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like-a-bag-of-potatoes · 3 years

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Playing With Fire - Mrs. Andrews

A/N: So this is my first crack at Chicago fire fanfiction, so don't judge too hard, alright? This will unfold from the beginning of season three, so if you haven't watched it yet, but plan to; SPOILER ALERT! I tried to follow along with the storyline of the show, but some things have been changed. Shout out to my superawesome beta @thorne93, you rock!

A/N 2: Just one more part after this, guys. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this, been patient with my very flimsy posting schedule, and to those who has showed me love throughout this series. You are all AMAZING!

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Pairing: Kelly Severide x Beth (OFC)

Warnings: None I think

Wordcount: 2225

MASTERLIST

A million thanks to @campingmonkey for making this GIF for me on request. You’re the best!

Kelly didn't really understand what was happening when his alarm went off at 4am. He was ready to roll around and continue his sleep when he remembered why he had set his alarm in the first place. He basically rolled himself off the couch with a groan and padded his way to Beth's room.

Nightmares plagued Beth's sleep. Over and over again she saw that car coming towards her in slow motion. A loud crash, followed by Alex running away, and then she was all alone. No help ever came. When Kelly gently nudged her arm, she jerked awake.

“Sorry,” he whispered as Beth sat up in her bed.

“No, it's okay,” she said, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands.

Kelly sat on the edge of her bed, concern etched into his handsome face as he placed a hand on her knee. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I'm fine. Just a bad dream.”

“Want to talk about it?” he asked.

"I don't remember what it was,” she lied.

“Alright.” He gave her knee a firm squeeze. “Try and get some more rest. I'm right in there if you need me,” he reminded as he got to his feet again. He was just about to go back to the living room when a small, gentle hand closed around his wrist. He looked down to where their hands connected before he let his eyes meet hers.

It took a second for her to find her voice. “Can you stay here with me?”

She sounded so vulnerable, so broken, that Kelly was powerless to deny her anything. He nodded his head without saying a word and Beth moved over to make room for him before he climbed in. Neither of them spoke as Beth reached down and laced their fingers together, resting her head on his shoulder. Kelly kissed her hair and whispered a goodnight, and before long, Beth had drifted off to sleep again. Kelly on the other hand, didn't want to sleep right away, he wanted to stay awake a little and just enjoy the moment. It was nice to have her so close again, to feel her hand in his as he listened to her heavy, sleep filled breaths. Yes, he definitely needed to savor this moment for as long as he possibly could.

Beth woke up alone the next morning. Kelly had woken up at eight that morning, but he didn't have the heart to wake her up, so he had let her sleep. It was nearly an hour later when Beth came padding into the kitchen, her hair sticking out to all odds and end, her eyes still filled with sleep.

“Morning,” Kelly greeted, flashing her that charming smile of his. One thing he had learned about her was that she wasn't human until she had her morning coffee, so as soon as he saw her, he started getting a cup ready for her.

“Morning,” she greeted back, sending him a smile as he handed her the mug. She took a deep breath before she spoke. “Thank you for staying with me,” she said softly.

“Don't mention it,” he said kindly as they both took a seat at her table. “You remember what you were dreaming?”

“Just the accident,” she said, not looking up at him. “Apparently my brain thought it would be fun to play it on a loop in slow motion.”

“Are you okay?” he asked again, worrying his brows.

“I promise.”

“Can I ask you something?” he asked tentatively and Beth answered with a nod. “You said you’re claustrophobic,” he started.

“Mhm..”

“Does that have anything to do with why you left NYFD?”

Beth sighed and put her cup on the table. “It was a building collapse,” she started. “My partner and I got trapped with a patient we were trying to save. The patient died on impact, and my partner was badly injured. We were stuck there for nearly eleven hours,” she said with pain in her voice.

“I'm sorry, Beth,” he said, reaching out to give her hand a comforting squeeze. “How’s your partner?”

“He didn't make it.” A tear fell from her eye and she wiped it away. “My leg was pinned under some rubble and I couldn't get to him. So I just had to sit there and watch him die,” she sniffled at the memory.

Kelly got up from his seat and rounded the table, crouching down in front of her. It wasn't hard to understand why she had reacted the way she did when she got pinned in that car. He didn't know what to say to her, so he just reached up and cupped her cheek.

She melted into his touch, taking the comfort it provided. “I tried to go back after my leg had healed up, but I couldn't do the job anymore. Claustrophobia and panic attacks don't really go hand in hand with being a paramedic.”

“But it's getting better?” he wondered.

“Yeah, I'm getting there. I guess being stuck in that car- just a little too familiar I guess.”

Kelly didn't quite know what else to say, so he opted to give her a hug instead, trying to provide her with a little comfort. He knew as well as anyone what this job could be like, and he had seen how it could change people. The fact that Beth had left it behind after her injuries didn't make him think any less of her, to the contrary. It took strength to walk away from something you loved, to admit that it might have changed for you.

Beth sniffled into his shoulder, appreciating the gesture. She was about to say something more to him, but before she could, a knock on the door interrupted her, and pulled them apart.

“It's probably just Gabby checking in,” she said as she got to her feet. “You mind? I'm gonna go put some pants on.”

Kelly just nodded and went to open the door. He was expecting Gabby, or anyone else from 51, but he didn't recognise the woman on the other side of the door.

“Who are you?” she asked in a demanding tone.

Beth froze as she heard the familiar voice, instantly turning on her heel to go save Kelly.

“Mom! What are you doing here?”

She didn't answer, just looked Beth up and down with a disapproving look on her face while Kelly seemed as though he was a deer stuck in headlights.

“You know why I'm here,” mom countered, “You gonna let me in?”

‘No’ Beth thought to herself, but Kelly stepped aside to let the woman in. She pushed past them both, leaving her luggage in the hallway. Beth grabbed the suitcase and wheeled it inside before following her mom.

“It's smaller than I imagined,” she criticised as she looked around the apartment. When her eyes landed on her daughter, her hard features softened and she reached out to give Beth a hug. “I was so worried about you.”

Kelly came up to introduce himself. “It's nice to meet you Mrs. Andrews,” he said politely.

“So you’re Beth's friend?” she quizzed, actually making quotation marks around the word friend.

“Oh my god,” Beth exclaimed, hiding her face in her hands. “He's just a friend,” she pressed, pointing to the couch that was still made up.

“You always walk around half naked when you have friends over?”

“I just got out of bed, mom. And I've definitely not had enough coffee for this,” she added that last part under her breath.

“Have you eaten yet, or should I make something for you real quick?” She was already heading for the fridge.

And just like that Beth felt like she was fourteen years old again. “I don't have time for food mom, I have an appointment at the hospital.”

“Oh good. I wanted to talk to your doctor,” she chirped.

“No, mom. You don't have to come. Kelly is gonna give me a lift.”

“Nonsense. I'm here now. There's no need to put him out anymore,” Mrs. Andrews said sweetly, sending Kelly a tightlipped smile.

“No one is putting me out,” Kelly said politely. “I don't mind taking you both if that's alright?” he offered.

“Excuse us for a moment,” Beth said, taking Kelly by the arm and dragging him away. “I am so sorry about this,” she said with wide eyes. “I really didn't think she would just show up like this.”

“It's okay,” Kelly said with a chuckle.

“You should just go. Save yourself,” she suggested.

“I'm a big boy, Beth. I can take it,” he noted. “Besides, how bad can she be?”

“You’re gonna regret those words, Lieutenant.”

***

At least there weren't any awkward silences with Beth's mom around. There was a constant flow of words coming out of her mouth. Everything from complaining about the cold Chicago winter, to gossiping about neighbours back in New York, to bragging about Beth's brothers and their recent accomplishments. By the time Kelly pulled his car up to Beth's apartment, his ears were practically bleeding, and he was definitely excited about dropping them off. Beth on the other hand, was so embarrassed that she didn't have words.

She gave her mom the keys to her apartment and told her she'd be right in.

“Bet you regret not bailing when you had the chance,” Beth noted as soon as mom had disappeared through the front door.

“Just a tad,” he chuckled.

“I'm really sorry about all this. Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

He just shrugged it off. “So, what are your plans now that you have a clean bill of health?” he wondered, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“I don't know. Guess I have to ask my mom,” she joked, making Kelly laugh. Just then, Mrs Andrews stuck her head out the door and yelled something about them catching the flu if they stayed out there in the cold. Beth rolled her eyes and said she'd be right in. “You and Gabby be careful today, alright?” Kelly just bobbed his head. “I hope you find some answers.”

“Me too.” He closed the gap between them and placed a chaste kiss to her forehead before he started making his way around the car again.

“I'm here if you want to talk,” she called out just as he was about to get in.

“I'll keep that in mind,” he said with a smile. And with that he got back in his car and drove away.

Beth watched him until he turned the corner and then she took a deep breath to gather some strength before she headed back inside.

***

The next day was unbelievably cold, to the point that Chicago had issued a state of weather emergency and urged everyone to stay inside. Kelly tried to get out of his car, but didn't get very far before he sat back in and closed the door. He looked around for anything he could use to shield him from the cold during the short walk from his car and to the firehouse. A sweatshirt lay in the back seat, so he threw it on like a scarf and ran inside.

“Wow!” he exclaimed as he came through the door and almost ran into Tony.

“Pretty brutal out there today,” Tony noted.

“Yeah. I just saw a penguin. Crying,” Kelly joked.

Because of the weather emergency, everyone at the station knew that it was going to be a busy day. To top it all off, radio communication was down and the ambulance had starting issues. Kelly was in a good mood though. They had finally learned the truth about Shay’s death, and he really felt like that brought a little closure. His already good mood improved as Beth came through the door, carrying two full grocery bags.

Dawson greeted her first, taking one of the bags off of her hands. “What are you doing here? Didn't you catch the part about staying home?”

“I heard something about that on the radio on my way here. About the same time as I passed a crying penguin,” she joked.

Gabby looked from Beth to Kelly, chuckling as she shook her head. “Peas in a pod,” she muttered under her breath.

Beth turned to Kelly with a confused look on her face. “I made that same joke not ten minutes ago,” he explained, taking the other bag from her hands. “What are you doing here?”

“To make soup… and get away from my mom. Figured you'd all be pretty busy today, and cold, so.”

“I'm sure everyone will appreciate it,” he noted as they made their way to the kitchen. “How long is she staying?”

“I have no clue,” Beth said with a deep sigh. “She doesn't have a return flight and she keeps changing the subject everytime I ask. I hope soon though. She's taken over my entire apartment… even rearranged my cupboards - twice.”

“Wow.”

“Right!? I literally snuck out while she was in the shower.”

“And how many times has she called since then?”

“Just four. I call that improvement.”

Gabby came rushing through the doors, panic written all over her face, a small baby in her arms. “Someone just left her under the Safe Haven sign,” she breathed out.

“What?” Beth exclaimed as she hurried over. “People actually do that?”

Tags: @campingmonkey @deansgirl215 @thevelvetseries @graniairish

#Chicago Fire #chicago fire fanfic #chicago fire fanfiction #Kelly Severide #kelly severide fanfic #kelly severide fanfiction #kelly severide x reader #kelly severide series #kelly severide angst #kelly severide fluff

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armorabs · 4 years

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Invincibubble, Mr. Superawesomeness, Sour Note, Sir Pinch-a-Lot, The Rodent, and Plank-Ton are the only heroes that matter

i dont show it but im actually big into superhero comics . BUT still agree

oh, but mermaid man and barnacle boy too! theyre retired but... they still count (forms heart with my hands)

#IS THIS THE KRUSTY KRAB?#Mysterious Strangers

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killian-whump · 5 years

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For some reason when I watch one of Colins movies I feel that I’m not fully engrossed in the character, I still see a tad of him and maybe that’s just cause I know so much about him. I’m not trying to say Colin is a bad actor, but I just can’t really fully get captivated by a character of his unless they are very serious films such as WSR, I didn’t see a glint of Colin shrine through Peter. Is this just me??

No. It’s natural when you “get to know” an actor beyond just their role(s).

Imagine, if you will, that your best friend becomes an actor. They’re in the latest Marvel blockbuster, playing SuperAwesome Man or something. You go to the film, eager to support them... and I bet you $487593405 that, no matter how well they do in the role, you’re going to have a hard time seeing them as SuperAwesome Man and NOT as My Dorky Best Friend Pretending to Be SuperAwesome Man for an Hour and a Half.

Such is the same when you start following every aspect of an actor’s life, as opposed to just fangirling over one or two select roles. The key is not to assume this means anything bad about Colin’s acting (it doesn’t) or that you’re being too critical of his work (you’re not) - but to see it more so as little nuances that most viewers won’t pick up on, but that you’re lucky enough to catch.

Take, for instance, Killian’s ear scratch. He tends to scratch behind his ear when he feels awkward or shy. Colin does the same, and as fans of his, we can see that move and know it’s a little bit of himself that Colin’s put into the role. The average viewer doesn’t see it and think, “There’s something wrong here. That doesn’t look right.” because there’s nothing wrong with Killian having that quirk. It’s only because we recognize it as a trait of Colin’s that we're even giving it a second thought. The same goes for Rogers’s earnest smiles (also straight-up Colin) and Brennan’s goofiness (and, let’s be real, that entire bit with the beer coaster, which I’m still convinced was just Colin messing around on set and someone decided to film it and put it in the movie, lol). The best actors find things in their characters that they can relate to - and inject a part of themselves into each role to make it their own and to breathe life into characters that are otherwise just words on a page.

Now, if ALL of Colin’s roles exhibited the same nuances... that would be a problem. It would be a sign that he’s not so much acting and creating characters, but just playing himself pretending to be someone else. But they don’t. Each one has their own little nuances, their own little “tells” of Colin’s personal touch upon them... and instead of worrying about seeing them, embrace them as a sign of a character that’s been lovingly crafted by a talented thespian, and as more of a little secret between that thespian and his biggest fans

It’s less “his acting slipped and Colin peeked through” and more “I see you in there, Mr. O’Donoghue... You can’t fool me!” ;)

#colin o'donoghue #fandom #not whxmp #colin meta #anonymous #kw ask box

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dailynicknews · 5 years

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via NickALive!

#IFTTT #NickALive!#nickelodeon #nick

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itsevidentvery · 5 years

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Smut prompt: Dealers choice!

A-HA! well, you get TWO not-very-good storylets for the price of one because I couldn’t make up my mind.

1. Gala

It’s…Richard knows it’s his own idea. It’s the Better Place fundraiser and they’ve decided they need to shoehorn in SuperAwesome New Disruptor awards for whateverthefuck reason. Like, nobody watches the Oscars anymore, people. So of course why not import that bestselling formula to a fucking charity gala.

It’s bullshit, of course it is. It’s completely, entirely meaningless. Even making mouth-noises about how it’s an honour to be nominated is more effort and validation than this two-bit whore of an idea deserves.

Which doesn’t prevent Richard’s stomach lining from trying to eat itself and torch and burn Richard’s entire nervous system on the way.

And with the lights in Richard’s eye on stage (stage!) he won’t even be able to look at Jared, beaming like a searchlight at him and looking ready to murder anyone in Richard’s way like the sweetest little velociraptor he is.

So this - this - is Jared’s idea, and it’s not like…. it has merits. This way, he has something to distract him and he can feel Jared’s presence even if he can’t see him. He hasn’t thought about being on stage, or puking on Elon Musk’s shoes, or whether his mic can pick up the sounds of him gulping. Not for thirty whole minutes.

Which is good.

He’s still not sure how they got from ‘I need a distraction’ to ‘Yes, Jared, please stick these remote-controlled vibrating butt-plugs up my ass at this SV shindig’, though.

2. Dealer’s choice

‘Mr Bachman?’

Richard squints at his phone. ‘No, this is Richard Hendricks,’ he says. ‘I think you have the wrong number.’

There’s murmuring on the other end of the line and then the voice comes back. ‘No, I’m afraid this is the number we were given, Mr. Bachman. Mr. Erlich Bachman?’

‘What the - ERLICH!’

He’s nowhere to be found. Of course. And not answering his phone. Of course. Off finding himself somewhere in Guadalajara. Fuck knows who he’ll kidnap this time claiming to have found his spirit animal.

‘Mr. Bachman, I’ve been reviewing the accounts of my…’ a heavy sigh ‘my…tenant, and it seems that your debt for ‘One hundred pounds of primo Kush’ is well overdue.’

Richard scrubs a hand over his face. ‘I…look, this really isn’t Erlich. He, he must have given you my number because he thought it was - fuck knows why he did it, but I can’t - ’

There’s a silence, and then another heavy sigh. ‘I see. The difficulty is, Mr. Hendricks, was that the alias you gave me?’

‘It’s my name!’

‘Mr. Hendricks, it’s getting urgent. I need my tenant to pay his rent, and it seems, from what I can make out from his books, that Mr Bachman is a…significant debtor, and…’

‘I get it,’ says Richard. He can feel a headache start. ‘Look, I get it, and like…I’m sorry, or whatever, but I can’t right now, I have no vision…’

‘I see - oh no, I’m sorry, was that a slur? I didn’t mean…’

‘..What - no! I’m not blind, I was just… never mind. I just, I have this thing to do by tomorrow or my company’s fucked before it was even born and like what the fuck is a cap table and…’

‘It’s a summary of ownership, equity value and dilution for each investment round of your company.’

‘…. Okay, well I…’

‘Would you like some help?’

‘……….Do you….’

‘I work in Business Development at Hooli.’

‘….’

‘But if you’d prefer not, of course I - ’

‘I’m texting you the address.’

The guy on the other end of the line turns out to be a nervous stringbean with giant blue eyes called Jared Dunn. Apparently it’s actually Donald and the guy does not have a good explanation for why it’s….not, anymore.

He works through the night and won’t have pizza and when Richard tells him he can use the bathroom he nearly keels over from gratitude. And when Erlich comes back Richard’s so grateful to have the cap table fixed he forgets to yell at him for leaving his number with a dealer. Again.

This may also have something to do with the fact that Richard’s neck is still tingling from when Jared fixed his collar.

********************************************************************************

‘You know,’ says Richard to Jared, some years later, ‘you could, uh. You could. I could have…settled the debt with you?’ He coughs. ‘Some, uh. Some other way.’

Jared tilts his head to look at him. ‘Darling, it wasn’t your debt to begin with.’ He considers. ‘Or mine, really.’

‘No, I know,’ says Richard, ‘But like…’ he sidles closer to Jared, ‘like…I could, uh, have..worked it off…some….other….way?’

Jared continues to look like a concussed bird. Richard sighs and tells himself to remember this the next time he tries to work up the courage to try anything remotely close to dirty talk ever again.

Still, he thinks as he pillows his head on his husband’s bony chest, can’t complain.

#silicon valley #silicon valley hbo #sv hbo #jarrich #my fic #get out the smut 2k18 #ladollyvitam

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toyutopiausa · 3 years

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noawesomenessleftundexed · 7 years

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Good Rotomorning! I’m back, and I’m still the Bzzt around!

Can I still make an entrance or what?

Hey everyone! It’s your favorite Rotom - now a RotomDex - blogging to you from Alola! Once @citroidunit‘s superawesome superstar, I’ve started from my own zero and now I’m here bringing you the continued adventures of Ash Ketchum. Last time Ash visited a region it ended with a legendary mechadragon blasting a loony billionaire and his rock dragon into Kaboom City, so I’m hoping for some real excitement this time.

Big props to @bonnielovespokemon for keeping this place warm while I was getting used to the place. I tell you, this region is better than a box full of machines!

Speaking of which... yeah, I know this all happened a while ago. Hey! I’ve been bzzy! I’ll try to keep things in past tense to keep you in suspense until we get current. Heeeheee!

Alright! Let’s get started!

This guy here? He’s Professor Kukui. He studies Pokemon moves up close and personal. Great laughs from this guy. I’ve been hanging around his house for awhile. He said he had something big planned, so I stayed to check it out.

And that’s Ash Ketchum and Pikachu. Now, if you’re wondering what he’s holding?

That’s my new awesome bod! Say good Rotomorning to Rotom, Pokedex Forme!

This Pokedex shell is buzzing with features! It’s got a cool camera scan mode for Dexing.

It’s also got some major language selection features. It’s kinda like the translation thing I had set up with @citroidunit, but it’s also kinda quirky and the internal auto-subtitles aren’t the best? But hey, it’s got me in it so you already know my opinion of it.

I registered Ash in Alola and he said how awesome I was. Took a while to understand him in this shell, but I figured it out.

And hey, who am I to disagree?

To add Pokemon data to my Pokedex functions, I take pictures of Pokemon.

So I took pictures of Rockruff and Pikachu! It was about here that I gave my brilliant summation of the awesome tech I was inhabiting.

He uh... A for effort, kid. He asked me what I had so say about Pikachu, so I gave him the entry.

Now, I didn’t tell Kukui or Ash (I’m being cool and coy about my past - let the kid enjoy his fun and don’t tell him) but I didn’t think that was right so I figured I’d test that out.

It uh... went better than I hoped. It’s like they say, “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.”

(Other people can do the dying though...)

So I followed Ash to the Pokemon School. I can’t access the Ol’ Kukui’s lab cameras so we are going first-person, folks!

This is Kiawe and Mallow. I think? Either that or Mao? Language quirks here. I’ll go with Mallow. Mallow sounds cooler.

This is Lillie and Sophocles. You can tell how smart Lillie is already.

But Sophocles... uh... I like ya man, but personal experience tells me that very little good comes from Electric-type Nerds with screwdrivers. (No offence, @this-blog-will-not-explode.)

We also met the Principal!

His comedy needed a little work. (Not me though. My puns were great This Pokedex data really helped out!)

Kukui said the lesson was going to be fieldwork - *I* was going to help Ash get his very first Alolan Pokemon! And the others could come too.

I looked that up. Kinda morbid, man.

So we went out into the forest. And of course yours truly found a Pokemon.

Snappy dresser, but not exactly Mr. Sunshine. I was about to get started with my RotomDex schtick when-

Lillie here comes in. She was about to go into it but I did my job. This here’s Mimikyu (Is that one k or two? I’ll get back to you on that.)

And apparently the last guy who tried to look under that rag died trying. So yeah, Ash wanted to capture that one.

Ash’s Iron Tail is solid as always, but it didn’t work out. I didn’t look it up at the time, but Mimikyu has the Disguise Ability. It’s “head” is actually a decoy, so the first hit there is a waste of time.

Mimikyu though wasted no time, getting in close with Play Rough. I got a great zoom on this.

And if you’re asking why I didn’t join in? This shell is built for Dexing, not battling. Sucks for them. <{:3}:

Mimikyu packs a nasty Shadow Claw,

And a whatever that was. I had no idea at the time. I guess even the Pokedex doesn’t have all the answers.

Ugh. These jokers again. I had to make like I didn’t know them, but they’re never ones to not give their own introductions. Ash knew them ad explained them to the others.

Yes, Sophocles. Excellent.

So Team Rocket tells Meowth to fight Pikachu so they can catch Mimikyu, and everyone knows how this is going to end.

Great camera, by the way, bzzt!

But then Mimikyu uses its Shadow Ball to save Meowth’s butt and says it’s going to lend a hand. Everyone was all,”wha?” but Mimikyu explained and Meowth translated.

And trust me, this is the G-Rated version. Yeesh.

So Mimikyu was getting ready to fight Pikachu when...

This Bewear comes out of nowhere and picks up Team Rocket before making off with them. I did my Dexing thing. Apparently it looks friendly but is really strong and dangerous to humans.

So yeah, worldssmallestviolin.mp3 here.

But at least it got Meowth and Wobuffet to take Mimikyu and run off after them. Good riddance.

But Ash still wanted to catch a Pokemon. Did he?

You’ll maybe see next RotomDex Rotime! Until then, stay bzzy folks!

#Good Rotomorning!#Pokeani RP

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thebibliophagist · 7 years

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⭐ Goodreads ⭐ Amazon ⭐

When womanizer Jude Sinclair meets sexy dancer Claire Anderson, sparks immediately fly. It might seem like these two were meant for each other, but Claire’s keeping a secret and Jude’s rocky family life makes things difficult. Although Claire and Jude love each other fiercely, is love enough to make their romance last?

Okay, that’s about as much PR-style writing as I can possibly muster up for this absolute mess of a book. I don’t think that there was one thing that I liked about it. Let me give a more honest summary:

Our hero is the “campus manwhore” who “gets more ass than a toilet seat.” Claire is “not like other girls” and has some serious intimacy issues. She’s also never felt a single emotion for a man. Their eyes meet across campus and they have a heartwarming conversation about how Claire’s friend has crabs -- yes, the STD. Somehow, this conversation is incredibly arousing to Claire and Jude, and they immediately fall into the most cringy, cheesy instalove I’ve ever read.

Please be aware that, while I’m not going to give away any of the major plot points, there will be some minor spoilers below.

My initial impression, from about the first 3% or so, was that Jude is a cocky jerk. I didn’t understand what Claire saw in him, and honestly, having finished, I still have no idea. I’m not sure whether Jude is supposed to seem immature, but he does. He is incredibly immature. At one point, he says, verbatim:

I love riding my bike, though. It’s probably my third favorite thing to do after hockey and sex.

Because that screams twenty-year-old womanizer, right? Certainly not twelve-year-old-trying-to-sound-cool. And let’s talk about this womanizer thing for a second, okay? I don’t have a problem with the fact that Jude has slept with the entire campus. What I do have a problem with is

His attitude about it, and

Everybody else’s attitude about it.

Because Jude can’t understand that he was a jerk. He went around telling girls it was just a one night stand, but if he ever decided to start dating, that he’d call them. Apparently, he said this to every girl. And now he can’t understand why these girls are upset that he’s dating somebody else. He says, and excuse me, but I almost threw the book across the room at this point:

“I said if I started dating I’d call, but I never promised it.”

I’m sorry, are you eight years old? Like someone got upset with you on the playground and you said, “IT’S NOT LIKE I EVER PROMISED I'D PLAY WITH YOU!” The worst part of this is that it seems like we’re supposed to take Jude’s side in this confrontation. The girl he’s talking to makes absolutely valid points. You don’t lure somebody into bed with the possibility of a future relationship if that’s not something you’re actually interested in. Jude is an entitled, sexist jerk. If you don’t believe me yet, just wait. There’s more coming. But for now, let’s move on to the next point: everybody else.

I’m not sure what kind of college Bellevue is supposed to be, but apparently, everybody knows everybody else’s business. Jude actually has to change his phone number to stop getting texts from every girl he’s ever slept with. People come up to Claire at all hours of the day to discuss her boyfriend’s sexual history. How everybody knows that Jude is her boyfriend, and, on top of that, how everybody knows about his sex life is beyond me. I mean, I went to a huge university. There were over 40,000 students, so to think that I might know about some random girl’s boyfriend is insane. Maybe this would make sense if Bellevue were a tiny college -- but they can’t be too tiny if they have such great athletics.

But even setting the suspension of disbelief aside, the idea that random people would come up to you in class or while you’re at work or while you’re walking down the street just to tell you that your boyfriend has had a lot of sex? That’s weird. Is that a thing that people really do? Do you, personally, see a girl walking down the street and think to yourself, “Oh. My. God. I think she’s that girl from Jude’s Facebook picture. I should tell her about his sexual history!” No, you don’t, because you’re not insane. It’s just this weird, unnecessary drama that adds nothing to their relationship other than a minuscule bit of tension -- because Claire legitimately doesn’t care.

Anyway, let’s talk about Claire. Claire is, I suppose, an infinitely better character than Jude. She’s strong. She’s independent. She’s not afraid to put herself first or to go after what she wants. But Claire is a huge hypocrite. She absolutely derides her deceased mother for her life choices while living a life that’s not much different. Her mother was a stripper, a drug addict, and slept around a lot. It’s understandable that a kid might have a complex from growing up with that. I get it. But Claire works as a burlesque dancer, and while she doesn’t take her clothes off for money, she does perform sensual dances for horny men while wearing only underwear. She used to sleep around with older men and do drugs but changed her life a couple years back. So what I’m getting at here is that Claire got help, something her mom didn’t have. She got clean and she stopped putting herself in dangerous situations. But, given that she experienced all of that, shouldn’t she have some compassion for her mother? Or, even if she doesn’t have compassion, maybe she could hate her mother for treating her poorly or for constantly putting her at risk. Not for her occupation.

Claire’s major characteristic, aside from her “banging body,” is the fact that she’s “not like other girls.” Now, what makes her “not like other girls,” you might wonder. Well, you see, it’s the fact that when Jude watches her dance team practices, she’s in shorts and a t-shirt. Maybe he thinks that girls do their athletic practices in ball gowns and high heels, I don’t know.

This book was so bad. Just so, so bad. I’m sorry that I have to subject you to that in this review. Please feel free to stop. I know I wanted to DNF this book so many times, so I can’t expect you to read a review about that is bound to be about as long as a full-length college essay.

Can we move on to the plot for a second? Now, in general, I have no problem with the premise. I actually really enjoy sports romances when they’re done right. I don’t mind reading about bad boys being tamed by the right girl, and I think by now everybody knows that romance is kind of my thing. But the plot is so disappointing. I saw all of the major twists coming, so even the climax of the book felt boring. When I was about 10% in, I made a note in my Kindle that “I bet this book ends with an engagement or a baby,” because I would expect nothing else from this type of book.

The writing here is a little off as well, which surprised me since most of the reviews I’ve seen have praised it for being so well-written. Well, I’m here to tell you that if you have opinions about grammar and sentence structure and the use of super as an adjective, you should probably think twice about reading this book.

So, there are weird chunks of the book where the word “ya” is substituted for “you.” Like, just randomly. I’m originally from Wisconsin, so this makes me read the book in a midwestern accent, and I know that’s not what the author intended.

• “I’ll text ya when I’m done” • “I guess you can say I missed ya” • “Yeah, whatever, don’t tell him I told you that or I’ll push ya next time” • “Wonderful to meet ya”

I just… no. And then the supers. I wish I’d been counting the supers from the beginning because there are just so many of them.

• “I’m supertired since I didn’t get in till late” • “That was superlow, Rach” • “I’m going to make love to you. Probably superfast.” • “That was supercorny” • “Mrs. Sinclair, Lucy, Angie, and Jace were amazing, good people and superfun” • “You are a superconfident man.” • “They are superhot. You should wear them to bed one time.” • “He’s a supercool dude. He can’t hate me – I’m a cool dude!” • “Lol! U dork! Say hi, he’s supernice.” • “He is great! Superawesome!” • “Each guy is looking at me like I’m trying to steal her virtue, and all the women are looking at me like I’m a piece of cake. It’s superweird.” • “You’re actually super-romantic.” • “He’s fast, though. Superfast.” • “Okay, well, Reese is supertired, so we’re going to go.”

Um, so, adjectives other than super do exist. There are words like really and very and extremely and so and quite and overly and utterly and excessively and should I go on? I think you get the point.

There are also weird anachronisms that don’t make much sense. For example, there’s this scene where Claire texts Jude to ask him if he knows “Don’t Matter” by Akon. I’m not sure if there’s an American millennial in existence that doesn’t know that song, but Jude’s all like, “LOL no! I’ll download it!” It’s hard to tell whether Jude is supposed to be too young to know it (in which case I’ll cry at my old age) or if this book was written a while ago and just took some time to be published. Regardless, “Don’t Matter” becomes their anthem -- the first of many.

A few more points on the writing and then I’ll move on to something else I hated.

I think I’d like to talk about euphemisms now. This is a difficult thing in romance writing, because the very clinical “then I got an erection and put my penis in her vagina” is not sexy, and on the flip side, something like, “then I got excited and put my love rod in her woman cave” is just cringy. It’s a fine line that can make or break a book. Well, when Jude’s narrating, he has this habit of saying things like, “Everything inside me is hard.” We all know what you’re talking about, Jude. You’re not fooling anybody. It’s not like your intestines have calcified. Your dick is hard. I was rolling my eyes so much at the sex scenes because they’re just so over-the-top.

And jumping over now to the responsibility side of things, I want to talk about safe sex. Now, both Claire and Jude have had a lot of sex. There is nothing wrong with that. I want to reiterate this -- there is nothing wrong with couples who have extensive sexual histories. But when these characters have known each other for mere days, when they know about each other’s past and decide to become intimate, I expect them to use a condom. That’s the bare minimum that you can do while still being responsible. So, sure, Claire and Jude use a condom the first time. And then never again, because they “trust each other.” You can trust somebody and still use a condom. Heck, you can be married to somebody and still use a condom. It has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with being a responsible adult.

What kind of message does this kind of writing send? The message that if you’re really horny, nothing bad will happen if you forgo the condom, provided you really, really trust the person you’re having sex with. NEWSFLASH: Anybody can say, “Don’t worry, I got tested last week and I’m clean.” Anybody can say, “Don’t worry, I’m on the pill.” Anybody can say, “You’re the only person I’ve ever done this with.” It doesn’t make it true. Especially when it’s someone you’ve only known for a few days. I absolutely despise this trend, which seems to happen primarily in new adult romances. This attitude is so damaging and I really hope that it’s not seeping into real life.

Alright, remember how I said, like 1500 words ago, that I’d get back to Jude’s sexism? Buckle up, because here we go.

“I’m the man -- I drive.”

Jude actually says this to Claire about her own car. Like, he won’t even let her drive the car that she owns. It’s not like he’s being possessive of his vehicle, or even saying that he’d prefer to drive her around in his car. Nope, he’s literally telling her that, as the woman, she should get in the passenger seat of her own vehicle. I’m sorry, I thought we were in the 21st century. I must have forgotten that we went back to the 1950s.

“Taking a step toward her, I expect her to take a step back or even run from me, but I forget that Claire isn’t like other girls.”

Okay, setting aside the once again problematic “not like other girls” trope, let’s focus on the other part of this. The fact that a very angry Jude takes a menacing step toward Claire and expects her to run from him. The fact that he wants her to be afraid of him. This is not loving behavior. This is not sexy behavior. This is unhealthy. This is wrong. And I’m glad that Claire stands up to him and doesn’t run, but then I’m also not because three seconds later, they’re in a full-on makeout session, which just reinforces Jude’s awful behavior.

“You’re basically your mother. Better pick up the crack pipe since you have the stripper part down.”

This is our hero… talking to our heroine. Somehow this is supposed to be okay since his feelings are hurt. Since he’s just lashing out in pain. But he doesn’t even apologize -- Claire has to apologize to him! I cannot believe that, in the 21st century, this is the kind of behavior that I have to be subjected to.

I’m just so done. I’m not going to read the other books in this series. I’m not going to read anything else by this author. I am so, so disappointed in this book, which somehow has a higher average rating than some of my absolute favorites. There are people that think this book is cute. There are people that think the relationship between Claire and Jude is sweet. That it’s #goals. I can’t help but feel like those people read an entirely different book.

I honestly could keep going -- my review was originally eleven pages (single spaced) of quotes, rambles, and inappropriate GIFs -- but I’ll stop here.

If you’re looking for a good hockey romance, try Elle Kennedy’s The Deal. If you’re looking for a good instalove story, try Ruthie Knox’s Madly. If you’re looking for a good college romance, try Tiffany Truitt’s Seven Ways to Lose Your Heart.

A lot of people have loved Boarded By Love, but I’m not one of them.

Final rating: ★☆☆☆☆

#book review #one star #genre: romance #genre: new adult #booklr

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