#my mom has been actively trying to make sure I don’t become goth pretty much my entire life

[ceciliathecabinwitch]

I watched scooby doo and the witch’s ghost for the first time in Years yesterday and even though at this point in my life I don’t remember a lot of the movie very vividly, I Do remember that it influenced my understanding of magic and witchcraft and stuff quite a bit in my childhood, and it was very interesting to look back on it now, so I just wanted to write out a couple of my favorite parts

First of all they delineate between Wiccans and Witches which is interesting but also interesting is that witches are bad guys/evil and Wiccans are good guys

Second it’s the whole “witches are separate from humans” thing where they call normal people mortals and things are strictly hereditary, so like the main guy can only use this witch’s grimoire (I’m not sure if that’s the word they use for it or not because I was kinda half watching) because she (the titular witch) is his ancestor

Third when he reveals that she was a witch and he’s totally a bad guy he refers to himself as a warlock which is one of the only parts of the movie that I vividly remember from childhood and that’s because the line where he says informed my opinion of the whole witch/wizard female/male thing for Years, which was “witch Is female but male is warlock, wizard is gender neutral and everyone else is wrong” (this opinion has obviously changed)

Fourth, and probably my favorite part although it directly goes back to point two, is that when they’re all freaking out because none of them can get rid of this ghost because they’re not Magical, they save the day by having Thorn from the Hex Girls read the spell that banishes the ghost, because it was previously mentioned that she is “1/16 Wiccan” and it Works

Anyway idk but if you’re someone who tries to understand their own thought processes and where they come from I have long believed in rewatching things that you enjoyed in your childhood because you’d be surprised at how much stuff makes you go “huh, is That where that idea comes from?”

[volturiwolf]

Dandelions - A Paul Lahote x fem!reader Story - Part 2

A/N: For some reason, the letters wouldn't show up at my "goth rave" theme, so I had to change all letters to purple, paragraph by paragraph.

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Part 1

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Taglist: @xxx-wounded-angel-xxx @venusdelaroix @morganaah @paisley-37 @idkanymor3e @b-tchymoon @patychieffi @pinkdragonfandream-blog

(Y/N)’s POV

I would have never expected Bella would become the middleman between Paul and me. Though I got why Paul would end up asking her to help: besides being the link between the wolfpack and the Cullens, she was also the only one whose thoughts were safe from Edward. I, on the other hand, had to actually try hard to not think about Paul, so Edward wouldn’t know what was about to happen and give me away to my parents.

Bella was also my cover for going out of the house. I just had to tell my parents I wanted to go with Bella to Port Angeles, somewhere away to clear up my mind and not think about the upcoming battle that was putting my family in danger. The weather was ideal: sunny and warmer than the previous days, just before the snowstorm that was expected up in the mountains.

Mom did not like this at all - she still didn’t trust Bella enough to let her alone with her 16-year-old daughter, but dad was more than excited. He liked Bella a lot, because, even if she didn’t look like it, Bella held a chaotic energy similar to Emmett’s. It was like dad had finally found his own sibling within the Cullen family to match his energy with, just like mom had Jasper, and Alice had Edward.

Everything was settled and arranged, so Bella came to pick me up with her truck on a beautiful, sunny Saturday, and we drove up north, towards Port Angeles. What my parents or any of the Cullens did not know was that, instead of continuing straight ahead towards Port Angeles, Bella turned to the left, driving straight towards La Push. 

We made a deal that she would drive us to La Push so I could meet up with Paul and she could spend some time with Jacob, without having Edward take her car apart again. Mom made sure to check the truck thoroughly; she didn't want me to get into an accident with “that old thing”. 

Bella was quiet throughout the drive to La Push. I wondered if she regretted driving me up there, or if she was worried about Edward’s reaction if he found out that she went behind his back.

“Hey, thank you for driving me up here. Don’t worry about Edward. He will come around eventually. He cares about you too much to ever get mad at you.”

“Honestly, I’m not really worried about Edward.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Then why do you seem perplexed and ‘deep in thought’?”

“I’m confused as to what I’m going to do with Jacob. He is a great guy and I love him, but…”

“But you love Edward more?”

“Exactly! Jacob’s a great guy and I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t go on like that. I feel like his expectations for our relationship are not what I want them to be.”

“Then tell him how you feel. He may not like it, but you don’t have to please everyone or do anyone any favor. Do what you want with your life. If you want Edward, tell the truth to Jacob. If he loves you like he claims he does, he should understand that and move on. He surely has to move on. It’s been..what? Like over half a year that he’s been actively after you? And another year before that that he was trying to get closer to you? That’s creepy, and tiring, for sure.”

Bella smiled a bit. “Thanks, (Y/N). You seem to understand me pretty well.”

“Oh, please. I grew up watching Edward drown in his misery. You seriously are the only thing that has ever put a smile on his face. He won’t ever truly get mad at you, no matter what you do or what happens. But this is a two-way relationship, not a three-way, so you have to make sure your message gets across.”

Within a few minutes, we had finally reached La Push, and Bella drove us straight to - what I assumed was - Emily and Sam’s house. The house was smaller than the house I lived in, but it felt like a home, warm and welcoming. It was also surrounded by woods, and all these elements together made the house look like the perfect place to live.

Bella parked beside a silver jeep that looked a lot like dad’s jeep. Before we even stepped out of the truck, most of the pack came running out of the house, having heard us already. When we stepped out completely, they grimaced, most probably because we ‘reeked’ of vampires. Paul came out last, looking more reserved but still smiled widely when our eyes met.

Bella greeted everyone quickly, before she and Jacob walked out, towards the beach, probably to talk or fight - I didn’t know which was more plausible at the moment. I had never been around here, so it was awkward, to say the least. Everyone seemed really friendly and welcoming, especially now that they were in their human forms, but I still couldn’t fully let myself enjoy the moment and the company of the wolfpack and their imprints.

With the exception of Seth, who was only a few months younger than me, I was the youngest person around, and I didn’t know how to connect with the others. I used to hang out with Jared, Paul, Embry, Jacob, and Quil, and a year ago, our 1-year difference wasn’t an issue. But, after their transformation, it looked as if they got too old too quickly, physically and mentally. And it’s been only months since then.

I didn’t know what I was doing here, so, after the initial introduction to everyone I didn’t know - Sam and Emily, Kim, Seth, and Leah - I sat down on a couch, having nothing to do or say, just fiddling with my fingers, waiting for Bella to come back. 

I felt the couch sink next to me, and I turned my head to look into Paul’s eyes. All the nervousness suddenly washed away, and I felt my heart beating faster.

“Are you feeling okay?” There was a small worry in his quiet, calm voice. I just nodded in response. “You know, you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. I can drive you back home whenever you say so.”

“No, it’s not that. I want to be here, with you and the others. I just don’t know if we’re still on good terms with everyone, and I don’t want to upset them unnecessarily. Plus, my parents don’t know I came here, at least not yet. I don’t know what they’ll do to you if you drive me back home, and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.” 

Paul only mumbled an “Mhm”, before he took my hand and encouraged me to stand up. I followed him, away from the living room and the kitchen, walking out of the back door which oversaw the woods nearby. He calmly walked me through the forest which was cooler and more humid than the house, and it brought me an instant sense of calmness.

Paul turned to look at me. “Feeling better now?”

“Much better,” I replied with a calm and quiet voice.

Paul turned around to sit on a boulder that was covered with moss and lichens, as he patted the spot next to him for me to sit. I smiled and took a seat beside him. 

In this part of the woods, you couldn’t hear anything but the rustling of the leaves, as the wind blew in between them, and a few owls hooting and cooing. Every sound that came from the house or the surroundings was muted by the woods around us. It was stupefying, and I wished we could stay like that, but I had many things to say to Paul.

“I’m sorry for how everything went down last time. My parents overreacted. They usually do. They are overprotective of me, even when it’s not necessary”, I told him, bouncing my right leg and fiddling with my fingers once again, as I usually did out of nervousness.

“I’m sorry about how I reacted. I knew they would try to protect you from me. They are your parents after all. But I continued the whole thing, attacking your father and family. I am sorry about that. Truly.” I now looked at Paul whose eyes were apologetic and kept a deep sadness in them.

“You know, I saw how my dad attacked you first. So, there’s nothing to apologize for. You defended yourself, and your family defended you. You don’t have to feel sad or guilty or whatever it is you’re feeling about it.” I coyly and slowly put my hand on his, feeling his warmth, as electricity moved briskly through my body. He looked at me, now smiling, and his hand embraced mine in return.

"You know, I'm really glad you came. I didn't know who I'd have to talk to, to bring me in contact with you. And when I asked Bella, I was worried about how she'd react or what if she told your family. I'm not gonna lie, I was scared they were gonna lock you in a cell or something and never let you out until you're old enough to become one of them.", Paul chuckled as his imagination was running wild, and I laughed along with him.

"Well, you definitely have a wild imagination, so we'll get along just fine,” I smirked. “Also, I don't know what you heard about vampires but they don't have cells where they lock people. Or vampires. At least, my family doesn’t; I don't know about the Volturi, but I'm pretty sure they do have dungeons. They must have. And…you're wrong about the "me becoming a vampire" part." I chuckled awkwardly, as I expected him to ask why.

"Why? Are you not going to become a vampire? Isn't this what your family does? Turning people into vampires?" Paul was confused and so clueless about what was really happening inside my family.

"No, they don't. Grandpa - Carlisle - only turns people he deems they should be saved and turned into vampires. He doesn't go out randomly biting people. He…He feels damned, and he wouldn't wish that upon anyone who has the chance of living a normal life."

"I don't think I get it. In my mind, vampires just bite and turn others randomly. I can’t imagine choosing specific people to turn into one of them. Can you elaborate on that?"

“Well, Carlisle, just like Edward, feels like being a vampire — it’s like a curse that condemns your soul; you’re a lost cause, God hates you, and all that stuff. Even when he was bitten, Carlisle hid under sacks of potatoes because he didn’t want others to hear him screaming in pain. When he finally turned, he tried to starve himself, because his nature told him to kill people, but that was just not him. And when he had the chance to save others, he studied medicine, because he wanted to help. And when he found Edward, Esme, and Rosalie, he saved them because they were dying. And he transformed Emmett when mom brought him to Carlisle because he also was dying. Carlisle would never bite a person unless he simply had to, to save them.”

“Well, still, I see your point, his point, but he still bites people. He doesn’t give them the chance to choose if they want to be saved or not.”

“You’re right, and that’s where the guilt begins: he thinks he saves someone who eventually may not want to be saved. That was the case with my mom. She didn’t want to be saved; she wanted the pain to go away, but she wanted to die because she was feeling guilty when she shouldn’t have. When Carlisle bit her, the pain was unbearable for her, and she wished she was dead. She was wishing she was dead for a couple of years; that was until she met dad. Mom had never tried human blood, and when she found dad mutilated by a bear, she said there was something so familiar with him that she felt like she had to save him. She said she reminded her of Henry, her best friend, Vera's son.”

Paul grimaced. “Ehm, that sounds weird and creepy.”

I laughed at his remark. “Well, to her, it felt like she could finally have a piece of normality with Emmett like Vera naturally had Henry. But mom now couldn’t have children, so dad somehow managed to bring some normality to her now immortal life. Before he came to the family, everyone was moody and awkward, and uncle Edward was brooding as always. But Emmett was goofy and careless, and he seemed to be the only one who actually enjoyed the vampire life. He brought life to a family of dead people, and mom never stopped loving him, no matter what he did to - unintentionally - upset her.” 

Paul raised one eyebrow. “What did he do to upset her?”

“Simple things that dads would do, like tossing me in the air, but imagine using the strength of a vampire like Emmett, or even sticking me to the wall with duct tape, so he could "watch me" and play “The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time” at the same time.” 

By now, Paul was laughing so hard that he literally rolled off the boulder, and I could only watch him with amusement. “It wasn’t funny. It was tragicomic. I was less than 2 years old! Mom said she tried her best to pull the tape apart without hurting me, and it took her weeks to make sure I wasn’t traumatized or anything. But, honestly, I didn’t even remember it. Alice, Jasper, and Edward told me everything.”

Paul sat straight, now leaning against the base of the boulder, and turned to look up at me.  “You had quite a childhood, huh?”

“You don’t say. So, what about you? What’s your trauma?”, I looked at Paul whose happy face suddenly frowned.

“Well, I had a harder childhood, if you may.” He looked forward, lost in thought.

I slid down the boulder and plopped down beside him. “I would like to hear it if you’re comfortable sharing.”

Paul sighed, before taking a deep breath. “I’m probably the only one of my pack mates who wasn’t born in La Push. I was born in Tacoma, and I only came back here when my parents divorced. I was 8 years old and didn’t really understand why they had to divorce. For years, I thought it was my fault they did; that I caused them to fall apart and hate each other, and yell, and finally divorce. It was quite recently that I started coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my fault; it was just the fact that my parents fell out of love with each other, and divorcing was the best thing they could do for both themselves and me. And it was okay they did. It was the right thing to do.”

It was weird hearing Paul being so self-aware and so mature, but it was also refreshing, and it made me feel a deeper attraction and connection to him.

“I didn’t know anyone around the tribe personally. I wasn’t close to Sam or Jared growing up. It took me several years to start hanging out with Jared, Jacob, Embry, and Quil, and I still wasn’t fully open to them. I was an asshole sometimes - well, most of the time, mostly because of my anger issues, but they still hung out with me, and it was nice having them around. And then you came around and it was weird having you around, but, after a while, we all wished you could spend more time with us, stay for sleepovers, and such.” He looked down at his feet.

I touched his shoulder, trying to show him that I felt the same. “I know. I wished I could, too. Still wish I could.”

Paul huffed, laughing a bit. “You know, the first time I ever shifted was when I found out you left town, back in September.”

“Why?” I was genuinely unaware of Paul’s first transformation.

“I thought you left; that you left me, forever. Some time after meeting you, I thought I liked you, and when you left, I knew I liked you. A lot. And you left without any explanation, and I didn’t know why you left, or where you went, or if you’d ever come back. I had all these images of you in my head, and then I pictured you leaving me and I was so desperate. Day by day, I got angrier and angrier that you left as if you didn’t care about me, and that was when I first shifted: with your image on my mind.”

Something inside me cracked, just with the thought of what Paul had been through the past few months because I wasn’t there. I wasn't going to lie: I had a great time with my parents, but I still missed my friends, especially Paul, who was almost always on my mind, as I wished he was there with me, enjoying all these moments together.

“Thankfully, I had Sam and Jared to calm me down and try to contain my anger and sadness. The thought of you never coming back again was the only thing that fuelled my transformations, because, at some point, I thought it was my fault that you left. And then I learned about your family and I was angrier at you for being the enemies’ daughter. I’m gonna be honest: I didn’t know if I wanted to see you after that; I wasn’t sure if I had the mentality and the emotional stability to see you again. I wanted to see you, but something inside me was telling me to be careful, not because your family could hurt me at any point, but because I could hurt you. I was scared of myself not being able to control my nature and attacking you. It would kill me if I did anything to hurt you. And that was before the imprinting. Now, I’m even more scared, but your presence alone somehow has managed to calm me down.” 

I leaned against him, placing a small kiss on his cheek, as I leaned my forehead on the side of his head. Paul sighed again, but it sounded a bit more optimistic, as he wrapped his arm around me and brought me closer.

We stayed like this for a few hours, enjoying each other’s company without saying a word. It was peaceful and calming, and it seemed like nothing to an outsider, but, to me, it felt like I felt every powerful and positive emotion so many times more intense than I had ever felt. It was the simplicity of the nothingness we were experiencing together that was so fulfilling and made me feel complete.

It must have been around 9 or 10 p.m. when Paul told me that it would be better for us to get inside, as it was getting dark and a bit chilly. Of course, Paul didn’t mind the cold and wouldn’t object to hugging me to keep me warm, but he was worried as it had been hours since the last time I ate. 

So, he quietly led us inside, where there was only Emily, Sam, Bella, and Jacob left, sitting around the table. Paul and I sat next to each other, and Emily smiled at us, as she put two plates full of food in front of Paul and me. I looked at her, questioning how she knew.

“Sam and Jacob heard Paul getting worried about you not having eaten, and thankfully, the boys had left enough food for the two of you. Everyone else already ate, so don’t worry. Eat while it’s still edible. Enjoy!”

Emily went to sit on Sam’s lap, but she still looked closely for my reaction to her cooking. I grabbed a bit of everything on the plate and took the first bite. The flavors just popped into my mouth. I closed my eyes, trying to enjoy each separate flavor: sweet, salty, spicy, and sour, all together mixing harmoniously. I had never had such a tasty home-cooked meal; my family, not being able to decipher between tastes, served bland food most of the time. 

I tried to take up cooking so I could cook for myself, but my mom was constantly scared I’d hurt myself. That’s why I could only cook whenever she wasn’t around. I loved her, but her overprotectiveness was getting in the way of my normal life - the kind of life she always wanted for herself and me, as well. 

I tried not to think of my family right now, but it was impossible. Even within this small group of people, I felt so comfortable, and it felt like I was home, even after such a short time knowing the others. It was Paul who made me feel so comfortable and like I could trust the others, and there was a warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. I didn’t want to leave, and I was surprised my parents hadn’t called me yet, asking where I was.

As if on cue, my phone started ringing. I picked it up from my back pocket to see it wasn’t my mom, it was actually aunt Alice. “Alice? What’s up? Why are you calling me?”

“(Y/N), tell me the truth. Are you with the wolves? Are you with Paul?”

I looked at everyone around me. “Why? What’s happening?”

“Tell me, are you? Rosalie and Emmett won’t get mad at you. They aren’t mad at you.”

I looked at Paul, sighing, putting my phone on speaker. “Yeah, I am with Paul, Bella, Jacob, Emily, and Sam. Will you tell me now?”

“Oh, thank God! Can you please stay there? On the reservation, I mean.”

We were now all looking at each other. “Why? Can’t I just come back home?”

“Well, we’re all going out tonight to fuel up for the battle, and we think it’d be better if you stayed on the reservation, where you’ll be safe. Bella, too. It’d be better if you both stayed there. Then, in the morning, Jacob can bring her to the field, and the plan will resume from there, okay?”

“Yeah, I guess, but we didn’t ask Emily and Sam beforehand. I don’t want to get between their feet.”

“Nonsense!” Emily spoke up, “We’d be happy to have you around.”

“It’s arranged, then. Thank you, Emily. Thank you, Sam. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night!”

“‘Night, Alice.” I hung up, looking at my phone for a few seconds, biting my lip out of habit.

Why did Alice ask me to stay on the reservation? The call was totally random and unexpected, but I guess, if it wasn’t for the vampire army roaming around the area, they would have let me stay alone at home. Still, staying here was much better than going back home, so I was happy about that. Plus, I didn't get yelled at for lying about going to Port Angeles. Yet.

"So, I guess I'll be staying here tonight." I shrugged, looking at Emily.

"Or..", Paul shrugged, too, "You can come and stay at my place for tonight. If you want to, of course, I won't pressure you to accept."

"Uhm, I don't know, Paul. I mean, I'd love to, but what about your dad? I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable. Also, I did tell Alice that I'd stay here, but if you're all okay with that, I have no issue staying at your place for the night."

"Trust me, my dad won't have any issues. He's… actually been meaning to meet you ever since I told him about you. He may or may not be at home anyway, so, either way, we should be good. Don't worry, I'll be by your side if things get too interrogative."

I let out a nervous laugh, my face cringing a bit at the idea of having to start a whole conversation with Paul's father who I had never met or heard of before. But I still wanted to stay with Paul, at least for tonight, where I could feel safe and secure while chaos ensued around.

"Okay, let's go." I smiled reassuringly, pushing my chair back and standing up. Paul's face lit up with a smile, and he followed suit. I hugged Emily, then Sam, then Jacob, and Bella. "It was really nice meeting you, guys. Bella, I'll see you soon. Thank you for bringing me here." She smiled widely in response, and we held each other's hand for just a couple of seconds, before Paul and I finally walked out of the house.

We were walking beside each other until Paul sped up a bit just to get to the car before me and open the door for me. His little awkward moves and face were adorable. He was clearly nervous, but he was also really trying to hide it. I thanked him for opening the door for me, and I tried to climb into the car but had difficulty doing so. I wasn’t as graceful moving around as my vampire family was.

"Please, let me help you." Paul wrapped his arms around my hips, lifting me effortlessly, and helping me sit on the front passenger seat. As soon as I did, he closed my door and ran around his car to get in the driver's seat.

Paul had an innocent excitement, like a child waiting for the little treat they were promised. He was nervous, but his smile was vibrant and it warmed my heart. I smiled, too, out of instinct. Paul turned to look at me, as he held out his hand for me to take. I grabbed his hand and in return, he caressed mine before he pecked it. It was such a subtle but meaningful kiss, and I felt my heart skipping a few beats, then speeding up quickly.

I had never seen the "stubborn-but-sometimes-smiley" Paul get so excited and nervous over anything. He turned to look back towards the road as we drove off, and I couldn’t help but stare at him. He now had a calmness on his features that seemed so natural and unpretentious, like he was finally calm and collected for the first time ever. I felt so empty and so full at the same time; empty because I was completely numb and lost, looking at Paul’s perfection; full because I felt so happy, calm, and secure with him beside me. 

Nothing mattered: not the feud between the Cullens and the wolves; not the battle with the newborns tomorrow; not even the constant threat of the Volturi. Only Paul. Only Paul and I. It was weird to think of Paul and I possibly getting together - because, despite the imprinting, we hadn’t really talked about what we really were. But, just the thought of actually being with Paul got me excited. I liked him from the beginning, so knowing he liked me too was just unreal.

All my life I was surrounded by vampires who raised me and wanted to protect me. Now, I also had werewolves wanting to do the same thing. Though this time, it felt like the wolves and the imprints could be my escape to a world of reality. Yes, they were still supernatural beings, but they held a humanity within them and they showed it too. They were the warmth and care I needed, and they felt like a newly found family; one that seemed normal; one that didn’t have to pretend, or move around to fit in with the humans.

The intensity suddenly scared me. I was used to being unconditionally loved by my parents, but to have someone else actually love me unconditionally, with the purpose of being - eventually and most likely - in a relationship with them was suddenly worrying me. Unfortunately, I didn’t go unnoticed by Paul, who stopped the car at the edge of the road and turned to look at me.

“Hey, hey! Are you okay?” His hands grabbed my face gently, and his eyes, full of worry, started examining my features to find the tiniest indication as to why I was suddenly feeling off. “I can feel your worry. What is happening?”

“Yeah, I just… I just don’t know. Don’t you feel like all this is too intense? Like I heard about the mate bond before, but the imprinting also seems like…a lot. Too many intensified feelings, and all that.”

Paul let go of me, and leaned back into his seat, looking saddened. “You regret all this, don’t you? You regret being my imprint.”

“No, I don’t!” I grabbed his hand, and he turned to look at me as a reflex reaction. “I do not regret being your imprint. It was a relief actually because I liked you all this time and now, I get to have you like me back. I just hope you like me because of me, not because of your genes, fate, or whatever says you have to like me.”

“(Y/N), I liked you before the imprinting. I have liked you pretty much since I met you. It wasn’t hard to like you. You always looked so happy and you were always so nice to all of us.” Paul took both of my hands in his and lowered his head to peck them lightly. “I am lucky to have you as my imprint. Because, honestly, I wouldn’t wish for anyone else in my life. I know it sounds intense and all that, but we can be as slow and uneventful as you want. If you want us to be just friends or friends who secretly like each other I have no issue with doing whatever you want, and being whatever you want us to be.”

"I guess…that's all I wanted to know." I smiled, looking back at Paul. 

His eyes were shining, and there was an infectious glow on his face that was coming from within. He didn't stop looking at me for a second, and I felt so attended to. I finally felt the attention of others on me - I felt Paul's attention on me, and it felt amazing, almost heart-stopping.

It felt natural when I leaned forward to peck his lips. He responded immediately, as his hand caressed my cheek. It felt like all the butterflies in my stomach exploded at once, and I felt my heart stopping for just a second. My mind went blank, and my heart sped up, beating loudly in my ears. 

Even when we leaned back a bit to take a breath, our lips were still hovering over each other's, foreheads leaned on each other. We were still looking at each other. It wasn't an awkward moment; on the contrary, we felt so connected to each other in a sort of magical way. 

I laid back on my seat, and Paul took my hand in his, giving it a few pecks before he started the engine once again. He drove steadily, probably wanting to get us to his place without getting into any trouble in the meantime. There was still the danger of the vampire army lingering in the air, though none of us spoke a word about it, not wanting to ruin the few moments of peace we had together.

I felt my eyes getting heavy and I decided to close them just for a few moments. The seat was comfortable; the car was warm - probably mostly because of Paul. It wasn’t difficult to fall asleep within a minute, and so I let myself enjoy a few minutes of sleep before I had to get out of the car and go sleep on an actual bed.

The next time I opened my eyes, I was laying in a stranger’s bed, with the hall’s light being the only thing lighting up the room just enough for me to be able to see around. I turned around to see I was lying there alone; Paul was nowhere to be seen. I panicked a bit but quickly collected myself. I was used to living - and sleeping - in an eerie silent house, so why was that any different?

I slowly got out of bed, and walked out of the room, through the hallway. I looked around a bit for signs of someone sleeping in one of the rooms around me. When I didn't find anyone, I started slowly walking down the stairs, careful as to not make a sound.

The staircase was directly across from the living room, and I could clearly see Paul sleeping on the couch now. He was laying across the furniture, part of his legs sticking and hanging out of it. I laughed to myself but I was also worried he'd have back pain or something later.

I walked towards him, as he moved around a bit, probably having heard or smelled me. "Paul. Hey, Paulie," I tried to shake him a little, "Hey, you better head to your room, okay? You need some good rest. I'll sleep on the couch, okay?"

Paul slightly opened his eyes in response. "No, (Y/N)." His voice was raspy and made my insides shiver. "You'll stay in my room. I'll be sleeping here, okay? You need a good night's sleep."

I sighed. I knew how stubborn he was and how he wouldn't let me switch places with him, no matter how much I'd try to convince him. The couch, though rather short for Paul, was big enough to sleep two people. So, I just went for it, and slowly climbed onto the couch and into Paul's arms.

He was taken aback a little, but he quickly relaxed and wrapped his arms protectively around me. His embrace was really warm and welcoming, in contrast to my parents' and family's cold arms. It was so welcoming and warm actually that it didn't take too long before I fell asleep once again.

[ash-etherwood]

Top 5: writing memories, songs, characters that are not blank rune, runes, food

♡

Linda I love you but are you trying to kill me … that’s so many Top 5’s! But alright, I’ll do my best! (Answers will probably switch between German and English RIP to every non-German-speaker who follows me and wants to read this for some reason I swear I’m normal)

WRITING MEMORIES

5.) The entire time I spent finishing my first (second?) longer writing project It was the year 2012 and it was a cyberpunk story about my friends’ and my edgy self inserts riding dinosaurs, fighting aliens and being badass. The plot twist in the end was that my character was secretly evil and wanted to kill everyone. (Things to show your therapist) The final boss fight made zero sense and also everything was incredibly weird and stupid. But sometimes I still think about those times when I sat in my grandma’s living room at night, eating chips and listening to Vocaloid covers while thinking this story was the coolest shit ever. Truly simpler times.

4.) Researching something about universities in Texas for OvF on a rainy Saturday afternoon I have no idea why this memory is still sticking with me to this day (I think it was around 2016 or something?), but I remember that it was just a really nice day and I felt really at peace at that moment?

3.) The entire writing process of Bathroom Blues It was such a spontaneous project and I still have no idea how I managed to power though it in just a little under two months! Also it was just incredibly fun seeing you getting excited over new drafts and I loved coming up with new plot points and Halloween costumes for everyone with you. :-D Truly a summer worth remembering.

2.) FINALLY uploading the prologue and intro chapter of WWBL Not really a writing memory, but that moment was … so sexy and magical. Seriously, you have no idea how long I had been waiting to finally start that story, waiting for the Steckbriefe to roll in and see people react to the prologue and generally the idea … I even made one of those countdown graphic thingies for the designated upload date! 8D At that point I had planned that story for about six months and just … yeah, that felt powerful to me.

1.) Writing the prologue for WWBL When I first started the draft for that prologue I was sitting at the window in my favourite hotel in Winterberg, Sauerland, wore my dark green flannel, had the window wide open breathing in the cool mountain air and allowed myself to listen to my WWBL playlist for the very first time. God, that felt so amazing. I even have a photo of it (which somehow makes it look like I have the biggest football shoulders in the universe) my sister took that night. God I miss Sauerland. )’:

- - - - -

SONGS

My apologies to every favourite song of mine that I forgot about, I have a whole playlist of them, but I think these are some of my oldest faves … (Honorable mentions for Don’t Mess With Me and Not That Big by Temposhark, Goodbye by Apparat, Me And The Devil by Soap&Skin, Heart Heart Head by Meg Myers, Pain and Animal I Have Become by Three Days Grace, Beautiful Crime by Tamer, Gravity Of Love by Enigma, In Flames by Digital Daggers [thanks Phi u_u] and Murder Cries by Snow Ghosts AHHH FUCK IT I could’ve just made a playlist,,,)

5.) Vater Unser by E Nomine Starting off with some weird shit, won’t we? I’ve been in love with this song since fifth or sixth grade, when I was just starting to develop an actual music taste and although I have many favourite songs by E Nomine, this one has to be my absolute fave. Every time I can relate it to a character it makes me love said character even more. (Also I think about it every time my mom forces me to go to church for Christmas so … yay? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t even be able to remember the Vater Unser if it wasn’t for this song. 8D)

4.) Wires by The Neighbourhood I think this is the newest all-time fave on this list, I found it in … 2015? Thank you, Youtube AMVs. Yeah man, this one is just … on so many playlists it’s not even funny anymore.

3.) Heathens by Twenty One Pilots An edgelord classic but like … it’s on EVERY playlist of mine. Every single one. It’s just so good. The first time I heard it was on the radio tho, when I was having breakfast with Jessie and I forced her to shazam it because it immediately stuck with me,,,

2.) Imaginary by Evanescence My first Evanescence song ever and the first step towards becoming who I am today I think. This song has like … such a big history for me, man. It single-handedly turned me goth in 2008 and I have never really thanked it for that.

1.) Eternal by Evanescence Might be my favourite song of all time. The number of dramatic RP scenes I have written with this in the background … man. Oh, also this song is the reason for one of my oldest internet nicknames, ‘eternala’, which subsequently shortened into Etschuh and then Tschuh, my main nickname until 2017, when I came out as trans and finally found an actual name for myself I was comfortable with!

- - - - -

NON BLANK RUNE CHARACTERS

I know this was probably supposed to be about fandom characters but I can literally not come up with a single character right now that I love with a special burning passion and that is not my or one of my friends’ OCs so you’re getting OCs now. u_u And boy do I have a lot of those.

5.) Jackson Tracey from atroCITY (mine) This little piece of shit kept me company for a pretty long time and is still very close to my heart for some reason, although I haven’t drawn him or really thought about him in detail for a while now. My favourite thing is how I only realized what a horrible person he was after I stopped regularly working with him but honestly good for me. 8D His storyline and personality is kinda convoluted and tbh I’m not really sure how much of it is canon anyway (atrc was always a little weird about canon rip) but yeah. He’s an obsessive stalker piece of shit who pities himself way too much and he is also a semi-immortal demigod who likes knives. I hate him but he also helped me a lot with some gender and sexuality stuff so thanks I guess.

4.) Mayoko Imai from Century Riders DXPrototype (Maus’ and mine) Mayoko is a magical girl protagonist with a cool cyborg arm prosthetic and her main character trait was that she was basically a reverse weeaboo, a Japanese girl who was obsessed with American media, culture and comic book heroes! I actually love her concept a lot and she also had a pretty cool character arc in her story (which Maus and I wrote together and actually finished btw!), although it could use a lot more … polishing from today’s point of view. But I love her anyway. She always wanted to do the right thing and be a hero and got broken pretty cruelly and her ending is kinda bittersweet I guess? Ahh there’s just so much nuance to it … anyways, CR3 also stuck with me for a very long time and I enjoyed the time with her a lot. :3 (Her name had a cameo in Another Incident btw heehee)

3.) Tessa *insert extremely long chain of unnecessary first names here* von Lean from Nobody Is Perfect and Infernal Temptation (belongs to one of my old school friends) Tessa is just … a hand full. I love to hate her. She is badly written and developed and just OOZES mentally ill teenage girl’s idealized self-insert power fantasy, but she just … man, she was a big part of one of my most drama-filled high school friendships which I love looking back at so much. Tessa has fucked so many of my characters … good for her tbh! There are actually two versions of her, one is just a ‘normal’ teenage girl and one can shapeshift into a cheetah, but both of them are very close to my heart. I should really adopt and redesign her some day.

2.) Judy Khayat from Original vs. Final (mine) Look, I love all my OvF-characters and every single one of them is special to me in their own way, but Judy is just … the most complex of them all I think? Man, she went through so much … she is actually one of my oldest (semi)-active characters (I created her in 2009) and her latest version is from 2016 but I should really, REALLY revise her again tbh. She has a very complicated backstory that I didn’t handle as carefully as I should have, and anger issues and religious conflict and depression and PTSD and then Vance of all people becomes obsessed with her for no reason and decides to traumatize her even more … yeah. God I really love her but I seriously need to work on her. A LOT. I should also finally rename her tbh … let’s just see where she takes me next.

1.) Okami (I don’t even remember if she has a proper last name rn lol) from Split Realm (mine) Yeah, that bitch is just my favourite OC. She’s also very old, probably from around 2009, and initially was a magical girl with fire powers who I played in an RP with my friend Flauch but boy did she grow up! Holy fuck. Okami is a horrible person but I love her so much. She is so violent and full of anger and pain and sadness and treats everyone around her like shit and she is in love and she is a demon but also apparently the personification of the concept of Chaos but she just wants to be a teenager again and run away with the love of her life and ahhh it’s all so hopeless for her … also she turned out gnc af with time passing and pretty much went through a gender/sexuality crisis in real time with me, her creator, which is always fun. :^D I haven’t drawn her in a while tbh. Should really do that.

- - - - -

RUNES IN BLANK RUNE

I’m just gonna go with the arcs here, okay? Also this entire answer might look completely different if you asked me again tomorrow, you know how indecisive I am with Blank Rune shit ahha,,,

5.) Jera Look. I know I’m boring and stupid. But I just love Tave and Liam having their disgusting little foreshadowing talk, okay? I can read it over and over. I just love my horrible little shit crime boys. Also Rhy and Phillip are there. (’:

4.) Isa This one is here because it was the first arc I witnessed in real time which gives it a very special place in my heart and it also … hit pretty hard at the time. But having read Fehu it’s become even better now! It’s just such a wonderful, tragic romance between two horrible, ruthless boys and I … I’m not immune to Rhy, sadly. :-/ Just like Phillip.

3.) Wunjo We still haven’t seen everything that leads up to Wunjo yet, but we DO know more than we did initially (wow shocker) and it’s just always a fucking blast. Also, it has the first mention of Ash’s real name … the first Rhy POV (which what the fuck!! I always feel like we had one before but we didn’t!! Wild) and it has crazy blood-soaked murder Tave, my beloved. :///3

2.) Eiwaz You guys have heard me fanboy about Eiwaz so many times already. Eiwaz-OT3 (and Kain) my beloved!!! It’s just SUCH an amazing starting point and there are so, so many things that tie back to it and every time we find out about a new one my heart makes a little jump … und es beginnt von Neuem indeed.

1.) Gebo One of the most painful but also the most beautiful arcs yet in my opinion. It’s been hyped up for so long and boy did it deliver. God, my heart still hurts when I think about that last scene. Also all the dialogue … the golden lines we got … and it’s an arc without Rhy! Crazy!! :-D I just love the relationship between Ash, Astrid and Jakob so much. God fuck I want what they have. Just maybe without the murder suicide,,,

- - - - -

FOOD

5.) Diese Sonntagsbrötchen wo die Verpackung so plopp macht, wenn man die Folie abzieht Better than normale Brötchen for some reason. Most of the time. See 2.) Look man, I just really love a good breakfast …

4.) Chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese topping One of the first things from a certain baking book I tried when I was getting into baking back in 2019. God they are so tasty. I don’t make them often so I don’t get used to them too much and eating them still feels special but ahhhh I love them so much!

3.) Grünkohl mit Kartoffelbrei und Mettendchen One of my favourite things about autumn/winter and one of my biggest comfort foods. God I love this shit so much. I just put … mountains of Grünkohl and Kartoffelbrei on my plate every time and I will just warm it up for four days straight until there’s no more left. It turns me into a fucking caveman. I’m not even big on eating meat but … yeah. Everything is different when there’s Grünkohl.

2.) Normales Brötchen mit Butter und Scheibenkäse aber ich bin beim Frühstücksbuffet im Hotel Oddly specific but that’s just how it is. Sorry. Nichts geht über Brötchen mit Käse.

1.) Chilli-Knoblauch-Nudelauflauf My beloved. My comfort food. I eat it literally every second day. At least one hour in the kitchen every time. Fresh ingredients. My only vegetable intake. And I’ve been doing that for three years. I just love it so much, man. I cook it for everyone who visits me. Chilli-Knoblauch-Auflauf cured my depression.

[the-final-sif]

Do you think it will ever be made "canon" that Bakugou was abused? Like an official plotline? When do you think Uraraka is gonna have an actual storyline? Do you have any ships other than todobakudeku (and the ships in that ship)? What's your opinion on Aizawa choking Monoma w/his scarf? Do you think Best Jeanist's behavior in the anime is any better than Mitsuki's? Opinions on female adult heroes hitting on teenage boys in the series? Or the ua girls being over sexualized?

I’m honestly not sure if it will every be seriously addressed in canon as abuse.

The initial scene with Mitsuki is played at least somewhat lightly/jokingly. All-Might does note that the family is dysfunctional, but it’s not treated like it’s a super serious issue that the teachers need to do something about.

However, we’ve had it happen a few times now, particularly with Katsuki, where something is played off as a joke only for canon to revisit it with a more serious tone. Almost as if get the reader to assume something is okay and then double back and be like ‘holy shit no this wasn’t.’.

I think the best example of this was the sports festival incident. When we see Katsuki on the podium, it’s played off super lightly. Oh haha, Katsuki’s so angry he had to be chained and muzzled to the podium. Then he’s upset about it and he brushes his teeth angrily. The readers aren’t meant to think something’s really wrong there.

Only, then we hit the kidnapping plotline and we go back to that incident with fresh eyes, and holy shit, they chained and muzzled a teenager to a podium in front of thousands of people. Now all of the sudden it’s not a joke anymore, Tomura has a photo of Katsuki chained to that podium which is really clearly shown to be why he thinks Katsuki will join the league of villains. We also see that the incident has warped the public’s perception of Katsuki to the point that a reporter, directly after this 16 year old child has been kidnapped by an extreme dangerous group of villains, feels comfortable asking his teachers if they think Katsuki will become a villain. Going so far as to call the again, child who is currently kidnapped, mentally unstable. At that point Aizawa apologizes and states what happened at the Sports Festival was his/the school’s fault. It’s taken very seriously even though it was originally played as a joke.

Since that initial scene with Mitsuki, we have gotten two hints about Katsuki’s home life. During Katsuki vs Izuku 2 he mirrors her words very closely when blaming himself for the kidnapping.

To quote from the official viz translation:

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t been so weak and gotten caught in the first place”

(Note the use of the word we, meaning she’s blaming him for more than just the kidnapping itself, she’s including the media disaster UA is facing. As if, it’s somehow his fault the school is being criticized for having a student kidnapped)

Then during Katsuki vs Izuku 2:

“If only I’d been stronger.. If I hadn’t been kidnapped by those stupid villains.. everything woulda been fine!”

Katsuki, a character who didn’t cry while he was actually kidnapped by villains or fuck even during/after the slime villain bullshit, has been driven to tears having emotional breakdown blaming himself for All-Might’s retirement. Using words that sound just like what we heard his mother say.

The second hint is the line from Katsuki in the remedial courses where he wants to fight the kids and doesn’t see an issue with it saying he was raised with violence. We’ve also seen his teacher acknowledging that they fucked up and didn’t watch his mental health after the kidnapping. We still haven’t exactly seen them doing shit to help him, but canon has acknowledged Katsuki has been failed by the adults in his life for the second time.

So, I’m not sure if canon is going to try and address this more seriously. It’s entirely possible given what we’ve seen so far. I do think it’s noteworthy that we’ve seen almost nothing about Katsuki’s personal life despite him being such a major character. We don’t see his dorm room, we don’t really see his bedroom, we don’t see him interacting with his family outside a grand total of 2 scenes (only actually seeing them in 1), and we’re missing a ton of info about him compared to the other main characters. I wouldn’t put it past the author to be purposefully hiding a lot of this so he can pull a more serious storyline regarding it later. Given the current push in Japan against child abuse (they finally made it illegal to hit kids at all, it’s a pretty serious issue right now since there was a string of kids who died from abuse), I would say it’d be quite clever to purposefully play those scenes like jokes, subtly drop hints to the readers that something’s up, and then after awhile hit the readers with a “actually, no, this had serious implications and impact for this character”. In a way it mirrors how a lot of emotional/more “mild” forms of child abuse can go unnoticed irl because people try to laugh it off. It’s also possible it will never get addressed. Who knows.

God I hope like hell we get more development for the female characters soon. On some level the bar is already so low I’m just happy Uraraka purposefully put her crush to the side to focus on being a hero, and that she’s working on improving her Murder Capacity. I’m definitely bothered by the amount of over-sexualization for basically all of the female characters. Actually Foraged By Nitroglycerin and Sparks will have a little after-fic one-shot addressing all my issues with that.

Actually, that kinda leads me into my stance on Midnight. Her hitting on teenage boys is gross af, but I think it’s symptomatic of cultural issues behind her character more than anything else. She’s the only female teacher at the school, so I understand why some people basically take her character and rewrite her to be, you know, not a pedophile. I think it’s really important that we acknowledge that what we see her doing (hitting on teenage boys) is not okay, but I’m not going to give people shit for liking her. Particularly the fanon version of her. 

I’m going to assume you meant Shinsou and not Monoma? Honestly, I wasn’t really bothered by that scene. For one, it’s directly called out out by the background characters of the scene (”That’s corporeal punishment, alert the PTA”). Shinsou’s got the artificial vocal cords on under the scarf guarding his neck, and he’s not spluttering or shaken afterwards. He doesn’t even seem upset by it or out of breath, he just looked surprised to me. I think it’s intended as Aizawa cutting him off when he’s putting himself down instead of Aizawa choking him. This is more of what I’d consider ‘slapstick anime jokes’ than anything else. It’s also important to remember, despite fanon, Aizawa is a mentor figure who taught Shinsou how to fight, and not Shinsou’s parent (yet). Different relationship, different boundaries, different general behavior to expect.

I actually haven’t seen the anime, but going off what I’ve seen from that scene, no I don’t think Jeanist is as bad as Mitsuki. For one, context is important. One of the reasons I take such issue with the scene with Mitsuki is Katsuki was just kidnapped. By villains. And held for 2 days. He’s in a very fragile place mentally, and he’s been through a highly traumatic experience. Beyond that, Katsuki wasn’t doing anything before Mitsuki hit him and started in on her lecture, he was just,,, sitting there,,, looking upset. He cannot/doesn’t fight back, and his childhood hero and teacher are in the room. Compared to his scene with Jeanist, Katsuki makes an aggressive first move before Jeanist restrains him. Jeanist is also a mentor figure, while Mitsuki is his parent (at least in canon). Which, again, are very different things.

Oh! And finally, ships!

Honest to god, I’m on board with almost any ship. I don’t tend to talk about a lot of the female characters because we just don’t have much (if any) development for them and I’m more attached to Katsuki rn, but Jirou is amazing.

I like Momojirou, Mina/Tsuyu, BakuKiri (honestly almost any ship w/Katsuki I’m down with), Miruyumi (I don’t care that they haven’t met, I’m gay and I want them to be gay too), Shigadabihawks, Miritama, Kamishin, Fumikage / Katsuki for Goth Solidarity, Camie / Toga as a more AU style one, tbh Toga / Uraraka and/or Tsuyu too, Vaguely Itsuka/Mei because I love unstoppable chaotic lesbian / unmoveable force lesbian. In even more AU of a setting I think Inko / Mitsuki is cute af and despite my distaste for her in canon, I adore AUs where Mitsuki is a bamf lesbian mom.

Platonic ships I really like are Katsuki and Ochaco where the two of them have a friendship built of their general desire to piss off the other. Ochaco doesn’t take any of Katsuki’s shit and actively goes out of her way to fuck with him in Chaotic Gremlin Fashion, and Katsuki returns the favor. I also really like platonic Bakukiri with them just being Good Damn Bros.  Platonic bakudeku with Adoptive Sibling Energy is Good Shit too. Jirou and Denki both being gay messes together is a Mood. Same for Jirou and Mina. Bakusquad in general.

Honestly though, I’m down for most relationships tbh.

[adara-of-the-flame]

Afar and SkekSil for the if they had a kid meme ~ whimperingcrystalxlord

((Under readmore, because it’s long.))

((Yes, from ‘Afar’. Because they sure as heck didn’t make these kids the, ‘traditional’ way!))

Name: Moon (not SkekMoon, just ‘Moon’) the Anarchist. Named for David Bowie’s Moonage Daydream.

Gender: Female preference, physically hermaphroditic like her Father.

General Appearance: One might say she choose to become a goth because she doesn’t like her appearance. Well, that’s half-right. She doesn’t like her face, or her body, and covers them up accordingly. Goth just looks cool, and so is black. Always wears a short top hat and round, black or mirrored shades, and ink-black shoulder-length hair like Jack White, but more spiky, and made to cover her cheeks, which are round and chubby (which she hates). Her head is surprisingly mostly human-shaped, with a very flat and low beak that doubles as her lips. Sort of like an owl. She’s learned how to hide this using a few tricks with face paint: ink your lips black like a diamond, no one knows you have a beak. Add diamonds to your eyes to complete the look. 

Moon usually looks overdressed, but not so much in extravagant layers like a full-blooded SkekSis, but more like she’s deliberately trying to cover every part of her body in clothes that seem a size to big for her slight frame. A long, heavy, black skirt reaches down almost to the ground, to hide her tail and pot belly, And, a very thick (sometimes leather) black jacket zipped or buttoned all the way up to the collar. Some jewelry (SkekSis weakness for shinnies), silver piercings, and lots of rubber rocker bracelets covering both wrists. Surprisingly, she doesn’t trim her black claws--they work perfect for strumming the guitar. Her appearance is almost reminiscent of Steampunk, with heavily Gothic overtones.

...And, she does have a tendency to get too carried away when she’s performing...or, just when she wants to speak against authority. 

Personality: She sounds a lot like April Ludgate. ...Both in tone and choice of words. If there was ever a SkekSis who would be sent to the Order Of Lesser Service for insubordination and questioning authority, it would be Moon The Anarchist. And, she would ring those hat bells with the kind of stoic pride that comes from knowing full well that her punishment could be used to put the failings of the current government on full display. Let’s just say, she doesn’t suffer the aristocracy, and despite her imposing and disturbing appearance, she prefers the company of the common people. This brooding girl loves Podlings. She’s fairly active in protesting, preaching and acting against injustices, both personally and impersonally. Though, more often then not, she comes off as pushy and annoying. She does have her moments, though.

Moon seems to have only two settings: disturbingly still and quiet, and very, very loud. Usually, the loud part is reserved for singing. It’s almost like she’s conserving her energy for the performance.... Most of the time, she has same, dull, unreadable expression on her face. 

Special Talents: Guitar, baby. Acoustic, electric, bass, ect...she shreds them all with extreme energy and movement. Much like the guy with the all-white guitar in My Chemical Romance’s Helena. Also, with a little creativity, she’s learned to play the violin with the smaller set of arms on her back. 

Who they like better: Mom, definitely. Despite all her rebellion, Moon’s a Mama’s girl. 

Who they take after more: Neither, really. Moon and her sister picked their own path, and their own way.

Personal Head canon: She’s named for the second (deliberately strange) song Adara taught SkekSil upon arriving on Thra. 

Face Claim: ...I have no idea. 

Theme Song: The Sound of Silence (yes, I know Simon and Garfunkel did it first, but Disturbed’s cover matches her better. And, Welcome to The Black Parade, by My Chemical Romance.

Gender: Female preference, physically hermaphroditic like her Father.

------------------------------------------

Name: Mars (not UrMars, just ‘Mars’) the Free Spirit. Named for David Bowie’s Life On Mars.

General Appearance: You know ‘Janice’ from The Muppets? A face like that, but with less long eyelashes and not so prominent lips. Or lipstick. No lipstick. Very straight, jet-black hair. We’re talking Cher in the 70′s straight, black hair. Or, like those paintings of Heian period Japan: very straight, very long. She’s bulky like other Uru, but her posture is a LOT better. 

Mars The Free Spirit loves color. She prefers hoodies, and will be seen with a different colored one each day. And, lots of rainbow, cartoon, and band name decals ironed onto the fabric. She’s also sewed on extra sleeves for her extra set of arms. And, pockets. Lots of extra, sewn-on pockets. And, a pair of saggy pants with a hole in the back for her tail. And, an overly-excessive collection of hand-woven friendship bracelets on both wrists. She’s also known to wear a pair of very large mirror-disk earrings. 

She’s very open about her unusual appearance, and is happy to answer questions when the random kid walks up to her and asks why she looks ‘weird’. She’ll even put a positive spin on it: “An extra pair of hands comes in ‘handy’! See? Did you get the joke?” Why does she have a ‘funny’ face? A tail? “Beats me. Probably the same reason I have four arms. Pretty neat, huh?” She’s extremely tall, too, at six feet.

Personality: She sounds like Autumn Blaze from My Little Pony. “Do your own thing, man. It’s all cool.” Despite her Uru heritage, Mars is..quite the chatterbox. Really. She talks a lot. And, very quickly when it’s a subject she likes. And, she likes a lot of subjects. Mars also has a tendency to run off on tangents. It’s not easy to keep her focused. She also sometimes misses the point on a topic. IE, Once, Adara mentioned that her kids are lucky she didn’t name them, ‘Pink’, and ‘Floyd’. ...Mars, who was decked head to toe in pink that day. “I could’ve been Floyd?!”

Mars also has a tendency to bob her head when she talks...or just in general, so all that long hair moves a lot. It’s a wonder it never gets tangled. 

Who they like better: ...I don’t think Mars has ever met anyone she didn’t like. You can find something to like in everybody, if you take the time, and care enough to look!

Special Talents: Guitar, definitely. But, Mars’s extra arms also afford her a gift with piano, and drums. But, she found out the hard way that it’s a lot more difficult to drag a piano and a set of drums around than she thought (The White Stripes made it look so easy!), so she mostly strums a guitar like her sister, Moon. Double necked guitars are a breeze. 

A double pair of arms means she can play dueling pianos all by herself. And, she is a skilled rapper and beat boxer--something she got from her Mother’s species. She’s got quite the talent for improvising.  And, needless to say, she’s really, really fast. 

Her music also comes with a sense of humor.

Who they take after more: Neither, really. Mars and her sister picked their own path, and their own way.

Personal Head canon:  She’s named for the first (deliberately strange) song Adara taught SkekSil upon arriving on Thra.

Face Claim: ...Anyone have a dark-haired, lipstick-free, bulky Janice puppet with extra arms, and who’s bangs cover their eyes?

Theme Song: Sunshine, Lollipops And Rainbows, by Lesley Gore.

And, yet, despite all this, the sisters are surprisingly close. They have a means of DreamFasting without touching, even over great distances, and can talk to each other inside their minds. They can’also talk the The Crystal of Truth, but to almost everyone else, it sounds like they’re having a one-sided conversation.

They are also both accomplished singers who have the ability to shatter things with their voices.

[emmelfish]

Alright team, we’re in this mess together. 

So last time on The Only Way is Pleasantview, we found out that Darren had impregnated Brandi with her fifth and sixth bebs around the 20 second mark of entering her trailer (NOT A EUPHEMISM), and they hadn’t even spoken yet, let alone kissed or anything. Any number of things may have happened – they’re that attracted to one another, they both lost their respective spouses to pretty awful deaths as deaths go and that kind of raw grief makes you hella horny, they’re not getting any younger and don’t want to die alone, the LTW of 6 married children fills Brandi with determination, or any and all of the above.

And now they dance in their underwear, which, I’m not gonna lie, is toothachey sweet. I think I like these two.

Beau: Hello. I thought you hated painting.

Dustin: Can you not tell by my face that I do? I need a stupid creativity skill point to get a stupid promotion in my stupid career.

Huh, what on earth is that in their bedroom?

Why, it’s teenage townie royalty Sophie Miguel and Princess of Strangetown Erin Beaker in her gardening gear having a dance-off! I don’t even remember anyone inviting them in. Probably because I was too busy fixing pasties for Brandi’s nekkid bewbs.

Beau: Yippity hoooo, now THIS is what I call a party! Come on Dusty, you know you want to!

Dustin: I don’t want to want to, but I sure do! It goes against every fibre of my being, and yet that smustle is infectious!

Suse has that Worried Broke Eyebrows thing down to a tee, yet she somehow manages to make even that look menacing.

Susie: Hello, Mother. Where have you been? Finding me a new stepfather I hope?

Susie: TELL ME WOMAN! Don’t sugarcoat it! Is he pretty? Rich? It’s Armand DeBateau isn’t it, OH I CAN’T TAKE IT!

Brandi: Armand DeBateau? Yeah in a parallel universe seven years ago maybe, Watcher’s long over that ship.

Brandi: Presenting Queen Susie, as she gracefully glides through the ornate castle arches to greet her grateful subjects!

Darren: And what a beautiful sight she is to behold, some say her face has launched ships and triggered wars!

Susie: ... Yes. Yes.

Skip Jr. on the other hand couldn’t give a shit less about Operation Stepdaddy and proceeds to throw blocks all over the activity table.

Skip Jr: CHAOS! ANARCHY! YAAAAEEEERRRGGHHHH!

(Seriously Bran, are you sure you and Loki Beaker didn’t meet in a club one night and make the beast with two backs in a toilet cubicle? Because I’d wholly rename your twins Atom and Ceres if so. Oh who am I kidding. Loki in a club?)

Susie: YOU! What do you do for a living? How much money do you have? How many days until you become an elder? What are your prospects? Are your intentions with my mother honorable?

I learned something today, and it’s that if Dustin sits on the floor and does his homework in the doorway of the bathroom, Brandi has to hold in her vomit and it never actually comes out. 

(Note to self: use this trick on Circe Beaker, the most morning sickness prone sim I’ve ever encountered. Seriously, at one point I thought she’d glitched because every time she sat down she ran to the toilet again.)

Oh they look so happy. They have not yet spoken a single word to one another, but the couple that does autonomous romantic interactions together every three seconds, stays together. Just look at the Burbs!

Beau: You. What do you do for a living? How much mo –

Susie already covered all that, Beau. The answer to said questions was... inconclusive.

Oh hey! Whatcha doing, Suse?

Susie: Being Godzilla. I eatin all th’people.

Sure, that’s normal completely standard dollhouse behavior. Good. Do carry on. *Calls child psychologist*

Darren you’re about five hours late for the bedroom dance-off.

Darren: And I’m furious about it too!

Dustin rolled a want to purchase an mp3 player, and so took Beau out of what had become a somewhat unwholesome environment dominated by Darren walking around in his boxers. However, there were no mp3 players to be found on this particular lot. TRAVESTY

There was townie Komei Tellerman of Extreme Jawdom judging Veronaville’s Cornwall Capp though, so not a totally pointless experience.

Komei: I have a glandular problem. What’s your excuse?

Cornwall: Excuse for what? Existing? I’ve never been sure, really.

More importantly, why the hell is the cash register outdoors?

Beau: Achhh Dustin! This car smells of booze, dashed hopes and crime.

Dustin: Be grateful that I took you anywhere at all – hopefully by now he’s put some pants on. Speaking of which, did you not get the memo about switching into your summer getup?

Beau: ON IT LIKE GIN AND TONIC

Beau: You there! Random fellow kid! That shirt... where did you get it? I must have it, despite it being outside my limited wardrobe boundaries of white, beige and blue.

(Beau’s cassette tape T-shirt to represent his love of music & dance FOR THE WIN)

Benedick: Oh, I must be in a place where nobody knows who I am. Not my choice actually – I’m from Veronaville, and we’re going with the whole Baz Luhrmann aesthetic. Quite frankly I kind of envy the Capps with their sharp suits.

Beau: Wow, I’m sure what you’re talking about is super interesting but DO YOU LIKE TOMATO SOUP?

Benedick: I DO like tomato soup!

Beau: Frieeeeeeend!

Brandi: Lookin’ good Dusty! Hey the family that creates art together stays togeth –

Dustin: Chill out, I am so sick of telling people I just need a creativity point before work and am loathing every minute of this.

Brandi: Son, when you and I open our art gallery together, you do all the economics, ’kay?

Dustin: Mom, did you not hear – *sigh*. Can you at least get him to put some pants on?

Darren: Lovely leaffffffs 🍃

Beau: See, when the truth walks away, everybody stays ’cause the truth about the world is that crime does pay. Our bills at least. But that’s what’s wrong with the universe, right?

Beau: Oh hey Dustin I wasn’t talking about you I was talking about a totally different criminal have a lovely time at work make sure you eat healthy snacks like almonds and dates love you byeeeee

Dustin: Pfft.

Beau: HEY BENNY LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

Benedick: That’s impressive! I mean I live in the same town as actual fairies, and my family’s mortal enemies are friends with like a clan of vampires or something, NBD... but aw yis!

Benedick: You do you, Beau!

The walk-bys are getting better all the time here. It’s Cassandra Goth’s parallel universe Riverblossom Hills opposite, Sandra Roth, in her speed-racing suit!

Sandra: ... I’ve never experienced summer. It’s new. It’s interesting. It’s different. My polyester is chafing me suddenly.

Oh my good grief autonomous child huggling. I can’t take it. It’s so pure. They’ve known each other for like three minutes. Beau, is it inappropriate to start shipping you off yet?

Beau: Never!

Whatever on Watcher’s green sim earth is going on here, I’m all for it.

Benedick’s face! Protect these boys. PROTECT THEM

Like from supernatural wolves that might savage them.

Hardimos: This house has many children and foliage, my pack will do well here.

Dustin: What the hell is going on here? Why are you still out on the sidewalk after three hours? Why is there a wolf here? Who’s the enthusiastic chick in the nylon suit? Where is our mother?

Beau: Never mind all that, did your creativity point get you a promotion?

Dustin: It did! Bestowed upon me now is the honor of lifting people’s belongings directly from their person.

Meanwhile inside, Skip Jr. is finally getting on the Find a New Stepdad train. And he didn’t even have to do anything, he didn’t ask for attention, Darren simply picked him up autonomously. Hey Daz, you have a hidden Family aspiration token?

Darren: Nope!

Family secondary?

Darren: Possibly? Seemingly you can never remember what you give us.

Enough of the sass mister, I remembered giving Nina Caliente a freaking grilled (Daiya or Violife) cheese secondary didn’t I?

Well you’re great with kids... let’s hope you don’t have a nervous breakdown at the prospect of dealing with baby twins just when you thought you’d be settling down to focus on your art with your firstborn off to college soon.

Darren: Well, I was all set to try to steal Cassandra away and she’s got baby fever so I’ve been preparing myself for my second fatherhood for years. Plus they’re easy aren’t they, they just fall right asleep.

Yes but firstly, Cassie wasn’t already saddled with four. Secondly, I’m not sure you’re remembering early parenthood correctly. Or maybe you are, Dirk’s pretty much the perfect sim all-round, he was probably a dreamy baby.

C’mon Brandi, right all those wrongs you did Beau and get your toddlers all trained up long before their childhood transition! Although frankly, the prospect of a kid with Susie’s personality up on her feet is terrifying.

Susie: It’s okay Mommy, I’d never murder YOU in your sleep. You’re my best friend.

I want still that paternity test because I’m pretty sure that’s what Loki Beaker said to Vidcund Curious before he metaphorically stabbed him in the back by stealing Circe Beaker. Never have those green smileys looked creepier.

Next time, we’ll head to the Dreamers’ pad for a little look at how Darren – thanks to time standing still when you’re not on a lot – essentially woke up with two kids on the way. Imagine that!

[orangepunkwitch-blog]

Not dead!  Not an abandoned blog, either!  This kinda happens from time to time, so lemme explain myself:

Did the read-more page-breaking thing so nobody has to scroll for eons if they don’t care to read...

Anyway, my absence.  My mental and physical health have been absolute shit, and I’m starting to think I may have seasonal depression on top of situational depression as well since every damn winter I have no energy to do much of anything.  But as this year progresses, I’m finding myself perking up some.  My physical health is largely due to flare-ups (I haven’t been diagnosed but it’s strongly considered that I may have endometriosis; I need to get a laparoscopy to find out and currently cannot afford that, etc. etc. long story for another time) and lack of proper dieting and exercise.  The flare-ups and shitty periods are why I can’t exercise when I’d like to, and we can’t always afford healthy food for strength and energy I need to do things (my metabolism is high enough to where gaining weight isn’t exactly an issue with me despite being almost 30).  The worst of my pain occurs the first couple of days on my period, to which I have ultimately resorted to smoking marijuana which helps tremendously.  The only time I use it off the rag is during an extremely bad flare-up, which are thankfully rare.

‘Kay... mental health...  My husband and I still live with my parents here on the farm and it’s been stressful to the point where I’m getting anxiety-related chest-pains from time to time lately (long story-short: my parents---especially my dad---are assholes and even Loki said that no amount of magick can help them so I just rely on my wards in my room to have a safe haven).  This and the fact that we may have a lack of proper oxygen in this house might be contributing to it.  I plan on beginning my luck at growing pet-safe indoor house plants such as succulents and aloe vera to help with this after visiting a friend’s house whose mom pretty much has an indoor garden and realizing how much better I feel just being there for a few minutes.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about a topic relating to what this blog is about: Paganism, witchcraft, and being a Lokean.

Nope, still a solid Pagan with Druid beliefs and such, still a Lokean, but I haven’t practiced entirely too much witchcraft because there haven’t really been ways for me to use it where it’s needed.  You can’t expect certain spells to work if you’re not doing anything to help it along (such as a job wouldn’t just fall into your lap because you still have to apply for a job).  Money spells can get expensive if you’re doing it constantly for your spouse or parents because you’ll eventually run out of candles and such (I can’t do it without ingredients because I’m scatterbrained and need a damn decent point of focus and stuff).

I’ve got plans, though!  I still haven’t invoked Loki for practice (which he’s cool with) so there’s that; I need to work out a ritual, and Loki says that for me, being short, sweet, and too the point is the best way to go.  So I’ll be working something out with him in the (hopefully) near future.  There’s also the fact that I plan to try out my green thumb and see about growing pumpkins and sunflowers.  The sunflowers are to help with luck or prosperity or something on the property (honestly, I really wanna grow some out front to make the place look nice and having half a field of these flowers will be great for the faeries living there).  The pumpkins are because I fucking love Halloween and love pumpkin pie and have a few recipes involving pumpkin I wanna try.  I’d also like to try my luck at selling some, too.

While Loki tells me he isn’t associated with pumpkins, he sure as fuck likes to press the whole “come on, you know you wanna” bit onto me with growing them, and I’m getting this feeling that he’ll show up presence-wise whenever I go out to the pumpkin patch, so...  Whatever, I’m gonna grow pumpkins because pumpkins are fucking awesome.

I’ll be asking the neighbor that owns the property across the street from us if I can do some bone-hunting and maybe a little bit of fossil-hunting.  I still have the deer bones that my friend gave me that I need to wash, plus a dead young skunk I’m trying to decompose for bones, but winter makes this shit hard, so that’s part of my spring/summer activities.  Loki wants me to try and articulate the skunk and have it mounted on a wooden platform and put onto his altar and I’m sitting here like: uuuuhhhhhh you don’t have much in a way of room...  Regardless, articulating a mammalian skeleton will be beneficial in starting myself out in first-hand osteological studying, which is something you kinda have to know if you wanna be a paleontologist (which I do).  I’m also interested in creating a staff involving animal bones, but I’m not sure what I’ll be using it for.  If not for magick use, then it’d make for a great bring-along prop for a future druid character for D&D night (my husband and friends and I are just starting out with D&D because we haven’t been able to afford the books to play in the past, so we’re real excited about this).

Speaking of osteology, I plan on going to the museum with my husband and some friends in Pittsburgh and taking as many reference photos of all the fossil skeletons as I possibly can so I have decent and varied angles of the animals for reference when I practice to better my paleoart.  I don’t wanna keep on using artistic renditions or limited angles of the same damn pics of fossils on the internet for references.  I just need a decent camera, and I’m hoping my mom will stop acting immature and demand from a supposed friend that they give her her camera back.  She has more authority to demand it back than I do, and I never talk to those people anyways, so it would make sense if she tried getting the damn thing back.  Even though it’s sort of old, it’s still very high quality even for today’s standards and cost my parents nearly a grand to purchase.  If not, my husband (who is extremely knowledgeable in technology and quality) can help me get a new decent camera (because my iphone sucks and his samsung phone can only hold so much memory for the amount of pictures I wanna take).

I do plan on doing more magick this summer, largely to help with learning a new instrument.  While I do wanna properly learn the French Horn since I simply have the instrument, I need the proper mouthpiece (not sure if I’ve bitched about this in past posts), but every damn time I try to get the proper mouthpiece that I need, shit happens and I never get it.  However...  There’s a very strong possibility I could be learning how to play drums.  I’ve always wanted to play but my parents did their damnedest to keep me from that thinking I’d just be annoying on drums.  Turns out I’m quite proficient in terms of knowledge on how to play after a clerk at the local music store permitted me to play around on a drum set in one of the tutoring rooms because I paid very close attention to my band teacher helping the percussion section back in middle school.  That knowledge stuck with me because I wanted to play drums so damn bad.  So as it turns out, looks like I’ll be a drummer after all!  It’d be a great way to help me stay in some upper-body shape and help relieve stress through movement while creating music.  I’ll worry about starting a band later once I’ve actually become proficient in actually playing the drums, though.

Loki has made sure I stayed on the right path to where I don’t completely go on hiatus regarding creativity.  I have a deviantART now if anyone is interested, and I’ve been working on some DIY punk clothing for myself.  I’ll also be working on getting my hair how I want and learning how to apply makeup.  It’s apparently time that I start expressing myself how I want now that I know what I’m doing.  I’m going to go for a goth-punk look that I’ve always wanted since forever, just didn’t know how to achieve the look without spending a fuck ton of money (turns out that I never needed to in the first place).

....yay tangents.

Loki’s basically been trying to teach me to stop relying on the pendulum so damn much.  Basically I have to accept that I’m not going to know everything and find some other coping mechanism unless I absolutely have to consult with a pendulum, otherwise he’s just going to lie to me to hammer the lesson into my head.  I mean, his opinions?  Fine, sometimes I can’t take a hint on my own, he knows it, and sees the pendulum being something that could work.  But other stuff I won’t get into, he’s like, “Okay look...”  He’s also apparently preferring that I use tarot readings in general divination than runes.  I think it’s because the runes were a nice beginner’s way of helping me figure out the whole divination thing.  I’ll Sometimes combine tarot with the pendulum if I’m not sure and very damn confused on certain things, but other than that, I’ve been getting the hang of it.  I still need the handbook because holy dumbfuck, I can’t remember every little thing about every damn card.

Actually, this one tarot spread tried to basically tell me to compare what I’m going through to a caterpillar’s life and I’m currently in the pupa stage.  Meaning: I’m working on the appearance that I want, and when I finally achieve it, something something butterfly/moth analogy.  Of course, it isn’t narrating my whole damn life, just a part of my life.

Regarding art, I’ve been working with Kenaz, and that’s the rune I have on the Loki painting I may or may not have shared here sometime ago (I’m pretty sure I did but I’m too lazy to go get it so...)  The painting has now been moved to a new part of my room (after rearranging shit for the millionth time) and it’s lined up to where it’s directly across from where I sit to do art.  Ever since then, I’ve been able to dish out projects with higher quality than what I usually do at a faster rate.  It’s just that lately, thanks to precipitation, I can’t do charcoal drawings for a while.  Reason being is that I have to go to the outer garage to spray fixatif on it when I’m done and I need proper air circulation for that, and my windows aren’t meant to be opened... the architect of this house was a fucking idiot.

I am not entirely sure if I’ll be purchasing and reading anymore Pagan/witchcraft books for a good while, especially after being better informed, checking my amazon wish list, and finding out that some of the stuff I wish-listed is empty garbage because a lot of crud cranked out by Llewelynn tends to be garbage for money (note: I said “a lot,” not “all.”)  But I do make purchases of incense from a small business witchy shop (they make their incense sticks).  Lately, I’ve been focused on finding affordable boxes suitable for Bast’s, Thoth’s, and Cernunnos’ altars because my asshole cat likes to knock only the tiny shit off them.  I’d also like to get proper statues for Bast and Thoth, too.

I’m also interested in making a smaller besom for general workings, and putting my bigger one up above the front door for protection purposes.

I don’t know how to end a ridiculous post like this, so that’s all I’ve got for now.  I’m not disinterested, it’s just I don’t have a whole lot going for me, plus my health isn’t entirely the best right now.  Take care, everyone!

[cupofsorrows]

HOWARD LOVECRAFT 4: CRAFT HARD WITH A VENGEANCE

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Time to continue this cursed journey, blighted not by eldritch forces but by sub-quality filmmaking. As you’ll recall (or not), LL Cool Craft and those other two dudes were on their way to beat themselves up a necromancer. Let’s see how well they’re doing:

PRETTY GOOD, IT DOESN’T SEEM.

Except wait, they actually do pretty well, because as we’ve already established knocking a shoggoth out through blunt force is both possible and fairly easy to do, and also because Dr. Armitage has the athleticism of a young Super Mario.

seen here bestowing an orb of discord on the enemy. yes i went back to the zenyatta joke.

Of course, they eventually get captured, and now it’s time for King Abby to reveal his evil plan...

“nah dude I already saw that movie, I know Thanos loses in the end.”

Suffice it to say that basically Abdul wants to “open the Gate of Dreams” because daily life has become soul-crushingly dull.

Like, I get it dude, I’ve worked retail too, but you don’t see me trying to destroy the universe. Anyways, the final journal is hidden behind a magic gateway that apparently only Howard can pass through:

All I can say is it’s a good thing this is an alternate re-imagining of Lovecraft’s life, and not the real version where he was heinously racist basically all the time.

Yes, Howard’s Dad, the animation’s terrible, but it’s looked like that all movie - I don’t understand why you’re just now reacting.

By now it’s time for the tables to turn yet again, through a series of actions I didn’t care enough to cap, and it looks like everyone’s about to escape...

BUT WAIT!

Nooooo Dr. Armitage! You were.......a character in this movie!

All four of them (they got Spot’s astral form in the crystal ball) escape through the portal, but Armitage is wounded in that special animation way where there’s no blood or even clothing damage but you have to hold your side and wince and you can’t walk for some reason. Is he going to make it?

Sorry, kid, but it looks like it’s his time to...return to the university? Um, OK. Oh, but first he can restore Spot to his bargain-bin aladdin-genie form.

Farewell, Doctor. This whole scene was very nearly pointless.

It’s all good, though, because the Three Amigos have a new destination!

This gives Paw Lovecraft plenty of time to ramble about how he came to write the journals (notice throughout how they can’t be arsed to give half of the things in this movie proper shadows but they do make sure to take the extra effort with the beads of sweat on his forehead):

Cool story bro, but I’m still a little unclear about NO NO WAIT I DIDN’T SAY FLASHBACK Aaah dammit, there he goes.

...

You could have given a thousand Lovecraft scholars an entire year to try to guess what might be in this movie and I don’t think a single one would have come up with “awkward Death Note homage”. My hat is off to you, movie. Bra-vo.

(i guess there’s a possibility it’s coincidental, but that’s even funnier because then that means two different people independently had the idea to animate somebody writing in a notebook but make it look as intense as possible, and they both came up with the exact same solution)

Now we’re finally introduced to Doctor West (voiced by Christopher Plummer), the mysterious colleague of Lovecraft Senior whom we’ve AAUUGH

my man I am so, so sorry.

...er, anyway, seems the two of them were working together when they made their big breakthrough. Here we see them as Lovecraft the Elder prepares to journey to either an alien planet or a particularly wild orgy.

...Adding “Stargate” to the list of things I wasn’t expecting this movie to rip off...

And now, at last, we learn why “Undersea Kingdom” was in this movie’s title.

I dunno, dude, it’s a kingdom and it’s undersea. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Just then, however, Flashback Howard’s Dad is treated to a terrifying sight!

bigchungus.png

“Nice notebook, nerd! Yyyyyyoink!”

...And that’s the state of things now. That’s why DadCraft went nuts and that’s where the last journal is. He timed his flashback well, for they’ve just arrived at their destination:

Yeah, they probably shunned it because some crazy, Edgar Allan Poe-looking fucker was always up there running around and babbling in a nonsense language! I’d shun that place, too!

Underneath the hill is a secret base where Dad suits up to return to the Undersea Kingdom™ - Howard doesn’t need one, on account of the ‘turning into a fish’ thing.

see?

OK credit where credit is due, the actor playing this guy is really making an effort, and I actually sort of chuckled at this bit. His delivery is usually pretty goofy, but I think that’s the way to go here, and even if most of his lines are clunkers because, well, most of the script is clunky, there’s still an undeniable sort of heart behind it. Imdb says the actor’s name is Tyler Nicol, who doesn’t seem to have been in much, and probably can’t stand on the level of the big-name talents in this movie (though I def wouldn’t say they’re all at their best here), but I think he deserves some recognition for trying.

Tangent over, here comes the big fish dude again.

I think we can all guess what his name is...

...Munkus Q. Charliebears! ...Oh, yeah, or Dagon. That would’ve been my second guess.

But it’s OK, he’s on our side! In his minute or so of screen time Dagon manages to deliver probably the most useful exposition in the whole damn film, explaining that he took the journal to keep it safe and that he put up the magic gate that only plucky boy heroes can pass through, as well as laying out some background for Nyarlathotep and his motivation for being involved in this. It turns out that Nyarrblbarbagarbl wants to activate Cthulhu in accordance to the wishes of their mutual father, Azathoth. Now everybody’s hanging out in Dagon’s crib to get at the journal, so our pal Hovercraft had better get moving to get it before the bad guys do. This falls on him, because it was his dad who fucked everything up in the first place and now he’s too cuckoo to fix it himself.

You sure it’s that and not...you know. The racism?

Alright, so everybody up to speed? Everyone understand everything? No? Well too damn bad.

Disappointingly, “Y’ha” is not pronounced “Yeeha”.

(PRONUNCIATION GUIDE THUS FAR:

Tekeli-li - Tekah-leelee

Cthulhu - Kuh-too-loo (probably the way you’ve heard it elsewhere)

Shoggoth - Shuh-GOTH

Nyarlahotep - Nee-ar-LA-ho-tep

Innsmouth - The ‘mouth’ is pronounced that way (i.e. the orifice you eat with) instead of ‘muth’ which I had always assumed

R’lyeh - Ruh-LAY (this is the one I’m most calling bullshit on)

Howard - JEFF-ree

As the goodguys approach, the badguys sense their arrival:

“ ‘WhAt sHaLl i dO, blehhhhh I’m a Dumbass’ That’s what you sound like.”

LMAO YASSS DRAG HIS ASS

Then Howard et al show up on the scene, and it’s time for the Big Bad to make his debut.

OK I like this, I think it’s actually sort of eerie, but it’s too little too late at this point. Also, isn’t Azathoth supposed to be sort of mindless? Or have I gotten him confused with some other ineffable outer being?

I feel like I should say something about the sudden art shift, but I’m approaching the end of my patience and I just want this all to be over already.

Surprise, Mom is still a hostage! Her skin has definitely looked better, too.

LOOK OUT, WALLACE N. GROMIT IS OFF THE SHITS

You know what else he looks like to me? A cartoon mailman. Remove the mask and the hood, add the little mailman hat...do you see it?

Did I mention the trials? No? OK: there are trials.

The fate of the world before him, his family behind him, his meat enormous, Hocus Pocus Lovecraft can do nothing but move forward.

2 B CONTINUED

RIGHT NOW