#more like monster lover amirite

[starlit-grace]

Thinking about the concept of a robot girl who's extremely stupid and it's because her CPU is really bad and it makes her dumb and slow and she can only do the most basic of tasks.

Thinking about the sweaty lesbian mechanic gf in overalls who suggests installing a new and better CPU, something more modern to make her smarter and better overall.

Thinking about the sweaty lesbian mechanic gf getting deep into her robot gf's guts. Opening her chassis so so gently like removing her clothes, layer by layer. Spreading her wires apart to get to her innermost parts. The robot girl is just lying there helpless and completely at the mercy of her mechanic gf, getting her guts ripped open so, so methodically. The gf finally unplugging her CPU and feeling her robot gf go completely limp, and getting a little scared in that moment. It's a delicate procedure after all. But she chokes back the lump in her throat and continues her work.

Thinking about the operation being a resounding success and the sweaty mechanic gf almost crying when her robot gf whirrs back to life because for a second there she thought she lost her.

Thinking about them trying to adjust to life as usual with the robot gf's newfound brain power only to realise that they simply didn't have that spark anymore. The robot girl gf was simply too independent now and she could do everything alone and didn't need her sweaty mechanic gf to help her with anything. It just wasn't the same as when she needed her gf for even the most basic tasks like cleaning her body or updating her OS.

Thinking about the both of them realising this and having a conversation about it and slowly realising that they preferred when the robot girl had an older CPU. So they decide to reverse the operation.

Thinking about the sweaty mechanic gf opening up her girlfriend again, this time to make her worse. Is she a bad person for wanting her gf to be dependent on her? But they both agreed on this right? She didn't pressure her at all right? Her thoughts run wild as she repeats the process of undressing her gf. Her only hope is that her gf is happy.

Thinking about the robot girl whirring to life and looking at her mechanic gf with the saddest, dumbest eyes and in that moment the mechanic gf realises two things. One, that this robot is the love of her life. Two, that she is so much happier like this and it would be a cruelty to deny her that.

Thinking about the sweaty mechanic gf sweeping everything except her robot gf off to table and proceeding to rip her open and get to her innermost parts again, except this time in a slightly different, sexier way, that leaves the robot girl's eyes displaying 404.

[mrwoeful]

some Augustine x Henri headcanons

errrm at some point there will be NSFW but dw there will be a warning <3 mentions of homophobia and how horrid it was for gay ppl to live at the time :( also these are general headcanons too

Feel free to discuss!!

I see a bunch of people complaining about this ship about it being cheating cheating but let's take period typical homophobia into consideration. What if Augustine simply married a woman and had a child to keep his sexual identity safe?

Now I don't think Augustine did this on a whim. Cause in my mind, his wife knows about Augustine's situation, and she may be queer as well.

I know this is far fetched but hey.

They both clarified that they could have relations with others, because the sole purpose of their fake marriage was to keep suspicion away from Augustine or from the both of them. Even if it meant having a child.

Now In the game Augustine never mentions his wife, only his son. And the toy he bought for him.

While he does have a photo of both of them, it's possible that he has it so no suspicion can be pointed at him for being a homosexual. (Because being a homo at their time was not a good one

like "no, he cannot be gay. Let's point the finger at someone else." Type of deal. He's an imposter to the straights lmaooo

While Henri isn't a married man, we think, he's just vulnerable to "accusations" of being a man kisser.

Augustine would hang out with Henri as much as possible. They might have been friends before the war. Dare i say even when they where children?

Honestly with how these guys act I think henri lived with his mother and Augustine loved his father. If frictional games won't give them a past, I fucking will!

"But woeful!" You cry, "why would Henri trick Augustine if they where lovers??" Ah, I believe it is a few simple things. Trust, and a basic set of skills that he knows Augustine has. In the beginning of the game, Augustine has managed to stay stealthy the entire time, even going as far to sneak up on germans that where shooting at Henri.

That's some husband material amirite?

so Henri had all the right to believe Augustine would return safely. But when that wasnt the case, you knew henri felt horrible and throwing up from nausea almost at any minute. Eating repulsed him, even.

Now we have to deal with the monster Henri (accidentally) created.

Now! Let's get into more romantic settings!

So these two would find any breaks they could have in a war just to hang out.

I believe these two where definitely in love with eachother just way to fucking scared to admit it.

Like?? It's possible to be thrown into jail, killed, tortured, etc. Just for having feelings for the same sex.

It was worse for other countries I bet.

Enough history lessons! I just get so hyperfixated on the history of WW1 and amnesia the bunker's setting in history.

However they trusted eachother very much, and they have confessed their love to eachother at some point. Which is why I am to believe that Augustine was so adamant that they'd survive the war together. Introduce Henri to his wife as his new lover.

But. Y'know. That never happened. But atleast it did in my upcoming au :]

Mitski songs for these mfs (especially I bet on losing dogs. Please it fits them so well)

These two would lovingly prank eachother. Alot. Pissing in your partners flask is a weird sign of affection but we know that Henri still loves him after that.

they would tease eachother a lot, others in the bunker would shrug it off as boys being boys. Bros being bros. Doing it w the homies yk

Henri calls Lambert lamby or lamb, and Augustine calls him clem! But only when they where in a private and safe area.

they would sneak kisses sooo often <3 they didn't want to get too affectionate in the bunker or they'd get caught. They'd give eachother those come-hither eyes, flirting with nothing but body language and looks they give eachother.

you know that one mlm cover of Mr sandman oh my god,,,

Oh yeah I headcanon that Augustine's a himbo. Like. Look at him. If henris a twink then Augustine is a hunk.

SMUT WARNING!!! LEAVE RN IF YOUR UNCOMFY 👿👿👿

Man these two make me go feral ok hold on.

Shenji's NSFW headcanons of these goobers made me go insane it made my mind go wild I???

Henri is definitely a crier in bed. Dacryphilia is making me write this. I'm sorry. But he's so whiny and vocal it drives both me and Augustine insane.

These two definitely are muscular. But c'mon. Henri's a twink through and through. Doesn't mean bro is weak cause reminder, he can carry a man 😭

Augustine is more built though, henri definitely stares when they are in the locker rooms changing. I'm drooling thinking about it. Augustine knows though.

Stop staring Henri! You twink! God,,,

These two sneak out at night, and go do some wild things.

i just searched that condoms where made in 1916. The military would be insane not to make use of these since condoms can carry a literal gallon of water. Anyways yea these two do it safe 👍

Henri is a solid 7 inches, but Augustine is a monstrous 10 inches. He laughed at Henri's reaction cause it was definitely a lot like his wife seeing it for the first time.

That thing is a fucking ass stretcher oh my god. Henri had to stay with the doctor for a bit cause he ached so hard after the first time. Augustine felt guilty.

Wall sex. Alot of wall sex at night. Messily making out as Augustine plowed that twink.

henri has to keep his mouth shut. Since he's so vocal and whiny teehee

Wanna know where Augustine gets those hickies? Yeah most of that is Henri biting into his neck to muffle himself. Henri does apology lick though, tbh Augustine doesn't mind at all.

But Augustine sure loves teasing Henri any time he can, and Henri lightly scolding him for making him moan so loud. Henri makes toe curling noises though??

If it was possible Augustine would listen to nothing but henri's filthy moans.

These two are very sweet to eachother though, but they do talk about getting. Rougher with eachother.

Dude at some point henri thought about being nothing but having his mouth as Augustine's cum dump. This came to reality so everyone's happy.

Dude Augustine would be such a dom. Maybe more of a soft dom?

Please the idea of Henri in some sort of shibari or bondage. Drools.

Augustine is lucky he gets to pound this twink.

Henri is lucky to get pounded BY this himbo.

But erm yeah

Thats all I can think of for these guys aughh pleaseeee can we talk about these guys more.

[a-slut-for-smut]

IntegraxAlucard solidarity!! Hellsing was some of the first manga I read as a teen and it definitely shaped who I am and the way I like to read fanfic and write it. Something about the way these two interact just hits right!

HELL YES, im right there with you homie. Alutegra def one of my oldest ships and arguably the most compelling as far as dynamics go!

Personally i like to bucket them under enemies to lovers trope, not literally but spiritually. i mean think about it: he is a legendary super powerful vampire/eldritch creature, she hails from a family of vampire hunters and moreover the direct descendant of the dude who defeated and enslaved Alucard to his bloodline and by extension her.

Alucard has EVERY right to hate/loathe her and she has every reason to despise him (especially since she relies on him heavily to continue her family's mission) but they don't, in fact, quite the opposite. While they have the master/servant dynamic going on its much more than that; he absolutely revers her and she does not reduce him to a soulless monster- there is a formality yet familiarity between them that you dont see in many ships and adds another layer of complexity, i mcfreakin LOVE it

i also adore how Alucard is basically a sl*utty temptress, trying to goad and tease Integra every chance he gets while Integra aka "the Iron Maiden" is meant to be a stonewall knight chained to her duty, with the added layer of how she must retain her virginity as a failsafe from turning into a ghoul- i mean, talk endless sexual tension amirite? but also, THIS SCENE:

anyway i could go on and on but i will simply end this with a kudos to your good taste in ships 😁

*credit to artists, i lazy just did google search

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

Buncha takes about Girl in the Fireplace (by someone that doesn't like it)

trying to give it as much grace as possible... there's some stuff to salvage, i think

visuals: again very beautiful episode aesthetically. even the spaceship sections which under rtd sometimes look a bit glip, with the right lighting in this ep, they rlly "pop" colonialism / hegemony: it's really uncomfortable but i don't know enough about reinette to go in depth with it. just gonna highlight the whole "this is the royal court and we're french" which is .... fittingly the point we're most asked to see reinette as a "Strong Female Character (tm)" / Girl Boss ... really sour. The Timeless Child Retroactive Continuity Bonus: the doctor's loneliness is made more poignant by being not "the last of their kind" but "the only one of their kind"

recurrent s2 themes: (this is what i was talking abt in theo ther post...) the clockwork fail because "it has not purpose now" perhaps this could be symbolism for monarchism in general, in face of a new, modern world? monarchies are well-oiled, intricate machines, socially speaking. they have rituals and customs and complex genealogies (hey, stowe armorial... amirite ladies... #crackin'heraldryhumor). but w/ the advancement of the productive forces, they "lost their purpose". the uk continues to have a monarchy to this day, but it is not longer the effective, purposeful machine it was was, rather it is an appendage or a relic of a more advanced system (bourgeois capitalism). one it has to cannibalize in parts to survive. also, the obvious visual of a highly-intricate "machine" that is made up of depreciated tech (clockwork). here's another: i saw an interesting meta that this ep could be read as a mirror of school reunion: in SR we see rose gripping w/ the reality of the doctor eventually outliving her, and here we see via reinette the doctor's pov of having to endure watching all their lovers "witter and die"except romana bc she just dumps him lol

i think this improves a bit on the seeming disjointedness of both eps and how disjointed it feels from the rest of s2.

relatedly, im also headcanon fix-ing it that this whole stint 10 pulls of "finding a mistress" (as it's very pointedly parallel'd in several scenes like him showing up late and "drunk" and rose being casted as the "nagging wife")(oooo resist negativity urges RESIST), is a direct example of him having a classic commitment-phobic panic, following SR.

there's an interesting theme/repeating motif in this ep (And later we see it repeated in moffat's seasons) about dreams and nightmares. (clockwork guys as reintte's+ the doctor as the clockwork's) idk how to tie it together as a Meaning or Theses yet but some interesting implications about it:

- the monsters we see in this ep are framed as nightmares (the doctor looks under the bed of kid!reinette to find the first clockwork robot)... what are nightmares? nightmares aren't real, but they also tell us something real about what we fear when awake. when these stories turn the imaginary into the real, there's a kind of symbolism in that "any fear we have can be faced and defeated" - kind of stealing this from another meta i read lol but: the monsters as fantasy vs grief as a reality, and the metatextual tension of having very real things like unavoidable death in a show with a "dashing, scifi hero that always defeats the scary monsters",,, - there's a negative asshole way to point out how similar reinette's "tragic ending" / arc is to a lot of... other storylines in moffat's who lol but i'm gonna try to spin it in the more positive, curious, "good faith" way: what is moffat trying to explore or say when he has characters always "missing" each other by the whims of time? sometimes by displacement, other time by "missing the timing" / "being too slow"? perhaps it is a call to be more prescient, and these are not just stories about tragedies... but cautionary tales about not taking actions / living life when one's called to live it (see river, amy, reinette, sally's friends,,,).

AND FINALLY, i had to really dig deep, but this is the one that salvages the episode i think, and why i wont *totally* discard it from my mental canon in the future: the traditional, surface interpretation of the ending is that it is "tragic" because ten doesn't go to reinette because she's dying/has died.... and once he has landed there, it is too late. the fireplace was tragically out of synch with his life....

however, let's push that further why doesn't he just go back a lil' earlier? why doesn't eleven just tell amy and rory to write a fake letter and put up a fake tombstone? the answer could be [bc time travel lore reasons!!].,,, BUT there's a potentially interesting and complex alternative reading: ten chose to not see reinette in her sickness. there was nothing impending him from seeing her again once he was back in the tardis. but much like with their companions that they can always locate if they wanted to, the doctor knows there's it's kind of pointless, kind of artificial, kind of cheating to manipulate time to get as much out of a human lifespan as possible. and it is a pointless act, because in the end he'll have to say goodbye anyway. and like he told sarah jane... "he just couldn't come back". so this this a self kindness he gives himself. to let reinette be just a fiery affair with a tragically beautiful woman he had "no control over" and could not comfort in her sickness/withering. perhaps unconsciously, this is a way he finds to not Deal with what the implications of this little "affair" means for his relationship w/ rose, and how he may have to make the same choice again in the future.

[ageplay-may]

For Day 13, we take a walk on the wild side! Today's prompts are "Non-Human" and "Monsterfucker."

---

Prompts // Ao3 Collection Tags: @ageplay-may and #agepl4y May 2022

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Spooktober Prompts Masterlist 2020

#580: You never know how many people actually live near you until you’re in a zombie apocalypse and you have to go through them all. {Submitted by: this-victoria-has-no-secret}

#581: A family moves into a new town. But something doesn’t seem right about the residents.

#582: A group of university students decide to start a coven, because they like the aesthetic.

#583: “You’re smiling and I’m scared to find out why.”

#584: Waking up in your dark bedroom is nothing out of the ordinary. Finding the door and the windows all boarded up definitely is.

#585: The nation celebrates the video interviews of the first crew on Mars. But suddenly all the astronauts are found dead - on earth.

#586: People in a small town are getting phone calls from their dead loved ones, that are becoming increasingly more desperate.

#587: It’s all fun and games until the Ouija board starts calling you out.

#588: In all of her years, she had seen famine, war, a slew of various horrors that the human mind could never pretend to comprehend- and somehow, the figure that stood before her, that figure the ghost of someone she’d once known, was the most terrifying thing she’d ever seen. {Submitted by: x-sinnamonqueen-x}

#589: “You said you were an angel!” “Oh, I was. I must have forgotten to tell you about the ‘fallen’ part.”

#590: A widowed woman is playing the piano alone in her house, but when she finishes she can hear clapping. {Submitted by: howlingwolve}

#591: Her head was tilted to the side a hair too much, eyes a sliver too large, and her teeth pearl white. “Tilt your head to the right a little? Yes- and if you close your mouth you almost look human.” “Ah, how helpful.” The Fae smiled with closed lips. “A perfect mimicry is so hard to achieve.” {Submitted by: antique-rain}

#592:  A young girl goes missing. Her parents find a doll in her bed that has a frightening resemblance to their daughter.

#593: After waking up from a coma due to suffering injuries from a car accident a woman asks for her brother. But not even her parents seem to remember him ever existing.

#594:  But now I look upon a field with bodies stretched out and I feel nothing.

#595: A stranger comes into town and it’s like a powerful spell was cast. Men and women alike can’t help but fall in love with them. Every adult in town is affected and soon a ruthless fight for the stranger’s affection begins.

#596: You have always heard stories of an unnatural being that transforms into anything or anyone. But everybody always tells you it’s just an urban legend. Until one fateful day, when you’re reading about that urban legend, it suddenly appears in front of you. {Submitted by: mythicalphoenix14}

#597: “How did you never notice that there was a gateway to the underworld in your closet?!” “Easy, I never go in there long enough to hear the screams of agony.” {Submitted by: welcome-tothe-mystery-shack}

#598: An object found in a pawn shop or on the road is calling to your character. What does it do? Do they buy/take it? If not, does it show up in their path again? {Submission by: systemfailure99}

#599: Teenagers find a shipwreck on the ground of a small lake with no access to the sea.

#600: “What do you do when a ghost has a crush on you? Asking for a friend.”

#601: When all the stars in the night sky become swallowed by clouds, beware: your head may be sucked into a black hole as you sleep.{Submission by: amarantine-amirite}

#602: In the deepest dark of night, a woman waits for her demon lover. {Submitted by: feralshinycat}

#603: “Out of the all the demon’s I’ve exorcised… Why won’t you budge?” “‘Cause I’m not a demon, Father. I’m a God.“ {Submitted by: kyuhyun-kei}

#604: Imagine hurrying over a cemetery at the darkest hour of the night and almost stumbling over a fallen head stone. You look up and realise that all graves look as if monsters have teared them open. And suddenly ice-cold fingers claw at your feet and start pulling. {Submitted by: ouilah}

#605: This had a body count now and they couldn’t ignore it any longer.

#606: Your character wakes up in a “haunted house” only to realize that the house is alive. It mistakes your character for its original owner and traps them inside, promising to keep them safe and to never let them go ever again. {Submitted by: funstorytimestudios}

#607: You’re sitting at breakfast reading the newspaper, when you come across an obituary - the date of death is not in the past but the following day. And the deceased is sitting right next to you, eating their breakfast.

#608: A normal class reunion wasn’t supposed to take place at a funeral.

#609: A group of friends decide to watch a horror movie together. At first they are excited that the movie was filmed like a livestream. Makes it look more real. That is until they suddenly recognize their house in the video - and see their own silhouettes in the window.

#610: You’re a student who has to interview a frontliner for an assignment. You contact the person and ask if you could interview them. They say yes. It’s days before the deadline, and after a few practice runs via calling with the person themself, one of your classmates ask who you are interviewing. Your classmate is bewildered because, the person you were going to interview died years ago. {Submitted by: error-snow}

[starstainedtea]

some Drabbles i Might revisit in the future::

if you don't enjoy oc x canon,or just ocs interacting w canon characters it's okay. just a buncha hcs and shit anyway. but i'm going to write about it. im going to draw. im going to lore. LAKAN AND THE BOYFS I GUESS, TO THE LIKE, TWO PEOPLE WHO WOULD READ THIS DERANGED THOUGHT PROCESS AIGHT GIVE ME A BIT

FUCKING i hate that chamber is a potential love interest for lakan because OMEN LIKEE HEAR ME OUT GUYS THE FLAVORS HERE ARE ASSORTED BUT THE TOP TWO IS

its basically either

(OMEN) co-workers to best friends to lovers type thing w a monster finding love and humanity in another monster who treats him like a human

or

(FRENCH FUCK) enemies to lovers who wants what's best for the world and has had a prior relationship w a semblance of trust while they try to bring it back for the sake of working together to save the worlds they care for lakan and chamber based on what we have so far (wHAT IFS. COULD BE SCRAPPED IF THE SITUATION CALLS FOR IT) ::

lakan and chamber met a lot before considering lakan is a viable component in the creation of the collider.

chamber might've tried to coax them to join him, but considering he didn't have the best entry and professor doesn't immediately trust people in high stakes situations (funny because of their character developm-)

but they would chat. meet up in the same cafe while they try to understand more about the other, hmm, could write a ficlet about that.

god i just wanna write about lakan's internal struggle in working w someone who betrayed their trust

but it's for the better balance of the two worlds

BUT

?????? HELP ME, DEAR GODS AND GODDESSES

based on my soty w lakan, first time they meet chamber again after all these years, he gets a bigass punch on the face. i mean, it's only fair since he destroyed the collider, amirite.

lakan had a short period of time wherein talking to them is like a gamble: you either have a civil conversation or you get thrown out of their vicinity by a buncha tikbalangs. t tension w the two of them fr fr

the distrust and yearning slowly morphing into a beneficial partnership, then friendship again, huhu

must be nice for chamber to have someone be his friend other than himself, yknow?

but omen on the other hand.

SWEET

ABSOLUTELY SWEET.

OMEN DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO GIVE BACK THE AFFECTION THEY GIVE HIM

like, he was basically their babysitter at first when they were new to the protocol.

their monstrosity makes him feel things, man,they look,, decently normal save for diamond cutting lookinass eyes and the blood drinking thing, but they are someone thats normal enough to pass the radar in people's eyes

and for them to give him such affection and makes him feel good about himself? *heart hands* this shadow was attached and loved everything about them

well, most things, they can be a little too stubborn

omen kinda just

started trusting them more? they're such a sincere and kind person to him that it made his heart melt???

and lakan?? trusts him?? not to hurt them??

ah, the hesitance on his part while lakan easily makes their way into his heart

i am spitballing the fuck here THESE TWO WERE THE ONES THAT R SUPPOSED TO BE

ROMANTICALLY RELATED

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LAKAN HAD TO HAVE CHEMISTRY

FUCKING

[tartrazeen]

How DBH Leans Way Harder Into HankCon Than Father/Son

Listen.

I love you people who make Hank and Connor that whole platonic family thing. Totally you do you, that's fine, don't even worry about it.

For real - this isn't some ship war. It's a game. I even got some dad vibes from Hank before - oop, nope, we just went full daddy, didn't we. So this is not pitting two ideas against each other to see which one's better. They're both good. I massively prefer one, but I'm not saying either one is wrong.

I *am* saying the canon is geared towards their relationship being HankCon.

Putting my last analysis aside, this game's got a consistent pattern to it: the relationship comes to a conflict.

Can a machine be a person? Central conflict of the game. The relationship is between humans and androids externally, and androids and machines internally.

Can an android ever be a mom? Kara's story, with a conflict of "What's the worst that can happen?" It certainly leads to some bad decisions, and - just... the *worst* doctor's appointment.

Can an android be a human's son? Markus' story with its conflict of, "Is that bad?" And here, we get some subtle hints that Leo's not too thrilled, like when Markus gets shot in the face (#defundthepolice amirite? no seriously, wtf guys). Unlike Kara, Markus doesn't have a little "Family" bar showing for Carl, but not only do they openly say what they think, Markus' extended conflict towards this is questioning whether he was more than a slave in a gilded cage or a privileged rich kid now playing War Leader.

Can androids be a threat? There's some demonizing of Markus if he inexplicably gets mad that his people are being killed to death (with a beautiful analysis on that tone policing by dbh-rambling) , but yes, that relationship's in the Deviant Leader's story as Pacifist vs. Non-Pacifist.

Can androids love?

Oh boy.

The question of whether androids can be somebody's son (or daughter) is only actively and directly discussed in Markus' story, and in Kara's from the parent's POV. Family doesn't come up in Connor's except for one big moment and one big parallel: when Hank tells Machine!Connor that every time a Connor died, he thought of Cole, and when Daniel at the start has his whole thing of being replaced after thinking he was part of the family.

Those do not incite a conflict.

For Markus, Leo makes fun of the idea, leading to one of the plethora of opportunities we have to sad-kill his dad or allow Markus stand up for himself.

Zlatko mocks Kara and kidnaps Alice, and while Kara won't leave the house without her kid in tow (who warned you like a billion times to leave girl smh), the race is on to find this chick. Ralph straight up tries to force it if you go that route, again putting Kara and Alice's bond to the test. Same thing at the recycling plant and crossing the border: how far will Kara take this 'mom' thing is the conflict.

Ain't nobody pullin' that shit on Connor.

He's vaguely interested in Hank's 'personal problems' as it pertains to the case. Hank might open up a little about Cole. It's not discussed until the very end, and the theme of 'son' doesn't enter the picture until we *see* a picture at Hank's house, whereupon Connor says nothing about it. That's different from the other storylines, where that family theme appears (and gets talked about) pretty much right away.

Connor doesn't even connect with the idea of replacing a member of a family when he's facing off against Daniel at the start. He basically calls Daniel dumb for it, pre-Zlatko style. His one interest in the Cole situation is saying it's not Hank's fault, with his sincerity adjusted per the Machine! or Deviant! path. He's focused on Hank and Hank alone.

You know what else he's focused on?

"Androids can't feel anything."

"They're not 'technically' emotions."

"I'm a machine and machines don't want anything."

Markus doesn't question whether he can be in love. Kara is maybe surprised by the emotion of those two androids at Rose's house, but her love for Alice is out in the open several times. That's the one thing they feel confident about, and North is as quick to accept it (as the only relationship able to go to 'Lover') as Markus is if Kara explains to him why she's helping Alice. Even as he's mocking her, Zlatko doesn't question that Kara *thinks* she loves her daughter. He uses it against her. That's why these aren't conflicts: they're facts more than anything, taken for granted.

... You know who ain't takin' that shit for granted? And is instead - like, actively challenging every speckle of the concept?

"*smack* What am I to you, a statistic? A 'zero', a 'one' in your fucking program?"

"People are fucking insane. They don't want relationships anymore, everybody just gets an android."

"Those two girls wanted to be together. They really seemed in love."

And like Zlatko with Kara, we have 60 being all goddamn, "Now it's time to decide what matters most: him or the revolution."

That is a conflict.

Kara, Luther and Alice go to a happy little theme park and frolic on a merry-go-round.

Markus has a heart to heart with either Carl at his deathbed or just with Carl's grave, but always to seek advice.

Connor and Hank go to a fucking strip club advertised in their *first* chapter together and get into a bitchy quarrel about, "WHAT ARE YOU REALLY CONNOR, I SHOULD NOT HAVE ADDED A GUN TO THIS CONVERSATION (for real #defundthepolice)."

That is the relationship.

So to recap:

Testing Markus' family relationship with Carl incites a conflict with Leo about who Carl's son really is, eventually putting their lives on the line.

Testing Kara's family relationship with Alice incites a whole host of conflicts that put their lives repeatedly on the line.

Testing Connor's family relationship with Hank incites... uh... a 53-year-old bear calling a 30-year-old weaponized twink 'son' as Connor bleeds out in that one ending you get where you do nothing for two minutes you monster, or - at best - spurs Connor to follow the platonic love of putting a father figure over *the entire revolution and existence of his newly self-aware species* by using it to 'find each other' once Hank has to pick out the real Connor.

Testing Connor's romantic relationship with Hank incites Hank to *fucking kill himself* if you two aren't friends, him punching Perkins in the face if you *are* friends, variations on one your asses dangling off the side of a building or getting dropped/pushed right off of it, and having it listed as a full-on betrayal if you dare to stay a licky blood machine.

Look - Connor said it himself:

"I'm whatever you want me to be: your partner, your buddy to drink with, or just a machine programmed to accomplish a task."

*You do you*. If you see them as family, just make sure they're happy for me, please (and that you remember that even on the good ending, Connor has to murder a minimum of two guards to get through CyberLife so show his ass some respect).

... but.

But.

I mean, when even Clancy says they weren't father and son - not to appeal to the actors' POV or anything, but if that wasn't on the menu when Bryan whipped out a little "I adapt to human unpredictability" wink (that he apparently had to fight David Cage for) then whoa - that makes the idea of Hank and Connor's relationship being platonic less canon than the evidence *for* HankCon.

Besides that, if Markus and Kara *and* Connor are exploring those angles of platonic android and human families, in and around the willingness to explore overt romantic relationships among the androids, who do we have to explore a romance between a human and android?

;)

[snarky-bee]

I got tagged in this and meant to do it last night and forgot because i got distracted :)  here ya go @antivan-beau WRITERS if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged and feel free to tag me to see your responses!

How many works do you have on AO3?

25 works?? hello?? How did that happen

What’s your total AO3 words count?

Whatever I last published recently pushed me over the 200k mark at 200,980! 

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Zevran is Home - Post-Blight fic featuring Kallian and their daughter <3

4. Daddy’s Girl - Tabris family visit with the good good dad!zevran which apparently people like given number 4 and 5 on this list.

3. Red Sunrise - Longfic! My canonical retelling of Origins featuring my warden Kallian and Zev. I’m so proud of this monster.

2. That Look - Surprise surprise, it’s smut. I still like this one because it preludes the smutty goodness with some fun card games and teasing between Kal and Zev.

1. The Taste of a Lover - Who doesn’t love oral sex amirite. That’s what this smut piece is about. Zev has great oral skills 😉

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely. I love letting people know their thoughts are appreciated and getting to gush a little more about certain moments or plot points. I have met many friends through comment discussions. And keeping the previous response on here down below because... yes that is how we met 😌🙏

Also I met my literal, irl girlfriend through AO3 comments, so ~you never know~

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Definitely It Had Claws. It deals with deep depression so it’s fairly heavy emotionally and I deeply love this fic for what it allowed me to express. 

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hmm I’ve written quite a few short fics that is largely just fluff so it’s hard to say about happy ending. I suppose for one that starts out tense but ends happiest would be To Rescue Her which is a Zev POV of rescuing the warden from Fort Drakon.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I do toy with AU’s but never done a direct crossover. 

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Luckily not lol

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure do! I tend towards writing kink scenes to be honest. I have several fics up on AO3, with some being kink and others just exploring a relationship kind of scenes. Someday would love to finish the vampire smut I have hiding away lmao.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not, but would never say no to translation.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A couple of times actually. As for an actual published one, I wrote When All the Elves Love Each Other with @raymurata and its a fun OT3 story where our respective OCs talk to their best friends about the dynamics of their relationship (and get concerned voices wondering if their partner is cheating)

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Zevwarden. If its not clear by every fic on my AO3 and that was listed here lol.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m afeared i will never finish my mutant AU WIP. I keep restarting it and being unsatisfied but the idea has literally lived in my head for years at this point. 

What are your writing strengths?

I love love love dialogue. I don’t usually fret too much about character voices and it feels easy to follow the natural flow of conversation. I’ve been told I’m also good at writing fight scenes which came as a surprise because I find them challenging but I’m glad it pays off. I’m really visually minded so I guess seeing how it all plays out in my head makes it a bit easier.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I’ve been on a block for a long long time so i’m trying to resist saying EVERYTHING right now. But I do worry about pacing. Sometimes I want to just jump straight to the next interesting thing, sometimes I think I spend too long on conversations or setup that the reader doesnt really need. 

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s usually done poorly lol. Either translated weirdly, out of place, or you know the “oops sorry I forget to switch sometimes” kind of writing. If someone is mixing a word or two of another language in with what they are saying it doesn’t seem weird to include it (like swearing or endearments) but I think it tends to look cleaner if it just says “they spoke in x language.” Even if writing out dialogue in that other language - I’ll use Antivan for example lol - just write it in English and say it was Antivan if your POV character does indeed understand it. And if they dont understand it, no need to write it out at all. 

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Lol it was TWILIGHT. 

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This is silly but its still probably Drunk Warden is Drunk because I had so much fun writing it, I still love it now even though its a few years old, and there’s not a single thing I would change about it. 

[kidelder]

hi hello!

this is a new sideblog mainly for rp connections (i follow back from @vernonesense) and here with a call-out post for rps and plots!!

sO i’ve recently got myself a discord acc and i figured i’d be doing some rping there cause why not amirite, so below the cut is some of my rp trivias and my muse/plot/au preferences!!

if you’re interested pls pls pls like this post or message me cause i’m definitely down to write together with you or even to chat!

aus/plots that i’m a sucker for:

- supernatural aus like gimme all those werewolves, vampires, ppl with powers kinda stuff!! esp one where muse A has like an ice manipulation power and muse B has fire manipulation power and their powers go wild cause they’re still new and can’t control it and the only way to tame their powers is to be near each other cause the nature of their powers balance each others out (like tell me this shit is not fun i dare you)

- superheroes/supervillains/vigilantes au!! gimme that rivalry and teamwork and dynamic and friendship, found family trope!!

- sci-fi au like terminator!? perhaps?? androids/enhanced-humans from the future travel back in time to protect their chosen human that will be the one that changes the future??! that slow burn from distrust to learning to trust each other to having affection while battling with deep attraction and constant dangers and threats from their enemies?? like plEASE

- shadowhunters au!!! please omg give me that rivalry or and lets be vampire slayers (okno)

- marvel/dc au! like civilian x hero/villain?? tell me that isn’t interesting or like multiverse-travel?? to an universe where your current lover turned out to be your arch nemesis??

- resident evil au please. give me that monsters, zombies, evil science corporations trying to survive in a world where there is constant danger.

- soulmate au but spice it up to be like detective x murderer. like they see through each others eyes when theyre asleep kinda thing.

- basically any other au perhaps library au, cafe au, college au, etc etc i really have muse for just about anything yall.

rp trivias:

- i pretty much have NO limits (except for bodily fluids like pee, shit, scat or massive age gap play, or poly) and otherwise i have muse for almost everything! even dark and mature themes like crime, horror, thriller etc etc!

- reply speed varies with me cause im a full time uni student but i try to squeeze in a few replies every week! feel free to poke me if i ever take too long, but don’t worry about rushing to give me replies!! i’m very patient when it comes to waiting for replies and hell, my muse literally never dies so i will be able to pick back up real quick lmao so take yer time! if you wanna drop a plot or twerk it up to freshen up, feel free to. just let me know and we can go from there!

- i play BOTH males and females. but please don’t only come for me for my males cause i tend to write them to be these bad boys with a broken heart of gold. i enjoy writing them, i really do, but i love writing females too!

- that’s all i remember for now skdkfk might add on more when i remember lmao

my main muses that i like to play!

females: crystal reed, conor leslie, halston sage, cindy kimberly, zhou jieqiong, im yoona, shin ryujin hwang yeji, chengxiao,

males: brenton thwaites, matthew daddario, jamie campbell bower, lucky blue smith, tom holland, kris wu, johnny seo

–i also play established characters like if you wanna play jace herondale, steve rogers, peter parker, bruce wayne, leon s kennedy, etc etc i’m more than willing to! i love those in fact!!

(i swear i have more muses than this but i cant remember any rn for my life)

anYWAY i really am not picky when it comes to the muses that you wanna play so go wild with whomever you want! bonus points if our muses have chemistry together too!

that said, hit that message button and i’ll talk to you guys uwu let’s have fun plotting!

[otakween]

Cyborg 009 (Manga) - The Red Shoes, Farewell Nessie, Ishtar’s Dragon, and At the Zoo

The Red Shoes:

-Compare this with the 2001 episode Christmas Eve Mirage which covered a similar storyline (except stretched out) 

-The big difference between this and the anime adaptation is that the drama had nothing to do with the cyborgs at all, just some emo lovers. I didn’t really understand the boyfriend’s plot? Was it supposed to be a murder-suicide or was he just trying to kill her? Francoise acts like she wants to believe it’s the former (because...romantic?) but she’s not sure.

-The latter half of this chapter felt kind of lazy. Immediately after the couple blows up, the cyborgs and Gilmore are just chilling in a void exposition dumping about what just happened. It kind of felt like they didn’t have much of a reaction the violent death, they were just kind of like “that’s sad...”

-The real best part of this chapter was that they referenced the babysitter from Baby Poppins :) I’m glad she got to keep her job <3 

Farewell, Nessie:

-Okay this plot was just ridiculously random: so a member of the National Diet investigates the cyborgs and finds out about their powers with the plan of blackmailing them and making them do his bidding. Okay fine. But then he uses them to find the Loch Ness monster??? Whaaa??? Where’d that leap in logic come from!?

-Can you image if JAPAN was the one to break the Nessie story tho? That would be so unexpected lol 

-The writing in this was pretty cliche. I feel like every giant monster story has the “humans are the real monsters” plot line where the bad guy wants to make money off it (like King Kong). It’s always fun to see Ishinomori’s animal illustrations tho

-I guess the cyborgs are supposed to be a big secret to the world but it’s not discussed very often so I forget that sometimes. They’ve been to so many places and fought in front of so many people that it seems kind of implausible that they could stay hidden at this point. 

-I liked the idea that Nessie swims out to sea. Somehow the thought of a salt-water Nessie feels way more realistic than it chilling in a lake. Especially since there’s a lot we haven’t explored. 

Ishtar’s Dragon:

-Eternal life? More like this chapter went on for an eternity, amirite? (It actually wasn’t that long, the complicated vocabulary just slows me down).

-Sorry but I think the arcs that focus on ancient Gods are definitely my least favorite. They all feel exactly the same and this one had that horrible “love affair that inevitably ends in death” cliche Ishinomori keeps pulling out. It was cool to see some Middle Eastern stuff but ENOUGH with the false Gods already!

-Also low-key feel like bringing in ancient cultures in an excuse to draw naked ladies...just sayin’

-The dead one-week-lover thing felt especially cold this time around. Jet barely gets to mourn Ishtar’s death and everyone’s like “C’mon Jet, let’s go home! :D” Like...excuse me? A little sympathy from Jet’s friends would have been nice 

-Again this manga makes me confused about it’s stance on the fantastical. I think in this universe aliens are real but Gods and monsters aren’t? Maybe?

At the Zoo:

-Whelp, this was just a big ol’ bummer. How come any animal introduced in this series has to die immediately? :/

-The reveal that the boy released the animals from their cages due to an academic nervous breakdown made me laugh inappropriately. I’m in grad school right now so I was just like “MOOD.” 

-Zoos make me feel so uncomfortable...I love seeing animals, but when I went to the zoo in Tokyo they were clearly stressed. Many of them were pacing back and forth and I saw a monkey rip out its own fur and eat it. It’s kind of hard to see them the same way after that...

[timahina]

there were two enemies into lovers books i read this year and like... i loved both.

“to kill a kingdom” definitely had much more memorable quotes (”you’re here, my monster come to find me” and “the girl with the ocean in her eyes” still get to me so fucking hard) but like... gd “the bridge kingdom” made me SO EMOTIONAL so like man

enemies into lovers amirite

[shirtlesssammy]

9x06: Heaven Can’t Wait

Guys, we’ve made it. This is hands down Boris’s favorite episode. I watch it as comfort food and I love every second of it. It’s also really gay, guys. I can never give this episode justice in this recap, but I love it so, so much.

Then:

How can anyone turn this face out of their home?

Now:

In Rexford, ID, in a secluded home, a distressed man is on the phone with a suicide hotline. The woman on the line is pleading with the man to listen to her and save his own life. He cuts the line, pulls his gun, and sees an old photo of what we can only assume is his mother and himself as a small child, and he stops, dropping the gun. He hears a noise. Another man appears and obliterates the man into a fine mist of pink goo.

Hello, Steve.

Cas is a Gas ‘n Sip attendant named Steve now. He’s wearing an adorable purple striped shirt and monitoring the locals on how to be human. He almost succeeds. #givesteveahighfive2k13 The newspaper man might not see how special and cool Steve is, but Nora, Steve’s boss, does. She’s late but knows that Steve is an overachieving gas station attendant. She wonders out loud, “Where have you been all my life?” And so begins the double story told this episode. Is he really a super attractive, responsible man this single mom has been waiting for or is he a super attractive, responsible employee this gas station manager has been looking for her whole life? “You’re not like the other sales associates. There’s something different about you.” He’s either gay or a former angel, amirite? Cas insists that he’s a completely regular human.

Cas then looks at the day’s newspaper: another unexplained disappearance.

Another reason I love this episode is because everyone is in it! At the bunker, Kevin lets Sam and Dean know that he just translated the angel tablet into doodles Elamite. The language is dead though. They need someone to translate it. Sam jumps right to research! SWOON. Dean is literally saved by the bell when his phone rings. It’s Cas. 

He’s got a case, but he’s busy dealing with “The Big O Slush”. I SEE YOU SET DESIGN. Dean asks Cas how they want to do this, and Cas spills his slurpee everywhere.

Then he hangs up on Dean.

Dean takes off with barely a goodbye to Kevin and Sam. He doesn’t like research anyway.

Back in Rexford, Cas is busy trying to fix his halo. BRB, weeping.

Nora confronts him with a toothbrush and sleeping bag in the back of the store. Yeah, Steve pretends that he’s not living at the Gas ‘n Sip and tells Nora he’s been staying to work on inventory. MY HEART. “I wanted to be thorough with inventory, so I worked late last week, and taking a nap here was easier than going back home to my bed. Which I-I have, of course – a bed...and a home.” MY HEART.

File in Pain Library:

And now a story told two ways.

First time viewer Boris:

Nora asks Steve out on a date.

Subsequent viewer Boris:

I’m a monster to think she was asking her very responsible (but attractive!) subordinate employee out on a date. She’s asking this nice, responsible, gay man she trusts implicitly to babysit her child so she can go on a date!

Nora, dense humans and former angels do not understand subtle human conversation. (God, I’ve never identified more with Cas than when watching this scene.) Spell. It. Out. For. Him. Poor Cas doesn’t get it, and just wants to be human SO bad. He takes it as an invite for a date and accepts. Yay! Honest to God, before this moment, I very much doubt Cas has even thought about Nora as someone to have romantic feelings for.

Dean, meanwhile, shows up at the cold open crime scene. The sheriff shows him around the pink goo, all the while mentioning the other victims and how sad they all were.

He then checks in with Sam and Kevin, ALL THE WHILE STARING AT CAS WORKING AT THE GAS ‘N SIP. Like, holy hell, dude. I know you have a lot of angst for kicking him out of your home because you have a lot of angst for allowing an angel to possess your brother, but take it down a notch (please don’t).  Dean suggests they ask Crowley (currently chained up in their dungeon) to help with the translations. Dean tells Sam about the case and Sam wonders if he should be there. Dean stutters his way through a shut down.

Cue Dean’s Theme Music, all weepy and melodic.

That boy is pining something bad. (Yeah, sorry, I just can’t read this episode any other way. Dean misses Cas, and Cas misses Dean. And Cas is pissed that Dean kicked him out of the bunker, but is so happy to see Dean, but so sad about being human. And there’s angst and a case to solve and fan fic gaps and trope after trope of goodness. SIGH.)

Cut to a very upset girl talking to her friend on her cell. Her boyfriend just broke up with her in front of everyone. She’s upset enough to admit to her friend, hyperbolically, “I could just die.” The man from the cold open appears and says, “I can help with that.” And turns her into a spray of pink goo.  

At the Gas ‘n Sip, Steve is hard at work.

Dean arrives, asking for “some beef jerky and a pack of menthols.” (Is this canon that Dean smokes? Ugh. I hope he’s just being a doofus here.) Dean over compensates for his dickish move of kicking Cas out of the bunker (by being more of a dick and insulting Cas’s chosen career.). Cas acts like a jilted lover. Cas tells Dean, “When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing.” CRYING NOISE. Ya know, even without his powers, he had a home, and family and then he was kicked out of that as well. Now he’s making his way on his own. He’s SO proud of himself.

At the bunker, Sam asks Crowley for a translation. He refuses. Sam accuses Abaddon of being scarier than Crowley, so Crowley crumples up a piece of paper to show Sam who’s really boss. Lol.

Dean continues to push Cas to help him on the hunt.

Cas is having none of it. He’s got to stock the shelves, and clean up the mess a patron left in the bathroom (blarf, just bail Cas, it’s not worth it.) (Sidenote: Cas mentioning how he failed at being an angel, ugh. I’m so glad for his self-worth arc in season 13.)

Nora’s interruption about the bathroom cleanup is so interesting. She confirms their “date” in front of Dean, but she doesn’t even ask who he is and why he’s been hanging out with Steve this whole time. Second viewing Boris’s MIND IS BLOWN. She doesn’t need an introduction because she (thinks she) knows exactly who he is. She confirms the evening’s plans because there’s nothing to hide when just confirming her babysitter for the night.

Dean shows his jealousy over Cas’s “date”, but he gets a call that there’s been another death. Cas reluctantly agrees to come along, but not before cleaning the bathroom. Lol.

At the scene of the crime, a very professionally dressed FBI and Steve the Gas ‘n Sip attendant arrive to investigate. While Cas looks on in shock and horror, Dean interviews the girl’s friend on the other end of the phone. “'Kind of bummed'?” “Like more bummed than when she got a "C" on a quiz, and... less bummed than when her parents split up. 'Kind of ... bummed.'” Lolol. Dean then looks for Cas and can’t find him. ALERT THE POLICE. Oh, he was just leaning against the Impala.

For Science:

Cas knows exactly what happened here.

For Science:

It seems that this is the work of the Rit Zien, a special angel that killed other angels past saving in Heaven. That’s their job. Seek out the pain filled angels and kill them. Only now on Earth, they can’t distinguish between real pain and normal human emotions.

Sidenote, I just paused my video and thought you would also like the view:

Dean insists they have to stop the rogue angel. Cas doesn’t think he’ll be any help. Dean doesn’t agree but accepts Cas’s wish to not get involved. He tells him to go on the date with Nora. But first, Cas needs a ride.

*Fan Fiction Gap #1*

While Cas is off living his normal life YAAAS QUEEN LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE, Sam confronts Crowley. Crowley offers to translate the Elamite as long as he gets a phone call. Kevin tries to convince Sam that this is a no good, very bad idea but they move forward anyway. Honestly, if Kevin were in charge this would be a much more boring show – but also with at least a couple fewer apocalypses.

Back with the Dean & Cas romcom, Dean drops Cas off at his date, then notices his unfortunate attire. (Somehow it's dark now? Did they go get some food?) He convinces Cas to take off his Gas 'n' Sip best and undo a button on his collar. (Boris: Tony Manero. Lol. No words. Just links. I mean, John Badham started directing Supernatural in season 9. Pfft. And “I can’t let you do this.” Really Dean? And that once over? Really Dean?) This is all fine and I'm not reading into this AT ALL.

Dean gives Cas his fifty cent guide to wooing women and sends him off on his date. All squealing innuendo aside, this is an incredibly sweet and sad moment. Dean has a tendency to try to save people from the hunting life. Sending Cas off on his date is more than just bro-bonding. It's Dean's way of protecting human Castiel. May he live far from the wars of Heaven, in the company of someone normal. (Boris: He wants Cas to succeed and be happy in the world--it’s just sad that he doesn’t recognize that Cas is happiest around him.)

Cas, that Casanova, snips a rose and waves Dean away so he can make his move. (Boris: Does Dean really watch his Disney Princess friend prick his finger on a rose thorn?) Unfortunately, once Cas gets inside he finds out that he's been asked over to babysit while his boss heads out on a date. Cas sulkily buttons up his collar again.

Crowley meets with Sam and Kevin, and demands Kevin's blood in exchange for the information. He then proceeds to have an embarrassingly bureaucratic exchange with Hell's switchboard as he waits to be connected with Abaddon.

Meanwhile, Castiel's surprise babysitting gig is going super awesome. And by “super awesome” I mean terrible because baby Tanya starts to cry uncontrollably. Cas picks her up and snuggles her as he sings Joey Scarbury's “Believe it or not” - the theme song for the The Greatest American Hero. (Boris: Ah, at some point during his many channel surfing moments Cas stumbled upon --or Dean showed him--The Greatest American Hero, and I kind of want to curl up into a ball for Cas right now. He’s thinking about that magical suit, about how it could make him fly again and give him his super strength back.) Reader, you may be pleased to know that while Cas can do many things, he cannot sing. It does briefly assuage baby Tanya and he tries to set her down. Tanya's not having any of that shit and starts crying immediately.

Dean gets a call from the Sheriff on one of the crime scenes. It turns out the wife died, but the husband is still out running around somewhere.

Cas has a heart to heart with Tanya. “Nobody told you. Nobody explained. You're just shoved out kicking and screaming into this human without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels. Or why this confusion which feels like it's a hair's breadth from terror or pain. You know, just when you think you do understand it'll turn out that you're wrong. You didn't understand anything at all.” Cas notices that Tanya's a bit feverish.

At the police station, Dean goes over the missing man's case file and finds a picture of the annoying truck which tried to park him in outside of Cas's babysitting gig. He races off.

Cas opens the door to bring feverish Tanya to the hospital and sees the missing man. It's Ephram, an angel. Ephram tells Cas that he's come to wash the planet clean of suffering and he's at baby Tanya's house to...take care of Cas. Oh, Cas! (Boris: Cas is suffering as a human so much that the Rit Zien wants to kill him. Don’t touch me.)

In the comic relief portion of the episode, Crowley's still on hold with Hell (and Sam is getting antsy). Abaddon finally connects to Crowley, blood bubbling on the tabletop.

At the house, Cas grabs the rose from his failed wooing attempt and bloodies up his palm while Ephram monologues about how Castiel's pain allowed him to find him. “Earth can be a hard place but these humans, they can do better. They're just doing the best they can.” Ephram is entirely unimpressed by this argument. He used to admire Cas but now Cas is playing such a small game as to be essentially unnoticed on the scale of Heaven. While Ephram smugly talks about Cas, Castiel tries to draw an angel banishing sigil on the double doors. Ephram catches him and breaks his wrist.

Abaddon tells Crowley she's taking souls early, destroying Crowley's contracts. Crowley's getting pissed. He chews her out about her method of controlling Hell and she tells him that she's dismantling everything. When the phone call ends, Crowley demands the translations. “I keep my agreements,” he says, still nettled by Abaddon's destruction of his carefully crafted soul agreements. He reads it and finds that the spell Metatron did was irreversible. Angels running around Earth is the new world order.

Ephram asks Cas if he intends to live as an angel or a man? Speaking of men, Dean barrels into the house, angel blade at the ready, only to get chucked across the room.

Ephram starts to super zap Castiel when Dean slides his angel blade over to Cas, who kills Ephram with one quick strike.

Later, Cas leaves Nora’s house (with everything put to rights, body disposed of, and Tylenol administered for Tanya's fever) and Nora tells him that, the part of him “that cares so much. That's what makes [him] special.” TRUTH. (Boris: Nora’s continued appreciation of Steve warms me to no end.)

Sam's cleaning up from the phone call when he notices that a syringe is missing. He walks in to find Crowley injecting himself with human blood...

The next morning (cough fan fiction gap cough) Dean drops Cas off at the Gas 'n Sip. He apologies for telling Cas to leave, but that he's proud of what Cas has done with his life.

Cas worries, thinking he should help the angels. “You're human now. It's not your problem anymore.” (Boris: Dean’s speech at the end of this episode is kind of like the first part in a trilogy. He continues it in 11x23, and well, the final part has yet to be seen. He’s proud of Cas. He’s family. He’s like a brother. He means more to Dean that he’s able to voice. I hate you show.) 

Cas heads inside to open up the store, turning to a news story that talks about the massive meteor fall – a.k.a. the angels falling. He stares outside contemplatively.

What are quotes? Baby don’t quote me, don’t quote me no more:

Oh, well, hello to you too, Cas.

You're not like the other sales associates.

We're not keeping him chained up for the one liners.

This is Cas, in case you forgot, he’s not exactly Chatty Cathy.

You’re special.

Good day, ma’am, and good luck!

Wow. So you went from fighting … heavenly battles to nuking taquitos?

You’re the best.

And you’re a hunter in training, remember?

But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[agentelmo]

The X-Files MSR Analysis Series: Season 1 Episode 12

“Fire”

Previous episode analysis - 1x11 Eve.

Oh Fire, what an episode.  The first time we see Mulder actively pursue a woman and it’s not Scully.  WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY.

It’s okay though, because it turns out Mulder’s ex -- Phoebe Green -- is a real piece of work, making it quite easy to dislike her, which is handy because I think that’s the point.

There are two MSR angles here.  The first is how Scully is really there for Mulder as a friend.  She sees he is vulnerable and is protective of him; she is caring and reassuring even when Mulder seemingly dismisses Scully in pursuit of that British poontang.  The beauty of their blossoming platonic bond really shines through in this episode.

The second angle is that Mulder has exactly what he desires right in front of him, but doesn’t see it.  Phoebe is a tantalising reminder of a lifestyle he’s given up -- having a woman in his life -- someone to love and care for who loves him back.  But everything that he desires in Phoebe is already there in the form of Scully.  The issue is that Mulder doesn’t allow himself to see her as anything more than his  partner, his friend, and so doesn’t recognise that he has this incredible woman right under his nose already.  

With this in mind, there are parts of Fire that almost play out like a stereotypical romcom.  The male protagonist with the amazing female best friend who is perfect for him but he just continues to pursue terrible women, all while the best friend looks on from the sidelines, picking up the pieces, supporting him.  Until one day... *cough* seven years later... *cough*

So since this is an MSR review series, I tend to start with Mulder and Scully, not the cold opening.  But I have to comment on this, being English myself.  

What were they thinking?  It’s actually kind of painful seeing these frankly horrendous actors talk in exaggeratedly hoity-toity English accents.

Tally ho, pip pip, cheerio!  

Did you feel that?  It was the collective eye roll of the entire population of Ireland.

If this gets any worse we’ll be giving Dick Van Dyke a run for his money.  But hey, thankfully we’re not here long since Lord Moneybags McPoshface goes up in smoke.  

Now we’re off to see our favourite FBI star-crossed lovers. Muldo and Scullywag!

So this episode confirms that Mulder and Scully do have other cases between episodes that we just don’t see.  Fertile ground for the old fanfic writers, amirite?

In fact, it’s reconfirmed again in the season 10 episode, Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster, where Mulder recounts how one time the two of them went on a case looking for a “rock-like creature”...

Only to discover it was a publicity stunt by a local landscaping business. 

Yeah, I don’t remember that episode.

Makes me wonder who were they prosecuting in Fire?  What case was this?!  What cute MSR moments are we not getting to see?!

So we start with these two coming out of a hard day at court, Mulder jokes with Scully about the case.

Epic bants, Mulder.  You slay me.  And Scully too, apparently!  She’s fucking giggling.  GIGGLING.

Look at how cute they are.  Having fun and enjoying each other’s company so effortlessly.  There’s no guile about it, they are just comfortable being themselves.

Is it weird that I just feel happy seeing Mulder have a friend?  He’s actually a pretty sweet, charming guy when he lets that side of himself out.  Few people gave him the chance, and after so many years of being labelled “Spooky”, combined with some clear trust issues, he rarely gives anyone else a chance either.  

Until Scully, of course.

Mulder relaxed and just having fun with Scully is my jam, fam.  She laughs at his joke and he laughs at hers.

Just get fucking married, already.

Sadly, all marriage plans must be put on hold since some British bint arrives and ruins everyone’s day.

This “practical joke” Phoebe plays with the cassette tape gives some possible insight into the kind of relationship she and Mulder had when he was at Oxford.

She appears to enjoy toying with the emotions of others and then makes light of the consequences.  I mean, here she makes Mulder and Scully believe they were about to be killed by a car bomb, but then makes no apology for it.  Especially to Scully, someone she doesn’t know from Adam.  

Mulder, clearly accustomed to her torment, doesn’t even bother to chide her for the prank, despite clearly scaring the shit out of Scully.   I think he knows it’s easier to just play along.

Nicolas Cage, is that you?

Phoebe seems like the type who would say things like “it was only a joke” or “what’s the big deal?” or “stop being so over-sensitive” etc.  The kind of gaslighting cunt that makes people crazy in an intimate relationship.

What’s interesting about these two is that it’s apparently been 10 years since they last saw each other, but Mulder wastes no time dredging up their romantic history like no time has passed at all.  Making it abundantly clear that 1. Mulder isn’t entirely over Phoebe, and 2. he’s still resentful towards her for whatever it was she did to him in their relationship -- more on that later.

So spinning off on a tangent for a moment here... This all throws some serious shade on Mulder’s relationship with Diana Fowley.  You would think that whatever left over resentments or lingering feelings he had towards Phoebe would have been resolved or at least faded in the wake of a new long term relationship with another woman.  Mulder later says in this episode that he has spent the last 10 years trying to forget Phoebe -- it’s within those 10 years that he had a relationship with Diana.  

This would place Mulder at Oxford in approximately 1983.  He met and started dating Diana when he left Quantico which was three years later in 1986.  We don’t know when their relationship ended, but let’s assume it was when she fucked off to Europe to work for the Syndicate in 1991.  So, he was in a relationship with Diana for approximately five years and in all that time he still harboured feelings for Phoebe.  Wow.  It’s strange to think, that 100% canonically Mulder wasn’t over Phoebe when he was with Diana.  Perhaps Phoebe was his first love?

I mean, it’s possible -- he was very young then.  It would certainly explain why he doesn’t ever romantically pursue Diana when she returns, even though he could have, and she was certainly interested.  Perhaps his feelings for Diana weren’t quite what we’re led to believe?  Or perhaps it’s simply that his growing feelings for Scully just made things too complicated.  Personally, I blame Amor Fati for muddying the waters on that one.

Aaaaaaanyway, back to Fire.

I love Scully’s face when Phoebe feeds Mulder this cheese-tastic line.

She’s clearly uncomfortable witnessing this, most likely feeling somewhat of an awkward third wheel.  Not to mention a little put out -- dat’s my man biyotch!

I jest, but I wonder if there is some truth to the idea that she felt special to Mulder because he is a loner.  This man who doesn’t let anyone get close chose her to open up to.  Yet she’s now realising that wasn’t always true, and perhaps her connection to him isn’t as special as first thought?  I mean look at her face, she clearly does not like this.

The dynamic between these two women is intriguing too.  Phoebe clearly makes Scully uncomfortable.  Firstly, Phoebe never acknowledges Scully’s presence; only greeting her when forced to by Mulder’s introduction.  

To play this joke on the two of them, Phoebe had to have been watching them approach the car and no doubt overheard their conversation -- noting their close relationship.  Seemingly she’s already sized Scully up as rival for Mulder’s attention -- someone to undermine -- and so expertly removes her from every interaction the three of them have by outright ignoring her.

It almost works too, Mulder is clearly enthralled with Phoebe, gazing at her the whole time in this dreamy way, but as soon as Phoebe says this: 

It breaks Mulder out of her spell almost instantly -- he even physically pushes her back.

Talking shit about Scully is the point at which Mulder will no longer play along.

There’s some interesting symbolism in this scene with the camera work too.  Where Phoebe and Mulder are always in frame together, and Scully is separate -- the camera reflecting how Phoebe’s relationship to Mulder re-positions Scully as the outsider.  

So before we move on, I gotta share the amazing eye fucking that is going on during the cassette tape scene in the car.

That second picture looks like it should be captioned “find someone who looks at you the way Mulder looks at Scully.”  I mean, geez man.  His face is a weapon of mass seduction.  He really should have a licence for that thing.

Next we’re in basement HQ and Scully notices straight away that something is up with Mulder.

She keeps eyeing him as he is clearly becoming more and more uncomfortable.  But why might that be?  On first viewing you could be forgiven for thinking Mulder is just getting hot under the collar -- pardon the pun -- chatting away with his old flame.  Pardon that pun too.  Potentially this is what Scully assumes as well, but we know with hindsight that it’s because he’s listening to Phoebe ream off the details of how her suspect likes to burn people alive. 

Phoebe maintains her campaign of exclusion.  Trying to undermine Scully by completely ignoring her, and then throwing out a reference to a “private joke” she shares with Mulder -- drawing a clear barrier between the two of them and Scully.  She’s making it clear that she’s talking to Mulder and only Mulder.

As Phoebe leaves, having never once glanced in Scully’s direction, she suddenly says goodbye to her, treating her as an afterthought to emphasise that Scully is neither needed or wanted.

Seriously, dis bitch man.  Scully is onto you.

As Phoebe tries to erect barriers, Scully immediately kicks them back down again as she straight up asks Mulder what’s this private joke is.

That’s my girl.

Mulder concedes, but you can tell he is embarrassed.  I love that you can see the exact moment he decides to just tell her the truth.

Up until this point Mulder has kept his private life quite guarded, even from Scully.  For all the world to see, he is a man entirely about his quest.  Revealing to Scully that he has the same frailties as any other man -- falling in love with the wrong woman, for example -- is making himself vulnerable to her too.  The fact that doesn’t stop him is a testament to their relationship at this point, to how much he trusts and respects Scully.  He feels safe with her.

Only living for his quest is how Scully saw Mulder too, so to see that he can be consumed by something other than the X-Files -- be made vulnerable by a woman -- is surprising to her.  She’s seeing another side to him.

When Mulder starts to deny he’s affected by Phoebe now, Scully takes the opportunity to dig him out a lil’ bit.  Of course she’s gonna call him out on his bullshit.  That’s what friends do.

What’s striking about this exchange though is that shes not jealous.  She’s amused.  Shes truly playing the role of his best friend, looking out for him rather than being the best friend secretly in love with him -- which she totally is by the end of season 1.  What?  Fight me.

That switch Scully talks about in season 6′s Rain King?  It’s not been flicked quite yet.  She still only sees him as a friend, someone she cares about deeply, but she’s not at “the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” point.  Not quite yet.

Guys.  Did Scully just make a dick joke?  Like, not just any dick joke... but an erection joke?  And, and... not just any erection joke, but Mulder’s erection joke?

Wut.

Also what the heck is that voice she puts on? “Is that what you were extending?”  She is so cute when she’s teasing him.  UGH!

Now this is where I see some of the romcom-y aspects of the episode come in.  Mulder is honest, open and unguarded with Scully -- playful, even.  He’s being his usual self again.  This cool, controlled act he seems to don when Phoebe is around is completely shed and they banter away again like they did moments before Phoebe arrived.  Basically, with Phoebe, he knows revealing weakness is danger, whereas with Scully he can let his weaknesses show.  

Dude... the perfect woman for you is right there.   RIGHT THERE! OMG.

Unfortunately, this could then mean something negative for the MSR, at least here and now in season 1.  That perhaps Mulder doesn’t even allow himself to see Scully as a “woman” i.e. as a sexual being.  Thus she is safe to bare his soul to, she’s his friend and partner only -- a non-threat.

But I suspect that’s actually what Mulder needs.  To see Scully this way first.  A friend and equal first and a lover second.  Even when they are finally together I believe this is how they continue to see each other.  

Entering into a romantic relationship with Scully then, would be the ultimate statement of self-healing for Mulder.  That he can find love with a nurturing, caring, loving woman rather than an emotionally damaging one.  Let’s stick a pin in that thought, we’ll come back to that.

So Mulder and Phoebe go down to the arson specialist, Agent Beatty, and he proceeds to slather all over Phoebe.  He’s being quite gross and creepy, actually.  Almost makes me feel sorry for her.  

Yeah... Almost.   

Thing is, she knows the power she wields over men and uses it against them.  More power to her when the men in question are like this guy.  But Mulder?  She’s basically kicking a puppy.

It always bothered me how OTT Agent Beatty is with Phoebe.  Is it the British thing?  I am not the kind of woman to tear another woman down about her looks -- Phoebe is beautiful -- but the guy is falling over himself.  Is that really warranted?  It’s gotta be the accent.  I don’t get it, but then I am British too so, yeah, it’s like being Superman on Krypton.  Big deal.  We all have the super powers so it’s hardly special, ya know?   😂😂

All while this is going on, Scully is there but unsure where her place is.  Phoebe’s exclusion tactics clearly working their magic, because it seems Scully is starting to feel a bit insecure about where she fits into this new three-way dynamic.  She’s no longer sure if her place is alongside Mulder, so she just loiters in the doorway.  

The camera focuses on her a couple times and at first she’s just listening in. But then she seems to crane her head around to look at Mulder; possibly noticing that there’s something up with him?

Remember, this is happening before Mulder has told Scully he doesn’t want her on the case.  So there’s something quite sad about this.  Scully standing alone in the doorway, unsure of her place.

Sir Malcolm Marsden’s dog is named Jackson.  Really, Chris?  Really?

I think Chris Carter has a very short list of names that he must use again and again otherwise anything he writes will simply spontaneously combust.

Now this next scene is probably one of my favourites in the entire episode, because as insecure about her position in all of this Scully seems to be feeling, she isn’t one to be so easily pushed aside.  So she appropriates the three pipe problem “private joke” from earlier, and completely hijacks it’s meaning to make it their private joke.

She is the Watson to his Sherlock, and Phoebe?  Phoebe is Moriarty -- “mind game player extraordinaire” as Mulder describes her, a foe who likes to play at being a friend and who is decidedly the true outsider of this three-way dynamic.

Not to mention, Mulder truly is the Sherlock to her Watson too.  He is the ideas man, the guy who is so completely in his own head that he sometimes fails to grasp the human element.  I mean, how many times throughout the series do we see Mulder eff things up by not dealing with people very well, necessitating Scully to step in?  

In fact, you don’t have to go very far to find the last instance of it.  In the previous episode, Eve, Mulder has to be rescued by Scully when dealing with one of the murder twins parents.  In many ways, Scully is his connection to the outside world.  His human credential, as David Duchovny once so poetically put it.  In the same way Watson is Sherlock’s.

So Mulder tells Scully she’s off the hook on this case because he believes Phoebe is playing a mind game with him, a practice of hers he seems acutely familiar with.

Scully concernedly eyeing up Mulder all episode is suddenly vindicated.  He is clearly distressed and Scully switches tack.  She goes from teasing to protective.

That worried look on her face, the way she leans forward, searchingly.  She’s seeing how unnerved he is and she can tell he’s upset.  She is truly his best friend in this moment.  She doesn’t judge, doesn’t criticise -- she just hears him out.

Mulder has already confided that he “got in over his head” with Phoebe, and so now all past questions about whether Mulder truly trusts Scully seem to fall away here, because he’s now freely baring his soul to her.  The flood gates are open.

Phoebe is fire.  Wow.  She terrifies him.  But there is a double meaning here.  Not only is she like fire in that she represents a painful memory that laid the way for emotional trauma, but she’s like fire in the way that draws a moth to its flame.  Mulder being said moth.

She’s dangerous, but he’s attracted to that danger.  Something about Phoebe pulls him in, almost against his will.  He walks out of the office determined to face his demons, but ultimately ends up willingly ensnared in Phoebe’s web, yet again.

Unfortunately it seems Mulder is drawn to the leggy, brunette, femme fatale type.  I mean, look at Diana.  Perhaps this is why he doesn’t look at Scully that way for such a long time, she’s not the kind of woman he would ordinarily go for.  Not in just looks, but in the element of danger.  In the same way some women are attracted to the bad boys, perhaps Mulder is attracted to the bad girls.  Women who emotionally mistreat him.  It would certainly align with the idea that we seek out unresolved past traumas in intimate relationships, doomed to relive them.  Perhaps Mulder has mommy issues.  I know that’s certainly a popular fanon concept.

Ultimately what it comes down to is trust.  Mulder’s trust in others was probably damaged considerably by Phoebe.

Think about the circumstances under which he met her.  He’s left his home; left his country; gone to college as far away from his old life and miserable, divorced parents as he could get.  He’s looking for a fresh start, a way to leave the past behind.  Running all the way to England is one way to do it.  There he meets Phoebe.  This brilliant, beautiful woman who takes an interest in him -- wants him.  

Desperate for comfort, for love, for understanding, he lets her in.  I think he lets her in so completely that she knows everything -- his darkest childhood fears, his secrets.  Probably knows all about his sister too.  I think he gave everything to her and she lit the fire and watched him go up in smoke. 

Phoebe is fire.

Scully, bless her, now feeling quite protective over puppy, seeing how vulnerable he is to Phoebe, offers to help on the case.  But Mulder declines, believing he can handle it himself.

Yeah good plan, Fido.  Let’s see how that goes.

I’m just sayin’.

Now there’s some strong suggestions made about what might have happened between Mulder and Phoebe when they were at Oxford.

Phoebe compliments Mulder on his interview technique, and how he managed to persuade the witness to cooperate after she had confessed to lying to her partner about where she was the night before.

To which he quips back...

So the suggestion being made here, is that she had one or two indiscretions of her own during their relationship.  Namely, that she cheated on him.  If we think of how this episode ultimately ends, it’s a pretty safe bet.  The look on his face when he sees her in Lord Marsden’s arms is the look of a man who has been there before, and is not even surprised.  Almost like he had been waiting for this all along.

So I think it’s fairly certain she cheated, probably several times.  From the sounds of it he forgave her and took her back every time and was probably a push over about it.  Firm but polite.

And you know what?  I can absolutely see Mulder being like that.  As mentioned before, Phoebe was probably the first woman he opened up to emotionally.  So severing that bond would have been a huge loss, leaving him incredibly vulnerable to emotional abuse -- he would have forgiven her anything if it meant holding onto her.  

My impression of Mulder is that through all his bravado he feels very deeply and so, when he does let people in, he can be very easily hurt.

His behaviour much later in I Want To Believe demonstrates that quite well.  Mulder is clearly very hurt by Scully’s suggestion that she won’t come home if he continues working the case.  He sees this as a rejection of the person he is -- “...this is everything I know, this is who I was before I met you...” etc etc.

Later when he goes to see Father Joe at the hospital Scully comes across him first, she grasps his hand but you can see he’s not comfortable with it -- he feels vulnerable around her, she’s essentially broken his heart and he’s doing his best to bury that and keep focused on the case.  She hurt him and his walls are up.  He takes his hand away again, and can barely even look at her.

When she can see he’s avoiding her, trying to run away, she calls out to him.  Tells him that she does understand this stubborn, passionate, drive of his -- that it’s the reason she fell in love with him in the first place.

But he is still too hurt to be understanding.  He’s defensive, and saying something he no doubt regrets later.  He’s let her in, deeper and more completely than anyone has ever been, so for her to reject him this way isn’t just a disagreement he can work out later, it cuts him very deeply.

Bare in mind, this is in 2008.  So you can imagine how much more fragile and vulnerable he was where love and women are concerned back in his Oxford days in the 80′s.

Anyway back to Phoebe…

Mulder’s sharp comment clearly strikes a nerve with her, and she chews him out for holding onto what happened 10 years ago.  Mulder then infamously says...

So who wants to bet that he might have walked in on Phoebe with another guy?

Remember how Mulder later catches Phoebe with Sir Marsden?  I suspect there’s a mirroring of the past in the present.  You gotta feel for Mulder, though.  It’d be difficult to let go of something you can never unsee with the passage of time to dull the memory.

Not to mention other memories that can’t be dulled; like that one time they fucked in a graveyard, apparently..  Oh good times, good times.

Soooo... Mulder fucked Phoebe on a tombstone?  Yikes.  That’s simultaneously creepy as fuck and so Mulder all at once.

Also, with a bit of Google-foo I discovered that there is no grave for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in Windlesham.  He was originally buried there in a rose garden, but was exhumed and re-interred in Hampshire in 1955 – as far as I can tell, there is nothing left at the original Windlesham grave site.  1955 is long before Mulder and Phoebe would have been there.  So… yeah.  Whoever’s tombstone they were fucking on, it wasn’t sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s.

Perhaps there’s a metaphor for their relationship in that.  A complete lie?  A huge error in judgement?  That which appeared to be something it wasn’t?  You could go on forever.

Dana, babe... you need to get a freakin’ light bulb up in that office.  No wonder the two of you wear glasses -- that poor lighting is not doing your eyesight any favours.

Next we see that Scully -- despite Mulder’s insistence that she not get involved -- has decided to help him anyway.   

There are two reasons for this. First, she’s feeling insecure, she’s been dismissed by Phoebe and, to a lesser extent, Mulder too.  The two of them are still feeling each other out and defining the parameters of their working relationship, so I think there is a part of her that seeks some kind of approval from Mulder.  She is determined to assert her worth.  She’s worked with him long enough to know he can use her help; but I think a part of her wants to prove to Mulder that she can’t be so easily replaced as his partner.

The second reason is simply because she’s feeling protective over him after hearing about his history with Phoebe.  She can see he’s vulnerable and it concerns her -- she’s never seen him like that before, and she’s quick to fly into protective mode when she feels he’s in harms way.

What I love is that Scully proves her worth with flying colours.  Coming up with a stellar profile which pegs the guy perfectly.

Seriously, who is the profiler between these two?  Seems the majority of the profiling we’ve seen thus far has come from Scully.

She has the presence of mind to check immigration records for British citizens with a connection to the Marsden’s or previous victims that have recently come into the United States.

She also correctly analyses which accelerant he is likely using.

 As well as how he uses it.

Cough syrup?

Paint?

She does all this work without a sniff of help from Mulder or Phoebe.  They’re too busy fawning over each other and planning a little fuck buddy interlude at a swanky hotel.

All the while Scully is getting the job done.

She is forever the MVP of the series.  Seriously, Mulder and Phoebe would have been up fudge creek without a paddle if she wasn’t working the case.

The next scene with Mulder and Phoebe seems to lay the foundation for why Mulder finds himself being drawn back into Phoebe’s thrall.  

He shares his theory with her that the arsonist has some kind of pyrokinetic ability and Phoebe agrees without batting an eyelid.  Mulder laughs at her because he’s quite taken aback by this.  He’s more used to Scully who would have challenged him -- grounded him -- and got him to think of how what he’s suggesting could be scientifically possible.

Without that challenge, Mulder doesn’t even consider how the killer is doing it beyond “he did it with his magic fire!”  Thus missing the significance what Scully is investigating -- the accelerant.

Mulder has a bit of an issue with confirmation bias, so as soon as he gets even the slightest inkling of some kind of paranormal goings on, he will straight away gravitate towards avenues of investigation that prove his theory.  People agreeing with him plays into his egomania – having this beautiful, “brilliant”, woman agreeing with him is gonna get his “juices flowing” too.  But it also blindsides him -- this is a man that needs to be challenged.

While investigating apart on this case, they are coming at it from their own unique point of view, but both are missing a significant piece of the puzzle that they fill for each other.  If Mulder hadn’t ditched Scully they would have arrived at the complete answer by now.  That the killer cannot control fire, he does not have pyrokinesis necessarily, but he does have the unique ability to ignite fires if a powerful enough accelerant is present.  

In Fire, Mulder hasn’t fully recognised it yet, but this is the unique and beautiful dynamic that makes them perfect partners.  As he later says in season 11′s Nothing Lasts Forever -- they are reason and faith in harmony.  It’s been their magic formula from the very beginning.

Unfortunately their harmony is being stifled.  Mulder is distracted by Phoebe -- her agreement has flattered him, stroked his ego, and with that she goes in for the kill -- easily seducing him with an offer of spending the night together. 

It’s bittersweet to go back and watch this episode now; seeing Mulder pass Scully over in hopes of bedding Phoebe, knowing what we know now; what Mulder will come to realise.  That the woman who is perfect for him is the one that’s always right next to him. 

Ah the folly of youth, eh?

Oh Mulder...

He’s such a pathetic puppy.  The idea of getting laid gets him all giddy.

I think what you can take away from this, is how over the fucking moon he would have been in All Things when Scully comes to his bed.  I mean, can you imagine? 😂😂

Theeeeen it’s awkward-conversation-with-Scully time.  Mulder is clearly not focused on the case at this point, he is far more invested in getting his head away than catching this arsonist because Scully is there saying hey, I might know who this guy is, and he’s like, “yeeeeeeeah, that’s nice, but this is not a good time for me soooo...”

I mean, wtf Mulder!  Sir Marsden’s family is at risk, he has a wife and children.  People have been burnt to death by this guy and you’re all nah, sorry Scully I haven’t got time to solve the case, I am kinda busy right now trying to get laid.

Fuck. Me.  What a douche nozzle.

Look at Scully’s face at the end of the phone conversation.  She’s not liking this new side of Mulder at all.  She keeps pushing against his obvious resistance because she believes he’s ditching her in favour of Phoebe.  Her insecurity is more palpable here -- but this isn’t necessarily romantically driven.  I think she’s feeling insecure as his partner; like she’s being replaced.  Whereas Mulder just wants to fuck Phoebe; working with her is actually beside the point.  Poor Scully.

Then it’s the scene you’ve all been dreading!  Yep, it’s the dance/kiss scene.

So it starts with Mulder milling around the hotel lobby waiting for Phoebe to arrive, but she ignores him and walks straight by.  Mulder was clearly thinking they will be spending the evening together as well as the evening together, if you catch my drift.

It suggests that Mulder was actually interested in rekindling their relationship -- he was planning on a romantic evening with Phoebe  I mean, look at what he’s wearing.  He’s “undercover” but he could have gone as a bodyguard to one of the other guests, or as a member of staff to give him more freedom to move around without raising suspicion.  But no, he’s dressed to attend the party, not to stand guard dog outside of it.

He wanted to dress up for her.  I don’t think he was just in it for a one night stand.  He loved Phoebe once, and I think if she didn’t fuck him over later in this episode, he was in very real danger of falling in love with her again -- her betrayal pulled him back from that precipice.

Let’s not think about that too much.

He looks vaguely pathetic standing in the hallway, desperately waiting for Phoebe to throw him a bone.  

Phoebe, of course, wouldn’t want Mulder and Sir Marsden in the same room together since she’s playing both of them.  Yet, despite the fact she’s ditched him the entire evening, with just the tiniest scrap of attention, he’s eating out of her palm again.   

She truly does have a power over him.  For some reason he is enthralled by her, and it seems to be related not just to her beauty, but her intelligence, her “brilliance” as he called it.

But you know who else fits that criteria?  Yeah, not even gonna say it.

Scully is genius-level brilliant.  It’s a very rare occurrence when she’s not the smartest person in the room.  She was perhaps less conventionally attractive for the 90′s. She has a 1950′s Lauren Bacall-esque screen goddess look to her, especially in seasons 1-3.

Which is my only explanation for why people fall all over themselves when Phoebe is on screen but seemingly fail to notice Scully at all.  Oh that, and...

So back to this dagger-through-the-heart scene... Phoebe uses sex to lure Mulder in several times in the episode, and it happens again during this scene.

Scully arrives in time to see them start dancing and is more irritated, or fed up, than jealous.  She’s arrived at entirely the wrong moment and now she has to wait.

This episode does then establish that Scully wasn’t in love with Mulder this early on.  Attracted to him sure – but not so attached that she would be jealous of him with another woman.  We know exactly what that looks like for Scully, and when that woman is jealous she is completely incapable of hiding it.

As much shit as they’ve been through together at this point, it has still only been a matter of months since they met.

Although I think she does experience a bit of a sting when she sees them kissing – rolling her eyes at him.  This wasn’t what she came up here for.

She’s there to work, to focus on the-- wait....  WAIT.  WAIT.

Is that butt groping I see, Mulder?!

It fucking is!

That horny, sex-starved, puppy is just gagging for it!  GAGGING.

Fuck.  Seriously, in All Things I think he must have all but attacked Scully.

ANYWAY.

Scully is there to work, to focus on the case, while Mulder... well... 

Mulder is distracted by a handful of ass cheek and a tongue down his throat, it seems.  

It might be crossing her mind that she had decided to forego her own love life to work with him on the X-FIles back in The Jersey Devil.  She’d berated him for not having a life, and yet, here he is.  A taste of her own medicine, perhaps?  Let’s not forget, Mulder had a similar scene waiting for Scully as she went on a date, staring at the clock looking miserable.  

I suspect she’s probably also wondering what the hell happened to trying to avoid getting ensnared in the flames of Phoebe Green??

Scully then stops dead in her tracks as she sees Creeper McCreeperson hiding in the foliage.

But she doesn’t get the chance to think about that for too long before she spots that there is a fire on the 14th floor.  She rushes out to tell Mulder and Phoebe and then proceeds to raise the alarm in the rest of the building.

Dana Katherine Scully -- MVP.

Phoebe informs them both that the children are on the 14th floor, and so Mulder, being the action hero that he is, decides to go up there -- people need help and so he will save them, that’s his edict in life.  No matter how difficult it is for him, he’s going to try because that’s what he tells himself he must do.  In the psychotherapeutic sense, he is every bit a “rescuer”.  A person who feels connection to others through saving them.  It’s how he has learnt to relate to other people.  

The rescuer identity usually emerges in childhood in reaction to a feeling of powerlessness.  The child may have experienced their parents as emotionally unavailable, distant and unable to meet their emotional needs.  With these needs being unmet, the child learns to experience love and connection vicariously through meeting the needs of others.

Think about it.  Mulder lost his sister when he was supposed to be looking after her, and in his memory of these events he is powerless to stop her abduction -- no matter what he tries; grabbing a gun, screaming for help; nothing works.  We know from the Pilot that his parents refused to talk about what happened to Samantha and as a result the family fell apart -- his parents divorced and the first chance he got, Mulder got as far away from them as he could; going to Oxford.

To compensate for this trauma; the unimaginable weight of guilt and powerlessness he felt to save Samantha, he saves anyone and everyone he can.  This way he can sooth that voice in his head; the voice that tells him he is worthless, unlovable.  From his 12 year old perspective, his parents withdrew their love when he failed to save Samantha, and so now his self-worth is tied up in a need save -- if he can save someone, he is worthy of love.

So regardless of how terrified he is, he goes head first into the fire to save those children.  

He doesn’t want to do it, in his mind, he has no choice.

In a way, it makes me wonder if that’s why he took back Phoebe despite the fact she cheated on him.  Perhaps he saw her flaws, saw her destructive behaviour and believed her could save her.  Men and women often fall into the trap of believing they can change their partners through love.  Perhaps Mulder believed if he loved Phoebe enough, she would change -- that effectively, he would save her?

Poor Mulder.  He pushes himself to the point of passing out to save those kids, but fails.  While everyone else, including Phoebe, is fawning over Creeper McCreeperson for ultimately being the one to save them...

...it’s Scully who searches for Mulder and immediately goes to him when she sees he needs her help.   Regardless of where she falls on Mulder’s priority list, he’s always at the top of hers.

This whole hotel scene really tells you everything you need to know about how these two women feel about Mulder.

One casually discards him when it’s convenient, while the other will wait for him, and be there for him even when he doesn’t ask for it.

Even when he pushes her away.

The next scene emphasises this further, with Scully sitting at his bedside taking care of him.  Handing him water as he chugs up his innards and the first thing out of his mouth is...

The script notes for this scene are well known now.  Mulder apparently wakes to see Scully and muses on the fact this was not the woman he had anticipated ending up in bed with.

Chris Carter’s writing, everybody. 

Thankfully Scully is sensitive enough to his shame and embarrassment that she doesn’t give him a hard time.  In fact, she’s mothering him, using that soft, gentle, loving voice that she usually reserves for talking to children.   

She’s trying to sooth him, knowing he is going to be hard on himself.

When she asks what happened, he is entirely honest with Scully.  They have established a level of emotional intimacy in this episode that they’ve not touched on since Mulder’s emotional confession of his childhood bedtime ritual in Conduit.

This intimacy gives Mulder a feeling of safety that I suspect he hasn’t experienced in a long time.  He can be wholly open with Scully, all his weaknesses and vulnerabilities laid bare for her.  Represented physically by his walking around almost naked in front of her, wearing nothing but black silky boxers.

Oh Mulder, he really goes all out when he think’s he’s gonna get some.  Which just makes me think all sorts of fun thoughts about Mulder and Scully’s season 7 sex life.

(Here ya go, @allyinthekeyofx these gifs are dedicated to you.)  😉

There’s a significant shift in Phoebe’s behaviour when she enters the room.  First, she directly addresses Scully, and holds a whole conversation with her.  Shocker!  She dismisses a piece of vital information Scully gives her, of course, but she still has noticeably adjusted her approach to her.  She doesn’t seem to be treating her as a threat anymore.

When Mulder comes back in and sees Phoebe, he suddenly becomes conscious of his body, of his exposure and vulnerability, so immediately covers himself.  

The difference in the level of intimacy he feels safe sharing with these two women is clearly drawn by such a simple gesture.

It then becomes apparent why Phoebe is behaving differently, she is returning to England.  Mulder is clearly disappointed to hear she’s leaving.  Again, reinforcing the idea that perhaps he was hoping for more than a one night stand.  Was he hoping she would stay in the US for him?

Phoebe’s dwindled interest in Mulder is palpable.  She seems to have given up her romantic pursuit, no longer bothering to ostracise Scully.  She politely, and it seems genuinely, bids her goodbye as she leaves. 

Knowing full well what she’s just witnessed -- Mulder essentially being dumped -- Scully is ever protective.  Looking out for him once again.  It’s a shame you can’t hear gifs, because it’s all in that soft, gentle, tentative tone of voice she uses when she asks him...

Mulder is clearly deflated, but I love the next exchange between the two of them.

This is Scully’s chance to shine, to prove herself to him.  She basically single-handedly solves the case and discovers who the arsonist is after Phoebe and Mulder spectacularly failed.

She’s clearly making a point to him in outlining the entirety of her investigation.  She wants him to know exactly how much she has done.  Mulder seems to be only vaguely interested.

That is until she gets to the climax of her little tale, and he flips into overdrive realising they now have what they need to find this guy.

Scully’s face as Mulder leaps into action is perfect.  That smug smile of satisfaction.

Whose “brilliant” now, eh?

Mulder flies over to Cape Cod to warn Phoebe, only to find her wrapped in the arms of Sir Marsden.  Oh hey, I made these gifs already!

Mulder’s face... It all makes sense to him now.  This was all just another game.  She played him, and she played him good.

But it seems Mulder has finally learnt his lesson.  Fool me once, and all that.

Since it was clear Mulder hadn’t fully let go of his feelings for Phoebe in 10 years, I’d say this was a good thing for him.  If she had gone home and he was left to pine over her, that would have been disastrous.  So it worked out for the best, if a little painfully for Mulder.

It’s called tough love, bitch.  Suck it up.

After this moment, Mulder’s entire demeanour with Phoebe changes – he’s put his barriers back up, and the detached Mulder tone comes out.

He’s looking at her like he can’t quite believe he almost fell for it again.

When Scully arrives later, she can tell straight away that Mulder is upset.

Again, Mulder… what you are looking for is right in front of you.  He brushes it off, but she’s watching him intently.  She’s so protective of him, it’s so sweet.

So they discover that the arsonist is not the driver, but is in fact the caretaker, and as we know, has painted up the house with argotypoline -- rocket fuel.  

In a repeat of the hotel scenario, the children are up stairs in a building that starts going up in smoke.

Mulder valiantly but stupidly tries to put the fires out.  Bath towel vs. rocket fuel, Mulder.  Seriously?

Finally realising that whacking a rocket fuel fire with a towel is the stupidest thing he’s ever done whilst sober, Mulder orders everyone out of the room.

However, Mulder does find a moment to continue his hand’s love affair with Scully’s back.  All in the midst of facing his darkest fear of fire – nice!

Now this is going off book a bit, but I get the sense that there was supposed to be some kind of scene where Scully is in danger in the fire and Mulder overcomes his fears to save her.

I say this because there is a cut line of dialogue from the original script where Scully says “don’t let it be said that you wouldn’t want through fire for a woman” and Mulder apparently replies “and don’t let it be said that I wouldn’t do it for you again, Scully.”

To whoever it was that decided to cut that.  CC, I’m looking at you.

I mean, that’s pretty heavy handed stuff… perhaps they realised it was a bit too heavy handed for a show that was supposedly never going to put these two together romantically.

If it had been left in, it would have drawn a clear parallel between Phoebe and Scully.  Still along the vein that the episode is already toying with throughout, but those lines of dialogue would have made it far more blatant.  The comparison being that Phoebe is fire – she is a tormentor, a symbol of sexual desire and emotional pain for Mulder.   As such, his relationship with her compounded his fear; she feeds them.  Whereas Scully is a soothing, caring presence.  A symbol of love and friendship, and emotional healing for Mulder.  As such, his relationship with her helps him to overcome his fear.

The episode does still maintain certain aspects of this – once Mulder has severed his bond with Phoebe, and reunites with Scully, he does put himself between others and the blaze, trying to put it out.  He also takes control of the situation and orders everyone out of the house.  He’s no longer freezing at the sight of fire.

I really like that as they shuffle everyone out of the house, Mulder tells Scully to find a fire extinguisher but tells everyone else to get out.   It’s him and Scully again – together as partners, she’s the one he trusts to have his back.

Mulder, Gawd bless him, summons up the courage to face his fear without needing to save Scully in the end, its having the chance to vindicate his earlier failure at saving the children that motivates him to push forward.

Bless this brave puppy.

Success!

But yeah, being pulled from a burning building twice in one night?  Those kids are fucked.  Traumatised for life.

So remember I said there was some interesting symbolism with the camera work in the opening of the episode.  Well, now we’re at the end, the framing has flipped.  Mulder and Scully are reunited as partners on the screen, and now, with Phoebe’s influence over Mulder dashed, she is framed as separate from the two -- the true outsider.

The final scene is very sweet, and symbolic of Mulder and Scully restoring their equilibrium as they return to the casual bantering we saw from them in the beginning of the episode, before Phoebe showed up.

Where we started was that Phoebe was the one in on the joke, now she’s the butt of it.  Scully does have a fun side too.  

I just gotta say, she looks especially beautiful in this scene, thankfully this was a good wardrobe day for her.  Season 1 was very hit and miss.

Scully asks where Phoebe is, and Mulder, clearly more relaxed than we’ve seen him the entire episode, shrugs – he doesn’t know, and seemingly doesn’t care to.

Now if we were to get the romcom ending, Mulder would have noticed all the times Scully was there for him and would have thanked her, or at least recognised that he did need her help after all.  Or maybe he’d tell her he’s thankful she didn’t listen to him when he told her not to help.  But this is the X-Files, so... yeah who the hell do you think you’re kidding?

Phoebe also sends Mulder another tape, but he doesn’t need to hear it.  He’s free of her thrall now, and so there’s nothing she could say that would be meaningful to him anymore.

Would have been a nice touch to see him drop the tape in the trash, but I think we get the idea.  It took 10 long years, but Fox Mulder is finally over Phoebe Green.

Next up… My favourite episode of season 1.  1x13 - Beyond the Sea.

[hazzasgayvodka]

GASP omg let's talk about 5sos

vapor is also a favorite of mine!! waste the night is so good but I dont like the end where it's like a minute of just instrumental?

she looks so perfect? AMAZING! don't stop? AMAZING! everything I didn't say? AMAZING! beside you? end up here? long way home? heartbreak girl? english love affair? never be? voodoo doll? AMAZING!

money? permanent vacation? jet black heart? catch fire? SAFETY PIN? castaway? fly away? airplanes? SAN FRANCISCO? AMAZING!

YOUNGBLOOD? want you back? lie to me? valentine? moving along? talk fast? if walks could talk? better man? more? why won't you love me? woke up in japan?empty wallets? ghost of you? MONSTER AMONG MEN? meet you there? babylon? AMAZING!!!! youngblood has no skips

red desert? no shame? OLD ME? easier? teeth? WILDFLOWER? best years? nOT IN THE SAME WAY? lover of mine? lonely heart? kill my time? AMAZING

whew that was long but that's all the songs on my 5sos playlist

okay SO to start

i don’t really vibe with the new album none of the songs were it for me so it was all skips

youngblood is probably my favorite album!

want you back: absolute bop catchy as hell

lie to me: RIP OUT MY HEART IT WOULD HURT LESS (also that you look happyyYyYyYYy ooooOOOOohhh fucking OW you know the part)

valentine: so fucking deep enough said (but also just the beat of it?? it scratches that music brain itch for me 100%)

moving along might be my favorite on the album tbh lyrically it’s amazing but i’m a drummer so that drum part hits me every time it is SO FUN TO PLAY omg

talk fast: is THE song i mean god if you can listen to that song without dancing i- like you CANT it’s too boppy

if walls could talk: MY GOD the live version of this song is a fucking masterpiece i will never shut up about it holy fuck it liquifies my insides that breakdown shut UP it’s so good

better man: it’s eh not my fave but not bad (fuck me at a quarter to three though amirite ladies)

more: another eh one for me

why won’t you love me: this was my favorite live just because holy shit like thousands of people screaming this shit at the top of their lungs was AWESOME and the fucking double drum beat shit that hits you in the chest GOD this song makes me feel alive

woke up in japan: boppy but nothing special not a masterpiece not a flop

empty wallets: good beat fun to play on drums not my fave though

ghost of you: fuck this song omg FUCK THIS SONG the amount of tears that have been shed but also THE LIVE VERSION fuck that shit god another amazing one to see live because hearing a bunch of people screaming that shit was shattering but FUCK specifically the iiiIIiIIiiIIi in the background fucking OW god everytime that shit starts the waterworks are on FULL POWER

monster among men: eh

meet you there: one of my favorites tbh like the beat is so good lyrically it’s great luke fucking kills it just really fun and hard to play on drums because FAST (also i will break your bed if you wanted me to)

babylon: iconic but never listen to it really idk

youngblood: i know this song is overrated but it’s so GOOD dude like listen to that baseline and tell me it doesn’t FUCK okay and the live version with the harmonies makes me uh d i e

for some non youngblood songs: english love affair is so fucking good and boppy holy shit i will jam any time also uh fuck heartache on the big screen?? ONLY REASON that shit kills me!! shes kinda hot got me through some SHIT in highschool that song is a masterpiece and try hard was my first favorite of theirs

[ryodan]

Every team 7 ship VS NaruHina

To the clique that argued with me in the saltiest of ways, I dedicate to you my first ever anti nh post. I hope you think twice about telling people to kill themselves over your self insert and stop being a pimple on society’s ass.

Let’s start with the one that gets on your tits the most

Naruhina VS Narusaku (The Heaven and The Earth), alternatively titled : stop being angry he liked the hot chick and stop pretending Sakura isnt kushinas parallel

Whenever you feel the need to drag Sakura remember your origin story, @Lunaneko14. Don’t forget your years of defending SS to ride on it’s back lest ns happens

Your ship was here, while the ns fandom had this..no amount of sakura bitterness will change that, @mythicalheartbeat 

Ya boy that she was gorgeous from before team 7’s creation

Before you call Sakura selfish while gratifying Hintata, @fallingforkonoha, remember your void eyed princess entered a fight Tsunade knew not to interfere in knowing she can’t do anything to confess her feelings (at the perfect timing too, really) saying this about herself

A sentiment that continued until her almost final appearance in the manga she took up less than 1% of, as she took a moment to appreciate Narutos, big capable hands in front of her dead cousin . hand holding in front of lavish scenery is so sweet

VS Sakura, the selfish monster  who went in knowing she might get hurt, for him, because she cared greatly about his physical and emotional safety

Remember all those times Hinata just cared so much about his dreams, all those times she was there when he needed her

I love how she always believed in him, unlike Sakura. What a bitch, remember that comment she made in chapter 3 out of 700? Awful.

This QUEEN vs this BITCH, amirite @blackotaku97?

You know whats better than stealing someones ninja way, walmart naruto with a nuclear mushroom cloud of a head? Supporting your precious peoples ninja ways and finding your own.

A common argument that gets thrown around : Hinata was ALWAYS there for him

Sorry, I must have missed her in Narutos speech of the people who saved him from his loneliness and pain

I really like how she sees him miserable and doesn’t help him it’s the epitome of always there

Most of all, you nasty trash can excuse of a human being, I want you to get your head out of your asshole for just 3 seconds and accept that this happened

You can’t change what’s been set in stone

No amount of yapping with a filler movie can change the past. But you know what? Bitches  bark and yap, that’s no surprise

No amount of yapping about the twin lions fist, a head branch hyuga jutsu being hinatas own changes facts, @commanderkurama

My fav part of the pain arc was when Naruto never asked Hinata about her confession, or her safety. I also particularly like Narutos first ever hug that someone else initiated

Drag Sakura all you want but remember when you were here after 2013

Narusakus had this before 2007

Remember that while your self insert was fainting and going on suicide missions

Sakura and Naruto had already built a relationship based on mutual support, respect, love and equal footing (weather platonic or romantic, love is love). A relationship where they both believed in each other, supported each other, had each others back, laughed with each other, cried with each other, had actual chemistry with each other. Remember that the next time you whine about people loving this ship instead of your talked about the weather and clothes ship in an entire movie dedicated to them couple.

Sakura supports your faves so much that no wonder you want to debunk her heroine status and reduce her to a side supporting character that matches your background fav

Hiding her tears so she doesn’t hurt him!11! reminds me of that time she fake confessed to keep him,  kakashi and the rest of the world safe even if at the cost of killing her beloved one to save him from falling into deeper darkness. Sakura is so selfish, no wonder everyone in Japan hates NS

Know your place, Linda. Keep your scumbag-kun and the girl 2ch calls Hinabuta (quick Japanese crash course, that means hinapig), I like my Naruto and Sakura-chan just fine.

SasuSaku (The Hawk and The Cherry Blossom), alternatively titled: You rode on my back for years because your ship wouldn’t have had a hope in high hell if it were not for these two

Lunaneko, I think someone told me you said we try to compete with your shit ship.

It’s hard hearing you over making ship history

While Naruto was busy ignoring Hinatas general existence because she has the presence of the trash can in the sasusaku confession scene Sasuke (a boy who’s been thirsted after fresh from mikotos womb was already flustered and blushing towards sakura

You know what development is? Starting off with an irritable boy with 6 years worth of survivor guilt and manipulation weighing on his shoulders, saying something incredibly ignorant that rightfully pisses him the fuck off but still having him worry enough about you to stay with you to ensure your safety even at the risk of elimination

Aside from giving naruto his first hug, she gave sasuke his in years. Apparently Linkin park was so affected by human touch that he opened up to her about something he’s been repressing and isolating himself over for years. Going so far as stating ‘At that time, I was crying’ and even explaining his entire stance in the story ‘I am avenger’

Development is going from this look

To this look

From this

To this

And that wink too. There’s more chemistry in that wink than the entire NH movie

Remember that time Sakura helped Sasuke develop from a boy who had a childhood trauma based fear of stronger opponents with blood lust to a boy who fought Orochimaru bravely and grew 10x times in a single scene? All while she developed herself? And grew from an agreeable sasuke fangirl to a respected team mate? Y’all wanna compare the war hand hold scene to this? The war scene could have had potential if it ended better lmao

Why was he fighting?

Protecting her seems like an odd concept to you? Sasuke can’t relate :/ Naruto aint even wanna walk hinata home what joke is this

Remember that time Sasuke almost killed a guy in the forest of death? No, not broke Zakus arm

Sasuke was willing to kill for Sakura and I hope you know sasuke’s stance on killing. Where’s Naruto having this much care for hinata I don’t see it my competition is really lagging in this ‘race’

Remember that irritable boy? This boy crawling to her for comfort is a boy who grew alongside her, naruhina who?

You know what she did? She stayed up all night tending to her team mates, falling for konoha. Theres a fine line between cheating your crush at the risk of your team and staying up all night in a place titled the forest of death tending to their wounds at a mere bud age of 12

Wait no, bud who? She bloomed, all thanks to being inspired by the holy trinity (whos front and center? Louder for the people in the back, this is inspiration not just wanting to be with someone) and her own determination to protect her loved ones

Mutual development? Fuck me up. Here is an emotional maturation moment for BOTH of them

I love all of these mutual nh moments in the manga, all 0.0005 of them

She gave rise to a gentle protective side of him, so much so that he has used polite Japanese speaking to her before. The databook even states he saw her as someone he needed to protect. people ship ships for that special spark.The only spark hinata ever got was her wet dream from holding narutos hand, which she awoke from when she tripped on rock-kun

Naruto can’t tell apart true love from ramen? Canon Naruto can’t relate

I love that panel of jealous Naruto it’s great, oh wait its not him

Compete with Nh over what, blackotaku? Where is your naruto @ hinata speech I must need new glasses

Your bitch ass tried using you’re annoying as an argument and it’s so funny because imagine thinking he’s coming from a place of hate after he was willing to consciously give up his revenge for her safety and him saying what he said in their first encounter with a smile after pretending he didn’t remember their first meeting

Followed by this, the moment Japanese fans hailed the most emotional of part 1

You wish you were ss lmao, you wish you made it to 44 volumes out of 72

Compete with nh? On what? Getting stronger for your loved ones?

Chemistry?

Mutual support?

Their feelings are connected, their kid is the physical manifestation of their love not the screw that keeps them together..Her husband is travelling through space and time to keep them and the entire world safe. Naruto is 2 meters away, out there with a limitless bay of chakra unable to get clones to do his work for him.. anti-sakura-pro-hinata, at least when sasuke came home after 6 years of much harder work..he had dinner with his family. Maybe it’s because his daughter was raised well and it was pleasant being around someone who isn’t a brat.

Being intuitive to each other?

Oh lmao remember how Sakura was the only person who against all odds knew sasuke would leave the village?

Angst to keep it interesting?

Call me when Gaiden isn’t one of Kishimotos best selling works.  Call me when your ship actually wants to spend time with each other.

Where Narutos ultimate expression of love at? Is is sleeping on the couch? Boruto novel states sasusaku is having so much sex that sakuras skin is glossing, meanwhile naruto has erectile dysfunction and a shriveled dick by age 32

Sit down, there is not much competition. We keep the SS Japanese penguins, the Jump Fiesta sign attraction, the popularity, the ambitious kid and the moments, the canon selfless love only for the purpose of saving your lover and you keep the canon selfish love for the purpose of a confession  and the banana who wishes its father dies and the mom who just cried.

But remember who made you

SasuNaru (Yin and Yang), alternatively titled:  having black hair isn’t enough to make naruto obsessed.

The garbage can @anti-sakura-pro-hinata blog that attempted to call Sasuke trash because her fictional boyfriend was obsessed with him seems to forget Sasuke didn’t ask for it. Naruto needed a pep talk from fillermaru and fillerkura to chase after hinata yet chased after sasuke, even begged authorities to not kill him purely because he is his ‘friend’ for 3 years. He trained with him in mind, a fact so obvious that Kakashi pointed out Sasuke is the driving force behind Narutos training. Sasuke, and the image he had of team 7 in his mind. An image so important to him that the thought of it being tarnished by Sasukes absence made him have a panic attack.

He went after sasuke to save his best friend and for them all to be happy and smiling together, im sorry he didn’t include Hinata in his fantasies but Team 7 is kind of booked..we only have room for neo sanins, vip people and connected hearts here. If youre jealous your self insert doesn’t matter,, I don’t know, make up fanfiction where she appears in more than 38 pages of the manga

#parallels 

Hinata is canonically narutos most important person!11!! where? Must be on fight on top of the moon land. Be happy Naruto went rampant when his seal was weak, Konoha was destroyed, Jirayah was murdered, Kakashi was killed, Tsunade was hurt and then Hinatas ass decided to risk him chakra depletion, death and losing himself. But remember who made him go rampant with a strong seal at the slight mention of a name

The boy he wanted the acknowledgement of the most because he admired him so much that being like him was his goal

Yet when he got it was still like ‘later, emo asshole. Just get your shit together first.’

Why? Because he loved his friend so much that understanding him and fighting (literally fighting) the fated hatred in his heart mattered more to him than the ego he wanted stroked since age 7

What does that mean? I don’t know man. They trained together, laughed together, rivaled each other, were petty to each other and before they knew it they were inseparable. Back then and always

@remedialaction, come after sasuke because your self insert isn’t noticing the shy girl hes friendzoned later. A huge part of Narutos development was heavily tied to Sasuke, lets not ignore the fact that sasuke being a good team mate who put the 3 man cell idea into his head before Kakashi even told them about team work is the reason why they even became ninjas

Remove and erase Sasukes victim status, his entire arc, motivations, fate and position in the story because he is in the way of a ship when he isn’t the only reason Narutos dick was alive for Hinata

But no Sasuke is a bad person, no matter what the narrative and facts are because nardo is obsessed with him

Praise hinata for her naruto-kun became my goal speech when you acknowledge

‘I knew you were always alone. I felt better knowing there was someone like me..i wanted to hang out with you. It just made me happy! But I couldn’t..i was jealous of how skilled you were, so I turned you into a rival. I wanted to be just like you. I started with nothing but I finally made a connection. We went on missions as team 7, and I kept chasing you, wanting to be just as strong, just as cool. Im really glad I met you!’

Bring sasuke down and praise hakuna hintatas for saying the same thing. ‘Naruto kun saved me’ vs ‘Thanks to you I found salvation’

And weep over how sad your ship looks like next to two arms connected by love (platonic or not love is love), fate, tears and literal blood.

But no, what is yin and yang, light and shadows, love and hate, 2 lonely people watching over each other because ‘finally someone understands my solitude’ as a dynamic in comparison to meek girl and loud guy who could have voiced his attraction eons ago?! It’s funny, even with the canon context of SNS being indra and ashuras chakra incarnate and a brotherly bond, it still works better and is a hella lot more interesting than NH

The scenes showing Naruto and Sasukes iconic team work have more chemistry than naruhinas entire manga time, movie time, filler time and hell even fan art and fan fiction time. I know you're jealous because sasuke is well loved, but show some respect to Borutos mother.

 Kakasaku (Hot and hotter), alternatively titled: Get your head out of your ass

Kakasaku is pedophilia!!

It’s bad!11! because my subjective opinion said so!11!

Not as bad as nh

People ship adult Kakasaku for a whole lot more meaningful stuff than a self insert ship

Kakashi never looked down on her since shippuuden. He acknowledged her strength and how far shes come from being the whiny 12 year old he used to teach. He always knew by part two that she’d be great and he respected her a lot. He saw her kind heart and praised her for it and for her selfless love. They grew to become fellow comrades in the war who had equal respect for each other. What can y’all say about NH? This is a joke.

I want to stay in my lane, but the lanes converge when you make ugly personal attacks at people and insult ships and characters to elevate your own shit show. Drag Team 7 into your ugliness again and I expose your insecure ass.

Y’all can’t touch this aesthetic. Come at these kids when Naruto doesn’t remember them when he’s eating a bento (Something special made by someone you love-sarada) made by his wife.

Special thanks to @uzumakura for tht good ns wank, @sakuraharunos for that good sns wank, @chiwawha for her opinion on ks and me for my patience