#my wife……

[starspilli]

man of progress

[frenchgryffindor1960]

[venusmage]

More high lesbian antics involving food

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[saturnsconstellation]

Men use “I’m just a man” to cheat on their wives. Odysseus uses “I’m just a man” to kill, slay and torture people to get back to HIS wife. They are not the same.

[froopa-coopa]

"I never asked for this"

[pouletpourri]

"You just have to look closely."

[simplyfroggy]

me when a movie is bad: 👎

me when a movie is good: 👍

me when a movie is mediocre:

[palukoo]

three hearts that beat as one | old hollywood throuples anyone???

[soaked-doors]

old man luzo yaoi posting

[bibbysstuff]

he must make his big blobbus wife happy

[keroinnie]

new junghyun dazed shoot ?????????

[bigwizardhat]

my cat stopping me from petting her

[sleepincrow]

gojo's genes are scarily strong. the silky white hair and freakishly lightning blue eyes runs in the family! satoru guaranteed his child would look similar to him, his mother, and whoever was further down the drain in his clan. he swooned and giggled when you were pregnant, ensuring you and your baby's safety for when the time comes to bring the little shit into the world. he'll be so enthralled when his child is born, spoiling him even before he takes his first breath.

imagine to his fucking surprise when the baby comes and they look exactly like YOU. satoru sits on the cushioned chair beside your hospital bed, holding his baby while you slept—tired from birthing your sweet child. a pair of sharp blue eyes stare at the bundle of betrayal in his arms.

"a month of my hard work.. cultivating, planting you, then spending the next 9 months taking care of you and my wife." he scoffs while the baby eyes his father. "and you look exactly like your mother."

satoru couldnt help but let out a silent sob and squeal, taking every single nerve in his body not to squeeze the baby to death in a hug. he wishes you were awake—so he could jump up and down in pure ecstacy like a 3rd grader. he just loves your baby so much. after, maybe, around 500 years of bearing the same white haired, blue eyed baby combo into the world, someone finally beat the gojo clan genes.

your baby has your hair and eyes. satoru is surprised, offended and in love. yes, he loves that his baby looks like his mama but were you really so greedy to leave nothing for him?

he can only hope that your baby will be as silly, as stupid and as strong as him when they grow older.

... god, hopefully not