you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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husband toji kissing ur awake because he wants ur first thoughts every morning to be him !!!
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺SOBBBING WAILING CRYINGG THIS IS SO SWEET LUNNIE WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKK he definitely takes his time to admire you just a bit before placing the first kiss:(((( u just look so prettyy wahhhhh and ooooohhhh the first one is the softest one too... right on your lips but it's so light bc he's scared to wake you just yet but he. Needed to do it okay
and then he's kind of nosing against your cheek a little while pressing himself closer to you, his hands are slipping under your shirt because he craves the skin to skin contact so fucking bad. he cracks a sleepy smile when you move around a little under him ur just so fucking cute!!!!!!! your eyebrows furrow and you pout in your sleep when he pulls away to look at you🥺🥺🥺 and then he just goes full in. he can't help it!!!!!!!! he's kissing your cheeks and your nose and your forehead and right under your eyes and the bridge of your nose and your jaw and your chin and that gets you squirming a little more. he gives you a warm hum as he waits for you to come to him. he wants to see you already. he wants to look at you. he wants your full attention.
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it's sometimes so silly to look in the notes of a polyamory art/post and see people like "is this cheating art....?" when the characters in canon are all extremely close friends. i know it's not malicious because most people think of monogamy as the default and anything outside that Must be cheating, but truly i'm always like. guys. guys Please.
please think about this for like 2 seconds.
under what circumstances do we think this non-canon couple might hold hands directly in front of their canon partners. and under what circumstances do we think the canon partners might be okay with this. do we Truly think this is a secret relationship. do we Truly think these guys would sneak around behind their canon partners' backs when all of them are extremely close friends with a high level of trust and commitment to each other.
would assuming that these extremely close friends have actually communicated with one another Exactly The Same Way They Do In The Canon Source Material perhaps cause less despair.....
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