One of my favorite writers is Fyodor Dostoyevsky.
His brilliant novel The Brothers Karanazov astonished me and changed my life.
How could he know me so well?
He was a writer who knew the depths of the human human heart and the ways put it on paper with an ink well and a pen.
I hope to learn to do that, too.
On the side my college ring from UNC Chapel Hill is the motto Esse Quam Videri, to be is more important than to appear to be, the essence is more important than the video.
Through the hard work of writing, Dostoyevsky got to the essence of what it means to be human.
When I read a novel, I try to put my feet into the shoes of the characters in the story and walk around in them.
As much as anything else, this has helps me grow empathy in my own heart.
I try to teach this skill of walking around in other peoples shoes to the 9 and 10 year old students in my classroom.
Is there any better gift can I give to the world than an empathetic kid?
Nope, I think.
When I read a novel, I also always try to identify with one of the characters in the story.
Who am I most like?
Who is most like me?
In The Brothers Karamazov that character for me would be Alyosha.
The story begins with him as a novitiate in a monastery, exploring a possible vocation as a monk. (Ha ha, I’m certainly no monk, though I have taken the vow of poverty and the vow of obedience by becoming a public school teacher).
My favorite moment in the story comes when Father Zossima, the wise, old, kind, saintly monk of the monastery says to Alyosha, “This is what I think of you, you will go forth from these walls, but you will live like a monk in the world.”
In that moment, I found my vocation.
My vocation is to live like a monk in the world.
This means I live out the prayer of St. Francis every day and sow love where there is hatred; sow pardon where there is injury; sow faith where there is fear; sow hope where there is despair; sow light where there is darkness; sow joy where there is sadness.
If you walk into my classroom at any time on any day, I hope you’ll find we sowing these thing in my students and in my school.
I hope you’ll find me being a farming monk.
Dostoyevsky wrote some other words that mean a lot to me, too.
“Beauty will save the world,” he wrote.
What did he mean by that?
I wonder.
And I don’t really have a good answer to that wondering.
But I feel I see and hear glimpses of what he meant by that.
I see it and hear it in the lives of my students.
I see and hear it in Lauri, a kid from Honduras with brown eyes as deep as the good earth, a sweet smile as soft as the rising sun, and a kind heart, well, a kind heart that is beautiful enough to save the world.
She’s an artist and can make a flower out of notebook paper, scissors, Elmer glue sticks and Sharpies that rival any Daisy I might find on a hike in the foothills of the mountains where I live.
She gives those flowers away every day to me and to her fellow students.
She leaves us all with a sense of wonder beauty.
You know, being a teacher is hard work.
Very hard work.
It’s the hardest work I’ve ever done.
But it’s good work.
Very good work.
It’s the best work I’ve ever done.
I’m so thankful I get to be that good work and see that good work, be that beauty and see that beauty every day.
I’m so thankful I get to be a part of saving the world.
All in a day in public school.
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