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#never knew my mom's grandparents
transgenderastarion · 7 months
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@theheartofthe118 ive been thinking a lot about chimney's relationship w his dad since im doing my pre-season 7 rewatch and u know? I am actually lying on the floor screaming crying pouding my fists because the writers keep pushing the "you should love and forgive ur family because there ur family" and like. Ok i can see them pushing that narrative with buck. I can see that they want to send the message that forgiving family is hard but possible.
But then mid season 3 when albert runs away from seoul and chimney confronts his dad about it he LITERALLY says he only has 1 son. No acknowledgement of Chim whatsoever. That's as good as a disownment. Clearly he wanted and wants nothing to do with Chim.
Maddie (? I think) was the one who convinced him because of Jee, but it makes me a bit sick that Maddie pushed so hard to "fix" their relationship even though it was so clear that neither of them wanted that.
Im trying to rlly put into clear words why this irks me? Because theres good and bad elements obviously. Forgiving family can be good, etc etc. But i think it's really attached to the fact that I was in Buck's exact place with parents who were good people but not good parents.
But i think maybe for me it's what do specifically Chim and Buck get out of this? Basically harassment. And the ONLY reason Chim's dad decided to stay and try was because of Jee. Not because of Chim, or interest in him, or the life that he built but because he gave him a grandchild.
It's like he has this picture of his family in his head with his ex wife, his new wife, albert, and Jee Yun, and Chimney is just like a black scribble on every picture. Why the hell should chimney forgive years and years, a lifetime full of neglect and STRAIGHT UP DISOWNMENT because Maddie thinks family is "important"
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drakonovisny · 10 days
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i only did it twice in my life: once as a kid about 6 years of age and once while drinking on meds i was not supposed to drink on. curious to hear y'all stories 👀
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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months
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...
#its so weird. i feel like march 5th went on for more than a day somehow. i guess that's just bc we were awake for just abt all of it#my dad wanted to start doing things immediately so he was calling and scheduling all day. we went to the funeral home we went to the store#and it was weird bc as we were moving around it was like wow we r a 4 person family now. this is it. and theres so much to do after a person#dies. or at least there is when they were loved so much and jesus christ my mom was one of the best ppl a LOT of ppl knew. she did so much#for so so many ppl. and with her childhood she had every reason to b a fuck up but no she was kind and selfless and amazing. her mother is#trying to bask in the attention of her death when its like: truely go fuck urself. her being such a good person has nothing to do with u. u#treated her appallingly. fuck off. and fucking everyone knows it. god. she is a product of her grandparents kindness. and it sounds like her#dad was amazing like her. but he tragically died in a car wreck when she was 3. she was in the car. no one in my mums family believes in a#god now. too many bad things happened to the shining gems in a collection of wild alcoholics. but its not all bad. my family's staying close#my dad is taking it hard bc this means hes alone now and my mum took care of so many things bc she was so smart and he feels so dumb. he#feels he didnt deserve her. hes working on giving more hugs now. and hes using us to anxiously talk things out the way he did with mom#which is good. i cant imagine if this happened when we werent 3 adults and he was windowed with 3 kids to raise himself. and its funny. were#saying things we never would have told her. we looked thru pictures of her and she was so so beautiful. a total smoke show. my parents were#a cute couple who produced cute kids. and my mom had trouble communicating and being affectionate tho we knew she loved us there was#distance. theres a pic of my dad pulling her close and shes being tippef towarf her while standing away and thats indicitive of their#relationship. they were 2 partners who lived together independently and that worked but its sad bc my mum couldnt b vulnerable in her#expression. ppl r being so kind tho. ill be in ohio now for like 2.5 more weeks as the funeral stuff shakes out. we have to have 2 bc she#grew up away from her and so many ppl loved her in both locations. she was a popular lady. its so weird to b here on pause. but i feel clear#in my head. i think this will change a lot of my outlook on life. its nice to focus on the person she was and not the horrible 12hrs where i#saw her half dead. i cant imagine how awful it was for my sisters and dad to see her downslide into death. she didnt expect this to b The#Fever that killed her but it did and now she'll never finish a million things. and the house is full of pill bottles and all her junk and#unopened amazon packages and a truck with the fuel left on empty. bc she was an absent minded goofball. ay. well miss her so much#unrelated
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pears-trinkets · 2 months
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#really randomly fell down a weird rabbit hole today#i was watching the X-Files and finally felt like reading up on david duchovny#like i see u fellow slav what kind of slav are you#so i opened up his wikipedia article and saw that his dad was jewish and from ukraine and went like AHA WE ARE THE SAME#and just out of curiosity looked up the place he's from because im curious about jewish shtetls in the ukraine#because my whole family except my biological father is from several of them and i thought hey maybe they were neighbors#which they fucking are omg theyre just 20km apart#my greatgreatgrandma is from makhnivka which i even found articles and history about and how the jewish population grew & declined#even though i did not find any steinbergs in the archives#anyway when i read up on Berdychiv where duchovnys family is from it said#early settlement by the Chernyakhov Culture#which was an archeological culture between 200 and 500 CE existing at the same time as the roman empire#....... is this how i finally find out where my name is from??????? like?????????#i wish i knew so much more than i do#like i only found out that im not russian i was just born in russia like 7 years ago or so??? because my mom never tells me anything#all the information about my great great grandparents and where theyre from is from my grandma#and her dementia is really bad now and shes just angry and screams and calls people names#my russian is too bad to properly read up on stuff like that and theres barely anything in english or german#i just want to know idk#but genetic testing is too expensive and also very america centric and the only family i have in the us is super conservative#i had to block them on facebook when my grandma made me write to them once over 10 years agl#and i know a huge chunk of my grandmas family moved to israel too so i dont want anything to do with that either#although id be curious if it would actually find my half siblings i found out about also like 8 years ago#i just wish there were more archives and more people i could talk to about this#on my grandfathers side theres nothing really left#my grandfather passed suddenly and apparently before he did he took ALL THE FAMILY PHOTOS AND DOCUMENTS somewhere to maybe digitalise them#but we dont know where so theyre literally gone for ever#but his whole family was from kiev and is apparently named after this culture era#his dad was a higher up at a sugar factory and i still cant find anything#my grandma had so many cousins and they were so interconnected and knew so much and i literally just have my mom and no one else
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robbie-roo · 1 year
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sometimes I wish I could google the lore of my family because what the fuck
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ashleysakura1994 · 1 year
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I just found out that Seungkwan left a letter for Moonbin at the site before it gets moved and I honestly started tearing up. It was such a sweet letter. I’m starting to tear up again, but I’m not sure if it’s because I read his letter or because of something else. I don’t cry often anymore, except for yesterday at work and then a little bit ago. I always think there’s nothing left to cry over and then something else shows up. I didn’t even cry over Moonbin.
I didn’t cry over Sulli. I didn’t cry over Hara. I didn’t cry over Minwoo (100%), Dongyoon (SPECTRUM), or the member of NOM and TopSecret. I didn’t cry when I found out Haruma Miura had passed, and I had only recently found him cute. I didn’t cry when the yellow lab golden retriever mix we had for 16 years and through my moms ugly divorce left us. I don’t remember if I cried over the rabbits we had.
I cried over one hen we lost because I felt that if I had gone out and fed her more regularly and gave her water then she wouldn’t have passed because that was my job.
I cried over Jonghyun for about 2 and a half hours because I thought it was fake. I thought it was just a prank or something and I remember thinking maybe it was JR (NU’EST) or Jonghyun from CN Blue. He was the first bias I had when I still didn’t know all the stuff about kpop and Asian things that I do now. I remember I went into my moms’ room and laid down on the floor between her bed and the window, all curled up in a ball and balled my eyes out. I’m laying there talking to myself about it and crying and I could feel pain. I though my heart was breaking because of that and I never even met him.
I cried because a kid I knew in school died the weekend before in a go kart accident and it brought up talking about family members and pets that we had lost at that time (I think I was in middle school). But that was a strange one because the day before they told the school about his passing, I saw him walk off the bus to go home, which would have been impossible if he had passed that weekend. But the bus stopped and opened the doors and got off. Then we found out he was gone.
I haven’t even cried over my grandma. I was closer to her than to her husband (my stepgrandfather, technically). I cried over him because I grew up knowing him as grandpa and he passed in the hospital when there was really nothing left of him. But I can’t cry over my grandma? Not when I wanted to live there instead as a kid because the atmosphere was so much better and the stupid ex husband wasn’t there. Not when we would have sleepovers and bake cookies and she would tell me it’s fine to eat raw cookie dough. Not when I would help her pin sewing projects and pick blackberries and make raisin and watching movies with her.
I can’t cry over that? And I wanted to. I wanted to cry over her because that’s normal right? I feel like an asshole for not crying over her when I should have.
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alloutshirt · 1 year
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disclaimer : this is a personal life vent look away
shouldn’t be sharing this but i need to take it off my brain (wow reading it back it really sounds like i lost my mind but unfortunately it’s all true and not all of it fits in 30 tags lmaooo)
#because at this point it’s too funny not to share#keep in mind that all of this happened in the last two months 😭#so my dad wants to introduce us to his new gf who he met barely two weeks ago on holidays and will now move in and look for a job here caus#she’s from romania and wants to stay ?????#i know because my dad asked me to clear my room so she has one which okay i guess#my room that’s currently full cause we had to get the stuff we stored at my grandparents following my parents breakup as they’re themselves#getting a divorce after 60 years together and selling the family home we all grew up in#this happening because my grandma got diagnosed with alzheimer n my grandpa so this as an escape door to talk about her being violent#cause breaking news we all looked up to them as the inspiration for a couple but apparently she’s been abusive their whole life#we also just learned to our last name should be different as my grandpa never knew his dad and too his mothers name#all of this we learned having to question our aunt cause we found out by randomly seeing to house on selling website and our dad just sayin#'sometimes people aren’t in love anymore' like we’re 5 yo#i don’t think my dad ever processed any emotion#taking it back to my dad he wants to introduce us on the 16th which funny thing is the day my mom is getting married to her partner#and im still not sure if my dad knows#marriage that makes me sicker the closer it gets cause the guy is a walking red flag and lately i haven’t seen my mom that much#cause i can’t stand him and how she is when he’s around#which he always. is.#oh and his daughter who hasn’t talked to him in years and truly i get it sis will be here but everyone knows#it’s to ask him for the money he doesn’t have again#so im torn but also i up she makes a fuss and everything gets cancel so i don’t have to talk to my mom about how she’s doing exactly#what she promised to never fall for again after finally ditching my dad#and like at least my mom’s side is out of the equation as there’s probably still a murderer on the loose looking for her sicko sister#who herself threatened my mom several times cause my mom dared calling her out on abandoning her disabled daughter to live#with their parents for twenty years and still now with them nearing 80 being sick and broke cause they never made it official and she’s#still the one getting money support lmaooo#oh how could i forget im also staying at my dads cause my big sister moved back with my mom and took my room#following her breakup with her bf of 4 years when she caught him cheating with a 16 years old#oh and now some of my best friends are still deliberating wether they ever wanna talk to me again#this could be fine if i could cry **** *** and dissociate but i no longer have my own room :) being so so brave rn :)
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fingertipsmp3 · 2 years
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There’s something weirdly nice about finding out you’re not the only person who dislikes someone. It’s such a relief to be able to be like “okay thank God I can bitch about this person now”
#was (gently) complaining to my grandparents about two of my neighbours (who happen to be best friends with my mom and my stepdad)#and my granddad said ‘to be honest i’m fairly neutral about j [the woman] but i’ve never liked r [her husband]���#and i was like ‘oh thank GOD’#and just started airing my grievances#to be honest it was a fairly safe bet though because my grandma likes approximately two people in the world and those are me and mabel#and my granddad has a world class bullshit detector. he’s kind of like me in that he’s mild-mannered and will be civil to people#he doesn’t like; but he will avoid having to be around them at all costs#so i kind of knew that he wouldn’t like these people#like R is genuinely awful. he’s one of the most obnoxious people i’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. he’s in his late sixties#but behaves like a twelve year old boy. it’s absolutely horrendous. he’s rude to wait staff; tries to guilt me into hugging him#(i never have and never will); is constantly breaking his laptop and acting like an absolute baby when he has to request tech support#(i did tech support for him ONCE and thereafter i’ve been pretending to be illiterate); and he bullies people in his hobby#just generally not a good man. the One thing i somewhat like about him is he’s nice to animals#kim and freddie both loved him and he was surprisingly really gentle and patient with them. mabel also seems to like him#but she loves big men so that was sort of a given#meanwhile J is just… she’s also obnoxious but not to the same level. but she does annoy the hell out of me#we’re both knitters but we have a completely different approach to the hobby (which honestly isn’t surprising because like.. i challenge you#to find two knitters who do the same things lol) and she feels the need to belittle a lot of what i do#like my love of knitting in the round; my complete inability to get the hang of embroidery; how slow i knit; etc.#she knits exclusively on long straight needles; lightning fast; and she makes mostly stuffed animals and dolls for kids#which i think is fantastic! it’s really difficult imo. i made literally one chicken and getting all its features right took so much#out of me that i’ve never made an animal since. partly because i really dislike sewing and embroidery honestly#she sees these things as a personal failure on my part and she’s also kind of derisive of how slow i knit which….. it’s not a race??#i don’t sell stuff on the craft booths like she does so i’m not bound to a deadline. 90% of what i make is a gift and the other 10%#is stuff for me that i thought would be cool. or i just wanted to learn a technique. and i’m primarily a process knitter anyway#i do it to help me focus on tv or podcasts because otherwise i just Cannot#… this became a rant i wasn’t intending to have. suffice to say; i don’t like my mom’s friends lol#it’s not anyone’s fault. they’re just loud and obnoxious and give me opinions i never asked for#personal
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trashcreatyre · 13 days
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Did I start getting really emotional after being like "I wonder if anyone's done an arminian miku yet" and looking it up? No. Not at all. (Lie)
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bee-wg · 1 month
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PROLOGUE:
Our family isn’t too big. Ever since my grandparents moved to their cottage by the lake, It's just been the three of us. I don't even bring my teammates or friends home. And all the peacefulness is about to change. 
“Ahh Shit- Sorry!” the fumbling buffoon said. 
“Language, sweetheart. David! Could you help him pick it up? I'm tidying up the kitchen,” My mom replied. 
“Coming!” My dad sprints down the stairs. 
“Oh, Pumpkin, you're all grown up! Are you prepared for the semester?” Dad gestured to the culinary tools scattered across the floor. 
“Yes, of course. Sorry about the mess,” he replied. The “Pumpkin” in question is my cousin, Theo. He's about to attend a college in the city to study culinary arts… or something. And, of course, he’s sharing the room with me. Not for long, though. I have a few buddies who have invited me to share a room with them. They reek, but it's a necessary evil. 
“Jay,” my dad asked, nudging me, “Remember when you guys used to play house together every summer?” 
“Yes, then he bit me and we never talked again,” I deadpanned. 
“Oh come on, he was just a kid,” Dad retorted. 
No, he wasn't. He was a little demon that stole my pretend credit card. My hand still itches thinking about that vicious attack. 
I put down Theo’s luggage and bit back the argument. “I'll go back to the car to see what’s left.” 
“Alright bud, thanks for the help.”
“No problem.” He could probably thank me by asking what happened at football camp, but what do I know? It's not like we haven't talked about football the entire summer. We could be doing that right now, on the deck with some ice-cold beer. But the twinky little “Pumpkin” needs help, and I have the muscle for it. 
God, I wish the summer was over already.
***
“Hahahaha Exactly! I have never seen Chloé like that before.” Dad laughed.
“Right? Who knew mom had sass in her.”
Mom's competitiveness was kicked off by Theo's presence. The kitchen has basically been a war zone for the past two weeks.
Looking down at my watch, the light flashes on.
6 kilometres down, 5 more to go.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a good morning run with Dad like this one. The ocean breeze flowing past my hair and the faint rays of sunrise brought back some old memories. 
Regulating my breathing, we slowed down for a second.
“Damn, son - your stamina has gotten so much better this past year.”
“The football camp really made you put up 20 pounds of pure muscles too, I’m glad I recommended you there.” Dad beamed proudly at me.
“You’re not too bad yourself, for an aging old man.”
I still get the same rush every time he compliments me. It’s like a reassurance that I’m doing something right.
“Hahahaha, you won’t be saying that when you’re one foot in your 40s; it’s basically death by fossilization.”
Dad has always been modest with his body, but everyone who knows him either admires his body, wants him, or is jealous of him and I am the same. Ever since high school I’ve been inspired to be like him. Even with the 15 pounds of muscle I have over him, I’m still lacking in so many ways. He just has the confidence to own it.
“Want some water?”
“Oh, right, of course. Thanks.” I took over the ice-cold bottle.
“About that training camp, I should request the school board to have the team register next summer for the training course. High school kids these days don't care about sports as much no more.” Dad said
“Speaking of which, remember your friend Lancaster who got held back for two years?”
“Yeah, Avery. He used to scold me when I didn’t take the nutrition classes with him. Haven’t hung with him in a while though.”
“Well, he probably won’t scold anymore. The kid got too cocky after getting a full sports scholarship and gained 70 pounds of fat in the summer. The university probably revoked the funds. Hope he didn't take it too hard.”
“Shit, that’s awful. I didn’t expect it to be him out of anyone. He was a damn good receiver.”
We resumed the pace, avoiding some rogue cyclists on the way.
Crazy to think the weight could creep up on Avery Lancaster of all people. I should watch out for myself too. I have good genes from dad so it probably will never happen, but the new influx of delicious food from Theo and my mom’s little competition definitely doesn’t help. At least it keeps the brat out of my room.
“Dad, I think I’m not going to move in with Brad and the guys.”
“Why the sudden change of heart?” 
“Well first of all, as much as I love them, the guys stinks. Second of all, Theo is not as much of a blood-sucking gremlin as he was before. And I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye to you guys.”
“Plus, How can I leave when the thing with mom just got interesting.”
“Staying for the family drama, huh?” He chuckled.
“We’re happy to have you for as long as you want, Jay. Truth be told, your mom has been crying about it for weeks. We’re both not ready to say goodbye too.”
“Tell you what, Chloe and Theo probably have some fancy lasagnas waiting for us back home; let's cut through the forest and head back early to celebrate.” He said, practically drooling.
“Lasagnas for breakfast?”
“Wait, You just want the Lasagnas. Don’t you?”
“Hahaha, Maybe.”
“Well, don’t get too drawn in, or you’ll end up as Hansel in the candy house.” 
He laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.
That would be funny to imagine though, cause Dad is anything but a glutton.
Chapter 1 ->
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judespoets · 2 months
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i just wanna be a part of your family | jude bellingham
pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader
category: fluff
warnings: mentions of family issues
summary: you didn’t have the privilege to grow up with a big and loving family, so you find comfort with the bellinghams
growing up, you never had the privilege of having a big or happy family, it was something you didn’t know.
celebrating things together like christmas? you never did that. and it was never a problem, because you didn’t know it existed like that.
the tragedy of losing your mom through cancer when you were very young was what changed the whole family - your grandparents didn’t call your dad anymore, your dad didn’t call your grandparents anymore; places you loved to visit because it reminded you of your mom, where the places your dad didn’t want to visit because it also reminded him of your mom.
turning 18 was scary, it felt like you were free. but free from what? you were never unloved, you knew that. but you never got to experience the kind of love and happiness that comes from spending time with your family.
although that changed drastically when you met jube, you felt loved like you never did before. jude and his family knew about your situation so he wanted you to meet them as soon as possible. and the day you did meet them, was maybe even the best day of your life. the moment you walked through the front door of the bellingham household, you felt a kind of feeling you didn’t know how to describe, you didn’t know this feeling yet.
“it smells so nice in here, it’s really cozy, jude.” you said softly, turning around in the big foyer with big eyes.
“do you like it?” jude asked you softly, putting an arm around your shoulder.
“i- yeah, it feels nice.” you answered, still too overwhelmed with all the emotions inside of you.
you heard so many different sounds; clattering of plates, running water, burning wood from the fire place, light music from the living room. and voices, three different voices in one house. you couldn’t believe your own ears.
“come on, love. let’s say hi, yeah?” jude interrupted your thoughts as he slowly guided you to the kitchen.
in the kitchen you walked into assumed to be jube’s mum, denise, you’ve obviously heard about her, jude told you about his family all the time.
“mum, that’s (y/n).” you heard jude say from beside you, his arm still wrapped around your shoulder, giving you a feeling of safety.
“oh! (y/n), darling, it’s so so nice to meet you, sweetheart.” denise said, coming towards you and wrapping her arms around you tightly, making jude let go of you.
it took you a few seconds to comprehend but you hugged her back tightly, maybe tighter that you needed to.
“it’s really nice to meet you, mrs. bellingham.” you answered quietly, not trusting your voice entirely.
“please, call me denise, sweetie.” she interrupted you, letting you go again to return to the stove which had something boiling on it.
“dinner is almost ready, you two can go and greet the boys and call them to the table, please.” denise called out from behind the counter to which you nodded your head, looking up to meet your favorite pair of eyes.
“come on, baby.” you heard from jude.
walking into the living room of the cozy house you were in, you saw two figures sitting in the couch, a football game on the tv.
“guys, hey, meet (y/n), please. love, this is jobe and my dad.” jude interrupted the silence, introducing you to the two strangers in front of you, their heads snapping in the direction of his voice, immediately getting up.
“(y/n)! it’s amazing to finally put on a face to the girl we’ve heard so much about!” jude’s dad said, giving you a hug, similar to denise.
“i’m mark.” you heard him speak up again.
“dad, let me meet her too!” a voice spoke up from behind mark’s back, turning out to be jobe.
“hi, (y/n), glad to meet you. i’ve been waiting for someone i can make fun of jude with.” he said chuckling, wrapping you in a hug immediately.
“it’s so nice to meet you both.” you answered, it was the only thing you could say at this moment, you probably just received the most hugs from a family than you ever did.
“come on, let’s eat.” denise’s voice erupted from the dining room, placing the last tray of food on the big table in the middle of the big room.
as you all ate the cooked food, you found yourself in plenty of conversations, jokes and laughter, feeling the occasional hand of your boyfriend grazing your thigh to let you know he’s there.
further into the night, after some amazing dessert and a few games, you decided to head home again.
“i don’t want to keep you up too long, i think i’m going to go now, it’s getting really late.” you spoke up, getting up from your sitting position on the table. but as you did that, you looked into a round full of confused eyes.
“i thought you were staying the night, sweetie.” denise said, getting up to stand next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. “i gave jude some extra bedding, you can stay, you’re always welcome here, my love.”
“yeah, we can grab breakfast together tomorrow.” jobe said, his eyes following his older brother who also stood up now.
“i really don’t want to cause any trouble, you’ve already did so much today.” you said quietly, probably almost inaudible, preventing your voice from cracking.
“oh nonsense, (y/n), you’re part of the family, you can stay whenever you want, as long as you want.” mark interrupted your little discussion.
and that was the cracking point for you. you couldn’t prevent the tears from falling, erupting into sobs when you felt the familiar pair of arms wrap around you, soothing you.
“don’t cry, baby. it’s okay, you’ve got us now, we’re not going anywhere.” jude whispered into your ear, only for you to hear.
and just as you thought you completely embarrassed yourself in front of your boyfriend’s family, you felt arm after arm wrap around you, squeezing you so tightly you almost couldn’t breathe.
that was the moment you knew, that was the moment you found your family, the family you never had, the only family you ever wanted to be a part of.
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ricolaviecher · 2 months
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Who's the dad
This is a Evan Buckley (9-1-1) fanfiction I have finally decided to post. It is the first or second fanfiction I have written in my whole life so this is probably bad. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.
I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it.<3
Summary: A few months after a one-night stand leaves (Y/N) pregnant, she unexpectedly meets the baby's father at a BBQ at her dad's fire station.
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The blonde guy was hot, (Y/N) had to admit. His baby blue shirt lets his eyes glow in the most perfect way.
“So why are you here today?”, (Y/N) asked. They both had a silent deal: no name’s, no prying for information.
“Hard day at work”, the man answered. “You?”
“Hard week.” (Y/N) knew she was already drunk, but she ordered another tequila. In the afternoon, she brought her kids to their grandparents, Bobby and Athena. The reason she told them: I need the evening for drinking until I don’t even know my name anymore.
She knew drinking wasn’t going to solve her problem, but it would numb her for at least one night. It would make her forget the pain.
The man nodded, but she didn’t even know what she had said before.
They drank a few drinks together until both of them saw black spots dancing in front of their eyes.
(Y/N) knew it was wrong what she wanted to do know. She wanted to kiss this man. She wanted to forget why she was here tonight. She knew exactly how wrong it would be. How disappointed everyone would look at her. But screw it. She wanted him and she wanted him now.
She leant forward and pressed a kiss on his lips. It felt so right, but so wrong. It didn’t matter. The blonde deepened the kiss. The next thing (Y/N) knew was that they were in the man’s apartment. In his bed.
___
(Y/N) did her best to hide the baby bump – but it didn’t help much. Maybe she could tell everyone she has just eaten too much when they were in Europe. She hasn’t seen anyone of her family in the last 5 months. They didn’t know she was pregnant and they are not supposed to. Half a year ago she packed her stuff and drove away with the kids.
After her husband died and she slept with this stranger, she had to leave. She wasn’t able to stay anymore. She was ashamed of herself. How was she able to sleep with someone just some hours after Henry died? They weren’t always happy but she loved him. He had been her world. Until he was gone.
“Mommy? How much longer we have to drive?” James asked from the back of the car. He was the most impatient of her kids.
“Only around half an hour then you can finally see grandpa and grandma again.”
(Y/N) heard a sigh from her son and chuckled.
“Is there going to be cake? Is grandpa going to make pasta for us?” Cameron. She and James are twins and couldn’t be more similar. Both impatient and always hungry until they ate two bites and complain about being too full to eat any more.
“I don’t know. I have never been to a party at the station.” Nobody knew they were going to come. It was going to be a surprise.
Suddenly, Emily began to cry in her seat. The two-year old always slept in the car, but when she woke up, she always had a shock and started to cry when she noticed they were driving.
“Liv, can you please give Emily her pacifier?” The 14-year-old didn’t seem to hear her mom, as she had her headphones in her ears and scrolled through TikTok’s.
“Liv! Give your sister her damn pacifier!” Finally.
After two weeks in Europe, (Y/N) was already super annoyed. She tried to keep it cool, but it wasn’t easy to be with four kids and pregnant when she didn’t have her husband around.
___
Just a few minutes later, (Y/N) parked in front of the firehouse. She had been here before. Not inside it but she had dropped off her father a few times when his car was at the car repair.
“Ok! We are here! All out of the car!” (Y/N) picked up her youngest and followed the rest of the kids inside the firehouse.
She didn’t see many people downstairs, but around 50 people were upstairs.
“(Y/N)? Hey! You’re back! Where were you in the last few months? We tried to call you but you didn’t answer. We were so worried!” Bobby literally ran to her and hugged her as tightly as possible with Emily between them. “She grew up so much”, he said, reaching out to stroke Emily’s back.
“Yes. She absolutely did.” (Y/N) could see the worried and exhausted expression on her father’s face and immediately felt sorry for not even writing him and Athena a message that she and the kids were ok.
“May I introduce you to the team?”, Bobby asked after hugging the twins and Liv, who finally put away her headphones.
The 118’s Captain led his family to a bunch of people in uniforms.
“These guys are Eddie, Chimney, Hen and Buck.” (Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat. Fuck. The super-hot guy stood in front of her. With his uniform he looked even better that in his baby blue shirt he wore the last time. Why the fuck did she still remember what this guy had worn when they met in the bar?!
“Meet (Y/N), Liv, James, Cameron and Emily.”
“Hey! Nice to meet y’all”, (Y/N) said overly friendly, trying to hide the surprise, as well as Buck did.
“Grandpa? You have cake?”, Cameron asked Bobby.
“Of course. A party without cake isn’t a party. Come on, I’ll show you all.” Bobby led the kids away from (Y/N) and the team, over to the kitchen island on which many plates of cake were standing.
“’So… you are Cap’s daughter?”, a brown-haired man asked, who (Y/N) remembered as Eddie.
“Yepp, that’s me.” (Y/N) looked at Buck who looked just as surprised, as she felt.
“So, you are Buck?”, she asked him just as a try to build a conversation. She tugged gently on her shirt, as she didn’t want Buck to notice her baby bump.
“Uhm… yes. I am. Evan Buckley. So… these are your kids? You look quite young”, Buck asked and (Y/N) furrowed her brow until she realized, they haven’t talked about ages when they spent the night together. She was quite young for already having 4 kids. She had Liv when she was 16, but she barely told people, as she always got these judging looks.
“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) stared at the ground, unable to hold eye contact with the man she had a breathtaking night.
“Father’s not in the picture?”, Eddie asked and (Y/N) could see that Buck was relieved, that his friend asked the question, so he didn’t seem too suspicious.
“Um, no. He died 5 months ago. Car accident.” Instead of staring at the ground, (Y/N) now looked at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears, which always threatened to flow freely, whenever she talked about her late husband.
When she finally managed to make eye contact with Evan, she could see pain written over his face. Her husband died 5 months ago, around the same time, she slept with him. Had he been some kind of replacement? He knew they agreed to one night – no personal information, but it still hurt to know she didn’t actually feel the tiniest bit. She only had tried to compensate everything.
---
Around 3 hours later, in which the 118 got a small call once but came back after only one and a half hour, they all sat at the big table, because it was dinner time. Most of the time, (Y/N) stood on the sidelines, as she didn’t really feel comfortable around all these people she barely knew, and Buck. Nobody seemed to have noticed the baby bump which was covered under her shirt.
And now, (Y/N) even felt nauseous and had cramps in her lower belly. Her other pregnancies had gone quite well, except the last few months with the twins, but this pregnancy was terrible. She already had to go to hospital 4 times in the last 5 months, as she couldn’t keep anything down and had been severely dehydrated.
After only 2 bites, (Y/N) had to lay down the fork because she felt like she would throw up right away if she ate only one more bite. She had already thrown up breakfast and everything she drank today. She was lucky no one noticed she hasn’t eaten a piece of cake before.  
“Are you ok?”, the brown-haired man from before asked. Eddie? (Y/N) has always been terrible with names and couldn’t remember any. It took her 2 weeks to even remember Henry’s name after she met him, something he also made fun of, even years later.
“Uh yes. Just not feeling too great today”, she answered, trying to suppress the feeling to be sick. Her throat felt tight and her stomach felt like it was twisting and turning. The cramps were still present. She knew she wasn’t having a miscarriage as she once had one, and it felt different. The symptoms were pretty much the same, but she had another feeling. She had felt like something was missing, but this here wasn’t any better.
“You sure? You don’t look too good and you haven’t eaten much. Don’t you like the food?”, her father intervened now.
“The food’s great. Really. I haven’t been feeling my best today, that’s it.”
“Do you want one of the medics to take a look at you?” Bobby really seemed worried, but his daughter waved him off.
“Dad. Don’t make more out of it than it is.” Her dad made an acknowledging sound and (Y/N) thanked him silently with a small nod.
(Y/N) fidgeted with her hands, a nervous habit, she always did when she felt uncomfortable. Today, this many people were too much. She has never liked being around many people for a long time. She felt like everyone was staring at her and making fun off her or thinking of her as a disappointment when she did something wrong. Her kids were different, except of Liv. Liv came after her mom in these things, while the others luckily came after their dad and were the most social persons in this world.
Everyone looked at (Y/N), as she suddenly stood up, because a wave of nausea waved over her. As fast as possible she went to the restrooms, but only made it to the sink, where she threw up the bit of water she had managed to drink before. She rinsed her mouth and looked in the mirror. She looked like shit. Her skin was pale and her lips dry.
The door opened, and a woman stepped inside. She was around as tall as (Y/N) was and wore a wine-red shirt, that showed she worked at the 911 dispatch center. Had she been at the dinner table before? Or has (Y/N) just not seen her?
“Oh hey. Sorry. Just needed a break from out there. Who are you? I have never seen you here before. I am Maddie by the way. Chimney’s fiancé, Buck’s sister.”
(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. Buck’s sister?
“(Y/N). Bobby’s daughter. Nice to meet you.”
“Are you okay? You don’t look too well.” Again, this question. No, she wasn’t ok. But she didn’t say anything, so everyone should stop asking her. If she wanted someone to know she wasn’t well, she would tell.
“It’s okay. Just not feeling my best today.” Maddie nodded.
“Ok.” She didn’t pry further to get information, what (Y/N) was very thankful for.
“Soo. You are Bobby’s daughter? Athena has never mentioned, that Bobby has a daughter. She usually talks about everything.” Maddie furrowed her brow.
(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders.
“He doesn’t like talking about his private life too much.”
(Y/N) went back to the table, after she was sure she wouldn’t have to throw up again. But when she arrived at the dinner table again, she felt she was dizzy. Congratulations. First, she was sick and now she was dizzy because she didn’t drink or eat enough today.
She caught Bobby’s concerned gaze as he was looking at her, before everything went black.
___
“Heyyy! Here we go. You with us again?” She felt something painful on her chest and after a few moments she realized it was someone performing sternal rub to bring her back around. (Y/N) grumbled something.
When she tried to sit up again, there was a firm hand on her shoulder that kept her laid down.
“Damn, let me sit up if I want to. I am fine.” But (Y/N) noticed on her own how hoarse she sounded from being sick.
The hand suddenly disappeared from her shoulder, but when (Y/N) sat up, the hand was back at her back to steady her and kept her from falling over. Finally, she managed to open her eyes and caught look on the brown-haired man – Eddie. Evan sat directly next to her.
“We are just going to check a few things, ok?” All (Y/N) did, was giving an acknowledging sound from her.
The next thing she felt was a pulse-oximeter being slipped on her index finger and a blood pressure cuff on the other arm. She winced when Eddie inflated it and it squeezed tightly around her arm, which made her eyes well up with tears.
She had never liked the BP reading. When she was a kid, she cried freely as it made her arm feel like needles were jabbing it.
“Sorry.” Eddie was quick to deflate the cuff again after noticing the tears in (Y/N)’s eyes but she just shook her head to show everything’s ok. “BP’s 108/70. We are going to give you something to raise it again.”
“No! Wait!” (Y/N) frantically said. “I… I…” She made a sign for Eddie to come near to her so she could whisper into his ear without anyone hearing it. “I am pregnant but no one can know yet. I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Okayyy… I think we should go somewhere more private.” (Y/N) nodded agreeing.
Despite the other’s confused looks, they made their way to the locker room. Once they were there, Eddie began talking again.
“Has this happened before?”
“Yes, I already was in hospital because of it but it is just this morning sickness. I can’t keep anything down and it makes me dehydrated.” When (Y/N) looked to her right, she could see Buck looking at them but he couldn’t hear anything, right? He wasn’t as near and it was quite loud upstairs.
“Mhm. I want to hook you up on an IV if that’s ok with you? I don’t want you to be as dehydrated as you are now and I figure you don’t want a trip to the ER?”
“Yes, if that is possible, please.”
Only a few seconds later, (Y/N) could see her dad storming into the locker room.
“Sweetheart, what happened?” He looked kind of mad but also worried.
“Ehm… It is complica…”
“She is dehydrated because she didn’t drink or eat enough. She just wants to be alone for a moment and I can give her an IV,” Eddie intervened. (Y/N) shot him a thankful gaze and a tiny smile. She liked Eddie. He was really kind. She couldn’t think of any of her friends, who would do that for her.
“Mhm. Ok. I am going to call Athena. She said she would be here earlier. I’ll come back later.”
Bobby disappeared as fast as he came into the room.
“Thanks. For not telling him.” Eddie smiled at her.
“It’s not on me. And I think there are going to be better circumstances for that talk. How far are you?”
“5 months.”
“Ah. May I ask…”, he hesitated for a moment. “Is it your late husband’s baby?”
“No.” You didn’t know for sure why you told him, but he kind of let you feel calm and safe. “We didn’t… you know… the time before he died. We argued a lot. Had a one-night stand just a few hours after he died.”
“You know the father? Were you able to call and tell him?” Eddie looked honestly interested while he put an IV bag out of the medkit.
(Y/N) shook her head before nodding.
“I haven’t seen him… until today.” Eddie looked shocked and raised his eyebrows.
“Today? Is he here? At the station?”
(Y/N) nodded guiltily and looked at the ground when she heard Eddie chuckle.
“Damn, tell me more. Who is it?”
“Buck.”
“Buck?” The firefighter looked even more shocked than before and you nodded again.
“I didn’t know his name we agreed to ‘no personal information’. Why would I know he worked at my dad’s workplace? God… when he will find out he is going to be so pissed.” Eddie shook his head.
“Nah, I don’t think so. He will understand. And hey. You don’t have to defend yourself.” She smiled at his kindness.
She watched as Eddie swabbed the alcohol pad over the back of her hand.
“I would recommend to close your eyes if you are not good with needles”, he suggested. But (Y/N) couldn’t. She needed to see what Eddie was doing, even though she wasn’t good with needles. When the firefighter pushed the needle in the back of her hand, she let out a small squeal.
“Told you to keep your eyes closed but you refused to listen.” She heard Eddie chuckle. “Do you have any other symptoms I should be worried about?”
“I have cramps”, she admitted.
“Lower belly?” (Y/N) nodded. Why couldn’t she just have been home. She would lie on the couch and relax, but instead she was here, being poked and prodded by a firefighter.
“Can I take a look?” She nodded again. Eddie pulled her shirt over her abdomen and pressed his palm on different spots. (Y/N) looked upstairs, and froze. Fuck. She forgot that Evan was still standing upstairs, looking at the locker room. Looking at her.
Her eyes widened. Why had she agreed to this? Why didn’t she insist on being ok and went home? Why was she so stupid? She wanted to slap herself for not thinking.
Eddie seemed to notice her sudden panic, the pulse-oximeter, which was still clipped to her finger, chirped in high pitched noises.
“Hey, hey. Look at me. Deep breaths. What’s up?”
“B… Buck.” The firefighter looked where she was pointing at and sucked in a deep breath.
“Ok. That’s ok. We’ll fix that, after we are finished here, ok? It’ll be ok. Don’t worry. Try to breathe with me, the baby won’t like you breathing like that.” Demonstrative, Eddie took some deep breaths. “Do you know the gender yet?”
(Y/N) could tell that Eddie was only trying to distract her but she played along.
“A… girl. It’s a girl. Again.” She laughed. Her breathing became slower, steadier.
“That’s great. You already told your kids?”
“Mhm.”
“How did they react? Are they happy?” Eddie grinned at her.
“Y… yes. They are. James was a bit d- disappointed at first. H- he hoped he would finally get a brother t- to play soccer with.” (Y/N) smiled. “But the g- girls were all over t-the moon.”
The brown-haired man, put an oxygen mask over her face, which she tried to pull off, but his hand was immediately back, to hold the mask in place.
“Let it on, please”, he said with a look at the pulse-oximeter which was still chirping. “It’ll make it easier to breathe for you.
(Y/N) nodded, even though she hated the feeling of the mask, which made her feel the opposite of ‘easier to breathe’.
“Can I have a listen to the baby’s heartbeat?” After he had seen (Y/N) nodded again, he took the stethoscope and pressed the diaphragm to her belly.
“Looks good so far. The heartbeat is a bit fast for my liking but it’s nothing too concerning, just take some deep breaths, ok?”
“Copy, Firefighter Diaz.” (Y/N) took some deep breaths.
Just a few seconds later, someone stormed into the locker room. Buck.
“You… you are pregnant?” Buck hoped that (Y/N) would tell him it wasn’t his. That it was her husband’s.
“Yes.” She was surprised that her voice didn’t sound as high and panicking as she thought it would. She was scared. Scared of Buck’s reaction, which became even more clear, as the pulse-oximeter started to chirp frantically again.
Eddie took a look and was surprised how high the shown numbers were.
“Deep breaths”, he commanded her. But she couldn’t.
“Who’s the dad? Is it mine? Or is there a tiny chance, that it is your husband’s?” Even though (Y/N) thought something like that would come out of Buck’s mouth, she felt disappointment deep in her. She hoped he would not sound as panicked as he was now.
“Your’s.” (Y/N) fell silent, holding her breath in anticipation of what Evan would say now.
“Oh… wow. I have to admit that is a shock. Why… why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there with you.”
“I didn’t have your number, your address, your workplace. Not even your name! I didn’t even know if you lived in LA or somewhere else! What should I have done?”
Eddie put the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, that she just put off again, but she immediately put it back to the floor. She didn’t want to breathe in the oxygen. It made her feel lightheaded and nauseous and gave her a headache.
“(Y/N)! Damn, breathe properly now the baby’s not comfortable anymore. Buck, I think you should go now and let her breathe a bit without the stress, this conversation puts on her.”
“No, he won’t go now! Not until this conversation is finished!” (Y/N) glared at Eddie. She wasn’t sure if that were the pregnancy hormones speaking out of her which have made her a bit temperamental these last few months.
“What do you want to do now? Buck? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want to be a part in the baby’s life? Do you want to be part in MY life? I need to know it.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Definitely the hormones which made her act strange at the moment.
“I don’t know exactly what I want to do now. But I don’t have a girlfriend. And I want to be part of the baby’s life. I want to be their father…”
“Her. It’s a girlie. Again.” (Y/N) could see Evan smiling a bit.
“Ok. I want to be HER father and spend time with her. And I think I would like to try to go on a date… with you. If you think you are ready. I liked you the last time we met, even though that could be because I had been really drunk that night.” Buck laughed and blushed a bit.
“I think… I think we can give it a try. I don’t know if I am ready for everything. But I do know I am ready for something. And maybe that could be with you.”
“Ok… uhm… great. And now you should really try to breathe properly with that mask. I know it’s not great, but even I can recognize how high your vitals are.”
She did as she was told. (Y/N) knew she liked Buck. He was cute. She wouldn’t have imagined to see a man like him blushing when talking about a baby and dating.
“I’m nauseous.” Eddie and Buck both looked a bit worried.
“Deep breaths. I think it’s just the IV and oxygen. I put some meds in the IV that should help with the belly cramps, that could make you feel nauseous.”
(Y/N) only nodded. She suddenly felt exhausted. The adrenaline of the day started to wear of.
“I think I’m gonna drive the kids home and we are going to relax a bit while watching some tv. Thank you for everything.”
“Wait. Stop. I won’t let you drive home alone. You don’t feel good and I wouldn’t like to know you don’t have anyone with you except you kids.” She nodded again. Evan was right. It would be stupid to not have anyone around her.
“I can come with you. Just if that’s ok with you.”
“Yes. That would be great. Thanks.”
“No problem. Shall we take your car?”
“Mhm.” She was thankful. She could really imagine Buck as a boyfriend. He is great.
---
“That doesn’t make any sense.” Evan laughed. He, (Y/N) and Liv were sat on the couch, watching a firefighter show, (Y/N) and Liv had been addicted to in the last few weeks.
“It doesn’t matter! This show is great!” Liv and Evan discussed about the mistakes in the show since around 10 minutes and it made (Y/N) smile. It was like a real family. Even though it hurt her a bit that it wasn’t Henry, sitting here. But let’s be honest: Henry would have never watched a show like that.
“That doesn’t change the fact, that you don’t use the saw like that. It’s just not safe!”
“Then just do not pay attention to the details.” Now, it was Liv laughing. (Y/N) hasn’t seen her daughter that happy in the last few months. She tried to cover up her emotions but it didn’t work completely. Her eyes started to burn and she felt a pressure building up. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Evan. Her daughter. No.
“I’ll go to toilet for a moment.” She hoped nobody would notice she was about to cry, but her voice gave it away. She sounded hoarse and her voice broke at some point.
She locked the bathroom door and sank down to the cold floor, where she curled up, leaning her back on the even colder wall. Her hand was rubbing circles over her swollen belly. Damn it.
(Y/N) knew she missed Henry. She knew her kids have missed him every second since his death. But she was scared. Scared that moving on with Evan would make her forget her late husband. She heard a gentle knock on the wooden bathroom door.
“May I come in?” Buck.
“Ok.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She attempted to brush the tears away but it really didn’t work. Her eyes were still read, as well as her cheeks.
She got up to unlock the door, for Buck to come in. After he stepped inside the room, he closed the door again. He sat down next to her, and (Y/N) leaned her head on his shoulder.
“What’s up?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
“Nothing.” Evan shot her a look, that said more than a thousand words.
“This honestly doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I don’t want to forget Henry. And I am scared. I have never had a relationship before him. And I still have cramps. And I still don’t feel too good in general. And I am scared of giving birth alone. And I am scared of everything else in my life.” Buck looked at her with a concerned expression and immediately pulled her into a hug as (Y/N) began to cry again.
“Ok. So, we first go to hospital, because these cramps make me worried, and then we can figure everything else out, ok?” He pressed a sloppy kiss on (Y/N)’s forehead, and she nodded.
“Mhm. But you need to help me get up, the baby is in the way.”
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pretty-little-mind33 · 3 months
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James Potter x half-blood fem!reader
Summary: You comfort your darling boyfriend after an overwhelming sight at your muggle grandparents' house.
Genre: hurt and comfort, fluffy, blurb
Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of hunting, taxidermy animal head, crying, Jamie is sensitive <3
JAMES POTTER MASTERLIST
You were beyond pissed at your parents.
You had told your mom, hoping she'd understand considering she was also raised in a sheltered pure-blood family, that James was sensitive and that he didn't have many experiences with muggles or muggle culture.
It hadn't crossed your mind to mention that your boyfriend was an animagus, or that he could turn into a stag, because why would you? You hadn't seen your muggle grandparents in a while, and you would have never imagined the new decor in their living room to be a taxidermy stag head in their living room!
Your grandparents don't even hunt!
"What's up his ass?" your oldest cousin asks smugly. He's standing next to you as he blows smoke from the corner of his mouth and he holds up his cigarette to his lips.
Your family had watched with pure confusion as your poor boyfriend sprinted outside, his complexion pale and his eyes watery. 
You cover your mouth, coughing from the smoke as you swat the air and your cheeks burn from embarrassment and anger. 
Without answering your cousin, you run to the entrance and shrug on your coat, grabbing James's as well. It's early October and it's chilly outside, you don't want James to catch a cold.
You slip on your boots and leap into the backyard, calling out for your boyfriend. "James!? Where are you?" you sound distraught as you look around for him frantically. 
You sprint into the woods behind the house, wondering if perhaps he'd disappeared there. When you see a shadow sitting in the grass not far into the trees, your heart breaks. 
"Oh, Jamie," you whisper and walk up to him. 
You kneel and drape his coat over his shoulders. Carefully, you sit next to him, holding him. "I'm so sorry. If I had known then I would have never—" you start, soothing a hand up and down his arms but your sentence quickly dies when James leans his head into your lap and you see tears roll down his reddened cheeks. 
"His eyes were so lifeless," he mutters, his voice broken. 
"I know, baby. I'm so sorry," you try and soothe, chewing on your lip. James moves his arms around you and sniffs a little. He sounds so weirdly vulnerable in your arms and it's so different from the James you usually see. 
Always so sure of himself. Always so brave. 
This reminds you of the few times you'd seen your boyfriend cry, but somehow this was still different. This time his tears made your chest hurt because you are partially to blame.
"I knew muggles have those in their houses sometimes. I mean, wizards and witches do too I think—I just didn't think I would see one," James continues and squeezes his eyes shut, "It just looked so dead." 
You smooth a hand in James's curls and press a kiss to his forehead. "I'm so sorry," you say, "I told them not to ruin this for me. I told them and they didn't listen. They don't even hunt, James. I don't know why they had that—"
James sniffs, sitting up, and wipes his hand under his nose. "It's okay, I'm being a baby. It isn't your fault and I don't think any less of your family."
You shake your head and cup his cheeks. "No, no, you're not a baby. You're a sweet, sensitive boy, and that's one of the reasons I love you so so much."
James chuckles and pushes some hair behind your ear, "So, you don't only love me for all my manly rugged charm?" he jokes, leaning his forehead on yours. 
You laugh. "Not only, no," you tease and look into his eyes. 
"Can I kiss you?" you ask. 
James's smile finally widens and he nods, letting you kiss his lips. It's sweet and calming and the only sounds around you are your lips on his and the birds in the trees. 
He pulls away and licks his lips, tasting the remnants of your cherry lip gloss. "Can we stay here for a moment longer before I do the inevitable walk of shame back to your house?" 
You caress his cheek. "We can stay here as long as you'd like. I don't wanna go back in there and face them all either."
And so, you and James stay outside until the sky turns pink and dim and you hear your parents concerned shouts of your name in the distance.
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sunrizef1 · 4 months
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What Happens in Vegas pt 14
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader
Warnings: Cursing, verbal abuse
Word Count: 1.6k
Authors Note: No Charles content in this one but important nonetheless
Summary: Logan and Y/N talk, y/n finally reveals who’s been texting her
Masterlist
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“Have I ever told you about my family?”
Logan doesn’t reply for a moment, annoyance still resting under his deadpan expression. You’re both sat on the floor of his drivers room, backs resting against the wall behind you, coffee from the Williams hospitality sitting in foam cups getting cold as they sit, untouched. Champagne dries on the top of your skin, casting a sticky residue onto your face and the ends of your hair.
Your win was now forgotten, the trophy having been left in your room to be picked up by a random Porsche employee who’d eventually get it back to you. Logan’s DNF was also now forgotten, although it did leave a lasting effect on his mood, eyebrows furrowed and arms crossed tightly.
“No, but I know your dad.”
You tilt your head, pulling the inside of your cheek between your teeth as you respond, “Well, you know him now.”
Logan doesn’t respond, not in the mood to play into your vagueness. He’d invited you here to explain. He knew you’d clarify eventually, whether he asked you to or not.
“It’s a complicated story,” you pause, bile rising to your throat at the notion of explaining your childhood and forcing you to swallow it back down, “You don’t have to say anything.”
Logan hums, obviously not planning on speaking much anyway. Both of you stare off toward the floor in front of you, unspoken words hanging in the air around you.
“I was born in France, not sure if you knew that,” you start after a moment, hesitance laced in your words, “Everyone thinks I was born in Texas but my mom would’ve rather died than let that happen.”
“You probably know my mom, Amelie Laurent, French, vogues favorite person and I guess she’s a pretty famous model,” Logan pauses for a second, no doubt not aware of who your mom was, before he nods in recognition of the name.
“When my parents had me, they were still in love, I think,” you furrow your eyebrows as the words leave your mouth, “Um, but after they had me, I guess they got really busy with their jobs and stuff so they sent me to live with my grandparents in Texas for a while.”
“Didn’t really see them much growing up. My dad took me to the paddock a lot though, I got to hang out with everyone at McLaren, which was nice.”
“But he was busy so I usually got stuck with Kimi and then eventually Lewis, when he joined, which is where the uncle Lew thing comes from. Sometimes I felt like McLaren and Mercedes raised me more than my dad did,” the end of your statement comes out in a whisper, this being the first time you’d voiced the idea.
Logan glances over as your face sours, his hand coming out to hand you your, now cold, coffee. You grasp it from him and take a sip, sliding it back down to the ground after.
“When I was 8 my parents had my brother, which I think was the final straw. They got a divorce right after and my dad moved me to England. My brother stayed in France with our mom,” you wince.
“I started karting, my grandma moved to England to take me around to races when my dad couldn’t. Despite my own… objections, I spent my summers at my moms house with her and my brother.”
You pause, stomach turning as you let out a shaky breath, memories flooding back. Logan shows his first emotion of the night, glancing over to check you're not going to die. When he confirms you're, in fact, breathing, he looks back to the floor.
“I don't think she wanted kids. Maybe she did. At one point. But I think, after the divorce, all I did was remind her of my dad, a man she hated more than anything. She made it obvious with the way she treated me, as well. Well actually, the way she treated both me and my brother.”
“She never wanted me in karting, made it clear. Only reminded her of my dad again, made me do ballet in the summers. Thought it was more proper, or whatever. Didn't let us speak English at her house either, we were only allowed French, took Juli forever to learn English correctly, he'd only grown up with her.”
“Juli?” Logan asks, adding his first bit of input since you'd started talking.
“Brother,” you mumble into your knees as you pull them into your chest, resting your tired face against them. Logan nods.
“Um, she yelled a lot, I guess. A lot of stuff about our futures and how we'd always be failures if we went through with racing and football, she didn't like that Julian only wanted to play football, either.”
“Dad didn’t know, I didn’t tell him,” you mumble, “I didn’t think there was that much wrong with it until I left.”
“She just sucked, man,” you groan, eyes shutting tight as your head falls back against the wall, “I hated her so much! Because I was winning, I was getting these championships and getting these trophies and I thought she’d finally accept that I wanted to kart but the only thing she’d tell me was that I’d never get anywhere!”
You take a deep breath, holding back the faint tears in your eyes.
“But yeah, that's the worst of it, really. Completely cut contact at 15. Begged my grandparents to let me spend summers with them. They let me.”
“It just stuck with me for a while, you know? The shit my mom would say. A lot of crap about how I was failing myself with racing or how I would never have a future if I continued down that path. Said a lot of things about how I'd always find a way to lose and that it would never be worth it if I wasn't the best. Everytime I lost a race, she would find a way to use it against me, proof that I shouldn't be racing.”
“I did block her though, couldn’t stand the constant texts when I lost. Probably wasn’t even very easy to find those results, they weren’t exactly mainstream,” you furrow your eyebrows, confusion passing over your face momentarily, “Anyway, three years later, I’m 18. I move out and sign an f3 contract. My dad got super busy with Lewis’s championships and Mercedes. Kimi was actually the first to congratulate me.”
“I haven't spoken to my mom or my brother in, what? 8 years? I've mostly forgotten them by now, paris a thing of the past,” you trail off, the air of Logan’s room suddenly feeling a lot colder.
“All this to say, um-“ you rush out, shaking your head quickly.
You finally look over toward Logan, moving your body to face his, “She texted me, in Australia. Told me that the crash was all she'd ever expected from me, anyway. She's been calling ever since.”
Logan turns his head, concern written on his face.
“I think I'd forgotten about everything she said since it's been so long. But that text kind of brought it all back. It's been stuck in my mind for every single race. That's the reason I’ve been so unfocused lately. I don’t even know how she got my number, she was blocked on my old number and then I just got a new one, I don’t know how she could’ve got it.”
Logan, having dropped his previous spite, quirks his head, “What about yesterday?”
You swallow thickly, “Julian texted me. She kicked him out. He’s staying with a teammate. He’s sixteen, Lo. He’s still a kid.”
You fall back against the wall with a thump, your hands coming up to cover your eyes, “He’s still in France, still training with PSG. He’s asked to talk to me before Monaco.”
“Monaco?”
You nod solemnly, “My least favorite race, too close to my mom. I was so relieved when they took France off the calendar, you know? I’m pretty sure that, until recently, she didn’t know I was even in F1. She’s sworn off any media that isn’t French and I chose to race under dads last name. Makes me think someone told her I was.”
Logan hums, trying to process all the information you’d just told him. Eventually, he pats you heavily on the back, groaning as he stands up. You look up as he reaches a hand down to you, questions laying in your gaze.
Logan pushes his hand further down toward you, “Seems like a good enough reason to go out, celebrate your win. We can talk heavy solutions in the morning. For now, you are a race winner. A race winner who needs to get her mind off her fucked up family.”
You grin at his words, grasping his outstretched hand and letting him pull you up, “You reacted better than Arthur did. Think he was about to throw up with me.”
Logan pauses, his face screwing up with faux betrayal, “You told Arthur before me?”
You roll your eyes, “I was having a panic attack on the floor of the bathroom, talking about it was the only thing to get me out of it.”
Logan smiles softly at your response, slinging an arm over your shoulder as you two walk out of his room, “Let’s go, winner. Who do you think the most famous person you can get to celebrate with you tonight is?”
You take a moment to think about your response, “I think I saw Kendall Jenner, I’m sure I’ll probably see her at some point.”
Logan hums, looking out ahead of both of you, “You know I’ve seen the pictures of you two in Miami last year? You were so far gone.”
You laugh, hitting him in the ribs, “Shut up. We should leave soon, Porsche has probably already started partying without us.”
Logan laughs, patting your shoulder lightly as you both go to leave the Miami paddock.
———————————————
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citrustan · 1 day
Text
dating girl (jjk)
pairing: jungkook x reader
summary: you try to convince yourself that you're really okay with 'casually dating' your crush.
genre: college au, fwb kinda thing but more than friends ygm? angst!
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"Are they allowed to cancel an entire day at college? That can't be good for anyone..." Your mother ponders out loud as you walk around the city hand-in-hand.
"There's not much you can do if someone decides to paint over every projector lens on campus." You nod.
"Lucky for me, I get to spend time with my little baby," she nuzzles her nose into your hair, squeezing you in a side-hug, "Still can't believe we have to schedule our hangouts now."
"Yeah, there's that..." You smile half-heartedly.
You stop near a flower stall, taking in the hustle and bustle of the city. It's especially crowded because of your university abruptly cancelling a bunch of classes.
After your day had freed up unexpectedly, you had invited your sorta but not really boyfriend, Jungkook, to go cafe hopping to find where all the good teas are because you knew he'd bee available. But he never responded.
So your mood has been a bit damp all day.
You had just stepped out of this store that sold handmade sweaters and yarn balls. Not even a good shopping spree could lift your spirits.
What definately doesn't help is randomly seeing said sorta but not really boyfriend who didn't respond to your texts out and about with some leggy blonde girl.
You've never seen her around.
Not that you know every single person on campus, but if they've crossed Jungkook's path, you know them.
They're dining together al fresco, at one of the cafes you had literally listed in your text to Jungkook.
Talk about a slap in your face.
For a second, you think she might just be his sister or something.
That thought bubble is quickly shot at with a razor sharp arrow when you see him kiss her knuckles.
Your eyes involuntary darken, and your mouth forms a pout. The kind one has when they're trying to hold back a cry or a sob.
All the while, your mother had talked about your grandparents' separation, the local diner having caught fire, and matching mother and daughter shoes she had bought for your birthday.
You were listening passively so you didn't quite catch everything.
"You're still seeing him, aren't you?" She tilted her head in confusion.
When your mother notices the look on your face, she frowns, following the line of your vision.
At spotting Jungkook and mystery girl, she gasps angrily, "Oh, no, he sucks." She turns back to you, "Honey, I'm so sorry."
"No, mom, this is normal," you smile weakly, "And it's okay."
"Yes." You nod, "I am."
"But then he's there," she points at the pair with her chin, "seeing her. How's that okay?"
"It just is, mom! Really," you attempt to convince your mother (and yourself) that you were 100% fine with witnessing Jungkook out with other women. "We're keeping things casual. Very... casual."
"And that's a mutual decision?" She confirms.
"We both agreed." You concur.
Your mother's still unsure about your choices. "Well. Okay then."
You glance at Jungkook and mystery girl one last time.
The picture isn't pretty. He's leaning into her ear and has his large hand placed over her bare thigh as she caressed his arm with her much smaller hand, thoroughly enjoying his attention.
Your mother watches your expression go stiff, "So, how does this work?"
Snapping you out of your daze, she pushes a few strands of hair away from your eyes.
When you frown at her she sighs, "Sorry..."
"Oh. Um..." You exhale, "Well, we see each other and we see other people, and that's that. We're cas-" - "Yeah, casual, I heard." Your mother interrupts your blabber.
"It's ok." You look down at your feet, kicking a few stray pebbles out of the way.
"I just--- I thought you guys were sleeping together." She blurts.
"Mom!" You exclaim, looking around to see if anyone had heard her, "It's not that big of a deal. I want this too. And I need to learn to date too."
Again, you try to ease your mind about your decision.
You lightly cringe and look around, "Uh... Nobody yet. But this guy from one of my extras--- his name's Hoseok but we call him Hobi, or Hoba, depending on how close you are to him--- anyway, he asked me out to a halloween theme party next week."
"So who else are you dating?" She asks pointedly.
This is suddenly getting very exhausting.
Your mother gives you a knowing look, deciding to play along anyway, "Oh! You've never mentioned him before."
"Mhm. Because it's new." You hunch your shoulders nervously.
The party was hosted by the student body to raise funds for, you don't know, collegiate stuff.
You had imagined going with Jungkook, with matching Dentist and Tooth Fairy couple costumes. But he hadn't asked you yet and you definitely weren't going to bring it up first.
Maybe you can do the look with Hoseok instead.
It's less than a week away, so you're not expecting anything from him either. He probably already has another date lined up.
You wonder if it's the blonde he's with now.
"So, are you gonna do it?"
"Do what?" Was she in your head?
"Go with Hobi or Hoba." She makes air quotations for 'Hobi or Hoba.'
"Oh, yeah. Yep. Definitely." Suddenly remembering, you add, "Oh and can you make me my costume? I want to be the Tooth Fairy?" You softly ask her, knowing it's a little last minute, but also knowing she wouldn't deny you.
"Why of course! Does... Hobi need a costume too?" She asks carefully.
"Oh, no. Probably not." Well, you don't know. You don't know if his offer even stands now and you might end up not going at all.
Your mother rubs your shoulder, "Ask him and let me know, 'kay?"
You force out an uncomfortable smile and nod, "Thanks."
Although your mother's not convinced, she decides to drop the topic all together.
"Well, that's good," she smiles down at you warmly, "Do you want to get that sweater exchanged?"
It was vague, but you appreciated her attempt either way.
"Mhm. Back to the store we go." You narrate with an airy laugh.
Your mother was in the lead, already making her way to the store you had just walked out of.
Once again, your gaze falls on Jungkook and his date, and to your surprise he was staring right back at you.
You want to give him a little smile. To show him you're unbothered. But you couldn't seem to force one out this time.
So you settle with giving him a small wave, which he returns, mirroring your expression.
His date follows his line of sight and spots you too, giving you a tight smile. It's not passive aggressive, just... decent. Not polite either. But why should she be?
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Jungkook blinks at you as you hurriedly leave trying to keep up with your mother.
Maybe you should focus on Hoseok for now.
note: nobody asked for this but i was feeling a little silly :p needed some angsty ouchie with the possibility of a favourable conclusion so i indulged!
hey bonus points if you can tell what inspired this! and if you read all this lmk what you think regardless :D
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cosyvelvetorchid · 23 days
Note
For the bucktommmy one word prompts: Easy
Any kind of story that grabs you 😊
Another one of these where I made myself cry lol. Enjoy 🩶
***
Buck was snuggled into Tommys side with his head on his chest and fingers trailing circles on his stomach. As much as he loved sex with Tommy—and he did love sex with Tommy— the closest second thing he loved was this.
The intimacy of ‘after’ was almost healing. He felt safe and secure in the arms of this incredible man he loved.
“Tommy?” He spoke quietly in the dark.
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
“Tell me something about you that nobody else knows.”
Tommy waited a few seconds before answering. “You’re the first person to tell me they love me.”
“Like, in a relationship?”
“Uh, no. Anyone. Ever.”
Buck lifted himself up and leaned on his elbow looking down at Tommy. It was pointless , really, as it was pitch dark, but he looked nonetheless.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” Tommy replied softly. “My mom loved me, I knew that, I felt that, but she never said it. And my dad.. well, I’ve told you about the kind of man he is. I never had any other family, really—my last grandparent died when I was two. So, yeah, you’re the first person to say it to me.”
Buck didn’t know how to respond to that. His heart hurt for Tommy. 40 years of age and never hearing the words “I love you” before him. His own parents rarely ever said it growing up, but he had Maddie who made a point of saying it to him constantly as he grew up.
He reached up and cupped Tommys face with his hand and lowered his lips to his and pressed softly.
“I love you, Tommy.” He pressed his lips to Tommys again. “I love you.” Again “I love you” again “I love you” again.. Tommy held his hand to Bucks face and gently thumbed his cheek as he pressed their foreheads together. Buck felt the tips of his fingers on Tommy’s face become wet and realised it was tears.
He brushed his thumb along Tommy’s cheek wiping away the wetness.
“I can’t understand how anybody couldn’t say that to you because honestly.. it’s the easiest thing in the world to me.”
He pressed a final kiss to Tommys lips before resuming his place in the safety of Tommys arms.
“I love you, too”. Tommy whispered back.
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