#more importantly. the next two chapters of the epilogue are finished and just sitting there

[cloud-somersault]

the fact that i'm just sitting on the next two chapters of the epilogue doesn't sit right with me, but not everyone's read it and also like...................i literally have not heard from some regulars since constellations chapter 3, are they just gone forever

[nyctophilin]

Fake Affection | II

Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III, Chapter IV, Epilogue

Description: Han Jisung has been rejected by the girl he likes one to many times. He decides that he has had enough and is set on making her want him back. What could possibly make her want him more than seeing him with her rival after she boldly assumed he can’t find anyone better. That way Jisung and Y/N are stuck in a fake relationship until Jisung’s crush falls for him. Or he falls for someone else.

All rights reserved © nyctophilin 2020. Re-posting, copying and translating any of my works is prohibited.

Pairing: Han x fem!Reader, Hyunjin x fem!Reader

Word count: 4.5k

Genre: College!AU, Fake dating!AU, Angst, Fluff, eventual Smut

Warnings: swearing

A/N: Remember when I said this will only have two part? Well, I’m a big fat liar. The drama kind of started this chapter and I’m excited for it. Also, thank you so much for for the huge support I got for the last part. I’m really grateful for that. I hope you like it, hehe. Feedback is very much appreciated.

      Y/N was sitting in Script Interpretation class trying to go over the script they were going to discuss that day once more. Her concentration was interrupted by a pile of books being slammed into the table way too close to where her hand was resting. Lifting her head to look for the culprit she locked eyes with Hayoon. A shiver went through her body.

      “Hey, girl. How are you doing?” Her voice was abnormally high and she hated how she couldn’t hide her feelings in front of her best friend. She really fucked up this time.

      “Oh, don’t you ‘girl’ me! Can you explain to me what the fuck is everyone talking about?” She wasn’t screaming, her tone calm. Way too calm. It was making Y/N way more scared than she should have been.

      Y/N lifted the script she was previously holding. “ Angels in Ame…” Hayoon hit the table with her palm and lowered herself to watch Y/N in the eyes.

      “Don’t you bullshit me Y/N. Why is everyone talking about you and Han Jisung being in a relationship?” Hayoon’s face was dangerously close to hers and she could feel the daggers that her eyes were sending in her direction.

      She gulped visibly before putting her hands on Hayoon’s shoulders and slowly pushing her away from her. “Well, we are in a relationship.” She didn’t dare look her friend in the eyes.

      Annoyance was embracing Hayoon’s facial features. She clicked her tongue before exhaling loudly. “And why didn’t I know? And most importantly, when the fuck did it happen?” The girl’s voice started to rise in volume.

      “Ok, please calm down! I’ll tell you everything at the end of the class. The professor is supposed to arrive any minute.” Y/N had a pleading face on, grateful for the fact that they didn’t have a free period. She hoped that maybe during the class Hayoon would calm down even a little. She really couldn’t deal with her friend when she was angry.

      Like it was on cue, the professor entered the classroom and greeted everyone. Hayoon threw Y/N a look that meant they were not done there and focused on the professor.

      Throughout the class, Y/n couldn’t focus on what they were talking about. She was thinking of what to tell her friend so she believes her and Jisung are deeply in love or at least very horny for each other. She was told by more professors that she is one of the best actresses they have at the moment but in front of Hayoon, she felt just like a kid who’s done something bad for the first time.

      The time flew ridiculously fast that class and when the bell rang Y/N felt like she could have used some more hours to prepare for the talk she was about to have with Hayoon. Her friend got up and when they both finished packing their things she grabbed Y/N’s bicep as a method to prevent her from running away. 

      Hayoon led her outside of the campus and they sat down on a bench at the front of the university. That was the moment when she let go of her friend's arm. She made herself comfortable on the bench while Y/N was fidgeting nervously.

      “You can start talking” She tilted her head to the side waiting for an explanation.

      Y/N let out a shaky breath. “What happened is that he sat next to me in Canto class and then when the class was over he asked me to talk. He asked me out and now we are dating.” She said all that in a breath hoping that maybe Hayoon didn’t hear her.

      “Just like that?” The other girl’s voice filled her ears. Y/N looked at her confused. The girl rolled her eyes. “You started dating him just like that? Just because he asked you? What happened with ‘He’s a loser’, ‘He never takes shit seriously’, ‘He has a stupid face that I hate’? Weren’t he and Mina dating?” The flood of questions took her by surprise.

      “No, they are not dating. And he’s actually kind of nice. He has his bad parts but don’t we all?” She tried explaining without stumbling over her words which she succeeded in doing. Thankfully.

      “But what if it is some kind of bet or trick? You know who he is friends with. You should have thought better before saying yes.” She shifted her position closer to Y/N and put a hand on her forearm protectively.

      She was right. The whole thing was just a trick but she wasn’t the victim. She kind of felt bad now but the whole thing was actually harmless. They were just trying to make Mina jealous and if it didn’t work in a month or so, she would break up with Jisung. She turned her head towards her friend, tears stinging her eyes.

      “Yes, I know his friends but it’s not like that. I really do like him. Why can’t you be happy for me? Is it that hard to believe that a popular guy would like me?” A single tear fell down her cheek and Hayoon hugged her hurriedly, stuffing her face into her chest.

      “No, I’m sorry! Of course, he can. I’m sure a lot of popular guys like you! I was just worried!” Y/N sobbed a little and Hayoon hugged her tighter, rubbing her back soothingly.

       “It’s ok. I know you mean well.” Y/N hated having to use the fake crying on her friend but if they wanted that to work no one should know they were faking their relationship.

      The bell rang signalling the end of her last class. She gathered her things and waited a bit for Hayoon before leaving the room. Just as she stepped outside the classroom a hand snaked around her waist and she was pressed to a body.

      “Hey, babe.” Jisung said next to her ear before giving her neck a kiss. The girl jumped at the contact before relaxing upon realising that it was Jisung.

      “Hey.” She made eye contact with Hayoon who was sitting awkwardly to the side. She got out of his lock only to hold her friend’s hands and bring her closer. When she turned she noticed Hyunjin and Chan standing close to Jisung as well. “She’s my friend, Hayoon.” The men all greeted her.

      Hayoon gave them in return a smile that was visibly fake before turning to Y/N. “I have to go. See you tomorrow, ok?”

      “Yeah, see you.” She watched her get lost in the crowd before turning back to the boys.

      “She’s nice.” Jisung said ironically, rolling his eyes.

      “Give her time. She just doesn’t really like you.” Hyunjin and Chan held in their laughter as Jisung’s face turned into a hurt one.

      “But you like me, right babe?” His voice was as if he was talking to a child as he placed his hands on her hips bringing her closer.

      “You might have to give me some time as well.” The men finally let out their laughter as Jisung’s expression turned into an annoyed one. “What are you doing here, anyway?” She asked her head tilted to the side to show confusion and to distance herself a little bit from Jisung, who didn’t seem to have a problem with showing her affection.

      “I came here to wait for Jeongin and they came to wait for you.” Hyunjin smiled as he spoke. She smiled back at him feeling happiness invade her body.

      She turned her head towards her pretend boyfriend raising an eyebrow. “Did you want to tell me something?”

      “I actually came to take you home. I and Chan have to meet Changbin somewhere and your house is on the way there.” She felt a warm feeling in her stomach at his words. That was actually really nice of him considering the fact that they were not actually dating.

      “Jisung sweetie, you don’t know where I live yet.” Hyunjin snorted loudly, biting his lip to prevent himself from laughing. Jisung glared at him before looking down at Y/N.

      “Ok, I don’t know if your house is on the way there but we were going to drop you off.” 

      “That’s really sweet of you but I actually have the first meeting with the crew for the short movie I’ll play in. I can’t leave yet.” She finally got out of his arms as she wanted to turn around and leave. A pair of strong hands placed themselves on her biceps and stopped her from moving.

      “Easy there. You almost hit me. We still have 15 minutes until the meeting starts.” Jeongin explained as he went past her to greet each of the men individually.

      “I’m sorry!” A pinkish colour dusted her cheeks, embarrassed by her negligence to where she was walking. “We? Your crew is meeting now as well?” The innocence in her voice made Jeongin chuckle.

      “Y/N, we play in the same movie.” Her eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fell agape at his words. Hyunjin and Jeongin giggled at her reaction.

      “Seriously?” Her question had Hyunjin rolling his eyes.

      “You say that like you haven’t been together in every single play since last year.” He was right but she didn’t remember seeing Jeongin at the auditions. “Now, let’s go or we’ll be late.”

      “You play in it as well?” Her expression became even more shocked if it was possible.

      “No, I don’t. I’ll just come watch.”

      “I don’t think you are allowed to.”

      “Oh, please! Mrs. Bae loves me. I’m sure she won’t have anything against it.” Right after he finished talking he hooked an arm around Jeongin’s neck forcing him to follow his lead. When he got next to Y/N he did the same taking the girl by surprise.

      She regained her composure fast telling herself that Hyunjin is just a social butterfly. She lifted her hand and waved it ‘Goodbye!’ at the boys who she couldn’t see because of Hyunjin’s grip on her neck.

      Jisung watched as the three of them were heading for the auditorium. Taking another look at Hynjin’s arm around her neck, he scoffed. He had been particularly annoying since lunch and something told Jisung it wouldn’t be the last time.

     As long as he didn’t interfere with their plan to make Mina jealous, he didn’t really care what kind of relationship Hyunjin was trying to push with Y/N.

      “I can not wait to get the script. Cursed be the printer for breaking down today of all days!” Y/N chanted for the nth time in the last 20 minutes.

      The meeting went fairly well. They mostly talked about the concept of the movie more in-depth, met the other actors that they didn’t know thanks to them being from different majors and discussed about each character individually so they know how to prepare for the roles. The only thing that upset Y/N was the missing scripts that they were supposed to receive. She was so excited about the movie and she could not endure another day without knowing the entire story.

      She was currently walking home with Hyunjin and Jeongin. Despite being well past 7 PM the sun was still in the sky probably preparing to set soon. The spring breeze had her clutching her jean jacket to her body trying to get rid of the goosebumps covering her skin.

      “You’ve only told us that a thousand times in the last couple of minutes.” Hyunjin said being unable to suppress the smile that was tugging at his mouth upon seeing how excited she was.

      “Can you blame me? The concept of Hell and Heaven, the forbidden love, the action, the drama. Everything is so, ugh!” Y/N was making wide gestures with her hands as she spoke, having the men trying to avoid them in order not to get hit. Jeongin grabbed one of her hands stopping her ministration.

      “I have never seen someone so excited about a school project. Calm down! We’ll get the script tomorrow.” Her mouth formed into a pout at his words. The two men let out chuckles at her action.

      Taking a look around her she noticed a familiar coffee shop on the other side of the road. She cleared her throat as she stopped at the crossroad. 

      “My apartment is actually that way.” She used her index finger to point the direction of the coffee shop. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

      “Actually, I’m going that way as well.” Hyunjin said, pressing the button of the traffic lights.

      They said goodbye to Jeongin before crossing the street. There was a comfortable silence between the two of them for a few minutes.

      “I still can’t believe that they let you stay.” Y/N said, remembering how he sat behind her and Jengin the whole time. He would make short comments about the plot and characters from time to time, making her giggle.

      “I told you Mrs. Bae loves me. She’ll do anything for her favourite student.” He said matter of factly.

      “I just don’t understand how she can be such a bitch to everyone but you. She acted like you were her son, I swear to God.” She trembled as she recalled how the professor would talk to him in a baby voice and how she offered to give him her chair so he could sit comfortably.

      “Not everyone is as handsome and amazing as I am.” Y/N laughed shortly and shoved him slowly.

      Another minute passed before Hyunjin decided to speak.

      “You know what I don’t understand?” He asked, looking at her side profile.

      “What?” She made eye contact with him.

      “Now, I don’t want you to get offended, cause that is definitely your choice. However, why date Jisung? You could have had any boy on campus. Someone that’s actually mature and nice.” Hyunjin let his teeth sink into the flesh of his bottom lip. 

      He knew what he was trying to do was not ethical. Jisung was one of his best friends but he had to know. If he couldn’t get Mina, which everyone could, how did he convince someone of Y/N’s calibre to date him?

      “Perhaps you think too highly of me. I assure you, I couldn’t have had any boy on campus.” She let a breathy laugh leave her lips. Boys barely talked to her and every time they did they were very awkward and distant.

      “I’m afraid I have to disagree with you. A lot of guys like you. You are smart, talented, friendly and, please excuse my language, hot. You just seem unapproachable because…” He stopped in the middle of his sentence contemplating whether he should say it or not.

      “Because…” She encouraged him to speak.

      “You might have a resting bitch face sometimes.” He noticed she wanted to say something but cut her off. “AND. And there is this guy that claims to have confessed to you last year and he said you completely humiliated him.” He bit the inside of his lip.

      An irritated breath left her nose. “I swear to God. I knew that guy would do something like that. All I did was tell him I want to focus on school for a while and he literally started crying. When I told him he could ask me again in a few months he called me a bitch and stormed out of there.” She paused for a bit to regain her composure. “If he’s the reason no guy approached me all this time I’ll find him and give his ass a beating.” She declared clenching her fist in front of her face.

      Hyunjin chuckled at her action. “Ok, but let’s go back to Jisung.” That was a phrase he never thought he would say to a girl.

      “Ah, yeah. I don’t know. He was the first one to ask me out. He is kinda handsome and nice, I guess. I mean, he does that thing where he likes to make fun of people for no reason that absolutely drives me mad.” She exclaimed the last word clenching her jaw. “But he has been nice to me since we started dating. It has been only a day and a half but he knows that if he does something wrong I’ll dump him faster than he can rap.”

      “Hmm, interesting. So this is all it takes for you to break up with him. In that case, I want to let you know that he has been rude to me today before we came to meet you.” Y/N laughed and hit his chest softly. Hyunjin laughed as well, but his laugh wasn’t genuine.

      Y/N stopped walking and put her hand on his forearm. “This is where I live. Thank you for walking with me. It was fun spending time with you today.” A bright smile enveloped her features.

      Hyunjin took a look at the apartment complex behind her trying to figure out at what floor her apartment might be. Quickly, he shifted his eyes on her and without realising he patted her head smiling.

      “I had fun as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go rub into Jisung’s face the fact that I found out where you live before him.” He said and turned on his heels to leave.

      Y/N noticed Hyunjin going in the same direction they came from and confusion settled inside her.

      “Hey! Where are you going?” She shouted after him.

      Hyunjin turned towards her and a smile tugged on his lips. “Actually, I live two streets behind.”

      Her eyes widened at his words. “Oh my God! Why didn’t you say so? I made you walk all the way here.”

      “I couldn’t let such a pretty lady walk alone at this hour.” His response came to her panicked rambling.

      “But it’s still really bright outside!”

      “Ok, you got me. I just wanted to spend more time with you.” A smirk appeared on his lips. “Hey! Don’t tell Jisung!” He winked at her before turning around and sprinting down the street.

      She casually walked into the complex and made her way to the third floor where her apartment was located. She fished her key from her bag and unlocked the door entering the residence. 

      When she found herself in the safety of her apartment she let her body slid down the white door. A rosy pink was covering her cheeks and she bit her bottom lip. What was that stupid feeling inside her chest? She needed to calm down. 

      Y/N got up from the floor and went into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and snatched a water bottle from the fridge door. She downed half of it in one go and used one hand to prop herself against the wall.

      “Mina, you bitch. Hurry up and fall in love with Jisung.” She mumbled pressing the cold bottle to her exposed collarbones.

      “How much more should we sit in silence?” Changbin whispered looking around at the people occupying the table.

      “Shhh. Be quiet! They’ll both rip your head off if you disturb them.” Hayoon spit in a barely audible voice.

      Changbin threw her an annoyed look. Why did Y/N’s friend have to sit with them as well? He glanced at Y/N and Jeongin who were seated across one another. Their eyes were scanning over the pages of the thick scripts they had in hand for the past 20 minutes, forcing everyone else around them to be quiet.

      “Whoa, what an ending! I knew I could trust our senior.” Y/N finally exclaimed, startling some of the people at the table.

      “Tell me about it. I can not believe you have to do that.” Jeongin said, placing the script next to his tray.

      “Don’t be sad, lover boy. I promise I’ll take good care of you in hell.” She winked at him before stuffing the script in her bag.

      “Do I sense some steamy stuff coming up?” Felix wiggled his eyebrows at Jeongin.

      “Nah, just a kiss. But like, fucking finally!” Jeongin exclaimed, taking a bite from his food for the first time since he sat down.

      “How did we manage to be in so many plays together and not kiss once? That never happens. It started to worry me. Finally, the universe is in order again.” She joked pretending to wipe away sweat from her forehead.

      Jisung rested his elbow on the back of Y/N’s chair and leaned close to her. “Do you mean to tell me that you’ve wanted to kiss Jeongin for a long time now?” His tone was meant to be teasing and intimidating but Y/N felt like laughing at his efforts to seem like a possessive boyfriend. She rolled her eyes visibly.

      “Don’t worry, babe. It’s just acting. No real feelings involved.” Her words carried a lot of meaning, one which only the two of them could understand.

      “Really?” His voice lowered an octave and using one finger he turned her head towards him capturing her lips in a slow kiss. 

      From the corner of his eye, he noticed Mina looking at them. She was seated a few tables away with her friends and a few guys from her major. He felt like smirking when she clenched her jaw and scoffed in their direction.

      He broke the kiss and proceeded to lick his lips tasting Y/N’s strawberry lip balm on them. He curled one hand over her shoulders and brought her closer. Upon placing a kiss on her temple, the sound of metal hitting metal ringed in the cafeteria. Mina abruptly got up from her table and left the cafeteria leaving her friends to clean up her tray.

      Minho let out a prolonged whistle rolling his eyes in the process. “Looks like someone is in a bad mood. I wonder why.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, the reason for Mina’s sudden outburst being well known at the table.

      “You snooze, you lose.” A smirk was plastered on Jisung’s face. “I think a year and a half was a good amount of time for her to figure out her feelings. I wasn’t gonna wait around for her my entire life.” He declared nonchalantly playing with a strand of Y/N’s hair.

      Y/N bit back a laugh at his bold statement. What he said wasn’t entirely wrong. He didn’t wait around for her but he sure as hell wasn’t over her like his tone wanted to make it seem like. She lightly patted his thigh under the table as a form of saying ‘Good one!’.

      “That kind of makes it seems like you are using Y/N to get over her. I’d be more careful with my word choice next time.” Hyunjin said in a stern voice, throwing Jisung a cold glare.

      “No one needs your fucking opinion. Why do you even care?” Jisung felt annoyance overwhelm him. Hyunjin has voiced a lot of his opinions regarding his relationship with Y/N ever since they’ve announced it. Most of them in private when she wasn’t present.

      “Cause I don’t want you hurting my friend. She’s been nice enough to date you. I feel like you should be grateful.” Hyunjin was clearly irritated by Jisung’s attitude.

      Y/N watched as the two men were throwing daggers at each other. The same fuzzy feeling from the day before started spreading in her body. She kept repeating to herself that Hyunjin was just being nice. All he did and said the day prior was just him being nice. Some of his words started playing in her head when she remembered the previous day. ‘I just wanted to spend more time with you. Don’t tell Jisung!’ He was probably just joking. Just some playful rivalry between the two.

      “It’s ok, Hyunjin. I didn’t see it like that. I’m fine.” She mumbled and started playing with her fingers under the table. She tried controlling her laboured breath.

      Jisung threw Hyunjin a victorious smile. Noticing a change in her demeanour he took a look at her. Cheeks dusted with the faintest of pinks and fingers playing nervously under the table. A smirk acaparated his face as he remembered the conversation he had with her the other day on the bench. She definitely had a crush on someone.

      The sound of a key turning in a lock was heard in the empty apartment. Y/N entered the residence and abandoned her bag on the hanger near the door. Taking off her boots, she made her way to the window in the living room to close it, the air in the apartment being way too chilly for her comfort. She picked up a plate from the coffee table that she abandoned there in the morning before leaving and took it to the sink in the kitchen before going to her bedroom.

      The space was fairly clean excepting her desk that had all sorts of assignments and books sprawled all over it. She took off her clothes and discarded them in the laundry bin before going to her closet to pick something comfortable to wear. She settled for a pair of burgundy sweats and a black hoodie, perfect for that spring weather.

      Just as she finished putting on the hoodie she heard her phone go off signalling that she got a message. Throwing herself on the bed she grabbed her phone that was on the nightstand next to her bed.

[Jisung,15:36]Tomorrow is Saturday. Let’s go on a date! :D

      Y/N pursed her lips after reading his message. She has planned to do research about her character for the movie the next day. Her fingers moved fast in typing a reply.

[Y/N,15:39]Is Mina gonna be there?

      She had no reason to go on that date if Mina wasn’t going to be there. It will be just a waste of her time. Her phone emitted the same ringing sound like earlier and she unlocked it to check his response.

[Jisung,15:40]Of course. Why else would I ask you on a date?

      His message had her rolling her eyes. She would bet all her money that he had a smug expression at that moment. Probably thinking that he did something. She was getting annoyed just thinking of it.

[Y/N,15:42]Time and place?

[Jisung,15:45] 6 PM. Text me your address, I’ll come pick you up.

      She sent him her address after a few minutes of contemplating insisting to meet there. She locked her phone and turned the silent mode on putting it back on the nightstand. Jumping out of bed she made her way to her desk prepared to start working on some of the assignments scattered on it.

[bbugyu]

how jeonghan knew

a journey with yoon jeonghan, lee seokmin, and you.

there was always something about his infectious laugh and his genuine nature that felt like fate to jeonghan, and maybe you were the muse that kept their red thread in tact.

prelude | part one | part two | part three | epilogue

wc.10662 (LMFAO) | fluff, smut, courtship, angsty in the beginning, polyamory, sugar daddy!jeonghan musician!seokmin escort!reader, hi cheol, hi gyu (again), hi boo, hi wonu, gay pining, jk he's pan probably, discovering sexuality, daddy kink, special guest seokmin!!!!!, threesome, lots of mlm, oral, cumpla, handjobs, choking, butt plugs, male penetration, there's a full on reader-less memberxmember sex scene idk, unprotected sex, please use condoms, jeonghan gets overwhelmed, the TEASING, jeonghan being a home improvement freak, don’t mind han jisung he’s just vibing, required listening is positions (2020) by ariana grande because it’s a perfect album

and here we have poly seokhan: the gayening!!! this is going to be the end of my scheduled updates for neverending artistry, but i’ll be posting an epilogue when i finish it - probably after i post a couple of other fics. this chapter.... is my fave......... i think u will see why lol. i went ahead and got a lil carried away with the house stuff but LISTENNNN i watch a lot of architecture videos ok LFJDSJ

thank you all so much for your continued support and incredible feedback on this series! it seriously means so much to me and i love seeing asks and messages from everyone telling me how excited they are to read more. i hope this satisfies you!!!

~

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his friend date woman after woman in college with varying seriousness. he decidedly ignored any amount of feelings he harbored for the younger, especially after he dropped architecture as his major and he saw less of him. 

jeonghan tried to get over the destined musician (he would always be singing or fiddling with his guitar when he was meant to be helping jeonghan with a diorama) with several women, and after decisively focusing on his career for a couple years, he found success in another man. his short lived gym buddy, but lasted quite a bit longer as his boyfriend. they had connected first when jeonghan had offhandedly commented that he liked the logo on his shirt, to which the long lashed, broad shouldered man had said he had gotten it at the brand's store down the street, making jeonghan chew his cheek before he admitted that he had helped design that location. they connected the second time later that night, clumsily but intensely, and jeonghan liked his plush pouty lips and how his messy black hair felt between his fingers.

while that didn't last forever, he found varied success in other men, and he figured this was why dating women had always been so difficult for him. definitely not that he had been given small choice amongst the rotten apples that attended his college.

he was single again, and at an industry party when he reconnected with an old friend from college who happily reminisced about the fun their small group of friends had back then. he asked if jeonghan remembered seokmin, the guy that dropped the program.

"lee seokmin?" he asked, his brows knitting as he tried to react normally to the name, and mingyu hit his shoulder, laughing.

"yeah! guess what? that son of a bitch is teaching my niece piano!"

jeonghan smiled at the idea of seokmin as a piano teacher, nodding along as mingyu talked about how he had volunteered to take her to her lesson one week, only to be put face to face with a long lost friend. jeonghan laughed as mingyu imitated the face the other had made, laughing harder when he recognized it and remembered seeing it on seokmin's face in the past, then telling mingyu about how he had once pranked him by making the poor guy think that he was going to fail a project because seokmin had accidentally destroyed a diorama. it had already been graded, and he was going to take it apart to save on materials anyways, but the younger nearly cried when he thought he had wasted hours of jeonghan's time and cost him the grade by accidentally kicking it off his desk.

he asked how seokmin was doing these days, and mingyu told him he seemed well, and that he takes his niece to her lessons as often as he can spare, just to chat for a while. "i could give you his number," he said, feeling his pockets for his phone. "i'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

mingyu had been right. seokmin did love hearing from him. and he loved the way seokmin made him laugh with his ever joking tone and physical comedy antics. the way his eyebrows creased as he tried to keep a stern face but was unable to hide the smile across his lips. the way he always fought with him for the check despite jeonghan being older and notably better off.

he didn't love, however, how seokmin nodded his head after the waitress and asked him if he thought he had a shot.

maybe he was desperate, or maybe he wanted an excuse to not date seriously, or maybe he just wasn't ready to let go, but jeonghan continued to invite seokmin out, despite the fact that their relationship would never develop past friends who met in college. he enjoyed his company anyways, even if it felt bittersweet.

he poured himself into his work for several months, taking more contracts than usual and keeping himself occupied, only really seeing others for meetings and constructions, or when he was depressed on a friday night and caved, asking seokmin to join him for drinks somewhere. he continued this cycle for too long, his personal assistant noticing his mood changes before most.

"are you taking your vitamins?"

"yes, seungkwan, i'm taking my vitamins," jeonghan bit back, fully aware that he wasn't asking about vitamins at all, but about his state. confirming he was still making an effort to take care of himself rather than spiraling, sat in his living room on a tuesday after being told by a doctor to rest, for god's sake as a solution to him nearly collapsing several hours earlier. seungkwan shifted on his feet, tongue running over his teeth as he stared at the architect, hands folded in front of him.

"you need to stop seeing him. it only hurts you."

jeonghan sighed, staring at the black screen of his television. "i know."

his assistant studied him. "you should come out with the team sometime," he said. "we get drinks on wednesdays, usually. come tomorrow, it could take your mind off things."

jeonghan looked up at seungkwan, who was clearly sucking on his cheek. he knew he was right. more importantly, seungkwan knew he knew, but jeonghan had a hard time wanting to take his mind off this one specific thing, considering the way this one specific thing laughed like a hyena, poured himself over a piano like an ocean wave, and sang along like an angel. his head fell back on the couch, and he had to take a long, conscious breath to lower the ringing in his ears at the silence. "i'll be there next time."

seungkwan exhaled in defeat, eyes flickering around as he excused himself and said goodnight, knowing his boss was lying.

jeonghan found you on accident - put in an uncomfortable corner by an ultimatum from his publicist and the circulating rumor that he sleeps with men because he can't keep a woman around that seemed to pile on top of everything else on his plate - and the second you opened your mouth, he knew you were special.

he remembered the profile he had seen from your broker, and knew you were attending university. he asked you your major, and when you told him you wanted to produce music for a living, something deep in him stirred. you had been sitting in his car for all of twenty minutes, and you nearly had him under your spell already.

he couldn't understand his fascination with you, but he continued to book you for dates, sometimes deciding what event he would be attending by asking what day you were available that week. he figured if he needed to prove to the world that he wasn't gay (which he was, he was pretty sure), you were the only one he was interested in doing it with.

maybe he had a thing for musicians.

he had taken out quite a few escorts before you, but none of them were nearly as fun. you always did an incredible job engaging in whatever event he brought you to, but also hit his chest as you tried to stifle a laugh at something he muttered into your ear, guiding you away. his friends liked you, too, the few he had. the ones that had met you. yongsun had even tugged him aside briefly, asking if he really liked you. you seemed nice, she had said. and good, in general, but also for him. she wanted to make sure he wasn't just leading you along to quiet some stupid rumor. he glanced at you, smiling wide as you excitedly discussed music with one of his other friends (the fifth and last person he liked at this event, the two of you included), and wasn't quite sure why he told her he actually liked you, but didn't feel the need to correct himself.

then you told him you were quitting, and he realized what he would be losing. then you kissed him, and he realized what he had been feeling. then you looked at him with wide eyes, just as shocked as he was by the explosion of fireworks you had both just experienced, and he realized what he had been missing out on all this time.

he figured he must have always loved you as his eyes scanned the hotel bar, confused at how you had managed to get away so quickly. he was running into the hall to see if you had escaped to the lobby when someone caught his arm.

"hey, you seen yongsun?"

jeonghan blinked at his blonde friend, recognizing her play. "have you seen y/n?"

"try the bathroom," she said, throwing a thumb over her shoulder in the direction she had come from.

he looked down the hall at the restroom signs, nodding. "i saw her at the chocolate fountain a minute ago."

byulyi patted his shoulder as she walked past him. "good luck, yoon."

it felt good telling you the truth, while sitting in your well organized and tastefully decorated studio apartment that you had insisted he would hate, even if he was too scared to admit all of it. why he had needed you before, but wanted you now. his heart nearly beat out of his chest when you agreed to his conditions, though he recognized that he had given you just about every advantage in the deal. it would have been near impossible for you to say no, especially after the way you had kissed him before someone had finally tried to enter the bathroom you were hiding in.

for a while, he only kissed you as a farewell, mostly because he enjoyed the old school romanticism of kissing a beautiful woman in the moonlight, her back against the passenger door of his black vehicle parked on the street outside her studio apartment. then, when he had invited you to his home after the two of you had ditched a boring dinner several hours early, you had curled up in his side to watch a movie. at some point, he caught you staring at him, and you put a hand on his cheek and kissed him sweetly. slowly. kissed him in a way that only made him crave more. you smiled, settling back into his side for the rest of the movie, and even though you had done it unconsciously, the back of your hand rested against his thigh in a way he had a hard time ignoring, and he decided he must have just had real shit taste in women before he had met you. 

the following sunday, when you mentioned how pitch black the sky seemed at that late hour, having gotten caught up binging some drama, he not-so-vaguely hinted that he'd be okay with you spending the night in his bed. you eyed him, and he shrugged playfully.

"or i have guest rooms. up to you."

"i have class tomorrow," you tested.

"i can take you," he responded. "if you want."

you paused, watching him as he recorked the wine bottle the two of you had opened earlier in the evening but only managed to have one glass of each before abandoning it to cuddle on the couch. he was always so thoughtful, even in his teasing. he cared about your comfort. he wanted to maintain your boundaries. but it had been a really long time since you had gotten laid, and everything in you yearned to say yes. jeonghan's voice in your head reminded you, no expectations. this could be whatever you wanted out of it.

so you went to bed with him.

jeonghan would swear up and down that you were the most beautiful woman in the world, and his beliefs were only confirmed when he pulled your shirt off of you, dragging your pants down your legs, and got a real look at you for the first time. you felt unexplainably embarrassed under his gaze, asking if he was okay.

"yeah," he said breathlessly, a hand running up your side, your back arching slightly to his touch. he curled over you before he whispered "god, yeah, i'm more than okay," against your lips.

not even ten minutes had passed before you told him you loved him between your panting, and he was so ecstatic when he could tell you, wholly and truthfully, that he loved you, too. and after your pulses had died down and you were falling asleep in his arms, he said that if you were staying under his roof, you were not allowed in any guest rooms. that if you needed space, he would find a different bed to sleep in, because this one looked best with you in it, and he refused to have it any other way.

jeonghan never got bored with you. over time, you began going to his place after events and dinners more than he dropped you off at your apartment, becoming an often enough occurrence that he had asked you one night to fill an online shopping cart with clothes for you to keep in his closet, so you could stop this silly packing bags nonsense. he had already bought you a full set of toiletries for his bathroom, started keeping your favorite snacks in the pantry, and even gone as far as to buy you the house slippers you had offhandedly said were cute when the two of you wandered aimlessly around a mall together. you were becoming a part of his home in more ways than one, and he was happy to have you.

he offered you an unused office on the second floor when you started studying for finals on the peninsula of his kitchen counter one monday afternoon, and you asked what was wrong with you doing it where you were.

"because you're not going to clean it up," he pointed out.

"maybe if we had a rewards system," you argued. "if i clean up, i get a prize."

he laughed, rounding the small jut of countertop, thinking about how he would probably need a proper kitchen island if you were going to be sticking around. "just because i give you an allowance, doesn't mean you're a child. you're not supposed to focus on the baby part of sugar baby."

you pouted as you turned on the stool to face him, a hand gently tugging his tie to pull him into you. "what if i focus on the daddy part of sugar daddy?"

a hunger dropped in jeonghan, gazing down at you as you sat at his kitchen counter, surrounded by textbooks and notes. your eyes sparkled under the lights, and his fingers went behind your neck before he kissed you, muttering against your lips to try calling him that again, angel.

the kitchen remodel had gone about as smoothly as it could have, given the fact that it was nearly impossible to transport such a large slab of granite for his dream island without it snapping in half from its own weight, but they managed, and when the light fixture finally turned on for the first time after the new cabinet doors had been installed, he felt justified in remodeling a kitchen that had hardly needed updating. he felt even more justified when he came downstairs to find you, having woken up in an empty bed, only to have you yell at him as you flipped pancakes on the griddle of his new gas range, saying you were going to bring him breakfast in bed and if he didn't cooperate, he wouldn't see you for a week. he laughed at your threatening spatula, putting his hands up in surrender, unable to stop smiling as he made his way back up the stairs.

you had enrolled in online courses for your last year of school, mostly so you didn't have to be anywhere specific for several hours every day, and instead could keep your schedule massively open to cater to jeonghan's needs. this also meant you usually attended your afternoon lectures at his home, waiting for him to get off work and distract you.

then the two of you started attended wednesday drinks with the team. seungkwan had thanked you, though you hadn't realized that you were deserving of a thanks.

"he'll tell you when he wants to, i guess," he said, twirling the beer in his hand. "but he wasn't in a great place before he met you."

you could hear the subject of your exchange laughing further down the bar, and you wondered what kind of place he meant, but tapped your glass against seungkwan's instead of asking the question. "to better places."

he chuckled, bringing the beer to his lips. "cheers to that."

jeonghan enjoyed having you on his lap on the couch, listening to whatever r&b record you had chosen as you worked your lips against his. he nudged several kisses down your neck, and you mentioned offhandedly that there was a perfect place in his living room for a bar, pointing at the wall behind him. he pulled away from you, turning his body with an arm over the back of the sofa, and his head cocked as he stared at the wall that only held a painting. he silently agreed with you, wondering why you seemed to inspire all his recent projects as you nipped at his neck, drawing his attention back to you with a smile on his face.

the bar was finished in time to hire a bartender for a halloween party. he hadn't told the guests that it was an anniversary party, but you had been made aware of the secret arrangement during a conversation the two of you had over a private meal in your favorite restaurant the week before. 

"a threesome," you asked, hoping for clarification. 

"with a guy, preferably," jeonghan said. "but i could be convinced to approve of a girl if that's what you would like."

"you're being serious?" you seemed to find yourself asking him that a lot. every time he suggested something that he knew you wanted, you wondered if he was pulling your leg. "and you want me to choose?"

"yeah, at the party," he said, watching you shake your head incredulously with a smile on his face. the two of you had discussed the possibility in the past, and he thought it made a fun gift. an unexpected one, from someone who had enough money to comfortably gift you just about anything. "i have to approve, obviously, but you get to pick the candidates."

you thought a moment. "what if we can't agree on anyone?"

"then i take you to bed alone and we have fun anyways." 

he laughed when you squinted at him.

"if the opportunity comes up down the line, we can try again later," he said. "but i thought this would give you something fun to do while i'm hosting guests."

and it had, as you sneakily scoped out the guests, flitting around the party of both familiar and unfamiliar faces in your angelic cheerleading costume. visiting and laughing heartily with the team, as well as your uni friends that jeonghan insisted you invite, offering them more drinks, then saying something about having to play hostess so you could continue your search. byulyi and yongsun were there, and you complimented their matching rapunzel and flynn get up, jeonghan catching you for just a second to ask if you needed anything.

you settled in on one target perhaps too quickly, without even really having made an effort to see all the options. you had been struck by the same sharp cheekbones, puppy dog eyes, and crooked smile that jeonghan had once fallen for. when he saw you tucked into lee seokmin's side, recognizing your flirting even from a distance and noticing how receptive the musician was to it, his heart fluttered, and he couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.

a good thing, he decided, when seokmin had asked him permission before he came in you. because, seemingly, sexuality was much more of a spectrum than jeonghan had once thought, and perhaps his college crush just needed the encouragement of an incredible woman to try something a little beyond his experience, much like he had.

and when you wouldn't stop mentioning the musician the two of you had enjoyed the company of while schmoozing guests at the opening of him and his friend's collaborative art exhibit, he got a slick idea. on the way home, he told you that you weren't allowed to make a noise until he hung up the phone, but you were already writhing in the passenger seat just as the phone rang.

and when he answered, you clamped a hand over your mouth, a bare foot landing on the dashboard as you tried to grind against jeonghan's hand, his voice steady as he talked to the younger.

and when he mentioned you, your walls pulsed around his fingers, a smile finding its way into his lips as he spoke. he tried not to take too much pleasure in the way you looked at him with begging eyes and your fist between your teeth, or in the way seokmin's tone dropped as he confirmed that he would get a cab, but he truly couldn't help himself when he made eye contact with seokmin as you sucked him off, his hips canting into yours recklessly, forcing seokmin to break the contact as he reacted to your moan on his cock. 

he noticed the way seokmin's hips began to move on their own, begging for enough control to chase his nearing high in your mouth but having it brought right to his doorstep instead. jeonghan felt your perfect heat cling to him in reaction, and before he could think to stop himself, he pulled you into his chest by your throat, not daring to let you claim it all as he lapped cum from your mouth. you whimpered against him, your orgasm lasting impossibly long as he fucked into you, getting milked by your needy walls.

when he caught seokmin staring directly at him, he grinned and wiped the back of his hand across his chin and lower lip, languidly licking any escaped cum off it, and asked if he wanted to try his, too.

seokmin agreed, nodding shakily before jeonghan massaged at your sides, pumping himself into you a few more times. he told you to give seokmin's mouth a ride. you groaned, his cum dripping down your thighs.

jeonghan watched the younger's cock twitch as you moaned over him, one hand on the wall and the other on his scalp, his fingers digging into your thighs. he stared at how it never lost hardness. he didn't even realize that his hands were on seokmin's hip and thigh before he even asked if he could touch him, but a large hand left your thigh to shakily bring jeonghan's to his thick cock, answering the question despite you occupying his mouth, his fingers lingering over jeonghan's as he pumped his length.

he couldn't deny that how badly he wanted to fuck seokmin, but he could settle for making him cum in his hands until he was ready for something more, especially with the surprising amount he had to give after already having cum once. he let himself indulge in a single lick across seokmin's sensitive slit - though it was hard to stop there - triggering a garbled moan before he left to shower.

a week or so later, jeonghan asked you if you were interested in dating seokmin. you put your phone down and rolled over in bed, propped up on your elbows as you asked him what he meant.

"i love you," jeonghan assured, pulling you to lay closer to him. "and i can tell you like him."

you studied his face. "but i'm with you."

"that doesn't have to stop," he said, smiling at you as he tucked a hand behind his head. you eyed his arm briefly, then refocused on him. "but you know how things get in the winter, and i would be okay with you trying things out with him while i'm busy."

"you're being serious?"

jeonghan laughed at the familiar question. "yes, y/n, i'm being serious. i know you want me, but i also know you want more than me."

you had never told anyone about your desire for multiple partners, not even admitted it out loud to yourself, so his candid assessment caught you off guard. "how did you-"

"just little things you've said," he teased, leaving you to question how much you had revealed about yourself without realizing. "besides, no one can deny the chemistry."

you paused. "boundaries?"

"just tell me," he said, putting his arms around you and tugging you into him. "i just want to know when you're seeing him. and, eventually, i would like to be invited every once in a while."

"invited to dates?" you asked, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle it as you laid over him. "or invited to bed?"

he smiled up at you, hands running over your rear. "either. both. whatever you two want."

you agreed, but only after you made him promise he would tell you if anything changed for him. that he had to tell you about every doubt and worry he had. "i'll always choose you," you stated plainly, lips brushing against his as he gently rolled his growing length up against your clothed heat. "no matter what, i'll choose you."

"i know, sweetheart," he said, a hand on your cheek as he kissed you. "i promise."

after he came back from a business trip in december, you admitted to him that you and seokmin had exchanged i love yous, and he just put an arm over your shoulder and turned down the volume on the tv, telling you that he was pretty sure he loved seokmin, too.

"it was him, wasn't it?" you asked, studying his profile. "he was the guy you couldn't get over?"

jeonghan rubbed his face with one hand, sighing. "yeah, it was him."

"why didn't you say anything?"

he thought a moment. "i didn't want you to feel obligated, i guess."

your fingers straightened the seams of his long sleeved shirt across his shoulder. "obligated to win him over for you?"

"obligated to love him, too."

"jokes on you," you giggled. "he's very easy to fall in love with."

jeonghan supposed that was true, thinking of how quickly he had fallen for him, even back before he had admitted he liked men. how he had fallen into the same spot even years later, just over a shared meal and a few bottles of soju.

but you were easy to fall in love with too, he thought, remembering how he hadn't even understood his feelings towards you until you had kissed him, but he had felt them strong enough to want you to stay by his side anyways. maybe jeonghan just fell easily, but maybe he was lucky enough to have found his people at such a young age.

you settled back into the crook of his arm and asked him what he thought about seokmin coming over to join you two for christmas. while much of the world celebrated with family, it was more of a hallmark holiday in korea, often times spent with a long time sweetheart or a budding romance. or both, in your case, jeonghan supposed, when you were distracted trying to find the third christmas music lp you had specifically gotten for the occasion (out of eight, of course, because you didn't want to run out of christmas music). he was leaning against the tasteful home bar that had been hardly touched since halloween when seokmin shyly admitted that he knew jeonghan was interested in him.

he said nothing for a moment. "she told you?"

"kind of, back when you were in japan, but-" seokmin paused. "i think she was just suspicious, but i should have known. you were always too kind to me."

"not too kind," jeonghan said, hiding behind his wine as he sipped at it, trying not to show his embarrassment.

"i think i'm interested, too."

he looked at seokmin, who was staring down at his hands. "are you sure?"

"i'm-" he paused, catching jeonghan's eyes for only a second before scratching the back of his neck. "i think so. i've never even thought about doing anything with - uh - men. until you."

"that's okay," jeonghan said, looking to where you were flipping through records. "i didn't like women until y/n."

seokmin faltered. "wait, really?"

he nodded, a small smile on his face. "i thought i was gay. turns out i'm not."

"but you-" the musician stretched his jaw. "weren't you kind of a player in college?"

he almost said something about how having sex to meet an end and keep an appearance was different than enjoying it, but stopped himself when you announced that you had found the lost record, switching the lps with a flourish and setting the player again. and while he was curious about the level of seokmin's interest in him, he was happy to leave the conversation where it stood when you excitedly rejoined them at the bar.

"do you think i could be a bartender?" you asked, leaning over the counter and grabbing an unused shaker.

"probably," seokmin said.

"for sure no," jeonghan laughed.

you pouted at the latter, holding the shaker between your hands as you directed your attention to the former. "thank you, seokmin. i appreciate you encouraging my dreams."

"any time," he joked.

jeonghan rolled his eyes. "what about that music degree i'm paying for?" he asked, taking another sip.

"just because you've known what you wanted to do forever, doesn't mean everyone does. maybe i'll change my mind." you tried to spin the shaker in your hand, but the force you used was too little and it stopped on your palm too quickly, clumsily clattering to the counter. you stilled it, exhaling sharply when jeonghan giggled beside you, looking to seokmin. "he might be right."

"it's almost like i know you," jeonghan teased, nudging you. "she was convinced she could become my personal bartender for all of two weeks."

"i tried," you whined. seokmin laughed. "the tricks are harder than they look."

"and you hated shaking drinks."

you put the shaker back, defeated. "the ice made it cold."

"isn't that the point?" seokmin asked.

jeonghan smiled at you. "you're lucky i like wine."

"i'm gonna talk to you now," you announced, turning your body to seokmin. "because you're nicer to me than he is."

"aw," the architect chuckled, and seokmin watched you react to a squeeze at your butt. "did he make you soft? can't take my teasing anymore?"

you ignored him, trying to ask the man in front of you about his lessons, but you yelped when his hand firmly landed on your ass, grabbing seokmin's arm in reaction. he looked at you, seemingly just as shocked, and you tried to continue the conversation, but jeonghan's hand didn't leave, and your entire body was reacting to the way it was slowly hiking up your skirt and running between your thighs.

your eyes fell shut, and you muttered for him to cut it out as your grip on seokmin's arm tightened, but jeonghan just made eye contact with the other male, asking him instead if he should.

without thinking, seokmin shook his head and put his hands on your jaw, pulling you in to kiss him. your moan against his lips was involuntary, and jeonghan grinned as his fingers ran over your core, making you whine.

"did you tell him?" you gasped out, asking seokmin with hooded eyes. he shook his head, saying that he hadn't told him everything.

"told me what?" jeonghan asked, interest piqued as he put down his glass, pulling his hand out from your skirt and placing them on your hips instead, squeezing gently as he stood behind you, and your head fell back into his shoulder without much intention as you licked your lips. "seokmin?"

he pulled his gaze, trained on your mouth, to look at jeonghan, and he felt his breath stop in his throat as he fully processed the sight in front of him. you gasped again, as jeonghan's hand came up to knead at your breast, and you tried to pull seokmin closer, but he didn't stop moving even when he was pressed against you.

jeonghan thought he might faint. he wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but when seokmin's hand found the back of his neck and pulled him over your shoulder, his mind went blank. when his lips found his, his vision went white. when he felt his tongue against the inside of his teeth, he couldn't help but moan, one hand gripping your waist and the other aimlessly tugging on seokmin's shirt, seemingly just to hold something that belonged to him.

"fuck, okay," jeonghan breathed, staring after the musicians lips even when they left. you giggled, recognizing the feeling. "okay," he repeated. "got it. understood."

you spun around, hands on jeonghan's chest. "we prepared something for you," you said, and seokmin's cheeks and ears were bright red when he sheepishly nodded with you.

jeonghan looked between the two of you, swallowing suddenly. "what?"

you tugged on his hand, then grabbed seokmin's, too, when he didn't move right away, leading them both to walk around the couch. you pulled jeonghan onto the cushions with you, kissing him briefly before he realized someone was between his knees. when he saw him, that was when jeonghan's dick woke up, suddenly realizing what was happening.

"be nice," you muttered against the shell of his ear, your hand running down his torso. "it's his first time."

seokmin's hands were strong but gentle, and despite never having touched a dick that wasn't attached to him, he knew what felt good. he needed a bit of guidance from you to begin, less from lack of knowing the process and more because he was nervous, but quickly found a comfortable rhythm. jeonghan sighed when he finally got pulled out of his pants, and you were sucking a mark into his neck, his arm wrapped around you and his hand kneading at your rear. his eyes could hardly stay open when seokmin ran his flattened tongue up the underside of his cock.

"isn't he pretty?" you asked, whispering, a smile on your lips. 

he groaned, threading his fingers behind seokmin's ear, desperately trying to hold back his release because he hasn't even put you in his mouth, yet, jeonghan, for god's sake, keep it together. the younger's eyes flickered up to his, and he nearly came just from the feeling of his soft lips around his member, sinking slowly.

"fuck, you're too good at this," jeonghan said, the half chuckle on his lips falling quickly when seokmin's tongue ran over a vein, the warmth of his mouth feeling like heaven. his teeth bit down on his lower lip, watching your hand run through seokmin's hair. he hummed at the contact, his grip tightening slightly, sending a jolt through jeonghan's system. "fuck, i'm gonna cum already."

"there were lessons," you giggled, your hands wrapping casually around his neck. his breathing hitched, eyes falling shut, focusing on the mouth sheathing his cock as he recognized your fidgeting fingers over his pulse. "merry christmas, daddy."

he inhaled sharply right before you squeezed at his throat, and he thought that he should maybe let you lead more often if it was going to feel this good. seokmin seemed surprised by the feeling of jeonghan cumming in his mouth, but he did his best to pump every drop from him, swallowing thickly. you only smiled when jeonghan sat up, leaving you behind as he pulled seokmin's face to his, his hands running up jeonghan's thighs as he kissed him.

jeonghan decided the sunroom extension was all wrong, and that he'd have to redo it.

"you just built that," wonwoo said, having been the contractor that oversaw the construction. "besides, it's snowy season, we can't do outdoor construction. you'll have to wait til spring."

"not outdoor," jeonghan said, rolling out the drafting papers he had drawn up over the course of his new year break, the final pieces being completed in the wee hours of that morning. he had sent wonwoo a text as soon as he thought he would be awake, asking for a meeting despite it only being two days after the new year. "the shell can stay the same, we just need to build indoors. besides, i need this done in february."

wonwoo blinked at him. "when in february?"

"it has to be fully furnished by the 18th."

the contractor laughed at the deadline, only a month and a half out, as he looked over jeonghan's drafts. it would be a tight schedule, considering the structural changes he wanted, but he recognized his long time work partner's determination and knew there was little he could do to argue. "okay. let's get to work."

he turned down a contract for a café to make time for the new home project, but not before recommending they contact a kim mingyu, giving him the vaguest thank you for introducing seokmin back into his life. he didn't have time to draw several attempted variations of every café he had ever designed, he was too busy mapping out the logistics of adding a lofted space to the two story sunroom. too busy planning to tear out the outer wall of your office and picking the right sliding glass doors that would lead to the loft. you had to ask him several days in a row before he finally told you what he had planned.

"a music room?"

he tried to gauge your reaction. "is it crazy?"

you broke out into a smile, studying his design, gripping the mug that held your latté that morning. "absolutely, but i love it."

he asked you to help him pick instruments, saying his wishlist included a white grand piano and three to five guitars that could be displayed together. he also told you to pick out your dream computer setup for production - you were graduating that year, afterall, and it was about time you started using something other than your laptop and a midi controller to make music - and you almost started crying from how fucking excited that made you.

hiding the plans from seokmin was the hardest part, especially when he started spending weekends at the house. he saw the construction area often, and one friday afternoon, he had even asked if he could help, leaving you to usher him away and assure him that jeonghan didn't like help when it came to these things. he believed the white lie, allowing you to distract him with the option of watching shit television in bed, even convincing him that tonight was the night to surprise his new boyfriend. seokmin laid in bed with his arms wrapped around you, trying not to move too much, fully aware that even the slightest movements in his body caused his dick to come to life, until the last of the workers left and jeonghan appeared, asking if there were dinner requests before he went to take a shower.

seokmin had been training with you for over a week. you had bought him some toys, even helped him try them out in the comfort of his loft, and he got increasingly excited - generally, but also in those moments - to show jeonghan what he had learned. the surprise he had been keeping had already made him beg you to cockwarm him as he waited, but you refused on account of knowing him, and by extension, knowing that he would not being able to stop himself. he had a bit more confidence, though it may have only been fueled by horniness, when he pulled the vaguely sweaty architect toward him on the bed. he tried to say something about how he should really wash up, but seokmin just kissed him, hands gripping around his skull in desperation, his dick already hard against jeonghan's pelvis.

jeonghan's hands wandered, as they usually did, and when he reached down to palm at seokmin's ass, he reacted in a way that earned him a questioning glance.

"we - ah-" his eyes shut, jeonghan's hands getting closer to his surprise. "she's been helping me-"

and that was when he felt it. the small, hard handle of a plug, situated between seokmin's perky asscheeks, easy to feel through the loose fabric of his shorts, and jeonghan felt his arousal tenting his pants just from the concept.

jeonghan hadn't even noticed your movement off the bed until a bottle of lube hit his leg, looking down at it briefly before looking to you.

"i'm gonna go clean up," you said, running a hand through your hair as you retreated to the bathroom, leaving jeonghan with an already flustered seokmin. 

before long, he had him on his back, naked, and finally got to see how sweet his little ass looked when jeonghan pushed his knees towards his chest. when he saw the black knob fitting tightly into his hole, he groaned, his own bare cock flinching in need. he put a hand on seokmin's dick, gripping it lightly, then put a thumb against the plug.

"nngh- fuck," seokmin stammered, fingers gripping at the bedsheets as his neck stretched out against the pillows, bucking into the hand wrapped around him. "j-jeonghan…"

"this is cute," he said, slowly moving his thumb in a circular motion, the plug's movement making seokmin let out choked moans. "but i really need to play with you now."

seokmin nodded, hurriedly, brows knit together. "please."

he hooked his fingers under the knob of the plug, slowly pulling it out and relishing in the reaction. the younger's back arched in a way that jeonghan wished he could see from every angle, knowing that the way his shoulders and back looked must have been incredible, but satisfied by just watching the way his mouth hung open and his eyes clamped shut, his fingers gripping at jeonghan's hand where it stayed on his dick.

he began to pump the dick in his palm, setting aside the plug and grabbing the lube, popping it open with just his left hand and quickly squirting a healthy amount onto the tip of seokmin's penis, making quick work of spreading it completely over the engorged member, the slickness making him moan even louder and reach out for jeonghan's shoulders.

he let seokmin tug him over him, kissing him briefly before looking down at where the younger's thighs spread over his, wanting nothing more than to just fuck him already.

jeonghan's hand left seokmin's cock, leaving him whining against his lips, but it was short lived as his lubed fingers slid down to his puckered hole.

"seokmin," he muttered, studying his face. "you're sure, right?"

"fuck, i've been wanting this for since christmas, jeonghan," he sputtered out, eyes barely able to focus when there were fingers teasing his entrance. "yes, please, i'm sure."

jeonghan slid a digit into the tight hole, watching seokmin's face as his brows creased and his head fell back, a moan tumbling from his lips. another finger, jeonghan decided, and the reaction was similar, making him smirk.

"god, you're ready, aren't you?"

"please," he begged. "i want you."

jeonghan sat back, and the musician got on his elbows to watch as he readied his cock with lube, putting more on his finger and spreading it around seokmin's hole. he whined when jeonghan placed the head of his dick at his entrance, tugging him over him again.

"i'll go slow, okay?" jeonghan assured him. "tell me if i need to stop."

seokmin just nodded, eyes trained on his, and they locked lips as jeonghan pushed his hips forward slowly, the man under him immediately moaning and huffing against his mouth.

jeonghan really liked sex with seokmin. he also really liked sex with you. but he was pretty sure he liked it the most when you were both present.

seokmin didn't walk right for a day and a half, and while he was slightly embarrassed, you told him it was a badge of honor he should wear proudly. afterall, he had done the same to you on halloween. 

"how's your butt?" you asked when he came down the stairs, the sunday morning after they had done the deed without you, making him choke out a laugh as you got his tea out of a cabinet in jeonghan's kitchen.

"better than yesterday," he said, gingerly seating himself at a stool. "but not as good as friday."

you eyed him. "before or during?"

seokmin thought a second. "both."

"good morning," jeonghan said, quickly planting kisses on the man and then you, cheek and lips respectively based on the convenience as he walked past you, making his way to the espresso machine. "i think i'm gonna work on the sunroom today."

"today?" you asked. "wonwoo's gonna say no."

"wonwoo isn't getting invited. i still have to find furniture," he said, rinsing out the espresso shot glass and wiping down the portafilter. "we're getting close to deadline, i need boo to order the upholstery job on tuesday and i have a meeting tomorrow."

"when's deadline?" seokmin asked, wondering why he had one for a home project.

jeonghan blinked at the wall, not even turning towards the younger. "don't worry your pretty head about it."

you pouted, closing the short distance and wrapping your arms around him, your chin on his shoulder. "it's sunday. can't we cuddled puddle?"

"you mean like we do every night?" jeonghan asked, but grinding espresso beans so you couldn't answer the rhetorical question, packing down the grounds. "if you want to cuddle puddle, don't get out of bed so early."

you huffed as you dropped your arms, leaving him to prep a glass for his americano. "whatever. seokmin and i will have fun without you."

"what kind of fun?"

you stick your tongue out at him, using a teasing voice when you said "wouldn't you like to know."

innocent fun, was the truth, but you thought it was a victimless bluff. you spent the morning sitting on the couch with seokmin while a record played, discussing everything from your favorite movies to your weirdest dreams. you had to get up every six songs or so to flip or change the record, but seokmin liked that every time you rejoined him on the couch, you got closer to his side until you were eventually snuggling into his side, arms wrapped around his torso.

the innocence stopped when jeonghan emerged from his study, joining the two of you for a break. he planted himself on the other side of seokmin, under his arm, letting his hand not-so-subtly run over his thigh. you noticed the contact, peeking around to jeonghan.

"what kind of break are you looking for, hannie?"

he adjusted. "an inspiring one."

you giggled, recognizing the euphemism he used whenever he was stuck on something for work as you leaned back again. "that means he's horny."

seokmin sputtered out a laugh, jeonghan chuckling at your direct observation. "it's hard to not think about you two sitting out here, having fun without me."

"you may not believe it," seokmin said. "but i don't think sex was even on the table for us two today."

jeonghan's eyes met his, and he swallowed harshly. "can it be on the table for all three of us?"

the comfort of returning to bed was hard to deny, especially when they had you laid out against seokmin's chest as he was pressed against the headboard, his mouth attached to your neck and his fingers twisting a nipple, all while jeonghan was digging his digits further into you with his tongue flicking against your clit. 

seokmin grunted, rutting his hips against your back. "fuck, he looks good there."

you gasped, nodding, biting at your lip as he kneaded your breast, your fingers digging into jeonghan's hair. "you both do."

jeonghan never struggled to pull you apart, his deft fingers and teasing lips making you squirm and moan until you were shaking, mouth hanging open as your vision blurred and he told you you tasted like candy.

"minnie," jeonghan prompted, making the younger sit up with you whining against him to clean your taste off his fingers. his dick throbbed in need, watching the singer's agile tongue against him, wishing it wasn't just on his fingers.

seokmin had to practically beg jeonghan to fuck him again, but his only hesitation was that he may not have recovered yet. seokmin  was on his back and gripped at jeonghan's thighs, urging him forward as your hand twisted around his thick, throbbing cock.

jeonghan swallowed, pausing despite being covered in lube and in position. "you're sure?"

"yes," seokmin said, gasping at your hand on him. "jeonghan, i appreciate you asking, but i'm always sure when it comes to you."

you weren't sure you had ever seen jeonghan blush like that in bed, and you smiled against seokmin's neck as he groaned, his cock firming in your grasp as the older pushed into him. you admired seokmin's silent scream, his head lolling to one side at the feeling.

"angel," jeonghan sighed, settling into the way seokmin squeezed around him. "what do you wanna do?"

you teased a thumb over seokmin's slit. "i wanna ride."

"f-fuuck-" seokmin panted, his hips resting against jeonghan's spread thighs as his knees hung to either side. "i'm not- nngh- gonna last."

"you don't have to," you said matter of factly, adjusting to straddle his torso. jeonghan winced, watching your form as he pumped into seokmin. "we're done when daddy says so."

you put your hand, palm up, over your shoulder, and jeonghan chuckled at the recognized motion for him to spit on your fingers - usually, so that you could slick his dick to sit back on it. you worked jeonghan's spit over seokmin's engorged cock, then slowly lowered yourself onto him.

seokmin stared up at you, eyes fluttering and mouth open, suddenly not only feeling impossibly full, but also absolutely stuffed into you. he moaned out loud when jeonghan bumped into his spot, overwhelmed by the simultaneous pleasure. you fell forward onto his chest, holding yourself up with shaky arms as your face hovered over his, both of you trying to hold off your own demises.

then, jeonghan pushed himself deep into seokmin, who whined, his dick pushing up against your cervix. you nearly collapsed, whimpering as your forehead fell to his, gasping into a desperate kiss. jeonghan groaned, his hand running over your hip as he looked at the intersection of you all, staring at the way you barely contained all of seokmin before he leaned forward and kissed your spine.

"you two will kill me," he said, one hand holding you firmly at your waist while the other gripped seokmin's thigh as he picked up his pace. you both moaned, fingernails digging into the plushest part of your thigh when seokmin questioned how much longer he could hold out at jeonghan's unrelenting pace.

a long, high pitched whine fell from his lips. "fuck, i need to cum," he rushed out, bleary eyes barely opening as he looked at you.

"hang on, baby," jeonghan said. "ladies first."

you babbled against seokmin's lips, somehow never being able to get used to the way he filled you, though jeonghan pushing him into you didn't help. you could do nothing but repeat curses in increasing pitch, pushing your face into seokmin's neck as your walls clamped down around him. his mouth gaped, desperately trying to not succumb to your plush insides before he got the okay.

jeonghan smiled at how seokmin tried to focus on him, despite his hands gripping you as you shook against him. "go ahead, baby."

so seokmin went. and god, he went, coating you internally, immediately squeezing out around his stuffed cock and onto his lap, making jeonghan pant as he kept his hips moving, chasing his own end. he leaned forward, chest pressing against your back as he fucked into seokmin, not stopping until his eyes were clamped shut and he was painting his walls white.

there was a long period of time where none of you moved, then another after you had all managed to untangle from each other. jeonghan sat back, leaning against a hand and scratching his brow as he breathed heavily.

"bathtub cuddle puddle?"

you laughed, chest heaving as you looked over to him, but it was seokmin who spoke. "that sounds nice."

he started to get suspicious when his birthday got closer.

jeonghan told you to suggest a dinner outing for that night to divert attention, but he had caught you moving one of the guitars for the music room only a few days before his birthday, and he looked at you with squinted eyes when he asked if it was for him and you hurriedly said no, hiding the guitar behind your back despite him clearly being able to see it. 

"i panicked," you told jeonghan, eyes wide. "he saw it in me. he could tell it wasn't just the guitar."

"it'll be fine, y/n," he said, pushing around potted plants until they satisfied him. "he has to think it's weird that we haven't let him see this room yet, anyways."

you chewed your cheek, looking around the almost completed sunroom. the tall windows showed the light snowflakes falling from the sky, not quite thick enough to leave a layer but enough to make the enclosed yard look slightly pastel. despite the open space that looked out into the cold seoul winter, it stayed cozy, heat radiating from the floorboards and the faux fur rugs laid across them. the space near the entrance had a raised floor with a grand piano, along with several guitars hanging upon the wall, while the area partially covered by the balcony had two heavily cushioned, dark heather gray couches and a bright armchair, adorned with pillows and cable knit blankets.

jeonghan had a slight obsessive nature when it came to his home projects. he was meticulous with contracts, too, but he truly wanted this house to be perfect - not just for him, but for the people he loved. so you watched him rearrange pillows about four more times before you ran up the stairs to the loft to see if he had changed anything there since you had looked the day before.

it almost felt as though it was outdoors, with plants hanging off the edge of the railing and the rustic desk he had originally picked for your office placed to one side. you imagined doing schoolwork here, fantasizing slightly about watching seokmin play piano from your vantage point as you wrote essays. you slid open the glass doors to peek into your new office.

he had painted the walls white, taking a hint from the styling in your own apartment when he picked out a neutral toned couch and light wood shelving, your early graduation present of a computer set up spread across an L shaped desk. he had even paid to have your upright piano moved here, and cut into the next room over to give you more space for an electric drumset. you couldn't help but smile, imagining your friends coming over to record stuff with you. you had always felt strange about inviting them to your rich boyfriend's house, despite him insisting they were welcome, but he had really gone through the trouble of making a room so perfect for all of them that you had no choice.

and it was brighter, you thought. you had told him you worked better in bright spaces.

despite jeonghan's promises, the music room renovation felt like it was as much a gift for you as it was for seokmin. though, maybe he couldn't help it, when the reasons he loved you both overlapped so much.

you went to seokmin's apartment the next day with a bagged gift for him, arriving again right as his client was leaving, and you smiled at the same young man you had seen the first time you had come to visit seokmin. you knew his name now, not because you had spoken to him much, but because you had been told about him by his teacher, and you congratulated him on getting a gig the upcoming weekend.

"oh," jisung said, glancing between the two of you. "he talks about me?"

you laughed and gave him a fighting, seokmin looking upwards to hide his embarrassment as he ushered his student toward the door. "have a nice week, jisung! i'll try to be there this weekend," he said, throwing you a look as you giggled. 

"it's not for guitar, you don't have to come," the younger assured. "but if you want to, bring your girlfriend!"

"yeah!" you said, putting your fists on your hips. "i'm getting you dinner for your birthday tonight, the least you can do is take me to an underground rap show!"

"okay, both of you, no more talking," seokmin said, trying and failing to prevent jisung from stopping in his tracks at the news that it was his birthday.

"woah, teach, happy birthday!" he laughed. "you weren't gonna say anything?" he kept talking even as his teacher pushed him out of his apartment.

you couldn't stop grinning when the door closed, seokmin turning to you. he pointed at you, trying to hide his smile as he could only get out a vaguely annoyed "you."

"happy birthday, baby," you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. he softened against you, smiling as you pulled away, his hands on your waist as he thanked you quietly.

"he asks about you a lot," seokmin said, joining you when you laughed at the fact. "i think he has a crush on you."

you rolled your eyes. "stop bragging about me, then."

"i don't brag," he said, smiling into another kiss. "i just tell the truth. i can't help that you're a dream come true."

you only pulled away from him to grab the two thick paper bags that you had set on his couch. "c'mon, we gotta head out. open your presents."

seokmin's mouth dropped open when he saw the logo on the bag. "wait, you didn't."

"i had to," you said, giggling as he grabbed one and tugged it open, moving to the couch to pull the garment out. "you said you wanted it."

"where did you find one?" he asked, staring at the corduroy parka from the brand you saw him wear constantly. "they've been sold out for weeks!"

"i got it before then, duh." you poked his cheek when he pouted at you, his eyebrows knit. "there's more, stop getting distracted."

seokmin hugged you extra tight as a thank you for his romantic crown haul, and he decisively pulled on the golden yellow shirt with the pizza on the back, making you grin at how perfectly jeonghan had predicted his thought process before you dragged him out of his apartment to go get dinner.

"we're just picking it up," you said, jangling a keychain. he gave you a quirked eyebrow, and you giggled, pulling him over to jeonghan's car. "do you wanna see it self drive?"

you pushed the side door closed with your butt and called out to jeonghan, saying the birthday boy was here. seokmin took the pizza boxes from your arms and put them on the kitchen counter as jeonghan walked around the stairs.

"well one of us has to change," jeonghan said facetiously, and seokmin looked down at the yellow shirt peeking through his half zipped parka, looking back up at jeonghan, who was wearing the same shirt.

"wait wait wait," you giggled, turning around to undo the zipper of your own jacket, pulling it open as you spun around to reveal that you, too, were wearing the shirt.

seokmin looked between you two with wide eyes, his eyebrows creasing. "you got us matching shirts?"

"pizza shirt gang!" you giggled, stripping off your jacket. "do you like them?"

he smiled into a disbelieving laugh. "how did you know i would put it on?"

"because we know you, minnie," jeonghan said, reaching for his hand after he took off his new coat. "before we eat, i finished the sunroom today, wanna see it?"

"hang on," seokmin stopped, making his hand fall from jeonghan's. "that's not the gift, right?" he looked at you. "the sunroom isn't the gift?"

you pursed your lips, looking at the ceiling, and seokmin started to argue, making jeonghan laughed. "who cares if it's for you, i just want you to come look at it."

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his lover cover his face with his hands, sinking to crouch on the floor as his eyes looked around the large room that was lit by fairy light. the first thing he had seen was the piano, which made him gasp, then he saw the guitars, and looked at your smiling face, suddenly connecting dots, unable to stay standing from the shock as he understood why he hadn't been allowed to help.

and then he started crying.

the two of you ushered him to a couch, sitting him down as he sniffed back the tears. you sat beside him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and cooing, jeonghan crouching on the floor in front of him.

"i'm sorry," jeonghan said, smiling slightly as he gave him an apologetic look. "i didn't mean to overwhelm you."

seokmin choked on a laugh, wiping at his cheeks. "how did you think i'd react?"

"i don't think he thought about it," you whispered, knowing full well jeonghan could hear you.

"i got a little carried away," he admitted, hand rubbing comforting circles on seokmin's leg. "you're special to me, so i wanted to make something special for you."

"this," seokmin said, looking around, gesturing at his surroundings. "this?"

the older huffed out a laugh, almost embarrassed. "yeah, this."

seokmin laughed too, eyes wet as he looked into the other's. "i can't believe you would make something this incredible for me."

"you're incredible," jeonghan said. "i want you to feel welcome in my home."

"i couldn't believe the record wall, either," you offered when seokmin seemed speechless, pressing your cheek against the his shoulder, hand rubbing his back. "jeonghan's love language is a little unique."

seokmin sniffed one more time, studying jeonghan's face, his brow creasing ever so slightly. "holy shit, i'm in love with you."

your heart stopped as you pulled away slightly to look at him, then jeonghan, who was frozen.

"i didn't realize that's what this was," seokmin said, hand gripping the one on his thigh. "i knew i liked you, but this is-"

jeonghan rose quickly, seating himself at seokmin's other side and kissed him. "i love you," he said, thumbs wiping over his slightly damp cheekbones. "it's taken me years to admit it, but i love you."

seokmin kissed him again in response, his face feeling hot from the continued attention. he broke away, only to look around the room again, jeonghan studying his face with a smile as he did.

"i think," seokmin said, clearing his throat when the words came out weak. he looked to you, then to jeonghan. "i think this is the best birthday i've ever had."

jeonghan laughed. "we haven't even had the pizza yet."

[tooruluv]

Tobio Kageyama x F!Reader ( part 1 )

❝ goodbyes hurt when the story is not finished, but the book is closed. tell me, have we started a new one? ❞

description: it had been years since you and kageyama broke up. it had been years since the two of you left each other, hatred brewing. fate works in funny ways, you thought, as you caught his eye across the café. love works in funny ways, you thought, as you woke up in his bed the next morning, his fiance calling his phone.

genre: forbidden love, cheating, ex lovers, (all characters are aged up)

word count: 2,007

warnings/notes: strong language, cheating, lowkey toxic relationship, just a lot of heartache and angst! i’ve been thinking of this one for a minute, so i hope you enjoy!! pls let me know your thoughts, i love hearing from you guys <3

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masterlist

The final pages of the story were finished. The book was closed, the concluding statements read. The story of you and Tobio Kageyama had long since completed. With a few nostalgic memories and a broken heart, it was the end.

Except, like many stories, it wasn’t. An epilogue had begun. A new chapter starting in the midst of nothing, a sequel to a seemingly finished story.

Because you had somehow ended up here: gasping in between desperate kisses with the aforementioned man. He had you pinned up against his penthouse wall, hands grasping every inch of you that he could while your hands threaded in his hair.

Kageyama was buffer now, extra muscle and better build. He easily picked you up and made his moves with more strength and power. It wasn’t just passion the both of you were working with, but anger as well. He was angry at you, angry at the world.

But most importantly, Kageyama was angry with you, still. For breaking his heart.

The night was full of rough, heated kisses and using each other’s bodies in a way that would most certainly leave marks the next morning. You never once spoke, not since the very first kiss you had shared in five years.

Heaving and exhausted, the both of you fell asleep in the hotel you were staying in. There was no cuddling, no pillow talk. Instead, you fell asleep side by side.

Tobio Kageyama was the love of your high school life. The two of you dated the entirety of the dreadful years, seeing each other grow. He may have seemed stoic, or too focused on his favorite sport, but you would be lying if you said that he was a terrible boyfriend.

You brought him a milk every day at lunch, you supported him at every early morning volleyball tournament, you helped him study because despite everyone telling you he’s smart he was actually the least studious person ever. And he came to your house every time you felt sick, he looked at all of your drawings as if they were professional paintings, he brought you a hot chocolate (with your specific order) from the coffee shop you both liked whenever he felt the need to apologize.

You completed each other.

But you can’t really bring up the good parts, the parts you missed the most, without bringing up the bad parts. The parts that make you never want to return.

You were drained in the relationship, to say the least.

You were exhausted all of the time, full of worry because he never texted back, tired from the late nights when he would leave you waiting after practices when he promised he would meet you outside after. And he would get mad at you and give you the silent treatment until he brought you a hot chocolate and neither of you ever talked about it again, or if you tried he would change the subject. He also tended to hate PDA, something you rather enjoyed even if it was just holding pinkies.

The worst part, though, was his hatred for your friendship with your best friend. Tooru Oikawa had been your best friend since you were both children. You had even met Kageyama through the older boy, back in junior high. 

You had to tell him over and over and time and time again that Tooru Oikawa was just a best friend and nothing more. You, in simpler terms, had told Kageyama that you had never ever had even an inkling of a crush on the man. This was a reoccurring situation for the entirety of your relationship.

Like it was a competition between the two and you were the prize. And you hated being played as a game.

One day, only a couple of weeks before you had broken up with him, you and Kageyama were sitting in your bedroom. You were trying to study with him, flashcards and papers spread out across your bed as he sat beside you.

Your phone went off, and you ignored it. Kageyama didn’t.

“Oikawa’s texting you again.” He said, voice low with irritation. You rolled your eyes.

“You know, Kageyama, that he’s only a friend and has only ever been a friend.” you told him, ignoring your phone when it went off again. “It’s like you talking to… Hinata.”

“Hinata’s not hitting up my phone every hour, though, is he?” 

“He might as well be.” You set down your book and turned your body so all of your attention was on your boyfriend. When your hands reached for his, and your fingers interlocked with his, he basically let out a sigh of relief as he relaxed. “I love you. You.”

“I love you, too.” He wrapped his other hand around the one holding yours. “I didn’t want to start a fight.”

“I know.”

God, it was going to be hard to tell him goodbye.

Five years had passed since you had last seen Tobio Kageyama. They passed in a series of blurs, as you spent a majority of them traveling and moving non-stop. And after a long time, you had somehow ended back where you started. Back in Japan.

Oikawa was the one who picked you up at the airport, excited as all hell to talk to you about his achievements since high school and hear your stories. He even wrote your name on a piece of paper and all.

“Ah, I have missed you more than you could possibly know!” Oikawa exclaimed as you walked beside him to get your luggage. “And now that you’re back, you can stop Iwa from bullying me.” He pouted.

“You know even I don’t have that kind of power.” You joked. Oikawa got taller, too.

On the way home, you heard about his new team and how they traveled the world, you heard about how big his nephew had gotten, about how things have changed since high school (Oikawa actually lived by himself, now, which was a shock to you since your best friend hated being lonely).

And you caught him up on your adventures, about backpacking in Europe and visiting the Great Wall of China, about living in the states.

You missed being back, for the most part.

Oikawa helped you unpack in your hotel (“You could always stay with me, young traveler, instead of this hotel” He told you. Which you replied with, “My dear Tooru, I wouldn’t want to intervene on prime masturbation hours.”)

The first place you visited since being back was Oikawa’s apartment. The second place you visited was the Scoups Café. 

The café wasn’t tiny, but it wasn’t large either. There were tables spread out along the floor, decorated with old newspapers and flower centerpieces. The smell of coffee filled the air the second you opened the big glass doors. The small chatters of people and clicking of keyboards created a chorus of nearly synchronized harmonies. Though it was soothing, beautiful, but it reminded you of every love story imaginable all packed into one: Tobio Kageyama.

You ordered your hot chocolate and waited behind the brown counters. As you did, you heard your name being said from behind you.

You turned to see him. The dark hair, the blue eyes. Unmistakable. You froze on the spot, arms limp at your sides. You didn’t know if it was the anger or the heart break that hit you first. But all you knew then, in that moment, was that he was there. He was there, in the coffee shop with you, and was looking at you with the same anger/heartbreak combination you wore.

“I hate you.” 

Those were the last words Kageyama said to you. Those were the words that you heard repeatedly over and over and over. You weren’t sure if he was being honest or if he was just pissed off, but he said them. To you, to your face, in front of loved ones. He said it. 

And you hated him for it.

The plane ride was full of running makeup, shaking, and putting your phone on airplane mode (not that Kageyama would even text you, you knew he wouldn’t).

Maybe “I hate you” was better than “goodbye”. Maybe “I hate you” was better than “I love you”. Maybe “I hate you” was better than literally any other thing he could have said. Yeah, maybe.

Because hating him for the rest of your life would be way easier than being in love with him.

You claimed Tooru Oikawa as your best friend. And he claimed that you were “slightly higher than Iwa on the best friend scale”. It stemmed as children, you were in the same junior high as them before moving to Karasuno in high school. You were sitting with your other best friend, Hana, watching the game with such intensity that both of your eyes might as well have popped out of your head.

Hana was just as involved. Though it was just a junior high game that wasn’t that hard, it was interesting.

That’s when you met Kageyama for the first time. Your eyes were trained on him the entire time, his drive and passion showing even at the young age. He just… felt different. His aura drew you in like a red string tied on your pinky.

“You’re drooling!” Hana teased from beside you.

“I am not!”

You most definitely were. And after the game, you congratulated Oikawa on court along with his teammates (meaning a certain dark haired boy).

“Does he still hate you?” Oikawa asked you on facetime while you were still in the states. He was outside, in daylight, and you were about to pass out from staying up too late.

“I don’t know.” You didn’t like talking about it, contrary to popular beliefs. “I haven’t talked to him.”

“It’s okay. He hates me too.”

“Are you on a swing? Are you a child?”

“I’m watching Takeru!”

“I smell excuses, Tooru. Excuses.”

You laughed as Oikawa did his best to defend himself, making up ridiculous excuses that only made you laugh harder. Always the dramatic one. You were just happy to derail the conversation.

See, you thought that would be it. One relapse sexcapade with the man you loved for most of your life. One “get it out of your system” night. It’s funny, isn’t it, how things never truly are what you expect them to be.

You didn’t wake up to an empty bed. In fact, you woke up entangled with the dark haired man. Your legs were wrapped around his, and his arms around your waist. He was warm, chest pinned against your back.

His phone rang throughout the bedroom, interrupting your (quite peaceful) sleep.

He reached over your body, still staying behind you (completely naked still, to add), checking the caller ID. His one arm held his body over yours, chest to your side. Like he was trying to keep you trapped there, or he knew he looked like a god in the morning sun (the orange hues reflecting off of his skin in the most beautiful way possible). Either way, you just watched as he grabbed the phone off of the stand.

“Shit.” He mumbled.

His fiancé was calling.

[gravelyhumerus]

Criminal Minds College AU - Chapter 7

Title: “I may just take your breath away”

Relationship: Jemily

Summary:

Hallowe’en chaos.

Slow-burn Jemily college AU where they live across the hall and despite all odds, the universe pushes them together. AKA they’re silly gay babies who pine after each other for months.

Read it on AO3

Tumblr:  One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, (bonus scene), Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen, Twenty, Epilogue

After trivia night, Emily Prentiss found her world had shifted slightly. 

For the first time in her life, she had a friend group: a consistent presence of not only just Derek and the occasional Hotch, but also Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia and most importantly, Jennifer Jareau. 

Emily noticed it most in the dining hall. Most mornings this semester, she would grab coffee and maybe an apple on her way to class. Now, she was invited to breakfast in the caf. And everyone was also invited, so the six of them began eating not only breakfasts together when their schedules lined up, but soon that melded to include dinners and the odd lunch between classes. While Penelope initiated at the beginning, soon this became a routine. 

While they were all busy, and driven people, all with full course loads, extracurriculars and miscellaneous commitments, they managed to get the whole team together multiple times that week. 

A few times, extra faces joined them. Penelope’s friend from class, Kevin… something, joined for a lunch on Wednesday. He sat shyly as Derek stared him down the entire time. On Thursday, somehow Hotch convinced their Criminology TA, David Rossi, who was part time Masters Student and part time weed dealer, to have lunch with the bribe of them using their guest pass so he could get a free meal. He reluctantly acquiesced, but seemed to enjoy himself. On Friday, the day before Halloween, Emily brought Tara Lewis, the MC from the Trivia night that was two years ahead of her in criminology, they ran into each other in the quad, recognizing each other. This open door policy made these dinners fun, with new faces alongside their team.

This was all new for Emily. Not having friends, that is, because Emily could always muddle along with some friends, and when she was younger she shaped herself easily into whatever the popular kids wanted her to be. No, it was new because it was so easy. The team, as they now called themselves as a shorthand, had fallen together so effortlessly. 

Today was Halloween and they had plans at Dave’s student house, the shabby place that she had ran into JJ, Penelope and Spencer all that time ago. Had it only been a month? She felt like she had known them all for lifetimes by now. 

It happened that way with Derek last year, the whole living together thing sped up that connection. Intimacy comes fast when you brush your teeth next to someone. 

Emily was sitting at her desk, finishing up her makeup. She was aiming for a vampire, which wasn’t hard given her previous fashion aesthetic. 

Yes, Emily did have a goth phase. She will admit it. Not to her new friends just yet, and Derek had been sworn to secrecy. She was now a much more toned down goth, more alt than goth, wearing mostly black but significantly less chains and make up. 

Tonight, she wore her fishnets, a short black dress and a cape that was already tied around her shoulders. She had put a slightly too pale foundation on her face, down her neck, and was currently working on her eye liner. She carefully created elegant swoops over her lashes, coming to sharp points. 

Next, she added a deep red lipstick. Blood red. It was all very spooky. 

Finally, she struggled to test out the fake teeth insert that she had ordered online, slipping it over her top teeth. It fit surprisingly well. 

“Happy Halloween,” she said to herself, testing out whether or not she had a lisp. She did. She didn’t care. It was perfect. 

Emily did a couple of spins in the mirror on the back of the door. Turning off the overhead light, she looked at herself in the glowing light of her string lights. 

She was satisfied. She looked like a hot vampire. 

She grabbed her tote bag, which was filled with six miscellaneous beers and coolers that she had leftover from the last few weeks, knowing that she hated the cheap hoppy beer that Rossi would have at his party. 

Emily was picky about her alcohol.

She glanced out the window, considering taking an extra layer. It was dreary outside, with the sky an eerie green and powerful gusts of wind rattling the window. Emily grabbed her leather jacket. 

Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder and draping her coat over her arm, Emily peeked out of her door, looking out into the hall. In both directions were students in costume; she spotted a Frankenstein, a couple of cats and even someone dressed up in an inflatable t-Rex suit. 

She made sure her door was locked and then walked down the hall to Derek’s room, who was at the very end of the hall, as he had lucked out and got a massive room with lots of windows, across from the showers. 

She opened the door, finding just about all of their friends already there, sneakily drinking out of mugs, cups and water bottles. 

Reid was a zombie, wearing tattered, bloody clothes and a full face of makeup that Emily assumed that Penelope did for him. Sitting next to his computer, queueing music for their pre, was Derek, dressed in a baseball jersey and hat, apparently as a baseball player. This was expected, he wasn’t big on Halloween. Hotch was… a devil? He wore all black and simply had devil horns on his head. Low commitment but the spirit was there. 

Emily hoisted herself onto Derek’s bed and greeted her friends. 

Spencer was sneaking up behind Derek, peeking his head over his shoulder. Derek, at that moment, seemed to be texting, squinting down at his phone. 

“I’m going to eat you!” Spencer yelled into Derek’s ear, causing the larger man to jump to his feet, swatting at the boy in his fright. 

Emily laughed at her friend’s distress. He really didn’t like Halloween that much. 

“Are you ready for a spooktacular evening?” Spence asked, making his voice wobbly as he put on a dramatic effect. He shone an orange, pumpkin patterned flashlight under his chin.

“Of course,” Emily lisped, “In fact, I vant to drink your blood!”

She lunged forward, and Spencer hid from her behind Derek. It was silly but she could tell how much he liked Halloween, he had talked about it all week, and she couldn’t help but adopt a lispy vampire voice to go with her costume. Though the boy was only two year younger than them, his thin frame and wide eyed expression made him seem much younger. 

“Your teeth are excellent,” Spencer pointed out, “Very realistic.”

“I don’t get the hype about Halloween,” Derek said, “Disguises? Pass. Horror movies? No thank you.”

“Booooooo,” Emily protested, “Don’t be a buzzkill, Morgan. Let us have a little fun.”

The door opened again, and Penelope, followed by JJ, joined them. 

“Is my statuesque god of sculpted chocolate thunder being lame again?”

“He barely dressed up,” Emily complained.

“Neither did Hotch!” Derek said, gesturing to Hotch’s devil horns. 

“Hey, at least I bought these at the party store,” Hotch said, “I’m sure both of those are items from your own closet.”

Derek did not confirm or deny this. Emily knew he wore the same get up last year.

“So when should we be there?” JJ asked.

She was dressed as a witch, with an oversized pointy hat perched on top of her head, her blonde hair falling around her shoulders in perfect curls. She wore a purple dress and tall boots to go with her witch look. She and Penelope joined Spencer on the floor, sitting with their backs to Derek’s closet and cracking open a beer for JJ and a fruity cooler for Penelope. 

With large wings, glittery make up and an adorable skirt, Penelope was clearly dressed up as a fairy, which was entirely apropos to who she was as a person. In fact, it was not entirely dissimilar from her normal outfits. 

“Rossi said to come by eight,” Hotch said, “So in party talk he means nine-thirty earliest.”

“It’s, what?” Derek checked the time on his laptop, “Eight fifteen now, so we can pre here for an hour or so then start walking over.”

“Yeah,” Hotch said, “His house is just off campus.”

“The weather is crazy out,” Penelope said, looking out the window. The trees were swaying and the leaves were blowing everywhere.

“We could take a cab?” Emily offered, “I’d rather avoid getting leaves in my hair tonight.”

There were some nods, then they got back to preing, playing a few rounds of King’s Cup to ensure that all of them were sufficiently drunk before they left.

Morgan put on his new playlist, not “For The Boys (and emily)” this time, but one titled “Team Vibez” that Emily had seen him make during their lecture on Thursday. It had a lot of his normal songs, some top hits, but a few fun pop songs that Emily knew he added for Penelope, and even some classic rock for Hotch. 

At this point, Emily was feeling buzzed. She had two cans discarded in the bin, both hosting lipstick prints from her dark red vampire lips. 

JJ was currently chatting with Hotch about some student government scandal that was happening at the time. While politics gave Emily the heebie jeebies, she had reluctantly joined the Criminology Academic Society. It would give her a leg up on grad school applications, for one, and so far, even as a low-level member, she found she was actually making a difference for her classmates. This meant that Emily, despite her deepest urges to not touch political scandals with a ten foot pole, knew exactly what they were talking about.

As the two discussed the student politicians—there were some minor accusations of nepotism, embezzlement and coverups by the undergraduate executive—Emily looked at JJ. Her brows were furrowed in concentration and she was gesturing wildly with her hands as she talked about how badly they were handling their crisis communications. 

Suddenly, interrupting this discussion, their phones blasted out a siren, followed by a chorus of the same robot voice announcing an emergency alert.

“National Weather Service: TORNADO WARNING in this area until 10:15PM EST,” the robot announced, “Take shelter now in a basement or an interior room on the lowest floor of a sturdy building.”

They looked at Derek’s three, large windows, and watched as large gusts of wind sent leaves barrelling down the street.

“If you are outdoors, in a mobile home, or in a vehicle, move to the closest substantial shelter and protect yourself from flying debris,” it continued. “Check media.”

Then, their phones went silent and Derek’s music continued unheeded. 

“A tornado?!” Penelope said, “Here?”

The window rattled. Derek stood up and hesitantly moved away from it. 

Penelope grabbed Derek’s computer, her hands moving in a flurry.

“Ok so,” she began, “from what I can gather from the good old Internet, we’re in a region of extreme winds and the meteorologists are thinking that funnel clouds and tornados are possible this evening.”

“So much for Halloween,” Spencer whined. 

“Party is definitely off,” Hotch said. “We should probably take shelter. Is there a basement here?”

“There’s the laundry room?” Emily said. 

Adrenaline started pulsing through her veins. She’d been through some severe weather before in her life but never a tornado, nor did she expect one. They were in the north east, nowhere near tornado Alley. 

They all stood, making a move for the basement, when the lights flickered once, twice, then shut off entirely. Rain begin to fall down, hard onto the windows, and the boom of thunder filled their ears. 

“Shit,” Emily said. “Anyone have a candle?”

 ---

Ten minutes later, the six of them were seated in a circle, on the strange carpeted floor of the laundry room, with the severe weather making the wind howl outside. Between JJ’s two candles, which were very against the rules, and Derek’s laptop screen, they had enough ambient light to see, but it was all very spooky. 

The room smelled damp and earthy, with a strange combination of laundry soaps and dryer sheets. They had to move a spare sock to form a circle around the candle. It looked very much like a séance, so that did fit the Halloween spirit. 

“Well,” Hotch said, “At least this is festive.”

Derek was still queuing his music, filling the silence with his DJ skills. 

“Aren’t you worried about your battery life?” JJ asked, “What if the power doesn’t come on in the morning.”

“Then I have a great excuse not to finish my essay,” Derek said with a shrug.

“Fair point.”

“Anyways,” Derek continued, “No sense giving up on our party. We have drinks, we have music and thanks to JJ we have illegal candles.”

“They’re not illegal!” She protested, “Simply very against res rules! I like lighting a candle while I study.”

“It’s lucky that there was no one left in res because of Halloween,” Emily said. “Or we would've had a bunch of party crashers.”

“This is better,” Penelope, “Team bonding!”

“What should we play?” Hotch said, “we don’t really have much to work with.”

“This is all very high school,” Penelope said, “A couple of kids, in a basement, sitting in a circle on the floor…”

“With a tornado tearing through our city…” Emily quipped. 

“Statistically speaking for this region we are more likely to experience dangerous winds rather than an actual tornado. Worst case is that fallen tree branches hit power lines, or fall onto houses or cars.”

“So you’re saying that we’re in the worst case scenario right now?” Hotch said. 

“Yup.”

Hotch frowned. 

“How about we play truth or dare?” Penelope changed the subject.

“I’m down,” Emily said, surprising herself. “If everyone else is.”

“I’ve never played!” Spencer said.

“Never?” JJ asked. “Not at any sleepovers.”

“I didn’t get invited to many sleepovers.”

“Neither did I,” Emily admitted, “Some parties I went to played it too.”

JJ looked at her, there was a brief look of sympathy, and then understanding on her face. Emily made note of that. 

“I guess we’re playing,” Hotch murmured. 

“Derek,” Penelope purred, “Mon cher, truth or dare?”

“Truth,” he said defiantly, bracing himself with a swig of whatever was in his water bottle.

“Who is the prettiest fairy in the basement?”

“You, of course,” he replied with a wink. 

“Gross!” Emily exclaimed, “Truth or dare is not for flirting. Hotch: truth or dare?”

“Dare,” he said with a quirk of his eyebrow. 

“Show us the… most embarrassing photo of you on your phone.” 

He frowned. 

“I don’t take many photos.”

“Try,” Emily urged with a laugh. 

He fumbled in his pockets, grabbing his phone and scrolling through his photo album for a few minutes. 

“It’s from high school,” Hotch said with a sigh. “I was in a play.”

He held up a photo of him in a pirates outfit, he looked smaller, younger than he did now. His hair was shaggy and his face rounder. He was pointing the sword at the camera. 

“Who’s the girl?” JJ asked. 

“My girlfriend Hayley,” Hotch said, “we’re long distance now. I joined the play to get close to her and it seems to have worked.”

“That’s not embarrassing,” Penelope said, “that’s adorable. Try again.”

“Oh I have one!” Emily said, pulling up her Snapchat memories. She had a photo of him conked out in a lecture last year. His mouth was open and his head conked back, fast asleep in a dimly lit lecture hall. Emily had taken a series of these photos before waking him up. 

“Now that’s what i'm talking about,” Derek said. 

“How can you fall asleep during lecture?” Spencer asked in horror. 

Hotch shrugged. 

“I was tired, we had a game the night before,” Hotch said. “Morgan: Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I don’t know any dares,” Hotch looked around for help. 

“He could play the tinder game?” Emily said. 

“What tinder game?” 

“Oh that’s a good one,” JJ said, “Derek opens tinder and we randomly tell him which way to swipe and see who he matches with.”

Derek groaned. Opening the app and placing it down onto the carpet. 

“Right!” JJ said to start. 

A match.  

“Left?” Hotch said, it came out more like a question. 

“Right,” Emily said. Another match. 

Left, right, left, right. New message from a recent match, left, right, right, right, right. Derek looked on in horror. 

“Ok I think he’s had enough,” Emily said with a laugh. 

“Derek it’s your turn,” Penelope said. 

Derek sighs in relief. 

“Uhhh, Pretty Boy,” he turned to Reid. Thinking for a moment. “Have you ever smoked before?”

“Smoked what? Cannabis, tobacco? Something else. Be specific.”

Emily’s jaw dropped. 

“I dunno man,” Derek said, “I was talking about weed but go off.” 

“I have.”

“How?” JJ said, “You’re like sixteen! I haven’t even smoked weed.”

“Me neither,” Penelope said, sounding outright disappointed. 

“I believe it,” Hotch said. “He has a Juul.”

“Seventeen now,” Spencer said. “Kids in my first degree found it funny when I performed actions that they deemed mature for my young age. 

“What?” Penelope said. “But you were sixteen last week.”

“It was my birthday on Wednesday,” he said. 

“And we missed it?” JJ asked.

Emily decided not to inform them that her birthday had been a few weeks back as well. 

“It’s no big deal,” Spencer said, “I don’t really do birthdays.”

“Well I do birthdays!” Penelope said, “and you’re getting one.”

Emily could see the gears turning in Penelope’s head.

“Wait you haven’t smoked weed?” Emily said. She didn’t mean to sound so surprised, but hell, it was college. 

“I’ve never been offered,” Penelope said with a shrug.

“You have a Juul, Spence?” JJ said. 

He shrugged. 

“Anyways,” Derek said with a laugh. “Reid it’s your turn to ask.”

And the game continued roughly the same for a few more rounds, with some truths, some dares, a lot of drinking and a fair amount of laughter. 

Emily learned that JJ likes some angry rock music when she’s upset, that Penelope has committed several federal crimes, that Reid used to coach basketball in high school, that Derek has been posing nude for art classes on campus for extra cash, and that Hotch has never successfully completed a word search in his life. 

The dares were limited, because frankly they were basically hiding out in a basement during what might actually be a tornado. Emily was dared to do an impression of Hotch, which wasn’t good and involved a lot of eyebrows and frowning. After, JJ was forced to leave her snapchat at Garcia’s mercy for the entire night. Other dares involved dancing, attempting gymnastics, and seeing whether or not Reid fit into the dryer. He did. 

The game finally had played out when it was Hotch’s turn again to ask. 

“JJ, what’s your greatest fear?” Hotch asked.

“Mr. Serious over here,” Derek said with a whistle. 

“Probably the woods,” JJ replied. 

“Why?” Spencer asked, tilting his head. 

JJ grabbed a candle, holding it under her chin much like Reid did earlier. 

“I used to be a camp counselor, when I was a teenager. In the woods up in Vermont.”

She leaned forward. Emily didn’t know she worked at a camp. It made sense. She pictured her in a camp t-shirt making a bracelet. It suited her. 

“I had the night shift. I tucked the girls in, turned off the lights. The typical drill. Everything seemed fine; all the kids were asleep. You know, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”

Another dramatic pause, both Spencer and Derek had leaned in, invested in the story. 

“Until I noticed there was some blood, on the hallway floor. So, I followed the blood trail out to the camp director’s cabin, walked up to his bed and he was just lying there, underneath his covers. Dead!”

Penelope gasped. The room was silent.

“Someone stabbed him. I ran out of there so fast, out the door, down the hall. I just remember it… being really dark. Once I got to the door, there was another counselor there. I guess she heard me scream.”

JJ set the candle down, looking at the flame flicker. This couldn’t be real, Emily thought, this had to be a joke. 

“They caught the caretaker on his way to town, I guess he still had the knife on him.” 

“Anyway, I guess that’s probably when I decided I didn’t like the woods.”

“You’re serious?!” Derek demanded. 

“No!” JJ said with a laugh. “You bought that! I’m kidding!”

“So are you afraid of the woods?” Emily asked.

“Yeah,” JJ said, “They’re spooky I don’t know.”

They all laughed at that. 

Emily glanced at her phone; they had been down here for almost two hours. According to Penelope’s intermittent checks on the status of the extreme weather, most of the city was experiencing black outs, but there was no sign of an actual tornado. They were still supposed to take shelter for the next hour or so, just in case. 

In this time, Emily was close to five drinks in, with only one left in the basement. A growing pile of empties had built up around them, and Hotch had pulled out a small bottle of whiskey in addition to his beer, passing it around the circle. Having recently turned 17, the group had officially decided to give Spencer a beer, which he nursed slowly, wincing at the bitter taste. 

“Emily,” JJ turned to her and looked mischievous. “Truth or dare?”

She felt her heart flutter.

“Truth.”

“Hmmm…” JJ said, “Where was the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?”

Emily found herself blushing at the memory.

“Oh god,” Emily buried her face in her hands. “IHOP parking lot.”

“What?”  

Emily nodded, downing the last of her beer. 

“No further questions,” she proclaimed as she opened her next drink.

“I think that should conclude Truth or Dare,” Penelope said, “It’s time for another sleepover classic, since some of you are sleepover virgins.”

She grabbed Derek’s water bottle, plopping it down onto the carpet and spun it. 

“Spin the bottle!”

Emily went pale. What was Penelope doing? She stared into her drunk, not daring to look at anyone else. 

“That doesn’t seem very sanitary,” Spencer said.

“Boo,” Penelope, “You’re no fun. It’s a classic! And we’re all friends, it’ll be fun. Hotch you spin first.”

He looked horrified, but took the bottle. There was no getting in the way of Penelope Garcia’s will.

“The rules are simply: kiss or you have to finish your drink?,” Penelope said, “Got it?

Hotch nodded, he spun the bottle. It went around the circle, once, twice, three times, then landed clearly on himself.

“How do I kiss myself?” he said, deadpan. 

“Drink!” Emily told him. He downed his last beer.

Derek spun next, rubbing his hands together nervously as it went around and around. It landed on Penelope.

“Come here, chocolate thunder!” 

Derek took his baseball cap off, turning it backwards. Penelope pulled his shirt towards her, tugging on him as their lips met. They both closed their eyes, she could hear JJ giggle at the sight.

“Was that the only reason we’re playing this?” Spencer asked, “So that you could kiss Morgan?”

“Maybe?” Penelope, “What’s it to you, boy-genius!” 

He put his hands up in surrender, it was his turn. 

He spun the bottle awkwardly, so that it rocked back and forth in addition to spinning. It went around once before landing on JJ.

Emily wasn’t sure what to think about that. On one hand, he was just a kid and the kiss wouldn't be anything, but on the other hand, Emily was jealous that she didn’t get a kiss. 

“Come here, Spence!” JJ said, making a grabbing motion at the boy and laughing. 

He leaned in with his eyes closed, Emily wouldn’t be surprised if he told them he hadn’t done even this before. JJ put a hand on his face, turned it gently, and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Derek clapped him on the back and made a comment about it being ‘pretty boy’s first kiss,’ and Reid simply sat and blushed as he busied himself with drinking some of his beer. 

Emily’s turn. She tried not to cross her fingers and pray for JJ, but it happened anyways. It landed on Derek. Emily sighed dramatically.

“Ewwww,” Emily mock protested.

“Come on, princess,” Derek jeered, “You know you want some of this!”

He lifted his t-shirt up and rubbed his hands down his abs.

“Put that away sir!” she covered her eyes. 

“Oh come here,” she said, leaning in. They kissed on the lips with a loud ‘mwah!’ noise. 

“That was cute,” Hotch commented.

Emily fake gagged, while Morgan tried to wipe her red lipstick off him. 

Last was JJ in the circle. She spun it casually. Emily tried to read her facial expression, wondering if JJ, too, wanted it to land on Emily.

See, Emily was starting to believe that JJ liked her back. She was single, and for all Emily knew, she was straight, but the more Emily got to know her, she got queer vibes. She played soccer! Her nails were short and- 

Emily couldn’t think of any other things that moment, as she was currently freaking out about the spin the bottle situation that was presently unfolding. 

The moment in the bathroom, Emily thought, that was something! The way she looked at Emily… she was sure that she felt JJ’s eyes on her linger. 

The bottle landed on Emily. They had to kiss. It was part of the game.

Holy shit. 

Penelope squealed and Emily could feel the entire room's eyes on her, except JJ whose eyes were on the ground. 

Emily could hear her heartbeat. She desperately wanted to kiss JJ but did she want to under these circumstances? For a dare? 

JJ looked at her. Blue eyes staring into brown. She could hear her blood rushing in her ears. She found herself leaning forward, only slightly. JJ did the same. Her lips parted, her eyes hungry.

Emily shifted forward, she sat with her legs tucked under her, bracing herself with her arms. JJ was cross legged, her arms free to grab at her face. JJ’s hands tugged her forward.

Their lips met. 

It was uncertain, chaste, soft. Then, JJ’s hands pulled her closer. They were pressed together, heads tilting so that their noses didn’t bump.

Jennifer Jareau was kissing her. They were kissing!

Emily’s brain short circuited. JJ filled her senses; the blonde’s vanilla perfume and soft lips and the taste of alcohol on her tongue. 

Oh god, her tongue. 

Emily did not want it to end. Their mouths opened and their tongues slid against each other, feeling so perfect and sending Emily’s blood racing away from her face and noticeably south. 

JJ was incredibly hot and Emily desperately wanted to do more than kiss her. Or kiss her like this forever. Her ams were caressing her cheek and tangled in Emily’s hair, pulling her closer.

The lights flickered on; they had power, again. JJ pulled away from her, sharply. 

Emily sat back, sitting up straight. The room was luckily too distracted by the lights to notice how out of breath Emily was. Or that they probably shouldn’t have passionately made out on a dare. 

JJ wouldn’t meet her eye, but Emily could see her own lipstick on the other girl’s lips. Emily blinked at the bright light, started by the sudden return of the electricity after she had become accustomed to the dim light of the candle.

“What impressive timing,” Spencer murmured.

Taking the lights as a good sign, Penelope checked on the emergency alert. It was over and they were safe to go back upstairs. She found out that a few downed trees were the cause of the outage and there was never an actual tornado. No one was hurt but there was a bit of property damage throughout the city. 

Without the atmosphere of the candle light, and the likelihood of a RA doing a check of the building, they decided that that was the end of their party. They gathered up their empties, and blew out the candles.

As they finished up cleaning, all making sure not to leave any trace of their illicit affairs, Emily tried to quell her racing heart and blushing face, completely unable to look anyone in the eye. 

The door opened, their RA was there. Erin Strauss. She was a hardass.

“What are you all doing down here?” she demanded. 

They all stood, stock still, jaws dropped, smelling of alcohol and clutching clinking tote bags. 

“Erin,” Emily said, trying to sound as sober as possible despite the five plus drinks in her system, “We were simply following the directions on the emergency alert.”

“Yes! It said to seek shelter from the storm and the basement seemed the best for that,” Penelope said. 

“Uhuh,” Erin said, “What’s in the bag?”

The bag clinked. 

“Oh just some garbage,” Emily said, lying through her teeth. “We had some snacks.”

“Sure,” Erin said, not believing them. 

Emily tried not to sway, but did not feel steady on her feet. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or her recent kiss with JJ.

For a second, Emily was sure that their RA would bust their asses, but the girl simply sighed and told them to go to bed, muttering about how dealing with non-existent tornadoes wasn't part of her job.  

The six of them scurried upstairs, all freaked out about their near-miss with a write-up.

Reid disappeared up to his room, then JJ and Penelope walked down the hall to their’s. Emily slipped into Derek’s avoiding Erin Strauss’ watchful eye, helping Derek steady a very drunk Hotch.

Hotch, who had probably had a little too much of that whiskey, stumbled into Derek’s room and decided to sleep on the floor. Emily placed a water bottle next to him, and placed him in recovery position, glad for the distraction from the blush that refused to leave her face or the lingering taste of JJ on her lips. 

She walked slowly down the hall back to her own room, the events of that evening playing back in her mind. She threw herself onto her bed, dazed by her situation. 

Emily fell asleep with vampire make up still on her face that night. 

[natashaashleymarvelromanoff]

I’m so glad you’re back - chapter 4

chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 5  Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 10  Chapter 11  Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14  Chapter 15  Epilogue

5 Years after the snap....

“So how's space guys?” Natasha asked her team.

Today was the day of their scheduled call in the common room. They managed to upkeep it every earthly 2 weeks. The woman with now red and blonde ombre hair stood in the kitchen, cutting up two plates of peanut butter sandwiches, Natasha was always glad to have these calls with her friends. It was a nice change to talk to adults for a while, and not talk about the cartoons on the TV.

A lot had changed over the past 5 years. Natasha’s hair had grown longer, but the blonde still remained on the ends. She had also had her son, James. And he was the light of her life, Natasha couldn't imagine how she would have coped if she didn't have James. He was so energetic and sometimes untamable, but she loved it. She blamed his energy on steve, there was no doubt James had received his dad's serum. Natasha was sure James had her serum too but steves was always stronger.

James would ask about Steve all the time, and Natasha was more than happy to tell her son about his father. She told him about how they were heroes and fought aliens and bad guys and help to save the world, and she also told him about the snap. She made her stories a lot simpler as not to upset her son or scare him but he knew that they had not won when Thanos came and that his father had been one of the people that disappeared too. But more importantly, she told James about how much of a good person his father was. And that Steve was sweet and would help anyone he could without a second thought. She also told James about how his father was the first person to ever tell her he loved her. Ever since she told James about that the little blonde boy always made sure to tell his mom that he loved her and his dad, even though he hadn't met him.

Tony and Pepper finally had their daughter a few months after she had James, they named her morgan and only lived 30 minutes away so they could see each other as much as they wanted, and so their kids could always play together. Carol, nebula, and rocket were still in space, they visited every now and then but they had their missions. Rhodey finished helping the governments after the snap and was now helping the people. Going to countries to do the best he could to help.

Thor was still in Norway, taking care of his people, Natasha made sure to call him every week to keep in touch. She always made sure to ask him about how he was feeling and what he was doing. I guess you could say it was her maternal instinct, once she had James she became very protective of her son and also her friends. Especially Thor. And Okoye was still in Wakanda since their king and princess were victims of the snap, their mother was now queen and Okoye, loyal to the throne and Wakanda stayed to be with her queen and country.

“Space is fine on our end of it. What about you 'haircut'?.” rocket replied. He and nebula still hadn't had any new leads about anything that could help get their friends back, they hadn't had any new leads in months actually.

Carol smirked back at rockets new little nickname for her.

“Space is good near me too, people are still trying to move on and carry on with their lives, it's hard but they are getting there.”

“Okay good, that's good. It's good to know that people out there are doing okay.” Natasha smiled back at her friends.

“Right, well, I guess I'll let you guys get back to space then” once her space team logged off it was just her and Rhodey on the holograms. She finished cutting the sandwiches and brought them over to the table, almost avoiding Rhodey's eyes.

“Nat” he called over.

“Yeah” she knew what he wanted to talk about and the retired spy tried to hide her tears as she looked at one of her oldest friends.

“Something happened in China last night.”

Sitting down she closed her eyes, listening to his words.

“I don't know if it was him but they killed over two dozen people, some of them innocent.”

At that she let her tears fall. Her best friend. They found out he was alive a few years ago. They caught him on surveillance by chance. Ever since then Natasha had Rhodey and Friday looking for anything they could to locate Clint. The former archer had been on a killing spree they believed. In grief at losing his family. But every time they thought they found Clint, he was already gone, leaving a trail of bodies behind him.

“Thanks for letting me know, really. If anything else pops up, anything Rhodey. Let me know?”

“Of course. Now make sure you're taking care of yourself nat, and Tell my nephew I said hi.”

Smiling and Nodding back at Rhodey, he logged off the chat. His hologram fading away.

Sighing, Natasha sank back into the chair and closed her eyes. Silently praying for her friend. She just wanted to see Clint, she just wanted him to come home. If she could do anything to help him she would.

“Mommy!”

Snapping her eyes open and shooting her head up at the sound of her son calling her, Natasha immediately sees her son, James, running straight to her. Before she can even stand up he's already climbing onto her lap and wrapping his small arm around her in a hug.

Smiling she hugs him back out of instinct.

“Hey baby, you finished playing in your room?” pulling back from their hug she secured her son in her lap buy wrapping her left arm around his back, keeping him close to her.

“Yep! I drew you a picture!” raising her eyebrows, she acts surprised, even though she has come to expect this every time he plays in his room. Their refrigerator and the walls are covered in his drawings.

“You did? How sweet of you. Can I see it?” shaking his head vigorously the young boy refuses.

“Nope, not yet, I need to finish it first. Did you speak to my aunties and uncles?”

Changing the conversation very quick, the blonde 4-year-old, asked about her friends. He knew by now that they talked every other week and he was always excited to see them but Natasha didn't normally let him stay when they discussed work, considering the things they talked about, she didn't think her son should be hearing it. But every now and then he'd welcome himself into the room to say hi to his family, and everyone else was always more than happy to see him too.

“Yeah I did, they all miss you baby, and your uncle Rhodey asked me to make sure you knew he said hi”

“Are they gonna come visit us soon? I miss them.” James' shoulder starts to sink into himself, obviously shy about asking. He knew they were busy being heroes but he missed them so much he just wanted to see them all again and play.

“I dunno Jamie, your auntie carol's really far away in space helping people, and so are Rocket and auntie Neb. I could give your uncle thor a call if you want?” Natasha knew to mention Thor was always a good idea to cheer James up. Thor loved James and James absolutely adored thor. She was sure it was just because when Thor sat the young boy on his shoulders he could be really tall. Natasha made it a habit to talk to Thor all the time. Even after all these years she still had that maternal instinct to take care of her boys. After James was born, he always promised to visit her and James as often as he could and he did.

“Uncle Thor?! Yeah yeah yeah!!” his ears perking up, James's shy look turned into one of excitement. Smiling at the look of cheerfulness on her son's face, Natasha pulls him a bit closer into her side to hold him and stroked his blonde hair out of his face.

“Okay okay, but I'll have to call him tomorrow okay? It's night time where uncle Thor is right now. But I'll make sure to ask everyone when they're coming to see you next time we call okay?”

“Okay mommy, its okay though, I love my aunties and uncles but I love you the most.”

He was so much like his father it amazed her. Her James's little heart filled with nothing but love. Raising her posture, Natasha kissed the top of her sons head.

“I love you too baby. Right, time for lunch, get those peanut butter sandwiches down you.” Natasha said to her son. Standing herself up on her feet with her son in her arms, she put him down to let him run around the table to grab his plate and sit across from her. After getting a few bites down from both of them, an alert for the security system at the door sounded.

The mother automatically swiped the holographic alert and opened the live footage from the gate without even looking at it, assuming it was probably tony.

“Hey, guys it's me! It's Scott! We met a few years back in Germany! Can you let me in?”

Natasha's face dropped instantly, her mouth falling open and her eyes widening at the footage. Standing up the spy gawked at the man on the holographic screen.

“No, it can't be” he was supposed to be dead, he was a victim of the snap.

“Mommy who is that?” James asked. His little voice was curious. Shifting her head to look at her son, Natasha replied.

“His names Scott Jamie, it's okay he's one of us.”

Rushing out of the room, Natasha runs down the corridor to make her way to the front door. She couldn't help but notice the softer sound of little footsteps following her. Arriving at the entrance of the compound, Natasha uses the passcode to open the door.

Moving a few inches, Natasha pushes the door fully open until she could see the full length of the presumed dead man in front of her.

….

“So it's really been 5 years?” Scott questioned Natasha. He still couldn't believe it, even when he saw Cassie all grown up. She had explained what happened all those years ago but it was still hard to believe that this had actually happened

“Yup. “

Scott, Natasha, and James were all back inside the common room now. Once Scott had sat down Natasha instantly offered him the rest of her sandwich, which he gladly accepted.

“And half the population of the universe is dea- gone?” Scott minded his words, remembering the presence of a kid in the room.

“Uh huh”

“Tony Stark had a kid?”

“Yeah”

“And you had a kid with Captain America.”

Tensing at Scott's question, Natasha averts her eyes from him for a second and shifted them over to her son, who was sat on the end of the table, also eating his own sandwiches. It wouldn't matter how many years had gone by, it still hurt to think about him being gone. God, she missed him. Returning her eyes and leaning forward on the table she answered his question.

“Yes”

“Okay.”

Taken aback, Natasha's mouth fell slightly open and her eyebrows raised.

“Okay? That's it? Scott, you've just come back after 5 years to find out half the people you know are gone. And your just, okay?”

When you put it like that it does kinda sound stupid. He thought

“I'll be fine. But There's something you need to know.”

Putting the rest of the sandwich down on the plate, Scott's face falls into a serious look. Natasha was almost worried, in the short time she knew Scott she didn't think him to be someone so serious at all times. But right now. She'd never seen this look on his face before.

“I was trapped in the quantum realm for all this time.”

“Yeah, you said. How did you even cope or survive that for years?” The redhead's eyes softened slightly as she questioned him. In some way, she felt herself relating to him for once. In Her childhood she had been captive in the red room, he had been stuck somewhere no one could find him till now.

“Yeah but that's the thing it didn't feel like years, it felt like hours. You lived through 5 years. To me, it felt like 5 hours.”

Natasha searched the man's face to see if he was telling the truth.

He was.

Tearing her eyes away from Scott, Natasha turned her head to her left to look at her son. Pushing her chair back and standing up, she made her way over to James just as he was finishing his lunch. Scott watched as she walked in the other direction, she was probably going to ask James to leave whilst they talked. he would have done the same with Cassie. Once she arrived at her son's seat, Natasha bent down so that she was on the same level as James and then she raised her hand and stroked the little strands of blonde hair out of his eyes.

“Jamie, mommy needs to talk to Scott alone for a few minutes, can you go play in your room for me?” The mother used her sweetest voice as she talked to her child. She didn't want to worry him or make him upset.

Hearing the request of his mother, James's shoulders sagged slightly, of course, she knew he didn't want to leave. But if Scott was implying what she thought he was, she didn't want James to hear it.

“But mooooom.” The blonde boy's little voice called out.

“wait, I almost forgot. Why don't you go draw a picture for Scott instead? I know you want to and I know that Scott would love a picture, right?” Natasha turned her head to Scott and gave him a look that told him to agree.

“Yeah James, I'd love a drawing!” Scott replied back to the little boy enthusiastically. Scott instantly knew Natasha's idea, he used to do it with Cassie. Thinking about her made his heartache. He couldn't believe he missed another 5 years of her life.

Gasping and his little green eyes widening, James was suddenly full of energy.

“Okay mommy, I'll draw you a picture now Scott!” jumping down from his seat on the chair, James practically sprinted down the room and into the corridor, making his way to his room.

Natasha watched as James rounded the corner to run down to go draw Scott's picture. Once he ran out of view, Natasha turned back around to Scott, her face turning into one of seriousness. Barely even speaking Natasha's voice caught in her throat.

“5 hours for you? How is that possible?”

“It's the quantum realm, time moves differently there. It has time vortexes. Before I jumped I was warned not to get stuck in one because I could end up in a different century. But I guess before I could get out Thanos had already destroyed half the universe.”

Pausing for a second, Scott thought about hope. She was one of the victims of the snap. He knew that now. Taking a deep breath he carried on speaking to the Avengers.

“I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have an idea. If we could somehow use the quantum realm and the suit to travel through it safely, then maybe we could use the time vortex’s too.”

“Are you seriously saying what I think you're saying? “

Averting his eyes at the awkwardness of the conversation Scott thought about his answer first, he didn't want to sound crazy!

“Time travel?” He nearly cringed when he said those words. Not wanting to see the look on Natasha's face.

“Oh god, Scott, it can't be possible, can it?” She couldn't believe it, but deep inside there was a glimmer of hope bubbling. Maybe this was it? Maybe they could actually get everyone back?

“Natasha it was 5 hours for me. It's been 5 years for you. I don't think anything is impossible anymore. “

Pacing on the spot, Natasha nibbled at her fingernails as she listened to Scott's words. He was right. She couldn't be naive to think it was impossible. She’s faced impossible every day since Loki invaded new york. She faced it when she fell in love with Steve and he loved her back. She faced it when Thanos came and destroyed half the universe. And she has faced it every day for the last 5 years as she watched her and steve's child grow into a little boy with the purest heart she could imagine.

Sighing, Natasha stopped pacing and faced Scott, standing tall.

“Okay, maybe this could work. But we need a brain to figure this out. A bigger brain than ours. I'm smart, but not that smart.”

…

After talking and agreeing with Scott, he and Natasha made a plan of action.

They decided they needed tony’s help if anyone could build what they needed it would be her closest. Natasha made her way back to her son's room to help him get ready to leave. Fortunately for James, he had finished Scotts drawing so after getting his shoes and coat on, he gifted the drawing to Scott who made sure that James knew he loved it. After getting James buckled in the car, Natasha thanked Scott for entertaining her young son, but Scott said he didn't mind, it reminded him of when he used to do it with Cassie.

“I'm sorry about Cassie Scott. But all we can do it be grateful your back. Now you have the rest of your life to make up for those missing years. And I'm more than sure she's happy to have you back, no matter when it was you came back.” Natasha placed her hand on her friend's shoulder as a show of comfort. She knew what I was like to lose Steve and god it hurt like hell, but she could never imagine loosing James.

“Your right, I know you're right. It just hurts. I did everything I could to see her and be a better father back then. And when I finally did that, I missed time with her again. But it's like you said, we should be grateful that I came back.”

Finishing their conversation, both superheroes got inside the car to join James and set off to go to Tony’s house.

As she pulled up, she could already see tony stood outside near the lake holding Morgan in his arms. Before she could even get her own seatbelt off, James had already undone his in a hurry and jumped out the car, running and shouting excitedly for his best friend.

Noticing his nephew running towards them, Tony smiled at the young boy and bent down to put Morgan back on the ground, letting her run off to play with her best friend.

Eyeing up Natasha as she got out the car, he took a few steps close to her when he noticed she had a serious look on her face, almost desperate maybe. Furrowing his brows for a second, the genius worried about why she was here, she normally called to let him know beforehand.

It wasn't until the passenger door opened that Tony understood why she looked so strange.

Scott Lang.

Tony's face hardened in confusion and disbelief as his eyes stayed glued to the man in front of him.

“Hey Tony.” the former spy breathed out. making her way towards her friend, Scott follows a few steps behind

“Hey yourself. Wanna explain?” He sounded dumbfounded. To tony, he was seeing a dead man right in front of his eyes.

“It's complicated, but I was in the quantum realm when you guys fought Thanos 5 years ago. My girlf- hope and her family were up here when I was down there. All three of them were killed when Thanos decimated half the universe leaving me stuck down there. For you guys its been 5 years. For me. 5 hours.

The genius face dropped.

“5 hours? What are you trying to say lang?” he already knew what Scott was talking about. He just needed to hear it for him.

“I'm trying to tell that time works differently down there. And we can use it to our advantage.”

“Tony, we could get everyone back. “ Natasha interrupted. Shifting his gaze to his best friend, Tony looked sceptical.

“Look I know you're probably hesitant to believe in this but it could work. I know it works. We just need to control it. And we need you to help us.”

As Scott talked, Tony never tore his eyes away from Natasha. Watching her face. He knew she missed Steve, she missed him more and more as each day went past. She would do anything to get him back. To get their friends back. And so would he. God, what he wouldn't do to get Peter back. To see his friends again. But this. Time travel. Tony didn't even think it could be done in the first place, never mind in the next few days.

“And what about if we did it? What if we managed to time travel, did you even think about what would happen, what damage we could do? If we went back and changed something it could affect our lives now. And that's not a risk I'm gonna take. I'm sorry Tasha. But I can't do something that would risk my daughter not even existing.”

Natasha understood his concerns, of course, she did. Taking a few strides forward so she was closer to Tony, Natasha looked up at her friend and spoke.

“I understand tony, I do. Believe me. But if we have a chance to bring half the universe back, we should take it. We don't have to do anything that could risk us losing what we have now. But we could finally get them back.”

“Nat. I'm sorry but no. I can't. We don't even know if we can control it or if it'll even work. I'm sorry.”

Lowering her gaze, Natasha blinks in defeat. Sighing a little, she nods her head at him. Accepting his answer.

“It's okay, you don't have anything to be sorry for Tony. I understand,” she replies, flashing him a slight smile.

Giving a quick glance over his shoulder at the two kids in Morgan's outside play area, Tony voices his idea.

“Hey, why don't you let James stay over for the night. I can just feel the two of them itching for a sleepover and they are probably 2 minutes off asking themselves anyway.”

“Your probably right” Natasha let out a huff of a laugh at his words, he wasn't wrong.

“Sure, why not? he always loves staying over.”

“I know, I'm his favorite uncle that's why.” Tony winked at her. He was totally James's favorite uncle.

“Oh, you really think so? I dunno, by the way James talks about thor you might have some competition there.” Natasha couldn't help but smirk at Tony's face when she told him that. Turning her head and body slightly towards the children Natasha called out for her son.

“Jamie, come here baby.” Hearing the sound of his mother's voice calling him, James comes running over, almost crashing into her legs. Bending over slightly so they were near enough eye to eye, Natasha asked her son with her sweet voice.

“Uncle Tony was wondering if you'd want to have a sleepover tonight so you can stay and play with morgan, how does that sound?”

James’s little face lit up like a tree at Christmas. He started to jump up and down to giddy to contain his excitement.

“Yes yes yes!!”

Smiling at her son, she picked him up and balanced him on her hip, giving him a tight squeeze.

“Okay, you promise to be good for uncle Tony and auntie pepper?”

“Yes mommy, I promise!” James nodded his head, his blonde hair shaking about.

He loved staying at Morgan's house for sleepovers, it took ages to get him back into the car to come home when they visited for a few hours.

“That's my good boy” the redhead placed a little kiss on his forehead then put him down again on the ground.

“Thank you auntie nat!” This time it was her niece shouting out to her and running over to hug her legs along with James. Thanking her for letting her best friend stay over. Once the two children had finished keeping her legs hostage, she pulled her down to give her a hug and said bye, and then they ran back over to Morgan's play area to finish whatever game it was they were playing.

She was about to open her mouth to speak to Tony but before she could, Tony beat her to it first, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

“Don't worry nat, we've got everything he needs remember, you know a few pairs of PJs and clothes. Don't worry.” the genius reassured her, he knew she would be a bit worried, she always was. James was her only child. Her and steve's child. He was her life.

Giving one last glance at her son as he played with her niece, Natasha lets out a breath, she felt bad, she knew Tony had said no but she wasn't going to give up so easily. Natasha nodded at Tony.

Moving closer to bring her into a hug, the two Avengers embraced for a few seconds before pulling back.

“I'll bring him over tomorrow yeah?”

Nodding at his words, Natasha moved away from tony to walk back to her car along with Scott.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow tony.”

Getting into the car, Both her and Scott start to leave, driving away from the house.

After a few minutes of discussing what they should do next. They decide if Tony won't help them they need to ask someone else. Someone else with a giant brain. Literally.

[mortaljin]

Meadows Part Three

Word Count: 10.8k Warnings: The smut from the previous chapter got a bit more detailed, not too much. There might be curse words Genre: Angst and some fluff. Fairy!au Pairing: Hoseok x female reader.

Summary: After a blissful night with Hoseok, it’s time to say goodbye. What’s going to happen during the three months he’s gone, and what are you going to do while you wait three months for him reincarnate?

A/N: Here is part three, I know don’t look at me like that, yes there will be part four and possibly an epilogue, I’m sorry okay.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three |Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Epilogue

Masterlist

December 21st

Waking up in a fairy meadow was as peaceful as you had expected. What you did not expect, however, was to wake up from the same meadow dream you’ve had previously. In this dream, everything had been the same. The sun was still shining brightly, and the same beautiful flowers were still swaying with the wind. In this dream, though, you saw a girl walking through the field, her long hair rustled by the wind. You took her in, and you were surprised to see how similar to you she looked. Is that me? Upon closer observation, you realized the girl in the dream was not you, but eerily similar in resemblance. The dream had ended, and you opened your eyes to the shining morning sun. Covering your still naked body was a blanket, or a giant leaf, rather. The events of last night came back to your mind, and for a moment you relished in them.

“Y/N? Are you sure this is alright?” Hoseok stopped your passionate kiss when he realized that you two were halfway undressed.

“Of course, there’s no one else I would rather be this close to.” He nodded his head and the kiss was continued. His large hands finished pulling the top of your dress down, and when his fingers grazed against your chest you let out a shaky moan. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I do. Fairies don’t um, do this before we come of age. It’s supposed to be reserved for the people we create our soul-bonds with.” You remembered the way your face lit up in horror as you realized how special that kind of thing was supposed to be. “Y/N, it’s okay. I want to do this. You’re going to be mine forever, so it doesn’t matter to me when this happens.” Once he had reassured you enough times, the passion took over again, and the two of you were in a hormonal frenzy once again.

After a few minutes of antagonizing torture, the two of you were naked in the warm summer meadow. At first, you glanced around nervously, praying that no unsuspecting fairies would fly by. Although he assured you that this part of the meadow was very secluded, he still used his wings as a shield to block you from sight. Hoseok kissed you softly on the lips, moving to your cheeks and down your neck, but not before nipping at your earlobe.

“Hoseok, oh g-god.” The teasing was driving you insane. He continued at your neck, leaving love bites here and there, before sliding his tongue down your chest. “I th-thought you said fairies don’t do this at your age.”

“I uh, may or may not have seen something on your computer that I shouldn’t have.” The two of you burst into laughter at the idea of him stumbling on a porn site; you made a mental note to scold him for that in the morning, but right now you were enjoying his newfound knowledge.

His right hand trailed down your side, leaving light scratches and marks in its path. He reached the top of your thigh and gave it a squeeze, swiftly moving his hand between your legs.

“Someone’s a little excited.” He gave you a smirk, and you promptly told him that yes, you were and that you needed him inside you. Now. “So demanding,” was all he murmured before pushing his way into you. A simultaneous moan was let out at the sensation, and Hoseok stayed there for a moment.

“Hobi, it’s okay, you can keep going.” He nodded his head and brought his lips to yours for a kiss before he began to move his hips in a heavenly rhythm.

“I love you, Y/N,” Hoseok made out between moans.

“And I love you, Hoseok.” You professed your love for one another while otherworldly feelings spread through your body and soul.

The memory that played through your mind left your body in a tingling blush and you sighed in contentment. You rolled over and expected to find a sleeping fairy by your side. When your mind registered that you were alone in the meadow, you began to panic.

“No! No, not yet!” you frantically put on the celebration gown, but you were at a loss as to what to do next. “Hoseok, no you weren’t supposed to leave before saying goodbye!” You found yourself in a fit of tears, but soon the sound of rushed feet caused you to look up.

“Why are you crying, love?” Standing in front of you was Hoseok, face full of concern and worry.

“Hoseok!” It came out as a cry, and you dramatically flung your arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulders. “I woke up and you weren’t here! I th-thought you had disappeared already!” He tangled his fingers into your hair, caressing the locks with gentle movements.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I didn’t realize you would wake up while I had stepped away for a moment.”

Once you had calmed down, you took in the sight of him. His red hair didn’t seem to hold the same vibrant hue as before, and his once golden skin had paled and almost become transparent. You knew this must have something to do with his cycle ending, but it didn’t stop you from worrying.

“Are you alright, Hobi? You don’t look well.” You caressed his cheek but still found the same warmth under your touch.

“Oh, this?” He held up his hand that had started to fade. “This just shows that I’m ready for my cycle to end, don’t worry, I’m okay.” You nodded solemnly.

“How much time do we have?”

“A few hours, at most.”

The two of you had spent the remainder of your time peacefully alone. Neither one of you talked about what was to come, and neither one of you let your smiles falter. My tears can wait until he is gone, was the resolve you had made. The hours flew past, and soon you found yourself in the throne room once again, ready to say goodbye to your beloved. This time, there was no fancy celebration, and no music rang out. Instead, gathered in the throne room were members of the royal household; servants ran about, making sure everything was in place for the prince’s cycle to end, with one of them rushing to place your flower pot in front of the thrones. You could see Namjoon and Jimin laughing quietly to themselves off to the side, and you wondered why they didn’t look upset. In fact, no one in the room looked anything but happy. Perhaps they view this as a very joyous occasion? The king and queen were sitting on their respective thrones, staring aimlessly at the two of you as you walked in hand in hand.

“Good morning son. Y/N, are you feeling well this morning?”  The king had approached the two of you, and at first, you were concerned as to why he inquired about your health. Figuring it was the lie that Hoseok had told them, you let him know that you were much better now. “Son, you only have a few moments, say your goodbyes.”  You thought that he would spend this time in loving embraces with his family and friends, but instead, he turned directly to you.

“Y/N, love, do not cry.” He had grabbed your hands in his and held them against his heart.

“I’m sorry,” you wiped at your eyes, “I was going to try to wait until you were gone before I cried, but I failed.” You tried to giggle, but the sound got caught in your throat, turning into an awkward grunt.

“Do not apologize,” thankfully Hoseok had been able to laugh for you. “Please, do not suffer while I am gone, the days will fly by before you know it.” He kissed both of your hands and pressed the side of his face into the palm of one of them.

“But what if-” your worried question was cut off by Hoseok placing a kiss on your forehead, and tenderly holding your face between his hands.

“No, what ifs, Y/N. You are mine, and I am yours,” He lifted up your left hand to display the ring of flowers that still looked completely pristine. “These flowers will not wilt, they will not break; as long as this ring stays on your finger, it will not die. Remember my promise to you, Y/N. When I am fully grown, I will make you mine forever, if you will still have me of course.” You laughed at his own sense of doubt and wrapped your arms around his neck.

“I don’t think there will ever be a day that I would not want to have you, my Hobi.” Behind the two of you, you could hear Namjoon and Jimin jokingly whisper the name ‘Hobi’ to one another. “I love you, Hoseok, come back to me soon.”

“And I love you more, dear. Please wait for me.”

Against connected lips, you mumbled an ‘always.’ For the briefest moment, nothing felt different. Your kiss with Hoseok was warm, gentle, and full of sweet love. But it was short-lived, because as your lips lingered against one another, Hoseok faded into the shimmering red dust that you had grown accustomed to. Where your beloved fairy had once stood, was the same white seed you distinctly remembered. Wiping your tear stained cheeks, you gingerly bent over to pick up the seed, causing a few gasps to come from the onlookers. You looked up to find the queen looking at you through narrowed eyes and the king looking at you fondly. A servant came to you to retrieve the seed, but for a moment you remained hesitant. Looking at the king questioningly, he gave you a gentle smile to tell you everything would be okay. Reluctantly, you handed over the seed to the servant and watched her place it in an adorned red box. Is everything related to Hoseok that same bright red?

“Y/N,” the king had approached you and placed a tender hand on your shoulder, “it will be alright. Like Hoseok said, the days will fly by.” You nodded your head in agreement, slightly relieved to hear the king’s kind words. “Now, more importantly, are you ready to begin?”

December 22nd

“Wait, school?” You asked in denial, the idea of sitting at a desk every day made you want to die.

“Yes, Y/N. School. Any human accepted into the village, as a fairy’s lover or not, must go through lessons on the history and workings of our way of life.” The king had described to you what kind of classes they would be, how often you would take them, and for how long. “You will only take these classes for the first half of the time that you are living here, after a while we will switch to something.”

“What do you mean, living here?”

“Well, you’ll be staying in our village, won’t you?” The king tilted his head in confusion as if that was the obvious option.

“I can’t,” he raised a brow to you, “I mean, I would love to, but I’ve already made arrangements to stay in the human city below. And, with all due respect, a diet of berries, fruits, and nuts doesn’t exactly do enough to keep me going.” He nodded his head to show you that you had a point.

“What will you do about your lessons then, human?”

“Well, the job that I have is an evening position, meaning my mornings and early afternoons are almost always free, and I have no commitments on the weekends.”

“I suppose this will suffice. When must you return to the city?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Very well, we can shift things around this. In the meantime, I will have Namjoon and Jimin show you what you need to know.”

December 23rd (E)

Somehow, you found yourself still being taken by surprise that first morning that you walked into the ‘classroom.’ It wasn’t really a classroom, it was an outside fairy grotto, with logs for seats and smaller limbs for desktops. To say you were nervous would be an understatement; attending high school with normal humans had been bad enough, you couldn’t imagine how a school with fairies would be. Patiently waiting for the class to begin, you were thumping your fingers against the wood of the desk. The final few fairies had flown in, and much to your surprise, Namjoon and Jimin had been among them. They, of course, opted for the two desks on either side of you, and you weren’t sure if that should make you feel relieved or more nervous.

“Good morning, Y/N, how are you?” Jimin was the first to speak to you, and you gulped as you tried to reply to him.

“I’m alright I suppose.” This was all you could manage.

“Nervous?” Namjoon’s question came from your left as he plopped down onto his log.

“Nervous is an understatement, I think.”

“You’ll be fine,” Namjoon started.

“You have us to help you out if you ever need it.” Jimin finished with a soft smile as the teacher flew from the trees to take his place at the front of the grotto. You tensed up as he looked at you, silently praying he wouldn’t introduce you to the class. He did anyway.

“Welcome everyone, I’m sure you’ve noticed that we have someone new joining us today.” He gestured to your seat in the back, and all the student’s eyes turned towards you. You waved feebly and tried not to look so scared. “This is Y/N, she’s Prince Hoseok’s potential mate, so I would suggest being kind to her.” Your face grew red with embarrassment at the mention of Hoseok, and you could have sworn that a few girls had glared at you.

Class had begun with no problem, but as the minutes dragged on, you became increasingly frustrated. You had nothing to take notes with, and as you looked around, you noticed the other fairies weren’t taking notes either. I’ll have to ask Namjoon or Jimin about this later. For the time being, however, you would just have to pay close attention to what was being taught.

“I think it’s a great day for you to show up, Y/N.” The teachers call of your name almost had you falling off the log you were sitting on. “We’ve just begun our lesson on King Jungkook and his human. Has Prince Hoseok told you anything about him?” You nodded your head yes, and said something about knowing the gist of it. He prompted you to elaborate and to share with the class what you knew.

“Well, um. It was eight-hundred years ago, I think. Jungkook was twenty-nine, but he didn’t have a queen yet. He, uh, met a human, but kept his identity a secret for a while, but he did end up telling her right before his cycle ended. When he had reincarnated they tried to soul-bond with each other but were interrupted halfway through. She was hurt, and Jungkook healed her. They lived happily ever after?” You ended the rough explanation as a question, wondering if you had remembered the story correctly.

“Did Prince Hoseok tell you all that?” You gave a curt nod. “I wish that boy could have remembered that much when he was in school. Good job, you pretty much explained the rest of the class period!” Namjoon clapped a hand on your shoulder, and the look on Jimin’s face looked as if he was saying thank you. “She almost had as much significance in King Jungkook’s forty-year rule as he did. There were many aspects of human society that she implemented into our society that we still use today. Of course, any tips that she gave the fairies, was perfected through our enhanced abilities.” The teacher rambled on and on about all the great things that she had done, but soon enough a frog began to croak; you quickly learned that this was the signal for class to end. The teacher called you back as you were walking away with Namjoon and Jimin.

“Is something wrong, sir?”

“Oh no, Y/N, I just wanted to welcome you again to the class. I’ve always been more of an advocate than others when it comes to human interaction. You did well with your explanation, and I was surprised you were able to remember that much just from the story being passed onto you.”

“Oh, uh thank you! I’ve always liked fairy-tales, so being able to live in one helps me remember everything better.”

“Did Prince Hoseok tell you about the rock?”

“Yeah, he did. They say she carved a letter to a poem every day that he was gone. But the rock was never found, right?”

“That’s correct, perhaps it’ll give you something to do if you followed in her footsteps.”

“That sounds like a good idea, actually! How fun would that be?” You grew a little giddy at the thought, and you were excited to see if you could stick to it. “Oh, what was the name of Jungkook’s human?”

“Well, the name isn’t exactly easy to translate from our language to yours, but the closest translation I can give you is Y/M/N.” You stood in shock for a moment before bidding your teacher farewell. My middle name is the same as the human queen’s first? This is too weird.

It was not long after class had ended that you found yourself flanked by Namjoon and Jimin; they were told to escort you to the edge of the village so that you could return home in time for your new job. You were actually looking forward to this change of pace with a waitressing position. You had been stuck with an office job for the past two years, and while you could’ve gotten a similar position, you thought working around other people would be nice. The three of you were walking by the same small stream that you had come in by, and you told yourself to remember that it would help get you back into the village.

“How did you like your first day of class, Y/N?” Namjoon was the first to break the silence amongst the sounds of birds and trickling water.

“Well, it was certainly more entertaining than high school.” You let out an exasperated sigh as you said this.

“You’ve already gone to school before?” Jimin’s small voice came from slightly behind you, and it seemed as though he didn’t understand how that was possible.

“Oh, uh yeah. I’ve been out of school for years now. Humans go to school until their late teenage years for high school, and then they can choose to go to a higher level of school, or go straight to work.”

“What did you choose to do?” Again, Namjoon seemed excited to learn more about your thoughts.

“I went to school for a couple years afterward. What I wanted to do didn’t require much more school. But I’m thinking about going back.”

“What’s the point, you’re gonna be queen one day, there’d be no need for that.” Jimin had jogged a little bit to catch up and was now walking right by your side.

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” you giggled a bit, “I don’t know if I’ll be fit to be a queen, and I’m still uncertain about what’s going to happen next.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about that, Prince Hoseok is obviously completely enamored with you.” Jimin’s words caused you to blush and hide your face. “Well, we’re here. Can you find your way back once you get out? I don’t want to walk in the cold.” Jimin made a pouty face, and you waved it off with a smile.

“I’ll be fine.” You began to push against the door before a thought made you turn back. “Oh! By the way, how do I get back in? Hoseok said I have to be invited in to get through?”

“Right. Well, since you were invited in by a royal, the door will appear anytime you breathe against it, and to open it you have to say “Aperta sunt mihi.” After Namjoon repeated the magic words for you, you spent a few moments going over the foreign sounds, and soon enough you had them mastered.

“Thank you, boys, I’ll see you in the morning!” The two of them had flown away, leaving you in privacy to change back into winter clothes. As you pushed open the door, the world behind you began to fade away, and you were welcomed with the sight of a harsh winter.

December 31st  (a)

It had been a week and a half since you’d seen Hoseok, and you weren’t sure how you could handle three entire months. Thankfully though, your schedule seemed like it was going to be packed full of events, and that helped to keep your mind off it. It was during the weekend though, when you neither had work nor lessons that you found you had started to miss him the most. Whenever you had the time between class and work, you found yourself laying in the meadow you and Hoseok had spent that night in. The flower ring that Hoseok had given you still wound itself perfectly around your finger, and you were currently trying to recreate it. For what seemed to be the umpteenth time, the flowers just fell apart between your fingers.

“This is useless!”

“What’s useless?” The sound from above startled you, but you smiled when you realized that it was just Namjoon. It didn’t take long before him and his yellow wings were fluttering to your side.

“Hi, Joonie,” He quirked an eyebrow at your new name for him, but you didn’t notice. “These stupid flowers won’t stay connected.” You held up the squished flowers in the palm of your hand, and he laughed at you. “It’s not funny, I wanted to try to make the ring that Hoseok made me.” The last part was said under a muttered breath.

“Well, I hate to tell you this, Y/N, but those things can only be made by fairies. Even if you were able to get the flowers to stay, they would fall off or be crushed by the slightest movement. The only reason why your ring still looks perfect is because Prince Hoseok put a lot of love and fairy dust into it.”

“Ah, so that’s what it was?” You smiled faintly and felt the tears stinging your eyes again.

“Oh, Y/N, please don’t cry, it’s going to be okay. You’ll see him soon and then everything will be perfect, don’t worry.” He placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, and it almost felt as though he was radiating positivity into your body.

“I suppose you’re right,” you brought your hand to your cheek to brush off the few tears that had managed to fall, “I’m glad I have you and Jimin to keep me company while I wait.”

“Correction,” Namjoon coughed, “You’ll have Jimin. My cycle ends in the morning.” You stared at him wide-eyed and threw your hands up in defeat.

“This is just great. Let me guess, Jimin’s cycle ends in a few weeks, doesn’t it?” You huffed the question in frustration, but Namjoon merely chuckled.

“No actually, his cycle won’t end until the day that Hoseok returns.” You hummed in response to the news. “Most fairies, save for a few like me, rise and fall with a solstice or equinox.”

“Is that why not everyone had their cycle end last week?”

“Right. It’s always summer here, so the only way our flowers know to wilt and reincarnate is by the shifting of the planets. Don’t ask me why I don’t fall on a solstice, it’s a rare thing, but nothing bad comes of it.” You smiled gently at him before he was once again hovering around in the air. “Well, I have to go, Y/N. I have a lot of trouble to get into before I sleep for three months.” He dashed around in the air, sprinkling yellow dust on you before he was out of sight.

Once again, you were left in silent isolation. After the conversation with Namjoon, as well as the help of his fairy dust, you felt much happier about everything that had been bringing you down. You pulled a decently sized leaf out of your purse, and gazed at it carefully. The fairies weren’t exactly keen on the idea of you using paper around them, seeing as it was taken from a butchered tree, so they taught you how to write on leaves. You stared at the word you had begun to form, and you started to etch the tenth letter onto the leaf. After finishing the ‘a,’ you stared at the start of Hoseok’s poem: ‘eternal bea.’ You weren’t sure how pretty the poem would be if you just put random letters together each day, so you decided to plan one word at a time, marking your leaf with letters as if you were marking an x on a calendar.

January 18th(t)

Your first month working as a waitress and simultaneously going to school with fairies had been a stressful one. Even though you waitressed through college, you had completely forgotten how taxing it could get. Flicking on the lights to your rented house, you once again took in the humble area. Holiday decorations still lingered around the walls, and a few poinsettias still sat on the coffee table. You thought back to New Year’s Eve, and how you almost spent it alone.

This hill is way too big to be walking it at eleven o’clock at night. You remembered how tired you had been after work, but how you were too determined to stay home. Aperta sunt mihi, you could still hear your teeth chattering as you repeated the phrase three times before the fairy door finally opened. The village was quiet, with only the sound of crickets chirping to show that it was alive. The only lights to be seen were the faint glows of lanterns hanging in front of the houses that were still awake. You followed your way up the now familiar stream and found yourself standing under Jimin’s treehouse. It was far too tall for you to climb yourself, and you didn’t want to risk waking anyone up by yelling, so you threw rocks through the square cutout in the side of the treehouse in hopes of waking him.

“Who in the world is waking me up? The only time I go to bed early is when people decide to-” Jimin’s head poked through the window, and you could tell he was still half asleep by the way his voice scratched. “Oh! Y/N, it’s you. What are you doing in the village tonight?”

“It’s New Year’s Jiminie, and I’m alone. Can you go get Namjoon so I don’t have to celebrate alone?” You tried to put all of your cuteness into your voice and begging pout, but Jimin only rolled his eyes and leaped from the treehouse

“Only if you promise never to call me Jiminie again.” You quickly complied as he landed in front of you, grabbing you into his arms and taking you to Namjoon’s.

“Okay guys, it’s 11:55, that means we have five minutes until the new year!” You excitedly began to place silly hats on their heads, and toy confetti poppers in their hands.

“Tell us again why this is so important to celebrate, Y/N?” Namjoon was the first to actually question your shenanigans, while Jimin just went along with it.

“Because, Namjoon, it’s fun and humans do it every year!” He sighed in defeat and took the confetti popper from you.

“What do people normally do at midnight?” Jimin started to wonder more about the technicalities of the tradition as the clock turned to 11:57.

“Well, normally there is a countdown from ten seconds before midnight, until exactly midnight. Some places drop a glass ball as the clock reaches midnight. Couples share a kiss at midnight, but the single people cheer, hug, drink, and set these bad boys off!” 11:58. “I wish Hobi was here, but I don’t think I’ll get to share new years with him, will I?” Your mouth had formed a thin, sad line and Namjoon was going to offer you words of comfort until Jimin’s voice rang out.

“Y/N, your phone says there’s one-minute left!”

“Can we see the outside world from inside the village?”

The two of them nodded yes, and you dragged them outside of Namjoon’s treehouse to be able to gaze at the night sky. You looked at your phone. Thirty seconds left. You made sure that Jimin and Namjoon had their confetti poppers ready to go, and you eyed your timer carefully. As soon as the clock hit ten seconds till you began chanting down the numbers.

“Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!” Jimin joined in.

“Six! Five! Four!” His voice grew louder and peppier.

“Three, two, one!” Namjoon had counted down the last three numbers with you and Jimin, and immediately you pulled on the confetti popper as the clock struck midnight.

“Happy New Year!” You cheered as the confetti floated around the three of you, and Jimin and Namjoon raised an eyebrow at each other before shrugging.

“Happy New Year, Y/N!” The two of them cheered loudly with you, and let their confetti poppers explode. You threw yourself against both of them, hugging their necks as the faint signs of fireworks could be seen in the distance.

“Thank you, guys, thank you.” You gave them words of appreciation as a hidden tear slid down your face.

You sighed at the memory, and a smile crept across your face. Namjoon had already been a seed for a few weeks now, and you missed his comforting words, but you were glad to have spent the last night of his cycle with him in celebration. Thankfully Jimin was still keeping you company as well, and you had come to love the goofy boy’s presence. You shifted through your closet to find one of the shirts you had bought Hoseok a few months ago, slipping it on and relishing in the scent of him. Two more months, you can do this. You flicked on the nightlight next to your bed and crawled under the covers. Grabbing your leaf and the writing tool the fairies enchanted for you, you jotted down that day’s letter before falling asleep.

February 1st(a)

“Jiminie, what are you doing out here? You’re hardly wearing any clothes, and it’s snowing!” When you trekked up the snow-covered hill that day, you were surprised to see Jimin standing there, outside the fairy door.

“Good morning to you too, Y/N.” You playfully smacked his arm, and he tugged on your hair a little bit to tease you. “I dunno, I was just curious as to what the weather looked like out here. I haven’t seen the outside world in years. Plus, it always takes you forever to open the door with your chattering teeth.” You rolled your eyes at his accusation, and stood to the side as he brought the door to life; he started to beat his wings in the same motion that Hoseok had, except pink wings had replaced the red. “Come in, Y/N, we’ll be late for class.”

Thankfully the teacher was also a few minutes late, or else the two of you would have been berated for your own tardiness. The subject for the day was about governing bodies and the history of the relationships with other mythical creatures. Through your lessons, you had come to find out that many fairytale creatures actually were real; wood-nymphs, elves, and other nature-based spirits were spread throughout the world. To your relief, creatures such as vampires, boggarts, and other scary monsters weren’t.

“Can anyone tell me what year it was that fairies formed an alliance between the elves?” The teacher had asked, but no one had raised their hands yet.

“1207, when the elf king had surrendered to King Seokjin.” One girl was finally brave enough to attempt to answer the question, to which the teacher gave a hum.

“Well, to an extent, I suppose you’re right. Although that was only the beginning of the peace between elves and fairies. Anyone else have an answer?” You knew the proper answer that he was looking for, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to be that girl. Unfortunately, Jimin already knew what was going through your mind, and raised your hand for you. “Yes, Y/N?”

“Well uh,” you started off rocky, feeling the weight of the fairy eyes on you, so you coughed and started again. “King Seokjin might have ended the war, but it was his son, Jungkook that had brought the two together twelve years later in 1219. I think I read somewhere that he was prompted by Y/M/N to begin a sort of trade of goods with the elves to further strengthen their alliance.”

“Ah, there it is, the type of answer that proves you had studied. Very good, Y/N, thank you. Despite the fact that this trading decision ended up benefiting the kingdom, in the long run, many of the villagers viewed the human as unfit to rule the kingdom. A minute rebellion had tried to form, but Jungkook and Y/M/N were able to appease them by coming to an agreement.” He paused and finished the lesson while looking at you. “It was decided that Y/M/N, and any other human to be let in from that moment forward, had to be subjected to some of the same lessons and classes that other fairies had to take, just so there would be a balance between human and fairy influence. I suppose you can thank Y/M/N for being the reason you’re sitting here right now.”

You and the rest of the class laughed at this, and you jokingly sent out a thanks to your namesake. A frog croaked, and the class gathered their stuff to leave. The other fairies flew away, as did Jimin who promised to catch up with you in time to walk you to the fairy door. One fairy remained, however, and she didn’t look happy either. You were going to just walk right past her but she stuck her foot out in front of you at the last minute, causing you to fall to the ground.

“Are you serious, Charlotte? What was that for?”

“That was for thinking that you’re better than all of us. Well, guess what, you’re not. You’re just an insolent human who figured out how to woo a fairy prince. You’ll never be good enough for him, you know, and the sooner you realize that the better.” She flew off with a huff, leaving you there on the ground with your stuff scattered.

“Y/N! What are you doing on the ground, are you okay?” Jimin had flown back to you right after the incident, and all you could say about the encounter with Charlotte was a low mumble about how high school wasn’t this bad.

“So, are you going to tell me why you were on the ground?” The two of you were strolling through a meadow, and Jimin was trying his hardest to walk with you, but he kept getting impatient and would fly around your head.

“I fell.” Your reply was blunt and devoid of emotion.

“You just fell. Over nothing?”

“Well, no. I was tripped, but it is what it is.”

“Who tripped you?” Jimin’s voice turned into a shriek as he halted right in front of you.

“Charlotte. Can you drop it? I’m fine.” You tried to move past him, but he sidestepped and stopped you.

“No, I’m not going to drop it! Why did she trip you, and what did she say to you after she did?”

“Ugh, you’re so nosy.” His expression didn’t waver, so you sighed before telling what happened. “She tripped me because I act like I’m better than everyone, apparently, and then proceeded to insult me and told me I would never be good enough for Hoseok.” You stared at the ground as her words flooded to your mind, causing anger to rebuild in you.

“I swear, I’m going to kick her ass!” You stared at his hateful statement with shock.

“Jimin! You’re a fairy. I thought you were supposed to be filled with warmth, butterflies, and all things good?”

“I’m a fairy, Y/N, not an angel.” His comparison had you smiling slightly. “Seriously, though. Something needs to be done, I don’t know what nerve she thinks she has to be treating the future queen like this.”

“Jimin, what if she’s right though? I mean, Hobi says that nothing will change when he comes back,” you chewed on your bottom lip as you thought about your next words, “but what if they do? What if something happens when he comes of age and he doesn’t want me anymore?”

“Y/N, you’re an idiot sometimes,” his harsh joke warranted a hard smack to his chest, but he just pulled you into a hug. “Maybe it’s the fact that you’re a human, but no one except for you is doubting what’s been formed between the two of you. It’s as real as I am, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you Jiminie.” You sighed with relief into his chest as you let his friendly embrace calm you.

“No problem, princess.” You couldn’t help but laugh at his nickname for you, and you hoped one day you really would be Hoseok’s princess.

February 14th(i)

Snow. So. Much. Snow. You were making your usual commute to fairyland, and you were in awe at how much snow had littered the ground. At first, you thought about not going to your lessons today, but relented last minute and ran your way to the bus stop. Thankfully the roads had been plowed already, so the only difference was that the busses were going just a tad bit slower. The bus came to a halt in front of your stop and glancing back to the rest of the bus, you realized you were the only one on it. I hope I didn’t make this driver do more stops than needed. As soon as you stepped from the warm bus to the frosty ground, your phone began going off.

“Hello?” You answered the call with chattering teeth.

“Hey, is this Y/N? This is Tina from work!”

“Oh hey, Tina! What’s up?” You switched the phone to your other ear so that you could warm the hand that had been exposed to the cold air.

“Boss wanted me to call you, well everyone else too, to let you know that you won’t need to come in this evening. Says it’s too cold and we won’t cover the utility costs with what little business we’ll be getting today. This is great, right? Now you don’t even have to leave your bed today!”

“Thank you for the call, Tina, I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay warm today, okay?”

You tried to share her same enthusiasm about ‘not leaving the bed,’ but seeing as you were about to trek a mile and a half up a snowy hill, you just couldn’t. Most of the other waitresses were probably pissed right now for not being able to get even a few tips in, but you didn’t mind; seeing as all you did was go to lessons and work, the only costs of yours were living expenses. You had a lot of money saved up already, and you weren’t exactly sure what to do with it. Maybe I’ll buy Hobi some presents. He wasn’t here for Christmas, and he’s not here for Valentine’s Day either. Maybe I’ll get some new clothes? Ooh, maybe I can order some fancier flower seeds for my garden this year! Your thoughts began to spiral out of control as to what you could get for you and Hoseok with your savings, and you didn’t realize it was giving you a burst of energy in your step. Opening the fairy door in one go, you made your way to lessons while still creating that mental list of things you wanted.

Class passed by faster even more so than usual today, and you weren’t exactly sure what you were going to do with the rest of your day now. Jimin of course had waited for you after class, but he had an abnormally wide smile on his face today. You were only able to give him a short greeting before he had picked you up bridal style and was flying you off to somewhere he hadn’t bothered to tell you about.

“Jimin! Will you tell me where we’re going? It’s the least you could do after snatching me up unannounced like that!” You whined and protested the entire time, but he never gave up.

“Sorry about that princess, it was supposed to be a surprise. We’re here anyway.” He had flown the two of you to that treehouse you stayed in the first week, and you were standing outside looking very confused.

“Why are we here, Jimin?”

“Well, this is technically yours.” You stared at him in bewilderment at the information. “I guess no one bothered telling you since you don’t stay overnight. Yeah, this is your treehouse you can use whenever you want, it’s only temporary until you and Hoseok soul-bond. Then you get to stay in his.” He gave you a cheeky grin, earning an eye roll and chuckle from you. He motioned for you to go inside, and you entered, albeit cautiously, quickly becoming stunned.

Every inch of the room was practically covered in flowers. It was almost like a florist had taken up residence in the room. There was no organization as to how the flowers were displayed, so it was just one beautiful, chaotic mess. On the bed was an extravagant fruit basket filled with all of the delicious fruits, berries, and nuts that you had grown to love. Although it was a wonderful sight that caused your heart to swell, it didn’t make sense.

“Jimin, what is all this?” You gestured to the entirety of the treehouse dramatically and Jimin laughed.

“Well, when I saw how sad you were on New Year’s, I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss any more holidays.” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away, his face red with embarrassment. “So, I asked the teacher if he knew of any other human holidays, and he said today was Valentine’s Day. Apparently, it’s a big thing for couples, but since Hob- I mean Prince Hoseok, isn’t here for it, I figured I could do a kind gesture in his place.” With a snicker at his accidental use of Hoseok’s nickname, you flung your arms around Jimin’s neck and hugged him tightly.

“This was so sweet of you, Jiminie, I’m so thankful to have a friend like you.” As you said this, you turned towards the fruit basket and began devouring some of the berries you loved. You never saw the pained look on Jimin’s face when you said ‘friend,’ and he hoped that you never would.

February 20th(y)

You had awoken that morning with warmth in your heart, and positivity on your mind. It had almost been two months since you had seen Hoseok; two months since you’ve held him, since you’ve heard his laugh, two months since you’ve told him that you loved him. On most days, this kind of thought would send a burning ache into your heart, but today was different. Today marked exactly one month until Hoseok reincarnated. With the excitement of seeing Hoseok again, you immediately added the next letter to your poem, instead of waiting until night had fallen. Today was also the day that the King had told you it was time to change your lessons; he hadn’t given you any inclination as to what they would entail, so you brought comfy clothes just in case. Despite it still being February, you could slowly start to see hints of spring coming through. Frosty mornings only occurred a few times a week, and you were able to open the fairy door with complete ease this morning. In the two months that you had been truly a part of this fairyland, the throne room never failed to amaze you. Giant flowers and leaves made up the thrones themselves, while vines and other foliage made up the walls and ceilings.

“Good morning dearest, Y/N!” The king was quick to greet you as you walked into the throne room. He grabbed your hand and led you to the front where the queen had still been sitting.

“Good morning, your highness, how are you?”

“Hello, Y/N, I am well, thank you.” Her reply felt rehearsed and automatic, but you brushed it off because it was none of your business to question whether she was in a foul mood or not.

“What are my next lessons going to be?” You turned to look at the king who held his arms in a gesture towards the queen.

“Today is the start of your royal lessons. You will be personally instructed on the different elements of how to carry yourself like a royal. I tried talking her out of it, but she thinks all girls, human and fairies alike, need to learn etiquette.” He gave you an apologetic smile but you just laughed it off.

“It’s quite alright. I’m always willing to learn a little more grace!” He chuckled deeply and bid the two of you farewell before flying off. An awkward silence filled the room, and you felt your skin prickling with goosebumps as the queen began to walk around you in circles; her intense gaze made your skin crawl, and you felt yourself being picked apart, layer by layer.

“Firstly, tomorrow I would like you to wear different clothes. You will be presenting yourself in dresses, you might as well learn in them.” You nodded at her softly and she continued on the same point. “I will have different styles of dresses left in your living quarters, different styles require different training.” You nodded your head more seriously this time.

“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

“Today we will discuss introductions, farewells, and general posture. Curtsy for me.” Nervously, you grabbed the hem of your shirt as a mock dress, knelt your head forward, and awkwardly squatted slightly. “Well, thankfully you have the gist of it. You must cross your right foot behind your left, like this.”

She showed you her own curtsy, full of grace and poise, and you wanted to hide in embarrassment from your failed attempt. You repeated the process of curtsies, learning which people get what kind, and when it was appropriate to do them. This took up a much larger portion of that day’s lesson than both of you had anticipated; her parting words about your posture were that you needed to stop slouching and to keep your head higher, for starters.

“If you are to be queen one day, and even if not, you need to present yourself as one. Confidence, real or not, is one of the greatest weapons a lady can have.” Her last piece of advice for that day lingered in your mind for a while after. ‘Even if not,’ I appreciate the confidence, your majesty. You rolled your eyes at the thought and made your trek home so you could get ready for work. You didn’t see Jimin today.

February 28th(u)

To say that your back was stiff would be an understatement. The first week of lessons made you eternally grateful for growing up in a time where most people didn’t get books stacked on their head to help with posture. Despite the consistent crick you felt in your neck, you were slowly beginning to appreciate the lessons and the budding confidence within you. You hadn’t noticed any difference in the way you conducted yourself until someone noticed something at work yesterday.

“I don’t remember you being this tall, Y/N!” One of the cooks, who was always a few inches taller than you made a comment about your height.

“I’ve always been this tall, what are you talking about?” You had brushed it off with a laugh and a shake of your head.

“I swear when you first got here, you were at least three inches shorter than me, now we’re almost the same height!”

You remembered how the first thing you did when you got home from your shift that night was to look in the mirror. Turning this way and that, you gazed at your reflection. The sunshine from spending afternoons in fairyland had made your skin glow with life and had made your hair a hint lighter than it normally was. Your skin was firm from all the healthy food you had been eating and all the water you had been drinking. You could tell what your coworker was talking about, the years of slouching were still there but your shoulders didn’t roll forward as much as they always had. Beginning the last few weeks of winter, you looked better than you did in the middle of the summer.

Today’s lesson was going to be the start of the movement portion of your royal lessons. When you walked up the stream to your treehouse, you weren’t sure how you were going to get up there. All week you had been lucky enough to be able to call out to a passing fairy to carry you up, but today no one was in sight. Why couldn’t they have made a ladder for me? Looking down at the shorts and shirt you were wearing, you decided that it wouldn’t be the end of the world to try to climb the tree. Okay, Y/N. You can do this, it’s just a really big version of the trees you used to climb as a kid. You probably made it ten feet up the tree before someone came out of thin air, and plucked you from the tree.

“Are you crazy, Y/N!” Jimin looked frantic as he set you on your feet outside the treehouse, “you could’ve fallen and gotten seriously hurt. Hoseok would kill me if anything happened to you while he was gone!”

“Well, it’s a good thing you were here then, right? Sorry, but can you wait a minute? I have to change into a dress and grab some shoes for my lessons today.”

“Oh yeah? So that’s why you haven’t been in class lately.” His quirked eyebrow and the smirk on his face made it sound like he didn’t believe you.

“Yeah, the king and queen are having me do royal lessons. Last week she taught me how to curtsy and be a little bit more formal with how I talk to people. This week she’s teaching me how to dance, as well as moving more gracefully.” You were really excited for all these lessons because Charlotte’s words of being ‘an insolent human’ still stuck with you; you wanted to be perfect for Hoseok when he returned.

“Well, remember not to lose yourself too much in all this. You don’t have to change who you are to be a princess, Y/N.” Jimin’s words were meant to be reassuring, but you shook your head and smiled at him. To save yourself time, Jimin offered to fly you to the throne room. The two of you parted ways with smiles on your faces, and you opened the door to the throne room to begin your next lesson.

“That dress was a good choice for today, Y/N. Good job.” The queen’s appraisal sounded anything but, however, you smiled and thanked her anyway.

“I wasn’t sure what kind of dances we would be doing today, so I opted for a flowy dress to give me more room to move.” The queen simply nodded her head and gestured for the fairy in the corner to start playing music. It wasn’t as fanciful as the music played at the celebration in December, but you still knew what dance was supposed to be done to this one. Or you thought.

“I move my foot here, right?” Your arms were positioned as if you were doing the waltz, but the movements you were supposed to make suggested otherwise.

“No, you move it here. Like this.” You were very grateful that the queen was merciful, or else you should’ve had your head chopped off an hour ago after stepping on her toes so many times.

“Did Hoseok have to go through these kinds of lessons when he was younger too?” You had finally found a good rhythm to the dance, so you were able to make conversation with the queen without fear of your clumsiness taking over.

“Well, of course, dear! I would definitely say that you have it easy. My son’s lessons were much more extensive and placed over the course of years, not just a few months.” You giggled at the idea of a young Hoseok, in all his awkward, yet princely glory, being forced to walk with books on his head. “That’s enough for today I think. I’m impressed that you did better than I was expecting. See how much having good posture can help?” She handed you the books you had used the week before, “I want you to walk out of the throne room with these on your head, I hope you’ve been practicing.”

You had been practicing, but you only made it three-fourths of the way out of the room before the books tumbled off your head. Looking back at the queen, you gave her a small smile before walking the rest of the way with the books in hand.

March 13th(e)

One week. There is one week left until Hoseok reincarnates, and you could already tell this next week will be dragging by far slower than the past three months combined. Currently, you were in your treehouse, smoothing out lines in your dress. It finally dawned on you that you could just bring a mirror with you to fairyland, so you did. You could remember Jimin’s reaction so clearly, and you laughed to yourself.

“Y/N, what is that?” The mirror was facing away from him, so he hadn’t seen his reflection yet.

“This, my silly fairy,” you spun it around, “is a mirror!” The expression that washed over his face was simultaneously filled with shock and awe.

“How does it do that? Is that me?” At first, you didn’t understand the last question until it dawned on you that most fairies had only ever seen their reflections in the water.

“Yes, that’s you! You can see yourself so much more clearly now.” Jimin approached the mirror and ran his fingers along his face.

“I am so,” he paused, “handsome. Wow, I will appreciate my good looks so much more now, thank you, Y/N!” You laughed as he checked himself out in your mirror, and you wondered if Hoseok had this same child-like reaction the first time he saw a mirror in your apartment.

You hadn’t shown anyone else though, fearing that it might be taken the wrong way if other fairies saw you bringing human inventions into the village. You thought of Jimin, the boy flying somewhere above your treehouse while waiting for you to get ready. You thought about how the two of you had become so close, and how he had become your best friend. Knowing his cycle was about to end, you knew you would feel almost as sad as you did when Hoseok left. You called out your window to let Jimin know that you were ready to be taken to the throne room.

“Have fun during your lessons today, rumor has it this is your last one!”

“Seriously? Thank you, Jimin! Love you!” You dashed out of his arms and ran into the throne room to complete what was hopefully your last day of lessons, completely missing the forlorn look that had spread throughout his face.

The moment that you stepped into the throne room, you placed the stack of books on top of your head. Despite growing much taller than it originally was, the stack of books stayed perfectly still on your head as you walked across the entirety of the area. The queen had a pleased look on her face as you approached her. Taking the books off your head, you placed them on the floor to the side and curtsied gracefully in front of her. In an instant, music began to ring throughout the room, and the two of you started up in a harmonious dance. For two hours, the only thing you did was dance and talk in your newfound formal speech. At the beginning of your lessons, there was no way you would have had the stamina to dance that long, but here you were: gliding across the floor with ease, footsteps in perfect rhythm, and your head held high. The queen was right, confidence was a wonderful thing. The music ended and so did your royal lessons.

“Very good, Y/N. I believe this is the end.”

“Seriously? You mean I’m done?” The queen laughed and rubbed your arm.

“Yes, dear. You’ve greatly exceeded my expectations. I never realized a human could be so dedicated!” You brushed off the pompous remark because you could tell that there was no malice behind it. “It’s a shame you weren’t born a fairy, you would’ve been the greatest of them all.” You blushed hard before going into a deep curtsy; the jog you broke into out of the throne room almost felt like a frolic, and you wished you had been born a fairy too.

March 19th(o)

You were sitting side by side with Jimin watching the sunset from the meadow. You had made sure to schedule a few days off this week the moment you were hired for your waitressing job, knowing you would want to spend your evenings with Hoseok. Jimin was playing with the flowers, and you were just relishing in the comfortable silence. Tomorrow Jimin, the boy you had become so close to in this foreign world, would end his cycle and would turn into a seed. In his place, however, your beloved fairy would reappear. You thought back over your time in fairyland, and all the wonderful memories you had made; from new year’s with Namjoon and Jimin, to receiving such a wonderful Valentine’s gift from your best friend, and even the strict royal lessons that you had endured. Although you didn’t look too much different, you felt as though you might be completely unrecognizable. You felt stronger, more at peace with yourself, and much more confident; you felt like a queen, and you hoped that it would be good enough for Hoseok upon his return.

“What are you thinking about, Y/N?” Jimin’s voice brought you out of your thoughts and you turned to look at him, bursting into laughter when you did so. He had created a flower crown and had placed it in a crooked position on his pink hair.

“Jiminie you’re so cute!” He took the crown off his head at the silly nickname and pouted. You turned back to face the darkening sky. “I was just thinking; these three months have definitely gone by much quicker than I expected them to. It was hard for the first couple weeks, but it gradually got easier.”

“Yeah, crazy huh? Your prince charming reincarnates tomorrow, and you won’t have to worry for a while.” Jimin hung his head and shook it grimly.

“That’s true, but I’m gonna miss you too, you know. You’re my best friend, Jimin, and I haven’t felt close to anyone like this in years.”

“I’ll miss you even more, princess.”

“I told you to stop calling me princess, I’m not a princess yet!” You laughed at him but he just placed his flower crown on your head in reply.

“Perhaps not, but you’re a princess to Hoseok, and you’re certainly a princess to me. I’m sad I’ll be missing your soul-bonding celebration while I’m gone.”

“We can always postpone it you know? I wouldn’t want you to miss it!”

“It’s alright, I know you want to do it as soon as you possibly can.” He smiled and brushed a hair behind your ear. “I don’t think I told you, but the end of my cycle is what marks the beginning of Hoseok’s. Well, not officially, but they say that the second I disappear is when Hoseok reappears.”

“That’s strange timing. At least I won’t be alone too terribly long tomorrow!” You teased him, but you didn’t realize it took a more mocking tone than it was meant to.

“Will you be there tomorrow when my cycle ends?” You stared at him at his stupid question and pulled him in for an embrace.

“Of course, Jimin,” you kissed his cheek before pulling away, “I would rather die than not say goodbye to my best friend!” The two of you sat there, side-by-side for the rest of the evening. Talking about life, the future, and everything in between. You felt peace in your heart, and you couldn’t wait to see Hoseok in the morning and tell him all about the wonderful time you had while you were waiting for him.

March 20th (w.)

“Jimin, Jimin! Wake up, wake up! Today’s the day!” You yelled out your window across the field in hopes of waking Jimin up. The day held more excitement than a Christmas morning, and you couldn’t explain the feeling in your chest. “Jiminieeeeee!” You whined as loud as you could, and in an instant, the pink haired fairy was floating outside of your window.

“I’m awake, I’m awake!” His voice was hoarse and he did not look happy. “I bet you woke up the entire village just now.”

“I don’t care, it’s the twentieth Jiminie! Do you know what that means?” Obviously, he knew, but you couldn’t help but make him say it.

“Yeah, today’s the day I get to go to sleep and not get annoyed by you for three months.”

“Rude!” You pushed him out of your window, and he acted like he had actually fallen. You worried for a moment if he didn’t have enough time to react and had gotten hurt until he was popping up in the window again.

“Pushing fairies does no good when they can just fly back, you know that right?”

“I know but it was worth a shot.” He left you in privacy as you put on the dress that you had worn the last time you saw Hoseok; you wanted it to seem like no time has passed at all. “Ready, Jimin?” He nodded yes, and you hopped in his arms to be carried to the royal garden.

You had learned some time ago that although Jimin and Namjoon weren’t royal, their parents were close enough to the king and queen that they were allowed to use the royal gardens. Taking in the sight before you, you noticed that Jimin had that same faded aura about him. His skin looked almost see through, and some pieces of him had begun to fade out completely. The two of you were standing in front of where his pink flower was dying out, and where your flower pot for Hoseok’s white one was waiting.

“Y/N, why are you crying?” Jimin tried to wipe the tear from your cheek, but his fingers were slowly disappearing. “Hoseok is going to be here any minute now.”

“I know, but-” a cry got caught in your throat as you tried to say goodbye, “you’re my best friend and I’m going to miss you. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me these last three months.”

“I’ll miss you too, Y/N. It’s going to be okay, you can get through these three months like you did with Hobi. You’re strong. Now stop crying, you’re ruining the whole queen look you’ve got going on.” You went to smack his arm, but your hand collided with thin air. “Goodbye, Y/N.” These were the last words to leave Jimin’s mouth, and the feeling of the kiss on your forehead that he had given you still lingered.

“Goodbye Jimin.” You sighed deeply and wiped your eyes, turning to face Hoseok’s flower pot. “Come on Hobi, I’ve been waiting for three months, stop making me wait any longer!”

You were talking to a flower pot, and you would have felt crazy if it wasn’t for the fact that you had been able to dispute being crazy months ago. A few minutes passed, and then it turned into an hour. Despite knowing that Jimin specifically said Hoseok would appear shortly after he disappeared, you still sat in the garden until night began to fall.

Your world shattered. Because on the day of the spring equinox; the day you knew that Hoseok was due to reincarnate; the day you knew you could hold his miniature form in the palm of your hand and see his beautiful smile again, he wasn’t there.

[taylorfiction]

What to Think Pt.6

Taylor’s POV

In case you missed it: part one, two, three, four and five

The next chapter will be the final chapter- a kind of epilogue thing

i’m sorry i haven’t updated this story in a while, lost my motivation and then i got loads of work and coursework when i started school.

Hope this is okay, please let me know if you have any thoughts or requests.

25 weeks. I knew the time would come eventually, I knew that I couldn’t hide my pregnancy from the public, from the media, forever. I had avoided going into public for the last 11 weeks knowing that someone could spot the, now unmissable, bump that had been gradually getting larger. I didn’t need the stress of being fat shamed when I had two bodies to look after, mine and my little girls, anyhow, Joe would never let me put myself under any form of stress, he was doing the stressing for me.

I knew people were starting to get suspicious because there were fake news articles everywhere about me and joe getting a divorce, or me being murdered, or me going to prison, or a family member dying. To my surprise, there were none about me being pregnant, maybe it’s because they didn’t think I can keep a man, after all this time, they still don’t seem to believe that Joe has my heart, after 4 years, they’re still in denial. They were wrong.

I sat, blankets on my lap along with a grey, normally-grumpy-but-now-purring cat, a worried expression on my face, nervous of how to share this, should I make an Instagram post? Have Tree mention it to someone? Post it on my Instagram story? My website? My tumblr?

I fidgeted in my seat and my hands were wringing each other out, I felt uncomfortable sitting here, despite being in my own home. I felt like my whole world was about to be exposed, everything I had ever kept from prying eyes was about to be released into the world and I didn’t feel ready, I felt like everything was about to come crumbling down on top of me and all my destruction would be is entertainment for the media.

‘Taylor?’ Joe said as he sank into the sofa next to me, his hand resting on my leg, rubbing up and down slightly, I snapped out of my reverie smiling weakly at him, he noticed and tilted his head in my direction, ‘Are you worrying again?’ he asked, a warning note in his voice, when I worried, he worried.

‘I’m not worrying, I’m just… just, I don’t know how to tell people.’ I said to him, stumbling on my words slightly, I clasped his hand in mine, squeezing it slightly, he turned his body to me, making me his sole focus, he paused for a second. ‘We don’t need to tell them,’ he said, raising his eyebrows and taking my other hand in his, ‘We could just keep this moment as our own, let us enjoy the peace we have with this, let us raise our girl somewhere she won’t be affected by all the bullshit.’

‘You and I both know we can’t do that,’ I tilted my head slightly, one of my hands cupping his cheek, it was a nice thought, ‘And besides, I can’t leave my fans in the dark, I have promised them for years that they will be the first to know, and I intend to keep that promise.’ I said with a nod of my head, there was no decision to be made, that’s just how it was going to be, ‘very well, we are back to square one again though, where do we post our announcement?’ he emphasised the word ‘announcement’, his eyes landing on my pregnant stomach, a smile on his face.

I smiled at his smile and how I knew that he knew I was secretly excited about this, my nerves just more obvious, ’Hmm,’ I replied, pondering the options before I continued, ‘We could do a cute post on Instagram, the silly boomerang which Lily took yesterday and a more heartfelt post on tumblr?’ I finished, my voice raising at the end in question, I sat waiting for him to think this through, letting him consider it for a second.

‘Deal,’ he said, leaning forward and planting a kiss on the tip of my nose, ‘Right’ he started, ‘What are we doing for this Instagram post then?’ he shifted slightly in his seat, as though he was ready to jump up and start running whenever. I laughed at his eagerness, glad he was confident even though I wasn’t.

I remembered the walk we had been on in the middle of nowhere a few days ago, my Mom acting as our unofficial photographer, her excuse being, ‘Documentation is important!’ we had all laughed at that, taken back to all the home videos I had watched of me as a child. There was one photo that my Mom had taken when we had been walking, she had run in front of us and taken a picture of us staring only at each other, both of us in mid-laugh, our hands and eyes were entwined and the bump was obvious.

He smiled as I showed him the picture, remembering that day and the joke that had been made, something about squirrels if I remember correctly. ‘You look beautiful,’ he said quietly, his voice quieter than normal, he leaned in to give me a kiss, I smiled into it, happy that I was doing this with him.

I smiled back at him as we pulled away, finding the boomerang of me and Joe sticking our tongues out at Lily while standing in the kitchen, I remember her complaining that we were lazy and that we should all go to this party that was planned for this evening, Joe had shaken his head, saying ‘nope, we’re having a movie night tonight, I promised her’, his arms had gone around my waist and his hands rested on the front of my belly while my head was on his shoulder and my hands over his, both our tongues poking out towards the camera.

He smiled again, giving me more confidence in what we were doing, making me think that I was doing the right thing. He made me believe that bringing a baby into this world was the right decision, the last thing I wanted to give my little girl was a school life like my own, I wanted her to go out shopping with her friends, I wanted her to have crushes on boys, I wanted her to have everything that I didn’t always have.

Finally, the tumblr post. My nerves were one edge for this because I knew all my fans would go crazy, I knew they would be happy but I couldn’t help but be nervous that something could’ve changed, I’ve been away from tumblr so often lately it scares me that we might not have the same relationship as we did before.

Hey guys, I haven’t been overly active lately and I promise it’s not just because I like sleeping and playing with the cats… Joe and I, we’ve been a little busy, you see, we’ve been getting ready for a new arrival, set to arrive in a couple of months. She’s our little girl. I’ve been inactive because I don’t want to have her constantly in the public eye, I want her to have a childhood like every single one of you had and I think that’s only fair. I hope you look after her like you’ve looked after me for all these years.

I added the same picture that I had posted on Instagram and a beaming smile spread across my face as I looked back at Joe, he nodded his head in agreement, encouraging me to do it, to share our little secret, our bundle of joy.

Posted.

I did it.

Instantly, my phone exploded, notification after notification attacking my phone, I knew I couldn’t read any of the comments because I knew not all of them were positive so I turned to Joe instead, clutching his face in my hands, ‘I can’t wait to have this baby,’ I kissed him.

I knew there would be news stories for weeks about this news and I new some of it would be bull shit and some of it would be closer to the truth, but only one thing was for certain, I wasn’t reading any of it. Not only did I not want to, but Joe, he knew what that shit did to me, so he banned it all. He banned online news articles, YouTube news feeds, actual magazines, all of it, every single word. If he caught me with it, he would do something cruel like tickle me or hide the ice-cream.

I still didn’t really want to make a public appearance, I wasn’t ready quite yet for the paparazzi and their comments. Sure, I would post on Instagram and maybe keep updated with tumblr but I wasn’t about to walk around New York for everyone to see how much I had changed. I knew some people would have negative reactions and I didn’t want to fuel them even more with making an appearance they could penalise.

I got messages as well over the next week or so, people we weren’t close enough to, to tell but close enough that they had my number. People that I didn’t know if we were friends or not, always in the middle, not really hanging out, but when we did it was a laugh. Messages saying, ‘congrats!’ ‘You’ll be wonderful parents!’ Most importantly, they were happy for us.

I was the most content I had ever been, I felt like nothing could touch me because I was up in the clouds, away from any type of negativity, surrounded by the people I love and the people who love me, the people I knew would be there for me when everything was swimming down the drain.

I was so thankful for them, for making this easier for me, for making me laugh and smile, for making this pregnancy easier than it could’ve been, for making me feel like I wasn’t offending anyone with having a baby, I wasn’t upsetting anyone.

For letting me be myself.