#my digital art makes a temporary come back!

[melit0n]

I made a little comic based on a convo a few friends and I had.

Time taken: 6 hours and 5 minutes.

What took the longest? Slide 7. Those book designs brought me to the brink of insanity (1 hour and 44 mins).

(Notes under the cut)

Before anyone asks, yes, I know Canus Major typically appears behind Orion, however, I was running out of space, so please forgive the inaccuracy.

For anybody wondering what on Earth the third drawing is, it's a interpretation of NASA's Voyager 1 spacecraft's Pale Blue Dot, which was taken on February 14th, 1990.

Slide 8 represents the red string theory. In most literature, the red string is attached to two people, typically romantic lovers, who are intertwined by fate to meet. However, it can also just be a string that connects a person and all the people they'll connect with in life. It's an embodiment of fate; everybody is interlinked.

Slide 10 is one of my own photos taken from my bedroom window. I originally planned on drawing it out, however, after two hours of fiddling about and trying to make it look right, I gave up and just put the photo there; I hope it fits in fine.

@moonchild-in-blue @tonguetyd @hookedhobbies @branches-in-a-flood thought you four might like this!

[cozylittleartblog]

cant tell you how bad it feels to constantly tell other artists to come to tumblr, because its the last good website that isn't fucked up by spoonfeeding algorithms and AI bullshit and isn't based around meaningless likes

just to watch that all fall apart in the last year or so and especially the last two weeks

there's nowhere good to go anymore for artists.

edit - a lot of people are saying the tags are important so actually, you'll look at my tags.

#please dont delete your accounts because of the AI crap. your art deserves more than being lost like that #if you have a good PC please glaze or nightshade it. if you dont or it doesnt work with your style (like mine) please start watermarking #use a plain-ish font. make it your username. if people can't google what your watermark says and find ur account its not a good watermark #it needs to be central in the image - NOT on the canvas edges - and put it in multiple places if you are compelled #please dont stop posting your art because of this shit. we just have to hope regulations will come slamming down on these shitheads#in the next year or two and you want to have accounts to come back to. the world Needs real art #if we all leave that just makes more room for these scam artists to fill in with their soulless recycled garbage #improvise adapt overcome. it sucks but it is what it is for the moment. safeguard yourself as best you can without making #years of art from thousands of artists lost media. the digital world and art is too temporary to hastily click a Delete button out of spite

[mrghostrat]

i appreciate all the kindness for my uni rejection, and anyone going through the same thing should def read through my replies if they need similar comfort. there’s a lot of “ATAR isn’t everything!” comments tho, which made me realise i haven’t actually talked much about my goals, so i wanted to share a little context.

i’m 30 (on the 17th). i took a gap year after high school and i went to uni at 19. i even dropped out a semester before graduating to pursue the one thing that was making me happy (my first original comic) during a really bad depression (undiagnosed adhd burnout). i got the last units and graduated a year later, a bachelor of game design.

haven’t used my degree once. i went into comics and freelance rather than games. but i also loved that degree and would do it all again, it was absolutely worth it.

i’ve been freelance and self sufficient for 6-7 years, and it’s fun and i’m proud of the things i’ve made, but i’m so tired. i’m specifically tired of having to work 7 different angles to make up one sufficient salary, and even if it ends up being temporary, i’d give anything for a 9-5. have someone else in charge for once.

got to the end of my rope last year and sat down to figure out what i like and what i’m good at. a Life Plan, yknow. i’ve always had an interest in teaching, helping, connecting like that. figured out degrees and became really invested in this new trajectory i pictured my life going on. i was also tired of waiting, because every time i wanted to move back to the city from this tiny town we’re in, somethings come up or delayed it. so zita helped me figure out how we could get the ball rolling and break our lease 3 months early, so we could move back to melbourne and i could start my degree this year. we looked for (and found) an apartment specifically on the side of the city that would be closest to my campus.

i hope that gives a lil context as to why i’m so devastated right now. the last 5 months have been me revving up to start this new chapter at the end of feb and one little email said nah.

the degree i wanted to do was a double degree, secondary education (hons) and a BA of fine arts. i was equally excited for both, because i never got to do a lot of actual art learning in my last degree, and the BA would give me all of that— life drawing, sculpting, painting, wood/metal/jewellery working, digital, fuckin everything. but it was the less important of the pair, when it comes to getting myself a job as an art teacher, because i already have the art experience. it was just a fun bonus, and the education degree was the one i NEEDED.

in nov i had to travel to melbourne to present a portfolio and interview for the BA. they showed me around the studio too, and i fell a little bit in love. i got the acceptance email in december, but i still didn’t have an offer for the education degree. another reason why i’m so discombobulated— i technically have an invitation, but it’s for the less important degree that would just be a money sink. do i go to uni anyway?? or just ignore this invitation and move on?

my state recently made education/teaching degrees free as a way of encouraging more teacher jobs. i learnt about this after i decided i wanted to pursue teaching, so it was just a fun lil bonus that i wouldn’t be adding to my student debt. apparently not, bc i didn’t think about how every teenager and their dog would apply for teaching degrees so they could get straight into uni without any debt. so, even tho i’m a graduate and i’m not relying on school scores, i was one in a million, likely just numbers on a page, and didn’t get in.

there could be other paths. i could start the BA and add the Edu degree later? i could reapply for mid year intake. i could… idk, most of what i could do requires emailing Monash and asking wtf, because i have no idea what’s actually possible and will need someone to lay it out for me.

still feels like i’ve run into a brick wall though. little bit shut down. more sad, not quite angry, but suddenly really spiteful for some reason— like “oh, you don’t want me? okay fuck you then, i won’t ever teach.” so stupid. just a bit fragile rn

[trashiis]

Ok this is a bit of a wordy post but bear with me. I've been reading up on the tech literacy discourse and I thought I'd add my two cents, and how it connects to piracy. LONG post under the cut!

I was born in the year 2000, which puts me on the border of being a digital native. I was brought up on tech, but only in my later childhood and teens. I've always considered myself "tech literate," but no more than the usual kid my age.

The first time I ever truly experienced tech illiteracy with my peers was when I was 23, when in one of my college classes a MacOS update rendered the software we used for said class unusable. After a few days a temporary patch was released, which by that point an assignment that utilized the software was due the next day. I followed the patch instructions, which involved navigating to the software files and substituting a designated file with the provided patch. A bit more complicated than a simple update, but the instructions were clear and intuitive enough to easily understand where the file went. The next day, during a class study session, I overheard multiple people come up to the professor complaining that the software wasn't working. After the second person complained with the professor being clueless, I asked the student what MacOS version they were on. Sure enough they were on the latest version, which as we already know is incompatible with the software. I then walked the student through the patching process step-by-step, with them needing to essentially be hand held through the entire process (almost to the point of me doing everything for them). After the patch was implemented, the student thanked me and said "Wow! How did you figure all of this out?" and to me that question was stupid- I just googled "[software] [version] MacOS [version] fix", went to the first result (which was the company website), downloaded the patch zip file, and followed the instructions on the README.txt file. It was so easy, and I couldn't comprehend that this was somehow complicated for other people, especially those my age. I mean we literally grew up using computers. It wasn't until I started learning about tech literacy and learned helplessness that I finally started connecting the dots.

Tech in general is becoming extremely user friendly, almost to a fault. UI and UX simplicity is taking away any critical thinking needed to use any sort of tech. My peers are so used to one-click and/or automatic updates, so the fact that this required slightly more effort than a simple update triggered their learned helplessness. The professor was no help in this case either, since he just extended the due date for those affected with no penalty. I actually ended up making a very detailed (and I mean idiot proof detailed) step by step picture guide with screenshots on how to install the patch for the software for the class. Anyways, back to the main point- How can I blame my peers for not knowing how to install a "complicated" update when they're so used to being spoon-fed simplicity?

But hang on- how was I the exception? I'm just as used to tech simplicity as anyone else, it's not like I'm using anything differently or making things harder for myself on purpose (I'm looking at you, linux users). So why was I the only one who knew how to install this update? It wasn't until I had a discussion many months later with my mom about this tech illiteracy epidemic that I finally thought it through. I acquired problem solving skills through piracy. To start off: not piracy but adjacent- learning to install mods in Minecraft when I was 11 taught me file navigation and what a README.txt file was, as well as the importance of version specificity/compatibility. Figuring out how to play Pokemon roms on the family computer and my iPod touch when I was 12? That's piracy, and it also taught me how to work with different platforms and the art of jailbreaking. Installing custom firmware on my 3ds so I could pirate games when I was 16 taught me how to follow written tech instructions without any visual guidance. Pirating Adobe software on my MacBook in high school taught me about patching files on MacOS. All of this knowledge and inherent googling that came with it made installing the patch for my class software look like a tiny drop in the bucket in terms of complexity.

So why am I saying all of this? Am I suggesting people learn to pirate to become tech literate?

yes.

With everything becoming pay-walled, subscription services running rampant, the proliferation of closed-source "ecosystems" *cough* Apple *cough*, and (arguably) most importantly media preservation, piracy is a skill that will serve you well in the long term. It will teach you critical thinking in the tech sphere, and if enough people learn then we can solve this ever growing epidemic of tech illiteracy. I'm not really sure how to end this post, so if anyone has anything else they'd like to add please feel free to.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[cafalla]

Fruits Basket Sticker Collection (2008) Scans

Fruits Basket (FB) is one of my all time favorite shoujo manga, and I was so excited to get my hands on an unused copy of this sticker book from 2008!

This main trio makes me so nostalgic. And the Tokyopop logo is SO iconic.

I've always been more of a digital consumer of manga, so I initially read Fruits Basket entirely online from fan-made and fan-translated scans.

I have very fond memories of coming home from school every night and logging onto the family computer to binge as many chapters of FB as I could before dinner. One day my dad gave me his old laptop, since I was the one mostly hogging the family computer.

I was SO excited.

I immediately made my background Shigure themed.

I liked Shigure a lot since he was the year of the dog, just like me.

And you bet I spent all my free time on my clunky early 2000s hand-me-down laptop binging the FB manga, watching the FB anime (in three parts on YouTube, of course), and consuming every FB fanfic and fanart I could find online.

All that to say, this manga holds a special place in my heart. I find myself going back every couple of years and re-reading it.

It truly is such a quintessential y2k shoujo experience.

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Even though this book is titled as a sticker book, it contains more than stickers. As seen in the tagline on the front page, this book also includes pin-ups and temporary tattoos.

Not sure why they only have stickers in the title, I guess that's just more of an attention grabber than pin-ups or temporary tattoos would be.

This book has a hard cover and spiral-bound pages. Because of this, it was actually a bit tricky to scan.

I was able to crop out the spiral for most of the pages, as it wouldn't interfere with the overall image of the page, but I did keep it visible on the title page scan.

Every time I tried cropping it for this page, I felt it took too much away from Kyo's portrait.

So I just let it be.

The first part of the book consists of "pin-ups" of Tohru and the Sohma family.

I will say, pin-up is a bit of an odd word to use. I think something like 'mini posters' would've worked as a better descriptor for what is actually inside the book.

I think most Western audiences associate the word "pin-up" with the image of a sexualized or risqué photo.

But in this case, I think it's meant innocently as a picture that can be "pinned up" on a wall...even though that's basically the same reason for the name behind the the sexualized photos...

Either way, it's a bit funny when it's brought up in a PG setting.

Anyways, the pin-up photos in the book are all loose inside clear paper protector sheets. I think it's a neat, thoughtful way to make the pictures safe and accessible.

Ignore the cafalla.com watermark - that was from when I had a .com blog! But it is still me, and this is still my photo lol.

It's a bit hard to tell from the photo, but these pictures are in plastic sheet protectors, and you can slide the paper in and out from the side.

If you wanted to take a specific picture out, you needn't worry about ripping or ruining them while trying to remove them from the book.

So I really appreciate that detail.

Because of this, scanning these pages was an easy experience. The front page of the "pin-up" depicts art of the character from the manga, and the back of the page has a little bio about the character.

Here is Tohru's front and back page.

As for the Sohma family, they are the same, except they also show a little drawing of their animal form on the back.

Here are Yuki and Kyo's pages.

The book continues with pages for each member of the Sohma family, plus Akito.

I'm surprised Tohru's friends Arisa and Saki weren't included, as they are also pretty frequently appearing characters...more so than some of the family members.

I'm looking at you, Ritsu.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

I really adore that the manga art was used for this whole book. The original anime has that early 2000s charm, but I much prefer the manga artwork for this series.

We're going to see a lot of it with the stickers and temporary tattoos, which follow the pin-up photos.

I'm not sure why, but all the sticker and temporary tattoo pages have a similar layout (which you will see), with the exception of this one sticker page.

Not sure why this one page has a cell phone theme and TONS of tiny stickers, but it's cute!

Again, this was a page where it was hard to cut out the spiral without cutting off parts of the stickers located closed to it. So I left it in the scan.

Here are the other sticker sheets!

And here are the temporary tattoo sheets!

So cute!!

And like I said, I love that this is all artwork from the manga.

My favorite is the group sticker on the green sheet, where Tohru is wearing the red plaid skirt.

I vividly remember that chapter spread because I adored her outfit. Black, red, and plaid aren't really colors/patterns Tohru wears, and I think they compliment her so much. I also adored how all the boys' outfits matched the same color scheme and aesthetic.

。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°

There we have it, the Fruits Basket sticker (and pin-up...and temporary tattoo) collection!

The whole book is scanned and available for viewing on my Internet Archive account! So please go check it out if you want to see more.

I've also uploaded just the photo scans on my photoblog: nostalgiahime. So if you like to reblog just the photos, please go check it out!

Thanks for stopping by!

[queensquidly14]

YO! I'm Squidly14! It's a pleasure to meet ya! I make digital, traditional and sometimes I'll make 3D if I'm feeling it! My art is usually shit quality most of the time...Mainly cuz I'm still using that damned Paint3D cuz I haven't found an art app that works for me, But sometimes my art looks pretty good, So Yeah! Thanks for reading and I hope my you like what the future holds for me and my art!

(ART BY @chickes0up) Love you honey <3

Lore time! Hey! I'm Squidly! I'm an Inkling! Which, if you don't somehow know what that is, I'm a cross between a humanoid being and squid! My homeland is in Inkopolis! But as I got older I decided to go on my own adventure! On my journey, I came across what looked to be a digital pen and drawing pad, But turns out...You could create a whole UNIVERSE with it! and I thought to myself..."Hmmm...I've always wanted to be a person who would look after my loved ones and friends...and I COULD make my OCs become a reality!" and so I did, I created what I called "Begalinių galimybių pasaulis" which means "World of infinite possibilities" But I just shorten it to "Pasaulis" for easiness....But...As time went on...I noticed things changing about me physically...My hair...It was lush, full, wavy...normal hair, and I could no longer transform into my squid form...I panicked, So I quickly traveled back Inkopolis, But before I noticed it....Once I got back, My body was back to the way it was...So I just assumed it was me adapting...I eventually found social media! You're all quite nice! funny, weird...kinda cringe...and sometimes just downright bone chilling...But I'll manage! Anyway...That's probably all I have to say about myself...If you...wanna be apart of Pasaulis, come ask me! I'm always happy to see if I can help you! (Also I'm not sharing my IRL age, I AM OVER 17, but my online sona is somewhere between early 20s to early 40s)

Lmao both made by me KEKW

Diehard Dawko Follower

Avid Astralspiff Viewer

Pretty Pezzy Spectator

Esteemed ElasticDroid Enjoyer

Behaved BigPuffer Beholder

Persistent PointCrow Onlooker

Funny Filian Fan

Chill Chibidoki Witness

Cool Caseoh_ Consumer

Cute Kwite Listener

Spectacular Special Edd Gawker

Jealous JSchlatt Observer

Illusive IronMouse Watcher

Jokester Jimmyhere Testifier

Zesty Zentreya Bystander

Lovable Lolathon Looker-on

Preppy Penguinz0 Deponent

Messy Matt Rose Seer

Beautiful Blaire White Attendant

~~~ FANDOMS I'M IN ~~~

- FNAF

- Bendy and The Ink Machine/ Bendy and The Dark Revival

- Phighting!

- Hazbin Hotel

- Helluva Boss

- SCP

- Friday Night Funkin'

- Disney

- Backrooms

- Lethal Company

- Team Fortress 2

- Dark Deception

- Geometry Dash

- KinitoPET

~~~ OTHER SOCIALS ~~~

Youtube

Roblox

Steam

Twitch

~~~ DA RULES ~~~

REBLOGGING MY ART IS MORE THAN OKAY! INFACT! I ENCOURAGE YOU TO REBLOG IT! I WOULD LOVE MY ART TO GET OUT THERE!

I Love roleplaying! I'm fine with anything as long as you're okay with too! I'll do NSFW, SFW, Head canons, Special AUs, Just nothing that's creepy or morally wrong!

ANY discrimination towards someone's religion, sexual orientation, identity, race, Controversial topics, etc will NOT BE TOLERATED ON MY PAGE

DO NOT use tone tags around me, I'm fucking TIRED of that shit, I can handle shit, and if you don't like/can't handle it, grow up

My page is meant for anyone who wants to escape and have fun! don't ruin it :)

DO NOT come here asking for me to be a sugar baby, I am HAPPILY TAKEN, and don't need LOSERS to make me happy, money is temporary, but TRUE LOVE is forever!

Constructive criticism towards my art is fine, just don't be a dickhead about it and/or outright hate on my art

Swearing is fine, I personally don't give a shit, just remember to tone it down when needed and obviously no slurs or offensive language

absolutely NO TRACING, COPY & PASTING OR STEALING my art! fanart is fine and all (I will make a fanart tag for it soon, but stealing or tracing my art, character design, saying you made the character, etc will force my hand and report you for stealing

I have an opinion too! So I will USE IT and TALK MY SHIT! If you don't like it, sucks to suck! just unfollow/block me, I don't care, If you try to change my opinions/beliefs.

NO NSFW of my characters unless you get EXPLICIT permission from me and the character isn't underage (You freaks)

I will draw NSFW FOR FRIENDS ONLY! and it will never be publicly posted it will it DM'ed to you directly, unless you want it posted publicly (With mature filter on ofc)

IMPORTANT! IF YOU ASK FOR ANY DRAWING REQUEST YOU HAVE YOU HAVE TO DRAW SOMETHING FOR ME IN RETURN (I don't have any PayPal right now cuz Idk how that works XDD)

I also do "Ask me anything" of my OCs! I'll make a list of the main ones soon but you'll MOST LIKELY see my OCs just randomly posted on here! (Just no NSFW if the characters a minor)

----DNI LIST----

Under 15 (I can't control what you see but I don't want you looking at my content, It's not straight up CORN, but there will be artistic nudity, pretty suggestive themes, vulgar swearing, etc)

Art "Fixers" (Let's face it, you're pretty fucked up to think you're doing ANY good)

NSFW exclusive accounts (You be wearing Victoria's Secret when your pussy ain't even a secret)

Proshipper (You're actually just a pedophile don't deny it you FUCKING MONSTER)

Vtuber Hater (I like Vtubers, and want to be one)

Anti-Furry (I have furry friends, also they're not that bad as people say they are)

Anti-Fujoshi/Fudanshi (I am a half Fujoshi)

DSMP stans/fans (You're cringe)

South Park stans/fans (You're annoying as FUCK)

MLP Stans/bronies/fans (You ruined my childhood)

My Hero Academia stans/fans (You're VERY cringe, Sorry but your fandom is trash)

Bluey stans/fans (You're kinda weird, I get it, but also wtf)

DDLC Fans/stans (Bro what???)

You believe Zodiacs actually mean something (Booo)

Therians/Fictionkins/Kins (I was groomed twice by therians/kins, and I can't emotionally handle it right now, I need time to heal, It takes a while, Please forgive me, But I don't HATE you, I just don't know who to trust, I but I respect you!)

Age-Regressors (Specifically the ones who aren't using it for evil *pedophilia to be exact*)

Racists (Oviously)

Antisemitic (Kinda cringe ngl, isn't that just nazism?)

Homophobic (I'm Bi oviously)

Transphobic (Dude it should be obvious, don't be a dick, let people be who they want but also don't talk about it too much I do get uncomfortable if it's shoved in my face)

"Degenerates" (Pedophiles, Zoophiles etc)

Race swapper (Idgaf what race you swap It's still bad in my eyes)

Identity Swapper (Like swapping sexuality, gender identity etc)

If you believe your "Head canons" are actually canon (Bro 💀Separate canon from fanon)

EXTREME activist for ANYTHING (Idgaf your not helping your cause by screaming in other people faces)

Talk about any of the wars (I'm sorry but I can't mentally deal with that right now, it's too draining, just let the innocent people live, that's all I'm saying, alright?)

[yuliares]

2022 Year-end Writing Recap

Total number of completed stories: 20

Total word count: 87,869

Fandoms written in: The Old Guard (9), Good Omens, BBC Sherlock (4), Our Flag Means Death (2), Inception, Marvel/Hawkeye Comics, and the video games Strange Horticulture and Mystia’s Izakaya.

Looking back on this year is kind of wild! I got a tablet so I could do digital drawings, which has been a lot of fun to play with. And even with all the time I spent drawing, I still did a ton of writing!

Most popular: This Cooktop was meant to Cook for You (The Old Guard) with 378 kudos! A cute, feel-good diner AU where chef Nicky makes sure Joe can keep Halal. Also, the amazing @loftec crafted a teeny tiny physical book version of this story!? It’s difficult to express the sheer delight this brings me.

Personal favorite: Finished just in time for Halloween, Our Flag Means (un)Death (Our Flag Means Death) is a very silly Necromancer AU of that pirate show that I suddenly found sailing onto my Tumblr dashboard. I’m glad I decided to hop aboard, because writing this was a hoot.

Notable: The Knit King (The Old Guard) is my longest story yet with 29.5k words! It took joining the WIP Big Bang event to finish it, and even with 12k words going in, it was a struggle. I was lucky enough to have a great beta (thank you xJane!) and to pair with the artist Kingstoken, who made this delightful cover art!

The premise is crack (What if there was a God of Knitting! Make it Nicky!), but I wrote it serious—and it turned into a fantasy story I hope people find cozy and sweet.

Most challenging: I started 2022 mid-way through writing Let The Full Moon In (The Old Guard) for a gift exchange. It is by far the most explicit story I’ve ever written, and working on it was very stressful! It was like shaking up and cracking open a can of really unnecessary internalized embarrassment. I definitely considered scrapping it and going a PG-13 route multiple times. I was very fortunate to have an amazing beta who helped workshop the kink and smooth everything out (keeping track of limbs in sex scenes is so confusing!?), and I’m really glad to have tackled this story and proud of how it turned out!

Looking forward: 

The very tail end of 2022 was kind of awful, and I’m just starting to crawl out of the hole starting with March. It’s been really frustrating to go from regular creative outlets (drawing! writing! etc!) that bring me joy and then find myself too depressed to engage with them. I’ve been reminding myself that my value as a person is not tied to my output of creative works, and that hard times are just times that I am fortunate enough to know are temporary.

In terms of community, I’m not always online consistently (especially not recently), but I have 3 solid Discord groups full of wonderful people, and I’m dipping my toe in the Winterhawk hot tub, which seems like a nice crowd. The start of this year has been rough, but I look forward to everything to come.

[betty-cadaver]

Making a mess of things.

Forgiving yourself for “terrible” art.

Artists, do you ever have moments of evasive creativity? A brain fogs powerful enough to tickle John Carpenter’s fancy? Has your inspiration gone on a long stay holiday without you?

I get it a lot. Dusty, western style droughts, tumble weed and all, where the well of inspiration has long dried up. But it’s only temporary as I know at some point the rains will come and I’ll take another sip of weird and wonderful ideas.

My art is like my mood, only in the sense it’s chaotic, often messy. I don’t really draw my emotions per say, I just mean that I fluctuate between styles, level of detail, mediums used and effort.

I find myself scribbling something I later find to be utterly garbage and yet can’t seem to bring myself to throw it out or delete it. The below example is a recent example of this. I just drew patterns in black testing out a new brush in procreate. Next thing I know I’m slapping down colour like a 6year old with a crayonin one hand, full sugar coke in the other and accidentally made a knock-off Piet Mondrian & Joan Miro hybrid. I suppose if my art actually was an expression of my true inner emotions, this piece would be entitled “Bleh!” and yet I’m oddly fond of it. It’s a moment of my life, my time, my brains ‘auto-pilot’ let loose.

I think losing ideas is just a part of the process that we, as artists, must go through. We aren’t fountains of constant recycled masterpieces, we’re mere human beings. I can only speak from my own perspective, but I find myself coming up with some wonderful theme and I become obsessed. I’ll work at it in multiple styles and sizes and colors. And one day I’ll wake up with nothing, all my passion suddenly lost. Work will go unfinished with promises I’ll do it later (I typically don’t. And on rare occasions I do, weeks and months will have passed).

I look through my papers, sketch books and tablet with shame now and then at the sad, abandoned projects peering back at me with a glint of hope that I might just take a moment to finish them. I guiltily walk away.

Again, it’s all part of the process. It isn’t forever. I’m resting my brain and waiting to ride the waves of inspiration once more. You cannot force the process or you lose your passion and produce, oh I don’t know, something you hope looks like an edgy purple pop art abstract piece using all the digital dot brushes created.

So I suppose what I’m trying to say here is this. Good or bad your art is still art. We can’t make ideas pop into our heads at will. It’s ok do things for the sake of it or do things differently. It’s all just a part of our journey and sometimes we need to just slap colours down randomly in a way that almost commits forgery against 2 of the modern greats.

Forgive yourself your bad days and just let it flow naturally.

[kerykomo]

so i got my drawing tablet back after coming home from college...

comic explaination and transcription under the cut

not to get super into it like i did in a previous post, but as i mentioned in said previous post, i was struggling a lot both in different aspects of my life and creatively. which sucks, because art has been both an enjoyment and an outlet, so not even being able to use it for purposes like venting- or feeling like that i couldn't make art AT ALL was just.. so difficult. not to mention having to convince myself that it was temporary and the storm of artblock couldn't last forever.

not to say that im fully through the storm yet- but this is the biggest, longest break in my fight with artblock that i've had in a long time. all because i switched up a drawing method. normally i draw either on paper or on my ipad (used as an on-screen drawing tablet) so when i got sick of/stuck with one, i would often switch to the other. but not too long ago BOTH mediums became impossible for me to create with. i tried new pens, new colors, new styles- nothing stuck, and nothing seemed to work.

all until i finally came home from my semester away at uni, and reunited with my off-screen drawing tablet. little tiny wacom intuos comic edition from 2016 that STILL WORKS despite how many years ive used it. so i decided to make this post :)

-+-

comic transcription: i got my drawing tablet back! /pos

i'll be the first to admit it- going back to the hand-eye disconnect was WEIRD. but it was nice to go "back to my roots" in a sense- and after a few minutes of drawing the muscle memory started kicking in. it was fun. drawing was FUN.

drawing was FUN- creating was FUN. for the first time in months- YEARS of depressive art block, thinking i was just "bad" at digital art- i felt FREE. i didn't feel like i HAD to make things or else it invalidated me as an artist- i just... DID. / i came back with new skills and drawing techniques from years away and started being able to apply them and make my art look good. i was finally satisfied with what i was creating.

"I MISSED YOU LIL BUDDY!! UEUEUEUE"

[hitaka5ever]

I haven't been on social media much for months and I'll explain why here and how I plan on finishing the rest of the year and what my goals for next year are (I will probs forget to do it later, hence why I'm doing it now)

Anywho, my main reason for being away is for my mental health that has gotten much worse since the end of summer, mainly of course to do with the genocide of Palestinians and the amount of information that has been shared by millions. I've kept my eye on the atrocities on and off since it started, getting some info from family, who I visited recently, but for the most part I've avoided minute-by-minute coverage

I'm a very empathetic person. This means I have a strong sense of noticing others' emotions that become a part of me after enough exposure to them. So for example, if someone I know is extremely sad or cries, even though I'm not experiencing their sadness or pain, I get emotional along with them (since I spend 99% of my time with mum, we feed off each others' feelings and physical attributes the most)

So my depression and anxiety are the main reasons for my absence on everything but YouTube and email. I ultimately have to take care of myself before I can worry about anyone or anything else

I'm back to seeing a therapist every other week on Thursdays via Zoom. She's the first therapist I've ever had that's asked me what my main goals with therapy are and what I'm looking for. My last therapist asked the same thing, but we never actually went over anything practical. Right now, my severe anxiety is what's ruining my life the most, so I wanted to focus strictly on that for now. I want to know what I need to do to combat my anxiety in specific situations, like being out in public places

I've brought up before that I have severe hearing sensory overload. If too many physical noises (meaning stuff not on a screen or through speakers) surround me, I get very jittery and weird feeling in my head and body. I have to leave the room when it gets really bad. Normally I can calm down within 5 minutes of leaving the situation, but that's only if I'm in between 2 people talking with each other. It's a lot worse when they're talking over one another. My worst experience was having sound inside and outside my house that surrounded me on all sides. It took ~30 minutes to return to normal after I went into a secluded area to listen to music with headphones on. As you can imagine this is way too much stimulation for my broken brain to handle, so finding jobs out in the real world are very hard on me

That comes to my next bit of information: I'm still unemployed and looking into temporary disability through my therapist while I learn to take control of my anxiety. I have severe PTSD from being bullied in middle school, living with a mentally abusive parent, and having experienced a terrible car accident almost a year after I graduated high school (this was in 2009) So trusting people on and offline (less so online) has made my adult life very difficult. Riding in vehicles to reach a certain destination was the absolute worst symptom of my mental illness from 2009-2021, and even now I get very subtle anxiety knowing when I have places to get to. I'm obviously loads better than I was back then thanks to meds, but now I have employment to think about, which brings on its own problems

Finding jobs that don't include retail, fast food, or talking to people face-to-face or via phone, especially in my shitty small town, is a nightmare. I've tried finding work remotely at home, but there's always at least 1 requirement that makes me ineligible for the job. I want to make money making digital art, but I lack the skills and exposure in a world where even the most experienced freelancers are struggling to make ends meet (bc of artificial images (AI) taking over the community) As you can tell, this gives me very limited job opportunities and I don't know if I qualify for disability on a normal basis rather than a temporary one, so either way I have less than $150 left in my bank and unable to pay my parents rent bc of all of this

But things here aren't all bad. I enjoyed going to stay with my sisters for all of November where they live, getting to spend time with 4 cats and a foster baby (I did get a bad cold the last week of vacation, but that was the only bad thing about the trip) and coming home to have something I haven't had since 2020

We are fostering a purebred Pitbull girl named Stella for the rest of the year. She's 8 years old but still in her prime and we have become best buds (and napping pals) since day 1. This was a trial run to see if she would be the right fit for the family, and so far everything's been going great, minus her ear infections that we're taking care of. Stella has basically become my dog and we're likely keeping her for the remainder of her life. She's the sweetest and most chill dog I have ever met and I fell in love with her immediately. It took her 2 days of coaxing to be used to getting on my bed, with and without me, and she follows me everywhere I go, so we're bonded for life lol

So that's the most exciting news I have to share about what's been happening with me. I get to go into the new year owning my very own dog and learning how to cope with my anxiety before and after it starts, so I'm looking forward to the new year

Speaking of the new year (I'm almost done, promise!) I have a few goals for 2024 that I really want to stick to my guns about

Run a successful Kickstarter making and selling fire-breathing insect and bug stickers

Making extensive reference sheets of my OCs and fan fiction characters (eg my werewolf au and LoZ stories)

Learning (digital) art restoration. When I visited my sisters, my oldest was gathering foster kid stuff when she became a foster parent, and she got a set of Mega Building Blocks that had significant wear and tear. Some of the pieces with stickers on them were faded and peeling off, so I want to remake those stickers, get them printed, and give them to my sister so she can restore the broken pieces for her future foster kids. This gave me the idea of restoring art that has worn down or ruined over time. I like taking electronics apart and putting them back together again and I enjoy the assembly and design of things, so I think restoring physical items could become a potential art job

Learn basic idle animations of characters and objects. A Clip Studio Paint user makes tutorial videos on the official English CSP YouTube channel, and their latest is simplistic animations in CSP, so I want to try it out and offer it as a commission option if I'm comfortable with the process

Cartoonify famous or interesting places from real life, such as cool cities/towns, schools/colleges, or the Seven Wonders of the World, etc

Visit my friends at our homes or going out to restaurants and into town. My anxiety has made being around the friends I've grown up with really hard as well, not just with employment, so I want that to change a lot too

Legally change my name and gender after wanting to for the last few years (Rocky Dean (dad's middle name) Fuller (mum's maiden name))

Look into getting top surgery in the next 3+ years. I'm finally to the point where having breasts is ruining my life physically (back pain) and mentally (dysphoria) so I need to find a surgeon that doesn't require weight loss or hormone therapy to do the procedure

Just do art in general

That's all for now!

[elecman108]

It's nearly the end of 2023, and... Hey, a lot has happened. I'll put most of it under the read more because there's a LOT to unpack this year, and if you're here to see the original posts for most of this art... surprise! Some of it was never posted! So no links will be provided to balance it out. All of my art is under the same tag though of "#drawings by me" so feel free to leaf through that on your own time.

To summarize the year, I learned (at the end of the year) that my temporary boss was overworking me for most of the year she was working there (yikes, but hey, I did agree to it and was able to... we'll say "keep up with the chaos" to keep it simple) but my permanent boss is, naturally, 1000% better. The side effect is... instead of December being a low month for drawing due to it being the busy month, almost every month is!

The new year should be better. I hope. On to the month summaries!

JANUARY - New D&D character refs made, Lixori as a rabbit (pictured). I didn't draw that much in january, but I claimed big ambitions of drawing more bunny girls. Sadly... I did not. Next year I'll sneak a few in here and there to make up for it - I do love drawing bunny girls (and guys especially) lol. Other than that... Year of the rabbit! Woo?

FEBRUARY - I... only drew this one image of perspective/mirrors practise with Irina and Axel. February was not busy. I was just really burnt out from the holiday season. It was... rough. Home life wasn't great, and I couldn't do much about escaping the frustrations during February anyway.

MARCH - The Existential Dread set in (pictured), my April Fools Day art, and a sketch dump. Yep! I drew my April Fools Day art in March! And early March at that! This month I had planned to take a vacation week riiiiight at the end of the month, but it got pushed back because the "new" staff member I was supposed to train didn't start until the end of the month. We'll get back to that.

APRIL - Sketches. The lineart pictured was never posted, but I cleaned it later (I think in... July or June?) but the sketch was dated back in April. Remember that vacation week that got pushed back to April? It's not riiiight after the first full week in May. Why? Because the staff member didn't know shit and needed more training. Fun fact: there's more to that story coming up.

MAY - Happy Birthday to me! I got my vacation (finally), and used the week to draw more D&D idiots before returning to work and... the "new" staff member ended up making a royal mess of things on my week off. She did not remain for much longer after that. Apparently she talks fondly about working for us, but by god, I have grey hairs. But this isn't a rant post, this is art! I... did NOT do much else in May. Not even a birthday art! For SHAME past me!! Although this month did give me an awesome new coworker (bless!) to replace a previous awesome coworker who moved back to their home city. We're both nerds. It's so funny.

JUNE - That Colour Wheel Meme from Twitter (pictured) and one half-assed drawing of Blaze in front of the pride month fire engine are all I have to show for this month, alongside cleaning up more sketches from back in April. My actual boss had returned and thank GOD. We - as in me, my nerd coworker, and our other coworker - are glad to have our boss back. She's fantastic. This month went by pretty well. But welcome to July, dumbass! It gets worse!

JULY - I forgot to do digital art this month. Why? Because all of my out-of-work time was spent working on doing Card Making craft packages for the clients. Sure, I loved doing it, but it was a LOT of work for not a lot of payoff. To be fair, I offered to cover the weekly groups for our volunteer who had been doing it up to that point before her two month vacation, so... hey! It's just for those two months, right?

AUGUST - Welcome to Burnout 2 (electric boogaloo), but I managed to fight it off by getting back into FNAF towards the end of July. Something about horror games really gets my brain in the good zone I want it to be in. This month I drew Eclipse (once) because of Ruin, this wonderful first draft of how I wanted my AU!Foxy to look, and then... I started work in on my FNAF Full Body Refs. Same as my D&D ones, only for my FNAF characters! I have the same refs for all my other OCs, may as well.

SEPTEMBER - If I told you I was only drawing FNAF and FNAF-related stuff this month, would you believe me? Because I did! I did the main characters for the portion of my FNAF!AU that I had figured out (SB and Ruin with a few extras from past games to fill out the roster), but other than that... Nope! Nothing else! I'm still redoing some of the old ones from back in September. My first batch of them (minus Bonnie, dunno what I was smoking when I made Bonnie bc he looks AWESOME) were a bit rough, so... New year problem for me.

OCTOBER - I did only one drawing and that was putting costumes on my full body references of the FNAF!AU guys! Whoops! I considered posting each character and info about them per day in October, but I just... didn't? Dunno why though, maybe I was just peanut-brained.

NOVEMBER - More FNAF! This time, the lineart/sketches I was doing on the side were all of my OCs, and the odd one was FNAF. Didn't post shit until the very end of the month though, mostly because I forgot to post essentially anything. Whoopsie!

DECEMBER - Yeah I've finished some of my sketches from November (and April), and have more to come. I'm redoing some of the FNAF Refs, and planning maybe in the new year to queue up posts for a while with info about each dude to sort of give insight into my AU to some degree... or... not make such grandiose plans.

Either way, my work schedule is destined to be much more normal come January, and I hope to be able to set aside a day or something to draw every week, because I love it so much. It's been a rough year! Thankfully didn't get Covid this year, but y'know... Maybe next year I'll get sick and be forced to take time off or something so that I can draw more.

Regardless, I'm typing this post up while now 6 minutes left to me leaving for work, so no proofreading for me! Any typos will remain forever.

Catch y'all later! You might see a new years' post from me, or one between now and 2024, but... don't bank on it.

For those of you who made it all the way down to the end of the post... Poke a poll or something. I've never done this feature so here's to figuring it out.

[clarktooncrossing]

HEY THERE PEOPLE OF TODAY AND ROBOTS OF TOMORROW! IT'S ME, CLARK! There is a madness deep in the dark catacombs of Castle Clarkenstein. For years these claustrophobic corridors have been the home of the ghoulish giraffe himself, watching as the world passes by. He prefers it this way. It gives him more time alone with the voices. The voices tell him many strange things. Yet they always come back to one: make more monsters! Everyday they tell him this. Everyday he is unable to comply. Hey, being a mad scientist on a budget means he can’t afford the fancy scientific equipment needed to breathe life into newborn abominations. Guy’s gotta afford pizza somehow. Luckily, he has discovered a way of sorts to please the voices. During all those years of watching, Dr. Clarkenstein noticed a particular pattern. Every night during October saw artists posting new pictures based on peculiar prompts. Many of them based on children of the night. While the spotted specter might not be able to craft new zombies, he can sure as heck sketch’m! As such, I provide this friendly warning to you all now: Be afraid. Few people can survive the horrors that are DUDELZ of the Damned!

By that I mean I decided to do my own take on Sketchtober this year just minus the prompts. Anybody gotta problem with that? Tough, cuz I already drew this crap so you might as well check it out.

Bumper is a mystery. Nobody knows when he died, how long ago the deed was done, or who did it. All we know now is that he is a child-like spirit who can only speak one word: Boo. Despite not knowing much about his own origin, the floating marshmallow is more than contempt with living an adventurous life with his family whenever not making new friends. However, one shouldn’t be caught assuming the friendly specter doesn’t have a dark side. It rarely comes out, but is a sight to behold nonetheless. Revealed only when the spirit is angry or agitated, the small spook becomes a hulking, haunting mass of fear! Gone are his pudgy digits in favor of sharp claws, his round, caring eyes swapped out for white, lifeless dots surrounded by a ghoulish gray, even his Boo becomes a deafening wail! For others this form proves frightening. For the Swamp Gang it’s a sign that the little ghostly goober needs a nap.

Just like this drawing needs an explanation! Back in 2017 I had sketched a ‘scary’ version of Bumper for no particular reason. Whether it was an idea for a story or just a random scribbling didn’t really matter, so the idea was left behind. That is until June of this year when the Dungeon Moron @burningthrucelluloid decided to pull the wool out from under me. During the Curse of Strahd campaign, Crocie managed to find his otherworldly companion within the titular blood sucker’s domicile. However, by then a week had passed and Strahd had gaslit the spirit into thinking the reptile had abandoned him. Why Bumper would believe that when the vampire was the one who torched his original body and held him hostage for all the time is anybody’s guess. Gaps in logic aside, the floating marshmallow transformed a dark, snarling, horrendous version of himself Alec referred to as 'Dark Bumper'. Making it all the more spookier was the fact that I hadn't shown him my sketch until after that session. It was after doing so I realized I shouldn't let a cool design go to waste, thus utilizing it for this DUDEL. Here’s hoping you all enjoy it and that Bumper is really just a double agent.

MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

HAVING SAID ALL THAT: Two Bumper DUDELZ in a row? Jee Clark, I love the undead goober but don't you have other characters to draw? Yes, and I do plan on drawing more of them soon. However, do to prior art projects demanding my attention, there won't be any more DUDELZ for the next few days. This was the last one I had in the reserves, scheduled to be posted later on this month, but I didn't wanna leave you folks hanging. So here's one last DUDEL before we enter a temporary pause. 

[lenbryant]

LONG POST (NYT)

(NYT) We’re Teaching Music to Kids All Wrong (Sept. 23, 2023) By Sammy Miller

Each fall, as school starts up again, music educators witness a familiar ritual: Eager first-time students squeak on a clarinet, suppress giggles at the noises coming from the tubas and zealously hit a bass drum a little too hard. It’s a moment characterized by excitement, enthusiasm and the anticipation of new beginnings — which is why it’s so disheartening to know that many of those kids will eventually quit their instruments.

The fact that many children don’t stick with music is bad news not only for the state of self-expression and joy but also for education. Studies show that students who play an instrument do better in science, English and math and are more likely to want to attend college. They also may have less anxiety and be more conscientious — they are the kids you want your kids to be friends with. I have never met an adult who is expressly thankful to have quit music as a child, but I’ve met many who have regrets. So why haven’t we, as parents and educators, been better able to encourage our own kids to continue?

In my 15 years as a musical educator, talking to countless teachers, I’ve learned one thing: There is no magical fix. Making music education more successful doesn’t need to involve expensive digital accessories or fancy educational platforms (and I say that as someone who developed an online educational platform). There’s no technological or financial program that will convert children into lifelong music lovers.

Instead, we need to start by rethinking how we teach music from the ground up, both at home and in the classroom. The onus is on parents and educators to raise the next generation of lifelong musicians — not just for music’s sake, but to build richer, more vibrant inner personal lives for our children and a more beautiful and expressive world.

When you mention the question of music in schools, two issues will typically come up: the pandemic and shrinking funding. Both of these are important, but they’re also missing the fundamental problem. Pandemic disruptions and the temporary halt of in-person teaching certainly exacerbated problems around musical education, but they didn’t create them. According to a study conducted over seven years in Texas, beginning in 2013, public school students in grades six to 12 had a band attrition rate of 80 percent, with the greatest declines happening between the first and second year of instruction. In a separate prepandemic study, California public schools saw a 50 percent decrease in student enrollment in music classes over five years. Research shows that students in low-income and ethnically diverse school districts are more likely to lack access to music education.

Funding is also part of the equation, but it’s not the whole story. Last year, California passed Proposition 28, which will bring about $1 billion in additional arts funding annually, with 80 percent of those funds typically going toward hiring teachers. But funding only makes music programs possible; it doesn’t adequately make kids eager to stick with them. People are quick to cite the anecdotal exceptions — the incredible teachers working with shoestring budgets who propel their bands to the highest levels in national competitions or the affluent kids who, like Ivy League heat-seeking missiles, will do anything to make that after-school cello lesson they secretly hate — but these “successes” only illustrate how the current approach is failing the majority of children.

Rather than fixating on funding, let’s look at taking a whole new approach. Educators lament that, as with other courses, band can frequently fall prey to “teaching to the test” — in this case, teaching to the holiday concert. A class that by definition is meant to be a creative endeavor winds up emphasizing rigid reading and rote memorization, in service of a single performance. We need to abandon that approach and bring play back into the classroom by instructing students how to hear a melody on the radio and learn to play it back by ear, and encouraging students to write their own simple songs using a few chords. (The dirty secret of pop music, as Ed Sheeran has explained, is that most chart-topping songs can be played by using only four chords: G, C, D and E minor.) So start with just one chord, a funky beat and let it rip — and, voilà, you’re making music.

It’s often been repeated that “music is a language,” yet we’re reluctant to teach it that way. When we learn a language, we don’t simply memorize phrases or spend all day reading — we practice the language together, sharing, speaking, stumbling but ultimately finding ways to connect. This should happen in music class, too. Music should be a common pursuit: Ask any dad rock weekend band or church ensemble how it experiences music, and the performers are likely to tell you it’s not a chore but a way of building community.

Most important, we need to let kids be terrible. In fact, we should encourage it. They’ll be plenty terrible on their own — at first. But too often kids associate music in school with a difficult undertaking they can’t hope to master, which leads them to give up. Music does not have to be, and in fact, shouldn’t be, about the pursuit of perfection. And the great musicians have plenty of lessons to teach students about the usefulness of failure.

Miles Davis couldn’t hit the high notes his hero Dizzy Gillespie did, so what did he do? He found a new mellow, cool way to speak the language of jazz. Billie Holiday’s range was just over one octave — very limited for a professional singer — but that didn’t stop her from creating the definitive versions of so many American classics. Tell students these stories and watch them get excited to fail. We should let them do that, over and over again. That’s the only way they’ll learn what sounds awful but also what goes well together, what they like and what kind of music they want to make.

We also teach language through immersion, so let’s focus on creating an immersive experience in the language of music. Kids learn best when they’re part of communities filled with people of all skill levels for them to play along with, listen to music with, mess up with and just be silly with. Parents, this means you. Don’t let instrument instruction simply be something you nag your kids to endure. Music was never meant to be a lonely vigil. Play together. Make noise together. Find joy together. Take out an instrument and learn a song that you and your child both love.

I learned music playing in a family band with my four siblings, and we all still play music today. By encouraging our kids — and ourselves — to learn to play functional songs like holiday tunes or “Happy Birthday," we create reasons to pull out instruments and play together many times a year. In a world where far too many kids (and adults) feel isolated and alienated, raising a generation of students with the tools to express themselves musically, and relate to others through that shared language, has obvious dividends.

Mr. Miller is a Grammy-nominated drummer and the founder of a music education company.

PHOTO: An illustration of a music class full of children happily playing different instruments.

[diary-of-a-recovering-party-girl]

the broke diaries part 1 - september

money spent this month: ?? since I only started tracking halfway through

money paid to my debt: 250€

This was the month where I found out my old university didn't "receive" my termination letter and I still owe them a shitton of money for my previous and coming semester. It was the result of me merely "winging" my finances, having a lot and then a little the next day, paying the bills to my unis without really knowing how much it really is in total, checking my bank account occasionally and just being relieved when it's still in the triple digits but never really feeling "on top of" my finances or like I really knew where my mones was going.

So after having a small to medium mental breakdown and calling my mom crying, I started doing what I should have done back when I signed this university's contract: I really looked into where my money was going and just how much I had been spending every month. And I figured out, it had been way too much! Through a mixture of thoughtlessness, avoidance and the "winging it"- spirit, I had overspent almost every month this year.

So, after abandoning the idea of prostituting myself to make back the money, I made the goal to pay all of it back with my own money by the start of the next semester in April of next year, which is the quickest time frame I could think of and would also ensure I would be able to live the next summer debt- and money- guilt- free. Til March 2023 my goals are to:

pay off all debt

do well in my first semester

keep my sanity (this ruled out prostitution)

and keep my friendships

The idea is to continue my current part- time job to start repaying and then take on a full- time job during the semester holidays in spring. Inbetween that, it's all about saving money.

So I started to come up with a few solutions:

FOODSHARING- LIFESAVER for getting food for free. I'm definitely still on the way to figure out how to live of 17 breads and 2 bags of salad for a week WITHOUT THE FOOD GOING BAD but it's a great start.

QUALITY> QUANTITY- one of the first thought that I had was "I really can't afford to have anything get broken now"- because there definitely isn't enough money in my account to afford a repair, let alone buying something anew. I started to really take more care of my material belongings, for example checking the air in my bike every time before I ride it, now moving around my computer too much, because it is already half broken and ESPECIALLY checking the food in my pantry more regularly before it goes bad.

COOKING AT HOME- this is a given, takeout or gas station snacks are more expensive than cooking at home and taking food with you

WAYS TO MONETISE EVERYTHING- In my desperation, I of course turned around every little stone in my life thinking about possibilities to turn everything into money. I started taking part in more paid experiments at my uni and for the first time seriously considered selling my art and re- organized my Instagram for that. I will update you on if any of these endevours prove fruitful.

how broke do I feel?:

Mostly, I feel really stupid. Actually, more than that, this debt situation has accelerated the path to sesonal depression I already found myself on. The regret and feeling stupid paired with horrifying existential anxiety really did their part and now I feel a level of depressed I haven't experienced in a while. However, I have been through it before and I know for a fact this depression will go over just as my previous depression did. I also know (keep my sanity & stuff) that I need to take extra care of my mental health now because it will only make things more difficult if I spiral down too bad now. For now, my precautions are always reminding myself both the depression and the debt situation are temporary, not supressing my emotions (mostly) and a lot lot lot distraction.

Which brings me to another problem: Internet addiction. It is something I have struggled with in the past and thankfully got over but I can see the symptoms resurfacing in the last days. The internet is free. You can pass a lot of time with it. It is a wonderful distraction from- say. anxious thoughts. I honestly don't know if I can make it through this permanent anxiety without this occasional super- distraction where I don't think about any problems in my life anymore but I need to keep this addiction in check or it will become a real problem.

Also, there is a lot of SHAME. I don't know if my antisocial tendencies are more due to the topical depression of from the pure shame of having accumulated so much debt in the most stupid way possible. I feel like I barely want to talk to anybody at the moment, even not to my friends. I also worry about situations in which I have to explain being super stingy with my money and if I will be able to enjoy all my friendships that way.

On a brighter note, I feel confident that I can do this with the tools that I have and the ones I can still aquire and with my positive spirit that will carry me through these month. And, for certain it was and will be a huge learning experience.

new realizations:

I have 0 taken care of my finances and that can go well for a while, but not forever.

[taetaespeaches]

“Should I get this one tattooed for real?”

jungkook x reader (oc) genre: fluff word count: 3K

a/n: This is just Holly/reader drawing temporary tattoos on Jungkook and them being smitten with each other, as per usual. That’s literally it, that’s the plot. I hope you all enjoy, and thanks so much for reading! :)) 

The ink against his soft, warm skin was mesmerizing, your attention abandoning your phone screen several minutes ago in favor of the designs etched across his arm. Jungkook wasn’t paying much attention as you traced over his tattoos lightly with your finger tip, as he was quite accustomed to your appreciative touch upon the artwork.  You adored them, and you were always excited about the possibility of him getting more.

It was a casual night, your dog sleeping on the floor across the living room next to her Cooky plush, Jungkook busy editing a video on his laptop, and you admiring the man; the way his eyes shined in the display light, his features concentrated as his orbs bounced across the screen.

Feeling your gaze on him, he shifted his attention to you, seated next to him, your hands still positioned on the tattoos. You watched fondly as his eyes widened, his tattoo-less hand quickly raising to pull the earbuds from his ears. Smiling softly at him, you looked back to his arm, your finger dragging along the shaded tiger flower on his forearm.

“This is my favorite,” you commented in a whisper, Jungkook’s eyes darting to his tattoo.

“Really? That one?” He asked curiously, not surprised but rather intrigued.

“It’s pretty,” you nodded. Glancing up at him, you met his sparkling orbs and you couldn’t help but smile upon making eye contact. “It looks delicate among the others.”

A light laugh left his lips as he smiled softly at you. “Thank you,” he accepted the compliment almost bashfully, his eyes looking down at the tattoo.

“Hang on, can I-” you started, waiting for your boyfriend to look up at you with his pretty doe eyes. “Can I draw on your arm?”

Those bambi eyes took on a youthful enthusiasm as he stared at you in surprise. “Yeah,” he whispered before an adorable smile overtook his features, making his eyes crinkle in the corners. The man quickly moved the laptop from his lap to sit atop the coffee table before straightening his back in preparation for your work.

Giggling at him, you hopped off the sofa, quickly making your way to your bag where you kept various drawing utensils. “These should come off in the shower,” you waved a pack of markers at him. Eagerly returning to the couch, you sat cross-legged in front of him, grabbing his wrist and tugging his arm toward you.

Jungkook chuckled at your excitement, his eyes taking you in with a keenness of his own, both for the design as well as simply feeding off your energy.

Securing the sweatshirt sleeve that threatened to slip down his forearm, you tucked it into itself along his elbow crease. “Ok, ready?” You asked excitedly, wiggling your shoulders a bit to show your enthusiasm. Giving you a silent nod, you grinned. “Ok, hold still,” you demanded with a small smile, Jungkook scoffing though he followed your orders.

At that point, the man didn’t have a ton of space on his lower arm, but the spot on top of his wrist was barren. Bringing your face close to his arm, you held the felt tip pen over his arm but didn’t start drawing yet as your mind drew a blank as to what to add to his existing art.

“What are you drawing?” Jungkook questioned you, a smile forming on your face.

“Patience,” you replied simply, your teasing tone evident.

“You haven’t even started though,” he complained through an obvious smile, you giggling knowingly. He was onto you. “You don’t know what you’re drawing, do you?” He called you out, causing you to look up at him with a playful glare.

“You can’t just demand art, Jeongguk,” you informed him, the man rolling his eyes though he laughed in amusement and fondness. “I just wanted to draw on you, I had zero plans beyond that,” you giggled, the man flashing you an utterly smitten beam.

“Just draw whatever is on your mind,” he told you through his grin. “I trust you.”

Feigning a gasp, you acted surprised at the comment. “You trust me?” You joked, your boyfriend sighing with a smile.

“I have since day one, Holly,” he told you sincerely, a small pout forming on your lips.

Trust. You and Jungkook had a remarkable amount of it, tracing all the way back to your first meeting. Giving the man your phone number, and trusting him to reach out; Jungkook trusting that your intentions were genuine. When you thought about it, you had never trusted anyone more than you trusted Jungkook. He was your best friend. You partner; in crime and in life.

As you touched the pen to his skin, Jungkook sat up a little straighter as he tried to look down at his wrist. “No peeking,” you warned knowingly through a smile, Jungkook scoffing in response.

“I’m intrigued,” he noted, the comment amusing you, your lips quirking into a small grin. As you focused on the way the ink soaked into Jungkook’s skin, his gaze was on you, smiling softly at your eyebrows that were pulled together in concentration.

When Jungkook’s finger entered your line of vision, you flinched slightly, locking your eyes on the digit as he pushed it against your face between your eyebrows.

“So serious,” he teased, his lips pursed.

Holding back your laugh, you glared at him before returning to your drawing. “Stop distracting me,” you told him lightheartedly, your ears being met with Jungkook’s adorable boyish giggle.

Surprisingly, however, the man did stop pestering you, silence enveloping the room as you worked on the simple line drawing. It was only a few minutes later when you popped your head up with a smirk.

“All done,” you told him, your voice low as you held his wrist up to his eye level.

You watched as he squinted at it, though his orbs soon widened, his beam overtaking his features. Appreciating the crinkles that surrounded the corner of his eyes, you couldn’t help but mirror his expression.

“A pinky promise?” He asked, his eyes shining in that stunning way they often did.

“Trust,” you told him, Jungkook pouting slightly. “How do you like it?”

“I love it,” he complimented, leaning toward you, catching your lips in a sweet kiss. Bringing your hand to rest on the side of his face, you lingered in the meeting for a little longer. “I’m gonna get it tattooed for real,” he mumbled against your lips, causing you to chuckle, resting your forehead against his cheek. “Do something bigger,” he told you, you cocking your head as you rotated his arm.

Humming, your eyes scanned over his arm, looking for a free spot to make another addition to his collection. “I need more canvas space,” you informed him, your eyes meeting his as you smirked, your hands finding the hem of his top. Giggling at the way his eyes widened, you began pushing the material up his abdomen. “I need your bicep,” you clarified when his opposite hand secured itself on your hip.

“You can have whatever you want,” he flirted making you bite your lip as you avoided his gaze, as well as his toned stomach and chest, shaking your head in hopes of hiding your amusement.

Pulling the sweatshirt over his head, you flung it onto the back of the sofa, smiling fondly at the way his long dark hair stood on end due to the static electricity. Patting his hair down, you cocked your head at him, flashing him a smile as you kept your hands positioned on the sides of his head. “Perfect,” you beamed, Jungkook leaning forward to easily catch your lips in a sweet kiss, your hands meeting the sides of his face affectionately.

As Jungkook attempted to deepen the kiss, you pulled back teasingly, wearing a proud smirk. “I have a tattoo to draw,” you spoke professionally to him, the man scoffing through his smile. “Right here,” you pointed to the inside of his bicep. “Hold your arm up,” you demanded as you adjusted your sitting position a bit to better access his arm. “Like this,” you shifted his arm upward so his bicep was at your eye level.

As you pressed the pen to his arm, he suddenly flexed, a snort leaving you instantly at his antics. “Stop,” you whined, dragging the word out through your laughter.

“Stop what?” He played dumb, still flexing his arm as he wore a cocky smirk. Pushing his tongue to the inside of his cheek, he glanced to his muscles. “Oh that?”

“Oh my god,” you beamed, “you’re ridiculous.”

“Has a mind of its own,” he nodded to his bicep, causing you to roll your eyes as you poked his abdomen in protest.

“Well try to control it,” you playfully scolded. “It’s distracting,” you added with a small smirk as you began drawing, Jungkook eyeing you with a fondness only you could make him feel.

As you were busy at work, Jungkook was watching you carefully, his head resting on the back of the sofa. You could feel his stare on you but you tried your best to ignore him, though a smile began curving on your lips.

“How’s it going?” He asked through his own grin, a light breathy chuckle leaving your lips. “Enough canvas space for you?”

Lifting your head to look at him, you rolled your eyes before leaning toward the man, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “So much canvas space,” you whispered in a low, teasing voice. The man giggled adorably, a wider smile appearing on your face as you returned to the temporary tattoo.

With this design being just a bit more involved, it took you longer to draw. Jungkook had closed his eyes, simply enjoying your touch on his body. Before you started the drawing, you caught a glimpse of the video Jungkook was previously editing on his laptop, the screen displaying a shot of you with your dog, Amelie. You were Jungkook’s favorite subject, but you wondered if he knew how much you loved seeing him behind the camera, capturing what he loved.

Looking at the drawing that was coming close to being completed, you saw Jungkook in it; hands holding a camera. It was a sight you’d seen many times before, but it was always fascinating to watch him work as he directed his lens at everything he found beautiful.

Nearly finished with your addition to Jungkook’s growing collection of body art, you just wanted to add his hand tattoos onto the hands in your drawing. Grabbing his hand and bringing it to your face, you caught Jungkook out of the corner of your eyes as he peeled his orbs open, shooting you a quizzical look.

Smiling, you moved your fingers over the small letters, placing it all to memory, as if it wasn’t already there.

“What are you doing?” He questioned you with a small smile. You replied with a smirk and went back to your sketch, though Jungkook’s attention stayed with you as he watched you intently. A few seconds passed by before your boyfriend sighed, the sound turning into a groan of feigned frustration. Your eyes moved to meet his face, only to see him pouting at you. Quirking your eyebrows, you cocked your head at him.

“What?”

“Why are you so pretty?” He asked you suddenly, a scoff immediately leaving your lips.

“Oh my god,” you lightly shook your head. “This is done,” you nodded to his bicep, the man’s eyes eagerly darting to his arm to take in the creation.

“Holy shit,” he awed, grabbing his own arm to try to get a better look at it. “Holly, that’s amazing.”

“Yeah?” You asked with a small smile.

“Is that me?” He asked suddenly, his eyes blown wide as he slowly shifted his focus to you. Nodding at him, you watched as a wide smile formed on his features, his eyes crinkling exceptionally, as they always did. “Can you take a photo?” He asked you suddenly, almost shyly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, grabbing your phone and swiftly snapping a few shots of it.

“How did you even come up with this?” He asked you, and you felt yourself become bashful.

With your eyes holding his own, you shrugged, Jungkook’s hand resting on your thigh, his thumb swiping over your skin comfortingly. “I just love you behind the camera,” you admitted. “You’re beautiful when you capture the things you love.”

“You’re incredible,” he complimented sincerely. Leaning forward with a groan, you dropped your cheek to rest against his shoulder, Jungkook’s chest lightly rumbling with a chuckle as he took the opportunity to press a sweet kiss to the top of your head. His hand gently squeezed your thigh as your eyes raked in the sight of his bare chest and abdomen.

“Have you ever thought of a chest piece before?” You asked him, teasingly dragging your finger along his pectoral as you lifted your gaze to meet his own. The man brought his hands to yours, closing his fingers over your own before bringing it to his lips.  

“Show me what you have in mind,” he challenged you, mumbling the words against your knuckles before pressing light pecks to your digits. Raising your eyebrows at him, you accepted his challenge as you pulled your hand out of his hold, grabbing onto his shoulders. Swinging your leg over his lap, straddling the man, you smirked at him as his eyes raked over your frame, peering down at your legs that were caged over his thighs. “Oh?” He questioned.

“Don’t get excited,” you warned with a small smile. “I’m working,” you reminded him teasingly.

Grinning at you, he watched as you took the pen cap off once again and leaned forward, holding one hand against his chest to brace yourself as the other began dragging the tip of the pen across his gorgeous skin. As you drew on his chest, his hand was positioned on your thigh, giving you teasing squeezes every once in a while, just to get you to break your focus and smile.

As you made the finishing touches on your creation, you nodded to yourself before glancing up and meeting his gaze. Smirking, you couldn’t help the giggles that slipped from your lips. Tucking his chin into his neck, he peered down at his chest, a laugh instantly meeting your ears as he tossed his head back in utter amusement.

Looking at your name etched onto his chest, you ran your fingers over it teasingly. “What do you think of this one, baby?”

“Should I get this one tattooed for real?” He asked you jokingly.

Placing your hands against his mouth to shush him you giggled. “Stop it,” you warned, knowing he was about to buckle down on his threat to tattoo your name on his body.

Wrapping his hands around yours, he moved them from his face to rest against his abdomen between your bodies. “I’ll do it,” he insisted with wide eyes, you crumbling into laughter, dropping your forehead to his shoulder. “Don’t test me.”

“Do not,” you enunciated through a groan. Lifting your head and licking your finger, you brought it to his chest to smudge it away, though Jungkook quickly grabbed your wrist to stop you.

“Leave it there for tonight,” he smiled softly. “Just for tonight.”

“Whatever you want, baby,” you whispered just as he leaned forward, bringing his lips closer to your own. Tilting back in response, just to tease him, he scoffed before wrapping his arms around your body quickly, tugging you to him so your body was flush with his own.

The man first pressed his lips to your neck, your resolve dissipating instantly as you titled your head to the side to allow him all the access he craved; that you craved.

“You should be my tattoo artist,” he mumbled against your neck, the breath from his words sending chills across your body.

“I don’t know how to tattoo,” you pointed out in a breathy tone, Jungkook’s arm moving from your waist to find your face. He cradled your jaw, directing you to look at him. “Should I learn?” You asked him with a small smile, the man nodding.

“You could do it,” he told you with a grin, though he spoke sincerely.

“I think you have too much faith in me,” you joked halfheartedly, your boyfriend instantly shaking his head in negation.

“I just trust you,” he reminded you, your eyes locked on one another’s as you silently relayed to each other how much you did indeed trust each other, and how much it meant to be able to pour so much trust into another person.

Bringing your hand to his face, you pushed his long soft locks off his forehead before inching forward just slightly. Jungkook wasted no time in attaching his lips to yours once again, deepening the action upon contact.

Within moments, he had moved you onto your back, his body positioned between your legs, his hand moving underneath your shirt as he explored your midriff. Losing yourself in him, you were startled when he suddenly yelped in your face, his attention snapping to the dog that stood next to the couch, licking his arm.

A massive grin overtook Jungkook’s face as he whined at the dog. “Amiiii,” he complained lightheartedly, your face imitating your boyfriend’s. You loved the nickname he had given the dog, shortening Amelie to Ami; a sweet nod to his fans. “You want to see my new tats?” he questioned the dog, you giggling as he pointed to the pinky promise design. “Look at what mom drew here,” he told the gentle pup as he ran his finger over the temporary addition to his collection, the furry creature tilting her head to the side as she listened to him speak with intrigue. “Pretty cool huh?” he continued.

And all you could do was sit beneath him and admire him. It never failed to amaze you how Jungkook could be sex on legs one moment, and a giggling smiling adorable angel the next. He was one of a kind. He was yours. And fuck, you really, really loved him.

[altcvnningham]

strings | johnny silverhand

summary: a storm passes through night city, but it isn't that which wakes her. it's the soft sound of guitar strings, being plucked by chrome fingers.

words: 1280

pairing: johnny silverhand / fem v (my v vana, but i avoid physical description, so read the name as whatever you like!!)

content: fluff, mild angst, Yearning™️, johnny plays guitar and it's rly therapeutic

warnings: SPOILERS, death mention, johnny shuts up for once so maybe mildly ooc, idk how guitars work

misc: soooo after listening to this on loop for the last forever, i just needed to vent and get this outta my system. i do use my v's name (vana) in this, but there's no physical description of her, so feel free to imagine v as your own!! also, it's been almost 4 years since i've officially posted any of my writing online, so while this is a little rough and not as detailed as i'd usually like, please be kind, and please enjoy!! (also ao3 link soon maybe but i'm lazy)

***

V doesn’t know what day it is when she awakes, but she does so to the quiet twang of guitar strings.

The metal blinds slide open, aware of her waking, and the morning spills into the room, dim and grey. Rain patters against the glass, and V, with her eyes still closed, curls deeper into the bedsheets to fend off the cold, away from the light towards the dark shelter of the wall. Night City can wait. She’ll enjoy this strange, soft music while it lasts.

Fingers pluck on quietly, nary a breath nor sigh to indicate the person playing. It’s a somber melody, a blue tune teased with the vague, cruel implication of hope, heartbreak, contentment. There‘s something in the way the music seems to move around the room and still the world, something timeless and calm yet so tenderly desperate about it- she feels sad and happy all at once, and suddenly, to be alive- to be dying- seems... a simple, given, painfully temporary thing. It’s a sweet, naïve tune. A fool’s song.

It cuts short.

Razor-sharp static screams in search for a signal. The strumming abruptly stops in response. The radio. It’s automated to switch on when she wakes up.

Then comes a final telltale sigh from the foot of her bed, as some garish pop song resonates brokenly through white noise. Must be a storm, she thinks. Howling wind outside her window confirms it.

A weight rises from the mattress- one that wasn’t there the night before, and V furrows her brows, braving the daylight and turning onto her side to see the figure lifting from the bed.

Chrome fingers curl around the neck of the cheap electric guitar as they prop the instrument back against the bed. A swelling ache closes around Vana’s chest. Loneliness. Separated from him by inches. Feeling without the one bound to the inside of her skull- it's agony.

Johnny. He crosses the room towards the radio in an aimless stride, and he staggers, tired. Vana briefly wonders- occupying her maddened, longing mind with something else- if he’s even capable of feeling that way, or if it’s her own waking lethargy that he feels, that clings to him. It’s usually like that with most things. And he switches the radio off, back arched downwards to reach it. Static finally turns to silence. She sees the thick lock of hair hanging in his eyes, and how he moves it with a careless jerk of his head before sauntering back to the bed again; peculiarly, he’s not wearing the bulletproof vest over his Samurai tank- the projection of the exact same faded shirt she wears now- and without the seemingly invincible façade, he almost looks... normal. Himself, maybe. Of course, when he descends back down to the end of the bed again, the blue glitched fragments of his engram form give him away. Yet somehow, unlike most times, seeing it puts her mind at ease. Not dreaming, at least.

With his back to her, Johnny picks the guitar back up and slings it weightlessly over his knee again. Out of thin air, he materialises a cigarette in his mouth, which wavers absentmindedly between pursed lips as he tunes the guitar and tests each string; Vana watches and remains completely still in her warm, blanket cocoon, not intent on interrupting this rare moment of peace. The rain drums on smoothly. Johnny pauses to pull the cigarette from his mouth. Exhale. Smoke joins in dancing alongside dust motes around the room, and Vana is happy to be alive today.

Johnny adjusts a silver ring on a flesh finger before touching the guitar’s strings again. He hesitates, stops, then straightens himself out before strumming the first note.

And then, it’s as if he loses himself to it- effortlessly playing that same melancholy tune from before without fault, without a sliver of uncertainty. His ‘ganic hand glides along each string with meticulous ease, metal fingers sliding and spreading along each fret, and the bleak light of the storm glints off of each chrome knuckle as he coaxes the music out to fill the quiet. And it's just this. The way in which he messily perfects such a common, mundane art. An ageless, timeless thing. No ugly, restless hand of Night City can snatch this away from her. The way his wrist flicks back with each note, how his hair crowds his face again as he nods slowly along, the heel he fails to notice he’s tapping in rhythm on the floor. For a moment, Johnny Silverhand’s real name lingers like a song in the back of her mind, as distant and unknown as this one, and she wonders if the person at the foot of her bed is him, that fragmented man lost in time.

Alt had said that Soulkiller does exactly by its name, that the soul dies the moment the consciousness is extracted. But watching him now, Vana refuses to believe that the glitched apparition at the foot of her bed is void of that, that same soul that inhabited the real Johnny Silverhand, that this engram isn’t as tangible and complex and real and feeling as she herself is. This projection of him, an amalgamation of every conscious want, need, thought and whim of a man who once existed- and this projection, he wakes up before her, on a morning as cold and grey and miserable as this, and plays a song for no discernible reason at all other than simply wanting to. Feeling like it.

No soul. She could weep- there's soul in every string.

Vana jostles free of the blanket and pushes herself forward, shifting to her knees. Johnny’s old dogtags, a relic of his past that dangle around her neck, clink together with each steady movement she makes towards him- terrified he’d stop playing for even a second- and she sits cross-legged behind him, facing the slender, flexing muscles of his back as he strums. She hugs herself, cold, shivering. He keeps playing. It’s bliss. She’s overcome with a sudden indescribable fondness, so much so that were she any braver in her vulnerability, any kinder to her feeling self, she’d let it bring a tear to her eye.

But Vana can only muster turning her head to the side, and resting her lonely cheek against the center of his back, desperate to feel every single breath that comes and leaves his vague, digital body. Perhaps it’s her own warmth she feels, reflecting back at her from Johnny’s feelings and senses, but she swears she feels him, hot beneath her cheek as though he were flesh and blood. The illusion is just enough that she doesn’t slip through him entirely. Perhaps, this will simply do.

Yes... fleeting as it is, as all things are, this moment is just... okay.

The song ends. Johnny plucks the final string. The chord fades out into a low, droning hum, until all that’s left is the rain on the window, the torrid rolling of the storm, and his calm, firm breaths, moving against her.

She forgets she's dying. And she would happily fall asleep again, right here, with the very thing that kills her, drinking in the song he’s let steep in the silence around them. But he slowly lowers the guitar, his body shifting beneath Vana’s unflinching cheek. Eyes fluttering shut once more, she feels him twist as he turns around, and how he catches her body in slacked repose, and finally- almost as if he wants to, as if he cares- the tangled threading of cold, metal fingers through her hair, towing her under the dark dwelling of sleep once more.

“I got you.”