#n then i gave up because the dread i feel when i hear the perfect breaking noise isn't worth it-

[puppys-rhythm-heaven]

can't wait for when rhythm heaven 5 eventually comes out n i have like. who knows how many new games to memorize the timing for-

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 16: Not Myself

Synopsis:  Y/n tries to make today the best it can possibly be…Even if that means pretending to be okay with it. Meanwhile, the boys encounter a very familiar chimera ant. But what's that???? Oh no! 😱😱😱 Could it be???? Childhood trauma 🫣

Silence.

It was quiet when Gon returned to the small home. Too quiet for his liking. He expected to hear you and Killua talking. To come back to your usual banter before you went on your date with Palm. But there was nothing from either of you.

He walked in further. A faint mumbling from your room at last reaching his ears. Maybe the two of you were in there? However it didn't seem likely as he approached your door. He couldn't sense Killua's presence inside with you. Then all at once you'd gone quiet.

Like you just now realized he was here.

Gon was by no means an idiot. Sure he had his moments, but that didn’t make him completely oblivious. Something had happened. Something had been happening judging by the way Killua was distancing himself from you and Gon. Never saying much anymore. Instead, observing from afar.

And now something was happening with you. As if your muttering hadn't already been an indication.

He gave a few knocks on your door before calling your name.

“Y/n!”

He could hear you let out a sigh before responding.

“You can come in.”

You were sitting on your bed when he walked in. The room being much neater than Palm had left it. But the room wasn't the only thing that was different. Somehow, you seemed less drained. Getting up and taking your clothes with a certain vigor that wasn't there before. 

Gon could tell immediately that something was off with you. You'd been dreading going on this date all morning, and now you seemed enthusiastic about it. Moving about with energy he'd never seen you have before.

“You were quick, you know that?” You said, giving him a pat to the head that was almost robotic. Not something you'd done out of affection like earlier, but because you simply had to.

Why were you treating him like that? Like he really was a little kid. The gentle inflection in your voice making him worry. The best way to describe it was a forced cheeriness. Except he had trouble telling if it really was forced. 

Then you'd flashed him a smile, but it wasn't yours. It felt fake. Practiced. Artificial from how perfect it looked. How wide and toothy it was. A small noticeable gap in the middle. Had that always been there? 

Your smiles, your real ones were always crooked. Almost to the point of being cruel. And they were small. Never stretching out across your entire face. 

But this one looked charismatic. Devoid of the usual tiredness you held. To someone who didn't know you, it would feel welcoming. Charming. But to someone like Gon who'd spent the better half of a year with you, it was anything but. Like a switch had flipped.

“Thank you so much, munchkin.” And now that he was hearing it again, your tone…. It was boisterous. 

This was not you.

It couldn't be.

You who was always tired, always snarky, always comforting…Were now upbeat and detached. What had happened in the 30 minute span he'd been gone? 

“You're acting off.” He voiced his concerns at last. But instead of reassuring him, you just brushed it off like nothing.

“Am I? I feel fine.”

A brief squeeze to his shoulder before you spoke again.

“Don't stress yourself out over nothing, okay?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” He didn't believe you for a second. 

You weren't fine yesterday when you came home. You were on edge. More irritable than usual with Palm’s presence. And now you were acting like this. This was not nothing. Maybe the stress from the Chimera Ants had finally broken you? Maybe it was something else? 

Maybe it was someone else?

“Never better. Now give me a few minutes to change and we'll be on our way.” Again came that smile as you ushered him out. The one that was the complete opposite of yours.

You'd closed the door shut once he was out. It was like you were hiding from him. Scared to be around for more than a few minutes. And before he could try to figure out what it meant, he was face to face with Killua.

“Oh, you're back.” His voice coming out scratchy.

Then there were his eyes, puffy and slightly bloodshot. He'd been crying. Gon wanted to question him. Ask him what was wrong. But he had a feeling it wasn't the right time. You were leaving in 10 minutes. If he asked now, Killua would probably shut down at an interruption. And then he'd refuse for it to be brought up again. 

He'd wait until you left to get to the bottom of this. But he knew, he was certain he knew what the reason was.

Something had happened between the two of you. 

And a fight was the most likely answer.

—-------------------

You weren't used to this anymore. Being so smiley and upbeat just because. Acting like you had it all figured out. And maybe you did when you were 7. There'd only ever been one goal at the time. One purpose. But you also had a home. People to connect with. 

Maybe that was why you were so damn happy. 

You didn't have to worry about looking over your shoulder. You didn't have to worry about food. You didn't have to worry about taking care of others. All you had to do was make the head of your clan happy. Appease him in exchange for everything else. 

But now you had nothing. You weren't wanted anymore. Maybe you never really were. Your life for the past twenty something years revolved around your usefulness. What you could offer others in exchange for normalcy. And the revelation had pushed you past your limit.

It left you feeling numb. You simply didn't care anymore. Whatever happened to you after this, it didn't matter. The brief concern from Gon didn't matter. The regret littering Killua's aura didn't matter. 

They wouldn't have to ‘worry’ about you ever again. So you plastered on a smile you'd long overgrown. A tone that was honeyed and eccentric. Movements that weren't slowed with exhaustion.

It felt like you were disassociating with every step you took. The person you were trying to portray had died 13 years ago with their sister. All that was left now was a husk. 

A coward, a disgrace, a burden. 

Something so pitiful and useless, yet it longed for a reason to keep going. A life worth living with people worth living for. And for a moment, it had that. For a brief moment, you had that. 

You were supposed to enjoy today. Make it worth it before you sought out ‘Father.’ But you were just floating by. Living because you had to. Treating it more like a chore than one last hurrah. 

Tired. You were so unbelievably tired. You longed for rest. And if it happened to be permanent, then that wouldn't be so bad.

You shouldn't think like that. No, you had to get through today first. 

The boys had wanted to see you off. Or well, Gon had wanted to see you off and Killua followed him. The boy in green seemingly oblivious to the other’s melancholy state. Had Killua not told him about the fight? 

A small part of you wanted to know why. But you reminded yourself it wasn't your concern. Not anymore. Whatever they chose to do next, it was no longer your responsibility.

A call of your name snapped you from your thoughts.

“Over here!” The voice sounded again.

You turned your head and saw what had to be the prettiest woman you've ever seen. Long brown hair with amethyst colored eyes. A black and pale-yellow dress with stockings to match. She waited for your response with a bashful expression. 

“Huh? I'm sorry, who are…” the words dying on your tongue as the realization came.

No way.

No fricken way!

But your eyes were never wrong. 

The woman in front of you was none other than Palm. They’re auras being an exact match. The only difference was that it was less intense than before.

You could feel your cheeks warm as she came closer. The heat rising to your ears at the small laugh she gave. This was really her? You were by no means vain, or at least you tried not to be. But you couldn't help getting flustered by the beautiful woman in front of you. Your facade momentarily slipping away.

“P-Palm?” You stuttered. Still unbelieving that she was the one in front of you. You could sense the discomfort steadily rise from her aura.

“Do I look strange to you?” She seemed to be second guessing herself.

It took you all but a second to gather your thoughts. Your radiant front returning.

“Strange? Not at all. If I'm being honest, you're absolutely breathtaking. My heart can't stop beating.”

But it truly did beat for someone else entirely. 

“Oh no, please stop it. You're being far too loud! It's just so embarrassing!” Palm squealed, hiding behind her hands. 

You gently coaxed them away from her face. Offering a smile that felt a little more genuine.

“Hey, don't hide away from me. I'm supposed to be your date, remember? And you're not the only one who's all dressed up.” 

Your cooing tone making butterflies erupt in her stomach. For the first time that day, she took a real good look at you. You'd been dressed a little more formal than she was. Wearing a nice button up with a pair of black slacks. Her previous worry replaced by a feeling of fondness at your effort. Then you'd extended your arm forward, offering a small bouquet of roses.

“These are for you, by the way.” You said. And her heart melted right then and there.

“Ooh, you're being too sweet!”

The interaction being observed by both boys with scrutiny. It looked like you and Palm were going to get along just fine. And it was bittersweet for the small assassin, who didn't expect you to be so radiant after your fight. 

A part of him expected to see you upset. You sure as hell sounded like it earlier. But another told him that this was probably for the best. He'd hurt you enough this morning. Said things he could never take back. And now it was time to let you go. Who was he to stand in your way after what he'd done?

But the boy in green had a different perspective. 

He wanted to be happy for you. He wanted to feel relieved that you and Palm would hit it off. But it wasn't how things were supposed to be. You and Kite liked each other. 

You and him were supposed to end up together, right? 

It'd taken him and Killua a while to get used to the idea, but Kite was someone who'd earned both of their trusts. Who'd earned their respect. And the way he'd stepped up when you were at your lowest, it meant something. 

It showed that he really did care about you, and that you were finally comfortable enough to let down your guard.

You two just fit together in a way that felt too special for words. 

But the way you looked at Palm said otherwise. Your eyes so bright with a smile so big. You looked more at ease than you had with Kite. 

Then again, you hadn't been acting like yourself today.

Gon wasn't selfish enough to believe just because you and Kite had liked each other, you couldn't find anybody else. That you couldn't move on. 

But you and Palm didn't fit quite right together.

He and Killua didn't know her. They didn't trust her or know anything about her intentions. In fact, he'd almost been the one forced on this date. She'd also threatened the both of them several times. He didn't feel comfortable with you going out with somebody like that. 

When Kite had put up with so much to keep them safe.

He didn't like the thought of leaving you by yourself with her, but you were always careful. And he needed to find out what was going on with you and Killua. So he let you go, reminding himself that this was just one date. This was a favor, and you wouldn't be going on another one with her.

“We'll leave you to it. Have fun Y/n!” He encouraged before tugging Killua away to talk. Palm leading you away in the other direction.

He was immediately met with resistance from the small assassin. Killua pulling back and trying to turn his head to see you. Watching almost frantically as your figure shrunk smaller and smaller out of sight.

“We can just let Palm drag them away! You know Y/n doesn't fight. We need to keep an eye on them just in case.” He argued. Trying to justify following you around. 

Grasping at straws because if you were being serious this morning, it'd be the last time he ever saw you. The last time they ever got to see you happy.

‘You can't even fight anyways. You'd just continue to be a burden.’ The memory of what he said hitting him like a truck.

You weren't a burden. He wasn't doing this because you were. He just wanted to make sure your date went perfectly, so he could let you go with the knowledge that today had been your best. 

“They're getting away. We have to-” but Gon stopped him before he could finish.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

The question catching him completely off guard. His eyes widening as he tried to come up with something to say.

“What? Crying? Maybe you were just seeing things.” It was a very flimsy excuse even Killua didn't buy.

“Killua, you can't lie to me. We've been best friends for over a year. I don't need you to tell me you're upset to know.” And in Gon's eyes was an unshakable resolve. 

One that was saying, ‘it’ll be okay.’ That it was okay to trust him. But Killua was still too afraid to tell him everything. He wouldn't look at him with that same reassurance if he did.

“What happened while I was gone?” Gon asked.

Killua shook his head. His eyes brimming with a familiar wetness from this morning. 

“I can't say…. You'll hate me.” 

“I could never hate you. I promise.” Gon assured. Wrapping his arm around him in a side hug. Remembering what you said about promises and taking it with stride.

“You mean it? You won't leave if I tell you?” Because if you left today and Gon followed, he'd have nothing. All because he'd blamed you for everything.

“I swear.”

He took a deep breath before finally explaining everything.

“...Me and Y/n got into a fight this morning. And-and I told them I never wanted to see them again.” But he'd said a little more than that. Worse than that. 

‘I hate you.’

“I didn't mean it. But just look at them. They look so happy. Like it's a relief to never see us again.” You were happier without them. 

“I messed up….And I don't think I can fix it this time.” He admitted. Leaning into Gon and finally crying. Letting go of everything he'd kept bottled up today. 

“What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say when this is the happiest I've ever seen them?” 

“You say you're sorry.” Gon said, as if it was a matter of fact.

“What?”

“You apologize to Y/n. I won't argue that they seem happy, but something about it feels forced. Like they're pretending. So maybe they feel just as upset as you do. Maybe you’ve been too lost in your thoughts to not notice it. But nothing will get better unless you two talk about it. You know that right?”

No, he was wrong about that. Things would get better for Gon if he apologized. But for Killua, he'd already made his bed. When the month was over, he'd be gone. Bisky’s words reminding him that he was only burdening Gon by staying. And that was why he was in this mess now. Blaming you for that. He'd made it your fault. 

“It won't fix anything.” He said at last. He couldn't take back anything he'd said. He couldn't possibly make you love him again with everything he said and accused you of.

But Gon's persistence would win in the end. And although he didn't know it yet, it would be something Killua was eternally grateful for.

“Just try. For me, try.” When it came to Gon, he'd do just about anything.

“Okay. I'll try.”

—------------

How long had it been already? Maybe four hours. Were dates usually supposed to be this long? Were you supposed to be out the entire day? You didn't know, or rather you didn't care to ask.

If your date lasted a little longer, then that wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, you were more drained than usual. Using so much energy to look your absolute best. Expending yourself beyond the usual limit despite your tired mind’s protest. 

But so far, nobody except you knew the depths of your physical strain. You were always good at hiding how you really felt. Being taught emotions were a weakness from your former clan. Pitty, fear, burnout, and the like. All of it wasn't needed, with the exception of your determination to persevere.

You were currently at a restaurant with Palm. Nodding along enthusiastically as she told a story about her and Knov -her mentor. You could see her aura swell with unwavering affection when she spoke about him. There was respect there, yes, but it was mostly love. Infatuation probably fit a little better. 

And it had you thinking about why she was on a date with you when she seemed to love him so much. Then again, she talked about him like he was a light who shouldn't be dimmed by someone like her. Like he was too perfect to even approach. 

Maybe it humanized her a little bit. Letting you see her as a person with feelings rather than an unstable psycho. Because, despite your differences, you could understand her sentiment. Her reasoning with Knov. 

And why, you may ask?

Because it felt similar to yours with Kite. It wasn't quite the same, but it didn't have to be to relate to each other. You both felt the object of your affections couldn't possibly have feelings for people like you. It had led you to a realization though.

Fear of rejection didn't mean you shouldn't at least try.

You two should be here with completely different people. You shouldn't have to go on a date to feel wanted by somebody else. To seek validation from others. Although you'd been forced on this date, but that's besides the point. 

You knew how you felt and she knew how she felt.

You two weren't right for each other. So you asked-

“If Knov gave you a chance, would you take it?” 

You could feel her shock. Then her confusion. Then her embarrassment.

“I…I think I would. But he'd never, and anyways, I'm here with you. Let's just focus on each other for now, okay?” 

You could tell she was trying to be nice. It let you know she at least cared on some level about your (non-existent) feelings. You didn't mind all that much. And it gave you an out of she tried to ask for a second date.

Oh right.

There'd be no second date anyways.

Which reminded you- the boys had been following you all day. You could never mistake their auras, no matter how faint they made them. They were seated three tables behind you. Holding up their menus every time you turned around so you wouldn't see them. Something that normally would have a real smile tugging on your lips. 

But they didn't want you anymore.

They didn't need you anymore.

Why they couldn't just make this easier and leave you alone, you didn't know. Perhaps they wanted to make sure you actually went through with it. Or perhaps Gon wanted to make sure you were safe and Killua followed him. You still had no idea if he knew what happened or not. You had to remind yourself again that it was none of your business anymore.

So you continued on like nothing was happening. Giving Palm your full attention and then some. Anything to avoid the weight of your situation a little longer.

—------------------

A laugh. Then a compliment. And finally a smile. The way you were speaking with so much energy. It wasn't you. Gon was right, you felt off. Then again, all of it could've been genuine.

It looked like a weight was lifted from your shoulders from Killua's perspective. You were happy you were leaving. Unfazed from the argument. 

And it hurt. 

It hurt to see you were doing better than ever without them. The circles around your eyes ten times lighter. He'd never known you to be so talkative. So in your element around others.

Had they ruined your life by persuading you to stay? You were never like this with them. Had you always been this well off without the duo?

So full of life?

Would you even want an apology? Or would you say ‘Thank you, I can finally move on with my life!’ Treat the argument like a blessing in disguise? 

He just might break if that was the case. 

—--------------------------------

You'd been everywhere. A caffe, a park, an ice cream parlor. Practically going sightseeing in this city. Currently, you and Palm were walking through an aquarium. It was probably the first activity that completely wiped off your wide grin. Replacing your indifference with awe. 

You'd heard about these things from one of your older peers. The way they described it didn't do justice to what you were seeing now. You'd always wanted to go, but between looking over your shoulder and being completely broke, you never had the opportunity. 

Your eyes trailed after a sea turtle. Watching it zoom by and upwards. A small school of minnows following suit. You don't know when it happened, but your eyes had focused solely on the pane of glass that separated you from the marine life. 

You were used to seeing everybody's emotions. To sensing their intensity. From searing anger to the brightest joy. But you'd never seen anything like this. Pure content from every creature swimming by. A wave of calm undisturbed by fear or malice. 

You focused on people because you had to. You needed to know their intentions for your safety. You never bothered with animals. You weren't scared of them and they weren't dangerous unlike your own kin. You just never saw the purpose in doing it.

But now you did. It was a treat for your eyes and a blessing to your overworked senses. You don't remember the last time you felt this peaceful. If you were to be killed right now, you wouldn't have any complaints or regrets. You'd die in this blissful state without worries.

You barely registered the feeling of Palm resting her head on your shoulder. 

“It's beautiful, isn't it?” She whispered.

And all of a sudden, you weren't pretending anymore. 

“Yeah. This is always what I imagined I'd get to see with my eyes. The best in what the world has to offer. The beauty of life as a whole…But it's not all like this.”

Maybe if it was, you'd have lived a better life. You would've had a family filled with love and support. Kari would still be here with you.

“What do you mean?” Palm asked. 

Despite the bittersweet feeling in your chest, the wide smile on your face became more genuine. Softer.

“Humor me for a bit,” you responded before making goggles with your hands. Summoning your nen into them to create your spyglass.

“This is how I see the world.”

You placed your hands over her eyes and watched as the shock settled in. She took in every detail with wonder. The complete serenity radiating off of each creature. 

“You really see like this?”

“Most of the time. Some days I get overwhelmed and shut off my nen.” You explained before pulling your hands back, realizing you were a lot closer than you initially thought.

A bright hue overtaking her face, to which you responded by clearing your throat.

“We've still got a bunch of exhibits to visit. C'mon, after this I have a surprise for you. We won't get a chance to see it if we're late.” 

You offered her your hand once again. And to your surprise, she took it without hesitation.

—---------------

It was nearing the end of the day by the time you reached your destination. The sun barely beginning its descent as the two of you sat in a small clearing by the edge of a lake. To your shock, the boys were still following you. You figured they would have left you alone by now. So you decided, for the sake of your sanity, to completely dim your senses until you couldn't feel them anymore. 

You'd be vulnerable, but you supposed it didn't matter now that your day was drawing to a close. Whatever happened now, you'd be okay with. Come what may, you had no regrets. Or did you.

“Is there a specific reason you brought me here, or did you want to watch the sunset together?” Palm asked, her tone slightly teasing. 

You returned it with another wide smile. Trying your best not to show the strain that came with it.

“Well you see, I wanted to be a hunter once.” The words were almost painful on your tongue. Something you hadn't said out loud since you were seven.

“I knew an old man who was probably the closest I got to having a father. He was a real stinker though. A grouchy old codger. Buuuut he told me that fire flies were one of the most fascinating creatures on earth. Do you know why?”

She shook her head no.

Funny how you could ramble on now that your life has lost meaning. 

“For starters, they're bioluminescent. And I don't know about you, but any creature that can produce it's own light is cool in my book. Second, is the reason why they glow. Do you know that one?”

Again she shook her head. And before you had time to be embarrassed about what you were going to say, you went for it.

“They glow to attract mates.”

The sun had set perfectly over the horizon as if right on cue. Not even a second later had little specks of light descended down. Circling around the tall oak tree that was centered on the lake before a few made their way over. 

“I guess you could say love is in the air.” Ew, since when did you become all cheesy? 

You stood up, offering her your hand and pulling Palm to her feet. 

“Are you ready for your surprise?”

—---------------------

“How much farther are they gonna go?” Killua complained. 

The two of them had been following you all day and still your date wasn't over. From that small diner, to the aquarium, and now a forest. At this rate, he wouldn't get a chance to try and make things right until sundown. You and Palm couldn't possibly have that much to talk about. Nothing that should've kept you away the entire day.

“I don't know…But maybe it's time we stop following them around?” Gon suggested. 

And once again Killua was grasping for straws.

“I…Not yet. The day's not over yet. Anything could happen. And don't you think it's strange Y/n hasn't sensed us yet?” It was probably his most valid point of the day.

It didn't make it any less true though. If you hadn't noticed them following you, then there was a lot more you wouldn't notice. Or worse, what if you'd shut off your nen? You'd be completely open to an attack.

“Maybe they did and just let us tag along? When have you ever known Y/n to let their guard down?” Gon countered.

He knew how much making up to you meant to Killua. He knew how badly he wanted to reconcile with you. But maybe it was best to wait for you to come back later, instead of chasing you around. You could take care of yourself perfectly fine, and deep down Killua knew that. Gon knew that he knew that. Which is why he couldn't let him keep making excuses to stay. 

You two would get a chance to talk, of that he was sure. 

“I don't know. But I just don't feel right leaving them.” The small assassin said at last. 

“Look,” Gon directed towards the clearing you and Palm were in. The two of you sitting down and talking.

“They'll be okay.”

It was then that the weight of the situation hit him. 

What was he doing? Following you around like a little kid. You deserved your privacy. He'd already ruined your piece of mind.

'Stay away from both of us. You'd only continue to be a burden.'

It was funny in a way. He'd called you a burden, yet here he was like some sorta stalker, waiting for the opportunity to approach you. Bringing Gon along because he just couldn't leave you alone. Unable to tell him the truth about what happened. Why saying sorry wouldn't fix everything.

So focused on staying in both of your lives that he somehow managed to push the both of you out.

He let out a sigh before speaking.

“You're right. Let's leave them be. I'll get a chance to talk to them later.” He gave a tired smile that mimicked yours. 

It was then Gon pulled him into a real hug. Giving his back a small pat.

“It'll be okay. For now, let's go home.”

Home.

Except it wouldn't feel like one without you there. 

The two of them started their trek back. Much slower and a little more tired than when they'd been following you. The sun just barely setting before Killua sensed it.

The unmistakable sensation of bloodlust. Which meant… A chimera ant was near. Maybe it had already passed through? Then again, the feeling was only growing stronger. 

Damn.

Should they warn you?

No.

Palm would go berserk if they interrupted her date.

Damnit.

“Killua? Is something wrong?” Gon asked.

That's right. Gon wasn't able to sense the ant whatsoever. He wouldn't be able to fight either. Not without risking his life, and Killua promised himself that he would protect Gon no matter what.

“There's a Chimera Ant nearby. Damnit, and I can't let you wander off without knowing where it is.”

“I can defend myself. All the ants that came before weren't a problem. This one shouldn't be either.” Gon protested. 

But Killua just couldn't risk it. So much had already gone wrong.

“Just let me protect you.” His fist clenching self-consciously.

“Let me do one thing right today.” 

And for the first time in awhile, there was a strong resolve in his eyes. Burning with determination.

“Okay, but I won't run away. No matter what, we stick together.” Gon relented.

Killua gave a nod. Just in time for a figure to emerge from the underbrush. One they'd seen before, to their surprise.

It was the rabbit ant. The very same whose arm you'd broken back at the NGL. The one you'd shattered to protect Gon. And was that- Damn! A murky aura surrounded it. One that was practiced.

It had managed to learn nen.

“I thought I smelled humans,” It sneered.

The duo quickly took a stance, preparing for the ant to lunge. Instead, it only continued to taunt them.

“I remember you. That's right. You're those brats from before. It looks like your luck’s run out. Especially without that other human here to save you.”

Seems it also remembered you. Not good. 

“You two are about to get a taste of hell you're never gonna forget.” It continued with a smirk. Pointing at the two of them.

“Of course, it won't last forever you know?”

Killua could feel Gon tensing from besides him. If he lost his cool now, they'd be in serious trouble. There was no telling what that thing’s ability was. They both had to be careful. Size the enemy up before making any rash decisions.

‘Run. If you don't know what the enemy is capable of, keep your distance.’

“Where is that other friend of yours?” Rammot looked around before staring them down with a malicious grin.

“Once you tell me their location, I promise I'll make it quick. It can't be that far. They are your protector, aren't they?” 

Gon took a step forward, and Killua had to fight himself not to take one backwards.

“I'll just walk around making lots of noise and swinging your severed heads. And it won't be long before they come to find me. That's how humans are. Am I right?”

Wrong. You wouldn't come for them. Not anymore. 

But those words were Gon's breaking point.

“You won't lay a finger on them.”

Killua had never seen him this aggressive. He was sure without a doubt Gon would have given his life right then and there to keep you safe. After what happened with Kite, it made sense he'd be more protective of you. More pressured to make sure the same never happened with you.

But this was not the way to do it. And whereas Killua was flawed with overanalyzing combat, Gon was flawed with being too impulsive. Letting his emotions get the better of him. So the small assassin quickly extended his arm in front before he could make a move.

“Don't. Trust me on this, you don't stand a chance right now. Not without your nen.” He warned.

And before Gon could respond, the ant made a dash forward.

“Let's just test that theory, shall we!” 

—-------------------

You stood hand in hand with Palm. Guiding her to the edge of the lake. One foot on the surface of the water without disturbing it. And much to her shock, you didn't sink into the water. Then you took another step back, urging her forward.

“What are you-” She started. 

“Trust me. I won't let you fall.” You assured.

Walking on water. Quite the trick if you do say so yourself. You'd used your nen to form a small circle under you. Almost like a little shield to keep you afloat. And as long as Palm stayed in that same radius, she'd be fine. 

She gave you a hesitant look, inching towards you but not ready to take the full leap. You offered up another reassuring smile. Lightly brushing your thumbs over the back of her hands. A gesture that had her blushing.

“You promise you won't drop me?” She asked.

“Only a fool would drop a girl like you.” You responded with a teasing grin.

With that, she took her first step onto the lake. Staring back up in awe at you. Grabbing your forearm as you lead her deeper into the center. A flurry of fireflies surrounding you both.

You took that as a cue to use the rest of your nen. Conjuring up little instruments back on the shore. Two marionettes, one a jester and one a ballerina, began to play. A somber jazz melody filled the air causing Palm to look around.

“I thought some slow dancing would be a nice way to end the day.” You redirected. Guiding her arms to your shoulders as you placed yours on her waist. Swaying her softly to the music while she continued to look up at you flustered. 

“This is…I've never experienced something so special before.” Palm said at last.

You could feel affection swell in her aura, and you really didn't know how to take it. You were flattered but…Nevermind. You just had to finish the day. Get through this part and make it memorable. And then, you'd get the quiet you desperately craved.

The music had swelled to a part you remembered. It had been an oldie. But regardless, it remained something from the better part of your childhood. One of Kari’s favorites too.

“Stars shining bright above you

Night breezes seem to whisper I love you.

Birds singing in the sycamore tree

Dream a little dream of me.”

So you treated it like one of your favorites too. Leading while you danced. Every turn, every spin, every dip was precise in a way that felt effortless. The sun vanishing beyond the horizon and soon replaced by stars. The fireflies illuminated the lake, creating something that mimicked a fairytale. 

Beautiful and serene.

You wished you could've done more today. Enjoyed yourself more. God knows these would be the last memories you'd be creating. But you just weren't that person anymore. You'd changed. You would have liked to say for the better, but you were a fuck up everytime. Amounting to nothing no matter the outcome. You shouldn't have wasted the energy trying to keep up, but it's not like you needed it anymore.

You and Palm made your way back to the shore. All of your nen returning to you in a rush. Though you couldn't say you felt any better with it. 

Your day was over.

“Thank you for everything,” Palm started.

And so too was the pathetic life you lived.

“I really enjoyed myself.” She looked up at you with rosy cheeks.

“Me too.” You expected it to end there. Preparing to leave when what she did next caught you off guard.

Palm had leaned forward with her lips slightly puckered. Your reaction was slow, but just before she reached you, you'd leaned back. Placing your hands on her shoulders to keep her at a distance. Your face scorching hot as your mind raced a thousand miles a second.

She wanted to kiss you. And maybe you should have let her. It would have made the night all the more magical, right? But this wasn't just any kiss. It would have been your first. And you wanted your first kiss to be with….

An image of a certain silver haired hunter flashed in your mind. 

Your heart already belonged to someone else. Someone you weren't even sure was okay. Who you still had no idea about what happened to him. But you didn't mind. You'd wait forever if it meant there was a chance to see him again. Or you would have if your circumstances were different. 

All you could do now was hope he'd turn out okay. Continue living his life to the fullest. 

“I'm sorry. I'd really like to return your feelings, but I just can't. I…” I'm in love with a man who's probably dead. It didn't feel right to bring that up. Because saying it, meant you had to admit it to yourself. And you were the furthest thing ready from that.

“What? Why not?” You could feel her bloodlust start to spike. The feeling mixing with red hot anger.

So you brought up the only thing that could possibly get you off the hook.

“We're not right for each other, and you know that. You love someone else…and so do I. And that's okay. We had fun. We got to enjoy each other's company today. And that's okay, too. But just because today was great, that doesn't mean we're meant to be together.” Your words were cooing. Like you were explaining something to the boys.

Palm only stared at you in dead silence. Her anger retreating back.

“You told me about Knov earlier. It's clear he holds a very special place in your heart. Believe it or not, you hold one in his too. You're his only pupil. He practically lets you follow him around everywhere. And if he's willing to put up with you at your worst, that says something. Believe me, I would know a thing or two about that.” 

Because Kite had done the same. From your temper to your breakdown, he'd stayed. Maybe he liked you back after all.

“Don't force yourself to be satisfied with somebody else, when you could be happy with him.” 

You could feel her bloodlust simmer down until it fizzled out completely.

“...Do you really think…he likes me?” Her voice was shy, but it still had an edge to it. If you said something wrong, she'd snap.

And then it'd be back to square one.

“Yeah. Watch. He's gonna be happy to see you're okay. Now…Do you want me to walk you to your place?”

For the last time that night, you extended your hand. And for the last time, she took it. Her grip more assured and less timid.

—------------------

It was like Killua was stuck in time. Seeing the Chimera Ant get closer and closer with its fist raised. Its sights set on him. He willed his body to move. To dodge. Anything. But he stood paralyzed, preparing for the pain of a fist making contact with his stomach.

But it never came.

Gon had shoved him out of the way with a cry. Both of them toppling over each other and skidding a few feet. 

‘Run.’ 

Killua froze once again at the sound of his brother's voice. He could see that Gon was talking, but he couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear the concern. ‘Killua, are you okay? You have to get up. He's coming back! Move!’

He felt his body get shoved once more, except this time, Gon hadn't moved with him. Rammot lifting up his hand and slapping him without any restraint. Its bloodlust aiding in keeping him down. Gon was unable to defend against it with his own aura.

He was completely defenseless.

And yet…He was still giving it his all.

Killua could only watch in horror as he was tossed to the side. The boy in green trying his best to get up before Rammot kicked his stomach, once again sending him flying before his back made harsh contact with a tree. 

“GON!”

The ant turned around with a sadistic grin. Almost giddy at the small assassin's destress. Blue eyes wide with an oh so delicious fear.

“Perfect! That's more like it! That terrified expression! I love that one! Now I really feel like killing you! Haha!” It laughed out before lunging once again.

‘Run’

No he couldn't just leave Gon. He had to stay. He had to keep him safe. He had to keep both of you s-

Rammot plunged its fist into his ribcage. The force sending him back. If he hadn't been guarding with nen, his ribs would've been completely shattered. But he still couldn't find it in himself to get up. His entire being shaking with uncertainty.

‘Avoid battles you can't be sure you'll win.’

But he had to win. He had to.

“I'm going to crush you two into a bloody pulp.” Rammot threatened. His feet blurring at the corner of Killua's vision. One lifting up and preparing to smash his skull in.

Yet his fight with Gon wasn't over. The boy in green forcing himself up and giving the hardest kick he could to the back of Rammot's head. Following it up with a barrage of punches.

But thanks to the ant’s body armor and newly found nen, it hardly felt the impact. Instead turning around with a wide grin.

“Back for more?” It taunted, wasting no time punching Gon in the stomach once again. Watching as he coughed up blood before inevitably collapsing. Unable to fight through the pain any longer. 

The ant picked up his head from the ground. Staring joyfully into Gon's disgusted expression.

“What was it you said? I won’t be laying a finger on that human? How about I break all your limbs and make you watch as I devour their flesh. I’ll even save the head for last so you can say your goodbyes before I kill you next. Or better yet, give them to Pitou to add to their collection like that other human.”

Through his blurry gaze, through the immense pain, through every ache in his body, Gon willed himself to speak.

“How dare you. Touch them… and I’ll make you suffer.”

A threat you’d used many times. But somehow it felt heavier coming from him. A promise with the intent to follow through. Here Gon was, giving his all to protect you in every sense of the way. Here he was defending Killua even though he was vulnerable. 

A sun with light so bright, its warmth could reach anyone. 

A sun, being dimmed by someone like him. 

A moon who only thrived off of the light from the sun.

“Stop! You can do whatever you want to me, just let him go!” Killua pleaded. 

He wished you were here to protect them. But it was his fault you were gone in the first place.

Rammot let go of Gon's head. His body hitting the ground with a ‘thud.’ The ant turned to face him with a tilt of its head.

“Is that so? In that case, you'll be the first to die!”

Damnit.

God damnit.

‘When your enemy is unknown…' Illumi’s voice came again.

‘Run away.’

Hit after hit, he couldn't move. Getting kicked around the grass like a toy. Rolling to a stop before getting kicked once more. It hurt, but he had to endure it. He couldn't just leave Gon. He couldn't run away like a coward. 

‘Run.’

But every time he disregarded his brother’s warning, a searing pain coursed through his head. A stinging, throbbing pain. As if being stabbed directly in his brain. It was torturous. It felt neverending and he just couldn't escape from the agony.

But then he heard it.

Your voice. Your morals. Your encouragement. Your warmth.

‘You don't leave your friends to die if you can save them.’

The stinging sensation seemed to dull.

‘As long as you two are okay…Don't mind dying.’

It gave him clarity. 

You almost died to keep them safe. It was only right they returned the favor. Gon had already done what he could, so now it was Killua's turn to do what he couldn't.

The realization coming just as Rammot slammed its foot directly on Killua's spine. Again and again with a laugh.

“Now move! You can't, can you? Ha! Since you're frozen with fear!”

It gave a few more stomps before kicking him away again. 

“Damn. This feels incredible. Should I kill him or the other one first? Maybe savor both. I can't decide!” The ant rambled to itself.

“Damnit! I can't get enough!”

Killua got up on shaky elbows. Pushing himself up. He'd already made up his mind.

‘Run. Hurry.’

No. Not this time.

He could feel himself crying. Seems it was all he was capable of doing today. Blubbering like a baby because nothing had gone his way. He'd been such a screw up.

‘Gon…

Y/n…

I will protect you…because…’

“Because we're friends.” He was nearing hysterics. Standing up as he clutched his head in pain. A broken sob leaving him before he shouted everything out.

“Do you hear me, Gon? You're my best friend! And Y/n? You're my big sibling! And I'm sorry for all the awful things I said this morning!” 

It hurt. 

It hurt so bad.

His head. His heart. Everything. But Rammot only watched his breakdown stunned. Killua's destroyed expression sparking something cruel inside it.

“Stop that right now. Don't look at me like that. I can't hold it anymore. I'm gonna…Do it. I've gotta…”

The two enemies unable to hear the other through their own thoughts.

‘Run.’

Killua was fighting with his brother's voice. Through every wave of pain, he persisted.

‘Run.’

‘You can't tell me what-!’

‘Run, run, run.’

‘SHUT UP!’

“I don't ever want to lose them!” All he could see was the two most important people in his life. What he would be losing if he gave in.

‘Run.’

“They're my…”

‘Run.’

‘Goblins! The both of you!’

‘Looks like we really made them mad this time, Killua.’

‘Run.’

‘I thought you said you weren't our parent?'

'I'm not. It's called being a responsible adult. Now go and do one of those first things while I set up the bed. I know for a fact there's a 99% chance you'll throw down with the fitted sheet if you do it.'

'Come on, let's do what they ask before they decide to throw another pillow at you. And I don't think they'll miss this time.'

“They're my…”

His nails were scratching at his forehead. Completely unaware of Rammot's incoming attack.

“THEY’RE MY FAMILY!!! THE ONES I'M SUPPOSED TO PROTECT!!!”

He plunged his fingers into his skull and tugged. Itching at the part of his brain that hurt the most. As he pulled something out, he could have sworn he heard your voice.

“Atta boy.”

In a speed that rivaled yours, he dodged Rammot’s attack last second. Appearing behind him with a needle in his hand. The Chimera Ant baffled by his disappearance.

Killua couldn't help but lose what little love he had for his big brother in that moment. Laughing at the absurdity of what he'd done because you…You were nothing like Illumi. And he was a brat for making that comparison before. For even thinking it. 

“He got me. Damn Illumi.” But despite the betrayal, he couldn't help but smile. If this was what was controlling him, what was stopping him from reaching his true potential…then now he was free. Free to fight besides his best friend, and free to stop letting his fear of being a burden get the best of him.

He turned around to face the ant. Explaining what happened even though he knew the ant could care less.

“Why the hell didn't I catch this before? He planted this deep inside my brain.”

“Huh? What're you saying? Are you nuts?” Now the ant was the one stood still. Unable to process that now, it was completely outclassed.

“How were you able to dodge that?”

But Killua ignored the question. Continuing to ramble on before releasing his ren. One that was cruel and dark. Not malicious, yet just as cutthroat.

“Now go and tell the other ants…If they even come near us, they're all gonna end up dead.” He warned.

Rammot seethed with anger at his words. A weak nothing was threatening him? How dare this human mock him. How dare it even think of doing so.

“WHY YOU!” The ant gave one last lunge forward.

“That so? Fine.” Killua was at his limit already. Drained in every sense of the word. So without much hesitation, he decapitated the ant in one go. Glaring at the thing that caused him so much trouble.

He didn't have any more sympathy to give. He was done with today. Crushing the ant's skull in his hand like nothing.

“Who cares?”

All he wanted to do was go back home and see you. Apologize for blaming you for everything. Take back what he said about you leaving. 

Then….

The three of you could go back to normal.

You'd be the big sibling, and they'd be the little brothers. 

He wasted no time making his way towards Gon. He was out cold. Killua turned him over, checking for any major injuries. When he found none, he tossed him over his shoulder and started making his way back. Gon was hurt, but it wasn't something he hadn't dealt with before. He'd be fine.

Both of them would be okay.

But not without talking to you first. He reached the spot where you and Palm had been sitting. You weren't there. He hoped with everything in him that you were back at the small home. That you hadn't left yet.

So he set his sights there.

—-------------------------

Somewhere along the way, Gon had woken up. His grip tightening slightly on Killua before he spoke.

“Killua? Did we-”

“I took care of it. We won't have to worry about seeing that guy again.” He responded. Already knowing what was on Gon's mind.

“And Y/n?”

“They weren't at the lake when I checked. But it's fine. I'll see them at home. You just rest. You're body needs it after what you just put it through.” It was meant to lighten the mood, but he didn't mean it any less. 

Gon had pushed his body too far. If he were anybody else, Killua would have been pissed. But he was just relieved he hadn't sustained any major injuries. That he didn't have to leave him after all.

“...Okay…You're my best friend too, you know…” Sleep evident in Gon’s tone.

The words stopping Killua in his tracks. His expression shocked because - Gon had heard everything. He knew how important he was to Killua. 

“What!?!?” But Gon was already snoring softly in his ears.

“Hey! You can't just pass out on me after saying stuff like that!” 

He got no further response for the boy in green. So, with his cheeks red and a few grumbles, he continued on his way. How absolutely embarrassing. Yet it felt elating at the same time to know he was also important to Gon. 

All that was missing was you.

—---------------------

The lights were off. Which meant…You hadn't come back yet. Or maybe you'd already left. A feeling of dread washed over him. Was he too late? He'd never be able to forgive himself if he was.

The door was still locked too. And as he walked inside, it felt empty. He placed Gon down on the couch before making his way over to your room. He gave a few knocks, but there was no response. In a last ditch effort he opened the door.

Your room was neater than how Palm left it. Your bed was also made eerily to perfection. No sign of you recently coming in. You weren't here. And it was already midnight. He was about to leave when something caught his eye. 

Kite's hat was still on your nightstand. 

You wouldn't have left it behind. It was too important to you. Then again, you were leaving them behind…But Kite was different. He'd always been different to you. Try as Killua might, he couldn't help but feel a spark of hope that you weren't gone yet. There was still a chance.

He exited your room just in time for the lights to come on. Standing still anxiously as you finished locking the door, unawares to his presence. All your energy from before seemed to be gone. You finally looked like yourself. But it all went away the second he called out to you.

“Y/n.”

You visibly tensed. A brief flash of shock before your expression went completely blank. You weren't expecting to see the boys. You thought they'd be asleep by now, or at the very least out of the house. You weren't ready for another confirmation. More screaming and arguing. You should've been gone already. It was clear your presence did more harm than good.

‘I hate you.’

‘You're a burden.’

‘If you cared you wouldn’t have abandoned us!’

“I just came to get a few things. If you'll excuse me…” You did your best to keep your tone steady. Not to let anything show. But still his words rung heavy in your head. 

You wouldn't be dragging this out with a goodbye. You were only inconveniencing them the longer you stayed. Yet as you tried to push past Killua, he panicked.

“No!” he blurted out. Taking a few steps forward before he realized what he was doing. How this was already not going as planned.

“I uh…Can we please talk?” His tone was much softer than you were used to.

It had you eyeing him suspiciously. And now that you were actually seeing him, he was injured. Bruising accompanied by swelling. A queazy feeling settling in your stomach as you spotted red in the center of his forehead. The last thing you wanted was to appear weak at a time like this. So you turned your head away from him. An action that felt undeniably cruel.

But this is what he wanted, right? For you to stay out of his life. It was only common sense you should act like you already were. 

 “I have nothing to say to you.” 

If you'd been looking, you would have seen the exact moment his heart broke. You didn't sound angry. You didn't say it to be petty. From his perspective, it felt like you really were done with him. You'd already moved on.

And he just couldn't accept that. 

“What!?! Y/n please.” 

Killua had never felt this pitiful in his entire life. So small. He never expected to be treated like a complete stranger from you. You were his big sibling. But it seemed like all the warmth from you had gone and faded away.

Why was he staring at you like that? Like your indifference was hurting him. Why was his aura flooded with regret and sorrow? Was he second guessing himself after all? Or was this a test? A trick? A way to lure you back in, only to spit in your face once again.

Tell you something sweet to then accuse you of not being enough again.

That was it right?

He'd blame you for his injuries next.

No.

They were the ones who followed you.

It wasn't your fault.

So why were you blaming yourself? If you'd been there, would the results have been different?

‘You should know I'm very proud of you. Not many would stick up for those they cared about when facing punishment. You have a loyalty that runs deep.’

But as quickly as the warmth came, it was taken. The hand cupping your cheek moved back and slapped you. Your head turning from the force.

The left side of your face was numb. A dark handprint already forming on your skin.’

No. No it wouldn't have. There were just some people who you'd never be able to make happy. No matter what you did. And unfortunately, it was always the people you cared the most about. Your body once again shutting down at the thought.

“... I'm going to be late if I don't leave now. Can't you just write it in a note or something?” You didn't mean for it to be that harsh, but it was the only way to get your message across.

You were done.

And the longer you were pestered about it, the sooner you'd snap.

What was this? Why were you acting like this? Cruel. Detached. You'd wanted to fix things earlier, right? So what happened? What the hell happened? How far had he gone for you to treat him like this? 

He didn't mean it. Any of it. And he needed you to know that. He took a few more steps forward, tears once again brimming his eyes. How many times had he cried today?

How many times had been because of you?

“Y/n, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything.” He'd said it. Gon said all he had to do was apologize. And if that still wasn't enough, then he'd do whatever it took for you to forgive him. 

But your response was the last thing he was expecting.

“... Okay…”

One word.

One single word that was meant to brush him off. 

And he couldn't help but become desperate for something more. A response that wasn't empty. That wasn't cold.

“Okay? Okay!?! What's wrong with you!?!? Don't you care!?! All you have to say to me is ‘okay’!?!” 

And the damm had finally broke.

“Tell me you hate me! That you never want to see me again!!! Just say something more than okay!” 

You'd opened and closed your mouth a few times trying to figure out something to say. You didn't want to argue anymore. You were tired of it. Tired of today completely.

“You're gonna wake him up if you keep screaming.” You gestured towards Gon.

An action so baffling, it made his jaw drop. This was it. You were officially done. But he wasn't ready to let you go. He couldn't stand knowing they mattered so little to you. He couldn't stand you not knowing how much you meant to the both of them.

“Like I said. I need to grab a few-” But before you could get the words out, Killua had rushed over. Wrapping his arms tightly around your middle sobbing.

“I'm sorry, don't leave! Please!”

Hug him back, please. He needed you to hug him back. To say things would be okay. He needed you to stay.

You placed your hand on his head. And for a second, he thought the situation would end there. That you wouldn't leave after all. It had him believing everything would be okay. That you'd ruffle his hair and make him promise not to say anything like that again. But instead, that brief moment of contact was used to push him away from you.

Making him stumble back in shock.

As if you were swatting away a pest. Like he was inconveniencing you by holding on. And that was what broke him completely. 

You were done with them.

You didn't have to say it for him to know…You hated him. 

He could take a lot of things. He'd endured the worst kinds of torture for years from his family. He'd been forced to see carnage at such a young age. He'd always been treated like some kind of trophy instead of a person. And he never once complained. He never once argued with what was forced upon him.

But this...This he couldn't take.

You pushing him aside to enter your room. Like you were dead set on being out of his life. So once again, he wasted no time clinging onto you. Feet almost dragging on the floor as you tried to move forward. Burying his face against your side.

“I don't care if you hate me! If you don't want me anymore! Don't leave! Don't just leave us here by ourselves!”

You'd placed your hand on his head once more. You were gonna push him away again. And the fear pushed him to speak from the depths of his soul. A plea for you to stop.

“I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear!?!? I didn't mean it when I said I wanted you gone! Don't-Don’t give up because I was being stupid!” 

Your movements stopped. Listening to Killua's cries in silence. Taking in everything. This was also a song and dance you'd done before. Love that was given, then taken for no other reason than because you'd messed up. 

Love you?

It was enough to break you too. An ugly feeling clutching at your heart. One that was tired of the constant push and pull between love and hate. Killua unable to know he'd resurfaced a trauma so deep and scarred from your childhood. 

‘You are very important, little one. So very gifted, and you never fail to make me proud.’

‘Taking the fall again? You know better than to lie to me.’ A slap to your face. Then another one.

‘My pride and joy. You're a one of a kind prodigy.’

‘Disgraceful what you've done. Forsaking the name given to you just to act foolish? Tainting the clan that graciously welcomed you with open arms. Your punishment is total isolation for a week. Now get out of my sight.’

“Stop talking. I know what you're doing. I'm not an idiot.” Your tone accusing. And before Killua could explain anything, you'd shoved him off of you once more. Now glaring with a look that could only be described as hate.

“What? Did something else go wrong that you want me to fix? Well I'm done being the fixer. I'm done with your problems always being my fault. You only want me here to have someone to blame, right?” 

You pointed directly at him. Shaking your head before you clasped it tightly in your hands. A cruel grin on your face while he saw you cry for the very first time.

“I didn't do anything wrong! I'm not perfect, but I'm not the cause of all your problems!” You hadn't been here today. It couldn't have possibly been your fault this time.

But maybe somehow it had.

“I didn't make things worse intentionally!”

It was then that Killua realized what was happening. He thought he had it bad but…you had it worse. His heart ached for you while you continued to break right in front of him.

“I told you-I told you I can't always get things right! But of course I'm older! It's always my fault! I'm the strongest! So everything falls on me when someone gets hurt!” You let out a laugh. One that sounded defeated.

Your eyes met his and you gestured to yourself frantically.

“Haven't I done enough for you!?!?” Your voice seeming to bounce off the walls. The space falling into silence.

They'd put too much on your shoulders. Or maybe the weight had already been there. Carried over from what you'd experienced previously. Now it was Killua's turn to try and comfort you. His turn to lift your burdens. But he didn't get the chance to.

“Why-Why am I never good enough?” It was a whisper at this point.

You weren't good enough for Reik.

You weren't good enough for Kari.

You weren't good enough for Kite.

You weren't good enough for Gon and Killua.

You will never be good enough.

“You are enough.” Killua's voice snapping you from your spiral. The very same words you didn't get a chance to say this morning.

But somehow you just couldn't believe them yet. Then you'd heard it. Her.

'I love you, you're here with me. You're safe with me. Let me protect you for now. Just until you get your strength back.'

He was trying, wasn't he? 

“Then why? Why don't I feel like it?” 

The small assassin was at a loss of words. Who did this to you? Who had ruined you so completely that you couldn't put yourself back together. He took a step towards you, but you'd put your hand up to stop him.

“You know what? I don't care anymore. Say whatever you want, I'm done.” You wiped your eyes and instead of going towards your room, you started towards the front door.

Killua had to try one more time. Now that he knew what you really thought of yourself. So he grabbed your wrist this time. Funny how now the roles were reversed this time. 

“Don't leave.” 

You tried to pull your arm away.

“We can't do this without you. We've only gotten this far because of you. You're- You're-”

It was hard to put into words just how much you'd changed their lives. How important you were. But he needed to. Especially now that you had stopped trying to pull yourself away.

“All my family has ever done is use me. They have this image in their head of what I'm supposed to be. What I'm supposed to become. But you've never done that. When I'm with you and Gon, it's like I can finally be someone I'm proud of. I've never had someone care about me like you. But maybe I've taken advantage of that. Maybe I've been doing to you what my family has been doing to me. Expecting you to fit this image of what I think is a perfect big sibling.

But you're not perfect. And neither am I. And that's okay. I don't want you to be perfect because then you're not you. You're not the one who calls us goblins or chases us around when you're upset. You're a stranger. I know I shouldn't have said what I did this morning, and I regretted it ever since. I do want you in my life. Both of us want you to stay. Please…” 

You'd collapsed on your knees crying. And he wasted no time kneeling besides you. Pulling you into a hug. 

“I really can't keep doing this. It's unfair when I leave, and I know that. But do it because I don't want you to get hurt. I'm not safe. I can't risk anything happening to you. I'd never be able to forgive myself if it happened again.” Losing another kid, it would kill you.

“But when you tell me you need me, then say you want nothing to do with me…it's cruel. It's-its-!” It's just like Father.

“You don't know, you can't possibly have known, but I've always been measured by my worth. What I'm capable of doing just for a moment of normalcy. Of being wanted. It's not your fault.. but I can't keep doing this.” 

You can't keep losing your purpose in life.

Being praised for completing missions. Then being hit for failing. Being told you were burdening your clan for making a mistake. Being isolated in the dark for messing up. Only for him to pretend like it never happened.

The constant push and pull of love and hate. Of being praised and belittled.

You couldn't do it again.

But kids tended to be unsure about their own feelings. You couldn't put it on them for saying things when they were upset. But goddamit, what about when you were upset. Who was there to be understanding for you when things went wrong?

Nobody.

You were just supposed to take it.

Endure it.

Killua hugged you a little tighter. 

“I didn't mean it.” He reaffirmed.

Your tears finally slowing down.

“We're your little brothers. And we love you. I love you. But I'd just like to know why you keep leaving. And if you're not ready to talk about that yet, it's fine. We'll both always be here if you need us. You don't have to bottle things up anymore.”

The same thing Kite had said to you when you lost control. 

And he'd meant it just as much.

Not a single trace of deceit in his aura. 

So you allowed yourself to believe it one last time. Knowing you wouldn't be able to take it if it wasn't true again.

You at last returned the hug. Engulfing the small assassin in your arms.

“You can't ever say those things again to me, okay?” Your voice was smaller than it had ever been. Almost scared with the slight waiver to it.

“I promise. I'm not gonna make you deal with everything anymore. If something's wrong, we'll deal with it together.” And finally he heard it for real this time.

“Atta boy.”

It was almost enough to make him cry again. That was until the couch started rustling. A flash of green peaking over at the scene.

“So are you two good now?” Gon asked.

The both of you looking over in shock.

“Hey! You heard everything again!?!? How many times are you gonna pretend to be asleep!?! You know it's very rude to eavesdrop!!!!” Killua scolded. His face a bright red.

And before he could roughhouse with the other one, you let out a laugh. A real laugh. Your laugh. And you'd finally given your real smile.

“Get over here,” you encouraged.

Gon bolting from the couch and stumbling over into one side of your open arms. You gave both boys a squeeze.

“I love you both, my little sun and moon.”

Maybe….

Maybe you were just about ready to tell them everything.

----------------------------

Not so Fun Fact #15: Y/n is very squeamish with touch. Especially around their face, due to what they experienced as a child.

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekataylorgriggs @zellwa @rainbowpr1sm

MASTERLIST

An: Let me know which line hit you in the feels the most. For future references 👀👀👀. And by reference I mean to make Gon's fight absolutely devastating. Or just the final stretch of the Chimera Ant Arc entirely.

[wonik1ss]

Cursed — Wonyoung

pairing : non idol!wonyoung x reader

song rec : in another life - kings

summary : wonyoung thought she could never love someone; that was until she meet you

Wonyoung was cursed to never love. Not her family, not herself and never another human she wanted to love. Like you.

“What’s up Wony?”. You walked into the girls garden happy as can be. You had been talking to the girls for months. You meet outside of her house when you feel of your bike and she cleaned you up.

Ever since then Wonyoung was attached to you. She kissed away all worries and fears and you loved her.

-

“Ehh that’s boring though..”. You sighed, this was the sixth movie wonyoung had passed on.

“Can’t we just cuddle I’m actually feeling reallllly tried”. You laughed as the girl curled into your touch, wrapping your hands around her waist as she did yours.

“We planned to watch a movie though..”. Wonyoung sighed and took the remote. She clicked a random movie and then kissed your cheek.

Wonyoung pretended to be invested to the movie as you were actually interested. But as the movie went on Wonyoung’s face grew happy and sad and confused. You smiled at her and something slipped.

“I love you”. Wonyoung froze her hand recoiled from your body.

“I.. Im sorry you don-“

“It’s ok.. Im.. Im just not ready to say it”. That was a big fat lie. Wonyoung loved you, she really did. But the girl was fucked up. She got on screen at a young age and ended up quiting because the hate was too much.

She used to read the comments all the time and ended up in her own bubble. That was until you came. You weren’t a distraction though. You were her everything. Her sun and her moon. Hell the whole damn galaxy. Wonyoung wished to give you the world.

But a little person inside her new she didn’t deserve it. You were perfect, and she was fragile. Any small display of affection from you and she froze.

-

The taller girl tried to make some coffee and when she felt your hands around her she froze. You noticed this and took them off. To distract you Wonyoung kissed you all over making you giggle.

Another time you tried to kiss the girl and she did it first. You didn’t care since all you could focus on was her lips on yours.

Then you tried to hug her on Valentine’s Day. The girl broke away the guy saying she needed to use the bathroom. You nodded but after that you started to see the cycle. Anyone love or affection you tried to give the girl she just gave back.

So now you were in her garden about to confront her before you heard those three dreaded words.

“Let’s break up”. You froze. Maybe you didn’t hear it right.

“What”

“I want to break up. Three more words were added.

“No”

“I’m not asking we’re breaking up Y/n”. Now your name?

“What.. what did I do?.. I.. I’m trying my best.. I thought you loved me..”. The girl stared at you blankly.

“I don’t”

“So when you kiss me it means nothing? When you hug and laugh at my jokes your what? Faking it? When you bake with me watch movies with me you’re lying?”. The girl stared at her feet.

“Why are you doing this.. I thought we loved eachother..”

“That’s just it.. I can’t.. your so.. so.. perfect.. you plan everything so well you always text me goodnight you always call me when you know something’s wrong…

“I don’t see what’s so wrong Wonyoung”. Your voice started to break as you got closer to the girl. Then when she looked up you saw her eyes start to water.

“I don’t deserve you.. I can’t say I love you or feel your touch because I don’t deserve you.. I got on tv so bright eyed and hopeful and came of a mess.. I don’t deserve you..”. The tears came faster and faster as she talked.

“I.. I.. just do f deserve y-“. You enveloped the girl in a hug as she held onto you tight.

“Yes you do”. As Wonyoung moved back you kissed her and she finally let it happened. She smiled as she stared at you. Rain started to pour and she started to laugh.

“I love you! I love you so fucking much”. You smiled as the girl kissed you all over your face. Her sun, her moon her whole fucking galaxy loved her fucked up and all; and soon Wonyoung was going to see she wasn’t fucked up at all. She was just human.

[sourbinnie]

☆ diamond eyes.mp3 ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> heavy angst ¡! ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> chan x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> time will see you realign but for now, he had to deal with the pain of your loss. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> implied character death ; grieving ; cause of death isn't mentioned but i think you can imagine (s*icide)

a/n: new format with the saddest song i could've picked up and a really tragic imagine, i'm sorry if this is too triggering. if it's too bad, i'll delete it!

to the edge.

waves kept crashing on me in the middle of this lonely beach in my mind. places i traveled to, to forget about the reality i lived in. the one where you weren't next to me and i had to live with the weight in my heart. the one where you had to go and leave me all alone because you thought that was a better solution. the one where we had fought, we had made up and i thought we were good but it all had to end too soon when it didn't even start.

i gave you 6 whole years. i gave you 6 years of me, of my life, of my soul and i have to live with the fact that you're not here anymore? wake up and feel numb? dread and sorrow surrounded me. it felt like i was floating for a moment as i tried to get up from our bed. it was always going to be ours, it wasn't just mine and i didn't know why i was making such a fuss over a bed and it's owners. 

this is how i spent most of my days now. trying to survive and not being able to handle the truth at all. i stayed in our shared apartment, i couldn't find my way back to the dorms. i knew the boys were worrying but i didn't know why, they knew i could handle myself.

or maybe i couldn't at all.

what mocked me the most since you've left, was the ring. the one i bought with changbin & jisung one day when we were out. they helped me pick it and see what would fit perfectly in your finger. the one that held the promise ring when you decided to leave me. that would've been occupied with this perfect ring that i bought for you but life had other plans and it eliminated everything that we had planned out for the future. a future that didn't hold any hope, just more suffering and illness to haunt me. 

i could not do it without you before, what makes them think that taking you away from me is the solution?

it was not easy to wake up, it was not easy to live through the day and then go to sleep at night. having those dreams with you where i hold you and i don't let go because if i do i have to wake up and you're not there beside me anymore. how many times did i have to go through the same routine? how much more work could i drown myself into till it's enough? till the pain is gone and it's all enough. all i wanted was to be enough for you and you didn't want that.

you wanted me to be myself, well here i am and you're not. here i am as i visit you every day, as i bring flowers and place them where you lay to rest forever in peace. here i am as i cry my eyes out and scream till my voice is gone and i have to leave again to die more and more every day. i just wanted to reunite with you one last time to see you, to hold you, to tell you what you deserve to hear and that's more than i love you.

you shined brighter than any star.

now as i look into the sky, hoping you're there, watching over me, i can't help but think.

how beautiful you were the last time i saw you and how sad your expression was. how cruel life is that it took you away from where you belonged and that was here with me. how egotistical and pathetic i was when we fought, how everything was always about me and how you always put me first even though you were the one that mattered. you were the one bringing a change to the world, with that smile of yours and that loving heart. i could never compare to you, yet here i still was and you weren't, you weren't here anymore.

"i love you channie." resonated in my mind, as i tried to not lose my breath again. how many more times did i have to go through a day where you weren't here? how much could i handle without you? why do i have to handle things without you? why didn't i ran out of tears already? why is feeling numb better than being sad?

so many fucking questions and not one goddamn answer, because you weren't fucking here.

you didn't take me with you, didn't think about how i would feel without you and now you're gone. how much longer do i have to do this? how much grief is there in me? do i have to do this? i don't.

but i want to for you. i want to because you would've wanted me to, i want to because you're my light, my world, my star and you deserve it. you've been nothing but good to me these past 6 years and the unconditional love you gave me, deserves to live on. i would do it for you, for my family, for the boys, for everyone. even if it meant i have to fake a smile every single day as a i relive that haunting phone call, i will do it.

i think i am never gonna recover, never gonna be able to walk into a hospital again and never gonna be able to look at the stars and not think of you. i think you took everything from me when you decided to leave. 

i think i died with you.

i think i’m always gonna live in the shadow of your death and i’m not gonna be able to get up one day and decide to fall in love again. love was gone, there wasn’t any left to give or take, you took it all from me.

you took my heart, my soul and all of my strength.

i don’t think it’s fair how i get to stay and you don’t, i don’t think i’m doing a good job of carrying on when i don’t get to see you anymore. 

oh how i wish we could’ve had that proposal, that wedding, that eternal love. now i had to reminisce about memories i never lived and pray that this pain wouldn’t be eternal.

but i knew that as soon as i got to be with you again, i would be grateful.

[ghostlychief]

Dude I just loved your Ghost fic with his scary wife, it was so ✨chefs kiss✨

Could you please write a fic about how the MW2 men would react to reader letting loose in the club after a mission? Just the concept of a cold, badass woman who can handle herself in the field and is a total man-eater that has the moves™️ + the men's reactions (mayhaps with a crumb of nsfw👀) is JUST DOBDISHDONDOSHDINSKWE I BEG PLEASE

HELLO!! thank you sm for your request <3 I took some liberties but i really hope you enjoy what i threw together for you!! (and there is a crumb of nsfw, so i hope you enjoy the tiniest of crumb i gave you lmao) ALSO, thank you sm for saying you really like my other Ghost fic, it means so much to hear that <33333 thank you sm for reading!

ENJOY, SWEETIE

--

Dancing Queen

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x fem!reader

warnings: alcohol drinking; foreplay? slight fingering; nothing too smutty but MINORS DNI; seriously, if you're a minor pls do not read.

wc: 2.2k

a/n: i'll edit tomorrow, but sorry for any typos!

---

You were pretty revered on task force 141. You were the youngest on the team of burly men but you were one of the most skilled members on the force. And, you took yourself very seriously, almost too seriously some would say.

But who could blame you? You were a woman in a male dominated field. You had to be serious, had to be cold. Especially in the armed forces. This line of work was just as bad if not worse than the financial sector, you know, with all the finance bros. Actually, it was worse, but just by a hair.

So, due to your highly stressful and sometimes misogynistic job, you liked to let loose, have fun on the weekends. It was really the only time where you could fully relax and let yourself go. Alcohol helped of course. You loved going to clubs, bars, restaurants, hell anywhere really. As long as it helped you forget the week you had, helped you soothe the aches and pains that came with the job.

Surprisingly you found that your internal team, therefore task 141, weren’t such pricks after all. You thought they would be all misogynistic pigs, and treat you worse than their male colleagues. No, you were proven wrong. Something that doesn’t happen often. You were smart after all.

Sooner than later, you found yourself growing fonder of your team, and you considered them your closest friends. You know, big shock. You weren’t expecting your closest friends to be your work buddies as well.

You also sprouted a crush for one of your team members. Who could blame you? He was tall, dark, handsome, and mysterious. Always sporting that black balaclava, only leaving his eyes privy to your vision. You have only seen him without his signature mask a few times, most of them being when he was drunk, and out with the team.  

But who doesn’t like intrigue?

Fast forward to this Friday. You found that Friday is your favorite day to go out. You realized that you still have all of Saturday to relax, sleep, and recover and then it’s Sunday. The dreadful day in which work starts the next.

So here you were, getting ready to do out tonight with 141. You typically styled your hair your favorite way, did a full glam of make-up, and pre-gamed to make sure you would be a solid drunk by the time you had at least one drink at the bar. This was your time to shine, to have fun for once. You weren’t going to pass it up. Hence, your lovely make-up and outfits that made any jaw drop to the floor.

By the time you were finished getting ready, you felt a slight buzz in your system, and you felt good, felt pretty. You were ready for a night out. Specifically, you were ready for a night out with Ghost.

You found it much, much easier to talk to the intimidating guy when you were slightly buzzed, or better yet, drunk. Was it healthy? Probably not. But who’s perfect, right?

Even though you were a force to be reckon with yourself, the man still intimated you. Maybe it was because of the feelings that started developing in the pits of your stomach. You couldn’t help it when your heart clenched every time you saw him, or every time his blue eyes met your own.

It was getting bad, and you were worried it was going to start to effect your performance at work, which was unacceptable.

So, what do you do to deal with all these feelings? You drink of course!

Hey, you’re still in your twenties, it’s a pass.

You get a text from Soap in the GM that your guys’ uber is at your place. It was decided that you would ride with Soap, Ghost, and Gaz.

You saw the uber in front of your building, so you made your way to the back seat. You figured that Ghost would be in the front, so you open the door and tease, “Gaz, you need to take the middle seat because you’re the shortest out of all of us.”

However, you weren’t met with Gaz’s chocolate eyes when you swung open the door. No, you were met with Ghost’s large frame, and confused expression as you mistakenly talk to him instead of Gaz.

“You want me to sit in the middle?” Ghost points a finger at himself.

You hear Gaz snicker from the front seat. I’ll get him later.

You disguise your embarrassment with a cough, “Oh! No, no, no. I mean, we can’t have the tallest teammate sit in the middle now can we?” You flash Ghost what you’re hoping is your best smile. Dammit why did I drink so much getting ready?

Ghost just grunts in confirmation and gets out of the vehicle.

You clamber your way in only to find Soap with a  shit-eating grin, sitting in the back as well.

“Hello, Soap.” Your tone is clipped, which makes his grin widen even more.

Ghost gets in finally, but once he’s finally settled, you find yourself literally squished between Soap and Ghost.

“Can either of you move over or something? I’m being squeezed to death.”

“Oh, don’t act like you don’t like it, y/n.”

You really, hope Ghost didn’t just hear what Soap said, but it’s unlikely. You hit him in the shoulder, “First rounds on you, asshole.”

Soap raises his hands in a truce. “Alright, alright. Don’t get mad at me.”

You were only annoyed because Soap was right. You did like being squished up against Ghost. How embarrassing. Stupid feelings. Who even has time for feelings anymore?

You all finally make it to the club, and you make a beeline for the bar. As promised, Soap orders you, as well as Ghost and Gaz a round of drinks. You all cheer’s, then you down your shot. At this point, you’re definitely drunk.

The guys get another drink as you observe the dance floor. They take two more shots, and you take one more.

After your last shot, you let them know that you’re going to go dance. They all toast you, and then you’re off to the dance floor.

You start moving to the beat, letting the music take over your body, letting it carry you away from all your problems.

It’s only a few minutes in when you notice that they’re playing your favorite song. You rush back over to the guys, and excitedly shout, “They’re playing my favorite song! Do any of you want to dance with me?”

Before anyone could really respond, Soap is clapping Ghost on the shoulder, and pushing him towards you, “Ghost would love to.”

If you weren’t so drunk, you would have noticed Ghost send a glare to his friend. But not out of despite, more out of nervousness.

You clap your hands, so excited that someone is joining you, much different than your usually demeanor at work. Then you grasp Ghost’s hand in yours and lead him to the floor, leaving a grinning Soap and Gaz.

Gaz just sighs before saying, “Why do you always have to butt in?”

Soap just shrugs with a knowing smile on his face, “Because, they’d be good for each other, and both of them need a little nudge from someone to get the ball rolling.”

Once you and Ghost make it to the dance floor, you turn around to face him. You have the biggest smile he’s ever seen on your pretty face, and he can’t help but smile back.

You start moving to the music as before, but this time, Ghost wraps his hands around your waist and pulls you in close to him. So close, that your chests are touching. He’s definitely buzzed, borderline drunk.

He leans his head down so his lips are brushing against your ear, “I didn’t know you were quite the dancer.”

His breath tickles, and you let out a laugh, tightening your arms that have found their way around his neck.

“Don’t you know? I’m the dancing queen.” You let out a laugh, and pull him closer.

He laughs as well and you both continue swaying to the beat, that is, until a more up-tempo song starts to play. Before you know it, Ghost has spun you around, so now your back is facing his front.

His large hands make their way to your waist, gripping tightly. But not too tightly in which it hurts. It’s more so a comforting hold. You feel secure, like you would never trip and fall in his embrace.

You lean your head back so it’s resting on Ghost’s chest, and you feel him dip his head to meet yours. The height difference is making you dizzy, making you want more of him.

You feel him kiss down your neck, his lips searing your skin as they map you out. He makes his way back up and nips at your earlobe, which has you letting out a small yelp. But you lean further into him, signaling him to continue on.

Your hands come up to rest on top of his, and you squeeze them. You’ve never felt this exhilarated, and Ghost’s touches leave sparks in their wake, igniting you.

As he continues to kiss down your neck, you take one of your hands that’s grasping his, and start to lead it to the top of your skirt. He seems to get the idea, and continues his hand down until it’s grazing your upper thigh, lifting your skirt ever the slightest.

He subtly brings his fingers under your skirt to graze your underwear. The dance floor is so packed, that no one will notice.

The feeling of his fingers pressing on your bud has your head spinning and you let out a soft whine. It’s just faint enough that only Ghost can hear it. His hand goes further and pushes your underwear to the side. He teases your entrance without entering a finger into you and he brings his thumb up to press down on your clit. Which makes you let out another low pitch whine.

Your hand trails down to find his, as if to ground yourself. From what, you don’t even know. You just need to feel him more. More so than you already are.

All too soon, he removes his hand from your and brings it back up to cup your waist, then he spins you around so you’re facing him. What a fucking tease.

You crane your neck to glance up at him and you don’t know who moved in first. But what you do know is that you’re kissing Ghost. His lips lock with yours and it feels like it was always meant to be.

You trail your hands up so they play with the hairs at the nape of his neck. Twirling the hair around the tips of your fingertips. The kiss you share feels infinite, like it was mapping out the very constellations around you.

You never wanted it to end.

All too soon he pulls away, and brings his hands up to cup your face. His forehead is pressed up against yours, and he holds you so gently.

“I just had to do that, at least once.” He sounds breathless, and you fight the urge to pull him down to you again, at his confession.

“Why just once?” You’re just as breathless, if not more as you ask him this.

You don’t want this to end here, you can’t let it end here. You like him too much, too much that your heart hurts at the thought of letting him go.

Ghost peels himself from you, but his hands are still ever so gently cupping your sweet face. His thumbs rub under your eyes, on the apple of your cheeks, as he looks fondly down at you. He’s looking at you as if you created all the planets in the solar system, and hung up the stars as well.

“Because I know you deserve better.”

His admission tugs at your heartstrings, “Bullshit. You don’t get to tell me what’s good for me and what isn’t.”

It was true. You had to decide for yourself.

“Is that so?” A smirk forms on his lips.

You’re glad the air has turned back into something light, something teasing. That’s something you could deal with. Not the heavy shit that was threatening you before.

You bring your hands once again to his and grasp them, “Yes, it is, so you better get used to it.”

Ghost just lets out a laugh and then swiftly pulls you into a bone crushing hug. He rests his head on top of yours. You swear you feel a faint pressure atop your head, almost like a kiss laid upon your hair.

His words get muffled into your hair, but you make them out just the same. “Why don’t we finish what we started, but in a more private place, hm?”

You tighten your hold on him, words stifled into his chest as your answer, “Sounds like a plan to me.”

--

Ghost Masterlist

hope you enjoyed! <3

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Stay Part 3

This fic will fulfill the Exhibitionism square in my @spnkinkevents bingo card:

Series Summary: Y/N knows what she's doing is wrong, but she doesn't want to let it go.

Chapter Warnings/Explicit 18+: Smut. Fingering, P in V unprotected sex, public sex. Cheating. Mentions of infidelity and slight emotional abuse/abandonment in a relationship.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x Y/N

Word Count: 1,419

A/N: This is the third part to my Stay series. It is a completed five part series. One part will be released every day. Hope you enjoy!

The beautiful divider below and at the bottom was created by @talesmaniac89

D: I’m coming through tomorrow. Can I see you? Me: Yes. What time? D: Nine o’clock. Me: I’ll be waiting at the usual spot.

Y/N stared at the screen a moment before deleting the conversation. Her stomach was filled with butterflies at the prospect of seeing Dean again. It had been nearly a month since they’d last been together and every day had dragged, without the prospect of him. 

They’d sexted a few times, and it had mostly sustained her, but it wasn’t nearly enough. With just words on a screen she couldn’t hear the way his voice dipped so low and smooth as he whispered the endless things he was going to do to her, she couldn’t feel his rough, callused fingers push deep inside her, creating a perfect friction. 

But now he was coming, and all of that would be hers to have; she felt giddy. 

And like a lightning bolt from the sky she suddenly knew she was going to leave her marriage tonight. 

The feelings she had when she was with Dean were like nothing she’d ever known. She ached for him constantly, looking forward to every scrap of contact from him. She laughed with him when they laid their heads together on the pillow, he made her feel whole again, cherished under his hand, precious, and important. 

At her happiest in her marriage, she’d never felt that way. She’d always felt like she had to earn her right to be his wife, he always gave her the impression that he’d settled for her. Maybe he had. But she knew the truth was, she’d settled too. She’d been too scared to venture outside what was comfortable, believing the half-hearted love he offered was all she could ask for.

She knew better now, knew she was worth more, knew she wasn’t just his maid, that she shouldn’t be taken for granted, that she mattered. 

When he came home that night, she had a bag packed and a goodbye prepared.

The next day, she waited on the bus bench on the outskirts of town, where she always sat and waited for him to show up in his sleek black Impala. More than once they’d simply pulled into a vacant lot nearby and enjoyed a few quick hours in the backseat, desperate for more time, but grateful to be able to satiate their never-ending need for each other.

It was nine thirty and she began to wonder if he was coming, because in spite of the rigorous hours he kept as an agent with the FBI, he was rarely ever late to meet her. But finally she saw his headlights rising over the hill in the distance and her stomach tightened. 

He pulled over to the side of the road, and cut the engine. The door squeaked loudly as he slammed it shut behind him and walked towards her. Her mouth watered at his long, bow-legged stride; she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of just watching the way he moved..

When he reached her, he bent over, placing one hand on either side of her shoulders, as he gripped the back of the bench, trapping her between his arms. His smile was soft and sweet as he leaned down to kiss her gently.

“Hi.” He said when he pulled back. 

Y/N tried to clear her head as his woodsy scent surrounded her. “Hey.” 

He sat down beside her, but just as he did she heard his phone beep. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket and then swore.

“What is it?” She asked, already dreading the answer.

He looked at her with disappointed eyes. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but…something just came up in a case, and I gotta go meet my partner.”

Y/N felt her eyes fill with tears and she was horribly embarrassed. She tried to smile through them, nodding. “Okay, that’s…I get it.”

Dean frowned deeply. “Hey, hey.” He said as he thumbed away a tear. “I’ll do my best to get back here much sooner next time.”

Biting her lip, Y/N tried to nod again. “Yeah, it’s okay. If you gotta go…” She trailed off and then decided to tell him how she really felt. She didn’t want to pretend anymore than she already did in her life. “I’ve just missed you so much, I’m just…” She licked her lips. “I ache for you, Dean.”

She saw his jaw tighten, his nostrils flaring slightly as he tried to tamp down his own need. “Me too, sweetheart, me too.” He stared at her a moment more before he suddenly lifted her onto his lap. He smiled wickedly as he pushed his hand up her skirt. Y/N gasped roughly, shock and desire warring within her.

He chuckled slightly as he pushed her panties aside and slowly pushed a finger inside her. “Luckily you’re ideally dressed for a quick solution.” 

He slid a second finger in, and Y/N buried her face in the side of his neck, trying to stifle her cries of pleasure. As he pumped his fingers in and out of her, scissoring her open and then adding a third, she saw a car coming over the hill and she squealed in embarrassment at the prospect of someone seeing them. A second car was right behind the first and she pushed on his thick wrist.

“Dean.” She said, before she gasped as his fingers brushed her over her sweet spot. “Fuck!”

Dean pulled back slightly. “Want me to stop, baby?” He asked, his eyes teasing.

Y/N shook her head. “No, god no. But,” she pointed at the car, “shouldn’t we get in the car at least?”

Dean just shook his head. “No time.” He pulled his fingers out of her and scooched her onto one thigh as he popped open the button on his pants, and yanked his zipper down before pulling out his cock and fisting it in his huge hand. 

He lifted her easily and then impaled her on his rock hard dick. She couldn’t bite back her loud moan that time, her head falling back against his shoulder and she prayed the car driving by at that exact moment hadn’t heard her. They were ever so slightly blocked from the road by the length of the Impala and she prayed that would be enough to shield them from the cars that passed by regularly as Dean fucked up into her.

Thankfully they were both so desperate for release that they came within minutes, Dean burying his face in her hair, and Y/N scratching up the back of Dean’s hand where he gripped her around the waist. 

After half a minute, she stood up on incredibly wobbly legs, readjusting her skirt, and Dean tucked himself back into his pants. He stood up and kissed her fast and hard.

“I’m sorry again, baby. But I’ll make it up to you next time, okay?”

Y/N nodded and he ran his hand up and down her arm before smiling at her and turning back to his car. 

She had no idea what prompted her, but she found herself calling out to him.

“I left him yesterday.”

Dean froze and then slowly turned back to face her. His face was carefully blank, something she’d never seen from him before, she couldn’t read him at all.

Eventually he looked away from her, off into the distance, and she saw the muscle jump in his jaw again; that was almost always a sign that he was suppressing something, or was bothered by something. 

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” His voice was flat and she felt her heart lurch at his words.

She crossed her arms over her stomach and squeezed herself tightly. “I know that.” She said, trying not to sound defensive. “I didn’t do it for you.”

That was almost the truth.

He looked back at her and his eyes were hard. “Why are you telling me this? What do you expect me to say?”

She bit down hard on her lip, willing the tears back. She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “I don’t expect anything. I just…just wanted to tell you.”

His phone beeped again, and he looked down at it quickly. “Fuck.” He said quietly. He glanced back at her. “Look, I can’t stay here, I gotta go.”

She nodded and waved him away, her heart splintering. “Sure, go.”

He stared at her a moment more before turning on his heel and walking away, as she’d always known would happen.

NEW TAGS 2:

1 - Jensen RPF + Any/All characters Jensen plays. @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @impalaslytherin @maggiegirl17 @akshi8278 @candy-coated-misery0731 @deanswaywardgirl @slytherinlyn314 @globetrotter28 @jensensgirl @perpetualabsurdity @tristanrosspada-ackles @djs8891 @muhahaha303 @kayyay1219 @emily-winchester @recoveringpastaaddict @maximumkillshot @mimaria420 @sacriceria @envyaurora95 @lacilou @jc-winchester @spnwoman

2 - Dean Winchester Fics Only. @carryonwaywardgirl

3 - Any/All Fics (regardless of fandom/character.) @kazsrm67 @sexyvixen7 @alexxavicry @nancymcl @spalady26

4 - Everything (includes fan vid/DOOL edits as well) @unabashed-lover-of-fictional-men @maliburenee @supernatural4life2022 @spn730015 @kickingitwithkirk @waywardbaby @foxyjwls007 @deanwanddamons @deandreamernp @deanwithscissors @myloversgone @snowlovespie @leigh70 @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @charred-angelwings @hopefuldreamers-world @jensensgotyoudean @thoughts-and-funnies @magssteenkamp @princessmisery666 @eevvvaa @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @waynes-multiverse @mrsjenniferwinchester @bernasaurus @jensenslady79 @courtn92 @avanatural @ellie-andthemachine @this-is-me19 @roseblue373 @katbratsupernaturalwhore @fanfic-n-tabulous

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Battle Of The Knights Alt Ending 4: There Are No Winners

Pairing: Moonknight trio x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: eh no one's vibing here lol

Genre: this one is angst

Summary: "So let me get this straight, you all like me, so you each want to take me on a date and let me decide what to do after?" You can't believe the words you're hearing even as you repeat them back.

What happens when the relationships you've built with Marc and his two alters are turned on their heads by a proposition that is anything but simple? How can they expect you to risk blowing up the carefully crafted dynamic you've worked so hard to create? And why do you agree to such an insane suggestion?

***

There is no good choice. You've been thinking it over and over every day now and you can't see any decision going well. You can't possibly be expected to pick a favorite. That's what this is basically, picking a favorite person. At least that's what it feels like and you do not want to do that. How could you? No, there were too many unpredictable factors to try and choose one.

Hey guys, I made a choice. We should meet up when you all have a chance.

Their response comes quicker than you were expecting. Barely a few minutes pass before your phone dings with a message.

Sure, why don't we grab lunch tomorrow? We can go to our usual spot. -Marc

Good. Somewhere neutral. It'll make things easier. At least a little bit.

Works for me. Is 2 okay for time?

That's usually what time you guys would grab lunch there on the days you go so you can't imagine it'd be a problem but between the three of them- scheduling can be madness.

Two is perfect. See you then. -Marc

Great.

The next day you have to actively stop yourself from leaving extremely early to meet them. You're so anxious to get through this conversation that you were ready way before you needed to be and that left you with nothing to do but mull over how much you're dreading it until it's a reasonable time to leave. When you get to the cafe you're meeting at, they're already sitting at a table. You walk over and when they spot you they stand.

"Y/n, you made it." It's Marc that greets you with a smile and you hug him as you reply.

"Yeah! Hey, good to see you." You say taking a seat in the chair he wasn't in before you entered.

"Well duh we're like this." Marc crosses two fingers to indicate your closeness and you chuckle.

"Yeah, I guess we are pretty close." You hum.

"I went ahead and ordered for us since we got here early, courtesy of Steven, they should be calling it out soon so I wanna wait that way we're not like interrupted." Marc tells you.

"Oh yeah no problem we can wait. Thanks for ordering." You smile although you literally do not have the appetite for this lunch despite it being one of your favorites. It only takes a minute or two for them to call Marc's name and he jogs up to the counter to retrieve your meals and bring them back.

"And the food has arrived." He announces as he sets down your bag in front of you and sits down again.

"Indeed it has." You smile popping open the bag to pick at your fries. You don't want to open the sandwich you always get just yet because if this conversation goes as horribly as you're worried it will you'll want to be able to grab your lunch and leave.

"Alright, decision day, right?" Marc prompts as he pulls out his food and starts unwrapping things.

"Right." You nod.

"You know I have to admit I didn't think you'd really use the whole three weeks when you said it at the end of our date." Marc says before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Yeah, well- you guys gave me a lot to think about. I had to make sure I made the right decision. But I'm sure the waiting was killer. Especially with how y'all can be." You muse.

"How we can be?! Rude!" He protests.

"Maybe but it's not incorrect." You shrug.

"I resent that." His eyes narrow at you.

"Oh I'm sure you do." You scoff. Marc chuckles and you allow his laughter to die down while you settle your nerves before speaking again. "I love you guys, you know that, right?"

"Of course. And we love you." Marc says without missing a beat.

"Then... I hope you'll understand when I say I won't- pick one of you." You say shakily. Marc freezes in the middle of putting down his sandwich at your words.

"What?"

"I had- a lot of fun with you, each of you, but I can't date any of you. I love you, really but this just- we work well as we are and I don't want to change that." You say. There's a long pause where Marc is frowning at- nothing in particular, he's not looking at you and after over a minute passes you stand up, assuming he needs space to process things.

"If you weren't going to choose to be with one of us why go through the trouble of doing any of this?" It's Jake's voice that stops you from standing all the way.

"What?"

"If you weren't going to choose any of us what was the point of doing all of this at all?"

"It's what you asked me to do. I did exactly what you asked. Go on a date with each of you and make a decision after that. You don't like my decision and I can understand that. You don't have to like it but it's my choice and you will respect it, Jake. I expect at least that much from you."

"So all of this was just to appease us- because we asked?" Jake looks at you, practically glares at you.

"Of course it was. Look I had a lot of fun with you all really I did- but you all are a unit that I have no desire to split up in any way and you all plus me work really well- the way we are now. I don't want to mess that up either. I like the way things are." You say meeting his stare head on. As worried as you were about all of this you refuse to let Jake intimidate you.

"It sounds like you're scared. We put ourselves out there to you and you can't be bothered to risk doing the same?!"

"It's not about that Jake. I care about all of you and I have no interest in seeing things shift. If- this decision is what destroys our friendship if you- can't speak to me anymore because I refuse to choose between you, I can live with it. I'd rather lose all of you at once now than lose you one at a time." You say calmly.

"Why is that the only outcome you see?"

"I've spent the past 3 weeks going over every possible way this ends- there are too many not good possibilities. I don't like the odds. I understand that you're upset and I will give you space to deal with that." You shake your head.

"And what if we don't want to see you again?" Jake asks harshly. You don't allow that flash of hurt you feel to simmer as you answer him.

"I will respect that choice." You say, slowly, because as much as you try to mask it the idea does hurt you to think about.

"Y/n- wait. Jake- he's upset, we all are- but he doesn't mean that. We'd never-"

"Don't speak in absolutes. And don't speak for him. He might not get over this and he doesn't have to. It's okay if he- never wants to talk to me again." You cut off Steven's frantic attempts at defusing the situation.

"He'll come around. You know he will- he's never been able to stay mad at you." Steven says.

"This is different Steven. I think he feels particularly betrayed. He doesn't- feelings aren't something he allows himself and the one time he did- it backfired. The door is always open for him but- he may not want to speak to me again and that's okay too, but I'll always be around if he does."

"Y/n-"

"I- I should go but I'll see you around. I love you by the way. All of you. I'm sorry things didn't go the way you hoped." You say grabbing your lunch and darting out of the place before Steven can try more placating. This played out about as well as you expected but you feel you made the best choice for you and that's all that should matter. Right?

***

Taglist: @queerponcho @avengersinitiative2012 @stressed-cherry

[ash5monster01]

Somebody’s Baby

Pairing: Steve Harrington x FemReader, plus size

Warnings: fluff, body image issues

Summary: You had gone so long not being noticed because of your size. You had started to give up hope on having someone notice you. And just when you least expect it the guy you want to the most does.

Masterlist

Your whole life all you wanted was someone to notice you. To see you and go ‘wow, she’s so beautiful’. But beauty can be hidden behind peoples image of perfect. It can be missed when your waist isn’t super tiny, your stomach isn’t flat, or your thighs aren’t small. If you don’t fit this image of perfect then all that beauty can be missed. And that’s exactly how you felt. Your stomach wasn’t flat, your waist didn’t give you an hourglass figure, and your thighs were big. The opposite of what turned heads and you had gotten used to not being noticed. Especially by the one guy you wanted to notice you the most.

You had been working at Family Video since you were sixteen. Steve and Robin had just recently started and it was torture. You had loved Steve since middle school and you always scolded yourself for that pipe dream. He’d never even glance at a girl like you and it was proven time and time again when you saw the girls he dated. Especially Nancy who was taller, skinnier, and gorgeous. The perfect girl. You could probably fit three of her in a pair of your clothes and you despised it. You despised yourself for letting the crush on Steve last so long because it was degrading letting a guy like that determine your worth.

“If the movie is too scary give me a call” Steve’s sultry voice filled the video store and you glanced over from putting movie returns back on the shelf to spot the girl he had flirted with. Tall, blonde, skinny. Of course. Sighing you turned away and continued to lessen the load of movies in your hand.

“Hey Y/N when do you want to take a break?” Robin popped up behind you. She liked pre-planning especially on busy days.

“I’ll take it whenever” you muttered not wanting to put up much of a fight. No one would notice if you did.

“Are you okay?” Robin asked when she spotted the sad look on your face. You chuckled to yourself as she asked. You had been sad every day since graduation but of course she just noticed despite every time you worked together you were always sad.

“I’m always okay” was your response and Robin began to feel bad she hadn’t really gotten to know you. Just her and Steve had been friends so long it was easier to talk to him during a shift.

“You and Steve are closing so I figured I could cover your break now before I left” nodding you handed her the stack of movies and moved to clock out for lunch. Of course it flew by and you were back to the dreaded video store long before you planned. Once you got back Robin left and now you were alone to listen to Steve flirt with every good looking customer and never even glance at you.

You had gotten used to doing most of the work when working with Steve. And that was mainly because he was on a mission to prove he could still get a date now that he wasn’t King of Hawkins. What was even funnier was he could get a date out of you but he’d never even fathom the idea. The store was never busy enough for his flirting to bother you but tonight customers after customers flooded in and he was still talking up the same red head in the romance section. Calling out for him he didn’t hear you. Big surprise. Finally after a few more times you yelled which startled some customers.

“HARRINGTON, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE” Steve jumped and turned from the red head to spot you frustrated behind the counter with a long line of customers. He gave a sheepish look to the girl and rushed over to you.

“I’m sorry” he spoke as he moved to the other register and for the first time ever he looked into your eyes. He felt guilty for leaving you hanging and he never would’ve intentionally. As your eyes locked on his for longer than three seconds he felt his stomach jump. There it was, the beauty.

“Let’s just finish this up” nodding you broke eye contact with him and you both turned to cash the customers out. Finally the line shorted and no one was left in the store after the mini rush.

“Y/N I’m really sorry” you hadn’t expected his hand to grasp your wrist and stop you from counting money in the register. Looking up you saw him staring at you with a different look in his eyes that you’ve ever seen before. You gasped slightly and he noticed. He noticed everything about you now. God you were so beautiful and he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed before.

“It’s okay, just a little more movies and a little less red heads next time” you joked and Steve realized you were funny. You weren’t quiet he had just gone so long ignoring you. Even all of high school he couldn’t believe he had never really looked at you before.

“I promise” he squeezed your wrist and he saw you glance down at his hand, your heart rate quickening. He started remembering the few things about you he had barely noticed before. “Any fun plans for tonight?”

“W-what?” you stuttered out as he let go of your hand and he smiled as he realized he made you nervous. You liked him, and he had been trying to get these stupid customers to pay attention when you liked him this whole time.

“It’s Friday, you have nothing planned once we’re out of here?” he asked and you chuckled and shook your head.

“I’ll probably just go home and rewatch Fast Times” you spoke, you never had Friday night plans. Nobody noticed you.

“You like Fast Times?” he asked and you chuckled.

“Of course, it’s funny, has young romance, and Judge Reinhold is so adorable” you told him and he laughed at your response.

“I love Fast Times too, Phoebe Cates is gorgeous” he noticed the solemn look adorn your face at his response. He wasn’t sure what he had said wrong. But again Phoebe Cates was the image of perfect and you didn’t even look close to that.

“I’m gonna start getting ready to close up” you changed the conversation not wanting to get disappointed anymore.

“Do you want to watch it together?” your ears perked up as you started to walk away from him.

“What?” you had watched him try and make plans with so many girls so different from you today. This couldn’t be happening.

“Fast Times, my parents are never home and I don’t have any plans either. You could come over and we can watch it together” suddenly Steve was nervous as he asked this which shocked him because he hadn’t been nervous around any of the other girls all day.

“This isn’t a joke right?” Steve gave a confused look as you asked this too. He had no idea what that meant.

“No, I’d like the get to know you better. I think you’re beautiful” your heart pounded against your ribs as he spoke. Your ears could’ve exploded. There was no way you heard that right. Tears welled in your eyes and Steve got worried he said something wrong again.

“You think I’m beautiful?” you asked trying to hide how much those words affected you.

“Yeah, why else would I be asking you to come over. Some time spent with a pretty girl wouldn’t dent my night too bad” he flirted and you quickly collected yourself and ushered the tears away.

“It sounds fun. I’m in” you smiled and Steve grinned as if he won the lottery. He had been denied by so many women all day but as you said yes he figured he just became the luckiest guy in the world. And he was when you actually kissed him back during the baseball dugout scene to Somebody’s Baby by Jackson Browne.

[bodypaintsculptures]

High Priestess | Chapter 3: Now Then Mardy Bum

A/N: Hey lovelies!!! Thanks for all the support of the first two chapters!!! As always, I hope you enjoy the new chapter! Don't forget to like, comment and please lemme know if you would like to be tagged! H x

Synopsis: A down on their luck Welsh band, High Priestess, finally get the big break they were looking for - a supporting spot for one of the UK's biggest successes; the Arctic Monkeys. Was this finally the opportunity they needed to kick start their dream careers of being a successful rock band? Or will a tumultuous relationship between the two lead singers and a secret confession of devotion ultimately be too much to handle for the three best friends from Cardiff?

Word Count: 4.6K

Warnings: swearing, drug usage, mentions of death, mental health issues and sexual content throughout this fic.

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Friday came around too quickly for Niko's liking.

Before she knew it, she was shutting up the bookstore and speeding off towards her flat to get ready for the performance of a lifetime. Thinking about that alone made her shudder in nervous anticipation, made her heart beat erratically and palms sweat uncontrollably the closer she got to her place and ultimately, the performance. 

Usually Niko was excited to perform.

She loved being on stage. She loved being in front of a crowd, allowing herself to get lost in the on-stage persona she had perfected over the years. It would make her feel alive, get her heart racing, blood pumping. It was an exhilaration that no amount of drugs or alcohol could rival. Something that just felt right.

But tonight, she was dreading it. 

So much rested on this one performance and the pressures that brought filled the blonde with a heavy trepidation. It frightened her to know that if this went wrong, then it would more than likely be the end. The endof her dream. The end of their dream. 

A dream that Niko had been more than willing to give up on, only weeks ago. To quit music all together, quit the tireless trying of it all and lead a boring life. 

But now, with this opportunity, her dream had become her sole purpose in life once again, just like it had been all those years ago. It gave her a new incentive, a new vigour and she wasn't going to give up on it that easily. Although it didn't go as far as giving her a spring in her step or flip her melancholy on its head, this opportunity gave her a new sense of hope, a hope that she so desperately needed and wanted to revel in.

That didn't mean she wasn't nervous though. Because she was. 

If anything, she was terrified. 

The band had worked tirelessly over the years to even get to this position. Travelling to perform in the small corners of their home country just to get, night after night, weekend after weekend, earning little to no money, but in the hopes that someone, anyone, would recognise their potential. And Niko did not want to be the one that let them down when they finally it. She did not want to be the one that squandered this amazing opportunity for them, just because you froze under the pressure. 

Although the blonde had never been one to do such thing, even when the spotlight rained down on her and only her, even when she was the only one the crowd could hear, the heavy weight of expectations on her shoulders made her mind reel with the possibilities of it happening.

And that scared her even more.

What if she forgot her cue? What if she hit the wrong note? What if she forgot the lyrics?

It would more than likely ruin their chances, and Niko didn't believe she could cope with that.

But they were the "what if's" and Niko was determined for them to remain just that. Even if the prospect of their performance being filmed intimidated her, knowing who would be judging it, she had to remove those thoughts from her muddled mind and just be herself.

Something that was easier said than done.

By the time her inner worries had settled, Niko had already made it to her flat. The usual fifteen minute walk feeling more like five in her befuddled state. 

Pushing the door to her apartment open, or rather barging into it until it would let her in, the blonde had began the countdown to the inevitable. 

The band had agreed to be ready for pick up at 6:30pm, which had given her an hour to get ready. Enough time for some to get ready but when you were as nervous and as messy as Niko was, coupled with her inability to time keep, it wasn't much time at all. 

Upon her arrival, she had trudged her way through her tiny flat after removing her shoes and made a bee-line to the shower to try and relax collect her thoughts. A feat that had taken longer, way longer, than expected having effectively lost herself in the droplets of hot water mindlessly numbing her body. 

Which led to her running late. Surprise, surprise. 

But not late enough that she did not have time to stand in front of her mirror that was resting against the wall of her small living room, and silently praise herself for her unintentional, panic chosen outfit of choice. 

A sheer white flared sleeve shirt with a white lace bralette underneath, a tight black silk split side skirt that sat half way up her thigh, allowing her tattooed legs to show and a pair of zipped Doc Martens which had seen better days, but they were comfortable nonetheless. 

Maybe I should get dressed in a rush more, she mused, running her fingertips through her short curled blonde locks, some of which was tied up into a half ponytail, as to not get her face while she was performing.

With the final touch up to her make up; a simple smokey look with dark eyeliner and matte black lipstick, Niko stood back and admired her appearance with a small smile on her lips. She felt comfortable but most importantly, confident. And that was a first. She felt and arguably, looked hot. Something she wouldn't usually associate with herself, but as she ran her hand across the silky material that covered her curves, she couldn't help but feel happy.

However, given her poor time management skills, the blonde wasn't given long to admire herself as the sound of a car horn being aggressively beeped from outside, snapped her back to the present. Her head whipped to the open window in fright, not sure if to approach it to see what or rather who was making all the noise, and thankfully, she didn't need to as a loud, but recognisable voice rang out; 

"Niko, come on let's go!" The unmistakable voice of CJ's screamed from outside. It was loud enough to wake up the whole neighbourhood, not just her.

Instead of replying, Niko just rolled her eyes at her friends dramatic and silently began to gather everything she needed for the night ahead. Set list, lyric book, guitar... the blonde ticked her mental list one by one before drifting off as her eyes landed on something laying dormant on the side; a perfectly rolled, untouched joint.

She was confused why it was there, having thought she had already smoked it before her shift at the bookstore this afternoon. Yes yes, getting high on the job wasn't very professional, but it allowed her to deal with the boringness of sitting around and doing fuck all for eight hours.

But she must have forgotten to and now it piqued her interest. She contemplated for a few moments if it would be a good idea to take it with her or not, and although she knew the answer was a definitely a not, the blonde couldn't help but think that tonight, maybe, she needed it. She wasn't one to get high before she went on stage, instead leaving the buzz of the crowd and the vibrations of their music to do the job, but at this point, she was convinced that it may help calm her nerves. 

"Niko come on we haven't got all day!" Another scream came from downstairs, catching the blonde's attentions away from her indecisiveness. 

This time it was Larry who had made a her unintentionally roll her eyes but given that they did have somewhere to be, Niko picked up her guitar case and headed out the door towards the inevitable. Not before grabbing the small rolled joint off the side though. Y'know, just in case..

"Oh! You look stunnin' hun!" Larry cooed as Niko finally joined the rest of the band outside her flat. Niko smiled at the man's words, performing a little twirl for him before he brought her into a hug and pecked her flushed cheek. "You're gonna blow their socks off tonight." He whispered supportively.

Now, Niko wasn't usually one for taking compliments, she was usually the kind of person that would shy away from such things and rather fade into the background. But tonight she was feeling particularly confident in her appearance so she thanked her friend with a small smile and handed over her guitar to put into the car's boot before getting into the already occupied car.

Niko was always thankful that Larry was so supportive of their dreams and would offer to drive them to gigs whenever he could. He had given up a lot of time on his evenings and weekends to help them reach this point and Niko knew she and the rest of the girls owed a lot to him if they ever made it into the big leagues.

If.

Exchanging small hellos with her bandmates as Niko climbed into the vehicle, she could instantly feel air change around her, one filled with trepidation. And although the blonde was confident in herself, she still couldn't help feeling the same way. This was a big night after all.

Thank god I wasn't the only one, Niko sighed in relief, and strapped herself in, suddenly becoming too nervous to speak another word.

"Ready?" Larry asked the collective as he jumped into the driver's seat, receiving small nods of approval before he set off on the road to their latest and most important gig to date.

The car journey wouldn't be a long one. Where they were performing was relatively close but the Friday night traffic in Cardiff was a nightmare to navigate making the trip longer than usual. The car was filled with a quiet nervousness the whole drive there, only slightly lessened by the sound of the radio playing.

Larry was doing his best to make the girls laugh or strike up a conversation on anything other than what lay ahead but after a while they fell silent. He could tell how much this meant to them, and could understand why they all felt so nervous, knowing that this could change their lives forever. He also knew how badly they wanted it, to do something that mattered to them, to be somebody in a world of nobodies, and he wanted it for them too.

Even CJ was quiet, which was a surprise to everyone. Usually she would be chatting their ears off to the point where she needed to be told to shut it. That was not the case tonight, evidently. 

However, after a long while of nothing but radio silence, CJ couldn't take it anymore, and had to fill the silence somehow. And that was with her voice; "I think we should perform one of their songs." She whispered to Niko, sat in front of her. "Y'know get in their good books."

Niko had been staring out the window, watching the traffic fly by and the shimmering lights of the city, but now that aimless staring to keep herself calm had been replaced by fear.  

"What? No no no, tha's a terrible idea." She whispered back with wide eyes. Though in the silence of the car, everyone could hear them as they began to bicker. "Just stick to what we know, C."

CJ frowned, not expecting that response of her friends reluctance. Of course, she could hear the shakiness in her voice as she spoke, and knew she was nervous, don't blame her, so was I, but the drummer was convinced this was a good idea. "No Nik, I think this is something we need to do."

Though Niko just shook her head, eyes falling to her clammy hands in her lap. 

"We've performed their songs before." CJ pressed further. She knew it probably sounded like a corny suggestion to perform a song of the band that they would be potentially going on tour with, but the brunette was convince that covering one of them would help them in the long run.

"Not for years." Niko responded with an uncomfortable gulp.

It was a bad idea. To cover a song of the band that were going to be watching their performance and ultimately judging them, didn't sit right with Niko. It almost felt insulting to do so, to destroy a much loved song of theirs just to "get in their good books". It just seemed wrong, and the more she was thinking about it, the more the confidence she had built up was starting to dwindle.

"But we know the lyrics, the notes, timings..." CJ persisted, her arms now resting on the back of the seat that Niko occupied in front of her.

Niko remained silent, staring at her sweating palms as they writhed in her lap at the idea. Though her continued silence seemed to be CJ's cue to continue to pester the blonde to agree. "I think we should do Mardy Bum." No response. "Our version." She added and pursed her lips for a reaction. One she got, finally.  

The muttering of those words finally snapped the blonde's head to her friend seated behind her, her eyes triggered with fright and head shaking. "That's a bad idea."

CJ chuckled at her reaction, pushing herself back into her seat. "Nah it's not; our version is great." She pointedly said with a cross of her arms. Niko again shook her head, making CJ roll her eyes, tapping the person next to her involved in the conversation. "Vi, tell her."

Glancing up from her phone that she had tried to preoccupy herself with, Viola glanced between the two expectant eyes of her friends and sighed;  "I do think it would be good to do, Niko." She reluctantly agreed with the drummer, much to Niko's dismay. Really? "Your voice always sounds beautiful when you do tha' song." The bassist added sweetly. 

Niko, however, was having none of it and instead turned back to face the front, electing to stay silent on the matter. But, of course, CJ continued.

"Come on Nikola..." The brunette cooed her actual first name coaxingly, grabbing her shoulders and giving them a small shake from behind. 

That did not help. Instead, it just made things worse, it made Niko close her eyes, pained by the sound of her real name being used to guilt trip her into giving in. She didn't want the lingering grief that the call of her name held to add to the nervousness she was already developing, but she guessed it was too late for that now.

Niko hated her real name. She hated hearing it being used in any context, having tried years to get the name to die along with her past. But being friends with CJ since she was young meant that the woman knew everything about her, including all her baggage and the drummer knew the call of her birth name would provoke the blonde. 

And provoke her it did, but not in a good way. All the horrible memories of her past came flooding back with the simple call; the hatred, the heartache, the longing of what was lost, all now at the forefront of her mind and that was something she did not need to be burdened with right now. Especially when it came to one thing, one name, his name; Papa. 

Her heart ached just thinking about him. It ached to think about how proud he would have been of her if he was still here today, even if her life had become a misery. He had died when she was seven in a car crash, and since then Niko had never been the same bubbly little girl she was before his death. She never really smiled after that, and she didn't really speak about him either, the pain too much to handle.

He was just a bad memory she'd tried hard to forget, of the life she had willingly given up.

Feeling the rush of grief taking over her, Niko grabbed the one part of him she still had wrapped around her neck and held it in her grip tightly. Trying to push back down the melancholic grief that her memories held with steady breaths was working, that was until CJ opened her mouth again;

"Don't make me use your full name Niko--" CJ sang into her ear.

"Alright, fine." Niko caved, shuddering at the thought of hearing it again and what memories it would provoke. "We'll do Mardy Bum."

"Yes!" CJ cheered happily behind her, falling back into her seat with a happy smile on her face. "This is gonna be amazing."

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The drive didn't take much longer after that dreadful conversation and before they knew it, Larry was pulling up to the venue they were performing at, aptly named 'The Globe' -- something the band dreamt of taking over. 

It was a small concert venue that held about two hundred on a good night and given the lineup of local bands listed to perform, it was hopefully going to be just that.

The trio silently piled out of the car one by one, their eyes fixated on the venue in front of them already filled the crisp Welsh night with the unmissable sound of booming music and laughter. It was early November after all, and Welsh winters were bitterly cold, just with more rain and less snow. 

But it seemed that they didn't have much time to focus on the weather as, as they began to collect their instruments, they heard a voice behind them.

"Are you High Priestess?" The voice asked curiously, gathering their attention. 

Turning to its direction, they saw a man that looked to be in his late-20's staring back at them with furrowed brows poking over a pair of thick glasses.

"Yes we are!" CJ spoke up happily, always too confident for her own good as she challenged the mans question with her own. "...and you are?" She raised an eyebrow, awaiting an answer.

The man, who remained nameless in those moments, had just tucked his phone into his trouser pocket and was now staring at the four of them with a smile on his face. "Oh apologies, I'm Jay, I'm the representative the label sent." Jay held his hand out for them to shake, and with a little hesitation, the four did just that.

"I have to say, I absolutely loved your demo and the guys did too." He added, trying to keep the conversation going as they got back to collecting their equipment.

Though that once again stopped their actions and within seconds he had four pairs of eyes curiously staring at him

"The 'guys'?" A short blonde asked with a very abrupt tone. One that earned a warning stare from the black haired woman next to her. 

"Oh yeah the band, y'know the Arctic Monkeys." Jay responded happily. 

He was still beaming with pride that he was the one that had put this band on the list to begin with and had insisted he be the one that came and watched them perform. Of course, James had agreed, mostly because he thought he was punishing him for the little stunt he had pulled by putting them there in the first place. But for Jay, it was a journey he happily made, after all, he liked the band, and their sound. 

"They were excited by your sound." Jay added but didn't really receive an answer. They were all just staring at each other, maybe in disbelief or excitement, he couldn't really tell.

Were they always this quiet? The assistant pondered curiously before changing the subject to something he'd neglected to ask so far; their names. "Anyway, names... what are your names? And the instrument you play, that would probably be a good start." He let out a nervous chuckle.

It wasn't the first time he had done this but it was the first time he'd actually enjoyed the band he was going to scout. They looked different from what he had imagined and what they had sounded like but looks aren't everything right? And as the old saying goes "don't judge a book by its cover".

The first to speak up was the confident brunette who had questioned his appearance. "Oh well I'm Cleo or CJ. I - obviously - am the drummer and I also do vocals." She smiled, gesturing to the drumsticks she was holding in her hands.

Jay nodded a smile at the drummer before a long haired blonde spoke up. "I'm Viola, I play bass." Her voice was sweet and innocent just as the wave that she gave him.

With another small nod and reciprocated smile, Jay turned to the shorter blonde, who stood with her back against the car and guitar case in her hand. "And?" He pushed as he was met with a blank stare.

"Niko." She said plainly, her face not moving from the cold reception it was giving him. "Lead singer and guitarist." 

Straight to the point, Jay smirked internally. It seemed like a lead singer kind of attitude to have, though he didn't want to judge. Maybe she was just nervous.

Jay then turned his attention to the man that had accompanied the trio of women, awaiting a name. "I'm Larry... I'm not in the band, I just kinda play keyboard when they need me and lug all their shit 'round." He chuckled.

Jay nodded and noted the small creeping smile at Larry's comment onto Niko's face. So she does smile, just not often.

"Well it's nice to meet you all, I'm excited to see what you got tonight." He smiled, not able to stop doing so. He wasn't lying, he was excited to see them perform, having only ever listened to their demo, like twelve times. "Uh, did you 'ave a manager I can speak with?" He questioned the group, remembering what James had told him. Find the manager, tell him the process, and don't fuck it up.

Larry chuckled at the question as the girls all collectively stared at each other. No, was the answer. Though it was an answer that all of them were too afraid to admit to this "Jay" guy. They didn't have a manager, they were their manager. Though Larry's chuckle quickly died down and the smile on his lips replaced by a tight line when he noticed all three women staring at him.  Initially he shook his head, slight enough for just them to see, but when the stares intensified, especially from CJ, he caved.

Oh for fucks sake. "I guess... me?" Larry coughed out.

"Great," Jay smiled brightly. "I just 'ave a few things I want to discuss with you about the process and then I'll leave you a lot to get ready for your gig." The assistant added and grabbed Larry by the arm, leading him towards the venue for a discussion.

Before he was making his way there with the man, Larry turned around and gave the girls an angry eyed stare, making a mental note to kill them for it later. 

Instead of being intimated, however, the women just giggled and waved him away, as they collected the final piece of the equipment they needed.

"He was cute." Viola happily hummed as she closed the boot of Larry's car.

Though her quip only made the drummer scoff in confusion. "Really?"

The leggy blonde turned towards the disgusted brunette with wide eyes. "What? He was!" She knew why CJ wouldn't think he was, but there was no harm admitting finding someone attractive, like Jay. "Right Nik?"

Niko was still leaning against the side of her car, watching Larry and this Jay guy with squinted eyes, trying to discern what they were talking about but they were too far out of earshot.

She shrugged at Viola's question nonetheless. She didn't really want to be dragged into this conversation but here she was. "He looks more like a man that plays video games in his mam's basement than works for a record label, Vi." Her grumbled grimace earning her a cackle from CJ who had begun to make her way to the venue's side entrance.

Viola rolled her eyes at Niko's comment. "He was still cute, though." The bassist pointed to her with a smile and began following close behind the drummer, but stopped when she saw Niko's unmoving figure. "Come on." She encouraged but the singer just stayed rooted to the spot, shaking her head.

That was enough to grab CJ's attention. "Niko! Come on!" She barked like the loud mouth she was.

But Niko still stayed rooted to the spot, gesturing to the joint she'd already retrieved from her bra while the pair bickered over if a man was cute or not. "I'm gonna..." She reached for her lighter that she'd stuffed down the side of her skirt and was just about to light it when CJ interrupted her action.

Lurching forward, the drummer knocked the roll from her awaiting mouth. "Oh no you don't." She tutted disappointedly, stamping it into the floor before it could be lit.

Now, CJ wasn't one to let good weed go to waste, hell in any other circumstance she would've stole it from Niko for herself. But there was a lot at stake tonight and the last thing she needed was Niko to be off her head and mess up because she was too high to focus. That ain't happening on my watch.

"C! That cost me like ten pounds!" Niko gasped in annoyance at her friend's unwarranted actions.

"Well that's ten pounds wasted then innit!" CJ shrugged smugly as she turned to walk towards the venue again, hoping Niko would follow but apparently not. "I ain't 'aving you high on stage! Now come on--" She ushered her with a grab of her arm trying to push the blonde from her spot. "Niko, come on."

Niko puffed her cheeks, standing her ground. She wasn't that her friend had just wasted a perfectly good joint like that but she also did not want divulge her best friend in why she wanted to have a smoke of it. Though, now with no smoke, she saw no option but to mumble the truth. "I just...I just wanted to settle my nerves."

"Why?" CJ frowned straight away as if it wasn't obvious to the overzealous drummer.

But that's where they differed.

Niko was more reserved, more introverted, she let her singing do the talking -- if that makes any sense -- but boy did she know how to do it. With CJ however, the confidence of her drumming extended far beyond the stage and she was probably as confident and extroverted as it gets. 

CJ was an open book, Niko was not.

But that didn't stop CJ from voicing her opinion. "We've done this hundreds if not thousands of times before, we know what we're doing, we have this! We're gonna rock these mothafuckas and get tha supporting spot, and all because a - we are a great band and b - you are one 'ell of a singer." 

CJ's confidence usually rubbed off on everyone but the silence she was met with and the now closed eyes of the blonde in front of her was enough to tell her that the confidence in this case was not shared. So, with a sigh, the drummer wrapped her arms around her best friend's shoulders and bowed slightly to meet her gaze. 

"Niko... look at me." She coaxed and thankfully, Niko did what she asked, reluctantly meeting the dark eyes of the brunette. "We have this okay?" CJ cooed quietly. "We're all in this together."

Niko let out a bated breath, one she hadn't realised she had been holding onto, and gave her best friend a single nod. "Okay... Troy Bolton." She quipped teasingly.

"We both know I'd prefer Gabriella." CJ winked suggestively, making Niko chuckle at her forwardness. "Now come on, I'm freezing me tits off out yer." CJ complained and laced her arm with the reluctant blonde, dragging her towards the venue for the performance of a lifetime. 

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Tag List: @alovesreading @indierockgirrl @atticssmellgood

[talksliketherain]

Rowan Laslow - Hurt

Background- Rowan and Y/n have been best friends forever and they both have feelings for one another but are oblivious to it. Recently he's been going to Nightshade meetings more often, leaving y/n alone to fill her own time.

Not proof read!! Please do not post my work to any other sites or steal it!! If you have any requests dm me!

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Third person Pov-

Y/n and Rowan sat in his dorm, finishing up their project for botany. Rowan hated botany. He had no special interest in plants or flowers or nature of any sort. But he knew y/n did. He looked up at her, observing her squinting her eyes in focus at the drawing she had been working on.

The two had practically grown up together. Before Rowan's mother died, she was best friends with Y/n's aunt, who y/n lived with. After his mother died he began spending a lot more time at the L/n household. His father wasn't too interested in what Rowan did, and kind of detested him because of how much he resembled his mom.

Nevertheless, Y/n and her aunt took Rowan in. He even had his own room at their house.

At about age 13, he began to realize he was deeply in love with her. Since he practically lived with her he got to see all sides of her. This included seeing her sob after her first heartbreak, laugh until she couldn't breathe, and get so mad to the point where she was quite literally red in the face.

He adored every side. He adored everything about her.

He snapped back into reality, hearing her call his name in that voice that drove him nuts.

"Rowan?" she asked, trying to get his attention.

He mentally screamed at the sound of her saying his name.

"Sorry what?"

"I asked what you think about the drawing."

"Oh. Sorry."

He turned his head to observe the picture. They were assigned a tiger lily. His mouth opened a little bit. The drawing was perfect.

"Wow. That's really good. You're gonna give Xavier a run for his money."

Y/n blushed at the compliment. She had been doing her best at trying to make the drawing look as good as possible. She didn't want rowan to think she was incapable.

Just recently she had caught feelings for the Laslow boy. She never really paid him much mind before until earlier in the year. She saw him get hurt during fencing and went with him to the nurse's office. Seeing him there with his hair perfectly parted to the side, glasses sitting perfectly on his nose, and sleeves rolled up a little made her want to die. She thought back to that moment at least twice a day.

She tried forgetting about the skip in her heart when she saw him at that moment, but couldn't push it out of her head. About two weeks ago, she realized she was madly in love with him and gave in to her feelings.

"Thanks, Row. Now I just have to color it in." She looked up at him, sucking in a breath realizing how close they were.

"I could do that part. I mean you pretty much just did the whole thing." he chuckled.

"Uhh. Okay yeah, go ahead."

"Great. I'll finish it before it's due next Monday."

Rowan suddenly realized how close he was to the girl. He didn't want to be weird, so he scooted back as subtly as possible when he put the drawing in his bag.

Y/n frowned at the movement. She had thought that just maybe he was that close on purpose. Guess he was too close for comfort.

Rowan had taken off his jacket and was just in his button-up and vest. Y/n watched his back muscles contract as he leaned down to put his stuff away. Fencing sure did pay off.

He sat up and caught the girl zoned out, staring at his back.

"...You okay?"

"Wha- uh yeah. I'm great. Fantastic actually", Y/n said, hoping it wasn't too noticeable that she was staring at him.

He nodded and picked his bag up, slinging it over his shoulder. Y/n knew what was coming. The two had this unspoken thing with each other where they gave a hug whenever the other left. Recently she had been dreading this. Every touch they shared sent an electric pulse through her body.

She sighed, looking up at him with a sad face.

"Do you have to go?"

Rowan looked down to hide the crimson blush that he could feel spread across his face. They used to hang out all the time, but ever since Rowan joined the Nightshades he had been spending less and less time with the girl. In his defense, he was working on building up the courage to ask the others if she could join. Until then, he had to keep it a secret from you. He didn't know why he was so nervous. They all loved you anyway.

"Yeahhh. Xavier needed me to tutor him for algebra."

"Ah. Okay. Well..bye."

She stood up and mentally prepared herself for what was to come.

When did he get so tall?

He pulled her in, wrapping his arms around her neck. She wrapped hers around his waist, face right in his chest. They stood there for a moment just holding each other.

They both inhaled. As y/n took in the smell of Rowan's light cologne mixed with fresh cold air, he took in the smell of her green apple shampoo and conditioner. Her hair products frequently changed, so he was always excited to see what she chose this time.

Even though they both grew extremely nervous about this hug every time it came, it was addicting. Neither of them could get enough. It was like an excuse just to touch each other based on a tradition from when they were kids. They both mentally cursed and thanked their past kid selves for it. It had grown to mean so much more.

"Sure you don't wanna stay? I'm gonna sneak out and go into Jericho for some coffee and snacks.."

Rowan tried to think of an excuse. He felt bad for ditching their usual hang-out together (again..), but this was the meeting he would ask if she could join. They would finally be able to join each other again.

"I can't. His test is coming up soon. No time to waste."

"Right. Okay. Bye Rowan."

"Bye Y/n"

_________________

Rowan closed the door behind him and immediately felt sick. He knew Y/n was upset with him, but it would all be worth it after tonight.

But he just kept thinking.

Maybe if you got the courage to ask sooner you wouldn't have to feel this way, and she wouldn't be upset.

No. What's done is done. No point in feeling bad about it now. It wasn't like waiting an extra day was gonna kill her.

__________________

Y/n pulled her jacket on and grabbed her wallet in a huff. She knew Rowan wasn't tutoring Xavier for algebra tonight. Xavier was in geometry with her, and their test was yesterday.

Knowing he lied to her angered Y/n. Why would he be ditching her like this? What if there was a girl?

She shook her head trying to shake off the thought of Rowan being in love with someone else. Whatever. Maybe a latte and some chips would get her mind off of this.

She snuck out of the school doors, shivering once she felt the breeze hit her. She knew she should have grabbed Rowan's hoodie he had given her instead but was too stubborn to wear something of his right now when he had pissed her off so badly.

She began heading through the woods, observing her surroundings. She had always felt one with nature. It was peaceful to her.

As her journey continued, she didn't make it too far in before she heard a low growl.

"Enid?" she asked wearily.

Enid was always messing around with her like this. Even though she hadn't wolfed out yet, she had still always had a knack for growling and scaring the girl.

She heard it again.

"Enid come on this isn't funny. Come out!" she demanded.

Out of the corner of her eye, she watched as a strange creature crawled out of the darkness.

Y/n immediately started sprinting back toward the school. She had almost reached the front lawn when she felt her legs give out from under her. She was pulled back by her leg and flipped over until she felt the violent stabbing pain of the creature clawing open the skin on her chest and legs. She screamed as loud as she could, hoping someone would find her and come help. Her adrenaline got the best of her, as she was frozen in shock and fear. She suddenly snapped back to reality when the monster had finished with her.

She felt the burning of the wounds and the wetness of the blood seeping through her clothes in the cold night air. She couldn't scream anymore, and the blood rushing out of her drained her energy. She reached down and slowly pulled out her phone, pressing Rowan's contact to call him. Even though she had been mad, she needed him right now, and he was the closest thing to family around here.

————————

Rowan looked down at his phone repeatedly buzzing in her pocket. His face lit up with joy seeing Y/n's contact. He had already asked and received the blessing for her to join the club he was buzzing with excitement. When he asked everyone look at him like he was stupid.

"Dude, why didn't you just ask before? We love having her around. I'm surprised she isn't already one of us." Xavier said.

He got a bunch of different "yeah" and "Duh of course" from the entire group. Easy enough then. He had just sat down and started drinking a mocktail Yoko had made. He was just about to text and ask if he could come to her dorm because he had good news when he got her call.

Rowan picked up the phone and held it to his ear.

"Hey, I was just about t-"

He stopped. He heard sobbing from the girl and immediately stood up, already on edge.

"Y/n what's wrong? Is everything alright?"

"I...need help. Now. Monster...attacked..me... "

"Ooooh My god. Okay. OKAY. IM COMING. Send me your location I'm on my way."

"O...K...." Y/n sobbed.

Rowan hung up and took his robe off. It was time to go. NOW. He didn't even bother explaining to the others. He rushed out and ran towards the location you had sent him.

He made his way toward the edge of the campus lawn, finding you passed out on the grass. Not considering the circumstances, you looked peaceful. Your long eyelashes over top your cheeks and the moonlight above you shone across your face.

But Rowan didn't have time to think about that. He had to act fast.

"Fuck fuck fuck" he quickly used his telekinetic powers to lift you into the air and had you floating behind him as he broke out into a jog to the nurse.

He got to the nurse and quickly explained what happened. The nurse told him to go get her clothes as she tore off the bloodied ones and cleaned the poor girl up.

Rowan rushed down to your dorm and flipped the light on. Yoko was your roommate, and she was still at the meeting so he didn't have to worry about disturbing anyone. He went through the items in your closet, knowing you would want something to be comfortable in. He grabbed a tank top and shorts, knowing you also might not want anything touching your stitched-up wounds.

He grabbed some of your things along the way, knowing you would be spending at least a couple of days in the infirmary. On the way out he spotted his hoodie laying across a chair. He grabbed that too.

Turning the light off and shutting the door, Rowan rushed back, waiting to see what your state was.

He entered the door and handed the nurse your stack of clothes through the curtain. He didn't want to look in and invade your privacy. He tried talking to the nurse through the curtains. He was very impatient.

"How is she? Is she going to be okay? What's going on?" he asked frantically.

"Well she lost a lot of blood, and she's going to need MANY stitches. As of right now, I'm not sure when or if she'll wake up. But ill let you know..." she responded.

He sucked in a breath and held it for a second. This was all his fault. If he asked sooner or left the meeting earlier, or just stayed with you, this would have never happened. He let a single tear roll down his cheek but quickly wiped it away.

For the next couple of hours, all he did was wait. The nurse finally came out.

"She'll make it. But she'll be out for a while. As I said, Miss L/n lost a lot of blood. She's numbed up for now but she'll be in pain for the next few days. If you want you can go check on her. She's cleaned up."

He let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you so much. Do you mind if I stay with her until she wakes up?"

The nurse smiled at his request. The simple act reminded her that young love still existed. It was a breath of fresh air compared to the cuts and bruises from fights she was constantly healing.

"Go right ahead"

__________________________

Y/n woke up dizzy, but stable. She felt sharp pains and something burning all over her. She lifted the hem of her shirt, seeing bloodied stitches all across her abdomen. She pulled down the waistband of her shorts and saw the same thing on her thighs. Same thing on her arms.

At least I'm alive

She looked over to see Rowan sleeping in a chair next to her bedside. A nurse walked over and checked up on her while y/n stared. The nurse glanced up and looked over to see her looking at him so intently.

"Your boyfriend there stayed with you for the past 2 days. He barely leaves your side. Reminds me of how close my husband and I are."

Y/n didn't want to ruin the moment and tell her it wasn't her boyfriend so she just replied "Yeah we're really close."

The nurse walked away. Since she was awake now and Rowan was asleep, it was her turn to watch over him. She looked over all of him, from the freckles on his face to his cupid's bow. She loved every.single.part.

She was still laying down observing his face when he began to stir. His eyes fluttered open and he lifted off his glasses a little bit to rub his eyes before he fully opened them.

"Hey, you're awake! How do you feel?" he asked.

"Fine. Sore. Thank you for saving me."

"It's the least I could do. You're here because of me in the first place."

"Are you kidding? I understand you had things to do. I was going whether you were there or not. This isn't your fault."

"Listen there's something I need to tell you..."

Y/n raised her eyebrow and slightly nodded, telling him to keep going.

"I'm a part of a secret society here called the Nightshades. Recently we've been having more meetings which is why I've had to ditch our usual time together so much. Last night was especially important because...I asked them if you could join. They said yes. So now we can do our usual hangouts again...I mean. Only if you want."

Her eyes widened at the statement.

"Really? Wow. Yeah, I'd love to join. And to think I thought.." she said the last part a little quieter, realizing she ratted herself out.

"You thought what?"

"Well, I knew you weren't tutoring Xavier. He's in my class. I thought. Well, I thought you were ditching me for a girl."

Rowan laughed at the statement, making y/n slightly glare for laughing at her.

"ME?"

He continued laughing but then saw the serious look on her face. He knew it was time. This may ruin their friendship, but holding on to this anymore would make him explode.

"Y/n, the only girl I want in my life is you. I've been in love with you since we were kids. When I saw you laying there, lifeless on the ground, all I could think about was how I never got to tell you how much you meant to me."

Her eyes went as big as saucers. She never thought he would ever say anything to her like that. She sat forward and stared down at her hands, trying to figure out how to tell him she reciprocated feelings.

Rowan sat in silence, worrying he made her uncomfortable. He stood up from his chair.

"Listen I'm gonna go I don't want you to thin-"

Y/n quickly turned to him, gripping his wrist with one hand to pull him down, the other hand on the back of his neck to pull him in.

As their lips connected they both melted into the kiss. Y/n felt him smile a little, but quickly force it down so he could go back to kissing her. He lifted his hand to her face and rubbed his thumb back and forth across her cheek.

Y/n sat up a little bit to deepen the kiss, trying to push away the immense pain she was feeling on her stomach, but eventually gave in. She sharply inhaled and leaned back to the spot she was in before, breaking contact between the two.

Rowan sat back down in his seat with a dopey smile spread across his face.

Y/n looked at him with what was only recognizable as unconditional love in her eyes.

"Rowan. I'm in love with you too. Every part of you. I've known you for so long, and I can't imagine what my life would be like without you here."

Rowan took her hand in his, drawing little circles on it as they both stared at each other with love in their eyes. He leaned over and kissed her forehead, then whispered to her...

"I swear. I will never let anything hurt you ever again, my love."

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AND THATS IT!! Thank you for reading and stay tuned for more updates!

[callmemana]

Broken Glass Slipper

Pairing: Leonard “Wolfman” Wolfe (Henry “Wolfman” Ruth) x Cinderella!reader

Characters: Leonard “Wolfman” Wolfe (Henry “Wolfman” Ruth), Cinderella!reader, stepmother, stepsisters, Margaret (fairy godmother), Adam (carriage driver), Lucifer (the cat), Rick “Hollywood” Neven, Sam “Merlin” Wells

Warnings: Cinderella AU, this is crack, a sort of Cinderella retelling, friends to lovers, evil stepsisters and stepmother, Hollywood the royal servant, Wolfman is an adorable dumbass, reader and Leonard have been friends for years, stepmother is a greedy and cruel woman, reader and Leonard are friends.

Word Count: 2375

A/N: Iceman and Slider are hidden in the crowd (not mentioned but I imagined them in the ballroom). Maverick and Goose were not invited because of some pranks they played on the king in the past (also not mentioned).

Top Gun: Disney AU

As the door clicked shut and the lock sounded, Ella knew she was trapped in the attic until her step-mother felt fit enough to let her out.

Her Step-mother had found her shoe in her Hope Chest and smashed it on the ground, the memory of her perfect night shattered like her slipper.

She pounded on the door to try and get another’s attention to free her but after a while she gave up and laid on her bed, head in her arms as she sobbed.

She could hear muffled voices downstairs, the front door opening, people coming in, and sounds of objects moving. Unknown to her, her little mice friends were trying to help.

Jac Jac and Gus Gus were on a mission to retrieve the key to Cinderella’s door, but had some fallbacks. For one, the mistress of the house kept it in her pocket and hand around it, as if it could disappear into thin air.

After many failed attempts at retrieving the key, they gave up and tried another way. They had to get Ella out of the attic, this was her chance at a happily ever after, a chance to get out of this horrible house and away from these dreadful people.

It would be the least they could do for her after everything she did for them!  

As the eldest sister sat down upon the chair, a servant tried to put it on her foot, but alas, the foot was too wide for the slim glass.

Upset at the outcome, she took the shoe from the servant and jammed her foot into it, “There, it fits!'' As she finished her exclamation, the shoe showed her toes squished against the glass uncomfortable, her eyebrows furrowed in pain, and jaw clenched.

“Well, ma’am, the prince did say every available maiden must try on the shoe.'' He said carefully, as if not to hurt her feelings, took off the slipper and motioned for the other sister to sit.

The other sat gracefully, holding her foot out delicately to the servant and smiled. The servant gently placed the shoe on her foot and gasped, it actually fit her, perfectly to be exact!

“Sire, we have the girl!”

“Yes, Yes. Now go, get her things we must leave at once!” The servants ran off towards the staircase as the three women smiled and planned.

Once the sister left, soon her mother and other daughter departed too.

Ella, seemed to be forgotten, spent several days locked in her room before someone found the spare key and let her out.

By that time, her sister had taken her happily ever after.

Leonard could see that this was not the woman he danced with, but he was vague with instructions, for he only said to ‘find the girl who fits into the slipper’ not ‘find a girl with golden hair and eyes blue as the ocean who’s foot fit into the slipper’’ for that mistake he is forever unhappily married to the wrong girl.

He was just too frazzled to give more information than just find the girl with the missing shoe. He missed the maiden whose name he knows not, but am undoubtedly in love with.

Leonard stood with his new bride at his side at a court meeting his father held with a blank gaze and clenched jaw.

His friends could see that he wasn’t happy, the only time Rick had seen him truly happy was when he danced with the mystery maiden at the ball. His friends didn’t like to see him this way, constantly angry and upset.

Before the marriage, Leonard was a little adventurous and mischievous, always getting in trouble with his friends, now, he was silent and always brushing their fun away.

They also didn’t like the maiden he did marry, for she was rude as was her sister, a learned trait from their mother no doubt. So, after the meeting the Prince’s friends held a meeting of their own and discussed what to do.

“Well?”

“We could find her, convince her he’s not happy with his wife?”

“Do you even know what she looks like?”

“No, but Rick does. I overheard him and Leonard talking in the hall one afternoon.”

They all pan towards Rick, “I have seen her, but there is a problem. We don’t even know if she’s from this kingdom.”

“Then we send word to other Kingdoms close by, maybe one of them has seen her!”

“Unlikely, there could be thousands, millions of maidens that match the description of her!”

“Do you suggest we just let our friend be miserable?”

“No, but we have to find a special characteristic about her that only she could have, something that couldn’t be duplicated!”

“Then we must talk to Leonard, maybe he could tell us something useful in finding his true love!”

Leonard was in his study, reading a book as the doors slam open and his friends are coming in.

“What’s this about?”

“You being a dumbass.”

“I’m not following, Nicholas.”

“You were so memorized by the maiden that you danced with the night of the ball that you only gave a brief description on how to find her. Well, we have come up with a way to do just that!”

“And, pray tell, what is it? How do you plan to do that? I’ve already lost her and I am married to another woman.”

“Did you see any identifying features? Anything special characteristically about her?”

“Yes. She had a scar on her right, inside upper arm. I saw it while we were dancing, it looked like it was from a burn. Does that help?”

“Yes, Leonard, it does. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, just promise me you’ll find her.”

“I’ll do everything in my power to.”

For weeks the friends tried to find the maiden, went to every house and asked questions to every villager.

When they spotted an older woman, they all exchanged looks before running towards her. If anyone was to know the maiden, it would be someone who’s been here for quite some time and knows everyone.

“Excuse me ma’am,”

“Yes my dear?”

“Do you happen to know a maiden with golden hair, blue eyes, and a burn scar on her right upper arm?” her eyes widen and she gasps, she didn’t pay much attention to their clothes at first, but now that she sees their royalty, she quickly excuses herself and leaves, leaving the men suspicious and worried.

They tried to follow the older woman to find out where she’s hiding, but the woman was quick and used passage ways unknown to them to escape.

During the week, they tried to corner her and ask questions, but every time they got close something would happen to gain their attention and look away enough for her to bolt.

After a month with no success and their friend wallowing in self-pity,  they tried a different approach.

They had convinced Leonard to get out of the castle in villager clothes and talk to the woman, and when they found her with a basket full of foods, they pushed Leonard towards her and hid.

“Hello ma’am, may I talk to you for a moment?”

She looked at him and smiled, “Why of course, dearie.”

“I was wondering if you’ve seen a young woman with blonde hair and blue eyes and a burn scar on her upper right arm? I’m looking for her.”  

“Well, yes, I do know her. You’re talking about Ella, she lives up on Hickory Lane, in the big white house with the black accents, but if you ask me, its too big for just one person. Be careful dearie, she isn’t the same after her step-mother and step-sisters left to go live in the castle. Oh no, she’s been sad and rude since then.”

He thanked her and started his path to find his one true love, Ella, as it seems her name is. His friends following behind him closely, for he is a Prince and might need protection.

When they had made it to the house, they saw it had its windows boarded up and lights off, as if no one lived there for years.

Gathering his courage, Leonard knocked on the door in three swift hits. The group waited for a minute or two after hearing no response or footsteps coming closer and knocked again, this time more firm and loud.

Perhaps the lady of the house was too far away and couldn’t hear? More time passed and still no acknowledgement was given to the knocks.

Growing tired of being ignored, Leonard knocked again, and accompanied it with a shout, “Ella, are you in there? If so, would you please come out to chat?” as they waited for a response this time, Leonard bounced on his heels with a winning smile plastered on his face.

“Go away, I’m not taking any visitors today sir!”

“Please, I think it is very important that we meet!”

“I said not today sir! Good bye!”

The smile slowly made its way into a frown as he said, “Alright then, good bye Ella.” the others patted his back in condolences and reassured him that maybe tomorrow he’d have better luck.

The next couple of weeks were spent with Leonard and his friends coming to the house and trying to convince Ella to talk to him, and each day, ended much like the first.

When Leonard had had quite enough of this childish behavior, and coming from him, is a big statement, had travelled behind the gate and went into the house using the back entrance.

He quietly surveyed the area, being careful and silent in his approach to find the woman he sought after.

As he rounded the corner to the kitchen, he saw a young woman that fits the description of the maiden he danced with sulking as she cleaned the floors.

“You’re too beautiful to be this sad, please talk to me.”

She wiped her tears quickly despite him already seeing them fall, “How did you get in here? Who are you?” she questioned.

He puts his hands up as if to not startle her even more, “I went in the back entrance, I’ve tried the front for weeks with no answer. As for who I am, well darling, I am Prince Leonard. I believe you to be the maiden I danced with until midnight when you ran away.”

She clutched her broom as he spoke, unwilling to let go of this incase he was just here to rob her.

“I did no such thing, and you couldn’t possibly be the Prince, he is a married man.”

“Darling, I am the Prince, and as for my marriage, it is an unhappy one for I have married the wrong woman.” he gently grabs her hands in his.

“You have married the love of your life, sire, and for that I am very happy, but if you believe that I am even in the same social status as you, or the princess, you are mistaken. I am a maid, the Tramaine’s maid for decades and always have been. I hold no torch to the beauty of the Princess nor do I want to. Sire, please go home to her, love her for eternity, as she does you. You should forget about me, Your Highness. For I am nobody compared to her.”

She turns around and slips from his grip, “No! No, you are wrong, Ella, you are so much more than beauty to me. You are kind, and generous, as for my wife, she is the opposite. Her and her family will undoubtably run this kingdom to the ground with the coin they spend daily, and the rudeness they show to those under them in status. You, You my dear Ella, have a gentle heart, and would never do the awful things they do to the servants and staff alike. Please, consider this proposal?”

“I will think it over My Liege,” he nodded his head once, then twice, as if to reassure himself that he had gotten through to her.

As the days turn into weeks with still no reply to the proposal, Leonard started to get worried about Ella.

He decided to take a day off from his Kingly duties and ride the carriage down to the abandoned house.

He knocks once, twice, three times and waits for a few seconds before starting the knock pattern again.

This time after the wait he just opens the door and sees the dust and grime floating in the air.

And there’s a certain smell that permeates the air, somewhat of decay.

He finds the woman from before sitting in a big soft looking chair and a fire almost out.

Soon he realizes that she’s the cause of the pungent smell as he gets closer.

Leonard shouts, “Rick, please call the guards! We need to give the news to the Princess and her family.”

He knows that he has so reason to cry over the lost of this beautiful woman, not while he was married and had no claim on her to begin with.

Her face had sunken cheeks and tired bags under her unopened eyes.

It looks as if she passed in her sleep, he hopes it was at least a nice dream before the Grim Reaper took her from this plane of existence.

A week later was her funeral and as a noble’s daughter, she was given the honor of having the funeral she deserved.

He was one of the only people to show up as a large amount of nobles around the district and continent forgot about her.

When is was his turn to show his respects to her coffin he whispered, “I will carry my undying love for you until the day I am no longer walking the earth.”

Leonard takes a deep breath as the tears start to slowly stream down his face.

“I am beyond sorry for my late proposal and wished it was you who I would spend the rest of my life with and not your terrible sister. You are the only true love I’ve ever had.”

One tear lands on her hands as he says her last goodbye to her, his Ella.

Forever 🏷️: @crazyk-imagine

🏷️ list: -

[prentissluvr]

makes you wonder — sam winchester

pairing : sam winchester x gn!awkward!reader ➖⟢ genre : fluff ➖⟢ cw : uses y/n, some of the lore/history is totally made up, swearing, workplace bullying/verbal harassment (i’m so sorry if your name is mark, he’s the asshole character), likely contains a few mistakes, mentions of canon typical violence and monsters ➖⟢ wc : 5.2K summary : you're the local expert on ancient weaponry, and fake fbi agent sam needs your help finding a certain dagger for a case. pronunciation guide (using scottish gaelic) : each-uishge — yahk-oosh-ga (hk is pronounced in the back of the throat like loch). biodag — bidag (the g is almost a k sound) [ disclaimer, i found these pronunciations off of the internet! i’m not scottish nor do i speak scottish gaelic, so if anyone can correct anything i got wrong, i’d be super grateful for it! ]

certainly including the fact that it’s exactly what you want to be doing, working as a curator at your city’s history museum is near total perfection for you. not without much hard work and research, you were able to get a job that focuses on your specialty. historic weaponry. plus, your extra knowledge and fascination with mythologies and folklore gave you the perfect edge (pun intended) during interviews.

as a plus, you’re also able to spend minimal time interacting with people, even less so with those who don’t share the common interest of at least museum curation. of course, even that can’t magic away your awkwardness, and you still dread team meetings, but none of your coworkers save the resident asshole care at all when you stumble over your words or speak in clunky sentences. you’re smart, kind, and good at your job, so everyone except mark lessinger is more than happy to have you around. mark, the aforementioned resident asshole, is only around still because he’s the single person for miles who cares about the bland history of the town that is “strongly encouraged” by the local government to be kept in the museum. you’re sure he doesn’t do anything other than watch tv shows at his desk, lounge in the museum café. and make snide comments about anybody he can, because that exhibit hasn’t been updated in years and likely never will be unless something spectacular happens.

when you hear the click of the office door opening, you glance up from the work on your desk on instinct. it’s no surprise to see the devil himself (a mean and entirely pathetic thirty-four year old white man) walk through the door. mark was probably off slacking in the café like he does whenever he can get away with it, which is often considering he has nothing helpful to offer anyway. 

it’s the man who follows him that snags at your gaze and keeps your eyes lingering on the doorway for a second longer than usual. in the split second that you take his appearance in, you’re surprised by how much you want to keep looking at him, rather than the diagram of a seventeenth century revolver you’re hoping to include in the exhibit you’re planning for next fall. the gun is fascinating to you, moreso than just about anyone who could walk in that door. but something about this man is beautiful, so much so that you don’t want to look away. then both mark’s and his eyes fall on you, and you snap your chin back down to refocus on your work. this, of course, doesn’t work, because you can still feel them looking at you.

“that’s them right there. you know, weapons are the only thing that they’re useful for,” mark begins to ramble, and now you know without a doubt that they’re headed towards you, “which, unfortunately, isn't very helpful at all most of the time. but maybe they can do you some good, agent.”

that word is what catches your attention; you don’t even blink at the condescending tone to his voice or the fact that he doesn’t make any sort of attempt to hide his criticisms from you or this agent. you don’t even look up until the two men are right at your desk, so you miss the judgemental look that the stranger gives to mark’s unsavory comments about you. the idiot obviously misses the look too, because he’s smiling down at you all smug and patronizing when you give him your attention.

“this is agent giles from the fbi. the federal bureau of investigation,” he begins, cocking his head in a way that makes him look like he’s got a knot in his neck, rather than intelligent and important as you figure he intends. you just nod as the agent flashes his badge, resisting the urge to examine the tall man like one of your exhibit pieces. “well, he’s looking for a certain type of knife–” mark says slowly, like you don’t understand what he’s implying. you, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about him as you look the agent up and down, trying to look casual. you’re usually far more into ancient weaponry than men, but he is straight up gorgeous, you conclude. 

“–so, you should help him look for it. it’s very important, so don’t make us look like fools by saying something weird.” you grimace internally, but don’t show much of a reaction because all you can really think about is how much of an idiot he is. and how agent giles is too pretty to be an employee of the federal government. that part is far more important than mark’s rudeness, as you’re fully aware that he has nothing of value to offer, while you absolutely do.

“i’m sure y/n will be very helpful,” says agent giles firmly, and for a moment it surprises you that he knows your name before you realize mark must have given it earlier, “thanks for the sandwich recommendation mr.” he clears his throat because he’s clearly forgotten mark’s last name, “linser.” you stifle a laugh at both the insult of this agent remembering your name, but not mark’s, and the image of mark recommending an fbi agent his favorite sandwich from the museum café.

“lessinger,” he corrects with a stupid, haughty smile that suggests he has no idea that the agent thinks he’s a dumbass and couldn’t care less about him. he doesn’t even get the memo that he’s supposed to leave until agent giles clears his throat again and gives him a pointed look. “well, if y/n can’t get you what you need, i’m sure i can figure it out, so just let me know if you need anything else,” he lands a final insult before scurrying away to his own desk.

“it’s very bad,” you say with a matter of fact tone and shake of your head, once he’s finally out of ear shot. 

the agent raises his eyebrows in question, like he’s not one hundred percent sure what you’re referring to. “him?” he scoffs, “yeah, he’s a total asshole.” agent gile’s tone is much lighter and pleasant when he’s talking just to you, though he certainly means what he’s just said.

“oh, well, no. i mean, yes, he is a complete asshole, but i meant to say that– um, well, the sandwich. it’s very bad,” you repeat the sentiment in earnest after realizing you started speaking almost completely out of context. now you feel the need to explain, “he always gets the same sandwich, and it’s not a good one. if you’re hungry you should get the superfood salad. very healthy, and really good– or, i mean, if you wanted a sandwich, the blt is quite good, especially if you add avocado,” you trail off and realize you’re completely off topic, “but, uh– that’s not what you’re here for, obviously. i’m sorry, i don’t mean to waste your time, agent. uh, how can i help you?”

“no, no, that’s okay,” he says, his pretty hazel eyes full of sincerity, “i am in fact hungry, but i’d never take his recommendation, so i’m glad to have yours. i love salad,” he smiles.

“oh, thanks,” you relax, before wondering if that’s a normal response. but, instead of trying to correct yourself like you normally might, you stay silent to avoid going off topic again and preventing him from getting to the point.

“i’m looking for a certain type of dagger,” he begins, and you realize it’s taking quite a bit of effort to keep looking up at him from your seated position. he’s so tall. “i saw your museum has a weapons collection and was wondering–,” without thinking, you stand to alleviate the pressure on your neck. he pauses in his speech, but is quick to realize you’re simply just standing and that he’s free to keep talking, “–if you’d be able to help me find out if you have any. i hear you’re the weapons expert?”

“yep, that’s me!” you say, unable to completely tamp down your excitement about the topic. only then do you realize that your timing to stand up was slightly odd, but you forge on for the sake of daggers. your favorite subset of weapons. “um, what sort of dagger are you looking for?”

“a scottish dirk?” he answers like he’s asking a question, as if he’s not sure how odd it is to ask that. it is sort of odd, only because you can’t understand exactly what the fbi’s interest is in scottish daggers, but you couldn’t care less. 

your eyes light up and you grin, “we have plenty. actually, it’s quite a collection for a small museum like ours. uhh, let me show you! we have one on display, but personally, i think the ones in storage are the ones you’ll want to see,” you brush past him and head out into the hallway towards storage. 

he follows behind as you continue talking, “i mean, of course the one on display is incredible, it’s just that the best one doesn’t quite fit into the right time frame for this particular exhibit,” you explain, though you think a moment after that he surely couldn’t care less about those details. then, your curiosity gets the best of you, “so, am i allowed to ask why the fbi is looking for scottish dirks? i just didn’t think they’d be something the u.s. government would be concerned about for any reason. oh, well– not that it can’t be! you can certainly investigate anything you want, obviously,” you stop yourself there before you can say anything else borderline embarrassing.

“well, it may be connected to some odd deaths we’re investigating here. we’re just following every possibility.” his answer is completely cryptic and absolutely no help in calming your curiosities. you can’t think of any possible way that sixteenth century scottish daggers could be connected to unexplained deaths.

“you mean the… body in the lake?” you question aloud when the news article you read last week pops into your mind. the word “body” is used lightly; they only found the woman’s liver floating on the surface. you swipe your key card to open the door to storage and lead him inside, then you register that he said “deaths,” plural. “there was more than one?”

“yeah, over the course of the past … few years. the one from last week is just the most recent, second to the one we found this morning.” you’re not sure why he hesitates over the word “few,” but you figure he’s got all sorts of reasons to act secretive. 

“o-oh,” you stammer out, as everything suddenly turns so morbid, “i didn’t know that,” you reply as you stop without thinking at the right storage container. from the desk behind you, you grab a pair of gloves and ask him to put them on as well before you carefully extract the three long knives from their shelf. “so, what? you think someone’s using a scottish dirk to cut people up and throw their livers in the lake? odd considering the dirk is a thrusting blade. wouldn’t be very effective for such a task. well, uh, not that i’d really know. well, i do because i– but not like that! obviously, i’ve never used a scottish dirk to– nevermind.” you let out a little breath that’s half laugh half sigh and force yourself to focus on unwrapping the blades in front of you, each around at least a foot long.

you completely miss the endeared look that the agent gives you. sam only came in to see if the museum had the dagger and figure out how to steal it after hours to complete this case, but you’ve completely occupied his attention. he wants to hear you talk, loves the way you got excited when he asked about the dirk, thinks it’s sweet the way words tumble out of your mouth and your eyebrows change when you realize it was an awkward way to say things. and as a plus, your knowledge of the blade and its history could very likely be helpful.

“we’re not sure exactly how the dirk fits in, but that’s helpful to know,” he says kindly, peering down at the daggers. they’re beautiful and well-crafted, one with a particularly intricately carved handle. “that douche back there,” he begins, and you laugh a little at his unprofessional language, “he said you were interested in “fairy tales” related to weapons. i assume he meant folklore and mythologies? is there anything you can tell me about the folklore behind these?”

you almost cringe, thinking agent giles must find you silly until he proves just the opposite.

“yes, definitely! mark—the douchebag—loves to make fun of me for it, but it’s an important part of the job,” you explain, “it’s just, you might have to interrupt me, i get kind of excited about this kind of thing and, uh, i might start rambling,” you warn with a sheepish smile.

“any information helps,” he reassures. with that, you can’t help yourself, silently apologizing for the pure shitload of nerdy information he’s about to have dumped on him.

“well, if you insist. don’t say i didn’t warn you, but i’ll do my best to stick to the highlights,” you glance at him fleetingly and send him a smile you hope isn’t too awkward. you can’t help but notice he sends back a similar expression. so worried about your own behavior, you hadn’t realized that he’s also sort of awkward. it’s sweet and it makes you feel a bit more relaxed as you turn your attention back to the topic at hand. 

“the dirk, biodag in scottish gaelic, is a particularly important part of traditional scottish highlander culture. it was very common for warrior cultures to swear their most important oaths on their swords, but for the highlanders, it was done with their dirk. these oaths were binding with what was called the force of a gaes, which involved severe supernatural consequences were the oath to be broken. the iron of the dirk was considered to be holy, which stems from the folk superstitions that iron can protect against mythological creatures. these two,” you point to the simpler of the three knives, “are 17th century dirks, crafted with soligen steel, as there was a sort of magic ascribed to the forging of germanic steel that became popular in later centuries. 

“but, this one is a very early version of the dirk from the early 16th century, and made frompure iron,” you smile as you move on to talk about the third dirk, the one sam had noticed to be particularly ornate, “and therefore more aligned with traditional scottish folklore, as iron is considered to be stronger than any sort of alloy, like steel, against supernatural forces. this one’s definitely my favorite, just don’t tell the others,” you finish off with satisfaction, and even an affection that sam secretly finds adorable.

“it is a beautiful blade,” he agrees, in a way that makes you think he genuinely appreciates its value. “now, is there any sort of supernatural creature that the dirk specifically is used to kill?” sam knows the answer he’s looking for, but he’s always eager to confirm any sort of lore that he’s not intimately familiar with, so he asks despite the weirdness of it all.

this question is certainly very odd to you, and you can’t understand why he’d need to know, but you answer anyway. “well, it can depend on who you ask or what records you look at. in many cases, any old thing made of iron, or silver, depending, would do, especially because most folklore dates back to before the development of the highland dirk. but, there are definitely accounts of supernatural creatures being killed or warded off using a dirk, especially one used for a blood oath that was never broken. some believe the strength of an oath fulfilled made the weapon stronger and able to kill creatures otherwise thought unkillable.”

he takes in all of this information with such a serious and straight face that you really begin to question how this could all be about unsolved murders. he seems to think the folklore is going to help him solve real life mysteries, or maybe he’s just secretly interested in this sort of thing and using the opportunity to learn about it.

“and do you know anything in particular about a creature called the each-uisge?”

“each-uisge?” you repeat, unable to stop yourself from laughing a little in surprise. now you’re perfectly sure this federal government investigator is just a secret nerd with an interest in niche folklore. even his pronunciation is decent, though he neglected the back-of-the-throat sound of the “ch.” 

“well– i mean, yes, there are accounts of each-uisge being warded away by both silver bullets and an iron dirk,” you indulge, “i know less about the each-uisge themselves than dirks, but i’ve never read any account of one being killed. though, i do suppose an oath-strengthened dirk might be just the thing to do it.”

he nods intently. “listen, i’m sure this is a long shot,” agent giles begins, gesturing haphazardly with his gloved hands, and you wonder what sort of strange thing he could ask this time, “but is there a way of knowing if this one,” he points to the pure iron dirk, “might have been used to fullfill an oath?”

at that you can’t help but snort out a laugh. “what, are you trying to hunt down a each-uisge?” you tease. “you know that they’re only located in scotland, right? ... i mean, if they were real, obviously.” by the end, your tone is no longer playful as your mind returns to the news of missing, presumed dead people, with nothing left but their livers found in the nearby lake. then you think about the history of the town, once heavy with scottish imigrants when it was founded in the early eighteenth century. and finally, all in just a second or two, you fully recall the story of the each-uisge, a vicious, shape-shifting horse that drowns its victims at the bottom of the nearest lake and eats their whole body except the liver, which floats to the surface. a chill runs up your spine before you tamp down the ridiculous suspicions that fill your mind.

“right, obviously,” agent giles laughs too, but it’s sort of stiff, like he wasn’t really joking when he asked. you’re certainly not laughing anymore. “as for the dirk?”

you raise your eyebrows, “hm?” is all you can manage as your mind goes sort of blank. there’s absolutely no way that what you’re thinking about could actually be true, so you brush it off and try to listen to the agent—if that’s really who he is.

“can you tell?” he asks again.

“uh– tell what? oh– oh! if it was used to swear an oath?” you prompt. he nods. “well, i mean, ha. not really, not for sure. we have tested, and there are traces of blood on the blade,” you gesture towards it vaguely, “but, um, that could be from anywhere, not just an oath, you know? lots of fighting…and stuff, uh, those days,” your voice trails off as you laugh and nod a little awkwardly, starting to feel more and more confused about this agent giles, no matter how pretty his soft-looking brown hair is. you tell yourself he’s just curious, but he just looks oh so serious, despite the fact that he’s trying to seem casual and normal about this unconventional conversation.

“hm,” is the only little sound he makes in response, like he’s almost disappointed and considering something weighty you don’t know about because of your unsure answer.

and because you hate to see that little frown on his face, you keep talking, “but, it’s more than likely that this blade was owned by a high ranking clansman, possibly even the chief, as indicated by the ornate nature of the handle and overall high quality. oaths were, in retrospect, decently common to make, even more so for high ranking clansmen.

“which means it is very likely that at least one, maybe many oaths have been sworn using this blade. of course, there’s no telling whether each oath was fulfilled, but considering the cultural importance of loyalty and honor and the roles of oaths in such, it wouldn’t be far fetched to consider this dirk as the kind strong enough to kill a each-uisge. if, you know, you wanted to know a random, cool, and totally niche fun fact about one of my favorite weapons in this museum’s storage room,” in the last sentence, you speak in a clunky, awkward sort of way as you run out of interesting tidbits to info-dump and your mind instead wanders back to the undeniably peculiar circumstances surrounding this conversation. the laugh you let out at the end is quiet, and far more nervous than humored.

the smile he gives you then is sympathetic, like he knows this is all weird and maybe a little alarming if you’re willing to question your non-belief in the supernatural. you’re no longer sure at all that he’s an fbi agent, but strangely enough, you don’t find yourself feeling distrustful of him. your gut tells you that he’s good, and you decide to trust it.

“all of this was a big help,” he says, the sincerity in his voice almost tangible, “thank you.” that makes you feel good, because it seems to you like he’s just trying to help people. with what, you’re not sure, and then you sort of wish that he’d made some sort of joke about how this last part of the conversation wasn’t actually helpful, just interesting. interesting and completely irrelevant to the livers on the lake. 

you swallow hard, “of course. glad i could be of help to you, agent.”

“sam,” he corrects. “just sam is alright.”

“oh. right. just sam,” you nod and wonder if the feeling in your chest could be your heart fluttering. your eyes flicker from his face to his broad shoulders, to his pretty, big hands and the way his right middle finger taps against the side of his thigh. then, worried you’re staring, your gaze flits down to your own hands, resting on the table, then to the daggers you know so well. yet, you look at them different this time. you’ve certainly wondered about the oaths that may have been sworn by their blades and their connections to traditional superstitions. but now you look at them and wonder if it’s real. if one of these blades had been used to ward off a real-life myth in the past, or been magically strengthened by blood and kept promises. sam—you think sam fits him so much better than agent giles—has shifted your perspective of the things you’ve been studying and learning about and loving for years and years of your life.

it’s true that you’ve always been one to daydream, to wonder; that’s where your fascination with folklore and fairy tales comes from. always, you’ve looked for rumored mythological weapons in the real world and marveled at the less historic possibilities of the things you study. and you think that if it were anyone else, or if he talked to or looked at you in a different way, you wouldn’t be questioning your reality like this, but you are. maybe you’re predisposed to believing, or just too curious for your own good, but you know at that moment that you won’t be able to let this go.

sam clears his throat to break the awkward silence, and he thinks he can see the gears in your head turning, the way they have been since he asked about the each-uisge. he hopes desperatly you won’t ask him if he thinks this is all real, all because he doesn’t think he could lie to you anymore. there’s something about your authenticity, your intelligence and innate curiosity, and the goodness that you so clearly carry with you that simultaneously makes him want to tell you everything and protect you from the truth. the latter option is always his go-to, rightfully so, but he can’t explain to himself the way that he purely just wants to share with you, bring you closer to him through a shared understanding of the world. sam thinks he must be crazy, because he just met you and thinks it would be entirely possible to fall right in love with you if he got the chance to get to know you.

then he realizes that he’s the one staring. “right, well… i should get going. you know. i’ve got another lead i need to follow up on,” he forces the words out like he doesn’t want to go, and it’s true. he doesn’t, but if he spends more time with you, he’ll have to keep lying, and he doesn’t want to do that. more importantly, he doesn’t want to expose you to anything more that could put you in danger.

“right. right, of course,” you nod, and you’re practically breaking his heart because you fail to hide the disappointment on your face for a split second. he hadn’t realized he was looking at you that carefully to catch the look, but he doesn’t regret it. he’s discovered that he likes looking at you enough to not care much about that sort of thing. “would you like me to show you out, or do you remember the way?”

“i’m alright,” sam answers on instinct before his heart breaks doubly because your eyes look sad again for a moment, “but let me walk you back to your office. or, no, let me buy you that superfood salad for taking up your time,” he amends quickly.

“i already ate lunch, but– shit,” you interrupt yourself, cursing when you realize he was flirting. then you get flustered, “no, i mean– uh, well– okay! er, no, that’s okay, i mean,” because there’s no taking back the fact that you already said you ate lunch already. you take a breath to steady yourself, “but you can definitely walk me back to my office, let me just put these away, it’ll be quick–,” your hands rush to wrap up the daggers before you remember their fragility, “oh– sorry! thank you for the offer, though! that would’ve been completely unnecessary, i’m just glad i could help. not that i wouldn’t– uh,” you gulp anxiously, “not that i wouldn’t eat lunch with you, of course– well, if that’s what you were implying which maybe it wasn’t, which, in that case–”

sam who cuts you off, “it’s alright,” he reassures before you can keep rambling, “that is what i’m implying, but…” he quiets for a split second, only because he’s a littly shy, “it’s okay. maybe, yknow, when the case is over, we can go for lunch, if that’s alright with you?”

you inhale sharply, nodding silently before remembering you should answer aloud too. when you do, your voice is a little breathless, “yeah, yeah, that sounds good.” then, you’re fighting back a grin.

“great,” he doesn’t hide his own smile as he dips his hand into a jacket pocket and hands you his card. “call me tomorrow, we can set up a time.” you accept the card with a shy smile, and one beat, two beats of silence pass before the both of you realize you’re staring at the other.

in sync, you snap out of it, gazes jerking elsewhere and hands flying anywhere to get busy. you turn to the blades on the table and he focuses on fixing up the black jacket of his suit. you try to ignore him as you put the artifacts away, expecting for him to have said goodbye and left by the time you turn back to him. when you look at him in confusion, the corner of his mouth quirks up when he realizes you’ve forgotten that you said he could walk you back to your office.

he vaguely motions towards the door, “shall we? i’ll walk you to your office, then i’m good to find my way out.”

“oh! right, of course!” you nod, “yeah.” with your lips pursed in an awkward smile, you turn to the door and walk towards the exit without looking to see if he follows. but you don’t have to, because a half-second later, he’s right by your side, which you can attribute his long strides to. you like the way he lingers close to you, closer than he did when you first walked in together, even if it makes you feel flustered so that your hands mess with the hem of your shirt.

you stop at the office door, turning to him and expecting your goodbye to happen surrounded by the empty, white walls of the hallway.

but, he points to the door with his chin. “i’ll walk you in,” he explains, “show that asshole, mark, that you’re friendly with an fbi agent.”

“oh,” you sigh out through a smile, “you don’t have to do that, yknow. i know he’s an idiot.”

he laughs at that. “yeah, he absolutely is,” he agrees readily, “but, i still wanna. i think of it as part of my job to scare off assholes.” especially from pretty people like you, he wants to say. he’s just too shy for that, thinks it would be too soon to say it.

“well then, be my guest,” you smile as you open the door and let him follow close behind you.

“thank you for all of your help,” sam says, repeating what he said before, louder than he has to so that mark, a few desks away from yours, can hear it all, “you really helped move our investigation along. i think we’ll be able to wrap it up soon, thanks to you.” you’re sure that he’s over-exaggerating, but you certainly aren’t going to stop him from proving a point to mark.

“it was the least i could do,” you play along, trying to hide your grin from your coworkers, because you can feel all their eyes on you. when you sit, sam looks down at you with nothing short of affection, just for a moment before your eyes settle back on his pretty face.

“have a nice rest of your day,” he smiles before turning away. then he reaches the door, not too far away, he turns back around and speaks for everyone to hear, “don’t forget to call me, yeah?” before disappearing and leaving you a flustered, grinning mess. you can’t help but steal a look at mark and feel satisfaction run through your veins at his utterly shocked expression. 

he looks to have gone through the five stages of grief in a matter of seconds, and it’s frankly hilarious. he can’t seem to possibly consider the fact that you absolutely just pulled a (not?) fbi agent, not to mention one who’s that tall and just plain attractive. you can’t wait to catch whatever comical expression he wears when he sees you greeted by sam in the museum foyer during your lunch break for a date (because surely he’ll be sitting in the café watching people walk in and out as he’s chewing on his nasty sandwich).

part two : now you know

[xayers]

happy birthday

word count: 3019

gif cred : @ cometcrystal 

camilo madrigal x gn reader

Camilo flopped down onto his bed as he contemplated what the next few days would be like. Your birthday was coming up and he was puzzled about what he should give you for that special day. You were amazing to him and he didn't want to mess this up. Giving gifts was never an easy task for the shape-shifting Madrigal. In fact, he DREADED his relatives' birthdays because of the fact he would have to give them a perfect present, which he was never good at. For instance, on Isabela's last birthday, he gifted her a pink rose.. As if, she couldn't make those by hand… and his reasoning for this beautiful, yet pointless gift was even worse than the gift itself. 

"I see you making these things everywhere so you must like 'em! If you dig just a bit deeper and look at the real meaning behind my considerate present to you, I gave you your favorite flower, and on top of that, it matches with your dress, too! I believe a ‘Thank-You!’ hug and the title of your favorite cousin should be in order." 

Needless to say, he had to get Isabela a brand-new present and he had to get treated for the busted lip that Isabela had also given him. See, the thought and meaning behind all his gifts were there, it's just that the execution behind the gifts could use tremendous work. That's why Camilo was determined that his gift to you wouldn't be in vain, he didn't want a repeat of all the years where he had to suffer the consequences of giving substandard gifts to the people in his family. 

He was struggling and staring up at his ceiling as if the perfect gift for you would just fall onto his face. Soon enough, he got tired of trying to think and decided he needed to bring in backup, and by "backup" he meant begging anyone in his family to help him with his dilemma.

Camilo stood in front of Dolores' door reluctantly. He didn't want to ask her for help, but he had no other choice. No ideas were popping into his numb skull and Dolores did know about everyone in Encanto so she should be able to help with his problem .. right?

"I can hear you outside my room. You can knock, 'ya know? I don't bite!" Dolores teased. Camilo sluggishly opened the door and then flopped onto her bed. "Woah, Cami. You okay?"

"I've been better.” Camillo sighed while placing his hands behind his back, making a make-shift pillow, and closing his eyes.

"Yeah, you don't say.. What brings you here, you need help with something?"

"(Y/N) brings me here, that's what, and I DO need help with something. You know, their birthday is in a few days and I have absolutely no idea what I should gift them"

“Okay, so why’d you come to me about it?”

"Well, is the fact that you know almost everything about everyone who lives in Encanto so you should know some things about (Y/N) that could help me get them a good present good enough for you?"

Dolores let out a small chuckle then sat beside her brother who was sprawled across her bed with his hands on his face. "You do make a good point with that last reason but you two are literally dating! No amount of information I provide will ever come close to what you already know about them, but I can tell you this, give them something from the heart, something that you know they'll enjoy. Try and think back to some things that they expressed fondness in. It could be a certain garment they've been fawning over or a piece of jewelry they think is beautiful. Just try and give them something that shows you listen and care." 

Camilo started thinking to himself. He started thinking about something that you've been wanting for a while, and then, it came to him! On your last outing together, you said that you wanted a stunning diamond-encrusted hairpin Sure, it would be expensive, but when he thinks of you, he'd buy the whole world just to be next to you for a second. He was hopelessly smitten for you. You were his weakness, his kryptonite, but you made him feel like anything was possible and he wanted to be stronger for you because of this. You made him feel light and like he was constantly floating but you also pulled him down to earth and showed him the beauty in many things he would have never noticed before. You made him feel a lot of contradictory emotions but he loved you nonetheless. He made a promise to himself that he'd make you the happiest person on the earth and nothing would ever get in the way of that promise. 

Camilo got up from his somber position, thanked Dolores, and quickly left her room. He knew what to get you, but that wasn't enough for him. He truly believed you deserved more and the hairpin wasn't enough, so he was on his way to speak to his mother to get more advice on what he should give you.

"Mamí!" Camilo shouted while running into the kitchen.

"Holá, mi Hijo, how are you today?" Pepa gleamed, seeming happier than ever. Ever since you and Camilo started dating, Pepa was over the moon. In her eyes, her son had become a man and she seemed less stressed. She had someone to look after her little boy, someone to make him laugh and smile like how he does for everyone else around him, someone to entertain his pranks when even she was too tired to handle him, someone he could spend time with, and someone to love him unconditionally, just like she does. 

"I'm doing fine, but I do need help with something," Camilo muttered while taking a seat at the table. "(Y/N)'s birthday is in a few days and I'm still not set on what to get them. Do you think you could give me some advice on what I should do?"

"Oh, Camilo," Pepa sighed while she played with the strands of her hair, eventually taking a seat across from Camilo. " I can't tell you exactly what you should get, but I can tell you this, try and take all of their favorite things into consideration when getting them something. I know you're not the best at giving presents, but try and think of things they love. Like their favorite place to be, their favorite song, favorite people, favorite foods. All of those will show them that you care about their comfortability and that you want them to feel happy!"

"Alright, Dolores told me something along the lines of that. I'll try my best, thank you, Mamí" Camilo murmured while sluggishly sliding out of his seat. He knew that your birthday gift had to be perfect. Absolutely perfect. There was no room for errors because he had his fair share of those, he wanted you to enjoy the 24 hours dedicated just for you… aanndd the other people who shared your birthday, but it's still your day since nobody else can compare to you.

time skip to a few days later cuz i'm lazy 

The day has come, your birthday. To say Camilo was a nervous wreck would be a BIG understatement. He was pacing around his room with the 2 presents he had gotten you on his dresser. The first present was a diamond-encrusted hairpin that Dolores had helped him choose. The second present was a heart locket with a picture of you and him in it, in front of the tree, you two met. That was where you both would go to meet up when you guys decided to hang out, the tree you'd two go-to when you guys got stressed, the tree you two would go to when you needed time alone, even though one of you would probably be there already. That place was special to both of you and it held irreplaceable memories. He wouldn't trade the days where you two would just sit under the tree together, basking in each other's presence for anything. 

Camilo finally grabbed the gifts and put them in a little bag that read "happy birthday," and with that, he headed off to your house. On his way there, he saw a street vendor offering bouquets of your favorite flower.

"Hey, you're the kid from the Madrigal family right, the shape-shifting one ?" Questioned the vendor.

"Yeah, that's me," Camilo answered. "How much for a bouquet of those flowers, the ones right there" He pointed to a batch of your favorite flowers. They swayed in the wind and looked golden as the bright sun hit them. They had a gold lining to hold the bouquet in place that made the flowers all the more enticing. To Camilo, those flowers were absolutely radiant and entrancing, but there was one flower in the bouquet that had yet to bloom, but despite this fact, it glowed and swayed just like the other flowers, but it still was beautiful, regardless of the premature nature the flower was in. Camilo brushed his fingers against the petals of the dainty herb and smiled. 

"The price for these is 2.25 but I'll give it to you for 1.25 since your cousin Luisa helped me move my cart into the town's place!" 

Camilo handed the man the money and left with a new batch of flowers in his hand, along with the gifts, and continued walking to your house.

another time skip cuz why not lol

Once Camilo arrived at your house, he saw that you were sitting in the front yard. Once he noticed you, he immediately ran and hid in the nearest bush. "Okay Camilo, you got this. Just give them their gifts and spend time with them without making it awkward or weird. That can't be that hard-"

"Camilo, is that you over there?" You blurted while running toward the mysterious figure hidden behind a garden bush.

Camilo panicked and transformed into you then back to him, dropping the presents and flower bouquet on the ground, he rushed to the ground, fumbling to pick up the objects that he just lost his grip on, all the while you got closer and closer to his little 'hiding spot.'

"Cami, what are you doing back here, you could've asked to come inside instead of conspicuously hiding behind a bush that can barely cover your head." You teased while you leaned on the hedge. 

Camilo let out a slightly embarrassed chuckle, as he dusted off the dirt from his pants. He always had a soft spot for your silly banter. 

"Happy birthday, mi vida." Camilo said, flustered. He was bright red as a tomato and he had barely spoken to you yet. He handed you an assortment of flowers and 2 jewelry boxes. One contained the expensive, but exquisite hairpin, while the other box had the beautiful heart locket. All with an embarrassed smile to seal the deal.

You immediately looked up at Camilo, back at the presents, and back up at Camilo with a surprised look on your face. 

Camilo looked up at your face and immediately regretted coming to you directly to deliver your presents. 

"I- I'm sorry I really shouldn't have -'' You cut Camilo off to give him a long, loving hug. You looped your arms around his neck and held him closely, burying your head in his neck while he stammered some more. He didn't know what to expect but he certainly wasn't expecting this. 

"Thank you, Camilo." You whispered while still holding your lover close. Camilo then wrapped his arms around the back of your torso. You two just stood there in silence for a while, enjoying each other's warm embrace.

 "Hey.. do you want to go hang out somewhere?" Camilo asked as he broke away from the hug.

"Of course." You said, taking your flowers and gifts. You both intertwined your fingers with each other and locked hands. It's as if your bodies were magnets, constantly attracting each other and Camilo couldn't get enough. You were infatuating and perfect in every way to him. 

"Oh, and mi Amor," you began to ask.

"Hm? " Camilo muttered, turning his head to look at you. 

"Why on God's green earth were you hiding behind that bush? If you really wanted to disguise yourself, you could've turned into a random passerby. You chose the worst hiding spot EVER.” 

"Well, I didn't know you were the hiding spot judge? When did this come to be? Cause if you ask ME, my hiding spot was pretty damn good, especially since you are not the observant type and wouldn't be able to see a fly if it landed on your eyeball."

"Says you! Do you remember when you were mocking your Abuela and she was right behind you?! It seems as if YOU aren't the alert, wise person you claim to be"

"Okay, now I never claimed to be any of those things, and you know how I feel about the Abuela situation. I wasn't allowed to leave my room for a week. That was the hardest 7 days of my LIFE ."

"Camilo, you snuck out every single day. YOU DIDN'T EVEN FOLLOW YOUR PUNISHMENT. HOW IN THE HELL IS THAT HARD?!" 

"Are you forgetting my sister hears everything about everyone? When people use the saying ‘The walls have ears,’ they're literally referring to Dolores. She hears everyone's business. Hell, she even heard me ask you out!"

"Okay but Dolores wouldn't tell on you for sneaking out, would she?"

"Oh yes, she would! There are some secrets she simply can't keep which I find ridiculous since she keeps all Isabela's secrets with no hesitation, but the second I ask for a teensy weensy favor, she requests 20 dollars and a free dessert.”

You began to cackle at what Camilo just said. “You actually paid her the money?!” 

“I had no other choice, but then again, paying her 20 dollars was nothing if it meant I could spend the day with my lover.” Camilo gushed.

Camilo and you walked a little more before you reached the town's place. 

“Hey, mi Amor, you wanna spend some time here for a while, while we wait for the sun to set?”

“Of course, but why would we wait for the sun to set?” You asked.

“I just want to show you something at that time, that's all.”

..another time skip cuz i'm fed UP, sorry y'all 💀..

“Cami, the sun is setting, didn't you say that you wanted to show me something around this time?”

“Oh yeah, come on,” Camilo said as he took your hand inside an old, abandoned building.

“You're not trying to kill me, are you?” You said, half-jokingly. 

“You know, with the number of questions you ask, I'm starting to actually consider that idea.” Camilo teased back.

You both started walking up a flight of stairs and after a while, you saw a light, signaling you guys were nearing the top and you were soon going to be on the roof of the rundown building.

“Oh, so you're gonna push me off the roof? How romantic.” You said sarcastically.

“Yep, and I'm gonna look amazing while doing so, and when people ask why I did what I did, I'm gonna reply with ‘their pessimistic attitude pushed me off the edge so I pushed them off the edge .. of a building.” 

“Hardy har har, Cami. I'm dying of laughter.”

“Yeah, you will be dying soon although, it won't be from laughter, and then again, pushing you off a building this high would result in an instantaneous death so you won't really register that you're dying, you'll just be dead.. but you won't feel any pain so that's a plus! No need to thank me for giving you a quick, painless death!”

“Okay, first off,  I'm not even gonna ask why you know so much about falling off a building, and secondly, ENOUGH OF THE DEATH TALK, CAMILO MADRIGAL.

“I know so much about falling from high places because I was researching how to properly dispose of you! Also, don't get mad at me, you started the whole death talk thing.”

“What did I just say about the D-word Camilo.”

“I was just answering your question, my love.”

What felt like an eternity of death talk for you, you both reached the roof of the building and the view there was something straight out of a movie. It's as if the sky was a coin and when the sun would set, we would be able to see the sides of the coin, which would be the golden-ish yellow side, whereas the blue ocean that took over the sky was on one side of the coin and the black, star-filled night was on the other. Camilo and you got there just in time to witness the sides of the coin where gold reigned the sky and other colors such as pink and yellow helped the sky look even more radiant. The sun looked over both you and your lover and gave you both a warm, golden embrace.

When you turned to look at Camilo, you could tell he was just as entranced with the scenery as you were moments before. The sunlight ghosted over his skin and made him look like an extraterrestrial being, something angelic-like. You stared into his eyes for a moment longer and saw the sea of colors reflecting off his glossy orbs. Then he turned his head to look at you.

“Beautiful, isn't it?”

“It is,” you said while beginning to sit down, bringing Camilo down with you. “Thank you for this.”

“It's nothing, really,” Camilo said, then reached into the bag he had given you for your birthday box and pulled out the hairpin he had gotten you, then clipped it in your hair. 

“I love you.” You muttered while laying your head on Camilo’s shoulder.

“I love you too, Mi Vida.”

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter ten - perfect timing

[series masterlist] [previous chapter]

frank castle x fem!reader

word count: 4.3k

warnings: swearing, canon typical violence, knives, mentions of blood, torture, disease, surgery, scars, description of wounds/cuts

a/n: hope we are all feeling up for this because baby i am not. the slow burn is burning and i am not okay. also in case it’s not obvious, i have thrown (0) knives in my life. i’m making this shit up. don’t throw knives with this advice, or at all really. thx.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“First thing you do is look for a way out. Always gotta have a way to get cover if things go to shit.” Frank explains, and you turn around, both of you still standing at the door.

Frank brought you to David Lieberman’s old place, an underground garage still full of old tech shit, but it was enough for you to recover for the next few days, and had the computers Frank could use to map out your way into ‘Silo’.

“There’s only one exit.” You turn around, looking up at him right under his chin.

“Did you look?”

“They aren’t exactly going to give me a tour of the place when we get down there. I’m guessing we would be in the-“

“You don’t guess. First thing is to be prepared for every situation. If they ask you to meet in the front room, you map every god damn room in the house, because they want you unprepared. When you walk in there, you’re gonna know every exit, every hiding place and every weapon you could use.” He could tell you hated being told what to do and how to do it, but you finally nodded once, and spun back around, walking further into the room and opening the back door to what served as a kind of bedroom.

“This. I could use the table to cover.” You point to a metal table by the doorway, and he sees your eyes dart between it, setting up the would be defence.

“Good. Now you’re stuck in there - what do you do?” Your eyebrows furrow, and you disappear into the room, and he hears the crank of some metal. Suddenly, you appear in the doorway again, holding what remains of a giant pipe.

“Weapon?” You ask, whipping it around in front of you like a sword.

“Did you just pull that off the wall?”

“Use your surroundings, right?” He gives a little nod, trying to hide a smile.

He’s been drilling you about this the entire car ride, giving you fake scenarios and getting you to wrap your head around how to approach a fight. You weren’t a complete novice, but you didn’t fight with your head, and that’s when shit gets out of hand.

Watching as you walk into the kitchen and pull out a few knives in the drawer, flipping them in your hand to find the best fit, he can’t help but stare. It’s been a long couple of weeks, and maybe it’s the remains of a wearing-down concussion, but he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you since last night.

He knows what loss is. What the fear and the dread is like when you think it’s coming, when you think you’ve lost what means the most. You were so fucking cold when he pulled you out of that water, and he never took a breathe the entire time he sprinted you back to the hotel, leaving the doctor and a pile of dead bodies behind him.

He was terrified. More than he’s been in years. He didn’t fear anything anymore. He’d lost the three things he gave a fuck about, and now nothing could scare him, nothing could shake him. Until last night, when you were bleeding out in front of him and he thought he wouldn’t be able to save you.

“If I’m close enough to use this, though, I won’t need it.” You slap the knife back on the kitchen table and sigh.

“Not if you throw it.”

“Throw it?“ You say with a giant grin, half laughing as you pick it up and swing it around. “I can hardly hit something with a gun!”

“Dont focus on that. This is just using your environment.” Rolling your eyes, you start to walk towards him. “When we walk in there, it’s not gonna be about who’s stronger or faster, it’ll be who’s smarter. You have to be smarter.”

“Yeah. I know.” You look down at the ground, and Frank regrets the words a little. He can tell how you’re still feeling guilty about what happened at the docks. Yeah, he was pissed before because you didn’t listen, but in the end you made the right call. If that guy had gotten the jump on you, who knows how far he would of made it. Frank hadn’t expected to find the doctor inside, and was too busy trying not to shoot him that he couldn’t dip out to clean up like he’d said.

“Turn the switches on for the main power. Gotta give it some time before we can hook all the computers up.”

“I hope you know how to do that.” You call out as Frank sits in the chair in the centre of the room, now surrounded by three different monitors booting up, the whir of the machines buzzing all around him. “What even is this place?”

“An old friend used it. He used to watch me from these, then stayed here for a bit. We can probably use it to check the cameras at the work site.” You were giving him a very confused stare, mouth open slightly and eyes wide. He opens his mouth to explain, but you beat him to it.

“You had a friend?” He swings the chair around, his back now to you, hearing you laugh to yourself. “You lived here?”

“For a while.” He could hear you opening the cabinets, but he tried to focus on the computer and not the way you were bending over, reaching down to grab whatever food was still in this place. He could still see you out the corner of his eye, and his hand grabbed the arm of the chair a little tighter. “God damn it.”

“What?”

“This shit is taking forever.” He slides over to the other monitor, still seeing a dark blue loading screen.

“Patience is a virtue.” You say from over his shoulder, and he looks up at you.

“That’s real funny.”

“I thought so. Come, you can teach me how to throw knives while we’re waiting.” He watches as you walk back over to the kitchen, and he sees you wince as you take a step down off the platform where all the monitors sit.

“How’s it feeling?” He gets up and follows you over to the kitchen, nodding his head to your side. Without hesitation you pull up your shirt, and he sees you pull at the gauze. The skin is pink, but it’s already healing. “I thought you said you didn’t heal fast.”

“I don’t. I don’t think I do, at least. Sure as hell never feels like it.”

“You don’t know?” He tries to soften his voice when he asks. He won’t force anything out of you, this whole thing between the two of you relies on a very flimsy string of trust he doesn’t want to snap. You shake your head, eyes still staring at the wound.

“No. I mean, I know they… they put the metal in my hands. Messed with my blood vessels, injected me with stuff that made my cells replenish quicker or something. The doctor tried to explain it to me once, but I wasn’t really listening. Didn’t want to know.” All those years you had been pulled apart, and you didn’t even know what they did to you. He can’t help but look at the long, thin scars along your forearms. “It made my bones stronger, and replaced the bone marrow with the enhanced cells. It’s what my dad was working on.”

“Your dad was working on you?”

“No. God, no. He was a biological engineer. He worked at a hospital, was doing a PHD on bone cancer research. He got grants through some ‘anonymous’ donors to work on changing the cell chemicals so that they could heal on their own and replenish faster. It fights cancer, but in someone who doesn’t have a disease, it makes twice as many.” So the Gnucci’s used your fathers research to experiment where they didn’t have the technology, and then murdered him when they got what they wanted, and used his own kids to test it out. “Dad was smart, so I know that’s why it worked. He would never of…”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You nod a couple times, and quickly turn to wipe a tear falling on your cheek. He grips the edge of the table tighter. “So you have stronger bones?”

“Kind of, I guess. They used the basis of his research to trial their own ideas, like these-“ He sees the glint of the dark silver tips of nail that slide out of your fingertips, only about fours inches long but sharp and strong, and then he watches as they disappear. It’s the first time he notices it draws blood every time you do it. “-they would never heal over if Dads research hadn’t showed them how to reinforce the skin, but it was their idea. The scars… they had a lot of things to try, and only one body to try it on.”

“Your brother-“ A dry laugh comes from your throat, a tight, sharp sound that makes Frank regret bringing it up.

“It was all they had on me. They kept him out of that, and I would sit and let them do what they wanted. I would do what they wanted. Though with what you’ve told me, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was fucking half dead already-“

“Hey. Don’t talk like that. Not when we’re this close.” You suck in a long breath and let it out slow.

“You’re supposed to be the cynical one.” You comment after a while and he shrugs, a half smile spreading on his face. “Maybe I do heal faster. My leg is almost perfect.”

“That’s cause I’m damn good.” Rolling your eyes, you pick up the knife.

“Whatever, Dr Castle. Show me how to throw this thing.”

“Stand over there before you throw it at the monitors.” Frank points over to a wider spot out of the way, and you stand facing a long panel of the wall. The plaster is thick enough not to crack with the force of a blade, but it should stick in when you throw it. He grabs a marker from the desk, and draws three circles on the wall, making a target, and dots a tiny spot in the centre. Bullseye.

“I feel like that’s a challenge. Is that a challenge?” You call from your spot about ten feet away as he digs the end of the pen at the spot in the middle, making it darker.

“It’s a target.”

“Still.” You squint at him, a playful glint in your eye a welcomed change to how you were looking at him minutes ago. He doesn’t take it lightly, the conversation you had with him. It was about as honest as he’d seen you aside from your talk with Madani this morning, and he had a feeling with the size of the scars, you might of been putting what they did to you lightly.

He comes up next to you, grabbing another knife off the table. They were kitchen knives, not throwing knives, so not ideal to start with, but the chances of you coming across a proper weapon in the next couple of weeks was slim, so it was practical to start like this.

Practical is what he was telling himself as he stood beside you, watching as your hands wrap around the base of the knife, and trying to shake the feeling of something else sifting to the surface when you leaned towards him as you pretended to throw. He cleared his throat once, then twice.

“It’s about two things. Timing and grip. Hold it towards the end. You need to keep your wrist locked the whole way through, or it’ll fly out before you’re ready.” You adjusted your grip towards the end of the handle, eyes switching between his hand and your own. “That’s it. See where your thumb is? Move it underneath a bit more.”

“It’s exactly where yours is.”

“My hand is bigger. You need more support underneath or you’ll lose the technique in the throw.” You adjust, and he can see you realise he’s right as you manoeuvre the knife in your hand.

“Fine. Timing now, right?” He was standing just off to the right of you, watching as you went through the movement he showed you.

“Keep your wrist tight. You want to let it go when the blade is horizontal, so it has time to travel.” You throw it, and the blade misses spectacularly, clattering to the concrete ground. “Again.”

He shows you the full movement again, watching as his knife lands true, in the middle ring of the make shift target. You throw the rest of the knives in succession, adjusting to each of Franks instructions. To your credit, you are actually a good listener when you want something, so within about half an hour, you are landing your blades within the outer ring of the target, able to hit a different side on command.

“Good.” He says, then goes to tell you to change sides when you look back at him.

“It’s only good if I’m throwing it at someone who had the wingspan of a wall. I’ll never hit a person at this rate, let alone if they move.”

“It’s been half an hour. Give yourself a break.”

“Can you show me again?” You shuffle back, your shoulder in line with his chest. “I want to see when you change direction.”

He says nothing, doesn’t have any god damn words as you back into him, face about an inch from his. He felt like a teenager, trying to cool his jets as he gripped the knife way too hard. Bringing it up, he half goes through the movement, trying to figure out how he’s meant to hit fucking anything when you were this close to him.

“Where are you aiming?” Your voice was a low whisper, and he threw himself into the task at hand.

“Dead centre.”

“Fifty bucks you don’t hit it.” You look up at him at the same time he rolls his eyes down at you. Everything seems to freeze. The same feeling from last night rolls over him, that desire to lean closer to you, be closer. His arm stops halfway above his head. Your eyes lock onto his own, and all that focus, all that energy breaks and melts away under your eyes.

He remembers every damn second of last night, how he was holding you, and how you looked at him as he tucked the lock of hair that was currently hanging in front of your face behind your ear. It was the same way you were looking at him now.

“You don’t have fifty bucks.” He manages, jaw set tight as he keeps looking at you. You were so close, he could feel the heat of your breath on his neck, and as you breathed a laugh and smiled, he couldn’t stand to look away.

He didn’t take his eyes off you as his arm flicked over his head, and the knife slammed into the plaster wall. Frank knew exactly where it was, but he couldn’t care less. You, on the other hand, had looked away, mouth agape and eyebrows furrowed as you stared at the target, which had Franks blade stuck right into the centre. Bullseye.

Frank doesn’t know what he was thinking. Maybe he wasn’t thinking at all, maybe the lack of sleep he got last night was catching up with him. He could feel the slam of something in his chest, he could hear it in his head. You were still staring at the target and he needed you to look back, to look at him with those eyes that never held pity or fear or any of the things people usually looked at him with. The arm that threw the knife had a mind of its own, and his fingers caught the side of your jaw, bringing your gaze back to him.

He moved you slowly, waiting for you to push back. There was a small, dull part of him that wanted you to pull away, felt like he deserved you to pull away. You never did, following the guide of his fingertips to bring your face underneath his. You were breathing heavily, almost shuddering a breath when your faces met. You were concentrating hard, eyes flicking between his eyes and his mouth at a mile a minute.

“Guess I owe you.” You hardly get the words out, and your eyes have landed on his mouth. He feels your body move an inch higher against his; you were completely leaning into him now. The hand not on your jaw had instinctively clung to your hip, drawing you to him in a silent plea.

“Sure we can figure somethin’ out.” He ran his thumb over your bottom lip, tempting himself as you smiled. It would be so easy to lean in and kiss you.

The thought surprises him, but he doesn’t let it pass. It would be easy - the easiest god damn thing he’s done in years. It almost felt right, to be able to feel your skin against his, to be able to smell the faint vanilla of the shampoo he knows you used last. It would be so easy to kiss you, but he doesn’t have to think about it anymore, because you kiss him.

You were on your tip toes to reach him, and it’s hardly a kiss. Your lips brush his and everything shatters around him. He feels winded, like he’s been punched in the gut. He waits, doesn’t move a fucking inch, because he’s still not entirely convinced it wasn’t an accident, but then you lean into him, and he knows it’s not.

It was softer than he imagined from you. He responds immediately with the same soft question of a kiss. The amount of times he’s imagined getting this close to you, there had been none of this questioning doubt around it, but he’s letting you set the pace, giving you time. When he finally gets his brain to stop short circuiting and realise that you were really fucking kissing him back, that this wasn’t just him, you drop back flat footed and pull away.

He’s heaving a breath in like he’s run the fucking mile, and he wasn’t sure you were breathing at all. He couldn’t read you, your face was a steel case of nothing at all, eyes not blinking, just looking up at him for what felt like forever. He wanted to lean down, his hand was still holding your jaw, and you had twisted so your body was facing him more, your hands laying softly on his chest. He wanted to dive into you, shake every bit of uncertainty off your face and show you-

The computers begin flashing, and Frank curses. Loudly.

Blaring alarms go off around the place, and he almost forgot how paranoid David was when he was Micro. If he didn’t enter the passcode in the next minute your cover would be blown. Even the threat of imminent death doesn’t pull him from the soft grasp of your hand on his shirt, but the sound of the alarm breaks you from your trance.

“What the fuck is that!” You scream over the alarm, and he moves, turning his back to you. Perfect fucking timing, David. As always.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Alarm! Give me-“ His words are lost, but honestly you couldn’t give a shit what it was. You were frozen in your spot as soon as he put his hand on you, and now you weren’t sure you could move again. 

Your brain was completely blank. You can’t get the look on his face out of your head. It was like you had two heads, the way he was looking at you. Pure confusion and focus, like he was trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

You weren’t entirely sure why you did it. It was probably the way he was holding your jaw, so soft and gentle and unlike how anyone else touched you. Maybe that was it, the fact that Frank had been the first person in over a decade to be kind to you, to look at you as something more than a creation. Like a person.

Maybe that’s why he kissed you back. You didn’t have a whole lot of experience with relationships like that, so maybe he was just doing you a favour so you wouldn’t melt into the floor from embarrassment. It felt like it took him years to kiss you back - was that even called a kiss? More like an accidental look that was a fraction too close for about three seconds. 

Either way, the fleeting moment was enough to have your entire perception change, and the blaring alarm suddenly stops, and you are forced to look over at him, the room now completely quiet.

He stands, taking a few steps off the centre platform, but still keeping his distance. God - he probably thinks your going to jump on him the second he comes over here. Every part of you heats with embarrassment at the probable rejection he’s trying to formulate in his head, and you both speak at the same time. 

“Listen, I-” He starts, not looking at you.

“I’m going to shower.” Spinning on your heels, the door slams behind you as you almost fly into the bathroom, delaying the inevitable.

As soon as you strip off and jump under the hot water, you hide your face in your hands. Even alone, you feel the need to hide from what just happened. He- Shit, you can’t even think about it. Usually you were so confident, there was nothing he could do that would shake you. Apparently, you were wrong, though, because all it took was about a second of him holding you and you were putty in his hands. As the soap and water cleaned away yesterday’s dirt, your hand drifted over the small part of your hip that his hand touched.

Just for a second, you close your eyes and let yourself think of a world where that would make sense. Where you would be able to let yourself admit how Frank Castle makes you feel, how every time he walks into a room you can’t help but gravitate toward him, how he makes you feel strong even though you don’t think you are. Where you would be able to grab him and kiss him the way you want, the way you haven’t even let yourself think about except when you are about to fall asleep.

But it wasn’t possible, not just because of everything that is happening with your brother and the Colonel, and your probable arrest in a few months, but it was impossible that he thought of you as anything other than a business partner.

A friend.

A bitter taste came on to your tongue when you thought any further past that. You remembered what happened to him, to his family. His wife, who’s ring he still wears around his neck every day. The last thing you would do is come between family. A love like that never leaves, you would be the one to know.

Finally gaining the courage to get out of the shower and get changed, you open the door to the bathroom quietly, but Frank hears it, and calls your name to the front room. He was staring at the computer, and as you came up behind him, you saw an intricate set of plans, blueprints and maps, some of them similar to the ones Agent Madani had shown you earlier that day.

“This is it.” He says, his voice quiet and eyes focused on the maps.

“Looks complicated.” He makes a noise of agreement, and the two of you are clearly happy for the distraction of planning your entries and exits. “What’s that?”

“I’m guessing they’ve hollowed it out, use it as a holding facility. They could get supplies down here-“ He points at a long chute, probably a service elevator shaft when the construction site was in use. “-and then bring in guys from the back, here.”

“Okay. So what way do we take?”

“The elevator shaft would drop us in closer, but we might lose our chance at the Colonel if he bails, okie we have to deal with any guards at some point. If we go in at the back, they’ll be waiting for us, but he can’t get out any other way, and we take them out before we get there.” He looks up at you for a second, and you see his eyes adjust to how close you were standing. You take a step back.

“We can’t lose him.” Frank nods, scrolling through more of the blueprints for the site. “We should go in the back. They’ll be ready, but at least we can expect that.”

Frank turns around fully in his chair, staring at you.

“What?”

“I must be a better teacher than I thought. Sounds like your learnin’ something.” You shove him and his chair goes sliding backward a little as he laughs. You look down at the ground, unable to help the smile that comes across your face at the sound of him. “We good?”

His head is hanging a little lower, and he’s looking up at you from under his eyelashes. Even if this was all you got of him, it would be good enough, you think to yourself. Any part of him, of whatever this thing was now, it was worth it for how it made you feel. You shrugged, a casual action you hoped would hide how very not casual you felt about it, and nodded.

“We’re good.”

“You hungry?” He stands up and lets the chair roll off behind him.

“Always.”

“Good. I’ll cook. You memorise this.” He waves a hand back towards the map, a whole bunch of entries and corners and weaving tunnels like a maze. It would take you hours, days even, to memorise all this, but time was all you had until you were both ready.

You sat down, preparing to start at the beginning and work your way through, but every time you tried to start, your eyes floated to the way Frank was standing in the kitchen, cooking something out of a pot.

This time, when you looked at him, you didn’t force yourself to look away.

[next chapter]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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[mangardel]

hi! you write beautifully so i was wondering can you do a jeremiah fisher x reader where he just sorta re-assures an insecure reader? im having a rough day and would love to see you write it :)

Ma Belle Evangeline

Pairing: Jeremiah Fisher x reader

Warnings: insecurities and comfort

The girls of Cousins Beach are so damn pretty. They were everything you thought you weren’t. They had hour glass figures, fair skin, and straight, well kept hair. They were the types of girls you see in movies as the main love interest. They were the types of girls that boys swooned over. And they were the reason you were crying, half naked in front of your mirror. They were the reason you were left wondering why Jeremiah flip-fucking Fisher was wasting his precious time with you.

Take Shayla for instance. Yeah. Shayla is ideal. Hour glass figure, fair skin, and straight, well kept hair. Not to mention her family was loaded. She was the definition of classy, the definition of perfect.

You couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to be so sure of yourself. So desirable. What it would feel like to not have to clutch your stomach every time you were crazy enough to work up the balls to put on a crop top or a bikini. What it would feel like to be considered one of the “pretty” girls. Or what it would feel like to not even have to worry if your boyfriend was fucking someone else behind your back because why would he when he’s got you. Exemplary.

But you would never feel that way and you would never be those girls so you crumbled yourself into a ball and wept in nothing but a bra and underwear.

Meanwhile, Jeremiah had a sixth sense when it came to you. His frontal lobe started to tingle. Dropping what he was doing, he dug through the couch cushions to find his phone. Calling his most recent number.

The opening melody of Good Days by SZA started playing from your phone. Shit. It was Jeremiah. You immediately knew. In a rush, you scrambled to your feet, wiped the tears from your face and picked up the phone.

“Hello?” The boy on the other line said. He sounded like a worried mother.

“Hey Jere.” You exclaimed. You were using your telemarketer voice, as you liked to call it. It made you sound…happy.

“Is everything ok?” Now why the hell was he asking you that?

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine. Why do you ask?” You let out a sniffle. Shit.

“Baby are you crying?” Well now that he knew he was going to go into mama bear mode meaning there was no point in lying anymore and yet you did it anyways.

“No, I’m fine.” Stupid.

“Y/n, I’m coming over. Just hold on, ok?” And with that he hung up. Shit shit shit. You scrambled to your feet to look out the window. He was already on his way. It was only at this time that you dreaded living two houses away from him.

You threw on a pair of sweatpants and the first shirt you could find, made your hair look as presentable as you could and quickly grabbed a book off of your shelf to make it look like you were doing something else before. You jumped on your bed and propped your upper body up on the headboard, awaiting his arrival.

The front door was open seeing as you left it unlocked and there was only one car in the driveway indicating that you were home alone.

Hearing the door open and close and your boyfriend’s footsteps slowly becoming louder as he came closer and closer to your room made your heart race.

You took a deep breath, swearing that could taste the salt in the air from your tears. You gave your face one last good wipe and with that door flung open to reveal your (beyond perturbed) Jere bear.

Looking up from the book you weren’t really reading, you smiled at him. But no matter how hard you tried nothing could hide the melancholy atmosphere you had created in the time you spent cradled on the floor in front of your mirror. Nothing could hide the redness of your eyes and absolutely nothing could hide the way Jeremiah saw through you like a piece of glass.

He slowly made his way towards your bed as if he was trying not to startle you. He slipped his shoes off and slowly crawled into bed with you, tucking you both under the covers. He waited for you to turn and face him to talk but when your eyes met his, when you saw the way he looked at you with so much love and acceptance, you broke. The dam you had poorly built broke and your tears came falling once again.

The boy pulled you into his chest, stroking and kissing your head.

“Shhhhh, it’s ok my love, I’m here.” He would say in many different variations. His soothing soon brought your waterworks to a halt but you still couldn’t look at him. You continued to stare at the wet spot you had created on his wife beater and the lighter surrounding parts of it. Anywhere but his face.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened, y’know?” He wasn’t expecting an answer, he was telling you more rather than asking you. He didn’t even try to look at your face. He just left you be and continued to let you dance your fingers across his chest.

“Do you ever wish I looked like someone else or was someone else?” Ripping the band-aid clean off. There was no way around it but through it.

“What? No. Where did you get that from?” This time Jeremiah pulled you away from his chest so he could look at your face. He wiped a stray tear from your cheek with his thumb.

“I don’t know,” you did know “I just…look at every other girl in Cousins and it’s just…I don’t know,” you said that already “you could have any girl you wanted and you’re with…me. I just don’t get it.”

The boy across from you kept eye contact with you the entire time. His face contorting into what seemed like a million different expressions throughout your confession, he was bemused to say the least.

“I mean sometimes I even think you’re with me out of pity or maybe it was a dare or a bet you made with Steven…I don’t know I just wish you could be with someone you actually deserve.” You finished. Well at least you thought you were finished. Honestly, you could go on about it all day but simply based off of the expression on your boyfriend’s face you knew he wouldn’t let you.

“First of all, I don’t know where the hell this is coming from but I like you because you aren’t like every other girl in Cousins. To be honest, they’re all carbon copies of each other, most of them are like barbie dolls with no personalities. Also if you’re inferring that your inferior to any of them because of your looks then you’re out of your goddamn mind. You’re the smartest, funniest, most gorgeous girl I’ve ever met. Hell, sometimes I even question why you’re with me, y’know? I’d never trade you for any other guy or girl even if I had the chance to.” He disrupted his speech to give you a sweet peck on the lips. “You’re so fucking gorgeous baby.” Another kiss. “I love you more than anything.”

Your cheeks hurt from the way you were smiling so damn much. God, you loved him. You smiled even harder as he pulled you into his chest again.

The day didn’t end there though. He wouldn’t let it. When you were ready Jeremiah spent the rest of the afternoon letting his tongue and two middle fingers (along with other…parts) show you how much he loved you and your body.

Taglist: @gillybear17

[oddaodd]

· I Don't Go In For Sweets ·

Request: by a lovely anon "set after the events of season 3. Tommy can't handle the company, he's still grieving and he has to be there for Charlie so Polly tells him she knows a girl from a good family to get married He ends up agreeing (aunt Pol can be very persuasive) but even though he's married, this new girl isn't considered as a wife. He doesn't really make any effort but his "wife" understands, he's a widowed father who lost his first wife only a year ago. However since they are...in this, she wants to make her time as enjoyable as possible for the both of them and for Charlie too. But no matter what Tommy makes it a point of honor to not let her in, to not let her replace Grace so he ignores her, he works more, tries to spend as little as possible in the house. Reader stays patient, it will be alright and Charlie is making her quite busy anyway. One night, Tommy comes home completely drunk and maybe a bit high too, he can't even make it to his office. Thankfully Reader is still awake, she takes care of him and Tommy just...melts at how gentle Reader is, he may be able to keep his distant while sober but it's much harder in his state. He admits to her how he's been feeling and all. Ever since that night, something changed, Tommy feels some comfort, some solace being around her, she accepts him wholly, even his flaws, the bad side of his business and she tries to provide some sort of safe place for when it gets too hard." (I edited the request because it was very long, but I kept all essential parts in there)

Author’s note: I loved loved loved writing this and it ended up being SUPER long, but I’m very happy with how it turned out. As always, I hope you like it and have the loveliest of days!

Warnings: season 3 SPOILERS sort of, but not really, still read at your own risk. Arranged marriage, mentions of alcohol and drugs, angst.

·

“Thomas, you may not be able to see it, but you’re breaking apart” Polly spoke with a sigh as she lit a cigarette after everyone was dismissed from a family meeting.

Everyone had left Tommy’s office in arrow house rather gaily after receiving their fair compensations for partaking in the whole Russian ordeal, all except Polly, who remained where she sat, wishing for a word with her nephew

Tommy merely scoffed at her concern before lighting his own cigarette and taking a puff “I’ll be alright”

“And Charlie?” Pol pressed knowing Tommy’s mourning was not only affecting him, but Charlie as well. “What about him?”

“He’s fine” He said before turning around to look through the window, ignoring his Aunt’s heavy stare.

“You take too much after your mother” she sighed half angry half sad “she too loved pretending everything was alright and I don’t need to remind you where that lead her”

Tommy sighed deeply, he knew he could fool anyone. Anyone but Polly. “We’ll manage”

“Consider my offer” Polly said standing up and making her way to the door “Y/n is a good girl from a good family” she persuaded before leaving the room.

Tommy sighed at his Aunt’s words, he wasn’t ready to get married again even when he knew the woman he would be marrying was a nice one. He felt like he was spitting on Grace’s grave and he hated himself for even considering the prospect, but he knew a mother figure would be good for Charlie.

He spent the rest of the day pondering about Polly’s suggestion and remembering his own childhood in the shadow of the absent tortured presence that his mother had been. It didn’t take him long to decide he didn’t want that for Charlie, so that same night he phoned Polly.

“I’ll do it” was all he said before hanging up. There was no need for more words, Polly would know exactly what he meant.

Exactly a week later, Tom was standing in the altar of a church that was significantly smaller than the one from his first wedding. The fact that everything about this wedding was so obscenely different from his first did soothe his guilt a bit. And as he stood there he couldn’t keep his mind from traveling to the days leading up to his wedding to Grace. She had made sure everything was perfect and had made an effort to invite every single relative she could think of. She remembered her rambling on an on about fabrics, insisting that everything ought to be perfect when he in all honestly couldn’t care less, he just wanted to marry her.

All his thoughts vanished away with a poof when Y/n came into sight. And what a sight she was. She had insisted on doing her own makeup and on pinning flowers to her hair to compliment her headpiece and her elegant, yet simple white dress flowed almost mystically as her father gave her away. She had never imagined she would be marrying someone she didn’t know, but she wanted to look her best for getting married is not something people do everyday.

When she stood in the altar, she offered her to be husband a smile which he did not return, instead turning his attention to the priest before them. She mirrored his actions, her heart beating violently under her chest as the priest began speaking.

It all felt like a blur, she could swear it had only been a second since her father had given her away and yet, the priest had already uttered the dreaded “you may now kiss the bride”

Tommy barely brushed his lips against hers and soon the sound of everyone clapping invaded her ears. They had a small party afterwards in Y/n’s former house. Her parents had invited pretty much all of their acquaintances while tommy had only invited his close relatives.

When night fell Tommy was more than ready to leave “Are you ready to go?” was one of the few sentences he uttered to his now wife that night.

She again offered him a smile before saying “yeah just let me say goodbye”

The drive to arrow house was tense, although Y/n didn’t know Thomas very well she would tell he was unhappy. She wondered about what to say to him, but couldn’t come up with anything good enough and soon enough they were pulling over in front of Tommy’s stately home.

“Charlie must already be asleep, but I'll introduce you tomorrow” he said opening Y/n’s door for her.

“It’s alright” she said looking at him, not quite knowing what to do next.

“Your parents sent some of your belongings, I've already asked the maids to take them up to your-our room” he said

“Thank you, Thomas” she smiled as she walked into the big house not yet feeling close enough to him to call him Tommy.

His name falling from her lips caused an echo of bittersweet emotions to stir inside him but he masked it perfectly well as she introduced Y/n to the maids that went to the door to take their coats.

“Frances here will show you the way to the room” he said after having made introductions.

“This way, Mrs” Frances politely said.

Y/n began following her but stopped when she didn’t hear Tommy’s footsteps behind her own.

“Are you not coming?” she asked turning to look at him.

“Maybe in a bit” was all he said before he walked away down one of the many spacious hallways of the house.

After Y/n made herself comfortable in the room and changed into her nightgown she took the time to peek around the room like one always does when one is a strange place. After familiarizing herself with it she laid down in the big bed. She was nervous, she knew what happened on wedding nights. A small chuckle stopped at her lips when she recalled the stories her close already married girlfriends told her. If she hadn’t married a complete stranger she too would be looking forward to it.

Her thoughts ended up luring her to sleep after a while despite her nerves and the night went by in a ridiculously fast flash. The next morning she woke up alone and after getting ready she made her way downstairs. Tommy and Charlie were already in the dining room when she entered it.

“good morning” she said

Charlie immediately turned his attention to her, his eyes widening while his dad merely glanced at her while he muttered a “Good morning “ of his own.

Y/n sat down next to Tommy while he cleared his throat “charles, this is Y/n. We got married yesterday so she’ll be living with us from now on”

Charlie merely nodded in understanding before playing around with his food.

A tense air flooded breakfast until Tommy stood up, having barely touched his food and spoke turning to look at Y/n “I have to go now, if you need anything feel free to ask Frances”

“Alright” Y/n replied feeling a bit disappointed, she would love to get to know him, but she already knew it was going to be difficult.

“I have to go too” Charlie announced in a timid voice, interrupting Y/n’s thoughts. Despite her disappointment she understood, maybe he was just shy and his dad just reticent. They had lost a wife and a mother after all.

The first few days after that, Charlie avoided her nearly as much as his father did and Y/n remained in lonely patience until one night Charlie’s cries interrupted her focus on the book that she had just bought. She rushed to his room and called out his name as she entered not knowing if the boy would be comfortable with her or not.

“What is it?” she asked worried as she knelt by his bed.

“I miss my mum” the boy confessed looking at her with teary eyes as he clutched his blanket.

Y/n felt her heart give a small ache at his confession and in an attempt to comfort him she spoke “She’s not really gone, you know?”

“She’s dead” the boy sobbed.

“but people who die, don’t leave us. Not really anyhow” she said hesitantly rubbing his arm. “just because we cant see them doesn’t mean they are not here”

“I miss seeing her” he continued.

“Oh but you can still see her”

“how”

“before you go to bed just think about her, then she’ll visit you in your dreams” Y/n spoke as if she was telling a fairy tale.

“really?” the boy’s eyes widened.

“really” Y/n confirmed “But you have to think really really hard”

“I’ll try” Charlie said having calmed down a bit.

“very well” Y/n said as she stood up, but Charlie’s voice stopped her.

“can you stay till I fall asleep?”

After that night, Charlie hardly left Y/n’s side and she felt much better with his company for she was sure if he wasn’t there keeping her on her toes all day she would fall into a depressive chasm induced by her husband’s absence.

On the rare moments he was home she tried to strike up conversation with him over breakfast or late at night when he came home and she was burdened by insomnia. But Tommy only humored her with a few short responses before excusing himself or turning to face the other side of the bed.

It wasn’t only the fact that he avoided her as much as he could, but he also made it a priority to exclude her at all times. She was never invited into family meetings or night’s at The Garrison so she thought it was a miracle when tommy didn’t oppose to her planning Charlie’s birthday party.

She invited only Tommy’s family which instantly warmed up to her, noticing what a good influence she was and Polly wanted to slap Thomas for the way he had been acting throughout his marriage to Y/n. Almost feeling guilty for getting her into this mess.

When the party ended Tommy shut himself in his office like he often did when he was at home and though he had never given Y/n a reason to believe she was welcome in there of all places, she found herself allowing herself in after putting Charlie to bed.

Tommy looked up as she entered and let out a sigh before turning his attention back to some papers he had been reading.

“I noticed you didn’t have any” she commented not letting his sigh deflate her as she laid a plate with a slice of homemade chocolate cake on his desk. “it’s really good if I may say so myself” she mused sitting down in a chair opposite to his as she dug in with a fork in her own slice.

“I don’t go in for sweets” he stated.

“Not even chocolate?” Y/n tried, but tommy didn’t answer, instead he just shook his head.

“I still think you should try it, it’s not overly sweet, and…”

“is there anything you need?” he interrupted bluntly a bit harsher than he would’ve liked.

His tone caught her off guard and when she couldn’t come up with an answer tommy again turned his attention back to his papers.

“I wish you could let me in” She softly confessed after a few tense seconds.

“Well I wish we hadn’t married but I guess things don’t always go the way we want them to go”

Tommy knew he had crossed a line by the silence that again settled into the room. He looked up at Y/n with her parted lips and misty eyes. They exchanged glances for a second but instead of allowing him to see her like that any longer, she stood up setting her plate on his desk and walked away, only allowing a few tears to drop by when she was out of the room and his sight.

After that she stopped trying to get closer to him. He still loved his late wife and she understood, people in grief never mean what they say after all, but his words stung nonetheless.

She stopped trying to wait for him at night to see if he had gotten home alright and during breakfast she only uttered polite good mornings.

One night however, Y/n was yanked out of a peaceful sleep by a loud crash. She was on her feet in no time and after checking into Charlie’s room to see if he was alright she cautiously ventured downstairs. A few incoherent mumbles filled her ears before her husband came into sight, fumbling with his coat to get it off.

“need help?” she asked earning his attention.

“I’m fine” he said finally taking it off but as he went to take a step to begin walking the floor under him moved and he lost his balance, his knees crashing loudly against the wooden floor.

Y/n offered him a hand and helped him up. He smelled of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands were shaky, consequence of the snow, no doubt. “let’s get you upstairs”

“I can do it on me own” he slurred letting go of her hand.

“stop being so stubborn” she derided, snaking one of her arms around his waist as she helped him upstairs.

Y/n helped him into bed, tookoff his shoes and went to the bathroom to fetch a small towel and some cold water.

She dampened the towel with the cold water before dabing it gently on Tommy’s forehead. His eyes never leaving her face as she did so, making her grow a bit nervous. She continued, trying her best to ignore it until she felt his hand softly caressing her cheek.

“You are beautiful” he rasped.

“Stop it, Thomas” she said feeling her cheeks grow red when she felt a bit sad that he had to be completely drunk to compliment her.

Even in his drunken state he seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable so he held his tongue until Y/n laid in bed next to him after turning on the lights.

“I’m sorry” he interrupted the silence “For the way I’ve been acting” the whiskey and cocaine making him more vulnerable and open “I guess I was afraid that if I let you in then she would disappear”

He didn’t expect her to answer, but then her voice came in a soft exhausted tone“ I don’t intend to replace her. You don’t need to act all defensive and secretive. Even if it’s not what you wanted, we are married.”

“I Know” was all he said.

Y/n expected him to withdraw more from her after showing himself that vulnerable to her that night but she was wrong. He began arriving home earlier, sometimes even asking if he could come along on the walks she and Charlie so much adored going on. And Y/n finally felt her marriage was going somewhere maybe it wasn’t based on love yet, but it was something.

One day she was at the stables while Charlie was taking a nap. She had always adored horses.

“I didn’t know you liked horses” came Tommy’s smooth voice causing her to jump.

“You never asked” she smiled petting a black horse as he walked closer to her.

“We could go out for a ride, I’m sure Charlie wouldn’t mind letting you borrow his horse” Tommy offered as he too began to pet the horse, his fingers brushing against Y/n’s for a brief second.

“I’d love to, but I am afraid I don’t know how to ride, Tommy” she said, panicking for a second after having called him that. But she rested assured as soon as he spoke again.

“Well that can be fixed” he said opening the door of the stall and guiding the horse outside.

“You mean now?” Y/n asked with a laugh.

“Got something better to do?” he asked walking out of the stable with the horse. Y/n observed tommy as he prepared the horse. She had never seen him so gentle and calm before and she only realized she had been staring when Tommy directed his attention to her to ask her if she was ready.

“I think so” she said going to stand next to the horse wondering how the hell to climb up. But before she had any more time to think she felt Tommy’s hands on her waist giving her a push that allowed her to pull herself up on the animal. It was a good thing she had chosen to wear slacks that day, she thought.

“Goodness this is high” she said nervously looking down at Tommy when he began guiding the horse to move in a slow walk.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you fall” he promised repressing a mirthful tone at her nervousness.

He guided the horse with her around the property in the crisp evening air and Y/n allowed herself to relax with every step the horse took. Tommy’s presence made her feel safe and protected and she found it increasingly harder to look away from his figure. She wondered if he could feel her eyes on him.

When the sky began turning soft shades of purple and orange the pair returned to the stables. When the time came from Y/n to come down from the horse, tommy helped her again. Y/n began to love the feeling of him touching her and when her feet touched the ground in front of Thomas, he didn’t remove his hands from her waist right away and instead fixed his blue eyes on her, not wanting to stop looking at her.

She too fixed her eyes on Tommy as she felt a silent gasp in the base of her throat. That was the way she would’ve liked him to look at her on their wedding day. Tommy then leaned in, almost as if he were asking for permission before he tenderly pressed his lips to Y/n’s.

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