#my day has been made and I just woke up
Note
HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS INCREDIBLE.
"This base is big enough for the both of us(please be mine)"
#my day has been made and I just woke up#space cowboy cassian#a force to be reckoned with#cassian andor#rebelcaptain#thank you for this#fav
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
i really cant do anything ever i was just making my bed and i got lost in thought so now im crying
#just bc i have a fever again and my emotions always skyrocket but#just thinkin about how ready i was for college everything was going perfectly i had good scholarships n i was so excited :(#and then i had to get sick and have stupid doctors tell me i should hold off#and i know they were right cause i wouldve been too sick to do anything i wouldve had to drop out#but i was One summer away from doing what i had wanted to do since i could read#and in the couple years it took me to start to get my health back under control#everyone had told me those dreams were silly anyways and werent going to get me anywhere#got so much praise for getting the job i have and following its parh instead of doing what i wanted bc it was Unrealistic.#i watch a lot of people that have made a living out of it and have made a difference and i just cant help but get so jealous#i had a dream about it the other night and i woke up and cried my little eyes out!!!#it was such a bland and like realistic normal day dream but i was Doing what i wanted to do#its not fair why did I have to get sick why did everyone have to convince me to not do it once i got better#i feel like its always going to upset me til the day i die im never going to be able to accept that it just wasnt in the cards for me#and i feel like im never 1000% happy with my life ever and its because im not doing what i wanted#maybe its stupid and like naive of me#every kid like wants to grow up and be a fireman or something that they dont end up doing#so maybe im just dumb for not knowing how to let go of mine like i shouldve outgrown them#i just have such a vivid memory of me offhandedly asking my doctor if all the bloodwork n tests n stuff would come back before my first day#and he just waited for a minute before saying i should wait a semester or two#and then that turned into a year#and so on#and hes like a very rational doctor he has helped me so much dont get me wrong#but i just started crying right there infront of him#and i am Not ever one to cry in front of anyone#and i think i kind of knew#like everyone had already been telling me id just end up switching majors and all sorts of stuff#so i was already like fighting for things to go my way#i think i knew right then that it was just never in the cards for me#idk ill just have to keep sucking it up and dealing w it til im over it#tbd
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
#skillsposting#(this is what edc has been doing the whole time btw. they are so tired they napped for days)#(i wish i could do that too tbh)#(i was initially going to make it an actual drawing and not a scribble but im still too tired and just woke up from nap and my head hurts)#(also sorry for being inactive!! i got sick and it made me really eeby and tired)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO#it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think#bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular#endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me#and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL#it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late#bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play#(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have#sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things#but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black#ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine#but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow#like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities#and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and#idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs#both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me#and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah#anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab#yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow#kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too#so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda#lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Song of the Day: May 29
“Evil Like Me” by Kristin Chenoweth & Dove Cameron for Disney's Descendants OS
#song of the day#time is fake! sometimes I'm awake and it's logical to assume that sometimes I'm asleep! and the days must pass but do I ever know?? nope#fuck I spent all day thinking today was the last day of the month and then it turns out it's not even Thursday#sang 'Evil Like Me' with Duncan at the dinner table while I ate the cabbage and I made this cabbage after the work not-a-bbq so#almost definitely that was today!#I fell asleep standing up in the shower again but the drain has been draining very slowly so when I woke up there was water above my ankles#if I flood our house with the water from my shower while I am actively standing in it and I don't notice because it's the only time I sleep#I'm going to shrink myself down and move in with the mice colonizing our neighbor's boat trailer#the mice will never know my shame. Duncan will put cheese sandwiches out in the alley for us and it will be more than I deserve#this is a really good song. very fun lyrical nonsense and also very fun musically to sing. love the idea of Kristin Chenoweth Maleficent#'I have tried my whole life long / to do the worst I can / clawed my way to victory / built my master plan#now the time has come my dear / for you to take your place / promise me you'll try to be / an absolute disgrace'#Nick really doesn't like this song for some unspecified reason--we've asked but he just gets kind of mad? like it should be obvious?#I think maybe he thinks they're making fun of people who sing about like. doing crimes? being bad???????????????#like honestly what could be more punk she's literally Maleficent but go off I guess#I dunno but if I were going to be mad about a Descendants song that I occasionally roam the house over-selling#it wouldn't be a Broadway-star-supported certified banger like 'Evil Like Me'#it'd be goofyass 'Rotten to the Core' where I'm playing four parts simultaneously and pitching my voice up and down like a rollercoaster#love that fucking song it's so dumb and it's so much fun and I get to stomp on the chorus bits
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
we have an especially bad migraine where I noticed us getting aura (mostly being pissed off and upset in a specific way) for several hours before it started and we've taken pain meds but I'm not sure they've actually helped. they have definitely given us side effects though and I feel very spaced out and nauseous and generally shit.
we've also had way worse ADHD symptoms for the last few days to the point of being pretty much unable to focus on anything besides like 2 things we've hyperfixated on. we've had so much trouble starting tasks and keep struggling to hold a train of thought or focus long enough to even figure out what we need to do each day despite having all our Habitica dailies to tell us.
our brain is all over the place and I'm not really sure what to do with it or what would help but it's just occurred to me that sometimes our ADHD gets really bad in the buildup to some of our worst migraines and now I'm just hoping that both the migraine and other shit ease off soon because I'd like to be able to function
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I've spent like 6 hours drawing today because we fixated on one piece of art that I originally started as a joke#but I probably had other tasks to do and I don't know what any of them were and I tried very hard to at least make a list or something#but just could not hold a coherent train of thought and got really overwhelmed every time I tried to think of stuff I needed to do#so I gave up after a while because I realised my options were to keep trying and failing and just get upset and start dissociating#and end up doing absolutely nothing while feeling really bad#or just go ahead and draw for as long as I can handle because our brain's fixated on it and at least I'd be doing something#and it's also nice to actually be able to work on art for any length of time after having such bad art block so far this year#oh I did also shower shortly after we woke up which was our main big task of the day I think so that's something to be proud of#our tourette's has been bad and that made it surprisingly difficult and it was kind of stressful and exhausting but we did it#it's also just occurred to me that our tourette's and ADHD and a few other issues have all flared up together#followed by a particularly bad migraine which is a pattern we keep noticing and first noticed back in December#and all these issues are known to involve dopamine but I can't figure out what exactly is going on#when it happens we also start getting sensory overload way more easily
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
siiigh
#grandma...#my dad got here pretty early and i got here like one hour ago#she saw me busting my ass trying to get everything ready for the workday (rip) tomorrow and now that after my shower scolded me because#i didnt clean and made the bed for him#sis he has been here sitting all day. i literally woke up to an explosion#god forbid men do anything#anyway my dad is chill about it. its just grandma calling me a bitch#my back is in my hand after carrying that beautiful baby around all day. fuck off
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
what the fuck 😭
#to be clear: I don't really know this person! I woke up to this note outside my bedroom door!#so on the one hand I'm mortified that someone I don't know has overheard what a mess I've been lately#AND recognises me enough to know which room is mine#embarrassing.#on the other hand: this is really sweet.#who doesn't need a small purple cat for comfort now and then.#I will made sure to thank this person and let them know I am fine#just adjusting to studying full time lol.#what a kind person. what a way to start my day!!
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
fighting every urge in my body to take a nap before work and instead filling my morning with things that I enjoy watching/reading
#[static]#the last couple of weeks Ive been so worn out from being sick & working and all i can do before work is eat breakfast and go back to bed#yesterday i woke up 45 minutes early to have time to catch up on some old favorite youtubers#and im doing the same today#it made the day more bearable since i had done something positive before work instead of just sleeping and working nonstop#i just need a new job in general tbh but finding one has felt impossible dkfjdfkj#this is a reminder to myself that even if im sleepy tired at work at least i had a good morning!!!#and that i had some time to be a human on my own time!!!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
they should provide financial compensation for ppl who are sensitive to an unbelievable degree.
#being sensitive's actually immensely inconvenient + makes me feel incompetent. literally someone raises their voice at me i start tearing up#had a mini-discussion with my dad abt palestine and i was shaking all over the entire time it's so bad...........#not gonna go into detail bc he busts out the most islamophobic racist things and i don't want to say all that on here but we talked a littl#abt palestine and then a lot abt hamas bc that's at the forefront of every discussion now and uhm. well let's just say he is someone that#thinks reverse racism is real and also interrupts you all the time when he's having a conversation so u know how that went....i wish i'd#made the point i was trying to make come across clearer but he's so rooted in his own beliefs that's like a near impossible feat anyway no#matter how good u are at talking.#r.txt#also i woke up with a nosebleed today (had a nosebleed yesterday AND five days ago) and a pounding pressuring headache so that's gotten me#a little very concerned i'm not gonna lie...............like the headache has been persistent for the past two weeks and kind of feels like#something is pressing on my brain from the inside..#i wanna look up what might be causing it but i also don't want to because i always start imagining that the worst things they're suggesting#on there are the ones that are true......
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
God I loved that in my neighborhood back where my lease is that the grass gets mowed at like 5pm or a bit later
Fuck ye outside my window I’m trying to go back to sleep
#dsps#dspd#dswpd#my mom just screamed at me for taking a sleeping pill to go back to bed#(which is unfortunately not uncommon. esp at my parents house where I can never get good sleep)#especially because my fucking body woke me up after 4 hours of sleep when I am trying to sleep as much as possible like 12+ hours#to fight off the fevers I’ve been intermittently having#and the yeast infection from hell and two different cold sores in 3 weeks despite#I literally paid for a hotel for two nights because I tried valiantly and failed to get any decent sleep at my parents house#even with melatonin and cbd and CBN and sleeping pills literally trying every *safe* combination#and then she accusingly asks me when I went to bed#like I’m not a fucking adult whose on fucking break. like I don’t have both adhd and fucking dsps#she just had joint surgery and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to help her as much#but I wasn’t even supposed to be here now?! I was supposed to fly back a week ago but had to cancel because I got sick#and have been running errands since#and also while sick#which has probably#made me fucking sicker?#like not yesterday but the two days before that I was running around doing errands with a fever. (covid negative)#I didn’t fucking ask to be sick or tomorrow be able to sleep in this house#and she fucking yelled at me that I have to go to bed at midnight#like bitch I don’t have to do anything#and thank you again for making me feel so profoundly misunderstood and unlistened to#and worthless because of my adhd and dsp#I really hope it was the pain from the surgery and her pain meds not having kicked in#because it was out of character#like I hate that this is one of the few times your hearing about her to build a picture about#as if anyone is reading these tags haha I am processing and venting#because she is usually wonderful and lovely#but she was a fucking bitch. she really hurt my feelings
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
genuinely, when will it end??? I am so tired of being here and I am not sure how much longer I can push myself to keep going. i’m exhausted.
#it’s 4am and I am feeling the Deep Darkies#I literally passed out at 9pm from mental exhaustion & also bc I wanted to start to get up early to start a morning routine#so I actually got a ton of sleep but the second I woke up I felt like I wanted to cry and now I feel so depressed out of no where#like girl WHYYYY#genuinely I am so debilitatingly depressed I have suicidal thoughts every single day#and I feel like ive tried everything to help myself like ive been to therapy ive been on and off meds for over a decade at this point#im starting to eat better and sleep more#like what the duck else do I do?#I genuinely feel like my brain is broken#I just want to cry and lay in bed every single day#like I cannot articulate the profound sadness into words but it’s. so bad#and it takes literally all my brain power to do one assignment a day for class like none of this is sustainable#and I just feel so much shame over it bc whenever I tell my mom she gets mad like it effects her or something and the few times ive made th#mistake of trying to confide in my dad he gave me the whole pull yourself up by the bootstraps talk so never again lol#my entire family has made me feel so much shame over it and none of my friends here even bother to ask how I feel and don’t make me feel#comfortable enough to talk to bc i’m always the fucking therapist friend helping everyone else#hence why I always vent on here lol I have no one to talk to#I just really don’t know what to do at this point like I feel like I need inpatient therapy at this point but that’s expensive and I don’t#want to tell my job why i’d need extended time off bc that would be so embarrassing and plus now i’m in school#so like what do I do#im tired of feeling like this I know this isn’t how life is supposed to be but it’s also all ive ever known#and what’s the point of living if i’m going to feel like this everyday? I don’t know how much longer I can take it#personal
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
you wouldn't believe two separate robots got their shit rocked this chapter
#sk8 the infinity#kyan reki#hasegawa langa#burnished house#hi! hello. its like I just woke up from a coma or something#the last five days have been. man. its been#I'm chippin away at the sketches for the ink comms when I can! do u know its best to water plants early in the morning#cause I do now. I do now#anyways. this fic has been a really fuckign funny tallying of what pop culture thing any given character would know about#for example langa definitely doesnt know abt doraemon. reki does#shadow calls langa jack frost in this chapter once and I NEED you to know he was talking abt smt jack frost. not dreamwork jack frost#itd Haunt me if you came away thinking he was talking about dreamwork jack frost. itd kill me. that comparison would end me on the spot#funnies aside. I think its really fun that canon sk8 has like... a kind of mythology around the founders#this fic is ending up being a lot about spaces and bodies and inhabiting either so the mythologies are about the space as much as the peopl#but that is kind of a cue i took from canon#just. the idea of whole stories being made and then forgotten in the span of two decades. I am Thinking about it. it is On My Mind. yknow#anyways there is actual robot boxing in this chapter. thats all thank u#have a good night! I go watch stuff tomorrow! itll be great and also scary and I will cry#hope u have the chance for something like that too. hope ur doing well and living well. see u
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#im back in my apartment. and im rather sick. just a cold but like woke up feeling ok and then over the course of thr 12hr travel day#i was increasingly feeling worse and now im like 😵💫 its probably worse bc 7hr jet lag and my hormones r fucked#so im a bit recked. im supposed to go instruct undergrads tomorrow doing a procedure that fills me with rage even when i dont feel terrible#well see how awful i feel in the morning. i also have v lil food here bc ive been gone so long ugh#so much i gotta do. and do i feel better than when i left? not especially. i still wanna fucking quit working here. my dad is like#prioritize ur stuff bc u gotta move in 2 months and hes right but its gonna b real hard to stick to that#ugh. i feel so awful. i dont wanna work tomorrow.#i also watched that salin4 gomez doc on her brain stuff and it made me cry. and i was like weeping as i drove back from the airport bc a#lotta thimgs. but whatever itll b a 3 day weekend and im gonna try to b better abt doing as lil work as i can manage#so i dont like die. ya kno. but whatever. 2 months left. then i move. the process of getting#permits for sampling has already begun. ill b outta the desert soooooon. the light is there#unrelated
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
blasting american idiot in my headphones. rebuilding my buddy cole timeline as a permanent instillation in my childhood bedroom. just rewatched comedy punks for the millionth time and made a green and purple friendship bracelet that says "young drunk punk" on it. tomorrow i am getting a haircut which will make me feel more gender. life is a pretty sweet fruit
#been having a green day moment lately idk why lmao#but my favorite song on american idiot is letterbomb i love how it builds and the chorus is so catchy#and yes the buddy cole timeline has glitter stickers again how could it not#the green and purple colors for the friendship bracelet are just bc those are the colors where i had enough letters#also bruce emailed me again this morning so that's what i woke up to. and in the email he made such a dad joke oh my god#wish i could show myself from one year ago what today has been like. like damn i don't have to be depressed forever???#in a matter of a year i could turn my shit around and just have it lead to sweet little moments like this#can't wait to see where i'll be next year
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
mlemlem
MLE
timottea
I only know where I am
just-like-the-hartley-boy
The Rope and Lantern Society
yongohingo
よんごひんごな妄想