#my fucking linguistics teacher. is such a good person but i feel so fucking awful and hopeless

[arthur-r]

all my fucking teachers are pitying me though???? like oh my fucking god i thought i wasn’t going to be that person anymore?? are you telling me that mental illness and physical illness and access concerns and low energy and motivation don’t go away when you move four hours away from home????

[thebad---catholic]

My problems with AOS

Well here I am, 10 years late with an opinion no one asked for, but I have to write this down and throw into the void so that I can be at peace. I’ve been salty about this film franchise for a very long time now. This will mostly focus on Star Trek (2009) with the other two movies sprinkled in.

1. Starfleet

Honestly where do I even begin? In TOS, Starfleet was modeled after the navy (idk how accurately, but Roddenberry was in the air force so I’m assuming he’d know how all that works). You can get a feel for the chain of command, and everything feels natural with character ages and things like that. There’s a procedure for everything.

AOS Starfleet feels more like a high school club than an interplanetary exploration organization. Jim is supposed to be twenty-five when he gets the rank of captain- after he was almost expelled for cheating. He has no idea how to operate or run a starship. TOS Kirk moved through the ranks of Starfleet and was promoted on merit and leadership skills- he worked for his position.

Why was Jim the only person who knew what was happening when Nero showed up? Was there any requirements to joining to Starfleet other than get on the shuttle? Why did the linguist not know the difference between Vulcan and Romulan when they’re the linguist? How did Pike bypass the chain of command to appoint Jim Kirk as First Officer which was an obvious show of favoritism to someone was about to be thrown out of the academy? Why the fuck was he allowed to keep the title of captain? What the fuck?

Speaking of Jim.

2. Jim Kirk’s Character

I...don’t like Jim’s character in this film. It’s not terrible for a younger version of Kirk, but like I said though, there’s no reason Kirk should be this young. And in this one he’s just kinda a douche.

We know from TOS that Kirk gets around, but he genuinely cares for his exes, and in general respects women. He uses sex appeal as a strategy, but more than anything this comes off as a subversion of the femme fatal trope bc Kirk is a man. In the movie, he’s just a standard action movie protag who has lots of sex just because.

The scene when the Orion woman says she loves him and he replied “that’s so weird” is just...so weird? Like I can’t imagine Kirk doing anything in that situation than backing off and explaining that he doesn’t feel the same way. The scene continues with him hiding under the bed when Uhura walks in. Watching how the camera angle makes Jim out to be a voyeur made me uncomfortable then and it still does. It could be explained that Jim is trying to figure out Uhura’s identity or that he’s listening in and people look at who they’re listening to but like...she was in her underwear. You shouldn’t look at people while they’re getting undressed, especially when they don’t even know you’re there? Is that a hot take? Apparently.

In TOS there’s this really nice scene in This Side of Paradise(S1E24) where the whole crew is high (again) and has abandoned ship, leaving Kirk to tend to things. We see Jim move around the ship with a little clip pad and make the proper checks. This is a captain who knows his stuff. That is the Kirk we should have seen if we’re going to see Jim become captain.

AOS kirk goes through a standard “stop being an asshole” arc commonplace for male protagonists, but this happens well past the point he should stop being an asshole. Either the AOS series should’ve been a prequel with Jim becoming captain at the end of the trilogy, or he should’ve been older with a completely different arc- maybe coming to terms with his rank? Imposter syndrome? Learning to trust his crew and building trust with them? Building a friendship with Spock and McCoy? There’s a lot to work with here.

3. Spock and Uhura’s relationship

Why. Like why. For what. Por Que.

I like giving Uhura a bigger role, I don’t like making her a love interest to do that.

It doesn’t make sense for either of their characters. Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, linguist expert who handles all transmissions to and from the enterprise- an icon of black women’s representation is now demoted to Spock’s nagging girlfriend. This bothers me more than a little bit.

It manages to make even less sense for Spock. A hallmark of Spock’s character is his duality. He struggles to combat his emotions and the human half of him. His repeating character arc in TOS is coming to terms with humanity while upholding the Vulcan way of life. Having him in an established romantic relationship before this arc is supposed to happen just makes for a boring romantic subplot about a relationship that shouldn’t happen and that I don’t care about.

TOS Vulcan culture is kinda shitty. Explicitly patriarchal and stuff, and also kinda racist against humans. The source of Spock’s inner conflict is not himself but a society that views him as lesser for being half human. However, one thing that I can certainly understand from a “logical” (logic in quotations bc racism and sexism is fucking stupid) people is ritualized arranged marriages. It just...makes sense to me that Vulcans would simply have their mates chosen for them and then marry that person and be done with it. Neat. Logical. Conformity.

This makes Spock and Uhura’s relationship even stranger. Why would Spock go so against conformity that he dates someone before he truly comes to terms with himself? Even if they throw out ponfarr and arranged marriage, it still doesn’t work but now it especially doesn’t work.

My personal theory is that Spock and Uhura’s relationship was established purely to make shippers shut up. It’s no secret Spirk is the most popular ship from TOS. I have no doubt they knew this while writing the movie. So to quietly wrap a no homo on Spock and Kirk’s friendship, they use Uhura as a prop to do so.

The teacher/student dynamic should only be relegated to fan fiction and the throwaway line about oral sensitivity makes me cringe. Every. Time.

4. McCoy

Karl Urbans performance is easily my favorite part of this movie. He captures DeForrest Kelley so well it hurts. He made Leonard Nimoy cry. His chemistry with Pine made McKirk go from the most underrated triumvirate ship in TOS to rival Spirks popularity in AOS. His scenes with Zachary Quinto are just *chefs kiss*.

So why doesn’t he have more of a role? The triumvirate is missing a third.

In particular, there’s a scene where Uhura, Kirk, and Spock make their way down to a planet to talk to a Klingon. I can’t remember which movie it was or why, but Spock and Uhura were bickering and Kirk remarks “can we do this later?”

The line was funny. It would’ve been golden if it was McCoy and not Uhura.

A fantastic performance by an underutilized character in a movie where that character should’ve been at the forefront.

5. Representation

I am skeptical of any movie that advertises diversity. Nonetheless, it made me happy to know Sulu was going to be gay. This is Star Trek after all, known for its diversity and large LGBT fan base, and an homage to George Takai who’s a gay man irl. So whatever.

The fact that I wasn’t expecting much says a lot about the current state of LGBT rep in media but this blink-and-you-miss-it shit is really starting to get to me.

I mean he jus- he doesn’t even give his husband a KISS. Like why.

6. Destroying Vulcan

WHY. Oh god why.

This isn’t Star Wars, JJ. We don’t do that here.

Imploding Vulcan was the most god awful shock value bullshit plot device I’ve ever seen in a movie and it was done entirely to make Spock sad. Besides the gaping plot hole of “why did Nero go back in time to destroy Vulcan when he could’ve just saved Romulus” I’m just grasping to find a purpose for this particular event. New fans don’t care at all about Vulcan while I was enraged that they would do Amanda that dirty.

It’s not just that they did that, it’s more that they did it like that. Vulcan’s destruction should’ve caused a federation wide meltdown as the biggest catastrophe in the entire franchise. If they were gonna make the stakes so pointlessly high, they should’ve treated the destruction of Vulcan exactly how they would treat the destruction of earth. There a million ways to treat that event with more gravity and million better plot lines that don’t involve G E N O C I D E

7. Miscellaneous petty bullshit because I’m a baby

-lower the fucking stakes Jesus Christ

-Don’t like the set. It’s bright and white and boring and gives me a headache. You don’t need a remake of the old set but like have fun ya know? Shit looks like an Apple store.

-Christine and I are the same in that we are both soft and are thirsty for Spock. Imagine my surprise to learn she wasn’t fucking there. Same with Janice but I’m more pressed about Christine. I don’t even remember the name of that blonde doctor lady who is Not Christine but i didn’t want her.

-The costumes in AOS look boring but still don’t feel like a uniform either. I deadass think Chris Pines outfit in the SNL skit looked better than the actual movie (minor adjustments needed)

-I didn’t notice this at first but someone pointed out that women’s uniforms don’t signify rank and now I can’t not see it. I don’t...think this movie treats women good? Or McCoy? Or just people who deserve better?

-Lens Flare

-I get why they did it but I don’t like that they misquoted the opening theme to say “no one” instead of “no man”. I probably wouldn’t have even notice except they gave the line to Uhura. Comes off as just a touch too “yay feminism” which is really rich coming from that treated Uhura like an object to be looked at when she wasn’t too busy being Spock’s emotional support gf, and completely cut two women from the main cast.

8. Conclusions

If I could describe these movies in one word it’d be generic. Which sucks because Star Trek far from generic.

They’re fun to watch but not think about. It was nice that I got to see a Star Trek movie in theaters. I just wish it as the same Trek I saw on TV.

[breanime]

Yellow Diamonds (Part Seventeen)

Wow--this is the end! Thank you so much to everyone who’s ever read, commented, reblogged, or sent in asks about this series. This was just a random brainchild that I had and started typing out, and then it became something people actually liked and wanted to read--which is amazing. Thank you all, and I hope you enjoy the last chapter to Yellow Diamonds!

Edit/Warning: a little steamy in the beginning there...

*banner by the amazing, illustrious, hilarious, lovable @starkrobb AKA my little pal-pal*

“Y/N…” Billy’s voice was low, but you could feel him close to you, mouth nearly on your ear, hand on your waist as he held you close to him, “It’s time to get up…”

You groaned, turning and burrowing deeper into the blankets, putting your face in Billy’s neck. “Nooo,” you whined, eyes still closed.

You felt Billy press a kiss to the top of your head, and you knew your morning ritual was starting: Billy would wake you up with sweet kisses, you, a perpetual horndog, would then instigate things to turn it into something more, you’d have sex, and then get up and start your day. It was a good ritual, and even though you knew that there was much to do, you allowed yourself to indulge in Billy’s touch.

Why ruin a good thing?

It had taken weeks to clean up and rebuild Delta Haven, but it had been done. Micro took over the communications system, sending messages out everyday with the coordinates to the safe house, as well as suggestions on which roads to take and what ones to avoid. You, Billy, Frank, Dinah, and Karen had started going out every few days and “clearing the road” as Frank called it, tracking down hoards of zombies and mowing them down. Billy and Frank—with the help of Micro—also set up a new security system, making sure every inch of the renovated haven was safe and secure at all times. Amy turned out to be a gifted scavenger, going out with a protective Frank and Karen to find supplies and food out on the road. She always seemed to be able to find exactly what it was that you needed for the safehouse. Once you all finished cleaning up, rebuilding, renovating, and improving the safe haven, you opened it up to the public. Micro put out an invitation over the radio, and he said it’d probably be a few weeks until anyone made it out there.

Your first civilians came later that day.

After that, people started coming in droves; walking, driving, some in large groups, some people traveling solo—all of them were looking for a safe place to stay. It was amazing, you got doctors and teachers, families, soldiers, people from all walks of life coming into the area. Most of the barracks and cabins had been left intact from Rawlins’ attack, so it hadn’t been too difficult to clean them up, but with the number of people that were coming in, more needed to be built.

Frank, as it turned out, was pretty good at construction, and he and Billy (who looked so good shirtless and sweaty with a hammer in his hand and nails sticking out of his mouth) set out to build a few more cabins, bathroom, and other little units for people to post information about the roads and their families. Your background in linguistics proved to be especially beneficial, and you spent a good portion of your day translating and helping people who didn’t speak English find their way around the haven. You were also training people everyday in how to help and organize visitors, as well as giving lessons in the languages you knew to those who were interested. Madani and Billy teamed up to train people in combat and weaponry—Frank was more interested in construction and liked to be left alone, for the most part—and Billy had a knack for it. He was a natural leader and a great teacher—a fact that you knew firsthand. Karen was the voice of the place, getting on the P.A system with updates and information several times a day. She was also the person who came up with the electronic check-in system; she’d suggested it to Micro because it would help keep track of the people coming in and out and what skills they had, and it really did make a difference. Everyone had a job, and if they weren’t willing to put in or if they were on any kind of bullshit… they were out. It was rare, of course, that someone wouldn’t contribute and had to be “asked” to leave, but when it happened… That was when Frank really shined.

As the unofficial head of the place, you were constantly going through the registry of people checking in, taking care to match last names to guests who had been there before and working to reunite as many families as you could. It was good work, very fulfilling, but nothing felt as good as the day you handed Miles back to his parents. His mother, Rio, thanked you in both English and Spanish, and now she was helping you in your language lessons. Before you knew it, weeks had turned into months, and Delta Safe Haven turned into the Farah Madani Center, where all were welcome.

You sighed, still under Billy, and closed your eyes. Your heart was still pounding, and your legs were still shaking. Billy was kissing your neck, still inside of you, and you wrapped your arms around him.

“I love you,” he said into your neck.

You smiled. “Love you, too.”

Billy picked his head up, bringing his lips to yours in a slow kiss. “What’s on the agenda today, boss?”

“Hm…” You ran your fingers through his hair, marveling at the softness and thickness of the strands. He was even sexier now that you had daily access to shampoo, soap, and clean water—the luxuries of life. “Well, I’m gonna lay here and probably have one more orgasm,” you giggled when you felt him press his hips into yours, already getting hard inside of you again, “Then take a shower—alone.”

“Terrible plan, but go on,” he said, kissing your nose.

“After that, I’ll probably check on Sarah at the front gate, see if there’s anything she needs help with—”

“—That’s what we got staff for, baby,” Billy grabbed you and rolled you over, so you were lying on his chest. His hand went to your back, caressing your bare skin. “They’ve got it all handled.”

“True.” You had to admit, even with the mass number of people that were coming in, the system was so tight, and the people who ran it so competent, things just ran smoothly. “I guess I’ll go to the school and help Rio with the lessons…”

“You have ten people teaching Spanish, including Rio,” Billy reasoned. He was still inside of you, and you rolled your hips a little on top of him, loving the feeling of him. “Mm…” His head was buried in your neck now, and you felt his lips ghost across your skin. “You’ve got people teaching German, French, Hindi, Korean, Tigrinya… Take a day off,” he urged you gently, “the school’s running fine…” He shifted, rolling over so that he was back on top before pulling up the blanket and draping it over the both of you. He was careful not to misplace himself, and sighed as he sank deeper into you now that you were beneath him again.

You leaned your head back, falling deeper into the soft pillows on your shared bed, and giving Billy better access to your neck. “I still need to talk to Oscar about the irrigation system he’s been working on…”

“That can wait,” Billy was kissing his way up your neck now, his lips on your chin.

“It can,” you agreed. Oscar, like most of the people who were in charge of one of the many projects at the Center, was more than capable of handling the work without you having to look over his shoulder. The man was painting a mural at the front entrance and using his old skills as an apartment super to improve the quality of living around there. His son, Vito, was his second in command, and you trusted Vito to make sure everything ran the way it should. “Don’t you have to train the newest batch of recruits?” You asked Billy. He and Madani set up a strict schedule for the security and had created a pretty rigorous application process to even be considered for the team. The last thing anyone wanted was a bunch of trigger-happy, power-hungry cowboys with something to prove running around with guns. In fact, it was mostly rejected applicants who ended up having to get kicked out from the Center. Billy, and Madani too, had seen too many William Rawlins and Morty Bennetts to let a new one slip through the cracks. Not on their watch.

“Madani can handle them. Plus I got Misty and Colleen working the perimeter today, and Curtis on surveillance.”

You smiled at that. Besides the day Miles’ parents came, the day Curtis Hoyle showed up was one of your favorites. Billy and Frank—perpetual pessimists—had assumed he died, so when he came through the front gate, minus one leg but still in great shape… You’d cried as the three men embraced. It had been beautiful. You closed your eyes again as Billy’s mouth traveled up your skin, leaving kisses until he got back up to your lips. When you opened them again, you were staring directly into Billy’s eyes. They were as dark as the night sky, like always, and like always, you saw those twinkling yellow diamonds in them. “I can’t believe how lucky I am,” you said quietly, in awe.

“Lucky how?”

You laughed—what a ridiculous question. “How?” You repeated. “Like what, almost a year ago, I was all alone, scared, helpless, and then one day—boom. I fell through a roof and woke up staring at the most beautiful man on the planet.”

Now he laughed, the sound warming you to the core. “I still can’t figure out why you were up there in the first place.”

“Me neither,” you grinned, “See? That’s luck, right there. I met you, and you just… changed everything.”

“Mm,” he hummed, leaning down and kissing you once more, “You changed everything. I never thought I’d give a fuck about anyone besides me and Frankie, much less fall in love, but you…” His eyes were boring into yours, and you felt so close to him, connected by the eyes and hips and heart. “You’re everything to me.” He buried his face in your neck again, words muffled as he spoke directly into your skin. “You know, your dates are off,” he said conversationally, moving his hips into yours.

Your eyes closed again, and you put your arms around him. Billy was fully hard now, and you bit your lip at the sensations. You were still sensitive from your earlier climax(es), and you knew it wouldn’t take much to bring you over the edge now. “What are you talking about?” You asked, trying to focus.

He pulled back, looking down at you fondly. You must have seen that look on his face a thousand times by now, but it never got old. “You said it’s almost been a year since we met,” he answered, leaning down to kiss you, “It has been a year.” He smiled down at you, eyes sparkling and smile dazzling. “Happy anniversary.”

Your eyes widened. You could barely keep track of what you ate, let alone the dates. It wasn’t like you had a calendar with you back in those days when you were traveling with Billy and getting kidnapped every two minutes. But you knew Billy was right; he kept track of dates way better than you did. “It’s our anniversary…” You whispered, making Billy laugh. “Happy anniversary, baby! Thanks for all the orgasms and knife lessons!” You said, pressing your lips against his.

“My pleasure,” he chuckled, “so,” he rubbed his nose on yours, “Let me ask you again… What’s on the agenda today,” he kissed you, tongue sliding into your mouth just as he thrust—deep—inside of you.

You gasped, and he did it again, making your toes curl at the amazing feel of him. Your hips moved on their own, and the two of you fell into a familiar rhythm. You sighed when you felt Billy’s hand between you, caressing your clit as his cock slid in and out of you. Sex with Billy was always incredible—it was Billy Russo, so how could it not be?—but the sex had been even better now that you had a small cabin for the two of you. There was a sense of security now, and love and affection and familiarity, that just made your lovemaking even better than it had been before. Now you didn’t have to worry about anyone walking in on you, or zombies wandering too close to your tent—you had four sturdy walls inside of a literal fortress protected by some of the most capable people you’d ever seen, and you knew you were safe. Of course, it didn’t matter if you were at the Center or stranded in the woods, as long as Billy was there with you, arms wrapped around you; you were safe.

“Baby?” He asked, voice low. You still hadn’t answered his question. “What’s the plan?”

You opened your eyes to see Billy looking down at you, hair falling onto his forehead as he rocked against you, arms on either side of you, chest pressed down onto yours. How could you walk away from that? “It’s our anniversary,” you said, “We have to celebrate.”

He grinned. “That’s my girl.” He kissed you, and you tried to put all of your love into it. Words just weren’t enough. “I love you so much,” he whispered against your lips.

“I love you, Billy,” you said back, “I love you.”

Later that night, you celebrated with your friends, laughing and drinking like it wasn’t the end of the world. And as you leaned against Billy, his hand on your waist, smiling down at you, you thought… Maybe it wasn’t the end of the world. The Center was growing every day, bringing in all kinds of people with the skills to help improve and maintain it. There were groups going out to hunt zombies and find people who needed help, and new shelters and checkpoints were popping up every day. There was a group of scientists staying at the Center who were in constant communication with other scientists and medical professionals, working towards a cure. There were kind, brave, brilliant human beings out there who were working, just like you, to bring the world back from the edge of chaos and start something new, something better, in its place. There was hope.

“Come with me,” Billy whispered into your ear. You let him lead you away from the group and through the center of the Center, past the living quarters, medical buildings, the school, the help center, all the way to the front. He took you through the command center, where several people stopped working to greet you both, and down to the storage room. You followed him curiously. There wasn’t really anything down there; Frank had built a much larger, more secure storage facility a few weeks ago that made this small room obsolete. You watched as Billy shut the door behind you before disappearing into the back.

“Are you going to murder me?” You asked, looking around. It had been a while since you’d been down there, and there were no lights, just a few pre-lit candles on a table in the middle of the room.

You heard Billy’s laugh in the dark. “If anything,” he said, voice echoing slightly in the mostly empty space, “you’re gonna be the death of me. Close your eyes.”

You did as you were told—for once. “I kind of feel like this is unnecessary, considering how it’s pretty much pitch black in here already.”

Billy chuckled, and you felt his presence near you. He was standing in front of you, you were sure of it. “Open your eyes.”

You did. Billy was in front of you, holding a cake in his hands. Your eyes widened at the sight—sugar was more than a luxury; it was an absolute extravagance. On closer inspection, you could tell that it was your favorite. You looked back at Billy, heart pounding at the heart-stopping smile he was giving you. “I—how—Billy—”

“Happy anniversary,” as delicious as the cake looked, his smile, the love and affection in his eyes, was even better, “I love you, Y/N.”

You felt tears in your eyes, so amazed by this man you loved. “I love you, too,” you said back, meaning those words more than ever. You put your hands on Billy’s and helped him move the cake to the table, so you could kiss him. And as you stood there, mouth on his, secure and safe and cherished in his arms, and he in yours, you truly felt like the luckiest woman on Earth.

There was still a lot that you didn’t know, still dangers to be wary of, still problems that needed solving, but you felt surer now than you’d ever had, and you knew that was all because of Billy.

Maybe things would never go back to the way before, maybe there was no cure, maybe the infected were just a part of life now, but things could be worse. You had your family with you, Billy, and Frank, and Karen, the Liebermanns, hell—even Madani, and you were stronger now, more capable than you’d thought yourself to be. Maybe the world had to end, momentarily, as it did, for this to happen. Now there was room for something new, something better, more sufficient and efficient, to grow. Maybe you could help make that happen.

Maybe it was pointless to dwell and speculate.

Instead, you could focus on what was here and now; on what you’d made at the Center, the people you’d helped, the man in your arms and the diamonds in his eyes.

Because, truly, that was enough.

*******************************************************************************************

Please, please, please, tell me what you think and how you feel about this ending. I’m so grateful for you all! Thank you for reading!

(Adding my old taglist to this, since this is the LAST chapter! :) sorry for any double-tagging!)

Yellow Diamonds Taglist (let me know if you want to be added/removed): @shameless-pope @encounterthepast @ilkaeliseb @lilianaswhatever @rainyboul @leahnicole1219 @holamor @the-notes-between @fictionwillneverdie @sadnessxvodka @kari-ayam @punishedpunisher @mr-robot-x @disengagefrmreality @lynne1993 @vogueworthy-barnes @weallhaveadestiny @obscurilicious @lucielandss @accioromancff

(Old) TAGLIST: @floralpeaceofmind @delicatelilyflower @dylanobrusso @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams @fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbookworm @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers  @charlylama @iaintnofurry @k-buggz2001@whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @blah-blah-fuckit-shit @julliiaaq@holamor @ymariejp @shadowhunterscloset @songtoyou @anabella-baby @heyitslexy @luminex3 @sithskywalkers @carlaangel86 @sssilverssserpent @jupiter-blake @binbons-is-theloml @captainblackeyes @importantkidmakerfire @luminex3 @the-blind-assassin-12 @editboutique @suchatinyinfinity @lexxierave @whovianayesha  @my-little-dumpster-fire @rhabakoli  @thesumofmychoices @saltyshaggymeme

Taglist: @lexxierave @loveintheroyalfamily @suchatinyinfinity@fanfictionrecommendations-com  @maxslime-blog @elanor-of-imladris@songforhema @lucielandss @fandomlifeandeverythingelse @themadhatter92@realduckvader @the-blind-assassin-12 @christinawxxx @anabella-baby @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @luminex3 @littlemermaidprobz @ashkuuuu@luckysstrikes @carlaangel86 @floralpeaceofmind @dylanobrusso@teacuplotus @iaintnofurry @thesumofmychoices @ymariejp @its-my-little-dumpster-fire @mrsjaxtellerfan @whovianayesha @holamor @drinix @rhabakoli @stories-you-wont-hear @king4thesirens @starkrobb@marauderskeeper @charlylama @thesandbeneathmytoes @something-tofightfor @banditthewriter  @binbons-is-theloml​

[moonchildhcs]

yoonpark hcs

ugh this gif ! the hecking flavor

anyways uwu hello again my friends today we return to our moonchild with some hecking fresh content,,, some yoonpark

but this time with some additional Spice. Some Flavor.

*youtuber voice* let just jump right into it

yall met at a club oopsies but it does not play out the way you think it does !

u and persi were at the club like a couple of losers and persi was tipsy but u were just. fucking drunk and u were RAMBLING about the composition of the song currently blasting through the club and you were like “tHis, my dudes, is fucking GARBAGE”

u proceeded to go on a ten minute tangent about why this song was trashy and awful even though a different song has been playing for a while now

and yoongi, slightly tipsy, looks at you and goes Oh? I Too Have Strong Feelings On The Music Selections

and u feel. someone staring at you and you turn around and its this?? hot guy?? and ur like Oh Fuck Dude Persi-

but persi has YEETED away its now just you, in your booth, with a drink, and ur boii is like “this is my chance” and he slides in and ur lik FUCK

but you guys hit it off and spend the rest of the night talking about music and stuff and eventually yall get each others numbers before you each head ur seperate ways back home

u wake up in the morning with a massive hangover going what the HECK while persi hands u some water, cackling as they tell you to check ur phone

and u DO and theres this guy,,,, in ur texts,, telling you good morning and he hopes your hangover isnt too bad since you drank a lot

he also mentions that you have good music taste

and u YODEL

and that is how yall meet !!! and tbh yall didnt see each other in person fora while but turns out hes the cutest yet snarkiest boy ever and yall text daily!!! turns out hes an aspiring producer and musician and ur just. in LOVE!!

but its also the same for bb boii because hearing you talk about languages and ur love for teaching (also the fact that ur not a native korean speaker but ur still so good at it?? his heart goes doki doki just for you) and hes just So Very In Love with you and your passion and drive !!!!

and yall grew closer and closer before,,, yall go out on a bit of a date but also just to hang out its Hard To Tell but ur both a bit nervous so its moreso like a date uwu

and yall hang around a history museum before going out to the City and visit markets and stores and eat dinner and stuff (dont worry he remember how picky you are and made sure he found a nice place with multiple options that would appeal to you !!) before yall hit a music store !! yall explore the albums available there but also the instruments and ur like wow these are all so cool !! and then,,

yoongi sits down by the piano and starts playing this super short piece but ur heart, goes doki doki and ur like heck im hecking in love

u stand there shellshocked as yoongi waves his hand in front of ur face like ?? hello??? maam???

anyways after more dates like that yall make it Official and u guys are legit so cute and dorky its unbelievable

although yall do love going out and exploring, especially at night,, yall treasure those indoors dates as well when youre both just too tired to go out and have fun !! it consists of wiggling to some choice music, binge watching a good series, dramatic readings of some nice books, napping together, trying (and failing) to make some food before ordering takeout, etc

also sometimes ur indoors dates do devolve into criticizing some of the more questionable music tastes of the other 

yoongi: dude halsey sounds like the baninis and avocados vine

you: she does and i love her for it, now shut the fuck up before i bring up kanye west

yoongi: bitch you better stop i get it i once had bad taste but i CHANGED

jokes jokes but fr yall are such big hecking nerds about stuff together of course you have music in common !! its a big interest of both of yours but you guys also have your own other interests !!!

you both love love photography so you both can be spotted just going out to explore and take photos, but also if one fo you wakes up early you take a cute pic of the other while theyre sleeping and then you wake up bc of the clicking sound and u both lie there giggling and being cutiepies

also he knows ur not necessarily the biggest fan of basketball and you dont necessarily go out of ur way to play it but this boy, this absolute nerd, loves to flex on you with his basketball skills dont even @ him on this okay

yoongi: heyo wanna do a competition on who can spin a basketball on there finger the longest

you: eh i think ill pass

yoongi: what if,,, i bought you some filipino food

you: Bring It On, Bitch Boy

yall playfully call each other insults btw but its all in good fun and only done occasionally !! usually yall call each other by ur names but !! sometimes yoongi drops a casual pet name and u go,,, Oh Worm??

and sometimes when u wanna embarass him u call him the sweetest, cringiest pet names in public, ESPECIALLY in front of his six bffs and they all go Oh? Yoongles? Baby? Sweetie Pie? Parker’s Pumpy Umpy Umpkin?? and he is out for the kill now sleep with one eye open parker

also pls do expect some hecking COOL trakc she made dedicated to you he made one for your 1 year anniversary and u cried because sometime its just instrumentals but this time it included a rlly heartfelt rap and u SOBBED nd hes like OOPS but also hehehe

also u both sometimes struggle with mental health and u guys just have,, the others fave comfort foods saved in the notes app and when one of yall texts the other going “sorry had a rough day” yall pick up the others fave foods then go and cuddle them

but if ur rough patches coincide yall do ur best to motivate the other to at least get smth small done that day so you can both be proud that in spite of it all you still made at least some progress :)

anyways you guys are the sweetest, cutest, dweebiest couple alive an god do we stan !!! just go ahead and flex on the rest of us with your functional healthy and cute relationship

but also here comes the s p i c e

hello??? yes i had to include at least some spice to this i mentioned spice a l o t

anyways ur the biggest brat to grace the earth and our boy loves to make you fucking weep and submit to him oopsies

hes a lot more dominant than his exterior lets him on to be ! and the marks on your skin (and by skin i mean All Over Your Body) only goes to show that he has no mercy and if you purposely tease him even a lil he will absolutely wreck you

he likes seeing u in lingerie !! like can either of you, one a musician the other a hopeful linguist and teacher, afford these expensive ass sets? no, but he loves seeing you in white lace and not even god could stop him ! unfortunate how sometimes he gets too rough and tears it off and u dont say anything in the moment but when you wake up the next morning, sore as fuck, you look at the remains of the cute lingerie and go,, yoongi that was 200 bucks

and hes like huh? thats awful spicy

anyways ur both initially a bit quiet during sex but when u accidentally let slip that ur just a bit of a degradee ur boy,, loses it

and from now on he dirty talks you to the high heavens and ur like FUCK because sometimes he calls you his whore but other times he sarcastically calls you princess and ur like,,, heck

also :^) his tongue technology is no joke :^) when he eats you out all of ur neighbors find out his name oopsies because he knows exactly what to do with his tongue and ur there, shaking, enjoying it all

honestly just expect to be sore

but he isnt always this intense !! sometimes he just wants to be close to you and yall spoon and stuff

or he might have had a long day producing so you just ride him

also some might say he sleeps immediately after sex but i think hed make sure that youre totally fine first

like he cleans you up with a towel, runs you a bath if you have the energy, and cuddles you and once ur both settled THEN will he fall asleep

[eldritchsurveys]

992.

What to you believe happens to us after death? >> I’ve settled on “the lights go out and that’s that for my existence” as the most logical result. I’m actually disturbed by the concept of an afterlife -- one life is more than enough for me, I can’t imagine having to continue in some other realm. It baffles me that this could be a comforting thing to others when... don’t you just want to sleep? Wouldn’t you be tired? Consciousness takes so much energy. I mean, whatever. At the end of life I just want to curl up in the Great Void and take the eternal sleep. Have you ever cheated on someone? >> Yes. What are your plans for this weekend? >> The same as always -- grocery shopping, park meetup, laundry. Does the thought of growing old frighten you? >> Not usually. The only specific things that would frighten me are infirmity and terminal illness, but those aren’t guaranteed to happen with old age, they just become more and more likely the older you get (and if you get old enough, some level of infirmity is pretty impossible to avoid). Oh, and the other thing that frightens me is the American approach to ageing and dying -- everything is regarded as a fight against death, and I think at some point I would like to just accept my impending death and not have a myriad of weird medical techniques employed to keep me conscious (and for fucking what? just let me die with some dignity, not withered and noncommunicative and shitting myself in a hospital bed). What is the best movie you’ve ever seen? >> The question should be “what is your favourite movie?” and the answer to that question is “The Fountain”.

Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? >> Probably. Learned behaviour, you know. What is your favorite song of all time? >> I don’t have one. Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? >> No. If you could write a book, what would it be about? >> I don’t think I would write a book. I love to write, but only casually. Fanfiction is perfect for me in that regard. Do you think most people understand you? >> I don’t know. I assume most people aren’t terribly interested in me in the first place. Not even in an emo way, lol, just... that’s just the way it works. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? >> If I could change one unchangeable thing then it would definitely be to give myself the power to shapeshift. What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? >> The entirety of You Ain’t Coming Back by Zeal & Ardor, for one. Pearl Jam also has a lot of songs like that -- oh, and Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder, for the Into the Wild soundtrack. 

Are you in love with anyone at the moment? >> No. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? >> The first question is whether I’ve ever been in love at all. But if I did/do have that capability, then there’s no reason it couldn’t happen with multiple people. Monogamy isn’t my bag. What is your favorite time of year? >> I really like this time of year in particular, and the winter holidays, activity-wise and vibe-wise. But the weather can be a downside. I do love spring best, but not much happens in spring, and it’s really short besides. :( What is your ideal first date? >> --- What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? >> *shrug* Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? >> Yeah, I have a few. What is the thing you are most ashamed of? >> Myself. Toxic shame is definitely a problem. I’m doing my best, but it’s going to take a lot of time and effort to unlearn thoughts and feelings that I’ve developed in childhood and have had reinforced ever since. What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? >> Grief. Sorrow. Loneliness. But also a certain kind of warmth and vibrancy and... love, I guess? that I think I only have access to when I’m willing to admit exactly how deep my sadness goes. Do you think of yourself as a unique person? >> As unique as anyone. What is a movie from childhood that you loved? >> The Prince of Egypt. Love*, though, not past tense. Are you afraid of death? >> Yes. But I’m pretty sure some of the various alternatives are more frightening -- being forced to live in a pain-riddled, broken body; being hooked up to a bunch of machines in a hospital, unable to communicate or interact with the world; being too afraid of death to recognise when it’s your time; the currently nonexistent but still disturbing idea of human immortality. I spent about a year wrestling with full-blown thanatophobia and that sucked, but the fear I have now is a more developed thing -- a sort of “holy terror”, I guess, that encompasses desire and awe and excitement along with the fear and anxiety and grief. I usually just say “I’m in love with death” but only other Scorpio dominants would understand that ~ What are your top three biggest fears, actually? >> A lot of chronic pain / terminal illness / that sort of thing; continuing to be conscious after death (hopefully this is as irrational a fear as I’m assuming it is); idk what else. Sandworms. Sure, let’s go with sandworms. Muad’dib I am not. Do you have an accent of any kind? >> Everyone does. I’d have to get a linguist or something to tell me what mine is, though, because I don’t have any idea. What do you want to be remembered for? >> --- What is your favorite number? >> 9 / 19. Do you have a favorite television show? If so, what is it? >> No, I just have a lot of favourites. Are you currently sad about anything? >> Not immediately. But sadness is kind of a default sub-feeling for me; it’s always accessible. What was your first job? >> Working in a casual restaurant. And what job do you have now? >> --- Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? >> Certainly, several times. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? >> Absinthe. Do you ever talk to yourself? >> Aside from Inner Child communication, I mostly just talk to other Inworlders, not myself. But to the average singlet, of course it would seem like talking to myself. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? >> Of course. What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? >> I don’t know. How do you celebrate your favorite holiday? >> I don’t really celebrate it, per se. I just enjoy the vibes and watch movies and listen to carols and... just immerse myself. I’m probably going to go full apeshit on my St Nick fixation this year, I can already feel it. Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? >> I don’t have one specific favourite book. Do you have any teachers from the past who inspired you? >> No. Do you prefer sad or happy music? >> I don’t have an emotional preference for music. My preference is that the music makes me feel something, but it doesn’t matter what the something is. Speaking of which, what is your favorite genre? >> I don’t have one. What is your best talent? >> *shrug* Have you ever wished you were from another country? >> No. What are you thinking about currently? >> Just these questions. What is the closest red thing to your body? >> Stella, one of my stuffed otters, is holding a red star (hence her name :D). What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? >> My emotions. What is your favorite clothing store to shop at? >> --- Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? >> Oh, do I! Have you ever seen the ocean? >> Many times. I do miss it.

What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? >> I don’t know, man. Do you find yourself confused often? >> Not often. What is your dream career? >> --- What was the best time of your life? >> --- Have you ever been on a cruise? >> Nope. Do you miss any of your exes? >> Nope. Who would you like to say something to? >> I don’t want to say anything to anyone right now. Are you religious? >> I’m something.  Do you think you are attractive? >> Not usually. How many people have you slept with? >> Too many. Do you consider yourself a catch? >> I don’t. Again, toxic shame is a fuck. But even with that, I feel like deep down I do feel that I have value, that my existence is worth something, that I have something to offer to other people even if not everyone recognises or accepts it. I’ve just been so convinced otherwise that it’s hard for me to believe my own self. How could all those other people be wrong, and I’m the only one that’s right? (It sure sounds fallacious when you put it that way, doesn’t it? This is when being too logical just ruins your life.) Do you enjoy naps? >> No. What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? >> I eat Nuggs with barbecue sauce. I have this one that has no HFCS in it and now I like bbq sauce again! (Really got tired of bbq sauces being sweet as fuck for no reason, like everything else in this country.) Are you happy? >> Sometimes. What do you think you could do to improve your life? >> I could probably exercise more. But it’s damn near impossible to motivate myself to doing something I find tedious and unfun that has no immediate good results. There’s got to be a way I can get more exercise without brute-forcing myself into doing something I don’t want to do. I just haven’t found that way yet (and like, we can’t fit exercise equipment into this apartment, so while an exercise bike or treadmill sounds like a perfect solution for me, it’s not one I can employ right now).

[paraphernaliawagon]

diary for 6/10/20

(yeah my “diary” is kept sporadically, nearly always written while high. and is exclusively about events of my distant past)

i’m thinking about “language teacher archetypes” and i’m realized i had like a stealth favorite professor in college. i mean i didn’t really realize i liked him until now. two stealth favorites actually. both serious research academic types from foreign countries who didn’t seem to really like teaching. one japanese professor i had a lot of classes with because he taught both linguistics and japanese. kinda stern, wouldn’t let a girl knit in class, was kinda homophobic and transphobic towards me and a classmate of mine. i know i’m making him sound awful, but like other than that he was a good teacher. i distinctly remember showing up to his class in january 2016 while an anti-trump protest was going on mere feet away in the square outside (i narrowly choose going to class over the protest since i was struggling in that class like i was in all of my classes. i did participate in the larger inauguration day protest march in town) and thinking “now that trump is elected, [professor’s name] could gtfo back to japan if he wanted to. he could abandon all of us if he wanted to” and having a sudden irrational fear of this happening. because if I had citizenship in another country, i would have been tempted to just leave rather than live in america under trump. but my professor wouldn’t leave america because the reason he chose to live over here in the first place was because so his kid could go to an american school. he found the american school system preferable to the japanese one.

and my other stealth favorie professor was a chinese linguist who was in town for some kind of conference and somehow ended up staying for an entire trimester to teach a class. she was obviously frustrated by the class being full of complete idiots woefully underprepared for advanced linguistics coursework and yes i am completely including myself in that. she gave me a much better grade than i deserved because my project was about a language she didn’t speak (japanese) and she falsely had confidence in me to know what the fuck i was talking about and to have spent enough time and effort on my research.

i tried to use the tale of genji as a source for my research because i couldn’t get access to a proper corpus in time (i had to put in a request to the people who run the database in japan, and they granted it just AFTER i turned in the project. a lot of the research and examples in our textbook used ancient literature as sources so i thought it would work. but i did not do a good job of it. protip: there is a reason all the other idiots in the class did their project on a language they actually speak fluently (english in almost every case). but i was like (ohh no english is soo boring! i can understand modern japanese well enough that i can probably understand ancient japanese right? NO. WRONG. OF COURSE NOT YOU FUCKIGN NINCOMPOOP) (although not everyone did a project on a VARIETY of english that they actually spoke. biggest idiot in the class did a project on “y’all” that i am still furious about 4 years later. he claimed to have evidence that “singular y’all” is in fact grammatical. his evidence came from 11 of his friends, not a single one of whom speak a dialect that uses “y’all.” but like they speak english and have HEARD southerners say “y’all” so like they BASICALLY have native speaker inside about it right? it was a TRAVESTY)

hey past self! pssst the tale of genji was written entirely in hiragana and by making it clear you don’t know this you are making it clear that you haven’t read it or done much research about it or the japanese language during that time period at all! you idiot. you are a pompous fool who thinks you’re so fucking smart

i have now read PART of the tale of genji. IN ENGLISH good lord it’s intellectually challenging enough in my native language. i have found it difficult to get through because like, stephen king wishes in his wildest dreams he could write a book this long, and even when i do understand what’s currently going on in the plot it’s just the main character being really really cruel to a long list of women. which i think might be the point. it’s one of those really serious and depressing novels with an unlikeable protagonist. dang i guess lady murasaki was REALLY ahead of her time with that because that kinda sounds like modernism. i don’t really know what modernism is tho. my favorite character is suetsumuhana. i feel sorry for her and kinda identify with her/ project myself onto her

suetsumuhana is this lonely noblewoman who lives in a ruined mansion cuz her father who was the only person who loved her died and now she doesn’t have the funds to hire enough servants to maintain the estate properly. she’s painfully shy and awkward and embarrasses herself constantly with her lack of social decorum and bad poetry. she’s also ugly with a big nose. she’s named after this flower

which is a reference to her big nose. she’s in one early chapter that is not connected to the main plot and that has a surprise reappearance in another chapter much later on. i just think, like, if it were me born into heian period aristocracy my autistic ass would have turned out just like her. i mean, i think THIS society that I live in is full of baroque and incomprehensible social rules that i will never ever get the hang of no matter how hard i try, and thus am forever doomed to make a fool of myself, be seen as a disgusting creep and have no friends? i have never ONCE become a laughingstock for writing a poem full of bad and clumsy symbolism in terrible handwriting on the wrong type and color of paper. IMAGINE if all your long-distance correspondence had to be done via poetry in which you subtly alluded to your true feelings and intentions by means of nature imagery? the characters in this book make it seem so easy!

[wickymicky]

i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)

im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

1. nickname: my bf calls me cube

2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry

3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that

4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)

5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it

6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment

7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez

8. following: 1800 lol

9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main

10. do you get asks: occasionally

11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do

12. what are you wearing: pajamas

13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)

14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.

15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol

16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off. 

like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others

keep the streets empty for me by fever ray

colossus by idles

watch it crash by streetlight manifesto

lucky girl by fazerdaze

realiti (demo) by grimes

egoist by loona (olivia hye)

picky picky by weki meki

mother by idles

peekaboo by red velvet

hi high by loona

18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha

19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person

20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there. 

so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language... 

like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those

21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way

[words-writ-in-starlight]

For the headcanon meme Uhura?

For THIS headcanon meme!  (You thought you were free.  You were wrong.)  I’m kind of picturing AOS because that’s what I watched most recently with Uhura.

A: what I think realistically

Nyota Uhura grows up speaking threelanguages fluently—English and Swahili, because her family speaks both, and aGerman dialect, because her cousin’s husband speaks Swahili like athree-year-old and doesn’t seem to be getting better at it.  He dotes on Nyota, calls her little star and swings her up onto hisshoulders to ‘scare’ his wife and Nyota’s mothers as a monster with two heads,and he thinks it’s the greatest thing in history when she starts translatingfor him.  She’s six years old when shegoes to a museum and meets the curator, who is a Vulcan woman of superlativebrilliance.  The woman greets her familywith a formal Vulcan phrase and is visibly taken aback—something of anaccomplishment—when Nyota carefully, cautiously sounds out in imitation, tonk’peh, dif-tor heh smusma.

“Very good,” the Vulcan woman says inEnglish, arching an eyebrow.  “But thecorrect response is sochya eh dif.”  Nyota parrots it back, and the Vulcan womanoffers her a salute.  Nyota comes backthe very next day and plunks herself expectantly in front of the woman’s door,and more or less bothers the woman into agreeing to teach her the language.

Nyota, talking to her teacher, learnsabout Star Fleet, where she can learnevery language in the galaxy (“that is quite impossible–”  “EVERY language in the galaxy,” Nyotainsists) and spend her entire life speaking them as a job.  She never looks awayfrom the stars again, and she remains in touch with her teacher, until finallyit’s Nyota who offers the lessons, in the grammar of Russian and the guttural tonesof Klingon.

Nyota’s teacher, very formal at alltimes, is the one who begins calling her ‘Uhura.’  Nyota knows that her name means star, but to her, Uhura means linguist andshe holds it tight with both hands.

B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Uhura and Jim are actually great friendsby the end of the Enterprise’s firstyear, once he feels less like he has to prove himself at all times and once shegets past some of her ingrained horror about his casual disregard for the ruleswhen he thinks it’s necessary.  (Thefirst time Uhura sees herself observe a rule and then toss it aside because,well, this is more important, she has this moment of total exasperation because He Has Infected Her.)  Jim speaks not a few languages himself, andmore to the point he’s actually not the trash can she assumed him to be.  He doesn’t harass his subordinates, he wouldclearly die for any of them, and even though at first she’s convinced he’sgoing to drink on the job and sleep with everyone on the ship, there’s no signof it.  He drinks sometimes with the restof the alpha shift command crew, but never to excess, and she’s pretty sure Jimwould rather take a phaser shot to the chest than risk his crew by sleepingaround—it’s like command has turned him into a real person rather than the caricaturehe worked so hard to project and goddamnit she likes that person.  No one ismore shocked and aggrieved than Uhura herself.

Uhura is also rational enough to date aVulcan, so after two months she huffs out a breath and plops her tray down athis table during breakfast (Jim eats in the mess hall with the crew, ratherthan a private mess, because he likes to knowhis people, damn him).  She has the samestubborn look in her eye that once strongarmed a Vulcan into agreeing to teachher language to a small human child.

“Um,” Jim says, wary, “hey, Uhura.”

“You’re going to stop hitting on me,”she tells him, pointing at him sternly with her fork, “and I’m going to stoptreating you like an asshole, and then we’re going to be friends.”

Jim stares at her.  “Okay?”

“So,” she says, lowering her fork togesture at his PADD, “what are you reading?” He tells her, seemingly too bemused to do anything else, and shescoffs.  “Please.  If you want the really weird Vulcanliterature, I can hook you up.  Youhaven’t lived until you’ve read some of the Pre-Reform homoerotic star-crossedlovers nonsense I read during my tutorial on the Pre-Reform dialect.”

Jim laughs until he’s wheezing andflushed, clutching the edge of the table as the mess hall looks at him in mildalarm and Uhura smirks in satisfaction.

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

Uhura never becomes a captain, althoughinnumerable promotions are offered to her. She loves her languages too much. She believes, after seeing Kirk and Sulu and even sweet Chekov taken bytheir ships and never return, that this is the reason she and Spock end up asthe last living members of that first bridge crew.

She kind of wishes, sitting at themonument to James Tiberius Kirk and thinking about how he would have hatedhaving his middle name on the thing, that she had taken the captaincy.

D:  what would never work with canon but the canon isshit so I believe it anyway

LET!  NYOTA! UHURA!  HAVE!  A! BIG!  FAMILY!

Listen Iliterally could not care less about what canon says, Nyota has like threesiblings and a bunch of cousins and her grandmother and her two moms and heraunts and uncles and they all adore each other to little bits and pieces.  

Nyota’s sister is dying to know about Spock from the first moment she hears abouthim, and the poor guy is totally overwhelmed the first time Nyota brings himhome to celebrate [insert slightly ridiculous reason that the family came upwith on the spot because Nyota was on Earth and they were excited].  They immediately adopt Spock, he’s reallykind of alarmed about it.  

Nyota bringsJim to meet her family one time too (and McCoy because his wife has his kidcurrently) when it’s his birthday and he just desperately does not want to deal with Star Fleet and the Kelvinand the whole hero thing, and they all love him too.  

Basically give me Nyota Uhura who travels thestars because she loves them too much to stay on the ground, but who has very real ties to Earth because those are her people.  She’s met bythe quintessential embarrassing family whenever they make earthfall.  Her cousin (the one who still sucks at Swahili) has a sign. Her sister and her twin brothers have a banner.  She’s going tomurder them all but also she can’t stop grinning.