#my sister tolerates me

[sweetlikesunflowersandhoney]

*girl who is not doing well at all voice* I should rewatch Pride and Prejudice (2009)

[koschei-the-ginger]

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[teabutmakeitazure]

can't believe how freaking insecure some people in the extended family can be because i just said that studying 6 hours a day doesnt feel enough for me at times since the course load is a lot and suddenly im making someone feel beneath me and she doesnt miss making a snide comment ("oh so maybe im the one doing the most useless engineering here")

[tardisimpalalover16]

My lil sister is the only person who will tolerate my delulu ass

Sorry for any typos 🥲 I was too excited

[paragonrobits]

"why did Zuko's memories portray Azula Like That? Is he an unreliable narrator? do the authors hate younger sisters"

Azula was openly Ozai's favorite, and even at that age she had enough political savvy to know that she can functionally do no wrong; the only time anyone expresses any kind of open disapproval of her at all is when her mother tells her off or complains about it. A rich child of that age who is also the favored daughter of one of the most powerful men in the country (and as Iroh doesn't seem to have much interest in politicking at all, Ozai likely had more political power than Iroh ever did), she could get away with pretty much anything she felt like doing, and she knew it

the most significant factor being, in addition to that, that she is emulating everything Ozai says and does; even if she doesn't BELIEVE it herself (and based on her other statements and actions at times when she doesn't have anything to gain by toeing the party line, she probably does), that is still going to color her world view and personal decisions

so, assuming Zuko's memories ARE accurate (and the show doesn't really do unreliable narrator that much), its pretty clear why Azula is Like That. It's because she's the openly favored child of a notoriously violent and cruel tyrant, and already a pampered child of the most powerful family in a country that reveres power and ferocity above anything else, and she is actively imitating that violent and cruel tyrant.

Given that we have little reason to believe anyone ever disciplined her in any shape or form beyond Ozai expressing disapproval of her actions (and its quite possible he's never really done that either), her behavior isn't surprising at all; if anything she should be significantly worse.

[birues]

.

[alphacrone]

apparently my aunt is upset her daughter (mid-30s) doesn’t seem like she’ll get married any time soon and when my mother told me that i laughed so hard bc like. me and our other cousin (late-30s) aren’t married and clearly have no interest in it and are thriving in our careers. the only cousin from this side of the family who’s married is—you guessed it—the only male cousin.

[carlyxtalessdo]

in fact many of the complaints have about alfonso are completely void once you take into account that he's literally sixteen.

"he's not hot-" he's 16

"he's too childish-" he's 16

"he's too jealous-" he's 16

"he's too immature-" he's literally 16!! he's still growing up!! what do you want from him!!

he's a teenager!! he's going through his first love!! he's being forced to marry someone he doesn't love for his country's sake!!! he's been molded into being the perfect little prince his entire life because it's his mother's wellbeing if he's not!!!!

not to mention that people complain about him being "too bland" but the moment he shows any jealousy they start saying he's a red flag and definitely going to become evil. like!! make up your mind!! it's not even him lashing out against ariadne or being a prick about it, he's just pouting and playfully nipping at her fingers so she'll pay attention to him! it's literally the most non-threatening way to show jealousy there could be!

i swear there's no middle ground with people when it comes to my little guy! they either act like he's never going to get some character development or they act like they can already tell he's going to become an abusive piece of shit by a couple of throwaway scenes. this is a long-ass webnovel/webcomic and people are already throwing the towel this early on. it's infuriating and they will never survive the winter.

[didderd]

I have assumptions about you!!

1. I feel like you really like minty stuff

2. I feel like you don't like the texture of latex (???)

3. I feel like you are very soft-spoken

I have no idea why I think these things, just something about the vibes has told me this stuff LMAO

o! hehe valid

i do like the taste of mint. but i have a vry low tolerance for mintiness :'> (lov mint ice cream)

latex isn't terrible(?) (it's jus like. rubbery right? idk, i'm honestly not sure if i'v ever even felt it) i don't think i hate it, but i don't think i like it. would probably not like wearing it

i am very soft-spoken. my family is relatively quiet in general. i'm also non-verbal at times.

ty Roo for th ask :>

[merukins]

Lmao ppl commenting on my recent pic saying “this is what you dream about? Jealous!” Well, it ain’t THAT great actually;; I remember ALL my dreams so I never really wake up well rested cus I’ve always been in like 5 adventures a night LOL?? Also tbh I have more nightmares than anything else🤷‍♀️

[everysinglepheel]

Most annoying song (80s version)

disclaimer: i actually like most of these songs. but i know they can be contentious/annoying to hear a lot haha

[threnodians]

operation do not cry at my irl bestie’s wedding: FAILED

[crazypercheron]

@asktheghosthost

[h0t-p1nk-ch33tah-pr1nt]

When mitski was singing abt crack babies she was singing abt me

[lonesomedotmp3]

might go to the library (not the school library. so I should be fine) tomorrow just to sit and chill... spending this much time with my family is making me want to die sorry to be an asshole. but oh my god these people are insufferable