#more toxic as individuals maybe but less toxic as a group

[sophieinwonderland]

i dont think i really get the whole x-punk thing. like for some, yes, its a form of self expression... but also just... use the word punk?

i get a new tag sort of but everyones arguing on whats REALLY punk, and i think many punks wouldn't waste their time arguing about whos excluded from the punk label and would instead, you know, fight for what they think is right in ways that would change things? just going "ew endos bad and fake and not REAL systems" doesnt change the fact that even disordered DID/OSDD systems still need acceptance and to be understood and helped and not be treated as some super rare basically impossible thing that .0001 percent of the population has. maybe correcting people from using "multiple personality disorder" or starting a DID/OSDD support group in your community might be a start.

but all these anti endos just want to have the label systempunk to sound cool while still being exclusive and spending their time arguing against "the endos" because they're "making doctors not listen to us" when newsflash, the doctors are already ableists, and you need to help educate them instead of yelling at other victims. but okay

i swear some of the x-punk things just sound like it's cool and exclusive for only certain punks and all they care about is appearance. looking like a punk and poorly playing the part i guess.

I agree with most of this, but I actually really love the idea behind the x-punk labels.

As I understand, this started with cripplepunk, which is centered around applying punk values to disability pride, rejecting ableist societal ideals that expect people with disabilities to behave one way to be deserving of support, while celebrating individuality and pride in who you are.

Terms like madpunk and neuropunk sprung out of that for neurodiverges.

I know there's debate over whether cripplepunk should be exclusive to people with physical disabilities or if it should be an umbrella for all disabilities, and that sort of gatekeeping can breed toxicity between communities that are both victims of ableism and should be seeking solidarity.

But whatever your stance on that debate is, I do feel these labels are important for people in these groups looking to take pride in who they are and reject both systemic ableism and internalized ableism. Because cripplepunk and its offshoots are more than the sum of their parts. It's more than just punk and it's more than just disability pride.

The problem with Systempunk

With systempunk, anti-endos took a look at an already punk community, Pluralpunk, and decided to make something that was less punk.

Their view of systemhood is based purely on what they perceive as the medical model of systemhood, or what their friends say that is. Anything that doesn't conform to that is bad.

And their values aren't based on fighting against an ablesist society or psychiatry or anything of the sort. No, because to them, the real problem is this other group of plurals and so-called "fakers".

And their problem with pluralpunk was that it was too individualistic.

It celebrated people who were too different and too weird.

It was fundamentally too punk for them.

So anyway, yeah. I like a lot of other types of x-punk labels. I don’t like ones that try to strip away the punk from them though, and are only interested in using punk as an aesthetic.

[heretherebedork]

I love when besties puppy pile for comfort.

[yoshizora]

Hello!!! I'd like to ask you a few things about Megumu (if that's okay!).

How would you describe her? I think there's more to the "greedy tengu" impression that I'm getting from the wiki and from her routes in UM. Her and Momoyo are friends after all.

Would you say that Momoyo brings out the best in her? (or, at least, better than Tsukasa does).

Thanks in advance!! ^^

THANK U for giving me a chance to blab about megumu because if i was more outspoken i would never shut up about her. warning, this is going to be long as fuck because when i said i wouldn't shut up i MEANT i wouldn't shut up

honestly the first thing to keep in mind is that Megumu isn't human, so human moralities shouldn't be so strictly applied to her. i often see people exaggerating her less palatable aspects, but she's........ not a human!!!! because of this i like to apply more leeway to her personality; she's not strictly black/white in terms of whether she's "good" or "bad", which is what i think the main issue is when it comes to general perception of Megumu (she often ends up being watered down to Mean Greedy Bully Boss). it's also more fun when characters have personality traits that should logically contradict each other.

i think she genuinely does have tengu society's best interests in mind, but it's more about the whole vs the individual which can also be seen as a reflection of Japanese society. ayahatamomi's complaints in altfacts was essentially both a comedy bit and meta commentary on Japan's toxic work culture, but it shouldn't be seen as a 1:1 situation imo. but anyway, i think Megumu does have issues with connecting to the other tengu on a personal level because of her position as middle management, but she doesn't like...... go out of her way to be deliberately cruel to them either. at worst it's indifference, at best it's a "means to an end" sort of situation, which results in disgruntled workers on the lower rungs of the ladder suffering because the higher-ups believe that's what's best for the group as a whole. Megumu sucks! but she's not a deliberate bully. maybe an accidental bully but that just makes it funny.

she does obviously care about the consolidation of power as well, but from her weird villain monologue in LE38 it doesn't seem like she's interested in gaining power HERSELF, but rather having the tengu as a whole being the top dogs of youkai mountain and in control of Gensokyo's flow of information. so Megumu is greedy, but not in the sense that she'd do anything that wouldn't benefit the other tengu as well. idk, we'll see if ZUN says anything about what she used the card market profits for in the next scoow issue, but for now i think it's a big stretch to say Megumu had ulterior motives beyond gathering economical strength for the tengu in 18. she's not the type of antagonist to try to grab the throne all for herself, because that would throw off the balance of tengu society.

she's honest! sort of! i don't think she lies to people's faces like Tsukasa does, but prefers lies of omission. if she says she's going to do something she'll do it, but it's the things she doesn't say that would warrant some alarm. this is more headcanon than anything else, but i also think Megumu is arrogant/strong enough to believe she doesn't have to outwardly lie to get what she wants.

going back to what i said about Megumu being unable to form personal friendships with other tengu, i like to imagine she has a weird interest in outsiders that would ironically go against the tengus' isolationist policies. she readily picked up Chimata off the ground and rekindled their friendship after 18, and is friends with Momoyo, and she even expressed interest and concern for Marisa. she was worried about Marisa!! that's kinda funny! Marizza Kirisame strikes again— but yeah, Megumu may be an asshole but she's still nice, and i think consolidating those two ideas is what throws a lot of people off. she's not a good person by human standards, but she's still courteous in general and wouldn't insult others because... she just doesn't have a reason to. but she would still totally throw hands with Kanako.

since she's directly inspired by Izuna Gongen i also like to imagine she also has a weird charitable streak as well. Izuna Gongen fed humans who were going through a famine and one of Megumu's major motifs is her onigiri. hell, even her ability card is her onigiri instead of something with her star lasers. Megumu once said she's interested in brave, powerful people, but i think she also does take pity on weaker beings and likes to help out just because she can. maybe it's to flex her power but it could also just be a Thing she does as a tengu.

MOMOYO..... ok now we're going into fanon territory LOL but her friendship with Momoyo is SO interesting because there's technically 0 canon interaction between them but we do get tidbits of their dynamic, like the fact Momoyo agreed to work for her and also seemed excited to introduce the humans to Megumu. Momoyo also says that Megumu is a "combat-lover" but apparently they also hang out just to hang out, like when Momoyo implied Megumu sometimes vents about work (Kanako) to her. i like to place importance on those scraps because they do show that Megumu isn't just about work work work work work, she does have hobbies and is strong enough to have befriended Momoyo. granted, Momoyo isn't 100% loyal to her either, but since they're both powerful youkai i don't think that really means much. they're on friendly terms!! that's the basic gist of it!!

i do think that Momoyo brings out the best in Megumu!! again, she's not human, so her "best" is probably something extremely deranged, but i like to imagine she's so close with Momoyo because she doesn't have to put on pretenses as the Daitengu with her; Momoyo dgaf about her standing in that youkai hierarchy, so Megumu earned Momoyo's respect and friendship through her own merit and strength. with Momoyo, who does not care about all that Daitengu stuff, Megumu can be true equals with her, and that's what makes their friendship really sweet to me. and inversely, Megumu doesn't mind that Momoyo is a gross centipede monster, but it seems like ZUN kinda walked back on the idea of Momoyo being a loner since she's described to be popular with other youkai in 18.5. Hisona made a series of momomegu doujinshi that really digs into that idea of their friendship being based on pure personal wants outside of their respective social standings that i draw a lot of inspiration from.

also in 18.5 Megumu is described as a festival-lover so she's totally a raging party animal. Fratboy Megumu is VERY funny to me. y'all can pry Fratboy Megumu out of my cold dead hands.

[throwbacktears]

The nhie poll you made was interesting because I have been most people over the age of 20 go towards Benvi while most people under 18 are more Daxton. I personally have been in a relationship (still am) so I would go towards the type of guy I can have common goals with and maybe because of my experience I always saw Paxton as the high school guy but never the long term gal. there’s a point in ur life where u care less about physical attributes and more about contributions long term.

thats so interesting because i have the exact opposite experience for both myself and from other people. my friends and i are over 20, have been in relationships, and we all rooted for daxton.

while i think having common goals is great to have in a partner, i dont think thats the only consideration for what will make a relationship work with someone better over another -- there also has to be respect, kindness, and trust there as bare minimums, which were qualities that devi got from her relationship with paxton (even if devi couldn't see that at the time), but not from ben, until MAYBE the finale, and even then im not sure if i would say really that, or say their getting together even felt earned from a writing perspective. i mean, ben and devi struggled to just properly communicate and become a real endgame until the very last episode of the show. to your point about long term contributions from a partner, i also think paxton and devi are different enough to contribute something to each other so they can each learn and grow as individuals (more on this later). for that reason, i actually saw ben as the high school guy but never the long term guy and paxton as vice versa, because having common goals isn't always enough long term if the foundation for a healthy romantic relationship isn't even there.

i also think its a big misconception i see, particularly on tumblr for some reason, where people assume that daxton shippers only ship them because of paxton/darren's looks, which isn't always the case - at least of me and my friends, it isn't, and i'd argue that's the case for a lot of daxton shippers on here too more often than benvi shippers might want to admit: devi and paxton push each other just enough in a way that enables them both to grow as people and thus better partners, whereas ben and devi bicker to the point where its more toxic than it is endearing, particularly ben's racially insensitive and body-shaming comments towards her that he's made throughout the whole show. paxton has always gone out of his way to show his support for her, even if that meant putting his reputation on the line, while ben always stayed on the sidelines -- too scared to stand up for devi -- until, again, the finale. and devi and paxton share more common ground just from the standpoint of both coming from Asian backgrounds, so they already have that understanding and acceptance of each other/each other's cultures in a way that's instantly recognized compared to someone not from the same ethnic background (see: paxton complimenting devi's sari in season 1, vs. ben pointing out devi's mustache in season 1). so i've always found ben and devi's romantic dynamic and the hints of it thereof very off-putting (but as friends, sure, they work).

in a similar line of thinking, i actually thought people in the 18-25+ ages would prefer daxton, since that age group might have more relationship experience just by virtue of growing up and meeting more people outside of high school, whereas those younger and who haven't experienced something like that might not yet see benvi's dynamic as something unhealthy/not worth rooting for yet. but because the leading age group demographics for both ships were split even in the poll, i guess we can all just agree to disagree.

[skaruresonic]

Sorry for venting in your inbox, but I need to talk about something

I did not participate in that discussion you had with that user who more or less said that it's rude to add negativity to a post (I won't make names, but you know what I'm talking about). And yet, I found out that I was blocked.

I have two hypotheses: one, they found out that I comforted you when I wished you a happy birthday (literally the only time I even mentioned the incident in public), so I was put in the category of "people who would attack me", or two, I am simply commonly associated with the Bad People, maybe there's a blocklist going around.

Isn't it fun? I barely even talk about IDW and I don't really interact much with the Sonic fandom anymore, but I'm still worth being blocked by association <3

I didn't follow that person so I won't sleep over it. But you know. Makes you wonder why we stick with the "bad clique" :^)

Possibility three: someone told them about your associations with us and they responded accordingly. This is what I'm talking about with keeping tabs on people. Someone is always holding a microphone up to your mouth, even when you say nothing.

You can never be taken on an individual basis because you're not an individual, you're part of The Haters(tm). That's why everyone was all "ummm isn't Your Group going to issue a statement? omg Greeny ur the only moral one" about Random's tweet.

All the more sickening when they mock us for being part of a "clique," as if A.) they don't belong to "cliques" of their own, and B.) gee I wonder why.

Funny how they got annoyed when I took "I consider only what you, the collective, write" to mean they tar us with the same brush. Maybe because, uh, you do.

At least their actions align with their words in that regard, though. That's all I'll say on the matter.

No, I do not have a "narrative" I'm pushing, somehow it just never occurs to people that I'm only trying to explain things as I see them. And yeah, I do get upset, because it's an upsetting experience, to be told that merely being a little snarky is the same thing as harassment.

It's not. I don't know how to explain that in a way that won't get taken as "harassment" - doing it calmly and doing it loudly will produce the same disdain anyway - so there's no reason to try.

Isn't it fun? I barely even talk about IDW and I don't really interact much with the Sonic fandom anymore, but I'm still worth being blocked by association <3

Same. I don't mind being blocked, btw. In fact, I'd encourage it. If you feel I'd be too toxic to interact with, by all means, help yourself. Curate your online experience. Just don't declare yourself morally superior for it, is all I'm asking.

Recently starting to wander into the weeds with my own work, and while it can be a lonely experience, it's also been something of a healing one because I don't feel fandom breathing down my neck. Would he Say That? I don't quite know yet, but finding out is a part of the journey.

[accio-victuuri]

on light signs & fandom etiquette 🚥

one cpn and a whole lot of personal opinion. i want to write my thoughts about this topic. this is my least favorite thing to talk about as it touches on how people act which can’t be controlled both online and offline. to those who have no idea, it’s about some fandom drama during sdc finale live. this will be more on what i learned and observed. this whole post can be preachy and rant-y so beware. i just needed a place to reflect.

I’ll start with this exchange. It looks like Nathan Lee was asking Bobo if the light sign was his. What it means. Fans are saying it’s because the color is yellow that Nathan was not sure. He must know in a way that “Bo” could be equal to Yibo. Or maybe not. Then you see Yibo explaining yes it’s his. Bo. Yibo.

then hangeng comes in to explain as well and back yibo up then stops him. as if to make the conversation end, less he says more — this part is cpn. to me this is an interesting exchange because yibo clearly owns up to the light sign. it’s his. i have never doubted that bobo knows there are cpfs out there and he appreciates us, tho he cannot say it in the open. we understand. we always did.

There are videos out there of 🏍 vs. turtles. confiscated bjyx green and red light signs. in general, just the two fandoms shading each other. which are of course shared to the international audience. and well, you can take a guess which garbage dump app it’s popular in. I won’t go into the details because that’s not the point. This is not something new. there’s always been friction between cpf and solos. We know how toxic c-fandom is. Hell, even their government knows and they can’t do much about it. It’s the kind of thing i never understood and would never dream to emulate so i can fit in. sadly, lots of international fans adopt the “authentic” fandom behavior and are proud of it. wear it like a badge. there is only a handful who sees the whole c-fandom toxicity for the chaotic circus that it is and avoid copying it.

So, why are cpfs so hated? It’s because we shouldn’t exist. for a time it’s fine — but not this long. not this loud and prominent. brands love catering to solo fans/groups and even their companies do. it’s always been this way and not only in China. CPFs are considered a novelty, something that happens because of a project and are expected to fade when it ends. Also viewed as second-rate fans because their attention and support is split instead of giving their 100% to one artist. They ( artist and company ) can’t endorse and have an open bias to a CP because the artist must maintain the status of being single. An individual who can be paired up with anyone as needed. We are hated and considered a nuisance because we’re still here and thriving. Example, there were far more BJYX fan sites from last night’s event than solos. We still continue to show up. Support. We continue to stay relevant. I can understand the irritation from a toxic solo’s perspective and it gets worse if that person hates xiao zhan or yibo. To them, how dare we have the audacity to enjoy something. The nerve to spend our time and resources on a fandom that makes us happy. lol.

I personally don’t care who is better. Do you want the title of best yibo fan / best xiao zhan fan? sure. It’s yours. It’s theirs. I don’t need it. I’m here for the fun. The ( mostly ) stress free space I’ve created. zz/wyb is my happy place. That’s all I want.

CPFs are far from perfect. We’ve had our fair share of blunders and I personally have certain fandom personalities that I wish would just close their accounts. It is what it is. We can’t control each other’s behaviors. Some so/o pick a certain bad incident and that’s gonna be the way they look at us forever. Or they just go with the flow because it’s a sick pre requisite to hate on cpfs to get your so/o fandom loyalty card apparently. I will never understand wanting people to shut up just because you don’t like what they do. This is not some social justice issue. I like zz/wyb, you only like one of them. So? What’s the big deal. If you don’t like CP stuff then don’t seek us out. AND I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH TO CPFs, don’t bait them. Tag stuff properly. Please stop commenting CP things in obvious solo posts. This is why I stopped thinking about their opinion. Candies are for us and not them. We don’t need to convert them — that’s not the goal. At least to me ( the goal ) it’s to support the boys. Enjoy this fandom and try to keep away from drama.

Now the big question that’s related to SDC — Should CPFs bring their dolls and BJYX lights in solo events? My answer is Yes and No.

Yes because it’s their life and they can bring what they want. Bring 10 dolls, sure. For example the dolls lined up and taking photos @ GG’s ADLAD was seen by passer by as cute. Because it is. To those who don’t understand dolls and how it relates to fandom — just shut up please. Let people enjoy things. Some people enjoy drugs and being an asshole — then you have women who loves to bring their fandom dolls to events. to each their own. Even if it’s a “xiao zhan” character doll in an event that is for Yibo ( well it’s not just yibo, it’s SDC. people who watch the show are welcome ) , honestly. who the fuck cares. it’s a harmless non living thing. As for the light signs— sure, but I draw the line on trying to catch too much attention. They know unrelated light signs are not allowed so the rules should be followed. I’m sure the security and staff were only briefed about so/o light signs. No one is persecuting them. They know the rules. I know they have good intentions but we gotta be careful to not trouble Yibo.

No when it’s blatant baiting of so/os. some people really just love drama and will incite stuff. Also i’m not a fan of attention-seeking. Don’t shout BJYX at zz or wyb please. Don’t private message their friends or ask their co-stars about them. We are supposed to be low key about this. They know we exist — no need to beg for their attention.

I may be wrong about certain things that I just said but it’s all my personal opinion. At the end of the day, we will participate and act in this fandom with our own limits. I wish offline “fights” will be avoided in the future. We can all peacefully co exist by ignoring each other. 🙏🏼

-END.

[olderthannetfic]

I wanted to ask your followers and your opinion on something. I block liberally because I'd like to avoid starting shit on my blog. I have a couple piece of art (and other posts) that get notes despite how old they are. Some stuff like an old still popular ship and general fandom humor. But some stuff is cute art. Cute shit that anti's like to flock too. It sucks bc I adore cute things (I also adore cute thing + dark/problematic themes) and pastel colors. And this interest is really important to me because I spent a majority of my youth rejecting "girly" things bc surprise surprise it turns out I'm trans (NB) and was desperately trying to distance myself from being associated as a girl. It took years of work to allow myself to enjoy "girly" things without feeling guilty or like I was lying to myself. Anti's will have to pry my love for cute shit and pastels from my cold dead problematic fingers.

These posts don't get too many notes daily so it's relatively easy for me to do a quick search of some key words on individual blogs who interact with my work and then block on site. Sometimes however I feel a little unsure about the blocking because sometimes the only results that come up and stink of anti behavior are 3 to 6 years old. I'm left wondering if I should really block these people because none of their recent stuff sets off red flags. Like there is a possibility that they're no longer like that and just haven't bothered to purge their blog. I get that it's okay for me to set boundaries and be safe, but I also feel guilty bc if it is people who have changed/ex-anti's I don't want to contribute to the issue of isolating people that leave toxic groups. Since, like, the threat of isolation is something that's used to keep people from leaving cult-like spaces.

I understand that I'm overthinking a lot, and me blocking these people is probably not doing what I worry about. I know it's not worth my energy to worry about, therapy taught me that. It's just practicing telling your brain to cut it out is forever a journey.

But anyways, I was wondering what your guy's opinion is, especially for those who regularly block on site to avoid anti's if the only anti stuff you can find on their blog is years old. And if you don't is there a threshold? Like how recent does the anti behavior have to be for you to consider it a reason to block?

(I know you, OTNF, have mention you only block people who are a brand of asshole at you and not preemptively block like I mention, but maybe some of the people who read your stuff do? But I'd also like to hear your opinion if you want to share it/have something to add. I enjoy your responses and want to thank you for being consistently informative and interesting. That's probably worded weird lol, but yeah, thank you for taking time to read this.)

--

:)

I do preemptively block people, but it's generally for seeming extremely annoying at the time I block them, usually in their tumblr header or an inflammatory comment on another anti's post. These aren't subtle people is what I'm saying.

When I block preemptively, it's less about protecting myself and more about taking pleasure in going "U Suck!" even if they never know.

I generally don't bother digging back through someone's archive unless I'm just enjoying looking at the posts. Whether they'll have changed is hard to say though. 3 years just isn't that long, but it also depends if we're talking 16-19 or 40-43.

It's not your job to help cult victims escape though. Sure, it's nice if they don't get shunned, yadda yadda, but you welcoming them to your personal tumblr is not a public service you're honor bound to provide.

Also, maybe they haven't posted any anti bullshit in 3 years, but have they posted the opposite? I see no reason they should be coddled for once holding reprehensible views and merely ceasing to be vocal about them.

[eoieopda]

it's so crazy how bts has completely changed my desires in people, not only as a person but in a partner, too. i'm saying this because i overheard a group of three senior girls saying how they would rather be called 'bitch' than 'princess.' and while i can agree that, to many, there are probably more ... appealing names than princess, it shocked me that they said that. along with that, they said they'd rather have a more aggressive guy than a softie, saying things like "you're grown, man the fuck up," which made me sad that that's how they see men comfortable in their masculinity enough to counter the toxic expectations of them. it just got me thinking about how, maybe a few years ago, little pre-bangtan me would be leaning more to agreeing with those girls than not, but now, i couldn't imagine being with someone who calls me a bitch, even 'playfully,' nor with someone who feels comfortable being 'aggressive' with me. instead, i actual yearn for someone who's comfortable being 'soft' and who embraces being human rather than someone reactive and unemotional. moral of the story: i am so grateful to have found bts, even if a little late, because they've all, both individually and as a group, shown me how healthy relationships with someone can look like and now that has become my standard and i will never settle for anything less.

ooooh, FELT. i love 1) being able to acknowledge that i don’t need to accept that kind of treatment, and 2) that men are being given the space and understanding and room to learn that they don’t have to treat people a certain way due to arbitrary societal rules. everybody wins, babeeeeey!!

and it’s so cool to look back and see the very clear (and public) growth from them, too, because it’s a process for everyone to gain that level of internal security & emotional intelligence (all the while getting flack for it on the international basis that they have) 😭

tannie bois put the work in and contribute so meaningfully to what i think is a global ecosystem change on what masculinity can mean 🥹✨💕 we have no choice but to stan tbh.

[lovingseventeen]

i have a question and ik it’s kinda weird. But how do u make close friends at school that are comfortable to hang out with? like I have a lot of friends from different friend groups and it’s awkward to hang with all of them at the same time cuz different things that made us friends and one on one is weird cuz it’s like what do we rly do? also like I feel awkward and am kinda socially awkward but I feel i’ve gotten better yk. and idk like it’s hard finding kpop stans who stan my ult group.

and idk I just want advice for it cuz I feel a lil awkward and like I lost my friends that made up a friend group for me cuz we were just toxic for each other like one was shit talking behind my back and they both were talking abt some of my private rants I said to each one of them and I was kinda toxic too. sorry for this being long and kinda uncomfortable/awkward.

hi hi! i’m honestly kind of flattered you trusted me through this account enough to ask this question. i hope my humble opinion can give a little insight, though i am not perfect lol.

first off, i myself am not an extrovert so i understand the struggle to make friends a bit. it’s not so easy to just walk up to anyone and suddenly act like you’re close when you’ve just met. i don’t know how old you are but i’m in college and it’s become significantly harder to make friends just because everyone tends to be much more independent. plus, everyone has their individual majors and schedules they have to work around so it’s less likely that all of our free times line up, you know?

that said, the only way i’ve made friends in college is by going to club events and by luck. i’m fortunate that a lot of my friends and acquaintances were more extroverted than me and they initially started reaching out by a follow on instagram because we all knew we went to the same college. so even if we weren’t super close at the start, we were familiar faces. then this one time i went to a club event i knew one person there and by the mercy of the universe someone saw me standing awkwardly by myself and pulled me into their group! this saved my night even though i was at the brink of leaving the event altogether because i felt so awkward. now i’ve met these faces i’ve only seen online and they’re very lovely people.

as for finding people who like the same kpop groups, once again i could suggest going to a school club because that’s probably where fellow stans will congregate lol. OR if where you live has them, try looking for kpop events! maybe you can get involved in the events in organizing them or vendor in or donating freebies.. i am fortunate enough to live in a city where for certain groups, an event might be hosted for a member’s birthday or the group’s anniversary. sometimes there’s cup-sleeve events in general too. most people now are multi-stans too so even if it isn’t your ult group, chances are someone there will adore your group too. (once, i was talking to my friend at an agust d concert and i mentioned dino and it caught someone near me’s attention very fast!)

this was a bit of a ramble and i really hope this might’ve helped even a little. i know advice tends to be easier said than done but i really do wish you luck in finding some friends with common ground and adoration for kpop. it really is fun to ramble about idols and i have a problem of talking about these idols as if i know them HAHA. if ever, please feel free to reach out anonymously again or even dm me privately if you want too!

hope you have a lovely day and thank you again <3

[thebreakfastgenie]

Whether you made up a guy or not, I find your post in poor taste. I mean, imagine being on the other end of that. Imagine if that post had been about misogyny instead.

“After seeing this person be annoying online, I realised why people become misogynists. It’s wrong of them and they should get offline and touch grass but you know, I’m just saying, most misogynists are radicalised by meeting an annoying woman. I know this because they said so on Reddit. So I mean, that’s bad and wrong to hate them for that, but it makes you think, doesn’t it? If only this person had been less annoying people wouldn’t hate women.”

Like… I know you were saying TERFs were very very wrong for seeing annoying trans people and becoming bigots for it. But to be honest, that is a premise I disagree with. Yes, many Reddit-using TERFs claim(ed) that they became transphobic because of annoying trans people online… but that’s really downplaying the long history of trans bigotry, not to mention the political forces that radicalise young people into hate groups and bigotry. You are not taking into consideration that someone being annoying or abrasive or claiming to speak for a minority group would not be sufficient to bring down hate groups on them were it not for the social and political forces already marginalising those people.

Or to use another comparison in your post, I might see an individual with a Magen David emoji in their name saying some things I disagree with - and if I was uneducated and too online and needed to touch grass, yes, I might conclude that all Jews are [whatever it said in the tweet]. But I wouldn’t become an anti-Semite who believes Jews run the world and engage in blood libel because of that annoying Jewish person on Twitter. I would become that if I had been radicalised by anti-Jewish hate groups.

You're reading a lot into my post that wasn't there.

For one thing, I know I was mostly talking about online, but the posts I referenced in the "peak trans" threads (what they called it) were often about unpleasant experiences TERFs or TERF-sympathetic people (despite it being r/radfem or whatever, there were a number of posts from cis men) had with trans people in real life. It was just a parallel I noticed. We know that just knowing a person from a marginalized group (there was a recent study on this with trans people) can significantly change attitudes towards acceptance, so I think it's reasonable to hypothesis if someone has had limited interactions with a group and they've been negative it may contribute to less acceptance. Bigotry is often closely tied to fear; this is a similar emotional pathway.

To the main point, I'm not saying this sort of thing radicalizes people the way hate groups do. What I am saying is that toxic social environments like twitter contribute to low-level bigotry and probably prime some people to be radicalized further. It's background radiation that can make people think "maybe the hate groups have a point" or at least not feel particularly strongly about pushing back against them. I don't know why you'd assume I'm discounting other social and political forces. I'm identifying this kind of toxic environment as one social force and analyzing (I use that word loosely because I'm just layperson blogging here) the role it plays in the preponderance of bigotry. I am suggesting that toxic environments like twitter in conjunction with other social forces can result in an increase in bigotry. I guess I didn't think I had to specify that other social forces exist because I thought we all agreed on "systemic transphobia is a real thing."

It's funny that you bring up misogyny, because the interaction I had was on a thread about misogyny. And a random TERF showed up to reply with a TERF copypasta, "look at this dress wearing man talking over a woman about what it's like to be a woman" etc. They probably do that because they know people who are frustrated are more likely to be taken in by that.

What I was trying to emphasize, and what I will reiterate again, is that the onus is on cis people, or whatever other privileged group, to not be poisoned by that background radiation. I think environments like twitter make it easier for people to become bigots but that is not an excuse for bigotry.

[tirsynni]

Okay. So today’s unpopular rant. 

Tumblr has many nasty habits but today’s rant focuses on two and how it pertains to the main subject: 1) taking things out of context to the point the thing might as well exist in a vacuum and 2) fighting to make everything universal so it connects with all groups and audiences. 

Things rarely make sense out of context and can rarely be interpreted correctly without context. Removed from the situation and the individual/group involved, anything could be twisted to match an argument, especially if the person arguing fills in the vacuum left by the removal of the context with their own beliefs, expectations, and norms. Context is important for things to be correctly interpeted. The greater the context, the more in-depth the context, the more necessary that context is to correct interpretation.

Second thing? Not all things are universal to all people. Things are not made less important if they aren’t applicable to all people. The need for sympathy, empathy, and understand isn’t reduced when the subject is only one group instead of connecting to all of them. It’s like when a friend is complaining about someone that doesn’t affect you at all. Is it no longer important because it isn’t directly connected to you? Nope. Or maybe some portions of it does within a certain context but not always and not all of it. That happens. Life is complicated and messy.

So! Context is important and not everything needs to be universal and connected to every group to be important. Hopefully easy enough to understand.

Onto the actual, unpopular subject: I repeatedly see the comment that the “small dick” insult is transphobic and/or rude because it is insulting the person’s body instead of the topic at hand. Every time I see this, I get pissed off, because it is ignoring the entire history, context, and audience of the insult. 

The audience is cis men. Specifically cis men. It isn’t connected to transmen because of the specific group of men with their specific cultural history. Fuck, it doesn’t even have to do with actual dick size. The usual agreement is that if anyone actually is bitchy about the physical size of the dick, they’re fuckers and can be dismissed. 

The bit about the “Alpha” and “Beta” and whatever other types of male is relatively new, but the feeling behind these titles and such really isn’t. They’re the men who worship a specific definition of masculinity. They define themselves and their importance and the importance of others in how well they fit with this definition. There’s an emphasis on testosterone, about engaging in appropriately masculine activities, in matching certain definitions of strength, and, of course, in dick size. Please see the joke about how women are bad with length and size because so many cis men lied about their three inches actually being six. “Big Dick” meant “Alpha Male,” and these type of men fiercely defend the size of their dick, because that is closely tied to how well they match the definition of Alpha Male. Small dick = submissive male for them. They are “cucks” who are bossed around by their women and who are destined to have their women stolen by “real men.” It goes on and on. There are many more insults connected to it, usually dividing cis men into acceptable boxes and explaining why domination of women is “natural” and how women “want” to be dominated by “Alpha Men.” Seriously. So much more and it’s all gross.

Obviously, this is all bullshit. Gross, toxic bullshit. We all know this. However, these types of men are fiercely defensive of their masculinity and are known to grow aggressive if that masculinity is challenged. Thus “Small Dick Energy” and the jokes (and possible reality) of men starting wars over their dick size. 

The joke/insult/whatever isn’t “Haha, your dick is only three inches, so you aren’t a real man.” It is targeted toward the men who equate the size of their dick with their masculinity and who believe in that Alpha Male BS. The truth is that there is a long history of cis men being fucking nasty when they feel their dick isn’t big enough, including murdering female partners when they see it and don’t react flatteringly enough. Hell, they’ve attacked and killed other people for laughing or having a poor response upon seeing their below average dick. (It feels insane even typing that because really. Of all the reasons. Really.)

There’s years of history and cultural context to this, just like there’s significant history connected to tearing women and others apart based on their physical appearance. If you don’t match the cultural weight standard, your arguments are dismissed and the focus becomes your weight. Society loves telling women that they need to act, look, and generally be a certain way, so others ignore the arguments at hand to focus on these things instead to put women “in their place.” Insults rarely come out of the blue, especially popular, ongoing ones. There’s a context to them which needs to be recognized in order to understand their ongoing use and to dismantle them.

By stripping things of their context and trying to force them so they fit with all groups, important things are lost. Other connected arguments are weakened. The argument becomes honestly childish: not  bothering to understand the background and content to rely on one’s limited knowledge, often to the point of dismissing those who actually know and understand the subject. It’s also a Republican trick to manipulate people, trying to insanely simplify things in order to create very basic “us vs them,” “right vs wrong” arguments and thus attacks: “if you disagree with this, you’re obviously a bad person!” Feel free to look up “trigger phrases” and their popular use in the United States, especially within the last twenty years.

Bonus points when there’s decades, if not hundreds of years, of context dismissed in order for someone to go “Well obviously this is a simple matter and you’re wrong and I don’t understand how these many, many people don’t understand this.”

Some things are transphobic and nasty. This? Is recognizing something used by a specific group of people used to promote themselves and demote others, and it is used by others who recognize this context and history in order to dismiss this sexist, ironically usually transphobic, group of assholes. It isn’t a random insult. Hell, if you actually look at insults, few of them are truly random.

[quaelgeist333]

I posted 6,758 times in 2022

That's 5,701 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (1%)

6,701 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pocketspores

@meenah

@sootslash

@pigeocore

@jivs-jam

I tagged 138 of my posts in 2022

#warriors - 37 posts

#warrior cats - 25 posts

#pokemon - 14 posts

#wc - 10 posts

#my art - 8 posts

#sexyman descendants - 8 posts

#tf2 medic kids - 8 posts

#frecklewish - 7 posts

#garry kids - 7 posts

#warrior cats au - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#bob mortimer will always be my vc for him idc if the rest of the cats are american whenever i try to figure out voices he will always

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Decided to give the sexyman descendant sibling groups individual tags for myself and others convenience

They're pretty obvious with being #garry kids and #tf2 medic kids

6 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

#4

Be gay do crime is their motto!

Some stuff

Thing on nose is also a piercing!

Less unhinged like their dad(s?), because they actually have friends who they can rely on and good parents.

Will offer to do your top surgery when they finish education

Knows german, english and latin

Has multiple replicas of the cane in case of something happening to it

The e bass idea comes from ludwig being able to play iirc violin, And basses are background, necessary and support but can play on their own

Can't wait to share all stuff that group facts

8 notes - Posted October 4, 2022

#3

I need to rant about this because it happens time and time again

Person: able bodied people introducing a disablrd character just to have them to be sad about it and suddenly being cured and being happy is ableist

Other person, umprompted: YEAH WELL I'M DISABLED AND WISH I WAS CURED SO IT'S NOT

OH MY GOD SHUT UP, YOU'RE A PERFECT EXAMPLE WHY IT'S BAD, THAT SHIT TEACHES DISABLED PEOPLE THEY'RE BAD AND SHOULD FEEL BAD AND HOPE FOR A MAGICAL CURE BECAUSE IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN YOU'RE USELESS WHICH IS SHITTY.

Picture a child that's disabled, may it be by birth or by accident, they never see people like them and makes them sad. Then they hear of a show with someone with their disability and they're excited, but when they watch the character is either belittled or is just used as pity that apparently it makes them useless and that they're wrong until they're "fixed" and everything is great. Imagine the sadness of that child, maybe the start of self hate.

Because it's likely they will never ever see a character that isn't that or just toxic positivity, imagine the resentment at themself.

Congratulations, you wanting this stuff to maintain causes this to happen to a lot of kids.

11 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#2

The tf2 comic isn't out yet because one of the bot snipers eats a gun and always crashes the stuff where they save the script

14 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I look at this fucked up character and analyze for a bit before going "oh, they had a hellish childhood with lack of good parental support, having lost much of their autonomy, probably even having people try getting rid of it once and for all by trying to control their emotions making them cling to anything where they can get autonomy, even if it's murder or any other violence because that's the biggest factor of autonomy, being able to decide if someone lives or dies." and adding them to my kin list

16 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[yandere-flower]

Okay so I had this whole plan to go over who would be besties and enemies within the boys group then the girls group, and then both together, but I became obsessed with the girls friend dynamic!

So for the girls I can see a sort of mean girls friend group situation happening because they all have their own very different and distinct personalities that could on one end allow them to lean on eachother for various types of support or on the other end, cause a lot of conflict.

First off, Zara is obviously the head honcho. The elite leader of the group who takes the initiative to plan where they are all gonna hang out, what they are all gonna do, ect ect. I feel as tho she'll take into consideration what the other two are into and sometimes do things that fall into Olive and Margos interests, but most of the time shes calling the shots. Also I can see her being VERY overprotective over the other two if they become good enough friends. Like, she'll act as if they are disposable at times but if someone makes a sly comment on Margos apperance or says Olive is an airhead, Zara is going for blood.

Olive is the super supportive positive bestie who although may not know whats going on sometimes, will undoubtly stab a bitch or help in a makeup or outfit crisis. She is down to do basically whatever and has enough positive energy to get the group out of any negative vibes when they are in a less than pleasant situation. Also I personally think Olive is really great at dealing with more emotional situations so if maybe Margo was having a panic attack or feeling very uncomfortable Olive is the one who is able to bring her back down, and the same goes for when someone angers or upsets Zara. Olive jumps right in to difuse the situation so Zara doesn't commit a murder.

And Margo, albeit the more shy and reserved member of the trio, provides good analytical advice for different problems the other two are going through, and is a VERY good listener. Margo is the very much needed calming factor in the group due to the others huge personalities but also knows when to step back when needed. Now I think the other two push Margos limits a lot due to the fact that she is not big into social situations with a lot of people and that can perhaps lead to arguements further down the line, but I dont nessicarily think that its a toxic friendship and that Margo is being forced to do anything she doesnt want to. At least most of the time 👀, (Peer pressure is no joke) but I think that Margo sort of likes the fact that her friends care so much as to try to push her to be better, although they can be A LOT sometimes.

There are many ways that this friendship can fail due to their comflicting personalities, but I think with communication and understanding (maybe in a world where they arent yanderes 👀) they can have a really great and long lasting friendship.

Also just IMAGINE how terrifying the idea is of these three teaming up to do illegal shit, thats a whole other post lol

I feel so bad I asked this question then BOLTED because of a busy work week but here we are now!

I love this mean girls idea because each one does fit perfectly into a role and trope, and it really just amplifies their individual quirks and personalities by 100x.

[faithfromanewperspective]

take this with a grain of salt for sure but maybe ‘xxx only cares about things to a certain extent, only does activism when it’s of some benefit to them’ before you jump to ‘xxx you need to DO more and I can’t support you til you do’ (and unless it’s your dependent child you’re perfectly justified to do that, if it doesn’t work though, I might be able to explain to you why).

and that why is possibly that, through all the things they do, they might be trying to meet a need they have. and being human an awful lot of the time when we do that we actually end up meeting the needs of each other as well, advocating for other people like us, etc. yes a lot of people do horrific things trying to meet their own needs, and that’s not excusable, but I also think a lot of activism is born out of the same thing. for example when I design a public transport system and it gets put into place, I’ll start with the one that affects me from day to day where possible, and if it works out I get to work faster but so do thousands of other people. A lot of activism is motivated by some form of selfishness, and that in itself is not necessarily a bad thing. selfishness as defined as the drive to meet your own needs is not in itself a bad thing: in fact it’s a good thing up until the point that you actually get in the way of others’ meeting their needs while doing so, or you try to meet your own needs in bad or destructive ways.

for the sake of this exercise I want to mostly think of people who have more money than they need, of course it doesn’t exclusively apply to them but that’s who we’ll start with. because I sound like an old school hippie saying this but I don’t think our only needs are food and water and shelter. this might be the youth pastor in me but I think we need a lot more unconditional love and acceptance and respect than we realise. and I think we also need a lot more autonomy than we have and for a lot of people that’s what they end up controlling others to try and get. I think that beyond a certain point there’s actually nothing money can do to meet those needs, yes a lot of people are short of it but all it is is a social construct that is one form of power and power isn’t something you can bring into existence things like love and community with. you need other forms of capital too.

so I’ve just been really nerdy for a bit but here’s the application of what I’m saying: here you have a rich person, maybe yes they’re not used to going without (many of us are. many of us get by when we’re without things we need actually by advocating for others who in our eyes have less to get some of their needs met, and it helps us feel a little better, and helps us feed ourselves the lie that we have enough even if we don’t have something such as a form of connection that we really really want. it’s a distraction of sorts to look down the hierarchy of needs so we don’t focus on what we don’t have). but maybe because they have so much materially they try to convince themselves they have all their needs met—but actually their material wealth often gets in the way of being unconditionally loved and accepted and respected, because with power comes responsibility and with that come people who judge you on whether you’re doing enough with the power that they wish they themselves had to meet a need they see going unmet. And that is especially true if you’re also a marginalised group, people are you as more human and more able to empathise and this perpetuates things like make privilege and white privilege.

and it’s the same with men and the whole toxic masculinity we don’t need to be vulnerable thing. on a more broader global scale it’s the same with the global north: the west has individualism which is a genderless form of toxic masculinity which tells us not to think we need community or expect that need to be met, tells us what community we have is enough even if for some of us, it isn’t. all I’m saying is we all have unmet needs, mostly for things like connection and unconditional love and respect we can internalise from people important to us so that it doesn’t matter when people we don’t care about are critical or downright mean. I’d say the west in general has a lot of poverty in those areas, relational areas, and celebrities are probably the ones who experience that the worst. it’s fair in a morbid kind of way: those who amass material wealth will have poverty in other ways. karma.

but the thing about unmet needs is that they disable you. you can bypass them to some degree and god knows you should in the example I’m about to give, but just like you can borrow and borrow money to try and pay your rent but at some point that doesn’t work anymore, same goes with relational needs at a broader scale. some things require a cost to how known and loved we feel and sometimes that cost is worth paying. but just because therapy is worth paying for doesn’t mean that everyone is capable of paying for it, some simply don’t have the money and will have to go without. similarly, consequences of running out of the currency of being and feeling known and loved impact mental health which then impacts behaviour and the more public the breakdown the more it spirals on itself.

so you want this celebrity to stand up for palestine. they’ve got power to do a whole lot of good and god knows they kinda have a responsibility to do something even if it isn’t what they signed up for; none of us signed up for this except maybe the perpetrators who will turn around and blame hamas for ‘provoking’ them. you want this, then go and do your part to meet their relational needs, connection needs, etc. Question the whole system and unravel it. maybe there’s not much we can do from this distance but if you have any chance to tell them they’re loved and accepted somehow especially in the areas that are personal to them please fucking do it. do your bit to change culture about how we have respect and boundaries. it’s hard when you’re not in their inner circle and it more falls onto those who are, but you can do this for your community too, invest in building relational capital and learn how we do that and why we’re losing it and troubleshoot that. it’s all connected. and maybe it’ll work. maybe they’ll be filled up enough they believe it’s a risk worth taking or care about people enough or want the people to think they’re on the good side badly enough (again, selfish motivation isn’t necessarily bad, if it has a good impact). maybe they won’t. but for you reading this the important thing is that you did as much as you can and you’re learning every day how to do better because you’re probably living in relational and community and autonomy poverty too.

[nazali]

liable to change because these are still just plans and i have a while until i actually play them BUT i'm thinking these are gonna be my dark urge (half-)siblings

their story is gonna be Heavily headcanon and altered from the game but even so if you don't want some spoilers for dark urge related endings etc don't read this

rn my thoughts are

lilith (probably gonna be a magic-class, i'm feeling warlock) was always the more ambitious and political sibling, sadistic and self-preserving and focused. she had a "thing" with orin back in the day, not romantic but more likely a dynamic full of violence and chaos and general toxicity, but it worked for them and they were very much a destructive force to be reckoned with together

judas (fighter) is the older sibling, he began as something of a bodyguard to gortash and kind of got taken more and more seriously as time went by bc he's surprisingly intelligent and sharp despite everyone kind of taking him as just the muscle on first impression. he & gortash also very close but theirs is more of an actual Relationship compared to orin & lilith's

the sibs do kind of love each other in their own way but they're children of bhaal above all else. there's a loyalty there but it's not steadfast by any means

so they four of them (+ ketheric i suppose, i don't remember whether he was involved or not in canon at that point) are planning the whole nether brain takeover and in the background gortash is leaning on judas and trying to persuade him that the two of them should be ruling together without the others, because orin & lilith are too unpredictable and unreliable to keep around long-term

but before judas can come to a decision between throwing his lot in with gortash or sticking with his sister the events of the game happen, they get tadpoled (shoutout orin), they don't remember anything

i'll probably play them both in individual playthroughs so i can fully explore & develop their personalities and choices etc though i'll have them both in the game anyway, but judas is gonna be my canonical 'main tav' here

so they're both going through the events of the story and slowly recovering memories along the way, judas is much more of a conflicted & introspective durge type, he's not Guilt-ridden per se but he's not relishing the violence either because he hates the lack of control and not understanding why it's happening. meanwhile lilith is unrepentant, she cares far less about the reasons and far more about the fact that she gets to go wild and hurt

towards the end of the game their memories are returned enough for them to remember that by the time they were tadpoled they were on the verge of a group-wide interpersonal war, judas & gortash were on the cusp of turning on them, orin & lilith were on the cusp of killing them before they could have the chance

battle breaks out where orin is killed, gortash is wounded, it comes down to judas vs. lilith and lilith is winning bc her magic is Powerful, but gortash takes her down from behind and asks judas again to rule with him, and judas finally agrees because he Wants to fix the city & he wants gortash to fill in everything about himself he still hasn't remembered

maaaaybe i'll keep gortash's death via absolute, maybe i'll manufacture em a happy headcanon ending, i haven't decided yet. it will depend on whether i can actually see judas ruling at the end or if he winds up being a little more sympathetic as he develops to the point where i don't think he'd want to be sufficiently bhaalish

ANYWAY i love em already regardless of how this turns out. shitty little complicated family

[mirandamckenni1]

Liked on YouTube: Autistic Person Reacts to 'inspirational' Autism Mom Quotes... || https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa8kpZZ1xpM || Autistic Person Reacts to 'inspirational' Autism Mom Memes... 00:00 Let the cringe commence 01:15 We're angels from heaven 02:47 Autism is not everything 05:15 We're geniuses, obvs 06:16 Okay, maybe you're a genius 06:35 SUPERPOWER 08:53 Stare if you must 10:00 Iconic glasses of 2008 11:29 High vs Low functioning 13:38 Creepy smile 15:27 Offends me personally 17:05 Not autism friendly 18:24 No children are NORMAL 19:27 A problematic man 19:59 Autism Rocks & Rolls 21:18 Incredibly insensitive to have this on here. 22:30 End group projects 25:09 What God thinks of us 25:44 I'm ALWAYS right 26:30 AUTISM as an Acronym 29:00 The benefits of 'tism 30:01 CHOOSE YOUR FORK *Books Mentioned (the channel gets a tiny commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking this link, at no extra cost to you): Chloe Hayden's Different Not Less: https://amzn.to/3NK291S Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking: https://amzn.to/42XjqZY Quiet Power: Growing Up as an Introvert in a World That Can't Stop Talking: https://amzn.to/44ccTvm 💛 WATCH NEXT 💛: ACTUALLY AUTISTIC MEME REACTIONS: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEHi2YmjD7gEssdqTn0247t_niQMt2b22 What Does Masking Feel Like From the Inside?: https://youtu.be/H4vcMWB7fuQ References: Quotes about Autism: https://ift.tt/fJaZjPq Blanket DNR orders for people with learning disabilities and autism ‘never acceptable’, warns NHS England: https://ift.tt/hCLgfjK Rain Man: https://ift.tt/jUPdvyE Kim Peek Wikipedia (inspiration for Rainman): https://ift.tt/9ow2vtI The Truth about Hans Asperger’s Nazi Collusion: https://ift.tt/Dk6yog2 Toxic Positivity: https://ift.tt/fBjc9QW Higher or Lower? Why using functional labels to describe autism is problematic: https://ift.tt/E7DmJXe Temple Grandin Wikipedia: https://ift.tt/TNMrvYV Why Dr. Seuss got away with anti-Asian racism for so long: https://ift.tt/GjZqCWB 'Asperger syndrome' was introduced to the world by British psychiatrist Lorna Wing in the 1980s: https://ift.tt/AZ1zl5S DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional. *Links with a star are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you and any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories in the comments.