#needtogetlaid

[chasenronoa]

These grapes better fucking work

Happy New Year Betches.

Kissing once the clock strikes twelve is excellent, but have you tried squeezing yourself under a table, shoving twelve grapes down your esophagus, and almost choking while imagining a really hot guy.

Bet you have the things we do for hot men, right.

But I do have a lot of things to say. Both good and bad

The grapes really help you imagine how balls feel in your mouth, don't they? Right after the clock strikes 12, the first body part you use is your tongue. It's not what I imagined, but quite the experience. [ The choking I experienced just adds to that]

I wore multiple pairs of underwear and was on my knees, praying it worked. I first wore green underwear and then red. I have no idea if the underwear that touches your, you know, parts works more than the other, but I better be rich by the end of this year.

Okay, enough of the grapes.

Recap on last year's hot men. (and yes, male animals count as men)

Let's start out easy, Zoro. This has to be the easiest to understand. But I am all for anime, Zoro. No offense to Mackenyu, but I wouldn't be using my hips as much if it was Mackenyu. The Shakira in me would come out if anime Zoro was under me. ( Mackenyu is married, and I respect his wife a lot. I am also a very strong Sanji/Zoro shipper—a very, very strong shipper.)

Next, another easy one to understand, Jason, Freaking back from the dead, Todd. Every single Comic and animation he has been In. I barked literally woof woof. (But I read Jason Todd/Bizzaro fanfic, and it was really, really freaking good. Like squirming in my seat and wanting to jump out of it. And being able to make me do that is impressive.] Not really.

We're getting a juicer now with Balto. Yes, he's a dog, and I would get down and dirty, but that's for me to know and for you to forget about.

Now, I personally think this is everyone's crush, and they just don't want to admit it: Kovu from the criminally underrated Lion King 2. A man with a hot voice and banter with Kiara, my credit card limit would jump out the window if I could buy him. I will fight Kiara for her man and her dad, who's up next.

Simba, Hasenvenyaaaa, the circle of life can screw it cause I am gonna kiss this lion. That's all for Simba.

The man who made me question whether I had Daddy issues is next. Mufasa: "He's your son before sunrise." Ahhhhh, Sarabi, you don't know how jealous I was.

Honorable mention, Bambi's dad, I was in love. I'm not gonna elaborate because the movie was traumatizing.

Next best ships of this year

First place goes to Superbat. Because, yes, old man yaoi always wins.

Bakudeku, but they did piss me off this year, and I. now pretend that the latest chapters of My Hero Academia never existed, and I am thrilled that I read them off an illegal website because I would have burned that book in a heartbeat.

GhostSoap, I want my man to be like either of them, and I will not settle for less. They are so perfect for each other. I like and want what they have. Would you like me to say more?

Be ready for more because this blog is just getting freaking started.

Love you lots

Chasen

[corgibae]

The game is literally sabotaging us. They're not giving us a chance to be horny with him at all.

[miascositas]

I just gave myself chills and a feeling of extreme happiness thinking about a specific situation while listening to this song. WTF me?

[mmm-thoughts]

Dry Spells Suck

[gracieminabox]

Obviously we know that Chris Pike sees the goodness of a persons personality before he cares about their looks, but how long does it take for his feelings to turn sexual? A few months? Weeks? Then how long does it take for him to act on them? (Sorry if you've answered this before)

So, this varies.

Chris has a really, really bad habit of falling in love at first sight. (Well. He calls it love. It’s more appropriately termed intrigue. Or, in some cases, needtogetlaiditis.) He has a fairly predictable type, and when he sees someone who fits the bill and who also has the kind of intelligent, warm personality he’s looking for, he falls. Rapidly.

Historically, this does not end well for him.

As a general rule, the longer he has platonic affection and respect for someone before his feelings start to turn, the better - not only because that leaves fewer chances for unexpected ungood things to crop up, but because it lets his feelings descend on him. We’re looking for a nice, soft snowfall, not a blizzard.

[chasenronoa]

Q&A with me

how long would I survive a zombie apocalypse.

A week because I would be too focused on getting laid; if I'm getting bit on the neck, a man gonna be first, not a goddamn zombie.

2. Favorite smell?

Weirdly, the smell of gas.

3. what would your last words be?

Honestly, I don't know; I imagine myself screaming to death.

4. Do you like pineapple on your pizza?

No, that's a sin. That's my opinion, so don't come after me.

5. Do you sleep with the lights off or on?

I hate that this is even a question. off

6. Are you scared of Horror movies?

That's what the movies are designed to do. So yes I'm fucking scared.

7. Who was my first-ever crush.

kovu from the criminally underrated Lion using 2.

8. Hobbit or elf?

Elf, cause I wanna sleep with Legolas.

9. Only one food for the rest of your life?

Soup because you can fuck it up, and it'll still be edible, idk.

10. One thing I refuse to share?

My jewelry, I'm sorry, but it's mine.

Questions I have had, and answers I have come up with.

How do fish, mainly whales and sharks have sex.

I think the male shark flips upside down, and the female and male bellies align, rubbing it out. That's a very strong case—like they really go at it. Sea tornados, I believe, are made from whales and sharks making babies.

2. Wikihow is on to something.

I honestly believe that WikiHow was written by a 14-year-old, a very talented one at that time. I think they're using voodoo magic to get this information. But it must be good voodoo magic because it works for others, not me. I plan on going to the forest and singing every song from Princess and the Frog to get this whack voodoo magic off me.

3. Is fighting always the answer?

The answer is yes, always yes. If someone is annoying you, sock them. If you want someone or something, fight till you get it.

4. How did life first start?

I believe I was a very rich man in my past life, but now I am a broke young girl. I had a lot of good-looking people around me in my past life, but I can't get a man in this life. So, I am blaming all of my romantic failures on the rich man I was during my past life.

5. Can I really be perfect for someone?

Yes, I am perfect, but it doesn't mean I don't want a man. I just want to be held. I'm so lonely.

6. Do I want to be a failure for the rest of my life?

I think I already am, but at least I am hot. That's a lie, no tits, no ass. All I have is this dazzling personality, lemme tell you. But there is one thing I will not fail, and that will be every BuzzFeed test that tells you if you are an introvert. Because I am. No person from anywhere will say to me differently.

7. Why does Tarzan not have a beard?

Gorillas are good with their fingers, lemme tell ya. You see the videos with them getting the flees all off their babies' heads bet they did that shit with Tarzan. Plucked every single piece of that beard like they were born for it. Very gals, they knew not to touch the eyebrows. but they did clean up the unibrow if he had one.

8. Which came first, the sun or the earth?

I believe the sub did because how did the gods see shit with just the stars. Now I just sound like an idiot, but I am like, for sure, for sure, that the sun came fucking first?

9. Did humans invent math or discover it?

If someone discovered math, I now have a proper reason for murder. But if these fuckers discovered math and they didn't keep that shit buried, I don't hate a lot of people, but I think my hating on the people who found math is understandable. They should have kept that shit hidden for the light of day, and the sun should have never seen those fucking numbers. This hate stems from the fact that I can't do math.

10. Is it possible to know everything?

Yes, because I exist. I am knowledgeable. I could tell you anything you wanted to know, from why David Clooney is hot to why every man and woman would sleep with Henry Cavill. I can answer that for you now. One David clooney6 has definitely done some mother Gothel shit Sings to a flower while his wife stares at him and wonders why he doesn't share that goddamn flower. I'm telling you, he looks like Gollum in his bedroom, crouched over a yellow flower. Next up, Henry Cavill, Guys, just look at the man. Even a goddamn hippo would sleep with them, the hickeys that man would get. A goddamn Gorilla would go ooh ooh ahh if that man walked into the forest with his Superman suit on. I'm telling you, the lady from where Wonder Woman is from made Henry Cavill. The heavens loved this man, but I think he gets some of his juice from David Clooney. I told you I'm all knowledgeable.

Thank mwuah for reading today's Blog.

Love ya lots

Chasen

I was watching Criminal Minds while writing this, and I must say I would ride Derek Morgan like I stole him.

[mremarquee]

SMDH

You know what i realized since i came back on Tumblr..... How much other people are getting laid and how little I am...lol

[newinboystown]

Holiday is over? No more 100 hour work weeks? Bender time! Let's see how these Boystown virgins hold up. First up? Rocks <3

[bowtiesandboobs]

Well shit...

I was never one to crave sex but goddamn I need to get laid or I need a lap dance... Both? Lol

[smfisher2013]

I just want to get fucked and go to sleep.

[onelifetext]

I love love loveee a chocolate nigga like my weakness. Is some smooth chocolate skin with a pearly smile

[midnightdeathblueangel]

OMG it is said to save material you might jerk off to later. I really don’t have a life :/