#my body is too heavy to move | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

not-poignant · 1 year

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I stopped halfway through putting away fruit + veg to find out that Baldur's Gate 3 had stopped downloading for about the 11th time, so I've requested a refund from Steam (please don't suggest things for me to try, I've tried them). But anyway, I am having consecutive terrible days in a row atm and hugs would be appreciated if anyone wants to leave some in the replies.

#i'm not crying you're crying #personal #i need to keep putting the fruit and veg away and i just #my body is too heavy to move #it's not just the game lol there's a lot of things atm #that suck #sometimes i think the only reason i repeatedly give my miserable characters happy endings #is because i know i will never get one #delete later

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scrollll · 7 months

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Okay... so what happened to Nant after Phop knocked him out? Because he was found naked somewhere else AND died of an overdose and not strangulation...

#i mean the authorities did not look for a murderer #and i may stretch a little but if you strangle someone and push him down there will be marks of a fight on the body #signs of struggle and such that indicates that there was a fight #but there was not a word about it #all thought Nant died of his own fault and overdosed #now... who gave him the overdose?#playboyy the series #playboyy #too much thoughts inside my head #also how could've Phop moved Nants body somewhere else? this is a heavy object you try to cover so how???

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dreamlogic · 5 months

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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"

#meatsuit renno #chronic blogging #ctxt #at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache #and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right #after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen #nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws #about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site #it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip #this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully #this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now #i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly #about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar #couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep #finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me #finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy #started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately #i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature #but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws #the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement #then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening #it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept #that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside #but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT #the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin #it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble #as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence #my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal #i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long #i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.

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tamagotchikgs · 1 month

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i still feel awful

#i just woke up #i imagine a big part of it is the fact ive been going off my medication since i ran out but o man #my depression is hitting so hard #i feel so devoid of everything #i am so empty #all my feelings r being kept away from me except for the bad ones #i can still feel them in there i can feel the movement but i cant actually get them #i wanted to play a game but then i just sit there like :[.... and get too tired to even move my mouse #even my acid reflux is acting up #all i can feel is the heavy meat of my body #i am in mental n physical anguish

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duncantf · 1 year

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one thing i will never get over is when i went to my back doctor and i asked him about my constant severe back and shoulder pain and he was just like "oh! well that's weird. can't do anything about it. sorry ! :) we'll never see you again btw !" and then just fucking diagnosed me with chronic back pain and chronic shoulder pain and called it a day

#chronic disorder #chronic illness #chronic pain #maddie speaks #i had scoliosis for a while but it wasn't too severe #and during my last appointment he just said that my shoulder pain had nothing to do with my back and nothing looked wrong #and there was nothing they could do about my constant severe back and shoulder pain. which just pissed me off.#all he told me is that my future children could suffer from the same shit i do and to just keep that in mind #and also just to take doing daily tasks easy- especially if it included moving my body a lot and reaching for things and holding things #and to just like. let other people help me with heavy lifting. i mean i throw out my back whenever i bend over or pick up something even #SLIGHTLY heavy. so.

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jentlemahae · 3 months

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#need to rant about a few dark things #i know my condition is progressive and it’s gonna get worse and worse and i can see myself getting worse but at the same time it takes so #long sometimes i wish it would hurry up and kill me already lol why couldnt i have a normal disease like cancer or something #sometimes i feel like im in an out of body experience watchingmy body slowly die #i would never kill myself but sometimes i wish i could be run over by a bus or something because this is so annoying #and i wish i could be one of those happy disabled people with lots of friends but noooo i have to be traumatized and mentally ill on top of #that too #i am. such a nice person i dont get why i am in this situation #i really don’t wanna move back to italy if i get worse my grandma is just gonna have to die so my mom can move here #:(#one of those days where everything feels so heavy #i get why no one stays for me this is too much to handle even for me

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bunnihearted · 1 year

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🖤👻🏰🩹

#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live #i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues #i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired #i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends #im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture #spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day #ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough #i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant #i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this #my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk #how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck #this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<

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jackalhadrurusluvr · 6 months

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i have no idea Why my body decides to feel this Specific Kind of Miserable or Why it Happens but ive decided jackal will now suffer with me. he is in handshakes with me

#jackal tag #i dont even know how to describe it but i feel it come and go and it is terrrrriibllee #i can feel my heartbeat way too much and all of my body feels so heavy and tired and i cant get enough #air in me lungs and my brain feels foggy and i feel a bit nauseous but i think that may just be a #hashtag constipation problem bc it was Bad today #and my mouth and throat is soooooo dry i am begging for just a smidge of humidity #its a kind of exhaustion that doesnt make me want to sleep but i cant move and i can barely think cohesively #and so. i bid thee jackal hadrurus this ailment #may he wallow in the misery just as i do

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outw4rd · 9 months

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uhmmm evil music im learning is making me stand up to play it. i have never stood up to play guitar before and its REALLY weird being forced to do it.

#its not MY fault my body and my guitar do not fit together properly. the guitar moves too much for the shit im playing #it needs to stay still when both of my hands are not on the guitar!!!! but noooo the neck is too heavy for the body when its on my lap >:(#music #im trying to learn still awake by tobias raucher if anyone is curious. which no one is but still

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lattuce · 7 months

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#I’m trying #I’m trying so fucking hard #but I haven’t felt this bad in such a long time #I want out #I want to sleep forever #I never want to wake up again #my body aches everyday #getting out of bed is so fucking hard #but I have no choice but to get up #even when my body feels heavy and I can barely move #I hate that I’m feeling like this again #I’m trying so fucking hard not to relapse #I don’t want anymore scars #but I keep thinking about it and it’s hard to keep my mind away from those thoughts #I’ve been shit with taking my meds recently too which obviously isnt helping #I just wish I didn’t exist

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piplupod · 1 year

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certain sense of uhhhhhh ominous je ne sais quoi to knowing parents return tomorrow ,,,, a feeling of ... shall we say,, doom?

sometimes i have a sudden realization of how insane this all is. like. how the fuck am i living through this. this is so genuinely wack. how am i surviving this, how is THIS how i live. i just wake up every day and deal with this ??? this has been my entire life??? i just... exist in a state of constant genuine feeling like a prey animal cornered in a cage, and there is not a way to stop that.

and i know many many countless other ppl exist in and are stuck in abusive situations and I'm not special for this, but i also know countless other ppl AREN'T experiencing this and won't ever experience this and all of that fucking makes me ill. nobody should experience this, but sometimes i get so /angry/ about how i was dealt this hand, and it didn't Have to be like this.

and other ppl get to use coping mechanisms and all the pithy platitudes that people throw around help, but I hear it and it's just like someone is handing me a kleenex to try to stop the flow of blood from an entire limb being torn off of my torso.

but then the disconnect haze settles back over me and I can be okay again (..... """""okay"""") and keep trudging along and not kill myself and be a decent person to be around. and then i wake up and go through it all again

#sorry fjdksl will delete this later #brain is working really hard to stop the panic attack dhfkdl but all its doing is making me tired and annoyed w myself #i cannot experience emotions dbfkdl they make me too erratic and a suicide risk fjfkdl #but its exhausting like. i will get a huge wave of emotion and i sit there looking like I've exited my body bc i cannot move #bc the dissociation hits so hard and heavy. like my neck stops supporting my head sometimes and i slump forward and its awful and scary #bc on some level i know i am just going to be like that for like five to ten mins but on the other level ... its all fog babeeyyyyy #and i just Cannot do anything abt it djdksl it sucks #anyways. shhhh shhh no more complaining no more being sad time to go draw in bed bc its comfy and u can Create and thats cool #if not for Creating i would be in a constant state of Staring Horrors Directly In The Eyes #creating lets me put a blindfold on :] the horrors are still there and being felt but i dont have to stare at them :o]#OKAY STOP FJFKDL SHUSH. GO DRAW. sorry fhfkdl going to go draw and be normal and quiet and okay #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #abuse tw

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peapod20001 · 1 year

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My witch species ocs are literally huge fucking birds with fucking teeth and it is the most amazing thing ever

#about my ocs #ok they aren’t LITERALLY birds I think they’d be closer to dinosaurs really #they can do magic kinda (hence the name witch) and they’re hard headed in the literal sense #and sometimes in the metaphorical (?) sense. they’ll kool aid man a wall with their face and be fine #they have flat teeth. no sharps!! they’re born out of eggs so they need egg breakers on their face yknow #they’re fucking HUGE for no reason. shorter ones are usually mixed species #their top halves are usually really strong. gotta hold up those huge noggins. they too heavy most times #they have swivel owl necks. full 360° that shit #and yes they do the bird thing where their body moves but their head doesn’t <3 #most all of em have a major blind spot right in front of their face. so they can only really see out of one eye at a time </3 #their hair is usually thin and feathery. some don’t even have hair at all (see James who is bald)#anyways I like them and how they obviously tower over literally everyone else <3

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ice-block · 1 year

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It’s hard to describe sleep paralysis to anyone who doesn’t experience it because any way to describe it sounds like a horror movie but in reality 90% of the time you wake up from the horrors and are ok again within 5 minutes. Sleep paralysis feels the same as having a bad nightmare

#like can it be traumatic? sure under the right circumstances but it mostly feels like my brain is glitching in a video game or like my #body is too heavy for me to move #which again. I really can’t describe it in a way that doesn’t sound awful but basically run it through the filter of your brain is mostly as #asleep #like it’s scary in the moment but it’s very easy to calm down again once it’s over (unfortunately you do have to force yourself to wake up #fully because if you just go straight back to sleep it tends to happen again)#but it would be a hell of a lot more scary and traumatic if you were fully lucid during (which it feels like you are during but you’re not)

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plethodontidae · 2 years

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had the most insane start to my christmas eve day as i woke up, almost passed out in my sisters room and then threw up in the bathroom sink all because i think i worked myself into a massive panic attack over the edibles i had last night ❤️

#pls ask to tag #chit chat #tw edibles #tw drug use #tw throwing up #tw emetophobia #so i woke up with my whole body feeling heavy and hot #and my eyes were puffy and red and the backs of them felt heavy too if that makes sense #SO for those reasons i thought the one (1) edible i took nearly 6 hours before i woke up was somehow working #despite the fact that it did nothing last night #the paranoia around the edible combined with the 5-6 hours of sleep + me being hot + having nothing on my stomach just sparked a massive #panic attack 😭😭😭#like i couldn’t move my legs and my heart was skipping beats and i was hyperventilating and i was starting to black out #it was. so bad

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damien-mlm · 2 years

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I need someone to come hug me, treat me with the utmost love and care and tell me that everything's gonna be okay

#my whole body hurts #its hard to breathe #and my heart keeps racing #im too tired to move but the noise and my head doesnt let me sleep #i hate it #i wanna throw up #i need to cry but nothing comes out #heavy vent #tw vent

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isnt-it-too-dreamy · 16 days

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here i am again, not wanting to do anything. again. how fucking dumb is that. i just hang around all day, i clean and cook and feed and wash myself and get dressed but beyond that i just can't do anything. not read or watch a movie by myself or go to the gym or even see my best friend. even though i should use the time i still have with them bc soon they'll go away and everything will be different... i'll be alone again. but i don't want anything. i can't bring myself to care about anything. what do i live for if this is what life is.

#and inside always this awful feeling that i can't describe. this unbearable pain and at the same time it feels like nothing but emptiness #but it feels dreadful idk what it is. as ian broudie said “i feel like i'm in permanent danger.” truly lol #and my body just feels too heavy to move. there's just nothing. life is like death in that it is nothing.#t

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