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yandere-daydreams · 1 year

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are you planning on playing honkai star rail?

i'm actually not sure!!! i'm sort of a fake gamer girl and therefore have very limited gaming time which genshin is already very much dominating, and nothing i've seen from honkai has, like, made me think that i absolutely need another moderately predatory gacha game in my life. granted, i really haven't seen anything about honkai besides a few of the character animations, so i could very easily be swayed.

i'm also a little hesitant to get into another hoyoverse game just because. uh. so few of their characters have literally any melonin and i need to be sure that any game i get into has people who are not exclusively on the egg shell to porcelain spectrum. i know that it's definitely not exclusive to their games, but come on. some of us are getting eye-strain and i really need honkai to have just a dash of variety if i'm going to play five-hundred consecutive hours of it.

#it's something i'm a little hesitant to bring up because i know i gets lumped in with more petty fandom discourse #and i have spent enough time in the dating sim circuit to know that genshin is truly a beacon of diversity in comparison to A LOT of games #but i'm not joking here #my eyes are truly so tired #personal #anon ask

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arom-antix · 10 months

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So.

That new Gearous Yuuri birthday art, huh?

#when i saw it i actually gaped #how have i never considered the unbridled GENIUS of viktor in glasses?#gearous has truly opened my eyes #also sorry for making viktor such a twig i was drawing fast #i shall never disrespect his imPECCable athletic swoleness again #(yes i shall)#anyway viktor is so easy but only for yuuri #and yuuri is tired (dont be fooled he loves viktors shenanigans)#oh and sidenote yes i made him farsighted because yuuri is nearsighted and i am entirely predictable #also that last panel #i cannot tell you how much fun i had #it was the thing that took me the least time on this entire page but drawing it watered my crops and brought me a plentiful harvest #yuuris expression is everything to me #his glasses are so damn expressive if you want them to be and i sure do #thank you for your service yuuri #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanart #yoi fanart #fanart #art #arom antix #arom antix art #viktor nikiforov #katsuki yuuri #viktuuri

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averlym · 1 year

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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)

#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done #there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself #maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth #ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi #beatrix valeria campbell #hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3 #the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like #there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name #because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and #fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help #let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away #from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera #like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but #that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea #the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same #as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow #as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh #speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me #and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind #of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk #fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing #i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts #fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front #paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels #more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that #front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry #oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers #and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)

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yourstrulynameless · 4 months

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I don’t know what possessed me to make this because I had no idea how to tween before today—

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dollyyun · 11 days

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been busy these past few weeks as we’re in the process of moving to a new house, hence the current progress of dkp finale is about like 49% done.

#i’m so sorry that the finale is taking too long to be posted😞#like i’m truly excited for my dkp readers to read the finale #but whenever i wanna stay up all night to write my eyes couldn’t take it and i always slept like i got hit by a truck🗿#i’m soooo tired #never knew just the process of moving to a new house could be this exhausting #ruby’s rants!

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aceredshirt13 · 4 days

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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)

I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.

he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"

#red randomness #p. g. wodehouse #he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife #that i truly didn't expect this at all #i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace #especially due to the wife thing #but while he certainly may have been ace on some level #i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao #i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades #because he really didn't even need to bring it up #of course i am open to evidence to the contrary #i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail #even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise #the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo #also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage #because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday #opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this #please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him #but by the same token neither does anyone else #i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay #despite evidence to the contrary #or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best #everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all #(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)

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nolongerexistingsadcatface · 8 months

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Ok yes America hating the cold is funny (eh) BUT. have you considered that I like the imagery of an America sitting alone in the forest in the bleak mid-winter landscape of an east coast woods, all alone in both body and mind, agonizing over her seeming doom to be stuck in the throes of loneliness for all eternity?

#aph nyo america #aph america #i want engagement <3 #secret confession i actually hate that canonically america doesnt do well in the cold #it gives too much ammo to the west coasters (villains) who can’t let my poor baby alfred be the east coast girl he truly is #also in a broader sense i feel like it creates a weird divide in both the portrayal of america and the connection he has with his country #as its representation #america is one of the most climate diverse countries in the entire world and i feel like making the REPRESENTATION OF AMERICA not be able t #handle a large majority of his country’s climate is an Odd choice and creates an unfortunate barrier between american culture #and the way it’s portrayed in hetalia #imo one of the most amazing parts of the geography of the us is its ability to be a metaphor for the american people #so insanely diverse and fundamentally different and completely irreconcilable—but it works anyways.#the land works together anyways //we// work together anyways we become one anyways despite what any and all logic dictates #what any and all logic DEMANDS #so for america to not be able to represent that cohesion + community—and in fact represent an intense and almost INNATE complete inability #to even try being accepting of and embracing our differences—is just.. not something I like + insinuates a very odd view of American cultur #my eyes are shutting as i type this im so tired #sorry if this is horribly written rip #i see this a lot in the hetalia fandom (IK I JUST DID IT IN THIS POST LMAO BUT I SWEAR I DO IT AS A JOKE; I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THE WEST #COAST AND AM FULLY AWARE OF ITS ROLE IN THE US CULTURE AND FUNCTION) where people write alfred as being almost hostilely exclusionary???#towards certain areas of america—city al who doesn’t like the country; country al who doesn’t like the newfangled cities; northerner al #who hates the southerners (because theyre poor + dont fit the author’s view of respectable people BUT THATS FOR A DIFFERENT POST);southerne #al who hates the northerners—and it’s all very gross to me. america is not—at its core—a country/culture founded on separation!! our ideals #are based on being—at our most basic—separate multi-faceted individuals who COME TOGETHER!! as one because of common ideals and love #E PLURIBUS UNUM!!!!!!#ok im done gn

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puke-ur-gutz · 10 months

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-> on mothers, resentment, and the guilt of needing to be cared for

#web weaving #mother #she gave up her world to give it to me #but i dont deserve this #and now we play house but she wont truly meet my eyes #she could've had a life without me #she gave it up because HE wanted a family #and now im an adult and shes slaving away 40+hr work weeks to continue caring for me #while he fucks off #i just wish i could take care of her #or even just myself #grant her the freedom of living for herself #every day she looks so sad and tired #and it makes me sick #mom i want it to be my turn #please stop shouldering my burdens #i want to be able to be a real capable person and prove you didnt fail #i dont want you to feel like those 20 years were wasted #im so so so so so sorry i left #im sorry i threw away your chance to watch me grow up #and then showed back up on your doorstep as some mangled excuse for an adult #im sorry you cant trust me to remember even the simplest shit to take care of myself #im sorry you had me #you could be so much better than this #i wish i could give back everything ive taken from you #more than anything #i want to take your place #i want to watch you make your way in the world with new fresh eyes #and have friends and go out and do things that make you happy #to have hobbies and interests and free time and energy

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twpsyn-who · 6 months

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Today on "Another JeanMarco Soulmate AU absolutely no one asked for" I present to you -

Soulmate AU in which you stop seeing colors when your soulmate dies, the only exception being your soulmate. Now cue to Jean who just found Marco's, his best friend's, body. And you know, there's the shock of finding out Marco's dead. The pain and confusion and guilt. But there's also the revelation, because despite everything he can still see Marco like nothing took place at all- yes, half of his face is missing and his body is straight up lifeless, but Jean can still make out the color of his eye ; see that light shade of brown perfectly, remember all the times he has found himself looking at them while listening to Marco talk. He can still make out the colors of his uniform, see the same shade of black his hair has always had, practically see. Despite being dead, Marco was the only piece of color left in his life.

And there's denial for a moment because there's no way Marco was his soulmate. But that goes away fast, getting replaced by guilt. By the fact that he hasn't been there to save him, that Marco has to die all alone without anyone being there for him.

And that was worse than the simple fact that he could no longer see colors ; because Marco was there when Jean needed him, but he failed to do the same. And not only he lost his best friend that day, but his other half too.

#Anyway this fucker doesn't tell anyone about the whole soulmate thing. Not of shame of anything but because he's mourning man and also is no #One's business. Anyway the first one to find out is Armin because he notices and ever since he makes sure to mention colors as often as he #can. Like 'These flowers are a nice shade of red' or 'Green suits you well Jean! You should wear this shirt' stuff like that #Jean does appreciates it once he gets over his ego and pain and lets other people get closer to him #Funny enough Jean is the only one in that situation loool. Well I don't know about Reiner and Historia is getting there soon enough but #everyone else??? Colors everywhere man #Is both funny and sad #'Since when..?' Jean expected that question yet he wasn't truly ready to answer it. Deep down he knew he was never going to be ready for it #'Trost' his voice stains sightly while naming the city. His own city. The place he grew up in all his life. The others say nothing else #after that confession. They were all aware many has died during Trost. It wasn't that far fetched for Jean's soulmate to be some civilian #lost during the evacuations or something. But then Connie's eyes widen ever so sightly the realization sitting in. He doesn't even register #when he says 'It was Marco right?' and regrets it immediately. Jean's painful face is all the answer they needed #Also Historia ready the letter and the world losing colors while she's doing that??? Her tearing up a little but not letting herself cry #until she gets alone???? Her going to Jean once that happens and them comforting each other?????#They starts seeing colors again once Eren dies. Poor Jean is trying his best to not have a breakdown because Connie needed him more in that #moment #Reading* wtf my tags make no sens sorry guys I'm lowkey tired #aot #jean kirstein #jeanmarco #aot jean #marco bodt #marco bott #aot marco #jean kirschstein #snk #JeanMarco Soulmate AU #soulmates au #I'm not sad you are

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kira-light0 · 9 months

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Happy Trapper Tuesday everybody!!!

(Reference + closeups under the cut)

#mash #m*a*s*h #mash 4077 #Trapper Tuesday #trapper john mcintyre #hawkeye pierce #my art #traditional art #Putting less effort into the eyes really helped me out #I don't know why Hawkeye looks evil though #And looking back his hand is kind of wonky but I'm ignoring that. I'm really happy with this #This seems like a different style than my usual art and I don't think I can recreate it #but it might be the fact that I was working in a sketchbook twice the size #Sorry about the lack of detail on Trappers chest. That was just not working out #Today truly is a happy Trapper Tuesday for me because I'm so genuinely pleased with how this drawing turned out!#I started out really frustrated because I've been utterly tired and thought I wouldn't be able to recreate the reference image #but after a lot of sketching and erasing this finally started to take form!#I haven't had a lot of time to draw recently and when I do sit down to drawI'm never happy with what I make #but I really like this drawing and I hope you all enjoy it as well!

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eats-the-stars · 3 days

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Love to torment my sister's do-nothing boyfriend. easiest method is simply doing things to reinforce his belief that my cat is actually my familiar (he is genuinely superstitious to this degree). this is easy for me because my cat is very responsive and easily trained. our recent accomplishment? she is meowing and i say "Cashmere, inside voices" and she pauses and then takes up meowing again...but quieter. Saw my sister's boyfriend struggling really hard not to immediately "call me out" in front of my sister.

#my sister is tired of her boyfriend trying to 'prove' that i'm capable of using magic to curse him #also it's not really a cute fun little 'teehee i'll trick him into thinking i can do magic and have a cool cat familiar'#and more I actively hate this guy #and he truly believes that you can't train cats to do anything beyond using a litterbox #he's also one of those guys who watches sketchy documentaries and weird podcasts and believes weird conspiracy shit #and also like just random stupid shit #the dumbest i've heard so far is that if you have glasses you should stop wearing them #so that your eyes can 'fix themselves'#not sure if there's like some alternative homeopathic bullshit he thinks you should do on top of that #but yeah my astigmatism is not gonna correct itself if i stop wearing my glasses dumbass #there's more but i think you get what i'm working with #all i need to do is teach my cat some simple tricks like 'lower your volume on my signal' and 'go where i point'#and he will start quietly (my sister will not be amused if he brings this up again) flipping his shit #like i'm lucky my cat is really responsive and trainable too. i've taught my cats simple tricks in the past #but i'm more motivated now that i have a purpose for it (riling up my sister's shitty boyfriend)#he just gets so frustrated because he wants to call me out so bad + he knows i'm 'being obvious' on purpose because no one will believe him #and it's true. he'll sound crazy if he tries to convince anyone i'm an actual witch–sorry tumblr witches but i do not believe in witchcraft #and i like to emphasize this by openly saying things to my sister like #'haha almost slept in this morning because Cashmere turned off my alarm so we could cuddle longer'#i previously explained to my sister that she figured out that if she smacks the thing making noise it will stop #so these statements are traps. if he brings up the familiar/witch shit my sister will chew him out #because she already got the 'haha my cat smacks my noisy phone to make it stop' explanation #so him saying 'obviously this is black magic' is not gonna go well for him

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plutoons · 16 days

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hibernation would be so nice i should be able to do that for any duration of time i want to on my own free will. if anyone is mean to me i could go to sleep for 3 years. if the noise level around me gets too loud once i could go to sleep for 2 months. if i stress myself out too much for a day i coudl sleep for 6 months. if i get burnout i coudl dslep for 1 yearad. itg i. icoufl sleep. sleep.

#i talk #im so tired. so many things are happening around me #i need to close my eyes and experience a vast empty black void for a prolonged period of time #or a long hug.#or truly and most simply. i need melatonin gummies

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akkivee · 1 year

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i wake up with them and these on my mind and i’m devastated tbh lmao

#this is vee speaking #i must be going thru something lol i was drawing yesterday and letting bat’s 8th live day two play in the bg #and was nearly brought to tears on several occasions LOL #these can badges circulate to the forefront of my mind every so often and i want to vomit in excitement lmao #truly i have not felt very sane lately LOL #*gently holds these* but i………………….. want them lol #i bet the rhyme anima producers saw how thirsty people got over nanami jjk who has the adult businessman appeal d o w n #and went ‘hey!!!! we have our own older tired adult appeal character that doesn’t look like a drowned cat!!!! let’s do that with him!!!!!’#and this we have the cuntiest hitoya yet LOL #and i hope they continue to go all in on it too lol pan up shots legs spread loosening necktie shots making his vices look Fine LOL #i like jyushi’s badge because it captures his paralysing beauty very well i think 🙂#like i stop breathing whenever i make eye contact with this can badge and i’m not joking lmao #while we’re on the subject of jjk!!!!! the way touji literally gutted gojo that one time is how i feel every time i look at kuukou’s lol!!!!#i wanna cry!!!!!!!!!! he’s so happy!!!!!!!!!!! i’m happy and it’s because he’s unalived me with his smile!!!!!!!!!!!#man october CANNOT come soon enough lol!!!!!!!!!!

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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hmm i like actually wanna kms

#big oof 🥴#if i try to talk im dramatic and emotional and only met with judgement ....#if i try to push it all down and pretend everythings fine i feel like im slowly dying #if i try to ask for help ppl only slap my hand away and dismiss me #if i complain im a negative pos who everyone hates #if i stfu and dont talk i feel miserable and like i have this big lump in my throat and i cant breathe #im never right or ok or valid or anything. im always wrong.....#im sad and lonely bc all i want is for someone to really truly love me and hold me #but truth is nobody cares that much if i would actually kms #but then im pathetic and whiny for crying in pain since i feel so alone and worthless #like honestlyyyy u can never win in life and esp if you're mentally ill and disordered and traumatized #and also just extremely sensitive even if u could choose u would choose to feel nothing #but ppl always complain no matter what i do :// im always doing smth wrong smth bad #like i didnt ask for everything that happened to me to happend and i didnt ask for it to shape me #and i dont want this or be like this bc my life is nothing but a miserable worthless waste of space #but im trying but im all alone in a dark hole like 12ft underground #and people who might see me wont do anything to help or just walk on their merry way #they will take a shovel and shovel even more dirt on top of me and make it even harder for me to crawl out of this hole #and like idek what im talking abt but this world is insane and people are fucking insane #and all everyone has is judgement and cruelness and calousness and like #ppl are just mean and they get personally attacked and angry if you dont live according to their standards and views and idk #ppl are insane and i feel so alone and im lying here knowing that my life is absolutely nothing #and im tired and i just wanna not exist. but really all i want is for someone to look me in the eyes and tell me i matter bc ive never #wanted to be saved. i've only ever wanted to be seen and known and like idfk.... i just dont #feel good but as always... i have to lie here alone and try not to kms bc i dont have anyone to ask to just talk to me for a little moment #like i cant even imagine... asking someone like hey i wanna kms pls talk to me for a moment #and have them reply immediately and idk i wouldnt even need long just like 10 minutes.#sigh idek what im rambling on abt im just so sick and tired and exhausted and i dont wanna die not really #but im so exhausted bc i have to carry this pain every day and people are so fucking awful but i dont wanna be alone and i just dont know

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rubenesque-as-fuck · 1 year

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Hnnnng I want to have the energy to do one of the several projects I have on the docket for this weekend, but I currently have 0% energy and my body just wants to take Poorly Timed Naps

#the never-ending struggle #wish i wasn't exhausted 90% of the time #need to paint #need to take a new set #need to clean apartment #need to do anything but sit fighting to keep my eyes open #and truly not sure if it's depression tired or long covid tired or just regular exhausted by capitalism/life tired #maybe all of them #one of the reasons I miss having someone to talk to every day is it gave me extra pep to get shit done #because turns out i thrive on positive reinforcement and having someone to tell when I'm doing stuff #because then I feel obligated to do the things so I'm not lying to the person #basically i need accountability to even do fun stuff 😬#life of faye

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litttlestars · 2 years

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why must i beg for love all the time? i know i often brush off my loneliness by saying i like doing things on my own, and i do, but sometimes when i am alone i realize i am so terribly unloveable and i don't know how to deal with it. i think this desperation of mine comes off in waves.

#excerpts from my diary when i was crying my eyes out #my sadness sits coiled in a knot in my stomach and i find myself incapable of getting out of bed #when my friend indrectly pointed out that my energetic and eager attitude actually turned out to be a bit pathetic and seemingly desperate #i know i shouldnt listen to her #i shouldnt think if it that way #in a perfect world i'd ignore it and continue to be myself til someone i came across truly loved me for who i an #but here i am sitting in my room with snot and tears running down my face because i cant stand my existence #why do i equate the value of my existence to how loved i am by others?#im so tired #💌 love letters.

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