#moonbin fanfictions
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sidewalks we crossed [side B: him.] (pt. 1)
this is broken into parts because tumblr has a limit of 1000 blocks.
side A found here!
author's note:
oh goodness. it's been a while.
i really did intend on posting this soon after i published the first part, but then life kind of got in the way. i graduated from grad school, moved to south korea, and have been here since. i'm still a carat, and i really do think about this fanfiction all the time, mainly because this story is truly me bearing my soul to the internet and my friends who have access to the original google doc.
this one is a lot less edited and looked over, but it's because this portion of the fic reminds me of something i'm still in deep grief for. so, for those of you who will read this, i was originally going to have a third installment, but i think i'll leave it at this two. it feels good and true to leave it here.
this was supposed to be published yesterday on seventeen's anni, but i was busy spending time with my korean host family who i've not been able to see that often since moving out :')
maybe i'll write short stories including these two because they are so special to me, but this main story has come to a close. the real final push was jihoon releasing "what kind of future?" officially, the very song that inspired this fic, in honor of his beautiful friend and human, moonbin. bin-ah, i hope you're sailing among the stars and looking over all of those who love you and who you love in return.
and to you, who may be reading this, thank you for being here.
✧⋆°｡☾☼꙳ ੭ * ‧ ⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ‧ ⨯ ς(>‿<.). ⁺ ✦ * . ˚ ⨯ ੭ * ‧☼☽⋆｡°✧
tagging @fiantomartell since you asked me to whenever i published this. it's been a long while, but.
pairing: lee jihoon/woozi (seventeen) x f!reader
genre: romance, fluff
summary: an accidental like, an off-chance comment, a purposeful message. you were in an unrequited love with your childhood best friend and decided to run away from him and your feelings and years later you find yourself in the same city with the same feelings when he stalks your instagram.
rating: 13+
length: 30k (bro WHAT LOL)
tags: idol!jihoon, childhood friend!reader, unrequited love (but not really), reconnection through instagram, this is just different scenes pieced together (including a ton of flashbacks), reader’s nicknames are all bug-themed, reader has depression and it manifests as suicidal ideation sometimes, this is basically real life (aka seventeen exists and debuted 150526), but the years are a little bit off for the trainee period, jihoon left busan later and trained for shorter for the sake of my story hehe, cursing, pining, mamamoo + ateez are the besties of reader, member x member pairings, jihoon and reader are both dumbasses, reader is extremely book smart but has one brain cell when it comes to romantic feelings, jihoon writes music like he’s been divorced 12x, word genius lee jihoon, idk how doctoral degrees work, i only got my masters and it was a non-thesis track lol, also idk how trainee auditions work either, miss communication is a lady we all know too well, super cute soft shit too tho tbh, no beta we die like men, i spent 5 hours trying to format this for tumblr and i’m still unsure
inspired by “drivers license” by olivia rodrigo and “what kind of future?” by woozi
inspo spotify playlist found here!
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side b: him.
The rapid beating in his chest drowned out the slam of the door behind him as he rushed down the stairs of your home, desperate to just get away as soon as possible. Your parents weren’t home, so he didn’t have to worry about looking like an absolute fool in front of them.
You knew. You fucking knew.
You knew how much he was in love with you and this was your way of rejecting him.
He was stupid, so stupid. If he just put his feelings aside then you wouldn’t leave. You wouldn’t have to leave. But this was all his stupid hormones and brain chemistry and his fucking heart. He knew that it wouldn’t pan out. You never saw him as anything more than just a dear friend, a brother. You made that clear.
Since the beginning, your pinkies intertwined promised a forever, but you both had different ideas of what that was. And he was stupid to believe there was a chance.
He ran.
He ran so far and so hard that he couldn’t make sense of left or right or forward or backward. All he knew was that he needed to get away from you.
But he couldn’t.
He passed by Old Man Park’s home with a winding tree you were convinced held fae people that would only come out when the entire town was asleep (there was a 50km radius, you said).
He ran by the rusted bars of the playground you two snuck off to instead of going to cram school where you attempted a flip and promptly landed on the crown of your head, wood chips tangling themselves into your hair, tears mixed with laughter and pain streaming down your cheeks.
The library where you would spend more time in the children’s section than anywhere else because you would practice your ‘reading voice’ for your future children’s bedtime stories.
The baseball field where the realization that he was in love with you hit him harder than any fastball pitch ever could.
You were everywhere.
And he needed to get away.
He went to your house to share the news of passing the trainee audition, that was the whole purpose of seeing you.
However, that wasn’t the only thing he planned on confessing.
If you asked him to stay, he would have.
But instead, you rejected him before he even got one word out.
So, he packed his bags up for Seoul, a place untarnished by you. A city that not even your light could reach, no matter how radiant you were.
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Years later.
“Jihoon-ah, aren’t you working too hard?”
He glanced up at Jeonghan who was probably let into the studio by Bumzu. Jihoon glanced at the clock to notice a bright 4:02am glaring back at him. “Ah, hyung. I didn’t even notice the time.”
“I figured. I brought you some food.”
Jihoon glanced down at the two bags in his hands. His eyes narrowed. “Hyung, I don’t eat as much as you think I do.”
“I’ve seen you eat three full meals in one sitting. Get away from your desk and we can eat.”
Jihoon sighed before he reluctantly left the seat he hardly moved from for over seven hours. “Thanks.”
“Of course,” Jeonghan replied happily, snapping the wooden chopsticks into two. He started chewing on one of the danmuji, the sound of its crunch reverberating in the studio. “Oh. And also, the wi-fi’s down at the dorm, so.”
“So, you’re here to steal my bandwidth.”
“I brought you food. I paid my toll.”
Jihoon rolled his eyes. “Alright, sure.”
“So, are you in the composing stage or the writing lyrics stage?”
“...Lyrics.”
“Hm. What are you writing about? Or rather, who are you writing about?”
Jihoon stabbed the grilled fish. “...You know who.”
“She’s really got a grip on you, huh.”
Jihoon grunted in response. Obviously.
Jeonghan continued, “I saw that one of the local newsletters interviewed the group home that she volunteers at. She was voted as volunteer of the year. Again. She smiles with her entire body. Seems like a good person.”
The younger of the two picked away at the fish, not bringing it onto his makeshift plate. “Yeah.”
“Do you still stalk her on Instagram?”
Jihoon let out a loud sigh.
“That’s a yes, then.”
“You know it’s not as bad as it used to be. I used to check, like, every few weeks, but now it’s gone down to just a couple times a year.”
“She hasn’t blocked you yet?”
“Hah. I don’t think she even knows that my account is reactivated.”
“Well, you never needed to reactivate before. Her Instagram used to be public. The rest of the members and I used to scroll through wondering how a bright girl like her could be associated with such a deadpan guy like you.”
“Wow. Thanks, hyung.”
Jeonghan merely brushed off Jihoon’s sarcasm, already used to it. “She only made it private this last year, right? Since she complains about her program being out to kill her on her story. To be honest, I’m surprised she didn’t realize you’ve been watching her stories.”
“I don’t think she checks who watches her story since she has over a few thousand followers.”
“She attracts people, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah, she always has.”
“Can I see her profile again?”
“You’re not going to do something weird, right?”
“Ey, Jihoon-ah.”
“That makes me really not want to.”
“Ey.”
Jihoon rolled his eyes before pulling out his phone. He opened Instagram and clicked on the “Search” feature and saw your profile appear at the top without even needing to type anything. He signaled for Jeonghan to scoot down the couch so he could sit down and handle the phone in his own hands. Jeonghan peered over his shoulder as he scrolled through your profile.
“Oh, is that Japan?”
“Yeah.”
Jihoon clicked on your post.
But it wasn’t opening.
So, he clicked again. And then again.
And his phone decided to catch up with his thumb’s movements.
The once white heart was now red.
His grip loosened on the device of betrayal and it clattered to the ground. “Oh shit.”
Jeonghan bit his lip to stop himself from laughing. He placed his hand on Jihoon’s shoulder and squeezed slightly. “I’m sorry, but. This is karma for not letting me see her profile on my own.”
“Hyung. Hyung. What should I do?”
“Just unlike it? I’m pretty sure that Instagram doesn’t send a notification as long as you unlike it before she sees it.”
“How do you know?”
Jeonghan shrugged. “Jihoon. It’s not the end of the world if she happens to see it. If she blocks you, then you know, and you end up writing another heartbreak masterpiece—” Jihoon couldn’t even appreciate the comment. “—but. Who knows what’ll happen?”
“...”
“Uh. I’ll just… do it for you, then.”
Jeonghan picked up the phone, facing the screen towards Jihoon, the camera scanning his frozen features to unlock and Jeonghan tapped the red heart to empty it again. He placed the phone back on the younger man’s thigh, but Jihoon remained in the same position as earlier, eyes glazed.
“Jihoon-ah.”
“Hyung.”
“Let’s just wait, yeah? The food’s getting cold. So, let’s finish eating.”
“...Okay.”
──────────────────
Jihoon picked at the rice bowl in front of him, his mind light years away, chest filled with concern for the future. Was auditioning for a company worth it? Even if he started the process now, wouldn’t it still take a while to even hear back?
“Jihoonie.”
His heart constricted once he heard the voice of the person who made him unsure. He caught you blinking owlishly at him. “Y/N.”
“Hrmm. You seem quite a bit down, my friend. You’ve barely touched your first bowl of rice. It’s concerning.”
“Just thinking.”
“Oh, don’t do that. We know that usually ends badly for people.”
“Well, someone between the two of us has to have brain cells.”
“I pride myself in simultaneously never thinking and also being the top student of our school.”
“You work miracles, Y/N.”
“Hey, now I know you’re down because you didn’t call me a flipping nerd. Your best moods are usually accompanied by your worst words.”
“You make me seem like an asshole. You slander me to other people, don’t you?”
“Of course. I can’t have them know just how utterly wonderful and fantastic you are. I’d rather you have that butthole reputation if I get to keep my best friend all to myself. I’m a selfish lady, you know.”
Did you even know how much your words affected him?
“You’re neither selfish nor a lady.”
“Oh, but I am. I’m a selfish lady who’s only checking on you because I refuse to be wrought with worry for the rest of the day. So, come on, Jihoonie. Let’s go play darts.”
“Last time we played you almost stabbed my hand.”
“Your fault for reaching for the board when I was about to own you. Come on. Let’s go. I’ll make a pinky promise with you.”
Jihoon snorted. “Of what?”
“I promise to do whatever you want if you win.”
Jihoon scrunched up his nose in response. You were always so naive with him, trusting him wholly. But a part of him was grateful that you did. He merely sighed and stood up.
He might as well use your promise to his advantage.
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“She didn’t block me.”
“Oh, really?” Jeonghan glanced up at Jihoon who suddenly broke the silence.
“Who’s she?” Soonyoung’s ears perked up.
“You know. His firefly,” Jeonghan replied.
“What? Why would she block you?” Seungkwan directed his question at Jihoon, who was simply trying to edit lyrics in his own studio, which was being occupied by several SEVENTEEN members.
“Jihoon accidentally liked one of her posts last night, but we unliked it. Oh, sorry. I unliked it because he was completely frozen.”
“The notification probably didn’t go through,” Seungkwan supplied. “I’m pretty sure unliking a post makes the notification go away.”
Jihoon had set his phone aside earlier in hopes of not constantly checking it. His mind may be unsteady, but he was always self-disciplined.
Out of his peripheral vision, he saw Soonyoung glance down at his own phone screen that buzzed a second prior.
“Oh. Jihoon-ah, she liked one of your posts.”
Before his mind could even catch up, Jihoon flung himself to his phone, his self-discipline be damned. He frantically clicked on the notification and it redirected him to his Instagram page, where he saw your name among the list of likers. He wasn’t sure whether his heart was racing or whether it stopped completely because the buzzing in his ears overtook all of his other senses.
He even ignored the boys’ laughter around him.
“Is… Is social media actually facilitating real connection right now? Are we about to prove all of the ahjussi and ahjumma wrong? Are we about to witness history?”
“Seungkwan-ah.”
“Sorry, Jeonghan-hyung.”
“She… She didn’t block me. She saw me. What is this? What do I do? Do I just ignore it? Or should I let her know I saw it?”
Soonyoung snorted. “Yah, I’ve never seen Jihoon this nervous for any performance ever.”
“His heart’s probably racing more than it did the Golden Disc Awards.”
“WHAT DO I DO.”
“Jihoon-hyung,” Seungkwan started. “I think the first thing you need to do is breathe.”
So, he did. In. Out. In. Out.
After what seemed like years, Soonyoung spoke up. “So… Are you gonna message her?”
Jihoon sat in contemplation for a moment before he decidedly shook his head. “No. It’s time to write a song.”
Soonyoung’s eyebrows rose at that. “You’re gonna go back to work after all of this?”
Jihoon bit his lip. “No. This is gonna be a solo song.”
The corners of Jeonghan’s lips curled up at his dongsaeng. “I’m sure it’ll be beautiful.”
Jihoon nodded almost mindlessly.
Everything about her usually is.
──────────────────
“Jihoonie~ Wake up~”
He groaned loudly under the bed covers.
He heard you snicker, the only warning before you landed with a loud thump as he let out an “oof!” from beneath you.
“Get off me. You weigh like a million pounds.”
Rather than listening, you spread your limbs and trapped the adolescent boy beneath you, nuzzling further into the outer casing of his cocoon. “Nope. Just yesterday you yelled at me for not eating enough when you flung me off of the couch by accident because I stole the remote. So.”
“I’m suffocating. You’re killing your best friend.”
“Oh, but to die with a beautiful girl on top of you, isn’t that the way to go?”
There was a moment of silence where Jihoon contemplated catapulting your entire being off of his bed before, “Pretty sure that’s your dream, you damn pervert,” came his muffled reply.
“Huh. You might be right there.”
“Get! Off!”
His hand easily found your weak point between your first and second rib and you cried out as you toppled down onto his bedroom floor. He emerged from the confines of his sheets with hair sticking up every which way.
You grinned lazily up at his disheveled state and he glared right back at you. “Why are you in my bedroom?”
“Because your mom said to come and get you! We’re going to Muju today, remember? In time for the Firefly Festival!”
“Right. It’s your yearly family reunion.”
“Yes, I will become one with the bugs. My fursona will arise again. Or is it bugsona?”
“Is a buggy better than a furry?”
“You’re asking me to choose between two evils, my dear Jihoonie. Come on, get up. I’m excited to spend an entire weekend with our family.”
It was way too early for his mind to whirr as fast as it did at the simple implication of ‘our’. “Alright, firefly. Get out of my room so I can get ready.”
“Okay! I’ll go help Mama downstairs.”
You were committed to calling Jihoon’s mom as Mama instead of Eomma, as the latter held a tone for you that was nothing less than stressful.
Jihoon smiled at your joy, but stopped when he noticed you freeze in place. “...What?”
You shifted the weight in your feet before speaking. “Mm. Just had a thought. With a smile like yours, who would ever need the summertime?”
You grinned at him while his heart stopped. You always spoke without a care in the world; never carefully crafting your thoughts before speaking them aloud. You were spontaneous. Wild, even. Sometimes it ended with you in some kind of trouble, while other times, like this one, ended with him in trouble instead.
You scurried out of his room before he could respond.
He released a dragged out sigh as he felt his cheeks warm.
Forget summertime.
He wondered whether the earth could be sustained through all of the seasons at the sheer brilliance of your smile.
But he ought to thank the summertime.
Because it meant, every year, without fail, he would wake up to you, he would smell the breakfast you helped his mother cook, he would hop on a plane to travel to a different province and see the night sky alight with hundreds of fireflies, your face aglow with soft awe and wonder.
Yeah.
He needed the summertime.
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“What? Jihoon-hyung is talking to the girl that just upped and left him and fled the country?”
“Chan-ah, your wording needs work,” Seungcheol chastised. The other members that were near enough to hear nodded, while others were distracted by their own activities.
Jihoon buried his face in his hands. “Eugh, I don’t even know anymore. It’s not like we’re actually talking; she just reliked one of my posts. It’s like, she went back and let me know that she saw me. But is that supposed to be a warning? Is it supposed to be a white flag?”
The youngest member of SEVENTEEN shrugged. “Hyung, I think that you’re putting a lot of meaning behind something that was just a small gesture.”
“Nah, Chan,” Seungcheol interjected. “Jihoon has been in love with this girl since he was a kid. This is more than just a small gesture, after what she did to him.”
Wonwoo spoke up. “Hey, don’t forget Jihoon was the one who left Busan first.”
The accused groaned.
“Wonwoo, you’re just biased towards her because you think that she and Jihoon would make a good couple and you believe in an ideal love.”
“Hyung, I just think that if Jihoon can write what he writes about her, there’s something there.”
“You romanticist.”
Wonwoo shrugged. “Jihoon-ah, I think you’ve tried to reach her with your words time and time again, but maybe it was never made clear that she was the one it was for. You mentioned that she really thought you were in love with your noona—” Jihoon grimaced at the memory. “—so, maybe she’s just unaware.”
“She can’t be that oblivious,” Soonyoung interrupted. Jihoon knew Soonyoung was almost fiercely protective over him because he was the one who witnessed Jihoon’s aftermath firsthand. Soonyoung may be over-the-top some days, but whenever Jihoon needed it, he would help ground him.
Wonwoo’s eyes flicked between the two of his fellow 96ers. “We were all kids once, Soonyoung. We were all so focused on ourselves we couldn’t really see what was happening around us.”
Soonyoung pursed his lips. “...I guess. Jihoon, what do you think?”
Jihoon stared at his hands. “Does it matter whether she knew back then or not?”
They all collectively raised a brow.
“Whattaya mean?” Seungcheol asked.
“I can make a ton of assumptions about her. That she was actually in love with me and was scared. That she was rejecting me in her own cruel, yet kind, way. That she had no idea and the timing was just completely off. But all of that, I don’t actually know. All I do know is that… I want to see her. And not just from afar anymore. But part of me also hates her. But all of me misses her. I don’t know. I guess I’m just too stupid to figure this out.”
A heavy silence passed over the group.
Soonyoung broke it. “If you’re stupid, then I’m the biggest idiot on this planet.”
“That’s not comforting, that’s just a fact.”
“Hoon, you wound me.”
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Award shows were weird.
At first, everything was an out-of-body experience for him and could barely process what was happening. He even couldn’t believe that he and his twelve members managed to earn their matching pinky rings and the right to produce and perform, let alone be nominated for an award. When they went on the stage, they did their best to be as refreshing of idols as they could be.
But it was much more daunting than they were used to.
Their debut year went by, and although there were many nominations, they remained only that.
In middle school, he would often tell you that you had a strange fixation on being number one in your graduating class. He said that he didn’t get it, that being in the top 5 was already something that was admirable.
He would never forget the look you gave him when you said, “One day, you’ll know what it’s like. You’ll know what it’s like to almost have something and then not. It’s the kind of feeling that eats away at you, Jihoon. The feeling of, ‘But what if I did more?’”
He merely rolled his eyes and called you dramatic.
That is, until he experienced it firsthand.
The first time ever was when he was doing a music competition for clarinet and compared himself to his bandmate, who received several achievements while Jihoon found that he simply didn’t have the body to be able to hold the same lung capacity.
Then he felt it: that driving force.
You both pushed yourselves further, to higher heights.
And it ended with him sick and bedridden.
And you, heartbroken and unsure of life.
The two of you would reprimand each other for trying too hard, but even with accountability, that envy, that desire for an indisputable win, that fear of failure, would still sneak its way into you both. You, with your academics. Him, with his musical endeavors.
For several years after their debut, at award shows, Jihoon would clap, the rhythmic beating of his hands echoing that in his chest, his smile lined with bitterness, his ears rang with the whispered voices.
‘Those people didn’t deserve it. You worked so much harder. These people don’t even produce their own music. Or maybe it’s because they have real producers and composers, unlike you. Who are you to think you deserve that award?’
One night, after another show of no wins, he collapsed onto his bed, unlocking his phone, intent on watching an anime episode before falling asleep. His members were discouraged and no one wanted to discuss what more they could even do.
Even if they did everything right, maybe it still would never be good enough.
When he opened up the YouTube app on his phone, he saw a recommended video. Your name written out in English caught his eye and he realized it was Part II of a podcast you had done with the channel before. It was a Korean-American podcast and you would share your experiences in the Korean language, connecting with your culture despite being in a foreign country.
Before he could think about what he was doing, he clicked on it, hoping to find comfort in a person he always had, in someone he probably always would.
Several minutes in and he realized just how thick that red string must be between the two of you.
“You know, I thought I undid a lot of my perfectionism before coming to college. Korea is the birthplace of comparison and pressure, I’m sure of it. It was ingrained into me from childhood. So, I did what I could. I got out. Learned to broaden my horizons. But when you attend a school like Yale, your environment really just kinda forces you to be perfect just so that you can survive. Because if you’re not, then you’re cut.”
He thought back to his trainee days.
To his current days.
How similar.
“I remember being at an event where we were being presented awards for our achievements. I remember that I was in the running for one of them, and I won’t say which one so this doesn’t come back to bite me. But at this one event, I remember no other guests were invited, only the nominees and peers in the same field. And when they announced the winner, everyone applauded, of course. However, I won’t ever forget the sight that I saw.”
You chewed on your lips, gazing upward trying to find the right words to say, a habit you’ve had for years.
“The winner had the biggest grin on their face, proud of themselves, as they are allowed to be. But when they turned back to the crowd? I think they saw something. I think they saw that our smiles were forced, that we were judging them, judging ourselves, trying to determine whether they actually deserved the recognition or whether we should have been the ones to win. And… their smile faltered. It was quick, but it was noticeable. And I think the only reason why it even faltered was because it was only those of us who were nominated or could have been. Like, it’s easy to cheer on someone for a prize that you didn’t want, but as soon as you have stakes in the game? Well. That’s a whole different story. But when they lost that smile, it felt like something shattered.”
Your eyes welled up with tears, but they didn’t fall.
“They say it’s lonely at the top. I haven’t been there in a long time, but. I don’t even know if that’s where I want to be. These people have done super cool things, and who’s to say that I would’ve gotten the same results if I had tried? And maybe, maybe they have enough competitors. Maybe they need someone who celebrates them. Someone who knows the hardships of working in this field. And maybe that’s what I can do. I just want to do what I love and what I love doing is social work. Celebrating other people. Learning their stories. Not saving the world, but trying to make it into one that might be worth saving. If I happen to get recognized because of doing those things and they give some kind of trophy for it, then alright. But that’s just a byproduct of the greatest award I’ve already given myself, which is just letting myself do what I love.”
And those were words he carried with him as he went to bed that night.
When they won their first award. Their first Bonsang. Their first Daesang.
Award shows were weird.
It was all about performance.
Performing on stage, prepped through sound-check, clean-cut choreography, and pre-recorded live vocals to grab the audience’s attention.
Performing when at their designated table, giving reactions at a timely rate for both the fancams and large screen cameras.
Performing when behind the stage, being the best hoobae or sunbae they needed to be, adapting to whatever situation they may be placed in.
He knew how to perform. He was good at it.
It was why he’s in this industry.
But there are some things that don’t warrant worrying about an audience.
As he watched the seven members of BTS walk towards the stage, reaching for their Daesang. He clapped to match the rhythm in his chest, sure and steady, at ease. His smile, genuine and wide. The voice in his head, not unlike yours mixed with his own, provided gentle comfort.
‘They deserved it. They worked hard, just like you did. Their ability to collaborate with other musicians is astounding. It would be an honor to work with them. And you, too, have won, you’ve given yourself the greatest award by continuing to do what you love.’
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Jihoon once again found himself at the recording studio, however, at a more reasonable time. He was trying to finalize all of the details on the songs for their comeback album, so he was spending his days in the recording studio and ending it in the dance studio, fully exhausted to where he would only have enough energy to shower and trudge back to his bedroom, just to pass out on his bed.
He heard the door to his room open but didn’t make an effort to turn around.
“How’s the song coming along?”
“The album is nearly complete—”
“No, the solo one.”
Jihoon finally glanced up at Seungcheol who now stood beside him. “I haven’t had as much time to work on it. Why?”
“No, I just wanted to check in with you.”
“You’re a good leader, hyung,” he said quietly.
Seungcheol clicked his tongue. “Of course, I am. But I’m mostly just curious because you’ve never written a song about her specifically that only had you singing it.”
“…that’s not true.”
“What? Which one?”
“The first song I ever wrote.”
“Oh what? What was it?”
Jihoon shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s an old song that I think only I remember anyway, plus, I only had vocals at the time. No instruments or anything.”
“…huh. What was it about?”
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You wiped your snot away from your face, unable to differentiate between mucus and tears. Your unrelenting sobs weakened to light shudders.
His voice carried from above you, his hand entangled in your messy knots as he rubbed soothing circles against your temple. You curled yourself further into the tear-stained pillow he so lovingly dubbed, “Y/N’s Breakdown Headrest” which also doubled as “Y/N’s Punching Bag” when your emotions were forged from fire and not a dam that couldn’t hold anymore of the taunts and cruelty from your own parents.
His thigh was a mere hair’s breadth away from grazing the top of your head. He had a tendency to bounce his leg, one you continuously called him out on, but he wouldn’t ever stop his bad habit.
That is, unless you needed him to.
And he always gave you what you needed.
So, he sang to you a song of hopes and dreams and the magic of forever and always. Lyrics of never-ending friendship and pinky promises.
──────────────────
Jihoon paused, wondering how you comforted yourself now, wondering if you now had a Breakdown Headrest 2.0, before he spoke again. “It’s about what all the songs I write are about. Love. Although, more lowkey, not as direct.”
“Love and her are synonymous to you, aren’t they?”
“She’s the one who taught me most of it,” Jihoon said nonchalantly. “A truly honest and genuine form of it.”
“Wow, how romantic of you,” Seungcheol laughed.
Jihoon rolled his eyes. “I’m letting you know I only have the patience to tolerate all of you guys because of her. She believes it’s her divine mission to be as annoying as possible.”
“She sounds terrifying.”
“Yeah, she’s taught me how to be patient and remain calm. But she was also incredibly patient with me. Honestly, it feels like all the things that make me likable are all from her.”
Seungcheol made a “oOooOooOOOooOOooo~” noise before Jihoon got fed up and kicked him out. Of course, his reprieve was short lived as more and more members flocked into his room, a constant moving traffic of his twelve brothers.
He imagined you meeting them.
With Seungcheol, you would probably tease him relentlessly, trying to come up with new names for the S. Coups game, while also thanking him for being so protective and steadfast, praising him for his taste in emo music and asking him to sing My Chemical Romance with you.
With Jeonghan, you both would sneak off to devise plans on how to create chaotic dynamics in between the members and cause more infighting while eating stolen snacks or spend hours just sitting around, doing fuck all, because why not.
With Jisoo, you both would speak in English (with you affectionately calling him by his English name “Joshua!”), sharing music as well as probably arguing between Los Angeles and New York, since that was a common feud topic Jisoo brought up.
With Jun, you would try to get as many reactions out of him as possible or get him to write down the list of all of the authentic Chinese restaurants around Korea or you would sit with him at a piano and watch as he played OSTs to Chinese dramas, applauding all the while starry-eyed.
With Soonyoung, you both would either be each other’s soulmates or the banes of each others’ existence, both fiery and passionate; however, you were always good at matching the energies of those around you, so you would let him ebb and flow while you merely followed, likely to call him, “Hoshingi,” just as Jeonghan does, and you would probably love caring for him the same way you did with elementary school students.
With Wonwoo, you would watch him play his PC games, probably in awe of his prowess or you would discuss lyricism and poetry, both exchanging flowery words for no reason as you would try to pick his brain as to what really lies beneath the surface, whether he truly is as straightforward as he seems, and be intensely satisfied that he simply is as he is.
With Seokmin, likely to sweetly call him “DK~”, you would ask him to sing for you since you loved Broadway style voices, and since you both were so generous with your kindness, there would be no doubt that the two of you would somehow manage to start up a non-profit that manages to eradicate all the bad in the world.
With Mingyu, you would discuss filming and the latest movies to watch and you would ask him how he finds the motivation to do many different hobbies at once especially when busy with being an idol; you would probably try to trick him into listening to you tell ghost stories as if they happened to you.
With Minghao, you would share your favorite poets and philosophical ideas, sharing the life lessons that you two have learned and realized you managed to hack life’s code at a younger age than most, you both realized the real importance of being alive: contentment and love.
With Seungkwan, you would probably be laughing so hard at his wit that you wouldn’t have much time to breathe, you would try to figure out how exactly he managed to memorize so much information surrounding K-Pop and why exactly he was so passionate about it or if neither of those, you would ask him if he could get you the plug for those Jeju hallabong oranges.
With Hansol, you would call him “Vernonz,” since you loved names that began with the letters V and Z, and ask him about his parents once you found out they were both artists, and you two would definitely discuss the effects of late-stage capitalism and social media on humanity.
With Chan, you would do your best not to baby him, but you hold a lot of fondness for those younger than you, you would try to figure out how he is so particular about his attention to detail and whether it is something that is pressuring him (and if there was some way you could alleviate it).
He imagined you there, integrated into his life again. He imagined you showing authentic interest in every one of his precious members, unlike most interviewers they would be forced to interact with every comeback. You would learn all of their names, find out their favorite foods, the best way to make everyone collectively laugh, and ultimately, how to help all of them feel comfortable around you and inevitably love you.
And once they did, he could say that his most beloved people were finally all together.
He fell in love with you, but you’re the one who taught him how to walk into it with his eyes wide open. So, he did it with his members. It took practice, having to actively choose them. With you, it may have always been a choice, but it was as natural as breathing, even if there were times he felt like he was being suffocated (or wanted to suffocate you).
He remembered the first time he became aware of it. Most people talk about how love comes, there was always talk about rose-tinted glasses and how it softened the world around them, unable to forget the brilliant smile on their face, but no. You always shattered expectations.
From anyone else’s standards, his realization came at an inopportune time. But it was so clear. It wasn’t as though you had sparkles around you as you emitted a warm glow, it wasn’t as though your hair was perfectly touched up with no strand out of place, it wasn’t as though you were perfectly dolled-up with eyes lined and lips colored. No. It was just… you.
And that's when he knew.
Because there was no filter to block the sheer clarity he was hit with when he finally accepted he was in love with you.
──────────────────
When Jihoon saw your crying form, a slurry of words filled with concern and instructions were the only thing leaving his mouth as he packed his things up. He only deviated once he gave a quick farewell to his noona who left with her dad.
Jihoon bit his lip. Would you be okay? Maybe he’ll just rush home now and shower then call you later at night. Or maybe he should go prepare his bedroom if you decide to visit. Yes. He should do that.
Jihoon turned on his heel to make his way back home, his newfound mission resounding in his mind.
However, your cousin’s voice reached his ears, “Wait—Jihoon, I can give you a ride.”
He looked back at him, saw the way your shoulders still trembled, and shook his head firmly. His fist clenched, the baseball preventing his nails from biting into his palms. He spun it once. Twice. And up into the air.
“Here, firefly.”
You caught it by instinct.
Your gaze met his.
He felt his heart ache at the sheer brokenness apparent in your eyes, rimmed with red and puffed skin. He grit his teeth. He hasn’t seen you cry this hard since the day your parents told you that your number two class ranking was nothing to be proud of and that they expected more from you.
His jaw clenched so hard, he heard an audible bite.
“Why are you giving me this?”
Your voice sounded so soft, like a child. A visceral instinct within him wanting to lull you into a peaceful rest with a lullaby.
But he wouldn’t do that.
Because that would be embarrassing.
(That was a future Jihoon problem.)
“It’s your win today.”
He much preferred the look of confusion on your face to the look of agony you held just a few moments ago.
“Huh?”
He swallowed thickly, his brain unable to keep up with the words tumbling from his mouth. “Even when you feel like you’ve lost, even when you feel like you have nothing to gain, just the fact that you’re still here, that’s a win. So. Scream. Cry. You can do what you want. It’s your win.”
Your gaze trailed down to the baseball, too large to wrap your fingers around entirely. It was probably much denser than you thought it would be, the weight foreign in your hands, unlike his.
You sniffled.
A soft smile formed on your lips.
And Jihoon realized he preferred that look on your face than any other he’s seen.
Pretty.
He rapidly turned on his heel before he even gave a second to try and unpack that thought.
The weight of his baseball gear was really doing a number on his heart, he realized belatedly.
That night, he didn’t prepare his room. He didn’t even call you.
(Not that you reached out.)
He merely stared up at his ceiling, his heart in a constant flux of rapidly beating or stopping completely.
He groaned loudly as he played through the day’s earlier events, thinking himself stupid for giving you a fucking baseball. You don’t even like sports. Did he think he sounded cool when he said all of that cringey stuff?
It’s your win?
But despite the feeling of wanting to curl in on himself, he couldn’t help but still agree with his earlier self.
You did win his heart, after all.
(He threw his pillow at the wall.)
──────────────────
“You’ve been liking her posts more easily.”
Jihoon merely grunted as he tapped away at his computer, Soonyoung on the couch beside him. “I decided to just… stop overthinking. Well, more like just stop thinking in general. I’m too tired to try and pretend I’m smarter than I actually am.”
Soonyoung raised an eyebrow. “You got it bad for her.”
Jihoon glared at him, who was scrolling through his (Jihoon’s) phone. “Be careful what you say. For the amount of songs that are about her, she covers basically 60% of your salary.”
Soonyoung laughed. “Guess I owe her a lot, huh? If she didn’t up and leave, you wouldn’t have come here and we would’ve never met. So, I guess I’m grateful to her. Plus. She’s cute.”
“She’s more than that.”
“Yeah. I can tell,” Soonyoung went quiet for a moment. “She… A part of me really doesn’t want to trust her. I keep remembering that day, you know. Where you just… didn’t seem like yourself. Barely there—” Jihoon cringed at the recalled memory. “—but she also just seems so genuine that it makes it hard. I want to be your bro, you know? Bro code and all—”
“I never asked you to do that.”
“—And I’m nothing if not a bro. But I don’t think you’re the type of person to be hung up on someone who’s not trustworthy. Like. You lose interest in people easily if you don’t see them on a regular basis. But her? It’s been years, bro.”
“Okay, bro.”
“Just letting you know I support you in your decisions,” Soonyoung stated, but there was an edge to his voice that sounded as though he was trying to convince himself more than Jihoon. “If she’s really who you say she is. If she’s the one who’s captured that stubborn heart of yours. Then I’ll do everything I can to help you out—Oh, she posted again. Wow. She posts often and yet still gets over a thousand likes. It hasn’t even been a day. Oh wow!”
Jihoon twitched but tried not to show his eagerness. “What?”
“They’re doing a donation drive for the group home that she works with. Ey, how can someone who does volunteer work to help kids and teens be a bad person? Jihoon, are you kidding me?”
“Young-ah, you’re the one who said it, not me—”
“So close-minded, Hoon.”
Jihoon rolled his computer chair over to Soonyoung, snatched his phone back, and smacked the annoying gnat’s hand in the process. Soonyoung yelped in pain, but laughed it off. He saw your post (noticed that Soonyoung ‘liked it for him’) and a figurative lightbulb lit up over his overworked head.
“This looks like something Bumzu-hyung would post on his story. Maybe I can ask him to share it. Oh, but this is her private page. Oh wait. She tagged the group home.”
“Thanks for the play-by-play.”
Jihoon ignored him and clicked the profile to see they had the exact same e-flyer post. But he knew that you’d probably notice there was an influx of donations (hardly anything got by you) and he didn’t want to bombard you with unsolicited help.
But it’s for a good cause!
But he might be trespassing on her territory.
Everyone cares about youth and kids!
This group home wouldn’t have even caught his eye had it not been for you.
He groaned inwardly. “I don’t know whether I should ask Bumzu to reshare or what—”
“Dude, just ask her if you can share it and then wait for her reply. It’s not like there’s only a one day donation thing.”
Jihoon blinked at Soonyoung. “You’re right.”
Soonyoung immediately sat up straighter, pulling out his own phone from his pocket. He opened up his voice memo app. “Say that again, I need to record that so I can set it as my ringtone.”
Soonyoung pressed the Record button, extended his phone receiver to Jihoon, who leaned in promptly and said:
“Fuck off, Kwon Soonyoung.”
──────────────────
“Kwon Soonyoung, what the hell are you doing?”
“What do you mean? It’s not like I planned this.”
Jihoon glared at the boy before him who was somehow wearing matching clothes again. He specifically came home after rehearsal to change into something different and yet, here he was, matching with this endless energy ball. Jihoon specifically changed out of his all-black garment to choose a long, plain blue button-down overshirt and ripped, dark jeans. Something different from his usual style of a t-shirt and shorts.
Yet, there Soonyoung was, in nearly the same outfit, minus the overshirt being a blue flannel.
“I think this just means that we’re soulmates, Jihoon-ah.”
Jihoon pulled back his fist as if to hit Soonyoung, but the latter didn’t flinch at all, only laughed at the expense of his friend. The other members were downstairs waiting for them so Jihoon didn’t have enough time to change out of the outfit. And it felt almost ridiculous to give this more attention than it deserves, as if he was losing by admitting that it bothered him to the point of needing to change clothes.
But Kwon Soonyoung, the man that he was, would not let him live it down.
“Wow, we look like a couple. We should go on dates, huh? Get some sushi or–ack!”
The shorter of the two pressed his foot against the back of the other’s knee and Soonyoung nearly came crashing down had it not been for his instincts to catch himself.
Jihoon huffed down the stairs, shaking his head at the situation and readying himself to be made fun of by his members. Once he got through that door, it was game over.
And he was right.
Seungkwan, Mingyu, and Dino were the ones who rallied the rest of the group to heckle, which only added insult to injury, as those three were the ones who had the longest rap sheet to make fun of. Jihoon kept his disgusted face on as Soonyoung wrapped his arms around his shoulders, announcing to (what seemed like) the world about how he’s ‘matching with his best friend.’
Jihoon came back with a slew of half-hearted insults at the rest of his members, but they unfortunately outnumbered him. He is rarely on the receiving end of this level of teasing, but he was dragged into it thanks to Soonyoung, who was eating it up.
Even in the midst of it all, Jihoon couldn’t help but feel thankful that he even had someone to accidentally match with who would wear it with such pride and not shy away from it. Sure, it might seem dumb and annoying, but it reminded him that he could have that kind of playful relationship with others outside of you. He had other friends in school or at baseball, sure, but none were as comfortable, as relentlessly fun. He thought there would never be another you.
And there never was, but that feeling of acceptance, of joy, of gratitude.
He was able to find it outside of you.
Which was a heartbreaking realization before, but now he only hopes you’ve done the same.
And mere hours after his own outfit debacle, Jihoon sees your instagram story to find you accidentally matching with Hyejin, her making the same face that he did not too long ago. But you had a shit-eating grin, no doubt proud of causing a disruption in your friend’s life.
Your caption read: “oh, you and your soulmate are tied by a single, red thread? that’s nothing compared to the matching threads we got on right now. eat your heart out, makoto shinkai.”
Beneath it in smaller letters: “if you can’t tell by her face, this was not planned at all, but man, am i really rolling with it.”
Jihoon snorted at the serendipity of it all.
Perhaps the string of fate really isn’t just a single thread.
──────────────────
It was a rare day in which Jihoon found himself at home.
Which meant he had a lot of time to think about you.
(You replied to him. He shouldn’t have been so surprised. But he was, pleasantly so. Of course, it included a thumbs up emoji which was the visual manifestation of the acquaintance zone, but he would take what he could get.)
Album preparations were underway, and although there is a part of him that feels as though he should be scrambling, especially as their anniversary date was literally tomorrow, he thought back to a voice from his youth.
Years ago, he laid in his childhood bed, struck with a nasty fever from pushing his immune system too far by attempting to balance school and various music competitions. There was a half-asleep you, exhausted by misplaced guilt, with your fingers intertwined with his, who said: Jihoonie, Koreans always say ‘fighting’. I told you that this morning, and I knew you weren’t feeling well. I could’ve stopped you. And now here you are. I said ‘fighting,’ but why? Why do we have to fight? Life isn’t a battle to win. You don’t have to overcome anything, okay? You can just lay here and be with me. Please don’t get sick again. Please remember to rest. Some days, it’s okay to just be.
So, here he was. Simply being.
Whenever massive events (like SEVENTEEN’s six year anniversary) happened, he made sure to spend the 24 hours prior doing nothing than just being, to gain enough energy to last the following day.
Otherwise, the nagging guilt would get to him.
You were always weaving stories with even the thinnest of threads. Your knack for adding dramatic flair, amping it up to eleven, was a nightmare sometimes. For example, when he got sick and you kept repeating that you should’ve said something instead of letting him go on stage only to nearly faint afterwards. You took on too much responsibility for things outside of your control, which only caused you to lose your grip on what you actually could.
His chest tightened at the thought of you losing your grip completely. There were very few things in life that terrified him, but you potentially ending yours was one that plagued him until he learned how to remain steady when you were feeling unsure, and even still, it tore him up inside. But he knew that it wasn’t his battle to face; he wasn’t meant to save you. You reminded him of that time and time again, so instead, he learned how to let you live the life you weren’t sure you wanted. He observed warily.
As a teenager, he knew just how bad these thoughts could get for people at that age. He knew how people fell prey to the lies that they were unworthy of life and love.
So, he simply tried to be as honest as possible. He would do his best to not invalidate your experience, but he refused to enable those insidious feelings. He would come off as abrasive, he was sure, but your ability to detect bullshit was like no other. Your parents had a big hand in that. So, instead, he was truthful in his own way, in his own language, one that you learned to understand.
A few years ago, you did a two-part YouTube podcast at Yale. The first one was released a couple of months prior to the second, and he’s sure at least one hundred of the views are from SEVENTEEN (not all him, his members also took away a lot from your words).
He listened to that podcast time and time again. He heard the life in your voice, the curiosity of the future outweighing the pain of the past. You said that life was, at first, a means to be with the people you loved. But you slowly came to believe that life was something that you would choose to love every single day, and so you did.
He hoped that you still did, but trusted that, if there were days that would come where you did not, you would reach out to someone to wait with you until the storm passed and you could choose to love again.
His chest filled with pride thinking about how far you’ve come.
But he couldn’t help but wish there were some things that remained from back then.
That glimmer of hope spurred him to become mindful of the object he was fiddling with in his hands. He held up a bracelet of years ago, hardly worn by time or by him. He wasn’t sure whether he was still allowed to. It was one-half of a pair, but if its partner no longer existed, then.
However, he never had the desire to throw it away.
The metal charms felt both foreign and at home in his hands as he fiddled with them, the faint clicking sound of the chain barely registering as his mind was in an entirely different place. His eyes focused once again on the charm of the sun caught between his fingers.
If only catching you was as simple, he mused.
Jihoon sighed and covered his eyes, desperately trying not to cringe at his internal monologue, habitually reaching for the Chopper plushie that you gifted him years ago, squeezing the body to diffuse the embarrassment he felt.
He remembered when he saw the charms at some random shop he heard about from others and thought you would enjoy, so he decided to scope it out in advance for the two of you. It was easy, on his way home after spending a few hours on his own to rehearse his clarinet, a regular occurrence.
Although there was no doubt the two of you gravitated towards each other, you both valued your independence and alone time.
──────────────────
“We’re giving us the chance to miss each other, Jihoonie.”
“Who said I’d ever miss you?”
“Well, gosh darn. Guess I’ll cover for you and miss you twice as much.”
“…You’re dumb.”
“Yes. Can I have some of your fries?”
──────────────────
He retaliated by taking the ketchup bottle and squeezing them all over the tray of fries and you immediately retracted, believing that fries should be dipped in its respective sauce (unless they were loaded fries, of course, which warranted using a utensil of sorts).
He chuckled to himself. Fifteen was one of the most turbulent years of his life, but there were plenty of moments (like fries drowning in ketchup) that reminded him it wasn’t all intense.
Your fifteenth year started off with that charm bracelet.
Two weeks before then, you were so moody that he nearly gave you your birthday gift earlier than he intended, just so he wouldn’t have to see you be so upset (for which, he has only a vague remembrance of what could have made you so upset). Of course, it might have been easier if he had simply brought up his concern and asked how you were, but he knew you would have brushed it off as nothing.
He paused.
Did he know that though?
Or did he just assume?
He clicked his tongue, annoyed at his own self-reflection.
Communication was easy in theory.
Application, however.
He often found it difficult, matching your pace.
You were always so quick.
Quick-witted.
Quick to anger.
Quick to assume.
Quick to run away.
He heard a soft knock at his bedroom door (which meant it wasn’t Mingyu or Soonyoung) and he grunted in response. The door slowly opened (that ruled out Seungcheol and Chan) and revealed who decided to greet him in such a manner.
Ah, he was right.
“Woozingi~”
“Jeonghan-hyung.”
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.”
Jeonghan moved to sit at the edge of Jihoon’s bed, with his legs crossed. “The members are wanting to get dinner tonight altogether since we have a schedule tomorrow. The staff said they’ll pay since it’s our six years.”
This had Jihoon propping himself upright. “Barbecue?”
Jeonghan snickered. “Yeah, it’ll be good to get ready in a few hours. But I just wanted to stop by and tell you in person since I know you like to mute the group chat.”
“That’s because it’s constantly going off,” Jihoon grumbled.
“Yes, that happens when people are trying to have a conversation, Jihoon-ah. You should try it sometimes. Especially since it sounds like you have communication issues.”
Jihoon winced. “Hyung. Your timing is terrible.”
“No, it’s impeccable. Just not for you. Anyway, a word of advice.”
“Hm.”
“You don’t have to fear rejection anymore,” Jeonghan started, slowly, the words seeming almost foreign in his mouth. “Regardless of what happens with her, you have people in your life that care about you as you are. You don’t have to try and match her. I don’t want you to subconsciously fall back into a habit of appeasing her because you’re afraid of scaring her away again.”
Jihoon blinked slowly. “I wasn’t expecting actual advice, so I’m a little stunned right now.”
Jeonghan chuckled. “I’m gonna be honest. The other members told me to come talk to you because the rest are either too scared or don’t know what to say.”
“Hah, we’re back to our trainee days, huh?”
Jeonghan grinned, probably recalling the amount of times that he was the emotional support pillar of the boys before they each learned to open up to each other. “Speaking of, I remember when I first met you. You were a teen with a cold-hearted exterior and a lot of opinions as well as the weight of the world on your shoulders. You had the responsibility to carry the music of twelve other guys and you had just lost something that was precious to you. You threw yourself into your work and that became your identity.”
“I—”
“I know you’re not that way anymore, but I’m just reminding you that, no matter what happens with her, no matter how she may respond, you aren’t that cold teenager who had to bear the weight all on your own. You’ve grown and are surrounded by people who can help ease the load.” Jeonghan paused for a moment. “Also, if I could think of a member who laughs easily at anything, you are one of the first that comes to mind. So, it concerns me that you haven’t been laughing lately, even when Mingyu accidentally sneezed out his ramyeon noodles—“ Jihoon snorted at the memory from last night. “—and, if I can assume anything about her, I don’t think she’d be very honored to know that it’s because of her. So. Come back to us, Jihoon. If she’s really meant to be in your life, she can match your rhythm. Don’t leave us in the dust.”
“Is this a long-winded way of saying ‘bros before hoes’?”
Jeonghan burst into laughter. “Maybe so!”
──────────────────
“Our Jihoonie~”
The teenage boy grunted in response, shooting up a look at one of the older members. “Is there something that you need, hyung?”
“You speak so formally, it’s off-putting.”
“That’s because someone refuses to act his age.”
“What a tough Busan guy,” Jeonghan teased.
Jihoon’s face twitched.
“Bumzu-hyung is looking for you. Said he wanted to finish up some more lessons.”
“Agh. I knew he was going to have criticisms. I’m barely getting a grip on this music production stuff, so I don’t even know if what I’m making is good enough to sell. Everyone might hate it.”
“Even if everyone else hates your music, just know I’m one of your biggest fans.”
“...If my music is hated, then we won’t make any money, which means you’ll be poor. What? Is it your dream to become poor?”
Jihoon expected Jeonghan to laugh and tell him that he was right and that money mattered. But instead, Jeonghan replied, “Jihoon. Your music is good. And if we don’t make money because other people aren’t able to see it. Then what’s the point? You say that it’s your responsibility as to whether SEVENTEEN succeeds or not, but, we’re thirteen members. Three units. One team. We’re SEVENTEEN. Stop acting like it’s all about you. Maybe my dream used to be becoming rich. But now, it’s just doing this. With all of us.”
──────────────────
Jihoon stared at his hands, at the charm bracelet. “Is it selfish to want this life and her as well?”
“Maybe it is. But, so what if you’re selfish?”
“Isn’t being selfish supposed to be a bad thing?”
“Just hope that she’s as selfish as you are,” Jeonghan shrugged. “By wanting her in your life, does that mean you want to be with her romantically?”
Jihoon paused. “You know, I’m not sure. I think I would be over the moon if we could even just be a part of each other’s lives. To have that line of communication open. But as the people that we are now. I think I’d like to meet the new Y/N. She probably has more in common with the new Lee Jihoon than the old her anyway.”
“You two have grown apart, aren’t you worried?”
Jihoon went silent for a moment, trying to pick out the right words. “Rather than grown apart, it feels like we’ve simply grown in separate spaces, by taking different routes, but our lives seem too intertwined for our paths to never cross again. Plus, she’s one of the few people that I could really be myself around. It’d be nice to have another safe space like that outside of SEVENTEEN because who else can I complain about you all to, that wouldn’t cause conflict between us?”
“Ay. What is there to complain about?”
Jihoon gave his hyung a pointed look.
“Alright, alright,” Jeonghan started. “But be honest. Real talk. You really think she wouldn’t spread it to Dispatch?”
“She has always valued people’s stories more than anything, so it really annoyed her when other people would take out-of-context excerpts and twist them. So. That’s how I know she wouldn’t spread it. Also, if she was that kind of person, she would’ve done so by now. She has a ton of blackmail material on me.”
Jeonghan chuckled. “Interesting. You said she likes stories, so is she a writer like you?”
“Not in the traditional sense. She’s more of a speaker than a writer. In high school, of course, she had her awkward moments like everybody else did, but even then, she was a tier above the rest. I don’t know how to say this kindly, but she doesn’t really think before she talks, but she doesn’t usually have to because what comes out is almost always what she intended.”
“So, she must be eloquent then.”
Jihoon clicked his tongue. “Just because things come out as she intended doesn’t mean she wouldn’t intentionally be mean or annoying.”
──────────────────
“You like unnie, don’t you?”
Jihoon spluttered. Shit, shit, shit. He tried to gather his thoughts, but failed. He wasn’t good with spontaneous spoken words, that was always your realm of expertise. He needed time to think of the right thing to say, but you never waited for him. “F-Firefly, I—”
You barked out a laugh, and he nearly retaliated at the harshness. He wasn’t sure why exactly you were being so harsh. “Hey, it’s fine. I don’t blame you. She’s pretty high up there, above us mortals. From now on, I’ll do my best to help you out, yeah? That’s what best friends are for. Plus, you’re like family, like a brother to me, so.”
Jihoon sank back.
Family? Brother?
He wondered why that left a bitter taste in his mouth. But that didn’t make any sense. Wasn’t being called family the highest praise?
So why the hell did that piss him off?
Instead of speaking his actual thoughts, his mouth had a mind of its own. “I can handle myself, Y/N.”
You sneered at him.
God, you were so infuriating sometimes.
She wasn’t like that.
She was the soothing waves of Busan, ebb and flow, constant and expected. She was everything you weren’t. She was older, more experienced, graceful, calm, soothing.
She was beautiful.
But she didn’t have that burning fire you did. Didn’t have him reacting the way you managed to every time you opened your damn mouth or rolled your eyes—there you went again!
What the hell was wrong with you?
Rapid escalation, raised voices. You, accusing him of not trusting your judgment and hiding his crush from you, saying that you wished he trusted you. Him, arguing that he didn’t need to share every little thing, that it wasn’t about his trust for you at all, and that God, he did! He did trust you! Of course, he did!
So, why didn’t he tell you about the stupid crush?
It wasn’t that deep, but you were convinced it was, and he was too tired to even try and correct you. So, sure, he could be “in love” with his noona, like you believed. Because then he wouldn’t have to untangle the mess in his chest. He could shove it under the rug like he always had, always would.
You slammed your fists down onto the table before you walked away from him, in a rampage. Like a damn wildfire trying to clear everything in sight.
You were a volatile thing, explosive, even.
But.
You fizzled out just as fast.
He awoke around midnight to the soft knocking at his window, your silhouette perched on the thickest branch the tree outside his childhood home had to offer. He had half a mind to not open the glass pane but he saw you shiver and his body leaped out of bed without a second thought.
“I’m sorry, Jihoonie,” you said, a few moments after you clambered into his room.
“Okay.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks for being friends with me anyway.”
“Sure.”
So, he wrapped your favorite blanket around you, the one he kept in his room for nights like this. Color slowly returned to your face and he saw the stains of tears on your cheek in the moonlight. You muttered words of apologies and told him about your day, not having the chance to earlier.
You were better like this, quiet, but not silent. Like a crackling fireplace beckoning all to come and listen, to be enveloped in warmth and light.
He never once called you his family.
But he’d be damned if you weren’t his home.
──────────────────
“Funny enough, despite the fact that she’s more of a speaker than a writer, even more than that, she’s a listener. She listens to more stories than she tells them. I think that’s helped with her pride. If she knew she messed up, she would always apologize, even if she hated doing it.”
“Well, that’s one lesson you haven’t learned from her yet.”
Jihoon pulled a face and Jeonghan laughed in response. The older of the two snatched away the Chopper on the opposite end and started throwing the doll up and down.
“Alright, lover boy. What I got from this conversation is that you’re still in love with her, but you gotta make sure she’s worthy of your love, alright? Heed my warning, don’t be afraid of being rejected by her. It’s already happened anyway, and here you are: world-star idol with twelve bros behind you no matter what.”
Jihoon cracked a smile. “You’re right. I got lucky.”
Jeonghan tossed Chopper back in his original vicinity. “I think Dokyeomie wanted to ask something from you too, but I don’t remember what it was, so maybe you can go get ready and he’ll come find you.”
“What a useless messenger.”
“Your luck can’t be perfect, Jihoon-ah,” Jeonghan quipped. He turned to leave the room but stopped in his tracks. “I hope to hear her story one day. Hear her side of things.”
“…Me too, hyung.”
──────────────────
“How much is the corn dog?”
“Hmm… Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”
Jihoon mustered as much displeasure as he could hold in his six-year-old body. “Y/N, you can’t pay with stories, that’s stupid.”
“It’s my shop!”
“Jihoon, we’re just playing pretend,” your cousin added, his eyes darting between the two of you, likely worried about needing to do damage control.
“Hyung, her idea is dumb!”
“Why!” You whined. “People pay with money all the time, but you can get money whenever! I don’t get to hear stories! I like stories! My parents don’t read to me every night like yours do, Jihoon!”
Jihoon stomped out of the playroom in annoyance, ears grated by the sound of your crying and your cousin’s failed attempts to console you. Stories couldn’t buy the new toy race car that he got. Stories couldn’t buy him candy at the corner market near the kindergarten. Stories couldn’t buy a GameBoy.
Stories didn’t matter.
Money mattered.
Still, nearly a decade later, you never failed to ask for your unconventional form of payment every time he took a portion of your lunch. He knew you packed more for him anyway. And he knew you would always ask for a story in return.
And he intentionally packed smaller meals so he could tell you about how the History teacher had botched up his classmate’s test and accidentally graded off by one, about how the clarinet solo he was learning required a finger pattern he wasn’t used to, about how that one guy—oh, the tennis player?—no, no, the flautist—isn’t it flutist?—it doesn’t matter—yes, it does, Jihoon—anyway, he asked out a girl—the senior?—yes—oh wow, how bold.
And you would smile in return, sliding your food choice of the day within his reach.
He learned that you hated money; it was the one and only thing your parents ever gave you consistently. Simply, it was the manifestation of their love (or lack of) for you.
So, he paid you with recountings of the mundane. You never complained, even when he felt as though his storytelling skills were lackluster. He held your rapt attention; your eyes wide with wonder, voice laced with curiosity.
Eventually, he asked you why.
Why stories?
“Because without them, I wouldn’t have learned that you love the X-Men series because of Hugh Jackman, that you prefer winter over summer, that the first ever K-Pop group you listened to was Brown Eyed Girls, that when you tell me a funny story, you wait until I react before you start laughing.”
And you gave him that smile that made his heart stutter.
“Money is everywhere, Jihoon. But there’s only one you. That’s all there is to it. People, at the core of it all, are just stories. So. That’s why. People will always matter more than profit.”
──────────────────
After Jihoon readied himself for the group dinner, he plopped himself down onto the communal couch and found himself scrolling through Instagram. He stopped at your latest post, a candid shot of you reading a children’s book to several six-year-olds, your face aglow with excitement, a high chance the photographer captured you mid-way through some silly voice attributed to the character on the page.
“Hey, hyung.”
“Hm?”
“Can I borrow your microphone for the day?”
Jihoon didn’t even have the chance to think twice before the words left his mouth, “Tell me your favorite color and how it makes you feel.”
An uncomfortable silence blanketed the room.
“Is… Is this a hidden-camera?”
“...never mind. Just put it back when you’re done.”
“It’s blue, by the way.”
“I don’t care—”
“It makes me feel happy because it’s the color of the sky and of the ocean, which means it can be super calm or super exciting. It’s also one of the colors of our Caratdeul.”
“Okay, Dokyeom-ssi. Get out.”
“Yes, hyung. Thank you.”
Jihoon thought about how, if given the chance, you would ask Seokmin if he liked the paleness of 9am or the depth of 6pm? If he liked the gentleness of serenity or the vibrancy of cerulean? Or if he appreciated all that the shades encompassed before fading into greens and indigos?
But he wasn’t you.
You were the inspiration; the muse.
You were the reason to write.
He was just a storyteller.
──────────────────
“THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO IS HERE. THANK YOU TO THE PLEDIS STAFF, OUR MANAGERS, OUR CHOREOGRAPHERS, OUR MUSIC TEAM, OUR DANCERS, OUR STYLISTS, OUR CAMERA WORKERS, OUR FAMILIES, AND OUR SEVENTEEN MEMBERS! HAPPY SIX YEARS. HERE’S TO MORE!”
Everyone in the rented out restaurant cheered before drinking together. Even the sound barrier breaking screams of Soonyoung wasn’t enough to dampen Jihoon’s pride and spirit over how far they’ve come as a team. He looked around at his table, several members already seemingly drunk, and couldn’t help but smile to himself.
“Jihoon-ah, make an exception for tonight and drink!”
He shook his head fervently. “There’s going to be several of you who are going to regret drinking when we have our V LIVE tomorrow. You’re going to look super puffy.”
“I can already feel it,” Seungcheol laughed, his eyes slightly glazed. “But the food and the beer are too good to pass up.”
Speaking of, Jihoon made sure to snatch a piece of kalbi to put onto his plate before Mingyu could. The younger one gave him the stink-eye while Jihoon merely smirked and tilted his head back, challenging him. Mingyu decided to change his target and grab at Seungkwan’s piece, who promptly smacked his hand with a “Kim Mingyu!”
Laughter went around the table as they reflected on the last six years, the amount of embarrassing moments that were brought up were positively correlated with the amount of shots that were taken.
Jihoon grit his teeth as he tried not to fold in on himself, remembering how they threw him up as a cheer and nearly ended his life by creating a Jihoon-shaped hole in the ceiling. He was so much smaller back then, easier to launch without thinking.
They laughed about the incident where Mingyu was nearly beaten to death by Jihoon with a guitar, which Jihoon argued that he still believed he was in the right. They discussed one of their first performances as a team, where they performed NU’EST’s “Hello” and they all had helmet hair. They poked fun at Seungkwan for his revolutionary English skills when he said, “are you kimbap kidding?”
They’ve grown so much.
International interviews with BuzzFeed, Seventeen the magazine, and others. GOING SEVENTEEN as a show has grown alongside them, more than just showing Carats the behind-the-scenes, but has now turned to variety that garnered the new fanbase of Cubics, and has been an honest highlight to Jihoon’s career, where they can just go wild and laugh with each other, just as they always do.
They talked about how they used to sneak in food, how they used to help each other get ready for school, how they still have the same playful spirit as they did back then, but with more trust that has formed between them (although, less for Jeonghan since his cheating at games has only gotten worse).
Jihoon leaned back, full of food and laughter and gratitude.
He wouldn’t trade his life with his team for anything.
(Not even you.)
However, that didn’t mean Jihoon didn’t want you to be a part of his already complete life.
He was a selfish human being.
He hoped you would be one too.
──────────────────
May 26th.
Six years ago, “Adore U” came out, marking the beginning of the journey of a thirteen member boy idol group named SEVENTEEN.
Now, here he was, trying to not be bullied into drinking another shot of soju after already consuming several in a short period.
Their anniversary V LIVE ended not too long ago and they did not have a schedule the following day, so the team decided to celebrate on their own, playing Mafia and messing around. A few hours ago, Jihoon would’ve hardly been able to tolerate the noise level, but since his hearing has been compromised due to his heart beating so loudly in his ears from the alcohol, he was plenty fine.
He shooed away his members and retreated back into the corner of the room, pulling out his cellphone and ignoring Mingyu making stupid kissy faces and noises. Jihoon shot him a look of disgust, but Mingyu merely laughed it off and went to go bother his next victim, who seemed to be Boo Seungkwan, a prime choice indeed.
As soon as he refreshed his Instagram app, there you were (with a highlighted gradient ring around your profile picture, your head tilted back with a soft smile grazing your features as you took in the endless sky above you).
He clicked on the circle and saw you and your friends there, a dimmed photo but your collective smiles large and wide. He recognized Hyejin and Wheein easily (the former with a disgusted look apparent on her face and the latter with a deep dimple), as they were two friends who were a common occurrence on your feed.
And there you were.
alexa, play congratulations by post malone ft. quavo 🥳🎓 #PHinisheD
The corner of his lip quirked up at the cleverness in your caption.
Perhaps it was because of the alcohol in his system, he swiped up to send a message:
i figured u would be a day6 or eric nam kind of fan
His brain short-circuited.
Shit. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Fuck.
Who was he to think he could directly message you like this? Also, who the hell was he to figure anything about you? He hasn’t even spoken to you. Jesus Christ, what has he done?
Before he could stop himself though, his thumbs decided to speak his thoughts.
sorry that was dumb of me to assume
of course u would like post malone considering u could rap the entirety of eminems album
What the hell, dude.
You were going to freak out and call him a creep and then block him.
You’ve literally never done that.
He tried to calm his heart.
However, not even ten minutes later, he realized he couldn’t take that risk.
sorry that was stupid
ignore me
congrats y/n
He felt nearly every goosebump that crawled along his skin, creeping up to his neck, threatening to choke him out. He breathed in deeply through his nose, hoping no one bears witness to him.
“Yah, Jihoon-ah.”
His eyes trailed up to see Soonyoung with a look of concern, mixed with a twinge of panic and anger.
Ah, it would be him.
“What did she do?”
──────────────────
For people who didn’t know him, Kwon Soonyoung comes off as, well, not-so-bright.
But that wasn’t (entirely) true.
Kwon Soonyoung was aware.
He knew how to read a room, but oftentimes, he would purposely choose to simply do what he wanted anyway. Hardly did he ever prioritize another person’s comfort and complacency over his expression of his individuality. He knew what it took to be a performer, and he never denied himself the opportunity to be one.
So, him simply staring at his friend in silence with eyes that alone could have earned him his moniker of “Tiger’s Gaze,” was a major indicator that something was amiss.
Also, the fact that his friend was shrouded in near darkness, eyes rimmed with red, only a corner lamp illuminating his pale features.
“She went to America. She’s never fucking coming back.”
Soonyoung tried not to wince at his friend’s broken tone. Jihoon cursed like a sailor when they were trainees, but it was a habit that he slowly lost since he would often be reprimanded for his speech. He had to do the work to censor himself.
Well, the K-Pop industry was not a stranger to censorship, he mused.
“Wasn’t she already at an international school, though?”
“Yeah, but I just… I thought she would come back after graduating from that boarding school, you know? She wanted to go to Seoul National University, but. Fuck, dude. What if I’m the reason she stopped? What if she stopped following her dreams because of me? What if I–”
“She made her choice, Jihoon.”
“This is all my fault.”
“How?”
Soonyoung saw confusion flit across Jihoon’s face, but it quickly settled with a shake of his head. “It just is, alright?”
“Jihoon–”
“I’ll never be good enough for her. Fuck, I just thought if I tried, then maybe I could be, and– God, who do I think I am? Of course she’d never want someone like me–”
“Dude! Shut the fuck up, will you?”
Jihoon sat there in stunned silence.
“This might not even have anything to do with you. And if she really went to America because she’s trying to avoid you, then she’s a massive bitch–”
“Don’t fucking call her that–”
“I can do whatever the hell I want. Just like she’s doing whatever the hell she wants.” Soonyoung’s anger was slowly morphing into rage. Who was this person in front of him? He was so used to the sure, secure Lee Jihoon who would never truly get riled up.
But one mention of you and suddenly he would spiral.
Who the hell did you think you were?
Leaving this man who loved you so fucking wildly, to the point where he was just one moment away from begging on his knees for your return.
Soonyoung felt disgusted, but it was more of a ringing concern in his ears.
“Jihoon, you’re acting crazy right now. So what if she doesn’t come back to Korea? Are you gonna wait like a fucking sad dog out in the rain? Hoping that she’ll come pick you up again? You’re missing your own fucking life here.”
“I just–”
“Yeah, yeah, you love her. I get it. But… If she were to see you right now, do you think she would even want this kind of love? This obsessive, insecure kind?”
Jihoon’s face was now contorted in pain and Soonyoung tried so terribly hard to keep his face neutral. Soonyoung was plenty capable of being a soothing person, especially to his fellow members, but he was so riddled with frustration that he knew that he would come off as disingenuous if he even tried to pretend to be.
“Let her go. If she comes back, then she will. But don’t let her come back to someone who is incapable of even picking himself off of the floor.”
“...Okay.”
Kwon Soonyoung was aware.
Aware of how much Lee Jihoon was in love with you.
Painfully so.
──────────────────
“I just–”
“You just what?” Soonyoung’s eyes bore into his friend’s face.
Jihoon recoiled at his tone. “I replied to her Instagram story and it was some dumb comment, but what if she thinks I’m being too much and she backs off and–?”
“Jihoon-ah.”
“...Soonyoung-ah.”
“She’s human, right?”
Jihoon raised an eyebrow at that. “Yeah, no shit.”
“Then why are you acting like she’s this untouchable goddess? Who cares if she thinks you’re being too much? You’re putting her on a pedestal she probably doesn’t even want, dude.”
──────────────────
“Why’d you reject the guy?”
You glanced up at her best friend. “What’re you talking about?”
Jihoon cocked his head to the side. Was it already so quickly forgotten by you? It happened at lunch and it was kind of rowdy. Poor dude. “The guy who asked you out to the dance. You said you thought he was cute before and that he was good at tutoring math.”
“Yeah, I might know him, but he doesn’t know me.”
Jihoon raised an eyebrow. “I thought you guys tutored together.”
You clicked your tongue. “Yeah, we do, but. He doesn’t know me. I know him because I ask him questions. I ask him about himself. But he never once asked me a question about me. If he did, he would know that I hate public gestures. He would know that I don’t like receiving flowers. He didn’t even care to ask any of my friends about what I liked. The main reason as to why he asked me to go to the dance is probably because I made him feel good about himself. I might know him, but he doesn’t know me, and that’s one of the most annoying things.”
“What, that people don’t know you?”
“No. That people assume they know me.”
Jihoon paused for a moment.
“People think that I’m this super wholesome good kid who gets perfect grades.”
“Well, one of those things is true.”
You cracked a smile at that. “Yeah, well. The more people assume I’m on a different level from them, the lonelier it is. I just… I don’t want to be lonely, Jihoon.”
“It’s alright. I’ll make sure you aren’t.”
It was chilling, how your smile didn’t quite reach your eyes, as if you knew a secret he didn’t, as if you already prophesied a future that rendered his words empty. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Lee Jihoon.”
──────────────────
Jihoon nearly bit his tongue.
Ever since he no longer had the security of having you be by his side, he became exactly like one of them, forcing assumptions onto you.
You were out of sight and he was out of his mind.
He told you that you could always be yourself around him, and here he was, creating a caricature of you in his head that he knew didn’t exist. To push forth the narrative he wrote. One born of insecurity. “...I don’t understand how you’ve been so right lately?”
“I really do wish I had my phone around to record you when you say that,” Soonyoung said off-handedly. “So, you’re not going to try to unsend those messages?”
“You can unsend messages?”
“Uh–”
Jihoon immediately unlocked his phone to go to his messages. There, he saw your chat. He long-pressed the message without much thought and his thumb hovered over it.
But he hesitated.
“...Just watching from afar isn’t enough for you anymore, is it?”
Jihoon stared up at his friend, who had a look of (almost) pity etched across his features. Jihoon swallowed the lump in his throat. “...No. I don’t think it is.”
“Well, if she rejects you in any kind of way, I can comfort you.”
“No thanks.”
“Yeah, thought you’d say that.”
──────────────────
Almost exactly sixty minutes later, Jihoon witnessed a miracle.
“...She replied.”
Seungkwan glanced up at Jihoon. “Who?”
Jihoon turned his screen to his younger member, who leaned forward to read his screen. Only to audibly gasp and cover his mouth with his hands. “You messaged her?!”
“Yeah, like an hour ago. Keep up.”
“Hyung, you didn’t tell me–”
“Ah, Boo Seungkwan.”
The corner of Seungkwan’s mouth twitched and Jihoon merely smirked. He turned his attention back to your messages, smiling fondly at your usage of 🥳 after greeting him a happy anniversary.
Oh shit, wait. You knew SEVENTEEN?
And he portrayed that sentiment exactly when messaging you.
(With some typing errors.)
(He may or may not have taken one, two, several shots once the anxiety settled back into him.)
(His alcohol tolerance was nonexistent.)
The messages were now rapid-fire. He found out that you were a Carat and that you favored Yoon Jeonghan.
He snorted at that, of course you would.
A lightbulb lit up over his head. Ah. He could do something for you.
He jumped up from his seat on the couch, away from Seungkwan who was watching over his shoulder the entire time who chose to remain silent because he knew he would be kicked out if he said anything compromising. “Jeonghan-hyung.”
“Woozi Woozi~?”
“Can you do something for me?”
Jeonghan stared at him, frozen. Then after a moment to process what exactly Jihoon said, the older one crossed his arms over his chest, a scandalized look in his wide eyes. “Depends on what you’re asking for.”
“YAH.”
“Lee Jihoon, don’t yell at someone you’re trying to ask a favor from. You’re lucky I’m a nice guy.”
Jihoon held his tongue, but his expression must have given it away because Jeonghan laughed and said that he would rather not die, and asked Jihoon to continue with what he was saying. “Y/N just graduated and she basically said that you’re her favorite SEVENTEEN member–”
“WOW! I like her already.”
“Hyung.”
“Okay, what do you want me to do for both my cute fan and my even cuter dongsaeng?”
“Just a video to congratulate her.”
“My videos are rare, it’s not easy to get something like this, you know.”
“Hyung, please.”
Jeonghan cackled, but quickly acquiesced. “Alright, alright.”
Soon enough, he found himself in a rhythm speaking to you. It was so easy, there was no residual awkwardness (on his end, at least) and it felt so natural. The banter was still there and so were your emoticons, escalating from the “:)” of your childhood to the iPhone emojis. You seemed so close, within reach, attainable.
That felt dangerous.
He could feel it. He could feel that desire to spill out everything he could. He spent years coming up with the words he wished he could’ve told you, some of them now award-winning songs, and it feels almost euphoric to know that he could tell you it all.
But.
He wasn’t sure, still. How receptive you would be. Would you run away like you did in the past whenever things became too much, too overwhelming? He always reminded you that you could never be that, but he wasn’t sure whether he was of the same capacity.
He wants you in his life. There is no doubt about that, especially not now.
But what if you leave again?
He cannot mess this up. He can’t.
So, he kept things light between you, jokes and jabs.
But that didn’t stop him from pushing for more, disguised in a (not-so) innocent attempt at ensuring that he would be able to have open contact with you in the future.
And that’s all he needed. A future with you in it.
That wasn’t too much to ask for, right?
──────────────────
Yes. Yes, it was.
After a few days of no response from your end on KakaoTalk, your Shikamaru profile picture almost mocking him with his permanent deadpan look, the answer was resounding.
But Jihoon’s entire identity was based on his stubbornness.
So, he decided to take a chance and message you on Instagram.
Only to retract immediately saying you didn’t have to reply.
Stupid.
Thankfully, though, you responded within 30 minutes, admitting that @narutofanfreak123 was not exactly a username you wanted to share with anyone above the age of twelve. You both quickly resolved the miscommunication (wow, Jihoon thought, imagine if we had this before).
He chuckled at your choice of KKT username, @MadameFirefly, oddly touched that his nickname for you still held enough weight to be your moniker for a messaging app.
He did his best to casually ask what you were planning on doing in the future (not like he wanted to see if he could somehow fit into it, or whatever).
Jihoon was left staring at his phone screen, the weight of his phone now burdened by the weight of your choices. Seoul? Or New York City?
──────────────────
“You didn’t have to miss the dance just because I got a B on an exam, you know.”
“Your parents are insane for grounding you to the library for a B on an exam, you know? And for a hagwon that’s way above our grade level.”
You shook your head, not willing to admit out loud that you agreed. “What I mean is that you don’t have to keep me company while I study when you could go off and meet cute girls and sweep them off their feet.”
“Why would I do that when I can watch you and your snot-nosed face trying to do college level calculus?”
“It’s all so that I can get into Seoul National.”
“Firefly, you could get into any school, even outside Korea.”
“Maybe I’ll do just that,” you laughed. “Finally get out of here.”
“Just let me know and I’ll stow myself into your suitcase.”
“Oh please. You’ll probably be the one traveling internationally doing whatever you do. A world-renowned musician.”
“Alright, you can be in my suitcase instead then.”
“Okay, can you leave breathing holes for me?”
“No, get better lung capacity.”
You clicked your tongue at him and he laughed. “Seriously, though, Jihoonie. You could be spending your teen years the way the movies do it. You could be ‘swearing you’re infinite’ while a slow-mo cam focuses on you as you dance, surrounded by beautiful people definitely too old to be cast as teenagers.”
“No thanks.”
You put your forehead down onto the table. “Please. Do it for me. Get a girlfriend because I can’t.”
“You know, you’re probably why I can’t get a girlfriend.”
No. You definitely were.
You shot him an annoyed look. “You could easily go and find someone who’d be smitten with you. But instead you’re about to watch me get a nosebleed over how hard I’m working my brain here.”
“Maybe I’m a sadist and want to watch that happen.”
You threw your eraser at him, but easily missed, the rubber object bouncing off of the table and onto the carpeted floor. You whined at the idea of having to leave your seat and Jihoon just rolled his eyes and picked it up for you.
Sure, he could be dancing with his friends, with cute girls, with whoever. He could be surrounded by endless snacks and overly sweet punch, the dance no doubt smelling like youth and pride and reckless decisions. He would see that there are plenty of people in his life outside of you.
But, no.
If he did, you would be left here, in this almost deserted library on a Friday, pouring blood, sweat, and tears into what your parents have convinced you matters more than your health.
You gave him a large grin as he passed you your eraser before you went back to focusing on your work.
Yeah, he’d much rather see this instead.
──────────────────
Later that evening, he found himself again in his recording studio.
Our past that didn’t line up,
If I could go back in time,
Rather than roughly, but warmly,
Would I be able to let you go?
He stared at the lyrics he wrote, feeling discontent. He wanted to be the kind of person who didn’t feel any kind of residual emotions towards you. Who would be able to meet you where you were and wish you well, no matter where you decided to go.
One of his biggest regrets was storming out of your childhood home the way that he did. He could’ve had answers but instead he was left with hostile emotions and questions.
He could only hope he would’ve done something different.
But now that he is faced with letting you go, he’s not sure how easily he would yield.
He took a moment to bury his face in his hands and tried to think about this from your perspective (something he had to practice while living with twelve other boys). He breathed in deeply and thought about the you that you are now, about how the person he fell in love with could easily be gone, and you were nothing but a shadow of what remained.
But that didn’t feel right either. It seems as though the person that you’ve grown into, that you’ve flourished into, is someone he would’ve wanted to get to know regardless of whether you had history or not.
Perhaps that is because of the artifice of social media, or perhaps it’s because you carry an air of authenticity with you that has now been given the opportunity to bloom instead of stifled in the environment you were raised in. Whether or not you were mere remnants of his past, it does not mean that the person you are now is any less lovely.
He groaned loudly.
Emotional labor is hard.
How is this something you enjoy doing?
──────────────────
“You really want to become a social worker, huh?”
You shrugged. “I mean, yeah. It feels like the best use of my skills. I like being able to potentially help people like me and well, there are a lot of people like me, you know. I don’t know whether I want to become a private practice therapist, but that seems like a solid option for now until I know more about what else is out there in the field.”
He would disagree, but he decided not to. “I just can’t deal with all of those emotions.”
You gave him a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about? You’re one of the most sensitive people that I know.”
Jihoon felt ruffled by that. “What? What are you talking about?”
You quickly put your hands up in mock defense. “I’m not saying that being sensitive is a bad thing. I’m saying that there’s no way you would be my friend if you couldn’t handle emotions. I have way too many of them, I’m not that blind to that. Also, I’ve read your poetry and heard your music and that’s some of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. Like, even the way you hold your clarinet is emotional.”
“I think that’s you projecting yourself onto me.”
“Say what you want, Jihoon. You’re a sensitive soul, but I wouldn’t want you any other way.”
“Yeah, well, sensitivity isn’t what gets you awards, you know. Skill does.”
You huffed in response. “Yeah, well, once you build up the second, the first is what will create a legacy that will be one to remember for ages to come. I’m speaking it into existence now. And I lay claim to the title of being your first fan. I will support you the entire way, no matter what you do. Music, baseball, comedy. Whatever!”
Jihoon snorted. He wouldn’t dare become a comedian, but it made him feel good that you thought that was a viable prospect for him. “Whatever industry I’m in, I’ll probably have to protect you from all of the bad people. You’re too soft. Even just last week, I mean…”
“What? You mean, when Nahyun made fun of me during my presentation in front of everyone?”
Irritation washed over Jihoon.
The self-proclaimed It Girl decided to try and belittle you while in the middle of your presentation, as you were explaining the measurements that you used in your findings, she asked whether you had ‘measured’ your weight recently because ‘you really ought to’.
He never wanted to get into a fight more than then, especially when your other classmates laughed along. It was a subpar, typical, low-class mean girl line, but it filled him with rage.
You were completely unphased by it, continuing on with your presentation, not even choosing to spare a glance in her direction.
Luckily, the teacher, not being a prick himself, called out Nahyun and pulled her aside after class to apologize to you. (Jihoon would’ve preferred a public execution apology.)
Jihoon stood just a few feet away as you accepted her half-assed effort. You paused for a moment and muttered something to her, something that only she could hear. Nahyun merely pursed her lips afterwards before walking away. Irritation rushed through him again.
“Seriously, though. You’re too soft, firefly.”
“Hm. I don’t think so.”
“No?”
“No. I just think everyone else is too hard on themselves. And each other.”
“...You’re gonna be a great therapist.”
“Thanks. Hire me.”
──────────────────
Jihoon had his own fair share of meetings with professional counselors (especially in the midst of living such a hectic life as an idol), but he was worried whether you would be as cut and dry as they were, whittled down by years of academia. It seemed almost like they were reading out of a textbook, using vocabulary words like ‘empathy’ and ���self-care,’ so he never saw it fit to return if it wasn’t necessary.
However, the places you’ve poured your time into left only glowing reviews for your passion and compassion for the field that you were in.
Jihoon was roused from his thoughts at his phone ringing on his desk. He looked at the Caller ID and saw a name he has been in and out of contact with for over a decade, it was your cousin. He picked it up. “Yo, hyung. What’s up?”
“Are you busy right now, Jihoon?”
“No. It’s a slower day today. Do you need something?”
“Yeah, just wanted to let you know that I’ll be in Seoul in a few weeks. Your noona and I are planning on celebrating saying goodbye to our single days by drinking way too much within the span of 12 or so hours. I wanted to see if you were down to join.”
“I probably won’t drink, but if it’s for you, hyung, I’ll go.”
“Nice. And you can feel free to leave after the dinner, we’ll just be at an apartment we’re renting out in Gangnam, since I don’t trust those fools to walk around the streets of Hongdae.”
“I’ll probably do that, I don't want to accidentally be caught by Dispatch.”
“Right, right. We wouldn’t want to sully the name of the best producer in all of K-Pop.”
“That’s a title I don’t think I’ll ever get.”
Your cousin laughed. “You never know, you might get that award sooner than you think, kiddo. Alright, I’ll keep you updated on our schedule. But uh…”
Jihoon knew his hyung well. He was about to bring you up again. “What about her?”
“I just wanted to ask whether you’d be interested in a meet-up with her. Not that we’ve asked her or anything, but I know we’ll probably meet up with her at some point, and I know it’ll feel weird if we’re not all together, you know? The four of us.”
“Yeah… I want to say that I’m courteous enough to wait for her response, but I just know that I’m willing to meet with her, if anything. Even just one last time.”
“That… sounds kinda sad, but. I guess I’ll take it. If you’re down, we could even make it a surprise on her end.”
He imagined your deer in headlights look but couldn’t think further than that. “Sounds like we’d really be putting her on the spot, if that was the case.”
“Hey, she’s rarely played it safe. Same with you. Might as well keep the flow going. And if anything, I’ll take the brunt of it all. She can’t stay mad at me for too long.”
“We both know that’s literally not true.”
“Okay, fine. Your noona can take the blame.”
“Wow, very excited to see how this marriage will go.”
His hyung laughed. “Amazingly, I’m sure.”
A thought occurred to Jihoon and he realized it was strange that he was mentioning it as an afterthought, as if it was something to be expected, something natural and normal. “Oh, hyung. By the way, I’m talking to Y/N again.”
Jihoon heard the undeniable ‘beep beep beep’ of being hung up and he stared confused at his phone screen until he saw another phone call from your cousin. He picked up with a, “Hello?”
Your cousin sounded much more flustered than he did just seconds ago. “Sorry. I hung up because I dropped my phone by accident. Say that again. You’re what?”
“I’m talking to her again. Kind of. I guess. Like, Instagram DMing went to KakaoTalk.”
“Jesus Christ, you slid into her DMs?”
“Can you not say it like that?”
“Can you say that that didn’t happen?”
Jihoon relayed the entire experience to him, only now realizing he didn’t even share all of the details with his members because it would’ve been too much teasing fodder from them. But your cousin, his hyung, was the kind of fellow that wouldn’t do that, even given the opportunity.
──────────────────
“Hyung,” Jihoon started one day, across from said person in a local Busan restaurant. “I don’t get how you’re single.”
“Why, you wanna date me?”
Jihoon’s eye twitched and your cousin laughed. Jihoon bit on his straw, the family style meal between the two young men long since devoured. “People compare us, you know.”
He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s there to compare?”
“I don’t know. So many people around us know how cool you are. You’re good at sports, you’re smart, you have a lot of friends, you’re handsome. Everyone always says you’re one of the best listeners they’ve ever met.”
“The trick is to not pay attention sometimes and just nod.”
“I’m gonna tell Y/N you said that.”
“I’m sure she knows,” he laughed. “Well, I'm honored that you think all of those things, but those are all traits you have too. You do realize that, right?”
Jihoon grunted. “Not… really.”
“Well, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean others don’t. My cousin definitely does. She’s a good kid and has a good heart. Same with you. If you ever decide to do anything about those feelings of yours, just know that I approve.”
Jihoon nearly choked on his drink. “Wh–?”
“Oh, it was a secret?”
“Hyung!”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say anything to her, don’t worry. And if you ask me, I’d say that you’re the only one on this planet that even has a chance. Well, except that girl from the cake shop.”
Jihoon sneered.
Fucking Woo Soyeon.
With her shiny hair and long eyelashes and doe eyes and tanned skin from her beach volleyball playing.
Giving out discounts to you like nobody’s business. Calling you cute and flirting nonstop while twirling a lock of her hair. Saying you’re her favorite customer. He could swear Woo Soyeon would throw a knowing smirk at him every time you stuttered a little too long when saying thank you.
That damned girl behind the counter, the one whose beauty and voice (“It’s just so velvety, you know? Like the chocolate cherry cakes.”) he knew you were smitten by.
She was even taller than him, especially in her heels.
At the ripe age of 15, Jihoon understood what jealousy was.
Because of fucking Woo Soyeon.
“Watch out, Jihoon. I can hear your thoughts all the way from over here.”
“Sorry.”
Your cousin laughed. “Trust me, you mean a lot more to her than cake counter girl. My cousin wanted all of us to go see the Christmas lights in the city together. You don’t see her inviting that cake counter girl, do you?”
Jihoon felt a weird sense of pride well up in his chest. Then immediately deflated. It felt stupid to feel like he won against a person who’s just trying to sell cakes to a loyal customer. “Hyung, how do you do it? You’d never let yourself get angry or jealous over stuff like this.”
The older of the two cocked an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”
“You wouldn’t get jealous over a cake counter girl.”
“Says who? I get jealous. It’s normal, you know. Jealousy isn’t inherently a bad thing. It’s just what you do with it, right? Like, just because you’re jealous of cake counter girl, does that mean you stop Y/N from going to that shop?”
“What? Why would I do that? She loves that shop.”
“Exactly. Emotional maturity doesn’t mean you stop yourself from feeling the emotion, it just means you learn how to handle it as it comes. And once you practice it enough, it becomes easier and easier.”
“You make it sound easy, but it’s not.”
“Hey, I’m not anything big and special myself.”
Jihoon shook his head. “Hyung, you’re a superhuman.”
“No, I’m just human and letting myself be that,” he corrected. “Trust me, there’s plenty of good people out there. A lot of them just aren’t making the decision to do so. It’s easier to be cruel, but. I want to prove that you can be kind and still be a man. We get to define what that means. If I decided to be cruel, to become what society says is ‘a man,’ then I have no doubt Y/N would lose trust in me, and probably, all men.”
Jihoon noticed that his hyung stared at him for a second.
“Actually, maybe not all men.”
Jihoon felt embarrassed, but also honored, at the implication. “Thanks, hyung. You know, for not making fun of me. And for admitting that you also feel those kinds of things.”
“Absolutely, I’m glad I could help.”
“I’m seriously still surprised that you’re single.”
“Yeah, well. That might not always be the case if I can figure out what to do.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Well… you know your noona?”
──────────────────
Jihoon couldn’t help but shake his head at the way the events unfolded. Your cousin told him about his feelings for his future wife, but it still took a few years for anything to come out of that. He wondered whether being childhood friends had anything to do with it, as if the longer and deeper the bond, the riskier the chasm was to try to jump across.
However, your cousin still managed to do it.
“How did you do it, hyung?”
“Hm? What’s up?”
“Just… how did you manage to tell noona how you felt?”
The older man laughed. “You really think that it was me who confessed? No, no. It was her. I think she was tired of the back and forth that was happening between us. I mean, so was I, but I was a coward, but thankfully, she wasn’t. Now because of her saying that she loved me first, I get to be the one who says it last. Then we start again. It’s a dialogue, you see. It doesn’t matter who starts the line, as long as it continues.”
“Oh…”
“Am I proud that I was a coward? No. I sometimes wish it was me who said it first so she wouldn’t have any room for doubt. But we can’t go back and change the past, only commit to a better future. All of this to say, though, Jihoon, it’s been long enough of not saying anything between the two of you. I don’t think you want to wait any longer.”
“…yeah. I agree.”
That night, hours after preparing for the album, Jihoon’s fingers tapped away on his Notes app.
This waiting, it’s not easy to endure.
It was past 4am now.
But he didn’t want to wait any longer.
So, he switched apps and instead of a blank Note, he began typing into a message box.
i know its late. rehearsal never ends until 3am and i know that when u get texts you wake up even if ur phone is on silent bc the vibration wakes u up so im trying to type this all in one message so that it doesnt wake u up (hopefully) but i didnt want it to seem like i left u on read because i was upset or something. but i didnt want to message until i had the time to have a full conversation but i dont think thats happening any time soon anyway. when you see this i hope it makes sense im not sure if i am
A response from you was the last thing he expected, but you always managed to surprise him.
The first time he heard your voice directly in his ears, he thought he was going to spontaneously combust. But he tried to keep his voice level as he asked you about where you were leaning towards for your career.
The relief that rushed through him.
The hope that ignited in him.
That was the spark needed for him to explode.
And so he did, into words.
“I’m proud of you, you know?”
He heard your throaty stutter, one that only came out whenever you were really caught off guard. “Uh—what?”
“You got a whole ass PhD. From the best university in Korea,” Jihoon still couldn’t believe the two of you went to the same school. “You got offered a job at a super big school in America. One that’s super big in the field that you studied. You graduated from an even school for undergrad, a school that even I know the name of. And just… I know that people expect you to achieve because you’ve always been a genius, always so brilliant, but. You also work really hard. So I’m proud of you.”
He could barely hear your, “It’s not that big of a deal—” over the pounding in his ears.
“But it is, firefly.”
And suddenly he was brought back to all the years before. Where he spent more years in love with you than not. How that nickname encapsulated exactly as he saw you: inspiration, guidance, hope.
“I mean, I just—”
Your flustered response only encouraged him to continue. “You don’t have to believe me. But that won’t stop me from feeling it.”
“Jihoon, I—”
He didn’t realize just how much he’s missed hearing you say his name. But more than that, “I’ve missed you.”
There was a pause on your end, but he was done with his.
“I’ve missed you a stupid amount. Like us stealing your dad’s car to drive to McDonald’s at 3am and then running a red light on the way there. And then somehow almost hitting an entire flock of seagulls—” which he would never admit to being the reason he never wants to get behind the wheel again. “And then going to some random, deserted parking lot. And then realizing we didn’t know the way home, so we drove aimlessly, for, like, 45 minutes. And then panicking when we kept seeing the gas needle going down. That kind of stupid.”
He couldn’t pinpoint exactly why he was naming a memory that you no doubt remember as well, it was near traumatizing. But there was something in him that didn’t want you to forget. He didn’t want himself to forget. Because…
If I forget someday, as if nothing is wrong,
Our future will be empty and sad.
It’s not that I want to forget you.
Ah, he made a mental note to switch to his Notes app later.
“I… I missed you too.”
Jihoon couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his cheeks, almost to the point of straining them. It was already so late and he still had enough function in his brain to know he ought to cut this short now. Otherwise, he’d be on the phone with you for an ungodly amount of time. “I have to sleep now, but. I just. I couldn’t not tell you. That’s all.”
“Okay.” Your voice sounded so small, he had to press his phone closer to his ear to ensure he didn’t miss anything.
“Get some sleep, firefly. Or should I call you, Dr. Firefly now?”
“That sounds like a cartoon villain.”
He laughed hard at that. You would say that. “Alright, we’ll just go with firefly then.”
‘We’ felt good on his tongue.
“Night, night, Jihoonie.”
“Sleep well, firefly.”
He told you he needed to sleep, but with the way that he was running on sheer endorphins from finally releasing some of that pressure inside of him, sleep was the furthest thing on his mind. Instead, he imagined you getting some well-deserved rest, wondering what kind of dreams you hoped to have.
You were falling asleep, he was falling in love.
──────────────────
In less than 24 hours, he was going to see you in person for the first time in years, no more needing to find YouTube videos or podcasts or news articles or social media posts.
Tomorrow, he’ll be face to face with you.
And the dorm was in chaos.
“He should wear the white button down!”
“No, he should wear something funky, with cool patterns!”
“What? Absolutely not, hyung! Jihoon-hyung looks best in plain clothing, his skin shines that way!”
“Well, he’s been avoiding his skincare, so that might not be the best route to go down.”
“Hoon is handsome no matter what!”
Jihoon was exhausted. Why were his members more invested in this than he was?
Even Soonyoung was getting giddy. And that was a problem. When it came to you, Soonyoung was his voice of reason, but after he relayed the phone call he had with you, Soonyoung was easily won over by your: ‘I missed you too.’
“I knew it!” The tiger had exclaimed.
(Jihoon wasn’t sure whether he did.)
Junhui was thriving off of the chaos and was now leaping across the wooden floor, with Jeonghan quickly on his tail, trying to coerce him into stopping and failing miserably. Seokmin was still trying to convince Seungkwan that a funky pattern was like how, in nature, peacocks showed off to their mates—“he’s not a bird, hyung!”—while Soonyoung kept interjecting saying that Jihoon was attractive no matter what so he could just wear a plastic bag (which earned him a gentle slap by Seokmin). Mingyu disappeared for a moment after Wonwoo’s off-handed comment about Jihoon’s skin, only to return with his skincare products that Jihoon knew were going to be slapped on him soon enough. Seungcheol kept repeating in an exasperated tone, “Stop fighting, we already got a noise complaint this week,” while Jisoo and Minghao were probably off in Jihoon’s closet trying to establish an outfit for him without his consent. Hansol was on his phone, noise-canceling earphones on, completely uninvolved in what was going on. Chan was only goading on whoever was the loudest in the moment (currently, Junhui).
Jihoon piped up. “Do I get an opinion on this?”
In near perfect synchronization (including the boys in his room), everyone responded with a, “No!”
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
God, tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
[continue reading here]
#lee jihoon x reader#woozi x reader#seventeen fanfiction#svt fanfiction#seventeen#svt#세븐틴#lee jihoon#woozi#svt fic#seventeen fic#woozi fic#mine#seventeen scenarios#seventeen fanfic#seventeen imagines#seventeen fluff#seventeen x reader#seventeen drabbles#svt fluff#seventeen angst#svt x reader#Spotify#woozi x you#lee jihoon x you
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Under the celestial moon
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𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐊𝐖𝐀𝐍 (부승관) Imagines, One-shot
Genre : Fluff, romance, emotional
Pairing : Idol!Seungkwan x fem!reader
Warning : mentions of Moonbin, pet names, mention of death & emotional
After losing someone he cherishes the most, Seungkwan became miserable and needed a shoulder to rely on...
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"I know that you're not alright"
That's it. Seungkwan broke down in tears and hugged you tightly like there was no tomorrow. You could feel your boyfriend's tears streaming down his face making your shirt wet.
"it's okay dear. Let it all out"
Seungkwan clutched your shirt tightly and cried so hard that it made your eyes teary but you acted strong for your boyfriend who just lost one of the people he loved the most. Things were not going well for Seungkwan as after Moonbin's death he became stressed and couldn't focus on his career.
So he took a break from everything. You tried to make him feel better but your efforts were in vain making it hard for both you and him. Seungkwan felt guilty and apologised so many times which made you feel annoyed. You were his girlfriend so of course you have to take care of him.
"Are you tired? Do you wanna eat something or?" You asked him in a tone that showed your concern. You were about to get up but his hands grabbed your wrist and pulled you closer to him.
"I just want you, dear" he laid on the bed and pulled you in closer to cuddle. You flashed him a genuine smile and made yourself relaxed in his arms.
"Thank you, darling. If it wasn't for you I don't know what I could have possibly done. I love you" his voice was almost a whisper that only you and him could hear. Seungkwan chuckled and put his chin on top of your head as snuggled in his arms trying to hide your siren-red face. Shortly, you fell asleep in his arms relaxed.
"I love you(too)," he said as he kissed your forehead.
Seungkwan stared at the celestial moon which was hanging in the dim sky. "I miss you" A tear flowed down on his cheeks as the thoughts of Bin rushed to his mind but he quickly wiped it away as he closed his eyes went into his deep slumber.
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A/n : +This fanfiction is purely based on my imagination only.
+It's totally fictional!
+I hope this is good enough to make you guys happy. I'm still learning to write in a creative way. Thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to me. Thanks to my besties too<3...
#seungkwan#boo seungkwan#seungkwan fluff#seungkwan fic#seventeen#svt imagines#svt#carat#imagine#svt masterlist#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan x y/n#seventeen imagines#seungkwan imagines#fictional story
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in light of the recent heartbreaking news about moonbin’s passing, i just want to say that i am always here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to. i may just be a person on tumblr, but i assure you that you don’t ever need to hesitate in sending me a message asking for encouragement or support. i know what it feels like to be in a dark mental place where you feel as if you have no way out. i know what it’s like to feel alone or feel as if no one cares. trust me you can always find someone who cares. i care, i see you. and i want to help, even if it’s just a few encouraging words. i know you all follow me for the fanfiction i post but just know i’m here if you ever need help. you don’t have to fight alone <3
#💕#🌸#and if you need to grieve over what’s happened i’m here for you#rest in peace moonbin#this is just so sad#condolences to his friends family and members
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I literally feel lost for words for how stalkers have treated Jungkook over the last couple of months, and now talking about death, threats and trying or saying that they were gonna murder his dog Bam is insane, and sickening, and from what all I see from the supposed of person that wants attention that is saying, they know the address of where he lives is disgusting leave him alone let all the members have their own personal life that does not involve you or me for that matter you should love them regardless, and have a safe line and boundaries as fans maybe the want to come back on weavers live maybe they won’t say we’ve changed I’ve only been an army for a year or two so I can’t really say shit of what it used to be but I know it wasn’t as toxic as it is now y’all treat these men like they’re in capable of being grown ass men that can make their own decisions. These men are almost in their 30s or if not are in their 30s, now it’s fine if you want to re-fanfiction and I understand if you want to have a Y/N moment, but remember your place, and remember to be respectful these men do not owe you something stop with the delusions it was never going to be you understand that stop with the shipping stop with the stalking it is uncomfortable to him. It is uncomfortable to me. Y’all forget these idols go through so much pressure from what they look like what they eat what their hair looks like what they wear how they speak. I do not want to see another Moonbin issue of someone so committing suicide over obsessive fans stop it you were kidding yourself leave him alone and let him be happy on his own terms. It is insane, to send death threats and it’s even more insane to threaten someone dog mind you what do you gain from this attention because this shit isn’t funny in sooner or later JK is it gonna start suing people and there’s sometimes I wish he was like Taehyung and just flat out, started suing people because y’all are doing too much at this point. Y’all are at the point of no returning. I hope to the people that are STALKING Jungkook You are only hurting him and yourself by doing this I don’t know what you’re trying to achieve but you’re not gonna get what you want and I hope that he is protected that he is safe that his dog is safe but I hope you know what you’re searching for is not what you’re gonna get you are not gonna like your results so I hope you stop it. You were hurting the person that you so call care and love you are hurting them in your hurting yourself in the process
#jeon jungkook#jeon bam#bts fic#bts grammy#bts icons#bts mafia au#bts#bts fanfiction#bts taehyung#kim taehyung#kim namjoon#kim seokjin#jung hoseok#park jimin#min yoongi#Leave them alone leave him alone stop stocking JK
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Hi Aanya I know I said I’d get to know you lol (these past weeks have been really hard for me - dealing with my grandmother’s dementia, my anxiety and mental breakdowns, and recently Moonbins passing) but better late than never I guess lol
I briefly read and went over your carrd <3 aside from the groups you like are there others you occasionally dabble into or consume media from? Also do you have a favorite trope/ genre or such when reading fanfiction? (Totally not gonna use this as research for planning my fic) - 👻anon
hi there!! Please take care of yourself, it's fine if you don't get to know me and write whatever you want 😭
I actually only properly "stan" NCT so 😭 I do try and keep up w le sserafim though! I occasionally watch SEVENTEEN content though I don't really know them yet </3
I don't have a favorite genre as such, but I'm a total sucker for friends to lovers or soulmates maybe?
Take care :)
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strangers to lovers!AU with moonbin
genre: floOf!! strangers to lovers!AU
warnings: orchestra jokes
note: this literally happened to my sister except she didn’t get with him LMAO (and she’s in band but i’m in orchestra so i’m gonna make this AU about orchestra okay suck it candace)
in your school, orchestra is very competitive like... instead of sports being the “big” thing in typical high schools... at your town it was playing string instruments
so of course, everybody who was skilled at playing their string instrument was already deemed cool
you’re.. already at step 1... there’s just ONE problem
you’re last chair of the cellos
(note: in orchestras, the players are sorted in their seating chart by their skill. first chair is the chair closest to the conductor, so they’re the best out of their section. if you’re last chair... well.. you’re the least skilled LMAO)
bUT HEY!!!! you weren’t to blame !!!!
you first started to learn how to play the cello only a month ago
despite your private cello tutor’s efforts to spice you up it just didn’t work much. cellos are hard to play Ok
and even though it is a little embarrassing you can’t find yourself to care bc in the end you’re only doing this for your VPA credit LMFAO + your good friend MJ is also last chair in his viola section so the two of you were the Dynamic Duo. “the strings kings” as he calls it
“MJ never call us that again” “dang Y/N don’t get your bow so tightened” “MJ i swear to god-“
alrighty so your school is having a competition so your entire orchestra has to take a field trip to a fancy concert hall to perform
and so everyone in your orchestra is all panicking and tuning their strings cuz the bus is arriving soon
and when you’re done packing your cello, you look around to try and find MJ and that’s when you find a familiar(?) back and you’re like “MJ!!!!”
so you run up and smack his plush butt since that’s how you always greet him
...but you realize
this man is way too tall....
and when he turns around in utter confusion you’re like
shit........... S H I T
BECAUSE YOU JUST SPANKED THE BUTT OF A STRANGER
AND WHEN HE TURNS AROUND YOU REalize that he’s frEAKING FIRST CHAIR OF THE VIOLINS: MOONBIN
anD in your mind everything is scrambled into a mess bc first of all, it’s tHE FIRST CHAIR OF THE VIOLINS. AKA the king of the orchestra!!! literally he sits on a throne!!! he invented the word “orchestra”!!
AND IT WASNT EVEN LIKE A LOWKEY SLAP... it wAs like a FULL, haRD whack
so you’re out here apologizing several times and bowing your head frantically
but when you look up Moonbin is actually all cool about it
he’s just like “oh!!!! i wAs just... surprised” and you’re like “omfg i’m so sorry just end my life here right now i’m ready to be taken by the gods”
but he’s just like pffftttt i don’t blame you this ass is thicc asf
and you’re like ... wot
then he’s laughing and his eyes are crinkled up and he looks like a puppy & you’re like wow this man is so beautiful
but you remember you’re talking to the FIRST CHAIR VIOLIN and you get all
blushy from receiving this individual attention from him
so you excuse yourself and run away to whoever knows where so you can crumble and die from embarrassment
when the bus arrives and you find MJ to be your seat partner he asks why you look so drained
and you’re like... please i don’t want to talk about it
at the competition you’re still embarrassed bc honestly you technically sexually harassed him and that just goes unexcused but he was so chill about it like how?? and why??
and you don’t realize it but you’re zoning out while shamefully plucking the strings of your cello when suddenly a head pops up in front of you and you’re like bITCHWTF but when you see it’s moonbin you’re like- oh.. Ooh??
and he’s like “are you ready for the concert!!” and you’re like “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh notreally”
and he’s all smiley and happy that it’s nearly impossible not to at least smile back
yet you still can’t believe you’re talking to him !!!! especially because you’re pretty sure everybody is staring at the two of you talking rn and is like Why is the last chair cello and first chair violin talking ????
you two end up complaining about how the concert hall doesn’t provide you guys free food and laugh about your conductor’s bald spot
the performance goes well and you feel all giddy when moonbin tells you that you did well when you get back to the school
you end up messaging him for the first time on Instagram and apologize once again for slapping his buttkckskskaoa
he ends up dismissing it and assures you that it was nice
and you were like ....???wHAT
but he quickly corrects himself in the next message bubble and is liKE “wAIT I DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT-“
that’s when you start to question his kinks
at school he starts to normally hang around you and even offers to play your cello and for you play to his violin
the star musician is actually better than you at the cello even though he’s only played it a few times before
you don’t even know how to hold the violin bow RIP
whenever you’re not in orchestra class together, he somehow manages to find you while you’re studying in the library or walking around the hallways
at first you’re a little taken aback at how persistent he is to maintain your odd friendship but you actually don’t mind at all
he suggests to tutor you so you can sight read pieces better and you of course take up that offer...
for the first quarter of the “lesson” it was actually learning while the other time was spent lounging on his couch while talking about both of your hardships and goals in life
despite being pressured as the star musician of the school, he loves and can perfectly handle it
his parents and teachers are always praising him and that motivates him to enter a musical college and major in Music Education and maybe start his own teaching business
his dreams are always so realistic and hopeful at the same time that you just admire how hard working he is and how he manages to not crack like an egg under all of this stress honestly
MJ starts getting a little jealous and pouts when you started to hang around moonbin more often but at the same time is secretly rooting for the two of you to hook up wHAT
moonbin ends up spending a LOT of time with you... in fact he spends so much time with you that you can’t recall what it was like not being around him
somewhere throughout the friendship there’s a turning point where you realize he’s not just your friend.. or you don’t want him to be JUST that
it comes at no surprise when you shyly ask him to be your boyfriend while you two are cuddling in your living room while listening to classical music in the background with him reading a book and you playing with his fingers
his response? a little scoff like “isn’t it obvious we are practically already dating”
you’re a bit hesitant to fully submerge yourself into this relationship bc you always need to remind yourself of both of your circumstances... he’s first chair violin and he’s like wayyyyy above you and it worries you bc you care about his reputation
and when you voice these concerns to him he just pets you and softly says “(y/n)... it’s literally just string instruments . nobody cares”
... he’s totally right though. nobody cares at all lmaooolo,, except maybe all of his fans that were hoping to date him... but moonbin is totally oblivious that he has a fan club LMFAO
your relationship is so pure and innocent yet it still makes your head spin and heart feel so tingly
moonbin is romantic af and wouldn’t hesitate to pluck a flower off the ground and tuck it behind your ear casually
he would like to always compliment your voice and say it’s the best music he’s ever heard and will ever hear
likes to compose his own songs and title them very lowkey things that all refer to you such as... Untied Shoelaces or Beautiful Eyes
other times he’ll just flat out title the song “(Y/N)”
likes to kiss you... a lot.
kisses you everywhere and whenever. in the music room, when he’s about the leave your house after a night of studying and cuddling, while you’re just playing the cello and he thinks you look cute, when there’s a red stop light so he can pause driving and peck your lips
you two are so open that it’s so easy telling him anything. for ex you’re constantly worried about your future and feel like you’re lacking. he makes sure to tell you that you’re doing fine and that you’ll succeed at whatever you do
and you comfort him and remind him to take a break since he’s always striving for the best so he tends to overwork and be really hard on himself
Moonbin always teases you for being so entranced by his butt the first time you met and thanks to your butt fetish, the two of you are together now
and you can’t really deny it because... well.. he’s not wrong lmaooo
dates would include him in your room at 10pm complaining about how even though classical music goes underappreciated these days that doesn’t mean that modern pop music isn’t good while laying his head in your lap as you run your fingers through his hair and nod your head whenever he makes a good point
occasionally he’ll cook for you and you’ll try to compensate by cooking for him too but it never ends up good (AKA you two end up burning all of the food) so you guys resort to ordering pizza
moonbin is so grateful that you understand him and remind him that he is a human that needs a break, too
and you’re grateful that he’s so understanding and genuinely cares about you
he even confesses that one of the main reasons why he took interest in you was because you were last chair cello but you didn’t slack off at all
even though you think he’s the most hard working person you know, he thinks the same about you
eventually MJ meets Jinjin, a trombone player, and immediately goes on a double date with you & binnie
you almost shed tears at how in love MJ is with Jinjin and the four of you are literally the best squad to have happened
in conclusion, you and moonbin love eachother so much and are perfect bye
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You're My Home
Summary: Moonbin finally comes home after being gone on tour for a couple months, and you both just want to be affectionate with each others after missing each other for so long.
Word Count: 1,011 words
Pairing: Reader x Moonbin / Characters: GenderNeutral!Reader; Moonbin;
Rated: T / Warnings: Kissing (jk kissing is nice); Very slight suggestiveness / Genre: Fluff;
A/N: I wrote this for @soulangel !!! I haven't posted a fic in a while, and I've been traveling so I hope this is ok! 🥺👉🏾👈🏾 Thank you for everything!!!
MoonBun🌙🐇: baby! angel! the plane just landed, im on the way home to you!!!
You giggle at the text, and smile. Moonbin has been overseas for a couple months, on tour with his group members. And while you and Moombin called and texted every day, you had missed him immensely, and you're extremely excited to be back in his arms again after so long.
You: I'm so excited to see you baby! Did you eat already? Or should I pick you up something?
MoonBun🌙🐇: they fed us on the plane, it's alright my love! it's late, sleep if you need
You: I'll try my best to wait up for you Binbinnie~♡
You set down your phone on the bed beside you and sigh contently. Moonbin has been gone for almost three months, while on tour overseas. And while you know he loves his job--and by extension love his job for him--and you and him voice or video called every single day, you missed him intensely.
At night, whenever your late night calls ended and you were still awake, rather than you falling asleep on call, you'd struggle to fall asleep. The bed is too empty, his side of the bed has been so cold. And he's been promising, "Only one month left, sweetheart," and, "Only one week left baby." And it was more than sweet, but it didn't make you miss him any less.
But knowing he's now back in the same country as you again, that he's not even an hour away from you . . .
You're practically bouncing with joy. You're suddenly restless, and slide out of bed to go to the living room. You sit on the couch, phone in hand, waiting so that you'll be ready to meet Moonbin the moment he arrives.
Moonbin twists the doorknob and pushes open the door, hands shaking with excitement. He's eager to see his baby again. He enters and his eyes fall on you, sitting on the couch, and his heart swells. He quickly sets his bags down with such urgency, he nearly throws them, and quickly runs over. At the same time, you nearly throw yourself off of the couch at the sight of him and run to him, jumping and wrapping your arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he catches you.
"Binnie! You're home!" You cling to him tightly as he peppers kisses all over your face. He kisses your cheeks, your nose, your eyelids. His lips don't leave a single inch of your face untouched.
"I'm home, sweetheart," he mutters against your lips.
"You're home . . ."
"I am, sweetheart," he says, squeezing you. He pulls away to look at you properly. He hoists you up so he can carry you on one arm and his hips, and you wrap your legs tighter around him. With his now free hand, he cups your cheek and wipes away a few tears you didn't know had fallen.
"My angel, why are you crying?" he asks, eyebrows knitted in concern.
"I missed you," you say. "I missed you so much. You leave often because of busy schedules, and I'm understanding of your tours, but three months . . . you haven't been gone that long in a while and I'm not used to it. I missed you . . ."
He presses a kiss to the tip of your nose, your lips, the corners of your lips, and where he had wiped your tear away. "I missed you too, angel. I missed you every second, there wasn't a second I didn't think of you."
"Really?" you ask.
"Absolutely," he says. He waps the free arm around your waist, and you feel him taking you somewhere. But you're too focused on clinging onto him and peppering kisses all over his face to care. That is, until you feel yourself fall backward, and yelp.
You land on your back on the bed, and Moonbin falls down next to you. He crawls over to sort of lie on top of you, wrapping his arms around you and buries his face in your chest.
"I missed you so much, sweetheart," he mumbles into your neck. He kisses down your neck, to your collarbone, nibbling and kissing a tiny bit.
"Bin," you mumble, playing with his hair while he peppers your neck and chest with kisses and nibbles.
"Mmhmm?"
"Missed you."
He hums and rolls over, his hand clutching yours. Suddenly, your thoughts drift to the bags he left in the living room.
"Binnie, let me put your things aside to unpack later, okay?" you say, pushing yourself up on your elbows. As you try to get out of bed and head toward the door, you hear a whine from the bed, and feel Moonbin refusing to let go of your hand. You turn and see his pouted lip and puppy dog eyes.
"Don't leave," Moonbin pouts. "Come to bed, please? I missed you . . ."
You smile and crawl into bed next to him. "Alright, you big baby."
"Yay!!!" Moonbin wraps his arms tightly around you, as if he never wants to let you go. You hum, comfortable in his embrace, and let him hold you from behind.
He buries his face in your neck, humming contently. "I missed you. Your smell. Your feel. Your warmth . . ." He starts kissing along the column of your neck, and you weave your fingers into his, where they lay wrapped around you.
"I missed you too," you say. His fingers trace circles over your knuckles. "I know you love your job, but I always miss you when you leave for a long time."
"I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, I promise," he murmurs against your skin. "I'm home now, baby," he says. "I'm home now here with you. You're my home, baby."
You smile as he turns and tucks you into him, so that he's spooning you, arms around you while he peppers kisses on your neck. You've been here in your home alone for months, but only now, wrapped in Moonbin's embrace, for the first time in months, does it finally feel like home.
#kdiarynet#astro fanfic#astro fanfiction#moonbin#moon bin#astro#moonbin fanfic#moonbin fanfiction#fanfic#fanfiction#myfic#fluff
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✩astro masterlist✩
❁ot6❁
✩school life✩
summary: just your normal high school cliques mixed with your normal cracked out social media au
❁mj❁
✩version of love✩
summary: they have the lead roles, but they know nothing about each other. no amount of talent can fake chemistry especially when the play is grease. how will the understudy handle not being the lead for the first time, especially when her boyfriend still got the part?
❁jinjin❁
✩nothing yet✩
❁eunwoo❁
✩boyfriend!eunwoo headcannons✩
❁moonbin❁
✩nothing yet✩
❁rocky❁
✩nothing yet✩
❁sanha❁
✩nothing yet✩
#astro#astro fanfiction#astro x reader#mj#jinjin#eunwoo#moonbin#rocky#sanha#kim myungjun#park jinwoo#cha eunwoo#lee dongmin#park minhyuk#yoon sanha#mj x reader#jinjin x reader#eunwoo x reader#moonbin x reader#rocky x reader#sanha x reader
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Vintage Kiss, Nearly Missed | Park Minhyuk
Pairing: Female reader x Rocky (Park Minhyuk)
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Warnings: None
Length: 2k words
Summary: MJ loves to mess with her by putting her in situations that don't fit her nature. She tried getting used to it, but this time around MJ hit the jackpot when it came to a dare that would change her relationship status with Rocky.
⭐
⭐
⭐
Becoming friends with the members of Astro was the start of a tireless journey. She couldn't believe how many things came to fruition because of Myungjun's jokes - and considering his wacky mind, it wasn't a normal day if she didn't feel the rush of adrenaline at least 5 times. The stupider it was, the stronger the temptation to make it true; costume parties, comedy skits and competitions of all sorts. Life with them was always exciting, Myungjun made sure of it from the get go - as they were extremely different in nature, he had a knack for turning things in her life around. Although getting used to such fun was pretty heartwarming - it wasn't what suited her best. She came to love the thrill but calmness was her motto. And well, it ended with her getting a 'boyfriend' because of it.
It happened through the mystery drink challenge - whoever got the most bad ones was to be punished by receiving a ridiculous dare from Myungjun. (As if the drinks weren’t enough of a punishment by themselves.) As much as she prayed to the angels above for her opponent, Moonbin, to be the one to grimace - the oyster taste hit her tongue and she knew she was done for. As for the loser, Myungjun made sure to hit her where it most hurt - he made her become a 'nurturing girlfriend' to one of the members of Astro for 3 days. (Originally it was a two weeks but she fortunately had amazing negotiation skills.) They were all staring at her expectantly so she would choose who she wanted to take care of - but it was as if Myungjun knew that she had taken a liking for a certain someone.
Minhyuk's eyes widened out of their orbits when he was chosen. He was good at cooking, independent and strong, so why feel the need to nurture him? She could have chosen anyone else, like Sanha for example, kid can't cook to save his own life-
He couldn't understand it no matter how much he thought about it - perhaps she chose the lesser evil, or she just wanted to hang out with him. Either way, he couldn't refuse the dare so he was just another one of Myungjun's victims.
---
She couldn't pretend like she had made lunch boxes before - she really hasn't, and making them for Rocky was extremely embarrassing. The cute sausage octopi failed her, and she gave up without even trying on making anything fancy. She made a heartfelt steak (she could never do wrong with meat when it came to men) with some salad on the side. She also bought some snacks they could enjoy when they're together. The girlfriend act had to be perfect or else she would have to feel Myungjun's wrath.
Minhyuk was, in one word, impressed. He didn't think she'd go through with the joke, less be hugged the moment he opened the door and given free home-made food. Myungjun made sure to spy properly and evaluate the merch and remind them they need to go on a cute date too.
"Date? That wasn't part of the conditions!" She suddenly snapped completely out of her calm state, her brain going in a frenzy.
"It is now!" Myungjun rebutted with a laugh. Minhyuk was standing in between them, confusion written all over his face.
"We can watch a movie?" He suggested, to have an easy getaway from what his hyung suddenly wanted.
"No 'lets watch a movie and not actually pay attention to each other', yeah? It better be a real date, yeah? And it better be cute!!" Myungjun's tone increased in volume with every following question.
"Got it, got it, sheesh." Minhyuk once again had to jump in to clear the waters, as things were getting a little too heated. "We'll go on a date… do you know how to roller skate?"
Caught off guard, with Minhyuk looking straight into her eyes with such intensity, she furrowed her brow and thought back if her parents ever took her out to do such a thing.
"I don't think so. Just ice skating, I guess."
"Great, then we'll go try it out together." A flash of something unknown to her occupied Minhyuk's eyes for a second. She had no idea what he was thinking - or where the idea even came from. Maybe it was in the attempt to save her from Myungjun, or he simply wanted to go roller skating and had no one to tag along with him.
In a nutshell, Minhyuk didn't understand why he was chosen and she didn't know why he was so willing to take her on a date. The answer was staring both of them straight in the face, but perhaps they had something more in common besides calmness - they were both thick headed. But they had no time to think about that as Myungjun was yelling at them to cuddle on the couch. The 'nurturing' part wasn't even there anymore. Not that the girlfriend part was - MJ was basically making two friends be awkwardly close to each other physically. Even if they had crushes on each other - thing which they both denied - they felt too cramped and forced to enjoy it.
Evening came by eventually, after about 10 different incidents when they had to dodge each other and pull away as if burned because Myungjun was pulling pranks. But right when they saw the waters had calmed and they could sigh relief, Dongmin proved them wrong. The look on Minhyuk’s face hearing Dongmin ask “So are you guys gonna wear cute matching outfits tomorrow?” was of utter betrayal. Of course Myungjun loved the idea, and the unfair number of conditions to the losers punishment only kept increasing.
“What about those cute overalls you bought with me?” Moonbin suddenly asked her. “Since Minhyukie likes that type of stuff too, maybe you can both dress vintage? It would fit with roller skating, honestly.” she looked at Moonbin as if an Angel just descended on earth to save her. She ought to thank him later.
“That doesn't sound half bad.” Minhyuk commented, but Myungjun didn’t really look satisfied with Moonbin’s solution. Nevertheless, they just shut him up and proceeded with planning ahead some cute vintage outfits. They were excited about it, almost alike kids.
They said their goodbyes when dark came over the streets, and she headed home to put together the outfit that she promised Minhyuk she would wear. A slight palpitation took over her chest and she clenched the clothes close, as if she was a teenager all over again, even if this date wasn’t even real to begin with. Still, she knew she had to catch a blink of sleep if she didn’t want to be a zombie tomorrow, even if the emotions got the best of her with the moon up high.
Minhyuk had no fancy car to pick her up with, and no fancy facial expression either. Their greetings were very friendly and normal - but an unfamiliar awkwardness overtook them as they walked side by side to the skating rink in the city. Minhyuk indeed matched her blue jeans overalls with high waisted baggy blue pants - but he chose to wear a white shirt while she wore pink. They stole glances at each other the whole way - as if to check if the situation they were in was even real. It very much was, but they only realized it when they had arrived and were getting their skates at the reception - the workers there were very much treating them like a couple. A wave of warmth crept up her face, but also a bit of paranoia; because Myungjun was always there to check on them if they were being lovey dovey, and now he wasn’t even there, but she felt the tingles of romance in her belly. Perhaps it was strictly because he wasn’t there that the feelings felt free to surface.
Minhyuk tried to act all knightley by letting her hold on to him as she stepped into the rink - but he was the first one to lose balance. Trying to flex his years spent in ballet, he acted as if nothing happened and didn’t even try holding onto the railing like she was - perhaps he was trying to impress her. She, on the other hand, had no thoughts of impressing anyone. Her legs were wobbly and she didn’t seem to get along with being on so many wheels.
They were supposed to have a romantic date but eventually Minhyuk separated from her and she only noticed when she felt him whoosh by her - that he caught onto the trick of roller skating way before her and he was just showing off by that point. Even all of the other couples were staring at him.
“Are you gonna do a triple axel next?” She jokes, but Minhyuk just smiled like a kid in response.
“I’ll even do a quadra.” He boasted, a dimple showing on the right side of his face. Right as she was about to stop him - because she knew from the beginning it was a bad idea - she saw him start skating faster so he could try and go into a turn. She braced for something that would end up in even a trip to a hospital, but thankfully the speed made him lose control and he just ended up slamming into the side of the rink he was heading towards. Slowly, along the railing, she headed towards him to check if he was okay, and saw he was cursing under his breath and holding his hand tightly.
“Sh*t, I hit my hand on the railing.” He mumbled, and she spotted the red spot he was talking about.
“That’s what you get!” She rebutted. “I don’t know what got into you.”
“I thought you liked people who do crazy weird things?” He asked, a childish curiosity in his eyes. His gaze was a lot more serious, though.
“Me? I like chill and calm, honestly. That’s why Myungjun steps on my tail so often. He can’t stand me being so passive and getting overly sentimental about my plants.” Minhyuk took in her words with pure thirst, a light suddenly coming on in the shine of his eyes.
“You get sentimental over flowers?” He asked, the smile he once wore reappearing on his lips. It was extremely charming, and one of the reasons she found herself often swooning after him. “That’s so cute.” As if the air got knocked out of her lungs, she couldn’t say a thing as Minhyuk approached her silently. She dared look up into his eyes and was met with a happiness that was hard to describe. They would have had the most movie-like romantic kiss, if Minhyuk didn’t once again lose balance on the skates when he leaned in to kiss her. She caught his torso and stabilized him, giggling with her entire heart. Softly grabbing onto his hand, she placed it on the railing next to them so they both be supported, and stole a quick kiss from his lips before dashing away to the exit of the rink.
“Let’s grab some shaved ice on the way home!” She told him from afar. “Both to eat and for your swollen hand.” Minhyuk shook his head but continued to smile, carefully following the railing to catch up to his now girlfriend. It was foolish of him to believe he needed to change anything about himself to be liked back by her. All that became apparent as her soft calming voice filled the ice cream shop they nestled at to enjoy each other’s company - her body was finally relaxed, her gaze filled with love and affection. From now on he knew to stick to his own ways around her, even if they were old fashioned - or he would be missing out.
#astro#astro Rocky#astro fanfiction#kpop Fanfiction#park Minhyuk#park Minhyuk fanfiction#park Minhyuk fluff#rocky fluff#astro fluff#cha Eunwoo#lee dongmin#moonbin#mj#kim Myungjun#sanha#JinJin
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Perfection Imperfections | Chapter 1
Chapter Index
»»—————————————-
Finally, summer break. It’s been a while since I was able to go home. Having to attend high school rather far from my home in Seoul, I never thought that I’d adjust to the new environment. Fortunately, I wasn’t entirely alone, since I stayed with my aunt for the four years of my high school life. School wasn’t so bad, but the homesickness is what killed it for me. Even though it was my parents' idea to send me a rather vast distance—me not being too excited about it, but I knew I wouldn’t get my way in the end—there was some good that came from it. The two only good things, actually.
I glance outside the train window, the buildings of Busan zooming past me. Sure, it may not be my home, but I won’t lie. I’m really going to miss this place. My phone suddenly vibrates in my lap, glancing down to see a text from my group chat, smiling as I respond.
(Binnie)
R u still on the train?
Yeah have been for the past like 30 mins
(Eunuwu)
Going back to ur parents? Or r u moving out?
Funny
Yk I can’t move out, at least not on my own. My parents won’t allow it
(Binnie)
:/
What about Jaehyun?
Idk, they rlly dc what he does tbh
They’re just hell-bent on me getting into the top schools and shit
(Eunuwu)
Damn, rough
Mhm
(Binnie)
Try talking to them, u never know
They might change their minds?
Nah, I already know how it’s gonna end
Me crying and stuffing myself with pints of ice cream
(Eunuwu)
Doesn't sound so bad
(Binnie)
¬_¬
(Eunuwu)
Except for the crying part ofc
But c’mon it cant really be THAT bad
I’ve been over plenty of times, they seem nice
(Binnie)
U’ve been to her house??
Yeah him and oppa are friends too
(Binnie)
Righttt forgot lol
And that’s bc you were there dumbass and half of the time ur either in oppa’s room or out somewhere
Interaction with my parents = minimal
(Binnie)
That sounds awful ngl :( sorry Hyuna
But hey we should all hang soon!
(Eunuwu)
I’ll be in Seoul for the summer too so y not?
I miss y’all :’(
Ok I should be there around like 5 ish so I’ll text then
(Binnie)
Aww I miss u toooo
(Eunuwu)
*puke*
Shut up, ur just jealous
(Eunuwu)
Me? Jealous?? Of what, ur face?
Yea no thx, Ive got a great face already
And personality 0:)
Gr8, explains why ur still single
(Binnie)
LOLL
She got u there bro
(Eunuwu)
Shut up
Ur talking as if u’ve got a gf
Idiot
(Binnie)
At least I didnt reject them as coldly as u did lol
See? My point exactly
Your fAcE scared off every girl in sight bc of tht pErSoNaLiTy
I almost feel bad for them, u little heart breaker
(Binnie)
He made a couple of em cry I heard
Rlly?!?
YAH
U MORON
(Eunuwu)
Bin wtf
(Binnie)
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
U JERK HOW COULD U??
Those poor girls omg
Im so kicking ur ass when I c u
(Binnie)
Me 2
(Eunuwu)
Wtf?? Y???
(Binnie)
No reason lol, just feel like it
And this is why ily Binnie
(Binnie)
:D <3
(Eunuwu)
GROSS
Can it u demon
Read 4:02 PM
I snort, turning off my phone and placing it back down on my lap as I go back to staring outside my left-hand window again. Meet Cha Eunwoo and Moon Bin, my two best friends. The only reason I got through high school how I did without major setbacks. Sure, there was the occasional homesickness and all, but had I not met these two, I probably wouldn’t have even attended and graduated.
Being so far away from the place I grew up never really suited me, and they saw it right away from day one how lonely and upset I looked. I didn't seem to fit in, especially since I skipped a grade and was placed in classes that were very advanced for me. Not that I minded the vigor, but it was hard for me to socialize, let alone make friends.
That’s when I met them. Freshman year in homeroom before my first literature class. Moon Bin, a boy with parted, coppery-golden hair accompanied by his shy, puppy-eye smile and sweet nature, offered me an empty seat next to him in class, even going as far as to share his textbook and asking how I found the school. No doubt, I was embarrassed and immensely shy, stuttering over my words and failing to meet his soft gaze. However, he didn’t make fun of me nor find me odd. All he did was smile, laughing lightly at my slightly flustered state. He stuck his hand out, introducing himself (most people just call him Moonbin or Bin) with that smile of his, thus the start of our new friendship. Since then, he became someone who always knew how to cheer me up when I was feeling down. No moment was ever dull with him by my side.
Eunwoo, the tall, brooding black-haired and charismatic student almost everyone knew (and crushed on) of, was usually with Moonbin when we hung out together, but he normally kept to himself. Though quiet and sometimes reserved with his intimidating looks, it didn’t take long for him to break the ice with us, the three of us becoming close friends. Promising to stay like this until we went to college and beyond. Regardless if we all diverge and tread different paths, we would always converge and come back to one another.
Four years flew by and graduation was upon us. Just like that, the two became like family to me, my ride-or-die duo. The two who were able to turn my world upside down, finding solace in a time where I thought it was nearly impossible for me to.
My thoughts are interrupted by my “Move” ringtone—yes, I’m a huge Lee Taemin fan—looking down at my phone again to see it’s my brother calling. I sigh, picking up the call.
“What?”
He gasps dramatically. “Is that any way to address your loving older brother after being away for so long?”
I snort, shaking my head. “Loving my ass, oppa. How are mom and dad?”
“They’re fine, living. Didn’t you tell them you’re coming home?”
“Nope, I don’t even text them that often. You already know this..”
He sighs. “Yeah, I figured.”
There’s a slight pause on his end, but he continues. “You took the three-thirty train, right? So you’ll be here around five or so?”
“Yeah, give or take.”
I look out the window again to see the endless stretch of greenery and flowing springs, sometimes even children playing in the fields. I grin mischievously, deciding to poke fun at my brother when he doesn’t respond right away.
“What, you miss me?”
He makes a sound similar to throwing up. “As if. I got so used to the peace and quiet. I’m not ready for it to go away.”
“Yah!” I realize that I had yelled a bit too loudly and eyes were now trained on me, and I bow my head in apology. I lower my voice, “You’re such an asshole.”
“Oh, I know, but you still love me anyway.”
“Shut up.”
I can hear his laugh resonate through the phone and a smile unknowingly tugs at my lips. I wouldn’t say it out loud, but it’s true. When I lived with my aunt in Busan for the duration of high school, I missed Jaehyun a lot. Though two years older than me, he didn’t seem to alienate me the way my parents do. While I hate the notion that they spoil Jaehyun endlessly and let him do as he wishes, I won’t lie and say that he was a prick about it. He could’ve been, but he never came off as selfish. I’m really close with my brother, shocking as it may be. Sibling relationships are like that—one minute you want to strangle them with their intestines and the next you’re singing duets together. Crazy, but that’s how it is for us. My parents don’t really pay me any attention, so Jaehyun decides to do that instead. Not complaining though. I’d rather take his pranking and teasing over my parents’ demands and reprimands any day.
“Aight, I’m heading out for a bit. Text me when you arrive.”
I smile again. “Will do, but make sure to get me food!”
“Let me think…” He hums, and I can practically sense the smirk on his end. “Nope. Get your own.”
“Oppa!”
Jaehyun laughs. “See you in a bit, Hyuna. Get here safely. Bye!”
He hangs up the call before I get a chance to retort, and I scoff. Typical of my brother. He knows how much I enjoy street food, and every time he goes out, it’s almost certain that most of the time he stops somewhere to eat. Did he ever bring food back? Sure, but by the time I’d get to it, most of it was gone anyways. That only lasted a little while before I had gone upstate anyways, so he had more food for himself, I guess.
As the train barrels down the tracks, I feel my heart racing in excitement, but there’s also a slight ounce of dread. I really don’t know why. I want to believe it’s because I’ve been away for too long, but part of me knows it’s the fact that I’ll have to face my parents again. Knowing that I only have two months to decide where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, I know the bitter truth is that those decisions won’t be left up to me. Last time, I was sent to Busan.
God knows where I’d be sent to now.
***
“Final destination of the KTX Busan-Seoul train at Seoul Station is approaching and will arrive at 05:30 PM. The doors to alight are on the right hand side. All passengers are requested to dismount the train upon arrival. Thank you.”
That’s my stop.
Gathering my bag and hand luggage, I patiently wait for the train to pull up at the station. Seeing the familiar shops and buildings around me makes my legs bounce up and down in both excitement and anticipation.
Four long years away from Seoul...
Before getting off, I quickly text the group chat and then my brother, letting them all know that I’ve reached safely. Side-stepping the other passengers exiting the subway doors, I carefully land onto the platform with my luggage in tow. I breathe in the air around as I stretch my arms up into the sky, the grin widening on my face.
It sure as hell feels good to be back home.
I try my best to maneuver through the crowds, but it doesn’t stop the rush of people knocking into me. At times like these, I curse my genetics for favoring my older brother instead of me in terms of height. Eventually, I come to a clearing and when my eyes glance upwards, I spot a rather familiar dark brown-haired six-foot-tall male amongst the small crowd waving me over.
“Hyuna, over here!”
I gasp, my eyes widening. “Oppa!”
He smiles as I begin walking towards him, my feet hurriedly moving across the concrete. The distance between us shortens and I abandon my luggage as he opens his arms wide.
Only for me to sucker punch him in the stomach.
He yelps in pain, grimacing as he holds his abdomen. “Shit, that hurt. What has Aunt Sua been feeding you up there? Rocks?”
I smack his shoulder, my blood slightly boiling in anger. “Yah, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?! Do you know how much money I blew off for the bus fare?”
He straightens his back before going to rub his shoulder, then behind his neck.
“Fine, fine. My bad. I wanted to surprise you, but I guess that didn’t work, did it?”
I cross my arms over my chest, huffing in annoyance. He sighs, nodding.
“Okay, okay, I’ll compensate you. Dinner’s on me.”
At this I grin, blinking excitedly. I grab onto his arm and shake it vigorously. “Really? You mean it? You’re the best, oppa!”
“Look at this brat..” he taunts, shaking his head. In a flash, he headlocks me and rubs the top of my head harshly with his knuckles, upsetting the neatly-tied auburn ponytail.
“Yah! Quit it!” I smack his arms and flail in protest, but he chuckles, saying this is what I get for cunningly finding a way to exploit him the minute I stepped back into Seoul.
What can I say? It’s a talent.
He lets go eventually, and I try to smooth down my already-tangled hair. I grumble incoherently but Jaehyun pulls me into his embrace, wrapping his arms around me. His free hand gently pats the side of my head in comfort.
“Welcome home, sis.”
I stand there stiff for a second before hugging back. He squeezes me tighter and I find myself smiling into his shoulder.
“Good to be back,” I whisper.
We stand like that for a moment before he pats my back a couple of times, us pulling away from each other soon after. He reaches behind me to grab my hand luggage as he shoulders my bag. I tell him that I can carry them just fine, but he starts walking away from the platform to the parking lot. I call out after him as I run to catch up, and I can see the corners of his mouth twitch. Jaehyun leads me to his car, a sleek matte-silver convertible Mustang. My mouth drops open in shock at its stunning beauty, my body forcing itself to remain composed for the sake of avoiding public self-embarrassment.
He throws my luggage in the back seat before he turns to me, smirking at my expression. “You like it?”
“Shit, do I like it? I love it!” I run my fingers over its metallic surface, the silver exterior gleaming in the evening glow. Grinning, I stare up at my brother who catches my gaze as I stand next to the driver’s seat, my fingers already curled on the handle.
“Can I—”
“No.”
“Please—”
“Nope.”
I pout as I pull my hand away and step to the side. Jaehyun chuckles, rubbing my head playfully before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car. The engine purrs to life as my brother pulls out his shades and wears them. He looks at me and cocks his head to the passenger seat.
“Don’t just stand there. Get in.”
Smiling, I quickly make my way over to the other side and slip into the passenger seat. I barely have time to buckle in before Jaehyun speeds off. I scream in fright, but he laughs heartily, telling me to let loose.
With the wind harshly whipping around us, I close my eyes and tilt my head upwards, absorbing the remnants of my childhood in a place I’ll always call home. A place where my heart always feels at ease.
My name is Jung Hyuna. I’m eighteen years old, and this is my story.
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |
#moonbin x oc#moonbin ff#moonbin fic#moon bin#cha eunwoo#jung jaehyun#astro#nct#fanfiction#my writings#mine
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Right On Cue
Group: Astro
Pairing: Moonbin x Female Reader + Jinjin
Words: 1,087
Tags: dom/sub relationship, spanking, punishment, bratty sub
Summary: Tired of Moonbin ignoring you while playing pool with Jinwoo, you don’t choose your words wisely during a confrontation and Moonbin makes you pay the penalty...chosen by Jinwoo.
You were bored.
Sitting on the couch in Moonbin’s game room, you’d been reading while he and his friend, Jinwoo, played billiards. You weren’t sure how many games they had played, only that so much time had passed that you were now on Chapter Five of the novel you just started. Too much time, in your opinion. You marked your place, closed the book, and sighed. Glancing at the window, you realized it had grown dark already. You were so engrossed in the story, but even that couldn’t hold your attention anymore.
You checked your phone. Jinwoo had come over around 4:30PM, and it was now close to 6PM. You sighed again. Five chapters, you thought. Those were decent sized chapters, too...How much longer are they going to play?
The guys were laughing to themselves, talking about something that seemed to amuse them. You tapped your fingers on your knees. Then, your stomach growled. Well, it was dinnertime. You wondered if they had figured out what to have as far as food went.
Moonbin had been playing long enough. You were hungry, deprived of attention, and needy. A dangerous combination.
You stood and scampered over to Moonbin. He was watching as Jinwoo readied his shot while holding his pool stick with both hands, the handle resting on the floor. You slithered your arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, your breasts firmly against his back.
Letting go of the stick with one hand, he tenderly rubbed your arm. “Hi,” he greeted.
“Hey,” you replied, nuzzling his broad back.
His eyes remained on Jinwoo, who just missed the striped ball he was aiming the cue ball for. Moonbin laughed and said, “Close, so close!” He went to move, but realized you were still clinging to him. “Uhh, babe?”
“Hm?” You played naive.
“Let go. It’s my turn.”
“But you’ve been playing for so long,” you whined, “and I’m hungry!”
“Then go make yourself something to eat.”
You puffed out your cheeks. “I thought we were going to eat together! You’ve been playing this stupid game forever!” You looked over to the other man for support. “Aren’t you hungry, Jinwoo?
“I mean, I could eat,” Jinwoo chuckled.
Moonbin leaned his pool stick against the billiards table and grasped your wrists, pulling them from around his body. Lifting a hand, he gingerly patted the top of your head. “Are you starved for attention, sweet lamb?” He knew the truth. You could be a real brat when you felt neglected.
There were times when you hated to admit he was right, especially when he hit the nail on the head. You nodded your answer.
He chuckled lightly, a smile gracing his lips before his eyes narrowed on you. His hand left your head and found your throat. Backing you up against the pool table, Moonbin had you pinned. “I was entertaining our guest,” he cooed, “but apparently yet another lesson is needed to teach you how to use proper manners.” His fingers tightened on your neck.
Your eyes were as wide as they could be while your entire body trembled with anticipation for what would happen next. Like he said, you had a guest here...even if it was only Jinwoo. Sure, he knew about your dominant/submissive dynamic with Moonbin, but Moonbin wouldn’t “teach” you in front of him… There was no way. That would be too...hot.
“What kind of punishment does she deserve, Jinwoo?” Moonbin asked his friend.
Jinwoo smiled, leaning on his pool stick. “Every brat deserves a good spanking,” he determined.
“Ahh, yes. Good choice,” your boyfriend exclaimed, letting go of your throat.
You swallowed hard before you were spun around. Moonbin bent you over the side of the pool table, immediately lifting your skirt and pulling down your panties. As your ass was exposed, your face flushed with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, okay?! I understand that I was wron--” You were cut off as Moonbin’s hand clapped against your ass. Your mouth dropped to allow a squeak to escape.
“Oh, you understand? Are you saying you knew it was wrong when you were rude? When you interrupted our ‘stupid game’?” Another swift smack to your ass and another ‘EEP’ from your direction.
“It’s not a stupid game!” You blurted, looking to Jinwoo and then at Moonbin over your shoulder. “I shouldn’t have called it that!”
“That hurt my feelings, you know. I don’t call your hobbies stupid…” Moonbin caressed your tender skin.
“Yeah, that wasn’t very nice,” Jinwoo had to comment.
The longer Moonbin rubbed your ass cheek, the more you tensed. “Is that new book I bought you good?” He wondered.
Tears welled in your eyes as you waited for another spank. “Yes, sir…”
“Tell me about it.”
“Uhh...Well...It’s about a--”
SLAP.
“NGH!”
Moonbin smirked. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” He asked.
You buried your face in your hands, knowing he was toying with you. You loved it. Taking a deep breath, you rested your hand on the table’s green felt and murmured, “It’s about this girl--”
SLAP.
You moaned loudly. You abruptly covered your mouth, afraid to give away how much you actually enjoyed this.
“This isn’t a punishment at all, is it?” Jinwoo questioned.
Moonbin laughed. “Nope.” He ran a finger along your slit and declared, “She’s soaked, too.”
You wiped your bleary eyes, trying not to wiggle your hips against his finger. If he went any further, Jinwoo would probably see a side of you that you’d never live down. “I said I was sorry!” You pouted. “I won’t make fun of your game anymore!”
A cat-like grin appeared on Moonbin’s face before he fixed your panties and flipped your skirt down. “Thank you for the apology,” he said, lewdly licking his fingertip.
You spun around and playfully slapped his arm.
He laughed again, but brought you into his arms. He dried your cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. “What do you want for dinner?” He asked, embracing you tightly.
You melted into his arms, clutching onto the back of his shirt. “...Anything. I’m that hungry,” you mumbled.
Moonbin looked over to Jinwoo and winked. “All right. Let’s go get something to eat.”
Jinwoo started gathering the pool balls and arranged them for Moonbin. “What about that new restaurant downtown? My treat.”
You pulled away and looked to either of them with bright eyes. “Yes! Please?!”
Moonbin pat your head, and this time it was without ulterior motives. “Since you asked so nicely. Sure.”
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A S T R O 🥤 Masterlist
Astro reaction to being cuddled while watching a scary movie (fluff)
Astro reaction to a physically affection s/o (fluff)
Astro reaction to shy s/o opening up (fluff)
Astro reaction to s./o needing cuddles/affection at night (fluff)
Astro reaction to s/o jamming to their songs (fluff)
Astro as boyfriends (fluff)
Astro as best friends (fluff)
Astro reaction to s/o not liking their songs (angst/cracc)
Astro as high school kdrama characters
MJ
MJ helps you move out (fluff)
Stars Over Me (fluff)
self-honesty (comfort fluff)
Jinjin
Heartstrings - pt. 1 / pt. 2 / pt. 3 / pt. 4
Jinjin as ur boyfriend (fluff)
5:04pm (fluff timestamp)
senior - friend - lover (valentine’s fluff)
die for you (mafia!au) / part 2
short king (cracc/fluff)
Eunwoo
Sneaking around backstage - idol!reader (fluff)
Eunuwu; 303 eunwoo chat logs - pt.1 / pt.2 / pt.3 (angst)
All Night (fluff)
in my arms (comfort fluff)
No Make Up (fluff)
Sunshine (platonic fluff)
(Don't) Come Back (angst)
cheer up, buttercup! (college!au, friends to lovers)
Jealous!Eunwoo
ride the waves (swimmer!comfort fluff)
Moonbin
Let’s Cook! (First Date) - (fluff)
HIDE & SEEK (fluff)
“Why are there tears staining your pretty face?” (comforting angst)
running away means coming back (fluff/angst)
it’s okay to be awkward (fluff; actor!Moonbin)
K-101 (boyfriend!Moonbin fluff)
Rocky
Rocky Road (fluff)
Sanha
Game (is not) Over! (fluff)
“i don’t know you anymore” (angst prompt)
this was never meant to be (angst prompt)
i can’t just be friends anymore (friends to lovers fluff)
#astro masterlist#astro#astro mj#astro au#astro moonbin#astro rocky scenario#astro angst#astro fanfic#astro fluff#astro fanfiction#astro fic#astro jinjin#astro eunwoo#astro sanha#yoon sanha#cha eunwoo#mj fluff#jinjin scenario#eunwoo#eunwoo imagine#astro eunwoo imagine#moonbin#astro moonbin imagine#moonbin x reader#moonbin au#moonbin fanfiction#rocky#rocky au#rocky imagine#astro reactions
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Being Stupid
Rating; Angst, a bit of fluff at the end
Warnings ⚠️ ; N/A
WC; 0.6K
M/P ; Eunwoo x reader
Prompt; Here
You groaned. Yet again, Eunwoo had managed to get himself into a lot of trouble through a few words. Explaining who he was to the security and apologising, you drag a mildly annoyed Eunwoo to his car, snatching the keys from his pocket. You lock the car then lead him down the street, ignoring his protests of "Why are we leaving my car?" And "It'll get stolen! Them what will I do?"
Eventually, Eunwoo fell into silence, still trailing you. If you couldn't hear his footsteps, you'd question if he was still behind you. You navigated the streets expertly, barely flinching at the shadowy alleyways you passed. Eunwoo, however, being the easily scared man he is, felt nervous and did his best to see down each as he passed them.
Trotting up to walk beside you, his arm wrapped around yours, seeking comfort. You allowed him to do so, barely reacting.
It was going well until a group you passed made a comment about the both of you and set him off once more, the level of alcohol in his body fuelling his anger. He spun, dropping your arm sharply and halting.
'Oi, idiot.' He called. 'Yeah. I'm talking to you. Want to say that again?'
His eyes were fiery, daring his opposer to repeat their words.
They simply glanced over their shoulder at him, scoffing softly. 'You're clinging to them.' They gestured to you briefly. 'What are they going to do? Seduce an attacker?'
You held Eunwoo's arm tightly, trying to break his spell. Alas, the man pulled away, following the people. Before he could approach, you jumped in front of him, glaring. 'Do. Not. Do. That.' You snapped, standing stubbornly in his path and placing your hands on your hips. One staring contest later, Eunwoo drops his aggressive behaviour and turns, hanging his head and leading the way to your place.
You checked him over once the door was locked. Taking a seat on the couch and ignoring him, you turned the tv on. 'I'm sorry.' Eunwoo attempted to catch your attention.
'Y/N, I'm really, really sorry, I behaved wrongly and I shouldn't have.' Came his second attempt moments later. You simply shifted on the cushion beneath you, tuning his words out.
It had been about an hour and a half when Eunwoo had had enough of you ignoring him. Switching the tv off, he turned to face you, staring holes into the side of your face. 'Y/N.' You exhaled, leaning back into the couch. 'What?' You mumbled, still refusing to turn your head toward him in the slightest.
'I said I was sorry almost two hours ago, and you've not said anything.'
'Should I care? Every time we go out, it's the same thing. You get uncharacteristically...angry...and it's getting old.'
A sigh answered you. He ruffled his hair on a soft, barely audible groan. 'I love you, okay?'
You chuckled, shaking your head. 'Stop it.' You turned to look at him, the irritation at his actions rising up. 'You're being stupid.'
Seeing his chance - a chance - he moved closer, meeting your gaze. 'If that's what being in love with you makes me, then so be it.' You could feel your breath hitch; the irritation melt away,meltspite only appearing only moments before. With a nod, you lean toward him slowly. You saw Eunwoo prepare for a potential kiss and smiled, snatching the tv remote and sitting back again, pretending to still be annoyed. He whined and leaned in, creating his chin on your shoulder and looking up at you like a sad puppy dog. You continued watching the tv with a small smirk on your lips. 'So be it.' You reiterated softly.
#arohanet#astro#eunwoo x reader#rocky x reader#moonbin x reader#sanha x reader#mj x reader#astro kpop#astro rocky#astro eunwoo#astro reactions#astro imagines#astro fanfiction#writeblr#kim myungjun#park jinwoo#park minhyuk#astro jinjin#astro drabbles#writers on tumblr#kdiarynet
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― ― → “come a little closer”
pairing: moonbin (astro) x (reader)
description: soft fluff, even though that mv was anything but fluff. submission for prompt #25 of challenging words. @challengingwords
The bar sits nestled between two building which must have been grand in their day. Their large store front windows displaying an array of everything one must have but didn’t need. Boards cover the windows of one. The other's while dingy offer a view of naked mannequins, their faces continuing to smile at you despite their loss of limb and the dust coating them. You shiver as you walk by.
The door of the bar gleams with a new coat of paint and the hardware glints with fresh polish. The mannequins are the only witness as you open it. The rich smell of wood teases your noise as you walk down the narrow hall towards a distant light. Shadows surround you as a gentle hum of music pulls you forward.
Another shiver threatens to shake you, but you roll you shoulder back and raise your head as you exit the hall. You squint in the flood of light. When your eyes adjust, you find the bar keeper staring at you, an empty glass in his hand. He is cleaning the glass, his muscles rippling with the movement.
You shake yourself and avert your gaze. You didn't come here to gawk at the bar keeper. You came here for Sanha, and glancing around the room, you find him passed out on a table in the far corner. As you approach, you call out his name, softly. Loud noise would be an insult to the bar.
Sanha remains unaware even as you shake his shoulder and whisper his name into his ear. Smothering a rising panic, you search for another patron who might be able to carry him to the door while you wait for a taxi. The panic threatens to immobilize you as you realize everyone within the bar mirrors Sanha. Only the bar tender meets your eyes. He continues to clean glasses as he watches you.
"What happened to my friend?" Your voice shatters the silence. No one wakes, but a sense of shame creeps across your skin. You grit your teeth against it. Sanha needs you.
The bar tender places the glass on the counter and crooks a finger, beckoning you forward. You step towards him before sense captures your legs and holds you firm by Sanha's side.
"Come a little closer." He whispers, his voice soft and velvet smooth and far more appropriate to the bar's atmosphere. Taking a deep breath, you force your feet forward until you stand in front of him. The bar keeper offers a simple smile. "Your friend is fine." His voice is the same as when he first spoke, but this close the words wrap around you drawing you closer to him.
Clearing your throat clears your head, and you step back. "What happened to him?"
The bar tender slides the glass along the counter until it rests before you. "He came in asking for help, and I helped him." Pulling a bottle from below the counter, he fills the glass two fingers.
"How is letting him get passed-out-drunk helping him?”
Another bottle appears on the counter. This one no bigger than your thumb and topped with a dropper. The man removes the dropper and allows three amber beads to fall into the waiting glass. They ripple across the surface, and you watch them until they disappear.
“Your friend isn’t drunk.” Your attention snaps from the glass. “He is sleeping, but by his choosing.” He smiles again and pushes the cocktail towards you. “People come to me when rest is no longer restful, and I help them find peace again.”
The drink sits on the counter its surface as smooth as a mirror pane. You step forward and catch yourself in it. The you within the glass stares back, head titled examining. With a nod, that you draws you forward, and you reach for the glass. The liquid within remains still holding your reflection as your bring the drink to your lips.
You have no memory of the drinks taste or what came next. You wake to Sanha shaking your shoulder. The last tendrils of sleep slip from your mind, and you realize you feel rested, truly rested like a child waking from a nap revived and ready to conquer anything. Sanha smiles, and you see the same restfulness reflected in his smile. He reaches for your hand, and you give it.
As Sanha leads you out, you glance to the bar tender. He smiles too. Weariness tugs at its corners and weighs down his eyes, but he nods to you and grabs a glass to clean.
#moonbin#astro#hmw#cwchallenges#challengingwords#astro drabble#moonbin drabble#astro fanfiction#moonbin fanfiction#cwc25
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Awkward Meeting (Moonbin)
FLUFF
*****
I take my time as I walk through the small park on the school grounds. The trees connected together at the top, creating a leaf canopy above the walkway, the trees stand tall, making me feel secure. The path was just dirt, but it was easy to walk on. Some branches cover the path, making me extra cautious of my next step.
It was a really nice day and I wanted to eat lunch outside. I don't do this often, but my friends in the lunch room were being obnoxious and I needed a breather from the stuffy cafeteria.
I approach the small bench area in the park and pick a table, setting my lunch on it and then finally sitting down. The birds chirp happily and excitedly while the sun shines slightly through the tree canopy. I sigh happily and begin to enjoy my lunch. The atmosphere somehow making my lunch taste even better.
As I eat my food in silence, I hear a twig snap, making my head turn towards the sound. I see a boy with brown hair and brown eyes look down awkwardly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize someone was here." He apologizes and turns to leave.
"Uhhh..." I trail off before regaining my composure. "You can stay, there's enough room for the both of us."
The boy contemplates for a moment before he finally decides to sit diagonally from me on the bench. We sit in awkward silence for quite awhile before the boy breaks it.
“Do you come here often?” He asks, but then immediately grimaces at how cheesy it sounded.
I giggle quietly and look at the boy to see him looking at me. We both look away with blushes on our faces.
“This is my first time over here.” I say quietly. “What about you?” I continue to pick at my food while looking anywhere but him.
“I come here a lot.” He pauses for a second. “It’s really peaceful. I sometimes do my homework here.”
I nod and we sit in silence for awhile more.
“My name is Moonbin…” The boy says awkwardly.
I look and meet his eyes and try my hardest not to look away. I smile and introduce myself and we go back to silence.
Suddenly, a pretty sound runs through the small, forest like area. Moonbin grabs his phone and stops his alarm, stopping the beautiful music.
“Uhhh, we should go.” He tells me as he stands. “It takes awhile to get back to the school.”
I nod and stand, following behind him closely as he leads the way to the exit. I listen to the sounds of nature as we walk out, getting more sunlight through the trees the more we walk.
I hear big thump behind us and quickly turn around, making me walk backwards. I see nothing and go to turn back around, but trip over something, causing me to fall with an audible crack. I sit up when, suddenly, I feel an agonizing pain. I let out a small cry, trying not to sound too weak in front of Moonbin. Moonbin is by my side in seconds looking into my eyes.
“What happened? Are you okay?” He looks at me with concern.
“Yea, yea. I’m fine.” I lie as I feel my ankle sting in pain, making me cringe in pain.
“Let’s go to the nurse.” Moonbin suggests, helping me stand.
I try to put weight onto my foot, making me almost fall again. Moonbin grabs my arm to stabilize me. He supports me as we walk slowly towards the school. We reach the exit of the forest like park and see the, still, long trek to the school.
Moonbin leans down and places one of his arms around my mid back and one arm around my legs, but keeps awkwardly moving his arms, trying to find a good position.
“What, what are you doing?” I stutter nervously.
“Well, I…” He awkwardly rubs the back of his neck after he stands. “I’m going to carry you so we can get there faster.”
“No, no, no.” I protest quickly. “I can go fine.”
Moonbin looks at me before he quickly leans down. “Watch your foot.” He whispers loud enough for me to hear. He places his arms around me again and picks me up bridal style.
“Hey, I said I was fine.” I blush brightly as I wrap my arms around his neck to keep from falling.
He ignores me and walks toward the school. The bell rings before we make it to the school, so the halls were empty as he took me to the nurse’s office. We reach the office shortly after entering the school and he places me in a chair.
“I have to go to class.” He tells me without meeting my eyes.
“Thank you.” I say quietly as I look at him.
He nods and meets my eyes for a second, before walking out and to his next class.
~~~
I come back to school the next day, with a black cast around my foot and part of my leg. I had broken three bones in my foot, ankle, and leg, so I have to walk with crutches for awhile.
I go through the day with people asking what happened and condolences. Then lunch comes around. My friends head to the cafeteria, helping me along. They help me get situated on a chair in the cafeteria and then most of them go to buy their lunch. I sigh quietly, wishing I was back at the park to eat. I pick at my food for awhile as my friends come back and sit, when, suddenly, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn as much as I can and see Moonbin standing awkwardly next to me.
“Uhhh…” He pauses. “I was wondering if you wanted me to escort you to our spot?” He asks awkwardly, not looking at the others at the table.
Some oohs are heard as my friends await my answer.
“I’m really slow, I can’t get to and from anywhere that well.” I reply sadly to the awkward boy.
“I’ll help you.” He states as he begins to, already, help me stand.
I try to protest, but he doesn’t listen and soon, he is escorting me outside the school.
“See, look how long it takes me to get there.” I complain to him.
“Well, I…” He trails off. “I escorted you so I could spend time with you… So if we don’t make it, thats okay.” He admits quietly, avoiding eye contact.
I smile widely at his confession. I reach my hand out to place the back of my hand against his. He freezes instantly and turns bright red.
“You’re sweet.” I tell him, also avoiding eye contact.
He slowly grabs my hand and begins to walk again.
“Uhh, Moobin.” I get his attention. He looks at me with both of our hands outstretched, still holding hands. “I need that hand to walk with crutches.” I giggle awkwardly.
“Oh, right!” He releases my hand with a nervous smile and stands closely as we continue walking the school grounds.
Now, everyday, we go to the same spot to eat lunch, sometimes doing our homework there as well. Moonbin always comes to escort me, even though I have my cast off now. He even, sometimes, insist on carrying me back. He always says it reminds him of the first day we met. When he puts it that way, its hard to refuse.
ASTRO MASTERLIST
#astro#astro moonbin#moonbin#fluff#this is so cheesy#I dont know what to do#but here it is anyway#...#kpop#kpop fanfiction#x reader#astro x reader#moonbin x reader#so cringe#cringy#school au#back 2 school challange
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Somebody Like
Yoon Sanha one-shot
(This is definitely not a short one)
Very slight angst and so much fluff
Warnings: Possible mentions of anxiety/ Cursing
“You’re staying here for summer break right?” Your mom asked excitedly
“Yes I wanna spend time with you guys and plus i’ll get bored staying in the dorm alone without Lia” You told her
“Yay” She clapped her hands
“I’m gonna make some coffee so you want a cup?”
“Stay here i’ll make you a cup” She told you smiling
“Are you kidding me right now?” You noticed the boy working in the shop right in front of your parents’ house
“Whats going on?” Your mom asked you as she gave you a cup of coffee
“Oh nothing I was just checking out the new shop”
“And maybe the boy in there as well” She cleared her throat before leaving
“Out of all the places he chose to work here? really?” You sighed
Your phone was ringing on the table
“Hi” You said dully
“I can tell you enjoy talking to me” Chan said sarcastically
“What’s up?”
“I wanted to check up on, you can’t I do that as your best friend?” He said
“Oh I’m okay”
“Just okay?” He asked worriedly
“Chan I’m good don’t worry”
“Okay”
“On a different note someone suddenly started working at the shop in front of my parent’s house” You told him
“Who?” He asked
“Yoon Sanha” You said clearly disheartened at the fact that you’ll see often from now on
“Oh right Hyunjin told us to go buy stuff from there so that he does well but i didn’t know he was working there” Chris said
“I literally thought i was finally okay with everything but not anymore now that I will be seeing him everyday”
“It’s okay bub even if your feelings hinder it’s okay”
“I don’t know about that Chan”
“Why?”
“Because last time my feelings caused so much problems with my friends and it caused me to lose my friendship with him kinda”
“Those weren’t your friends Y/N”
“I don’t want to get into this talk now but for now i’m gonna stay away from the store” You said trying to stay in a somehow good mood
“I got to go now but if you need anything i am a call away” He said
“Okay I love you chris”
“I love you too bub” He hung up
“Hey Y/N?” Your dad called for you
“Yes dad” You got up from the balcony heading towards the kitchen
“Can you head to the grocery shop down the road to get me some ingredients?”
Oh fuck. So much for staying away from the store
“Uh- Why?” You tried asking
“What kind of question is that?’ Your father laughed
“I mean like what are you gonna be making?” You questioned
“I want to make carbonara but we don’t have the ingredients”
“I see” You stared at the ceiling
“Y/N” He waved his hand in front of your face
“O-oh right grocery store” You stuttered
You tried pulling yourself together
Crossing the street with a nervous sigh you made it to the shop
“Welco-” There he was after months of not seeing him and not feeling anything for him, your friend that you rarely talked to but still somehow had feelings for, for over 2 years
“Y/N?” He questioned looking at you
“H-hi?” You mentally face palmed
“It’s been a while how are you?” He asked with his gorgeous smile making your stomach flip
“I’ve been good, You?” You replied sounding normal to him but clearly you’re not
“I’m good, do you need help with anything?” He asked getting back to his work mood
“No it’s fine I just need to pick up some things.” You said trying to leave the counter
“Okay well if you need anything just call for me” He smiled again
“Will do” You smiled back
“He literally just smiled? There is no reason for you to be like this” You scolded yourself as you leaned against the shelf filled with snacks
“Are you sure you don’t need help?” He came from the counter
“fuc- You scared me” You said trying to seem as if you weren’t just talking to yourself and about him to be exact
“Sorry I just saw you looking confused so I thought maybe you need help?” He said
“It’s fine I’ve been here plenty of times” You stated heading towards the cheese section
“Oh you have?” He asked curiously
“Yeah I come here mostly because of my parents but also i must admit there’s a nice selection of snacks here”
“You live near by i’m guessing?”
“Yes actually right across the str-” You realized that you blew your cover
Your phone vibrated in your pocket making you sigh out of relief
“Yes dad?”
“I forgot to write down pasta”
“Were you really gonna make Carbonara without pasta dad” You deadpanned
Sanha chuckled at your comment
After the phone call you finished picking up everything you needed and went to the counter and paid trying to avoid eye contact
“Do you need help carrying them?” Sanha asked looking at the bags you need to carry
“It’s okay I’ll manage” You smiled
“Thank you though” You told him carrying the bags
“i hope to see you again” He smiled excitedly
“You probably will” You laughed exiting the store
You found yourself staring down at the shop every time you sat on the balcony or actually every time you were outside
You couldn’t help but be in awe at the boy greeting all his customers with smiles no matter how tired or upset he was
“Y/N we are having people over can you get us some snacks?” Your mom asked
“Sure” You smiled
“Hello” You said to the boy sitting at the counter watching a video laughing
“Y/N Hi!” He brightened upon your arrival
You two ended up talking as you put the snacks in your cart
“Its been a long time since we talked like this” You said smiling
Sanha nodded at your words
“Actually Y/N can i get your-” The door opened to another customer
“Welcome” Sanha went back to the counter not forgetting to throw you a smile
“Okay i’m done” You told him putting the armful of snack on the counter
“I think you need help with those” Sanha laughed
“Maybe”
He helped you take the bags back home which means he knows that you’re just across the street and maybe you didn’t mind him knowing
“Thank you so much and sorry for the bother”
“Its okay youre not a bother at all” He smiled at you before continuing
“Hey Y/N can i have your number? I think I lost it after I changed my phone” He said shyly
“yeah of course”
and to his surprise the next few days he couldn’t help but look up at the balcony across the road every little while, wishing that you’ll be there
A couple of days later you found yourself at Chan’s house with your other friend and roommate Lia
“So you’re telling me Yoon Sanha is working at the shop across from you, and he asked for your number and he has been texting you?” Lia asked shocked
“Yes that happened after I went to the store a couple of times and we had short conversations”
“And to say that you were gonna stay away from that store” Chan clicked his tongue
“Shut up you know I can’t say no to my parents”
“And to Yoon Sanha apparently” He looked everywhere but at you
“But Y/N are you okay?” Lia asked you
“Yeah why?” You looked at her
“Because of what happened before”
“I am over that”
“Yeah but are you over him?” Chan asked
You stayed silent for a while
“A part of me hates the fact that I still like him, i am scared more people will tell me to give up because i’m not his type and that he won’t ever like someone like me that’s struggling with anxiety and attacks often I am scared i might go back to where i was before when i just hated every inch of myself but i can’t help it. He’s so goddamn sweet in every way possible that I can’t help it”
“Y/N those people made you hate yourself for no reason they made you think you weren’t enough but trust me now they can’t. They are gone for good. You have us and we’re gonna support you through everything” Chan said rubbing your back
Your phone vibrated in your hand
“He’s calling” You said furrowing your brows
“How about you answer” Chan pushed you towards the balcony
“Hello?”
“Y/N?”
“Yes it’s me”
You heard him sniffing through the phone
“Sanha?”
“Yes?”
“Are you crying?”
“Uh-no?”
“Liar”
“Actually can you come by?” He asked lowly
“Yeah i’ll be there in 10″
“Guys I have to leave I’ll text you later” You waved and left
“Hey are you okay?” You went over to him
He looked up with red eyes and a red nose
“Oh no” You rushed to the counter and sat beside him
“What’s wr-” At that moment the part timer that was taking over after Sanha’s shift came
“Let’s go” You grabbed his hand
“What’s up?” You stood in front of him while he sat at the swing
“Sanha” You said sternly but you were worried about the silent boy
He looked at you with glassy eyes before he pulled you into a hug his head resting on your stomach and that was the last straw for him as he sobbed into your arms and you pat his back slowly
“You can tell me whenever you’re comfortable” You told him running your fingers through his hair
“I fought with my parents today It was a very big fight, I didn’t do well in both my work and my exams for the summer semester I just feel like a useless son. I don’t know how to do anything right. I feel horrible” He rambled
“Sanha look at me” You crouched down holding his face in your hands
“You are more than enough, You’re not useless and you are an amazing son. The fight with your parents took a toll on you and you had a bad day, that’s completely okay and your feelings are valid. Things will get better trust me love. I know that it’s hard right now but all it takes is a little courage to make everything better. Tomorrow apologize to your parents if you think it’s the best choice and do what makes you comfortable. I don’t want you to ever think that you’re useless okay? You’re amazing” You told him looking into his eyes
He smiled at you softly before putting a hair strand behind your ear
“Thank you” He told you standing up and bringing you into another hug
“You’re always welcome” You told him wrapping your hands around his waist
Everything was normal for a while
Sanha still texted you often
Your heart continued fluttering
The only thing you stopped doing is going to the store solely because you didn’t have to or because you were too scared that you might spill your feelings to him seeing that you were getting too excited
But of course your luck was in place seeing your dad come to you with a paper in hand and a mischievous smile on his face
“On it” You sighed
“Hell-” You stopped midway seeing the person in front of the counter t
“Y/N?”
“Lucy Hi” You said with a straight face
“Long time no see” She gave you a fake smile
“Yeah and it would’ve been better to keep it that way” You muttered under your breath
“I missed you” Someone came from the aisle pulling you into a short hug
“I missed you too Sanha” You gave him a smile slowly turning it back to a frown seeing the girl in front of you
“You two are dating?” She raised her brows
“No” You both replied
“But even if we were it’s none of your business” You said going past her into the drinks aisle
Soon enough the tall boy came to where you were
“Why were you acting like that?” He asked with a pout
“Because she is someone I dislike wholeheartedly” You told him
“But still she’s our friend ”
“Your friend but not mine anymore” You said
“She’s nice though?”He told you
“Go to her then” You told him clicking your tongue leaving him
“What’s wrong with you?” He asked more seriously
“Nothing Sanha she just triggered me” You said loudly
“Why would she? She didn’t say anything”
“You don’t know what she did”
“Then tell me” He let out a breath of frustration
“My dad is waiting for me” You left with the bags in your hand
“Answer the phone goddamn it” Sanha whispered under his breath
Customer after customer they came in but none of them were you
He wanted to see you and clear the air between you two
“Oh for fucks-” He was getting frustrated
“Hello?” You picked up
“Y/N”
“What?” You asked
“We need to talk” He said sternly
“Now?”
“Yes now and if you don’t show up i’ll go to your house”
“I’m coming but calm the fuck down” You told him
The door opened to you wearing comfortable clothing which made him hold back a smile at how cute you looked
He said his goodbye to his co-worker and dragged you to the park
“Why haven’t you been answering my texts?” He asked crossing his arms together
You couldn’t seem to find an answer knowing well enough that this isn’t his fault
He didn’t know about your past with her just yet
“I am sorry seeing her that day triggered me” You apologised
“Is it okay if you tell me why?” He asked you
“She brought me down. Always did. Whenever I would talk to her about the guy I liked or anything for that matter she would bring me down, put the blame on me, say i’m toxic and messed up. She caused me to change and become distant with one person I loved with all my heart because she told me I wasn’t enough and I would just make him pity me” You looked at the floor
You could see him bring his hand into a fist
“She did that?”
You just nodded feeling your eyes water
“Look at me”
“Y/N please?” You couldn’t do it
“Y/N” He said seriously holding your face i his hands
“First of all the things she said were never true. I always thought you were amazing and kind to everyone around you not only that but you’re beautiful too. She’s a horrible person for doing that to you. You’re more than enough love. You’re so strong for getting up after what she said and I’m so proud of you. Regarding that uh- guy--” He stopped clearing his throat frowning
“I don’t know who he is or if you still like him but if he did think of you the way she did then that’s on him. You’re so beyond amazing and if he fails to see that or he pities you for being who you are then it’s his fault and he’s an asshole” He continued, looking into your eyes
You smiled at him
“Now I know he was not like that and he won’t ever be because he’s the sweetest most precious person I know” You looked at him
“So--”
“And I still like him alot actually”
“Are you rubbing it in my face?” He asked clearly upset
“No why would I when it’s you” You told him
“Oh it’s--” He looked shocked
after a while he came back to his senses
“Can I kiss you?” He asked shyly
You nodded putting your hands on his waist as he brought his lips to yours bringing all butterflies to your stomach and your heart to a fast beat
He pulled away with a smirk
“Sweetest most precious?” He teased you
“Oh shut it”
“Y/N”
“no shut up”
“I like you, I like you so much” He said
You choked on your own spit as you flushed red
“I like you too” You said
He pulled you into his arms
“So what do you say to a date tomorrow?”
“I say let’s do it” You hugged him tighter
“Boo!” You scared him
Seeing him flinch made you laugh but you stopped seeing the pout on his face
“What were you thinking about so deeply?”
“You” He smiled once he saw you blush
“Cheesy” You slapped his chest
The waiter came to take your order but it was uncomfortable as he was staring at you quite a lot
“That would be all” Sanha glared at him
Later on he came to bring your drink to the edge of where you were standing and he earned another glare from Sanha
“Will he stop fucking staring?” Sanha said pissed
“Are you perhaps jealous?” You teased
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? Look at how gorgeous you are and he keeps looking at you when it’s obvious i’m with you” He said anger filling his tone
You blushed nevertheless
You held his hand
“I will only look at you remember that Sanha” You said as you walked out of the coffee shop walking towards the park
“Y/N” He called you stopping in his tracks
“Yes?”
He brushed the hair out of your face smiling at how beautiful you looked
“I’m in love with you” He said smiling
“I’ve been in love with you” You told him
He brought you into a tight embrace later pulling away to admire you more
“You’re unreal, How did I get so lucky?” He said before closing the gap kissing you softly with all love
Thank you for reading!
#astro#yoonsanha#sanha fluff#sanha#fanfcition#moonbin#rocky#eunwoo#jinjin#mj#mjamie#parkjinwoo#parkminhyuck#myungjun#cha eunwoo#park jinwoo#park minhyuck#fluff#Fanfiction#astro fanfic#kpop#fantagio#ddana
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