#my girl would never do that irl ik bc she told me personally

[wonder-falcon]

there rlly was like zero romantic undertone for majority of the wenclair scenes and the ones that kinda did ended so abruptly yet here we are! hanging onto that one hug with our entire lives! love this delusional little family see y’all next year 🫶

[periwinkle-the-11th]

Intro post!

i'm Peri!

I spend my time writing, reading, crocheting, embroidering, drawing, sewing, procrastinating my school work and complaining about everything under the sun.

Heres my pronoun page!

If you know me irl, i am begging you to leave. you know who you are. I know who you are. go away.

I post all my writing and various creations over on @pericreatesstuff and my ao3 is Peri_Writes

I don't post works on ao3 until they're finished and gone over by my beta, but my writing blog is mostly unedited snippets!

I'm in way way way to many fandoms so heres an incomplete list:

dc (specifically batfam and yj98)

pjo/hoo (I haven't read toa yet but its on my list)

Voltron (ik, i'm judging me too.)

kotlc

Kaleidotrope

bridge to terabithea

Atla

Daylight Shooting Star (if you know dss I am begging you to be my friend I have literally never met anyone else who's read it)

Marauders

Sk8 the infinity

Ohshc

The Sky Fall Trilogy by shannon messenger (once again if you've read it (and liked it) I am begging you to be my friend its so so underrated)

The Lost Books: Scroll of Kings (SO SO SO UNDERRATED)

I listen to way to much music way to often, heres some artists/bands i like: Set it off, pierce the veil, taylor swift, Fin (steffan argus), conan gray, PEGGY, olivia rodrigo, alec benjamin, one direction, Natalie jane, sadie jean, my chemical romance, fall out boy, NF, MARINA, Maren Morris, Dove cameron, girl in red, sabrina carpenter, melanie martinez, Avril Lavigne, Madonna, Ke$ha, little mix, Queen, Billy joel, Zara Larsson, Maisie Peters, Lauren spencer smith, ABBA, and literally so many more

and my tags:

#peri personal - just about everything not fandom related/interactions w people/my life

#peri complains - self explanatory really

#music rambles - rambling about music, mostly when new songs/albums come out

#allis adventures - various stuff about my sourdough! her full name is Allison Breadorthy and she is ALIVE

#baking Breadorthy - actually baking her

#my memes - crappy memes i make, mostly reblogged from my writing blog

#writing related - self explanatory but its mostly me complaining about my fics, plot holes i find, and polls bc i'm indecisive

#friends <3 - my actual conversation style interaction with my mutuals

#wtf dc - for whenever i find out that something that sounds just a bit to out of pocket to be cannon in dc, is cannon in dc. (ex: bruce's grandmother killing her husband, the candle ritual, dick shaving his hair and going by rick, etc)

#janet's life - my self indulgent canon compliant backstory for Janet Drake

#lena and tim - my even more self indulgent au where Lena Luthor adopts Tim Drake after his parents die, the fic is being plotted currently. THE FIC IS CANCELED!!! LEX IS LENA'S BROTHER! LENA IS KON'S AUNT!! THE PLANNED TIMKON IS LEGAL INCEST! (why does this keep happening??? TvT)

#bravery points game - I've started playing a points game with my anxiety, where every time I do something that scares me/my anxiety told me would end in disaster I get a point! It's stupid but it's motivating, I'm being brave! (Even tho it's terrifying) I don't really have a points goal but I wanna try to get to 100 before the end of the year!

Thats all for now!! I'll probably update this once i realize i forgot smth tho

[smol-grey-tea]

I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

[morganisboringg]

Omegle friendship story ;-;

Stranger: m

You: hiya

You: f

Stranger: bonjour

You: hola

Stranger: im 18 bitchh

You: im 14 hoeee

Stranger: shidddd

Stranger: 😂😂

You: yeah im a childdd

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but im not a creepy guy so ur good 👌🏼

Stranger: hahaha

You: yeah ie had a 20 year old try to keep talking with me

You: and a 17 yr old ask if i have a nice ass XD ive delt with creepy guys XD

Stranger: hahaha dudes are horny

Stranger: used to be like that too but i realized its wrong

Stranger: so yeah just vibing rn

Stranger: 😤😤😤

You: yeah they are, i be vibin too im watching sky high B)

Stranger: lol

Stranger: im watching rick&morty

Stranger: im the ultimate virgin

You: lmaoooooo , i mean u have to also like game theory and film theory for that but ur close XD

Stranger: never heard of that

Stranger: 😂

You: theyre nerdy yt channels, they make theorys on games and films and shows and stuff

You: they have a bunch on rick and morty

Stranger: oh

Stranger: i watch some of those

Stranger: 😤😂

Stranger: im an ‘adult’ child

You: yeah i do too, i literally have their merch

Stranger: hahahaha

You: oh i hope to be an adult child bc gRosS adults

Stranger: yeah i dont wanna be an adult

You: me either, adults get stares when they only dress in hot topic clothes why would i want that

Stranger: hahahah yeah

Stranger: thats the reason i dont have a gf

Stranger: bc im too childish

You: well then u just havent found the right childish girl

Stranger: that is a fact

You: might i reccomend the single rider lines at like amusement parks XD

Stranger: hahaha why

You: ive seen plenty of dudes shoot there shot there bc the girls are by themselves then they get to ride a rollercoaster together

Stranger: hahah yeah thats fun

Stranger: maybe i wikk

Stranger: :)

You: yeah XD then if it works out a cute date at an amusement park!

Stranger: hahah yeah

Stranger: do u have a amusement park obsession

Stranger: lmaoo

You: uh- thats uniMPORTANTTT

Stranger: hahahhah

You: theres food and adreniline whats not to love!

Stranger: i love them too

Stranger: i once forced my cousin to ride the same coaster 12 times in a row

You: ive ridden king da ka the tallest rollercoaster in the world XD

Stranger: he puked after

You: lmaoooo sounds like smth id do

Stranger: hahaha

You: but then id just say again and go again XD

Stranger: hahahah same

Stranger: adter he threw up i went alone

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: dude i need some advice

You: sure

Stranger: my friends sister (shes 15) has a crush on me

Stranger: what do i do

You: oh shit uh- tell her shes too young

You: or like take her on a cute date but say its a friends date

You: thats a nice way to friend zone sm1

Stranger: yeah true

Stranger: its kinda weird

Stranger: my friend says he doesnt mind

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: but still wekrd

Stranger: weird

You: well thats uh getting to chris hansen levels so gotta shoot her down lmao

Stranger: yeah hahaha

You: but like yk when like a little sisters older siblings s/o would take them on a "date" to show them how to be treated u could do that- idk

Stranger: yeah idkk

Stranger: we shall see

You: we shall broski, just uh dont do anything that chris hansen would ask u to sit down with him over XD

Stranger: hahahah

Stranger: i have no idea who that is

Stranger: oh i looked it up

You: yeah XD

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: yeah like it is weird but not the age difference

Stranger: 3 years is not a lot

You: oh abt the friends sibling thing? XD

Stranger: ya

You: ik 3 years isnt alot in like the grand scheme of stuff but NOW 3 years is the difference between 6th graders and freshman and thats really weird

Stranger: yeah true true

You: and abt them being a friends sibling, um dont pull a kissing booth and be all dating behind everyones back- that movie was weird in general smh

Stranger: hahah

Stranger: yeah i wont

Stranger: his mom told me i would be a good son in law

You: LMAO too soon??

Stranger: 😂

Stranger: yeah right ilnow

You: 1) u arent even dating and 2) u think its weird

You: that would creep me tf out

Stranger: yeah but i dont really care

Stranger: i take it as a compliment

Stranger: it means im nice

You: yeah, im just a generally akward perso so XD

Stranger: hahahaha

You: but like uh if u dont wanna date a friends sibling dont, in most movies thats like number one best friend code no dating sibkings

Stranger: yeah i dont really care if my friend doesnt mins

Stranger: but i dont like her

Stranger: i like someone else

Stranger: and she doesnt like me back

Stranger: 🙃🙂

You: oh cool, aw that suckss u seem really chill and have a good personality so idk whats not to like thats prob my pansexual talking tho XD

Stranger: hahha

Stranger: ur attracted to pans?

Stranger: thanks lmao yeah idk

You: no i came out of the pantry smh

Stranger: 🤯🤯🤯🤯

You: common misconseption XD

Stranger: yeah shes my girl best friend

Stranger: so thats why she doesnt like me

Stranger: but maybe some daaaaaayv

You: oooo thats a hard place to get out of the f r i e n d z o n e

Stranger: ivee been tryyiiiiiiiing

Stranger: to make u love meeee

Stranger: but everything i try

You: *blasts u belong with me by taylor swift on a boombox* now go stand outside her window

Stranger: just takes you further from me

You: XD

Stranger: ghost town by kanye west is such a good song

You: oh i dont think ive listened to it lmao too much emo music and musicals

Stranger: you like kid cudi

You: who..? ugh i feel stupid not knowing stuff

Stranger: ur too young

Stranger: hes a legend

Stranger: makes good music u should listen to him

Stranger: kind of drug/depresion related

You: oh okay, that sounds like smth id listen too XD

Stranger: listen to love. by him on youtube or soundcloud

Stranger: it isnt on spotify

You: oh okay, i use amazon music like a loser XD

Stranger: oh

Stranger: yeah its only on yt or soundcloud lmao

Stranger: hahah doesnt matter right

You: yeah lmao

You: u wanna be friends? its ok to say no cause im 14 XD

You: im morgan btw whats ur name?

Stranger: hahaha aw thats a nice thing to ask

Stranger: but i just came on here to twlk to random people :( sorry

You: im not good at the whole "making friends" thing so idk what to do but ask lmao

Stranger: my name is julian

You: oh okay

Stranger: im sure u will make friends some day

You: OMG ofc its julian- i meet guys with m names or julius/julians never anything else

Stranger: hahaha what do y mean

You: i mean in the past week ive met a mike, mikey, and a mick then ive met like 4 julius' and 2 julians

Stranger: ahhaha wow

Stranger: thats funny

You: i swear idk what is up but smth is

You: my fbi agent is on smth ig

Stranger: hahahhahaha

Stranger: tryna set u up

You: yeah they want either an m&m or m j XD just m&ms or michael jackson IDFK XD

Stranger: haahahah

Stranger: so when did u find out u were pan sexual

You: uh when i was 11 i thinkk

Stranger: wow

Stranger: when i was 11 i was eating boogers out of my nose

You: yeah i knew i wasnt straight since like pre school girls are just too cute lmao

You: lmao thanks for sharing

Stranger: that is a facr

Stranger: women are cute

You: yeah they are XD

Stranger: hahaha

You: ummm idk what to talk abt now lol

Stranger: yeah me too lol

You: uh do u like heathers? like the movie or the musical

Stranger: never heard of it

You: REALLY??

You: my friends saying to skip u smh but i wouldnt dare

Stranger: what do u mean hahah

You: heathers is like a cult classic 80s movie like breakfast club or 16 candles or the outsiders

Stranger: ohh ok hahah

Stranger: i dont watch a lit of old movies

You: u know what those are right? especially the outsiders?

Stranger: only fiction

Stranger: never heard of them

You: U HAVENT???

You: OMG I SWEARR IF I KNEW U IRL ID LIKE FORCE U TO WATCH IT ITS THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD MMMMMMm

Stranger: whats sliced bread

Stranger: 😂😂😂😂

Stranger: i swear i dont watch movies

You: like a loaf of bread XD its an expression

Stranger: oh lolllll

You: but like look up dallas winston MMMMM I LOVE THAT MAN

Stranger: hahah ok

Stranger: this was a fun talk dude hahah

Stranger: i ahve to go eat rn

You: okay byee nice talk too bad we cant be friends i wish u luck <3

Stranger: were kind of stranger friends

Stranger: so count me as a friend

Stranger: :S

You: okay too bad after this we'll never talk again

You: S?

Stranger: idk lmao

Stranger: yeah but thats life

Stranger: byeee 😘

You: yeah it is byeeee

Stranger has disconnected.

[niall-is-my-dream]

Help!

So I've just received this weird message on wattpad, has anyone else had this?

More under cut

the first thing I want to say is that I am not the best person at all the person I’m about to talk about I cared about so so much but clearly she didn’t like I did even though I thought she did after all this stuff happend I said some stuff that I won’t repeat to her friend and I regret it but you have to understand what truly happend. Also btw this isn’t apart of it at all but if we are going to be ibfs I want to talk as much as possible. I’m truly hoping we can be ibfs and it can last for months BC I’ve had horrible experiences .  By the way i wrote this so long ago but that girl is old news but now i did find someone new it lasted till January then she just started ignoring me. it’s all just so hard. Also we can talk more about this on Thursday. My mom just says sometimes like my heart is really big and I get attached to easily and it always bites me in the ass. anyways I’m gonna get to the story now and btw random fun facts about me my brother and sister have autisum I’m a triplet and I’m suppsed to be a senior rn but I got held back in kindergarten so I’m in 11th grade I’m now a senior but I’m homeschooled Rn ANYWAYS irrelevant. so I started messaging this girl and we figured out we were going to the same Niall show and we instantly became close. And I was so excited BC I recently had lost a ibf ... anyways . We ended up saying we were gonna be ibfs and I met her at the Niall show. I loved her even more in person. And we kept in contact . There’s more to the story but I’ll get to it anyways so we kept in contact meaning we lit talked everyday. When we had free time. I thought she was the coolest I was so happy BC she loved Niall just as much as me which is not healthy. Anyways shdhdhhf. Like I was gonna send her a gift and evreything . And we would talk on the phone late nights too. Like talk about all this personal shit there wasn’t anything we wouldn’t say to eachother. Long story short we were doing this one thing which I will explain inin the next Paragrah . But . We would fight sometimes but I think it’s BC we were so comfty around eachother and she’s blocked me. before - but we talked it out and I thought she would never ever again. But u have to understand I got so attached to her and I love twitter and my irl friends but she was special but weeks ago  she blocked me for the last time lit right after we made up and she blocked me BC we were arguing how tall Niall was- Now to the important part I mean it was all important but :( I said there was this one thing we did and I’m gonna explain it to u Rn and after I explain it all I just want you to :( ... like I’ve tried this with a few ppl and it always goes well but the ppl end up like hurting me or som or som goes wrong so it dosent work . But I want you to at least try :( I promise if u don’t like it we don’t have to but if u love Niall I really think that u will :( IK I sound crazy but all this stuff is really important to me . So I thank you for reading this. I really just want you to try and I think you really will like it if u love Niall So basically what it is is like ugh I just pray you say yes . And we would only do it when you are free and I am free trust me it’s not all the time and we would do it in the iG dms x anyways so like it’s not that complicated so like its basically like we would act out concepts with Niall but like realistic ones. And we can come up with them together, after we build the characters foundations. Like it’s kinda about like if Niall had a gf what would it be like . Now the girl in it I’ll tell u her name we just use her as the gf but like IK this girl and she’s so pretty and she loves Niall and I’m a visual person so like when I act this stuff out I like to imagine what the girl would look like. And I have a few pics of her and I wanted to send some to u and u can be 100000% honest if u think she’s nialls type and then follow her on iG a few other Niall stans follow her so it’s not weird. But ya we just use her for her looks but I would act out the personality in the Rp I Gusse I could go ahead and say it her name is well we can pick....  but that’s not her name irl and then you would play Niall :) and u know just try to act like him as much as possible it takes a bit to get used to but IK u can do it BC IK u love him. And u can’t even do a bad job even if u do I don’t care the fact that u are trying is all that matters. AND we would only do this when we’re both free idk if I said that already. Even if are free time is limited. And I swear im not a weirdo I just it’s hard to explain I just want all this to work out I just I’ve been let down so many times and I’m sick of it. And then also some of them have a little bit of sexual stuff in there but like we would never ever cross the line of having full on sex unless in months time u become comfortable . And when I did it with her for those parts she always told me if she was uncomftable and I respect that and never ever go to hard. That’s pretty much all I had to say but like IK I sound crazy . If u say yes which I pray to god u will I can talk more about it and we can start like soon.  U seem amazing. Sorry FOR THE TYPOS :( IK it sounds confusing as hell but love can u just try  if u love him I swear you will love this and we won’t do it all the time only when we both are free even if it’s not a lot..  and I’ve also been searching for so so long to find the right person ,, and I think u are. Also when I say Rp it’s more of like cute lovey concepts it’s not like sexual scary crap sgsfsgfgg and I promise we can make it fun and only do it when we are free even if that’s not a lot . X I reread this bc I wrote it so long ago I hate that I’m repeating myself.... a lot lol. But ya if u say yes we can discuss everything.

This message was weird right?!

This was my reply:

Yeah this is making me really uncomfortable. I'm not sure on what world you think it's acceptable to message someone with a crazy idea like this but you should know it's not ok. I'm not surprised people have blocked you. You sound like you need to get offline and go outside and into the real world. I like Niall a normal amount, I am a regular fan who enjoys writing. You are too young to be getting lost in the world of the internet. I'm in my 30s and married and have kids, the whole idea of pretending to be a girl and Niall messaging is weird and creepy. I suggest you speak to someone, an adult, a teacher, a parent and get some support.

Was I too harsh?

[imkindanerdforlanguages]

aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was actually right about everything about my crush and her maybe girlfriend! Full story below and some will be repeat if anyone’s actually been keeping up with this. Skip to the third to last paragraph if you only wanna hear what happened today and not all the back story. I wrote this mainly so I could look at it later and remember and it turned out wayyyy longer than expected

Ok so I’ve like this girl a long time and we’ve been friends never questioned too much of she liked girls or not so that was never really a problem. So cut to football season 2017. We’re both in marching band and that’s how we became friends that year. We ended up both being in the same English class that school year and I become good friends with some of her other friends, including her maybe gf. (Shout out to those friends they’re super great). Since I have a massive crush on her (it’s 2018 by now) I pay more attention to her and stuff and I kinda notice how she acted with maybe gf. Like paying attention to maybe gf like I payed attention to her, looking at her lips, always mentioning her, stuff like that. So I think “oh she likes her, oh well, I wish her the best.” I’m quite shy irl so I wasn’t gonna make a move or anything and I was content what it was, though hopeful that she’ll maybe like me someday. I hate if people come on too strong myself and kinda believe that feelings are just gonna be what they are, rather than things that can swung heavily (idk if that makes sense but whatever)

So summer break happens then we’re at marching band 2018 still got my crush, still hopeful but not expecting much bc I still notice things between my crush and maybe gf. I think maybe gf is straight (I know, I know I’m not for assuming people’s sexuality but it was what it was) maybe it was my feelings making me think that maybe gf would never reciprocate but anyways I mainly feel bad for my crush bc it looks she really likes this girl and I can relate lol. So homecoming comes and I really wanna slow dance with her but I miss my fucking chance bc I go to the bathroom. Oh well. She did grind on me at one point but all the girls in our group were so whatever it was nice but didn’t really mean anything. And I actually worked up the nerve to text her that she looked gorgeous at homecoming (which she did) and I’m still proud of myself for that

One day shortly after, we’re at a band competition in the warmup room chilling bc we’re waiting for the rain to stop so we can go on. We’re talking in a group and someone ends up asking her if she has a crush on maybe gf, and she quickly denies (and I think yeah right lol) but then they ask if she has a crush on me and she stutters our her denial. The way she did it made me think that maybe I had a chance (there were other things too of course like the occasional look, etc). So the next day I muster up all the courage I have and text her asking if she has a crush on me, she says no, and I confess that I like her to get it off my chest. I thank god that we still remained great friends after that. We actually haven’t brought it up since.

Then the next football game she’s asked if she’s ever kissed a girl and she says yes and I’m like ah ha! I bet they are actually dating. (Side note that I kinda came out to like have the band that night cause someone asked if I was straight and I said no). I get a text from maybe gf the next day asking for relationship advice (she had never mentioned that she was in a relationship before) or something (I can’t really remember anymore). She’s playing the pronoun game so I figure that it’s a girl she’s dating and she’s says so later and tells me she’s bi. I told her I was bi too and we bonded over that and stuff it was nice and brought us closer etc. She says she doesn’t wanna tell me who it is and I respected that but I kinda figured that it was my crush. I think oh well that sucks for me but I’m happy for them. For things like this I largely live by just flowing with life and seeing where it takes you. If I didn’t I’d probably literally explode from stress lmao

Over then next couple months she tells me various things about her relationship which went through ups and downs. She felt trapped and pressured to come out and like nobody else could ever love her (which I always denied). There was a rough patch where she overloaded me with emotional stuff (which I am not prepared to handle) but it’s not too relevant to the story other than that a lot of the things she said made me more sure that my crush was her gf bc it just sounded like how she would act (note that after this she pretty much stopped texting me about her gf so I didn’t really get anymore info)

Sidenote: I’m not too sure how healthy their relationship actually was and since I only ever got one side of it I’m still not too sure how much of what I was told was truthful vs exaggerated since maybe gf was going through a rough patch. There were things like her panicking bc her gf was talking about marriage (yikes) and coming out and stuff. But she also talked about how it was easy to not cheat bc there was no one else in our town and she would kiss other girls as like a shock factor thing at parties and be like “my gf shouldn’t get mad bc it’s not like fr” (also yikes). I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that both of them had things that weren’t the best but we’re teenagers and this was probably both of their first relationships so I’m not labeling them as bad people or anything. The biggest clue tho that my crush was her gf was that she said that her gf was the only person who knew all the terrible things about her/her life and since my crush was probably the closest to her I sorta assumed

Sidenote 2: some other things that made me sure of their relationship: my crush once got jealous of me in the group chat (she jokingly told me no to something, idk what anymore, and my crush was like what about me??? Lol), maybe gf kinda tripped and my crushes hand went to her waist in an intimate way to stabilize her, they were always each other’s lock screens, my crush would always give in to maybe gf (which sometimes I didn’t like bc I felt like she had to give into some things she shouldn’t have— not like really bad things but just kinda :/ and she’d have to apologize for playful insults even tho maybe gf said like the same level of insult), the eye contact when our teacher mentioned interracial sex lol, also the constant FaceTiming and calling that lowkey got on my nerves (nyc trip was the worst but really wasn’t that bad. It was mostly the jealousy that made it suck)

Sidenote 3: prom happened somewhere in here and we cuddled on the couch a bit but not like what your thinking, more like sat really close but it was nice. At one point she was like completely on top of me bc she was fighting with someone playfully

Anyways moving on to the end of the school year, I’m like 90% sure they’re dating, and I notice things seem tense between them. My crush would put her head down a lot and they would playfully insult each other with a bit more bite. They didn’t hang around each other as much as they used to, etc. I was just really picking up on some vibes. Eventually things seem to settle down a bit buts it’s the end of the year already and they’re graduating and stuff.

All three of us ended up doing this program at a university that lets kids work with scientists and learn about stem etc. we each work in different labs so we don’t see each other everyday but the group gets together like 1-2 times a week. During these, I notice that they just don’t seem as close, like they didn’t sit next to each other, phone lock screens aren’t each other, crush’s name in maybe gfs phone is her full name not nick name (though this could have always been that, I’m not sure), my crush no longer apologizes or cares as much if maybe gf gets a little mad (which she gets easily). Taking this with the tension before school got out into consideration, I figure that they must have broken up. Cool cool, maybe I have a chance but also she’s moving across the state for college in a month so :/

That brings us to the grand finale: today. So I have no idea really if they have broken up or if they were even together in the first place. But then maybe gf mentions that she is now dating this guy (which I approve of, he’s super sweet). I kinda suspected bc a picture of him was her lock screen, they had been hanging out a lot, initials in insta bios (which Ik should be a dead give away but she once said that she hates how people assumed that her and this other guy were together when she was dating her gf do I didn’t wanna assume anything) and I was like ah ha! At lest Ik that they aren’t dating now if they ever did in the first place. She invites me to come hang out with her, her bf and another couple that I’m good friends with tomorrow. So after I get home, partly bc I don’t wanna be the only single person there, partly bc I wanna see if I can weasel out the truth, and partly bc I may have day dreamed about us being all coupley too and maybe a kiss (oh how I wish). I text her and ask if my crush can come too so I’m not the only single person there. She texts back saying that it would be a good idea. So I figure it’s now or never so I ask if it’s bc they dated. She originally says no but then says admits that yes they dated but she broke up with her and they are still friends.

She basically says that she broke up with her bc she’s not ready to be out bc she doesn’t wanna lose some of her friends, wants to be normal, etc. she’s always been insecure, so it’s not too surprising for me. I sincerely hope that one day she reaches a place where she can be herself and not worry. I also feel bad for my crush bc I have a feeling that she’s probably still pretty hurt over it and I wish her the best too. I’m not gonna try to like make a move or anything bc a. I have no idea how long it’s been since the breakup and how she feels about it b. I’ve already expressed feelings so I don’t wanna be that person who keeps pusing after they’re rejected c. She’s moving like 6 hours away in a month

All in all I’m super surprised that I actually picked up on the fact that they were dating and had broken up bc I’m am not very emotionally intelligent at all. Honestly I doubt I would have picked up on much if I was paying such close attention bc of my crush. I spent like an hour+ writing this I can’t believe I actually had so much to say and it makes my life seem much more dramatic that it is. Thank you if you actually read all this or have kept up with my woes in the slightest bye

[peri]

❗🥰🏳️‍🌈🤔?

THANK U NOVA I APPRECIATE U SM

❗ when/how did you realize you were LGBT+?

skipping details of all my questioning and life-long suppression due to living in a extremely religious and homophobic household, i’d say i officially “realized” when i got a huge crush on an old bi friend (now ex) and found myself saying yes when she asked me out. this was maybe back in late 2016? idk for sure, timelines are hard for me. and yes it took me getting in a relationship to finally “realize” (or at least start identifying as lgbt)

🥰 have you ever been to a pride parade?

unfortunately no :

im hoping to go someday!!

🏳️‍🌈 do you own any pride things? flags, pins, etc? 

no for the same reason listed above :

🤔 did you have any childhood signs that you were LGBT+?

so. fucking. MANY.

the only reason i hadnt embraced it / identified as it / etc etc sooner was Only due to the fact i was made to feel ashamed and hide my feelings abt these things. this goes for both my gender and sexuality.

sexuality-wise, ive always loved girls. i never saw anything personally wrong with girls kissing girls / anyone who wasnt a guy even from a very young age which, i didnt understand when my parents would point and say thats bad. but because of their behavior and hatred toward it, and my used-to-be quiet nature, i learned to not voice myself on it around them that eventually led to self-hatred and a tough time accepting myself for a long while. many more signs of my sexuality throughout my life i could list but yknow.

gender-wise, ive always felt a disconnect to gender. as y’all know, im nonbinary - agender if we wanna be specific. i feel no connection to gender whatsoever, but just use the umbrella term of nb more commonly.

anyways, tying up with my butchness as well i suppose, i never liked wearing makeup. my sister is big on makeup and has been ever since she learned how to use it. she used to always wanna put makeup on me and ive only allowed it like 3 times in my life, however every time led to me feeling really bad and i wasnt sure why / couldnt identify it bc i thought for a long time that i was a “girly girl” and even a femme when i first started using the lesbian term. but yeah i just really didnt like it and i wasnt sure why, considering all those things. spoiler alert: it made me dysphoric. as did everything i used to do to attempt to perform femininity because it caused me to be seen as female, tying me to a binary which i later learned was very damaging to me.

i remember the first time she put makeup on me, i was probably 5? 6? and it was only lipstick and some eyeshadow + blush i think. but after 5 minutes of it on, i panicked. i wasnt sure why at the time. i remember vividly, i wiped it off in the middle of the room and said “this isnt me, this isnt me!” and started crying and my sister made fun of me for being over-dramatic and told the whole family about it. at the time i wasnt sure why i had that reaction and didnt know until i embraced the fact i was nonbinary and also butch. so like. double-whammy. (not to say nbs cant wear makeup! we absolutely can. but for me, being afab, makes me uncomfortable and dysphoric.)

i kinda went on a longish one abt my gender didnt i. KDJDDJF i could say MUCH MORE abt it all bc talking abt gender is like. almost a special interest to me?? i love talking abt it all.

❓ when did you start questioning?

sexuality, i started seriously questioning the label of it all around age 14/15 id say, and facing thats what i actually was finally.

gender, i never rly had a … “questioning” moment for? i kinda just always. was. just didnt have the words for it. which ig u can say the same for my sexuality, but this was much easier for me to accept once i found the label for it. however i didnt come out abt it until i met my gf actually, bc i used to think it didnt matter enough to mention since, at the time, she/her pronouns were fine with me and everything like that (which i ofc later found out makes me v uncomfy, alongside other things like that) but im rly glad i did and embraced it more and allowed myself to be my most authentic self💚

💚send me an emoji asking pride month questions!

[aj-draws]

Hey so this is dedicated to a dear friend of mine

yEAH @confinesofpersonalknowledge I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, YOU COOL HUMAN!

So I know you’re going through a tough time, and that post about you being catcalled reminded me a story/memory that I felt I needed to share. This story is very personal to me and I’m vv nervous to be sharing it with you guys bc I’ve never rlly done anything personal or deep BUT by doing this I hope to offer you at least some kind of positivity...?

Thana, I just want you to know that you’re not alone...Because I have dealt with a similar problem. 

[[Btw in this story there isn’t anything gruesome or scary, just an experience of catcalling on a very small level (that perhaps not be as serious as whatever happened to you) that still ended on a positive note. If catcalling is an uncomfortable topic for you, feel free to scroll past this, but if you’re up to hear a story about body positivity and how I conquered rude ppl then this story is for you :)]]

It was that time of year. Everyone’s blasting music from ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’, ppl are making as many skeletons memes as possible, adults are scared and kids are reveling. 

Heck yeah, it was Halloween. 

Halloween’s awesome, and I’m fortunately still around that age where if I went trick-or-treating I wouldn’t be judged so badly. But this story began in the beginning of October, when I decided that I was going to be Wonder Woman for Halloween. 

The movie had just come out and I was still being a huge fangirl and Gal Gadot is a gorgeous queen so I thought why not?? The costume took me an entire month to make but I managed to get it done! And I was super proud. I was really, really excited because it was my first Halloween where I wasn’t lazy and just bought a costume. So I wore my costume to school...and well...

Ok, so you’re probably like ‘this is where the catcalling happened right??’ well you’re correct! But there wasn’t a specific moment that I was catcalled. In general, I just experienced a lot of nasty students just being a little...weird. 

It started with the stares. The ones I remember, the ones that really stuck out in my mind...they were not from amazement. I think...I think it was like they were checking me out?? And yeah, I suppose I do have some redeeming physical features, it’s in my genes, and my gay friends love to point it out and joke around with me, but I still found it endearing. 

But this...was different. It was almost like an invasion of my body, an invasion of my privacy-like I was doing something wrong by wearing a flipping costume. 

And something I truly remembered that stuck out in my memory was that noise. I was walking through the hallway and I hear some voices, and a group of boys (that I believe were from my grade I don’t remember) walk past me. Then it came.

A whistle, loud and sharp.

I hung my head. U g h

What was worse were the comments, when people actually came and talked to me. There were students that I didn’t even know, students in one grade below mine, coming up to me and asking that one question,

‘Don’t you think that’s a little...um y’know...too revealing?’

Like holy heck. Y’all have no idea how much I hated that question. I believe I was asked that twice throughout the day?? But it was just so disrespectful. Like wooow haha  *claps hands sarcastically* my knees and shoulders/collarbone are just too scandalous for you, huh? 

And it felt bad...really bad. But things got better. So much better, I promise you. Though that negativity is still buried deep in my head, it’s the prominent, positive memories that made that Halloween unforgettable-in a good way. 

Mostly, it would have to my friends irl. They are really hecking gay and I love them with all my heart. When I first walked into my homeroom class, the students there (it was French class and I’ve been taking the language for 3 years so ik the ppl well there) immediately complimented me. My two friends there were dying and repeated called me thiccc 👌👌👌 which was really hilarious XD When my other friend saw me, she told me she was speechless at first before she started to praise the heck out of me ahh I love her

And there were two moments that I also couldn’t forget. One, was when I won the costume contest. 

Yep! One of my favorite part of that day. It took place during lunch and I was anxious about taking part in the costume, and when I asked my friends, they just looked me in the eye and yelled, ‘YES’ so I did 😆

And during art class, it was announced that I had won ‘Best Homemade Costume’ which was simply incredible! The pride that swelled in me when I stood up and the students in my class started to congratulate me was great. It was even better because all the students in that class were girls and it kinda made me feel like I did Wonder Woman some justice y’know? It was just nice

But another memory that I can’t forget was in the back of my bus. My friends on the bus congratulated me and complimented my costume and I couldn’t stop smiling. And all the way in the last seat...was a pair of eyes. I tensed up, thinking back to all the stares but I instantly relaxed when I really saw them. They were sparkling, shining. It wasn’t greed or lust, but awe. It was this quiet boy that sat all the way in the back of my bus, and he seemed shy so I hadn’t thought to approach him. 

On that day, I gave him a polite smile and waved. He apologies for staring at me, and stammers as he compliments my costume. I nod and give him another grin, saying thank you and asking him if he liked Wonder Woman. And he flashes this bright, geeky grin and then proceeds to announce that, ‘UM YEAH OF COURSE’ and we both continue to have a nice conversation about DC comics and Marvel and he was so kind about it and wowie that was just really great.

So, yeah! Don’t be afraid to be yourself, and wear whatever the flipping heck you want to because you’re a queen/king/or literally just royalty and you deserve praise and compliments once in a while ❤ Be strong, you will get through this.

And ummm lesson is: there’s nothing wrong with geeking out over superheroes 😂😋

I love you all, and I hope you have a lovely day!! 💙💛💖💜