we were talking pay more attention to how okay women are with RGs character 

MIRI: And we’re all tired of the whole The Right Woman SAVED Him narrative, but I do like that he has actual growth

I would argue that he’s a womanizer, but not a misogynist 

KRIS: (I did wish both Emily and Hannah had bigger stories in this)

MIRI: (or at least not to the extent of most)

Kris, I second that

MARCHAE: Same here 

MIRI: And not just because they are both such talented actors

The movie is mostly about the men’s growth

MARCHAE: Miri I feel like he might teeter on that line. He almost feels he has a right to these women he seeks out 

MIRI: But the women are allowed to be characters rather than set pieces more than most

MARCHAE: Kind of like that one that's the one I want and I will get her 

KRIS: Yeah, and of course it’s not inherently objectionable that this is a story about two dudes

MIRI: except the women they sleep with, mostly

Very true! I think we could use more stories about men having emotional growth and healthy friendships

MARCHAE: No not at all (three if you track the little boys story) 

YES!!! 

MIRI: The whole “You don’t ask them, you tell them that they want to come home with you” thing is not great. It’s pretty bad. But it’s also not the language that they ever use when actually talking to women--it’s always “wanna get out of here” type stuff

So I think that Jacob is not as much of a misogynist as he thinks he is!

I may be being too forgiving

But I love him

LIZ: I think he feels less entitled to the women and more just confident in his “game” bc consent is obviously important to him.. he doesn’t have to talk anyone into anything, which SHOULD BE THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS but unfortunately is not in real life and in how “wooing” is portrayed in film and what nots

MIRI: Very true! He’s super forward, but will take no for an answer without being creepy

KRIS: I feel like on the page Jacob would probably come off as more of a dick

Gosling underplays it in a way, he’s very not Frat Dude

MARCHAE: I agree Kris!

MIRI: When he first hits on Hannah he keeps talking as she leaves, but he never gets up or tries to stop her (Again, low bar)

Yes!!

The performance really makes it

LIZ: That character could’ve easily ruined the movie

the shopping with Cal part is especially lovely

MIRI: Love that!

KRIS: I think that’s because Hannah specifically was never really his objective; at that point she’s interchangeable with any other woman he might want to take home

LIZ: I am a sucker for physical humor apparently (throwing his shoes and slapping him(

MARCHAE: I don't generally love him and Hannah/Nanna notes the ridiculous nature of the game he plays 

MIRI: I also adore the section where they talk and have the infomercial stuff--one of my favorite film sequences

MARCHAE: So then I'm on board once the movie itself recognizes ok this guy is a doofus 

MIRI: Do we believe that he actually remembered hitting on her that one time when she kisses him? Or is he just going with it?

KRIS: That’s an interesting question

I think the intent is that he remembers her

LIZ: Gosling also never said like “all I want is to have the sexy times with as many women as possible”.. he just is kind of good at it.. I think if he ever said that was all he cared about or aspired to be... he’d be an asshat of the highest caliber

MIRI: I think the movie always knows that he’s a doofus, but doesn’t show its cards early

KRIS: I’m not sure if it’s the answer that makes the most sense or is the most interesting

MIRI: I’ve never questioned it before

LIZ: I think he remembered her bc she turned him down

and we don’t see anyone else do that

KRIS: I buy that

MIRI: Nice

MARCHAE: *YAS LIZ*

MIRI: Do we believe his redemption? Or change of heart or whatever?

LIZ: But then I felt like.. masculinity is kind of very set in stone and in stages of life in this movie

I know it is more complex

but does society kind of not ask it to be?

MIRI: Say more

What stages do you see?

LIZ: The kid with the crush ... the womanizer sexy young guy... the sad dad/ divorcee with his walking shoes and ill fitting clothes

MIRI: And are you saying the movie reinforces those ideas about particular types of masculinity or no?

LIZ: Cal is able to kind of morph into Goslings characters TYPE and I think at the end he is his own person and a NEW version of a man, but the ENTIRE movie kind of puts men in boxes.. which is FINE BC WOMEN ARE USED TO THAT TOO

KRIS: Is this kind of a Dan Fogelman thing? I’m not super familiar with his corpus

LIZ: and the douche boyfriend of hannah is kind of the alternative to the sexy young guy.. the safe boring young guy like SHOULD I MARRY KOKOUM.. STEADY AS THE BEATING DRUM? that shit

I am asking.. because I don’t know!

MIRI: Hmmm

KRIS: I think these are definitely all types/boxes but I don’t know if I’d map them into linear stages

MIRI: Maybe it’s more a question of him using and playing with types than anything else

MARCHAE: Liz I notes that too though not as eloquently 

KRIS: I got more of a “you can be this, or you can be that” vibe

MARCHAE: Noted*

LIZ: There is something to be said of the separated married couple trying to maybe make it work.. and the way Cal turns into a better human who cares about himself and then his life more too bc of that.. idk

yeah

MIRI: And then ultimately you can be you with an element of this and that if you want

LIZ: Like the wife is flawed, but open and trying from the first scenes where he rolls out of the car, which I appreciate

MIRI: While Cal’s journey gets way more screen time, I like the building blocks of Emily’s a lot

“Can women have midlife crises??” Yes, they totally can

LIZ: Yeah I agree, I’d have loved to see more Emily and Hannah

MIRI: And more of Liza Lapira, the friend!

KRIS: Also shout out to Asian Best Friend

MIRI: I love her and she never gets big enough parts!

LIZ: Right!?

MIRI: Kris, were weirdly in sync here and I love it

KRIS: There are like two not-white people in this movie and the other one is credited as “Hip Hairdresser”, so

MIRI: The phone call when Hannah is studying and ABF sees Jacob at the bar is hilarious

LIZ: She deserved to have something nice happen to her.. she gets creeped on by a fat old dude and gets to drool at Gosling! Not fair!

wow at hip hairdresser

MIRI: It is an extremely white movie

Like, down to the extras at the school and office

MARCHAE: Par for the course though for our friend Hollywood 

KRIS: Unless you count Emma Stone

Sorry

Too easy

I’ll show myself out

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA

LIZ: Yeah there is no reason why the babysitter and her family or the school staff or the people at the bar needed to be all white.. very gross

MIRI: Omg

It’s very 10 years ago, too

MARCHAE: *KRIS*

KRIS: Oh let’s see if we can finish this masculinity stuff but do remind me to come back to the bar set

as a set

MIRI: We will try

Kris, as our man do you have anything to say about masculinity?

LIZ: like the kid, the dad, the player, the douche.. then the kind of controlled by his wife married angry ish guy (the friend w the mays bag) those are the people to think of as a refresher of type of dudes

KRIS: I don’t know that I have any fresh insights you all haven’t covered

LIZ: insert(eggplant emoji)

well do you think that it has anything right or anything wrong?

MIRI: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

LIZ: like the adolescent kid is actually given a good amount of depth

MIRI: There you go, Lemon

LIZ: thank you I didnt know if we could use those hhahahahha

MIRI: We can

MARCHAE: Can I say one thing

LIZ: well

🍆

MARCHAE: I did not love the end bit with the babysitter giving the kid the nude pics

MIRI: THANK YOU

MARCHAE: It was odd to me and not a thing I think a girl would do 

MIRI: I find that pretty grody

KRIS: Yeah I didn’t love that whole story honestly

MARCHAE: Like here is my gift to you young flower

NO

KRIS: And I understand that part of this is just my general aversion to humans who aren’t old enough to drink

MARCHAE: And No

MIRI: And technically distribution of child pornography since she’s 17

KRIS

K: As previously established, I am generally not a person who is won over by cuteness of the non-furry-quadruped variety. I’m the one who doesn’t say anything when one of the others sends baby pictures in our group text.

KRIS: But yeah, even the persistent text messages

MARCHAE: LOL 

Yes and he kind of quasi stalks her 

It's. Not. Cute

MIRI: Yeah, “I’m not going to stop sending messages that make her uncomfortable” is not great

KRIS: I guess I’m not sure when this came out in relation to our sort of broader cultural understanding of social media’s role in rape culture and harassment more broadly

LIZ: Technology moves so fast

KRIS: But that was all on my mind

MIRI: I think it was before that general realization

They still had slide out keyboard phones

MARCHAE: But not before the general realization of stalking 

And harassment 

LIZ: I think it is harrassment

MARCHAE: And the exchange of kid picks 

KRIS: Yeah

MARCHAE: No adult human said 

Young sir stop it's not cute 

It was all 

LIZ: I think things hit the fan sexting wise after this though

MARCHAE: Go get her! 

KRIS: BOYS WILL BE BOYS

LIZ: BOYS WILL BE RAPISTS HAHAHAHAH SO CUTE

jk but actually

Her crush on Cal was disturbing

like.. no.

MIRI: He is her dad’s friend!!!

LIZ: I was a hott mess in all the ways as a teen, but no!

MARCHAE: I guess I was lost on why it was supposed to be cute

MIRI: As creepy and not ok as the kid story is, I do like some od it

LIZ: The little girl.. the youngest.. Lets write her sequel.. she needs the most therapy

MARCHAE: I thought all of this the first time 

MIRI: Like it was definitely written by a guy not really getting the reality of rape cultre

culture

MARCHAE: RIGHT 

MIRI: but I do like that his idea of love is neither purely romantic or solely sexual. He sees her as his soul mate and it’s nice to see more than one aspect of attraction represented in one

MARCHAE: Or the reality of LIFE

KRIS: I feel like a lot of this movie works better than it should because the performances aren’t too broad

Like everyone’s actually pretty easy to empathize with

MARCHAE: I think you're right though 

If even one of them has been not redeemable it would have not worked 

LIZ: I think soul mates are kind of bullshit.. which isn’t unromantic of me, but more like... we see that this idea can force things that are not right and its not good for young people to fixate on someone like that!

KRIS: Even Jessica (babysitter) isn’t presented as hysterical or like, hormone-addled

MIRI: True

Oh I think soul mates are bullshit too

MARCHAE: The kids are all pretty self aware 

I guess that gives it the pass 

KRIS: So as uncomfortable as the story is when you take a step back, from pretty early on -- I’m thinking the car scene when Cal drops Jessica off -- she’s kind of restrained and thoughtful

LIZ: the only semi hysterical female is the teacher

but i think she is kind of fucked with in ways that bring that out

MIRI: My computer is being weird so sorry if my texts come in at a weird delay

KRIS: So I guess I liked that Jessica is afforded the same amount of humanity as anyone else, if that makes sense

LIZ: right

KRIS: Marisa Tomei!

LIZ: she definitely is

MIRI: I just like that the kid who’s jerking off to a girl also likes her as more than a sex object

Yes

LIZ: Ugh that is so gross

MIRI: Marisa Tomei is so funny

What's gross?

LIZ: yes she’s great

MIRI: Him jerking off with her IN THE HOUSE?

LIZ: Just thinking about having kids of either sex that age

I can’t pick which one would be worse

KRIS: ha

MARCHAE: But he also isn't apologetic to the fact that he's made her uncomfortable about it and that's what bugs me

LIZ: he does apologize at one point

MIRI: I genuinely am bothered by that too

LIZ: but it kind of takes his world being crushed

which is odd

KRIS: Well, I don’t like it as a story but I buy it from a 13-year-old

MIRI: All of the men need to Grow Emotionally in this movie

LIZ: I guess

yep

MARCHAE: But doesn't he say I'd do it again and she laughs 

MIRI: And the women mostly need to get outside their comfort zone, I guess?

K: I don’t think so, actually. I’d say it’s more something like, they need to be willing to say what they want/need from relationships, and/or don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader.

MIRI: I like that reading. I also think they need to be willing to examine what they want for themselves--Jessica does’t end up with a partner but she seems to be happy and to have realized that pursuing a crush that inappropriate is probably not the way to go.

LIZ: I have specific questions at some point about certain parts of the movie

MIRI: Go for it!

LIZ: Hannah being seen as “chaste” by refusing Gosling’s advances kind of give her that angel dynamic, versus the slut thing that all of the women who readily go with him automatically might get, so then she DESERVES to hear about this parents and see his massage chair and be his one love... and I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT

also.. I did note.. “WHY IS HIS MASSAGE CHAIR IN THE GARAGE? PEOPLE ARE STARVING” which was in the moment but I stand by it

MIRI: I never thought of it that way. I assume she’s been sleeping with Human Valium

LIZ: I have more but THOUGHTS?

KRIS: I think it’s totally in character for the chair to be abandoned in the garage

But to your larger point, yes

MIRI: Yes Jacob needs to stop trying to buy happiness and start volunteering and giving to charity and funding cool research or something

I think he’d find it much more rewarding

KRIS: I definitely think there’s a (really familiar) undercurrent of assuming most of the women Jacob sleeps with are empty airheads

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: “Old Fashionds for Charity” a cocktail philanthropy

MIRI: “Am I boring you? I’m totally boring you!”

Well there’s the post title

Well done, Lemon

LIZ: Spelled wrong

lol

KRIS: We can spell it right in the heading

MIRI: There goes our integrity 

LIZ: hahahhaa

MARCHAE: I didn't think they were airheads but maybe... as the kids would say

Thirsty 

MIRI: I think the intent is that Hannah is the one that challenges him, not that she’s virginal

But it’s still kind of shitty

LIZ: I don’t want to feel seem like Im hating on Hannah btw

MIRI: No, you don’t!

KRIS: Yeah, I think it’s like “Hannah is a Woman of Substance”

LIZ: Her awkward, wet, weirdness where she says what she’s thinking is amazing and I really identify with it.

MIRI: I am a little concerned that she went from being ready for Valium to propose to in a pretty heavy relationship with Jacob over the course of a rainstorm

Yes! Great moment of weirdness

When she’s asking about the logistics of his moves it’s amazing

LIZ: I felt like she thought he might and shed be flattered, but I think she also might have had a come to jesus moment if he HAD proposed and left also

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: I got the sense there was a little bit of a time lapse presumed after they get together

LIZ: bc its at a cheese cake factory type of place (not that nice even) at a mall

MIRI: There’s at least a couple weeks

But still

LIZ: oh for sure

MIRI: The El Torito Grill!

KRIS: I mean even if it wasn’t a super intense relationship I buy her not breaking up with him because Dad Says So

LIZ: oh yeah, she’s an adult... that is insane

MIRI: Definitely! 

KRIS: Oh, okay, so now that we’re here, I should say that the Twist worked well enough for me to say “Whaaaat” out loud

MIRI: But also she’s totally emotionally invested 

He did!!!

LIZ: because you thought nana was a grandma?

MIRI: It was great!

KRIS: Up until that point, I was sort of like okay, this is a charming movie but I don’t feel a need to rewatch it ever

LIZ: also they are so into their kids.. why does she not come up! it is kind of CONVENIENT

KRIS: But now I would maybe want to rewatch it to see how they plant that

MIRI: They plant it well!

MARCHAE: "Charming"

KRIS: I did have a moment earlier in the movie of like “huh, they cast two redheads”

LIZ: ha

MIRI: When Cal talks about his kids it’s always “my youngest” (rather than my girl) and “I have kids--plural!”

MARCHAE: That's true and he also just calls Hannah Nanna right?

MIRI: right

KRIS: Yeah, and they do sort of plant the banana thing in the not-proposal scene, right? 

Or maybe the earlier restaurant scene?

MARCHAE: Yeah! 

KRIS: So at no point was I like “buddy, that’s a stretch”

MIRI: Hannah Banana!

LIZ: thats good

KRIS: I would just be curious to spot all the pieces being set up

LIZ: they definitely are

MIRI: It’s a good rewatch

MARCHAE: I like it a lot actually 

LIZ: also.. there are cheesy parts.. which seem to be on the nose, but the movie is very self aware

like the rain starts and he says like “so cliche” or something

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: but his kid is like “dad you did change, you just got new clothes” and I did think BARF OKAY NO

MIRI: And Emily actually mentions how things are “in the movies” when talking about midlife crises 

Like, a cliche lampshading of a cliche is still cliche

KRIS: That did jump out at me

MARCHAE: It knew these things 

KRIS: I don’t know if it bothered me but I don’t think I would’ve missed it either

LIZ: there was also a part about half way through where I realized why I like tv more most of the time.. like even if I had never seen it.. I knew what would happen and I am so sick of that fake roller coaster/ formulaic bs

MARCHAE: Does that make the movie smart

KRIS: I think it makes it self-satisfied

LIZ: No, but it is cute

MIRI: I think it’s both self-satisfied and cute

KRIS: sure

MIRI: Like, it’s a little annoying but I’ll allow it because I like the rest so much

MARCHAE: Fair 

MIRI: Also this is not at all connected to what we’re talking about but “I don’t want your slutty money” is one of the best moments ever

LIZ: oh yeah

hahaha

MARCHAE: And Emily's response was the best

LIZ: because it isn’t overdone or too dramatic.. it is kind of exactly how someone would think they are really telling someone off, but it is more like a passing strange comment built up in their brain

what about kevin

they say his name 3084028408 times and I have forgotten it

MIRI: David Lindhagen

MARCHAE: I was like was his name Kevin?buut I'm there now 

KRIS: I’d watched a couple episodes of I Love Dick shortly before this so I was like Oh hey, Kevin Bacon! but I don’t have deep thoughts

MARCHAE: I think the story could have easily been told without ever actually having seen him 

KRIS: I liked that he wasn’t a cartoon villain

MIRI: But then we don’t get the fight scene!!!

Which is amazing!

Yes! I think he’s a nice seeming guy who is a little shitty for going after a married woman

LIZ: yeah the fight scene is great

MIRI: He’s not a massive dick, but he’s not a hero

LIZ: nobody really is ha

MIRI: Jacob’s desire to punch him is great

KRIS: Yeah, exactly, I did like that a lot about the movie

LIZ: except when cal calls the bartender.. a cocktail servant that is the meanest thing 

Right that felt like real family

MIRI: But he’s definitely seen as being a dick for that

LIZ: like you can be mad at each other but still have a common enemy

MIRI: Even he knows it was dickish

KRIS: cocktail servant was weird, yeah

LIZ: yes he did

MIRI: Yeah I like the way the family can fight and still come together

Very genuine feeling

LIZ: another amazing part... “amy heard you crying in the bathroom. we all thought it was cancer.. thank god!”

and they don’t talk for a while but still kind of love each other and the what nots

KRIS: So about the bar set, I liked that Cal ended up back in that seat after having been in Jacob’s spot looking at some other balding sadsack who was obviously supposed to remind him of himself

It’s simple, but I liked that use of set geography to establish power dynamics

K: Off the top of my head, this AV Club article (on the study table in Community and the elevator in Captain America: The Winter Soldier) is my favorite little internet thing about using a set to establish, and then play with, audience expectations.

LIZ: with a straw!

MARCHAE: Ohhhhh nice!

LIZ: yeah

MIRI: Yes!

Very good use of space/visuals

My perpetual question about Jacob--is he supposed to be Jewish??

LIZ: I also don’t think any women go to that bar twice

for his whole scheme to work

MIRI: He says shvonz (I don’t even know how to spell that) and his name is Jacob.

This is my only evidence but I feel strongly about tit

LIZ: He feels Jewish and sometimes Italian to me haha

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: maybe both!

MIRI: His actual pronunciation of words does not feel Jewish to me, but that could be regional

MIRI: Please note that I’m not trying to imply that all Jewish people must “sound Jewish.” For example, I have some of the speech patterns that characterize Jewish American speech but almost none of the pronunciations.

Yes, he could be both!

LIZ: but yeah the shvonz (autocorrect can’t guess a thing) seems like yiddish or pretend yiddish

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: seems like eastern european with a spray tan and a come-as-it-pleases brooklyn accent

MIRI: (HOW MANY TIMES DO I SAY DEFINITELY IN EACH ONE OF THESE??)

LIZ: DEFINITELY A FEW TIMES

MIRI: hahahahahaha YES Liz

LIZ: no I didn’t notice hahaha

KRIS: About as many times as I say “like” and “for sure”

LIZ: or as many times as I ignore punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammar in general? jk that is always for me (IM NOT SORRY! I MAJORED IN IT AND I PROVED THAT I KNOW IT)

MIRI: hahahahahaha

KRIS: Marchae I feel like you must have four pages of handwritten notes, is there anything you’re dying to bring up that we haven’t covered?

MARCHAE: HAHAHAHAH  

This time I didn't have as many notes! 

LIZ: HA 

good! that means you just watched and enjoyed!

MARCHAE: My thing was mostly the odd kiddie crush bits that we covered 

KRIS: Yeah interestingly I feel like there’s not a lot to overthink here outside of larger cultural issues

LIZ: Why didn’t Jacob buy Cal’s drinks or some of his clothes?

His house is like.. clearly a 4 million dollar plus home

KRIS: Does he ever say what his job is?

MARCHAE: I also wanted to add that I want a story that focuses on Hannah and Jacob

MIRI: That’s true. Like, there’s a lot that’s done really well but it doesn’t take ling to say that

MARCHAE: He's a hustler kris 

LIZ: I think he got a large inheritance

KRIS: oh right

LIZ: (pillow talk exposition)

Hesssss a hustler babyyyyy

MARCHAE: Ha! 

MIRI: At least he’s not a scrub

LIZ: he knows about new balance rules and he eats pizza w a napkin!

KRIS: That pizza thing is actually the first moment where I thought of Brad Pitt

I think because of Rusty in the Ocean’s movies

LIZ: I think you can wear stylish and supportive footwear btw.. I didn’t like that message

MIRI: Sbaru Sbarro? 

I love that moment

LIZ: Brad isn’t my fav

MIRI: Yes, Jacob has some unhealthy rules

KRIS: But he has a similar low-key charisma

LIZ: If you think Brad is charismatic 

can you seriously go watch the notebook

MARCHAE: Brad Pitt does?

KRIS: I mean I’ve always liked him

MIRI: In Oceans he totally is

Whether you like him in general or not

LIZ: People don’t forget is all I’ll say about thim

MIRI: We should have Kris and Marchae do a Notebook reaction 

And Liz just annotates after

MARCHAE: See the notebook makes me cry 

LIZ: oh yes

of course it does

(no spoilies)

MARCHAE: I won't  

I'd be down! 

LIZ: 😀

MIRI: Ok, anything else we want to say about CSL?

KRIS: I don’t actually harbor DEEP resentment toward Emma Stone for Aloha

MARCHAE: HAHAHA

KRIS: I just hope she makes better choices in the future

LOOKING AT YOU, JOHANSSON

MIRI: Agreed

UGHHHHHH agreed

MARCHAE: Yes!!!!!!!!

MIRI: Like, learn from your mistakes

Stop making even bigger ones

K: Actually I just realized, I’m not sure what else you’re referring to besides Ghost in the Shell.

MIRI: Lucy. While not actually a case of whitewashing, it is pretty bad on the Yellow Peril front and she caught some flak for it...and then upped the ante by playing a Japanese character in Ghost in the Shell.

K: Look, I stopped paying attention to Lucy the second I realized it was premised on that “we only use 10 percent of our brains!” horseshit. 

But Johansson didn’t write Lucy, and it was what “proved” she could carry an action movie on her own, so I’m inclined to cut her slack there that I’m not willing to cut her for taking on a specifically whitewashed lead role in Ghost. Expecting actors to answer for writers and directors (in this case Luc Besson) is a slippery slope. Go too far, and it’s like blaming Candice Patton for The Flash writers’ inability to make Iris more than a damsel in distress for longer than half an episode at a time.

MIRI: Very true! I think Lucy is excusable, but Lucy and Ghost combined makes for an uncomfortable pattern. And yes, the 10% of the brain thing is ridiculous.

KRIS: I do like the whole Woody Harrelson Introduced Emma Stone and Brie Larson and Jennifer Lawrence to Each Other thing

MARCHAE: YES MADAM HOT SAUCE DISAPPOINTED ME

LIZ: Amazing

KRIS: We have to talk about this Madam Hot Sauce thing

And we will -- or at least, Marchae will, with our very first Guest Reactor sometime in the next week or two. Because apparently “Madam Hot Sauce” is what Marchae calls Scarlett Johansson, and Marchae has discovered that she has strong opinions about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.