#monkey based ramblings

[formless-monkeys]

Formless monkeys out here doing.... you guessed it! formless!

come see it in all its un-tumblr-crushed glory in @srmt-zine

[flooftyfizzlebeans]

when y. when

[inafallsaway]

Drawing time!

[hmsdoodlin]

I’m so incredibly obsessed with Soul Beast Mind.

After Souls transformation and Hearts sudden absence, Mind is forced to take on everything by himself. The man once so confident he could run the ship one handed is stretched thin and forced to face that he’s not enough.

There’s no one around to impress, and yet he still takes great care in his appearance, taking time to do his hair and makeup before leaving his room. He dresses far more formally than usual, buttoning up his shirt and tying his shoes with a blank stare and a worn creaky prosthetic.

His boots click down the empty hallway far too early in the morning, preparing three meals three times a day for people who will never eat them. He sets the table and eats alone, staring at the food on plates he knows won’t be touched. He meticulously puts away leftovers, dating and portioning everything in little plastic containers. The fridge is full of food, throwing away perfectly good meals to make room for more.

When Soul comes home he’ll surely be hungry, thankful for his favorites after such a long time away, and there’s always a chance Heart will sneak out of his room in the middle of the night to eat. He knows Soul isn’t coming home and that Hearts been starving himself, but he can’t bring himself to stop. Just in case.

He occasionally knocks on Hearts door, asking simple questions in an attempt to check up on him.

“Dinners ready, it’s your favorite.”

“Can I come in? I need to check on your wing.”

He never gets a response.

He spends all of his time taking care of Whole, constantly keeping him stable and alive. His room has accumulated copious amounts of dust, his prized electric guitar going unpolished for weeks when just two months ago he treated it like his baby. There’s no time for hobbies or leisurely activities, ignoring his books to stare blankly at a screen and survey Wholes every waking moment for every day of his life.

He’s tired. He wants his headmates back.

[goddessofroyalty]

One Piece Supernova trio Omegaverse idea my brain is milling over instead of letting me sleep:

Alpha!Kid challenging/goading Beta!Luffy in order to 'impress' the unmated Omega!Law, possibly not even wanting to attract Law as a mate just dumb hindbrain posturing kind of stuff.

Luffy not caring about designations or romantic/sexual relationships but fully responding to the challenges/goads because he's dumb and competitive like that.

Law being completely aware of the actual intent behind Kid's challenges/goads but now Luffy's turned it into a 'who's the better captain' thing he's also responding to them in a competitive way.

[oneread]

Stick with me here but imo Usopp is the Moon to Luffy's Sun. Regardless of the relationships you prefer between the Strawhats, it's these two that have such opposing energy dynamics.

Luffy's always pushing forward recklessly, Usopp is typically hanging back to analyze the situation before acting. Luffy has the big visible fights at the front of the battle, Usopp takes care of the perimeter from afar (on a good day his enemies never see him at all). Usopp worries about every little thing, Lufy could stand to worry a little more. Usopp's always telling stories, revealing things about himself even when he doesn't mean to, Luffy constantly forgets (or "forgets") to reveal basic and essential backstory.

I feel like they're an underrated dynamic within the crew! Sure we appreciate their funny moments and lots has been said about Water 7, but I don't think we talk enough about how they rely on each other to fill a role they can't

[gemini-queen42]

Batb: Other Than Human - Themes stuff (& why I Called It That)

That's right folks, the self-indulgent "throwing any concept I like at the wall and haphazardly mixing together what sticks" au rewrite Thing has Actual Themes! That kind of happened accidentally but they are so real for that so let's get into it.

The Main Narratives Themes Trio of the story now all also embody expanded themes about being an "Other", when being a person is not enough to be properly considered human- more specifically of a neurodivergent/queer girlhood type flavor.

Summary is that it's called "Other Than Human" because the prominent theming is about being considered something other than human due to not fitting the mold of the 'norm'.

[This is a long one so details & specific character stuff are under the cut<3]

Amalure has the greatest departure from her original counterparts thematic placing, so we'll start with her. Amalure retains Gaston's social standing, reputation, etc. But it's of course not quite the same- because she is a woman, and she is not revered for being the picture of ideal womanhood/femininity. Instead, she excels in masculinity, but remains firm that she is and always will be a woman. So, to justify the desire & awe people have for her, they dehumanize her: She doesn't need to follow the Rules because she is outside of them. Amalure is not a person: she is a symbol, a figure, an object. A legend, a folksong, a modern myth. Her skills are not skills they are blessings, inherent, a mundane magic or supernatural. Despite having grown up in Villeneuve for her entire life, she is considered exotic, and is practically, if not actually, fetishized. And through all of this, the status quo and social order gets to be retained without question, and she gets to exist as the exception that proves the rule, rather than the Undesirable that she'd be marked as otherwise.

Amalure is fine with this, because this dehumanization is her status quo: She doesn't really view herself as a person either, she is defined by her relationship to other people, by who she is to them. Amalure has never been a person to anybody: Growing up she was never just a girl, never just Amalure: She was a girl with a mans brain, an embodiment of her fathers greatest achievements, an embodiment of her mothers worst mistakes, she is her fathers daughter or her mothers daughter, but not her own. (and she never both, it is either or, mother or father, never both, never parents.)

Princess Eve/The Beast is the other end of this, of operating through her dehumanization. Upon being cursed, she adheres to what societies have oft wanted to happen to their Undesirables: Hide away and never be seen by the public again. It is entirely self-inflicted, as most of her suffering truly is. She operates not through others dehumanizing view of her, but her dehumanizing view of herself and its warping of how she believes others view her. Because, well, the servants still view her as a person. I mean, they're still human- under the new object forms. And the separation of humanity that is easy to slip into on matters of royalty is awfully minimal as well; they watched her grow up, and she grew up among them.

The girl's bratty, spoiled, temperamental, and is a ball of horrid consequences of the shallow views and ideals learned from surrounding nobility. But she's also the girl that fell asleep listening to Cogsworth explain the many technicalities to managing servants; because she was stubborn in asserting her authority as the mistress of the castle, and thus she Must have say over its goings ons. But the majordomo's voice can be awfully soothing when he's not high-strung on anxiety, and it's hard to pay attention when you don't understand what's being discussed, so its all going in one ear and out the other. And She's Lumiere's 'Evie', who was so amused when Lumiere would draw on a little mustache when dancing the male roles so the princess could learn some duo dances, or because she didn't look very "waiter-like" (because Eve wasn't entirely sure what a maître d' did, but it seemed to have something to do with waiters), and who got annoyed every time the dance teacher/maître d' would warn her not to hurt her body in her pursuits, because it seemed so silly, why would anyone do that? And she's the girl who dragged Mrs. Potts to have tea with her, because she made the best tea and as princess she would have only the best; and if you're going to have tea you may as well have a tea party, and you can't really have a party of one, but two isn't much of a party either so she's going to drag Babette away from her duties too, since the maid was so elegant and thus would be perfect.

Honestly, the girl probably would've turned out fine if she was raised by just the servants. But they weren't the only forces in her life: she's a princess, so she's got to host and interact with important people and learn how to Be noble which isn't something any of the servants can teach her. And it is under the pressures and eyes of nobility, is in mixing and learning their social rules, that learns the lessons that will lead to her curse: That to be considered human and treated as such, one must look human. And to be such as a woman meant to look beautiful, like the ideal. As a woman, to be worthy is to be beautiful and vice versa. And even if she does not, she must have some way to serve men. Otherwise, she is nothing. Eve met these requirements well, and where she did not yet her authority as princess covered. So when a beggar woman is at her doorstep, the princess turns her away: because she is old, ugly, so long past her 'prime'- there is no worth to her anymore. There is no point caring for her future.

Helene stands as both the middle ground and inverse to the other two. She is an Other by virtue of her mind, she is Objectifiable by virtue of her beauty. She sits on the precipice between Undesirable and Desired, seeming nearly apathetic to where she lands despite popular encouragement to embrace or smother aspects of herself. Helene is quite sure she's a person like anyone else, thank you, and is frankly frustrated and a bit weirded out that others seem to have a hard time getting the memo- she doesn't like or want to assume the worst, though, so maybe she just missed another confusing untold social rule or something. I mean, the local triplets really do seem to be advising in good faith- they really do think of her as one of them to an extent (for reasons Helene is yet to know); they just don't understand her.

When Amalure pursues her, there's an unspoken aspect to the deal of marriage she proposes: Helene will get a secured place on the in of the community, a secure standing the promises people no longer questioning or trying to encourage her to no longer be herself. But Helene just isn't interested in Amalure like that, and she also sees what the real trade-off of that security is; that uncomfortable dehumanization that is exactly what Helene doesn't want to deal with anymore. If Amalure is fine living with it than she is free to do as she pleases, but the huntress doesn't seem to understand what Helene could possibly have a problem with- and it's not like they can discuss it, because it's unspoken, and you're not supposed to speak the unspoken things, because they're unspoken for a reason- even if you don't know what that reason is. Helene knows that rule, at least.

When Helene meets the Beast, she regards her as she does any other. It's plain as day that the Beast has a humanity to her, whether she's really "human" or not- she thinks and she feels, and that's enough for Helene.

Because Helene grew up raised by a single dad who she got most of her brain workings from, and he is a man of compassion and science. Off he'd send his beloved daughter to go and question and figure out the world for herself, to experiment and learn and become whatever she desires. Off to bed he'd send her to tell her fairy tales and have their lessons of love and compassion and humanity understood as she drifted off to sleep. Helene was never Odd with her father, never Other, in fact they were so easily two of a kind. It was so jarring, hearing people imply Tyndare less than sane; his logic paths were so easy to follow- but apparently his voice gruffs enough that others have a hard time understanding what he's saying sometimes, so that's where things seem to get lost in translation she guesses. People became jarring in other ways as she grew up too, because suddenly there seemed to be lots of social things she was supposed to know or be but didn't and wasn't, and it became very apparent very quickly that she was an Other among her village.

Overall: Eve & Helene get to go through these themes through the main plot, and post curse-breaking is when Eve gets to properly deal with the internalized issues and whatnot. Like she's learned beauty doesn't matter when it comes to love, and shouldn't decide whether or not someone should be cared about, and Helene loves her despite her having been beastly and despite her being a failure of a woman- (because she no longer fits the feminine ideal after the curse is broken, and frankly she never will again.) But she's still a Failure Of A Woman and Helene deserves Better Than That! So there's still work to do.

Amalure remains static on this aspect of the narrative until after the battle at the castle, where she does survive! .. barely. and it's later, in an argument with her mother that same night, bleeding out on the kitchen floor, when she asserts that she's her daughter too, not just her fathers. she has always been her daughter, always will be, she is the daughter of both of them, because that's not something that just switches or turns on and off- and it's an entire rant that I will not recite here, but the important part is the assertion that she is, always has been, always will be, the daughter of both her parents at once- that's the first little step for her arc of recognizing her own individual personhood and whatnot.

[gomzdrawfr]

hey for no reason. if Raven was a car,, what type and colour of car do you think she would be…?

I had to delete a whole paragraph cuz in the midst of my delusions I thought you were asking what kind of car she would be (my answer was Aston Martin DB5 - dont judge I really love that car since I was a kid okay and I think she'll look cool as hell as one - and Porsche 914/6 shade 1110)

The simplest answers are black, silver and dark blue

I love really shiny coatings BUT personally I think for Raven her coating might lean more towards matte finish (look up satin black cellulose paint)

There are wayyyyy too many silver shade out there but lemme tell ya nothing beats a good ol bright silver metallic paint, I don't think the ones that are leaning towards pearl shades would suit her (slightly yellowish - look up Malaysia's Civic and BR-V in Platinum White Pearl Colour)

This one is oddly specific (and can you imagine I know this brand bcuz years ago Jeffrey Star's car paint job used one of these brands) but like cyborg blue or blue demon looks so hot (yay sparkles!!)

If we wanna talk about sparkles and fancy schmancy (but less durability) stuff it'd be vinyl wrap....like the gradients one ooooooo I think Raven would look so good with purple to blue matte kind OR OR the black to blue on the hood...

[depressedraisin]

Parklife (1994) and Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino (2018): What does it mean to be an album of the times?

At face value Blur’s third studio album Parklife, released in 1994, and Arctic Monkeys’ 2018 release Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino, their sixth, are very very very different albums. One the Britpop classic, the other a widely divisive experimentation -- they don’t even seem like they could hang out in the same sentence together. Then what the fuck am I on about?

Both albums are individually iconic in the respective band’s discographies -- with Parklife Blur conquered the heights of the Britpop war and firmly cemented its place in British music history while TBH&C marked a pivotal turn in style for the Monkeys, which in my very humble non-musician opinion, will make it historic sometime in the future. If you have spent as much time as I have overthinking the lyrics and pondering over interviews of another British rock band you are hyperfixating on though, you might see something more connecting these two albums. Written about 20 years away from each other, in wildly different times,  the two weirdly enough, have these faint threads tying in their themes and subject matters. 

Damon Albarn, the principal author of Parklife, described the album to NME as, “a loosely linked concept album involving all these different stories. It's the travels of the mystical lager-eater, seeing what's going on in the world and commenting on it."  Rings a bell? That’s extremely TBH&C coded! That one has often been called a concept album based on a luxury hotel and casino on the moon with various eccentric characters and their stories, wryly commenting on issues plaguing life in the 2010s. 

Parklife was a kind of a study of middle class English life of the mid-90s. With an extremely catchy pop soundscape and cheeky-cockney-laced lyrics about London parks and bank holidays, it became a quintessential symbol of Cool Britannia. They say the album never took off in the States because it was so British. In the years since, however, the band has described it more as sarcastic critique rather than a celebration of Britishness. Going through the lyrics with a fine toothed comb  with that in mind then, you can feel the impatience a bunch of 20s somethings were feeling with the ideal 9-to-5 picket fence lifestyle as well as exhaustion with the hedonistic decadence of youth in the backdrop of an unpopular Conservative-led economy in decline. A similar, if updated for 30 year olds in 2018, sentiment can be sensed in the absurd surrealism of the lyrics of  TBH&C. What do you do when you are fed up with tribulations of life and the ghosts of mistakes you’ve made along the way-- you fuck off and escape into whimsy of science fiction. 

The political context of the time when Parklife and Tranquility Base were released does matter. Opens up another perspective to reading the album.  It’s quite a stretch but bear with me.  

 The 90s in the UK began with Thatcher resigning and the Conservative government which dominated the 80s, becoming increasingly unpopular. There was a recession plaguing the early years of the decade. Britpop happened smack dab in the middle of this, and it was all about reacting to grunge and shoegaze and bringing back what is essentially British back to its music scene. Oasis, Suede, Pulp, Elastica (Justine Frischmann is the queen of Britpop btw) -- and ofcourse, Blur, were reviving guitar pop, singing in working class accents and about working class life and bringing back memories of the Swinging Sixties. Though each drawing from a wide variety of influences, these bands were becoming the face of a wider movement in music, art and youth culture.  The political scene took note.

In the mid-90s, the Labour Party led by Tony Blair quickly aligned itself with Britpop and Cool Britannia. Noel Gallagher and Damon Albarn were being courted by politicians , label execs getting party membership invites, headlines went like “What’s the Story? Don’t vote Tory”. Britpop soon acquired nationalist undertones --- never forget Brett Anderson showing off his twinky waist with Union Jack in the background and “Yanks go home!” headline. 

By the end of the 90s, when Britpop had begun crumbling, the economy had recovered and Tony Blair was in Downing Street.

TBH&C and the Monkeys in general, perhaps have less political currency. When they burst onto the scene with their Sheffield accents and garage rock riffs in the generally stable pre-2008 economic climate, the Arctic Monkeys did occupy the space in British pop culture left vacant by Blur and Oasis in the wake of post Britpop, at least for a time. Their debut broke the record of being the fastest selling one, which used to be held by Elastica previously. The Monkeys were indie rock darlings in the UK and with 2013’s AM, became darlings in the US (and Tumblr) as well. Tranquility Base though, came out in a whole different world. 

2018 was a fucking atrocious time, to put it mildly. The world was in total freefall inching rapidly towards disaster, which ultimately culminated in the pandemic of 2020. Trump had been elected in 2016 and 2018 was arguably one of the peaks of his shitshow. Over in the UK, Theresa May and her Conservative Cabinet were deep in the quagmire of Brexit negotiations. (Gotta note that Turner has said he voted against leaving in the referendum. Albarn is of course, a very vocal critic of Brexit.) Right wing governments were coming into power everywhere it seemed like, the climate crisis took on a new sense of alarm among the larger public - and things only spiralled in the years following. I can’t think of another album which could accurately capture the sheer fatigue of seeing outrageous headline after headline, how desensitised we had all become, how disillusioned with life- in a mason jar like TBH&C has.   

That’s what makes an album legendary doesn’t it? You listen to it and immediately remember what living at the time was like. Even if 1994 was 10 years before I was born. 

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, let’s look at the two albums a little more closely. 

Some lyrics which give me very similar vibes: 

sexual hedonism // start treatment (tbh&c) and girls & boys (parklife)

mundanity of relationships // four stars out of five (tbh&c) and end of century (parklife)

the performativeness of middle class activism/social work // tranquility base hotel and casino (tbh&c) and parklife (parklife)

losing friends and losing touch // the ultracheese (tbh&c) and badhead (parklife) - now these aren't really similar, but i feel a connection. in my bones trust me bro. the whole "i'll grin and bear with it" thing about badhead is very reminiscient of the sense of insouciance about life that haunts tbh&c....almost??

the myth of america // the ultracheese (tbh&c), golden trunks (tbh&) and magic america (parklife) - magic america is making fun of reagan era the american dream while a disillusionment with the glitz and glam of life in la is pretty much consistent throughout tbh&c

a pathological dependence on technology as escapism // jubilee (parklife) and start treatment (tbh&c) - digital cameras and the internet and tvs were taking baby steps into invading our daily lives back in 1994, and by 2018 we were all fully under the vice grip of tech addiction. this parallel i find particularly funny so.

astronomical references // far out (parklife) and star treatment (tbh&c) - alex james, the blur bassist wrote and sung far out about his love of space. it's a pretty nice parallel hey.

For the last one, let's talk about Tracy Jacks from parklife. I couldn't really draw a direct parallel with a song from the other album, but that song spiritually fits right in I feel. An average Joe in the throes of a midlife crisis, teethering so so close to the edge and one day just snaps - that's a character one would expect dwells in the lounge of the Tranquility Base Hotel to drown themselves in the decadence and escape from all their shit, when all is said and done.

Now what's the concluding point of all this rambling. I don't know lolz. Y'all just read a thousand words of nothing.

Just kidding. Actually I read somewhere Damon Albarn was inspired by the 1989 novel London Fields, a science-fiction adjacent black comedy set against the backdrop of an impending nuclear crisis, while writing Parklife. That kinda rung a bell. (Yes, I did wonder if Alex has read this)

I just wanted to see if we can find any interesting connections parrallels or references between Parklife and Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino. I dunno if I've been successful in getting any point across, or it's just pointless waffling on. But one thing that did get confirmed to me once again, these two albums are really the Albums of Their Times. Captures the zeitgeist in such a specific but unique in their own ways, it's really wonderful.

And also studying the legacy and impact of AM with reference to other musical outfits is always fun. I think we can all safely say that AM is well on their way to capturing a seat in the pantheon of great British bands, where somewhere in a corner Blur also sits. Damon Albarn is a fucking legend of course -- from the pretty posh boy of Britpop he has gone to becoming one of the most versatile, experimental and prolific songwriter/composer in the contemporary music scene. He is apparently working on the music for an Goethe's fragmented libretto of Magic Flute Part 2. How many rockstars do you know have composed operas - how fucking dope. I wanna hope that we'll get to see Alex exploring crazy paths in music like this, he definitely has the potential. This whole exercise would probably have made more sense with one of Damon's post-Blur works, his first solo record Everyday Robots or even Blur's last album The Magic Whip, but I started this essay so had to finish it.

Maybe another day eh.

[lemonboywriter]

Blurry ahh photo

[a-gay-little-cat]

while i have my annoyances with wilds

i do genuinly love the new monsters we got with it

nu udra especially i just love that octopus (and xu wu, both so neat)

all the apexes tbh

jin dahaad, rey dau and uth duna, just lovely fights

[formless-monkeys]

do you think any of them actually know how to play pool or do you think they're just fuckin around with no rules like kids usually do when someone's dad has a pool table in his mancave? Do you think nova has hit a holographic ball into Sparx or otto's face? Do you think antuari, sitting there spectating is moving the balls with his mind to make chiro win?

[faithinlouisfuture]

.

[littlethingsrae]

Hey hey Asta here! Got some questions for ya~

Do you have any lore/ideas for Jin's background? I'm SUPER interested about that and I'd really like to know.

Does she have any particular relationships with characters that will be important? Either canon or non-canon characters?

Hope you have a wonderful day/night!

//Hello!! :D //I do have some! I've written up the 'legends' regarding her family's past/background and am currently working on writing out her involvement in the show's canon! (So far it's a wip over on ToyHouse but I'd love to share them here eventually should people be curious!)

//She has a few that are important, little romantic ships as well as relationships that are impacted by her heritage or certain aspects of her life (ie. Monkey King (more on that in a post soon)) //Relationships in general is something I would very much like to expand on soon ;3c

//Of course she has her non-canon relationships with her family, Sanzuwu, her Grandmother, my interpretation of some of the other Gods/Goddesses/Deities, etc! :D //I hope you have a wonderful night/day too!! <33

[arolesbianism]

Now here's my struggle with the solo exclusive characters in my swap au: I wanna include them so bad, I want them to exist and be relevant (especially since it means that I could still pull out Wortox if I so choose) but on the other hand. One of them is literally a monkey. Like how do I work with that in either direction.

[greengoblinswifey]

Crawling Back to You- Rafe Cameron x Pogue!Reader

summary— you overhear a conversation rafe has with his kook friends and get your payback.

warnings— angst, arguing, sub!rafe, oral(f receiving), Y/N standing on big business!

a/n— based off rafe’s conversation about sofia in s4 ep 3 I listened to Do I Wanna Know? by Artic Monkeys to get this idea <3

You were heading over to Rafe and his friends when you overheard it- him badmouthing you to them. It was casual enough, but his words cut deep.

“I’m not living with a pogue. Just ‘cause we’re together doesn’t make her my girlfriend,” he said, his voice laced with arrogance.

You froze just around the corner, your breath catching in your throat. Your heart sank. Was that how he really felt about you? Was everything between you a lie?

You couldn’t listen to any more. Turning on your heel, you rushed back to his house, your mind swirling with hurt and anger. You collapsed onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all. Part of you wanted to scream, but instead, your body gave in to exhaustion, and you drifted off into a restless sleep.

Hours later, you woke to the feeling of lips pressing against your neck. Rafe was back, sliding into bed beside you, nuzzling your skin like nothing was wrong. You stiffened, jerking awake, your emotions still raw. Without a word, you slipped out of bed and went straight to the bathroom.

Confused, Rafe sat up. “Hey, what's wrong?” he called out, his voice heavy with irritation, but you ignored him. The hot water from the shower didn’t wash away the sting of his words. As you got dressed and headed into the kitchen to make something to eat, Rafe followed close behind, his frustration building.

“What's going on? Why are you ignoring me?” he demanded, standing in the doorway, his eyes narrowing as he watched you move around the kitchen like he wasn’t even there.

You gritted your teeth, his words from earlier still echoing in your mind. Every second that passed without you acknowledging him only made him angrier.

“Look at me!” he snapped, stepping closer. “Say something!”

You paused, your hand tightening around the spatula, and then you spun around to face him. “Oh, so you’re not living with a pogue, huh?”

Rafe blinked, caught off guard. “What are you on about?”

“Stop bullshitting me, Rafe. I heard you,” you snapped, your voice trembling from both anger and hurt.

He stiffened. “Were you spying on me?”

That was it. You snapped. “Shut the fuck up, Rafe! Stop deflecting!” you yelled, your voice raw with emotion. “You won’t have to worry about living with this pogue anymore, since I’m not your girlfriend. I’ll make it easy for you.”

You turned, storming up the stairs toward the bedroom, your heart pounding as you began to pack your things. Rafe was hot on your heels, his voice almost desperate now.

“Wait, no, please! Don’t go,” he pleaded, his voice wavering as he reached for your arm. “I didn’t mean it. I need you, okay? I need you.”

You kept packing, refusing to look at him.

“I don’t care if you’re a pogue. That’s not what I meant! You’re… you’re everything to me. I just-” He cut himself off, his eyes glossing over, the panic clear on his face. “Please don’t leave. I’ll do anything.”

You stopped, finally turning to look at him. The sight of him, almost on the verge of tears, was something you’d never seen before. His usual bravado was gone, replaced by fear.

But it wasn’t enough. Not yet.

You scoffed, shaking your head. “You don’t get it, do you? You can’t just say whatever you want and expect me to stay. You made your bed, Rafe. Now you can lie in it.”

He stood there, hands clenched at his sides, begging you with his eyes.

“Please baby, I’ll do anything. You’re all I have.”

You turned to him, your expression unreadable. He was rambling, his voice shaky as he begged you not to leave, but you cut him off with a cold, calm voice.

“Get on your knees.”

Rafe blinked, shocked, as if he hadn’t heard you right. “What?”

“I said get on your fucking knees,” you snapped, your voice sharp as you snapped your fingers. “Are you deaf or something? Do what I said.”

Hesitantly, he sank to his knees, his eyes never leaving yours. You stared down at him, his desperation clear in his face, his usual arrogance wiped clean.

“Now beg me to stay,” you ordered, your voice dripping with disdain. His lips parted, his face red with humiliation, but he did as you commanded. From across the room, he started to beg, pleading with you not to leave, telling you how sorry he was, how he didn’t mean anything he said.

“Crawl to me,” you demanded next, and without hesitation, he obeyed. Slowly, he crawled across the floor to where you stood, his hands gripping your legs, holding on as if you were the last thing keeping him afloat. He kept begging, his words desperate, pleading for you to stay with him, calling himself stupid, apologizing over and over again.

You laughed in his face, a cold, mocking sound, and his face turned red, embarrassment flooding his features.

“If you really want me to stay, then show me how sorry you are. Eat my pussy like you mean it,” you ordered, your voice cutting through his humiliation like a knife. “Make me cum, and maybe—maybe I’ll stay.”

His eyes widened at the command, but he didn’t hesitate. As you lay back on the bed, Rafe knelt between your legs, his lips immediately working against you, trying to show just how desperate he was to keep you there. His mouth moved with a fervor you’d never seen before, but even though it felt good, you held back, refusing to let him know just how close you were.

“Please,” he begged, his voice muffled as he continued. “Please, baby. Cum for me. I’m so sorry.”

Finally, you couldn’t hold back anymore. Your body gave in to the pleasure, and you came, his name on your lips. He looked up at you, relief washing over his face, as if he thought he had won.

“You’re gonna stay, right?” he said, his voice breathless, almost shaking. “Thank you, baby. I’ll never—”

But you cut him off with a harsh laugh, sitting up and pushing him away. “You really think that was enough?” you asked, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “You really think I’m gonna fucking stay after what you said? That you can disrespect me behind my back and I’ll just forgive you because you ate me out?”

His face fell, the realization hitting him hard. You stood up, wiping yourself off, completely unfazed by the look of devastation in his eyes.

“I’m done, Rafe. I’m not gonna look like a fool staying with you after what you said. You think I’m gonna let you disrespect me again? Fuck your entitled, spoiled ass. My dream man would never treat me like this.”

Rafe was on his knees, tears brimming in his eyes, but you didn’t care. You were sick of him, sick of his bullshit. “Stay by yourself,” you spat, grabbing the last of your things. “Since you scrutinize pogues so much, you can live your lonely life without one because that’s what I’ll always be.”

He was still on the floor, almost in tears, as you zipped up your bag and headed for the door. Even as you walked away, he was clinging to your legs, still begging, but you ignored him. You pushed him off, and finally, he let go, left kneeling on the floor, pathetic, broken, and alone—as you walked out of his life for good.