#my theory is that the school just wants the students to do the heavy work of getting everything down again

[panzershrike-pretz]

Okay but how the FUCK did my school decide that we'll have classes tomorrow when it was literally underwater today

I bet they didn't even had time to clean it yet nor get the stuff down from the second floor

Like, everything was moved upstairs to be safe,, im talking all the books, all the benches and tables, all the shelves(??forgot the name but like a closet thingy idk), even their large ass safes with books and documents, the fridges and the fucking ovens

There was literally nothing on the sub-floor, it looked like they were preparing for a fucking war or something instead of a flood-- and anyway, my talking is just an excuse because I forgot to do my homework✨️✨️

[setsugekka]

『atarashī 』 ; 02

❝ something brewing ❞ | mlist  ｡

student!hongjoong x fem!reader, husband!yeosang x fem!reader — drama, dark romance, mystery, heavy sexual content [4,5k wc] ch cws: talks of pregnancy, trying for a baby, and some of the deeply inherent societal misogyny that can come along with that for women of a certain age.

"When do you think you're coming home?"

With a glass of red wine in hand and winding down from a long week of work, you lean into the cabinet of your kitchen—a forkful of fried rice shoveled into your mouth after the sentence leaves it and your phone set atop the counter—the often missing husband on speaker from the other end.

"Hard to say, might be a few more days to get some paperwork settled, I have a couple more meetings I need to attend and then who knows what might pop up in the meantime, between all of that. You know I miss you, right?"

In theory, yes, you do.

But you don't want to fight, don't want to turn this evening into another one that ends up like so many others, like your birthday days ago. So, you fight back the disappointed sigh, force a chipperness to your voice that probably sounds fake even to the man on the other line, if he knows you as well as he should by now.

"I know you do, I miss you too. I love you."

"I love you too. Enough about my work, how is the new bunch of art hipsters?"

You take a hefty swig of your drink.

"Same as always, I'd say. There's a few that seem really promising already, a couple of the actors are incredibly impressive, one reminds me of my grandmother, actually. I hope she sticks with it, especially."

Yeosang huffs out a laugh on the other end, as if amused by the thought of it.

"Any problem children this year?"

Another mouthful of food down and a shrug that you know your conversation partner can't even see, you answer.

"I don't think so. There's one guy who can't seem to get it together enough to close it out, bombed out of a bunch of other schools in what would appear to be spectacular fashion, but I don't think he's going to be a problem to anyone except for himself. It's really no skin off of mine nor the Akademiya's back if he can't focus enough to graduate."

"Maybe he just needs some inspiration," Yeosang says, though there's a pointed mischievousness to his tone that makes his intent in saying such a thing evident before even going as far as to explicitly say as much. "Maybe he'll like to take you as his muse."

"And I'm sure you would find that just so amusing, wouldn't you?" you jokingly reply back. "Painfully cliché, isn't it? Besides being a happily married woman, I have no interest in fraternizing with the students of the Akademiya, I would imagine it to be largely frowned upon."

"I would imagine so, though equally as much desired by some as a result of that. Don't you silly, artsy types enjoy those sorts of clichés more often than not anyway?"

Yeosang says it in a way that's meant to be comically enjoyed by the both of you; a cute banter between husband and wife, though it always comes off as anything but to you. A point of contention in your relationship for as long as you can remember, your husband's unwillingness to relent as far as his perceived pointlessness of the arts as a whole—the irony embedded within then—when he decided upon marrying a woman so devout to them.

Something that over the years fell to the wayside, however, and you can't quite parse through how much of it has been on account of yourself, or on account of his disapproval of it. Never any outright condemnation of your enjoyment, but equally as much unwilling to ever make himself available to you in such a way.

Silly, artist types, as he would always call them. Not to be taken seriously, not to be regarded as anything more than children now existing well into adulthood but unwilling to cast aside the immaturity that still resides deep within them.

And so, cast it aside you have. Buried deep down, not to be revisited. To be ignored completely and forever.

"Yes, well," you start, pouring yourself another glass of wine, this one fuller than the last. "We do, but not when it results in undesired, real world consequences. I have no inkling of desire for a student five years my junior and with little to nothing going for him."

"You know, speaking of," Yeosang says then, a change of subject sitting at the tip of his tongue. "I've been thinking that maybe it's about time we start trying for a baby."

Your blood runs cold at the mere mention of it, frozen in place and almost certain that you've heard wrong. Surely not.

He must pick up on the hesitation despite the very few seconds of silence that pass through the line. You hear him sigh—like he's disappointed in the fact that you're not jumping at the potential opportunity—which dumbfounds you, because why on earth would you?

"It's been seven years now, I just thought—" he pauses, probably rethinking the course of his thoughts before picking back up again and deciding against the topic entirely. "You know what, forget it. We'll talk about it another time."

"Sorry, I was just...surprised. You brought it up so suddenly."

"It shouldn't be sudden given how long we've been married. We were meant to be on the same page about this. You're thirty now, I'm not saying that you're running out of time but—"

But he is.

You close your eyes, try to pretend that this isn't happening right now with another long sip of wine. Why on earth would you be jumping at the chance to have a baby, knowing perfectly well that in doing so you would effectively be rendered to paid-for-single-motherhood with the frequency in which your husband is not around.

The thought of it makes your skin crawl. You can't say that, however. There's a lot of things that you simply cannot say to him.

"I know, we should talk about it when you're home though. Over a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, perhaps?"

"Are either of those things likely to have you getting off of your birth control?"

You've been here before: the dead end of any particular conversation topic with Yeosang. Where further discussion on the matter nearly impossible to reach any sort of positive result. Best to back down now, nothing good will come of the rest of your evening over the phone together.

"I'm going to head into the office early tomorrow to get a little bit of extra paperwork done, still a lot of small things that need to be done around the theater hall," you say. It's not entirely a lie—fully intending to do just that—but more than anything and most importantly, it's an excuse for you to end the phone call. "I should probably get to bed."

"Yeah, me too. I'll call you tomorrow when I have some time. Get some rest, I love you."

You say you love him back, but in times like this, you aren't quite sure what the words are meant to feel like anymore.

Nine in the morning echoes through the narrow, ornate halls of the theater building—an otherwise quiet emptiness that emanates around you on account of the students' typical disinterest in being there on the weekends. You understand the feeling well, though often unable to turn yourself off in quite the same way.

Balancing a small stack of papers and folders in your arms, you make your way towards your office. Phone calls to make, contractors to meet, signatures to sign—another full day of mundane tasks ahead of you with little to no reprieve in sight.

Dull. A lifeless existence you've resigned yourself to over the years; tending to a building that most lack care for, little to discuss with anyone most nights, and especially not your husband.

Amid quick strides across vermillion carpet, as you pass one of the closed doors to a smaller theater room—a small noise heard within, like a conversation being held between people. Words spoken and muffled by the large, wooden doors; you can't make them out even when you pause and press your ear closer towards it, but more than that comes to shock at someone else being on the premises aside from yourself.

You inch closer yet, slowly, and just before your head makes contact with the obstruction, it opens.

A cuss escapes you on account of the impact—it's sudden and hard enough that it has you stumbling back and dropping the handful of things that you've been carrying—papers scattering, you hissing, and the sound of a man hurriedly rushing to your aid in the aftermath of the flurry.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry—"

You rub your forehead with your palm, wince at the pain, crack your eyes open finally to see who it is that you have to wish only the worst things upon for having you end up like this.

He reaches out toward you, albeit awkwardly, unsure of what to do to help. While your vision focuses on him, he instead must decide on gathering your things—it's more helpful, surely.

"I didn't think anyone else was here, I was told no one else was here on the weekends."

"Yeah, well," you groan first, finally focusing on the sight of Hongjoong finishing his self-imposed task and then settling on his knees before you. "Typically there's no students here on the weekends. What are you doing here, anyway?"

Handing you the stacks of papers, Hongjoong smiles. As if knowing something that you do not.

"You were eavesdropping, weren't you?"

You glance up at him through your eyelashes, meet his eyes for a long moment and then bring yourself back up to your feet. He follows suit, watching you all the while.

"I would hardly call it eavesdropping when I'm the one tasked with making sure this place stays up and running. If I hear something suspicious, then I'm going to investigate it."

His smile widens.

"Was met with a sudden wave of inspiration for a garment, I don't have a dress form at home, and I was told that this space is available whenever to students. So, I came."

There's a few beats of silence that wash over the both of you—eyes glued to each other’s as if engaging in an unspoken game of chess. The first to relent unabashedly the loser, though you're not quite sure what winning might entail either.

You clear your throat, the weight of his gaze upon you feeling heavier and heavier with each passing second. Shuffle where you stand, dropping your eyes to the floor.

But you can feel that he is still watching you.

"Is that not true?" he asks, a hinting in his tone indicating that he knows the answer already.

"It is, you are welcomed to come and go as you please as a student of the Akademiya."

"Perfect," Hongjoong replies, airy, plain lips still painted with a slight smile. "Are you interested in costuming?"

The sudden tangent takes you by surprise, becoming painfully aware of the weight of the items still hanging in your arms as you give your brain a moment to play catch up with all of the bizarre things that seem to be unfolding around you. Frankly, if you didn't know any better—you might think the guy to be lightly flirting with you.

Hongjoong seems to notice as much, reaches out to take the stack once again and instead of holding onto it, sets the pile onto a stray chair that's hanging in the hallway just beside them.

"Lemmie show you something."

His hand reaches out behind himself—fingers brushing against your own in an effort to guide—you pull away just after, creating space between you even though you accept the invitation to follow him through the doorway and inside of the room. It's small, much smaller than the others that line the halls, and little more resides inside other than a dress form with fabrics draped over it, numerous swatches decorating a handful of chair-tops, and a large sketchbook sitting open in full display on the embarrassingly dirty floor.

Something that must have slipped past you in your attempt to tidy up the place for the school year ahead, you apologize to him for the inconvenience—tell him that you'll have it taken care of today—though he seems none bothered by the fact at hand.

Hongjoong's hair is cleaner today, more finely cared for and parted down the middle. Brushed, better put together than how he typically presents during the school week. Clean, fitted jeans and a nice blazer over his shirt. It's nothing fancy, but he looks nice.

"You didn't answer my question, by the way," he says suddenly, your attention snapping back to him and out of your thoughts about him. "About costuming."

"Oh, right," you acknowledge, though your attention is split between the conversation and any other tasks that may need taking care of. "A little bit. It's not something I've ever given a lot of attention to I suppose."

Hongjoong glances over his shoulder at that, seemingly amused by it. "Acting then?"

"Painting, actually."

"Ah," he sighs, bending down to the floor and picking up his sketchbook. He hands it to you. "Done anything in this place?"

Taking the large book of paper from him, you look up at him, then glance down towards it.

"A couple of things, though you'd never know it."

Hongjoong's attention to you falls away once again, hands reaching up to wind into the fabrics pinned onto the white dress form that stands in the middle of the room—back to work, as if you're not even there at all. In that time, you flip through a couple of pages of what he has given you; drawings and loose, messy sketches adorning the papers in numerous colors and outlines, but always beautifully connecting into something that shines against the bland background.

You blink a couple of times, in something of a bit of shock at what you're seeing. You glance up towards him once again—none of his attention given towards you or what you may think of his work—hands still busy winding, pinning and tying in front of him.

"These are good," you say, quietly, not wanting to interrupt his process. "Really good. How is it that—"

You catch yourself halfway through the thought, curse yourself for having even started to say it as you continue to look at him and the way his eyes sling to the side to meet yours.

"That I've not managed to graduate yet?"

"I'm sorry—"

Hongjoong laughs, takes a pause from his work and shakes his head. "It's okay, it's a fair enough question."

Waltzing across the path that separates the both of you and stepping over a small collection of fabric swatches, Hongjoong takes the sketchbook back from your hands, glances through a couple of the pages himself as if not having seen the things that rest inside for himself in quite some time. A trip down memory lane, as it would seem, and a small glimmer of what one might read as hope sparkling in his eyes as he looks at what he's done throughout the years.

"I wouldn't say that the issue is so much my talent; my raw, innate ability to create, to make something beautiful. Attention to detail, finding the divinity in something—or creating it—has never been the problem. Rather, there's probably a part of me that's absolutely terrified of the commitment of moving onto another chapter of my life."

You smile, let out a small laugh at it all. "That's a lot of words to say you're a commitmentphobe."

He shrugs. "Change is scary, unless it's temporary enough that the only thing that results from it is blowing up some major facet of my life."

"I'm sure your girlfriend loves that," you joke in response. Both of your eyes meet after, Hongjoong sets the sketchbook down onto the floor and slowly makes his way back to his work at the dress form as you continue to fumble over your words. "Or boyfriend, or whatever."

"Don't have one," Hongjoong says, sticking a pin between his teeth to hold onto. His eyes narrow then in a way that you've become bizarrely accustomed to in such a short amount of time spent with him—devilish, something lightheartedly coy and almost flirtatious in delivery. "What about you? Betrothed to anyone or just this place?"

"Married, actually," you reply, an uncomfortable tremble to your voice. Hongjoong's unrelenting stare remains steadfast on you all the while. Little time passing but feeling like far more. "Not to this place, to a man."

"That's good, I'd be worried for you if you weren't seeing anyone or anything but this building."

"Yeah, well, my husband spends most of the year traveling for business so—" you pause, close your eyes and re-center yourself. "Sorry, not really appropriate conversation to be having with students, is it?"

Hongjoong chuckles under his breath, still tending to his craft and seemingly wholly unbothered by the topic brought before him.

"Well, you're not my professor, you don't even work for the Akademiya, and thus I'm not your student," he pauses again, pulls a pin from between his teeth and sticks it into a fold of blue chiffon. "Besides, I'm twenty-five, you don't exactly have to shield my young, innocent eyes from the horrors of adult relationships. My parents are divorced, I've been through a fair share of my own in the meantime."

Silence takes the room then, and while you grant yourself some time to watch the man earnestly tend to his artistic craft, it's not long until you remember the fact that you have tasks that require your attention today as well.

"I've got to get going, I have work to do."

The man doesn't reply, another fold of blue chiffon pinned to the dress form as you bid him farewell.

Later that evening, the wind blows cold through the moistened streets of the city as you make your way through winding passages of parked vehicles and unpleasantly placed construction signs. The misplaced leaves blow violently around you, lodged in your hair and stuck to your coat before you're able to finally make your way to the destination that awaits you.

Seonghwa stands just out front of the dimly lit bar like a beacon of comfort, a soft smile greeting you once you bring yourself up the steps and inside of the building with the door held open by him.

Inside, the warmth of a fireplace and a small amount of other patrons welcomes you in much of the same way that your friend just had. Your first time here, though you're already pleased by the sights of a candlelit ambiance and intricate, decorative little knickknacks all lining the walls for as far as the eye can see. To some perhaps it is crowded, overbearing—but for you, it feels right at home.

"Weather is horrid," Seonghwa says as he slips ahead, motions for you to follow him towards one of the tables at the back of the room. "Hadn't planned for that when I asked you if you'd like to come out."

The two of you sit and a member of the staff is quick to come and take your orders, disappearing just as swiftly as they had come.

"It's okay, I needed the distraction anyway, I've been bogged down with work back at Aurelia. I'm still not quite sure how so many things break down in the small time between semesters."

"It's an old building," Seonghwa begins, cut off by the waitstaff returning with your drinks then carrying on with the thought again. "Things are going to break, unfortunately. Speaking of, how are the new underlings?"

You laugh at the nickname given to the students, as if they are your own and thus under your thumb. Coffee mug in hand, you take a sip and look carefully to Seonghwa across the table—studying his face as if in search of something. He notices it, features twisting into confusion and reels back slightly.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"We've been friends for a long time, right? I can...talk to you about things."

He glances around the both of you, still searching for something and nothing all at once. The answers to the question and what's going on at this table, presumably, he won't find them though. "Yes? Why?"

You set your mug down, lean forward across the table a little bit more to close the wide distance between both of you.

"There's one student, a costuming major—"

"A man?"

"Yes."

Seonghwa flinches visibly at the reply.

"I think he's taken some sort of...particular interest in me, for some reason." You take another sip from your mug and watch on, awaiting a response from the man across the way.

He takes a few seconds of silence, thinking over what you've said most likely. His eyes drop to look down into the liquid of his glass, and then flicker up to meet your expectant ones.

"Why are you telling me this?"

Sighing, you lean back into your chair lazily. "I don't know, I think it's intriguing. I don't know why he would, but he is fascinating."

A single eyebrow quirks up on Seonghwa's face. "Does he know that you're married?"

Part of you wonders if he's asking you, or reminding you of the fact.

"Yes, I told him as much."

"Did he seem to...care much for that?"

"In what way is he meant to care for it?"

To that, Seonghwa sighs heavily—pulls himself forward across the table much like you had only moments before and laces his fingers together like a man intent of delivering an important presentation of some sort. Or perhaps lecture is a better, more apt word.

"In much of the same way that you are. I know that with Yeosang gone much of the time it gets lonely and the prospect of new and exciting attention is likely nothing short of intoxicating, but the stakes are rather low for whoever this student is—" Seonghwa pauses, allowing the emphasis on that particular word to sink in even further before carrying on. "It's probably not a good idea to pay it much mind."

"Are you done?" you ask. Pointed, annoyed but not wanting to let it show in a way that may sour the mood of the evening any more than Seonghwa has already allowed for. "I said that I found it intriguing, not that I was considering slipping between the sheets with him, my God."

It feels as though the entire room quiets once the two of you finish with those words shared. Seonghwa leans back in his chair again, takes his glass into his hands and brings it up to his lips before muttering his apologies through it and towards you.

"I'm sorry, it's just that as your friend I know how difficult the past few years have been for you—with your job, with your marriage—it's easy to let things slip through the cracks once they're there at all. I wasn't saying it as a judgement upon you."

You blink slowly, frown at him and reach a hand across the table in request for his own. He's fast to take it, curling your lips pleasantly the other way.

"I know. Truthfully, I look at the guy more as a little excitement in my life; like visiting the pet store and watching the bunnies hop around knowing full well that you have no intention of taking one home."

Seonghwa laughs at the comparison. "Does he know that he's a bunny in your life?"

"I don't think he thinks he's anything in my life, and he would be right about that."

Nodding in acceptance of the answer, the waitstaff come with a small loaf of cut, buttered garlic bread in a wicker basket for snacking. You're quick to take one into hand, Seonghwa a bit slower, still with more on his mind to question you with.

"How is Yeosang, anyway? Still gone I presume?"

You nod much in the same way. "He doesn't know when he's going to be able to come home, nothing unusual there, I suppose. Actually, he recently brought up something..."

Words trailing off into nothingness at the end, it piques Seonghwa's curiosity just that much more than it normally might. He takes a bite into the bread, mumbles through a full mouth.  "Brought up what?"

"That he wants to start trying for a baby soon."

Seonghwa reels—lip turning upwards into an ugly sight as if the very thought of it disgusts him.

"A baby? He's never even here, what's he want to have a baby for?"

Your demeanor gives off a silent understanding of I know, right? but you offer him a verbal reply along with it.

"That's sort of how I feel about it."

"That's the most insane thing I've ever heard," he says, taking another bite of the snack food in hand. "Guy spends maybe a quarter of the year at most in the city and he wants to get you pregnant. For what?"

The question isn't intended for you, not exactly. It's intended for a man who is not there to answer it—expelled into the ether with no hopes of a response—not that you nor Seonghwa think you will be sated by any possible reply that you could come by.

"Well, you didn't ask, but don't do that. I'm not really up for playing husband like I know I'd get stuck doing in the event of you getting pregnant."

You roll your eyes. "But playing husband comes with so many perks."

"College was a long time ago," Seonghwa replies, knowingly perfectly well the implications of your past together with him that you are alluding to. "I had my fill of you then, you're of far more use to me not on your back."

Feigning an offended gasp, you halfheartedly toss a napkin across the table at him—the both of you laughing.

"Seriously though, Yeosang needs to spend more time home and fucking you. If you're coming onto me again, and being woo'd by a young twenty-something student from the Akademiya then there's a lot of problems going on within the marital residence."

"I wouldn't sleep with you again if I was injected with poison through my cunt and the only antidote was kept in your dick," you insist plainly enough, and now he is the one drowning in pretend-hurt from across the way.

Leaning over the table again, Seonghwa smirks at you—looking positively evil over the flickering of candlelight that resides beneath him and in the middle of the table.

"Ah, but if it's in an Akademiya student’s dick, well then—"

Fingers dipped in your water glass and quickly flicked into the face of your best friend, he flinches with shock at what you've done to him—how could you—he hatefully whispers through a laugh that you both carry between yourselves.

Unlikely that you're to live this one down, that much is for certain.

a/n: ah geez the trouble is brewing! enjoy the calm before the storm yall because it’s gonna get crazy and fast. if you have stuff to discuss, my ask box is the best way and i’m always happy to talk about the stories and characters! other than that, hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading, and see you next time!

[mimikittysblog]

Lonely Soul Under the Blossoms

Pairing: Non-idol! Jake x Female! Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst.

Synopsis: Jake is an incredibly hard working student who only ever wants to do his best. However when things start getting too much, he can’t find it in himself to confide his concerns with his friends. So with a suggestion to just take time and relax under the famous cherry blossom tree he finds comfort in another lonely soul like him, though somehow he also unpacked something he never would have expected. Something about that very tree he had grown attached to.

Warnings: Poor attempts at humor, Cursing, a fight, character death, mentions of suicide.

Word count: 7.5k words

A/N: Here we go! My first real fic on tumblr I guess! So excited for y’all to read it! A few things though there are a few pretty heavy themes and elements mentioned so be cautious and it might just be better if you don’t read it if it could affect you! Also this story was inspired by many things, like Hotel del Luna and funny enough Treasure’s horror web drama. Also I time jump a lot in this fic hope that doesn’t bother y’all and sorry or any plot holes. Lastly I made all the members of enhypen in the same year. Also this does not actually reflect anyone I have used in this fic. Anyways hope you enjoy and happy reading!

Tagging: @hello-stranger24 thank you for motivating me love ❤️

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Well a new school year just started and you know what that means. Fuckloads of work, unreasonable and annoying teachers, some stupid love or fuckboy drama and for this year specifically, the extra stress of college applications.

Unlike a lot of the other students who struggled each year, Jake had always been on top of his work, always the best of the best, but unlike the past semesters even he was struggling, even he was confused and trying to figure things out on what to do. Safe to say.. he was crumbling under the pressure.

“Jake..? Jake! You okay buddy?” Jake’s friend, Jay, called him, snapping out of his thoughts. “Huh..? Yeah yeah.. I’m good, just thinking about the English assignment” he replied. Which wasn’t entirely a lie, but he was mainly just spacing out thinking about what the fuck he was gonna do with his life.

“Bro the deadline is two weeks away! Just chill, you’ll be fine! You always have been” Sunghoon, another one of his friends, reminded him and tried to comfort him. Safe to say it didn’t really work.. kinda had the opposite effect actually, making him even more worried cause what if he wasn’t gonna be fine??? “Uhuh.. yeah.. t-thanks” he chuckled, in an effort to not make it obvious that he is in fact worried.

“Seriously though Jake.. if you do ever need anything.. remember that we’re here for you bro.” Heeseung, the eldest of all his friends, said to him while rubbing his back. Jake then just nodded having enough of this discussion and mumbled a small “thanks hyung..” but the problem is.. Jake doesn’t know if he can come to them.. He’s never the type to open up… feeling like his friends already have enough on their plate and that they don’t need anymore. He loves his friends, he does, but he feels like he just needs to do this on his own. He has enough confidence to at least try and still be independent.

Oh how detrimental that is going to be for him.

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Weeks have gone by and Jake is starting to crumble even more and at an alarming rate. His friends have started to take notice, but they’re not aware why Jake started being like this, they have their theories and assumptions but only Jake really knows. “Hyung! Jake Hyung wait up!”

Jake turned around at the call of his name to see Sunoo, another friend of his. “Oh hey, sorry wasn’t paying attention, just thinking about a project. What’s up?” He asked. “Oh I’m very much aware. That’s all you seem to be thinking about.. but we have a feeling there’s more.” Sunoo replied.

“What are you talking about?”

“Hyung.. when was the last time you properly slept? When was the last time you thought about anything else besides work, assignment, college, and projects? Don’t answer that cause while we don’t have an exact answer, we know that it’s not recently.” Sunoo spoke to him with a hint of sass, but a concerned look.

He then continued, “You’ve never been one to come to us for help hyung.. we’ve realized . But please you can’t do everything alone, we’re here and I’m sure you know that but you still refuse to confide in us.. and that’s fine! it IS your choice but please.. take a small break.. why don’t you go to the cherry blossom tree to relax? I know it sounds silly but the atmosphere is just so much better there, and people say you’ll just feel a whole of a lot better after resting there. I can say from experience that it’s true, even Jay hyung can agree, it’s actually where he takes his secret naps.”

Jake stays silent for a while. Processing everything his bubbly friend has told him.

Jake has heard stories about said tree, but oddly enough the stories vary greatly. Some say its creepy and haunted, some say your crush will accept you if you confess under it, and some simply say its magical and helps you relax, like what Sunoo is now telling him. He finds it odd that all the stories don’t match up so he never really believed in any of it. However after realizing how much of a break he needed and how Sunoo vaguely talked about his experience there, he’ll take his chances.

“Okay.. okay I’ll take a break..”

“YAY! I’m glad hyung! Now I have to run to class! See ya at lunch!” Sunoo exclaim while zooming off to his classroom.

“Sunoo wait!!” Jake yelled for him.

“Yeah hyung?”

“Thanks.. and I’m sorry for not coming to you guys.. I promise I will when I’m ready..” Jake told him with a small smile.

Beaming with a big smile on his face to the point where his eyes become crescents Sunoo replied “Don’t worry hyung! We’ll always be here for you!” And with that Sunoo continued on his way and Jake was once again alone in the sea of students in the hall. Jake then put away his things in his locker and deciding to take advantage of his free period to finally relax, hoping the “legendary” tree will give him the help he needs.

Now here he was sitting down, laying against the tree with his eyes closed. He sighed then started taking slow deep breaths with his eyes closed for a couple of minutes then opened his eyes again frustrated. He groaned, “ugh this is stupid. No matter how much I fucking relax my assignments will still be there.” He mumbled to himself.

“Least you have assignments.” A voice suddenly said near him.

“AH! WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Jake yelled, startled out of his mind, he turned to the sound of the voice, only to see a girl standing there with wide surprised eyes staring back at him. “I-I’m sorry.. didn’t mean to scare you.. but you really shouldn’t be sneaking up on people like that, didn’t even hear you walk here.” Jake apologized, looking at the still wide eyed girl, she looks as if like she couldn’t believe what she’s seeing.

“S-sorry.. I’m really sorry.. I-I didn’t think you cou- I mean, didn’t think you would hear me..” she apologized too after a while of just staring at him shocked.

“It’s okay, just don’t do it again yeah..?” He chuckled, while he is a bit freaked out at the staring but she looks harmless enough. He then pats the ground next to him, “Come and sit.. Assuming you also came to relax?” He invited. She then slowly sat next to him and just softly giggled “Uhm.. y-yeah kind of, its also just my favorite spot to spend my time.” She answered.

“Ah.. I see..” Jake nodded not really sure where to take the conversation, thankfully she then started talking again. “You really shouldn’t resent your assignments.. I know they’re probably really difficult, but trust me you’re gonna kinda miss it.”

Jake looked at her like she was crazy, then also remembered what she said before he noticed she was there. “I’ll miss them? Seriously? I just want to get rid off them.. also you earlier said ‘at least you have assignments’, are you saying you don’t have any? How?”

Her eyes then widened once again, then chuckled nervously “ah Nono.. I do… I do.. it’s just I have very very little and they’re pretty easy so I often finish them very quickly.. not to brag.” She giggled, trying to make lighten the mood.

Jake was surprised to say the least, little and easy assignments? And she’s complaining? Sounds insane to him, and she has the opposite problem than him, oh what he would do to swap places with her, to the point he got a little annoyed by her. However the giggle she let out along with her smile was quite charming, that he couldn’t help be.. well.. charmed. So he lightly chuckled too.

“I really wish I could switch places with you.. all of it is just so stressful.. and college applications are right around the corner and its worrying the fuck out of me aaaaand… I’m rambling. Eheh sorry..” Jake caught himself before he went into a full on rant, scratching his head in slight embarrassment.

“Nonono! Its fine, I.. I mean I kinda get it.. It is stressful but at least you’re doing something, but too much is also not good.. and for switching places with me… you honestly don’t want to..” the girl replied, mumbling the last part and seeming a bit sad.

She then continued “Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll get into a great college!” Smiling at him.

Jake then smiled back, “Thanks! You too… sorry I just realized I haven’t gotten your name..!” Jake realized.

“Y/n, my name is Y/n! It’s nice to meet you” the girl named Y/n replied cheerfully.

“It’s nice to meet you too Y/n, I’m Jake!” he introduced himself just as cheerfully.

“Well then Jake, why don’t I offer you some help, and in return you give me something to do in my boring.. moments..” she offered and chuckled a bit awkwardly at the end.

“offer some help? With what? My assignments?” He asked.

“Ding ding ding! 100 points for you! I’d help you with your assignments to lessen your workload that got you so stressed, and as I said you can keep me company! And before you say anything, no don’t worry you won’t be bothering me, and I’ve said before I wish I had more assignments anyway, so come on! What do you say?” She offered with a big smile on her face, eyes practically shining.

Jake was going to retort but after hearing all of it and seeing the look on her face, he somehow just couldn’t refuse. So with a big smile as well, he nodded and accepted her offer. “Okay, I’ll let you help me and keep you company in return!”

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

It’s been a few months since the deal was made and safe to say, Jake’s mood has skyrocketed. Not only has his assignments are getting done much more easily and faster, he also has a wonderful new friend.

Everyday when he has a free period or occasionally after school hours, he’ll go to the cherry blossom tree to do his assignments or just to relax and y/n is always already there to greet him. It’s been wonderful. Although there is something new thats bothering. Y/n herself that is. The more he gets to know y/n, the more he questions about her. That is because a lot of the things about her doesn’t really make sense and when he asks to also get to know his new friend better, her answers are always vague and like mentioned before.. just raises more questions. For example:

“How come you’re always here before I get here?” He asks her.

“Oh I’m just kind of.. attached to the tree I guess.. being here uhm… makes me at ease.”

“I mean I get that but, sometimes I rush to get here right as soon as the bell rings but you somehow always beat me here.”

“Oh… I walk really fast i guess, okay so number 3’s answer should be B.” She then changes the topic.

Or another time when he realized she was wearing an altered school uniform, he asked how she’s allowed to wear it cause from what he’s seem any altercation made to the uniform is against the rules.

“Hmm? Oh the school doesn’t really mind it.. it’s hardly noticeable.. Plus its not like the school really cares about rules or its students. They themselves break the rules all the time as long as it helps them.” She answered sounding quite bitter.

He never understood what she meant that day and is actually confused on why she would say that. It’s cause the he remembers the time the school gave Jay detention cause he changed up his blazer to make it more trendy, so there’s no way they wouldn’t mind her extremely altered uniform. Also he knows some teachers can be kinda annoying but he doesn’t think any of them are that selfish. Really doesn’t make any sense.

“Yo Hyung, you okay?” The youngest of the group Riki asked him, giving him an odd look. In fact all of his friends were looking him like that. Jake now realizing he hasn’t touched his lunch at all because he zoned out thinking of his odd new friend.

“Uh? Yeah, why?? And why are you all looking at me like that?” Jake asked, kinda freaked out by the looks.

“Well one, you’re so deep in thought it looks like you’re constipated. And two, you’ve been mumbling like you’re trying to cast a spell.” Heeseung explained to him, “And we’ve literally never seen you like this before.” Jay added on.

“I’m just thinking of something, well someone. Do you guys know a girl named y/n?” Jake asked his friends looking around. Only to be met with head shakes, conveying ‘no’ as their answer. Then after the head shaking stopped, teasing smirks start to grow on their faces.

“Thinking about someone? Y/n? A girl huh?? Does our Jakey have a crushhhh~~~??” Sunghoon teased in a sing song voice.

“What?! No! I just-“ before he can explained he gets cut off by Riki

“So that’s why you’ve been extra cheery and all smiley” He chuckled along with the rest of them

“Okay cut it out. I don’t have a crush on her, while she does have an influence on why my mood has been up, it’s not cause I like her, she’s just been helping with my assignments which got a huge weight off my shoulders alright, it’s why I’ve been able to hang out with you guys more, which also have raised my mood. That’s it.” Jake explained.

“Aaaww that’s honestly sweet of her. Maybe she has a crush on you!” Jungwon piped in.

“What?! No! She’s just really nice” Jake told them.

“Well why are you thinking so hard about her if you don’t have a crush on her?” Sunoo asked him, extremely curious.

“I.. well.. She’s pretty mysterious, and I’m just trying to make sense of it. She’s not creepy or anything like that. When I try to get to know her, her answers are always vague and then odd things sometimes happen so I’m just confused.” Jake explained to them “Like what?” Jay asked further.

As Jake was about to tell them the bell rang, signaling the end of their lunch time. So with that they all get up and start packing their stuff for their next period, all now wondering about this mysterious y/n. They all then exchanged ‘see ya laters’ and start heading off to their respective classes.

Right now Y/n was sitting down against the ‘special’ tree that she has grown attached to over the years, just waiting for her and Jake’s daily study session, the highlight of her days. As any other part of day she feels extremely lonely, grateful now that she finally has a friend to hang out with. Hearing footsteps heading her way, she looks up and smiles at Jake, happy as she receives a smile back from him.

“Hey” She greets him

“Hey stranger, sorry, hope you didn’t wait long for me” Jake apologized as he sat down next to her

“Don’t worry Mr. Sim, for you I’d wait an eternity!” She teased.

“Aww how sweet of you, but I’d never make you wait that long, don’t worry! I’d probably just make you wait a decade or two” He chuckled, going along with the teasing. Which in return got him a soft nudge from her and a giggle. “Hmm fine. You’re worth the wait anyway” she replied. Somehow that answer kinda surprised him but also made a soft blush creep onto his cheeks.

“So what do you need help with today?” Y/n asked, “Just physics, and a bit of history, but they’re easy enough so I’m planning on doing them at home. So right now I’m just gonna relax here with you” He tells her, making himself more comfortable, leaning against the tree while closing his eyes.

He then hears a whine beside him, which makes him chuckle. “Come oooon lets just do it noooow! So when you get home you can immediately go to sleep or play some games or something!”

“Nooope! I’m too tired, just wanna relax” He replied

“But thats booooring!”

His eyes shot open, looking at her with an amused then fake offense look, he gasps. “Oh!! So I’m boring to you now?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nnonono! That’s not what I meant!” Y/n giggles trying to defend herself, even though she knows he’s only joking.

“I’ll show you boring!” Jake says as he gets up and tries to catch her. Y/n then squeals as she gets up and runs away from him, he then chases her not far behind.

As they run around in the school field, giggles and laughs filling the air along with the petals that have fallen from the tree, Y/n then makes a run toward the schools gym. She burst through the doors and not even 5 seconds later Jake also bursts through, but she’s nowhere to be found. Jake stops and looks around, extremely confused on where she could have possibly gone. “Y/n?? Y/n???” He calls out to her, walking toward the center of the gym hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but doesn’t see anything, it’s like he’s all alone all of a sudden, or she just went invisible. As he starts to worry, suddenly behind him, near the entrance of the gym he hears her giggle.

He whips around to finally see her, quite relieved but still extremely confused, caused where did she come from? Where was she? How come he didn’t hear her steps? As he was about to ask, she interrupts him “Last one to the tree is a rotten egg!!!!”

And with that, just like how she came in here, she bursts through the door and runs to the tree. Leaving Jake actually alone now, as confused as ever, but jogs out of the gym anyway.

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

It’s been a couple of weeks since the gym incident but it still often creeps into Jake’s mind making him wonder what really happened. That and along with the other weird incidents and answers she gives him. Like now, Jake is trying to make sense of it all while changing in the locker room after soccer practice. Though those aren’t the only thing that he’s trying to make sense of.

He’s recently started seeing this friend of her in a new light. Yup. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it. His friends were indeed right. He’s started developing a crush on her. But in his defense, how could he not? She’s kind enough to spend so much time with him, helping him with all of his assignments, obviously very smart if she can help him with literally everything for the past months, and to top it of, she’s one of the prettiest girls he’s ever seen, with abundance amounts of charm and humor. Remembering the times she has made him laugh so loud he starts to cry. Even thinking about her smile has gotten the boy all blushy and giggly.

If only she was a bit more open to him.. and he could understand her better.

“Hyung? Ready to go?” Riki said after patting him on the back. “The others are also waiting for us” He added.

After gettin slightly startled, Jake smiled at the younger, nodded then headed out of the locker rooms with him.

“There they are! Finally.” Heeseung said. “Sorry, practice took longer than we expected.” Jake apologized.

“It’s alright, let’s just get out of here quickly before the storm str-“

THUNDER

Jungwon then gets cut off by not only the strike of lightning and thunder but also the screams of his jumpy friends.

“..Too late.” Jungwon added just as Jay ran to a window to see that they were indeed to late and the storm has struck and it really did not look pretty. It was a no wonder that they were advised to stay indoors when the storm finally stuck as if they didn’t they might actually get into an accident.

“Guess we’re stuck here…” Sunghoon groaned. “Hey it won’t be too bad, the cafeteria is still open so we can stalk up on snack as we wait and just hang out in Heeseung hyung classroom.” Sunoo said trying to light up the mood. They all then nodded accepting their situation and all headed to the cafeteria.

They all chatted along the way and also as they got their snacks then headed up to Heeseungs classroom as it was the closest from the cafeteria. While on the way they passed by the section of the school where they display the schools and the students achievements.

Jake has passed this section maybe over 500 times in all his years in this school and never payed any mind (unless he wanted to see some of the achievements and awards that he won of course), but today something caught his eye. It was a picture of the schools science club winning an award 20 years ago. He doesn’t know why he was drawn to it but just.. something about it seemed so familiar, like something in that photo is something he’s seen before. He can’t seem to remember what though.

“Yo, Jake!”

Jake snaps out of it and looked to Jay who was calling him, “Oh sorry! Coming!” Once he realized that all his friends were waiting for him. “What were you looking at?” Sunghoon asked. “Oh.. nothing, thought I recognized something in the photo.”

“Something? Like what?”

“Uhm yeah, not sure. Probably nothing though.”

After turning a corner they finally made it to Heeseung’s classroom. Once they entered they were greeted with some familiar faces.

“Yooooo Heeseung! You’re stuck here too? With the gang too I see.” Heeseung’s classmate Beomgyu greeted and asked him. He was sitting on a table surrounded by his friends.

“Oh hey Gyu. Yup unfortunately so. Thanks to these two for taking too long to at soccer practice.” Heeseung explained while gesturing to Riki and Jake.

“Hey! We said we were sorry! How were we supposed to know coach would make us practice for longer? He should’ve known the storm was coming!” Riki explained with an annoyed pout and Jake nodding beside him. Jay then patted their shoulders reassuring them that its fine.

“Hah! At least they had a valid reason. We’re stuck here ‘cause this dumbass wanted to tell us a ghost story.” YeonJun, the oldest out of Beomgyu’s friend, said as he pointed to Beomgyu with an eye roll.

“YAAAHH! Look its not entirely my fault! It’s also Soobin hyungs fault for taking forever to get the snacks!” Beomgyu then whine causing another member of their friend group, Soobin, to give him an offended and incredulous look. “Besides! You all wanted to hear the story anyway!”

“Well we told you, that you could’ve just told us the story through text or just making a zoom call or something!” Taehyun, another friend of theirs, mentioned.

“Where’s the fun in that?! You won’t get the feel! Yknow! The vibe of it!” Beomgyu replied. Which caused those 5 friends to just roll their eyes.

Though their conversation made curiosity to bubble inside the other group of friends. “Ghost story?” Heeseung asked. Which caught Beomgyus attention and caused him to nod. “Mhm! Also its not really a story since it actually happened!”

“Source: Trust me bro.” YeonJun scoffed.

“ITS TRUE! My Auntie who went to school here 20 years ago told me so! And when I brought it up to the teachers who were already around during that time got super defensive! Like they didn’t want to talk about it! Why would they get so scared if it’s fake? And I swear! One of them was so scared they turned pale!” Beomgyu started defending himself like he had a motor in his mouth.

However the defense caused the seed of curiosity to grow even more. More so that the younger ones have already sat down around Beomgyu to hear this apparently real life tale.

“Alright alright calm down, just tell us the story already before I actually consider walking home in this storm.” Taehyun grumbled. “I would if people stop interrupting me!” Beomgyu whined then saw asked everyone to sit down. Not seeing much of a choice they all then sat down to immerse themselves in the plot Beomgyu is about to tell. Yes even the scaredy cats of the group *cough cough* 02z *cough cough*

“As you all know, our school has been around for years. It started with only a handful of students and grew to what it is today.

Not only did our school grow but so did our mysterious cherry blossom tree. Yes that tree has been around since the very beginning, so has the mysteries behind it.

Now back to our school, of course like any journey our school had its moments of trouble but everything always went relatively smoothly.

That is until 20 years ago, when a student mysteriously disappeared.

She was an average girl, typical nerdy top of the class student, part of the debate team even. Always helped the school gain another trophy. On the highway to a great college with a scholarship with the highest of grades.

Until on one fateful day, during her senior year she told her friends she was finally going to confess to her crush under the cherry blossom tree.

After school she put a note in her crush’s locker asking to meet up and then went up to the tree…

Never to be heard or seen from again.

It was like she vanished into thin air.

Of course everyone searched for her, every possible reasoning was thought of.

Maybe she got rejected and ran away, but her crush said she wasn’t there when he went to meet her.

Was she kidnapped? In the school? How? No one saw her leave.

Was she killed? But by who? And why?

With no leads, the case has gone cold for 20 years.

But the theories and rumors never stopped.

The most popular one, and the one my auntie believes, is that her crush did ended up meeting up with her, but couldn’t return her feelings and was already seeing someone.

Heart broken, the girl turned insane and then hung herself at that very cherry blossom tree.

Everyone who was involved, especially the school, scared for their reputation covered it up and just made it look like she was missing.

They thought a missing girl isn’t as bad as a dead girl I guess..

But ever since that faithful day, many people believe that her heart broken spirit still lives on in that tree, waiting for some kind of revenge.”

Beomgyu finishes his story.

The room was filled with silence, no one said a word quite amused and creeped out by the tale, that is until…

“BOO!!!” Riki yelled out.

This caused a majority of the people in the room to jump and some to even yell out. The room then filled with protests, whines of annoyance and some scolding by everyone that was targeted towards the youngest who was just giggling at the prank he pulled.

Almost everyone that is. Jake, typically the most jumpy of his friend group didn’t even flinch at Riki’s scare attempt. He was too deep in thought after everything he’s heard.

No… It couldn’t be.

….

Could it..?

Without a word Jake gets up and bolts out of the classroom. His friends all confused chase after him, yelling out his name, wondering what’s wrong. He couldn’t be bothered though. Making it back to the memorial part of the school he looked again at the picture that previously caught his eye.

He then realized what it was.

“Hmm? Oh the school doesn’t really mind it.. it’s hardly noticeable..”

It’s her uniform.

He then searches for a photo of the debate team from 20 years ago, just like Beomgyu said.

Wasn’t too hard to find.

He recognizes that smile anywhere.

Right in the center of the frame she stood.

And right at that moment everything clicked into place. Everything from their very first encounter.

“S-sorry.. I’m really sorry.. I-I didn’t think you cou- I mean, didn’t think you would hear me..”

Could. She didn’t think I could hear her…

“You really shouldn’t resent your assignments.. I know they’re probably really difficult, but trust me you’re gonna kinda miss it.”

She misses her time at school and doing normal school things for the past 20 years…

“Oh I’m just kind of.. attached to the tree I guess..”

She really is…

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Once the storm finally stopped, the friend group all went home.

Not before they made Riki apologize to Jake for making him so scared he ran away.

He wasn’t actually scared, he honestly didn’t even realized Riki did that but he went along with it since he wasn’t able to come up with a better excuse as to why he reacted that way. Beomgyu also apologized feeling bad, not having the intent to have him so scared. Again, he wasn’t. But he went along with it.

Jake couldn’t sleep when he made it home that night. Everything he had just learned was swirling in his head. He got the answers he was looking for but it still didn’t seem right.

Turned insane..? No.. that doesn’t sound like the girl he knows..

So the next day when he went to school he walked right pass his classroom and headed straight towards the tree that started all of this. Once he arrived he gazed at the tree and then took a long deep breath. Similar to the one he took the first time he ever came here.

“Y/n. Come out… I know you’re here. I.. know what you are… Y/n… Please…” Jake said towards the tree.

After waiting a couple of minutes, determined to talk to her, she appeared before his very eyes.

He knew.. but he still was surprised that this whole time his friend was a lost soul.

She slowly looked up at him, with a hint of fear in her eyes. Kinda ironic.

“How…?” She slowly whispered to him.

Jake let out a very soft chuckle, “Well turns out your story is somewhat of a legend.. and once I finally found out of said legend, everything kind of fell into place.” He explained with a tiny smiled that held a little bit of sympathy.

“Really…? I.. didn’t know. Wait.. you’re not like.. scared of me?” She asked him. He responded with a shake of his head.

“No.. honestly, I don’t think I could ever be scared of you. Not after all the times we spent together. And the story I was told.. It didn’t really sound like you. Well at least the part where you.. killed yourself.. here..” Jake explained, slightly signaling towards the tree behind her to make his point clear, but also being cautious, worried he might hurt her even more than she probably already is.

“Wait what?! Killed myself?!! Is.. is that what’s been going around..?” She asked then stayed silent for a while.

She then scoffed and a bitter laugh then followed.

“Yes.. I died at this tree. But it wasn’t by my hands.”

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

20 Years Ago

The sun was shining brightly.

There was a nice cool breeze that caused some of the blossoms to fall.

Here a girl stood under the legendary blossom tree.

Waiting patiently for her crush, where she can finally confess to him.

She thankfully didn’t have to wait long.

“Hi Seungcheol.” She smiled at him.

“Oh! Y/n! ..it was you..? Who left the note in my locker?” He asked

She nodded, “Yeah, it was me. Yeah, you probably weren’t expecting me. Heh.. I just wanted to tell you that I’ve had a crush on you since freshman year. We’re graduating soon so I think its time I tell you. You’re a good friend of mine and I know you don’t like me like that and thats totally okay! Don’t worry, you don’t have to accept me. I… just wanted to tell you.” She explained with an accepting smile.

“Oh.. Y/n.. You… are unfortunately right.. I can’t return your feelings. I am so so sorry..” He replied, but then he softly took her hands and gave her a small sympathetic smile. “Though you are also a good friend of mine, and you also mean a lot to me. So I really am sorry.. I hope you can forgive me.”

Holding his hands she chuckled. “You have noting to apologize for Cheolie! I understand. I just hope we can still be friends without it being awkward.”

He then also chuckled and pulled her into a hug. “Of course we can. Thank you for understanding.” She smiled wider as she returned the hug.

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!!”

Suddenly she was knocked out of his hold. “You fucking bitch! You’ve got some fucking nerve to steal my man!! He’s mine you lowlife waste!”

She looked up at the culprit and scoffed. “I’m not steal-“ She wasn’t able to finish her sentence as a slap had cut her off.

“ENOUGH! Leave her alone!!!” Seungcheol yelled out and then tried to hold the other girl back.

Y/n can only scoff at the situation.

Yerin has always been like this.

Trying so hard to get Seungcheol to be her arm candy.

“Oh you think this is funny?! I’ve had just enough about you, you little fucking brat!!” Yerin screamed and then somehow broke free of Seungcheol’s hold.

She charged towards Y/n.

And at full speed, using all of her might pushed her towards the tree.

CRACK

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

“..s-she.. she killed you.. and.. she got away with it?” Jake asked. Mortified at what he had just learned. “W-why didn’t Seungcheol do anything?! He said he was your friend! And he just..”

The poor soul could only muster up a chuckle at first. “That’s what happens when you have power and money. You could get away with anything. Especially if your father is the schools principle and has connections everywhere.”’

Jake stayed silent, processing everything and trying to fight off tears.

“Also don’t.. blame Seungcheol.. he did what he could… on graduation day he actually came back here before he left.” Y/n said.

Jake tilted his head in confusion.

Y/n then explained “He couldn’t see me, probably didn’t even know I was here but he confessed anyway. He said he couldn’t do anything. He said he brought my body to the hospital but it was too late… and that Yerin used everything against him to keep him silent. She threatened to pull some strings to get him expelled, or take away his scholarship or even get him framed for what happened to me. I wasn’t surprised… I knew he couldn’t afford that and I didn’t want those things happening to him anyway. So please.. don’t.. be upset at him.. He was just as powerless as me…”

Jake then nodded but still not knowing what to say. So he just slowly approached her and somehow.. was able to pull her into a hug.

The girl’s eyes widened and she gasped at the sensation.

Something she hasn’t felt in years.

Like opening the floodgates she started bawling and clung on to Jake. Which in return caused his floodgates to open too.

A simple but powerful “I’m sorry” was all Jake could say as they both stood there holding each other.

After a while they both calmed down, they both sat up against the tree in silence.

Jake then spoke up, “Is.. is there anything I could do? I.. I don’t.. I don’t want you to be stuck here forever.. you deserve to move on…”

Y/n shrugged, “I don’t really know… I’ve been like this for 20 years and I still don’t understand much.. I don’t even know why you can see me.. b-but I’m glad you can. It’s been.. lonely to say the least.” She smiled. “And.. you make me feel alive again… with all the time we spent together, studying just hanging out. Makes me feel like a student again.. sometimes makes me forget that I’m not and that I can’t graduate with you.” She chuckled. “Thank you..”

Jake then got and idea.

“Graduate..? Is.. Is that what you want?” He asked

Y/n then blinked then nodded. “Yeah.. I.. I really do.. just so I feel like my efforts all these years didn’t go to waste… but have you ever heard of a ghost graduating?” She joked.

Jake chuckled but a plan started to form.

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Its now finals week and Jake prepared extra hard for this time around.

Not only because these finals will determine if he will graduate or not but also because he prepared a plan where he would steal and photocopy each question sheet for each subject for said finals.

Now he didn’t steal those to cheat. Oh no of course not.

But he did that to give the question sheet to a certain girl who wishes to graduate like him.

So on the first day of finals he went up to the tree with a bright smile on his face.

Y/n then appeared right in front of him, surprised to see him. “Jake! What are you doing here? You should be in there getting ready to do your finals! I know you can’t stay away from me but now’s not the time!” She asked but also joked with him, as usual.

Jake chuckled while also rolling his eyes replied, “Oh I’m well aware Miss Y/n but I’m here to deliver you a special package.”

“..package?” Y/n asked then her eyes widen at seeing Jake give her todays finals question. “Jake.. what? How did you get these?! And for me..?”

“It’s your finals too. You deserve to experience this. You deserve to feel like your efforts haven’t gone to waste. You deserve to graduate. So here, do your finals while I do mine inside. Then lets graduate together.” Jake explained. “And don’t worry about me, I wasn’t caught and I promise I didn’t memorize these questions, I barely even looked at them so I won’t be cheating.”

Y/n was speechless. Jake really went through all of this.. just so she could experience finals week and graduate.

Overwhelmed she jumped into his arms and teared up. “Thank you Jake.. Thank you.”

“Of course.” He said as he hugged her back. “Now go do your finals, once I’m finished I’ll come back and we’ll discuss our answers.”

With that she let him go.

“Good luck Jake!”

“Good luck Y/n.”

And with that, every day for finals week, Jake in the morning would go to the tree and give Y/n her question sheets then go do his finals, then come back and discuss their answers together.

Safe to say they basically have the same answers, and seeing that made them confident of the outcome of their hard work.

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Todays the day.

Graduation Day.

The group of seven couldn’t be happier to finally graduate and go to the college of their dreams.

Start of their new life.

After getting their diplomas, Heeseung suggested that they all celebrate at their favorite K-BBQ restaurant. The boys all agreed naturally. They all deserved this (and who could say no to some good bbq?)

“You guys go on without me first!” Jake told them, “I have something I need to do.”

“Hmm? What is it?” Jungwon asked

“I’ll.. explain later, I promise. Though, I doubt that you’d believe me.” Jake chuckled.

The boys furrowed their eyebrows in confusion, not really sure what their friend meant.

“Well okay then but you better be quick! We might eat everything before you arrive!” Riki teased.

“Yeah yeah I will! See ya guys!” Jake said as he jogged his way to the tree and girl he has grown to love.

“JAKEEEY!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!”

Jake laughed as Y/n sprinted and yelled towards him when she saw him and hugged him tightly.

Jake returned the hug and actually lifted her up and spun her around. “Thank you!! Thank you! Congratulations too!” He exclaimed.

Y/n then giggled. “Yeah, I guess I finally graduated too huh? Thank you Jake.”

“You guess? Y/n you did graduate. No technicality here, especially not when you got this.” Jake said as he put her back down on the ground and pulled out a diploma out of his bag.

A diploma with her name on it.

Not his diploma.

Hers.

Her diploma.

Y/n couldn’t believe her eyes.

She finally got her diploma.

She finally and officially graduated.

With shaky hands she took her diploma from Jake and let her tears flow.

She then hugged the most amazing man she has ever met again and whispered to him. “I don’t know how you did this.. but thank you. Thank you Jake. Thank you so so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you..”

“I have my ways. And no need to repay me. As this is my thank you to you. For helping me this whole year to where I was able to graduate with flying colors, giving me a shoulder to lean on, keeping me company and reminding me that I’m not alone. Thank you Y/n… Now its time for you to rest.” Jake told her through some sobs.

“You really are amazing Jake.” She said as nuzzled into the crook of his neck. “Thank you again. But I don’t think I can take a diploma with me.” She said giggling as she pulled away from the hug.

Jake chuckled with her, “Always the jokester.”

“Oh of course! But what I’m trying to say is that.. I want you to take care of this for me yeah..? Just until I come back. I’ll find away. I promise.” She smiled as she handed back her diploma to him.

She then pulled Jake closer to her and held his cheeks.

“Just wait for me my love.” She whispered to him.

“Always.”

Them now both realizing their feelings are mutual shared a passionate kiss surrounded by falling cherry blossoms.

Jake then slowly felt her fading away

But not before feeling a soft “I love you” on his lips.

Upon opening his eyes she was gone.

With that he wiped his tears away, let out a big sigh, looked up one last time at the tree that started it all and walked away.

A bittersweet smile on his lips.

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Ten years has passed.

Jake’s now already working his dream job.

Today though is his day off and since all of his friends were busy, he decided to just spend it all by himself.

He’s now taking a walk in the park. Watching all the people there enjoying their day. The couples on a date, the families who’re having a picnic, and the people who were just spending some alone time like him.

It was nice.

As the sun started to set, Jake took a seat on a bench under a tree. A tree that holds a great significance to him, even though its not THE tree.

Looking up he watches as the blossoms fall and fly off in the breeze. It reminds him of that day.

Feels like that day too.

Jake took and let out a deep breath as he closed his eyes. Just reminiscing you could say. Wanting to enjoy this moment.

Suddenly Jake felt a presence sit next to him on the bench. A presence that he knew.

He knew all too well.

The presence moved closer and Jake then felt a weight on his shoulder. Eyes still closed, a grin broke out on Jake’s face.

He knew.

“Hey.” He said to her as he kissed her on the head.

“Hey there stranger. I’m sorry, hope I didn’t make you wait too long.” She said with a giggle. A giggle he missed oh so much.

“Don’t worry, for you I’d wait an eternity.” He replied to her, mirroring her words with a chuckle.

“Well you don’t have to wait anymore, I think a decade is enough.” She said. She then hums as she continues “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” He replies then finally opens his eyes to look at her, his smile widening once he sees the person he’s loved all these years. Also smiling cause he realized she’s also aged along with him. No longer stuck in her former self. He then strokes her cheek softly, feeling the warmth in it.

Finally truly happy to finally be with her again.

Both no longer being lonely souls under the blossom tree.

“You know, I never got to reply to you that day.” He suddenly said.

“Hmm?”

“I love you too.”

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

© mimikittysblog 2023

[shortpplfedup]

My School President Episode 4: Hopes and dreams

Oh my oh my oh my. That was even better than any clown theory I could have possibly dreamed up. I love so much about how this show is constructed and the things it wants to say about what it takes to make dreams come true and the importance of having people in your corner. I mean, the theme song is literally titled 'You Got Ma Back' and it took me until now to get it, silly rabbit. In this episode, the boys really start getting to know each other (giving the audience a look in as well), and the Bad Buddy DNA continues to be strong with the catalyst character showing up, the energy shifting between our dynamic duo and the face-cleaning trope/PPL making an appearance...lol.

Verse: Slackers gotta shape up

Bring it on, ring the alarm Don't stop now, just be the champion Work it hard, like it's your profession Watch out now, 'cause here it comes

Britney Spears | Work Bitch (2013)

I appreciate that the show made the point that slacking won't get you very far in anything you actually care about. The boys claim to be serious about music, and from the first episode and Gun's speech that he never got to give, you get that Gun understands what it will take to get to and win Hot Wave, but they all lacked the discipline to see their dream through. Sound, coming in as the hardass heavy, is the missing piece of the band's puzzle, and Gun was aware enough to realise it. The part he missed, that he learned by the end, is that Chinzhilla doesn't need Sound instead of him, but needs Sound as well as him. Because what Gun brings is the magic, the sparkle, the je ne sais quoi, the FUN. That's made clear elsewhere in the story this ep as well, as Gun taps into what's missing from the student council's approach to the student body and figures out a way for them to have fun and spread some joy while still achieving their goals. You start to see how Gun and Tinn are really well matched, as Tinn brings the structure and Gun brings the style.

Chorus: Eyelashes are being batted

Every time you look at me My heart is jumping, it's easy to see

Britney Spears | (You Drive Me) Crazy (1999)

The other thing you start to see is how Gun has game. Having realised that he likes Tinn, he is now paying attention and has noticed that Tinn likes him too. And he is going for it, and he's much better at flirting than Tinn is by several orders of magnitude. Tinn came strong with the hand stamp and offer to hang out with him if he was lonely, but Gun made the monster moves with the bow tie adjustment (classic) and the selfie. I mean, after the bow tie thing Tiw had to leave the room, and I FELT that. It felt like a 'let me just give y'all some privacy' moment. I love that Tinn saw how Gun lost his sparkle without music club, and he tried to give him back music via the council because Gun's sparkle is integral to why he likes him in the first place. And then he went beyond, to free Gun from the commitment he felt like he'd made and return him to music club, because that is ultimately where he wants to be. He let Gun go, and he came right back to him, because now Gun wants music and Tinn. Gorgeous.

Ad Libs

I know that high school cliques do seem impenetrable but it's still funny how everybody behaved like Gun couldn't be in music club and play for the student council.

Next week looks like they're actually gonna address some of the implied class differences between Gun and Tinn, interesting.

I loved the conversation Tinn and Gun had in the stairwell, Tinn giving insight into what feels like a fear of failure and Gun feeling like he was born to perform. Them getting to know each other is so sweet and you see them becoming more endeared the more they learn.

Sound making them all dress like they're in a boy band was HILARIOUS. I wanna see the inside of that kid's mind.

The Holy Chinchilla! 🤣 Sadhu

That one snobby kid from the council is gonna make one hell of a civil service bureaucrat someday.

I love a good pinkie touch/link 🥰

[sorroute]

aaaa hii!! idk how to do this but could i get a tbhk matchup? a lil bit abt me is:

my names banny, but my nicknames are bans or beans lol

my gender is female, and i'd prefer to get a male matchup

i'm very impulsive and spontaneous. like i blurt stuff out of nowhere mid-sentence, hop topics like nobody's business, and make random changes in my life on a whim like dying my hair or getting a bird

im generally a total dork LMAO like my favorite movie is scott pilgrim vs the world, i love horror movies and games, i play zelda chronically, one of my all time favorite bands is weezer, and my room is literally a dungeon of trinkets and posters!!!!

i love nature and animals, especially birds and rodents. sometimes ill pick up random spiders from outside and bring them inside, or put two different bugs together in a jar and watch them.

i wanna major in russian lit for college, and/or go to film school. im a total freak for english and literature, until i have to any essay or read any required books for school, and then i DESPISE every aspect of it

im very indecisive, and i tend to procrastinate a lot. i have adhd and literally debilitating anxiety, so my head is basically a cesspool of thoughts🙏 i have a habit of collecting things i dont need, and i have a very flip flop fashion style. like i'll be goth one day and then butch the next LMAO but i literally only wear the crustiest pair of timberlands like everywhere

i also have very dark and niche humor. ill call myself a siltmaxxed mulchpilled soilcel and then wonder why nobody gets it 😭😭

thats all, im so sorry if this too rambly, and no pressure to do it😭 tysm!

Aaaa hihi!! ^_^ Honestly it was a bit hard to pick someone to match you with but then that thing in cartoons where the lightbulb pops over their head when someone gets an idea and I was like "omg !!! Wait !!! Tsuchigomori !!!!"

Tsuchigomori

I feel like, despite your differences, you guys would get along really well :3

He wouldn't mind when you randomly blurt stuff out, he thinks it's cute and likes how you speak your mind

He does get worried about you though

Tries to talk you out of doing some stupid shit

Although, honestly I feel like he'd be all for you dying your hair

(as long as you're sure you want to)

I mean.... Have you seen this guy's hair

No WAY that's all natural

Dork X dork real

He has no video game experience whatsoever and is honestly not interested in them at all

He does like how passionate you are about that stuff though <3

He's definitely a classical music type of guy

Or heavy metal maybe...

Anyways, not a big Weezer fan, but would listen to them for you if you put it on

Another trinket collector !!! :3

He's often find little trinkets for your collection or buy things relating to your interests just because he loves how excited you get ^^

Would love to see your trinket collection some time

He admires your love for nature alot <3

Sometimes he gets worried you'll try to lock him in a jar though

He's seen some shit 💀

In terms of literature, obviously, he's all for it

He probably has a ton of different books in different languages so if you ever wanted to start learning Russian literature early he's got you covered ;3

Would be happy to teach you about anything you'd like in terms of literature

Probably much more knowledgeable in English and Japanese literature, but he's a big nerd so I wouldn't be surprised if he's dabbled in other languages as well

In terms of film school..........

He can't help you

Besides getting you some books about film theory and stuff

He's not a fan of procrastination, he prefers to just get things done quickly so he doesn't have to do them later

That doesn't mean he doesn't get it, though

He's a teacher, of course he's dealt with procrastination before

With himself and students probably

Will try to encourage you to get your work done, and gives some advice on coping skills you could try

He's a bit harsh sometimes, but he just wants what's best for you </3

Very maternal in that regard

He definitely has anxiety as well, so y'all are struggling together

Will read up on some coping mechanisms for anxiety and tries to get you to use some, but won't force you

Surprisingly, he does like how spontaneous you are

It keeps him guessing as usually he can read people like a book

He doesn't get all of your different styles, but does enjoy them

He's a fashionista so he appreciates the variety

He 100% tries to get you new shoes though

Probably has nightmares about your shoes

Purposefully avoids looking at your feet because he can't bear to look at them

(sorry for the slander anon 😭)

(he can't help it, he's a princess)

Likes your dark humor, but is also very worried

Understandably so

Will do daily check ins with you to see how you're feeling

Teacher, doctor, therapist, librarian, fashionista, AND princess??????

You got the whole package tbh

Anyway, all in all, he loves you alot- despite your differences <33333333

All he asks is that you don't trap him in a jar and that you get new shoes

A/N

Honestly this was really fun to write :3 Also a ZELDA ENTHUSIAST????? AND LITERATURE NERD??? You're amazing mwah mwah ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this !! You seem so cool ໒꒰ྀི >ヮ<꒱ྀི১ Any feedback or constructive criticism is always appreciated<33 ^^

(Sorry for the shoes slander again btw </3)

[twistedoverbloat]

A theory I think that was already made-

I made this kinda long so it's under a cut-

Okay we know the big demon cat monster thing is Grim right? So I was thinking after defeating him it pushes Yuu to their breaking point, they have been through so much with him and they think oh my first friend is dead... it causes them to OB since we haven't seen any changes on is but we started to get more snappy in the later chapters. So what if the OB's were slowly corrupting/ giving power to us bc we have no magic so we don't have a outlet for it to go somewhere else/ wasn't given a magic pen so it's festering.

Like how the OB's have been happening. But since Yuu seems to have more patience it doesn't happen until after the whole Grim fight since he seems to be dead and also the mirror that held the way home for us is destroyed. And Crowley took so fucking long to do it in the first place. So adding Grim being possibly dead, no way home after working so hard, dealing with so many OB's it's just makes Yuu snap.

Grief, anger, and sadness rises in Yuu as they howl in pain from everything that happened. And since Yuu doesn't snap out of it they let the blot cover come them. The boys with heavy hearts have to kill Yuu, they were far too gone. They were only able to get frozen for the final hit when Geim finally woke up and did the final blow, but he was hurt when he did it, using the last of his fire.

Crowley finally comes on to the scene and I wanna say sends everyone back in time to fix things. Since in the prolonge we see a scene of some of the stronger boys fighting Grim, and they weren't able to defeat him. And then I thunk we woke up in the coffin. I want to say this van be a version of the time reverse au but with a twist, Yuu gets Deja vue from everything so does Grim but when they remember they get sent back again.

Crowley makes sure to make some things not so simular. Even if he has to make the OB's happen faster or slower so be it. He can't have the kids death on him. It happened to many times.

I get a feeling that's why the mirror said

"Don’t be afraid of the power of darkness,

Come now, show your power.

Mine, theirs, and yours,

There’s only little time left for us.

Do not let go of that hand, at all costs."

So come now, show your power, was a line the mirror said but when Yuu finally did go up to the Magic Mirror he said they were hallow or a void with no magic. But with the line Mine, theirs, and yours what if the mirror was implying that Yuu would end up having powers but only because of the OB squad's powers because theirs went haywire?? I have a feeling since the magic mirror is I'm guessing all knowing since the EQ asked it everyday who is the most beautiful. And the MM is the one who chose what boy's come to the school yes? So the mirror ends up seeing that the OB's would happen so what does he do get's someone forma different world to help Crowley in dealing with the OB's I have a feeling he also told Crowley of this and that's why he just shoves it all on Yuu and gives hint's kinda.

And the quote from the wiki on the mirror says "Students are only allowed to enroll in this school if they have the potential for being a great magician." So, I have a feeling this was not a mix up on the mirror's part he knows they will be amazing since look they won how many OB's?

I feel like I'm making a crazy theory but it just kinda came to me as I was playing a twisty. But everyone else can give their idea/input on this as well!!

[hopepunk-priest]

Okay since everyone's doing it, I'm gonna do it too

My version takes place in the 70's, the gang is college-aged, dodging the draft by solving mysteries with a background of the rise of grindhouse horror films, second wave feminism, student strikes, "the silent majority," environmentalism, Watergate, Queer liberation, and groovy rock music. As a more adult take, the monsters of the week and overarching villains will reflect, criticize, and celebrate the cultural movements of being in your early 20's during the 70's. That means villains ranging from nerds in star wars costumes to paranoid political scandals to actual real aliens. Stakes range from being inconvenienced to being in mortal peril.

Fred Jones: Mom friend with first aid training (that he learned from med students during a campus protest), the moral compass of the show in that he reminds the gang that laws exist and they are very much on the run, fucking HATES Nixon dude like HATES Nixon. Heart's always in the right place, even if things don't always work out. Knowledgeable in traps and whatever level of engineering is needed to solve the episode, also acts as the primary face. Also just loves mysteries.

Norville "Shaggy" Roberts: former track star, dropped out of culinary school, collects cool belt buckles a la original series, straight man in the horror movie "maybe we don't go in the haunted house" way, brave considering zombies and witch's ghosts are straight up real and he will still never leave his friends to face danger alone. Anxiety disorder he treats with weed, super knowledgable in pop culture which also gives him a variety of random trivia needed to fill gaps when needed. I think he really likes Lord of the Rings and Pink Floyd. Good at riddles.

Daphne Blake: inferiority complex because of her many successful siblings, wants to be a journalist like Gloria Steinem. Has taken a few self defense classes, but overall acts as the second face for the group. Still into make-up and fashion, and can use her skills (and a little high school theatre experience) to make believable disguises. She can pick up when someone's lying and can pick locks.

Velma Dinkley: Jewish. Loves mysteries and paranormal fiction, believes in conspiracy theories and urban legends. Her intelligence specializes in puzzles, historical, and chemical knowledge. She can be reckless, but only because she becomes very single-minded when she's onto something. Snarky, lesbian, and headstrong.

Scooby: Mischievous, food motivated, and gentle. Protective of the group, Scooby is just a big, goofy great dane who doesn't understand he isn't a lapdog anymore. He can talk, no one inside the group questions it, and only a select few outside the group even notice (part of the mystery). Intergalactic being but doesn't know it, he's much more dog than other iterations.

Scrappy: Just appears one episode, everyone acts like he's always been there. Revealed at the end that he's actually a trickster deity, comes in and causes chaos every now and then mostly just to fuck with Scooby.

The Hex Girls: a psychedelic witch-rock group with a heavy emphasis on environmental protection and new age metaphors, actual witches, a sound somewhere between Cream, Hendrix, and Stevie Nicks. Genuinely just friends with the gang.

Scooby is Shaggy's emotional support dog.

Daphne and Fred are together, healthy, and often end up hyping each other up to the point where other members have to step in and go "you're getting carried away, can we focus."

Daphne and Velma met at a feminist rally, and often have nuanced discussions about different feminist theories. Honestly, most likely to commit very real crimes to get to the bottom of a mystery.

Fred and Velma met in elementary school at a Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew book club (or whatever the 50's equivalent of this was) where they were the only two members. Their friendship is like an anti-macho brotherhood, paralleling the overly masculine friendships of the era.

Daphne met Shaggy in High School and she immediately adopted him the way extroverts adopt introverts. She is very dedicated to helping him build confidence, and Shaggy helps her with her inferiority complex and keeps her true to herself.

Fred and Shaggy are very physically affectionate, share a brain cell, most likely to get into shenanigans if left alone together. Second most likely to get into shenanigans if left alone together are Fred and Daphne.

Shaggy and Velma have a shared interest in music and films, and love talking conspiracy theories.

Shaggy and Scooby are inseparable. Real boy and his dog vibes.

They all smoke weed on screen, are constantly broke, they all are capable of being equally intelligent and dumb as rocks, they're all snarky in their own way, and they all say things like jinkies and Ruh Roh to like... Murders and cryptid kidnapings and issues of national security.

[rametarin]

Another day..

Another stupid instance of witnessing people talk about Andrew Tate the way some bloviating megachurch televangelist jokes about rock singers being embodiments of Satan.

Just, switch out "icon of sin" with, "the fathead icon for the disaffected male to school shooter pipeline." Same stupid Satanic Panic, different bad guy that somehow represents a clandestine conspiracy for everything wrong in the world outside their control.

Tate is a moron and the manosphere a shallow and pathetic corner to sulk in, but my god some of you act like he's a J-RPG boss where if you just defeat him, evil will evaporate from the world, and, holy fuck. No. That's not how it works. That's not how men work. That's not how anything works. He has the same destined footprint as all those 80s self-help gurus. Do you remember them? Nobody does. They were popular and influential for all of a window of months before people abandoned them like last May's fashion.

Maybe I'm just sore but, I was in highschool when there was panic about the "Trenchcoat Mafia." Where students got stigmatized as potential school shooters because they had big, heavy coats where, WHO KNEW, MAYBE THEY WERE SPORTING A FIREARM BENEATH THEM.

But everybody fucking knew what was coming. The people looking for "signs" someone might be a potential school shooter, which meant scrutiny against boys specifically, any signs of "antisocial thoughts or behavior," which meant conform to what they looked for as 'good people' extra hard or be put in the Potential Shooter category to watch and get way too clumsily involved in their home lives with.

And with the not so quiet grumbling by radical feminism making Mars Panic a thing, insinuating there's some connection between any organized vocal resistance to anything Radical Feminism wants and automatically associating it with this chimerical ball of everything they're opposed to (as it must all somehow link together, even if it doesn't make sense) suddenly that means Andrew Tate existing means of course some angry gradeschooler called out for his racism or sexism is going to get so pouty he shoots up a school or something. Because clearly, "that's how men's brains work in THIS society", right?

But you point out how some demographics are acceptable to be ignorant towards, and trample on their civil rights just because they're a majority, and you get back, "LOL YALL WANNA BE OPPRESSED SO BAD . :^)" from Class Struggle Theorists. And you cannot have Radical Feminism without characteristics of Critical Legal Theory or Class Struggle Theory. Take the socialist shit away, you take the heart of radical and academic Feminism away- it just becomes general egalitarianism and actual drives for equality, untainted by arbitrary socialist relations rhetoric.

So we get Duluth models of criminal justice and domestic violence policies that obligately treat the man as the aggressor and person to remove from the situation, the woman to give the house, and red flag laws that target men to remove their firearms because someone else, "doesn't feel safe." And them arguing this is "perfectly okay, not at all a violation of their civil rights," because men.

Some of you project so hard and see Tate as such a threat, because he's that guy you wish you could anthropomorphize The Patriarchy into just to have a boss fight. And.. he's just not that. He will never be that. He does not represent that. He never did. He never will. He's an idiot that disaffected milquetoast losers watch, and he's not even anywhere NEAR as popular as you people think he is.

Just because you aren't a bleating member of a church that dimly just does whatever the fiery charismatic preacher steers you to think and do on the basis of God, don't think you're free of the faux pas of acting like a grazing sheep, when you bleat and eat the grass. Many parents hated rock and metal music because they didn't represent the sorts of axioms and values that they wanted to see reproduced in behaviors and thoughts by shallow parents into their kids.

And projecting every irritated, disaffected boy as a potential mass murderer just because they disagree with you and what you believe to be the sum total of human civilization and culture and moral rightness, just because you believe it's more valid than religion, is extreme church sheep behavior.

[raynerwilde-kjrp]

Character Info

Name: Rowan William Palmer

Alias: Rayner Wilde

Affiliation: Better Living Industries

Age: 23

Gender: male

Pronouns: He/him

Looks: 5′7″ tall, curly dark brown hair, brown eyes, often seen wearing dark clothes and goggles, sinewy frame, often slouches.

Language: Old English, Middle English, Early Modern English, Modern English, Spanish

Interests: Reading, writing, chemistry, badminton

Backstory: Coming from a family of wealth and entrepreneurship, Rowan achieved his double-major BA wit First-Class honours in English and Chemistry, with a Master's in English literature. His English thesis, focusing on the close connection of sound and literary form, was well received by the city’s university. Now in his first year of his PhD for Romanticist and Gothic literature, Rowan continues to excel in academia in literary studies.

                  Update: Palmer has abandoned academia for the zones, see file RWP-3473 for reward for his capture and re-education negotiated by family in [ERROR]

Note: Watch for signs of burnout and fatigue as his advisor has noted these changes in previous semesters.

Mod:

Name's K but I mainly go by Crylock! She/her or they/them I'm not picky :) Please note that I am over 20. My writing tends to focus on speculative fiction and posthumanist fiction since that's what I focused on in my graduate years, but I am open to writing any genre or format other than smut.

Book and history nerd extraordinare. I also do @cybershadow @phant0mspades

You can literally message me anytime about just about anything.

Rules:

- I’m not comfortable doing smut. Do not ask.

- If you want to make a plot or send an ask that involves my characters, ask or let me know first. Do not rewrite my arcs or characters or copy my arcs or characters. I will block you if you do.  

- I can write starters either as a post or as an ask. Just let me know if you want me to and if you have a preference.

- I can’t believe I have to write this one. Don’t talk behind my back or backstab me or any of that. I’m here to have fun and improve my writing, not deal with drama and bullshit. That’s an automatic block if I catch you.  

- Be patient, please. I have severe anxiety and suffer from health issues that are currently being monitored with a heavy dose of medication. If I ask/say/clarify something that seems redundant, please work with me because I’m probably having an off day.

Please Note: Rowan is tired and worn-down. He faces extreme familial pressure to seek a high education and has really been forced into doing things and going higher as an academic. Does he want to? He hasn’t figured that out. He will get irritable at times and sometimes will ramble about literary theory and oddly specific topics that he studies (sound as literature, posthumanism, and Romanticism). This blog will highlight the positives and negatives of academia, and how it is both a pathway to further learning but also exploitive of new ideas and young graduate students. Everything here is inspired by my own experiences in grad school, and it should be considered only one experience among many. Do not take this blog as discouragement from pursuing academia if that is what you want to do; Rowan’s experiences, along with mine, are not the truth for everyone.

[from-our-boxes]

An Interview with Isabelle Frances McGuire

by Ahnali Tran

Isabelle Frances McGuire (b. 1994) is an alumnus of the School of the Art Institute of Chicago with a BFA in film, video, and new media. They continue to reside in Chicago and have participated in a number of solo and group exhibitions in Chicago, New York, and San Francisco.

The questions of this interview are related to two exhibitions that took place in California in 2020 before and during the first lockdown. The earlier exhibition at From the Desk of Lucy Bull in Los Angeles between mid-February through early March included the work Digesting Duck Entry Position. This piece made a reappearance at gallery Et. Al in San Francisco. McGuire invites us to question the systems of commodification, isolation, and what the world will look like in the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic.

Isabelle Frances McGuire, 'Touch,' 2020; 'Target,' 2020; and 'April 10, 2020,' 2020. (Courtesy the artist and Good Weather)

AT: What was your time at SAIC like? How do you feel that it impacted your practice?

IM: SAIC was challenging but I loved it. The professors and the library were my favorite part. I struggled to get through it and ended up having to take summer school like a lot of others because of depression. I couldn’t make it to class even though I was obsessed with art and theory.

SAIC introduced me to what was possible in art. I used to resent the artists I wanted to be like because I found their practices to be so magical and thought I could never make work like them. I had to teach myself to shut up and just make attempts at that kind of magic. SAIC taught me that experimentation is key and that all tools are available to me.

AT: Are you fascinated by any new trends online or around you?

IM: I am fascinated by the aesthetic choices people make as we slowly lose agency through capitalism and crawl deeper into climate disaster. Heavy concepts turn cute and removed, like the “Avant Apocalypse” fashion trend. Children spend their time interacting with glass screens that don’t stimulate their sense of touch so things like Pop-It fidget toys get invented. The most banal, ignored objects and trends actually are very telling of whats happening to people during this moment in our evolution.

AT: Who/what do you feel are your influences as of late?

IM: Mike Kelley, Rosemary Trockel, Elaine Sturtevant’s artist talks, Cyberpunk Novels, the CCRU, and lots of music. Interfaces, Cybernetics, Deleuze and Guattari. Synthesizers other machines made to create abstraction.

Digesting Duck Entry Level Position, Isabelle

AT: I was very fascinated by the work that you created for P**** B**** ARENA, especially the return of Digesting Duck Entry Level Position. Do you feel like the work’s meaning changed having been exhibited before the COVID-19 pandemic and again during it?

IM: Absolutely. Digesting Duck Entry Level Position was a very snarky piece. I made it in anger and jest. The piece is basically a service worker/self portrait. When it was exhibited before COVID it was kind of a spectacle, more playful and ridiculous. During lockdown tho, it took on a way more serious tone because the lives of the working class were at stake. People lost so much so quickly. So, this vomiting sculpture felt like a representation of absolute disgust at the situation. The jest or joy was gone.

AT: How do you think the COVID-19 pandemic will affect art, artists, and the way that viewers engage with artwork in the future?

IM: I really don’t know. So far it seems like most people are trying to rebuild their communities and rethink the way they interact socially. Prioritizing things that really matter to them and with less patience for BS. People realized how much they need each other. Hopefully that makes for better artists.

AT: Do you have any advice for SAIC students or people existing at this present moment? IM: Don’t let other people tell you what good art is. Don’t let them tell you being an artist is a waste of time. Define everything for yourself and never stop experimenting. Introspection will show you much about the macro. Build a healthy community for yourself. Listen to your tiny impulses, be open, and try to explore subjects that make you uncomfortable. If you give all, there is n

[the-storming-sea]

For prompts: Todoroki using every single Toshi-Izuku interaction to add to his "Izuku is All Might's secret love child' conspiracy board

Tfw its been like two to three days but Many Things have happened in that time. Oops

Uh, anyways–

"Dude. What. The. Fuck."

Sero, Kirishima, and Yaoyorozu stared, wide-eyed and nearly slack-jawed from the futon they currently sat at. Across from them, hanging off the wall was a large pinboard, polaroid pictures and newspapers articles with certain words and pictures circled in with bright red marker tacked onto different places, red string connecting each and every single one of those pictures together.

And in front of that pinboard stood Todoroki Shouto, one of the most powerful students at UA, son of the current Number One Hero, wide-eyed and wild-haired and probably, by definition, out of his fucking mind.

"Listen. I'm not crazy–"

"Literally everything that's happening now is providing evidence to the contrary."

"–but All Might is Midoriya's father."

"That's." Kirishima blinked, once, his brain attempting to process what his classmate was saying. "What?"

"All Might. Is. Midoriya's. Father," Todoroki said, slower, like he was trying to explain quantum physics to a toddler. Or to anyone.

"Todoroki, All Might's never been in a public relationship before," Yaoyorozu replied, slower. Of all of Todoroki's eccentricities, this had to be the weirdest one yet. "Not to mention, all of All Might's speculated relationships have been with men."

"Then at least one of his partners is trans, or he's trans!"

"They don't even look the same!"

"Then Midoriya gets his looks from his mother! They have the same quirk! They practically act the same!" Todoroki threw his hands up in exasperation, frost creeping on the side of his fingers. "I'm still right!"

"Bro, you've met Midoriya's mother."

"Artificial insemination! Adoption! Again, secret love child!"

Todoroki slapped his hand on the board, slightly burning the edges of one of the newspaper clippings. "Look, see here," he said, pointing to the clipping. Kirishima tentatively walked up, squinting at the headline. "Read this."

"'Mystery Samaritans Found Cleaning Up Takoba Beach.'" Kirishima frowned. "So?"

Sero's eyes brightened. "Oh, I remember that! I used to go to the beach all the time with my family," he said. "What's that gotta do with anything?"

"Look at this photo!"

Kirishima turned his eyes towards the photo, frowning. His eyes widened in shock.

"Holy shit, is that Midoriya?"

"Huh, so it is," Yaoyorozu said. "And...is that...?"

"YES!" Todoroki exclaimed, once again slapping his hand on the pinboard and startling his friends. "All Might, as he currently looks now, and Midoriya found at Takoba beach a full year before the school year starts. That means they knew each other before the school year started!"

"You repeated yourself."

"I know I know I know but why," Todoroki pressed, taking a deep breath, "why would All Might, in his weakened state before Kamino, be seen with Midoriya unless...unless that was his secret son."

He clapped his hands together just as he was finishing his point, clearly pleased by his argument. The three stared back at him, slightly alarmed.

"Or...maybe he just met him recently and they decided to clean the beach together," Yaoyorozu said tentatively. "It could happen."

"Or, or they decided to train for Midoriya's UA Exam together by lifting appliances at the beach! Or working out around the beach a year before!" he protested. "My father used to make me train by lifting up heavy objects ten times my size and pushing my quirk before the UA exam too!"

Sero frowned. "Todo, I know good parenting is a foreign concept to you, but comparing your relationship with your dad to Midoriya and All Might maybe isn't the best of ideas."

"I'm pretty sure Iida used to train with his hero brother in a very normal way," Todoroki nearly fucking pouted. The guy was really fired up– metaphorically and a little bit literally, judging by his floor. "But, but anyway, what I'm trying to say was that All Might, trying to make sure Midoriya would be strong enough for the entrance exam, made him clean up the beach because he was helping to train his son!"

Kirishima stared at him. "Bro."

"I'm right! Not to mention, why would he be in his thinner state around Midoriya if he wasn't his son?!"

"Maybe he told him about the weakened form back then by accident?" Sero said. "Todoroki, seriously. You're looking too deep into this."

"I agree," Yaoyorozu said. She loved her friend, truly, but as good as it was for Todoroki to exhibit any other emotion besides confusion and rage, this couldn't be healthy for him.

Todoroki groaned. "Okay, okay, fine. Exhibit B!" He pointed to a picture of All Might and Midoriya walking into All Might's office. "They eat lunch together! Who does that with a teacher?!"

Kirishima hummed. "Okay, I'll give you that one," he said, looking back at the others. "You gotta admit, that is a little suspicious."

"You forget, Midoriya broke his bones a lot at the beginning of the year just by activating his quirk," Yaoyorozu said, calmly. "As the Heroics teacher, All Might would want to make sure they can find a way for Midoriya to improve his quirk use without breaking his bones, so it would make sense for All Might to meet up with Midoriya out of class."

"But why continuously?!" Todoroki pressed. "Even after Midoriya got a handle of his quirk?!"

Yaoyorozu frowned. "Well, Bakugo meets with them now. Is Bakugo All Might's son too?"

"Details, details," Todoroki said with a wave of his hand. "Bakugo's practically Midoirya's boyfriend anyways. All Might probably wants to vet him or something."

"Somehow I believe that less than your 'All Might is Midoriya's dad' theory."

"They're going to get together, just you wait," Todoroki said. "Anyways, back to business. It's not just at school too! Even now that we're in the dorms, lately All Might will eat with Midoriya, alone, just the two of them!"

He pointed to another picture of Midoriya and All Might eating meat buns on a bench, no one else in sight, lightly chatting. "See! It would make sense if All Might ate with any one of us, or if there was a bigger crowd, but it's just those two! That's a normal parenting thing, right?"

"Dude how did you even get that picture."

"Irrelevant."

Yaoyorozu ran her eyes over the full board again, wincing internally. As...off-putting as her friend's efforts were, he did have a point. All Might's actions towards Midoriya were unprecedented of a teacher, Aizawa would certainly never be caught dead with any of them. And sure, they simply could be good friends who met a little before the Takoba news article picture, friends could be of all ages after all, but with the way All Might treated Midoriya daily, it was getting more and more likely that Todoroki's theory was correct. Which had some very interesting implications and also a media shitstorm on its way if it was true.

"And," Todoroki continued, now rambling as fast as Midoriya was, "did you know that All Might visited the Midoriya's to talk about the dorm system alone?"

Kirishima's mouth dropped. "Seriously?"

Todoroki nodded, eyes wide and a small smile on his face. "Aizawa-sensei told us himself back when he asked my father if I could stay in the dorms! My father asked where All Might was and Aizawa-sensei told him that they split up right before the Midoriya's!"

Sero's eyes widened. "Okay, I will admit that that's weird."

"I know right?!" Todoroki exclaimed, out of breath and restlessly pacing the floor. "Not only that, but All Might was one of the first people Midoriya texted right after he got his hero license. And Midoriya ended up interning with a hero who All Might knows directly and worked with Nighteye during his work-study who's All Might's only sidekick! And then Midoriya was invited personally to I-Island by All Might! And–"

Knock knock.

The group froze.

"Young Todoroki? Can I speak with you?"

Fuck.

Todoroki tentatively walked over to his door, opening it just enough to find All Might standing behind it, a worried expression on his face. "Are you all alright? The kids downstairs reported a lot of yelling, and I think you may have frozen and burnt through your floor?"

Todoroki looked back at his floor, which now looked slightly more like the training room back home than it did his dorm room. "Right. I can pay for that."

"No need my boy, just make sure it doesn't happen again or I think Aizawa'll have all of our heads," All Might chuckled. He then frowned, slightly opening the door more. "What on Earth is that?"

His eyes were pointed directly behind Todoroki, to the pinboard the high schooler had been deliriously gesturing towards for the past few minutes. Kirishima, Sero, and Yaoyorozu stared at each other awkwardly, shuffling their feet.

"Um...well, y'see–"

"All Might, is Midoriya your illegitimate child?"

The air paused. Everyone turned their eyes to the teen.

All Might blinked. "I'm sorry...what?"

WHAT THE FUCK, TODOROKI?!

"Todoroki, bro, you can't just ask shit like that!" Kirishima exclaimed, who now, like the many people around him, was going through all the stages of grief. "That's not one of those things you can just ask people!"

Todoroki tilted his head. "I asked Midoriya."

"YOU ASKED MIDORIYA?!"

"I–"

The kids now directed their attention back to All Might, who had managed to shake himself out of his stupor and somehow made his way to the pinboard. "I'm not...young Todoroki, believe me when I say I'm 100% sure I'm not Midoriya's biological father," he said, rapidly glancing back and forth from the board to Todoroki. "As...creepily impressive as this is," he continued, gesturing to the entirety of the board, "I've never had a child, and besides, young Midoriya's biological father works overseas, in America."

He pointed to the slightly burnt newspaper clipping of Takoba beach, looking back at Todoroki. "Is this about the Takoba beach cleaning?"

Todoroki nodded.

"Huh." All Might turned to the clipping, a strange, soft, thoughtful look on his face. "I didn't know they did a report about it." He turned back to Todoroki. "May I keep this?"

Todoroki nodded again, even slower, and a delighted smile appeared on All Might's face. The four students watched with wide eyes as he took the newspaper clipping in one hand and the pin in between his other fingers, gently lifting the pin from where it had been embedded in the pin board, lifting the newspaper clipping from its place, and placing the pin back where he had found it. Seconds passed. All Might rubbing his thumb over the picture in the newspaper with a soft chuckle. He then gently folded it, each crease careful not to tear the newspaper apart, before placing it in the pocket of his tracksuit.

Then, as if he remembered that there were other people in the room, he turned to Todoroki. "Ah, Aizawa-kun said that you had redecorated your room yourself, yes?"

Todoroki nodded, still stunned. "Perfect! The bots will be up here in a few minutes or so to repair your floor, and then refurbish your room any way you see fit." All Might clapped his hands together, a bright smile on his face. "Just try not to do it as much, alright? And please stop stalking young Midoriya and I. I don't know how many times I can catch you in the act before telling him that one of his best friend's have been stalking us to obtain proof of our non-existant biological relationship."

"You saw me?"

"Young Todoroki, I've been the number one hero for three and a half decades."

"Oh." Todoroki frowned. "Sorry."

"Just don't let it happen again, please." All Might took a heavy sigh before finally addressing the others in the room. "Young Kirishima, Yaoyorozu, and Sero, I'll be seeing you in class tomorrow. Plus Ultra!"

"See you!"

"See you tomorrow All Might!"

All Might left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Todoroki, Kirishima, Sero, and Yaoyorozu in the room, waiting for the repair bots to arrive, silent and bewildered with what had just transpired in the past ten minutes. The four of them couldn't move, only the sound of breathing being proof that any of them were even alive. After what felt like several, long, painstaking seconds, Todoroki turned to his friends.

"Y'know, All Might worked in America for a while."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, TODOROKI."

[sixeyesgojo]

dad!gojo hcs

Summary: Gojo being a dad. That’s it, that’s the tweet.

Characters: mainly Gojo and y/n, mentions of other characters

Word count: around 1k

Content warning: -

A/N: Reader is toddler/kindergarten age. Once again, stolen from my own AO3. I’ve written Red on AO3 but that was before Hollow Purple was revealed and I didn’t wanna spoil anime-only fans!

Next up: Dad!Gojo with schoolkid!reader.

I imagine Gojo as a really caring dad despite not always being able to be there for his kiddo. He would even be a little helicopterish because he knows he's a target for the entire world of the curses, so he will have a capable sorcerer watch out for you, tend for you, be your companion, etc. at all times. A lot of times, it ends up being Megumi, who has become like a big brother to you, and Shoko, who takes the role as that cool, smoking and single auntie with her wineglass. Megumi begrudgingly agrees to take care of you at first but he eventually relents after his teacher pesters him too much about it. After several times of babysitting you, he will still  try to wiggle his way out of babysitting but secretly, Megumi has always wanted to have a younger sibling of some sort. He has always been the younger brother after all. Shoko would definitely not mind as long as you let her do her work - she is confident that you can handle being alone for some time but will check on you occasionally. Nanamin also takes care of you but that's rare and he does definitely not do it because he enjoys it but because he wants Gojo to shut his damn trap. You call him 'Uncle Nanamin' because of a certain vessel of Sukuna.

Gojo would definitely get you any gift you wanted - he spoils you (and possibly your teeth) rotten. It's Shoko who teaches you the important stuff of day-to-day life. New clothes, new plushies and action figurines, candy and desserts, ice cream, he's got everything covered. Both of you have a respective 'secret candy stash'. When he comes back from missions? Expect a souvenir, could range from a small size to a medium size. Spending parent-child-time with Gojo? Matching clothes (e.g. the mentioned shirt in the previous chapter), maybe even matching sunglasses, you never know with this man. He also wears the bracelet you have gifted him a year ago when you made it. Oh yeah, he would always carry you on his shoulders, give you a piggyback ride. Holding hands with him is a must; not that you mind anyway. Shoko scolds him a lot: you'll forget how to walk yourself if he continues to carry you so many times. He pouts. Starting from then, he will pay more attention to walk hand in hand with you, so piggyback rides become less frequent.

He will definitely teach you some cursed techniques but nothing too exhilarating - at least not at this age. Gojo is very proud and will throw you into the air when you manage to create what bears similarity to the beginning of a ‘curtain’, even if it disappears right away. "As expected of the strongest child!" he chimes happily. Will brag about it to Shoko or Megumi: "And then they did POW! and then BAM! WHOOSH!" He is excited excited and amazed. Proudest dad in the world. He also teaches you some martial arts. It's never wrong to know how to defend yourself and also... just in case. Gojo will (for his standards: jokingly) spar with you but it almost always ends up in him dramatically falling to the ground from your hit and lying on the ground à la "oh no, I was hit!! Y/N, please give daddy a hug and maybe a kiss for healing :((" You would just get on top of him and hug his big body with your tiny frame. He tells you to use your newly aquired techniques on Megumi.

Talking about his students... they all adore you. You can literally see Yuuji's and Nobara's sparkly eyes when they see you. When Gojo had stolen Nobara's skirt, she used you and your ultimate technique - "Domain Expansion: Infinite Cuteness" - to get it back. You are the only opponent Gojo cannot defeat. This technique always works on Gojo, 100%. The three first-years are very protective of you. While Megumi was more lowkey, Yuuji would probably take a bullet for you. If someone even damaged a strand of your hair, even as a "joke", big sister Nobara would flip. Definitely expect to see the hammer or at least one nail. Sukuna is not amazed by you but has to put up with you because of Yuuji. And your dad. You enjoy Inumaki's and Panda's company anytime because you find them funny. Maki is probably the same as Nobara... but more lowkey.

So in theory, if there was someone who picked on you, you would at least have three people backing you up. Contrary to what you might think now, Gojo wouldn't really be serious about this. He would simply deal with this matter in a simple way. I imagine he'd just laugh at the other kid that picks on you or make a sassy remark and leave it at that. Or he would just leave it to his students since he knows you are in good hands when you have those three as bodyguards.

However: if you are in serious danger? The blindfold/glasses are gone, removed faster than you can blink, his body taking a pretty familiar stance with his arms ready to shoot his Red Hollow Purple technique. Might use Infinite Void right away, depending on your state. Trust me, he is not joking around for any second longer. He aims to completely annihilate your enemy until not even a speck of cursed energy is left. After making sure you are still alive and relatively unharmed, he picks you up and warps away from the scene. He's as cheerful as ever; it's almost as if nothing happened. However, inside he is overwhelmed with relief.

If you are going to school/kindergarten, he will pick you up whenever he can. He is the cool dad, the sporty dad, the swaggy dad, the has-it-all dad. Single mothers will probably attempt to hit on him but then again, who wouldn't? Oh, what do you mean by he is not available on that day? Unless one of his students or Shoko volunteers, the simplest technique is to just bully Ijichi to do it.

At the end of a day, he will tuck you in. Your bedtime stories mostly consist of him retelling tales of his adolescent years (that was your own request) in the Gojo-esque way possible. He loves to gently stroke your face while your eyelids seem to heavy to stay open. Gojo stays until you're asleep and will give you a little kiss on the cheek, whispering "good night, little bear".

Taglist: @gojos-mochi​ (lmao you’re the only one)

[aitarose]

THE THEORY OF US (H. IWAIZUMI) pairing: iwaizumi hajime x fem!reader

synopsis: crushes are always inevitably revealed, whether through confessions or actions—however, you never thought you’d finally get the chance to make iwaizumi hajime yours during one of your many study sessions in the empty mathematics classroom.

word count: 1.3k

genre: high school, mutual pining, fluff, based on me hating my math class and not wanting to take my test, unedited

warnings: suggestive content, making out?

notes: hey sexcs, i wrote all of this during that speed write and this is completely not proof read at all bc im tired and want to fall asleep—but here’s what i have lmao

↳ DIRECTORY

There was a way in the posture of his stance, how he stood over the desk, hand supporting his body while staring down at your paper—deep veins protruding out of his skin, his muscles stiff as his concentration stayed on you and only you. It was like he was an addiction, something that you knew you couldn't have but just so wanted to taste—have a small bite of what was Iwaizumi Hajime, and never let go.

However, as the two of you were alone in the empty classroom, going over the questions that you had gotten incorrect on your last quiz, trying to find solutions that apparently he could solve—as the highest-ranking member of the class—all your mind could pay attention to was the feeling of his breath on the back of your neck. How it made shivers run up the back of your spine, heartbeat racing as a need inside of you grew into something worthwhile. Something that you just couldn't ignore.

"Iwa." You sighed, closing the textbook and placing your hand over his—the dainty fingers touching the calloused palms, noticing how rough and patched they were, wishing that you could hold them all of the time—walk through the hallways as his girl, as the person that was his and only his. "We've been at this for an hour now—if we're ever going to make any progress, it won't be today. My brain is practically fried."

He sighed, bringing his arm up and running a hand through the mess of hair on the top of his head. Brown locks falling just above his eyebrows as his eyes narrowed on you—determination at the tip of his tongue. "No," he shook his head, believing that he was capable of getting you that perfect score, that one-hundred percent in the class. "I can help, Y/N. Just trust me, okay? If anyone's going to help, it's going to be me."

With his words, you nodded—having been in somewhat of a trance in the deepness of his gaze, blood rushing hot whilst he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, squeezing you quickly and reopening the notes. You bit your lip, having him so close—a mere ruler length away from your body was torture, it was completely threatening to every sense of rationality in your brain.

He was your tutor, that person that was trusted to keep your grades up—to make sure that you succeeded in class and didn't lose your perfect GPA—but he was also Iwaizumi. He was that boy who'd hold the door open for students in the halls even if he was running late for class. The type of guy to always remember your birthday when you're only acquaintances and get you a small little gift for the special occasion.

If there was any perfect guy in the world, any boy that neared your perfect match—it was him.

So, knowing that you might never get the opportunity again, that you may never be as close as you are now—as close as two platonic friends could be—you took his palm in yours and asked him the simplest question that any girl could say to the guy of her dreams. "Can I kiss you?" A little stutter spoke in your voice, nerves wracking your mind and fear in your eyes as he froze mid-sentence, trailing off on the probability theory that you'd been working on.

There was a bit of hesitation in his stature, a weary nature that you hadn't quite seen before—it was frightening, the unexpected, whatever could come as a result from that one question. From that one single chance that you'd decided to take. "What did you just say?" He looked up, eyes on yours, hand still beneath the softness of your skin as you gulped. Before you could even respond, Iwaizumi took matters into his own hands—grabbing your cheeks and surging forwards, pressing his lips to your own.

It felt like ecstasy, him kissing you. If heaven was real in any way, this would be what it'd feel like to live there. To feel the wonders of pure paradise all of the time, twenty-four-seven in absolute bliss—no worries in the air, just utter happiness, and sensuality. He was your match, the person that you'd always wanted, and now you finally had him—you finally had him above you, tilting your head up with his pointer beneath your chin as his mouth moved with yours.

"Iwa." You attempted to say between kisses, breaths heavy and harsh, heart pounding out of your chest as he pulled away—eyes wide and lust-filled. "Iwa are you sure about this? I don't want you doing anything you're uncomfortable with." You folded your hands in your lap, watching as he sat back into the desk beside yours, falling into the chair as he once again ran his fingers through his tangled hair.

After a moment of silence, a smile overtook his face—a bright and wonderful beam of joy directed towards you—directed towards you and only you. "C'mere." He patted his knee, gesturing for you to come closer, to join him in the small and cramped space—to which you obliged. After all, what were you going to do? Ignore him? This was Iwaizumi Hajime we were talking about, Seijoh's esteemed ace. In no world would you ever ignore his wants and needs.

Immediately, his grip found your waist. Holding it with force as he settled you into his lap—connecting your lips once more as a gasp escaped your throat, surprised by the aggression that he was showing, surprised by how much he seemed to want you. As you carried on, heated and heavy with lust and attraction, infatuation in the middle of your high school mathematics classroom—his lips began to trail down.

It was everything you ever wanted, him peppering showers of love off of your jaw and neck—softly sucking and nipping, leaving small bruises on the pinkness of your skin—marks that you'd have a hell of a time figuring out how to cover up after all this was over. "Oh my god." You moaned out, arms holding his head to your body, making sure that he wasn't going to let go anytime soon. "Keep going. Keep going, Iwa."

He paused, disobeying your demands and taking a quick glance up at your face. You were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, how you closed your eyes at his touch, mouth gaped open and gasping for air—it was a sight that he never wanted to get tired of, a sight that he'd been wanting to see for months now as you sat beside him in class. "Call me Hajime." He nodded, referencing the former title that you'd known him by. "You can call me Hajime, Y/N."

A light flush rose to your cheeks at the sound of your promotion, knowing that this meant that this wasn't going to be a one-time thing—that this could potentially be the start of a relationship, a long and lasting relationship between the two of you that could one day result in love. Love that you'd dreamed of since setting eyes on the brunette boy. "Then keep going, Hajime." Your eyes narrowed, challenging him to continue, challenging him to satisfy the needs you both were striving to complete.

With your wishes granted he cupped your face, hands covering the skin of your red blossoms and molding his mouth over yours for the third time that afternoon—biting the bottom of your lip and moving his tongue with your own. He was an exceptional kisser, that was for certain. There was no one in your past that even came close to how fantastic he'd already begun to make you feel—no past relationship that held a candle to the butterflies that grew in your stomach when he was around.

The butterflies that were the first of many, the first of millions on millions of jitters and nerves that would always arise with him. A relationship that was one of the books—all beginning in this small math classroom, with one question and one kiss that led to an infinite amount to follow. Your future was Hajime, and his future was you.

© aitarose.tumblr 2021. do not copy or claim my writing, works, themes, copy and paste my words, or headers as your own

[thanksjro]

Bayverse: Treating These Movies with More Dignity than They Deserve or Contain, Because I’m a Goddamned Professional - Part One

TRANSFORMERS (2007) - UNCOMFORTABLE SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN TEENAGERS THAT I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE

So.

This is a little different than what I usually do.

Clearly.

God, how did we even get here?

Oh, I remember.

The date was September 17th, 2020, and I was in a stream with nine or ten other people watching the first Bayverse Transformers movie. Why we were watching it doesn’t particularly matter- sometimes you just gotta watch garbage so you can refresh your palate for the good stuff, I suppose. Also, a couple of folks wanted to make goo-goo eyes at Blackout’s rotors.

...It’s not my thing, but I’m glad they’ve got something to make the journey worth taking.

I made some sort of comment about only using my brain for this blog’s content, and someone (you know who you are :)) suggested that I take a proper look at the film. Being who I am, I immediately latched onto this idea, despite it being technically outside of what I write about.

And then I quintuple-downed, because winners don’t quit.

Good to know that my BA in Film Production wasn’t a complete waste of time.

Fun fact, I broke my television trying to watch Transformers for this. I think the universe was trying to stop me, by making me perform surgery on electronics, and also aggravating my carpal tunnel.

This movie came out when I was 13, and it was the first Transformers thing I saw after Cybertron. Yes, the anime one. No, not the one that’s objectively terrible.

Anyway.

How did I feel about Transformers when I saw it the first time? Well… it was okay. I liked the robots. I thought Mikaela was pretty, not that I knew what that meant back then. I watched it a few times, if only because my oldest younger brother kept renting it at Blockbuster. It was fun.

Now I’m older, and wiser, and know feminist theory, so my opinion is less “this exists” and more “blind, murderous rage”.

Our film opens up with some claptrap about the Cube™, a MacGuffin of ultimate power that allows the Transformers to create worlds in their image and populate them. Which means this is how they reproduce.

It always comes back to baby-making, doesn’t it?

The narration goes on about how the Cube™ is very powerful, and some folks wanted it for good, and others for evil. The criteria for being “good” and “evil” isn’t established, and I’m not exactly sure how one would define such a thing, when all the Cube™ does is create life, but, well, we’ve only just begun. Maybe we’ll get some answers later on.

Haha, I doubt it.

So, the Cube™ is the catalyst for our 4 million year war this continuity, and that sucker was lost in the shuffle a while back. This is a problem, because, again, the Cube™ is how the Transformers reproduce. Now everyone’s in a mad scramble to find the thing so their species doesn’t die out.

Three guesses as to where it ended up, and the first two don’t count.

Smashcut to the shit nobody cares about- the humans. We see an Osprey fly over the Qatar desert, carrying a buttload of American soldiers. We get a taste of some good old-fashioned xenophobia, as several soldiers mock a guy for not speaking English and loving his mother’s cooking, going full “funny haha gibberish language” on him. We’re two and a half minutes into the film, and I already want to stab something.

Ed Sheeran breaks into the conversation, I guess because he was feeling left out, revealing that he is the New Yorker stereotype of the film, for some reason. The fellas ask their captain, Lennox, what he’s looking forward to most about getting home from their tour, and he reveals himself to be a family man. While he’s been away, his wife had a baby, who he hasn’t so much as held yet. His men respond by mocking him.

For loving his child.

We’re three minutes into the film, and the toxic masculinity might actually make me have an aneurysm.

The Ospreys land, the lads disembark, and we get a snapshot of what downtime during deployment looks like to Bay. There are a lot of kiddie swimming pools involved. Two men play basketball. We watch multiple men take outdoor showers. A young Qatari boy brings Lennox a camelback water pack with a smile on his face. This lets me know that he’s a prop and not a character in this film. I can’t wait to see how many horrors he’ll be put through to simulate pathos.

We get a shot of a helicopter flying over the desert, one that the US military doesn’t recognize as their own. They send a couple of planes to check it out, and said planes get their shop wrecked. The helicopter is revealed to be the same ‘copter that was shot down several months prior. That’s… not good. Ghost helicopter?

No. Not at all, actually.

Lennox gets on a video chat with his wife and daughter, who is wearing one of the most ridiculous baby outfits I’ve seen in a hot minute. And I used to work in childcare, so I’ve seen a good amount of those. The writing implies that normal bodily functions are unladylike and therefore undesirable… in an infant… and that’s when all hell breaks loose, thankfully saving me from more of Bay trying to make me give a shit about these characters.

The helicopter lands, we get a shot of the mustachioed pilot, who glitches (gasp), and the line “have your crew step out or we will kill you” is uttered. Not even trying to hide the nationalism, are you?

This film hit theaters in 2007, when the xenophobia from 9/11 was still heavy in the air of the general populace, so things like this were more tolerated, and in fact approved of. Of course, it’s not like America has really improved on that subject, or ever really had a point where we weren’t terrible about it, since we live in a world where the military-entertainment complex exists.

See, the Department of Defense and a good chunk of American entertainment industries have a little deal going, and have for the last few decades, and it goes like this: The DoD will allow the use of their vehicles, personnel, and bases, or the likenesses of such, for free, in exchange for their operations being shown in a positive/morally justified light. This is why you never see the armed forces portrayed in a way that makes them out as anything less than heroes- nobody would be able to afford the sets/likenesses without the DoD’s aid. This is also why you see straight-up advertisements for the military branches on televison, in cinemas, and online, and why both the Army and Navy have flirted with having Twitch channels.

It’s all a ploy to get you to join the military, kids. It’s propaganda.

But enough about that, it’s time for our first transformation sequence!

We get a lot of moving parts with this, since it’s realistic CGI in a live-action movie, and it still holds up. It’s hard to tell what’s actually happening, but it, if nothing else, feels alien, surreal, and horrific to behold. They even included the original sound effect in the cacophony, which is nice.

Our ghost helicopter reveals itself to be a Transformer, not that we get that terminology at any point in this film. This specifically is Blackout, a Decepticon. The soldiers start firing on him the moment he starts transforming, then are surprised when the thing they started shooting with several guns retaliates. This is the point where everything ever in this military base explodes, brilliantly and repeatedly, because it wouldn’t be a Bay film without it. There’s a lot of shouting and bright lights, and I’m positively certain that a great deal of people died during this fight.

It’s just a shame that I don’t care.

Blackout rips the top off of a building like it’s a tin of anchovies, and then snags all the hard drives he can, downloading everything. This is a problem, but it seems like nobody was prepared for a giant alien robot hack-attack, because in order to shut down the power to the servers, you need to be able to unlock the breaker box, and no one seems to have the key. They solve the problem with a fire ax.

Lennox is leading the Qatari boy through the base towards safety. I should mention that it’s night now, and several hours seem to have passed since the Ospreys landed, so I don’t know why this kid is still here. He’s got, like, a house and family to go home to.

We get some more tank-throwing action, Sergeant Epps almost gets flattened under Blackout’s foot, then the movie decides it’s going to try to make things more interesting by having each shot cut flash, for whatever reason.

Someone shoots Blackout with a rocket launcher, I think, and this is the point where he throws his tiny little man off his back to go do his job. Yes, Blackout’s got a baby, and that baby is Scorponok, his symbiotic pal who likes to dig into the ground and be a sneaky little bastard.

Blackout blows up a ton more military equipment and personnel, and then it’s time for another smashcut.

Now we’re in high school, just like all those dreams I’ve had where I’ve forgotten my homework. This is where we meet Sam Witwicky, our main character, and also the stand-in for our target demographic. He’s insufferable, and I don’t like him. Mikaela Banes, our love interest, is also present in this scene, but we don’t get to know about her character for, like, another 20 minutes, because who gives a shit about women, right? They’re just props, right?

Right???

RIGHT??????????

RIGH-

Sam is presenting on his great-great-grandfather, Archibald Witwicky, for his family genealogy report, in front of a class containing maybe three actors who are age appropriate.

I know child labor laws are a good thing, and that hiring adults to play teenagers is just the lay of the land, but I swear some of these students look like they’re old enough to be on their second mortgage and third kid.

Anyway.

Archibald Witwicky was an explorer, one of the first to traverse the Arctic circle, and apparently his crew was made up of folks from 2007, because I swear the clothing for a few of these dudes isn’t period-appropriate. We get a seamen joke, because of course we do, and a sextant joke, because of course we do. Sam is also hawking all this crap he’s brought in for the presentation, because he is a little bastard who has no idea what his peers would want to buy, or really how to relate to them at all. He’s selling these “priceless” artifacts so he can get a car. Mikaela finds this charming, for some fucking reason. Also, her boyfriend is weirdly stroking her shoulder blade with his knuckles the whole time this is happening, and I hate it.

Archibald Witwicky went mad after his expedition, talking about an “ice man” so often that his family ended up locking him in a mental asylum, likely to be forgotten about. Which is sad. But we won’t be getting into the medical mistreatment of the mentally ill in Bayverse, now will we? That’s just Too Deep™.

Sam’s teacher didn’t very much appreciate having his class be turned into an episode of Antiques Roadshow, but still gives Sam an “A” on the project, despite it being a very poor report that lasted all of two minutes. I suspect the teacher has tenure, and therefore no longer gives a shit about academic integrity. This “A” means that Sam’s father will buy him a car.

Which is nice, I suppose, if I gave a damn.

Sam’s father, Ron, picks up his son in a car he probably bought at the crux of his midlife crisis, in a green that reminds me of a school gymnasium floor, then plays a prank on his child by pretending to pull into the Porsche dealership. Sam isn’t getting a Porsche, which is good, because he doesn’t deserve one. As Sam gripes to his father, a yellow Camaro drives by oh so conspicuously. Wonder what’s up with that.

Instead of the Porshe dealership, they head over to the used car lot, which is being run by Bobby Bolivia, who spends his time yelling at his employees and wanting to murder his mother. Sam is incredibly ungrateful about the fact that his dad is helping him get a car, even though it’s his FIRST car, and nobody gets a nice one the first go around. Or, at least, they shouldn’t, given the statistics about accidents with young drivers.

“No sacrifice, no victory” is uttered by Ron, which is the family motto, or so he claims. Archibald Witwicky said the same thing when he had multiple people dying trying to get to the Arctic Circle, so there’s precedence for the phrase, but we’ll see how it holds up throughout the film.

Bobby Bolivia shows Sam and Ron the cars he has for sale, and Sam is immediately drawn to the yellow Camaro in the lot, though there’s a small problem- it’s too expensive for what he and his father agreed to. Also, nobody knows where the hell it came from, so paperwork might be an issue. When Bobby tries to show Sam the yellow Beetle they have right down the line, everything explodes, because this is a Bay film, and fuck the original material this movie was based on. Bobby lets them have the Camaro for a lower price, suddenly fearful of whatever strange powers have just visited his place of business. “The car picks the driver” is suddenly more than a bullshit line to spout off in order to sell cars, and I’m certain that’s shaken the poor man.

Over in Washington, D.C., the Secretary of Defense prepares to address just what the hell happened in Qatar, lamenting on how young the audience he’s going to be speaking to is. In particular, he’s referring to the two dweebs and the hot chick sitting in one of the rows. All the women in this movie who aren’t someone’s mom are made up to be very pretty. And not even in a realistic way. But we’ll get to that in a bit.

So, the military network was hacked. That’s bad. Nobody knows who did it. That’s also bad. The only lead the US has is a soundbite, which is the signal that hacked the network.

Everyone here at the briefing is going to be helping to figure this mess out. This is great, if you like looking at Rachael Taylor for a few seconds at a time, and can compartmentalize hard enough to make that worth the effort of watching this godforsaken film.

Back at the Witwicky household, we meet Mojo, a chihuahua with a cast that doesn’t seem like it’s actually doing anything. I wish he was the main character instead of Sam.

Sam arrives home from the dealership, and says “alright, Mojo, I’ve got the car. Now I need the girl.”

As if ownership of a person is something to aspire to.

As if women are property to be owned.

As if women aren’t people, but rather commodities.

We’re 17.5 minutes into this film.

We’re introduced to Judy, Sam’s mother. She’s shrill, and annoying. This is by design, because none of the women in this film are actually people, but rather archetypes to bounce off of the male characters.

Sam and his father have a moment of what some might consider banter, then Sam gets huffy with his mom over gender roles for the dog. I, for one, think Mojo looks positively dashing in his bedazzled collar, and to hell with whatever Sam says to the contrary.

Sam drives off to go be a misogynist, with the promise to be back by 11PM.

Over in Qatar, the soldiers and that little boy are running from the attack on their base, as Lennox’s wife watches a public announcement on the matter back at home. The Secretary of Defense lets us know that we’re at DEFCON Delta at this point. Lennox Jr. cries, and all I can think about is how they probably pinched that baby to make that happen. They pinched a baby for Transformers (2007).

The soldiers in Qatar talk about shit they have no idea about, Sergeant Epps going on about somehow having been able to see a forcefield around Blackout through his super special binoculars. I don’t know how, or why, he knows this. I don’t know anything anymore.

Ed Sheeran has his doubts about this whole thing, and Lennox is also present in the scene, because I guess he’s important. Through a bit of dramatic irony, Fig- the guy everyone was making fun of for being bilingual at the start of the film- says that this probably isn’t over, as the shape of Scorponok shifts through the sand just beyond them.

Epps is having a minor crisis over the fact that Blackout saw him, but we don’t have time for that, because we’ve got to get to cover. The lads decide to head to the little Qatari boy’s house. Again, I wonder why he was at the base at all, considering that it seems like they’ve been traveling for a good portion of the day.

Back with Sam, he’s picked up his friend Miles, and together they’re going to a lake party. Are they invited to this party? Yes, but also no. It’s public property though, so it should be fine. As they park, Sam notices that Mikaela is here, which is great for him.

Mikaela’s boyfriend, Trent- whose name I had to look up- is a massive tool, and starts pestering the two boys for daring to exist in his airspace. Miles climbs a tree. I’m glad he’s having fun, at least. Sam makes a joke at the expense of people with brain injuries, and this for some reason? Warrants a shot of Mikaela making the blank “pretty girl” face? In response?

Mikaela saves Sam from becoming a wet stain on the grass, which is very kind of her, and more than Sam really deserves. Trent, his boys, and Mikaela start to head off for another party, to get away from Sam and his tree-loving friend. Mikaela offers to drive, and Trent says that she can’t handle his truck, because she’s a ~girl~. This causes Mikaela to ditch him, and start walking home.

The script knows enough about misogyny to know that this would be a nice “take that”. Michael Bay, however, likely fails to see why everything he did with said script involving this character is a goddamned problem.

Because Mikaela, bless her heart, has a lot of problems.

Let’s start with the outfit: a croptop, a jean skirt that BARELY covers her ass, and a pair of wedge heels that are at least four inches tall. On a character that is, at oldest, freshly 18.

Look, I’m all about self-expression and the freedom to choose how you dress for yourself and yourself alone, but this clearly isn’t that. This is a character, not a person, whose wardrobe was designed for the straight male gaze. She’s wearing fucking STRAP HEELS to the lake. This is about oogling. This is about reducing a whole-ass person to the same status as a piece of meat. In fact, who was on wardrobe for this? I’d like to have a few words with-

A woman? Okay, well, what else has she worked on?

You can’t be fucking serious.

ANYWAY.

Miles just called Mikaela an “evil jock concubine.” I don’t like Miles anymore.

As Mikaela walks down the road, strutting hard enough that I’ve got sympathy pains in my hips, the radio in the Camaro turns on, playing “Drive” by the Cars, and giving Sam a hell of an idea; he’s gonna drive Mikaela home, so she doesn’t have to walk the 10 miles to her house. Why he knows how far she lives from the lake isn’t addressed.

Sam kicks Miles out of the car and goes to give Mikaela a ride, which she accepts after a bit of self-deliberation, and also him making an ass of himself. The shot here is framed with Sam like he’s a normal-ass person, and Mikaela from her breasts to the top of her waist. Because of COURSE it is.

She hops in the car and then goes off about her taste in hot guys. Which is weird, and out of left field. Sam is about as confused as I am, then continues to make a fool of himself. This is his nature as a person. Mikaela has no idea who Sam is, even though they’ve gone to the same school for the last 10 years and have multiple classes together. And the fact that she was staring him down all through his genealogy presentation. And at the lake.

This movie isn’t very well thought out, I feel.

It’s at this point the the Camaro turns the key on itself and starts to sputter out and die, as “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye pops on the radio.

I don’t like how this car is trying to get Sam laid.

I don’t like how this car is trying to get Sam laid with a girl who didn’t even know his name five minutes ago.

I don’t like how this car knows what sex is.

The Camaro breaks down on a cliff, and Mikaela hops out to work on the engine, and also to get the hell away from Sam’s sputtering.

As Mikaela admires the sweet engine in this Camaro, showing off her knowledge of cars, we get several shots of her from her breasts to her thighs, while Sam is treated like an actual person. Don’t bother trying to play it off as an artistic choice, Bay, this is blatant horndogging. This adds to NOTHING, other than my ire.

Sam says more stupid shit, and Mikaela, who must be the nicest fucking person in the world, just tells him to fire up the engine so she can try to sort out the problem. Then he asks why she goes for jackasses like Trent, and she decides that she’s hit her limit for today, opting to walk the rest of the way home. Good on you, Mikaela. Don’t take Sam’s bullshit.

Sam, realizing that he’s put his foot in his mouth for the 80th time today, pleads with his Camaro to do him a solid and work, and this actually works out for him. Great. Sam, victorious, once again offers Mikaela a ride, which she, once again, takes.

He drops her off without further incident, and she thanks him for listening. Even though they didn’t really talk that much. I dunno, maybe they had a super deep conversation offscreen. Mikaela asks Sam if he thinks she’s shallow, because clearly all women need approval from the men around them, and Sam says that there’s more to her than meets the eye.

Which made me groan aloud.

Anyway, she gets inside without a problem, and Sam professes his love for his new Camaro for allowing him to talk to a girl. Or at least talk at her.

Back in Washington, D.C., at the Pentagon National Military Command Center, we’re making weirdly racist calls on who hacked the military.

Up with Air Force One, a conspicuous boombox transforms into a robot, and then runs off to hack shit. The President of the United States requests some snack cakes. A flight attendant goes down to storage to retrieve said snack cakes, and finds that boombox in the elevator with her. Considering this is Air Force One, you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing, but this is Bayverse, and we don’t think here.

The flight attendant brings the boombox down with her and places it on the counter as she goes to get the presidential snack cakes. The boombox immediately disappears. Now, you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing, but this is Bayverse-

The flight attendant opens up the snack cake package, for some reason, and drops the cake on the floor. She then proceeds to eat it, and then act shocked when it tastes like floor. There’s a robot in her fucking line of sight, and you’d perhaps expect her to immediately be suspicious of such a thing-

She leaves to go feed the President floor cakes, and our little robot friend gets to work stealing government secrets. He, if nothing else, looks pretty cool doing it. He’s a very pointy lad.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie- Rachael Taylor’s character- can hear the hacking. This sends everyone into a panic, because, well, that shouldn’t be happening. The hacking noise is a direct match to the one from Qatar, so that’s obviously a problem.

Back on Air Force One, our little robot friend is looking for “Project Iceman”, which he very quickly finds, and downloads everything they’ve got on it, and also plants a virus. The process seems to be… doing things to him. It’s weird. This movie is weird.

The Pentagon cuts all the system hardlines, stopping the process, but it’s too late- he got what he wanted, just about. Two security personnel come into the room, and the robot kills them both with some spinning blade disc nonsense. Air Force One is forced to land for the safety of everyone on-board. More security detail comes in to deal with the little bastard, but he transforms into a boombox and sits on a shelf to avoid suspicion. Now, you’d perhaps expect-

With the plane grounded, our robot is able to walk his little ass over to a cop car. And when I say walk, I do mean walk; this fucker is in multiple folks’ line of sight and nobody notices a thing. When he enters the car, he’s greeted by the mustachioed driver- the same driver who was operating the helicopter at the beginning of the film. This mustache man is a holographic avatar, one that’s being used by all the Decepticons.

We get our first real taste of Cybertronian language, as our robot- it’s Frenzy, his name is Frenzy- lets everyone know that he’s found a clue to the location of the AllSpark, and, through the power of the internet, knows where to find the guy who’s gonna give them what they need.

Three guesses to who it is, and the first two don’t count.

Back at the Witwicky household, Sam’s car does a runner in the middle of the night. Sam, horrified that his property is being stolen, pursues on a bike, screaming at his dad to call the cops. Sam also calls the cops, as he tears through the neighborhood.

The Camaro breaks into an abandoned building, Sam follows, and we finally get a shot of our audience appeal character. Sam watches in disbelief as a giant yellow space robot shines a beacon into the sky, then makes a video on his flip phone recording the experience. He apologizes to his parents for owning pornographic magazines, and goes to face his probable demise.

However, death does not come from above, instead manifesting itself as two of the strongest junkyard dogs in the known universe, who break their brick-inlaid chains to get at this little dip of a man. Sam is chased through the yard, climbing on top of a couple precarious oil drums, even though there’s a ladder, like, right there. The Camaro rolls in, scaring off the dogs, and Sam bolts, throwing the keys to his ride at his ride. When he gets outside, the cops have arrived, and immediately arrest him.

Back with the US government, the Secretary of State is having a conversation about all the bullshit that just went down with Air Force One. He and his fellow cishet old white men discuss their options, until Maddie comes in to set them straight on some of the facts. They act all indignant about it, because women can’t be smart, right?

Right???

RIGHT??????????

RIGH-

Anyway, we get a weird little deflection of Maddie’s role in everything, because a woman is nothing without the men around her, then she brings up the point that the bullshit that happened on Air Force One went down in just a few seconds, which isn’t something that anyone can actually do. She brings up quantum mechanics, which everyone blows off as nonsense- not that I wouldn’t as well- and theorizes on a DNA-based computer, which is technically a thing, if not trapped in the realm of speculation. It’s at this point that the Secretary of Defense tells her to come back when she can back these wild claims up, and isn’t just clearly spitballing.

And then he snaps his fingers at her, and any point he might have had leaves my brain so I have more room for being enraged.

Back with Sam, we’re at the police station talking to the cops. His dad is here, and Sam is trying to explain that his car is a dude. Even though he took at a video (one that was likely crap, given how quickly he spun his phone around to show off what he was seeing) the cops, understandably, don’t believe him. Then one of them, not so understandably, starts… threatening Sam? With his sidearm? And daring him to try something? This isn’t any sort of statement on the corruption of American law enforcement, it’s just bizarre.

Back in Qatar, our soldier buddies have found a telephone line, and are going to try to use it to get in contact with the rest of the world. It’s just too bad that Scorponok’s decided to make an entrance, and knock said telephone line the hell down. Ed Sheeran has next to no reaction to this, despite it happening maybe ten feet behind him. Fig speaks Spanish, and Ed Sheeran makes a point to be an asshole about it.

Scorponok is about to stab Lennox with his very pointy tail, when Epps notices- finally, someone with peripheral vision- and starts shooting. Then everyone starts shooting, kicking up enough sand to blind themselves, as Scorponok scuttles away, buries himself, then reappears behind Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran does not survive this experience.

The others bolt, not wanting the same to happen to them, and for the fourth time I wonder just why the hell this young boy was at the base in the first place.

Off in the distance, the community of a nearby town wonders just what the shit is going on out in the desert. Our soldiers run into the town, and everyone gets their guns and start firing on Scorponok, who retaliates, because why the hell wouldn’t he?

Lennox demands that the young boy take him to his father, and proceeds to borrow his phone. As shit goes down outside, we have a sort-of gag where Lennox is trying to contact the Pentagon, while a telemarketer tries to get him to buy a phone package. In order for this call to go through, he’s going to need a credit card. This is where the well-known “pocket” scene comes from, as Lennox searches Epps’ pants for his wallet as he fires on Scorponok. It’s probably the best-written thing in this whole film.

With the credit card acquired, Lennox finally gets through to the Pentagon, and tosses Epps the phone so he can talk. Maybe he’s got anxiety about speaking on the phone, I dunno.

Scorponok shows off his disregard for historical architecture, blowing up several buildings, and the US government just watches this all go down. One of the actors in this scene looks like my dad, and it trips me up every time he’s on screen. Anyway, now the Pentagon knows about the giant space robots running around in Qatar. They send over some air support about it. All this manages to do is piss Scorponok off.

So they try it again.

This time it works, sort of.

At the very least, he’s left now.

Tail fell off, though.

Also, Fig’s been grievously wounded. The others, for once, don’t make fun of his native language while they help him hold his blood inside his body.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie’s looking to prove that the bullshit that’s been going on is of the sci-fi variety, and in order to do that, she’s going to need a little outside help. She takes the information from the Pentagon, slaps it into an SD card, hides that shit in her blush compact, and then runs out the door to Glenn Whitmann’s house. Or, rather, his grandma’s house.

Glenn is a hacker, and shouldn’t be seeing anything that Maddie’s brought him, but everyone knows that confidentiality is for nerds, so whatever.

Back at the Pentagon, Maddie’s immediately been caught. It’s almost like slapping the military network onto an SD card maybe wasn’t such a hot idea. But what do I know?

Glenn takes a look at the soundbite and figures out that there’s a code embedded in the thing in about two seconds. Good to know our tax dollars are being well-spent on the US military, that some dude in his jammies can figure this shit out faster than a whole team of analysts. They figure out that “Project Iceman” is involved with this somehow, and also the existence of Sector Seven. It’s at this point that the FBI busts in. Good. I kind of want Maddie to go to jail for this, because she was about as stupid as she could be handling the situation.

Glenn’s cousin goes through a closed glass door- don’t worry, it’s tempered- and there’s a weird cut before that exact same shot continues, and he’s tackled into the pool. There was no reason for that to have happened, but here we are.

Back with Sam, we’re treated to him in his boxers, shooting basketballs in his room. He goes into the kitchen, where Mojo is standing on a stool. It’s a very tall stool, the sort you sit on, and he’s just… there. I don’t know how he got there. There’s no one else in the room besides Sam, and I know he didn’t put him there.

Clearly this must mean Mojo is God, and being on that stool is his divine will. I will be approaching the rest of the franchise with this in mind, because it’s clearly the only answer.

Our merciful Lord Mojo jumps up on the kitchen counter and begins growling at something through the window. Sam looks out… the opposite window… to find that his Camaro has returned to him, and is less than thrilled about it, to put it lightly. He drops a jug of milk- luckily it was mostly empty, given the sound it makes when it hits the floor- and gives his buddy Miles a call. You remember Miles, don’t you? If you don’t, it’s fine, because he reestablishes his quirkiness with a single shot, as he sits in a swimsuit and bathes his huge-ass dog in a kiddie pool, and answers the phone with a headset he just happened to be wearing. He must get a lot of calls during Dog Washing Hours.


After giving us one of the most intense voice cracks I’ve ever heard, Sam books it out of his house, hopping on a bike to escape his murderous Camaro. He’s not seen the thing commit any murders, mind you, but he seems pretty convinced that it would do the job, given half a chance. Also, this isn’t the bike he rode the night before; that one is likely being chewed on by those strong-ass junkyard dogs. No, for some reason, the Witwickys have a pastel pink girl’s bike, with the fun little handle tassels and the basket and everything. As far as I can tell, Sam is an only child, and if you think Bay’s going to allow for a teenage boy to have the vulnerability to own a pink bike, you’ve not been paying attention for the last 48.5 minutes.

The Camaro gives chase, rolling after Sam on his bike at a brisk 7 MPH down the friggin’ sidewalk, one of the only scenes in this travesty of a film to actually get me to crack a smile. Sam races through town until city planning puts a stop to him, through the magic of using chunks of cement to decorate the mulch around their trees. He crashes his bike, faceplants into the concrete in front of Mikaela, and promptly dies, thus ending the film.

No, he doesn’t die. I just told a fib. I’m sorry.

Instead, he does a flip and lands on his back, likely receiving a concussion, in front of Mikaela and her friends. Her friends laugh, because everyone hates Sam, as they should, and Mikaela says that what he just did was “really awesome.” Don’t try to be nice, Mikaela, this is Sam we’re talking about; you could stick the dude in the freezer overnight and he still wouldn’t be even remotely cool.

Sam gets back to the whole “running away from a car” deal, and Mikaela decides that this is the sort of thing she’d like to do with her day, so she ditches her friends in the middle of their scheduled Burger King™ time to go see what the hell Sam’s on about.

As Sam is chased by the Camaro who is being chased by Mikaela on her motorized scooter, a cop becomes involved, tearing through the streets to join this ridiculous game of tag. Now, we’ve seen two different flavor of cop so far- the mustachioed avatar cop car that picked up Frenzy from the airport, and the dude who threatened a teenage boy with a gun after accusing him of being under the influence of drugs. Either way, I don’t think this is going to turn out well for Sam.

Sam’s cornered himself under one of those really wide bridges where people can park their cars, which wasn’t terribly smart, but it’s Sam, so this is about par for the course. The Camaro manages to miss him, but the cop car does not. Sam is actually pretty cool with the cops being here, as if they could do anything about “Satan’s Camaro.” I guess he didn’t see the decal on the side of this car that says “to punish and enslave…”

Sam attempts to approach the car for help, and gets clotheslined by a car door for his troubles. He hits his head on the pavement, certainly exasperating the brain injury he received not ten minutes ago. Still, he continues to try to talk to the holographic avatar through the windshield, revealing that the bike he’s been riding is his mother’s. Mystery solved, I suppose.

The cop car doesn’t much appreciate being slapped on the hood, and begins to rev violently at Sam, threatening to run him over several times. Then it explodes into being a robot. Sam, who’s seen a lot of really weird shit in the last 24 hours, nopes out of the situation. It’s at this point that I realize he’s wearing a shirt for the band the Strokes. I don’t know why that stuck out to me, but it did. Guess my brain needed something to latch onto during all this.

Sam is running as fast as his little legs allow, as our newest robot friend takes up a leisurely jog to keep pace. Then he kicks Sam. He kicks Sam’s body like the football. This, of course, instantly turns Sam into a bag of jelly and kills him, thus ending the film.

No, he doesn’t die. I just told another fib. I’m sorry.

Sam somehow survives being punted by a giant metal leg and lands in the windshield of a car that doesn’t turn into a robot. Then he gets yelled at by the cop car. This is Barricade, a member of the Decepticons, and Sam’s got something he wants. Or, should I say “LadiesMan217” has something he wants.

LadiesMan217 is Sam’s Ebay username. This is both stupid because no teenage boy existing beyond the year 1985 would have ever called himself that, and also because it’s just stupid.

Barricade wants the glasses Sam presented for his genealogy report, and he wants them NOW. Seeing as the thing he wants is for sale, and nobody had been bidding on it, one would wonder why Barricade and his associates didn’t just try to purchase them like upstanding citizens. Perhaps Decepticons don’t understand the concept of money, or perhaps they don’t have a stable address to have the glasses shipped to. Or perhaps nobody considered that angle when the script was being put together. Who can say?

Sam gets back to running away from Barricade, we see where Mikaela got to, and the two of them collide. Sam rips Mikaela off of her scooter, and they both fall to the ground. Mikaela, who did not buckle the clasp on her helmet, asks Sam what his fucking problem is. Then his problem shows up, and they take a very long time to get up so they can run. So long, in fact, that the Camaro has to swing in to save them. After much pleading from Sam, Mikaela gets inside Satan’s Camaro, and the two of them are whisked away to safety. Barricade pursues, and then the butt rock starts.

There’s a lot of screaming and yelling, the Camaro busts through a window and several shelves in an abandoned building, there’s some drifting, and then suddenly it’s nighttime. Barricade somehow got in front of the Camaro, and is circling like a shark. The Camaro locks the two teenagers inside itself, though I suppose they could climb out through the still-open windows if they really wanted to. The Camaro cuts the engine off, then cuts it back on and bolts for the exit, and this somehow tricks Barricade long enough for them to get past.

The Camaro dumps Mikaela and Sam out one of the doors and then transforms into that yellow space robot we saw a bit ago. It’s Bumblebee! Nearly an hour in, and we finally get a proper look at the little bastard. I guess that’s what happens when you spend the first 20-something minutes on being xenophobic and appealing to the focus groups that think it’s fine sexualize high schoolers.

Bumblebee- no, he’s not introduced himself yet, but I just can’t keep calling him “the Camaro” anymore- comes out of his transformation ready to square the fuck up. Barricade throws himself at Bumblebee, they roll around on the ground for a bit, then things start sparking and exploding, because this is a Michael Bay film. Frenzy jumps out and starts chasing down Mikaela and Sam, while Bumblebee and Barricade murder death punch each other. Frenzy manages to grab Sam by the ankles, drag him to the ground, and rip his pants off. Not sure how that happened, considering he’s still got his shoes on.

While Sam’s busy being chased by a sentient pile of safety pins, Mikaela’s taken it upon herself to be proactive about her survival, and is raiding a nearby building for power tools. She sprints out holding an electric jig saw and saves Sam by decapitating Frenzy. If you know anything about Transformers, then you know this doesn’t actually kill Frenzy, but good on her for being a badass. Why couldn’t Mikaela be our main character again? Oh, right, because she’s a ~girl~.

Sam punts Frenzy’s head, like, 50 yards, which seems like something he shouldn’t be able to do, given that he’s a massive weenie, but there you are. With that out of the way, Sam takes Mikaela’s hand and they run off to go watch the giant robot fight. The bottom of Frenzy’s head turns into a spider and he crawls his way over to Mikaela’s purse. He’s gonna steal her gum, the fiend!

Mikaela and Sam have, unfortunately, missed the giant robot fight, which means that we, as the audience, have also missed the giant robot fight. Which is unbelievably stupid, seeing as everyone who has ever watched this movie came for the GIANT GODDAMN ROBOTS.

Mikaela asks just who the hell the yellow robot is, I guess because she’s finally had a second to process what the hell’s going on. Sam claims that he’s a super-advanced robot, “probably from Japan.” Whether or not this is a reference to the Japanese origins of the original toy line isn’t clear, though somehow I think it’s more xenophobia. Sam also makes the claim that if Bumblebee had intended to hurt them, he would have done it by now. This is quite the jump from a few hours ago, when he was calling the poor guy “Satan’s Camaro.”

Sam finally, finally asks Bumblebee what his deal is, and we get our first taste of the Bayverse Bumblebee Gimmick. The Gimmick here is that, due to an injury to his vocal processing, Bumblebee cannot communicate through traditional means, i.e. speech. Because of this, he instead strings together sentences by flicking through the radio frequencies and choosing key words. This can lead to some interesting audio design, like describing his fellow Autobots to “rain down like visitors form heaven, Hallelujah!” because a radio sermon fit what he was trying to say best.

This gimmick is one that has been used in other pieces of Transformers media, at least in part. Bumblebee is unable to speak traditionally in Transformers: Prime, and instead communicates in beeps and clicks that his teammates can understand, but not so much the humans, save for Raf. In Bumblebee (2018), the idea was used whole-cloth, with the injury resulting in his inability to speak happening on-camera within the first 10 minutes of the movie, and the idea of “expressing oneself through music” being introduced by his human companion Charlie Watson.

All in all, I rather like the idea going on here; it’s an interesting part of his character that opens up for a lot of interesting and creative moments.

It’s just too bad it was introduced in fucking Bayverse.

But yeah, anyway, the other Autobots are coming to Earth. Shit’s gonna be lit.

Bumblebee turns back into a Camaro, and Sam uses the power of FOMO to get Mikaela to go in the car with him. We get a shot of Barricade fucking dying on the side of the road. Frenzy murders Mikaela’s phone, and then steals its identity, including the little bejeweled heart stickers. Good thing Mikaela remembered to go get her purse, otherwise he probably would have felt very silly doing that.

Mikaela refuses to sit in the driver’s seat, seeing as she now knows Sam’s car is sentient, and sort of feels weird about this whole thing. Sam suggests that she sit in his lap instead, as the camera angles to give us a peek at the cup of Mikaela’s bra. When asked why the hell she should do such a thing, Sam says it’s a concern about her safety, given that the middle console of the car does not have a seatbelt. Sam either fails to recognize that seatbelts going over two layered bodies won’t save either of them in the event of a crash, or he’s just trying to make an excuse to have a pretty girl in his lap.

Given what movie this is, I’m going to guess it’s the latter.

Mikaela has a similar line of thought, but scoots over anyway, saying that the seatbelt line was a “smooth move”. It wasn’t, but if I picked apart every single bad line Sam had in this film, I’d be here all day.

Mikaela questions Bumblebee’s taste in alt-mode, which offends him to the point of dumping both her and Sam out in the street and driving away. He returns, moments later, as a sleek new Camaro, that I’m sure some car aficionados would call “sexy.”

Bumblebee’s alt-mode is a 2009 Chevrolet Camaro, of which there were none during the time of filming. It was put together for this movie in roughly five weeks. Sam is blown away by the fact that he now owns a car that does not currently exist in his universe. Mikaela is impressed, or at least she would be, if women were allowed to show that emotion in a non-horny way in a Bay film.

Judy doesn’t count.

As Bumblebee breaks into yet another restricted area, we get a shot of the Earth from orbit, as several objects rocket towards the planet. Sam and Mikaela watch the Autobots burn up in the atmosphere, and Mikaela tries to hold Sam’s hand as they do, and it’s at this point that I have to address how much I hate these two’s dynamic.

I don’t give a single solitary shit about this romance, because A) it’s poorly written, B) Mikaela could do infinitely better than Sam, C) I dislike Sam so very much, D) Mikaela, who is a way more interesting character, got placed on friggin’ love interest duty because ~girl~, and E) it’s useless padding to try and make me care about what’s happening here, and I just DON’T. I do NOT care about whether these two get together or not.

We see the Autobots crash-land, three out of four of them causing massive amounts of property damage and possibly killing at least one person. Their stasis pods crack open, and they each climb out, completely naked and in desperate need of clothing to hide their shame. With a quick scan of nearby vehicles, they’re once again decent to be seen in public.

Bumblebee drives the kids out to what I can only assume is the warehouse district he sent that beacon out in, as our collection of good guys finally come together at long last. A massive Peterbilt semi-truck stops directly in front of Mikaela and Sam.

We’re over an hour into this film, and we’re just now getting to the quintessential Transformer, Optimus Prime himself.

In the original cartoon, Optimus’s alt-mode was what’s known as a cabover truck, one where the cab- where the driver sits- is seated directly over the engine. These were popular during the days when maximum truck-lengths were much shorter than they are currently. This is why when you look at height charts for Optimus over various continuities, his G1 cartoon counterpart much shorter than his other iterations.

Modern trucks are longer, and don’t need the cab to sit on top of the engine to save on space. The designers chose to use a Peterbilt to make sure that Optimus would have an imposing stature when compared to his fellow Autobots.

Because heaven forbid we not have heightism come into play in this film.

Our Autobots transform, and say what you will about these bastards being visually incomprehensible, the transformations themselves are cool as hell. My personal favorite is Jazz’s, where he does a cool windmill into his root mode.

Optimus crouches like he’s looking at a cool bug on the sidewalk and addresses Sam by name. He doesn’t even acknowledge Mikaela, which I find to be a bit rude, but whatever. He then introduces himself as the leader of the Autobots.

Peter Cullen is back as the voice for Optimus Prime, sounding wonderful as always. He almost wasn’t brought on for this project, because Michael Bay didn’t want him. If the fans hadn’t thrown a hissyfit, who knows who we would have gotten to be our space dad for the next hour and a half?

This is actually an issue that’s recurred several times in the last few years, and not just with Cullen; Frank Welker, the voice of Megatron, as well as many other Transformers, has been refused roles within Transformers properties. In general, this is because both Cullen and Welker are union actors, and Hasbro would prefer to hire sound-alikes than pay more money for the originals. This isn’t to shame the non-union actors, goodness no, just to merely point out less-than-fantastic business practices.

I realize there have been a lot of tangents, but you have to understand that I am suffering as I do this.

Optimus then introduces his team- there’s Jazz, whose first line is “What’s crackin’ little bitches?”, Ironhide, who incorrectly quotes Dirty Harry, and Ratchet, who calls out just how obnoxiously horny Sam’s character is. We also finally get Bumblebee’s name.

Mikaela asks the very good question of why the fuck the Autobots are here on Earth. Optimus explains that the AllSpark is here, and they’ve got to get to it before Megatron does. He then goes on to explain who Megatron is, stating that he “betrayed” the Cybertronian empire.

No, how exactly he did that isn’t addressed. We’ll just have to take Optimus’s word, I suppose.

If you’ve sussed out by this point the the AllSpark and the Cube™ are the same thing, congrats! You win. Megatron followed the AllSpark to Earth, where he promptly was neutralized by the cold of the Arctic circle. This was 110 years prior to the events of this film, and where Archibald Witwicky came in to the story.

When the expedition was happening, Archibald fell through the ice during a collapse, and ended up finding Megatron’s frozen body in an ice cave. He went poking around on this strange metal giant, and ended up activating Megatron’s navigation systems, which imprinted the coordinates of the AllSpark onto Archibald’s glasses.

Don’t ask how that works, it just does.

So, the Autobots need the glasses, so they can find the AllSpark before the Decepticons do, so those guys don’t use it to build an army out of Earth’s machines, which will destroy humanity.

Sounds simple enough, let’s go get that vision correction device!

Back with the military dudes, everyone’s taking a gander at the tail that Scorponok left behind. They theorize that the metal that makes up these giant murder-robots reacts to extreme heat, but elaboration on that point will have to wait, because the tail has begun to flail. They quickly strap it down, then call the military to let them know to strap anti-tank guns onto anything that’s going to be approaching any giant robots.

Meanwhile, in an interrogation room, Maddie and Glen have been left to sweat a bit. Glen takes to stress-eating, while framing it as a psychological tactic to subconsciously prove his innocence to the FBI.

This is a fat joke, with the added nasty layer of Glen being a black man about to be interrogated by one of the most intimidating white cops I’ve seen in a hot minute.

Glen immediately folds, pinning all the blame on Maddie, and claiming that he’s been a perfect angel his whole life. We get some weird purity culture out of him, before Maddie lets the FBI know that she needs to talk to the Secretary of Defense, NOW.

Over at the Witwicky household, Sam’s parents are watching the news, trying to find out what all those loud crashes were about. Optimus Prime drives down their residential street, the rest of the gang in tow, then they all park to wait for Sam to go get the glasses.

For about 20 seconds.

Sam has to physically hold the door shut to prevent his father from coming out and seeing several very tall robots from outer space tip-toeing around his freshly-landscaped yard, I guess because they got antsy. Optimus plods around on the grass and breaks a fountain, and our benevolent god Mojo comes out of the house, assuredly to smite the leader of the Autobots.

Mikaela runs onto the scene, and Sam chastises her for not controlling the robots who didn’t even acknowledge her existence, outside of pointing out Sam was sexually attracted to her.

Mojo pees on Ironhide’s foot, which prompts Ironhide to threaten to shoot the creature. This is why Ironhide isn’t getting into heaven. Sam, one of Mojo’s chosen few, claims that the mortal shell of his god is seen as a beloved pet by many humans. Sam runs into the house, before Mojo can incur his divine wrath on the Autobots.

While Sam goes to get the glasses, the Autobots decide to do a little peeping on the house, watching his parents watch TV. Sam tears his room apart trying to find the glasses, and Optimus thinks that it would be helpful if he brought Mikaela up to help look. It’s at this point that I realize that Sam has an utterly bizarre fish tank.

I mean, legitimately, what the fuck is this? No filter, no plants, might not even have any rocks on the bottom. Is this a comically oversized bong Sam threw a couple fish into? What the fuck.

Mikaela starts looking for the glasses, running into what is likely a box of porn mags, then they both look out the window to find that the Autobots have decided to hide in plain sight by transforming... in the middle of Sam’s backyard. Amazing work, gentlemen.

Sam finally convinces the Autobots to go sit in the alley and wait, only for Ratchet to run into a power line and trip into a greenhouse. The resulting impact is interpreted as an earthquake. Judy does not have the reaction one might expect from someone who’s lived in California for at least ten years.

Ratchet’s fine, by the way.

The power cuts out, and Ron goes up to check on his son, because he’s at least a halfway-decent father. Ratchet’s shining a light to aid in the search for the glasses. Sam’s parents notice this bright light, and bang on Sam’s door to see what’s up.

Sam quickly hides Mikaela and then attempts to salvage the situation, answering the door and trying to control the narrative. Unfortunately, Ron is far too inquisitive for Sam to do this, and then Judy asks if Sam was masturbating.

Judy, is privacy just not a thing to you? Because if not, it really ought to be.

She keeps going with it too, trying to come up with code words, until another one of the Autobots trips and causes Ron to panic again, climbing into Sam’s ancient claw-foot bathtub to protect himself. He looks out the window to check on his beloved yard, lamenting that the earthquake tore it up.

Ironhide is strongly considering killing Sam’s parents. Optimus tells him that they don’t harm humans, and also begins to wonder if he made a mistake bringing this guy along.

Back in Sam’s room, it’s becoming increasingly obvious that Sam is an absolutely terrible liar, and Mikaela reveals herself, if only to prevent Judy from trying to talk about self-pleasure again. Of course, now she gets to be subjected to both of Sam’s parents objectifying her, so this might be a lose-lose situation.

Sam is reminded that his backpack is in the kitchen, just in time for the government to show up at his house. Mikaela makes a comment about Judy being nice. I suppose on a surface level, yes, being told that you’re gorgeous by someone’s mom is nice. I do have to question the context that compliment took place in, however.

Sam’s about to hand the glasses over to the Autobots, when someone rings the doorbell. It’s Sector Seven, and they’re here to talk to Sam about his stolen car being part of an issue involving national security. Ron and Judy are more concerned about their yard being torn up, Judy yelling that they “need to get their hands off [her] bush.”

We still have another hour of this movie.

The agent leading this mission asks Sam to come with him for questioning, which his parents are very much against. Mojo also voices his displeasure, but it would seem that Agent Simmons is not a follower of the Tenets of Mojo. Sam gets geigered, and his readings are high enough for Sector Seven to take him and everyone in this house into custody.

As Sam and Mikaela are riding in the back of the car, Simmons brings up Sam’s Ebay account, and also the phone video he took of Bumblebee earlier in the week. Mikaela is rather unimpressed with Sam at the moment, probably because he’s gotten her arrested. She still tries to help him out though, because she really is just the nicest fucking person on the planet.

Alas, the combined efforts of these two teenagers isn’t enough to fool the long arm of the law, especially when it’s a branch of said law that deals with extraterrestrial activity. Simmons threatens to lock up these literal children for life if they don’t start talking. Mikaela isn’t taking the bait, so he goes after her father’s parole hearing instead.

Yep! As it turns out, Mikaela and her father stole cars to get by, and she’s got the record to back that claim up. Simmons calls her a criminal, then says that criminals are hot. Mikaela looks like she’s about to cry, and I don’t blame her in the slightest.

Optimus, I suppose because his dad senses were tingling, takes the opportunity to place his leg in the road for the car to run into, then grabs said car like an unruly cat and lifts it until the roof rips off due to stress. The agents in the other cars pile out and point their guns at the giant space robot. The rest of the Autobots quickly relieve them of their weapons.

Optimus notes that Simmons doesn’t seem surprised that a bunch of giant robots just took all his guys’ guns, and demands that he exit the vehicle, posthaste. Simmons obliges, after a bit more prodding. Mikaela undoes Sam’s handcuffs, and he gets fucking pissy about it, as if this girl he’s had a grand total of three (awkward) conversations with should have told him something as personal as “hey, so my dad’s in jail and I’ve been to juvenile detention.”

Luckily, she doesn’t let him get away with it, calling him out as the spoiled, self-centered, privileged little shithead that he is.

Of course, we don’t get any sort of real acknowledgement from Sam, having to move on with the plot. Perhaps, if we hadn’t spent the last hour and 20 minutes faffing about on drivel, we could have had Sam get an actual moment of self-reflection, and potentially even character growth. However, this is Bayverse, and everyone knows that personal accountability is for fucking sissies.

Mikaela and Sam ask several questions, but get no answers from Agent Simmons. And then Bumblebee pees on him.

I hate that I had to write that. I hate it very much.

Anyway, I don’t know why that had to happen, but it did, and I’m nothing if not thorough.

Optimus tells Bumblebee to cut it out, and with that the Sector Seven agents are cuffs and left on the side of the road. Mikaela orders Simmons to strip, as punishment for threatening her father, then cuffs him to a street lamp.

...Yes, that does sound like a bizarre sexual fantasy, doesn’t it?

Unfortunately for our teen heroes, they forgot to confiscate everyone’s phones, and Sector Seven knows what’s up, thanks to the power of speakerphone. More cars and a couple of helicopters show up basically immediately, and the Autobots decide it’s time to dip.

But not before Ironhide fires off a pulsewave into the ground that causes a five-car pileup.

Optimus, I suppose because he knows he chose a ridiculously flashy alt-mode that is in no way practical, just picks the kids up in and places them on his shoulder like a couple of parakeets, then takes up a leisurely jog to get away from the eyes in the sky. He runs through the city, racking up what is likely millions in property damage, as the helicopters pursue. He passes by a “Legalize LA” billboard, which feels odd to see, given what movie this is.

The ‘copters somehow manage to lose Optimus, despite him being relatively slow, and having a notable radiation level that they’ve been using to track him. He hides inside the scaffolding of a bridge, only for Mikaela and Sam to slip off of his polished body to their deaths, thus ending the film.

No, they don’t die. I just told another fib. I’m sorry.

Bumblebee snatches them up just before they hit the ground, the impact of his metal body catching them at 75 mph, killing them instantly and ending the film.

Nope, that doesn’t happen either.

Mikaela and Sam are fine, some-fucking-how, but Sam’s dropped the MacGuffin glasses. The helicopters swing back around, having noticed the sound of a car crashing into the ground and the screams of two whole adolescents. They break out a fucking harpoon gun and fire on our kid appeal character.

Repeatedly.

They wrap up Bumblebee in a series of cables, as he screams like a moose. Mikaela and Sam are held at gunpoint by what is honestly far too many dudes, and are then arrested for the second time in ten minutes. Bumblebee is smoked... because he’s a bee? Sam, not liking this one bit, finds the strength in his weenie body to push a cop off of himself, run at one of the dudes with the smoke guns, throw him to the ground, and then start smoking him. He’s immediately tackled, but points for trying.

Sam and Mikaela are placed back into custody, and the rest of the Autobots regroup with Optimus to see what the plan is. Optimus says that they can’t save Bumblebee without hurting humans, so I guess Bumblebee is just a POW now. Well, at least they got the glasses. That’s cool.

Back at the Pentagon, things are getting dicey, as the other world powers are starting to suspect that something’s up. The Secretary of Defense is approached by a man with a mustache and a briefcase. He’s from Sector Seven, but the Secretary gives not a fuck about mysterious organizations. All the computers in the room suddenly go down, the virus from earlier working its magic- only this time, the blackout is global.

Mr. Mustache opens his briefcase, while explaining that Sector Seven is something known as a “special access” sector of the government, which is why nobody’s ever heard of it; it’s beyond top secret. Commissioned by President Herbert Hoover 80 years prior, it deals with alien life.

When the Beagle 2 spacecraft was lost on the way to Mars in 2003, the mission was declared a failure. This was a lie. The Beagle 2 recorded several seconds of Mars before being crushed to death by a Transformer. This tidbit is pretty funny, given that the Beagle 2 was rediscovered on Mars in 2014, seven years after this film released. Not a terribly mysterious death anymore, is it?

Comparing the footage from Mars to the footage from Qatar has Sector Seven thinking that these are the same species. Which they are. God, it’d be so fucked up if there were two species of giant robots in this film.

Mr. Mustache theorizes that because the Transformers now know that they can be harmed by human weaponry, they’re being proactive about their safety and shutting down all forms of communication technology with that virus that keeps popping up. It’s only a matter of time before the shit hits the fan for humanity.

Mr. Secretary tells his guys to try going analog with comms, breaking out the short-wave radios, to tell their ships to return home.

Over at an Air Force base, Lennox and the gang have landed, only to be scooped up by a bunch of dudes in suits.

Back with Maddie and Glen, the two of them have fallen asleep in the interrogation room, Maddie still wearing her friggin’ four inch pumps as her legs are propped up on the table, crossed in a way that seems rather uncomfortable. Glen gets to sleep like a normal human being, with his head resting on his forearms. Why this place doesn’t have a holding cell for these situations is beyond me.

Mr. Secretary comes in to bring Maddie on as his advisor. Glen can come too, I guess, considering he’s the one who actually figured out the sound file virus.

We get a little military glorification, and then it’s revealed that Mikaela and Sam, as well as Maddie and Glen, are aboard this helicopter. Their paths cross at last. Our heroes are transported to the Hoover Dam, where Bumblebee is also. They are still smoking him.

Meanwhile, the Autobots are figuring out where to go, with the power of Archibald’s glasses. Ratchet, who I guess is omnipotent, senses that the Decepticons have also figured out the location, and that this is going to be a race against the clock. And I mean, he’s right, but the phrasing is a bit odd.

Jazz wants to know when they’re going to save Bumblebee. Optimus says that they aren’t, and that Bumblebee’s sacrifice is noble, and that he would want the Autobots to leave him and complete the mission. As this is said, we get another shot of Bumblebee getting smoked and trapped in a lab. Yep, this is totally what he would want. He absolutely signed up for this, giving himself up to the government and not at all fighting like mad to not be captured.

I don’t think Bayverse Optimus actually knows what martyrdom is, which is bizarre, given that it’s a major trait in a lot of other iterations of the character.

Ironhide isn’t even sure why they’re bothering to save humanity, given that humans are violent and awful, his point being hammered home as Bumblebee is tortured for scientific reasons. Ironhide seems to have forgotten that Cybertron has been at war for literally millions of years. Optimus has faith in humanity, however, stating that we’re “young”.

And then he says that he’s going to end his own race, by destroying the Cube™, which is how they reproduce, because that’s the only way to end the war.

Which is arguably one of the most hardcore fictional applications of eugenics ever conceived.

Being advocated for by Optimus Goddamn Prime.

We still have another 50 minutes of this movie.

Optimus then proves that he does, in fact, know what self-sacrifice is, stating that, if all else fails, he’ll shove the AllSpark into his spark, which will destroy them both. He’s pretty chill about it, too.

Up on top of the Hoover Dam, Frenzy has fallen out of Mikaela’s bag.

Mr. Secretary is also at the Hoover Dam now, as is Lennox’s team. Oh, and Agent Simmons, who is thankfully wearing pants. He offers to buy Sam a coffee, as repartitions for threatening his family, arresting him, and being a complete creep to a teenage girl. Sam gives not a fuck about caramel macchiatos with extra foam and chocolate drizzle, however. He only cares about his car.

Mr. Mustache, who is also here, needs Sam to spill the beans on all these friggin’ giant robots that are running around. This is where Sam realizes he has the upper hand for once, and he starts making demands. One such demand is having Mikaela’s record scrubbed clean, which is an actually very nice thing for him to have done for her. We’ll see if his intent comes to fruition. For now, it’s time to talk about Bumblebee.

We get a shot of all these folks heading into the secret base hidden inside the Hoover Dam, and it’s at this point that I notice that Maddie’s shirt is basically see-through.

Inside the Dam, we see that Sector Seven′s been keeping Megatron this entire time, keeping him neutralized with cryo-stasis since 1935. Cryopreservation was invented in the 50′s. This isn’t a nitpick, I just thought it was a neat little fact.

Megatron being on Earth has resulted in most modern technology. This sort of plot point always bothers me, because it takes away agency from the entire human race. We didn’t use our own ingenuity and work ethic to advance society, we plagiarized from a more advanced species. I dunno, it just rubs me the wrong way.

We get the part of the movie where info is hashed out, so that everyone is on the same page, Sam spouting off Autobot propaganda. We can forgive him for this,considering he’s 16, and no one is immune to propaganda, especially when they have zero way of doing their own research to form their own opinion with.

Sector Seven also has the AllSpark, kept in the room next to Megatron’s, like the chumps they will soon find themselves to be. It’s about ten stories tall and the reason the Hoover Dam exists. With so much concrete suppressing its alien energies, surely no one will ever find it!

Except for Frenzy, who came in through a mouse hole. Whoopsie-doodle!

The AllSpark zaps the nasty little man, restoring his body with its weird MacGuffin powers. Frenzy tells all his coworkers that he found what they were looking for, and everyone starts heading over.

Maddie asks Mr. Mustache what exactly he means by “energies”, perhaps worried that this whole thing has been some elaborate ploy to get her to invest in magic healing stones. Mr. Mustache brings everyone into a testing chamber, since the best way to explain how the AllSpark works is through a demonstration.

There’s a big fish tank in the middle of this testing chamber, in which Agent Simmons places a donated device from the crowd- Glen’s Nokia phone, specifically. Simmons makes a geologically-confused comment. When this is pointed out by Maddie, Mr. Secretary hushes her, simply saying that Simmons is a strange man. The tank is locked down, and then the show starts.

Cube™ energies are shot into the tank, and the phone explodes into life, transforming into a gorilla-shaped gremlin creature. Happy birthday, little dude!

Little dude starts shooting at the tank walls, cracking the glass until Simmons pulls the trigger and ends it. Happy deathday, little dude!

The Decepticons are making tracks towards the Hoover Dam, but Starscream- yeah, he’s in this now, don’t worry about it- arrives first, because he is a very fast jet. He transforms, showing off his ridiculous Dorito body, and fires on the base’s generators. The resulting explosions can be heard all the way down in the testing chamber, and Mr. Mustache calls upstairs to see what’s up. Looks like Megatron may be getting warmed up, seeing as his ice bath has been cut off. Lennox asks if there’s an arms room in Sector Seven, which sort of feels like asking a bakery if they have any flour.

Frenzy has entered the room that houses the controls for the cryo-stasis and set that whole system to “no, thank you”.

Mr. Mustache runs through the base, screaming for everyone to get to the Megatron chamber. Off in the distance, the Autobots approach. Could probably used some fliers on your team, huh Optimus?

Back with Frenzy, he’s decided to just straight-up raise Megatron’s core temperature directly. Hope he doesn’t do it too fast; rewarming hypothermia victims recklessly can do some serious damage.

Outside of the base, Lennox and the boys are loading up with weaponry, along with what’s the entirety of Sector Seven′s cannon-fodder department. Oh, and all the main cast. Yep, just got a couple of teenagers chillin’ in the munitions room.

Sam wants Simmons to take him to his car- he hasn’t used Bumblebee’s name in a hot minute, not sure what’s up with that- even though Simmons is currently busy loading a very large gun. Simmons doesn’t want to do that, because he’s got no idea if what Sam mentioned earlier is even true, and he doesn’t want to pin the fate of humanity on a single Camaro. Lennox takes this opportunity to tackle Simmons, despite likely not knowing that Bumblebee is one of the “good guys”. A Sector Seven guy very much doesn’t like that, and points a gun at Lennox, which prompts all of his guys to also start threatening folks with guns.

Mr. Mustache walks in on the scene, but doesn’t do anything, since he isn’t armed and knows better than to tangle with someone who’s packing. Simmons tries to intimidate Lennox, because he must have missed the day of boot camp where they tell you that guns kill people. Lennox is fully committed to shooting this dude in the lungs before Mr. Secretary suggests he give the people what they want, before things get ugly.

Simmons takes everyone to the robot torture department of Sector Seven, where they are still smoking Bumblebee. Geez, you’d think they’d have something in place for if they ever came across another giant robot after Megatron, but I guess not. The gang gets everyone to stop smoking Bumblebee, which allows him to stop moose-screaming and strongly consider murdering everyone involved with his forced captivity. Unfortunately, revenge with have to wait, as we’ve still got to deal with the AllSpark, and the fact that the Decepticons are here.

They take Bumblebee to the AllSpark, where he makes direct contact the thing, causing the AllSpark to transform, compacting itself down into a far more reasonable size that Bumblebee can carry in one hand. It doesn’t seem to weigh more than a grown adult, if his body language is saying anything. I’d make a joke about the conservation of mass being ignored, but since this is Transformers, I can’t really say much. Conservation of mass doesn’t exist for this franchise.

Bumblebee would really like to get this show on the road, and Lennox agrees, quickly formulating a plan to get away from Megatron and taking the AllSpark to Mission City, which is relatively close to their current location, so that they can hide it there.

Lennox, I know this plan is a first draft, and we don’t have a ton of time for revisions, but the whole point of building a whole-ass dam around the Cube™ was because it was very difficult to hide, given its magical MacGuffin powers. Regardless of this flaw, Mr. Secretary agrees. Lennox also asks that the Air Force be involved in this, I guess because the U.S. military wanted more screentime.

Of course, that whole “global blackout” thing is still going on, so we’re going to have to get creative with how we’re going to contact the Air Force. Mr. Secretary and Simmons make a break for the WWII-era radio Sector Seven has, while Lennox and the boys head out to shoot things, and Mikaela and Sam hop into Bumblebee with the Cube™.

This is about the point that Megatron wakes up. The first thing he does is introduce himself, which I thought was very polite of him. Then he breaks out his flail and starts bashing shit around. Not so polite, that.

Over with Bumblebee, we’re shown that the AllSpark, all-powerful object that can create life and is the whole reason this conflict is even happening, is just chillin’ in the back seat by itself. It’s not even buckled up.

Megatron escapes the base, and it’s actually super easy. He just transforms, goes through the tunnel, and he’s free. I feel like we could have at least attempted some security measures for in case the cryo-stasis failed, given that we’ve had this dude in containment for the last 70-something years, but okay.

Starscream comes over to say hi to his boss, not that Megatron gives a shit. He just wants to know where that fucking Cube™ is. When Starscream tells him that the humans have it, Megatron makes a comment about how Starscream has failed him yet again. This is their first interaction in this movie, and Starscream’s been in the story for a grand total of five minutes at this point. I know that this is a reference to their dynamic in just about every installment of the franchise up to this point, but it doesn’t feel earned in the slightest. Even if it’s going to be expanded upon in future sequels, this is a shit-tier way to set their (awful) relationship up.

Not that anyone should ever bank on getting a sequel anyway, but that’s a discussion for another time.

Megatron tells Starscream to retrieve the AllSpark, and then we cut over to the radio plotline. The radio, which is so cobweb-covered I feel like Sector Seven needs to have a serious discussion with their custodial staff, has its nobs and buttons fiddled with by Simmons until it crackles to life. But where are the microphones? Everyone starts looking for the mics, as Simmons pushes Glen into the seat, I guess because hacking modern computers and using Depression-era radio tech are similar enough.

Maddie asks Glen if he can hotwire a 90′s-era computer to transmit a tone through the radio, so that they can send a Morse code message to the Air Force. Which sounds ridiculous to me, but I don’t know enough about radios or computers to know if that sort of thing would be possible. Maybe it’s fine. Or maybe it’s Hollywood bullshit. Who knows?

Back over with Bumblebee, we get a bunch of car commercial shots, of both him and the other Autobots. Aww, the gang’s back together again! Nobody tell Bumblebee that Optimus was completely cool with leaving him to his fate.

Optimus and the gang whip around to join the convoy, and everyone makes their way towards Mission City.

Back at the radio subplot, someone’s bangin’ on the door, trying to get in. The others try to block the intruder, while Glen does his hacking stuff. Mr. Secretary breaks a case and pulls out a gun that’s about as old as he is.

Glen gets the computer working, and Mr. Secretary gives him the Super Secret Military Codewords™ to use to talk to the Air Force. While he does that, Simmons finds a flamethrower and starts burning Frenzy as he attempts to enter the room. The Air Force receives the message for an air strike. Oh, goody.

Over with the convoy, it appears that the Autobots and Lennox’s boys are being pursued by the Decepticons. It’s difficult to tell, seeing as the cameras have gone full Bay-mode, but I’m guessing that’s what’s up. One of the Decepticons flips over a minivan, likely killing a family of five. another causes a multi-car pileup.

Bonecrusher transforms, then Optimus transforms. Bonecrusher iceskates across the highway, slamming into a bus so hard it just straight-up explodes. He is on fire. He tackles Optimus, and they proceed to fall off the side of the raised highway they’re on. Then they beat the shit out of each other, until Optimus decapitates Bonecrusher with his arm-sword.

Yeah, space dad is a little intense in the Bayverse.

Back at Sector Seven, Frenzy’s decided to leave the door alone, and instead is crawling through the ventilation shaft. Mr. Secretary and Simmons fire off shots into the duct above them, as if bullets would do anything against this nasty little pile of needles.

Frenzy bursts through the bottom of the duct and crash-lands into a glass case, taking cover behind a pillar and fires on the humans on the other side of the room. While this shootout is happening, Glen receives a response from the Air Force, just in time for Frenzy to accidentally decapitate himself with one of his own spinning blades of death. This time, he does not survive losing his head.

The Air Force will be sending fighter planes to Mission City, and to establish this, we get several shots of what some might call “military porn.”

Over in the city, the convoy has arrived. Lennox hands several short-wave radios over to Epps, telling him to use them to direct the Air Force when they arrive, so they can take the AllSpark... somewhere, I guess. Above, an F-22 zooms across the sky. It is not one of the Air Force’s F-22s.

Ironhide recognizes Starscream, and gets ready to throw down. Bumblebee grabs a nearby Furby truck and hoists it up to use as a shield. This marginally works, as the missile that hits the truck doesn’t immediately kill him, though it probably did all those Furbies inside.

The resulting explosion throws all the humans around, Mikaela getting weird heaven lighting as she lies unconscious on the pavement. Sam gets it too, though, so I suppose I can’t complain too much about this particular shot. They touch hands. I really wish that I could take this moment of vulnerability as being anything other than an attempt to set up a romance between these two teens who have known each other for maybe half a week. This movie has so starved me of genuine human interaction I'm jumping at the smallest of scraps.

Bumblebee actually didn’t get out of that missile-strike unscathed, his legs having been blown off. All those Furbies died for nothing. Tragic. Sam asks Bumblebee if he’s alright, and immediately tells him to get up. Sam then remembers that Bumblebee’s legs are off, so he yells for Ratchet.

Over with Lennox and Epps, they’ve realized that the plane they saw wasn’t one of theirs. Which, you know, has already been established, but points for getting caught up, fellas. Sam is crying and still telling Bumblebee to get up. Bumblebee is dragging himself across the pavement and whimpering. It’s awful. Where the fuck is Ratchet? This is basically the only reason he’s in this film, and he’s nowhere to be found.

The actual Air Force calls on the radio, asking for their location. Brawl, who is a tank, starts firing on Lennox’s gang. Jazz and Ratchet race through the city streets. How they were separated from the rest of the team is anyone’s guess.

Sam takes a little sit on the pavement to be with Bumblebee, while Mikaela decides to problem-solve and heads for a nearby tow truck. Bumblebee hands Sam the Cube™ because, as the designated protagonist, it’s his job to handle it in the climax of the film.

Ironhide is shot at several times by Brawl, narrowly avoiding being hit each time. This, of course, means that the people he drives by in this shot are almost assuredly dead, since they’re right next to the explosions. He transforms and does a flip, as the film goes slow-mo on a shot of a woman in a low-cut dress watching him flip. She screams. Ironhide screams. I scream, though probably for a different reason.

Jazz jumps on Brawl, managing to kick off a couple pieces of kibble before Brawl grabs him and throws him into the side of a building. Ironhide, Optimus, and Ratchet descend on Brawl, and so does Lennox’s team, Brawl losing a hand and getting thrown into his own building as a result.

Mikaela breaks into the tow truck and starts to hotwire that shit. Wow, a relevant back story that culminates in her being able to save the day, thus completing her arc and staying on-theme for her character. Why isn’t Mikaela the protagonist again?

Oh, right, because ~girl~.

Megatron lands in a nearby alleyway, and Ratchet, knowing this dude is bad news, tells everyone to head for the hills. Jazz isn’t fast enough, however, and gets shot for his troubles.

Mikaela drives the truck over to Sam, who is still sitting there with the Cube™, and tells him to get his ass in gear.

Jazz gets taken to the top of a nearby building and is ripped in two by Megatron, who acts like a bird of prey the whole sequence. Down on the ground, Brawl is starting to get back up from his smackdown. Blackout appears on a nearby skyscraper. Things are looking grim for humanity.

Mikaela and Sam hook Bumblebee up to the tow line as Lennox approaches them. Sam has left the AllSpark out of his line of sight, like a fool. Despite seeing this, Lennox still gives him the flare to let the military know where to pick up the AllSpark. Doesn’t even acknowledge Mikaela. He tells Sam to head for the white building with statues on top of it and set the flare on top of the roof. Lennox can’t leave his men, because he’s the head of his operation. Why he can’t send literally anyone else who isn’t a 16 year-old boy isn’t made clear.

Sam really doesn’t want to do this, probably because he’s a child, but Lennox has recruited him to the military against his will, so he must. Lennox then attempts to make Mikaela leave for her own good, but she tells him to fuck off, because she’s gonna save Bumblebee. Clearly, this is a win for feminism.

Epps radios the choppers coming from the Air Force to let them know they’ll be picking up a package from a teenager, thus locking Sam into the job. Ironhide and Ratchet vow to protect Sam from the Decepticons on his way to the pickup point. Not one single person has pointed out how fucked up this is.

Sam starts to run off, when Mikaela stops him to let him know that she’s glad she got in the car with him roughly an hour ago. They don’t kiss goodbye, which, honestly? Good. This fucking movie hasn’t earned that. Sam for sure hasn’t earned that, even if he did clear her juvie record. No word on that having actually been done, by the way. Sam never got confirmation, and I feel like he’s not really the type to follow up on things.

Brawl fires off some shots and makes things explode. Ratchet and Ironhide provide cover fire as Sam sprints down the road. Yep, they’re making this idiot WALK to the pickup point. Sure hope the elevators are working today, otherwise this is going to take forever.

Sam carries the AllSpark like a football, and in a better movie, this would have been foreshadowed by Sam having actually been a football player prior to the events of the film, perhaps removed from the team for some character flaw he’s since grown from/accepted. However, this is Bayverse, and well, men don’t have to justify their existence in the story with things like themes and having even an ounce of thought put into their character.

Back with Mikaela, Lennox has refused to learn her name, calling her “girl” as he screams at her to get Bumblebee hooked up to the tow truck. Which she was already doing when he got here. Lennox, dude, you’ve got a daughter now, you’re super extra not allowed to treat women like this.

Optimus Prime pulls through an alleyway and crashes into a pile of garbage. I can forgive him being late, seeing as he is a big rig, and probably had to take the long way into town so he didn’t get stuck in too-low tunnels. Don’t worry about how we briefly saw him during the Brawl take-down. This is his for real entrance into the climax.

He whips around and transforms, ready to throw the fuck down. Megatron spots him from his perch and descends.

Y’know.

Like a vast, predatory bird.

Megatron shoots at Optimus in his alt-mode, and Optimus catches him like a frisbee. Unfortunately for Optimus, it would appear that the horsepower on a Cybertronian flightcraft is hella intense, and he’s carried away. The two of them crash through an office building, then roll around in the streets punching each other in the face, debating the worth of humanity as they do so. Wish I actually gave a shit about either of these people, but alas! The film spent most of its runtime objectifying women and insulting minorities. I know nothing about Optimus, and even less about Megatron.

Megatron transforms his arms into a laser gun, and Optimus does the same. They shoot at each other. Optimus gets thrown into a building, then lands on the sidewalk below, definitely crushing a dude underneath him, but I guess we didn’t check that the shot was clear for where the CGI was gonna go, so he’s fine.

Sam’s still running through the streets, while Blackout murders, like, so many people behind him. Starscream lands in front of Sam, running into roughly 30 cars as he skids to a halt. Ratchet and Ironhide fire on him, as Sam takes a breather behind a car. Starscream transforms and blasts off. He was here for about 15 seconds. Sam begins running again.

Megatron is now following Sam, because he wants that Cube™. Sam is hit by a car- not an evil one, just a regular car- and trips. The impact makes the AllSpark activate, which grants several machines in the vicinity the gift of life, including the car full of bitchy women that just hit Sam, who are upset that hitting a human being might have scratched the paint.

I get it, you hate women, can we PLEASE stop beating this dead horse?

Sam finally gets to the pickup building, which turns out to be abandoned and fenced off. Good thing the gate was open, otherwise things could get really complicated. He heads inside, Megatron crashing through a floor-to-ceiling window shortly behind him. Megatron makes the claim that he can smell where Sam is. I’m going to choose to believe that he isn’t lying here, since Ratchet did something similar earlier.

Sam finds the stairs, and Megatron calls him a slur.

He doesn’t, really, but the voice modulation certainly makes it sound that way.

While this is happening, Mikaela is driving the tow truck down an alley, dragging Bumblebee behind her with the tow cable. She stops for a moment to have a short breakdown, seeing as she is a teenager in what is currently a warzone.

Sam is still running up the stairs. Outside, the military shoots at one of the Decepticons. It is, of course, doing absolutely nothing to the giant metal space robot. Mikaela concludes her moment, looking back at Bumblebee, who gives her the okay to keep going with dragging his ass across the pavement. She whips the truck around and tells Bumblebee “I’ll drive, you shoot.”

Mikaela then proceeds to speed down a main road of this sizable city backwards, running into cars and more or less shoving Bumblebee along to his destination.

The military has finally realized that their efforts have been pointless, but it’s okay because Bumblebee is here with his superior firepower. Bumblebee proceeds to shoot Brawl in the chest, which kills him. After this, he tries to act cute, lifting up his battle mask in a very “did I do that?” way, as if he’s not the same guy who ripped Barricade apart earlier.

Sam, meanwhile, has finally reached the top of this dilapidated building. Helicopters are approaching his location, but will they make it to him before Megatron does? Honestly, I’d be more worried about Starscream on the building just due East.

Sam is just about to hand the AllSpark over, when Starscream fires at the ‘copter, causing it to crash and nearly chop Sam to pieces. Optimus Prime runs towards the scene, on a roof that I refuse to believe could actually support him. Megatron punches thought the roof from the bottom and asks Sam some philosophical questions. Sam can’t answer, given that he’s hiding on the edge of this building, his flimsy grip on one of the angel statues being the only thing keeping him from falling.

Megatron tells him to give him the AllSpark, and in exchange he might not kill him immediately. Sam tells him to fuck off, and Megatron flails the chunk of building he was hanging on to, causing Sam to fall to his death, thus ending the film.

I’m lying to you. Michael Bay is making me into a liar.

No, Sam is, instead, caught by Optimus, very likely breaking several ribs on impact. This is the point where I realize that they’ve given Optimus fingernails. Sam clings to him like a baby koala, as Optimus parkours down the sides of two buildings, Megatron in pursuit. Megatron actually lands on Optimus 2/3rds of the way down, causing the both of them to fall onto the pavement below. How Sam survives this is a mystery.

Megatron recovers from the fall first, flicking a human away from him for having the audacity to exist in his space. The flicked person hits a car, and is almost assuredly dead. At least, I sure hope so, given that this is the director cameo by the Bayman himself.

Feminist icon Megatron?

Feminist icon Megatron.

Optimus comments on the fact that Sam almost fucking died to get the AllSpark out of dodge, and we get the return of “No Sacrifice, No Victory”. Which, I mean, I guess he’s allowed to say that, since he’s actually had to do something that warranted it. His dad doesn’t get to, though.

Optimus then tells this teenage boy, who has already had a hell of a day, to kill him by shoving the AllSpark into his robot-soul-heart, should he be unable to defeat Megatron.

I dunno, I just feel like it’s a bit of an ask.

Sam climbs off of Optimus so the Prime and Megatron can rumble. He runs through the ruined infrastructure of the city, so he’s less likely to be crushed. Optimus tells Megatron to square the fuck up, stating that “one shall stand, one shall fall.”

Then he gets ragdolled around a bunch, so maybe he should have saved the talk for later in the game.

The military is running around some more, stopping in an alley to see Blackout transform to root mode. Yes, the goo-goo eyes were indeed made by several members of the watch party that started this whole thing. People went wild for Rotor-Cape Johnson.

The fighter jets from the US military are arriving in a minute. Epps warns them to aim for the robots that aren’t evil. Lennox and the gang spread out, reminding each other to aim for the underboob, since Transformers’ armor is weak there. Epps marks Blackout with a little green light, which Blackout almost immediately notices. Blackout fires on the military.

Lennox has stolen a motorcycle and is driving through the streets to circle back around and jump off of the bike, sliding on his back to shoot Blackout directly in his underboob. Wonder what his uniform is rated for for road rash.

Sam is watching as Optimus gets his ass handed to him. Up in the sky, Starscream commits identity theft, and then attacks the Air Force. The Air Force can multitask however, and light Megatron the fuck up. Sam has, for some reason, come out of hiding, and Megatron uses this to his advantage, trying to take the AllSpark from him.

Optimus tells Sam to put the AllSpark in his chest, but Sam has a better idea. He shoves it into Megatron’s chest, which has been basically shot open at this point. Megatron makes a Space Invader noise, convulses a bit, then falls over dead.

Congrats on your first murder, Sam.

Optimus tells Megatron’s corpse that he got what was coming to him, then implies that they’re brothers. What flavor of brother isn’t established, but neither was basically anything between the two main faces of the franchise in this film, so it’s fine.

Ironhide walks up holding the two halves of Jazz. Optimus informs Sam that he now has a life-debt to this child. Whether or not Sam is absorbing any information at this point is up in the air. Mikaela shows up, with Bumblebee in tow.

In tow.

In tow-

Sam stares at her blankly. Mikaela stares back, making the pretty girl face. Man, what a great dynamic these two have.

Jazz is dead. That sucks. Optimus is handed his corpse to hold, while he thanks his new friends for helping out.

Then Bumblebee talks and he’s fucKING BRITISH.

Sam is obviously shocked by the fact that Bumblebee is British able to talk now, since not talking has been his whole thing up to this point. Optimus doesn’t let it phase him. Neither does Ratchet, despite having been working on Bumblebee’s throat injury for centuries at this point.

Bumblebee wants to stay on Earth with Sam. Optimus is just like whatever. Sam agrees to have a sweet Camaro from outer space.

Optimus pulls what is left of the AllSpark out of Megatron’s chest. I’m sure that’s not a setup for potential conflicts, not in the slightest.

Over in Washington, D.C., the US President has ordered Sector Seven be terminated, and all the Transformer corpses be disposed of. And by “disposed of” they mean “thrown into the ocean.” Dang, sure hope Earth signed some sort of agreement with the Transformers so that they never come to Earth again. You know, just be proactive about our galactic safety.

The Linkin Park kicks on, as Optimus gives us our bookend narration, telling us what the Autobots plan to do now that their race is at a genological dead end. As he does, we see Lennox reunite with his wife and child, who I had genuinely forgotten were in this movie.

Optimus is pretty chill with Cybertron dying out, because now they know about Earth. We get a shot of Sam and Mikaela making out, a shot that becomes more and more horrifying the further they zoom out, because they’re making out on top of Bumblebee. Who they KNOW is a sentient creature at this point.

And then it gets even worse, because the shot changes, and oh hey! Turns out that the rest of the Autobots were just chillin’ off to the side while this went down. Optimus continues his monologue, just walking around in his root mode as he tells all of Makeout Point how they’re “robots in disguise” now.

The monologue is actually a transmission he’s sending out into space, inviting any of his leftover pals to come kick it on Earth with them, because Earth is pretty cool.

And that’s where they leave us.

IT TOOK THREE PEOPLE TO WRITE THIS SCHLOCK.

So. Bayverse 1. A film showcasing xenophobia, misogyny, and toxic nationalism. It’s rough. Is it the worst film I’ve ever seen? Not even close, but it’s bad, and it was a huge deal at the time of release. Everyone was seeing it, everyone knew the actors and robots, everyone had a scene that they liked. Everyone was exposed to Bayverse, and as a result, a lot of people entered the Transformers franchise thinking that it was all like this.

And really, how far off would they have been in 2007?

When a franchise refuses to introduce female characters until years after being established, when all those female characters have the exact same body type, when a franchise hires misogynists to write stories, when it allows shit like “Prime’s Rib!” to be published- no wonder Michael Bay was approached to direct.

What a mess.

--------------------------

COMING SOON:

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (2009) - MEGAN FOX I AM SO FUCKING SORRY

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON (2011) - WILL YOU JUST STAY DEAD

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION (2014) - SHUT UP ABOUT THE LAW SHUT UP ABOUT THE LAW

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT (2017) - ACTUALLY, FUCK CONTINUITY

[munsnz]

TRICKS OF LIFE— STEVE HARRINGTON

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐯. — 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐬

overview: School is finally done, yet feeling off in the situation itself. The familiar boys including, Mike, Dustin, and Lucas get in contact with her to persuasion to investigate further information on the disappearance while Y/N works as an intern at the police department.

Taglist! — @itsnottilly

Navigation — Mixtape

Who knew that the day had gone like a blur, drifting off to classes and sessions, now Y/N was outside in the busy Hawkins High parking lot. From people driving away to their destinations to the freshmen walking off into the distance. Everything had been subtly normal, except for Y/N who had been aware of the odd disappearance of Will Byers. As she stood beyond the perimeter of the entrance, a few farewells were exchanged from Nancy, walking back to the Wheeler’s residence, three familiar boys biking nearby her. It had appeared that the specific, Mike Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair, and Dustin Henderson were approaching her in the buzzing lot. Quick waves and greetings, they all said hello along with the purpose of the trip.

”Little Hop!” The shouts from upfront were called for, the boys circling their way around her, Mike pushing the brakes next to the dumbfounded girl, standing awkwardly, “There’s something that went on-“

“I know, Will’s missing,” Y/N lifted her arms from her side, sighing loudly, the boys still catching their breath from the troubling trip to the high school, “There’s nothing we can do about it!”

Mike stood up abruptly, steadying his bike along with Lucas and Dustin, clearing his throat, “Yes we can! You’re an intern at the police department.”

The three middle schoolers stood quietly, in hopes of her agreeing with their statement of finding their lost friend. Y/N had always been on their side, ever since she met them, they were the troublemaking group of kids, buzzing around the town creating rumbles. Surprisingly, she frowned, looking off into the open, “Sorry, but from what my dad said, I’m afraid I can’t help this time. I was told not to investigate at a certain point.”

“Why not? You’ve always helped us,” Dustin began, walking next to her, strolling his bike as well, “You want the best for us right?”

“I do, but...... I need to listen to them.”

Lucas turned to Y/N who silently watched them, “There’s gotta be a reason though! Will is our friend, he’s missing. What if something happened to him?”

“That’s the police’s deal, not mine!” Y/N snapped at them who flinched at the odd action taken by her. Irritated, she looked to the distance, watching a group of boys around her age make these obnoxiously loud noises from afar.

Hearing the cryptic response, all of their jaws dropped, Y/N’s never acted so.......stern, bland, stubborn, like ever. Their expressions dim, surprised at hearing the prolonged answer they’ve never thought would turn up out of Y/N’s mouth. Frantically grabbing the bikes from the side, getting ready to pedal back home, Mike subtly shifted his glance towards the blank Y/N, waiting for them to leave, saying, “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You’re supposed to be on our side.”

”I’m just listening to what they’re saying,” Y/N crosses her arms due to the frigid weather outside, prepared to be able to walk home. Watching their saddened faces gloom in the outside, Y/N felt this other urge of guilt; why was she acting up so much already? Will was her main priority, so why wasn’t she helping them? What if Will was in grave danger? Why was she being so ignorant?

As thoughts flood her head, bringing this awful feeling, not being able of what to do, she quickly places a comforting yet rapid hand onto Mike’s shoulder, catching him off guard, “Okay, it may seem as if I’m the bad guy, but at least I’ll try my best. I’ll let you know what goes on in the office, but under one condition, you guys cannot go investigate at all. Do you understand?”

Smiles brightening up, they rapidly nodded, a sense of relief that they’re going to be able to find Will sooner or later thanks to the girl’s help of her working as an intern to the most reliable place in search of safety of their friend. Happily, the boys rushed close up to Y/N, express their’s gratitude for her for the decision she made after the fulfilling thoughts convincing her instinct. After exchanging the thanks you’s and farewells, they biked away, in hopes of a successful retrieve of Will Byers. Y/N waved confidently as the rest biked away into the occupied sidewalks of students, a feeling of courage and determination swelling to her, walking away from the school premises to the Hawkins Police Department.

Maybe it was one of the longest walks Y/N had ever taken, and believe it or not, it was the shortcut to the center of the town where most residents would be, to walking and driving around the oddly empty area. After nearing herself to the familiar building, broadly directing the suitable location she was currently in, the police department. It was eerie since as predicted, almost all officers were in search of the Byers boy, maybe a few people coming out of the building, the sound of the car engines from behind, bringing her back to the present beyond thinking of different ways to gather resourceful information about the disappearance to satisfy her curious middle school friends.

It had been almost a year since Y/N got the job as an intern thanks to her extraordinary talent of persuasion for her dad, knowing that the department could use an extra hand for the little tasks. To top it off, she had also been passionate about following Jim’s footsteps in law enforcement, wanting to be an aspiring detective shortly.

Gallantly walking inside to find the ringing of phone calls and faint clicks coming from the rickety typewriter in the unoccupied office, the girl awkwardly walked inside the warm room, the smell of brunt cigarettes filling the essence, to find Florence, or as known, Flo organizing a few papers in the oddly organized desk.

“Hey Flo,” Y/N shuffled her feet, meeting her eyes with the woman, signaling her to come closer by the wooden table. In the quiet aura, more sound of the papers, making her eyes shift from side to side, trying to recognize files, names, dates containing in them.

Following the quiet mumbles of distress, the girl gets up, in prospers of ruling a kind act towards Flo who had seemed wildly stressed in whatever deal she was in, to trot by the counter, finding the area of the usual coffee stand. Y/N gently pours in the hot pot of water in the porcelain cup, later adding a spoonful of the instant coffee mix, stirring it to when it blended evenly, as her mind filled with phrases or questions for any information about Will had been released.

At last, Y/N cleared her throat watching behind her to see the frazzled woman as she allowed the light gush of vanilla creamer into the dull substance inside the mug. She places her hand on her chin, leaning against the counter to watch the heavy fluid smoothly blend with the dark-shaded one, a satisfying view to one.

“Have you seen Victor anywhere?!” A familiar perky voice chirped tensely behind Y/N, disassociating her from the soothing visual upon her.

As the girl shook her head in response, she gripped onto the filled mug, placing it on the top of the surface, bringing a piece of sweet bread along with a napkin for herself. Given a seat on the thick cushion, she pushed the mug towards Flo, “I saw him in Chemistry, but I don’t think he came into the office. But here’s coffee to relieve the stress.”

Continuing, placing the papers around the desk, Flo solemnly smiled, accepting the hot drink, “Thank you, dear, that silly boy is probably wandering around with others. Kids these days and their irresponsibilities.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Y/N takes a bite from the bread, hearing the lady with glasses mumble nonsense about the theory of how pop culture influenced the younger generation of teenagers, turning them into rebels.

Seemingly, Y/N tried in the most awkward moment to speak up about Will, after the tense conversation Flo was having with herself, multitasking in filing papers, clearing her throat, “What happened to Will?”

“Will?” In a millisecond, the big-eyed woman shifted her glance upwards to get a glimpse of the girl who had a worrisome look on her face, raising her eyebrows a little, “Will Byers right? The missing boy?”

Y/N confidentially nodded, biting her bottom lip for an answer, her hands coming together, “Yeah, my dad came in a few hours ago at school to ask me where he was last seen.”

”Oh, yeah,” Flo’s eyebrows furrow, trying to recall any updates on the search for the boy, she clicks her tongue, adjusting her seat, “Well, from what Jim told me, they recently found the boy’s bike in the woods near the dead-end near Mirkwood.”

”The woods?” The girl’s E/C colored eyes widened, feeling that same sick sensation in her stomach, something bad could’ve happened to Will. But shaking the thoughts away, she mentally took notes from the location, for her fellow friends, “Anything else? I’m just really worried about him.”

Scrunching her face, Flo leaned closer to the girl’s face who pawned over any conclusions made, with a hushed tone, “Just between us, I think it was Lonnie, the boy’s dad who probably took him.”

“I don’t think so I mean something else could’ve happened,” Y/N shrugs, speechless of the comment made, but also being in complete denial of that accusation made so quickly.

Suddenly she was cut off with a voice from the ham radio, making it impossible to hear the communication clearly on the side counter. As Y/N rolled her eyes in annoyance, she stood up from the chair, tuning the frequency higher enough to hear better to listen to the chief’s deep voice, “Flo are you there? Hello?”

”Oh yes it’s me, Florence!” The female teenager mimicked sarcastically through the radio, overhearing her father groan deeply, the sound of the background being able to be caught on the machine.

Hopper chuckles a little, earning a small grin on his daughter’s face while she slides back down on the comfortable chair, “Yeah very funny kid, you should be on Carson one day.”

”I know right? So what’s up Big Hop!”

Toning down his voice to be grouchier like before, he ordered sternly, “Well, tell Flo to organize a search party right by Mirkwood around 7 o’clock.”

”Wait a search party?” Y/N’s happy tone faded away, unsettling her, as she anxiously twirling her finger onto the radio chord connecting to the main machine, “Is this seriously? Can I come? What if-“

Another interruption. Sheesh, whoever let this girl talk in peace? Oh right the brunette with oval glasses who rushed inside to throw his jacket to a rack, quietly mumbling words to himself until he spoke up, “Sorry I’m late, I was caught up with Mr. Benson.”

”About time boy!” Flo glares at the slender, lanky teenager, clapping her hands up in the air to make a racket, “You airhead, we called you an hour ago, it’s irresponsibility! You’re going to get nowhere with that commitment of yours Victor.”

Victor’s mouth hung open at the tactless observation from the audacious lady, raising his eyebrows, he barked back, “Yeah but you didn’t hear the part where I was clearly at school!”

”No you were probably being some hobo on the streets-“

”Can you two just shut up!” Y/N shouted, waving her arms in the air to signal them to keep it down, later focusing her attention back to the stereo, “Jesus I cannot keep up with them.”

Scoffs being heard on the other line, Hopper responds with a jokingly tone, “My exact thoughts when you ramble about everything. Now, let the Hawkins paper know about the search party being held later a during the evening.”

”Wow, that’s just mean dad,” She rolls over to grab a blue ink ballpoint pen, along with a sheet of lined paper to mark down any important data for the event, chicken scratch letters splayed across the page, “So what else do you need pop?”

”That's about it, but I want the information out as soon as possible for the townsfolk to know, you got that?” Hopper ordered, saluting a goodbye after catching the background noise of Victor and Flo arguing about responsibility in the law world for future reference.

Y/N quickly scribbled on the last of the dictation from her father, leaving the radio back to its default position near the main machine, sliding the paper in front of Flo who was near threatening to hit Spencer with a telephone, “You guys seriously need to act mature enough.”

”Excuse me? I’m a fifty-year-old woman teaching a scrawny boy how to behave and not to talk back to adults!” She huffs, throwing herself back onto the chair belonging to the desk, squinting her eyes to look at the writing for directions, “Your handwriting needs work dear. But Victor needs to call the Hawkins Post or announce it somewhere and do something for good.”

Rolling his dark eyes, Victor snatches the flattened paper off the lady’s hands, walking towards the office phone calling in regards to the additional details to the post. Meanwhile, Y/N slouches on the chair, her jacket crinkle, reading a few files based on last week’s headlines, “Can I help to search for Will?”

”Can I come too?” Victor calls out from the corner, waving a hand in the air, suddenly getting caught off guard by the other person on the phone line and getting back into the conversation after dozing off, mumbling, “I’m sorry it was just a colleague of mine talking to me about the investigation.”

Time was dozing off until Flo agreed to let the two teenagers come along for the search party, organizing and setting out a clean stack of papers in front of Y/N, “Now stop your unproductive babbling and sort these out to keep them in storage.”

”Yes ma'am,” Y/N uttered calmly, still feeling proud and occupied due to her letting Dustin and the rest know this semi-confidential for the search of their friend. Now were they all going to be lucky and find success in finding Will in safety on this night, or are there many more occurrences to come?

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Teas and Tisanes // G.W.

Request: Another request for my boy Georgie because I'm a needy bitch! Hahaha Set during OoTP, and they're at school and the whole Umbridge situation is really getting to the reader, and her anxiety spikes and she's struggling with sleeping and she hides her panic attacks from her amazing boyfriend (but he notices, just doesn't want to push!), until one night it gets so bad, she ends up sneaking into his room and sobbing in his arms and he soothes her and helps het sleep? just comfort and fluff!

A/N: Here’s your request! I’ve been working on it for so long so I hope it’s okay! Feedback is appreciated in any form whether it’s likes, reblogs or comments. As always, I hope you all like!

Pairing: George Weasley x Fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, insomnia, nightmares and panic attacks BUT A LOAD OF COMFORT AND FLUFF AND A HAPPY ENDING.

Word count: 2.9k

The appointment of Dolores Umbridge as Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry sent shockwaves through the entire student body.

They were all well aware of Umbridge’s presence – it was hard not to be, after all. With her constant decrees and her iron fist, Umbridge had become public enemy number one for the students at Hogwarts.  

You had always had issues with anxiety; struggling with panic attacks since your early teens, but since the appointment of Umbridge, you’re experiencing the attacks and the sleeplessness that follows much more often.

There felt like there was no end in sight as you sat up night after night; tiptoeing down to the common room, sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest, resting your cheek upon them. The usual heaviness settling over you as if greeting an old friend, and from then, you knew that the next few would days would be spent jumping at loud noises and such.

George realises something’s wrong a day into your panicked state. He makes the extra effort to walk you to every class; holding your hand that little bit tighter, silently letting you know that he is there – and he always will be. He’s loved you since Fifth Year, and now two years later in your Seventh, George is certain he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. He’s well aware of how young you were, but his parents have loved each other since their Hogwarts years and who better to emulate than Arthur and Molly Weasley?

In a private moment in the Gryffindor common room, George pulls you to one side. One hand tangling with yours whilst the other brushes against your cheekbone. You lean into his touch; loving having him so close to you.

“You know I’m here, don’t you? If you ever need to tell me anything.”

“I know, I know,” You comment, burying your face in his chest.

His arms come to wrap around you tightly; his chin resting atop your head.

You hide the tears that threaten to fall. You just squeeze him that little bit tighter, thankful to know that he’s here and waiting for you to come to him.

-----

In your mind, Herbology is one of the calmest subjects offered at Hogwarts. Sitting in the greenhouse, you understand how young Neville Longbottom fell in love with the subject; deciding at such a young age to dedicate his future career too it.

You sit next to George throughout the lesson, and whilst it is one of the calmest subjects, it doesn’t stop your knee from jerking up and down for the majority of the lesson.

It seemed even in the safety of the glass greenhouse; your anxiety would not let up.

Thankfully, Professor Sprout has you up and about repotting Asphodel plants that have grown too big. It keeps you distracted for a time; your mind too busy on not damaging the valuable roots instead of on the crushing anxiety settling in your gut.

George flashes you wary glances throughout the class, and all you can do, is smile back at him with what you hope is reassurance. Each time you find yourself next to the red-headed teenager, you brush your hand against his gently. It takes everything within him not to pull you from the greenhouse and whisper reassuring words into your ear until you begin to believe them.

The bell rings, however. Standing from your seat, you look over to George where he remains seated.

“George?”

“I’ll follow you out, love. I need to ask Professor Sprout something.”

You smile smally at George before you leave the greenhouse. He promises he’ll meet you in the common room soon; you nod before grabbing your bag and heading out of the door.

George approaches Professor Sprout after the particularly long lesson. Usually, he’d be first out of the door, eager to finish his school day but he has more pressing matters on his hand.

“Professor?” George asks tentatively after waving Fred away.

“Mr. Weasley, is everything okay?” Professor Sprout questions, eyebrows reaching her hairline in surprise at the prankster still sat in his assigned seat.

“Everything’s fine with me. I was hoping you could help my girlfriend?”

“Whatever’s the matter with Miss (Y/L/N)?”

“She’s suffering from a lot of anxiety and I think she’s having panic attacks as a result. She hasn’t come to me yet, but I was hoping you’d know of a plant or an herb that I could brew into a tea or potion to help for when she does come to me.”

Pomona Sprout blinks away the sudden wetness in her eyes. She had never seen this side of the Weasley twin, and it oddly touched her. She clears her throat before answering, “Lavender is the most helpful with issues of anxiety and panic.”

“Lavender gives her migraines I’m afraid. Is there anything else?”

Sprout purses her lips, thinking of alternatives, “Jasmine for relaxation. Peppermint boosts awareness. Chamomile helps to calm the nerves too.”

George grins; happy to have an answer, “Thank you, Professor. I’ll go find them now.”

“Don’t spend your money, Mr. Weasley. Take some from greenhouse but don’t tell anyone I helped except for Madame Pomfrey who’ll help you brew this into a tea.”

“Thank you, Professor.” George whispers; touched by the kindness lacing her words. Then and there, George resolves to take Herbology more seriously; to work on improving his grades and attendance in class.

Professor Sprout waves off his thanks as she hands him bundles of the plants, “Go on. I’ll tell Madame Pomfrey you’re on your way.”

George nods once again before leaving the greenhouses, heading straight to the hospital wing.

Madame Pomfrey already has her cauldron heating up when George arrives at the hospital wing.

“Pass me your ingredients here, Mr Weasley, and I’ll show you what you need to do.”

George hands over his bundle of plants and herbs; eager to know how to help you manage your anxiety.

Madame Pomfrey, for the next hour or so, goes over the method with George meticulously, ensuring that he won’t make any mistakes should he need to create this brew on his own. She highlights how long it needs to steep and the right amounts to add so the brew isn’t too overwhelming.

“How often would you say it needs to be drunk for it to be effective?” George asks as Madame Pomfrey starts to ladle the mixture into a container for George to take with him.

“One cup, every morning, Mr. Weasley. For it to be effective. It’ll stay warm until morning in the container I’ve given you, but if you have any troubles with it, come see me.”

George nods, taking the container from Madame Pomfrey. He thanks her repeatedly before rushing out of the hospital wing, eager to get the tea safely to his room where he can keep it safe until morning.

He lets himself give in to the growing excitement coursing its way through his body; he truly feels as if he has found one way to help you with the anxiety that paralyses you so often.

Upon his arrival at the common room, he rushes to his room where he stores the tea in an empty drawer of his bedside cabinet. He bounds back to the common room where he finds you sat at a corner table, working on another essay set by Umbridge; he knows exactly which one – the theory behind the practicality of the stunning charm. He won’t write it in protest of her abysmal teaching methods – final grades be damned.

He takes the seat across from you, “Love? How are you?”

You smile at him tiredly, “I’m tired and hating Umbridge.”

“How much sleep are you getting?” George asks; a concerned lilt to his voice.

“Enough,” You comment lightly, turning your attention back to your essay.

George sighs at your evasion, but the last thing he wants to do is push you into saying something you aren’t ready to say yet.

He leans back into his chair; watching your work silently for a while.

He leans back into his chair, and he hopes and hopes that the freshly brewed tea now hidden away his bedside cabinet helps you step away from the edge you’re teetering so precariously on.

-----

Even in sleep, the panic finds you.

It has you sitting up in bed, gasping for breath after breath; trying to leech enough oxygen out of the air to be able to properly inflate your lungs, but not enough is coming in and you’re panicking more. The tell-tale sign of tears dampens your cheeks and the sobs only add to not being able to breathe.

You throw your quilt from your body; not caring if it slides off the other side of the bed. You push your feet into your slippers; rushing out of your room without a second thought.

You climb the flight of stairs to the boy’s dormitory; your tears coming faster and faster with each step. The headache you would have in the morning was something to worry about then, but already, you didn’t look forward to it.

The door to the boy’s dormitory, thankfully, opens quietly as you tiptoe into the room. The only sounds being the echoing of snores from Fred and Lee Jordan.

You find George’s bed easily; having slept in here so many times before. You smile a watery smile as you gaze down at the sleeping teenager; he’s kicked off the covers and lies with an arm covering his eyes as his mouth hangs open. It’s not the least bit attractive, but all the same, you find your heart racing at the sight of him.

You kick off your slippers before padding to the small gap of mattress available.

George startles awake at the change of pressure; blinking bleary eyed as he looks for the culprit of change. He relaxes a little when he sees you but is immediately worried by the sight of your tears.

“Love?” is all it takes for them to start anew.

You clamp a hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs in order to not wake any of others in his dorm. George frowns, pulling you into his lap, wrapping one arm tightly around your waist as the other runs through your hair. He rocks you gently back and forth; all the while hushing you quietly, whispering words of calm and reason into your ear.

Your sobs turn to sniffles, and you slowly start to feel your eyes get heavier and heavier, but you force them open out of the fear of experiencing another nightmare.

“Do you want to try and sleep?” George mumbles into the dark.

You shake your head. “Nightmare?” He asks.

You nod your head.

“Alright, we’re going to need to move, love.”

George pats your hip, getting you to shift further down the bed so he can grab his dressing gown and a hoodie for you to put on over your pyjamas.

Your slippers make their way back onto your feet as you shove your arms through George’s hoodie, pushing the sleeves up some so it fits comfortably.

You wait by the door as George grabs a container of some sort from his bedside cabinet then he reaches for your hand and leads you down to the common room.

The fire still roars as you take a seat on the couch in front of it. Your tears have dried now, and you scrub at your face with the sleeve of George’s hoodie to remove their stain from your cheeks.

George sets the container down on the small table before sitting down next to you; his arms already open for you to crawl into. His fingers doodle a calming pattern through the material of his hoodie and your breathing relaxes into a more acceptable rate. He presses kiss after kiss to your hair and for a while, he’s silent on the whole matter.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better,” You whisper.

“Are you ready to talk to me now?”

You nod, “It’s all been piling up on me, George and I thought I could cope but I can’t. Exams, Umbridge and the Dark Lord – I don’t think I’ve had a full night sleep since term started. And on top of that, I feel so awful with how I’ve been treating you; I am so sorry, George.”

George hushes you as you start to ramble faster, “Love… Love, calm down. It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, George.”

“I accept your apology. I’ve been so worried; I didn’t think you wanted to come and talk to me.”

Your eyes widen, “No! I did! I did want to tell you, but I was so scared of what you’d think.”

“Love, anxiety and panic attacks are not something I’m unfamiliar with. Ginny suffered with both after what happened in her First year.”

You nod your head as you think back to the small girl now in her Fourth Year. You hadn’t started dating George yet, but the feelings were there. It was the disappearance of his youngest and only sister that had you talking to him for the first time; offering him any words of comfort that you could think of.

“I should have known, but I didn’t think.”

“That’s okay, love. The fact that you came to me now means everything.”

You nod your head, smiling apologetically at the red-haired teenager that you fell in love with at the age of fifteen.

Curiosity being your besetting sin though, you can no longer ignore the container sitting on the table, “George, babe, what’s in the container?”

“Oh!” George yells, only just remembering that it’s there. Then he blushes deeply, “It’s something I had made for you.”

“What?” You gasp.

George manoeuvres himself out of your grip; reaching for the container. He opens the latches, happy to see the steam rising from the tea. The smell of the chamomile calms his racing heart, and he turns to you with a shy smile – two cups already poured.

“George?”

“So after you left Herbology, I spoke to Professor Sprout. I asked her for her advice on some plants or herbs that can help with anxiety.”

Tears spring to your eyes, “You didn’t?”

“I did,” He nods, “She suggested Lavender at first, but I know how it gives you migraines just from being in its vicinity, so I asked her for some alternatives. Chamomile, peppermint and jasmine. Then I went to Madame Pomfrey who showed me how to brew this tea to help with your anxiety. She said to drink a cup a day and see how it helps.”

“Oh George,” You hiccup; tears falling fresh down your face, “This is everything. Thank you, my love.”

You lean forward to catch George’s lips in a long kiss. Tears mix with the laughter coming from your mouth. George can barely kiss you for the smile on your mouth; instead, kissing your teeth.

George pulls away with a laugh, handing you a cup of the tea. Immediately, you blow on the hot liquid before taking a small sip. The tea warms your body and you settle back into the couch; George settling with you.

The scent of the chamomile has you feeling more relaxed, and just having the comfort of a warm drink in your hand, helps make you feel better.

As your grandmother would always say: everything can be solved over a cup of tea.

“What do you think?” George asks somewhat shyly.

“George, I think this is the best gift someone has ever given me.”

“Really?”

“Really,” You affirm, “You saw me struggling and instead of pushing me, you went out of your way to help find a solution for when things become too much. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

“I have an idea,” George comments lightly.

“Oh?”

“Let me know when you start to feel this low again? Or if you think you’re going to? I know how to make this tea now, and I’m sure mum wouldn’t mind growing these in her garden especially if I tell her what they’re for. She’ll be happy to help in any way she can-”

You break off George’s nervous rambling with a kiss, “What did I do to deserve you?”

He kisses you again, “Nothing, my love. You were yourself.”

“I promise though. To let you know.”

“Thank you,” He whispers.

Silence falls over the both of you; settling happily as you drink your tea, already feeling the calming effects.

With the heat of the fire and the feel of George’s chest pressed into your back from where he’s relaxed back to where he sat, your eyes start to droop once more.

No longer afraid of the nightmares that could come; no longer afraid to face the panic now that George has helped and will continue to help, you let your eyes slide shut.

The morning after brings with it sleepy smiles and a calm atmosphere. You kiss George good morning before stealing away back to your own dorm where you can get ready for the day.

On your way to the Great Hall for breakfast, you find George leaning on the wall opposite the entrance, waiting for you.

“How are you feeling?” George greets.

“Better,” You admit with a smile, “I’m glad we talked last night.”

“I am too.”

You nudge his side with your elbow, smiling happily for the first time in days, “Come on, Weasley. You can treat me to breakfast.”

“Love, nothing would make me happier.”

************

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