#myberkeleyadventure

[myberkeleyadventure]

Relationship Be Gone!

I'm out of a relationship. Poof! When I'm ready (if I'm ready), I'll share more details here. But the tldr is I'm at peace with breakup, it's for the best, and we are still on good terms.

You know when sometimes all you want to do is VENT? For the past few days, I've vented to a lot of my trustworthy and loyal friends. With each friend I vented to, I got to a new little insight or gem of how they viewed the situation and it was all insightful. But at this point, I'm exhausted and it feels good not to share it anymore because I don't think I need that talk therapy anymore.

When you are single from a breakup, that's when you realize who your TRUE network is. I've connected with friends that I haven't spoken to in months (one of them, years) and it was like nothing changed since the last time we spoke.

Birthday, breakup, and badass accomplishments (new job, relocation, acceptance into school, etc): the three unifiers that make it easy to reach out to people.

[intellectys]

I'm going to uni this autumn, and I feel like most of studyblr's incoming freshmen are just as clueless as I am. Here's a bunch of tips from the more experienced among us, and I hope it's just as useful to you as it is to me!

this took forever to make so i’m really hoping it’s good

Money Matters

Textbooks

Sites where you can get free textbooks by @thearialligraphyproject

Get textbooks online

Tips for textbooks by @theorganizedcoyote

Websites to get cheap textbooks by @theorganisedstudent

Ultimate guide to buying college textbooks

Safe ways to get free textbooks

Saving Money

A girl called jack: eating under the line

Qriket

Scholarship masterpost by @wallcalendar

Save money while shopping online

College scholarships 2016-17 by @wonderstudying

Tips for finding & getting scholarships

How to budget

Where to find student discounts by @collegerefs

Searching for scholarships by @collegesmarts

Creative ways to save money in college

Places that offer discounts with student id

Ways to save/earn money

Paying for college by @collegerefs

Student Life

Dorm & Living

PSA for college freshmen

Dorm tips from @humanitaes

Ultimate school locker (uni bag) kit by @girl-studying

Resolving issues with roommates

Tips for living like an adult

How to eat healthy in dining halls

DIY dorm decor by @notquitenightingale

Everything I actually used in my freshman dorm room

Guide to living alone by @piratestudy

Living with a roommate by @collegerefs

Packing Lists

Thing I forgot to bring to college by @myberkeleyadventure

Sam’s ultimate failproof guide to packing by @staticsandstationery

Ultimate college packing list for freshmen

College packing list by @kimberlystudies

What to bring to college

Checklist for dorms & campus living

Packing up: preparing for college in @theacademiczine

College dorm packing list by @produitivity

Recipes

One-pot chicken fajita pasta

100 dirt cheap recipes for students

57 go-to recipes for college students

Cheap & healthy recipes 

Over 400 fast & healthy recipes

Classes

Studying & Taking Notes

Organizing notes with Google Docs by @academla

How to write a lecture summary efficiently by @collegerefs

Symbols & abbreviations for note-taking 

How to take lecture notes by @hstrystdyblr

How to take notes in college by @determinationandcaffeine

Getting the most out of lecture by @strive-for-da-best

How to get your best grades in college by @saralearnswell

If you have a bad college professor

Essays

Transition words for essays by @soniastudyblr

How to analyze historical sources by @rewritign

How to write a university level essay by @healthyeyes

Analyzing a written text

Essay writing: university vs. high school

How to write a history paper by @thehistorygrad

How I plan and write literature papers by @notaperfectstudent

Exams

A quick guide to finals by @emmastudies​

10 revision tips for final & first year exams

High school exams vs. college exams

Crucial study tips for finals week in college 

3 day study plan by @getstudyblr

Low stress college study strategy by @plannerdy 

+ More

Masterposts

A college student’s masterpost by @eruditekid

Random college tips by @determinationandcaffeine

College advice by @studenting

Giant college masterpost by @heyiwantyoutostay

Advice

Advice for college by @collegerefs

10 tips for starting uni by @studycubs

Advice from a college senior 

Great tips from @fuckstudy

10 more excellent tips

Things nobody tells you about university by @polcry 

Miscellaneous

8 things successful students do by @frankfurter-studies

Email tips by @haileymostudies

@collegerefs‘ entire blog-- so much good stuff that’s incredibly useful

my grace.uni tag-- all the posts I’ve saved for university

Staying in contact with high school friends

How to make friends in college

[tbhstudying1]

from for the dreams i want to catch http://ift.tt/2nxROc4 via See More

The Honest Guide on Preparing for College

I thought it’d be cool and useful to give you guys an “Honest Guide on Preparing for College.” It has all the things you may already know, and then also some things you perhaps don’t. And a bunch of tips that are helpful for preparing for college, but also during college. I’ve been working on this post for months, adding few new tips every now and then so hopefully you guys like it and find it useful! :) I may add more tips from time to time, I’m not sure.

Suffer from acne? Visit a dermatologist to get it under control ASAP. The earlier you start, the earlier you’ll see results! And trust me, you’ll be going bare-faced a lot in college. At least twice a day- morning & night. And you’ll always want to look and feel your best! It sucks to be self-conscious.

Figure out a rough guideline of your morning/ night routine. Your college routine is usually not going to be the exact same as your home routine. Ie: Make up will probably be done in your room, not in the bathroom. If you use makeup often, consider buying a vanity mirror! Very useful. 

You won’t need binders. I brought 3 (1-inch) in case and I hardly use one. It’s more useful to have individual folders for each class. Or even those notebook with tabs inside to hold papers. The point being, the way you organize your work is different in high school. You’re not going to the same 5 periods everyday in college. You have classes that meet MWF, and TTh, etc.

Don’t forget to bring college essentials! Refer to my two posts here (”College Essential Hacks”) and here (”Things I Forgot/ Nearly Forgot to Bring to College”. 

Invest in make-up. In high school, I never wore make-up but now I often wear mascara and light lipstick! I spent countless trips figuring out what shade was best for me and trying out different products. Would’ve been easier to just do this in the comfort of my own home than in college! I’m still a make-up noob though, haha. I can’t even figure out how to apply eyeliner confidently!

Bring clothes you’ll actually wear. 1/3 of the clothes I’ve brought to college were never worn… They just took up closet space!

Bring formal clothes too. You never know what events you’ll go to (including sorority rush, galas, etc). Don’t forget a good pair (or two) of shoes for the outfit!

Realize that the first month-ish of school is the prime time to make new friends. People are more open to making new friends and are more friendly and receptive. Make the most of this!!! I can not stress this enough! Remember that first impressions can stick, so be especially graceful during this period. I would even go so far as to say that you should try to go out to a party in the first few weeks of school for two reasons…. 1) You can see if you fit with the party scene and if you enjoy it. 2) When you attend events early on, people will assume you’re down to go for the rest of the semester and you’ll get invites. (Which you can turn down, of course.)

Keep in touch with old friends! Seriously. Don’t just make new college friends and forget about your old high school friends. Keep in touch! Message them regularly and keep them in the loop! It might seem like a lot of work to message them all the details about something, especially when they are unfamiliar with the people so you have to describe it a lot (Wait, who’s Jim again? What’s your roommate’s name again? etc), but it’s so rewarding to have an old, familiar friend with you as you both experience college together, but separately.

Know your schedule and be on top of this. Be organized. I recommend a planner and also having a print out of your weekly schedule that has your classes and other time commitments. I actually drew my weekly schedule and hung it by my desk. It not only helps me visualize my week, but also lets my roommates know when to expect me. I also use a calendar app very diligently. Whenever I commit to an event, I immediately put it into my calendars (the app, and also my physical calendar in my room). I also inputted the dates and times of my exams/ important assignments from the get-go so I wouldn’t be surprised about when they were. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND INPUTTING THE DATES OF YOUR EXAMS AND DUE DATES OF PAPERS, ETC INTO YOUR CALENDAR ASAP!!!!!!!!

Keep in touch with family. Similar reasoning with #9. But basically, your parents and siblings have lived with you all of your life. They’ll miss you. Text them, call them, facetime them once in a while. Send them a postcard. Buy them college gear. Do little things like this; they’ll really appreciate it!

Don’t be so uptight and remember to be grateful. I feel like I’ve matured greatly in college. I used to have these crazy-high expectations about friendships and stuff, and now, it’s not that I have absurdly low expectations, but I just don’t take everything for granted. I am grateful for anything and everything my friends do for me. They bought me Chipotle? Aww. They reminded me about the review session? So sweet. Basically, don’t take things for granted.

Don’t be that one annoying friend. You know who you are. College is a time where you can really ‘reinvent’ yourself and you should really try to be a ‘better you’ during college. Here are some traits I find annoying, personally… An annoying friend is one who does any or all of these things:

“Forget” to pay a friend back for spotting you. Seriously, we all hate that person who does this and we all really respect that person who is really diligent about paying back someone. So take note. Everyone is on a tight budget in college.

Rants all the time. If you’re ranting all the time and your friend is just listening, you have yourself a freaking awesome friend. Just remember that friendship means you can rant, and your friend can rant back. It’s a two-way street.

Tries to peer pressure others into doing something they like. Okay, I get that you drink and smoke a lot. But you don’t need to feel the urge to ‘convert’ me to doing the same. No means no.

Always bails or is flaky. Freaking annoying.

Takes things too far. We all have that one friend who takes things too far and doesn’t know when to stop….

Too sensitive… But we also may have an uber-sensitive friend who always holds grudges and is a grumpy cat. 

Don’t skip class. Seriously. It doesn’t matter if the lecture is posted online, or if you’ll just get notes from a friend. Or if you already ‘know’ what’s being taught. Just go. Skipping class = lower grades = lower GPA = unhappy you.

Be willing to try new things. This can vary to an extent from person to person. It can be as crazy as asking someone out or trying new food. College is a time of growth, new experiences, and fun times. HOWEVER, don’t do anything that will harm yourself. None of this “yolo” mantra please.

Bring a lot of undies. Shirts and pants can be reworn more than once (within reason), but undies can’t. So save yourself from doing laundry all the time and bring a lot of undies.

Learn to let things go. I used to be that person who held onto grudges. But since starting college, I’ve really begun to realize that life is so much more fun and enjoyable if you don’t let the little things faze you. Learn to let it go. Don’t let what that rude guy said to you this morning stick with you for the whole day. Who cares if you asked someone out and it failed? You don’t need them anyway! You’re too fabulous for them to handle! 

Learn to be confident in yourself. “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You “- Dr Seuss. Over the years, I’ve found that I’ve grown much more confident and independent. I love it.

Learn how to socialize and be a great conversationalist. Smile and actually pay attention to what they’re saying. Remember what they said and bring it up the next time you see them. Hey, how was your lunch at Gypsy’s with John? It makes people feel special and nice. Use their names in the conversation as often as you can (without it sounding totally awkward and weird). People like hearing their names in conversation. [Btw, I read these facts on a Time article somewhere so its legit.]. People don’t remember what you say, but they remember how you made them feel. So make them feel loved and appreciated. Laugh.

Live and learn through your mistakes. No one’s perfect. So what if you bombed your first midterm? It’s the first of many. Pick yourself up and study harder for the next one. Don’t get all beaten up.

Consider bringing your AP study guide books to college. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve opened my AP Calculus review book from Princeton Review to review and look up things.

Keep track of your meal points. I frequently hear people saying they always have leftover meal points at the end of the year, but maybe it’s because I like to buy a lot of snacks, but I was actually behind on points for half the semester. It’s no big deal–I can easily add more points–, but just don’t be under the illusion that you have unlimited amount of points and can buy whatever you want. Be smart about rationing off your points.

Don’t let one midterm grade affect you. Yeah, you failed that midterm. So what? Just do well on the next ones. There’s nothing you can do about your midterm grade–you can only improve yourself for the future. Have a good cry, rant to friends, watch some Netflix–and then realize the changes you have to make and enforce the changes. 

Pick classes that you’ll enjoy. Don’t pick morning classes (if you can help it) if you’re not a morning person. Don’t take a Drawing/ Painting class if you’re not an artsy person for your Visual Arts requirement–there’s classes like Art History or stuff like that. Be reasonable about the classes you take and how much workload you know you can handle. Not everyone is the same.

Go see your adviser from time to time. Just to make sure you’re on track! Work out a 4-year plan. You don’t want to have any surprises later down the road!

Be careful with labels. Like “best friend” or “favorite person”. Sometimes, these can lead people on unintentionally and you’ll get yourself in awkward and uncomfortable situations where they like you but you don’t like them or something. I learned that it’s just best to call people your “friends” and unless you are really bonded with a person, then call them your best friend. But honestly, if you two are best friends, you kinda just know you are each other’s best friend–it’s a mutual feeling and it doesn’t really need to be said or labeled. I think it’s just best to rid yourself of using labels, honestly. Terms that imply exclusivity can sometimes lead people on. I think you should have a self-check with yourself every month or two and go like, “Okay, where am I at? I really like where I am right now. I could improve on this… etc etc. Let’s see the friends I’m close to… Do I think any of them likes me? I don’t want to unintentionally lead them on.” Just stuff like that.

Understand your finances for college. Including scholarships, how much you’re paying, how much you’re working (if applicable), etc. Just be on top of all your money stuff! 

Don’t go out and eat out a lot. I ate out a lot during freshman year. Too much. I had no regrets during the moment but now looking back, I just imagine all of the money I could’ve saved if I didn’t eat out…. :( You can save so much money by reducing how much you eat out.

Be financially conscious and be mindful of how much you spend. There are plenty of hangouts you and your friends can do that don’t require money or that much money. Examples: movie nights, picnics, checking out the campus botanical garden, going sightseeing in the city, cooking dinner together, etc. Just because it costs money doesn’t mean it will always be fun, memorable or worth it–something to remind yourself of! In addition, shoot for quality over quantity. Buy a $50 pair of Rainbows sandals that will last for years, instead of flimsy, cheaply made sandals that will break after a couple of uses. Splurge on that North Face jacket–you’ll be wearing it a lot and it’s versatile and will last you years. Now that I buy groceries and cook for myself, I’ve definitely come to appreciate the value of the dollar.

Realize how small the world is and how connected everything is. Don’t talk shit about people. Seriously. The person you’re complaining about may have a friend who is taking a class with the person you’re telling to. Or the person you’re telling it to may have a friend who has a friend who knows the person. If it’s one thing that keeps coming up in my time here, it’s that everyone seems to know everybody (or is a friend of a friend). So limit your shit-talking, secret-sharing, gossip talk to only your trusted confidants. Seriously, though. As you go through college, you’ll come to notice that many people will reappear in your classes because of being in the same major, and more. The world is small, y’all. Don’t be reckless.

[myberkeleyadventure]

Apartment Living: My Experience | Tips to Make Dorm Life/Co-Habitating Successful

I recently moved to a new apartment and my housemate is my classmate/friend. As someone who had a very, very bad roommate experience in college (mainly because that roommate constantly brought her boyfriend over), I was very apprehensive this time around. So far though, it's generally been going pretty well. Here are my tips to successfully cohabitate with others:

Communicate often and clearly. It's important to set a mutually-agreed standard of how you and your housemate(s) want to live. As someone who doesn't like confrontation, this has been the hardest for me. My housemate would always leave half-eaten dishes in the common spaces and wouldn't wash her dishes until days later. After noticing this was a problem, I gently asked if we could propose some rules for common spaces: wash our dishes the same day we use them, and make sure there weren't any unoccupied dishes in the common spaces. I structured it as a conversation, instead of me demanding it to happen, and brought up the larger picture: we didn't want bugs in our house and this was an easy way to prevent that. I then asked if she thought these rules were fair and if she had anything to add. She apologized for her behavior, said it was fair, and everything generally has been smooth on this front now!

Bring up any concerns gently. I think tone is a big factor in how something might go over. If I go yelling at my roommate that she made a mess, she's instantly on the defensive, right? Approaching it in a kind and open manner will elicit a (hopefully) similar response back. Back when we were apartment hunting, I shared with her my concern of having boyfriends over the apartment too much. I told her my previous roommate would bring her boyfriend over constantly-- his 6am alarm would wake me up daily, he snored, he acted like he lived in the apartment, etc.-- and that I was very apprehensive about the topics of boyfriends being in the apartment. I think that conversation let her know very early on that she needs to be mindful of how often her boyfriend is over. Except for this weekend (his birthday weekend), he's been over very minimally (not only for my sake but because she is a law student who needs to study!).

Try not to make a big deal out of one thing. This is another thing I have to work on. My housemate's boyfriend has been over since Thursday night, worked from our apartment Friday (even when my housemate was out of the house, at her law courses) and looks like he's leaving Saturday morning. He was also here very briefly on Sunday evening to say hi, since he was in the area. Honestly, I got a little bit annoyed because I don't think boyfriends should be over this much (2 visits a week is my hard max) and boyfriends shouldn't be alone in the apartment (my housemate should always be present). BUT I want to be considerate and give more leeway just this time because it was his birthday weekend. If he comes over this often when it's not a milestone event, then I will talk with my housemate.

Realize that rules will apply to you too. I'm currently single and am not seeing anyone right now. I'm trying to be cognizant of the fact that when I do get a boyfriend, how would I feel about these rules? I can't demand new rules, get a boyfriend, and go back on my word. A lot of the times, housemates might not all be in the same exact shoes so take careful consideration when making universal rules.

That's all I have for now! Happy moving into dorms!

[myberkeleyadventure]

Grad School Life Update: 1.9 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Okay I graduate next month so I'm calling this my 1.9 years in update, haha.

LOVE: Relationship is steady! At this point, I feel like I'm getting really comfortable with him and the relationship, and I often have my guard down. I am still a little worried about life after graduation when we will be in different locations but ultimately through therapy, I've come to a place where I can genuinely say I'm taking it day by day and not overthinking.

SCHOOL: One *MONTH* left! Is that crazy?! These past few weeks have been crazy hectic with assignment deadlines and capstone requirements. I recently took my graduation photos and it made graduation feel so real. Overall, I'm very excited to graduate and leave this chapter for a new one!

WORK: I have had my full-time job offer secured since the Fall and I'm very grateful that I haven't had to stress about job hunting on top of finals, etc. I'm trying to enjoy my last couple of months of "freedom" before I have to work full-time until I'm 65. I'm also TAing this quarter (as I have most quarters while in grad school) and I am getting a little burnt out with everything. But the end is near!

HOME: Similar update to before. My roommate has not really changed: she's still messier and not as courteous as I'd like (or that I am to her) but the lease is almost up at this point. Living with her and just overall looking back at my experiences living with others has reaffirmed that I want to live solo. I also think it's important to live by yourself (if you're able to) and see how that experience goes.

All in all, I'm enjoying my last month as a graduate student. Life is good! 😎

[myberkeleyadventure]

What I Would Tell My Younger, College Self

Being a few years out of undergraduate, and currently in graduate school, has made me reflect back at what I used to think were the hardest years of my life. Now, because I'm older and hopefully wiser, I laugh but if I could go back in time, this is what I would tell my younger 18-22 year old self.

Grades don't matter... to an extent. Sure, if you have great grades, you have wider options: scholarships, employment, funding, grad school, etc. But truthfully, most scholarships and internship offers are based on a 3.0 GPA. Some of the stricter ones have a 3.5 GPA requirement. Unless you're set on going to graduate school (in which case, definitely try to get a high GPA), you will likely be fine with a 3.0 GPA (this is the case especially if your major is STEM; if your major is non-STEM, maybe shoot for a 3.5 GPA). When I graduated undergrad and got my first "real" full-time job, they never even asked me what my GPA was or required a transcript. I say this to hopefully relieve some pressure off you. A few "Bs" (or "C"s tbh) won't kill you.

Make memories. Hang out with your friends. Go outside and go hiking. Go camping. Go on retreats. Get involved in extracurriculars. You don't want to always be in your dorm, watching Netflix, when you're not in class. Sure, sometimes you need to wind down but you don't want your entire undergraduate experience to be summed up with "netflix." I promise you: you will not remember the shows you binged your sophomore year of college, but you WILL remember that awesome overnight camping trip you took at Yosemite.

Network. I used to cringe when people would network in undergrad because I thought they were being so "extra" and so "fake." And now I'm understanding that the mantra "fake it til you make it" is really accurate... It doesn't matter how you personally feel about networking, but the reality is that most people get their jobs through networking (and those who network tend to have a "leg up"). If you want to be successful, I'd argue that networking is a key strategy you should implement, to some extent. The more professional experiences you have earlier on, the easier it is to get better opportunities later on: your success builds upon itself. And you don't have to be super fake about it either; the people who are the best networkers tend to be the most genuine.

Have a small group of close, quality friends and work on strengthening those friendships. It's better to have 3 quality best friends, instead of 10 friends that you're not really all that close to. Quality over quantity, for sure. Although you should focus on quality, I still think it's good to be socially connected with your classmates and acquaintances/friends through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, LinkedIn, etc: after all, this is just good networking + who knows who may become your next close friend when you move to a new state! In college, it's easy to hang out with friends but after college, it's much more difficult to keep these friendships up.

Lastly, treat your body well. This means both mentally (most college campuses offer free, or reduced cost, therapy sessions! take advantage of this! once you're in the "real world", these sessions are $$$) and physically (eat the right type of food! exercise!).

Ultimately, college is what you make of it. It's a period where you can explore your passions and find who you are. But also at the same time, it's also meant to help advance your (future) career. You can definitely find the right balance between your professional and personal goals.

[myberkeleyadventure]

The Honest Guide on Preparing for College - COVID-19 Edition

I previously published a post entitled “The Honest Guide on Preparing for College” in June 2015. It’s since racked up over 7,000+ notes - which is crazy to me! 

But now with the pandemic happening, I think a “refresh” is warranted for the guide. So here it is: The Honest Guide on Preparing for College - COVID-19 Edition. This list assumes you are remote-learning and events are not in person. 15 tips!

Suffer from acne? Have a mental illness you’d like to get supported on? Visit a dermatologist. Visit a therapist. The reality is, the earlier you start, the earlier you can begin to see results. For me personally, it took a LOT of trial and error to get my skin clear - and what better time to do this than now? While in-person college would’ve had you going bare-faced often in the dorms, you still want to feel your best during these remote-learning sessions. Additionally, COVID-19 is wreaking HAVOC on everyone’s mental health so definitely feel encouraged to get that checked out!

Figure out a rough guideline of your morning/night routine. This still holds true for remote-learning. I would urge you to try to stick to some sort of routine even if you’re not physically going to classes. Maybe dressing up everyday is too much for you, but at least wash your face and brush your hair and look presentable. Don’t turn off your camera and don’t be a passive participant.

Understand that the way you organize high school classes is different from college classes. Typically, college classes are MWF, TTH, etc and don’t meet daily like in HS.

Invest in learning how techniques that make you feel good and look good. That might be learning some basic make-up skills, learning what clothes fits your body shape, learning workout techniques,  where to place your laptop for Zoom school, anything!

Make sure your Zoom background is appropriate and in a well-lit space. Make sure you wear appropriate clothes. This is basic but you’d be surprised at how many people I’ve seen in very dim spaces or untidy backgrounds. And I’ve realized sometimes I’m wearing a normal tank top but because of the camera position, it looks like I’m not wearing a shirt. Definitely wear something that looks good on camera, meaning doesn’t make you look topless!

Realize that the first month-ish of school is the prime time to make new friends. I still think this is true. Be friendly during Zoom calls, maybe ask for a classmate or two’s phone #s to be study buddies and bond that way, start up a study group immediately, etc. People are much less likely to have organic conversations now, so you definitely have to put some active effort to build relationships! 

Keep in touch with your old friends! I’d argue that they might be closer to you than your newly formed college friends because it’s going to be hard to make new college friends now.

Be very organized about your schedule. Put in midterms/finals as soon as you know them. Put in study sessions. Put in professors’ office hours. Anything! 

Don’t skip class... seriously. And try to participate if you can. Professors are trying here. College today is now very impersonal, so why skip out on it? What’s the alternative? Watching the recorded lecture by yourself at night? :/

Be proactive about your classes and class planning. Pick classes you’ll enjoy (or think you’ll enjoy). Be diligent about visiting your advisor from time to time (just to make sure you’re on track! you definitely don’t want any surprises down the road, right?) If you’re not a morning person, don’t enroll in that 8AM (seriously, 8AM in college is WAY different from 8AM high school) if you won’t be able to remember material (even if you can zoom from your bed!)

Understand your finances for college. Including scholarships, how much you’re paying out of pocket, if you’re working, etc. It is a confusing topic and can be scary but it’s important to be on top of all your money stuff! 

Be gentle with yourself and others. Recognize that everyone is going through this pandemic and for most, this college experience ISN’T what they expected (or paid for). Be gracious, don’t be petty. Switching to remote learning is a new thing for many of us. Give yourself (and others) a grace period to understand the new methods and how to access the programs, etc.

Learn how to socialize and do small talk. I know, I know. No one likes small talk but I think it’s a skill to be able to talk to everyone and have a pleasant conversation. (Who ever would’ve thought we would have to do recruiting at college fairs online?!) 

Be ambitious and take advantage of all the resources. Wait, what? Yeah, go to that webinar about carbon emissions! Go to the panel about alumni experiences. There have been SO MANY virtual webinars and meetings lately - soak up all that knowledge! It’s never been easier to jump from meeting to meeting! And if you’re doing well with Zoom learning, well, stack on the courses! Personally, I can juggle 20 units in Zoom School but in person, this would’ve been a HUGE no-no.

Realize how small the world is and how connected everything is. Don’t talk shit about people. Seriously. The person you’re complaining about may have a friend who is taking a class with the person you’re telling to. Or the person you’re telling it to may have a friend who has a friend who knows the person. If it’s one thing that keeps coming up in my time here, it’s that everyone seems to know everybody (or is a friend of a friend). So limit your shit-talking, secret-sharing, gossip talk to only your trusted confidants. Seriously, though. As you go through college, you’ll come to notice that many people will reappear in your classes because of being in the same major, and more. The world is small, y’all. Don’t be reckless.

[myberkeleyadventure]

How to Survive with Narcissistic, Strict Asian Parents | My Experience as a First-Generation American

Alright, there are many of us out here. Long story short: our parents immigrated over to the US, we are first-generation Americans, and there’s often clashes between the Asian culture and the American culture. Specifically, this post is for those of us who have narcissistic, strict Asian parents. If you don’t meet these, I’m sure maybe this post may seem harsh.

Here are 10 things I want to share with my fellow Asian-Americans in similar shoes.

Know that your experience may be common among other first-generation Americans who attempt to normalize the parents’ behavior, but that the parents’ behavior is NOT ok. This is something that I see happening often. I’ll say something like “Yeah so they weren’t the best parents.” or “My parents are complicated people” and the person will say, “Haha but that’s what everyone our age [20′s] says about their parents.” or “But they’re your parents!” I’ve learned to filter people who are dismissive! (I much rather them say “Totally see where you’re coming from!” or “Oh, yeah I see.” and *acknowledge* my statement, instead of dismissing it.)

If your parents see you as an “investment”, you’re not the only one! My parents (especially my mom) see her children as investments. While I understand there’s some cultural aspect to this point of view, I see this mentality as objectifying children and something that is completely tasteless. Perhaps that’s because I’m apparently “Americanized.” I don’t think parents should treat their children as material objects, wanting to “cash in” on them later. Instead, I think if parents treat their children well, children will be likely to return the favor. You should not need to threaten or consistently remind children that they “owe” you.

If your parents often criticize you by calling you “ugly”, “fat”, or “stupid, know that this is 100% a reflection of them, and NOT you. I am honestly pretty sensitive so this bullying used to really hurt my feelings. Now I am older and understand that they are reflecting how they feel about themselves and that they are massively insecure. While they try to say things like “Well, I say this because I care about you”, don’t believe it. What kind of logic is that? If your parents say these things to you, let it roll off and ignore them the best you can.

If your parents are money-oriented, keep your budget and monetary matters private. I understand where this comes from because many of them came with only the clothes on their backs to America. However, this does not allow them to control YOUR money and finances. Please, please, please make sure you have a separate bank account from your parents and that your finances are not co-mingling with theirs. Once that is established, make sure you keep your budget and monetary matters private. Don’t tell them your salary, your spending habits, how often you eat out, your big purchases, etc. Otherwise, they will use you or use the information against you. My mom will throw a literal TEMPER TANTRUM if she sees take-out in the trash cans. OR she’ll go “Wow, you eat out so much. Why don’t you ever buy me anything? You seem like you have so much money to spend.” I’ve had to hide Amazon packages from her, too. (Note: I’m good with money, so her critique of my spending is unwarranted.)

Nosy and intrusive parents? Keep conversations to small talk. Similar to the last point of how parents will use information they know against you... the best way to combat this is to just tell them less information. Of course in my specific situation, I can’t simply ignore or block them (nor do I think that action is entirely warranted ... I just do limited contact). But I tell them small talk topics. Things I know they can’t really use against me. School, work, dog. I would NEVER, EVER tell them about my love life until I’m sure this guy is the one I want to marry, or something. My parents are much too nosy.

Strict parents, high expectations, and never satisfied... To an extent, I’m sure this has led to growth and higher accomplishments. But fuck, I hate when my parents have these crazy expectations of what I can do. And when I do well, they never say praise. It’s “expected” I perform well. Please know that all of your accomplishments take effort and you are appreciated! Even if not by your parents. 

If you have parents who are more “housemates” versus happily married couple, well... same. Divorce is very, very taboo in Asian culture, apparently. My parents will argue very often: loud screaming matches, doors being slammed, things being broken, cursing in their language. They’ve threatened divorce multiple times a year, but um they’re still together nearly 30+ years later. This has skewed my view of relationships. Truthfully, I had a period where I desperately wanted someone even if we might not be the best fit (high school/college), but now I’ve realized it’s better to be single than be in the wrong relationship. I am proud of my growth and single status - I’m working on myself, my goals, and my needs. If you have similar parents, please know that there ARE healthy, non-toxic relationships out there. If anything, view your parents’ relationships as what NOT to do.

 My parents have often simplistic views of medicine and health. And look, I get it, I know there is Eastern medicine. I cannot just “drink more water” and have everything be ok. I cannot just “eat vegetables” and have clear skin. I cannot just “drink Asian soup” and have all of my back pains gone. I understand the importance of diet, of course, but this is way too simplistic and often ignores science and modern medicine. To me, personally, it comes off as dismissive and disrespectful, especially when I ask my parents to respect my wishes (and my doctor’s) wishes to take medication/surgery/etc. When I was coming off a major 6-hour spinal surgery, my mom would refuse to let me take my pain medicine. Um, what? When my mom learned I was on birth control to control my periods and better my life, she threw my medicine away. I believe my health are private matters, and I don’t think anyone (except your partner) really needs to know your business.

Constant comparing and judging is a commonality with Asian parents. And I hate it. Why do I care about your co-worker’s daughter who I’ve never met?! The constant comparing makes everything in life feel like a competition. Now, when my parents try to compare or judge, I just nod and don’t give them any reaction. I’m secure in my own self and my accomplishments. I also think my parents just like to hear themselves talk... 

Lastly... know that you are not your parents. Just because you are genetically related to your parents, does NOT mean you will become just like them. You CAN break the cycle and be GOOD parents to your future children. The fact that you are aware your parents are not the best parents shows you are cognizant and recognize their behavior is not acceptable.

I’ll also drop two Reddit sites that have helped me: /raisedbynarcissists and /asianparentstories  HOWEVER, I would recommend you only spend 30 minutes a day on these sites because surrounding yourself in negative posts isn’t great for your mental health (at least for me, anyway). While it’s great to find relatable posts, I think it’s better for me to do a positive activity that boosts my mood, instead of stirring up anger and resentment (which is how I feel after viewing the sites for too long, lol).

[myberkeleyadventure]

Moving out of my parents' home in a few days | My Thoughts

In just a few days, I'll be moving out of my parents' home and into my own apartment! While I'm very excited for this change, as the move-out day inches closer and closer, I've been experiencing a weird mix of emotions.

First, the usual emotions: joy, happiness, relief. I look back at the years I spent at my parents' home and become even more grateful of the fact that I'm moving out on my own terms. Soon, I will become free of their prying eyes, their demanding expectations, and their strict household. (My dad had said, "You think you're going to be free of us when you move out? Ha!" I know he's trying to show he'll still have 'control' of me when I move out, but let's be real... If I'm not under their roof and am financially independent, their source of control is extremely limited, if that. My mom believes I am only moving out for one year and will move back in once I graduate with my Master's degree. Ha! I plan to never move back in with my parents, if I can help it. Good riddance!)

But also, weirdly, I've also experienced "sadness". I say "sad" in quotes because I know deep down, I'm not actually sad. I know that these are normal feelings, because it's the start of a new chapter. While I'm sad to leave behind familiarity and comfort, I am much more eager to leave behind the unforgiving and, imho, unrealistic Asian traditions/expectations held by my parents.

This is what I felt when I left to go to college: I knew it was a good move for me but I was still nervous because it wasn't familiar: it was a new path I was trekking on. Of course, I'm older and wiser than I was when I was only 18. Which gives me the confidence to know that I'll definitely be ok for this chapter!

Plus, my relationship with my parents was at its best when we were separated by distance. I'm fairly confident that me moving out will ultimately improve our relationship.

[myberkeleyadventure]

Five Things I Learned from Therapy

I recently started therapy and although I've only had a few sessions so far, I wanted to recap some lessons I've learned.

Your feelings are always valid. Sometimes in my therapy sessions, I preface by saying "I don't know if I should feel this way, but ..." and my therapist will always reply that my feelings are my feelings, and that my feelings are always valid. She recommended I take a brief moment to try to understand why I'm feeling this way, but not to linger too much on negative thoughts and feelings.

Thoughts aren't facts. This is connected to the first point. Just because I feel a certain way about something, or I'm thinking about something through a certain perspective, it doesn't mean that it's a fact.

Things are not always connected, nor are they always about you. For example, my roommate has been closing her doors (even bathroom) all the way when she leaves the house. It might sound weird, but it wasn't something she used to do. So I thought maybe she was being passive-aggressive towards me. Then I realized that it's to literally hide her room because inside was a complete mess: trash everywhere, clothes on the floor, etc. It's very easy to attempt a logical rational behind why people behave certain ways or why something has happened to you, but sometimes it's literally not about you.

Learn to let the little things go. Be chill. This is something I've realized internally before, but I can have a tendency to overthink things or to be fixated on certain things. But it honestly does no good to be like this. I'm better about this now but need to still work on learning to let the little things go. Like my therapist said, I need to pick my battles and if I'm fixating on every little single thing that's bothering me, I'm not using my resources wisely.

You don't need a reason to go to therapy. I know many people go because they're experiencing a lot of stress or anxiety. Or after a major event. But for me personally, I find it soothing to talk to a non-biased source about what's been going on during my week. It's nice to see her perspective but also to feel like I'm prioritizing my mental health. I know people may have friends and family members to talk about issues but there's something about talking to a third-party who truly doesn't judge and who won't gossip that I really enjoy!

[myberkeleyadventure]

"Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Mark Twain

If there was one piece of advice I could give my younger self, I would probably say this: Focus on your own journey, and stop comparing it with other people's journeys.

I always heard how software engineers could make 6 figures easily upon graduation. Doctors are highly esteemed and select specialties make money out of the wazoo. If you don't want to go the doctor route, PAs also have the potential to make amazing money.

It took me awhile to understand how each of us have different strengths and weaknesses. And it's really not great to idolize certain professions without understanding/recognizing the work that goes behind it.

For example: There's the stereotype that software engineers have "easy" jobs and the tech industry seems so relaxed and chill. "All" they do is code and they get paid a crazy amount of money. I used to admire them and honestly, was jealous of them -- I wish I could earn that much! But the reality is, I've taken a few coding classes and truthfully, all of the classes were really difficult for me and I was stressed most of the time. I've come to the conclusion that coding and programming isn't for me, or at least certainly not what I'd want to do for a living!

Another example: Doctors are incredibly hardworking. You have to go through YEARS of education and training to be a doctor. And honestly, I can't handle that.

Recognizing the work behind each profession makes me realize how I wouldn't be a great fit in those professions and makes me shift my mindset from "WOW! I'm jealous of that profession and wish I could make that much money!" to "Wow! I know I wouldn't be happy in that position, but I recognize the work that it takes to get there and that's admirable! Good for them!"

Instead of idolizing certain professions, we should admire when people pursue what they're passionate about -- whether that's software engineering, being a doctor, working as a city planner, etc. Recognize that certain individuals are better suited for certain professions over others. Certainly, not everyone is suited to be a doctor, engineer, lawyer, etc.

Life is really about finding what your strengths and weaknesses are. When my friends are off pursuing their passions (or still trying to figure it out!), I'm genuinely happy for them. I used to secretly (in my head) compare salaries, benefits, job growth, etc. But it's so unhealthy to have that competitive mindset. Is there even one job that is clearly the #1 option for everyone? Of course not!

All you can do in life is find what your passion is, pursue it, and if you're so lucky to have your job and passion line together, oh man - that's the dream!

[myberkeleyadventure]

Rant: Roommate

I've been trying very hard not to write down a list of things I dislike about my roommate because then it will make it seem very... concrete and final. But I have to let it out.

She often has her meetings and phone calls on speakerphone. When this is in the common spaces of the apartment, I find it to be quite rude. I generally don't mind when she has her calls on speakerphone/loud music in her room because that's her personal space. Even when she has her music at maximum volume in her room, I try not to say anything. Instead, I just close my door all the way and use my noise-cancelling headphones and I think she gets the message.

She's not good about washing her dishes and cleaning up after herself. Early on, we established two rules: wash dishes the same day you use them & do not have dirty dishes laying around the house. She followed this rule initially but started breaking it a few weeks ago.

She eats my food, even when I told her not to. When we first moved into the apartment, we said food was communal. After a while of her eating my food and me not eating hers (I don't like her food and I buy what I like to personally eat), I told her I didn't want my meat, produce, and eggs to be communal anymore (I was too scared to give a blanket statement but I should have) and if she needed to use something, please ask. She agreed. But lo and behold, she continued to use my food. Now, when I grocery shop, I meal prep the same day. I guess it's been helpful in making me be intentional about my meals.

She's ditzy and disorganized. I typically wouldn't care if someone's personality was ditzy... until it starts affecting me. She's locked herself out on the balcony, forgotten her apartment keys, came late to our dinners and/or cancelled last minute, forgotten about the no-communal-food policy, etc.

The thing is, it's difficult to "hate" her because I know she has good intentions and I genuinely do think she is just very ... ditzy. However, ditzy or not, the result is the same: I don't feel respected or comfortable in my living space. I try not to let her occupy too much of my mental energy though so hopefully this is the last post I have about her on my blog.

What I've learned during this process is that:

Communication is important. This should be the first step in trying to resolve things.

... However, when you communicate to your housemate your requests, and she ignores it/is too ditzy to remember.... the only thing you can do now is to change your own behavior. I now use noise-cancelling headphones to reduce the noise I hear from her, encourage the use of dishwasher so that we don't have dirty dishes for days, meal prep the same day I buy groceries so she can't use up my groceries, and generally try to let things go and not hold a grudge...

Sigh.

[myberkeleyadventure]

Grad School Life Update: 1.25 years in. | Love, School, Work, and Home

Alright, so it's halfway through my Fall quarter of my second/last year of this Master's program. I am graduating next June. Thought I'd do a little update of how life has been going!

LOVE: I have a boyfriend! Remember all of my mopey, pessimistic posts from years ago? Haha! So far, this relationship is awesome! Very fresh but very much loving it. For those of you who are (jokingly) complaining about being perpetually single, my three quick tips for you are:

1. Get out more. Go to more social events, classes, etc. The more you go to more events, the more likely you'll meet cool people. (Doesn't even have to be a partner, but you can meet friends!)

2. When you're at the events... socialize! Mingle! Grab their social media accounts! There's no point in going to events if you're not going to socialize and/or grab the cool people's social media accounts.

3. Keep your personality attractive. This is a big one, but what I mean is: stay humble, keep up your good work ethic, don't take things too seriously (don't be petty and keep grudges), and be confident. Haven't you ever come across a SUPER attractive person and realize their personality was absolute shit? Yeah, exactly. Work on yourself before you jump into a relationship. This is 💯% true.

SCHOOL: Classes are going well! Just trying to hammer out all of my Master's program requirements. I'm basically trying to do the bare minimum because I want all of my free time to be spent exploring the city and enjoying life before I have to work until I'm 65.... 👀

WORK: Got a full-time job offer! This is the same company I interned at but surprisingly, I actually had to go through two additional rounds of interviews because I wanted to work at a different office that I was interning at. I'm relieved I got this offer (which I accepted) because this means I don't have to worry about this anymore.

HOME: Apartment living is overall going well! Truthfully, my housemate eats my groceries more than I'd like, she's clingier than I'd want, and she's messier than I'd prefer... but compared to my last roommate situation, this is a waaaay better living situation. I also know I have the tendency to overthink and OVERBLOW situations so I'm trying to keep my cool here. If I'm being 100% honest, I think the main reason I find her "annoying" (this is much too strong of a word) is because I'm trying to have very separate boundaries with her because of my last housemate experience. BUT my housemate seems to want to be 100% besties with me, which I'm not down for. So there's a bit of weirdness where she always wants to hang out and talk about her day and asks me about mine, and I'm more like "Welp, I just want to relax at home. I have other friends I can talk to about this stuff." She is definitely more extroverted than me.

OVERALL: Life is going awesome for me and I'm so grateful.

[myberkeleyadventure]

5 Tips for Mental Health!

Let go. Let go of the past, any resentment you have, any “what ifs” you have. Anything. Live in the present and don’t spend so much time thinking about the past. I’ve wasted a lot of time overthinking about the past and it was just so ... unnecessary. Do I really think my ex gave me a second thought after we ended things? Not really, and definitely not to the extent that I analyzed our relationship for his flaws! Sometimes, overthinking and analyzing the past re-opens your wounds and you get hurt again (and again... and again...)

Stop comparing. There will always be someone better than you but also someone worse than you. Comparing is a fruitless endeavor! If you must compare, do it for the purpose of bettering yourself. Like “Wow, I love Shay Mitchell’s make-up. She’s so pretty. What products or makeup techniques does she use, so I can try on myself?” or “This girl got a full-ride scholarship. What does she have for experience? Maybe one of her experiences is something that would be relevant for me and can help my professional career.” Truthfully, I’ve learned that each person in my grad program has something that obviously shined in the eyes of admissions committee and got them in here. It may not be obvious to me as an outsider, but I can’t keep comparing. We’re all at the same school, aren’t we? And funding wise, too. I got a pretty good chunk of $ and I need to stop comparing!

Stop surrounding yourself in toxicity. If you have a relative who is toxic or is negative or you always feel DRAINED after your interaction with them repeatedly, then that’s a sign they need to be O U T of your lives (or realistically, reduced interactions). Same with friends. Same with coworkers. This is probably the most important part of this whole “bettering yourself” vibe. How can you get better if the people around you constantly drag you down? For the people who you can’t just cut off contact, I reduce contact. I stop sharing anything that’s particularly important to them. (God knows I have an older sister who uses anything and everything I say to her as ammunition in arguments.) I share boring stuff only. Safe stuff. Small talk. Act cordial but not BFFs. Stonewall them. Minimal contact. They might say you’re cold and standoffish, but who the fuck cares? Mental health matters and you don’t need to share every single thing with every single person in your lives. I’ve learned it’s best to confide in only a couple people.

Make time for “you time.” If you’re busy at work or school, still try to carve out some time where the goal is just to relax you. Maybe grab a solo lunch with yourself at your favorite place, maybe binge on Netflix for a teeny bit, maybe treat yourself to a spa day. Whatever relaxes you - you deserve it!  If I’m really stressed out, my body will show it. I will breakout on my face. I get easily irritated. I will have dark bags under my eyes. I have to remind myself that I need to take deep breaths and not to let my body “feel” stressed because I don’t want my body to “show” signs of stress. Because god knows it takes forever (seemingly) for a pimple to clear up! And even longer if I pick at it and it scars... I reason with myself, “Do I want to have a breakout on my face that might last longer than my stress freak-out period?!” I think not!

Learn what your triggers are and try to remedy it. For example, one of my triggers to anxiety is feeling overwhelmed with my workload. But if I get better at planning my workload and being honest and transparent with myself, it eases my mind. I recently bought a Passion Planner that is coming tomorrow!

Mental health is a very important thing. PLEASE take active steps to make sure you feel okay! What are your tips for ensuring good mental health?

[myberkeleyadventure]

Meet the family! /s

Mom: Highly narcissistic, classic asian tiger mom, never satisfied with anything. Always pushes siblings and myself more and more. Has little empathy for others. Has a loud shrieking voice. Very temperamental. Extremely money-oriented to the point that she will throw a tantrum if she sees us buying take-out. Has allowed our dog to escape the backyard multiple times. Manipulative. Does not respect privacy or medicine. Thinks “drinking water” can clear up autoimmune disorders. Verbally and physically abusive.

Dad: Extremely passive and uncommunicative. Slightly sexist attitudes, expecting females to cook, clean, and take care of him, but has improved a lot. Is not handy with repairs or fixes and usually ends up doing a half-assed job of it and makes the home lose value (i.e. our bathroom cabinets have ugly nails seen from the exterior, our shower faucets have broken pressure after he tried to fix the leaky aspect, our sink always floods every week because he won’t admit we need a plumber, etc). Also can be verbally and physically abusive but not nearly to extent of mom. Insecure about money. Very simple-minded. 

Older sister: Successful but a mini version of “Mom”. Can be very temperamental, moody, and hot and cold. Currently married and expecting their firstborn this month. Was usually the main recipient of my parent’s abuse growing up and ironically (or for that reason?), tries to forget the harmful past of our parents and family dynamic and selectively remembers the “good” parts only. Trying too hard to “revitalize” our asian traditions without any reciprocity from the family, who is disinterested and tbh should not be kept together for long periods because we’re toxic to each other. Seemingly has little connections/friends and seems lonely, a bit co-dependent on other people’s interactions.

Younger sister: Lazy, unambitious, needs her hand held for everything. Extremely co-dependent. The more artistic, creative sibling of the three of us. Likely has mild depression. Needs to mature more, too sheltered. After my older sister left, my younger sister became the main recipient of my parents’ abuse. Both sisters are fiery and hot-tempered, and clash with parents.

Me: Suffers from anxiety, and as a result often detaches myself from most situations and most people. Commitment-phobic because of parents’ relationship, but once attached to someone, likes the safety and security. Would rather be single than be in the wrong relationship (EXHIBIT A: MY PARENTS’ RELATIONSHIP). Yet ironically would stupidly go back to my exes than starting fresh. Have become more private about my life, which has helped my anxiety a LOT (also see “detached”). Too prideful of accomplishments, like school names and internships, like a dumb work rat in this cog of a machine. Can be petty and hold grudges, which is not great.

[myberkeleyadventure]

I am sick of all this fighting.

Hey parents,

It’s not healthy to fight so often. And it’s even worse to bring your children into the fight. 

K, thanks. Bye.

But in all seriousness, if two people are continually fighting about the SAME topic, something has got to change. Obviously something’s not working. 

I hate when my parents fight because: 

It’s not just a fight between them. Oh, no no. The entire house will feel the effects. My mom will act passive aggressive and slam doors. My dad will sulk and roll his eyes at my mom. They are both in bad moods that affect everyone. Everyone is walking on eggshells!

Even worse is when they TRY TO BRING US INTO THEIR FIGHT. Hey man, this is not my fight and I don’t have the energy to be involved in this. I hate when my dad goes, “Ugh do you see what your mom is doing? Why does she think all of this money is hers to spend?” I used to sit politely and squirm, but now that I’m older, I tell my dad, “Look. I’m not involved in this argument. Please do not involve me. I don’t know why she does what she does -- ask her yourself --, and I don’t have time or energy or the mental bandwidth to be involved.” I sometimes feel bad for saying that -- after all, I think my dad is just trying to vent (especially since it��s COVID right now so he can’t exactly go out with his friends). But um hello, I’m the CHILD. This is not healthy. Do not put me in between this.

I think I’ve gotten better with putting boundaries and prioritizing my mental health. I am not a listening ear to everyone. I am not responsible for taking care of everyone’s issues. Dealing with my OWN issues is already enough as it is.

Sigh. If anything, I guess my parents are perfect examples of what I should NOT do when I have my own kids.