#my father forgets i exist | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sweetlikesunflowersandhoney · 5 months

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*girl who is not doing well at all voice* I should rewatch Pride and Prejudice (2009)

#i am deeply unloved and it is my fault #the people i consider friends do not want to see me or hang out with me #they say they do to my face but they don't reach out. they don't come when i invite them.#the people i considered my family never text. they don't call. they don't reply when i reach out.#i must be so annoying. it must be so hard to enjoy my company.#because no one ever seeks it #i am so so so unloved and it has to be me #my own mother doesn't like me #my sister tolerates me #my father forgets i exist #and people will contradict this with their words but not their actions #i have heard ''i miss you so much!'' from people and then i made plans with them the next week #and they always say they can't #i say ''okay let me know!''#and they never do #because they don't think about me #because my company must be so. bothersome.#at best i am good in small doses #i stopped trying with those people #today i saw them all and I didn't make plans #for what?#it's been years of this pattern #but today i really saw how little i mean to them #negativity //

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milk-ducts · 10 months

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[Brief] Thoughts on Film Theory's Analysis

I was gonna post this on my priv twt.. but moots convinced me to post it here so here we are.. beware of spoilers, gore, bla bla bla ..

FIRST OFF I'm gonna start by saying, I AM ESL. I may or may not have misinterpreted some of his words, but this is mainly how I thought of his analysis. This is not meant to be ill-guided or rude ! so sorry if it comes off as this way. I will be very repetitive.

Another thing, most if not all of the information matpat gave out i alr discussed with a few mutuals on discord about a few months back so this is not new territory to me 😭😭 I thought most folks would already knew the concept of how the brain deteriorates overtime But honestly, that indisposition shouldn’t even apply to omni man??? matpat tried to compare an immortal Viltrumite's psychology to that of an aging human's, which can be misguided.

Let's start by how he compares Nolan's brain to the average aging human's brain so the audience could understand his psyche more and how empathy declines overtime. First and foremost, Nolan is not a human, second; Nolan wasn't raised with empathy or around an empathetic environment - it was an alien concept to his race. Something frowned upon. He was raised from birth to conquer and destroy without remorse. His brain never developed those neural pathways for empathy in the first place. It's not that they deteriorated over time, they were never even formed.

By the time he came to Earth, all this familial stuff was new to him. Sure, he knew he was gonna outlive them, but He didn't think he'd get attached. HE didn't process that he'd grieve over them when the time came.

Interacting with humanity for the first time ignited unfamiliar emotions in Nolan that he didn’t know how to process.

His time living amongst humans caused conflicting feelings he’d never experienced in his centuries of systematic slaughter. Loving Debbie and Mark went against everything he was taught, but he couldn't help it. For once, the lives he was manipulating to further Viltrum’s goals meant something to him. He developed a [what he presumed, NOT what he felt about them in reality, his love for them is far more profound than he assumed it to be which we later on see in the last ep of s1 and the second season] petty facsimile of love for his ersatz family.

So no, his capacity for empathy didn't decline with age as MatPat claims. His empathy was stunted from the start. An underdeveloped skill, not a deteriorated one. We had characters like Debbie to help him understand those notions, help him grow it. With Mark in the mix? it only amplified that development.

Viltrumites are societally and culturally predisposed to violence and domination. Nolan was never accustomed to forming emotional connections or grieving loss. Those were entirely new experiences for him after arriving on Earth. He was not jaded. he was grown into jamais vu in viltrum.

This is why the whole conflict in s1 happened, he was treading between double lives he wasn't sure of. He was conflicted because his past values were refuting with his new experiences. He found love on Earth, he found himself unable to accept how he'd lose Debbie. Of How jaded Mark might become. Everything he said to Mark till that point was his own self-projections, his own fears, doubts.

While the video did provide some interesting facts about neuroscience and aging, the application of those facts to Nolan's character was inaccurate. IT is educational for those who don't know, but it isn't recent news that the brain begins to deteriorate overtime so this video wasn't that informative which kinda disappointed me. Their analysis lacked alot of information about the Viltrumite race and Nolan's character. Comparing him to humans with normal life experiences just doesn't work. His immortal nature combined with a lack of empathy from birth created a psychology unlike anything seen on Earth.

SORRY FOR RANTING ALOT AND OR IF IT SEEMS LIKE I'M GIVING MATPAT SHIT ... i really liked their analysis on immortal so i'll give them that. Immortal, unlike Nolan, was born human. He has lived among humanity for over 3000 years, inhabiting different identities of public and devoted historians. Because of this, his psyche developed quite differently. Immortal knows how to form connections, experience loss, and adapt to social changes. His perpetual existence didn't harden his heart like Viltrum's brutal culture did to Nolan. Instead, Immortal's immortality allowed his empathy and compassion to blossom.

Humans are social creatures. Our brains have evolved to seek out interpersonal relationships, crave affection, and find meaning in community. For an immortal like Immortal, social interaction is vital to staving off boredom, depression and detachment from humanity.

By inhabiting mortal lives, he stays tethered to the human experience. He continues learning, growing, and developing empathy.

This is why he's devastated when the guardians die.

This is also why he goes fucking mental and tries to kill Omni-man.

If Immortal had lived in isolation all this time, unable to connect with people, his psyche would likely resemble Nolan's more closely. Without social interaction, Immortal's brain would atrophy in ways that preclude complex emotions and moral reasoning. His sense of purpose would fade, achievements would lose meaning, and life itself might feel pointless. By engaging with humanity, Immortal gives his endless existence purpose and direction. He finds value in each temporary life, so loss still impacts him deeply. Socializing keeps his emotions and cognition flexible, which prevents the apathy and hardness of heart seen in Nolan. Nolan never had these opportunities in his early years, this is why it's more difficult for him to stray away from his indoctrination. It's that he's unused to it, underdeveloped.

60 years to Nolan would've been a year and a half, so what's 20 measly years on Earth for him? Yes, he found profound connections in that little speck of time, but Immortal's emotional capacity is far more extensive.

In summary, Comparing Nolan to a human, whether mortal or immortal, is kinda inaccurate. His Viltrumite psyche rules out him from possessing JADED human qualities. You could say he's desensitized to violence sure, but no.. unfortunately.. he does not have [boomer] brain. He has [indoctrinated alien-fascist brain]

Leave your own thoughts down below or through reblogs, I'm really interested on what others may think of this! (URGHHHNN... my hcs r slipping away from my fingers cuz now people r gonna accept what matpat says as truth.. someone gun me down from the hills..)

#ALSO my moots and I had all analyzed this vid and ironically enuff Matpat's analysis makes a hell of a lot more sense when applied to my OC #Aconite !! rather than her father nolan but i will discuss that in a separate post because ykno..#this may or may not have been the worst take in existence.. i am prepared to be called a dumbass.. (i am not. i am sensitive..)#it is so jover for me.. i will need to change identities..#invincible #omni man #mark grayson #omni man invincible #milky.txt #milkyrants #milkyrambles #invincible spoilers #nolan grayson #immortal invincible #ur honor omni man is cluster b coded and has ASD..#IDGAFFFFF !!!!! *i scream aloud in my padded white room rocking back and forth in a straitjacket*#i think alot of people tend to forget nolan is an alien . so let me quickly remind you .! HE IS AN ALIEN.

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toddtakefive · 4 months

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thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright #all things considered #it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit #both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away #but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part #and i find it so odd when people frame it as one #todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭#neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself #but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all #and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him #and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing #as far as todd’s concerned neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance #a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same #i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ +#‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN #todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims +#outside of neil but that isn’t really the case #and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person #he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree +#(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses +#there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other +#in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing)#this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me #mad #neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything #and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety #come on guys #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson

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performing-personhood · 2 months

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katimanki · 11 months

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My birthday is in a week and currently my plans are:

1. Draw Byler art

2. Read Steddie fics

3. Get drunk.

#byler #steddie #oh how I love to have my birthday on fathers day weekend #so all of my friends are unable to come over because they have dads #I haven't celebrated that day in YEARS. I forget that it exists lmao #but my first plan is to get byler art done FOR my birthday so I can fish for attention on the day🙃#I wanna feel special okay😭

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tenshindon · 7 months

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Can you remind me what the weird sex interview with Toriyama was about

i was driving myself fucking mad trying to find this interview because i KNEW it existed i just couldnt find it immediately but here you go x

which is an insane thing to say because a few questions beforehand he said this:

#snap chats #if this is the one youre talking about anyway #reading these is so insane because toriyama did end up having a daughter #which- admittedly- lead to one of my favorite About The Author segments #where he was talking about how he wanted to be a 'strict' father but ended up just doting on his kids #and asked the very good question 'whats wrong with doting on your kids'#LIKE SOMETIMES he says sweet and charming things like that and then i remember. these exist #forgetting the part A Part Of This Interview Too where he said if he could cheat on his wife without being caught he would #we all know how i feel about cheating so ......#but yeah there you go. rip toriyama i aint tryna write a hit piece i just like remembering these wack ass things you said 💀💀

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dykeogenes · 1 year

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“what to tell a doctor to get an autism diagnosis” “here’s what i learned from realizing i was autistic at 40″ “i would never want a professional diagnosis” “person first language is so regressive” “autism symptoms are only a problem because of ableism” “we dont need treatment” “no autistic person wants a cure” “four doctors told me i couldn’t be autistic so i found a fifth” “autism is an invisible disability” “dont disclose your neurodivergency to employers” “i/dd and autism have nothing to do with each other” “nt parents/advocates have no place in autism communities” “of course im autistic have you heard me talk about horror movies” babe i have nothing in common with any of you

#completely insane that i will go on autism twitter and somehow i am ''low functioning'' compared to the rest of the people on there.#what are you TALKING about. dont disclose your ''neurodivergency'' to your doctors?? autism is an invisible disability?#we live on different planets. like i think we live on different planets.#sorry but i am twenty two years old and my mother has a fippa exemption to access all my medical info bc if she did not #i would not be able to access healthcare.#the only reason i can live away from home is because i have a cell phone and internet and can keep in touch w family.#my legal government address is my father's house where i have not lived for seven years #because if an important document gets sent to my apartment i will lose it or forget about it and i know this because it's happened.#like ... yeah ! autism IS a spectrum ! and you are not doing such a good job recognizing and supporting people who are #in very different places on that spectrum than you !#it is. i mean it's kind of a form of hermeneutical injustice to argue that there is no meaningful difference between various groups #of autistic people #like yeah functioning labels suck ASS. also you DO need to be able to identify that there ARE people who need more support #because if you can't name that then you are going to forget that they exist #and i see that all the time. it's aspie supremacy by another name #by erasing people who did not have the privilege of self-diagnosing #who do not have the privilege not to disclose #who do not have the privilege of independent self-advocacy #you are going to end up achieving the same thing that actively dismissing those people achieves #like. i dunno. like i said it's completely bonkers in yonkers that EYE and the UNIVERSITY DEGREE EYE WILL BE GETTING IN TWO MONTHS #and my LEASE and my RESPECTABLE RESUME and my INCOMING SOCIAL WORK LICENSE #feel alienated by the default presumptions the ''autistic community'' seems to operate from about how autistic people function #like jfc if i feel erased and unwelcome then how are you EVER going to make your community accessible and helpful #to people who need miles more support than i do??#rhi talks #autie tag

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a-compass-without-a-needle · 19 days

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"I've connected the dots"

"You didn't connect shit."

"I connected them."

#genshin impact meme #honkai star rail meme #I'm starting to sense a pattern between some of my favorite hoyoverse characters #or it's the sleep deprivation #anyway hello gi and hsr fandoms have my first low quality contribution for the moment #something something history doesn't repeat itself but it does rhyme #something something it's the Focalor the Oceanid to Focalor the God to Furina the Fontaine #the Peruere the Orphan of the House of Hearth to Knave the 4th Harbinger to Arlecchino the Father (or vice versa)#and the Kakavasha to No.35 to Aventurine of Stratagems and the Ten Stonehearts parallels coming to me in a flash of divine inspiration #or insanity #either works #how Furina was the main actress of the grandest and most painful of operas in existence for 500 years #how Arlecchino is a role in Commedia Dell’arte how one of her first proper appearances is on stage and how she took on the 'role' of Father #how Aventurine himself put on and set up a dramatic performance in Penacony just so his plan would succeed #and how he keeps the act up just so he can survive in the dog eat dog world that is the IPC #how both Aventurine's and Furina's performances ended with a 'death' (technically their own)#how Aventurine had to bury Kakavasha in the sands of Sigonia-IV and Arlecchino had to burned away Peruere after defeating Crucabena #how they both take on the role of the person who once hurt them but don't quite follow the same beat to the old song #the Fontaine Opera and the Masked Fools and the theme of the Harbingers #I don't know I'm sleep deprived maybe I'll write something more coherent based on this once I'm more awake #genshin furina #furina #genshin arlecchino #honkai star rail aventurine #hsr aventurine #ah yes #Actually Free From Their Role (Furina) - Not Free From Their Role (Aventurine) - Embraced the Role (Arlecchino)#can't forget that spectrum. Gotta love how Aventurine is technically smack dab in the middle

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landfilloftrash · 2 years

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“I… I could’ve sworn.. hm. I guess not. Nevermind, Captain. It’s nothing...”

oh q who ! anyways I had . A thought.

this thought is specifically thanks to @porgthespacepenguin and @celestialholz ‘s theories living rent free since s2 came OUT and now s3 having no mention of local entity even in passing (so far. but i have little hope /lh)

(hissing)

#my art #Guinan #Jean-Luc Picard #Q Star Trek #in spirit /jov #Star Trek #Star Trek Picard #Star Trek PIC #Star Madness (across the universe)#do I know how tf this would be feasible???? no!!!! but that doesn’t stop the Sudden Fear #and YES I know in s3ep3 Picard mentions that he “knows NOW he wouldn't be like his father but could've learned that 20 years ago''#but does he mention Q by name? NO! and i'm offended /lhj #AS WELL AS EP 4’S GENEROUS USE OF FARPOINT REFERENCES A N D SPACE JELLIES? c’mon.#don’t even. when Shaw EXPLICITLY mentioned the time anomaly I had to pause and brEATHE.#so both ep 4 and 5 reference things Q had been APART of #but no direct tie to Q. No one referring to him as their adversary or the one who constructed those things — nothing.#for example on where my brain went #if Quinn gets explicitly remembered in VOY then you could toss ‘he died a mortal’#meanwhile dying as a Q has the consequence of memory of the entity itself fading away if not the actions and things woven into existence #and Guinan is enough outside it all that she forgot that linear beings Forget #this concept came to me the night b4 episode 2 released I am extremely lazy /lh #also sorry I HAD attempted backgrounds b4 giving up and going fuck it real image #enjoyyyyy #rea rambles in the tags #rea’s trash

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i-have-dots-in-my-brain · 8 months

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TW: DARK GAMES AND STUFF (just a lil rant, nothing hateful)

wow dark games are

idk i wanna stay innocent youtube please let me stay pure just recommend music and fandom shit please not this not the true crime cases and the horror games with dark meanings and ominous endings (especially ones with rape or child abuse) like please what made you think i would want to see this i listen to playlists titled " i have nothing in my head"

#i looked into my eyes deceive and HOLY SHIT #IT WAS A ROBLOX GAME????????? (apparently it was just recreated in roblox)#HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT #ITS SUCH A SAD STORY BY THE WAY #I HOPE THE PROTAG OF THE GAME ESCAPES AND KILLS HER DAD OR SOMETHING #LIKE #CALL 110 AND HAVE THE COPS BUST DOWN THAT DOOR #THE (BAD) ENDING IS SO AMBIGIOUS AND IT IMPLIES #LIKE DID HER FATHER DO SOMETHING TO HER #IS SHE OKAY???#THE GOOD ENDING IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH #I NEED TO FORGET THIS GAME EXISTED #props to the developer #it tells a very sad story that could have actually happened #good horror is meant to make you uncomfortable #with real people as villains instead of faceless monsters #genuinely very good and effective horror #i do wish i never looked into it though (not trashing the developer i just wish I never went down the story rabbithole)#veryyyyyyy uncomfortable #sorry for this rant i just had to talk about this to the online void #genuinely good game though (the small details contribute to the story and the horror)#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #STOP RECOMMENDING ME DARK THINGS YOUTUBE #IM ALL FOR LIKE EDGY OC LORE #BUT NOT ACTUALLY DARK THINGS #my eyes deceive

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partangel · 1 year

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hanging out with my coworkers is such a delight miss me with that i hate my coworkers lifestyle i go out to drink sangria with mine to simultaneously juggle conversations between ingmar bergmans daughter, stand up comedy bits, the question of how much is lost in translating ancient greek and planning on how to steal passion fruit that was ripe for the taking in this very specific open space

#<3 what an incoherent lovable beautiful group which i adore so much #someone used an expression i HAD NEVER heard and i thought it was literal so we died laughing for 30 minutes #one of my coworkers was like.. and can you believe he took his guitar and put it away #and i was like. wait there was a guitar?? he had a guitar??#and... apparently thats an idiom that exists. somewhere somehow #i just figured the man had a guitar with himself which he resolutely decided to put away #one of my coworkers forgot to put his son his second sandwich of the day and the child was like... dad... where was my food???#and the way he told this was so funny i had to gasp for myself. what an animal. to forget to pack the SECOND sandwich of the day. how dareh #no father of the year award for him ive assured him #anyways life is really on what you decide to keep and to cherish and to love #then THEN i had roland barthes in my bag and one of my coworkers saw and she was like #CAN U BELIEVE A TEACHER OF MINE HAD CLASSES WITH HIM #and i was like... the times we live??? what the fuck??#im 3 handshakes away from barthes you guys

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sub-urbanwitch · 4 months

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I read a shocking amount of Harry Potter fanfiction for someone who has never opened a Harry Potter book in his life.

#cameronposting #sometimes I stumble across one with a really funny premise and I just gotta #my knowledge of Harry Potter canon is patched together from fanfiction and the one movie I saw in 4th grade #Ron’s got a sister Ginevra who might be in love with Harry #Draco Malfoy is actually a clone of his father #Harry lives in a magic suitcase during the summer #one of Voldemort’s minions is in love with him #Hermoine brainwashes her parents into forgetting she exists #also she’s the descendant of some important lady who moved to Australia

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disturbedheart · 9 months

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The urge to rip the skin off my body and scream sob into the only arms that have ever held me (mine)

#I have nothing to distract me from me feelings and I immediately go absolutely fucking bonkers #I get home from work and am suddenly shattered with the idea that I have to exist as this....#person for the next 5 days till I can work and forget about my sad sad life #😭😭#sometimes if I'm brutally unlucky I'm petrified with the memory that I'm related to my father at work and have to pretend I'm not literally #on the brink of losing my composure #like what do you even say. where's the compensation for people who just occasionally breakdown about their past #my****

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