#natsuki explain yourself

[doki-doki-lesbians-club]

hello! please rant about the comphet subtext in ddlc. i wanna hear it so bad please please please please please

Hi! I think I've written on this before, but I can't recall when or where, so I'll try and recall as many points as I can!

This'll be a long one, so under the cut!

For starters, let's talk base game. Obviously, all four girls fall for the MC and that's that. However, watching the ways that the other club members interact, it's pretty clear to many players that they have feelings beyond just friendship.

Namely, I sight Natsuki's poems. First off, the poem "Amy Likes Spiders" can be read as Yuri's love of horror (which is how I initially read it when I first played). However, it's also pretty easy to read this as either Natsuki's experience being trans, or being gay. Either way, that makes the entire narrative of the poem make sense, and also explains lines like "I tried not to let her touch me. She likes spiders, so her hands are probably gross." as well as "It doesn't matter if she has other hobbies. It doesn't matter if she keeps it private. It doesn't matter if it doesn't hurt anyone.

It's gross. She's gross. The world is better off without spider lovers."

Seems pretty clear, right? These lines may feel intense and out of place with other readings, but when you imagine Natsuki being outed to her shit friends as gay, or trans, it all starts to make sense.

Have you ever read the poem "I'll Be Your Beach"? Because it's gay as all hell!

We're led to assume that the romantic poems Natsuki and Yuri write are about the MC, but that would be odd to imagine when reading this poem. Natsuki writes about "your heavy thoughts", "your insecurities", and "your memories" and ends by saying "You'll learn to love yourself again." When, exactly, did the MC express any of these sentiments? Let alone to Natsuki?? But I think it would be pretty easy to connect all of these points to another girl: Yuri.

It's easy to see some strong subtext here for gay Natsuki (and maybe trans too, if you wanna see that). But when we break into the Side Stories, this is where it gets real interesting...

MC is not there. The Side Stories are purely scenes to read through to watch the Literature Club form for the first time as all the girls meet each other and get to know one another. Because of this, we get to see more of them and their feelings toward each other than we could have ever dreamed of in the base game!

Without giving too many spoilers for some of the best scenes in the entire game: the Side Stories are pretty gay. It's nearly impossible to ignore. These girls are clearly imagining each other as more than just friends, are going through some feelings. Each pairing even gets their own spotlight, and we see how each and every one of them has some interest in each other, which is a stark difference from the base game.

The main difference? MC is not there.

The base game has a lot of themes surrounding control, reality, and choices (or the lack thereof). Not only are all the girls destined (or "programmed") to fall in love with MC, it can't be avoided, even by Monika, who wasn't meant to have a route at all. They were already playing with the ideas of fate, and programming, and free will, but what happens when you remove the object that decided their fate?

Well, when we removed MC from the scenario altogether, we see the girls happier, getting along better, and showing interest in one another that we only got in subtext in the base game. To me, this leads to another theme of choice and control: compulsive heterosexuality. If part of the "generic dating sim" frame of their reality is forcing them to express interest in the male protagonist, even if they couldn't care less and really are interested in each other, that's the same themes but on a whole new level.

Left to their own devices, the girls are happy and expressing interest in one another. In the "game" they are forced to play roles in, we see their problems exacerbate, their situation spiraling, as they all desperately cling to the MC as the object of their affection. Seems pretty comphet to me.

Thank you sooo much for this ask! It's been a while since I wrote a long post like this! :D Speaking outside of my own trans/gay perspective, it seems pretty hard to imagine any other future for these girls in light of the Side Stories. And to that extent, I think the Side Stories gives us a window into a happier world; one where they are all free to grow and thrive as who they are, regardless of what that means for each of them! I think that's only further fueled this wonderful fandom: seeing them happy.

and gay.

Thanks again for the ask~!

[theveesbf]

SINCE UR REQUEST R OPEN CAN I ASK FOR THE DDLC GIRLS W A READER THAT TALKS A LOT ANDIS JS A RAY OF SUNSHINE, also they're kind of naive and innocent

🤭 thanks for reading my request pooks

DDLC girls X Sunshine!Naive!Reader

⌗notes - HII POOKIE!! I was planning to murder your family if the last request was another ddlc one but it was a rarity one so you're good😊/j

⌗content - headcanons of ddlc girls X reader who is a ray of sunshine, naive and talks a lot

Monika was so happy when you joined the club!! And you didn't have difficulty on being friends with the other girls as well! She loved talking to you, but especially listening to your voice. You never stopped talking once you begun, and she didn't mind that one bit.

Monika noticed how you had a harder time on seeing the deeper meaning of the poems, especially Yuri's one. She would protect you from literally anyone at school that even dared lay an eye on you in the wrong way. Whenever the club's mood were down, you and Sayori helped everyone to brighten up!

Natsuki gets annoyed at how much you talk at first. Especially when she's trying to say something and you keep interrupting her to make a comment. But after some time she learns you're not really doing it to actually interrupt her, you're just being yourself-

Which she eventually ends up liking. Even scolding anyone who tries to say something bad about you. Would get mad at you for not understanding her poems and it's meanings. But than she'd notice you're just really.. Too naive to understand her poems who sometimes have a darker meaning. It's not like she can blame you. Natsuki is willing to fight any person who is rude to you. How could they? You're such a sweetheart!

Yuri was a bit awkward when talking to you at first because of how different you two were. But you quickly got closer to her since Yuri isn't really the best at leading a conversation, which is exactly what you always do! So she's always there listening to whatever you have to tell her. Yuri was a little confused on how you didn't understand the meaning of her poems. If you were in the club you had to have at least a good interpretation? That's when she found out you're not really dumb, just too naive to understand the deeper meanings. Poems that are less "deep" you have no trouble on understanding. She doesn't know how to explain to you without killing your innocence so she doesn't. Would go on a full debate with someone who were being rude to you.

You and Sayori are in a friendly battle of who talks the most inside a conversation. You two talk a lot, which leads to a lot of interruptions during your conversations with her. Whenever someone said something more dark or dirty, Sayori would be worried about you hearing it! She knows how innocent you are, and she doesn't want to take that from you. So whenever someone says something like that, she's going to tell them to not say it near you. Sayori can be mean to some people depending on what they did, and so, she's going to be like that to anyone who insists on trying to take away your innocence. She'd try to help you understand better the other girl's poems, because it's a bit awkward when they just stare at you while you have no idea what "I like when papa is too tired to notice me" was supposed to mean..

[mha-grievances]

Sorry for not being on in, like, forever. Life’s just gotten in the way.

Anyways, that’s not what I wanted to talk about today. What I really wanted to focus on is something I’ve been thinking a lot on lately, and that’s the idea of asshole characters.

Obviously asshole characters come in all shapes and sizes. Each have their own motivations for being an asshole and/or unfriendly individual. Katsuki, Shota, and Hitoshi are asshole characters themselves, but why is it that I dislike them so much?

At first I thought I didn’t like asshole characters in general. However, I then remembered that there are several characters people would classify as assholes/unfriendly individuals that are characters I adore. Lysithea from Fire Emblem 2 Houses and Natsuki from Doki Doki Literature Club are characters who are rough around the edges and aren’t nice to people immediately. The reasons behind their behavior aren’t too far off from why Shota and Hitoshi act the way they do, that being trauma, so why am I able to look past their behavior and not that of Shota and Hitoshi? With Katsuki, it’s obvious, but the other two had me scratching my head for a bit.

The answer, outside of the fact that Lysithea and Natsuki are multi-layered characters written far better than Shota and Hitoshi, is that the girls are REACTIVE assholes while Hitoshi and Shota are ACTIVE assholes.

What do I mean by that? Well both Lysithea and Natsuki for the most part keep to themselves. Something that someone does ends up causing them to snap. For Lysithea, it’s when she feels that her time is being wasted after someone approaches her about something irrelevant. For Natsuki, it’s a defensive mechanism triggered by a perceived attack on her character. Now, is that an excuse for their behavior? No. There are better ways to defend yourself and to get people to stop talking to you, but it’s at least understandable that they’d snap due to their traumas.

Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota aren’t like that. When they’re an asshole, it isn’t because they’re provoked into being one by someone else’s actions, but because they’re the ones doing the provoking. Katsuki’s rude and aggressive to everyone around him, choosing to make the life of another boy absolutely miserable without any provocation. Hitoshi decides to mock 1-A and issue his “challenge” not because anyone approached him, but because he himself is looking for trouble. Yeah, Katsuki gave off a shitty first impression, but Hitoshi already was planning on challenging 1-A from the beginning. Shota’s the one who controls his teaching style and is a position of authority. Rather than do his job, he’d rather tear someone down.

Am I supposed to sympathize with these so-called heroes? I for the life of me can’t seem to do so. Meanwhile, with characters like Lysithea and Natsuki, I can because they don’t mean to be an asshole, it’s just that they want to be left alone.

Now, am I saying reactive assholes are better characters than proactive assholes? No. Proactive assholes can have great character development. The problem is that proactive assholes are tougher to warm up to, especially when they’re meant to characters the audience is meant to root for. MHA’s writing does nothing TO make people want to root for these guys. They’re just assholes who wanna throw their weight around and never receive punishment for it/are called out for it. Hell, MHA seems to think these characters ARE in the right for being the way they are and/or doesn’t take the fact that they are assholes seriously (looking at you Katsuki).

Anyways, I thought I’d write this up to really explain more of my thought process and why Katsuki, Hitoshi, and Shota bother me so much whereas I find myself adoring characters such as Lysithea and Natsuki.

[thequietkid-moonie]

Tohru, Marin Kitagawa, Tamaki Suoh, Mipha, Natsuki, Kōsei Arima taking care of a very sick reader who can't even get out of bed.

Sick!S/O can't even get out of bed

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Tohru, Marin, Tamaki, Mipha, Natsuki, Kousei ]

[ Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid ] [ My Dress-Up Darling ] [ Ouran High School Host ] [ Breath of the Wild ] [ Doki Doki Literature Club ] [ Your lie in April ]

The last time i was so sick that i can't get out of bed was so long ago, and even if it was just one day I felt like dying 😩

Tohru

Once Torhu falls in love she start to get clingy and caring towards you, as well as little possessive (is more like her dragon nature). Even when she has some problem to comprehend your feelings if you don't tell her directly (specially if you aren't a dragon) she wants to have a relationship with you where you can rely and even depend on her, even if is just a little it will make her happy

Whenever you get sick she worries but her excitment quickly overcome that feeling, don't take her wrong she doesn't like to see you in such pain but it makes her excited the idea of being able to take care of you, and she will totally take advantage of the situation. Although the firsts times you get sick she is more worried and desperate for find a way to help you

When you get so sick that you can't get out of bed it scares her a lot, fearing that something really bad happened to you, mixed between despertly trying to find out what happened and how to help you and getting mad thinking that this may be someone's fault. Still is probably that you manage to calm her down enough to explain that you aren't going to die or that no one caused this, you will be fine with seeing a doctor

Tohru will be really hesitant of letting a doctor see you in such vulnerable state so is more probably that she ask Fafnir or Quetzalcoatl for help, she can even ask Kobayashi of what she is supoused to do and at the end she will try a lot of different things between dragons and humans solutions

Once you finally manage to calm her down enough to finally convince her to at least follow your lead on how to help you and take proper care of you she will totally go in nurse mode and even promise to make you feel better in no time

She will totally take advantage of this situation to fully take care of you and baby you all she wants, specially if normally you don't let her, as well she will cuddle you a lot, holding you close to her and even putting you on top of her with the excuse of helping you stay warm and comfortable

Tohru tries to follow the human medicine and the instructions the doctor give you but she can't help to think that the process is too slow (even when she is enjoying it) so she will try the healing methods of her world in hopes that it help you get better faster (she won't really tell you this if she knows that you will disapprove it)

Tohru cheerish for you to get better soon but enjoys every little moment of it

Marin Kitagawa

Marin is really caring a loving, but she is pretty dumb too so if you aren't obvious or directly tell her about how you feel or when you are troubles for something she probably won't discover it herself

Marin is most of the time alone so she has to take care of herself, and even when she isn't the best to do so she is proud of what she knows to do, as well she tries to look after your well-being too, if she ever notice that you seem to not beem taking care of yourself she will insist that you have to do it, and that if she has to do it herself she will

Speaking of, anytime you get sick she gets really worried it doesn't matter if is just a little fever or something really serious she will be really worried (she could overeact a little), that is why the moment you tell her that you are feeling so bad that you can't get out of bed she gets worried sick and start overthinking everything, her friends has to calm her down at least enough to wait until she had the opportunity to go to see you, reminding her that you aren't alone or that at least you are already taking meds and resting

Still the very moment she is free she is already running to where you are, and when she finally get to see you someone has to stop her before she throw herself to your arms with tears in her eyes, and if she actually does it she will end up apologizing really dramaticly for hurting you again

She will bombard you with questions about what happened, how you feel, where it hurts and so on, after a while she will calm down and start to recover her cheerful self again and start to comforting you as well as promising to take good care of you

And as she said she will spend all the free time she has by your side taking care of you, and even if you try to tell her that she doesn't have to she will just giggle and insist on doing it. If you feel insecure for looking bad she offers to fix yourself a little if you want

Also she will take seriously her promise of take care of yourself, or at least tries to, so she will be making sure you are always comfy and don't overwork yourself, as well that you always take your meds and eat properly. She is a little ashame of it, but she is enjoying taking care of you a little to much, if you let her she will like to baby you from time to time

As well she offer you to watch some anime so you don't get all bored but you will have to remind her that you two can't cuddle right now or else she will end up getting sick too, she will be pouty for it for a while but if you promise to cuddle her when you get better she imediatly feels happy again

Tamaki Suoh

Tamaki is pretty dramatic and spontaneos and that is showed in his relasionship, he is really loving and caring and he is always really open with his love for you (unless you feel uncomfortable with it he will try to calm down)

He doesnt worry much about you, or at least tries not to, and when he does it his reaction is always really dramatic, when you seem troubled by something he imediatly ask you about it but he tries to don't pry until is something really serious or that is afecting you a lot (or at least he tries to because most of the time he end up having a childish reaction), so when you get sick he tries to keep his cool and help you out (even when is just a little fever)

However you being so sick that you can't get out of bed make him worried sick, by the very moment he gets the news he is mixed between fearing the worst and trying to use everything he can to help you get better. He will try to get as soon as posible to your side and he practicaly throw to your arms dramaticly tearing up when he finally sees you (probably end up kneeling next to your bed with puppy eyes)

He tries to ask you what happened and how you feel but he is making a lot of questions so quickly that he doesn't give you time to even try to answer if no one stop him it will take him a long time to calm down, and even so is probably that he doesn't exactly calm down, will be more like changing his behavior in a more determinante to help you

Ouran High School is a school for rich people so is probably that you have the resources to afore a good medical treatment, and even if you can't he will make sure to provide it to you himself as well as make sure that you take your meds and proper rest, even if you have someone by your side in charge of taking care of you he will insist on taking care of you himself

You don't being able to move much gives him the opportunity to baby you, he hates seeing you in such pain and he almost cries anytime he hears you complain and that is why he start doing a little too much for you

You won't be able to convice him to leave your side, he may even invite over the rest of the club as long as he knows that it won't upset you. Also if you feel insecure or bad for being a mess while being sick he himself will makes sure to fix your hair as well that you use cute clothes and are wrapped in cute and fluffy blankets (is one of his ways to help you to feel at least a little better)

If you need comfort either for the pain or for feeling like a bother he is up to comfort you, you don't even have to ask because he is already giving you compliments

Is practically a miracle that he doesn't get sick too for how much time he spends close to you

Mipha

Mipha is really caring and sweet, is like a nature for her being so caring so that is going to be expressed in her relasionship too, although she tries to not be overwhelming or overcome your bounduries and respect your privacy, specially if you are a warrior or an adventurous, she worries for you but she doesn't want to stop you from doing what you love

Also Mipha has healing powers so everytime you get hurt or even sick she is inmediatly by your side healing you, she insist on doing it because it comfort her being of help when you need it, and you won't really be able to convice her otherwise always insisting that she is just caring for the one she loves the most, also if you ever try to hide it from her for trying to not worry or bother her she will scold you, even remind you that she is the leader of the Zora Kingdom is her work to worry for her people (even if you aren't a Zora)

That is why the moment she gets the news of you being so sick that you can't get out of bed she gets worried sick for you, if she had the opportunity she will drop everything and just go to your side, still there is the posibility that she isn't able to get away from her responsabilities (specially if you are outside of the Zora Kingdom, although in that case she is just even more worried)

When she finally is by your side she first asks you what happened and how you feel, she is eager to help you but first needs to know what exactly happened, she tries to waste not too much time before starting healing you and there is no way you will stop her, specially if you seem too uncomfortable or hurt for your sickness

Is more probably that she stops until at least what you have becomes a little annoyance, either because she end up exhausted or because you convince her to don't use all her strength on it, in any case she will still feel bad and makes sure to take care of you the rest of the time

Also even if she had helped you get better already she still feels uneasy about you so she prefer to stay by your side at least a little longer and keep a close eye on you, she knows you aren't exactly in danger but she can help but fear (seeing you in so much pain truly affect her). As well even if she manage to fully heal you she will insist on you taking a break and just rest as well as asking you to be more careful next time, although now you will be able to convince her to rest with you so she can recover her energy too

Natsuki

Natsuki has a big problem with both trusting people and showing her emotions, that is why when she finally trust you and open up to you she becomes more caring and even soft with you

Whenever you are troubled by something or even sick she worries but always show it up in discreet ways, she could even ask you about what is happen though a message before asking you in person

When you get so sick that you can't get out of bed she gets worried sick, Natsuki tries to stay calm or at least seem calm but his mind is going crazy and if no one stop her quickly she will end up having an anxiety attack by fearing losing you. At the end the other girls of the club have to help her calm down

Once she finally has the time and had calm down enough she inmediatly make her way towards your house, but she still fears that will better to let you rest or even that you will reject her (if you two were texting it would help her feel more sure about visiting you)

She doesn't like seeing you so sick and in such pain, it make her feel frustrated and powerless, but she still wants to give a try, she ask you what happened and she may be a little harsh with her words (she may or may not call you idiot for getting sick) but is her worries and desesperation talking

She will try to pay you a visit in all her free time but she is still troubled for the frustration, it has to be their friends who give her the comfort and motivation she needs

Natsuki will be taking care a lot of you in discreet ways, when she is with you she handle you whatever you need and making sure you are taking your meds, she even stay by your side when you are napping and when she sees you sleeping peaceful is all the reasurance she needs to know that you will be fine. She also ask the person who is in charge of take care of you how are you doing and if there is something she can do to help (she may be embarrased for having to do it but she want to). As well she make sure to pay extra attention in class to explain it to you later while you are skipping classes, as well as taking extra notes for you of the most important, is the least she feels she can do

Once you are better she will make you some of your favorite cupcakes and may or may not write a poem expresing how much she missed you and how worried she was (if you tease her for it she will turn around the situation and scold you for getting sick on the first place and making her so worry)

Kousei Arima

He is really caring of you and he is a little observant so after a while of knowing you (even before start dating) he learn to notice when you aren't feeling too well, so you won't be able to hide from him that you are feeling sick

Kousei can be pretty hypocrite in this part because for him is easy to get so invested on playing the piano that he forget to take care of himself, going as far as falling sleep in the floor next to the piano, but when it comes to you he always insist that you should take proper care of yourself

Anytime you get sick he worries a lot for you, specially when you tell him directly, it makes him feel uneasy is just that he can't help but remember her mother (or Kaori), but he always calms himself down, or at least never shows how worried he really is (although, as long as you don't have to go to the hospital he doesn't have much troubles). Even if you feel a little sick he insist that you should at least rest for a while

When you fall so sick that can't even get out of the bed is shocking for him, he will have to take a while to calm himself down or else he will have a panic attack or something, although if you explain to him that is just something not really serious, maybe just like fever or even cramps and you can't move much out of pain it help calm down more easily, but still make him feel uneasy

Even if you try to tell him to don't go to see you he will, he doesn't say it out loud but it make him feel more comfortable if he is by your side, and he will keep you company all the time he can, even when he is doubting if he is of help

It makes his really worried that you can't get out of bed for your sickness but everytime you look at him he has a smile in his face (although you could notice that when he gets more worried when his smiles are more forced), he just know that right now all your body hurts and he doesn't want to bother you with his worries

He will spend all the time with you until you finally feel better so he will be taking care of you, and if there is someone else taking care of you (like your parent) he will help them too, he just want to be of help for you and even if you still can move but you shouldn't he is the one making sure you stay still and just rest

If you feel insecure for him seeing you right now for the mess you are he calls you silly, is obvious that right now you can't do much for your appearance since you are sick but he doesn't care

Kousei has not problem with comfort you if you need it, and he talks a lot about what you two will do once you get better if it helps you

[summer-child-in-inaba]

Yosuke: ... whew. You saved my bacon! Thanks. You're... stronger than you look, huh?

Natsuki: I... guess so. Um. I'm Natsuki Jirou...

Yosuke: Oh, right. I'm Yosuke Hanamura! Nice to meetcha. Come to think of it - aren't you the new transfer student? Where were you from, again?

Natsuki: ...Kanto, technically, but I was living in Paldea until recently.

Yosuke: I guess that explains the tan! Oh, I'm from Kanto too, by the way - not sure if you can tell from the, uh, accent. People here keep commenting on it, anyway...

Natsuki: ... Mh. Uh. Aren't we kinda late already? Or why were you biking that fast?

Yosuke: Oh crap - I'll give you a ride, if you like!

Natsuki: ...I also. Run faster than you'd think.

Yosuke: ... Suit yourself, I guess!

Natsuki: Yyyep. See you in class. ... sorry, dude, but you already flirted with me yesterday and I'd really rather not... Ah shit, I do gotta hurry, though.

[alex-rambles]

HIIII!!! can you do a Sayori x gn! reader where reader stops Sayori from playing Hangman with herself? I live for hurt/comfort and I LOVEEE the way you write the ddlc characters!

Yep. Now, if Sayori is dating reader, we assume MC is nonexistent, which causes issues as to why Monika made her do that, so we'll pretend Monika wanted you instead.

Reader is gender neutral

BIG TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE

"I love you, I'm sorry."

You stare at the text, trying to figure out what it means, before it clicks.

Oh, god no, no.

"Mom I gotta go I promise I'll explain later."

You ignore your mom's protests and slam the door behind you, running towards Sayori's house desperately.

No cars, her parents must not be home.

Door is locked.

You fumble with the knob before just kicking in a window and run towards her room. Her door is unlocked, thank god. You (not so gently) open the door, to find your girlfriend hanging there, clawing at the rope.

You run over and grab her, pushing the chair back under her.

"Y/N..." she gasps, still clutching the rope. "How did you get in? I locked the d-"

"Shut up. Not in a rude way, just... get air in your lungs for me. I'm going to call an ambulance, okay? We'll talk while they come."

"...okay."

She looks down, seeming almost ashamed.

You quickly call an ambulance for her, then look back over.

"Sayori, can you tell me why?" you ask, grasping her hand gently.

"I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't apologize. It's okay, it's okay. Lets get this knot untied so you can sit..."

You quickly undo the admittedly well tied hangman's noose.. She seems to have practiced, which makes you shudder. Apparently, even her death had to be done perfectly.

"Alright, just lay your head on my lap... There we go. We comfy?"

"Mhm..."

She starts crying. A mess of apologies spills out of her, as her tears soak your pants.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry..."

You stroke her hair. "I know. Don't apologize to me, apologize to yourself. You have such a great life ahead of you!"

She nods, pulling her shirt up over her face as she continues sobbing.

You examine her hands. "Your fingers are bleeding. How long were you there?"

"I don't know, I'm sorry!"

"Okay, okay, that's fine. Why did you want to die?"

You here sirens. They're not here yet, but they're close.

Your phone dings. Probably your mom wondering what the hell happened.

"Because... I don't know! You-you're always so perfect... and I don't deserve you! You'd be so much happier without me! You'd be so happy with Yuri, or maybe Natsuki... Monika seems to like you, I think! But you chose me, and I don't know why! You probably just pity me! I was so happy you said you liked me too, but-"

You cut her off. "Sayori. I really do love you. I don't just 'pity' you. I'm sure I do a little bit, but that's not why I wanted to date you, you know that, right?"

"It's... not?"

She seems surprised, and that breaks your heart.

"Oh, Sayori..."

You continue playing with her hair, murmuring, "You're a ray of sunshine. What would me and everyone else in the Literature Club think if you went and died on us?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," she cries softly once again.

"Please don't apologize to me. Let's go outside, the paramedics should be here soon."

She nods, and so you carefully walk her out to her driveway seconds before the ambulance finally appears.

"Are you family?" the paramedic asks you.

"No, I'm her partner," you anseer

"Okay. She can walk okay, correct?"

"Yes ma'm."

"Alright."

The woman turns to Sayori. "Alright so, we're going to..."

You stare until she's loaded onto a stretcher, and watch even more as if drives into the distance, until the sirens fade completely.

[dropintomanga]

Given - Wanting to be Heard Loud and Clear

"If one day you woke up, and the person you love was suddenly gone from this world, how would that make you feel? How would you describe it?"

While we usually get along with the people we care about, there's always bound to be arguments. They more often than not revolve around subtle things, but sometimes, they do get deadly serious in a hurry. And when they don't get resolved, well, let's just say that boundaries have been crossed for the worst.

I just started reading Natsuki Kizu's Given and the first arc (which was the entire 1st season of the anime) explores the tension of wanting to express yourself while being overwhelmed with grief that you can't easily explain.

Given is about a rock band made up of 4 young men whose troubled pasts and their shared love of music brought them together. The first arc is about two members, Ritsuka Uenoyama and Mafuyu Sato. The story starts off with Uenoyama wanting to take a break at a staircase in his high school. He catches a very timid Mafuyu sitting there as well and notices that the latter is carrying a guitar. When Uenoyama notices that a string on the guitar is broken, he offers to fix it. The two would connect and Uenoyama introduces Mafuyu to his other bandmates, Akihiko Kaji and Haruki Nakayama. Mafuyu is offered to join the band and is even asked to sing for them.

When the 4 of them are getting ready for a performance at a concert, Mafuyu's past is slowly revealed. Uenoyama and Mafuyu run into each other after Mafuyu's job interview. They would bump into an old friend of Mafuyu's, who reveals that the guitar Mafuyu has in his possession is from someone he loved in the past. Mafuyu panics and Uenoyama tries to comfort him. However, Mafuyu can't bring to words about his past while Uenoyama starts to realize that he's having a strong feeling towards Mafuyu. Tension between the two starts to happen and threatens to tear the band apart.

We later learn that the guitar is from a childhood friend turned lover of Mafuyu's, Yuki Yoshida. Yoshida would later die and it was suspected to be a suicide. Mafuyu is unsure about the role of Yuki's guitar in his life as he just took it for Yuki's mom's sake. Is he moving forward or running away?

It's difficult to talk about suicide and especially if it was your partner. Mafuyu comments how he's not really good at expressing himself outside having a great singing voice. I sometimes think about how hard it is talk about the dead. You think things will be fine as long as you're together. Sadly, it's not always that simple. The past is strong. Your memories of someone you lost just don't go away easily. Sometimes, you still see the person wherever you go.

When I look at Mafuyu, it felt like Yoshida's death hasn't fully sunk in yet. He carries the guitar and his mind in a in-between phase between holding on to his old reality and his new reality. Things that were once neat and organized are now scattered. Mafuyu is struggling to catch up or is in the process of doing so.

What complicated Mafuyu's thought process were the events leading up to Yoshida's death. The two would have an argument about Yuki's growing love for music, which was slowly drifting them apart. Yuki said he would quit and that he couldn't live without Mafuyu. Mafuyu then said that Yuki should die for him if that's the case. Those words became the hammer that drove the nail in as Yuki drank himself to death.

There's a part I enjoyed before the concert in Volume 2 where Mafuyu finally realizes what he has to do. During one rehearsal a week before the concert, Akihiko tells the band to stop practicing because of the constant tension between Mafuyu and Uenoyama. He would later talk to Mafuyu about lyrics for a song they want to do. Akihiko acknowledges Mafuyu's pain and tells him,

"If you don't come to terms with your past, you won't be able to write those lyrics. You need to make a decision. Do you want to express those feelings? Or do you want to run away from putting them into words?"

The magic would start to happen at the concert when Uenoyama becomes able to communicate how he feels about Mafuyu's impact on his life. Mafuyu would finally express his loneliness in dramatic fashion in front of a crowd. He says something that made me tear up,

"The truth is...the truth is, I've always just wanted someone to hear me scream out this pain and misery that's stuck inside. Even if it's just a little...I wanted someone to understand."

Many of us carry something emotionally heavy inside of us. While it's considered not okay by most of the public to talk about it, we have to talk about it. At the same time, there's definitely people out there who don't want to understand the pain we're in. They don't want to see the weight we carry.

It's funny because while we talk about preventing the stigma about talking things mental health-related, the stigma still exists. I wonder if that's because there's definitely topics that hit too close to home for some people and we can't take on that kind of pain. There's also a cultural aspect that makes awareness movements just lip service. I see this in Mafuyu because he didn't know who to turn to about processing Yuki's death.

What saved everything was direct communication with people who were willing to listen and not be freaked out by the trauma. Uenoyama was a bit bothered at first, but he realized how much Mafuyu was trying to be a good performer and wanted to love him for it. Akihiko and Hikari were the senpais offering their ears and voices as needed without being too preachy.

I see myself in Mafuyu quite a bit as I know someone I loved will die one day of a terminal illness. There's definitely words that I regret saying and not saying. I carry parts of them in my life and I pretend they're still talking to me. Mafuyu said "I'm so lonely" and I still feel that way at times. But lately, I'm starting to have a different outlook and know that my life isn't over when they're gone. I've replaced them with newer people I care about gradually.

I hope that people who need someone who's compassionate enough to listen to them are given that someone like Mafuyu has.

[lycheesuwa]

Part 5: Embers

Listen to: Daylight (Taylor Swift: LOVER album)

Osamu x Reader x Suna [Fluff/ Angst] (fluff, mentions to suggestive themes)

Summary: You take a vacation down to Hyogo for the new year (2789 words)

This story is heavy Suna in the beginning (Osamu does not appear until chapter 3)

Ft. Watanabe siblings, Kita Shinsuke

link to part 4 | link to part 6

(2784 words)

AN: This is probably my favorite chapter in this mini series~ Hope you are enjoying it so far!

Natsuki invites you to one more game to watch her brother and Suna play. She recognizes him now, since some nights Suna will say he just needs a house downtown to escape from his one night stands so they don't think there's more if he wakes up at their bed in the morning. And being his friend-with (less)- benefits, you let him stay on the couch or in your bed. You sleep together a few more times, but your mood is ruined quickly if you think about the other girl too much, which happens often. Even being friends with benefits doesn't get you close enough to the enigma of Suna Rintarou anymore.

“Why do you put yourself through this?” Natsuki asks at the end of an EJP Raijin and Azuma Pharmacy game. 

You pause. There's not a good answer. She already knows you like Suna. You confessed everything to her, so she knows he was your first everything— first crush, first kiss, first time, first love. But saying it so explicitly—

“I'm asking why you're letting yourself hurt over this. You should be with someone who can love you back, (Y/n). Suna-san isn't emotionally available to anyone.” Natsuki looks at her watch and then pulls you towards the hallway to find her brother.

You're not actively trying to let Suna break your heart every time he stays over. He never stays later than 8:00am or for breakfast, even if he doesn't have practice, and you didn’t even sleep together. But he does keep coming back sometimes— you aren't a stranger or one night stand. And imagine if things go horribly wrong with that other girl? You'd be right there to hold Suna and pick him up and then surely he'd fall for you. These little lies you tell yourself have been building for the past year and a half. 

Maybe getting to know Suna has made him even more of an enigma than before. 

 Natsuki invites you to her family house in Hyōgo for winter vacation. She's excited to show you everything about where she grew up and where her parents live. The drive is long but you take turns and she finally pulls up into the driveway.

The beginning of the holidays are warm and cozy in the Watanabe family home. Tenji and his friend (who’s wiry and tan like he works in the sun) frequently hang around too, even though Kita lives in Hyōgo, himself.

“We're gonna hit up ’Samu’s restaurant tonight,” Tenji says near the end of your vacation. The new year is only a couple of days away. “Ya wanna join?”

“Sure!” Natsuki chirps back, brightly, her eyes landing on Kita behind her brother.

“Where are we going?” You ask as Natsuki pulls you from the couch where you were in the middle of a movie.

“Onigiri Miya,” Tenji says, taking the keys for the car to drive you all downtown.

You remember Osamu from that party, and how kind he was to explain the situation with Suna. Even though he did give you a bit of a false sense of hope… He was still kind. Not to mention you were supposed to go visit him when you could. Now is as good a chance as any.

Onigiri Miya is absolutely packed at 8:00pm on a Friday night. There's barely anywhere you can see to sit, but there he is— Miya Osamu, pushing through the dining room to gesture at a table half hidden behind a screen and in a more secluded section. 

“Here, I saved ya a table,” he greets you all. “Ah, nice ta see ya, Shinsuke-san.”

“You as well,” Kita says.

“And (Y/n), yer here too!” Osamu moves on to greet you with a surprisingly friendly and warm hug. “What brings ya ta Hyōgo?”

“I'm here with Natsuki,” you say. You should have worn something cute instead of an oversized peach-colored sweater and jeans. Something cute? You want to look cute for… Miya Osamu? Who's literally standing in front of you in a black t-shirt that deliciously hugs his arms and pecs— yeah. You're going again tomorrow night and you're going to look cute.

“If I'd known ya were comin' I woulda prepped somethin’ fer ya guys,” he winks at you, and then pulls out a chair for you to sit in while Kita helps Natsuki into hers and Tenji watches the spectacle unfold.

For the first twenty minutes you guys snack on onigiri and edamame, until Osamu declares it's slowed down enough that he can hang out to sit and drink with everyone.

The food is delicious. There's usually an overwhelmingly greasy aspect of restaurant food that's absent in this dinner. Every dish feels homemade, as if your father cooked it for you. You've never had better donburi or nigiri, and it's hard to believe but amazing to know that the man sitting next to you and leaning over to put more takoyaki on your plate made it all.

“Thanks fer helpin’ meh this mornin’ with tha’ rice,” Osamu says to Kita. “Ya saved meh some time. I had this huge order ‘f onigiri from Akagi fer tha’ volleyball team since they're about ta go ta nationals.”

“Aww, does that remind ya of yer own highschool days?” Natsuki has tears in her eyes, and wipes at her face with her fingers. She's three cans of beer in, and her words are slurring as she leans on Kita’s sturdy shoulder.

“Reminds me of when ya made onigiri for tha’ team my final year with yer friend,” Tenji says to Osamu. “How's she doing?”

“She's good,” Osamu shrugs. “Haven't seen her in a while, since ma brother n’ Sunarin’re always on her when they're around.”

Tenji chuckles. “I had the hardest time figurin’ out who she was datin’, ‘coz tha two of ‘em wouldn't leave her alone. Yer brother always tellin me she was ’is girlfriend, but durin’r after practice she’d be with Sunarin.”

Your throat feels dry and you toss back the rest of your beer and take another bite of Sukiyaki. You've figured out this is the girl that you have to fight for Suna’s attention for, and you're not sure if you like hearing about how close he was to her in high school.

“Botha them needa stop hoeing around if they wanna chance,” Tenji also throws back his head and tips a shot of sake down. “Coz she ain't gonna see either of them ‘f they keep it up.”

“Don't think she knows how much Suna sleeps around,” Osamu says. “Sunarin would die before he let her know he's a horn dog.”

“She probably knows,” Tenji shrugs. “She was always sharp. Made me question why she was never tha manager fer ya guys.”

“She's inta writing,” Osamu says. “She was assistant editor fer the journal at school in our third year.”

Tenji nods thoughtfully, “and she's single?”

“Course. Ya know that ’Tsumu and Sunarin won't let another guy near her if they can help it.”

“They’re so oppressive,” Kita sighs.

“Hey, why ya gossiping like old grandmas when ya got two beauties right ‘ere?!” Natsuki smacks her hand on the table. “(Y/n) and I are single too!”

Tenji looks at the beer cans in front of his sister and sighs. “Natsuki, lower yer voice, we're indoors.”

You don't miss the look the two shoot at Kita too while Natsuki grumbles about how everyone else in the restaurant is being equally as loud. Is it possible that Kita likes your friend?

For the rest of the evening you watch how Kita is polite to Natsuki, although it seems like nothing out of the ordinary. He offers to drink the rest of her beer can, and she hands it to him sullenly through her drunken stupor. The clock ticks on and Osamu goes to get some mochi for dessert and by the time you're all ready to leave, the restaurant is closed and it's long past midnight. You stayed there for almost four hours.

“I gotta clean up a bit, but hopefully I'll see ya guys around?” Osamu looks at you and then Natsuki who's draped over Kita’s side.

“Maybe not her,” you muse.

“C’mon, I’ll take ya home,” Tenji says.

“Thanks for dinner, it was super delicious,” you wave goodbye to Osamu.

“Hope I get ta see ya before ya leave,” he says. “Stop by anytime.”

You stop by for your last two nights. At 7:00 before the night rush you sit at the raised bar counter, away from the other guests. The location keeps you in sight of Osamu too, so you can watch the way his arms bulge, and the way his back ripples under his tight shirt. And Osamu keeps the food coming to you— edamame, onigiri, takoyaki, gyoza— until by the end of both nights you're convinced you've gained an extra 10 kilos.

Osamu pulls up a chair as the rest of the guests file out, and takes the apron off of his waist. He places the cloth on the bar counter and then leans an arm across the smooth mahogany wood to look at you. “How're things goin’ with Sunarin?”

You see him once every other week or so, but only because you live in a convenient location. The last time you guys actually fucked was probably back in October. But Osamu’s steel eyes are trained on your face, watching your brow furrow, his own glinting at you, teasing. “He's… a bit distant,” you admit.

“Ah, sorry ta hear,” he says. “So uh, what’re ya doin in Hyōgo?”

“Visiting Natsuki and her family… and now you, I suppose. She's out with Kita, at the moment.”

“Yanno, I don't think the captain ever talked ta her in high school, but he likes her fer sure,” he says.

“He left tomatoes on her front porch today, and she picked some wildflowers for him,” you say back. “She likes him a lot.”

“I saw tha flowers on his dash this mornin’ when he came ta drop off tha edamame,” Osamu chuckles. “D'ya think they'll get married soon?”

You think for a moment. You've never met a single one of Natsuki’s… anyone. It’s not that she doesn't like boys, but she's only had a total of two crushes and dated one guy. And even though you won't say it, you know it's because she sees her older brother as a perfect guy, and it's hard to compete with that as an example. So unless Kita is absolutely perfect, she won't get serious with him. “I'm not sure,” you say. “There's a chance they do.”

Through talking to Osamu, you learn that maybe Kita is perfect for Natsuki. He's meticulous with life, searching for the perfect way to complete his day. Osamu says he's fallen into a routine that he's satisfied with, although he could probably use a bit of help around the house since his grandmother is quite old now.

“I think Natsuki likes him a lot,” you agree. “She'd be perfect as a housewife— she'd be able to continue gardening.”

“Yeh? Well, it helps that Tenji already knows and likes Shinsuke,” Osamu adds. “Coz ‘f he didn't, yanno that Shinsuke’d have no chance.”

You giggle and shake your head. Ironic of Tenji and Kita to call Atsumu and Suna oppressive for that girl when they have their own thing with Natsuki. At least Natsuki doesn't have to choose between the two.

“Hey, I'm glad ya made it out ‘ere, (Y/n),” Osamu says. “Yer real nice.”

You tilt your head to look at him. “You've been feeding me for free the past week, so it's really the least I can do.”

“Are ya gonna pray tomorrow?” he asks. “Fer new years?”

You're not particularly religious which you relay to Osamu.

“Ah, I'm not either, but I like ta go fer this at least. Even though it's only once a year, gotta try all tha’ luck I can, and I like ta think it's helped out with tha’ business.” There's a hint of pink on his cheeks. He opened up to you in a small way, so you nod.

“I haven't been to a shrine in a long time,” you admit. “Can I go with you?”

“Yeh, ‘course,” he says. “But I wanna go early, if that s’all right with ya?”

You nod slowly. “Sure.”

“I’ll throw in a homemade breakfast, how’s it sound?” he winks, catching you off guard. His eyes are gleaming, but after eating so much of his cooking the past three nights, you’d be a fool to turn down a free, homemade breakfast from Miya Osamu.

“That sounds wonderful.”

The morning is cold, and dark, but Osamu has a backpack and promises you that he’ll cook something for you when you get back. When you get to the mountain outlook with the shrine, he takes out a small thermos filled with fresh rice that's still steaming when he unscrews the lid. Using a metal spoon, he spoons some of the rice into a chipped porcelain bowl, and places it at the shrine.

He pours you a shot of sake to toast to the new year together. As much as he said he wasn't religious, he's taking the new year traditions quite seriously.

Praying has never really been something you truly believe in, but this year you manage to mentally ask for some good changes. Not that it's a specific prayer, but you could use something new in your life, whatever the gods want to send your way (with the caveat that it's good of course).

The sun breaks across the mountain range as you clap to finish your prayers. 

The walk down is relatively silent. You allow yourself to be surrounded by the sounds of the mountain waking— the trees rustling, the chirping of crickets joined by birds. Sunlight streams through the branches of the trees and touches your face every other step, warming your face. You feel lighter, and thankful for a new year as the golden-white beams burn through your vision.

True to his word, Osamu brings you to his apartment above Onigiri Miya and cooks a delicious breakfast of tamagoyaki and Ogura Toast which reminds you even more of home, Aichi especially. There's something strangely domestic about this activity of eating breakfast with someone. You didn't even sleep with Osamu, or maybe it's because you didn't sleep with him that you accept the gesture of him making breakfast and coffee and sitting down to eat with you.

It's only after you and Natsuki meet up to walk around the neighborhood that you realize you spent an entire morning thinking only about the future and Osamu, and your mind is void of Suna. Not worrying about when he'd call you next, or if he liked that girl…

“How was the shrine?” Natsuki asked. “I thought you didn't want to go because it was too early.”

“I didn’t, but… it was nice,” you admit. Even though initially you hadn’t wanted to go to the shrine with the Watanabes and Kita, Osamu makes everything seem easy to you. He's there in a way that feels… permanent.

Natsuki brings you around to her old high school, Inarizaki. You wander the grounds, unable to get inside but appreciate the scenery. You wonder if Osamu ever had a window seat and looked out of it, day dreaming of opening his own shop. Or maybe he sat near the hallway and put his head down on his desk.

Natsuki shows you Gymnasium 2 where the volleyball team practiced, and you peek through the window. The court is dark, and everything is wrapped up and put away, but in your mind you can almost hear the faint screech of a whistle and the pounding of a volleyball against arms and hands as the ball flies through the air.

“Thank you for this trip,” you say, linking your arm through Natsuki’s.

“Did you enjoy it?” Natsuki asks.

“I think so,” you reply.

“I think… I want to move back to Hyōgo,” Natsuki says quietly. “I… I really like Shinsuke.”

You crack a small smile at her. “You should definitely move back, then. After all, trees need to be planted everywhere, not just on a city grid.”

Natsuki leans her head against you. “You're too good to me, (Y/n). What am I going to do without you?”

“You'll have Kita-san,” you reply. “I'm not worried.”

“What about you? Who's going to take care of you?”

You let out a small laugh and dodge answering. You don't know. A year ago you would have immediately said you'd make Suna yours, but maybe there's more to the story. Maybe there’s someone else.

part 6

[oraclekleo]

[Readings] Solo Artists (idols, actors, actresses, rappers, celebrities)

All tarot readings related to Solo Artists (idols, actors, actresses, rappers, celebrities).

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I strongly urge you to take all the tarot readings on this account lightly. All the posts are intended to have an entertaining nature, they are pure speculations and completely made up by me. I can never ever guarantee any of it and you should never take any of the tarot readings for granted. I would like to stress that I know no idol nor actor personally, I never met any of them and all those readings are fictional, imagins, make believe and hypothetical scenarios. Do not base any of your life decisions on a tarot reading only, always use your common sense. If you have issues with tarot cards for religious or other reasons, do not engage in reading my posts.

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[aurata-rin]

FFXIV Write, prompt 4: Badger (self-chosen)

Thanks to @nikdrawson for throwing the prompt at me!

The sun had already set by the time an out-of-breath Narumi arrived at the Hasegawa residence. With her haori wrapped around something in her arms, she had managed to sneak past both of Natsuki's parents and into the woman's room under the pretense of wanting to surprise her. 

Surprise might have been an overstatement, though. Natsuki looked at Narumi as if she had lost her mind. 

"Narumi. It sneezed."

Narumi seemed the very picture of innocence, but no amount of smiles could hide the fact that the sneezing came from inside the bundle of cloth. 

As she started unwrapping the cloth, a patch of brown fur emerged, rising and falling in a steady rhythm. 

The dumb thing had fallen asleep.

"... Is that a badger or something?" The young woman questioned, and Narumi stared down at the creature. Or what was visible, anyway. 

"I did not actually get a good look at it.” She admitted, and moved to sit by the sliding door to the terrace. The evening afterglow was still more light than what she had to work with at the creek.

Narumi sat down on her knees, the bundle gently placed down in her lap. Natsuki joined her, clearly curious despite her attempts to appear indifferent. When Narumi was ready to remove the cloth completely, Natsuki shifted backwards.

It could be a rabid animal, for all she knew.

“Oh.” The redhead muttered softly when her fears turned out to be unfounded. 

A furry little creature was revealed to be resting beneath the haori, dark patches of fur around its eyes and legs.

Not quite a badger, but they were similar.

“I didn’t think they came this close to the village. Were you luring it in with food?” Natsuki squinted at the other woman.

“No, no, it was just… there.” She was quick to defend herself.

“Then why did you bring it here?”

Silence. Slowly, Narumi’s gaze rose from the creature in her lap to meet Natsuki’s.

“You’re going to think I’m insane.”

“You brought a random tanuki into my room, I think we’re already past regular levels of sanity.” Natsuki shot at her, huffing, and crossing her arms over her chest. 

That gave Narumi pause, and she soon chuckled.

“You’re right. Maybe I’m not quite myself these days.”

For a moment, Natsuki caught a tinge of sorrow in the woman’s eyes. She chose not to comment, though it was obvious she had noticed. Even Narumi could tell.

“It’s not just an animal.” Narumi started, laying a hand on top of the resting creature. The fur felt soft to the touch; one would never think it was anything but a regular tanuki.

“Go on,” Natsuki urged.

“It’s a spirit. Maybe even a kami. I swear it spoke to me.” The expression on Narumi’s face was one Natsuki was not familiar with. The intensity with which she stared at Natsuki was that of someone needing to know they were not mistaken; someone seeking confirmation that their mind was not slipping.

“You really aren’t yourself these days.” Natsuki muttered, but not to disprove Narumi’s claim. It was a comment on her desperate attempt to confirm it. The redhead reached out to lay a hand on the tanuki’s head. “That still doesn’t explain why you brought it here, of all places.”

“I wanted you to see it.” Narumi was quick to respond.

“...Why?”

“Because I’m going to try to contract it. It resonated with the magatama.” She glanced down at the jade jewel hung from a leather cord around her neck. It looked nothing but dull and unassuming, like most other pieces of jade accessories. Its value did not lie in its appearance, though, but rather the story behind it. Natsuki knew, and Narumi’s unspoken question was not lost on her.

“It’s yours now. If you want to play host to a kami, who am I to stop you?” Natsuki ruffled the fur on the tanuki’s head, enough of a disturbance for it to wake up. It evidently had no sense of self-preservation; its every move exuded a sense of comfort that was not normally found in wild animals.

Natsuki furrowed her brows. Maybe Narumi was on to something.

“...Can you do that, though? Contract it, I mean.” She questioned, and Narumi shot a look out at the garden. The last light of evening was fading; twilight was soon over.

“I’ll keep trying until I can.” Her eyes narrowed, though she was soon distracted by the tanuki crawling out of her lap. It shook its body once it was standing firmly on the wooden floorboards, stretched, and yawned.

Not a care in the world.

Narumi shared a smile with the other woman, and they chuckled.

“Right.” Natsuki shook her head, and stood up. Hands on her hips, she stared down at the furry creature at her feet. She blinked, realization dawning on her, and she snapped her fingers - mainly to get Narumi’s attention, but the tanuki looked up, as well.

Faced with both of their gazes, Natsuki moved forward with her proposal.

“If you’re going to contract it, it’s going to need a name.”

[dimonds456]

Totally random question, but I need to ask this to people and you seem very smart when it comes to these things and I want to ask: do you think people should consume media critically? Like, be aware of all its flaws?

Oh yeah, absolutely. I think you should definitely be aware of a story's flaws- both plotwise and thematically- so you can better enjoy the story and engage with it, but that's not to say that media should be only consumed critically. It's entertainment, and if it's bad, then there is still value in it from a purely escapist perspective. But, you should be aware of flaws to learn from and understand in order to really engage with it.

Let me explain. Spoilers for Doki Doki Literature Club and Bendy and the Ink Machine / Dark Revival. Also mentioned is HTTYD: RTTE, Twilight, HP, and Little Nightmares.

I believe that your first watch / playthrough / read of a story should 100% be to enjoy the story and characters, engaging with the worldbuilding and just letting it take you for a ride. Now, some stories will have foreshadowing you pick up on and can figure out, but some stories will be pretty unpredictable going into them, but either way, you're letting a story tell itself.

For example, Doki Doki Literature Club (2017) is a dating sim horror game. For the first hour or so, you might forget the "disturbing imagery" warning at the front of the game, but the further you go on Sayori's path, the more you realize she's been struggling. Depression hits her hard, and she's barely holding on. As the Player, most felt bad for her and wanted to help her in some way, but it was already too late.

By the time you find out what happened, Sayori is dead. For both spoiler purposes and to make sure people who don't know this game and don't want to know what happened to her, I'm not going to say how she dies.

But, the game resets, this time without her in it. She's the heart of the group, and without her, things go to shit, even if the other Club members don't realize something is missing. There's an argument in both timelines, an argument Sayori is able to resolve peacefully in her timeline, but one that tears a deep gash in Yuri and Natsuki's relationship without her. This moment really hits if you engage with the story.

At the end of the game, which I won't say here (again, go play it and engage with the story yourself), you're left to make a pretty massive decision, which you could only figure out that that's what you need to do because of the game's meta look at itself by this point.

When I was first watching a playthrough of the game (I think through Jacksepticeye) I remember it helped me a lot since I was struggling just like Sayori was, and it turned me off from doing harm to myself for a long time. And understanding why goes into thinking about it critically.

Sayori's depression was almost word for word what mine was back when I first heard her talk about it. So, when she [REDACTED], it genuinely scared me. That could be me, I thought. It made me sure that I didn't want to go down the same path, and even helped me talk about my depression a bit more than I had been up to that point.

Does the game have flaws? Hell yes. A lot of the conversations go on a little long (but it's a dating sim, you signed up for dialogue lol), sometimes the scary bits can feel a bit out of place, there's a couple lines of dialogue that feel a bit off, ect.

However, I love DDLC despite its flaws simply because I love the story, it helped me, and it's just a good story with a powerful message. Critically, there are a few flaws, which I take in stride when I replay the game, but it doesn't hurt my experience.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, we have Bendy and the Ink Machine (2017). I remember being absolutely obsessed with Bendy, but looking back, the game is (subjectively) Not Good. So, why did I love it so much?

Well, for starters, the game released in 5 chapters from early 2017 to late 2018. This gave the fandom huge lengths of time to theorize, to fall in love with the characters, and engage with each other. By the time Chapter 2 came out, people already had an idea of what the story was going to be in its entirety because they filled in the blanks. And, we were half right, half wrong throughout the game, because the creators started centering plot points around things the fandom came up with rather than what they themselves came up with.

The primary example is Alice Angel from Chapter 3. In Chapter 2, all there was was one voice log explaining that there was a voice actress who liked playing the role, and a singular poster in which she starred in a short called "Sent from Above." That was it. But, the fans had her design, and without any knowledge of the character herself, suddenly there was fanart, shipping, character dynamics, and emotional attachment. So, the devs behind the game went and made her the focus of Chapter 3 simply because they thought that that's what the fandom wanted.

That was why I loved the game so much. It wasn't the game I loved, but the fandom and the fan stories created about the game.

However, I still have a soft spot for BATIM. I was hyperfixated on it for two whole years, and even had a fan story of my own called Demons Inside, which is still one of my better stories even if there are a lot of major flaws. And, despite how all over the place the game turned out, I still love it.

That's why, back in February, I got the idea to make a BATIM Rewritten video. I'd do something similar to what The Closer Look did for the Star Wars sequels and make a video explaining what went wrong, only to propose my own story and how they should have handled it.

However, that never came to pass. Bendy and the Dark Revival (2022) dropped not too long ago, and because the devs decided to release all the chapters at once instead of separately, there were no fandom points to go off of for this game. They had complete creative control, and used it well. When not doing what the fandom wants, these guys can create a genuinely good game. BATDR did a lot of what I wanted to do with the original, so making that Rewritten video is kinda a moot point now.

Back to BATIM, though, that game has a lot of flaws. Pacing, character inconsistency, introductions, set up, payoff, the whole thing. The voice acting, music, artwork, designs and stuff were all on-point, it was just mostly the story that was a mess lol. But despite that, BATIM and its fandom are like comfort food to me. I still go back and listen to BATIM fan songs constantly, and rewatching old comic dubs is like stepping into an old house. I still like BATIM, even if I constantly joke with my friends about how bad it is.

No piece of media will be perfect. You're allowed to like the Star Wars prequels and sequels, even if I cannot join you on that opinion (I think, it's been a literal decade since I've seen the prequels). You're allowed to like Twilight so long as you recognize that every single relationship in that series is toxic and you should not idolize any of them.

H*rry P*tter is nostalgic to a lot of us and I know I still love it, even if I cannot enjoy it because of what the creator is doing. HP is an exception because J. K. R*wling is an awful human being.

Even my favorite video game ever, Undertale, has its flaws. Quite a few of them, actually. People have complained that the battles get repetitive and it's annoying that they appear suddenly, and you can't choose whether you want to engage with them or not. People have complained about some of the characters, that there's individual character arcs that are bad (most commonly criticized is Alphys' and I strongly disagree, and I will defend her place in this story with my entire online existence), and stuff along those lines.

But, when Undertale made me cry that hard, when it said so many things I needed to hear, when it made me fall in love with so many of its characters, when it made me completely change my ENTIRE worldview... what else was I supposed to do but enjoy it?

Not to say that to enjoy a story, it must impact you, no. You can enjoy any piece of media without it impacting you. But, you should be able to connect with the characters, world, and story no matter what, despite its flaws. The mark of an enjoyable story is one that does that with you specifically. Now whether that's because you're crying or laughing at it is still up to you, but entertainment value ≠ objectively good.

You should be aware of flaws. You should be able to say "yeah they should have introduced Viggo Grimborne much earlier in Race to the Edge than they did, since he would be a much more looming threat" while still being able to enjoy Dragons: Race to the Edge. Recognizing flaws in a piece of media is pretty key to really connecting with it from an analytic standpoint, which I recommend doing with any story to really see how it works as a story.

But you don't have to.

Entertainment is escapism. You should watch or engage with it to let go of reality for a little while. I recommend being aware of flaws so you can learn from them and talk about the story to other people, but you don't have to do that. I've played Little Nightmares... never, but I've watched a bunch of playthroughs and it's a great game. I'm sure it has flaws, but I can't think of any off the top of my head. It's a great game with a lot of atmosphere, and it's told pretty much exclusively through worldbuilding, which is awesome, but I don't know everything there is to know and that's okay.

Enjoy a story however you want to. Everything has flaws, and although they should be taken into account, that doesn't define the experience.

[klaptl]

KLAP Translation Part 5 (Touma)

A few days after that――Home visits have finally begun. It was a first for all the families I visited, and they all seemed perplexed by it all, but we were able to have meaningful conversations. All that's left is…

Koyomi: "Oh, Touma-kun. Have you submitted your home visit agenda yet?"

Touma: "Hm? Oh... There was something like that, huh. My bad, I forgot it.”

Koyomi: "Geez, you can't keep this up. I've already finished with everyone else, so I only have your house left, you know?"

Touma: "Even if you tell me...it can't be helped. At home, my mother does a lot of part-time work, so there's a lot of days she isn't home."

Koyomi: "Oh, I see. Of course I can't really ask if it's unreasonable..."

Koyomi: "Would you know if your mother is home next week for example? I'll try to meet her when she's free."

Touma: "Hmmm... I'm not entirely sure but I think she's home today?"

Judging from Touma-kun's pondering expression, it seems there's not many days his mother is home. If that's the case...

Koyomi: "Good... Today works perfectly!"

Touma: "Huh... Huuuuuh?! You're coming to my house today?!"

Koyomi: "Naturally!"

Koyomi: "You said your mother is home today yourself, right?"

Koyomi: "It'd be better to explain everything to her today, plus it'd be less trouble on your part, Touma-kun, don't you think?"

Touma: "...Urgh, well... I guess it's also my fault for not coming up with an agenda..."

Koyomi: "C-Can I not visit...?"

Touma: "I'm not saying you can't..."

Touma: "*sigh*... I didn't mention anything to her so my mother will probably get angry..."

Koyomi: "S-Sorry, I didn't quite hear you. Would it be...inconvenient after all?"

Touma: "Hm, oh, it's nothing. Fine. Can't be helped."

Later, Touma-kun and I left the school together, and we both headed for his home.

We didn't have too much to say to each other but, whenever I tried to speak to with Touma-kun, he would always answer something.

After following him for a while longer…

Koyomi: (Ah... this place. I passed by it the first day I came to Asomatous.)

At that time―― Ohh, that's right. When I was here facing a shakedown at that time, Touma-kun had come and helped me.

Koyomi: "Touma-kun, your home is actually in this area?"

Touma: "Is actually? ...Ohh. You did get mixed up with something before here, huh."

Koyomi: "Ahaha. Thanks for that time..."

Touma: "......"

Touma: "...Hehe."

Koyomi: "Eh! W-What is it, Touma-kun?"

Touma: "No, it's just... I just remembered how you were bout ready to cry that day… Ah, I can't stop laughing. Pff, hehe... Haha!"

Koyomi: "Ehhh?! D-Did it really seem that way?!"

While we were having that childish exchange...

Touma: "...Alright. We're here."

Touma: "Our house is just as poverty-stricken as it looks. I might not be even able to serve you tea but… No complainin' ya hear?"

Koyomi: "Y-You don't need to go out of your way."

Touma: "I'm home."

Koyomi:  (Whoa. This house is up there in age...)

The building and furniture are equally old, the rooms are cramped too but...strangely comfortable.

???: "Welcome home~!"

???: "Welcome home. You're home early."

From inside a rambunctious young boy and woman, with a resemblance to Touma-kun, came out.

Koyomi:  (Touma-kun's little brother and...his mother, maybe? She seems like a very young and beautiful woman...)

???: "Oh, who is this?"

Koyomi:  "Ah, n-nice to meet you! I'm in charge of Touma-kun at Yomi School. I'm Kamashiro Koyomi."

Youko: "Ohh, you… I am his mother, Youko. Thank you for looking after my son."

She politely bowed her head towards me, then gently touched the head of the boy beside her, watching our exchange.

Youko: "Come now, greet her as well."

Mimasaka Natsuki: Natsuki: "I'm...I'm Mimasaka Natsuki."

Koyomi:  "Hello, Natsuki-kun." 

Natsuki: "Yeah..."

The personality of his little brother was different than Touma-kun's. With a flushed face, he hid behind Youko-san.

Youko: "My apologizes, he's a bit shy. ――Anyway, why have you come to visit today? Did Touma...cause some sort of trouble?"

Touma: "Huh?! N-No I didn't! Why would you think that?!"

Youko: "For how many years have I been your mother? Seeing Touma bring his teacher home… That's the only reason that comes to mind."

Natsuki: "Nii-chan, did you get in a fight again?"

Koyomi: "N-No, that's not it… I came for a home visit today. I wanted to speak with Touma-kun's guardian..." 

Youko: "A...home visit?"

Koyomi: "Well, that is— It hasn't been too long since I've arrived to Asomatous and I've been visiting all my students' households in order to learn more——"

Youko: "Ohh... That was your intention. Although, due to the short notice I can't provide hospitality..."

Touma: "I-It's fine. You can just skip the hospitalities when it comes to home visits! ...C'mon, come in already!"

Youko: "Touma-! How can you use such a sharp tongue when talking with your teacher...!"

While the two spoke, Touma-kun and Youko-san went towards the back of the house.

...Seriously, Touma-kun.

Acting like he wasn't the one who chose not to tell his mom about this visit...!

Natsuki: "Umm... Please come inside."

...S-So cute...

After that, I stayed in the living room, restless and fidgety, while Youko-san served me tea.

Youko: "My apologies. This place is so old..."

Koyomi: "No, not at all...! It's a well-taken care of place… Your home feels very cozy and comfortable."

Youko: "Hehe. Not only is it old, but also dirty. It's pretty terrible, isn't it?"

Younger Sister: "Onii-chan, did you get into another fight?"

Younger Sister: "You shouldn't get into fights."

Younger Sister 3: "Nii-chan's a bad kid~"

Touma: "Ah—— Hey hey. You're making too much noise."

Looking towards the source of the voices, there were three little girls around Touma-kun. All of them were his little sisters.

Koyomi: (Including Natsuki-kun, there's five siblings alone. ...What a big family.)

Youko: "Since we are living with our children, we used to live in a more decent place but..."

Youko: "My husband had passed away, and we had to give it up..."

Koyomi:  "...That must have been very difficult."

Youko: "Ahh, I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to bring

up such a heavy topic, Sensei..."

Koyomi: "Oh no, please don't worry about it."

Touma-kun had lost his father. Coming to terms with that fact, my chest felt a small sting. I naturally glanced towards Touma-kun's direction. 

Natsuki: "Nii-chan, let's play with this."

Touma: "Oh... Wait, is this a boomerang? We can't play with this in the house."

He had a pure, gentle smile. When he's in school, he always has such a prickly atmosphere around him, but now he doesn't seem that way in the slightest… I wonder if that's his genuine smile.

Koyomi: "By the way... What kind of person was Touma-kun's father?"

Youko: "He was the chief of the Tengu clan. He was a bit headstrong at times… but he was always fair and kind to the weak."

Koyomi: (Then maybe Touma-kun takes after his father in that way.)

Youko: "But, after his passing, the Mimasaka Lineage has all but collapsed. It's been a hardship for Touma as well..."

Youko: "Because I'm so busy with my part-time work, he's always taking care of preparing meals."

Koyomi: "Touma-kun cooks meals for the family..."

Touma: "...Oh, hey, what's with that response?"

Youko: "Oh right, Touma. Since your teacher is here, why don't we invite her for dinner?"

Koyomi: "Oh no, I couldn't possibly intrude… In addition, I did suddenly invite myself here."

Touma: "It's fine... You don't need to pass it up. Making enough food from six to seven people isn't that big of a deal."

Before I had the opportunity to respond, he stood up and promptly left the room.

Natsuki: "...Onee-chan, do you like omelet rice?" 

After Touma-kun had left, Natsuki-kun stood beside me and asked me that question.

Koyomi:  "...Omelet rice? Yeah, I like it..."

Just when I was pondering why he was asking me that――

Koyomi:  "That was delicious!"

Natsuki & Younger Sisters: "It was delicious!" 

Touma: "Yep. Glad you all liked it."

Koyomi:  "This is better than anything I've ever made… It was the perfect omelet rice!"

Touma: "Hah, what you mean perfect? I don't get you."

Koyomi:  "Ah... It's already this late?!"

I stood up in a panic after looking at the clock.

Koyomi: "Excuse me for staying over for so long! Ah, um, I'll help with the cleaning...!"

Youko: "Hehe, it is fine, Sensei. Please do not worry about the cleaning."

Youko: "More importantly, Sensei, it's already dark out, so I'll have Touma send you back home."

Koyomi:  "Eh?! I've already eaten your food here for dinner, I couldn't possibly...!!"

Touma: "I mean, in the first place, do I not have any say in this? *sigh*... What a pain."

Touma: "Natsuki, at least take the dishes to the sink. I'll wash them later."

Natsuki: "Okay."

During the exchange, Touma-kun rapidly made his way to the entrance and quickly put on his shoes.

Koyomi:  "Touma-kun?"

Touma: "...I'll walk you home, so hurry it up."

He grumbled out those words, then disappeared behind the sliding door.

Koyomi:  "Uhh..."

Youko: "Hehe, despite his appearance, Touma is a shy person."

Youko: "Please feel free to visit again, Sensei. He's an awkward kid but... I look forward to our relationship from here on out."

I walked behind Touma-kun as we followed along the main street at night.

There wasn't really any conversation going on… 

But even in that silence, it did not feel strange or awkward.

Touma: "......"

Koyomi: "......"

Touma: "......"

Koyomi:  "...Touma-kun, thank you for today. On top of the appetizing dinner, and for walking me home."

Touma: "Huh, I totally didn't expect that. Is this typical for home visits?"

Koyomi:  "Hmmm... This time was kinda a rare case? ...I-I wouldn't say it's typical though."

Touma: "I guessed as much. Judging from your appearance, that's how it came off to me."

As he responded to my answer, at the same time his pace started to slow down.

Koyomi: "...Your mother, Youko-san, is very nice."

Touma: "Hm... Well... yeah. She's not only nice though. She was just, ya know, putting on her best appearance."

Koyomi:  "Huh? Then is she scary?"

Touma: "Of course she is. She's a demon. Mother is a member of the Tengu clan, but she's also a demon inside."

Touma-kun had shrugged his shoulders, and I found myself smiling at this reaction.

Koyomi:  "Hehe, she really is a good mother."

Touma: "Why is that so... Is it popular to have demon-like mothers in the human realm?"

Koyomi:  "Hehe, no. It's not that..."

Koyomi: "It's because she treasures you, Touma-kun. You're sisters and brother...she really cherishes her family. I only just met them today but..."

Koyomi:  "I thought, 'Youko-san is very nice but very strong...'."

Touma: "......"

While I was talking, I incidentally looked up and saw Touma-kun uncomfortably looking away.

Touma: "...Well, yeah. She's had her hardships."

Touma: "I'd like to help my mother in some way… Since I'm not the chief of anything, I'm limited in what all I can do..."

The look in his eyes as he muttered those words were different, and they wavered, looking doubtful about himself.

At times like these―― What should I say to him? I was worried about what I could say… 

In the end, I couldn't find the right words.

Koyomi:  "...Thanks for everything today."

Touma: "Mm, don't worry about it. My younger siblings had fun with it somehow. ...I guess maybe you being there was a good thing."

Koyomi:  "Haha, it was a really sudden visit but… I'm glad to hear that."

Touma: "Well then, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

Koyomi: "Yeah. I'll see you later, Touma-kun."

While turned away from me, Touma-kun curtly waved his hand goodbye. Until I could no longer see his back, I wondered why I kept staring towards him.

[devouring-hive]

Sayori smiles and is happy to listen, but swallows a cake whole at hearing what Natsuki said in surprise. "He thought that would be a good thing to admit? Like, to help his case?" She coughs softly, mostly as some frosting is sticking in her throat weirdly.

"He didn't tell me he was one until our second or third therapy session. Of course, that was after we had gotten close enough to be comfy with each other and under a dream session, so I couldn't judge hard. He genuinely wants to be a better person, but that isn't very convincing to believe if he up and says that to you, hm?"

"You're telling me. The only thing that could explain why he thought that would be a remotely good idea, to me, is that he figured one of you would've told me at some point or something- But that doesn't make any amount of sense."

Natsuki pauses her work to slide her thermos over to Sayori, with a little incredulous smile. "Too dry? --Anyway, like-... I guess if it'd been in a less strained situation I probably wouldn't have reacted so viscerally, but it was a tense moment, and I did react with the spikes. Y'know."

A common response for Natsuki, whenever pressed- Or shocked- While in a defensive state. "It's like-... There's putting your foot in your mouth, and then there's trying to ouroboros yourself, and that was definitely the uh, latter."

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

Doki Doki Literature Club spoilers

Kaz played Doki Doki Literature Club when one of her "friends" from middle school (who knows how sensitive she can be to jumpscares and horror themes) told her it was just a cute dating sim that briefly mentiones depression so dont worry about that warning at the beginning. She plays it, and she hates the main character for being such an asshole to Sayori and she absolutely has a crush on Sayori and makes the game go that route. Then Sayori admits her depression and Kaz is like "oh no!! D: I'll help you out any way I can Sayori!!" And then...when Sayori hangs herself Kaz gets really upset and has a panic attack and tries to find out if there was a way to avoid this ending. When she finds out through summaries and gameplay guides that the rest of the game is basically horror jumpscares she gets angry and the next day tells her "friend" to go fuck himself and then never talks to him again.

Zoey loves Doki Doki, her fave was Natsuki but Sayori was adorable as well (and she thinks Monika and especially Yuri were really stuck-up and rude to their other friends. She was protective over Natsuki and identified with her for liking cute things and having anger/grudge issues and having "friends" who look down on her). While it's not her favorite game and she was mad that the dating sim didnt actually have alternate endings or let you go to the festival, she found it hilarious and fun, so she brings it up and Kaz is like "oh...yeah...that...I played that game...." and explains what happened. One of the first time Zoey realizes Kaz hates horror stuff and while Zoey doesnt like stuff that's mainly horror (and she doesnt like horror movies either; if media isnt a cartoon it doesnt usually hold her attention) she likes some horror themes and speculating on dark things like Promised Neverland, so when she learns that Kaz is super sensitive to horror topics she lets her know "tell me if Im saying something that creeps you out and I'll stop" and Kaz appreciates that Zoey actually respects her boundaries there. And Zoey, protectice of Kaz of course asks when Kaz tells her about that "friend" "Did you kick their ass afterwards?!"

"Yeah of course I did!"

"Awesome!"

"Well I told him to fuck himself and I cried and ran away but yeah"

"That's close enough! You stood up for yourself!"

[le-ootaku]

Comp Sci Class - A Normal AU DDLC Fic

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary:

Monika stumbles into you after her computer science class and immediately falls in love after you helped her pick up her spilled belongings. Ever since, Monika made it her mission to get to know you through her computer science projects, and maybe to ask you to the school dance…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Find the full fic here on Ao3]

Preview:

Chapter 1 - Monika's Got a Cru-ush!

"Ugh, why'd I have to be so stupid?! I just... stared at them like a weirdo!" I covered my face with my hands in shame. "It just happened so fast!"

"Don't beat yourself up, Monika. I'm sure they paid no mind." Sayori patted me on the back supportively. "Besides, people like to be stared at by pretty girls."

I sighed, "I dunno... They were just so... nice, y'know?" I stared at the floor, "oh God..."

Sayori giggled, "Monika has a cru-ush!"

Yuri glanced up from her book, taking off her headphones. "Did I hear someone say 'crush?'"

"You sure did!" Sayori beamed, "Monika likes someone!"

"Ooh, who is it?"

"I'm not sure," I admitted, "I never caught their name."

"Maybe we can look around for them today?" Yuri suggested, "I need to head to the bookstore anyway. We could kill two birds with one stone."

"I like this new Yuri; socializing and open for adventure!" Sayori turned to me, "let's do that!"

"I dunno if I have the time... I have homework I need to finish."

"Homework, shmomework-"

"Guys!" Natsuki burst through the door holding a poster, "take a look!"

"What is it?" Asked Yuri.

"It's a poster for the school dance!"

Sayori's face lit up in my direction.

"No."

"Oh come ooon, Monika!"

"Huh? What did I miss?" Asked Natsuki.

"Monika has a crush!" Sayori explained, "and in order to be with said crush, she needs to go with them to the school dance."

"That's not a bad idea."

"I agree," said Yuri.

"But it's a fifty-fifty chance! What if they say no?"

"What if they say yes?"

"To a girl they just met? I don't think so..."

Suddenly, the bell rang, and a rush of students flooded the hallways. We stood in silence, till Sayori spoke.

"Bookstore, anyone?"

[littlebutternattie]

Send a word or the name of a place, and the mun will write out a scene from their muse’s memories of that word or place.

𝐢𝐜𝐞 - @𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐨

📁: 2008年

TW: hints of abuse

                                      ╔═════ ∘◦ ✾ ◦∘ ══════╗

there were rapid knocks on the door, followed by familiar voices that did nothing to quell the uneasiness in her stomach. the effect was instantly the opposite, heavy dread and fear voiding her face of color and weighing her down on her spot, defenseless. they constantly called out for her, locked doorknob jiggling violently together with the loud, intense rapping against wood. eight-year-old natsuki remained quietly seated on her bed, shaking fists curled on her lap as she tried to even out her breathing and block out the ruckus happening outside. 

maybe this was all a dream. maybe she just has to hear her alarm ring and then wake up to know the world is okay again.

unfortunately, dreams do not happen with one’s consciousness open.

two pairs of angered footsteps managed to break through, the door slamming shut behind them with a loud bang it probably bounced off the eerie, cold halls of their house.

“natsuki! what is wrong with you?? why did you not attend your knitting classes today? didn’t i tell you that skipping sessions is not a proper lady attitude? when will you stop being a disgrace to our family?!”

“explain yourself, young lady?! i am giving you five seconds. the clock is ticking.”

the little girl sat there motionless, eyes blank and fingernails digging crescents in her palms. a proof that it was all real.

here comes another day with another argument and another moment of curtailed freedom.

or maybe she could shake things up in the slightest.

“ice-skating.” her mouth moved on its own accord, head tilting up to look at them in the eyes - defiant, resolved.

the authoritative figures stared right back at her as if she grew two heads, confusion evident but not enough to overpower the anger seething from their still poised forms. before they could even question it further, natsuki beat them to it.

“i am tired of knitting. no one appreciates the hats and sweaters i have made, anyway. they are all just losing their threads being stocked up in the attic. i want to do ice-skating. could i please have this?” she breathed out, unleashing all the courage she managed to form. “just … just one class that i get to choose.”  

laughter bellowed out, and a calloused hand reached out to grab her face, pulling her up to a forced standing position.

“a clumsy weakling like you wants to do ice-skating? you have got to be kidding me." natsuki mustered a nod, blinking back any signs of tears and tried her best not to break under the harsh scrutiny thrown at her face. so much for parents who did nothing but point out her flaws. "is that what you really want? and what would we gain from it in return??”

his voice was threatening, and it matched the sinister grin that began to occupy his face, both of which she was fairly accustomed to.

there always had to be something given back.

“m-medals.” she choked out, trying to speak in between his harsh grip. he exchanged a look with the woman standing behind him before finally freeing natsuki from his hold and roughly shoved her back on the mattress.

“would you look at that? little miss failure wants to impress us, darling.” her mother clicked her tongue and snuck a hand to pull her father back by his arm, turning on their heels to leave but not without a warning and evil glint in their eyes.

“let us see what you can do then, you good for nothing child.”

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