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timeagainreviews · 23 days ago

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The Robot Revolution Will Be Televised

If headlines were anything to go by, pre-screened reviews of the latest episode of Doctor Who, “The Robot Revolution,” were mixed. The ending was referred to as “controversial.” My gut reaction was worry that it would be yet another lore change. I felt like the Babadook mum screaming, “Why can’t you just be normal?” There were a couple of moments that I felt could be divisive. Cat fanciers might have balked at the untimely demise of Lucy from number 7’s cat. Then there was the moment when our lovable robot pal, Scoot, vacuums up Alan at his most zygotic. But Lucy from number 7’s cat was quite literally RTD doing the opposite of saving the cat to let you know these robots are bad business. And the sperm and egg line is so camp that it’s going to be one of those “my girlfriend is a paving slab instances.” But we know the real reason this episode might spark controversy.

Was that the first cannon mention of sperm in Doctor Who? I certainly can’t recall another instance of the word in the show’s nearly 62 years of existence. The new Davies era has added quite a few new words to Doctor Who’s lexicon. We now have cosplay, sperm, and even incel. That’s two new additions in a single episode! Bravo! Jokes aside, it’s the incels who may or may not be mad about this episode. I’ve learned to turn down the volume of those types of people years ago. I often refer to it as background static because that’s what it is. The truth is, the only issue I have with Belinda Chandra saying “It’s the planet of the incels,” is that it’s a bit on the nose. But this episode is so camp that I’m not even upset.

The Chibnall era had the unfortunate knock-on effect on people’s perception of a woman Doctor. Because the show wasn’t very good, some people (idiots) blamed it on Jodie Whittaker’s gender. Another knock-on effect was how it made so any legitimate criticism of the era also had to first combat claims of sexism. It was a messy time in the fandom. But when the show is good and people are still complaining, then what is the complaint? No episode of Doctor Who is perfect, but this might be one of those times where if you didn’t like the episode, it’s probably because you’re an incel. You’d have to make one hell of an argument because, baby, I had fun!

My impression of Russell T Davies has always been that he’s a man who appreciates when Doctor Who is a little camp. He even refers to the Robots as “camp” on Doctor Who Unleashed. Part of Doctor Who’s charm is that it exists in a hyper-reality where Doctor Who is possible. This week, he leaned heavily on the retro-futurism of ‘50s B-movies, citing 1955’s “This Island Earth” as one of his main inspirations. Fans of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 will be well-acquainted with This Island Earth, as it’s the film they riff in the MST3K movie. It’s a gloriously corny bit of science fiction from Universal in their post-horror era. The AI Generator’s throne room could easily have existed on Metaluna.

However, the usage of retro-futurism here is also part of a growing trend in sci-fi to embrace vintage tech. In the Alien franchise, we’ve seen the return of the chonky mechanical keyboards of the Nostromo. The computers in Star Wars still look like absolute dogshit. And. I. Am. Here. For. It. It’s nice to see the Doctor using computer panels that resemble something the Second Doctor would have utterly destroyed. I’m reminded of “World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls,” when they took the look of the Cybermen from “The Tenth Planet,” and updated their texture and materials enough to make them seem realistic. Things don’t always need to look how you expect them to, they can look how they need to look. The Doctor doesn’t need to pull up a Tony Stark-type HUD of holographic buttons for me to believe he’s on an alien planet.

Grounding this fantastic wonderworld in a bit of much-needed reality is Varada Sethu as Belinda Chandra. Belinda is a nurse who works hard for the NHS. She lives off of the least spoiled items in a community fridge. She’s a no-nonsense type who treats her work with the utmost sincerity. For the most part, nobody needs to tell us that Belinda takes her job seriously because it’s evident through her actions. Belinda doesn’t just sleep soundly; she sleeps on her stomach over her covers, presumably where she collapsed in exhaustion the instant she got home. This is precisely the sort of character work I’ve been missing from RTD since he returned. His work crafting the Tyler household was so strong that you felt as though you knew Jackie and Rose. I hope he keeps developing Belinda in this fashion.

We first meet Belinda as a teenager, talking to her dickweed of a boyfriend, Alan Budd. It’s clear from the outset that Alan doesn’t respect or even particularly like Belinda. He wants to possess and control her. He names a star after her but needs to associate it with her marital status by adding “Miss” at the beginning of her name. He critiques how she tears open her gift. He also steals the world’s most awkward and unearned kiss from her. In part, Alan is a knob and she knows it.

I found it a bit odd that Belinda would keep the star certificate all of these years later. But despite the irksome “Miss,” or Alan’s name on the diploma, it is still a bit cool to have a star named after you. Alan, as it would turn out, was the least significant part of that equation. In the words of Bilbo Baggins, “Why not keep it?” The episode wastes no time bringing the Robots into Belinda’s life. They drop in, break down some walls, terrify some nurses, and vaporise Lucy from number 7’s cat. RIP kitty. But things don’t happen so fast as to deny us a brief moment with the enigmatic and fourth-wall-breaking Mrs Flood. She’s up to her usual spooky shit. Very little new to report there. The question one must ask, however, is whether Belinda lives near where Ruby lived, or does Mrs Flood get about?

The Doctor tries to save Belinda, but as he’s chasing her, both she and the Doctor experience a “schwup,” in the space-time continuum, causing them to arrive at their destination at different points in time. Their destination? Missbelindachandra One is a planet whose name I would have read as gibberish the first few times in a book but is simply Belinda’s name as it appears on the star certificate, sans spacing, plus one. The Robots are the merciless hatchetmen of an imbicilic AI Generator. This is one of those rare moments where Doctor Who referencing current events doesn’t feel painfully dated, as the AI debate still rages on. You’ll be happy to know that anything you ever read on my blog is always 100% me. Fuck AI.

The Doctor has ingratiated himself into society on Missbelindachandra One. He holds the prestigious title of historian, which, when you consider megalomanics and their attitude toward accurate history must have been torture to the Doctor. Can you imagine trying to spin the AI Generator’s status as a bronze Torbjorn main as something cool? The Doctor truly is selfless. I’d have been stealing shit from the office every day. Call it quiet quitting, I call it fighting the power. My wibbly wobbly timey wimey lunch breaks would redefine the meaning of thirty minutes. Though, I do find the timing all to be a bit off. The Doctor says it took him a long time to rise to the role of Historian, but he’d been there for 6 months before Sasha 55 discovered him. Though, as we’ve learned from the Eleventh Doctor, any time sitting still is interminable. In an episode so fucky, it’s ironic that that’s the only timeline that confuses me.

Spoilers for the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme action sci-fi movie “Timecop,” but this episode reminded me of Timecop. Particularly, the moment when the evil Senator MacComb touches himself from another timeline, and the two melt into a puddle. It left an impression on 11-year-old me as it was one more way, like quicksand, which could totally kill me. Previously on Doctor Who, two of the same object or person co-existing has a plethora of effects, especially when those two items or people touch. Rose Tyler holds baby Rose Tyler, and the walls of reality weaken. Amy Pond touches her younger self, and nothing happens. Two of the same sonic screwdriver throw sparks. These diplomas throw us into a trippy Troughtonesque psychedelia where people age in and out of form like a Chris Cunningham video. It's a stunning bit of film making, and that shit reminded me of Timecop.

Much of this episode reminded me of other stories. We have echoes of “The Girl in the Fireplace,” with a society of automatons (and people) taking a name too literally. My sister and I are watching through modern Who at the moment, and we found weird parallels within “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship.” The villainous Solomon even spurred my sister into saying “Incels make the best villains.” Too true, Rachelle. Too true. But the story which I thought of the most was the Seventh Doctor adventure, “Paradise Towers.” You have a dystopian future where society is thrown into chaos by an overzealous artificial intelligence. My friend Gerry and I both commented that the moment Manny showed up, we both thought of Pex. The big evil robot faces even compliment each other. I also thought of Futurama’s Femputer, which is really secretly a Fembot, which is itself a reference to The Wizard of Oz.

A man behind a curtain is exactly the issue. Alan Budd is our AI Generator. After Belinda inadvertently got Alan kidnapped ten years in the past (thanks to the schwup), he became a sadistic ruler over Missbelindachandrakind. However, due to a fault in programming, he runs on an 8-part cycle, rendering him and his robot thugs unable to hear every ninth word. Because of this, a rebellion was able to form against the AI Generator. But he too is fighting his own rebellion against himself, the Alan part of him that exists within every ninth moment yearns for death. He’s a pathetic figure, really. He’s an idiot’s idea of power. A very apt archetype for today’s leadership. I like to think it was a conscious decision on the effects department’s behalf to make one of his arms way bigger than the other. Alan is clearly working out at Onan’s Gym. It really is the cherry on top of an already stunning design.

Davies’ season openers are usually airier romps. Something to dip our toes back into the world of Doctor Who. Aspects reminded me of “Smith and Jones,” when the Judoon force the Doctor and his new companion into meeting through kidnapping. “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” while initially praised as a return in tone to the Star Wars franchise, has since been reappraised (perhaps unfairly) as a rehash of the original film. Similar criticisms have been lobbied toward RTD, which accuse him of recycling older concepts from Doctor Who. It comes with the territory when a writer returns to a franchise. You’re bound to see some of the same themes. But Doctor Who does this a lot. “The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood” is basically a rehash of “The Silurians,” with a dash of “Frontios” thrown in for good measure. “Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel” is a reimagining of the origins of the Cybermen, swapping the mirrored “Tenth Planet” of Mondas for an alternate reality Earth. We’re in season two of this new version of the show, expect to see more “remixing” of the classics. You’re old now.

One thing which I hoped Davies would do is chill out a bit. Stop trying so hard and just let loose a little. This feels like that. When Rose Noble gave her speech about being non-binary in “The Star Beast,” I complained that it felt a bit clunky. It had that awkward David Lynch is your uncle telling transphobes to fix their hearts or die energy to it. It comes out a bit weird, but his heart is in the right place. But with this story, it felt more natural. Sure, lines like “You’ve taken coercive control and made it complete control of the whole planet,” are a bit on the nose, but as I said earlier, the camp tone affords those moments. This all feels very deliberate and considered.

Much of the script feels thoughtful, which in turn proves to be thought-provoking. One aspect to science fiction I’ve always wondered about was whether “humans” in things like Star Wars are like us. Belinda asks a question that you seldom hear come up in sci-fi, and that is whether or not Missbelindachandrakind share a similar physiology to humans. I love that not only does Davies ask the question, but he even takes the time to discuss the differences for no reason other than flavour. It’s nice to see Davies having fun with the ideas he’s bringing up. This tells me he’s engaging with his own concepts and developing them in a way that says, “Thank god we have more writers this year.” He’s not just in love with his ideas, he’s exploring them.

Some fans will have been disappointed that the skeletal ray gun effect from the trailers wasn’t the result of Daleks. I even saw fan theories that Alan’s golden form was the new look for Omega. This is exactly why I stay away from fan speculation as it’s never accurate. However, one clarification from the trailer for which I was grateful was the origin of the Doctor’s cream coloured costume. While the annoying side of the internet was busy melting down over the Doctor’s blue kilt, I was quietly hating on the cream coloured costume that he wears throughout this episode. Ncuti Gatwa’s Doctor Who costumes have been rather varied, but generally keep to a few themes. We see a recurrence of tartan patterns, overcoats, and tight fitting shirts. His costume here is the only one from the trailer which felt wrong for the Doctor. So I am very pleased that there was a story reason he was dressed so drab.

Ncuti and Varada have believable chemistry. I like that it’s not so cut and dry. The Doctor is trying to be flashy and cryptic, whereas Belinda is reserved and direct. She doesn’t appreciate the Doctor’s showing off, which is a quality I have always admired in companions. If you read my article about older companions, you’ll know I appreciate their less-than-starry-eyed approach to the Doctor. Donna Noble, Evelyn Smythe, Ian and Barbara, Tegan; none had time for the Doctor’s shit. Belinda is in good company, and I like that she holds the Doctor to a higher standard. Belinda has a good head on her shoulders. She won’t put her skills as a nurse to waste. And she certainly won’t let someone die in her name. She’s also brave in a way I admire. She’s ready to sacrifice herself to save lives.

One aspect of the Doctor and Belinda’s relationship that I’m less into is something RTD seems to be doing more of recently. Instances where two characters experience a lifetime over a short period to insta-bond them is a weak story device. Whatever method they employ to fast-forward character bonding steals real moments of discovery between the actors and the audience. There’s showing, and there’s telling, and this was telling. It doesn’t feel earned, it feels hollow. It’s the weakest element of this episode and I wish they would stop doing this type of shit. What’s the hurry? Why does the Doctor need to state how much he cares about and knows Belinda now? What purpose does that serve other than to reveal too much of the Doctor’s interiority? Shouldn’t we, as an audience, trust the Doctor’s judgment in people by this point? It feels cheap because it is cheap.

Despite the episode’s daft energy, real stakes are established beyond a cartoonish cat skeleton disbursing into the ether. The Doctor’s friend Sasha 55 is unceremoniously cut down by Robots moments after discussing her future travels with the Doctor. The way she was talking to the Doctor like “Take me to the stars,” she may as well have painted a target on her back. It’s the Doctor Who equivalent of a policeman one day from retirement. For their sake, we pretend to be shocked when they die. But we knew. We knew. That isn’t to say that losing Sasha 55 wasn’t an effective moment- quite the opposite. Evelyn Miller gives an effective performance in the short time she’s onscreen. I know people give Ncuti grief for crying too easily, but here it’s totally appropriate. We’re reminded of other would-be companions who didn’t live to see the day. Lynda with a Y. Rita from “The God Complex.” Astrid Peth. And now Sasha 55. RIP Sasha 55. I liked you better than “Orphan 55.”

Watching Belinda walk toward her fate of marrying the AI Generator and becoming incased in gold gave me flashes of Han Solo on his way to the carbonite freezing chamber. The orange lighting pushing through the foggy clouds cast a brilliant glow on Varada’s face, convincing me that she was always meant to be a part of the Star Wars universe. This was her “Empire Strikes Back” moment for sure. The strength in the moment comes from Belinda’s choice not to hide. The Doctor and Manny were working out a plan that sounded foolhardy at best. Anyone within earshot would know it was a doomed mission. Belinda alerts the Robots to her location. She goes willingly. There’s a selflessness to her actions that screams Doctor Who companion far more than the Doctor witnessing her life could ever achieve. Her brand of self-sacrifice is heartbreaking to see, and I wonder if it's completely healthy. I hope they explore that.

The same sombre tone follows us into the ending of the story. When the Doctor fails to bring Belinda back to her own time, we’re shown images of a wrecked earth floating in space. Something or someone has removed or destroyed the earth, and it’s legitimately creepy. It’s giving “The Stolen Earth,” and I’m here for it, again. Though the “Planet of the Apes” style half Statue of Liberty must have been a massive blow to the Weeping Angels. That was like one of their tallest soldiers. I joke, but I also don’t joke. I had to sit through “The Angels Take Manhattan,” and now you’re telling me it meant nothing? It makes you ask the wrong questions in the moment. Questions like “Isn’t that thing alive?” “Is it dead now?” And “Why is it always the top of the statue? Why not the feet?”

I mentioned previously that I might try and write these reviews along with a corresponding Saturday morning cartoon. However, I believe it was my adherence to this bit that delayed this article. After I had watched “The Robot Revolution,” I felt a surge of positive energy about Doctor Who and I really just wanted to sit in silence for a bit. I usually take that as a good sign after watching something. When I sit there quietly absorbing everything I’ve just seen. But when I hit play on that episode of Spider-Woman, the moment ended. So I don’t want to do that anymore. It seemed a fun idea at the time, but I would rather just abide in the time and space allotted to me by Doctor Who. A time which might not always be there. A space so fantastic that Doctor Who can exist within it. Here’s to season three.

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mariamakeslemons · 7 months ago

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Kinktober 2024: Day 24 Masturbation/Somnophilia

Warning: Somnophilia as is the prompt, Reader is gender neutral, And they were roommates

You wake up drenched, your thighs soaking wet from cumming in your sleep. The memory of your dream fades like childhood, leaving you bleary and squinting in the dark. Or was your dream a memory of childhood? Fuck. Turning your head, you tap your phone and hiss as it blinds you temporarily, barely making out the time. 4:39 AM. Double fuck. You groan softly, contemplating if you really wanted to get out of bed this early on your day off. It seems your body isn’t giving you an option as the feeling of remnant arousal fades into the need to pee.

You leave your room after a quick trip to the ensuite bathroom, heading to the kitchen for something to sip on, when you notice the door to Gaz’s room is closed. Your roommate only ever does that when he’s home or if he’s hiding a present, and he’s been deployed for the past month. An idle throb between your legs and you remember the joke between the two of you before this past deployment.

“Ya ever get too hot t’ handle yourself,” he had said, “You come t’ me. I’ll treat you right.”

“What if you’re asleep?” you had shot back. Gaz had grinned and leaned back.

“Then use me as a toy,” he ordered.

You shake your head at the memory. No, you would not do that to him. He’s a roommate and friend, not a partner. Even though arousal shivers through your body, you refuse to strip him down to just a toy. Although, he’s so pretty, always so helpful and sweet too. When you stupidly did a horror movie everyday for a month, he watched with you, treating them like an episode of MST3K by taking the piss out of them. You had both spent an afternoon making the “library” of your apartment, filling the room with shelves for books and bobbles to show off.

“No,” you hiss, turning back to your bedroom and closing the door, too aroused to just ignore it but not to use Kyle.

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Gaz wakes to the sound of your soft moans. He had returned around ten last night, but you had turned in early as your room light was off with no noise leaking through the door or the walls. He blinks blearily and tilts his head in confusion. You shouldn’t be making those noises in your bedroom. You should be in his room, riding his cock or rubbing against his face. He pouts and rolls on to his side, willing to rub one out, but he’s still put out about it.

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“You know, if you ever need t’ get off, you can come t’ me,” Gaz offers. You choke on the eggs you had made, thumping your chest to force the food down before coughing. He at least looks apologetic for making you choke, but he remains seated.

“Fucking what?” you finally gasp out.

“I told you, b’fore I left,” he reiterates, “If I’m home, you can come to me for a release. Hell, you can ride me while I’m asleep.”

“No,” you refuse, “I’m not just going to-to-to use you.” Kyle blinks at your refusal, leaning on the table curiously.

“Why not, sweetheart?” he asks, tilting his head at you curiously.

“You don’t like me like that,” you declare, “And just because you’re fine with getting off with me doesn’t mean you want to get off with me.” The silence in the kitchen drags on, but you refuse to look up at him. If you look up, you’ll see that he agrees with your statement, that he’d rather have anyone else but you.

(If you looked up, you see Kyle look absolutely baffled at your statement. Didn’t you see that he was absolutely arse over teakettle for you?)

“Anyway,” you finally continue on, “Do you want to go to the bar tonight or head out to the park after lunch?”

“How about this,” Kyle offers, ignoring your offers for something to do, “I’m open for you, and you’re open for me.”

“What?” you ask, confused at what he’s saying.

“If you need t’ get off, you come t’ me,” he repeats before adding on, “and if I need t’ get off, I go t’ you. Even when we’re asleep.” You blink before scoffing with an eyeroll.

“Sure,” you agree with a huff, “Now, what do you want to do today?”

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Gaz opens your door quietly, his cock tenting his pants from the wet dream he just woke up from. You’re sleeping under your blanket, all soft and pretty, making his cock twitch.

“Fuckin’ beautiful,” he whispers, slowly dragging your blanket down to reveal the pajamas you went to bed in. So soft and sweet, all your worries gone as you sleep peacefully, unaware that he’s in your room. Slowly, he strips you of your clothes, his mouth watering at the sight of all your skin being bared to him. Swallowing, he clamors up onto your bed and presses a kiss to your hip. The only pause he has is if you’ve even had sex before. He’d want you awake for that, but your thighs are still available.

You scrunch your eyebrows, waking to a rocking motion. Slowly you open your eyes, to find Kyle fucking your thighs. His own eyes are closed as he concentrates on fucking against you.

“Kyle? Th’ fuck?” you rasp, watching blearily as his eyes snap up to yours.

“Hey there,” he coos, pressing a kiss to your skin, “Needed a release.”

“…Why?” you ask, your brain slowly starting up, “Y’ don’ like me.”

“No,” he agrees, before grinning down at you and declaring, “I’m in love with you.” You blink, confused, before gasping when he purposefully grinds against you. You keen as he thrusts harder, obviously chasing after his own orgasm as he fucks against you. His hands cling to you desperately, only tightening even more when he finally cums on you. You both lay there, panting, until Kyle’s hand finds your genital.

“Let’s get you off, then we can really talk, Love,” he declares, sliding up enough to press a kiss to your mouth. You open your mouth to argue that you should talk first, only to be distracted by him getting you off with his very dexterous fingers and a little of his tongue.

(You wouldn’t find out until a few days later that he was being nice by using his hand. No one warned you that Kyle has an oral fixation and that he would make it your problem.)

#my work #n/s/f/w #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kinktober 2024

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tobiasdrake · 5 months ago

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What are your thoughts on the Nostalgia Critic?

Complicated.

I was a big fan of the NC in my twenties. I discovered him later than a lot of other people did but that's kind of normal for me, and it meant I had a lot of videos to go back and laugh at. By the time I got onboard, the anniversary movie "To Boldly Flee" had already officially ended the NC's run, before he failed out of his attempts to move on and be a filmmaker, and wound up coming back.

At the time, I really liked the format of "Wacky skits and personal plotlines mixed with video essay". Writing a story with characters and storylines and also riffing on existing media at the same time. It was basically a modern MST3K, which I'd never really been able to find accessibly.

But the thing that really grabbed me was Channel Awesome itself. The community of creators who would cross over into each other's videos and do collaborative projects and mix up their storylines together and stuff.

And I loved the movies. I watched all of them like dozens of times. It was so cool seeing these creators that I had parasocial relationships with going on adventures and fighting villains and stuff.

...but then things fell apart for Channel Awesome, and we started learning more and more about how shitty everything was behind the scenes for those creators. And how the channel was never really invested in those creators to begin with, and only cared about propping up the Nostalgia Critic.

It soured me on the whole thing, and made me stop and really think about the series. How a lot of those other creators that the channel was exploiting are doing what Doug does better than he does.

I'm not going to say Doug is untalented. He has a Jim Carrey-esque comedic talent, which is to say that he has a remarkable aptitude for flailing his limbs and making sounds erupt from his throat.

Doug's bread and butter is wildly over-the-top reactions, frantic body movement, and the kind of shrieking that will absolutely murder your throat. Which sounds simple but is surprisingly hard to do yourself and, with good comedic timing, can be very funny. He got big for a reason.

But. At the end of the day, all he's bringing to these movies is CinemaSins- or Zero Punctuation-level critique mixed with physical comedy, while other creators in his space were offering thoughtful, serious analysis.

And I like CS and ZP, don't get me wrong. They can be very funny when you remember that this is not a proper review but basically a comedy roast. I've always found criticism of those videos to be akin to sitting down to an hour-length special that's literally just stand-up comedians talking shit about Tom Cruise and going, "Wow, they are being very mean to Tom Cruise. Do they have to be so mean to him?"

But it's a very different sort of thing from, say, listening to F.D. Signifier explain the complete history of the legendary Drake and Kendrick rap beef for three hours.

youtube

Comedy isn't easy. But it's easier than the kinds of thoughtful critique that other creators who walked away like Lindsay Ellis or Dan Olson were doing.

And at the same time they were walking away, the Nostalgia Critic's revival was... underwhelming.

While the other collaborators were leaving, the NC was becoming an island reliant on his own stable of paid actors and divorced from the collaborations that made him big to begin with. And the passion just... wasn't there anymore.

It was pretty clear that he'd fallen back on doing NC because his attempt at branching out, his new series Demo Reel, never took off with audiences. The NC revival was Doug passionlessly returning to what made him successful and paid his bills. And it never felt the same after that.

After Change the Channel, it all fell into place. I wasn't enjoying Doug's passionless new videos because he was just going through the motions. I couldn't go back and watch the old stuff I used to love knowing how miserable the other collaborators were behind the scenes and how much Channel Awesome as mistreating them to prop up Doug. My parasocial relationship with him fractured after finding out how he treated the other creators.

(It's worth noting that his paid employees who he pays to support him came out in support of him during all that. The NC isn't some guy's internet show that he films in his bedroom, it's a company. Doug himself is an employee. He doesn't even own the legal rights to the Nostalgia Critic; He signed it over to an executive to manage him.

Tamara and Malcolm are not his buddies; They're his hired staff, so take their opinions while on his payroll with a grain of salt. This is a professional operation, which makes how unprofessional it all is appalling rather than endearing.)

And there were other creators out there, including the ones he'd mistreated, making the same kind of stuff he was making but better. So I made a choice to leave and never looked back.

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emilysidhe · 23 days ago

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I did watch one more last night for mst3knitathon:

95. Episode 819 Invasion of the Neptune Men

Content warning: I usually save this to the end, if one applies, but I’m front-loading it this time. In its original run, MST3K was a 90s show made by a group of mostly-white, mostly men who had to come up with 90 minutes worth of funny things to say every single week about movies that weren’t always giving them much to work with. So there’s a certain amount of jokes that aged poorly or that are in very poor taste that you unfortunately have to expect going in and that I’ll usually let pass without comment. Unfortunately, the early 2000s was a peak in insult or outrage comedy, so the number and offensiveness of insensitive jokes actually went up in the later years of MST3K as they approached that era. This episode, and its higher ranked predecessor Prince of Space, contain an unpleasant amount of jokes about how much Japan supposedly sucks, and it’s better to know that going in.

Summary: This is a movie that was stitched together from several episodes of a Japanese sci-fi television series, and dubbed for an American audience. I thought about it, and decided not to look up any information about the original Japanese serial because being somewhat confused about the lore seems to be part of the experience of watching the dubbed American movie version. My impression from both this and the earlier Prince of Space (ranked all the way up at number 15 on this list) is that it did multi-episode arcs like the classic run of Doctor Who, and they would then be cut down to movie length for the American release, hopefully preserving all the important scenes.

The movie follows a space hero who is living on Earth under a mild-mannered human identity ala Clark Kent, but who secretly possesses a bunch of high-tech space technology that he uses in his superhero guise to protect Earth from space invaders. In Prince of Space, his human persona was a humble boot-black who had adopted two orphaned human children and had to keep coming up with reasons for them to be babysat by their neighbors, the local scientist and his family, so that he could go off to do his superheroics without any the wiser. In Invasion of the Neptune Men, he’s progressed to lab assistant to the local scientist and role model to the neighborhood boys, and it’s unclear if the boy he adopted is in that group and the American edit is now cutting around it, or if the serial had moved on from that plot line by this point. (His hero name is also now being translated as “space chief” instead of “prince of space.”)

The kids have used a telescope to track a satellite launched by their own local scientists, and they think they see it land nearby! But when they run to the field it seemed to set down in, they find a Neptunian spacecraft bent on invasion. “Space Chief” shows up to save them, but the children are not believed when they tell the adults. Until the aliens show their superior technology by taking over Earth’s power systems to make trains and clocks run backwards. Luckily, the local scientist has invented some sort of electron shield that can protect all cities from everything! So the Neptunians try to destroy it and - at this point my knitting got complicated and I kind of lost the plot? But there was a lot of stock footage of explosions that seemed to go on for a *very* long time, and judging by the jokes I could hear, the riffers also couldn’t tell what was supposed to be blowing up, so it might not have been the knitting’s fault.

MST3K lore and notable moments: This episode marks a return of Professor Bobo, who had been absent during the Ancient Rome storyline so that Kevin Murphy could play a jovial patrician. There’s also a sketch where the bots affect to be spiritually broken by the badness of the movie and are cheered by a visit from Krankor, the villain from Prince of Space whose watchable goofiness they have a new appreciation for. (Visits by past characters are always notable)

What do I think about its placement on the list? The riffs that are not offensive are pretty strong, this serial has a cool aesthetic and lots of pleasant goofiness, and I love the sketch where the bots start to stage a tribute to kabuki theater only to be sidetracked by humorous confusion when Mike asserts that he prefers Noh theater. (I am always a sucker for a Who’s on First? routine). Still, the offensive riffs and monotonous confusion of the second half drop it down a lot in the rankings. I have no disagreement with this number.

#mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 #mst3knitathon #invasion of the Neptune men

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jaz-it-up · 2 months ago

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as much as i hate the soulless revivals and remakes that hollywood has been doing for the last several years. i think i can make an exception for mst3k: the return (and the gauntlet, if i can find it). idk jonah's kinda endearing and i apologize for my previous jonah slander

that being said. GPC'S VOICE?????? HELLO??????

#jaz.original #mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 #mst3k: the return #jonah heston

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fleetn-crab85 · 9 months ago

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Some recent art for The Hands of Fate (aka my Ardy Joel) AU!

Let’s just say he’s been through a lot recently :]

#also I apologize for the limited posting recently #I’ve been pretty busy #but this is a nice return!#mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 #joel robinson #the hands of fate #crab’s scribbles #keep circulating the crabs

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rhetthammersmithhorror · 11 months ago

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may da schwartz be witcha

Ok. I admit it. I'm not a big Star Wars fan. Sure, I loved it as a kid. Had all the toys, yoda-yoda-yoda.

The last Star War I watched was the one with the obnoxious kid racing in the pods.

Now, I'll only watch a Star War with the Rifftrax audio on. It's superior to the Plinkett reviews. In fact, everything Rifftrax does is superior to the Plinkett reviews. MST3K and Rifftrax really will teach you how not to make a movie.

Anyway, so, yeah, I haven't seen any of the "new" Star Wars. But I do see that many people don't like them.

And my question is, have they ever seen Return of the Jedi? I mean, have they ever really seen it? Sorry. It's awful.

From Chewie's Tarzan yell to Humpty Dumpty Darth's face reveal, it stinks! Don't even get me started about the Teddy Kaczynski Bears!

I'm sure I'll get some hate for this, but just remember, it's only my opinion, so I could be completely wrong. It does happen.

To the Star Wars fans, I'm glad you've found something you love in this miserable old world.

Keep on space truckin'

Hardware Wars | 1977

#Star Wars #MST3K #Hardware Wars

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mst3kgifs · 1 year ago

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Magic twirl!

#mst3k #mystery science theater 3000 #crow t robot #jonah heston #wizards of the lost kingdom #mst3k the return

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thezanyarthropleura · 11 months ago

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YET ANOTHER KAIJU FILM REC LIST

(Selected and arranged to account for modern tastes, as well as to highlight specific wants for fans of Godzilla: Minus One and/or Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire)

Notes:

Titles can be confusing, when in doubt differentiate films by year of release

"Showa" generally refers to films made from 1954-1980, while "Heisei" generally refers to films made from 1984-2006, with "Millennium" being a specific series of Godzilla films made from 1999-2004, within the Heisei era (the actual notation refers to the Japanese Emperor, but this is slightly offset with how it's used for kaiju films)

I've tried to list where the films can be watched, for free if possible, but this can change at a moment's notice (for instance, the TokuSHOUTsu Youtube channel currently has a livestream of almost all the Showa Godzilla films and one for the MST3K episodes featuring 6 Showa Gamera films and Gorgo, but I have no idea how long those will stay up)

More context and history about the kaiju film genre can be found at the end of the post

GROUP 1: EVERYONE

These films are the peers and equals of Minus One and GxK, in only the best respects.

The Gamera Heisei Trilogy - Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995), Gamera 2: Attack/Advent of Legion (1996), and Gamera 3: Revenge/Awakening of Iris (1999)

I would recommend this trilogy to ANYONE - even those hesitant to watch anything that isn't CGI, or that still don't think kaiju films can be good cinema. No matter what you're looking for in a kaiju film - engaging monster action, compelling human drama, deep metaphorical significance, fun action-adventure, hard sci-fi, spiritual eastern fantasy - these three movies are bound to be among the best at it. They're nearly unanimously praised as some of the best kaiju films of all time, and are the ONLY classic films with that honor that can visually compete with modern tastes in special effects.

Among the three: Guardian of the Universe is probably the closest analog to GxK, a fun action-adventure film about a girl who communicates with a giant monster. Revenge of Iris is closer to Minus One, introducing a darker mirror of the first film's story that invokes trauma and loss to great emotional impact. Which all leaves Advent of Legion in the middle, as a fairly formulaic but well-executed sci-fi alien invasion story.

These films are available free and subtitled on Tubi, or free and dubbed on Pluto. In a rarity, the dubs are done with love and care by fans of the genre and while they may not be the best way to watch the films, they're fairly decent.

GROUP 2: MODERN/NICHE

These films either excellently or acceptably compete with modern visual effects, but in other areas, are ultimately more dependent upon viewer tolerances and niche interests.

Godzilla vs. Destoroyah (1995)

If you want to cry about Godzilla, this is it, this is the movie. Possibly the classic film that delves the deepest into the idea of kaiju as sympathetic, tragic beings, this film leans heavily into hard sci-fi and features a kaiju opponent inspired by the titular creature from the Alien franchise. It's the seventh film in the Godzilla Heisei series, but as most of the previous films are currently stuck behind rights issues and difficult to find, I'd recommend jumping into this one as a standalone (or, if anything, watch the original 1954 Godzilla film first, but if that doesn't interest you it's not necessary). This movie is readily available for free, subtitled on Pluto or dubbed on Youtube.

The Kiryu Duology - Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla (2002) and Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S. (2003)

These two films face a number of pacing and production issues, and due to scheduling conflicts, the main heroine, mech pilot Akane from the first film (arguably one of the most compelling human characters in the entire Godzilla series), was unable to return for the sequel beyond a brief cameo. But despite feeling unfinished, not all the emotional weight of this duology is lost. The ethics-focused, techno-spiritual story being told still packs a punch, and visually, out of the entire suitmation era this is the best Godzilla, Mothra, and Mechagodzilla have ever looked on-screen. If first checking out the original 1954 Godzilla and the 1961 Mothra interests you at all, it may enhance the viewing experience, but if not, dive right in! Both these films are free on Pluto TV, but do keep in mind Against Mechagodzilla is the dubbed version.

Gamera the Brave (2006)

I've said it before, but this is the movie that most closely reminds me of Minus One, with its modern filmmaking style, deep emotional themes, and in particular, having a bright and hopeful appeal to humanity in a genre where many of the more serious films are tragedies. Personally I rank this one right up there with the 90s Gamera trilogy, if not even higher, but to appreciate it, you really do have to be here for a children's fantasy film with more charm and heart than fast-paced kaiju action. This film is free on Tubi, subtitled.

GROUP 3: CLASSIC

These films require a tolerance for the special effects of the 1950s through 1970s, which I realize some modern audiences may find difficult to appreciate, but are otherwise highly recommended.

All four of these films are available free and subtitled on Pluto through Criterion, and are additionally part of SHOUT! Factory's catalogue and playing on the livestream.

Godzilla (1954)

If you've seem Minus One or Shin Godzilla, the obvious route is, of course, to go back to 1954 and experience the original cinematic masterpiece of Godzilla as a nuclear horror. The one caveat I'll mention is that a lot of Minus One's effectiveness is in subverting one theme present in the original, so this will, in a way, feel like a step backward thematically.

Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966)

The outright most comparable classic film to GxK - a fun island adventure film wherein various entertaining personalities are shipwrecked and must work together to thwart human baddies and even recruit the help of Godzilla! This is one of my personal favorites, and while Mothra only appears briefly in the film, it expands on her lore quite a bit.

Godzilla vs. Hedorah (1971)

This film is wacky, resembling an abstract art house film at times, but in many ways is a revisitation upon the dark, deep metaphors of the original, this time warning of the dangers of pollution through a truly terrifying monstrosity that gives Godzilla one of the most brutal fights of his career.

Terror of Mechagodzilla (1975)

Along with the original and Hedorah, this completes a trio of more dark and serious Showa era Godzilla films. It's the only Godzilla movie of its era to be written entirely (not co-written) by a woman, tells a dark and tragic tale, and yet is the height of 1970s superhero Godzilla as he takes on two powerful opponents at once.

GROUP 4: GRAB BAG

I'll throw in four more: these are just some of my personal recommendations and favorites that don't fit neatly into the other categories.

Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964)

The original and archetypical "multiple monsters team up to fight a greater threat" movie. This one is consistently on the edge of being called an objectively good film, but can be considered too cheesy and campy to make the cut. Nonetheless, it's a fun time, and it's also pretty much the only classic film where Godzilla and Mothra interact positively, if that's appealing to you. Like the other Showa Godzilla films, it's free through Pluto and SHOUT! Factory.

Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)

I really just wanted to put a Showa Gamera here, and this is one of my favorites. Just the campy, wacky, good time that is Showa Gamera, with a side of ocean theming - this extremely cheap film was partly funded through Kamogawa Sea World, which is the primary location featured in the film. It's free on Tubi along with the other Gamera films, and also makes a great MST3K episode, even if the version of the film used there is very low-resolution and the underwater scenes in particular suffer a little.

Godzilla 2000: Millennium (1999)

Somewhat unique among its contemporaries for being a 2000s era film that features Godzilla as more-or-less the protagonist, with human characters that advocate for understanding and respecting him. It's an incredibly cinematic film - I would describe its special effects as ambitious, not always effective, but regardless it would be a great intro for new fans if it were more accessible. Currently, it's tough to track down, but another rare case where the heavily-edited US dubbed version is perfectly acceptable, and even sometimes considered superior to the original.

Rebirth of Mothra 3 (1998) and to an extent, the whole trilogy.

I unashamedly love these oft-maligned films that are actually very comparable to the Heisei Gamera trilogy... in all respects but objective quality. Fun fantasy kaiju films featuring tiny women who fight each other with swords and flying mounts, while a superpowered giant moth beats up two space dragons and takes a break in the middle to beat up a genetically-engineered dragon. Lots of rainbows and lasers, and a vague, underlying exploration of the conflict between those with peaceful methods and those with violent methods without completely villainizing either side. If any of that sounds interesting, check these films out, they're currently readily available free on Pluto after a long history of the third and most serious/mature film being extremely rare and seldom-seen.

FURTHER NOTES AND CONTEXT:

Inspired by western giant monster films like King Kong and The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, and the summation of Japan's nuclear fear and trauma, the original Godzilla film in 1954 was a runaway success, beginning the kaiju genre as production company Toho ordered not only a direct sequel, but a broad scope of special effects films that ultimately gave us other classic kaiju like Mothra and Rodan.

In the 1950s and 1960s, the concept of a "Godzilla series" did not yet exist - Toho just made science fiction films, wherein some of them featured kaiju, and some of those, but not all, featured Godzilla. Many of these films were very loosely, and sometimes only retroactively, considered to be in the same universe or cinematic canon, creating situations where kaiju like Manda and Baragon would wander into Godzilla films after getting their start in non-Godzilla adventures like Atragon (1963) and Frankenstein vs. Baragon (1965). (An example of a non-kaiju Toho film I would highly recommend is 1958's H-Man)

The 1960s also saw a "Kaiju Boom," where the genre was expanded beyond Toho to other studios in Japan and even to other countries. This brought about a number of new kaiju projects like Gorgo (1961), Reptilicus (1961), and Yongary, Monster from the Deep (1967). The only of these films to be successful enough to spawn a series was Gamera (1965), from Daiei studios in Japan, and there were 7 Gamera films made from the mid-60s to early 70s. (Daiei has their own catalogue of Toku effects films, and also produced the kaiju-adjacent Daimajin trilogy (1966), period pieces set in ancient Japan about a giant warrior statue that comes to life)

Interest in kaiju films began to wane in the 1970s, and Toho largely narrowed its focus to a yearly Godzilla series with lower and lower budgeting. Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973) was the most cheeply-made of these, but several factors made it the most widely-known film in the US and solidified the genre's "rubber suits and cardboard buildings" reputation among the general public for the next 50 years. Also in 1973, Toho produced the giant hero television series Zone Fighter, where Godzilla, King Ghidorah, and Gigan appear in several episodes. The series was made to compete with Ultraman and other television-based Tokusatsu, which was swaying audiences away from films at the time. (I personally know very little about Ultraman and other costumed hero Toku, but I know there are many experts on here who could answer questions about those)

Toho continued to make science fiction and effects films throughout the late 70s and 1980s, such as The War in Space (1977), but kaiju films were out of fashion. Gamera had a brief pseudo-revival in 1980, but otherwise it was a long drought from 1975 to 1984, when Toho began the Godzilla Heisei series: a series of seven films that continued in 1989 and picked up to a film per yer from 1991 to 1995. These films featured more strict continuity and the recurring character of Miki Saegusa, marking one of the first steps away from the previous practice of switching out the human cast entirely from film to film.

In the late 90s, Godzilla was absent yet again, as Toho made the rights handoff to Sony for the 1998 American film. In his place were the competing late 90s Gamera and Mothra trilogies, both relatively unique in featuring multiple recurring cast members and worlds that blended sci-fi and fantasy elements. In America, the poorly-received GODZILLA (1998) spawned a more warmly-recieved animated continuation in Godzilla: the Series (1998-2000).

In response to the critical failure of the 1998 film, Toho craved redemption and launched the Millennium Series: six Godzilla films that, with the exception of the Kiryu Duology, were all standalone in hopes of attaining theatrical releases in the US (only Godzilla 2000 succeeded at this). With a general failure of the 50th anniversary film Godzilla: Final Wars (2004), Toho put Godzilla to rest, seemingly for good. Gamera the Brave in 2006 was the last true suitmation kaiju film, critically acclaimed but also a financial failure.

In the intervening decade, CGI took over, and was the name of the game by the time Pacific Rim (2013), Godzilla (2014), and Shin Godzilla (2016) kicked off the new "Kaiju Renaissance," the present era that includes Reiwa Godzilla and the Monsterverse.

#kaiju #tokusatsu #godzilla #gamera #godzilla minus one #godzilla x kong: the new empire

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