#it will depend heavily on my mental state

[cypherscript]

Justice League Audit

The Flash honestly didn't know what to think about their current situation as the prime members of the Justice League, their biggest hitters, were just yanked from their homes and put into costume in a courtroom. A young man with white hair was halfway into a briefcase, legitimately halfway up to his waist in the briefcase, who pulls himself from it with multiple stacks of papers. "Good Evening, Justice League, or morning depending on when you came from. My name is Daniel but please call me Danny and I have been appointed to your case for simply the severity of the case."

"Severity? What are we being charged with," Batman grunts as he studies the room and the man.

"Charged? No no, you're not being charged with anything just yet if at all. I should specify why I'm here. My name is Danny and I head a recent addition of the Multiverse Auditing of Space and Time."

"MAST," Flash says in deadpan.

"An Audit," Batman's voice drops in tone, "Auditing us for what?"

"Excellent question, Mister... Batman," Danny says has he looks over his papers. "At MAST we monitor and maintain the spatial and temporal curve which is affected by choices made by the inhabitants of this dimension. This including but not limited to unsanctioned time travel, planetary destruction on a massive scale, large scale mental manipulation, cosmic entity manipulation, cosmic entity death, manipulation of the balance of life and death, supernatural tax evasion, unpaid child support and abandonment of duties in all forms."

Flash pulls on his collar uncomfortably as Danny mentions time travel, Batman ignores him as he continues, "And if this audit shows that we are in need of charging? What then?"

"It all depends on what is being charged but majority of them can simply be nullified by undoing what was done; paying your child support, making good on your deals and agreeing to exchange a number of your years as compensation for the death of the entity in question. In the event these terms cannot or will not be agreed to then the being in question will be black-marked as persona non grata and will be garnished for the rest of their natural life."

"That... seems rather lenient," Superman states as he's thinking over what was said.

"What is being garnished and what is persona non grata mean on a multiverse standpoint?"

"Until the black-marked individual reconciles their debt with MAST, no afterlife will accept them, no supernatural entity will make a deal with them, loss of any power used in the charge that gained them the black-mark."

He picks up a red folder and takes a seat on one side of the desk, "Now, Mister Flash, while you're not the most heavily audited on todays list you had unfortunately put more stress on one of our employees at MAST. I have here that you're being accused of 186 counts of unsanctioned time travel."

"186?!"

"BARRY!"

"What the crap?!"

[linawritestwst]

him taking care of you + you taking care of him (gn!reader)

(divider link)

characters: riddle rosehearts, ruggie bucchi, jamil viper, epel felmier, lilia vanrouge, silver, neige leblanche, rollo flamme.

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

warnings: none

hi hi!! so, uh, yeah, i'm trying to write something for this blog again. i don't think i'll open my requests anytime soon tbh, i kinda want to focus on writing self-indulgent stuff rn.

so yeah, hope you enjoy these! <3 i've tried to make them as soft and cute as possible.

riddle rosehearts.

him taking care of you:

♡ riddle is a busy man, that's for sure, but that doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or that he doesn't have any time for you at all. he loves you and if he could, he would spend as much time with you as possible, but.. you know how responsible and strict he is. but again, it doesn't mean that he cares about the queen of hearts' rules more than you.. t-though it may seem like that sometimes.

♡ if he notices that you're not feeling well, like for example, maybe you're sick, he will worry about you a lot. maybe it's not that noticeable to you, but everyone else can see just how much riddle cares about you and wants you to get better. if riddle has a lot of work to do and he can't check up on you, he may ask trey for help, since he's his vice dorm leader, though he will feel terrible about it: riddle would much rather do all of that himself. he knows that maybe it'd be a more logical decision to send trey to take care of you while he tries to do everything as fast as he can so that he can visit you later, but for some reason.. no, it's obvious that riddle really wants to be there for you. 

♡ if you're not doing well mentally, even though riddle is not good at giving emotional support and understanding other people's feelings, he still wants to be there and support you. if there's something bothering you, he will listen and he will try his best to come up with the best way to solve your problem. he prefers to think about such things logically and if the voices in your head are being too loud and mean, maybe his voice can help you feel a bit lighter.

you taking care of him:

♡ riddle tries his best to work on his temper, he really does. but of course, he still can't control his anger sometimes. maybe it's because of someone breaking a rule again. maybe it's because of his mother hurting him with her words again. maybe it's because everything is just.. too much for him and he feels overwhelmed even though he'd rather deny it and say that he's fine, because what else could you possibly expect from a dorm leader? and when that happens, you are here to gently calm him down or let him express his frustration and anger, it really depends on what would be better for him at the moment.

♡ if it's the first one, you hold riddle in your arms and softly tell him to take deep breaths, in and out. you slowly pat his head as he does so and you can feel just how fast his heart is beating. his face starts feeling a bit less hot, he finally remembers where he is and what's going on and his anger goes away, even if it's just for a moment. and if it does come back, you still stay with him no matter what. you know that riddle doesn't want to hurt you and if he mentions feeling ashamed and being afraid of doing something bad to you in this state, you hold his hand and tell him that you trust him.  

♡ if it's the second one, you and riddle go to his room and you just let him do whatever he needs to let his feelings out. of course, there are some limits and exceptions and you make sure riddle doesn't accidentally hurt himself in the process or hurt anyone that dares to come in. when he finally feels a bit calmer and looks around while breathing heavily and trying to process everything, you ask him what he needs right now. does he want to be left alone? does he want you to hug him? you make sure riddle feels safe and doesn't worry about anything. if he broke something in the process.. well, he can probably just use magic to fix it, right?

ruggie bucchi.

him taking care of you:

♡ if you ever say that you feel like a burden to him, ruggie doesn't want to hear it. why? because he would always choose taking care of you over doing stuff for leona. he doesn't care about you not looking perfect today and he won't care about it tomorrow or any other day. when he hears about what you're going through, you blaming yourself for not having any energy to get out of bed or take care of your appearance, sounds so.. weird to him. how can you still say that you're the one in the wrong in this situation? he just sighs, shakes his head and ruffles your hair while saying that you should be grateful for him being here for you. he's not being serious, of course. 

♡ if you don't have any energy to do chores or you're sick, he's totally okay with doing them for you. if you say anything about feeling guilty or if he hears you trying to offer your help, he doesn't let you finish. he's doing it not because he's your servant or because he owes you something. he just loves you a lot and wants you to know that. and if making your day a little bit easier is what he can do to show his love for you, he's more than okay with doing exactly that.

♡ he can't say that he's good at giving advice or understanding other people's emotions or anything like that, but if you need to vent, go on, he'll listen. he will nod, he will act surprised, he will make funny (and not really) comments, because even if he doesn't know how to solve your problem and even if he doesn't know how to show that he cares, he wants you to know that at times like these, you can still ask him for help and support. you've saved him so many times before and you don't even know about it. let him do the same for you just as many times as you did.

you taking care of him:

♡ ruggie may act like he has a lot of requests and that he can never be satisfied, but actually, he doesn't need as much as he likes to say he does. you buying him some donuts or giving him headpats always does the trick. you still love spoiling him though and if he's tired, you're always okay with letting him lie on your lap and talk to you or just take a nap, if he wants. you like buying him gifts even if he doesn't ask for anything, you love to see his reactions too much. he always gets shocked at first, but then he gets so excited, you can't help but smile because of how cute he is.

♡ you always notice if something is wrong and if ruggie is not feeling so good, you're always there to ask what happened and help him in any way you can. honestly, you're so good at noticing him try to hide his feelings, it scares him actually. he wishes he was better at fooling you and making you believe that everything is alright, but.. of course, ruggie has his problems too. of course, his life is hard too. but you being there to listen or to just give him the tightest and warmest hug that you can give him is everything that he needs at moments like these.

♡ if ruggie needs to let his feelings out, you'll be there and support him. you'll listen to everything he has to say. if he tries to laugh it off or says that it's actually not that serious, you give him the look that lets him know that you won't let him run away so easily and he has no choice but to admit that he's been not doing great. even if it's just him being tired from running around and doing errands, you still listen to his every word and make sure ruggie knows that you care. because you know that even something as small as this can make ruggie's day or maybe his entire week.

jamil viper.

him taking care of you:

♡ jamil knows how hard it can be sometimes, so if you're having any problems, if you're going through something really bad, you can rely on him. no, you are not being annoying, that's kalim's job. you can just sit down and talk about everything that's been going on while he makes you some warm tea, but still listens to you and nods and tells you to continue. even if you cry, even if you show how angry you are, he'll listen. if you can't hold back your tears, he will hold you as you cry while telling you that it's okay. and no, he doesn't mean it in a "everything will be okay" kind of way. he can't make promises like that. but he means it in a "it's okay for you to cry and be honest with me and show your vulnerable side to me because i promise that i won't hurt you and i won't betray you" kind of way.

♡ and he really does mean it. sure, jamil is.. u-uh, not perfect. but when he says that he will never betray you, that he will never stab you in the back, that he will never use you, he means it. when it comes to doing those things to other people to protect you though- okay, okay, fine, he'll stop himself there. however, he still often feels like he has to hide some things from you because he doesn't want to worry you or make you feel sad. but he still expects you to always tell him if you need his help or if you've been struggling lately. yes, he knows it's selfish. please forgive him for that.

♡ jamil is very patient with you. you're not a burden to him. you're not a nuisance. if you think he's being too quiet while you vent to him, it's not because he doesn't care, but because he wants to let you express your feelings, because he knows how often you tend to bottle them up. your every word matters to him and he wants to hear about everything that's been bothering you. he'll try his best to come up with a solution and give you some kind of advice. if he can't do that, well.. maybe he can at least keep you company, if you're okay with that?

you taking care of him:

♡ you know that jamil can get so, so tired of everything. and you can't even blame him. you understand him so well. so you just want to be there for him when things get rough. when he feels like he can't control his feelings anymore, when he's tired of pretending like everything's fine, when he feels like nobody will ever notice or truly appreciate his efforts, you gently put your hand on his shoulder and remind him that you care. if no one else does, at least you care. and that's already enough for him, because you are the most precious person in this world to him.

♡ jamil doesn't even have to say anything. if he doesn't have the energy for that, you're completely fine with it. you can just sit next to him with your head on his shoulder and you both don't have to talk. this silence isn't scary, it isn't weird, it isn't uncomfortable. and if he wants to talk about his feelings, you'd love to hear it. he can talk about whatever he wants as you carefully unbraid his hair and nod and react to everything. he doesn't have to apologize for his ranting, it's just him expressing his feelings and why should he be sorry for that?

♡ if jamil is angry, you'll let him be angry. if jamil is sad, you'll let him be sad. he never has to pretend to be someone else when he's with you. he doesn't have to pretend that he's better than he is. and he doesn't have to pretend that he's worse. you still love him no matter what. simply because jamil is.. jamil. and you don't need him to be anyone else. if he doesn't want to do anything special or productive today, that's fine. if he kinda wants to show off and impress you, that's also fine. and even though, of course, you want jamil to be happy, it doesn't mean that you stop loving him when he shows a negative emotion. because that's still him. and you love him. 

epel felmier.

him taking care of you:

♡ oh? you don't feel so good?.. okay, who should he punch for making you feel bad? hm? it's not someone else's fault?.. o-okay then. epel is not exactly an expert when it comes to mental health problems, but if you just need him to be there and support you, he'll be more than happy to do just that. if you have the energy for it, you two can take a walk and just enjoy the sunlight, the warmth or the cool breeze, depending on the weather. you two can lie on the ground and just watch the clouds as epel points at some of them and tells you what they remind him of. you don't have to say anything, if you don't want to. but epel still hopes that you will let him know if he's doing a good job. 

♡ you know what, he doesn't care what vil has planned for today. you're not feeling good? it's your day now. epel will literally figh his dorm leader if he has to. he just wants to spend this day with you, trying to cheer you up and nothing and nobody will stand in his way.. at least he hopes so. he's okay with doing anything you want. you don't feel like leaving your room? that's fine, he'll bring some snacks and you two can just chill while he's hugging you. you don't feel loved enough? he'll shower your whole face in kisses and will hug you as tight as he can. you don't have the energy to do anything? that's fine, stuff like that happens. just tell him if you need anything. 

♡ i imagine epel to be a very physically affectionate type of person when it comes to people he loves, so be ready for many hugs, cuddles and kisses. he just has so much love for you inside and he has to express it somehow, otherwise he'll.. uh, explode or something, haha. but seriously, he wants you to feel as safe and comfortable with him as he does when he's with you. with you, epel feels like he can actually be himself, like you won't judge him and you don't have any high expectations for him. so please, let him repay everything that you've done for him. no matter how tired, sick, sad or angry you are, he still wants to be with you and tell you that those feelings are valid.

you taking care of him:

♡ epel doesn't really like admitting that he's not doing good. i mean.. isn't talking about your feelings kind of.. like, won't he look weak- okay, okay, stop pinching his cheeks, he understands, feelings and emotions have no gender, he gets it. fine, he'll be more open about it.. but only if you hug him, give him a kiss and tell him that everything will be alright! also, give him a lot of compliments. he really needs them. tell him that he's strong, tell him that he's the best boyfriend you could ever wish for, tell him just how happy he makes you. even if those compliments don't sound that special, they mean the world to him. 

♡ every single word you say means so much to him. even if it's just you telling him that he did a good job, when he's with others, he will blush and politely thank you, and when it's just you two, he will tease you about it and ask you to do it again, but you have no idea how many times he will repeat those words in his head during the day and before he goes to sleep. and if you hug him, hold his hand or kiss him, it will be even harder for him to stop thinking about it. 

♡ if he's suddenly being clingy or asking for affection for (seemingly) no reason, you can take it as a sign that something is wrong. also take it as a sign to give epel what he needs. kiss him on the forehead. hold his hands as tight as you can. give him the warmest hug that you ever gave him. even if he pretends that he actually doesn't like it or that you're being way too affectionate, don't stop. don't listen to him. give him even more attention actually. and of course, asking him what happened is good too. let him talk. let him rant about how annoying vil is, how tired he is of pomefiore or just whatever is going on in his life. he'll thank you later.

lilia vanrouge.

him taking care of you:

♡ OHHHHH HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. HE WILL. THIS IS A THREAT BTW. this man sees that you're not doing great and he asks you "what's wrong honey :( no, no, don't scream, this is just me-" as he's hanging from the ceiling as usual. if he sees that you're sick or just really, really tired, that's it, you will spend the whole day in your bed with as many blankets as you want. you have no choice. you need some warm tea/coffee/milk/anything else? he will bring it to you, just tell him. oh, he can also cook for you, if you want- oh, you're not hungry. oh. oh okay.

♡ but lilia really does make sure you don't waste your energy on things that he can help you with. if you don't feel like you can stand up to get something, just ask him for help and he will bring it to you. you actually don't even have to tell him anything. somehow he just knows what you need even if you don't say a word. he will fix your pillow if you don't feel like it's comfortable, he will bring you another blanket if you still feel cold and if you're sick, he will bring you the medicine you need. if you're having trouble falling asleep, he's always happy to sing you a lullaby and calm you down with his voice.

♡ if you say anything about feeling like a burden to him, he will stop you before you say anything else. he wants you to know that being able to take care of you makes him so happy because he can show you just how much he loves you and he can give you all the love you gave to him. you just can't be a burden to him because he loves helping you and he loves being there for you. you're not too much. and you're not too little. it doesn't matter how weak you think you are, because lilia will give you all the strength you need to go through the day simply because he loves you.

you taking care of him:

♡ you know that lilia's memory is not that good because of him being older than he looks, so you make sure to leave lots of notes for him in case he forgets something. and he appreciates it greatly. he loves seeing those notes because it's your handwriting!! he doesn't care how messy or how imperfect it is. it's yours and that's enough to make him happy. they're always so cute too! you also like to tease lilia about having to help him walk somewhere while calling him a grandpa and he laughs and plays along. you two literally look like the "sure grandma let's get you to bed" meme when you do that.

♡ on a more serious note, you also remind lilia that he really is a good father to silver. he's doing a great job actually. silver loves him just as much as lilia loves him, if not more. and lilia is a good person. why? well, he just has to take a look around. he just has to look at malleus, silver and sebek. lilia is an extremely important person to them and for a good reason. he plays such a big role in the diasomnia family and it's hard to imagine what could've happened to these boys if he wasn't there to guide them and support them. and he's doing the same thing for you now. and you feel loved and cared for when he's around. you're sure those boys feel the same way.

♡ you have so much love inside your heart and you will give it all to lilia if he needs it. if he feels like he's not good enough, if he feels like he's not doing enough, if he feels like he hasn't changed for the better, you will be there to tell him that he is so much better than he thinks he is. he has saved so many people, including you. maybe he's just so used to doing stuff like that that he doesn't even notice it and doesn't think too much about it. but lilia has changed so many people's lives. and you're here to change his life too. hopefully, for the better.

silver.

him taking care of you:

♡ silver loves you so much and he wants you to know that. even if he's slow, even if he falls asleep at the worst possible timing, even if he gets tired easily, he still wants to be able to protect you and help you with anything you need help with. just tell him or explain it to him and he will nod and immediately try his best to do it. he would do anything for you and he means it. maybe he's not that good with words and he's a little quiet, but he really will try so hard to express his feelings properly. if you're sick, he will get you anything you might need. if you're tired, he will help you with doing anything you don't have the energy to do yourself. he just wants to help you, please, let him do so.

♡ if he sees you falling asleep while doing something, he will gently carry you in his arms to your bed or the nearest couch and he will cover you with a blanket, making sure you don't get cold. he will softly get your hair out of your face and make sure you're comfortable before smiling at you (and not even noticing it) and sitting down somewhere so that he can watch you (not in a creepy way though! he just wants to make sure you're safe!). a-ah, he can fall asleep too though.. b-but he'll try his best to stay awake! he won't let anything bad happen to you, he promises. 

♡ please don't think that silver sees you as someone weak and fragile because he's so worried about your safety. he just loves you a lot and.. and he doesn't want to lose you. you're so precious and so important to him and he doesn't know how to express it and what to do with his feelings because they're so new to him, so.. just tell him if he's being annoying or too overprotective, okay? he respects your boundaries and if you think he's overstepping, let him know, he would never want to hurt you. 

you taking care of him:

♡ you don't find silver's sleepiness to be annoying at all. if anything, you'd say that it's kinda cute, but you totally understand why silver would worry so much because of it. you just want him to know that you still love him and that you would never hate him for falling asleep while you talk to him or anything like that. if silver has trouble waking up in the morning, you can just come to his room and wake him up if he wants, haha. o-oh, he would actually love that? okay then, you will be the first thing he sees in the morning from now on.

♡ if silver is blaming himself for his sleepiness and calling himself lazy, you will stop him before he says more bad stuff about himself. you can't just let your boyfriend do that. you know how hardworking, brave, strong and responsible silver is, there are just some things that he can't control and that's okay, that's normal, he just has to accept it no matter how painful, scary and frustrating that might be. if he needs to talk about it, you'll be there to listen. he always was there for you to listen to you talk about the things you love, talk about your day or just rant about stuff, now it's your turn to do the same for him.

♡ you're just as patient with silver as he is patient with you. and you know that even if he's a knight in training, he also needs and deserves to be protected. if you see anyone (subtly or not so) making fun of silver, you won't hesitate to call them out or even try to fight them. you also don't let people take advantage of him taking things a bit too literally and kind of living in his own world and being a more quiet and introverted person. this man is a knight, but he's still soft and gentle and deserves to be taken care of.

neige leblanche.

him taking care of you:

♡ this boy will do anything to make you happy!! he might have a busy schedule and he might have lots and lots of fans following him around everywhere, but you're still so, so important to him! just tell him what you need, okay? if you feel like you need more physical affection, he will give you as many hugs and kisses as you want. if you feel like you need some distraction from your problems, you two can go on a nice date to any place you want. or you can just leave the choice to neige if you don't know where you want to go! though he will still talk to you about it first, because even though making it a surprise sounds nice in theory, he still wants to make sure you're okay with it. and if you just need to spend some time with your boyfriend in silence, he will be more than happy to just sit with you while hugging you and not even saying anything. just being here with you is enough.

♡ if you're too tired and/or sleepy, he will get you the softest and warmest blanket and if you want, he can sing you something to help you fall asleep, again, just tell him. oh, he can also bring you a stuffed animal, if you want! if you want to cuddle, he's all for it too. he just wants you to feel safe and comfortable enough to fall asleep without any worries. even if you still have something to do, even if there's still too many dark thoughts in your head, neige just hopes he can help you forget about it at least for a moment. you getting rest is more important right now.

♡ neige would never let you think that his job is more important to him or that he loves his fans more than you. it's true, he really does love his fans no matter what and he's passionate about acting and modelling, but you are still that person that he cares about the most. there are so many things and people in this life that he loves, but to be honest, he'd probably be okay with losing some of them, but you are definitely not one of them. so let him express his love for you, okay? you deserve it. no matter how much you think you're not enough for neige, you deserve it.

you taking care of him:

♡ neige gives you so much love and affection, sometimes you feel like you don't give him enough of it back. so when you and neige can finally spend some time together, you give him as many hugs and kisses as you can and it's hard for you to let him go even for a moment. you just missed him so much.. the way you spend time together depends on how high neige's energy level is at the moment and yours as well. if it's been a long day of filming and no matter how much neige tries to hide it, his smile looks a little bit tired, you two can just spend the evening lying on the couch and talking about whatever comes to mind. and if both of you feel like it, you can try to bake something together or just dance together in your bedroom. 

♡ even if neige looks fine, you can still tell if something is bothering him and you encourage him to be more honest about it. he doesn't have to pretend that everything is fine, he doesn't have to smile all the time, at least he can be honest with you. you agree that neige is insanely talented and that he deserves all his popularity, but you love him not only for that, you love him for what kind of person he is. and he doesn't have to continue acting when it's just you two. so even if it's something small and not that serious, he can tell you. you two can just laugh about it later or actually try to solve that problem together. 

♡ if you find out that some fans of his have been acting weird in some way, like maybe they've been asking him if he has a s/o way too many times or even if they've been stalking him, you won't hesitate to do something about it. you will try to go and meet them in person, if you have to. you try not to let neige know about it because you don't want him to worry and because you know that he can be a little bit.. he forgives his fans too easily. you think him loving them so much is admirable, but also, you just really want him to be safe. you want to protect him. you know that some fans just.. don't know what privacy and personal space is. 

rollo flamme.

him taking care of you: 

♡ even if rollo may seem like a cold and emotionless person to some people, you know very well that it's not true at all and that he cares so much. if he sees that you're even a little bit tired, he will gently (but firmly) ask you to take a break. if you want, he can help you with whatever you're working on once he's free. as a student council president, he knows what it's like to have a lot of things to do and feel like you have to finish all of it as soon as you can, but it doesn't mean that he will let you overwork yourself. and if you're the opposite and you tend to procrastinate very often or you can be very forgetful, rollo will remind you that you have things to do and will try to motivate you to do them. most of the time it's just him saying that those things are important and you will most likely regret not doing them earlier- n-no, y/n, a kiss is not a proper way to motivate someone.

♡ rollo is not really good with words, it's true that he is good at things like public speaking and stuff like that or manipulating people into thinking that he's a totally normal person who is not planning to steal their magic but it's fine it's whatever, but when it comes to having actual genuine conversations, he is.. not sure what to do. however, if he notices that you're not doing good mentally, you can always tell him what's on your mind. he won't insist on it though and he thinks you should tell him about it only if you're comfortable with it. but if you do, you can trust him, he will listen to you very carefully and will never interrupt. 

♡ rollo isn't really the type to give you emotional support, but i also can't say that he's the member of the "would rather give you an advice/suggest ways to solve your problem" gang. he's more subtle about it. you know what? he'd rather solve your problem himself. or at least try to make it feel easier and not as overwhelming and tiring. you feel like your schedule is a mess and you don't have time to do anything? he will come up with different ways for you to organize everything and when you wake up, you will already have multiple different new schedules for you to choose from lying on your desk. wait, does that mean he has talked to the people who gave you so much work and- actually, maybe you shouldn't ask him that. someone has been too mean to you? well guess what, they'll be nothing but nice and polite to you now. oh, and if any magic user even tries to- okay. okay, sorry, y/n. sorry. 

you taking care of him:

♡ you honestly have no idea how rollo manages to do the student council work and take care of the belltower and its gargoyles and still pretend that everything is fine. no matter how much he tries to hide the fact that he's tired or claims that he's okay with it, you still ask him to take a break. and if he still insists that he has things to do.. man, and you were really hoping to take a nap with him while holding him and telling him that he's done well- oh? oh, he actually has some free time now? huh. interesting. well, what did you expect, this man is so touch-starved, it's insane. and it's also kinda cute to watch him try and pretend that he's not.

♡ you actually try to help rollo be more honest with his emotions. like, he has to be better than the overblot gang. and also.. it's probably for the best that we don't have another masquerade incident. so if you see that rollo is even a little bit annoyed, you still ask him what's wrong and even if he tries to cover his face expression with his handkerchief and says that it's nothing, you don't leave him alone until he confesses. and this isn't just about the negative emotions, if you see him try to hide his smile or his face that is becoming more red, you softly tell him to stop and look at you. you won't make fun of him and you won't think he's weird for expressing his emotions. you would love to see that side of him more often actually. 

♡ if rollo actually wants to talk to you about something that has been bothering him even without you noticing anything or asking him about it, you'd be so proud of him for opening up to you and you will try your best to listen to him and you will be as patient with him as possible. you know that he has a lot of problems and that his past was really sad and traumatic and even though you can't do anything to change his past, at least you can try to make the present better. if he wants to talk to you about his brother, if he wants to talk about his relationship with magic, if he wants to talk about anything, you'll be there, waiting for him. you won't leave him. you promise. 

[justalia]

treat imagination like you used to.

before knowing law of assumption imagination was my peaceful retreat.

outside problems weren’t allowed to enter it, it was never a question if they could enter my retreat, there wasn’t the possibility. the idea to imagine something bad never crossed my mind.

i would use imagination to experience exactly what i wanted without expecting anything because i did not know anything about law of assumption and i would have fun doing it.

my imagination was made to be my heaven, my safe place, the place where i could have and be everything i wanted to. i would make it into the most beautiful place to be in and i would always want to go back to it and experience my deepest desires.

i was always used to treat my imagination exactly like a kid would, to be and have whatever i wanted to be and have. i don’t know if that’s your case but i know that was mine.

i never poisoned my imagination with the outside, why would i? it made absolutely no sense, it was my secret place where i could have everything i wanted. imagining the bad stuff or just bringing the outside in my imagination never occured to me. it never occured to me that it was even a possibility.

when i found law of assumption i felt more in bondage.

i became hyper aware of my thoughts and of my mental activity, i was in shambles and tired like a mad worker because i was policing of every single thought my mind would have.

i stopped allowing myself to have a heaven within me, i would bring inside all the rotten i had outside and i would reason with myself on why i couldn’t have what i wanted, listed all the reasons why having what i wanted within me was insane.

i was so mad at myself for finding this law because i felt it ruined my imagination, i felt it ruined my playground and now i could no longer have what i wanted without being aware of every little thing going on inside of me.

i felt absolutely awful.

there was no escape. i couldn’t go anywhere to feel better like i used to before. i couldn’t escape from that war. i was stuck there, i felt stuck in hell.

all i felt was fear, worry, anxiety. my imagination was scary, it was scarier than the outside to me. i hated going within, i dreaded it. it wasn’t something i wanted to do because my imagination was poisoned. i couldn’t imagine something good without my imagination ruining it with something bad or with worry and anxiety.

i am a visualizer and visualization was the best way to enjoy imagination for me but now that was ruined, my imagination was showing me scenes i didn’t wanna see, all the good scenes i tried to imagine were ruined, i wasn’t allowed to enjoy them because whenever i tried to conjure up a scene in line with the fulfillment of my desire some awful thought would ruin it. something awful was always in the back of my mind sabotaging my scenes.

i loved visualizing but i started hating it and fearing it, i dreaded going within, my own imagination was scarier than the outside. i actively avoided visualizing and daydreaming because i was scared something could ruin my scene. i was so scared that i would do the most just to avoid going within and seeing my desire in imagination.

i was scared of imagination because i believed it to be separate from me and when i realized imagination wasn’t the monster but i was in charge of it i was scared of myself because for some reason i couldn’t stop these thoughts, i feared them so much and i couldn’t stop them even if i was the one in charge of them.

this only lead to me being mad at myself because i knew exactly what was wrong with what i was doing but i couldn’t help myself out of there.

i knew it all in theory but there was still something i wasn’t actually grasping, there was still something that wasn’t clicking because even when i got into the state, started seeing movement, there was still something that felt off. and i was heavily dependent on movement and took everything the 3D told me as fact.

i was filled with anxiety even when imagining the good things. i hated feeling like that. i hated it so much that my focus shifted from manifesting my desires to restoring my peace in imagination because there was no way i had to feel like that to manifest what i wanted. i had manifested consciously before law of assumption but i still found myself in this awful state and i couldn’t help myself out of it.

i knew the law, i studied it, i understood it, i knew the theory but for some reason applying was awful.

“you don’t have to believe you have it physically, you have to believe you have it within.”

okay i got that, but it was still so hard to just believe i had it within for some reason?

the reason was i didn’t understand how simple the law was, i didn’t understand it and i made law of assumption this complicated, abstract thing when it is in fact very very simple and very practical.

“i need to believe i have it within.”

i was pounding that in my head but i hadn’t fully understood what the “within” was.

yeah it’s imagination? i think? is it? do i just have to imagine? is it enough? how do i believe i have it within? how can i believe it?

those were my thoughts.

and yes you do just believe, there is no way around it but blind faith with your reasoning mind always actively sabotaging you can only last so long.

my logical mind was overpowering and i needed to actually make things click in order to start applying properly because trusting what others said wasn’t enough clearly and i didn’t want to put so much effort in. i didn’t want to feel so tired when applying the law, i knew i wasn’t supposed to.

this is when my journey actually started. when i started to look for myself, to make things click for myself.

i dropped my desires and started focusing on restoring my peace of mind, i needed that more than ANYTHING else. more than my sp, more than money, more than anything i needed to feel peaceful in my mind. i couldn’t go on living like that. i just couldn’t.

as i said i made law of assumption to be this abstract shit when it is extremely practical and simple.

when i actually and properly understood what the “within” everyone talked about was it was a game changer for me.

this is a problem many encounter probably because they understand they don’t have to pretend or delude themselves but they don’t understand what the within is.

it actually is imagination.

how do you know you have it? you can imagine having it.

yes.

it is actually that simple.

you can imagine having your desire. that means that what you want is already a fact in imagination, you can imagine your end, you can imagine being in that relationship, having that money, that car, that house, that body.

this means it is a fact in imagination and you actually do have it IN IMAGINATION. you do have it within, you can’t even deny it because you can see it clearly with your mind’s eye.

this is how you believe you have it. it’s actually undeniable. the existence of your desire in imagination is undeniable.

i knew that was the thing that i was missing: truly believing.

that was what kept me in a trying state, that was what made me incredibly tired and annoyed and what made me react to everything. but the 3D cannot dictate what you can or cannot imagine. you can imagine anything and nobody can take your imagination from you.

you can always imagine having your desires, no one and i repeat NO ONE can take your desire away from you because it is always gonna be inside of yourself waiting for you to remember it is there. it’s never gonna be far from you, it’s always gonna be inside of you.

you can ALWAYS imagine having it, think about it. this is why there’s no failure, because you will always be able to imagine having it and nobody can take it from you.

when i realized the simplicity of this and realized that i wasn’t tied to a method to imagine it all became easier because i just had to remember that i experienced it within. i experienced having it and that is exactly why i have it in imagination, because i can imagine having it.

i want to stress this even more before i move on: you have your desire in imagination because you can imagine having it.

i know i have whatever i want in imagination because i can imagine having it, everything is already mine in imagination. that’s my heaven, where i can have everything that i want.

how i got out of that funk

the only way i got out of that awful state was by admitting defeat to myself and the 3D. i admitted i couldn’t do anything at all to change the 3D and i sat with that realization.

as awful as my 3D was there was nothing i could do to make it better, to change it or to improve it. i simply couldn’t do anything at all to the 3D.

admitting defeat was freeing, admitting i couldn’t change the outside was peaceful.

i really was trying it all to change the outside and i only did things to change the 3D which led to minor movement and even then i was feeling awful inside because it wasn’t exactly what i wanted.

i really cannot change the outer world, i can’t do it and i’m glad i can’t because that was the most tiring shit ever. i felt the worst i’ve ever felt while trying to change the outer world.

it was never my job to change the outside and making it my job led me to being disgustingly anxious and fearful. i stopped trying to manifest, i stopped being in the state of manifesting my desires and i dropped them. i stopped. i quit.

i decided all i could do was enjoy my desires in imagination, that’s it, that’s all i could ever do and i was driving myself crazy trying to do everything and anything when without realizing i was in a losing battle.

changing the outside is impossible, making things happen is impossible to me. that’s God’s job, not mine.

i am not manifesting, i’m enjoying having what i want in imagination knowing for a fact it’ll come to pass because that’s law, knowing for a fact i cannot experience anything else outside of my state.

i stopped being scared because i realized there was no reason to because imagination shows you what you accepted that you have. it is not against you because it is you, if you accept that you have your most ideal desired situation in your imagination you won’t choose to imagine something else. your scenes will not be sabotaged and you will get out of the funk.

because the point is to realize you’re never stuck, whatever your problem may be in your mind you can imagine the solution.

you’re never supposed to deny the existence of the awful thing you’re now experiencing on the outside, because it is there, you don’t have to delude yourself. you’re only supposed to accept that you have something better in imagination to return to and believe that whatever you have in imagination is what will be expressed.

that was my biggest problem: i was trying to deny the outside problem existed instead of actually accepting it and simply going within where i had what i wanted, instead of denying its existence i had to deny i was stuck in it and simply go within.

it doesn’t matter what’s outside, you can leave it there, you just have to accept you’re going towards a new state. believe what is true in imagination and leave the outside world alone.

imagination is always being expressed.

your harvest will come, it is inevitable. when you accept you have something in imagination that’s when you plant the seed and let it be. imagination will do the rest, God will do the rest and find a way to make your desire physical. imagination had ways and means you do not know.

everything is possible, if you can imagine it it must come to pass. everything. even that drastical physical change, that relationship that seems impossible to you now.

that is possible, but if you worry yourself with the how you’ll struggle accepting your desire even within. know that imagination has all the means to make it fact in the outer world and just worry about having it in imagination. not outside.

that’s not your job.

[queerly-autistic]

You really can't engage meaningfully with Ed's story in S2 without firmly centring his mental illness and suicidality, because that's inherently what the story is: it's the story of a man having a severe mental breakdown and going to increasingly erratic extremes in order to achieve his end goal, which is to not be alive anymore...and then it's the story of his recovery from that.

And so much of my frustration with the way I see this being talked about (or, in many cases, not being talked about) reflects my more general frustration with how we talk about mental illness and neurodivergence, so buckle in because this got long (also I am going to be discussing suicide here, as well as very brief mentions of psychosis and ocd, so please take care). There's this trend when we talk about mental health: we go 'oh mental illness isn't an excuse' or 'mental illness doesn't make you do bad things' or variations thereof. These are, in my opinion, some of the worst things to ever happen to the discourse around mental illness. It's reductive. Absolutely mental illness can lead you to do things that you would not have otherwise done, even things that you would be absolutely appalled by, if you were mentally well. What do you think mental illness is if it's not something that impacts your brain and how your brain functions? If your mental illness doesn't directly lead to problematic behaviour, then that's fantastic, but that experience is not universal. It's not an 'excuse' - it's an explanation for certain behaviours that's vitally important to acknowledge and understand in order to try and mitigate harm.

There's also this thing that happens with discourse around mental illness where we assume that what you do in the grips of mental illness is reflective of something that's innate inside you. You were violent whilst in the middle of psychosis? Oh, it's because you're an innately abusive person and this just reveals who you really are. You have Tourette's and one of your tics is a racial slur? Oh, it's because you're an innately racist person and this just reveals who you really are. Your OCD is rooted in a fear that you're going to murder your family? Oh, it's because you inherently do want to murder your family and this just reveals who you really are. It's bullshit. What you do in your mentally ill state is not some deep philosophical reflection of your true character, and the idea that it is is something that causes really deep, dangerous harm to mentally ill and neurodivergent people.

So, now that that's over with, back to Ed.

Ed was behaving in ways that were acknowledged in canon as being extremely out of character whilst in the midst of a severe breakdown. Fang himself said that he'd 'never' seen Ed behave this way; even Izzy, who actively pushed for Ed to embody the extremes of his Blackbeard persona, ended up concerned because it became so extreme and out of character that it was impossible not to be concerned by it. The crew who mutinied on Izzy within a day didn't mutiny on him for months, not until their lives literally depended on it, because it's heavily insinuated that they were hoping he would get better. Because this wasn't the Ed that they knew (the Ed that we came to know in S1 - an inherently soft man who is caught in a culture of violence and is tired of it).

The show wasn't subtle about this. It didn't bury the lead. As well as the constant reminders that he was acting out of character in increasingly alarming ways, this was very clearly depicted as a breakdown, an almost total collapse of Ed's mental health. We saw Ed detached and numb and completely dissociated from the world around him. We saw him in private moments of despair, breaking down. We saw him behaving erratically in the grips of mania. We saw him display absolutely textbook warning signs of someone whose made the decision to die by suicide. We saw him smile and say 'finally' at the moment when he knew he was going to die.

The show basically painted a giant neon sign over his head flashing 'THIS MAN IS EXTREMELY UNWELL' in bright lights, and if you miss that, then it's because you're deliberately avoiding looking properly.

(And, important to note, that most of the people that I've watched the show with outside of fandom discourse absolutely took away from these episodes what the show was intending - they saw how unwell Ed was, they were devastated for him, and they desperately wanted him to get better.)

When Ed steered the ship into the storm, and threatened to put a cannonball through the mast, his clear goal was to create a situation where the crew had no choice but to kill him. I've seen people describe this scene as Ed 'trying to hurt the crew', and I think that's very much a misrepresentation of what the show was depicting. It was very blatantly a suicide attempt. He wanted to die, and he didn't care what he had to do in order for him to achieve that goal. That doesn't make it good behaviour, and it doesn't mean people didn't get hurt, but it does make it a very different situation than if causing harm had been his main intent.

There is a fundamental difference between 'he is doing this because he explicitly wants to cause harm to the people around him' and 'he's doing this because he's suicidal and beyond the point of being able to rationally consider who might be getting hurt in the process of ensuring that he ends up dead'. One of those is a bad person who enjoys causing pain - and the other is a deeply unwell person who can be supported and helped to recover and be better (and should be, for the good of themselves and the people around them).

And on that note, the failure to engage with this as a mental health story is also, I think, why I've seen some people get so upset about the show not doing Ed's redemption arc 'right' - because this isn't a redemption arc, and it's not trying to be. One day I'll do a separate post about how much I love that the show explicitly rejected a carceral approach, opting to essentially put him through community rehabilitation rather than punishing him, and even mocking punitive prescriptive measures (that rubbish youtuber apology speech was supposed to be rubbish and unhelpful), but that's one for another day.

The fact is that the show is telling a story about mental illness, and that inherently means that Ed's arc is a recovery arc, not a redemption arc. And if you're expecting a redemption arc, then you've fundamentally misunderstood the story that they're telling (and the revolutionary kindness at the heart of the show).

I have a lot of feelings about this because I genuinely believe that it was one of the best depictions of mental illness and suicidality that I've ever seen. Within the confines of it being a half hour, eight episode comedy show, they told a story about mental illness that was surprisingly realistic (with the obvious fantastical over the top elements of it being a pirate show - and piracy is explicitly depicted as a culture where violence is heavily normalised), and that didn't shy away from the messier, darker, more complex elements of mental illness (particularly of being suicidal).

And then, most importantly, after all that, the show took me gently by the hand said 'you are not defined by what you do in your lowest moment - you can make amends, you can recover, you are still loved, and you are worth saving'.

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

[wilcze-kudly]

The Kuvira/Suyin parallels

So, this is piggybacking off my previous post about the Opal/Lin parallels, and to be honest I've always loved making this comparison, wince it's just so damn ironic and juicy.

Suyin and Kuvira are, of course, adversaries through a lot of the show, however, I think it's, mostly due to their similarities.

Both Kuvira and Suyin are, at their cores, leaders of their self made factions. Both also built said factions as coping mechanisms to the abandonment/neglect they experienced as children.

Both these characters garner the affection they lacked as children by having people depending on them. And also controlling said people. Suyin, by building a city and clan she was the matriarchal of. And closer to her, personally, keeping her family tight knit and her children isolated from the wider world and heavily dependent on her. As for Kuvira, it projecting her trauma onto a suffering nation and fashioning herself into being a hero of the people. Someone the people adored.

You don't really need to do a lot of mental gymnastics for this one. They were both isolated and lonely as kids, so they created environments where they were important and revered.

There's clear pressure from both these women for their "people" to conform to the rules they set. Suyin threatens Kuvira and Baatar Jr with banishment. One another occasion, she enables Korra's hunt for Aiwei, despite the obvious risk this endeavour would bring. While Kuvira's methods of control are more... barbaric? I'd call concentration camps barbaric but to each their own.

Suyin 🤝 Kuvira threatening poor earthbender himbos. God I wish that were me.😨👀Haha who said that?

They're fiercely protective of their carefully crafted status quo, since it is, essentially, a coping mechanism. The further it falls apart, the further their own psyche does too.

Suyin's qorst nightmare is her family and city falling apart, while for Kuvira it is when her Empire crumbles.

They can become increasingly manic and desperate the more danger their 'works' are, tossing any moral code or even sanity out the window.

They'll grasp at any straws to protect what's theirs. Suyin pressured Korra into going into the Avatar state, despite Korra's clear discomfort. Kuvira, meanwhile, harnessed the energy of the spirit vines and laid waste to Republic City.

There both even willing to endanger their allies, even those closest to them. Suyin taking her youngest sons on a dangerous mission to try and kill Kuvira (someone they most likely knew as children) while Kuvira herself nearly murdered Baatar Jr, her fiancé and closest supporter, just for the chance of taking out Korra. Rip Beifong brothers you really are the true victims here.

This desperation is understandable... its all they have. Both Kuvira and Suyin grew up alone, feeling unloved by their families. This led them to acting out. Be it for attention or any other reason, they ended up being too much to handle for their parents

We all know about Suyin scarring Lin, right? And this being part of the reason Suyin was forced to leave her home and dropped off at her grandparents. I find it interesting that it is implied that Kuvira too severely injured her mother, perhaps this also being the catalyst for her being given away by her parents too.

Perhaps because Suyin's second chance was so good for her, she wished to extend one to a troubled young girl. I firmly believe she saw a lot of herself in Kuvira (for better or for worse). The line about "hurting someone in this family" easily made me think of what Suyin did to Lin and see that she regrets it and doesn't want Kuvira to go through the same.

Regret, however does not fix all and neither Kuvira, nor Suyin know how to atone for what they've done.

It seems hard for either of these characters to understand the hurt they've caused nor that their actions have consequences. However, Suyin and Kuvira are treated rather kindly by the narrative. We've seen planty of people talk about how Su is coddled by the show's writing. And Kuvira is treated with a similar gentle hand. Redemption is a muddy subject for me, however I will say that bothese very complex and fascinating characters were done extremely dirty by shallow writing.

However, I will finish this long silly ramble by saying that it is very in character for Su to forgive Kuvira, despite this possibly making her children uncomfortable.

A huge part of Suyin's ideology is believing in second chances. However it runs deeper than that. As stated before, her family is the most important thing in the world to her. And Kuvira is part of that family. It's not surprising that Su is hurriedly doing damage control on everything after B4 and everything that happened.

I find Kuvira and Suyin fascinating characters. Their trauma, their drive and the mild insanity with delusions of grandeur is what really pulls together these two tormentors of the Beifong family together for me. ❤️

-

Also, on a side note. I find it very curious when people like one of these characters, but dislike the other, since they are so similair with their arcs and personalitywise. If you are a Kuvira stan and a Suyin hater or a Suyin stan and a Kuvira hater, could you clue me in a little on the thought process? Is it like. Just vibes? Or is it one of the small differences between Su and Kuvira that feels so jarring that it seperates them completely?

[alpaca-clouds]

Rape, Abuse, Trauma and the Need for Power

This topic has been sneaking around in my brain for days now. Because I find it quite interesting to see this depicted in now multiple franchises. And I really want to talk about it. Partly, because I see some people struggling to understand it. So, let me, an abuse victim, explain.

You see these three characters? Yeah, they actually have a lot in common. Let me explain.

Spoilers vor Castlevania, Stray Gods and Baldur's Gate, obviously.

All three of them were victims of abuse and (probably) also rape. It should be noted that with both Carmilla and Persephone it is never outright said that they were raped, but it is heavily implied. With Astarion, obviously, it is outright stated.

More than that, we do know about all three of them that they were also abused. Both Carmilla and Astarion by their respective sires. Persephone by Hades.

And they also have one other thing in common: Their character arc features them trying to get some sort of power. Let me go through with them.

Carmilla was abused by her sire. We do know very little about the details, only that he was very cruel. There is some heavy implication that the abuse involved rape. At some point she killed her sire. Her entire character story is about her trying to get power for herself. First by trying to get control over Dracula's Castle. Then she tries to build her own empire. With her mental health getting worse, she ends up fantasizing about world domination.

Persephone in Stray Gods was kidnapped, raped and abused by Hades. She had everything taken from her during this, until she finally could not take it any longer and killed Hades. But the other gods denied her to take control over the underworld. Her basic conflict stems from her wanting to regain control over the underworld again.

Astarion is of course the odd one out, given we learn a lot more about his abuse. But like the two women, he was abused, raped and tortured. Due to the DnD vampire rules, he had no way of actually fighting back against his sire, with him escaping just through what amounts to sheer luck. When he learns that his sire wanted to sacrifice him (and many others) to gain a lot of power, Astarion wants to finish the ritual for himself, gaining the power.

The outcome of course is different for all three.

Carmilla gets killed, once she goes down the "world domination" thing. While with Persephone and Astarion it depends on player choice. I would argue though, that the happy end for them both is them giving up the power. That is Persephone giving up the throne and Astarion not finishing the ritual.

What is the interesting thing about this... Or, well, interesting might be the wrong world. But it is well written. Because this is very, very realistic for their backstories.

See, both abuse and especially rape are a lot about power. The abuser/rapist takes full control over the victim's body and life. (Which is also why rape rarely has to do with sexual enjoyment, and more with the rapist wanting to assert power.) Or, from the perspective of the survivor: It is all about having the power taken away from them.

This is bad enough if it is something that is a one time occurance. But if the survivor is in the situation for a long time, they experience a prolonged period of powerlessness and fear. The survivor is constantly afraid, constantly in survival mode, constantly trying to just get through it.

In my life I have seen too many bad takes along the lines of: "Rape survivors should stop whining. How bad can one rape be?" And those people do once again not understand: Rape is not about the sex. It is about having control and power over your own body taken away from you. It is about you being turned into a thing to be used by someone else. Which does not even mention the feeling of fear most people experience during a rape, as they do not know what kind of other violence might follow.

And this is something that leads the survivors to even after escaping the abuse, the trauma often leaves them feeling powerless. They might objectively not have less power than they had before the abuse happened, but to the traumatized nervous system it feels like that. And the traumatized brain does not work logically or objectively. All it knows is: The survivor has not enough power to prevent this situation from occuring again. But here is the thing: No amount of power will make them feel like they have enough power, like they can meaningfully protect themselves from further abuse.

This is why Carmilla is escalating so much in season 4 of Castlevania. Because no matter how much control and power she gets, she does not feel like it is enough to protect herself.

This is also why I do feel like the happy end for both Persephone and Astarion is them giving up their symbol of power. Because the thing is, that them gaining the power will just push them along into a spiral of needing more power to keep themselves in a feeling of being safe. Which is why the good ending for them needs to involve them being convinced to basically trust people again. Because that is a path that given enough time can lead to healing. Them gaining the power won't. In terms of their trauma the power they might gain is just a bandaid on an infected wound.

I have seen a lot of people argue that you should let Astarion finish the ritual, because it "is what he wants". But the thing is... it isn't. All he wants is to feel safe. And he thinks if he gains that power, he can feel safe. But he can't. To feel safe he needs to heal.

[yourfavouritefighter]

OKAY SO IM KINDA NOT IN W GREAT MOOD RN SO IM GONNA RANT ABOUT THE JEKYLL AND HYDE MUSICAL since none of my irl pals are gonna listen you guys have to

SO POINT ONE

-the whole plot hinges around the core idea that Henry himself is a man with good intentions who goes too far, and that he was warned to stop but he doesn’t and his own hubris and desire to have scientific recognition pushes him to extremes, and in turn-his and many other’s deaths.

—> that’s bullshit however, considering in the 1997 musical sound track (the most recent one i can get my hands on) there are more songs convincing Henry that he should carry on than their are dissuading him (considering they cut board of governors). allow me to list examples and why it’s stupid that he’s a man who was dissuaded but chose to walk a danger game path anyways.

—> firstly, his best friend Gabriel John Utterson, deeply trusted and level headed with a good moral compass “Henry you have come too far, remember what you have a stake” and “you’ve got to see it through” both stated in a song called “pursue the truth”. this song is heavily pivotal as it inspires Henry to continue when he wouldn’t have otherwise due to pressure from the board of governors of st jude’s hospital. In this song he was not told that going forward would be dangerous, John likely knew exactly what Henry was doing but wholeheartedly encouraged him, Henry trusted his judgement. He was not dissuaded.

—>Emma and Lisa, for the sake of coherency I’ll be referring to her as Emma as i’ll be using the newer soundtrack for this discussion. His wife to be, who he’s supposedly madly in live with; spends all of “i must go on” encouraging his pursuit of science, encouraging him to carry on his work. In lines like “when this all began, we knew there’d be a price to pay”, “too late to turn away”, reinforcing the idea in Henry’s mind that this is the best way forward- who cares about stuffy governors when those dear and near to him have expressed clear support of his work.

—>You could hypothetically argue that neither John nor Emma truly knew the extent to which Henry was going with his experiments, not truly understanding what he wanted to or was trying to achieve. However, if that was the intention the writers should’ve made that more overt considering later in the play they heavily emphasise the theme and idea that Henry has, quote “gone too far”, a phrase repeatedly used. Instead they lead the audience also view this as an honourable goal, due to the growing support of Henry and the audiences like of the characters at this point in the play.

Through the removal of Lanyon, the central conflict and core flaw of Henry Jekyll as a character has been removed, if he has no close friend to strongly and brutally disagree with him, it was no long *his* flaw that he carried on, it was no longer his fault, as the blame could be feasibly shared between him and those who encouraged him, shifting the play and narrative from a criticism of society in that extremism whether it be for or against change leads to a poor outcome, to being a story about how a well intentioned yet flawed scientist was misguided by his passion and loved ones, and payed the price.

-(next point because i’ve argued long enough about that.) was Henry Jekyll really as well intentioned as the play attempts to convey?

—>(Short answer, no. Long answer, potentially). Henry’s morality is heavily debatable, with it being dependant on the rendition of the play you watched, for the sake of the cohesion of the argument i’m going to be basing this entirely off of what i’ve seen of the 1997 and the 1995 plays.

—> firstly let’s discuss what the writers intended, or at least my perspective on what they were aiming to convey. within the opening scenes, we are greeted with Henry and his unnamed(?) father who is stuck in a mental asylum for reasons we as an audience are not privy to, Henry sings “lost in the darkness” a song establishing his motivations and goals as a character. I believe that the intention here was to give the viewer the impression that Henry as a character and person is moral and good, becoming misguided in his efforts to achieve his goals and save his father, eventually sacrificing himself for the sake of the safety of society, once the monster of his own well intentioned creation consumes him. So as a character it could be argued that he is moral. However i what the writers intended and what they conveyed are hugely different.

—> Due to the placement of Henry’s motivation being at the beginning of the play, the intention was likely to hook the audience into liking him as a character, forcing them to see how well intentioned he is before exploring his flaws and then eventually having him sacrifice himself to show his respectable morality as a character. However, by closely following this with “board of governors” (and the 1997 equivalent assumedly) we are hit with the whiplash of what was presented as a good person, and the man who argues with the board. Due to how bitter and cruelly he acts in a futile attempt to gain funding(?) and support for his project, the audience may rightfully assume that his kindness was a facade (especially since facades and the duality of man are central themes) and that Henry’s true colours are shown within this situation. If the writers truly intended to establish his perfect morality, they should have had Henry visit his father, and “lost in the darkness” take place after Henry is refused by the governors, so that his rage and refusal to take no for an answer is a shown to be a result of his stress and care for his father- not his questionable morality. This is because the audience will retain things that happen later in the play best, using them to form their impressions, so by shifting the placement of this scene it shifts the presentation of the character as a whole. But that is not what we are here to discuss.

—> Henry and Lucy. Another instance of Henry’s good morality working against him, as despite entering with the intention to find a test subject- he leaves having given Lucy his business card(?) and offering her support due to her situation. This eventually leads to her death, but it is another instance of his good morality, there were no strings attached to this aid, as Henry was a soon to be married man, and there is no implications that he finds her attractive (if you are to follow the play’s implications that Jekyll and Hyde are truly separate beings). So clearly you could argue that his morality is good, right?

—> Hyde. From a scientific standpoint, matter cannot be created or destroyed, going from that perspective, Hyde’s intentions cannot have just appeared-they had to be fuelled by Jekyll’s innermost desires and thoughts, especially since Hyde goes after those who have wronged Henry during “murder murder”. So the murderous impulses, the sketchy behaviour and outright illegal behaviour towards Lucy came from Jekyll. However this doesn’t make Henry an immoral character.

—> Humour me for a moment while i discuss the concept of the id. So freud (yes that freud) had a theory that stated that humans were comprised of three parts that all worked together, the id the ego and the super ego. The id was your animalistic urges and desires, your superego is societal expectations for the most part, acting as your selflessness. With the ego balancing the two; preventing you from donating all of your money to charity and putting you on the streets, and preventing you from going on a murder spree, killing the upper class. Within the original novel, Hyde is implied to be without the ego or superego, merely the embodiment of Jekyll’s id. So now comes the debate, is a person immoral for having immoral desires, if unacted upon?

—>Therein lies the conflict, as whether or not immoral desires mean an immoral person or character. Personally i believe no, the average person will have immoral thoughts from time to time, the true evil comes from how such desires are dealt with. So while Hyde is evil, despite being based upon Jekyll, you cannot state that that makes Henry evil in turn. Paired with the potential that Hyde is a twisted version of Jekyll’s own desires (for example Henry wants revenge against the governors-Hyde interprets that as murder, whilst Jekyll implies showing them that he was right).

anyways this has got way too long so rip, mb if this is incoherent i woke up and was like ‘jekyll and hyde musicals really sucked at doing plot and character development…welp time to rant’

please correct me in the comments if i’m misremembering shit i’m stupid so it’s a possibility

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

If the M6 had any mental disabilities (OCD, Autism, ADHD...) What do you think they would have?

Brainrot's Arcana Essays: M6's mental health conditions

@hewwo-its-floof .... this probably isn't where your ask was heading, but here's an essay! XD I've actually been turning this concept over in my head for several months now, so you'll see what I could see each of them having but you'll also see why I haven't unpacked it much ^.^

(cropped because this is long and addresses each character)

I'm going to be totally honest and say that I'm extremely hesitant to focus on diagnosing fictional characters beyond lighthearted headcanons. From my own experience of having multiple diagnoses at different times, people and characters tend to be fairly complex in the way their nature, nurture, and mental health interact with each other. So while it's really fun and in many ways healing and validating to see our experiences and habits reflected in a loveable character, it's easy to fall into a trap of confining ourselves or a character to the diagnoses we're focusing on.

Asra, Julian, Muriel, and Lucio, for example, all have the kind of lived experiences that you could fully expect would result in CPTSD. Asra's parents disappeared while they were a young child and they experienced the extended trauma of growing up homeless on the streets. Muriel experienced that same abandonment and homelessness, and then that gets layered with his experience in the Coliseum. Julian has clear memories of the trauma of being shipwrecked, losing his parents, and trying to care for his sister as a young boy, plus the apprenticing he did as a teen treating soldiers on active battlefields. Lucio has a similar traumatic background with the amount of time he's spent in combat and the kill-or-be-killed world he grew up in. Portia doesn't have any memories before the grandmothers at Nevivon, but that doesn't erase her body's memory or the chances of second hand trauma from her closeness to her brother. Nadia didn't exactly have an easy childhood, but we aren't aware of any traumatic incidents before adulthood.

All that to say, there's multiple ways to interpret behavior that reflects a mental condition that doesn't match what's considered "normal." Asra can seem ADHD coded - we've seen them fixate on curious puzzles, completely zone out and forget what they're doing, and turn their living space into a cozy state of chaos. That looks a lot like ADHD! But, that could also be the trauma coping mechanisms of someone who likes to live with the luxury of having a space covered in their things without fear of them being removed, or focusing solely on things that make their brain happy in an unpredictable world. Or maybe Asra's just a naturally curious person who finds chaos comforting and spends a lot of time in their own head. Maybe it's a combination of all of the above feeding into each other in different ways!

The same goes for the other three - does Muriel like a more isolated lifestyle because of the trauma from crowds in the Coliseum? Does he like to keep his own heavily guarded space and set routines from living on the streets? Or are those autistic traits, seeking out a space that isn't overstimulating and doesn't require masking? How much of that is natural introversion and a general preference for calm, ordered spaces? He could be a combination of some or all of those things, but he's still himself regardless. If we were to focus on just one, we'd risk leaving the rest to fade into the background.

Julian has one of the stories in which MC plays a very direct role in addressing his mental health. He depends on them heavily to help him find new purpose and a new way to live. You could almost say that MC helps "fix" him, but this doesn't involve losing a lot of the things that make him so messy - it mostly involves helping him dial it back enough so that it's no longer unhealthy. (for example - he drinks as a coping mechanism, but the solution isn't for him to never touch alcohol again. he still drinks and has a fun time, it's his need to self-isolate and self-destruct that really needed to be addressed) He can still be loud and flamboyant and entertaining without having to pin his worth on how much validation he gets from it. Could those super high highs and low lows be signs of bipolar disorder? Maybe, but whether it is or not, Julian's wide range of emotional expression is core to who he is.

Lucio is his own special case (I mean, the story starts out with him as the villain). The plot of his route is his transformation. It could be easy to read narcissism into a lot of his behavior, and if that's a diagnosis his character was built around, it would make sense! It could also be easy to argue that his tendency to idolize himself is a response to growing up in a world where he had no control and felt constantly unsupported and ignored. But the focus isn't on bashing how he sees himself as much as it is on teaching him accountability around what he does with that. Lucio at the end of his story still has a sizeable ego, still sees himself as a protagonist, and has no qualms about being good enough for MC. However, he's gained experience acknowledging his own flaws and mistakes and it's enabled him to seek out a fresh start.

We could unpack Portia and Nadia too - is Portia's super competence and hard working nature born out of the pressure to be strong and steady for her traumatized older brother? Did that cause the hyper responsibility that kept her adventurous spirit in Nevivon way past her childhood? Does her annoyance with her older brother's struggles come out of frustration at never being able to process her own difficulties in favor of playing therapist for everyone else? Are her loudly cheerful attitude, tendency to fill her day with work, and love of escaping into books all masking techniques for chronic depression? Maybe all of that is true, but it's accompanied by a conscious decision to be optimistic and a genuine love of caring for other people.

We could speculate about the source of Nadia's insecurities for hours - what did her old dynamic with Lucio look like? Where did her hesitance to get involved and try to fix a broken system come from? What caused someone with such a focused personality to make firm decisions and express deep doubts at the same time? Does her quest for influence come from a desire to implement improvements or a need for control? Maybe her love of precision, good omens, and controlled environments are a result of OCD, or maybe she's just discovered what it's like to have her confidence shaken and this is what it looks like to move forward.

I've processed my own share of eating and mental disorders, dysphoria, neurodivergence, disability, and trauma. Some of my diagnoses only lasted several months, others took decades to work past, and a few of them I know will be with me for the rest of my life. They help explain a lot of how I function, experience the world, and interact with others as a person. But those conditions and experiences are only part of the amalgamation that makes me who I am, who I've been, and who I'm becoming. I don't care to completely define myself by certain parts when the sum of who I am is what's going to decide my story, and I like extending that mindset to the stories, people, and characters I interact with as well.

I hope that makes sense, and sorry for the unexpected essay!!

Cheers, friend -

brainrot

[peachyqueenly]

Black Pearl Cookie and BPD

I think folks should discuss how we now have another character heavily coded to have BPD in Black Pearl Cookie, so that's exactly what my (diagnosed) self is gonna do--

BPD, Borderline personality disorder, is defined as a mental illness that significantly impacts a person’s emotional regulation, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Such a deregulation results in increased impulsivity, poor self-esteem/sense of self, and difficulty in relationships with others.

While there is no defined cause for the disorder, most experts generally agree it comes from environmental factors. In particular long term exposure to stress/danger as a child and abuse (particular CSA).

The best way to go through it imo is to go through some general criteria that often goes into the condition... and how it can apply to White/Black Pearl both before she absorbed the tear and after.

1. Unstable or changing relationships

Her feelings on others often go through shifts depending on her mood and state of mind; even as White Pearl, she couldn't bring herself to hurt or kill Lord Oyster even after how betrayed she felt. She wanted to hate him, but she couldn't separate the fact he hurt her from the fact she loved him. Her unstable relationships can also be seen in her sisters and the complicated relationship she had with them that only got more complicated when she became Black Pearl.

An example of this I'd provide is this-- Crimson Coral is right this situation is far more complicated than White Pearl thinks. But her attachment (more on that later) to Lord Oyster and complicated relationship both with him and her sisters led to... problems.

2. Unstable self-image, including struggles with sense of self and identity

We saw this in her emotions during Duskgloom, but this scene just makes it even more blatant in how she has a sense of disassociation and depersonalization-- she struggles to see White Pearl as herself.

Many people with, especially those whose BPD can be traced back to childhood PTSD/trauma (like myself) often experience this sensation of seeing pictures of themselves as kids and not recognizing it as themselves. It's not quite like DID, but there is some overlap if that helps.

3. Anger regulation problems, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

This one goes without saying. Black Pearl finds herself sinking ships... I wouldn't even say just for fun. As we see in the New Years snippet of her that it's not even fun for her.

She feels compelled to act out the way she does as its the only way she feels she can let out these feelings. It is not justified, but it's not her killing people for fun. We also see it in the scene with this very CG where her emotions shift HARD and suddenly with Caviar.

4. Frequent mood swings

Not much explanation here, as it kinda goes hand in hand with the above notes on her anger issues. And how she shifted in tone with Caviar quickly when she got triggered by his poking at her past.

5. Impulsive behaviors

Also kinda already explained; in her sinking stuff not being for fun, this kinda goes into it as its more of an impulsive habit she does to stave off her feelings and hurt.

Five traits is enough to get a diagnosis amongst other things, but I would argue from personal experience she also shows traits of stress-related paranoia (her interaction with Caviar), and deep down a consistent and constant feelings of sadness or worthlessness.

One of the more popular things discussed about BPD online is the idea of having a favorite person; its often an individual experience (as how a lot of ppl describe the feeling doesn't match my experience, but I know I have a FP), but I would argue that White Pearl developedthis relationship with Lord Oyster. It was a quick, sudden, and arguably irrational attachment that led to her placing her entire faith and identity into him (symbolized by her giving him the pearl). And when you're hurt by your fp... well, its. Complicated.

You want to see them suffer; disappear. Or... thats how it often is depicted. I know for me that it takes a lot for my feelings to reach this point. Instead, I struggle to truly accept I've been hurt and instead ignore the feeling/act out in other ways.

Instead of switching from idolization to devaluing, she just. Chose to ignore it. She couldn't bring herself to hurt or hate him, and so she forced him to never return. And stewed in maladaptive coping mechanisms at the bottom of the sea...

Black Pearl's association with key parts of BPD is an important part of her character, and one I'm glad to discuss with others. I hope you found this thread nice, and if you'd like to add anything please feel free!!!

[is-this-plural]

99% that im not plural, but this specific thing i do could be interlretetd as it haha

-roughly 7 years ago

-draw three silly little characters, one of which is a way 2 draw myself in severe distress

-draw/write one to be a caring, motherly, gentle and patient lady (lets call her F)

-re-purpose "me in distress" as the embodiment of unhealthy habits, a voice that tells you to act out of desperation, hopelessness, etc (S)

-assign last character as Me, my (then) current self who is weak and stressed and heavily influenced by S. (B)

-write little comics where B is venting, and depending on my mental state, either S tells me bad things or F tries to calm me down and guide me. still dont know how to be gentle to myself.

-the years pass, still using this coping method, altough unregularly.

-i get better through therapy, meds & overall better surroundings

-i feel bad one day and decide to roleplay with F.

-through me vocally using her character, she tells me how lovely i am, how happy she is to know me, and that shes proud of my progess

-i am not even entirely steering her words at some point, she wont stop saying nice things (felt good tho!)

-i take vocal control back, thank her and tell her im happy i made her all those years ago

i am a singlet but am microdosing alters ????

its fr strange how its Very Much coping roleplay, yet looks and kinda felt like F was kinda not 100% me.

im pretty sure thered be more confusion, amnesia, "voices" and such if i was a system... right? (looks at systems whose host didnt find out for decades)

rating: you're an interesting critter. look up median system right now.

[galactica7071]

let's diagnose the Irish guy from punch-out

disclaimer: I am but a lass with ADD, so while I do know a lot from both my own experiences and research, you should still take my ramblings with a few grains of salt. I encourage anyone reading to form their own headcanons, and would love to hear them!

So, the Punch-Out wiki (in its current state) implies that Aran Ryan has some sort of mental disorder, so I projected onto dissected him like a deep sea specimen, and may have found out what's going on in his very empty and screwed up head

🎉congrats! it's attention deficit hyperactivity disorder! (probably)🎉

ADHD has a bunch of characteristics that go with it, but I'll only be going over the ones that apply to Aran and are displayed in canon. Of course, I'll insert some speculation here and there to further support and reason through some of my points. For more reading, I suggest checking out organizations like Mayo Clinic and the National Institute of Mental Health, as well as any self-reports and blogs by people with ADHD (the latter tends to be more personal and far less clinical-sounding, but are just as helpful). Wikipedia is also a good place to go for anything, and you might even find yourself down a few rabbit holes!

Hyperactivity and restlessness

Aran exhibits this in PO Wii heavily. He has a high-stamina fighting style with lots of shuffling around, always bouncing around Little Mac. He can only be stunned through counter-punches and being faster than him (During round breaks, Doc Louis literally says "beat Aran Ryan to the punch"). It is extremely difficult to KO or TKO Aran without intercepting him due to this mechanic. During round breaks, regardless of how beaten and bruised he is, Aran will bounce his leg constantly in Contender and harass the audience in Title Defense.

Impulsivity and recklessness

This one's consistent between his two appearances, surprisingly. In Wii, Aran is portrayed as a dirty cheater who would "do anything to win", according to supplementary comics. He has the most rule infractions in the Punch-Out series, at 32 combined. He stuffs his gloves with horseshoes before his Contender fight and brings a homemade flail made from a broken boxing glove to his bout with Little Mac in Title Defense. During matches, he makes use of headbutts and elbows quite frequently. These are both illegal and very stupid moves, due to the potential of self-inflicted trauma. His flail in Title Defense could be a sign of creativity by thinking outside the box, which is often seen in people with ADHD. In supplementary material for Super Punch-Out!!, it's implied that a fight usually broke out whenever Aran was made fun of in school, showing that he was reckless during his childhood as well.

Emotional dysregulation

In Super Punch-Out!!, Aran Ryan is rather grumpy, and is one of two characters in the entire game to never smile in any of his sprites (the other being Nick Bruiser). Compared to his Wii portrayal, Aran is as clean as it gets in this game, even complimenting the player during the credits. Supplementary material attributes his lower mood to the teasing he endured during his childhood, and that he got into boxing to channel some of his pent-up anger. Depending on how you view it, him being so angry over his peers making fun of his name could be an overblown reaction. This hot-headedness is retained in PO Wii (which could be a sign of impulsivity), but he's essentially the inverse of how he was in Super. He's boisterous, reckless, dishonest, and smiles even while he's stunned. Many of Aran's reactions to being hit are him laughing, which might imply masochism on some level, but is nonetheless seen as an inappropriate response to being hit. He displays some antisocial traits, even, as seen when he throws aside the referee in Title Defense. This is likely caused by a low tolerance of authority, but is still an extreme reaction to the referee just trying to maintain order in the ring (good luck with that, ref...).

Difficulty starting tasks

This is a sign of executive dysfunction, which is closely linked to inattention in people with ADHD. It's exhibited in his Contender intro, where he spends the first three frames of the cutscene messing around. For this one, I'm going to compare Aran's behavior in his Contender intro to all the other boxers that spend their entire intro cutscene in a gym/dojo/training environment, spend the majority of their cutscene explicitly training, or are in several training environments. Here's a neat little chart, where the numbers represent how many slides they spent being "off-task":

can you tell that graphic design is my passion

I've counted any activity that builds strength and endurance (like eating, running, lifting, or practicing magic in Tiger's case), or requires a large amount of work put in to do (like chopping trees or playing hockey, for Bear Hugger). Some of you might be wondering why I didn't include certain characters, but that's because they're either in a combat setting, switch from training to non-training settings, or are doing unrelated things in what could be a training setting.

If Aran has 3 instances of being off-task, he ties with TD Kaiser, Don, and Macho in terms of how long they're off-task for. If "gearing up" is being counted as being on-task, he only ties with TD Kaiser and himself. Of course, context matters heavily. TD Kaiser, Don, and Macho aren't off-task purely for the sake of slacking off, but show developments of their story throughout Career Mode. TD Aran is off-task for storytelling as well, but it's not motivated by a grudge towards Mac like the other three and falls under the normal definition of "slacking off". Speaking of cutscenes,

Inattention and distractibility

Aran shows this several times in Title Defense. In his intro, he notices a rope in the trash can and gets the idea of making his flail, seemingly forgetting all about training for his match with Little Mac. During round intermissions, he's distracted by the audience throwing objects at him, and threatens them instead of spending the break resting or strategizing.

Anxiety

ADHD is highly comorbid with anxiety, due to executive dysfunction (mainly sensory processing), and the risk of overthinking. I admit that this one is a bit of a stretch, since general restlessness and anxiety are linked in many mood disorders, but it's shared between both of his appearances. Super's version of Aran being caught up in his own past can be a sign of social anxiety as well as falling victim to overthinking. In PO Wii, the leg bouncing can be a sign of anxiety for various reasons, whether it be physiological (ex. outside stimuli being unpleasant) or psychological (ex. overthinking the match). His stance in Exhibition's menu for his Contender match is also a little shaky, which is common in fight-or-flight reactions, though it could also be plain hyperactivity.

Pressured speech

In PO Wii. Aran usually talks very quickly, which can be caused by the classic ADHD experience of "having a lot to say, and feeling like there's no time to say it". It's very likely that it's just be a characteristic of his accent, though.

🍀🌠🌈this is a cool section break🌈🌠🍀

There's plenty more symptoms you could make arguments for, but these were some of his more prominent traits. ADHD shares symptoms with a lot of other disorders, though, so let's see some other possibilities...

Counter-Diagnosis #1: Bipolar II Disorder

Bipolar II, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, is characterized by a a pattern of depressive states and hypomanic states (notice the hypo- prefix). We can attribute Aran's demeanor in Super to a depressive state, and his demeanor in Wii to a hypomanic state. I've chosen bipolar II instead of I due to the specifications of a "manic state" not fitting his Wii portrayal as closely.

Hypomania (literally meaning "less than mania") shares many characteristics with full-blown mania, but is more toned-down. People who have experienced genuine hypomanic states usually describe it as helpful towards their productivity, while manic states are notoriously more harmful and often directly affect productivity. Symptoms of mania include restlessness, racing thoughts, pressured speech, overconfidence, increased agitation, impulsiveness, a disconnect from one's surroundings, extreme anxiousness, and many others. Already, we can observe many of these symptoms in Aran's Wii portrayal that are shared with the ADHD diagnosis. However, hypomania tends to lack the "reality disconnect", and we can see that Aran is very aware of his surroundings. Him being in the World Circuit in both Super and Wii can be interpreted as a sign of the hypomanic states being more helpful than detrimental (maybe less so in Super because of the existence of the Special Circuit, but I digress).

I think this take has a lot of ground, maybe more than the ADHD hypothesis. A lot of my earlier points in favor of him having ADHD can also apply to him being bipolar (specifically hyperactivity, recklessness, and especially emotional dysregulation) as well, which blurs the line in some places, but it's still a very strong argument.

Counter-Diagnosis #2: Oppositional Defiant Disorder

According to Mayo Clinic, ODD is "a frequent and ongoing pattern of anger, irritability, arguing and defiance towards parents and other authority figures". The characteristics of ODD can be observed in both SPO's and Wii's Aran.

I think this one's weaker, for a few reasons. First, ODD is considered clinically relevant only during childhood; from then, it can "evolve" into a number of other conditions, including but not limited to borderline personality disorder and the aforementioned bipolar disorder. Obviously, Aran isn't a child, but he could have had this disorder in the past and "grew out of it" from a clinical standpoint.

You could make an argument for the anger issues due to a few of his behaviors, as well as his voice lines in Wii having a sort of "growl" to them, but his irritability is infrequent and mild enough to where it can be attributed back to emotional dysregulation, and the "growl" could just be how the character or his voice actor naturally sounds (I haven't found any clips of Stephen Webster speaking out-of-character, but if anyone has any, I'd love to hear them).

Counter-Diagnosis #3: Antisocial Personality Disorder

The DSM-5 defines APD as consistent displays of deceitfulness, issues with authority, impulsivity, irritability, recklessness, and a diminished capacity for remorse after hurting someone. Again, a few of these symptoms are shared with ADHD, so there's a significant grey area here. Yet, I believe it's stronger than the ODD argument, since his cheating can be a sign of deceitfulness and his apparent antisocial traits in Wii. However, boxing as a combat sport doesn't leave much room for feeling remorse, since doing so can result in throwing or forfeiting a match. I'm not going to count the lack of remorse due to the nature of the sport, but you as a reader can interpret it how you like.

Counter-Diagnosis #4: Autism Spectrum Disorder

Because of how broad the autism spectrum is, you could easily go crazy in-depth with this. I'll do a miniature version of the ADHD symptom setup, which includes traits observed in canon. I won't be including every shared trait, but do keep in mind that ADHD is comorbid with a bunch of different spectrum disorders, and misdiagnoses, especially in women, are fairly common in the real world because of it. I know I'm going to fail to list certain symptoms due to just how many ASD traits there are, so if anyone reading has any more connections to make, be my guest! This "counter-diagnosis" section is for provoking further discussion, after all, and I'm happy to learn from you all.

Hyposensitivity

In PO Wii. To wind up for his right uppercut, Aran hits himself in the side of the head, and after round breaks in Contender, he hits himself repeatedly. Considering his gloves are confirmed to be loaded in his Contender fight, his relative indifference might be a sign of this. People with autism have reported tuning out various stimuli if they become overwhelmed by a bunch of them (sometimes related to meltdown or shutdown), and it's possible that that's what Aran is doing here. The bright lights of the venue combined with the crowd noise and the feeling of being sweaty could be overstimulating, and the supposed hyposensitivity towards being hit is caused by this "tuning out" to avoid a shutdown mid-bout.

Stimming (repetitive movements)

In PO Wii. The leg bounce in his Contender round break can be interpreted as a stim, as well as the wind-ups for his right uppercut (bopping himself in the head) and headbutt (choosing to wind up on the ropes). His bouncing around Mac could also be stimming.

Pathological demand avoidance

This phenomenon can also be comorbid with anxiety, which happens to be a risk factor for ADHD, so we're looping back around with this one. PDA is characterized by a person exhibiting an intense aversion to something that is asked of them, even if they wanted to do it beforehand. It can be associated with feelings of unfairness and like they don't have any control, so someone with PDA may "break the rules" to feel as though they have some control over what happens to them. Aran's high infraction count in Wii could be a sign of a more obsessive form of this. Avoiding the process of carrying out the demand can be conflated with executive dysfunction as well.

TL;DR get this man into a psychiatrist's office ASAP

[gynandromorph]

Out of curiosity, how does plurality work with your like… cognitive bandwidth? It seems like having multiple streams of consciousness running in tandem would cause some mental strain. You could acclimate to it, but it would require more nutrients and calories to maintain proper function, like upkeep for larger muscles would.

from what I understand, cognitive processes do not influence energy intake in the brain — eg. our conscious thought is such a small fraction of what the brain does, it is negligible.

that said, it can be tiring, but it is more often energizing. while many people may conceptualize their own experiences as entirely separate, ethereal entities existing in a single body together, I understand that materially all of my consciousness is in one material brain and body. because it is all one brain, several streams would be smaller divisions of one pie, rather than multiple pies stacked on top of each other. when I experience multiple streams of consciousness at once, it's more like more of my brain is awake at the same time.

I don't necessarily understand what mechanisms in the brain cause more exaggerated, disordered dissociation (no one does, currently), but i do feel that it is more mentally taxing for the brain to be forced to maintain dissociative barriers at all times. if it were more efficient, it would be the default way a brain works. still, this is assuming it isn't ENTIRELY structural — and I'm compelled to believe that it is not, because significant changes in dissociative states, such as splitting or integrating, often happen well beyond the formative years when the brain is structuring itself. the brain structures itself adaptively in a variety of ways, but during initial development, astroglia prune off millions of neurons as they "expand" and then die. this is a one-time process that cannot be repeated in adulthood.

On a personal level, I do think it is taxing to have multiple streams of consciousness at once, because decisions must be made in a more methodical, pragmatic way, when they would usually be instant and intuitive. Attention must be shifted repetitiously to account for conflicting goals and desires, resulting in a phenomenon called directed attention fatigue — the "tired" feeling your brain gets after focusing on something for a long time, or doing many smaller tasks back to back. it is a normal phenomenon caused by the anatomical nature of our brain. relevantly, blocking out stimuli to focus on specific objects or tasks is one of the several functional forms of dissociation that the brain uses regularly. it makes sense to me that directing my attention inward over and over to account for various alters fronting simultaneously is mentally taxing.

however, trying to force only one to be conscious at a time when the brain is in a state to "activate" multiple is also a form of intentional dissociation and directional attention, and this is even more exhausting. I would say it can depend heavily on the cohesion between "parts" and how often they use different decision-making protocol, among other personality traits like scrupulousity.

a long way of saying "it's complicated."

[weirdmageddon]

i dont know what to do for a job arghh .. ive been thinking about what i can do with a biopsychology degree but… hmm. my senior year and thesis is coming up with biopsychology as my major. but i’m thinking ahead and it’s pretty uncertain if i continue that path. it’s hard balancing passions and practical work to make money. my passion is biopsychology where pure knowing for the sake of knowing is the passion but none of the actual work in that area is interesting or seems stable (e.g. research seems very out of your control, your success heavily depends on external factors like getting grants) it’s like for biopsychology it seems very mental to me instead of physical so the work for it is unappealing outside of learning. my honest reaction when i can’t be a student all my life to keep learning things to deepen my understanding of the things i’m passionate about because i actually have to act with it to make money to have a roof over my head

my mom brought up maybe being a radiology tech/radiographer and i do wonder if i should do that? with radiography the working part seems more straightforward since it’s intrinsically more applied. i’m a little scared of ionizing radiation though, i’d rather work with MRIs after radiography schooling. i’m even already familiar with contrasts and i’ve worked with identifying structures in brain MRI scans in other animals already. also if i take this 4-year radiography course at a nearby college i’ll have mobility and be recognized in every state which is nice, i won’t be short of work. and the average hourly rate for a radiographer in the US is $31, plus my mom is a nurse so she can help me with a lot

[divineblood-cb]

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ:

First Part - Bickering Between Seonghwa & Jisung, Swearing, Jisung Being Unpredictable And Mentally Unstable, Deception, A Knife, Following Someone Home, Heavily Suggestive(No Explicit NSFW Scenes), Implied Strangulation Resulting In Unconsciousness, Breaking & Entering, Kidnapping.

Second Part (After ***) - Prior Kidnapping, Blindfolding/Gagging/Restraints Mentioned, Ritual Night(Chan Feeds On Someone Outside Of The Cult), Chan’s Vampiric Form, Blood Drinking, Minor Character Death.

ᴀᴅᴍɪɴ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: I realize this piece of storyline is quite long and does have some serious themes, especially in the first part. So, you are more than welcome to skip to the second part which is just after the ***, because if you read any part of this, I would prefer it be the actual ritual night. However, I would really appreciate if you read the whole thing just because it gives some good information on how Chan’s cult operates. I also posted this a little sooner than I had intended due to the upcoming holidays. Thank you!❤️

ᴅᴇᴄᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 𝟸𝟸, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟸. 𝟾:𝟶𝟶ᴘᴍ.

A sleek black car leaves Chan’s small forested community, Seonghwa in the driver’s seat while Jisung sits passenger side, singing in an obnoxiously loud tone along to the radio. The two boys were in charge of the preparation for this month’s ritual night, which was taking place tomorrow. Seonghwa lets out an annoyed sigh, sending a quick glare towards Jisung. The boy who had previously been singing quickly turns his attention to Seonghwa, “What is your problem?” “My problem is that you’re annoying,” Seonghwa states blatantly. Jisung doesn’t say anything else, only letting out a sigh with a roll of his eyes as he slumps down against the seat.

The two arrive at their destination about 30 minutes later, a fairly popular nightclub. Jisung quickly hops out of the car once they’ve parked, sighing happily as he looks at the bustling building, “This is going to be so much fuuun~” Seonghwa climbs out of the car, grumbling, “We aren’t here for fun, Han. We’re here to pick someone up.” “So, what? All work and no play? Fuck. That. I’m gonna play while I work, thank you very much,” Jisung states as he begins walking towards the entrance. Seonghwa groans in annoyance. “Fine, fine, whatever. Just don’t fuck ‘em this time,” He bitterly replies, quickly following behind Jisung. “And keep your head down, we don’t need Mr. Bang coming to fix this if you fuck up.” Seonghwa lightly smacks the back of the shorter boy’s head as he speaks, Jisung quickly retaliating as he presses the tip of a small dagger to Seonghwa’s throat, “I know what I’m doing. And maybe, just maybe, if you’d do the hard work once in a while, you could get some too.” Jisung states harshly, his tone dripping venom before the knife is put away as quickly as it had been drawn and his entire demeanor changed to that of a happy, bubbly one, “Now, let’s gooo~”

Not long after the two enter the club, Jisung’s sat at the bar, some guy obviously interested in him to his right, and Seonghwa leaning against a wall far enough away as to not seem suspicious. “I’m sorry, but I just, can’t get over how stunning you look,” The man tells Jisung, clearly in awe of the boy’s outfit, a sheer black crop top, skin-tight sliver shorts, and fishnets underneath to complete the look. A flirty smile adorns Jisung’s features before he leans forward, his lips only a centimeter away from the man’s ear as he whispers, “Mm, but just imagine how much more stunning I’d look without any of this on~” Jisung pulls away, tilting his head slightly, an innocent expression on his face as he looks at the man’s surprised one, finally responding after a few moments, “Is that an invitation?” “That depends on if the answer is yes, handsome,” Jisung almost purrs, resting his hand on the man’s thigh. “The answer is absolutely yes. How about we get out of here? I’ll take you to my place?” The man says, taking ahold of Jisung’s hand as he stands, to which the flirty boy nods in reply, quickly standing before being lead outside. Jisung turns to look at where Seonghwa is, flashing a smile as he motions for him to follow.

Jisung gets into the man’s car at almost the same time Seonghwa gets into his own car. The man drives towards his house, and Seonghwa follows, a safe enough distance behind to not be noticed. It doesn’t take long before the car is parked and Jisung is practically being dragged into the house and towards the bedroom, giggling happily as he puts on his best show. Seonghwa arrives at the house as Jisung pushes the man back onto the bed, quickly climbing onto his lap and straddling him. The two already half undressed when Jisung slides his hand up to the man’s throat, leaning down to press open mouthed kisses to his jaw, murmuring, “You are never gonna forget this~”

Seonghwa slips through the unlocked front door, shutting it quietly behind him before he hears Jisung’s voice in a sing-song tone, “Hwaaa~ Come here~” Seonghwa follows the sound of the boy’s voice—and the trail of clothes—to the bedroom, stepping inside. Jisung is sitting next to the now unconscious man on the bed as he turns his attention to Seonghwa’s tall figure at the doorway, a serious expression on his features as he tilts his head slightly, his tone monotonous, “I got him. Take him out to the car.”

***

ᴅᴇᴄᴇᴍʙᴇʀ 𝟸𝟹, 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟸. 𝟷𝟷:𝟻𝟶ᴘᴍ.

It was almost time for the ritual, Chan and the others were already at the site, a small clearing in the forest a small hike away from the community. Jisung and Seonghwa had just finished getting ready, making their way to the shed where they had put the man Jisung met the night prior. Sometime while he was unconscious, his clothing had been changed to a formal suit. Jisung held the door open as Seonghwa pulled the man up from the floor, “Come on.” The man was blindfolded and gagged with his hands tied behind his back, he fought against Seonghwa for a few moments but was unsuccessful against his strength, begrudgingly allowing the two to lead him blindly.

There’s an ominous mood surrounding the group at the ritual site, the dim glow of the lit candles accompanied by the eerie darkness cast from the new moon. Each member dressed in formal attire as ritual nights were always of upmost importance. Chan’s face lights up when he sees the three come into view, “There you are. Right on time. Let me see what you have brought me.” Seonghwa and Jisung silently walk with the man, stopping directly in front of Chan before Jisung removes the blindfold and gag, Seonghwa cutting the rope off from the man’s wrists soon after.

The man’s vision focuses upon Chan, his entire being suddenly filled with dread as he freezes. Chan looks the man over, humming to himself before speaking, “A fine sacrifice. You have done well boys. Thank you.” Seonghwa and Jisung nod in unison before moving to stand with the others, the man still unable to move, even without any restraints to keep him from doing so.

Chan’s features rapidly begin to change. His skin becomes sickly pale, apart from the bruising tone on his lips and around his eyes, his previously brown eyes now a deep crimson, and two fangs pressed against his bottom lip as he smiles. The members’ eyes are trained upon their leader, and within an instant, his fangs have penetrated the skin of the poor man’s neck, thus beginning his meal.

Chan’s followers’ gazes never wander as he drinks every last ounce of his victim’s blood. He pulls away once he’s finished, gently lying the now cold body on the grass before turning his attention to his devoted disciples with a grin, “A fine meal indeed. Jisung. Seonghwa. Come.”

The two boys immediately move in front of their leader when they are told, still not uttering a word. “I must thank you again,” Chan states before he moves his wrist to his mouth, puncturing his own skin with his fangs, doing the same with his other wrist, then offering them to the two boys, “Drink.”

Jisung and Seonghwa each gently take ahold of one of Chan’s wrists, the vampire’s blood slowly trickling down his skin, dripping onto the grass below before the boys’ lips are wrapped around the wounds, drinking their leader’s tainted blood in return as Chan watches with a smile.

“Thank you, Sir,” The two say with a bow once they’ve had their share, stepping to the side to allow for the next two members to take their place. The same process repeating until each of them have drank a fair amount of their vampire leader’s blood.

Once the feeding has finished, Chan grins as he studies his blissful family, his crimson eyes glinting in the candlelight, knowing the effects of what ingesting vampire blood does to a human, “Thank you all for another perfect ritual night,” And that is exactly what he wants.

[crazylittlejester]

TW FOR *MENTIONS* OF S/A

I don’t want to ask stupid questions or anything but is there SA/RP/NCON stuff between ur wars and ur cia? Ik its a popular LU headcannon for wars, and it feels very implied in some of your fics (one of the FH9 spin offs, I think) but I also don’t wanna read too deep into this or say something’s there when it isn’t. If this is a major plot point or smth you can’t answer bcuz if spoilers just don’t reply and I’ll figure it out :p

It’s not a stupid question at all, and the short answer is yes.

The severity of the situation and also like, the circumstances are very different depending on which series it is. For example in FH9 Wars and Cia were actually together as a couple for a bit where in some of the other things I’ve written they do not even know each other and have met like twice. For the most part I try to keep it as more of an implied thing because, with the exception of FH9, the interactions between them are never super relevant to the plot, but it is there, and that’s how I meant it to be read.

I know it’s a bit of a sensitive topic for a lot of people, so even though it’s only been implied and not outright stated, I try to post trigger warnings at the start of the chapters/fics that imply it, and also (unless it’s super plot relevant) I try to write it in a way where if you don’t want to read into that, you can kinda skip over it or imagine they’re talking about something else. I know a good portion of this fandom is on the younger side and because most of my fics are rated T, I feel like if I wrote anything more than just heavily implying what happened I should move the rating up, if that makes sense…?

One thing really important to me is representation in writing, being able to read a book or watch a show and see someone who’s gone through something similar to you and be able to feel seen through that character. Male SA survivors are something I rarely see in media, and without talking too much about my private life, I personally would’ve loved to have seen more characters healing from traumas growing up, I think it would’ve really helped me when I was younger. I tend to write a lot about my own experiences and traumas, it’s really helpful actually- And this is just another thing I’ve kinda thrown unto Wars, although this one has a lot more canon ‘backing’ than a lot of my other headcanons and I know this is a headcanon a lot of other people have as well

The whole canon situation between those two was honestly a bit insane for a nintendo game, like just the wiki thing about her that shows up on google is kinda crazy. Like I’m not sure what the hell nintendo meant their whole dynamic to be but playing the game it made me uncomfortable as hell

So yeah, I have this headcanon too, I’m not sure if I’ll ever write a detailed fic about it, that would be a lot for me mentally I think. The most I’ll ever get into it is probably having him say the words ‘I was assaulted’, but nothing more than that.

Full disclosure I wrote this out in my car twenty minutes before class starts so sorry if parts of this make no sense but TL;DR: Yes in my fics Wars was assaulted, I don’t wanna trigger people because I know that’s a bit of a darker headcanon, I think Male SA survivor rep is important, and yeah I think that summarizes everything 👍

(sorry for spelling errors or oddly autocorrected words i am dyslexic-)