#my brain is actively working against me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunlightfeeling · 10 months

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For ✨reasons✨ I can’t divulge because of spoilers, you need to play Gaiden 😭😭😭

ough I really, really want tooooo!!

I might end up buying it and basically brute-force my brain into developing the RGG hyperfixation again 😭

Like I tried with Judgment, and pretty much immediately noped LMAO (sorry Yagamer but I prefer Kimura 😂 genuinely not sure why that one didn’t last tho? Maybe the slower pace?)

Then, Y0 which lasted longer but realized maybe dragon engine was the problem because I kept getting overwhelmed with the amount of stuff you could do!?! Which, that used to be my FAVORITE part. That’s why I fixated in the first place wtf???

Then I was like FINE BACK TO BASICS…

booted up 4…

Was really happy because I was understanding Akiyama without subs happy dance

but I didn’t even FINISH HIS CHAPTER 🙃

Maybe Gaiden can fix me 😭😂

#sorry this got really long but im genuinely not trying to peace out of rgg #my brain is actively working against me #I WANNA LOOK AT ALL YOUR POSTS I SWEAR #I do spoil myself with some of them like its forbidden chocolate #and im like ‘please…..salvation…..’ 😂#I think I’ll buy it after visiting my parents~#do I want the main yakuza tag to see my unhinge?#better question do I care?#yakuza #sorry everyone :3

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tea-cat-arts · 4 months

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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 months

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At rest, your lungs wish to deflate, and your ribcage expands outwards.

#better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Friday the 13th!#This is scientific fact btw!#Ventilation operates through a series of active and passive forces #The active forces being muscular contraction with inhalation and exhalation having their own set of muscles.#but the interesting part is the passive forces at work:#The lungs have a certain level of elasticity to them - meaning the more they expand the more the those elastic forces are functioning-#-to try and return the system to rest (exhalation passive forces). Your diaphragm is the main force - pushing against the lungs at rest.#Your ribcage on the other hand is under a state of being pulled outwards. It *wants* to be as open as possible.#These to contradicting forces create a constant push and pull which assists in the ebb and flow of air. Most significantly with exhalation.#Now that being said - the primary action of inhalation ventilation is through control centers in your brainstem.#If you lose connection to that due to trauma you're going to need ventilation assistance.#Small note: Respiration is the cellular event of chemical exchange in the alveoli. Ventilation is airflow and pressure.#They are both important but also very different things. Sadly used interchangeably.#My anatomy nerd brain is screaming over the inaccurate ribcage...but its...recognizable. I will get it right one day.#Okay nerd rant over (I cut out a lot of stuff about pressure gradients. They are cool. To me.)#This is a redraw of an mspaint doodle I made back in april. I yearn to make the Yiling Laozu eerie as he deserves #Tear that bitch (affectionate) apart!#Been playing around with hatching for a while and its amazing how many styles there are! Not sure I'll stick with this one (but it was fun)

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mars-ipan · 1 month

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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much

#marzi speaks #it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that #my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there #which is. fun #like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember #i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that #in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be #a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make #and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled #also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness #i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro #and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel #(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her #and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on #king u got some shit to unpack #it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone #but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds #anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say

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sergeantjessi · 2 months

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There's something so tragic about hating something you made simply because it was you who made it.

#i'm currently writing a story and i think objectively it isn't too bad? like sure it might not be my next masterpiece #but i don't think it's bad! i think it's alright! i think it's way better than my brain wants me to believe!#and i'm sure if someone would sent me my story i would love it #but right now i hate everything about it because it is *my* story.#it's so weird. i haven't experienced self-loathing in such a long time #and i'm actively working against it. being kind to myself. treating myself. writing my stories despite what my brain tells me etc.#but man. it is getting harder to not let the mean voices win!#own #the sergeant speaks

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reallapiscake12 · 3 months

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i need to sto reblogging so mcuh the majority of my posts are just relbogs oh ogd

#no art #i want to draw more and post more stuff but my brain is actively working against me

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steakout-05 · 3 months

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hello i think schools giving students more work during the holidays and having assessments due during the holidays should either be illegal or at least regulated in some way. like i don't think that's ok. that is the student's downtime to take a break from working. that is THEIR free time to relax that schools are taking up with more and more work to do after the term is finished and done. students are already overworked and burnt out as is, and their weekends are already taken up by either more work, jobs or extracurricular stuff. school can be incredibly strenuous on the workload they churn out when the students are actually going to school. a stack of homework can take hours per night, and simple assignments can take weeks to finish. people can't just keep doing that all the time, they need a stress-free break with no obligations to rest their minds. that is the reason the holidays are there. they're not an excuse for schools to cram in more and more work because "they'll have more time", students need a break otherwise their brains are literally going to stop working properly. let them take time off ffs.

(the same goes for teachers. teachers shouldn't be made to constantly work during the holidays, they deserve a break too. everyone deserves a break.)

#this is the reason i am against school #students deserve breaks #holidays are NOT a time to cram in more work. people need breaks.#humans NEED to rest their brains otherwise they're going to short circuit and burn out. they won't have the functioning to do any work if-#-they keep having to constantly do more and more and more all the time. people are not robots.#this is the reason i dropped out #there was so much work being given to everyone during grades 11 and 12 that i was constantly stressed tf out and my brain was-#-literally not working properly from the amount of work they were giving us and the fact that it takes me more effort to do an assignment-#-because of my neurodivergence. doing work in school terms was already putting me at my limit and when i learned they were gonna start-#-giving us work during the holidays my brain broke. so i stopped working and just left.#school already took up enough of my free time doing hours of work every night as is. i was NOT gonna do more during the holidays. fuck that #i actively refuse to do work during my time to relax and take a break. holidays are for relaxing not working. idiot #and like it wasn't just simple homework. they were giving us entire assignments to do during the holidays that we should have been-#-actually doing in class but weren't because of shitty scheduling. it was the school board's own fault we were doing holiday work.#idk man maybe i'm biased because i'm against hustle and crunch culture but i think holidays should be a stress-free time away from doing-#-any work whatsoever. or at least only a tiny bit of work and that's it. i don't think making people be ''productive'' all the time is ok #doing nothing and not being productive after a long string of work is healthy. let us do it. goddamn.#school #student #school issues #school is hell #<- most accurate tag on tumblr #breaks #downtime #hustle culture #overworking #burnout #apologies to those who follow me for jetpack joyride and are getting posts about schools and overworking lmaoo

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greyias · 2 years

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After two years of writer’s block, I pick up and finish a long lingering chapter of a WIP. And then decide to go try and fill in the placeholder markers I left, pull up Wookieepedia to double-check myself and—

—guys I think the post-KOTOR, pre-Shadow of Revan lore for Manaan specifically is a fucking mess.

#no one but me probably even cares #but like #the timeline makes NO sense #i know this is because drew k didn’t have access to a timeline #but theron’s post-jedi and pre-sis period are insane #if you try to apply any logic to it #also what is the government structure of manaan?#i have forgotten everything i learned since running lots & the dailies #how much does order of shasa run pre-SoR??#how much leeway do visitors have?? is there a curfew?#they won’t even let us walk near the fountains #anyway new smoke & mirrors chapter coming at you guys #as soon as i finish copy edits #no this is not EITHER of the fic things i was working on last week #my brain is actively rebelling against me

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2leggedshark · 7 months

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Me: I'm moving past this because it's what's best for me and I can't let things like this ruin my months of progress. But I can't sleep. What should I do

My brain:

#IM NOT GOING TO!!!!!#my brain just does not respond to stresss in a normal way #and i have to actively work against doing what it wants me to #tw sh #tw self harm

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allgremlinart · 7 months

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my worrisome media-centric ODD

#genuinely if I see it on Tumblr I'm probably not gonna watch it until 6 yrs later. my curse.#like I cant stress enough how NOT a flex this is. I am not special and different I simply have a brain #that is actively working against me at all hours of the day

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heartintact · 10 months

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hi!! i've already mentioned this to a few of you, but i'll be almost completely MIA this week, and like the first couple of days of the next one bc i'm so busy it makes me wanna cry (i've been acing my tests, though, so it's worth it!). i'll catch up w drafts and get to ims once i have more time!! love u all, talk to u soon <3

#about to write extremely low activity in my pinned cause i think i'm funny #if u see me reply to like a couple of v specific things don't hold it against me bc it will happen! it's just the way my brain works!#and if you wanna get more plotting done during this time and we've already written together- hmu and i'll give u my disc*rd! <3

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honortodth · 8 months

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( so i have three days off this week, im planning to get a lot done then!! i still have everything saved if you're waiting on a reply/prompt from me :> i also may spend some time trying to fix my bg3 since it is in shambles ( mods and game are just broken )! which is a shame because playing gives me so much more muse :') i may be quiet tonight but like this if you're interested in plotting! )

#*ooc ( it can never be said enough that i appreciate the patience )#( i can never promise to be here a lot and i can be really quiet and my brain actively works against me but #i love everyone ive gotten to speak to ;w; )

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spoonietimelordy · 1 year

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...............

#charlie is rambling #brain fuckery update for anyone who cares:#I've been actively working on those emotional and thoughts bleeding with the perspective that they're not flashbacks #but genuine thoughts from alters and it is working a lot better than acting as if they were my thoughts #it's hard to explain #but when someone else is having a panick attack trying to confort myself never worked #because well now I get that it's not me who is experiencing those #but now that I approach them through the angle of parent trying to confort their kid #it works a lot better #the weird thing is that I've been suspected that i had osdd1 for a while #i've talked about it with a few systems #but I was still not working on it actively #because well denial is a strong part of how dissociative disorders works #and i still have to fight against it #i have alters who are fighting against me knowing #and i know it's normal #its a defence mechanism #but it make it hard to actively work through thing with a system point of view #but it's getting better #also the fact that well I dont have amnesia make it hard to trust myself too #even if I know that not having amnesia is what make it osdd in the first place #it's really fucking hard to not feel like I'm making it up you know

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dead-rabbit-comics · 1 year

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sometimes i get so into solving technical issues or finding a way to do something i forget about doing the thing by the end of it.

this is from

i wanted to

maybe play with some quilt layouts and i didn't like any of the free software i found for it and i do not enjoy drawing geometric shapes and filling them in and there's too many things to try out and it seems inefficient anyways and-

figured i need to get more practice with vectors anyways and familiarize myself with inkscape because it's open source and wonderful and so fucking ugly and i need to establish a strong bond so its ugliness becomes endearing to me lest i become enslaved by a*obe

struggled my way through learning about cloned tiles to a sloppy but functional way of working, discovered so many interesting functions and... forgot to play. BUT I REMEMBERED TODAY! :D

#colours are bleh because my brain is mush and to be honest i have not made friends with inkscapes colour tool yet #we are frenemies at best (i actually feel like it is actively working against me but giving it the benefit of the doubt)#quilt #inkscape

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aroldpdl · 1 year

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christianity literally gives you brainrot

#i'm not even going to specify evangelica christian because fuck it i'm tired #own up to your shit #if i'm not talking about your liberal inclusive church that actively works against bigotry then i'm not talking about you liberal church #billions of people. not caring about well being of humans if it doesn't 'come from god'#not being able or refusing to think about what causes harm #god is the most important you know that god is the most important right? he created everything do you not believe in god are you against go #repeating repeating repeating always coming back to this turning off your brain and heart and conscience your humanity #but humanism is evil i know i've been told that by so many people writing so many godly books #millions of people being told that. thinking they're learning how to be ethical #they took away my mother from me #they fucked up my life #they're the reason queer people don't have any rights #wish i could talk with my mom like with a normal person #like with someone who isn't killing their heart constantly

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eggthew · 1 year

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all my blood tests came back normal which. cool nice love to hear it but also hate to hear it bc I was hoping for answers as to why I'm exhausted all the god damn time

also my housemate called the psychiatrist and it turns out I've book an appointment with them already (completely erased from my memory???) but the earliest appointment I can get is September 1st. I dont know if I can survive that long without a complete mental break

#like i need help so bad. i can do things myself yes and I need to be doing better in order to help myself #but my brain is actively working against me. ive been doing this bullshit for years and years I KNOW how everything I try will turn out #yes therapy. but considering my last appointment she just told me to set an alarm and get up earlier. lmao #egg talks

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