#more disjointed thoughts

[mtreebeardiles]

So I think Bobby was only partially right when he insinuated Eddie’s still hung up on Shannon

Because I don’t think he ever really loved her — they got married because she got pregnant, he ran off to the army, then she left and didn’t come back and the only real reason to reconnect had more to do with Christopher than anything else

It’s not that I think he hates her or dislikes her — I think he DID like her, but not in a way that would’ve been romantically sustainable. He’s caught in all these contradictions within himself — the idea of what he should be, what’s acceptable, and what he actually wants are all very different things. Shannon was the perfect excuse to never have to find another girlfriend — and she still is

The idea of her, rather than her herself, was and is the ultimate sabotage for any relationship because the kind of relationships he thinks he SHOULD have isn’t the kind he actually wants

Would he have ever sought Shannon out when he did if the school application process for Christopher hadn’t put pressure on him, hadn’t reinforced that idea of what family should look like? Could argue he didn’t have to move to CA at all, and why go where he presumably knew she was, but I do think he had wanted to open the possibility of having her back in her son’s life, if only for Christopher’s sake. But he didn’t make that move until he felt forced to

Because once she was back, he knew it would only be a matter of time before they tried to make things work

I don’t doubt her rejection hurt, and I don’t doubt that he cares for her, and this is in no way a reflection on her or her character, but rather how I think he sees her, subconsciously, and how the idea of her shifted from absence/placeholder to grief as a means of avoiding new relationships, the kind he keeps forcing himself to have because he still thinks on some level it’s what he wants

Guy’s not gonna be happy til he figures out what he actually wants

[kagoutiss]

green beetle black beetle

[chaoticsorceress]

The god Gale ending may be a good ending for a Tav who is in a romance with him but it isn't a good ending for Gale. I think that may be where the confusion lies. 

There are themes in BG3 that what you want isn't always what you need. Yes Gale wants godhood to help people but it isn't what he needs. He wants so badly to prove that he is worthy of your friendship or love but he doesn't need to change into a god to do that. He needs to see that he is enough just the way he is. That he is already worthy of so much. That he can help people without becoming a god. That the people around him value and love him because he's Gale not because of the magic he commands. They cherish Gale Dekarios not Gale of Waterdeep and certainly not the God of Ambition.

[mae-i-scribble]

tonight i was thinking about orv’s theme about how yjh as a character, and to a larger extent people, will in some ways always be unknowable. (orv spoilers following, read at your own risk)

i feel like i’ve seen a few posts on here that somewhat take this theme to an extreme, leaning *hard* into that “kdj doesn’t actually know yjh like at all” which while on the right track, i feel completely misses the point. Orv goes out of its way to showcase that kdj actually understands yjh to a scary degree, even once they’re out of the early scenarios and the gap between kdj’s knowledge and yjh’s personhood grows larger, there are still things about yjh that *only* kdj can fundamentally understand. And I don’t think that the novel does anything to discredit that understanding, only says that there is much more to yjh. In the same manner, even if you’ve known someone for years, spent all your time with them, there can and will always be new things for you to learn about them. The danger that orv speaks of is trusting in that assumption, that your understanding will be enough and you don’t have to keep an eye out for more developments. That the person you know will forever stay the same. And this isn’t a kdj problem either, fundamentally a lot of the big disagreements that happen between kdj and yjh in the latter half of the novel are born from both of them misconstruing what the other is thinking, trusting that their understanding of the other is deep enough to base their judgements off of. (Post first murim destruction, divorce arc, yjh thinking kdj scattered his soul on purpose, etc.)

As always with orv’s themes, we can view it in a meta sense as well. Kdj’s understanding of yjh as a character is so complete that it’s nearly flawless- until the story begins to deviate and a yjh grows outside the parameters that kdj’s judgements are based on. Even before then, there was always more to yjh- but as readers, we can only understand a character as much as we see them. What you come away with from a story is your complete understanding, there is no growth outside of those boundaries because then it wouldn’t be an understanding of *that* character, you would be putting your own ideas and such into it. But talk to another person, and suddenly the same character you understand so clearly becomes someone else. Talk to the author, and they say something completely different. And can one truly claim to understand a character when the story will never talk about them in every conceivable way? What does it take to truly understand such a thing? Learning that 1863rd round hsy wrote ways of survival with such limited resources and knowledge on who yjh even is, and yet despite it all, still manages to write a story that captures so much of his essence. As orv readers, we know it isn’t everything- it could never encapsulate all of yjh, but the idea that even when one knows nearly nothing, you can still put on a facade of understanding.

We can get into a chicken or the egg argument with this, as 1863!hsy dictates how yjh acts with her writing, and that yjh in the 1863rd round is the one she comes to know before ever starting this story, but when it comes to this theme of the unknowable in the people around us, I don’t think this sort of debate is worth much. We know that yjh exists outside the story written, and how much of him is determined by hsy’s writing is negligible because no matter what, he always grows beyond it. Whether as 1864 or secretive plotter, it all comes back to that same point of there is always more to see within a person.

I don’t know quite where I want to go with this, only that I wanted an outlet for some of these thoughts inside my head, but one of the best things about this theme for me is how it answers itself. When the people around you become unrecognizable, what should you do? And orv says to reach out. To try. To understand. Kdj loses access to omniscient reader several times but always, always gains it back in orv (as far as i remember), because at the end of the day, he is not someone who stays trapped in his idea of who he knows yjh to be. Yjh too, even at the end of orv, is trying to learn more and more about kdj. Only when you are willing to hear out the other person, to learn about them every day, does this unknowable aspect become something less daunting.

[firethekitty]

my thesis

text if it's hard to read and some explanations under the cut:

vash & angel devil:

human-looking but not actually human

passively suicidal

wings

no body autonomy: forced to do things by humans and other devils/plants

hates killing

every time they’ve killed was against their will: angel devil has never gone out of his way to kill a human. vash intentionally kills only one person in the entire manga and he fucking hated it

passive aggressive and stubborn

inherently religious but don’t actually care about religion: they're both angels but they never show any interest or knowledge of religion (and actively show disdain for it at times)

technically immortal

black-haired women they loved dearly but inadvertently caused the deaths of

memory loss

don’t want to be as strong and deadly as they are

angel:

doesn’t bother masking

“hates all humans” but not actually (it’s complicated)

doomed by the narrative

vash:

masks constantly

“loves all humans” but not actually (it’s complicated)

the narrative’s favorite

wolfwood & aki:

doomed by the narrative

die young

smoke

childhood stolen from them: forced to grow up too fast

orphans

appear cold and distant but actually care way too much about everything

black hair

have no problem with killing (until they meet someone who changes their morals)

pretend to be cool but are actually losers

haunted by guns

blunt and rude, loners

their enemy(ies) become the only ones who they truly feel comfortable with: vash for wolfwood; denji, power, and angel for aki

by the time they realize they want to live, it’s already too late

aki:

modern-ish day japan: chainsaw man part 1 takes place during like the mid-90s, i'm not sure if that constitutes as "modern" anymore

horrible death: become the thing you once feared

not great with kids (but trying his best)

was never scared of angel

meaningless death: this does NOT mean his death shouldn't have happened!!! "meaningless" in the narrative sense; everything he did and worked towards was for nothing

wolfwood:

distant future on another planet

peaceful death

great with kids

scared of vash at first, but overtime came to trust him more than anyone else

meaningful death: he finished what he set out to do, which was always to save the orphanage. and he achieved this with vash's help (he knew vash would do anything he could to help after he died)

vashwood & akiangel:

doomed

change each other for the better

human x angel

narrative foils

[sageofthestarz]

Some sad kinda fucked Ifrit thoughts because I woke up and they came

Cw; Substance Abuse, Sex as a coping mechanism, and just kinda general sads.

Nothing graphic said but still putting those ^

Ifrit

Big, Strong, oh so stupid Ifrit.

That's what was thought of him. A muscle head who fucked hard, partied hard, and got fucked up without a care.

An easy fuck and go without connections, without having to stick around after sorta thing

That isn't who he was though.

This was all learned behavior because it's what got him the attention he craved, any sense of being useful, cared about even if it was only because his body was useful

He loved and hated every single second of every single hookup, high, and any other thing that got him out of his head

If he wasn't happy he wasn't useful, if he didn't stay the persona they all knew he wouldn't be liked, if she showed just how broken inside he truly was he'd lose everything and everyone he had, no matter how superficial he needed the attention

It didn't matter if it was a vicious cycle of regrets, and horrible sleepless night, bad highs and.. thoughts he shouldn't have. Couldn't have

It was all he had now

His pack was broken.

His pack hated him after he left.

He never bothered to try and reconnect, why would he.

Aether, Mountain, and Dew stayed with the band, Zephyr never spoke to him, Mist was long gone to be with the lake.

He couldn't bother any of them with this.

With him.

He left the pack, he left the band, that was his choice. He left the only people who cared about him and for what? To go and be whatever he was now?

Yes.

Even when he knew he could possibly rekindle something he didn't. Shoved those feelings down and shoved more substance down his throat.

He didn't deserve it.

Didn't deserve to have that happiness.

That comfort.

Ifrit used to be the most caring, lovable golden retriever there was.

Always following someone's trail, loving on them, and doing every favor he could

His pack loved him

He loved his pack

Now a days he's nothing more then an old dog owned by a family long since grown.

One that's waiting for the first excuse to be put down despite all the love it has left to give.

He thinks it's what he deserves.

A life of misery, and pain without comfort.

He watches his old pack in longing, the only happiness coming from seeing how happy and healthy they are

He'd do anything for them even now

He's so happy to see them thrive and love each other

Even if it also breaks his heart.

[kr-210-r2700-prime]

assorted whiteboard slop from yestereve

[tacticalgrandma]

I just think it’s so fascinating how the manifestation of Darkness the Witness gave us, that it viewed as this ultimate enticement, as “salvation,” was Stasis. Beyond Light associates it with control and obsession. And then in Lightfall we find Strand and it’s about letting go, accepting, moving. Osiris and Nimbus talk about how we were drained using Strand when we tried to grasp it tightly, how it only truly came to us when we let ourselves flow with the river. And the Witness did not know about Strand! It literally destroyed its defenses!

Just man. The Witness valuing control above all else, chasing and obsessing over the Traveler to finally control it. After an expansion where Nimbus and Osiris learn to grieve by not fighting the current, not trying to force themselves to be healed when they’re not. Where Caiatl watches her father’s obsession finally consume him and makes her peace.

Anyway just thinking about Savathun saying the Witness “gives [Darkness] a wicked shape” and appreciating how she read this eldritch horror for filth a whole year ago

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows

but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there

(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in

& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)

"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"

but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.

and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.

(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)

and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know

i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4

However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.

which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!

all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself

(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)

[becauseplot]

i feel i should preface this with saying that this relationship analysis "takes place" before qcellbit's emotional exhaustion and motivation crash---

---but i have been having SUCH crazy thoughts abt the archivists (qcellbit n qphilza). guy who needs evidence of Everything 🤝 guy who takes pictures of and hoards Everything. two-cars-passing-each-other meme whenever cellbit (practically nocturnal at this point) makes a late-night run to the Ordo to grab some notes he left there and bumps into phil (trouble sleeping ever since the birdhouse incident) who's sitting in one of the evidence rooms organizing a new backpack of photos to hand over to cellbit.

"oh. hey phil." "hi mate."

their conversations and interactions center mostly around cellbit's investigations---the ones cellbit lets the public know about, anyway---and whatever new info phil managed to scoop up since the last time they saw each other. theories are exchanged, and photos are passed between them as easily as pleasantries. "how're you doing?" "oh, doin' alright, doin' alright. you?" "eh. busy, you know?"

they don't talk about much else.

see, they both understand secrets. intimately. things you did you would much rather leave behind you, if you can, or thoughts, worries, doubts you would much rather keep to yourself for fear of speaking them into existence. sealed lips; a tight lid. they look at each other and know they're only seeing what the other wants them to see, but that's okay. they get it. sometimes, it's just easier to focus on what is directly in front of you. what you can see, what you can touch; what you know is true, what you know is real.

what you can do.

so cellbit generates and bounces his theories off of phil, and phil is more than happy to be a sounding board. phil fills up a backpack with photographs, and cellbit is more than happy to take it off his hands. they focus on The Work, on the spiderweb of red string and loose ends and grainy pictures and scrawled notes pinned to the wall, madness-incarnate sprawled out before them. they trust each other's judgement, and they trust each other's skills, and they trust each other, and neither asks too many questions. they both appreciate it.

[wikiangela]

last line tag

tagged by @jesuisici33 @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 @jamespearce9-1-1 @lover-of-mine @hippolotamus @disasterbuckdiaz 💖💖

___

It’s a good few weeks, and it feels like everyone’s back on track, settling into their lives again, figuring everything out one day at a time. Buck’s happy. He has his awesome girlfriend, his best friend seems finally more at ease, even if the divorce is adding some stress, and his other best friend is happier than ever with his mom around. Everything’s finally starting to go great.

And then it all gets disrupted again.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @monsterrae1 @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @exhuastedpigeon @weewootruck @loserdiaz @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings @ladydorian05 @malewifediaz @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @spotsandsocks @hoodie-buck @giddyupbuck @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jeeyuns

[grimdoch]

ok hear me out. i think the chess board in this scene represents more than just 'scout is in danger'

sure, that's the plainest way to see it. scout is lined up perfectly with the pawn, and his lawsuit has painted a target on his back. that's why he's murdered-- he's making a fuss and the Powers That Be don't want that.

but look at the selection of pieces. two rooks, a bishop, a king, and a queen, surrounding an enemy pawn.

where is the blu king or queen? is this a finished game, not yet cleaned up? if that's the case, the pawn is a straggler of the losing side. one last loose end.

in scout's case, the loose end tied up with his death.

but consider with me: the pawn isn't scout. it's jane doe, the soldier. this finished board represents soldier's situation further into the film.

the two rooks are what got me thinking so much about it. why two rooks? why not a rook and a knight? one of each non-pawn piece?

maynard and zed conagher. they're the rooks. the hunter is the bishop. the butcher and stalingrad are the queen and king, being the most physically powerful.

and the choice of a blu pawn-- there are more pawns than any other piece in a game of chess. they're simple, but if used right, devastating. just like soldier, who was cloned (more of him than any other) and ultimately manages to escape 'despite' being a 'simple-minded grunt.'

arguments could be made that the pawn is jules archibald, kidnapped by the aforementioned red monstrosities, which is also plausible, maybe likely. i think the board represents several different characters in different points in the film.

also, a little thing i noticed: the chess board is in a fresh state at the beginning of this scene. is that intentional? did the filmmakers simply place in a board and not care for the pieces' positions until it was pertinent? i don't think that sounds like them, but it can happen. did the board suddenly reaching an end state happen due to scout taking the emesis diazepam? maybe it represents the story ending before it could truly begin. did the protagonists' actions really change the outcome?

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Girl who can’t stop thinking about how arknights characters would play in a fighting game.

[tigone]

hmm. there is definitely some sort of irony in how goodsir is the one who originally researches the negative properties of the tins. how he discovers that it's poisoning them all, that it's driving them a little bit mad. how he investigates it using jacko and then warns crozier against it. and then how hickey turns to cannibalism, not just because he's hungry, but because he also knows that there's something wrong with their food. he resorts to it because of the knowledge that their current food is doing something to them, and they can have an alternate solution. but then, when goodsir is eaten, it turns out his body is poisonous too. the alternate solution is soured. the refusal to eat the cans has failed. it's like a twisted mirror. goodsir discovered what was killing them and how. and then he did what he discovered to himself, turning his body into a meal that would kill. like the cans. just some food (hah) for thought really.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

I would like to go on record to say that even though I don't agree with Izzy's death or the manner of it, I will not be reblogging posts about it that refer to it as bury your gays on principle. I am sick of the misuse of that term. It is not fucking bury your gays if he was one gay of an entire cast of gays who are still alive and kicking and being gay together. There's other more pressing reasons to be mad about that death; you could comment, perhaps, on how he was the most physically disabled of the crew, or the gay with no textual (current) romantic attachments and therefore 'expendable', or the most suicidal apart from Ed and how it leaves a bad taste in the mouth to see him succumbing peacefully to death (hello spn finale war flashbacks). There is no need to further dilute a once-useful term.

[sofastuffing]

i have a headache