#nero is so DONE with their shit lol

[that-gay-guy-from-hell]

*rolls this over to you for Consideration* Probably gonna make a post on this later but personal headcanon that Vergil and Dante would both be really good at dance in an AU, or even in canon (they do it for fun), just because of how physically demanding it is. Dante I could see having the most fun with it, but Vergil I feel like could be good too. Probably better at keeping up with the rhythm and showing his partner off than Dante, but probably hates being the center of attention himself. Especially if it involves emotional stuff. (That and because Vergil knowing how to tango is just 👀 I would like to see it 👀 Would also like to see him get flustered and blush while dancing with somebody he's got a crush on, just because it'd be cute 💙)

AH OKAY, SO I ACTUALLY HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS (because I've read quite a few one-shots that involve dancing with the Sparda babs) AND I AM GLAD YOU MENTIONED IT!

All underlined things are links to videos of the dance(s) that I referenced in my research lol Forgive the pixelated quality of some of these, they can get kinda old lmao

So, for starters: I think that all of the Sparda-bloodline would have been/are good dancers, some more than others. All of them are talented swordsmen and fighters which in and of itself is a type of dance. All of their heights might be an issue, however. As someone who is a very tall 5' 2" the fact that they are all over 6' tall would make dancing hard.

Sparda would've been the best of the four and he would've had the most knowledge on it. I feel like he would've been alive for long enough that he was able to watch humans throughout the years, learning lots of things... including dance. I feel like he and Eva would've danced a lot. As to what he would've done the best? Sparda would've been very good at all of it (since he's been alive so damned long) however I could see Eva just being into Rumba or something like a (very unprofessional) Argentine Tango--just because it would've been fun for Eva to do with her husband.

Vergil would be the next best dancer--at least, with traditional dances. He would've learned from Sparda when he was young, per the request of his mother. Vergil used to sneak downstairs late at night to see his parents dance and would mimic them, using an invisible partner, so she wanted to have Sparda teach him (because Vergil is interrupting Mommy and Daddy's time alone together lmao). He'd be good at things like the Foxtrot and Ballroom Tango. Anything fast he is amazing at while anything slow is a little harder for him. He tends to like moving around a lot and doing fancy twists or dips. However, he knows a lot of slow dances too. Vergil would also be very into single-person dances when in private; the first thing that came to my mind was Flamenco dancing. Just imagine getting Vergil either so ungodly drunk that he busts this out or challenging him--if you tell him he can't do something, he will do so just to prove you wrong. This blue devil would be really hard to learn from, he's bad at explaining himself, so you'd have to learn by yourself. It isn't anything against you, Vergil just sucks at teaching and he knows it. Vergil would 100% dance with you in private. It is an excuse to show off--and to get nice and close to you. The idea of him just coming up and nonchalantly asking to dance makes my heart just fucKING MELT. If you gave him the same treatment, he'd die on the spot. The stoned-face devil is a romantic at heart so his lover putting on a record (or CD if you aren't into vinyl) and asking to dance, just warms his cold heart. (This all applies to V as well--the only thing that's different is that V is better with slow dances since he can't move very well, to begin with.)

Dante and Nero would be on even grounds as to who is the better dancer.

I'm gonna start with Dante because he's older. Dante would be very good at just winging shit--the Dr. Faust scene is a great example, he didn't make it up but he just pulled it out of nowhere. If we want to talk traditional dances, Dante would be good at things that are fast--like the Salsa (I was thinking specifically Salsa Caleña), Balboa (pure or swing), Quickstep, and Merengue. He would be the most lax about his partner not knowing what the hell is going on and would be the easiest to learn from. As long as you and him are having fun he doesn't care how bad either of you are at it--or if you step on his feet the entire time, he just wants to see you smile. Dante would also be the only one out of the four to dance without an issue, like in a public or bar setting.

Nero would be an odd dancer. He's got the gumption and is able to keep rhythm pretty well, however, he just doesn't know any "traditional" dances. He'd just make it up as he'd go. His dancing would be relatively "aggressive" and he'd move you around a ton. Add that with his "wings" then you'd best hope you don't end up motion sick. Dante (eventually) teaches him some stuff so Nero would end up knowing Quickstep and Balboa (pure and swing). Nero would 100% get carried away in the heat of the moment and do little cutesy dances in excitement (nothing super intricate, just little wiggly movement-type stuff). He'd also be into just quietly slow dancing with you at home, holding you close, and just rocking with you. Just like his father, if you were to ask him to dance, he'd die on the spot. He is also the only one of the four that wouldn't mind you leading the dance instead of him.

I'd like to hear anyone else thoughts on this! If there are any dances that I didn't mention that y'all think might fit, please let me know. I might've been in theatre and was a performer, but I know absolutely dick-diddly about dancing; I was born with two left hands for feet, if that helps make sense of things lmao

MASTER LIST FOR TUMBLR

[300iqprower]

I'd like to know if you're angry about how Durga/Kali are both Sakurafaces, and about the possibilities of Shiva being a Shirouface. You always give such nice dissertations about disliking (x)face servants, so like a king commissioning an artist in a dank room with a tense atmosphere, I'd like to hear your thoughts.

That is....weirdly so incredibly flattering lol.

Sadly I don't...really have much to say at this point? Like it's the same reason I still haven't done that Imaginary Scramble writeup (to that other anon I am sorry...) in that there's basically just one key issue to restate over and over, rather than a whole mess to dive into, and everyone has already talked about that one key issue. Everyone knows why FGogh is a pretty damn tasteless depiction of mental illness, and how it's basically this one glaring thing on pasted over what could have been an otherwise fine character.

And while I could/will eventually still probably talk about FGogh, since there's an actual creative discussion to be had, that's not here for Sakura. The reason is plain and simple. It's because they wanted money, nothing more. Everything my NA-only view has allowed so far just makes it seem like a picture of sakura hastily duct-taped over an original idea. It's the same reason i don't really have much to say about Not-Sitonai beyond "this is bad".

There's no false history like with Not-Skadi (and according to another anon in my inbox, Saber-Medusa?), or intentional revisionist woobification like with Eresh, nor the whole mess that is the Roman and British servants being lionized, or the systematic bigotry of characters like Schez and Edgya, or ruins something that's been built up for ages like Beast Nero or Ruler Moriarty, or even some conspiracy i could weave like "Lalter keeps getting ignored because acknowledging her would mean acknowledging welsh myth".

It's shit, but in like, the most boring possible way because what is there to even say about it besides "fuck off." ya know? When it's this cynical, this creatively bankrupt, there's nothing to discuss about the potential creative process behind it.

[the-black-bulls]

Hi there! gauche 22 and 29; zora 12 and 29; nero 4 and 23 for the ask game! Thankyou so much in advance 🙆🏼‍♀️🌸

Send a character and a number/several numbers, and i'll answer:

I love these three, they sound like a fun, brooding, insomaniac trio! thank you for the ask :D

Gauche:

22. When do you think they were at their lowest?

during his time in prison, not only it was when he hit the rock bottom of his life as a fifteen-sixteen years old former disgraced noble with a criminal record and no place to return, but I like to think that this was also when he developed an obsessiveness with marie because being forced apart from her left him with more mental damage than he'd like to admit and would've probably done something very, very stupid after his jailbreak if yami didn't pick him up, hence why he described yami's offer as yami saving his life.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)

as a parent, gauche would grow softer and wiser in a similar fashion to sister theresa (also known as the old hag) and while protective as ever, he'd be a bit harsh with the oldest of his kids because he didn't want them to repeat his mistake... his attitude would ironically clash with marie (now a proud aunt) who grew up a lot like him in terms of doting the hell out of her brother's kids lol.

as an uncle to the bulls' children, he's up there in everyone's list when they need a break and a responsible babysitter but is also down there in the same list because most kids found him frightening and scary.

Zora

12. Sexuality hc!

obviously, zora is only attracted to justice!! 😛

seriously though, I don't like it when people see zora as some playboy who's wearing a kinky outfit for the sake of attracting bitches when in reality it's a frightening image he created out of his father's view on the ideal magic knight to come out instead as a spiteful grim ripper sort of guy (batman style) who hunt the corrupted magic knights and kick some noble-royal's ass... that's not to mention that zora didn't really act like someone who gives two shits about dating or sex, just because he's snarky and sexy doesn't mean he's sleeping with people left and right!

so anyways, I see him as demisexual-ish bi.

29. How do you think they would be as a parent? (and if they are a parent, how do you think they would be if they weren't?)

as a parent, zora would be the kind of father who would give up on his dangerous job (magic knights in question) the second his child was born because he knew better than anyone else what it feels like having a parent who's dead set into achieving his dreams and saving people blindly to the point of nearly then fully neglecting his own child, so when zora became a parent he would dedicate everything to his kids and their happiness and future. I see him picking up a more safer but equally important job by co-creating a magic school with another bull for kids with unlucky origins so they had proper training whether they decided to become magic knights or not.

as an uncle to the bulls' children, this guy right here is not just one of the uncles he's the COOLEST uncle ever and is everyone's favorite uncle, all the others bulls are a little jealous of him, sometimes even the parents lol! ("darn it zora, stop being so damn cool!")

Nero

4.How many people I ship them with?

I ship secre with lumiere because it's bittersweet and heartbreaking, and nero with liebe because they're a match made in hell and it'd be so funny to imagine them bickering while setting on each side of asta's shoulders 😛

23. Future headcanon?

nero is... so many things, after years upon years of brooding without doing anything, and thanks to asta's influence, at same point nero'll retire magic knights to fully focus on embracing lumiere's dreams and make a name out of her by, 1) opening a magic tools workshop where she, with the help of other bulls, made tools to help people's every needs and took in students who are interested in magic tools inventing (think of witch hat atelier), and 2) writing a series of books based on her really long lifetime which not only told the REAL STORY of the first wizard king and the elves but also included a detailed birdview (ha) at clover kingdom over the span of five hundred years all the way to asta's story, and lastly 3) exploring the world every once and a while in long journeys to visit new places, often with luck's company who's always up for some adventure to beat powerful guys!

in short: old lady nero's so freaking amazing, she's an inventor, an author, an explorer, and I love her!

[charlottedabookworm]

any thoughts on ffxiv's crystal tower questline from post-ARR?

so

like- i love raha. i love him so much, he's one of my favourite npcs - i love him when he's being a brat, when he's being a dork, when he's being a hero, when he's breaking my heart. this means that crystal tower has a special place in my heart and, despite the fact that when I finished 2.0 I had to queue for like an hour for some of the raids, I honestly I enjoy the questline well enough. i love the lore. unei and doga are basically reincarnates and they are clones and both of those things are 100% my jam

however

look.

i did my degree on history and archaeology. i enjoy archaeology (and I didn't expect to, not really, since I picked it to make my history degree more useful (lol)). i did conservation modules, I visit museums for fun, I have a shit tonne of jstor articles saved to my laptop, I've held 6000 year old pottery in my hands and what I'm saying is-

no matter how necessary it is, destroying those pillars to gain access to the labyrinth of the ancients kills me

i cringe every. single. time

i hate it

anyway there are definitely parts of the crystal tower quests that they could have done better, I would definitely have appreciated more focus on the actual research around the tower and the allagans rather than fetch quests, but I do understand that I'm probably the minority in that

rammbroes pisses me off at times but like. i know he's coming from a good place he just picks his words badly

love the start of the nero redemption arc/dealing with his divorce

idk this is really disjointed sorry if you were after like. words cos this is all I got rn

[drtanner]

It's cold and shitty outside so instead of walking the dog and making both of us miserable, I'm going to tell you about the blessed roulette experience I had the other day. ( b ._.)b

After being a bard for long enough to get it to level 90 and never having tried anything else, I decided I wanted to make the most of the EXP the MSQ was giving me and start working on a new job. I'd been tempted to try tanking for a while but as some of you will know if you've been here a while, I'm terrified of doing anything that I can't guarantee I'll instantly be good at, so I'd been putting it off. However, since the MSQ requires level 60 for all of its quests in Stormblood, I didn't have any jobs levelled enough to qualify with the exception of Gunbreaker and Sage, which both started at 60, and I wasn't nearly ready, mentally or emotionally, to try being a healer, so Gunbreaker was the obvious choice. It took me a few hours to understand what the fuck I was doing and what my new abilities were, but after putting it off for a day I finally decided I was going to chance some roulettes and get some proper grinding done.

So I get into these roulettes near-instantly, which is a nice change of pace from playing DPS and waiting for ten or fifteen minutes for each one, and I greet the party in the chat window as we're loading into the dungeon to say HEY JUST SO YOU KNOW IT'S MY FIRST DAY AS A TANK SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME, I'M DOING MY BEST :') so that nobody gets their expectations up or gets mad when I don't do big pulls or whatever. This generally goes pretty well! My first roulette dungeon results in one (1) wipe because a boss mechanic caught us out but I perform decently well otherwise and everyone is very nice to me. I do my 50+ dungeon, my levelling and my trial before getting into a main scenario roulette, which is Praetorium because of course it is, so I do my little HEY HEY HEY I'M A BABY TANK IT'S MY FIRST DAY PLEASE BE NICE TO ME bit and everyone is lovely, and I gather quickly from the banter that these three people are in their own party together.

This is fine because Prae has loads of long, unskippable cutscenes that you can just talk through. If I have a good party and they like to talk, I enjoy Prae a lot just because of that! So we bond a little bit and partway through I tell these people that I'm grateful for them being so kind and patient and that I'd give them all my commendation if I could, and they get bantering again trying to decide who should get the commendation until one of them goes I HAVE AN IDEA.

YOU SHOULD GIVE YOUR COMMENDATION TO WHOEVER IS CUTEST.

At this point I actually look at their names in the chat window and realise they're all girls, so I go ALRIGHT THEN BUT I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I'M SUPER FUCKING GAY.

(In fairness, they should have worked this out already given that my character looks like this:

... but there's a lot of youngsters in this game and one can't expect everybody to recognise Stelak for what he is, so I told them. You know, just to be sure.)

So I explained to these girls that this would be a measure of purely aesthetic cuteness, platonic cuteness, if you will, and one of them was like THAT'S COOL, I'M ACE SO I CAN GET BEHIND PLATONIC CUTENESS LOL and I went OH SICK ANOTHER ACE FRIEND FOR MY COLLECTION OF ACE FRIENDS. I'M COLLECTING YOU. and she went LOL THAT'S COOL ERIKA COLLECTS TRANS FRIENDS and I said WELL I GUESS SHE BETTER COLLECT ME TOO THEN LMAO. And there was a moment of silence before someone went:

WAIT, ARE WE ALL TRANS????

And I went OH WHAT???? SAME HAT????? and they all went SAME HAT!!! and I went SAME HAT!!!!! and we all had a little moment until one of them actually did notice Stelak's outfit in a cutscene and they all started telling each other to look at him, lmao. So we roasted the shit out of Nero and Gaius in the chat and had a blast and after we were finished they lined up and I made my pick of Cutest Girl to give my commendation and they all gave me theirs, and then we parted ways, probably never to see each other again. :')

Anyway I'm going to remember that until I die, I think.

[born-to-riot]

My real crime is me saying I’m going to watch the last season of teen wolf, read queen of air and darkness, and read tower of nero but then not doing it cuz I’m a coward and it’s been like a while for each of them I should have done it but I’m nervous about qoaad because I was spoiled and didn’t want to admit it was over and I didn’t want to invest my heart and get it broken but I need to catch up cuz I want to read the next part of the series so really I just need to get off my ass and do it but ahhhhhhh and with tower of nero for some reason I just haven’t gotten to it (somehow I’ve managed to avoid all spoilers but the solangelo book is coming apparently and the tv show and I know I need to just get my shit together) but I know I need to and with thre last season of teen wolf I just didn’t want to admit it was over so long story short I am a coward I have adhd and apparently I have commitment issues (but in a way I am very committed I just have absolutely no time management skills and have issues with my self control) now I’m going to go read fanfiction instead of picking up one of these things so I can continue worrying about it in the back of my head and doing nothing to fix it

But like don’t mind me this is just like a me problem that I have no one to talk to about and I know exactly how I can fix it but I’m a Virgo with adhd and I overcomplicate everything for myself

Also my friend borrowed my foxhole court book and like I don’t know how to politely ask for it back and to pressure her to read it it’s been like a year but I digress

Have a great day lol

[akumanoken]

[/okay but, those gifts really would be feels. to get something from a man who's hated, who's not known by just many, who's feared... how it's been so long for him. souji here like "hold my bag... don't you dare talk of my hubby badly" & knowing how hard life has been & how slow things are. to get anything, let alone think vergil would bring a child with no family & take him in also.

it took him long enough to even get close enough & knows how to be careful.

vergil while he doesn't speak or show it much, he shows how much he still cares for him & their baby boy. the hand holding tho- that's his main affection & you know that means a lot coming from him. that ship name they have is completely them. they're incomplete without each other. they can't relax & they get nightmares without each other. how's that for writing more of them& had to small text it to be shorter lol ]

OKAY SO RIGHT LIKE NO ONE IS SAYING THAT THE THINGS VERGIL'S DONE CAN BE IGNORED THE MAN HAS DONE SOME CRAZY THINGS. BUT SOUJI WILL STILL REFUSE TO ALLOW ANYONE TO SHIT ON VERGIL BECAUSE NO ONE IS UNDESERVING OF REDEMPTION!!!

Souji knows that it really did alienate him with Nero, who is literally his best friend and partner in crime, when Vergil came back because of what he did to Nero, and what Urizen did to Redgrave. He knows bits and pieces of the things he's done beforehand, but he also knows a hurt boy when he sees one, and Vergil has been hurt and alone and surviving on his own for so long that he simply didn't know what it was to have a steady home or a steady person to be there no matter what. Someone who sees everything he did and truly welcomes him back (who's not Dante basically).

But enter Souji, who's stubborn as hell and doesn't care how long you've left as long as you know you have a place you can come to because he could tell the other just didn't really have one before. He kept little nicknacks items that Vergil happened to leave there for him when he returned, so it never felt like starting from scratch, but simply returning where he left off. Returning home.

It was something that carried on from his smaller apartment to the loft they currently live. It was enough for Souji that Vergil was aware he had a place to stay... that he would choose to stay there from time to time, though never for too long.

But it's turned into something so incredible... where it truly has become a home for the both of them, how when Vergil found Asao alone his first thought was to bring him to Souji because he knew with Souji the boy could find a home, with warmth and love... and it's spiraled from there.

Their entire exchange of feelings is in the touch of the other's hands... simply holding it gently, twining fingers... reaching for something when the other needs it, falling asleep together, pressing together their foreheads at night and sleepily mumbled Japanese in the morning. They've never said it in so many words... never kissed... and yet they have such a deep understanding of each other that each theme their fingers touch it's actually the most intimate thing in the whole world. That every time Souji smiles at him he's screaming it at the top of his lungs, and each time Vergil puts his hands on Souji's head he's softly saying it back to him.

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THEM AUGH

[gloomi]

inspired by the scene in the prequel novel where Nero gets mad at Nico for swearing and tells her “don’t use dirty words in front of Kyrie” LET KYRIE SAY FUCK (OG meme)

[jar-of-ectoplasm]

Confessing to La Squadra

a/n: look i know i already have some Risotto confessing headcanons but those are more about him confessing so i'm including him here anyway

Genre: Fluff, a tiny bit of angst (but no rejection), these hoes don't know what love is lol

~Risotto Nero~

-Seriously thought you were joking when you pulled him aside and told him how you felt

-He was convinced Formaggio had put you up to this or something

-Ris feels like he isn't deserving of love (BUT HE IS) and he's literally so bad at expressing himself so he just nodded and walked away

-Had a breakdown in his office because why the fuck did he just walk away?? after you poured your heart out to him???? jesus christ what if you think he doesn't like you???????

-So he gets up and fucking sprints to your room to try to fix his mistakes

-Frantically tells you that he likes you back and would love to go out with you sometimes (you can barely understand it because he's talking so fast)

~Prosciutto~

-Saw this coming from a mile away but he won't be a bitch about it don't worry

-Takes your confession with an overwhelming amount of grace and gives you a time and place to meet him for a date the next day

-As soon as you leave he's jumping around and giggling like a child because oh my fucking god his crush likes him back holy shit!!!

-He'll panic about what he's supposed to wear. Should he just wear his regular suit? No, no no this is a special occasion! Pinstripes or no pattern? What tie would go best with this shirt? He needs to pick a suit with your favorite color, you'll like him more, right?

-Eventually caves and has Risotto pick something out for him because he literally can't (indecisive queen)

~Pesci~

-He is so INSECURE OH MY GOD

-Like Risotto, he thinks you're just fucking with him. He honest to god doesn't believe you could fall in love with someone like him

-He gets too nervous and freezes up then runs to find Prosciutto because he has no idea what to do

-Prosciutto basically screams at him to go back and find you. He can't just leave you all alone after telling him something like that!

-So he does go back and stutters out the softest "i like you too" in the world

-He'll take you for a picnic on the beach right after because he wants to make up for just leaving you standing there after he ran

~Illuso~

-BITCH MOTHERFUCKER

-He already knew because he eavesdropped on your conversation with Melone about how you should confess to him

-Sure he likes you back but he wanted you to come to him so he didn't seem desperate or something

-Teases you about it because he can't socialize for shit and probably ends up making you upset because he won't shut his god damn mouth

-So when you just walk away incredibly frustrated and probably a little teary eyed he realizes he fucked up bad

-Goes into the mirror world to scream because why can't he just be a normal person and not a little bastard

-Pops into your room from the mirror and gives you the quietest apology you've ever heard then hugs you because he feels really bad

~Formaggio~

-Another member of the team that thinks you're joking. Not because he's insecure, he's actually very confident in himself, but he jokingly flirts with you all the time so he thought you were finally playing along

-But you're not and you like him for real which makes him SO FUCKING HAPPY

-He knew he was gonna fall in love with you the day you joined the team and he's been daydreaming about your guys' first date since you went on your first mission with him

-Might be the most well prepared member of the team if I'm being honest

-He has a whole speech about how much he loves you and all the things he wants to do together and he already knows a guy that can legally marry you two

-He's so soft for you

~Ghiaccio~

-You told him how you felt when you guys were cornered during a mission and could die in literal seconds

-So when that didn't happen and you two made it out alive with the target killed, he tried to ignore your words ringing in his head

-But god damn the car ride back to Napoli was a long one and all Ghiaccio can do is think after you fell asleep in the passenger seat

-He couldn't tell if you just said you loved him because you guys were about to die or if you actually felt that way. But what if you loved him like family instead of like a boyfriend?

-And so Ghiaccio pulled over and woke you up. It was bothering him too much, he needed an answer now

-When you clarified that yes, you did love him romantically, he hugged you so hard your ribs almost broke

-mans was worrying for nothing smh

~Melone~

-He flirts with you all the time but...you actually caught feelings for him? Like genuine "I love you" feelings? Not lust? Melone seriously can't remember the last time someone actually enjoyed his presence outside of the bedroom so much that they wanted to be with him

-Mel started bawling his eyes out. Like, full on sobbing on his knees in front of you

-You thought you had done something wrong so you started apologizing which made him cry even harder (he thought you were apologizing because it was a joke)

-After he got himself back together he shakily asked you if you really meant it (which you obviously did) and after you gave him a positive answer he started crying again

-He won't let go of you for the rest of the day. He's just so happy someone finally loves him (FUCK that's sad)

~Sorbet and Gelato~

-It's a damn good thing you liked both of them. Gelato might've killed you if you only like Sorbet and Sorbet would've laughed in your face if you only liked Gelato

-So you avoided getting your face cut off but what the fuck are you supposed to do about confessing? You didn't want to become a homewrecker, it was quite obvious Sorbet and Gelato were perfectly content with nobody else in their relationship

-So you never said anything about it to anybody. God only knows what Illuso would've done if he heard you saying anything about it and the rest of the team would've let it slip eventually

-But Sorbet and Gelato always have a way of finding things out for themselves

-You were already close to the couple so when the smaller blonde man walked up to asking to see you for a second you thought nothing of it

-Until you were seated in front of them and Sorbet had broken the silence with "We know about your little secret"

-Honestly you thought you were about to die. How did they even find out? You were sure you hadn't said or done anything to hint at your feelings for them

-Gelato broke the silence this time. "Honestly, we're quite flattered both of us caught your attention."

-That didn't help ease you at all but when the both of them spoke in unison, "But don't worry about it too much, you've caught our interest as well."

-So now their murder duo is a murder trio, have fun :)

[hauntedhousecat]

6 with Nero Dante and Levi 😁😁

No. 6 coming right up!!!

Seduce, Steal from, Serenade. The three s's....

Seduce- Levi.... It'll be nearly impossible but I'll at least try! I CANT FLIRT TO SAVE MY LIFE LET ALONE LOOK SEXY OR SEDUCTIVE!!! Lol 🤣 It'll have to be slow like a turtle and with my awkwardness + stammering combo. (Maybe a few shit jokes would help.... *Pulls out dad joke book to look*)

Steal from- Nero. I'm sorry Nero! Dante has had quite a bit stolen from him+ property damage done over the years so.... I mean plus if he catches me... Nero has the makings of one heck of a good time if he decides to punish for being so mean, yeah? 👀

Serenade- Dante. He's such a goof ball I could see him joining in since he wouldn't take me seriously. I'm not sure what we'd be singing, if anything coherent... But he'd be playing the best air guitar ever... Or Nevan.... 😂

[localcactushugger]

Badass Nico Di Angelo Moments in ToN that make me Feral

spoilers under the cut for The Tower of Nero!

#1) Nico 100% wanting to help Apollo despite the fact that he's been been having horrible nightmares and PTSD flashbacks, along with hearing voices from Tatarus. He’s tired of focusing on things that he can't change so instead he focuses on tasks where he actually has control. This is very in character for Nico. Despite pain he perseveres and focuses on the mission, trying to help in anyway he can. This is even after Apollo confirmed Jasons death as well. Jason and Nico were close, and Jason was the first person who accepted him for who he really was. But Nico pushed forward anyway.  (This is one of the reasons why Reyna basically adopted Nico. He always pushes forward, despite the pain, and perseveres. Something she can relate to.)

#2) Nico stubbornly refusing to watch the original Star Wars trilogy despite the wrath of his Glow-in-the-dark boyfriend

#3) Nico getting Camp Half-Blood to make him his own black T-shirt because he simply refuses to ruin his black-and-white aesthetic

#4) Nico conveniently having a plan to use Troglodytes in the battle against Nero.  (Hey you need an undead army for the battle of Manhattan? oh yeah, the Doors of Death? I know where those are! The Athena Parthenos? I can totally carry that across the world without disintegrating into shadow! Hey Percy just swim in the River Styx DUH. seriously I never get tired of Nico finding ways to save the day.)

#5) Nico leaping across a fucking cater onto a crane and scaring the living shit out of Apollo. My boys giving his future Father-in-Law a heart attack 😂

#6) Nico saving Apollo’s ass Pt.1 by shadow traveling him and Meg away from feral death cows at the last second. 

#7) Nico saving Apollo’s ass Pt.2 by fucking turning a guard into a skeleton right before that bitch was about to stab Apollo in the chest 

#8) Nico saving Apollo’s ass Pt.3 by dragging Apollo across Neros Tower while he simultaneously cut through monsters without even slowing down or hesitating as Apollo was giggly, delirious, and injured. I'm also really glad that Apollo noted how Nico is much stronger than he looks. Nico may look like a twig at first but even Jason said at one point (was it in MoA or HoH?) that Nico had gained muscle from sword training after Tartarus. People always characterize Nico as not eating either (which is true when he's feeling really depressed) but he's gotten better at it since BoO. 

#9) Nico saving Apollo’s ass Pt.4 with his dramatic entrance. literally breaking down Neros blast doors with a fucking feral bull that he somehow turned into a skeleton. And then this dramatic bitch who is 100% sick of Neros B.S has the audacity to point to Nero and say “Kill that one”. Honestly picturing the Bull scene is hilarious to me. Imagine being seconds away from killing Apollo after years of planning, only to be interrupted by an exasperated, beat-to-shit, battle hardened, feral 15 yr old, who looks like he should be working at Hot Topic. And is he wearing a white cowboy hat?? Where did he get a bull??? The randomness and pure panic in that scene is absolutely gold. Nico Di Angelo is an agent of chaos and I live for it. 

#10) Nico fighting a group of Germani by himself in Nero throne room while his bull wreaks havoc on all those who get in its path. Bonus points for saving Apollo from that one wolf monster who was about to bite his head off (Nico saving Apollos ass Pt.5 lol. Seriously Will you need to tell your dad that Nico isn't a babysitter) 

#11) Apollo giving Nico an opening to attack Nero by shooting one of the Germani he’s locked in combat with. The second Nico gets a chance this boy doesn't hesitate. He fucking tires to cut Nero in half !!!  if Nero wasn't immortal he would’ve been done for! So when cutting Nero in half doesn’t work and Nico sword get’s grabbed and tossed across the room what does he try??? Does he back off like a normal person?? NO! HE TRIES TO STRANGLE THAT BITCH!!! 😂😂😂 This gremlin child 100% tried to strangle an immortal emperor! He said “I don't need a sword to kill you bitch, try me”. Nico Di Angelo is raw as fuck. and that only in this book. The son of Hades wakes up every morning and chooses violence. I love him.

#12) The fact that Nico is willing to go back to Tartarus, the place that left him with immeasurable trauma, just to save Bob. because he “doesn't like when people are forgotten”. (this is the boy who spent most of his life alone, who talked to Hestia when no-one else noticed her, who spent time with Bob when everyone had forgotten about him. Who always selflessly tried to help other people because he knows what it like to be miserable and in pain. Nico is such a sweetie.) 

[300iqprower]

Imagine if instead of all these jokes, memes and actual wtf are those events fgo gave Boudica or Zenobia meaningful roles in anything because their boner for rome really has to go.

I mean….yeah. Basically. Preaching to the choir lol. Back when I still had actual hope in this series I was praying Lostbelt 6 would be about Avenger Boudica and Lalter, or that LB7 would be Boudica vs Beast Nero.

I have a literal list of characters FGO has utterly wasted/screwed up actually. Not a comprehensive one, very far from it, because it only tracks up to the end of EPU since the idea was keeping track of every wasted servant back when they weren’t treating it as a full on story. So far it’s at 16/27 and includes characters from even Orleans who still have yet to have any meaningful development/spotlight moments. Keep in mind those remaining 11 vary vastly in how bad they actually got done; plenty probably consider d’Eon done fine, and then at its worst you have the top 3 of Geronimo, Lalter, and Boudica in ascending order.

The ironic thing about their roma obsession (is there a Roman equivalent for Teaboo…?) is that Septem is easily the worst off with 7 wasted characters NOT EVEN counting how bad Nero is in FGO or how Altera is on a conceptual level bad let alone when used the way they are in Septem. Because the issue isn’t Rome, it’s Nero. Spartacus, Caesar, Caligula, Romulus, all wasted because it had to be the Nerofest all day every day. Of those four only half of them have even gotten crossed off (what with LB3 and later Quirinus) and I have heard LB5 does something with Caesar. If so that much more ironic the one left behind is the dude who goes around screaming about Nero as much as the game’s writing as a whole does. The focus on Rome isn’t the issue unlike with Britain, because Rome is undeniably a cornerstone of human civilization, but the writing clearly doesn’t care about actual Rome, it cares about its OC named Nero. It cares about propping her up as the “embodiment of Rome” and constantly describes her as such to the point of even having Romulus himself call the emperor who watched Rome burn “the ideal emperor, the very embodiment of ROMA!” So every single Roman adversary from the Gauls to Hannibal to Zenobia to ESPECIALLY Boudica have to be shit, revised entirely, or twisted into something flat out disingenuous, lest Rome, and therefore Nero, not seem perfect. Which is the same reason Caesar is what actual Nero was, a fat aristocratic laughingstock who says a lot while doing nothing, and why Caligula’s madness is reduced to an obsession with Nero and he has no agency of his own. It’s honestly sad that Nero as a character, regardless of whatever her deal in Extra is, only became tolerable in FGO when they reduced HER to a gag character. They seemed to also be genuinely fixing a lot of wrongs when it came to the Roma stuff from LB1 onwards. And then the moment they gave Nero another story role, in Arcade, it was an abomination against God AND NOT IN THE INTENDED WAY. And apparently from what i’ve been told it’s as badly written as the character is designed.

…I should probably go and make that list comprehensive after i catch up with NA….

[silvyavan]

if clover forces yuno to be some spade royal for stability or some shit i want yuno to be Spiteful about it. just clear out & fire any spade noble who smell like scum, maybe have asta there with his ki-sensing to help screen them. kick them out, take their shit, make their mansion an apt or orphanage bc fuck 'em, and tell them to go build themselves a log cabin. and yuno being down To Fight if they have a problem, like what's wrong? i thought You Wanted me here? who were YOU expecting?? (1/5)

like some old noble being interviewed & brings up they had good convos with his parents & yuno interrupting "good for you. what results did you produce for the people?", "wh-", "oh? nothing? you're fired, get out. next." the folks who 'wanted' yuno realizing from how he talks & acts this is no noble - this is riffraff. mr niaflem Where Did You Leave Him? "at a church i swear" yuno not even taking the king title, just staying a prince as an affront & bc he hates this enough already (2/5)

not like anyone outranks him right? promotes asta as a FU to clover + in genuine appreciation: he's Sir Asta of Hage now. they run around spade talking to commonfolk & overpaying stuff, making snowmen with kids, yuno even clears snow from streets & roofs, he's nice to them. tbh i also have trouble seeing asta leaving yuno out there on his own... maybe he & nero can stay for a bit while the stuff with their trial gets worked out? by the time clover gets back to them about things they find (3/5)

that yuno went on a noble eviction spree. did they think he'd become bougie? even nozel who was "oh hes a royal of course" is now going "holy shit they really gave the crown to A Fucking Peasant" thats right rich man its just like you always feared: a poor rat robin-hooding the shit outta everything. was it too much? who knows but idk what they expected from an uneducated spiteful 17y.o. who spent his life in the sticks & dirt, whos magic knight efforts & dream were suddenly undermined, (4/5)

denied going home, left unsupervised & handed a shitton of authority. yuno "can i go home? i think i threw out most of the trash :)", "what did you do to them?", "they work hard now :)" admittedly the dark triads disruption of govt made it easier to clear the weeds; meanwhile clovers are plentiful & deeply intertwined. it dawns on them he'd do that to clovers rich if he had the chance; its low-key threatening. "did i do something wrong? :)" (5/5 done) idk man its a what-if i keep having...

Op can i just say first and foremost, thank you for making my evening with Yuno “Drain The Swamp” of Hage concept

Right off the bat, Clover putting/forcing Yuno to accept the throne in either an attempt to monitor it/act as a puppet king for Clover or simply because they don’t want him there as a form of xenophobia is possible

The only problem is that Yuno would have a hidden talent for Malicious Compliance. There is, without a sliver of doubt, that Yuno will act as prince in the most passive aggressive way. “Oh, you want me to rule Spade but still be buddy buddy with you? Too bad, im gonna drain the fuvking swamp and rebuild the kingdom, focusing on the citizens needs. You know, like a good ruler.” That’s him, he’s out there ready to throw hands wit both Clover AND Spade for pulling this type of shit.

So obviously they’d put an inside man to monitor Yuno, but end up choosing William “Gay Peasant Raised, Ready to Start A Literal Coup” Vangeance under the assumption that since he was his captain, he’d listen to him. But really, most of his “reports” are just the same letter paraphrased as he has tea with Yuno to gossip and roast the Clover and Spade Nobility like

“The Kira’s are angry about Wednesday’s sacking.”

“Hoes mad.”

“Hoes Mad Indeed, Lol.”

Nozel suddenly being all “This is a literal Peasant saying Fuck The Bourgeusie” when he realises Yuno is firing assholes left and right but it does NOT help him that NOELLE, of all people, is supporting and endorsing the message (mostly because 90% of the nobles Yuno has been sacking are against Asta, hickest of the hicks who made Forever Friendship Bracelets with a demon, and are conspiring to frame him)

And the best part is that NOBODY, absolutely NO ONE has the balls to go against him because 1) they wanted this in the first place, 2) he’s the only ruler left of the royal bloodline and 3) if anyone so much as tries to speak against him, Asta, Sylph and Liebe (mostly for the thrill of harassing upper echelons) are ready to Shred These Assholes

And it absolutely drives the nobles wild that Yuno chose Asta ( the very same demon host that Smacked Dante and Lucifero Right Into Early Graves) as his right hand, as if he isn’t married to a demon and a threesome isn’t being theorised under the table

Clover Kingdom nobles realising that Yuno CAN and WILL come over to Clover to do the same unless they change is also something that makes a LOT of the houses sweat.

If Tabata decides to be a grade A coward and go with “Yuno ascends to the Spade Throne” as post Qlipoth arc, he better make Yuno be open about hating it and threatening damn near all of Clover with a Coup for the shit they’ve been pulling since forever (Diamond Kingdom is on Thin Fucking Ice, mostly because Mars has apparently weeded out most of the corruption and still isn’t done)

[hopeswriting]

Hullo hullo Hopes, it's for the ask game ! 4, 23 and 43 ? :O

Hi there, thank you for the ask!

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

I simply could not only choose three of them, so you get six instead, in no particular order.

come get me by MakeItVoid on ffnet (Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

Reborn waits a little impatiently for someone to come get him. He doesn't know what to do now. The fire is creeping closer. (Reborn doesn't want to die like this.) 

It’s a one-shot, with the exact dynamic I reach for in all my Arco fics, and it hits just all the spots for me. Simply cannot recommend it enough.

Just Another Tuesday by ariathal2410 on ffnet (Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

Tsuna doesn't know why all this supernatural shit started happening in his life, but he'd really like it to stop now please. Mild Arco27

OR in which Tsuna attracts too much attention because he's surprisingly good at recognizing supernatural beings (and he's just too cute to resist).

A 10k one-shot where Tsuna is in college, and keeps stumbling upon these supernatural creatures that then just never leave his life. Very domestic fluff like, and never fails to brighten my mood when I need it. Very funny too.

Survivor by atruwriter on ffnet (Harry Potter).

Waiting. He was always waiting. He'd already buried one best friend and now the other will follow. There was nothing he could do or say. There was no Harry without Hermione. Ron witnessed the beginning and now he must accept the end. HHr. 4parts Complete! 

It’s been a long time since I reread this one tbh, but as long as you’re a Hhr shipper or just don’t mind the ship? I recommend it a thousand times.

It’s written from Ron’s pov, and is written so well, and I remember having called it a masterpiece after I read it, and I still stand by it. Just a very beautiful fic in all its tragedy.

Sincerely, Scattered Shards by You_Light_The_Sky on ao3 (Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

Tsuna’s the foolish type to give a bit of his heart to anyone he meets. No one ever wanted his ugly heart shards until he met his Guardians. No one ever treasured his heart shards until them either. Hints of All27 and R27. 

It’s an ongoing fic, and I don’t remember it in details anymore lol, but just read it. You want to read it. You won’t regret reading it if it seems the type of fic you might like.

It’s beautiful, and sad, and a bit tragic at times, but then Tsuna starts finding his Guardians and it becomes a little better. And worth it.

Those Last Few Memories by Ourliazo on ao3 (Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

In one future, the Arcobaleno band together and try to fight off the Anti Tri-ni-set radiation. 

As the author says, “ this story follows their slow descent into death”, and it’s low key fucking heartbreaking, and high key gets you in the feels and makes you want to bawl your eyes out, so really, I can only recommend it asdfgh.

Target Acquired: Wicked Jester by poorasdirt on ao3 (Katekyo Hitman Reborn).

Colonnello has always been a military man. He understood what led to him being cursed. He understood why the others had been cursed. Or, well, why most of the others had been cursed. Skull's motivations had always been a mystery to him. Now that the curse had been lifted, Colonnello could finally sit back and try to puzzle it out. If only it were that easy.

Or Colonnello's instincts were telling him something wasn't right and curiosity only kills cats.

NELLO/SKULL SUPREMACY. Also told in Nello’s pov so Nell-centric. But also entirely about Skull, so Skull-centric. What more do you want??

Azesdfgh ahem, jokes aside. This one is seriously good. Not just because it’s focused first on Nello & Skull relationship (it’s actually a gen fic lol, my bad), or because it has just the right amount of Poly!Arco hinted for us shippers even if it’s platonic/found family.

The fic gives Skull a very in depth and intricate backstory, and for having read my fair share of Skull-centric fics, it’s a very original one. A very mysterious one too, and the fic has a spy/thriller aspect to it that’s very fun to read, as you discover more and more about Skull along with the Arco.

Some of Skull’s backstory also tie with canon worldbuilding the author then expands with their own take on it, and even if it’s a characters driven story, and the plot is only really there first to enhance that fact, it still gets you curious to see it unfold.

And of course the Arco interactions with each other. The fic has a very low key found family vibes fitting to it, but that are very present nonetheless, and feel genuine and heartwarming.

Though there’s some Sky Arco, and specifically Uni and Aria antagonism, but as a Giglio Nero stan myself, it’s not present enough you can’t overlook it if you try.

So if you like Skull and/or Colonnello and/or found family Arco and you didn’t read the fic yet? Don’t wait any longer!

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write? 

Already answered this one so I’ll just copy past it!

I’ve been thinking about it, and it’s gotta be Hurt/Comfort, both as a writer and a reader. And this is probably just me projecting lol, but there’s just something in seeing characters be hurt/hurting, knowing they’ll have/will be given care after that speaks to me.

Also I guess it’s pretty obvious to say it, but mostly as a reader, the hurt must come with comfort. Or at least I need to be 100% certain the comfort will come at some point, and will matter.

And I actually think that’s why I can only handle so much amount of angst, because unless it’s tagged for it (and even then, I find Angst with a Happy Ending and such, and Hurt/Comfort just don’t hit the same way), you never know if it’ll be  worth it in the end. And I’m a big softie so I can’t handle it zsdfgdsc.

A very close second favorite trope, also both as a writer and a reader, is when any characters with Responsibilities/Duties/Expectations (namely The Chosen One trope and such) just say fuck it all and does fuck it all.

Either by finding a solution that won’t leave them incredibly traumatized when all’s said and done, or by actually fucking off and making it everyone else’s problem.

I find it’s mostly present in Dark![Character Name] fics, which I also love to write and read, so it all works out for me lol.

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

Mmmh, not sure if I have one yet? I only really started trying to get involved in the fanfiction community last year, so I feel maybe I’m not quite there to have these type of experiences.

That said, I can only talk about that one time I did a fanfic event for the first time, and @chierry was there every step of the way, leaving me a comment on each of my fics, and that was incredibly motivating. Felt really amazing too, and made the event that much more fun, so shoutout to her<3.

Also shoutout to that one time where we got Arco brainrot at the same time on the same frequency, and kind of just went nuts about it for a while zsdxfgh. That was very fun too!<3

[randomfacter]

(Universe B)

Tales of district 2: texting stories

Nero and Callista. Part one of/?( will I make more? No idea)

Nero: Where are you?

Callista: The alcohol area, bring another cart darling.

Nero: Should I also have a hospital on standby to pump your stomach?

Callista: Very funny.

Nero: Do you even have enough cash to pay for it all.

Callista: Cash? Who said anything about cash?

Nero: I did. Multiple times!

Callista: I must not have been paying attention then. Besides, darling why do we even have to pay with cash?

Nero: Because we are trying to keep a low profile. And it'll be suspicious if you pay with your stipend card.

Callista: We're in the Capitol dressed in sunglasses and baseball caps and not even good ones at that. We couldn't get less suspicious darling.

Nero: Shut up. As if you had a better idea.

Callista: I do actually.

Nero: Well a bit too late for that!

Callista: Why have we even left the village anyway?

Nero: Misha suggested we play monopoly and Ronan looked tempted to agree.

Callista: What!? You dragged me out the village just when we were about to play monopoly!?

Nero: DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE LAST GAME?!

Callista: I do in fact! And it was perfectly fine. Everyone was happy!

Nero: What sort of drugs are you on. It was a FUCKING nightmare.

Callista: I don't remember it being a nightmare.

Nero: Okay but seriously who is your dealer? I need to get some of what you are on.

Callista: I'll text you their name later.

Nero: Thanks.

Callista: Tell me what went down.

Nero: Adessa attempted to choke out Odin. Devon and Misha sort of broke up over it for about 30 seconds. Brutus and Lyme didn't speak to each other for two weeks. Ronan sat in a corner and had his sixth mental breakdown of the day. Lyme and Enobaria tried to kill each other. Again. Iris made a run for it. And you and me had a screaming match.

Callista: Nope don't remember it.

Nero: You really don't? You lost your voice for two days.

Callista: Really doesn't ring a bell.

Nero: Never mind.

Callista: You know all that's reminded me. Who is watching Lyme and Enobaria? Last time you left both of them behind, Enobaria attempted to burn Lyme's house down.

Nero: Odin.

Callista: That is a terrible idea. He'll drive both of them up the wall.

Nero: Oh shut up it'll be fine.

Nero: Are you done picking out your jerk alcohol?

Callista:🖕.

Nero: Real mature.

Nero: I see you. Holy shit! That's a lot of alcohol. How are you gonna carry all that?

Callista: I'm not carrying it. You are.

Nero: No way.

Callista: Come on. It's the least you can do after you made me miss the monopoly match.

Nero: I was saving your life.

Callista: Don't be so dramatic darling. That's my job.

Nero: I fully expect to walk back in to that village and find them all dead in two weeks.

Callista: Oh no. Brutus can't be dead at least, he's suppose to be feeding my cats. But the others are acceptable sacrifices, except maybe Hera.

Nero: Can we just get back to the apartment please?

Callista: Fine but your carrying my things.

Nero: I will accept that just because I want to get back to the apartment.

Callista: Text your little victors to make sure they're both still alive. I wouldn't put it past them to have born each other's throats by now.

Neto: Snowdammit Calli! Don't put that image it my head.

Callista: Lol.

Nero: Never say that again.

Callista: Lol.

Nero: Sigh.

[jotarosbelt]

La Squadra Kink Headcanons!

to that one comment thread on wattpad talking about la squadra’s kinks on my christmas fic,

this is for y’all.

p.s. there’s no sorbet & gelato :// sorry, i don’t know enough about them to write for them confidently

18+ content ahead!

Risotto Nero

Honestly, I feel like Risotto is a fairly simple guy. But, if you were trying to experiment, he’d definitely be down. He’s a softy at heart— he just wants to make you feel good although what he’s into may not be for you. 😗 He’s okay with that, though! He drinks Respect Women (and Men) Juice.

Kinks include:

Size: We all know Risotto is a big guy in more ways than one. Standing at 6’9”, he can’t help but love the sight of his significantly smaller partner (‘cause let’s be real, you could be 6’0” and still be considered tiny compared to him) struggling to fit his cock inside of themselves. It’s mesmerizing.

Blood Play: Kind of close knit with his stand. He uses the iron found in one’s body to create metal objects ranging from scissors to razor blades (although he wouldn’t do this to you), so it’s only natural he has a fixation with blood.

Knife Play: This is also tied closely to the nature of his stand. He can create weapons, so why not use them? He’d never want to hurt you (at least too badly— especially not if you didn’t want it), so he’d use his gift to bring you pleasure instead.

Sensory Deprivation: Risotto likes the idea of one’s senses being enhanced when one is taken away. Blindfolding you while running the smooth, blunt edge of a blade lightly down your soft skin is a dream of his.

Orgasm Control: Risotto is a very good capo. With his natural leadership skills and the ability to rule over any situation with an iron fist, he can’t help but bring that to the bedroom. You‘ll cum when he says, got it? Good.

Melone

I truly believe Melone is the wild card of the group— he’s really down for ANYTHING. However, here are a few honorable mentions.

Kinks include:

Breeding/Impregnation: The nature of his stand is literally to create “offspring” and track down his targets. Melone is a FREAK, and you’d be VERY wrong to think that he doesn’t get off to filling you to the brim more times than you can count and then having you to walk around with his seed inside you to up the risk of it all.

Hair-Pulling: With hair as nice as Melone’s, I can really see him being into the idea of it getting tugged and pulled while he went down on you, or fucked into you. He likes pulling his partner’s hair, too, but just a bit more on himself.

Exhibitionism: I totally see Melone being a greedy little bastard, seeking his s/o’s attention using unscrupulous means. He’s all for it if his partner pulls this act on him, instead. If you want something, don’t beat around the bush, okay? Melone’s very good at telling his s/o what they want to hear.

Voyeurism: Melone is TOTALLY into the idea of someone watching him fuck his partner or vice versa. He likes watching himself, to be honest. He’s shameless and unabashed. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Bondage: I really do see Melone being really skilled at tying intricate knots and such just to tie up his partner in the bedroom. Bonus points if you can do the same. My man loves himself a good ol’ hogtie every once and a while.

Ghiaccio

Ah, the feral goblin. We all know Ghiaccio is angry— he’s stressed. He also likes control. So, he tends to channel his frustration into sex. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Kinks include:

Dirty Talk: God DAMN, Ghiaccio is such a good dirty talker. He has no filter and says what he’s thinking— even if it’s a bit crude at times. He’s straightforward and doesn’t cut corners, and he’s a man of his word (which makes it all the better). He will do exactly what he says he’ll do to you. Promise.

Angry/Hate Sex: This should be pretty self-explanatory. He’s angry, pent up, and he needs and outlet for his frustration. Good thing he has you, because he can just pound it out into you while muttering all sorts of filthy things into your ear to blow off steam. Even better if you two despise each other, despite all the sexual tension that lingers in the air between you two. Guarantee you won’t be able to walk for days afterwards or wipe that smug look off of his face while seeing you struggle— friend or foe.

Humiliation: Oh ho ho ho, nothing gets him off more than seeing your red and embarrassed face when he happens to say a little too much in front of the team. Oh? You didn’t want him to talk about how you were begging for his cock last night? Oops, too late. And besides, they probably already knew. Should’ve kept it down. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Pet Play: This is all about control here. Putting a collar around your neck, ordering you around— maybe pulling you by a leash— he lives for it. His obedient, little kitten (he’s a cat person). Though it may be hard, it’s possible you can convince him to be your pet for a day instead. Don’t expect it to become a common occurrence, though. His pride won’t stand for it.

Impact Play: Another kink that’s control based. Misbehave or frustrate him? Don’t be surprised to find yourself bent over his lap and receiving a couple smacks to your ass as punishment.

Formaggio

Cheese man Formaggio is spontaneous. In my eyes, he likes living life on edge and to the fullest, to be honest. He’s also kind of down for anything as long as it’s in his comfort area (which is pretty large).

Kinks include:

(Semi-)Public Sex: Like I stated in my ahegao headcanons, this man would not hesitate to fuck you on the hood of his car in some abandoned part of town. He likes the risk, and you can bet your ass he wouldn’t stop even if he got caught. Unless it was by the feds.

Barebacking: PLEASE DON’T DO THIS, LOL. Formaggio is honestly the type who SWEARS it feels better without a condom, but he’s cautious. He’s clean and he’ll only do this or ask for it if his partner is clean, too (preferably on birth control or something, too). Safe sex, kids.

Edging: It’s like a guilty pleasure of his. The power he has— to be able to bring you to the brink of an orgasm and then pull away to kiss or squeeze the skin of your thighs, just to continue it in a seemingly endless cycle. It’s beautiful.

Face-Sitting/Queening: Though he might not say it outright, Formaggio has a thing for getting pushed around by his s/o. Push him down and straddle his face— he’s GONE. If he’s feeling a bit restless, he might grab your thighs and make you do it instead. Who knows? It depends on how he’s feeling.

Stockings: Formaggio will DIE if his s/o wears stocking in the bedroom. I firmly believe he has a thing for legs, and the quickest way to rile him up is with some shorts/panties and some high socks/stockings.

Illuso

I’m gonna be honest, chief. Illuso is probably the most vanilla and calm of all of the La Squadra members. Though he may be unpleasant at times (especially while on duty,) I think he’d totally whipped for his s/o.

Kinks include:

Mirror Sex: His stand is literally called Man in the Mirror, for fuck sake. But, being able to watch himself pleasure you or get pleasured really gets him off.

Food Play: I honestly feel like Illuso would come into the bedroom one day with a bowl of strawberries and a can of whipped cream. He’s game if you are. Messy? Sure. Hot and romantic? Totally. He’s a softy, and he’d kill to lick some whipped cream off your body any day of the week.

Somnophilia: I couldn’t tell you why, but I think Illuso would love pleasuring you while you slept. I’m talking “waking you up with head then fucking all day” type shit. All consensual of course, he wouldn’t touch you unless you gave him your blessing. He’s good like that.

Body-Painting: I really need to do some random La Squadra headcanons at some point, but I think Illuso is a painter/likes painting. So, if you’re willing to let him paint on you, whether it be with food or actual paint, and have a good time, he’s more than game.

Dry Humping: Illuso likes the desperation and sense of urgency dry humping gives. In his eyes, nothing’s more perfect that two people in love wanting each other that badly.

Prosciutto

ham daddy

Prosci likes being in control. He likes being in charge and telling his s/o what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. My man is busy, stressed, and a control freak.

Kinks include:

Daddy: I feel like this is obvious. Prosciutto likes being in a position of authority and likes to be seen as such, so what better way to channel than then by calling him daddy? He deserves and commands respect, and he will get it.

Cockwarming: Prosci is a busy guy. He’s serious, stressed, and has responsibilities. A way he deals with stress and pent up frustration is, well, through sex! Sit on his lap with his cock inside you like a good girl (or boy) and he’ll be sure to reward you when he’s done with all his work. Misbehave? Get punished, what can I say?

Dirty Talk: Prosci has a filthy mouth in the bedroom. His vocabulary ranges from him calling you filthy names such as troia and puttana, to whispering in your ear exactly what he’s going to do to you and how as you squirm in his grasp.

Breath Play: Prosciutto, in my opinion, has a bit of a god complex and this plays into that perfectly. His large hand wrapped around your throat as he strains your breathing, your moans becoming wry and raspy. It’s music to his ears.

Impact Play: This is probably Prosciutto’s favorite way of establishing dominance over his partner if they’ve misbehaved. Have you defied him? Once he’s done with what he’s doing, he will have you bent over in his lap as he makes you count out loud how many times he’s smacked your ass by now.

Pesci

I fully headcanon Pesci as a sub/bottom. You’re gonna have to at least be a switch or a full top/dom to be with this boy. He CANNOT fuck you into the mattress without some insane levels of encouragement.

Kinks include:

Masochism: Pesci is a sucker for pain, honestly. Manhandle him, pull his hair, slap him— whatever the fuck you want, really. There’s a safe word for a reason.

Overstimulation: This one is definitely on the receiving end. He may seem soft, but he’s into the kinkiest shit. Stroke him into oblivion, attach a vibrator to his cock— something, just as along as you don’t stop after one orgasm.

Face-Sitting/Queening: 100% related to the sub aspect. Sit on his face, ride it, make him pleasure you— he’s yours to order around, so please use him as you see fit.

Praise: Also 100% related to the sub aspect. He wants to be told he’s a good boy and that he’s doing a good job. It gives him butterflies when he knows he’s making you feel good.

Strap-On: Now, this is related to the bottom aspect of his personality. As much as he likes having you ride him, he likes getting fucked just as much as you. Be gentle though, okay?