#ngl i had really high hopes for this one but im not that happy with it (cries forever)

[amethystcove]

tfw when you’re just a girl missing your ex 😴❤️‍🩹

for day 4 of cdnfweek 2023, visions/dreams (femswap version!)

[bnhaficsforthesoul]

I know you’re on a villain streak rn but can we get some headcanons for fantasy AU shouto? Sfw or nsfw up to you 👀

I really can't see Shouto as anything other than a prince in a fantasy AU

but the kind of prince who hates his role, wishes he could run away and live a normal life

He became the heir of his kingdom after his oldest brother had a huge breakdown, tried setting as much of the castle as he could on fire, and ran off to another kingdom. Then, his other brother married a princess from another kingdom, deciding to join her family rather than make her join his. These actions caused both brothers to be disowned by the King, leaving Shouto as the new heir.

You were a thief of sorts, and after a whole scenario where in attempting to steal something valuable from Shouto he agreed to give it to you only if you took him with you wherever you were going, and you decided it was the easiest course of events, and you could ditch him later

Except, you didnt ditch him. Unknowingly, he used his pretty face to convince you to keep him around and teach him how to defend himself and steal

Months of days and nights alone together in the forests, traveling through towns, surviving with each other and living lavishly as criminals drew the two of you insanely close, until a night mixed with a little too much alcohol helped some feelings become exposed

Shouto very quickly learned to care for you, even though your meeting was random and him tagging along was clearly unwanted on your part, you saved him from a life he didn't want, and youve shown him more than he ever could have hoped for before. Especially as you become softer and more trusting of him, he came to love you

you really considered selling him back to his kingdom for a while, but you noticed how your heart fluttered seeing this spoiled mans smiles even as you trudged around as dirty criminals

the thought of living as royalty disgusted you, but you never thought someone as lucky as him would choose your life over the one he was given

going back, eventually you do end up together, and this is the only time that shouto ever considers going back. he loves his life now, and he knows you do too, but he also knows its dangerous and as King, he could make sure you were always safe and happy. Except he knew you wouldn't be happy in a castle, you needed the world to explore. So he never did go home

He's never been in a relationship before, and his examples of relationships are scarce and not good. His mother's fear of his father alone told him that he should at least never become like his father

He relies more on his instincts with you, and he acts how he pleases. If he wants to touch you, he does. If he wants to kiss you, he does. He's not shy at all, and can be very blunt with you

He likes taking care of you, hes used to being pampered so he feels like he doesn't deserve it when you pamper him, but he knows youve had a hard life and he wants you to feel comfortable.

He gets playfully annoyed when you bring up his royal status, such as calling him your highness and such

He's incredibly smart, and he learns very quickly, so sometimes youre surprised to find him teaching you something.

He hopes that you two can earn enough money to one day move far away where no one would even slightly recognize your faces, and you can live a normal life

He does want a family one day. Even if you cant naturally have kids, there's plenty of kids living in the streets in the towns you go to, you could just take a couple for yourself.

He is insanely naive when it comes to sexual things. He knows what sex is, but only in very scientific terms. He knows it as how someone has a baby, but the idea of it being for pleasure is somewhat foreign to him.

So when you two reach a point of making your relationship sexual, he is (happily) surprised

Youd take the lead in the beginning, but again, he loves to pamper you, so once he knows what hes doing he loves pleasuring you non stop

Im ngl for a while after your first time, you two would fuck like bunnies. He wants to experiment, and he also loves feeling close to you in a way he didn't know possible

Aftercare is very important with him as well even if he isnt aware of him doing so. If he gets rough he massages your body, he helps clean you up, he tells you he loves you and how beautiful you are, he makes sure that you eat.

Honestly, while there are definitely some things Shouto is completely confused about outside of his princely life, he has never once seemed negative about it. For a spoiled prince, he acts so humble and appreciative of everything, and he is always willing to go outside of his comfort zone - this is one of the things that you love about him

[nicksolemnlyswears]

HOTD S2 EP2 THOUGHTS

SPOILERS AHEAD

I need to start this by the very strange scene at the brothel. It took me so much by surprise I had to pause it. Like we all know these boys have mommy issues but I always thought it was more Aegon than Aemond. Like wow. I was left like this

It was the intimate position, his hair was down, the lack of clothes. He was completely vulnerable. Aemond wanted to be coddled and to be told reassuring words.

I didn’t understand well the part where she tries to kiss him and he says “not here” like sure man. you’re just naked and telling the keeps secret but go off [ngl i was waiting for her to pop a boob out and breast feed him]

that woman is a dangerous woman. she had scheming eyes. we’ll see where that goes.

Following up with the mommy issues I am so disappointed in Alicent. Aegon is clearly not her favorite child I do not know how she can bear seeing him weep as he seeks her out and she just nopes out. WTF. No wonder your other son is seeking refuge elsewhere. Also forcing Haelena to do the funeral proceeding. What sort of mother are you? The Greens think they’re so high and mighty but they barely resemble a family. They are not a united front.

The funeral proceedings almost had me in tears. I didn’t think they’d show the poor child with its head sewn back together. I thought he’d be covered. Now more so than ever I curse Alicent. You are forcing your daughter who had to witness his death relieve this scene. You forced her to watch her son be paraded around the city.

Daemon fucked up and it’s because of him that a child is dead and yet I can’t bring myself to hate the Blacks. The Greens are terrible people.

Aegon is falling apart and mourning and he has no one to come to. He doesn’t know how to control his emotions and I can’t blame him for it when his mother and grandfather only use him as a puppet and not a real human being. I pity the Hightower children.

That being said WTF was that? Making Ser Criston Cole the hand to the king? Disgusting. He was projecting so hard during this episode. Bitching about Arryks dirty cloak and blaming him for Jaeherys death.

BITCH IT WAS YOUR FAULT FOR GETTING YOUR COCK WET. FUCKING CRISTON COLE I CANT FUCKING STAND HIM. I CANT EVEN SAY IM HAPPY ALICENT SLAPPED HIM CAUSE HE PROBABLY ENJOYED IT.

I’ve got more to say regarding the Greens but my blood pressure is going up. Let me recap I hate them and I pity them all at the same time because the three children are only products of Alicent and Otto’s parenting (Viserys up to some point to)

Oh and let’s not forget Otto’s kind words for Viserys. He probably just misses how easy he was to control.

MOVING ONTO THE BLACKS

Baby Jace and Baela I love that little moment and yet I fear it because she’s out there on cute little Moondancer and it sounds like trouble.

Love the Ser Harwin talk. They acknowledge it and they accept it. Talk about being progressive.

But also so sad that Baela feels that way towards Daemon. I had high hopes for their relationship considering that deleted scene in season 1.

RHAENYS HAVING RHAENYRAS BACK TALK ABOUT FEMINISM. HELL YEAH! I fully want Rhaenys to be Rhaenyras ride or die!!

Daemon fucked up, yes. Will we ever know what he told Blood and Cheese? No. Still I can’t blame Rhaenyra for doubting him. He’s a sketchy man who puts on his little cloak to commit war crimes.

Don’t get me wrong I’m a Daemon stan but if he didn’t act so sketchy maybe we would trust him more.

He’s a dramatic guy he’s out commuting yet another big declaration of love for Rhaenyra. Like “look i’ve got harrenhal for you” I think idk we’ll see next episode.

Ser Arryk and Ser Erryk how fucking tragic. and whose fault is it? FUCKING CRISTON COLE PIECE OF SHIT

breathe nikki breathe

a part of me thinks he killed himself because he knew they would live in doubt if he’s really sir erryk. but in reality they believed they share a soul so that was probably why. he killed his other fucking half. they might be divided by believes but they still love each other.

ELINDA IS A REAL HANDMAID. SHE FOLLOWED INSTRUCTIONS AND LOOKED FOR A GUARD. Haelenas maid could never.

I have so many more thoughts so if anyone wants to talk please feel free to hit me up. I’ll probably rewatch the episode tomorrow again to process

[merakiui]

OHHHHHMYGOD. I loved ur clingy codependent bf azul so much. I literally felt a bit of anxiety reading it, I love azul sm hes baba, but the thought of him being this obsessed ans codependent is so nerve-wracking. you really wouldn't be able to leave him alone once he starts exhibiting signs of mental health issues.. and if this is an au where he has his canon octo form, then hes def the type to cut a tentacle or two of his just to "prove" how serious he is, knowing it will grow back eventually anyway so why not make the most out of it and scare the hell out of darling 😭

UGH AND THE WEDDING TRAPPING. and the fact it only spirals downwards from there. the door and knife scene literally made me pause bc omg.. I was not expecting it to escalate like that.. but it fits SO well!! and darlings realization throughout the drabble is honestly so upsetting because acknowledging that most of their attempts will be futile is so frustrating and hope-killing when they have a slimy and pathetic octo clinging to them 😭😭 and especially now considering how close they and azul are, legality wise. REALLY, I don't know what's so different about this compared to your azul drabbles, but it really had me pacing a little im ngl. maybe it's the fact hes way more blatantly insane and blunt with his obsession or that he's willing to go to more extreme measures? whatever it is, you nailed it and I absolutely loved it!!

and this on a different, more minor note, but are you the same author that wrote the ex scara stuff? reading the azul drabble took me back to this other codependent, obsessed bf drabble i read a few months back. it wad about darling and scara being high school sweethearts, but scara becomes more unstable throughout the relationship, so darling eventually breaks it off with him before going to college. only for ex bf scara to show up, feign innocence and squish himself into darlings friend group as a way to get close to them again, and it ends with scara also wedding trapping them. if u did not write that, I am so sorry 😭 the azul piece just kinda reminded me of it but theyre two separate things and I love each one sm!! srsly, your writing is so addicting I don't understand how you do it. and you pace things so well, like despite the azul piece not being a fully fledged fic, it still has nice pacing. it's not too short or too lengthy, and not too fast or too slow, it keeps you alert and eager to continue!!

AAAAA THANK YOU FOR READING IT!!!! I’m happy you liked it and that you could even feel anxiety from it!! :O I was hoping it could evoke uncomfortable feelings like that, so I’m relieved to know I could succeed in that endeavor!

An Azul who is so dangerously unhealthy and obsessed is always a scary thought. I wanted to write something where it starts seemingly innocent and then becomes something so uncontrollable, much like how most toxic relationships often begin. It’s small and almost cute until it isn’t—until you’re snuffed from the stifling nature of someone’s codependent behaviors. It can be stressful, so I wanted to portray that on both sides. Stressful for Azul because his tendency to panic and overthink when he’s spiraling makes anything like a day out with friends seem like a very stressful thing. Stressful for Reader because they’ve taken on the role of protecting Azul from himself (even though it isn’t a role for them to take on).

Reader probably likens Azul to a glass vase sitting on the edge of a cliff and one strong gust of wind is all it takes for that vase to come crashing down. But then Azul is also highly intelligent and he only takes risks if he knows there will be a reward, so he can peer over the edge of the cliff and he won’t fall. So if he does cut a tentacle or two to prove something to Reader (or scare the life out of them and force them to stay), he does it while fully knowing it’ll grow back. It still hurts, but then Azul thinks this pain is nothing compared to the pain he’ll feel if you leave him forever. “Leave” and “abandon” are so interchangeable for him. They’re somewhat similar words, but “abandon” sounds harsher. You can leave a person and all is well. You can abandon a person and that makes it sound wrong. Hurtful and villainous. It’s such a small thing, but it hooks you every time. Because leaving Azul makes it sound easy. But abandoning him paints you as the bad one—the one who abandoned him in his time of need.

And marriage trapping!!! He’s really so cunning, but Reader’s too busy trying to balance his breakdowns and keep him above the water to realize that beneath all of that he’s actually quite smart. In a marriage, it’s just you and Azul. No one else can truly interfere with that. And for Azul it’s easier to isolate you. You agreed to be his now. You agreed to live with and love him for the rest of your life. You said your vows. You kissed him in front of family and friends. You are a pair now, and that’s unbreakable. Not even divorce can save you because that’s an expensive and lengthy process and even if you did separate in that way you’d still be forced to fret over him and what he might do next. And that’s really scary! The idea of “okay, he’s done this terrible thing…but what’s next?” is always so chilling. What else is this person capable of? is a frightening question to ask when you don’t have an answer. When there isn’t a line to make a clear divide between the crossable and uncrossable or when that line is blurred, it makes it seem like anything is on the table. And since Azul is so codependent, there are always worrying mindsets like: If you aren’t in my world, I shouldn’t be here either. If I can’t have you, no one can. If I lose you, I lose a vital part of myself. My life hinges on you being here with me, so if you’re not in my life there isn’t a life to live. Without you, everything is worthless and meaningless.

Thank you again for liking this piece!! I’m glad it felt different from other Azul thoughts I’ve written. It’s most likely as you’ve said: he’s much more insane and willing to go to extreme lengths for the sake of his obsession. >_< this type of Azul is truly horrifying, but he’s very interesting to write and analyze like this.

And I did write the possessive ex Scara story!!! :D omg for a moment I forgot I had written it until you reminded me! I’m happy you like this one as well. Scara 🤝 Azul: codependent boyfriends who raise your stress meter just by existing. ^^;;;

Aaaaa thank you for thinking my writing is addicting and well-paced!! I’m glad it didn’t feel too slow or too fast as well as too long or too short!! I’m happy it can be an enjoyable, albeit anxiety-inducing, read!!!!

[starseungs]

okay, if i were inside that damn fic or anyone in the fic istg minho is the real one for saying something about seungmin but ugh i also want to “get your shits together bitches or else” 🤺🤺🤺 i’m happy they are all good at the end 🥲 there were a lot of emotions like seungmin bro especially y/n kumukulo dugo ko sa inyo !! it ended happy so i’m happy, congrats for not turning this into angst 🙇🏻‍♀️

( take a shot. ksm )

REAL OMG MINHO IS THE BEST CHARACTER IN THIS NGL 😓 the way he actually keeps seungmin in check (sorry changbin but like the professionalism in minho shows more)

at the start of the story, minho's portrayed as if he's the one closest to seungmin in the industry, but as more gets revealed we see that he's not actually that much closer to him than y/n quickly became. minho joked around too, but he only ever dropped the professional speech whenever he was stressed, and seungmin never actually lets his guard down around him (also evident in minho's povs) still he tries to be a good pillar for seungmin since even though you wouldnt classify them as close friends, minho still cares a lot about seungmin. maybe with the development with y/n, also bringing changbin into the circle, he'd finally see seungmin in his natural state and become closer !! but thats for others to think about since its kinda an open ending

for y/n and seungmin, they clashed a lot in the beggining because i practically made them to be exact parallels of each other (even changbin and minho are), but as they communicate more it shows their similarities and how their differences can fill each others' gaps. theyre still immature af for doing all that in a high-profile film (sorry im a T in mbti) but i guess its reasonable enough especially in a place far away from home, tensions can run high and you could see a different side of you that you never wouldve considered in your natural habitat. another factor would be what theyve gone through from the academy up til the present in the industry. still i hope you see them as a couple with potential now that theyve sorted things out !!

i was never tempted to make this angst actually 🧍‍♀️ i was planning for it to be romcom, but when i wrote the outline and draft, it lacked substance so i tried it out with actual enemies to lovers and it clicked (tho in the teaser it was still considered rivals to lovers until the 4th scene when i re-evaluated their dynamic and changed my mind) either way this fic was going to have a happy ending whether yall liked it or not cause for a fic this long, if i was the reader i would love for my time to be repaid AHAHAHAHAHA unless yall are looking for smth to hurt that bad (i like writing angst but im not actually good at reading angst)

it was such a long drive to the end of this fic ngl (i think u alr know abt that) but i dont think i would do as well if i didnt take that three weeks. i refused to write whenever my brain didnt have a vision and had like five revisions of the scenes that followed every time i completed one ,,, i really am happy with how it came out tho since this is now my new child fic 🤧💓

well thats it !! thanks for coming to my fic talks <3

[csoisoi]

i was sad a few hours ago bUT HEY MAIRUMA UPDATED

I LOVE TEACHER CHAPTERS

BLUSHENKO AND SUZY'S REACTION WAS 100% TOP TIER maime the adults who makes moves towards students, destroy them

momonoki feeling bad for camui💛

robin😭😭😭 robin😭 im heartbroken, his smile with atori is so bright i dont wanna see him sad, if we get a single panel of robin crying im going to cry

he was so happy to have a junior teacher under him too, let's hope shiida won't double cross them again,

i read this panel as her thinking which side she's on, because she's like, dedicated? and did her best to be an actual teacher during the heartbreaker exam, giving iruma's team a second try before charging in again, i feel like she'll actually be a really good teacher. but she still had some sort of emotional(?) connection to the six fingers, we dont rlly know her past and her past with the group yet so her being hesitant and lying about atori is understandable. she's on the fence, i hope we get more content on shiida💛

marbas scares me/hyp. HE WANTED STRONGER TOOLS😭 hes very morally gray and askewed, very passionate about his teaching subject and it being torture arts is absolutely very very scary i wanna see him fight seriously ngl but i do not want to be at the receiving end of it

(also i love orias' casual look , its both so cool and simple i love it)

oh? the dantalions have a security devil?? i wonder how high up in society dali's family is. we see him from the start of the series and thought of him as just a teacher, then we learned he's kalego's superior, then as of writing this he announces a majority if not all of babylus' school events and then leads the mantra(?) during that one chapter. he's obviously a high ranking demon! his smiles and cheery attitude outshines how much we dont know about him despite seeing him so many times, more teacher content please

[lotus-pear]

GOD I LOVE KNKDZ SM I wanna hold them and treasure them like literally they could be so precious they have so much potential and ik we have to wait a few more months but I'm sooo fuckin excited to see if they have a reunion if they don't I'll probs cry from stress or smth like even if someone doesn't ship it they're partners istg they are soo important and I hope we can see more of them in action cuz kunikida has been crying (canon) from stress and trying to bring shit together, like he was really working on gathering the members together again and like poor bby I feel so bad he needs a warm hug, also I feel like getting your hands cut off and your ideals crumbling in front of you was traumatic like he's ok now physically but I feel so bad and dazai is being fucking shot and falling of an elevator while defeating fyodor and walking it all of like ??? I need a sick fic with knkdz and the ada in general he deserves that and I hope so fucking sooo FUCKING much that they get a fuckin reunion like this is all I can talk and think abt now I keep repeating myself, I hope atsushi, dazai and kunikida get one bc I miss their trio so idk what is happening now that s5 is over and the Manga is catching up in a few months bc we saw that they're fighting again like oh fuck ngl I hope dazai gets hurt more so more sickfics or maybe Canon sickfics like in it actually fucking happens in the series but whatever in the end I want the ada to be safe again and destress a little bc oh my god this was their biggest fucking mission in their life and its been going on practically since the guild but whatever I have so so so so so so high hopes for the future and the rise of knkdz (I also ship skk but knkdz is my no. 1 and need way more of them) I hope knkdz will rise and conquer we have to get our fucking game up us knkdz advocates we have a DUTY anyways love ya ur so hot for that knkdz vs skk rant its fucking unfair pls pls pls pls post more knkdz I'm going feral its my last will to live I will kms if the Manga doesn't have them I will defenestrate asagiri I will find him trust me I fucking will anyways anywho anyfuckingway thank you for being a part of the knkdz cult we can soo win we just have to wait for asagiri and like OMG I just had SUCH a dopamine rush like I practically almost jumped bc IM SO EXCITED to see them YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH PLS PLS PLS ASAGIRI PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME I CAN HEAR THEM I CANNN HEAAAAAR THEM PLS PLS PLS DONT PUNISH ME I WANT MORE KNKDZ I WILL FUCKING COMBUST anyways ur so cool and ur art is fuckin awesome have a great day and new year hopefully full with happiness, success, change, and kunikidazai

REAL OMFG‼️‼️ bitches forget that kunikida has been partnered with dazai for two entire years, only one less year than dazai’s partnership w chuuya (before ur like noooo it was seven!!!!! that doesn’t count. chuuya and dazai met at fifteen and didn’t even get partnered that year. it was only during the events of stormbringer when mori realized the only counter to chuuyas corruption was dazai’s ability and he made them go on missions together like they did during the arahabaki incident and they became known as double black. dazai left the mafia when he was eighteen due to oda’s death)

anyway knkdz have also had to trust each other with their lives time and time again and kunikida values this trust more than anything, always relying on dazai even if dazai pisses him the fuck off. dazai says himself that the ada is home to him when talking abt it to sigma, AND WHAT IS HOME BUT A PLACE FILLED WITH HAPPINESS AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE DEARLY AND WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT

[bismuthburnsblue]

Hi! been a minute, huh? i forced a break from sewing for a month or so there, but im back, with a new "series" ive been calling Project Doctor in my head! you could also call it tackling my UFO's or flipping or anything like that, the fundamental point is im looking at projects that have things im not happy with, diagnosing the issues and fixing them!

this wasnt the project i thought i would be starting with, but i got a bee in my bonnet about this one today, down to even an outfit i could pair it with, so meet the victorian skirt! originally supposed to be a historically accurate (but midi) skirt, i made this just using the fabric i had, planning to cut it down, only to realise this was actually almost ankle length all said and done. i felt bad about cutting almost half of it off, but also i dont wear long skirts, and it wasnt long enough to be a proper length anyway. anyway 5 years later, here we are!

(please ignore all the creases, and i should note that this fabric is actually a really lovely brown dupioni, the pictures dont do it justice! i got it for free + it was pieces, which is why i initially cut it out the way i did)

i havent completely finalised my plan yet, but the intention is to rework this into a steampunk style skirt, with high low ruching at the front. i made some decisions at the time that i would definitely not make today (mostly, its flatlined in the name of historical accuracy but this fabric Doesnt need it) so i think the plan is going to be to completely rip it apart into its component pieces and redo everything from the beginning. kinda hurts to do but! i think its the right choice.

Im hoping making the skirt raised at the front will make it more wearable, and removing the extra layer will make it much lighter to wear. im also thinking about adding details to it, maybe a ruffle (i still have a little fabric) or some kind of fancier waistband (though ngl. i love my basic petersham waistband, she never lets me down, so. we will see) i may also remove some volume from the back, it depends on how it balances when its lighter.

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

I didn't think I'd really need to come back here after everything. It's so stupid. My dad has given me my own weed and it is way stronger than the pills. So many different ways it affects me. But I've been mostly sober since the attempt that started all this. Ig partially out of respect.. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to my parents if I continue my junkie ways after they had to listen to me scream and yell about how I felt trapped and then when things open up, boom still doing it

I dunno if that makes sense tbh.. lemme know ik I suck at explaining things correctly.

Anyway I've been sober 99% of the time since. I kinda don't like smoking as much now. It made my teeth hurt and I hallucinate when I get high. It's nothing crazy no where near as vivid the dph hallucinations get ofc. Tho it still scares me so bad. It can range anywhere to a few small & constant noises that makes everything hard to hear unless I'm focusing to hallucinations that put me in a state of delusion. I get so scared about ts I can't move. 9 times out of 10 I get this weird feeling someone or something is there and if I make a sound they'll come up to me. Those are the worst feeling ones dude I know there's no reason for me to assume anything is there but I just stiff up and cry as quietly as I can until I can work up the courage to check if they're "still there"

I used to do that when I was coming down from benadryl actually. I'd be too forgetful to be scared of anything like that mid high but all hell broke once it was wearing off

It makes me so annoyed. It makes me wonder if that's something I'll just have to deal with from here on or should I just stay sober from here on and hope for the best. It all makes me miss the pills so fucking bad. I was taking those for so long and it just felt like I knew pretty much anyway they'd effect me atp. It was straightforward

Dph made my heartbeat harder -> also made my heart sore when I'm not on it

The pills dehydrated me -> annnd if I took it too far, I'd go acidic and jaundice (which im ngl happened way more often than I wanted to admit.. when I tried to od again in December I was quite literally neon!)

Taking so many at once making my stomach have to dissolve anywhere from four to high twenties worth of pills at a time -> which led my stomach to get irritated and eager to get that shit out and made various issues there

But now? What. I don't even have anyway to measure so it's just a thing of.. o guess it kicked in, ig I can't hear rn. Oop dang ig I got too high now I physically have to focus on not freaking out over something that is not fucking happening. Oh what ig these stupid fucking edibles make my head hurt instead of making me high. Fun!!

I'm so over this shit. Im trying so hard to stay away. I didn't like dph after a while. You can scroll back and see so many things I hated about it. And yet I think about it every single day. I miss it so much. I used to be able to take a few pills and then poof blank out for a little while. As long as I took care after the fact, I'd be mostly fine. But now I have to deal with the unpredictability of my own mind or whatever nonsense I have to feel when I smoke/eat edibles

R has been really bumpy for me too. I don't know why like.. I've really been happy about our friendship lately. I feel like seeing how fucked up I had to be to my parents to make them listen gave me a new appreciation for her. I haven't blown up at her in a while but omfg I've done it a lot throughout our time together. Tho, she's still here for me. Nothing really changed. And I love her for that. I'm really just a random person online fr. At any point she could just decide she's fed up with me and ghost. But she endured my nonsense and still pushed me to look at things different. I never know how to bring that up without sounding like it's a romantic thing

Which has been eating at me so bad as of late. I don't know what th I feel towards her. If im still in love I wouldn't be shocked but it feels different from how I felt before the whole blowup a lil bit after she broke up with her ex. She's my safe space but she is also kinda fucked up to me sometimes. But I really can't help myself. I still worry about her all the time, I genuinely try to know everything and anything going on with her wherever possible, and I let so much go unspoken not blowing up and trying to keep her perspective in mind where I can.. I want her to not have to worry sm I hate that my presence has become a double edged sword. I love her so much it's become overbearing and hard to hide. I know it makes her feel pressure to hide stuff to keep up appearances/impressions. Shit sucks. It makes me feel like I'm in a parent's position atp..

Tho all that being said I feel like she still interprets my actions as some elaborate way to make her like me. Or me tryna be nice so that she falls in love with me. Some shit. And ik that sounds so paranoid and baseless but its been a pattern atp.

Everytime I get cheery and tryna treat her like ya know, my best friend, its like she takes that shit diff and mentions her ex as a way to tell me to back off. And I don't get it. Like no dummy I'm not excitedly talking about shit to lure you in YOU ARE MY FRIEND. MY CLOSESTTT. I know that she won't judge me for me and since she knows me so well, I rarely have to give too much of a backstory to talk about anything. It's nice. And I guess I abuse that privilege a lot. Maybe I should be better about not running to her about everything. But then like me being concerned and interested about what she's up to makes her do it as well. She briefly got with someone else (they've already broken up she ain't getting a codename 🥴) and I noticed her using her for that purpose too for a bit. Well. Before she got annoyed with her existence lolol

But yeah anyway like.. has that pattern already been there and I haven't noticed? Am I overthinking this action too hard and twisting it? It's frustrating me so bad cause I don't get why she interprets it like that. Am I just so oblivious I don't see how obviously in love I am and she's tryna push me out of that...? Or is she being self destructive and can't view my love as anything but manipulation.

Confessing to her has become one of my biggest regrets. It changed so much I hate myself for believing I was in lala land. Stupid fucking girl. All I could see was how much I liked talking wth her and it just slipped out. I didn't realize just how many fucking consequences it'd bring after the fact. I feel like im constantly dancing around shit. I wish I never said anything. Im so tired of having to study my every action to make sure I don't seem too eager to speak. I forget it happened some days but it feels like that's all she sees me as. I don't understand what to do atp. I don't want to lose her, we are completely ride or die aside from this. But my GOD I CANT TAKE IT. I feel like it's become such a giant elephant and it's going to rift everything once it's brought up. I don't want to piss her off and lose her for good

Between her and my ex.. I lowkey think I'm done with the whole romance thing this feeling is the absolute worst. Any time I express that myself in that way I come out of it feeling so stupid. It stings so much worse this time around. Least with my ex even though the shit only lasted a few months IT HAPPENED. I feel crazy feeling this exact same stupid feeling with someone I haven't even dated before. And for me to feel WORSE.. HOW?? I've avoided dating specifically so I wouldn't feel this way and then I stumbled and did the shit AGAIN! Let myself fall into even deeper feelings with someone that didn't even like me. Again. And I'm stinging worse than I ever was before. Crazy. I hope I never like anyone again.

I've been feeling blank as of late. Even with my family life improving and my health improving I still feel empty. The same I did before. It feels like now I'm performing a different role, but still feel the same. It felt so good to have everything in the open and finally dropping dph for good (probably) originally. But I really feel no better now that the dust has settled. Everything just shifted some

I try to be more open and honest about myself and what I feel but the central issues I don't know how to express. It feels unfair to air that shit out to R, my family or any of my friends since I know I won't believe them. It's so easy to say the right thing. So easy to assure me you love me. You care. But do you mean it? Or are you saying it because that's what you're "expected" to say and do? I dont trust a word out any of their mouths when it comes to shit like that. Looking at their unconscious actions and how and what they say feels like the most honest view of their thoughts. And a whole lot of that made me feel the way I feel. What's words going to fix when I can physically SEEE AND HEAR all the shit proving otherwise replaying in my head? Why listen to you try to cover your own ass when the evidence is already there? We both see the cards on the table. There's no point trying to sway me into looking at them different.

But I feel bad not being able to shake that sense. I know part of my thinking is irrational. It's fucked up I can't listen and change my view. It's like theyre speaking to a brick wall. It's almost like they can never fuck up since I can't let ts go once I've noticed it. I try to keep myself together because of that. I hate the grandiose acting I have to do to get through the day

I won't lie. I really sit there and wish I would've died that day. It's like ever since that last time ever since I got all my ducks in a row and decided I'm okay with no taking part in life, it suddenly made everything feel tedioussss. It gets on my nerves so bad I've been so angry. I wish I would've just kept my mouth shut and let things finally crumble down on its own so I could be left to pop pills til I either got it right and ended myself or guzzle em until I fucked myself up so bad I'd die without my intervention 💀💀

None of this seems to be worth it and I'm kinda over it. I made my decision. It fucking sucks that I'm still being forced along this stupid junk when I already decided it was all worthless. I wish I could hide away and just stop participating in society. Never talk again. Never play another game. Never spend a single cent. Just total isolation. I wish all the games I play were single player so no one would think to chat with me while we're playing. I wish the world was filled with robots so that I could go in and out of a store without thinking bout if the employees are thinking I'm stealing or wondering if anyone thinks I look as cool as I think I look

I wish it were just a lil bubble just for me. Go into a store, grab what I want, walk out. Dress up anywhere and take 10000 pictures that no one'll see. But idc cause i look so prettyyy and I like seeing myself in all my cute lil outfits. Eat what I want and how weirdly I want without people looking at me crazy. I swear it's all doable but it all feels like I'd have to completely ignore the outside world for me to be happy. Even shit like having to say good morning to my parents or thank you to someone holding the door open for me pisses me off. When I'm not in the mood for speaking, I aint in the mood for any and all speaking no matter how small. And lately uh it's been all I feeling

I don't know why I don't feel the motivation to try to kill myself again. Ig I don't even care enough to atp. I've been so over it now. I've been feeling kinda apathetic to everything to a degree. Not that it hasn't been nice to have clarity on everything. But I don't care to fix any of it anymore. I was done that day i tried to kill myself you know? Being here still didn't really change anything in my perspective. If I had a button right in front of me that'd instantly end me 100% guaranteed I'd put on a nice lil outfit then push that shit with a swiftness

I'd be shocked if don't end up relapsing atp. I'm tired of thinking

[mochinon-yah]

afjdkd silly answer i got stuck in the abyss for a year /lh

but thankies hehee, im glad to be back! and im really happy to see you too mochi!! >:D it feels good to be able to catch up mwehehe and im glad to hear you're doing well too! (and i hope that you feel better soon too /gen)

im doing pretty good too! minus the uh. midterm exams like a week from now at my college hhh. thats gna be a pain to deal with. anyway ye! im happy to share :D the positive stuff? the universe sent me a sign and sent a fckin scorpion last year november. yea that was fun to deal with bc my younger brother didn't know what it was (he's a high schooler btw) and im standing here like "well clearly that's not a butterfly" with a deadpan and like literally a week later i meet my partner who's a scorpio and omg the coincidence :"D

or yk, the person who i'm in a relationship with now and he's so albedo-coded omg. but more silly. and very sweet hehe. other stuff that happened? still dealing with life stress since i have to find a part-time job sadly and my social anxiety hasn't been helping so ye :')

but that pretty much sums it up on my end! what about you? only if u want to ofc! /gen /nf

Sorry for the late answer hehe 👉👈

Anyway, onwards to answering vivi's ask!

but thankies hehee, im glad to be back! and im really happy to see you too mochi!! >:D it feels good to be able to catch up mwehehe and im glad to hear you're doing well too! (and i hope that you feel better soon too /gen)

I actually feel better now! So, thank you for the good wishes despite me answering this late hehe. I was just having minor headaches and turns out it was because of my inconsistent sleeping schedule, so that was that lol.

im doing pretty good too! minus the uh. midterm exams like a week from now at my college hhh. thats gna be a pain to deal with.

I hope that you'll be able to ace those exams!! I had mine like some weeks ago, and I don't think I got good grades lol. Just do your best with studying and well, good luck!

the universe sent me a sign and sent a fckin scorpion last year november. yea that was fun to deal with bc my younger brother didn't know what it was (he's a high schooler btw) and im standing here like "well clearly that's not a butterfly" with a deadpan and like literally a week later i meet my partner who's a scorpio and omg the coincidence :"D

or yk, the person who i'm in a relationship with now and he's so albedo-coded omg. but more silly. and very sweet hehe.

HAHA THIS! THIS IS THE PART OF YOUR RAMBLES THAT I WANNA COMMENT SO BADDD- *cough* anyways, that sounds like fun ngl. The part where you got a scorpion and your younger brother who was just like "oh, what is this?" and you answered with "well, clearly not a butterfly" WJHDSJDLKJDL IDK IT'S JUST SO FUNNY TO ME

And 👀👀👀 albedo-coded?

ALSO, CONGRATS!!! You got an albedo-coded guy, I'm guessing and well hoping that it has been great so far?

other stuff that happened? still dealing with life stress since i have to find a part-time job sadly and my social anxiety hasn't been helping so ye :')

I swearrr, social anxiety is so bad to have 😔 well, not that I'm blaming you for having it! I just know how bad it would get when faced with a lot of situations. Well, I'm already getting better from that stuff, altho, I do still want to run away and hide inside a hole when facing a lot of people. Aahh, I just don't like it when the attention is on me (._. ) I do hope you get better from it!

but that pretty much sums it up on my end! what about you? only if u want to ofc! /gen /nf

For my part of the story, i didn't really do anything worth remembering, so i don't really know what to say haha. OH! There's one thing! I've beent trying to read more books, one of them is pride and prejudice, but i haven't been able to finish it because my desire to draw was higher than my desire to read lol

[tyonfs]

lol is this a lil late n embarrassing buttt the road trip i was on was to houston and i visited an old friend that i reconnected with and honestly it was really refreshing. it made me and my mom really consider not moving away so 🤗im not moving! im staying in texas for the time being until i graduate then its off to grad school so two more years 🫡

that was the important news now to the bad news. my best friend recently got a boyfriend which is great good for her, i’m happy for her. but everytime she gets a bf she like.. flaunts him in front of me because she’s aware i’ve had my fair share of hookups and situationships and im ngl.. at some point i was a player! like she knows this and she’s always like bragging and it just makes me so uncomfortable. on top of that recently i’ve reconnected with a childhood friend that i didn’t know went to my school and you know it’s really great, her group of friends are amazing and they’re so sweet. because of that my best friend gets jealous of me hanging out with these girls like 😭😭 ?? it’s not high school girl..? it’s fucking college and if you want to act a certain way around me and hang out with people who talk shit about me then so be it!

recently i’ve been really bored so i did what any girl did and hopped back on hinge. tell me why some guy from HIGHSCHOOL hit me up and tried getting with me just to find out he has a gf like girl ?? 😭 get ur priorities straight speaking of men my friends are trying to set me up with this guy and make him my date to their sororities formal 😭😭. you know he is so fine and he’s my type 🙈 maybeeee

i feel like mentally im doing a lot better than i was in january, physically too like im just breezing living my life. again not that into kpop anymore lol i just haven’t listened to the music in like over 4 months i find that scary. i did read some fics last night tho, do not regret it one bit 🤗

how are you alice, any updates on that guy you said you were sorta taking to, that sounded exciting! how was your valentine’s day lovely! - 🎀

OMG YAY THATS SO NICE THAT YOU'RE NOT MOVING (i think this is a good thing right??) but shoutout to that friend you reconnected with for changing your mom's mind :') and here's to not having to pack Everything and take it to another house 🥳

oh that friend of yours..... :/ that's so icky of her ngl like yes let's be happy about the new relationship but no need to bring other ppl down bc of it !! and honestly .... i've met plenty of guys who have had plenty of hookups and situationships themselves but people only make a big deal out of it when a girl is that way :( don't think it's weird at all for a woman to know that she doesn't want to commit just yet like that's just you putting yourself first !! omg PLS her being mad about you hanging out with other friends gave me chilling high school flashbacks 😐 she does NOT get to be mad if she hangs out with people who talk shit about you like what?? (looking forward to karma coming her way cause!!)

WHYS HE ON HINGE WHEN HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND I HATEEE MEN OMG 😭 also i hope we get an update on this sorority formal guy 🤭 im glad you've been doing better now tho !! honestly i haven't been reading kpop fics (more in the hogwarts brainrot rn 😵‍💫) but it's so nostalgic sometimes even if you're not stanning groups atm

omg i self sabotaged 🏃‍♂️ focusing on myself!!! (i am terrified of commitment) but also this guy i Used to have a thing with hit me up a while ago (after literally leaving a store that we were both in after we locked eyes) and said he wants me back 💀 i was like LOL no and got back to my silly little pokemon game <3 also valentine's day was with the girls this year 🥰 it was really nice!! i also bought this cute heart-shaped top that i will be wearing exclusively for valentines >:)) how about you??

[maliciousmalfeasance]

If I typed a live review of my spotify discover would you read it? Too late- (Indie-rock/pop, punk, ???, mid-west emo, math-rock,etc Be warned I am a hater about some petty shit lmao)

Carousel- CJ the X 

This song is beautifully produced, the melody of “everything will be alright” sounding just slightly off kilter and perfectly fits the teetering vibes of the song. I love the carnival vibe- lyrics flow so effortlessly. The RUNS BRO. Really perfect window into a probably fucked up breakdown. Hope things got better CJ <3 “I don’t blame anybody but me/ You’re too kind, I am a disease!” oof.

A big brown dog named bagel- Nep

“I kind of wanted to bite-” I love the incorporation of bossa grooves into this indie rock, gay as hell love song. “I feel like we’re gonna marry way too quickly” This feeling. Really cute. Vocals are so sweet- you just kind of want to scoop the vocalist up and hug her. 

PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN - QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

The best of the worst or the worst of the best? The beat switch up had me actually grooving- good shit. "Go to the zoo and see some fish."

Spirit Week- happy trendy

So cozy, comfy, fuzzy. Whenever I hear fuzzy vocals it feels like my ears are being hugged idk why. Sad but in a kind of melancholy optimist way? If that makes sense. Chords got a little tired by the end but I forgive all sins for fuzzzzzzzz

Glow- Alice Phoebe lou 

Aussie vocals perhaps? "When you were dreaming, I looked in. I saw everything." What a sweet, dizzy tune. Sounds like getting drunk in a carpeted room that looks like it’s from the 70s. “I’m a lover, just never knew how” Relatable. Vocalist has this really nice vibrato that reminds me of judy garland or ella fitzgerald, such a nice warm tone. Lots of hug songs in here. I’m a lover of this one. C:

Wasteland- wooded fang

Surf rock type of vibe? Feels like something I’d listen to as the sun sets on a long car trip- about to have a delirious few hours outside of time. I cannot fathom my man’s lyrics but he’s got such a relaxed delivery it’s real fun. Good vibe. "dododododododododo"

Feelin down- primrose

Drum good. Fr the production/recording on these drums is so nice. I feel like im sitting in the drummers lap but in a comfy way- like the rest of the song is absolutely great also but man.. I appreciate the work that went into getting these drums so nice. Also love the moments where the band stops. Love a stop. Satisfying. Ngl the vocals are nice but I wish he’d put a lil more OOmf in it y’know? Just like SEND IT.

 I Fade Away- Tulips Ballad, M.E, CAT DAD

The high vocals really made this for me, just came in and I was like aaah yeah. Then together?? Lovely. Such nice harmonies. Only wish there was a little less repetition but Idk that might just be me listening too hard rn lmao. I like the more subtle production bits but like, the main guitar loop doesn’t have much movement and it left me a lil like… what if you did more? Bass good. I like the piano but what if.. different chord?

Grade A- Spill Tab, JAWNY

I… might be getting fatigued from listening to all this stuff but these chords at the end feel like the same as the last song bro I’m a lil disappointed. It’s just so quick and so… clean? In a bad way? Lmao I think it feels overproduced to me. So many production decisions that don’t feel like they serve the song and only a couple that really feel earned. (cheated and gave it a second listen because I felt kind of bad about having mostly negative comments. Both the vocalists are great and the quality of production is real nice, I just think the producer needed to pull back a bit and let the vocalists do their thing, y'know?)

Only At Your Convenience- Graham Kartna

Big Jack Stauber energy.. Perhaps… too much Jack Stauber energy? I can’t tell if this was a deliberate attempt to emulate the style as an experiment or not. The drowned chords, the vocals that jump down suddenly, all the little cartoon samples. OK I had a look and he’s def got a voice and a sound this song just happens to REALLY sound like it’s going for a Jack Stauber vibe, most of his other stuff is similarly drowned and sample heavy but like… distinct enough that I wouldn’t think to associate the two- it’s literally just this song so he is forgiven in my eyes. Peace and love on planet earth. Honestly I’d forgive him emulating Jack really hard too I mean fuck it man do what satisfies ya. (gave this a second listen and idk why I thought it was so close actually this is good and fine.)

easy - waveform*

Oh! I’ve def heard this one before, love the big warm acoustic guitar+sad vocal. Gay and cute. “I’m on the stairs in a beautiful gown, and you look so stupid your teeth on the ground.” Love the imagery in these lyrics. 

Diane- Dad feels, Yelle 

Holy fuck I hate this man. I haven’t listened to the song yet I’m just like- before I make any comment you have to know I’m severely biased against him lmao He sucks he makes me incredibly uncomfortable to watch. ANYWAY presses play hm. Ok. wow. BAD. First song of his I’ve ever listened to and holy fuck. Worse than I thought. Nothing to like about this. It's so low effort. I’m just trying desperately to tune this trash out while I wait for the next song. Holy fuck. OH THANK GOD

Kill your radio- Heartsrevolution

Cute! Feels like something that would play in a scene while a stereotypical girly character beats the shit out of someone. Is that insane? Idk man. maybe I’m just thinking about violence because of dad. It’s fuzzy. The guitars and vocals got that sweet high fuzz on them. This toes the line for me of being like slightly over produced also but I think it’s just my taste. 

Becky- Be Your Own Pet

I’ve heard this one too! It’s just such an edgy teenage hatred song. Just real petty and fun to yell along to. Love the story and the little moments where the band all yells BECKY AAAAA. Good shit. 

Dark matter- Little Big League 

Oh such a sweet sleepy vocal with nostalgic guitars. Love the way the main vocal kind of leans around the notes, feels so effortless. The slight edge in the tone is used so sparingly but so well, such a cool voice. Oh man!! Sorry band you’re great too I just love these vocals!!! I want more growls but I’m feral for growls- the way that tone is used so sparingly to great effect is lovely. 

Better Go- Mel blum 

Familiar with this one too. Just a really catchy, chill tune. Love the stops and little rhythm guitar moments. “Guess I ain’t using my body anyway.” Yeah. Solid tune fr. Love the floaty vibe of the vocals.

Random Firl -Late Of The Pier

Glanced at the band bio and apparently the band formed when they were 16/17 which is cute. They haven’t released anything in a long while but I wanna believe they’re all still friends. Feels like a song I’d have played on repeat in 2015 when I was in a Smallpools phase. The vocal harmonies are very sweet, such a nice wall of sound. Left me wanting more!! AA

You Make me smile- Mamalarky

This squishy bass is fun. Another soft, floaty voice- I guess Spotify is recommending all of these because I listened to so much Stella Donnelly last year. Really like the structure of this song, the way that the synths swell and fall again to make room for the guitar and piano… Just really cool vibes. Love that blending of synth and ‘real’ instrument. Yeah. Just kind of vibing here. Adding this one to my likes for sure. I feel like what sets this apart from some of the others is that the instrumentation is interesting and thick without drowning or outshining the vocals which is hard as heck to do right!!

IDC- carpetgarden 

First few lines are like. Damn. Yeah. Lyrics are heavy but in a fuck this kind of way. Their vocals are so sweet and yet kind of bored sounding? Genuinely really like the vibes. There’s a great energy to the guitars that makes you wanna dance around, real sad but happy at the same time. Kind of song I’d listen to while on the way somewhere to get myself in a good mood lmao. “Worms in my brain and my eyes are full of daisies, My body’s melting and it feels a-fuckin’-mazing” 

Wicca Kids- Pacific Purgatory

This song is underwater! Pull it out!! AAA! Fr tho it’s so muffled it feels like I’m listening through a wall. Kind of a vibe? I do kind of want it a little less muddy tho. I really like the vocals- feels like they’re hiding I wanna drag them out to the front of the mix. This is prob intentional. It is nice, I’m just making grabby hands at all the high frequencies rn. Baby come back. 

Vampire- Lupin

The shades in that title and song name. Chefs kiss. These vocals are great, confident and straight shooting. They cut through really well. Oh no wonder I like this, he’s the vocalist from hippo campus. Solid song. Not super my current taste but it’s definitely hitting every ball it’s trying to hit… if you get me. Knows what it’s about. 

You’re Terrific - LoudFoxCult 

I love the way the two vocals play off each other. This came out in 2018, real cute highschool indie rock vibe and yet- like way better than you’d expect from a highschool indie band so like.. Yeah. Terrific, even.

Scott Pilgrim- Plumtree

Omg I love Plumtree. Punk girls from the 90s kickin ass. I love this band. This is a great song, I like In The Sink better tho. The main lick is super catchy though I can see why this is their most listened to.  “I’ve liked you for a thousand years” Repeated over and over and over because yeah dude I’ve liked you FOREVER. 

WasteUrTime- Kevin Walkman

Bassline hits. Licking my fingers baby this shit tastes GOOOOOD am I going insane? Idk man this song just has a really satisfying groove going, vocalist has a great laidback tone. Feels perfect for the vibe of the lyrics. Horny songs gotta have a goood bass line and y’know. This one did it. 

brittle (wake up)- Meltycannon

I know this band but can't place them. Really love the grunge/hiphop vibes??

When You Are Not Around- The Band Ice Cream

Breakup song if ever I heard one, “I like you more, when you are not around.” Angry and mean in a satisfying way, feels like a diary entry I wrote about an ex. Just like- raw and unfair amounts of bitterness, you know? Kind of shit you’d never actually say. Well idk maybe you would. I’m only mean in my diary tho. Mostly. Cough. “I don’t fucking care if it hurts you” 

How Could You Ever Think I Hated You?- Cloning

HAHA opposite vibes completely and holy shit a band from perth!!! The aussie accent feels so comfy to me in music mwa. Feels lik the accent is almost going american in parts- maybe that’s just the Perth accent tho idk any perthians. Jumpscared by the stop in the middle of the song lmao i was like NOO. Guitars are lovely, feels like a real lived-in sound. Love the vibe

Meet me in Montauk- Retirement Party

“Had a head so big it sank into the ground.” The noodles in the guitar always make my heart happy- very midwest emo. Just a very cozy angsty song. This is the type of music that turns my brain to like nostalgic goo. “I’m not sure if i don’t believe in a God or if he doesn’t believe in me” - something my 11 year old self would cry about fr. I love how raw and unornamented the vocals are- it’s a mark of the genre for sure but it just makes the lyrics hit even harder. 

I Dropped Out- And The Kids

Feels like I’ve heard this one a thousand times and yet it’s not in my likes. The vocals are swimmin' in reverb and they’re just- asufghdsuigifih I Love The Dreamy-ness. The “I went to graduation" line coming back with altered timing/tone always hits so good idk it’s such a simple thing but with the force of the band crescendo behind it- it’s like. Fuck yeah, you did!

Been thinking- Fishing In japan

SO laid back, these lyrics flow so naturally- the vocals sound half asleep in the best way. Solid band. Nothing really stands out to me more than the silly sleepy vocals which are a very good vibe, kind of wish the guitars were played a little less straight to emphasise the drag of the vocals. It’d be different song. Better? Maybe? But this song is nice too. 

And that’s all wowweeeee

[eijunes]

oohh ya im excited for bsd s4!! tho ngl, my memory sucks so i cant remember the last thing that happened in s3 buttt i did catch up with the manga recently and it seems like the hunting dogs will appear!! 🥰 who are your fav characters from bsd?? also any ships you like? 😏 omgg i miss hq!! so much and i still have to read/watch daiya, ao ashi, and kono oto tomare 😇 lolol ty cat! bc of you i have more that plan to read/watch and im excited! i hope you dont overwork urself and rest well! - ss 🎅

haha you're welcome, I’m happy to be a reason why your tbr/watch list grows 😄

it might be even better if you don’t remember everything, you can watch the new season with a fresh mind! did you see the new trailer? the hype is high!! 

about fav characters in bsd, if I made a list the whole ADA would probably be on the top! 

my taste in bsd ships is all over the place tbh ahfsjgk 😅 I like most dazai ships (although I'm not really interested in his most popular one 🙈) because I like how different people bring different sides out of him. my dearest one is dazatsu, and I adore their canon platonic relationship and I even started writing fics because of them, but my second fav ship is on a totally opposite side of the spectrum because it’s fyozai 😆 

and because bsd has such a wide cast of characters, I think it has so much potential for fun rare pairs, I wish I had enough time to read fics for all of them. 

listen, once I even read a fic for kunikida/akutagawa pairing and it might sound insane but the author really made it work! in canon setting!! 😄

[gay-strawberry]

okay lets talk sapphics because theyre very dear to me (since im one myself)

finding nice lesbian/bisexual women representation in media is hard and a BL was the last place i expected to find it but here we are.

i dont know if they will end up together or if we will get to see their relationship evolve (fair, ‘cause this isnt their story) but the fact that theyre both queer coded cant be denied, in this essay i will-

#1 ink’s lack of interest in men.

we see her reject pat (more than once lmao), and she makes very clear that what she had with pat in high school was just friendship (so not only she doesnt like him now, she never did).

#2 their first interaction its them literally flirting.

god the “chracter A: i cant do it its too hard 🥺👉👈, character B: i will teach you 😏” troop its so cliche but so good 1000/10 never stop using it please

#3 ink’s interest in pa.

she insists pa goes with them to eat (and its kinda sad when she says no)

then when she finally gets to be with her, even if its suppose to be a date with pat, she pays way more attention to pa (and the cakes) than to him and its more than happy to be left alone with her (and to get to eat pat’s cake).

this  ↑ ss literally summarizes the date. pat tired and rejected while ink asks pa to feed her hahsdfhjhahsdjfk i love it here.

#4 pa’s curiosity and interest in ink.

shes helping her bro to get ink even if it goes against her own advide (dont date friends) just because its ink, just because she likes her (looks like someones living her own crush thru his brother, who she probably thinks has more chances to date ink than her anyways). 

she likes her yall. thats all 👀👀👀

#5 whatever the f*ck they got going on in ep 7

they were so gay in this episode. i was thriving !! like theres no straight explanation to any of their scenes,

-their encounter here is very clearly out of a romcom. the music, the stare, the smiles, 

-them holding hands for no reason (pretty self explanatory) and pa’s face when ink calls her pretty. i cant tell whats gayer, calling your homies pretty or reacting like that to your homies calling you pretty.

-flirting thru sweets and anonymous notes (sighs) theyre so much like episode 2 patpran, just date already 

-ink saving pa (and her friends) from a stupid dude bro

and look !! at pa’s face like- nngghghg shes so gay for ink. me too me too

-pa’s friends instatly crushing on ink (me too tbh) and pa agreeing with them

# bonus: wai is now interested on pa (cant blame him, shes the cutest prettiest girl ever). which i hope leads us to pa rejecting him and realizing thru the whole thing that she likes ink (the same way pat did with ink and pran, i do love a parallel ngl)

anyways thats it. sorry for the rant. but not really because i will probably add to this if more happens between them.

[ssamie]

them getting caught simping for their s/o (part 1)

·˚ ༘⌗ just hq boys simping for you and getting caught simping by their friends

·˚ ༘⌗ characters include: tanaka ryuunosuke, oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime

·˚ ༘⌗ gender neutral pronouns were used.

·˚ ༘⌗ warnings: swearing and fluff lol

gen masterlist.                      hq masterlist.

TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE

honestly are we surprised?

he's already a massive simp, so why should he hold back when it comes to his s/o

he simps by literally any and every way you could think of

hyping you up? ofc, no need to say anything he already does that on a daily basis

want cuddles? say less,, he's already waiting with his arms wide open

want to go on dates? who cares about practice, he'll go on a date with you anytime, no matter what the consequence he may face

want to meet up at 3am for no reason at all? wdym, he's already up and waiting outside your house

you're sick? no no, he's already in your room taking care of you with meds, soup, and cuddles <3

i could go on but...you get the point

anyways

he gets caught simping by the team when they walked past you and him sitting by a tree on the school yard

he had you sitting on his lap with a gleeful and lovesick smile as he brings his chopsticks up to your mouth to feed you

"do you like that, baby?" he asked you with a smile. "yeah, it's very good" you said. "did you cook this?" you asked him

tanaka proudly smiled and nodded "yup! i have to make sure my baby gets only the best food there is!" he exclaims as he wraps his arms around your waist

you laugh lightly and playfully smack him in the chest "you're too sweet, ryu" you said "but thank you."

"hmm, anything for you, babe" he muttered in reply as he pressed a soft kiss on your cheeks and temples

the whole team is watching with varying reactions lmao

first of all, noya and hinata are crying from jealousy (suga too but he won't admit that 🙄)

tsukki, yams, and the other second years are snickering while daichi and asahi jokingly join along

they tease tanaka about it, but it's not like he cares lmao 💀

"damn what a simp."

"you're so smitten it's actually sad."

tanaka: "you're just jealous you don't have an s/o!"

it's true. they were just jealous 🙄🤞🏼

they're still very happy tanaka actually found someone that loved him back. they all knew he had a heart of gold, and he deserved every bit of love he received from you

i love him :(

OIKAWA TOORU

oikawa is actually a very affectionate partner

he does have a high ego, but he will succumb once he gets a quick glimpse of you

to him, you're the most beautiful being to ever walked the earth, not even kidding.

that's usually how he simps lol

he just praises you about pretty much everything

gives you never ending compliments and aims to make you feel like the most perfect person alive, because thats how he sees you

also loves physical touch <3

doesn't have to be sensual,, he just likes feeling your skin on his.

his favourite is when you're holding hands because his hands are much bigger than yours and he finds that cute >:(

"tooru, practice will start soon" you said to him as you comb your fingers through his hair, though being careful enough to not mess it up.

"hmph" he said, though it only came out as muffled murmurs, seeing as his face was buried into your chest

"you're very clingy today" you hummed "something wrong?" you asked him

his hand, which he felt the need to intertwine with yours, squeezed yours tighter as he brought them up to his lips

"mm, i just love you that's all" he said as he went back to burying his face into his your sweatshirt.

you smiled and kissed the crown of his head, making him sigh in content. "love you too, tooru"

they clown him.

the whole team just clowns him.

it would start with iwaizumi quietly snickering, though he wasn't really that fazed since he sees oikawa like this with you a lot

but makki and mattsun saw you too and just burst out laughing. idk why either they just did

they, along with yahaba, would just laugh and throw in some teasing comments

he usually responds with petty replies

"damn, what a simp"

"didn't think the oikawa tooru would like anyone but himself"

oikawa: "shut up! stop teasing me, you're all dumb! you're just mad i have a god/goddess of an s/o. you probably don't know what that's like cus you're all ugly. unlike me ofcourse. though blah blah blah.."

oikawa sweetie... shut up <3

kindaichi laughs along,, kunimi and kyotani just doesn't care lol

i love tooru sm :(

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

i love you sir 🛐

anyways, iwaizumi is a very loving boyfriend!! very protective and affectionate, but more showy when you're in private

he could never say no to you, no matter the request

you could probably ask him to eat cat shit and he'd do it for a kiss ngl

okay.. maybe don't go that far.. but yeah

you want kisses? he's not the biggest fan of pda but he'll do it if u really want it

wanna go on a date? can't say no to that

want him to buy you food/clothes? he'll do it no questions asked.

i could list down more things but my brain can't think of anything else so no <3

anyways

you were outside the gym, getting drinks and snacks and just talking

and you thought it would be a good idea to try on some clips you got on his hair

"please, hajime" you pleaded with a pout "i got these really cute clips yesterday but im wearing enough already" you said

"so i want you to wear the rest" you present him a small bag of colorful butterfly clips with a smile

iwaizumi looked at it with dread, not really wanting his head to look like a rainbow. but one glance at your hopeful smile and he just ~melts~

"ofcourse, baby" he said with a small smile "do what you want" his smile only widened as you cheered, excitedly picking out the colors to accessorise him with

"would you like blue and pink or blue and purple?" you asked

"which do you like more?" he asked "hm. maybe blue and pink.. i dunno though. you'll look cute with both" you said

"just do both then" iwaizumi shrugged as he leaned his head back on your lap, closing his eyes and humming as you comb through his hair with your fingers.

"thank you for letting me play with your hair, haji~" you cooed with a soft laugh as you press a kiss on his nose

"anything for you, love" iwaizumi replied with a chuckle

everyone just stops for a second. just pause.

they definitely didn't expect to see iwaizumi to enter the gym with his hair decorated with blue, pink and purple butterfly clips.

oikawa gasps in shock and would probably ask to borrow some.

he already knows its from you since iwa is his best friend, and he really didn't want to get a beating so early into practice.

"iwa-chan! can i have some?! give me the blue ones!"

iwa: "no way, shittykawa get your own fucking clips!

makki and mattsun would tease him to death. they were the only ones brave enough to do so :p

"damn, y/n really had you wrapped around their finger, huh?"

"ah, the things we do for love~"

"what a simp"

makki and mattsun came home with a bruise that day.

kunimi and kindaichi are quiet. they didn't want to end up like the two idiots. though kunimi may or may not have snapped a quick photo

kyotani thinks its iconic. he's an iwaizumi supremacist, what can i say.

i love iwa sm pls 😖

i think im getting better at making headcannons,, idk tho jjsbsnabs

[kiwibirbs-library]

Before and After Rituals

a/n: hi I hope yall like Imma make this a series with the schools so      mauh <3

pairings: karasuno x reader

warning: I’m pretty sure this is all clean if not feel free to say something. 

summary: the boy’s before and after game things that they do with you

seijoh || nekoma || fukurodani || shiratorizawa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Daichi Sawamura

the night before a game you always go over to his house with some meat buns and either stay for a while or spend the night

he always holds onto you in some way

it calms him down 

its not anything big but it gives him a good sense of peace and quiet before chaos

after his game you always wait for him outside the gym, win or lose

he goes with his team back to the school and you meet him there too

you either go to his house or yours and one of you spends the night just to calm down his head

you always get snacks and even if he tells you to not get to much junk you always get to much and he doesn’t stop you

if he won then you talk about the next match and his thoughts on the team

he’ll also spin you around when he sees you outside the gym

idk he loves doing it

if he lost than he’ll start on things he needs to do better on and you’ll try and cheer him up with some corny jokes and kithes.

Sugawara Koshi

all the morning before the game you two are attached at the hip. 

everyone is just used to you “sneaking” onto the bus to drive with them

in reality him trying and failing horribly to cover you with his jacket and coach just giving up on it

constant quiet giggles at first as you try and calm his nerves

then around the end its more quiet and serious as he focuses a little more

after the game he naps on you the whole way home

if he wins you get to listen to his rambling about some idea he had on signals he could use or a set up he wants to try

he could literally talk for hours on what he was thinking wall watching and playing its so adorable

if he loses then theres a aura of sadness in the bus and if its bad enough he’ll muffle his small sniffs into your shoulder

that hasn’t happen except for date tech and sejioh though and your happy for that

you always sleep over after the game

always

Asahi Azumane

before the game welcome to teddy bear time

noya constant teasing for a week straight since the big dork is constantly on you freaking out

normally its not to bad and a lot of it is just of how scare he is that his spikes will get blocked a lot and the comments he’s sure to receive about his looks when he gets there

when game day does come you always kiss his cheek and hold his face to tell him good luck

def earning gags from tssuki but you didn’t hear it from me

after the game its like teddy bear time x10

win or lose you get a new weighted blanket for a couple of days

if he wins its a more happy blanket yes but he’s so exhausted that he just falls asleep on you the minute you meet him at his house after they left for the bus

plus a bunch of random ‘holy crap wait i did that?!”’s to himself throughout the day

if he loses he cries a little, blaming himself for the entire thing

you always tell him that its not his fault and that he did his best

he’s honestly so pessimistic the night after and your one it telling him that he needs to remember how it feels but not let it bring him down

you bring him up with those comments and he’s so grateful for it

Nishinoya Yuu

every time the day before a game he likes to go somewhere with you

weather it be the park, the arcade, an ice cream shop

a freaking pet shop (yes you almost got a pet that day)

he finds it relaxing to see you having a nice time with him and every time he always makes sure its a place to make you smile

after the game he’s a koala on you, win or lose

the only real difference is happy koala or sad koala

happy koala is randomly kissing you and laughing, nuzzling into you while Tanaka either gags or whines about how single he feels

sad koala is sniffling into your shoulder and clinging to you even more if its possible, hes pretty quiet too so you know hes waiting until you get home to talk about everything

course after that mini pout session hes all fighting and ready to see that team again and win

either one also ends with a cuddle movie night until like 2am

also unrelated but like he’s so freaking hot when he receives so always tell him that

Tanaka Ryuunosuke

ok ok this boy omg 

so before the game its MAJOR sucking up to you

literally after a while you’ll get more used to it and get what kinds of attention he wants but like at first its just a lot of complements and stares and draping

literally ennoshita is stretched so thin the week before hand by it all

no one even understands why he’s sucking up to you other than him, you (after a little), and ennoshita

he just wants you to return the energy

after the game all depends on winning or loosing

if the win he will always, without fail, kiss you like a million times all over your face when he sees you next

does not matter if its outside the gym or if its when he gets back to the school or what

every time

if they lose, well you now have a very sad puppy on your hands

mentally during a game he’s like no one you’ve never met but when he gets home and has sometime to think its all a bunch of ‘i could have done better’ and ‘i should have done better’ s

you are constantly reassuring him thats he’ll do it next time and that its not his fault

BACK RUBS ARE BIG WITH HIM AND YOU CANT TELL ME NO

but win or lose yall’s main thing is a movie and snack night

after that he’s really to go the next morning and beat up some volleyballs lol

Ennoshita Chikara

lol he’s the most chill i think

before the match he’s really calm

bb doesn’t think he’s gunna play but like he’s ready

honestly though the biggest switch is that he’s an even bigger cuddle bug than before

like he keeps it together at school but hangouts? coming over?

ha

better have gone to the bathroom before cause you’re not moving for the next couple hours

it’s like it calms him down after practice enough to think over what he needs to work on

after the game is the same no matter win or lose

every.single.time. he will always have a sit down with you to talk about what happened during the game

like quick nap, the meeting, then off to your house to go over the pros and cons on the game

he always has the moments when he thinks he’s not worth it to be put in the game but you always just ruffle his hair and tell him thats the furtherest from truth he could get

Kageyama Tobio

OH MY GOD YAY MY BOO

sorry anyways

so before a game he gets kinda quiet

normally he likes to chat about stuff that went on in practice or how hinata pissed him off that day while yall are sprawled on his couch

but he gets quiet the week before and just has that look on his face

you know the look

the ‘grumble grumble’ one

you always poke between his eyebrows and poke at him to make sure he doesn’t go to far into his thoughts

the night before its like a switch flips and hes muttering to himself like crazy on something he might be able to do with his sets

after a game is another win or lose situation

winning means you get little kid mode kageyama

literally his eyes sparkle at everything he enjoys afterward

milk

rewatching his match

anything you freaking do, all that

plus napping, a lot of napping

losing is sad to watch

he sort of goes back a few steps in the social department and goes robot mode

you both will camp out on his couch, his head buried in your lap or shoulder

if its bad enough he cries a little

you always sleep over no matter what

Hinata Shoyo

SHOYOOO

alright this boy before the game is normally fairly daily ngl

you get normal bouncy sunshine that will follow you anywhere and everywhere all the time

but the night before you get meditation mode where he sets out his game stuff and sits there for like half an hour

first time this happened you got scared for him cause he never sits still that long

NEVER

now though you just sorta hang on his bed watching him cause its cute

after the game is the biggest depending there is out of the rest

if he wins he is bouncing of the walls after a little nap

when you finally get him home he’ll have you throw the ball back and forth for like an hour before you call it and make him lay down or eat or something

if he loses its like he lost all his energy for a little while

he tries to fall asleep but cant due to a replay of something he did wrong

you always run your hand through his hair and try to calm him down

calm down as in cheer up not energy

at least until someone says something (usually tanaka) that gets him on another energy high to beat them next time

you always sleep over though it just happens so often that it became normal

Tssukishima Kei

before is fairly normal im ngl

he doesn’t do to much out of the ordinary

I like to think he’s a heck tone more affectionate in private 

his before game time isn’t anything special though 

he does come with you to the store to get snacks with yamaguchi more often tho so

thats something

after a game is really calm and slow

once again I think he’s a lot more affectionate in private so you lay on him while hes on his phone to calm down

half the time its calming you down since you were freaking out more than him

but same difference

this is what happens win or lose though

like if they lose and he tried he might lay on you instead but its normally just like that

honestly thinking of him being more affectionate in private just makes me fall for him ahhhhhh hate this but anyways

Tadashi Yamaguchi

this boy good lord

so before a game he literally shaking 

like he was fine the whole week but the day before he’s slowly freaking out more and more

tssuki will laugh at him while your trying your best to talk him out of his up coming panic attack that might come

a good light smack on his back and a cheek kiss is good enough to get him distracted fro thinking to much though

after a game is always the same thing unless he screwed up a serve really bad

you two always go to the store and gets some snacks and them go to his house and just talk about anything ad everything

if he wins its normally about the game but when he loses you bring up random things to cheer him up

if he messed up he’ll get quiet and just lay on you for hours

but you know that if you can get something about his amazing improvement he’ll eventually brighten up

bb just wants some love (that doesn’t mean you don’t smack him upside the head when he makes fun of someone tho 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: im sorry for not doing  kinoshita and narita i dont know them good enough since im not that far into season four to write for them. plus i think ennoshita is oc but thats ok i think