Questioning.
Summary: Hi!Love love love your writing🫶🏻🫶🏻Could you write some angst?Like where reader and Conrad argue maybe? Have a good day❣️
You weren’t sure when the irritation had started today. It was just… one of those days. You’d woken up and there was no milk left for your coffee, and the last slice of bread had been eaten. The toothpaste was running low, too, and you had to squeeze the last remains out of it. Nobody had bothered to go to the store yet and your car was blocked in by Jere on the driveway. Someone else had already put their clothes into the laundry but hadn’t bothered to turn the machine on, and you were certain not a single person in this house would ever decide to empty the dishwasher. It was just the little things, and they were irritating when you were living in a house of this many people.
Perhaps it wasn’t any of those things causing the issue. They were just ways of you avoiding what was really stressing you. Last night, Conrad, you and the others had been at a party. You’d left early with Belly when she’d had too much to drink and the boys had stayed. It was just a party at the beach, nothing crazy, but you’d woken up to a text this morning that had turned your stomach sick.
Hey girl! Feel like I need to be honest with you, Conrad was all over Nicole last night. I’d want to know if I were you.
I’m pretty sure I saw them kiss.
Even thinking of the words again made you nauseous, they were rotating over and over in your head. All over her.
“Hey babe,” Conrad speaks softly as he comes downstairs, swinging an arm around the bannister as he turns into the kitchen.
“Hey,” You glance up, trying to scrub a stain out of the countertop.
You couldn’t look at him, too fearful that you’d break down into tears right then and there.
He comes behind you and wraps his arms around your torso. You force yourself to not tense up under his touch, letting out a shaky breath before you say;
“I need you to go to the store,” You comment.
You feel his arms slip from you, “What?”
“Jere’s boxed my car in so I can’t go but we need a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve made a list so I’ll send it to you and-“
“Good morning to you too,” Conrad practically grimaces, stepping back to lean against the counter.
“Sorry, Con, but we’ve got stuff to do today. Susannah and Laurel will be back tomorrow and you know they’ll hate it if the house is in a state.”
“I think they’ll just be glad we didn’t burn the place down,” He scoffs, crossing his arms over his torso.
You turn around and set down the cloth in your hand, wiping your hands. He raises his eyebrows at you like he’s waiting for something so you step forward and stretch up to press a kiss to his lips.
“Please,” You smile.
He narrows his eyes, a smile tugging at his lips, so you kiss him again. This was normal. This was him. The boy that would never hurt you.
“Alright fine,” He agrees, opening up his arms to place them around your waist, “If you insist, your royal highness.”
“Thank you,” You force yourself to smile again, “I’ll send you the list, I’m going to clean the bathroom whilst you’re gone and then-“
“And then when I’m back we can actually enjoy our day? No more stress cleaning,” He encourages, brushing a lock of hair away from your face.
“Okay.”
He leans down and kisses your jaw, once twice three times before stepping away from you to grab his keys. He’d never hurt you. This boy would never hurt you.
“Send me that list!” He calls back to you, disappearing around the corner.
It was all fine, right?
———
Conrad gets back an hour later, carrying in bags and bags of groceries all exactly from your list. You help him put them away and then start busying yourself with tidying up the lounge.
“(Y/n) come on, we’re going surfing,” Conrad encourages, reaching out his hand to you from where he was laying on the couch.
“I don’t-“ You clear your throat, looking away from him, “I don’t really feel like it today.”
He pushes himself up onto his elbows, “Come on, you agreed you’d be done after I got back. The other three are capable of helping too, you know? Just tell Jere to clean.”
You glance at him and quickly glance away. You couldn’t get the words out of your head, as much as you’d tried to avoid them. Everything felt so normal this morning, but it was becoming impossible to convince yourself that it couldn’t be true.
“I-“ You shake your head, tears brimming at your eyes when you look at him, “I can’t today.”
“Woah, woah, woah,” He sits up fully, “What’s going on?”
You let out a shaky breath and shake your head again, “Sorry I just… um… I think there’s dust in my eye or something.”
You hurry off into the nearest bathroom and lock the door behind you, leaning back against the locked door. You can’t fight off the tears at your eyes anymore as they start to trickle down at the corners. In the moment, you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, your eyes glazed over and your lip quivering with each exhale.
When you and Conrad first got together, you’d always thought he was too good for you. You knew who he’d been with before you, and you didn’t feel anything like them. You weren’t one of the country club girls, not one of the girls who’d throw themselves at him if he gave them the chance. You just fell in love and he did too. And, as much as he reassured you that you were blind to think he was too good for you, there was always just this little piece biting at you every time you thought about it for too long. Would you ever think you were good enough for him?
You walk over to the sink and look closer at yourself in the mirror, dragging your fingers under both of your eyes to wipe away the remaining tears. Your eyes looked a little red now and your cheeks felt puffy but you ignore it, drawing your shoulders back before walking back out of the bathroom.
Your steps come to a halt when you almost bump into Conrad, stood only a metre from the door.
“(Y/n) why has Shayla just texted you?” He holds your phone out towards you, “And why does it-“
“You looked through my phone?” You question, snatching it back from him.
He scoffs, “It came up on your lockscreen, okay? I didn’t think anything of it. Until I see that it’s Shayla and she’s telling you ‘Id be worried if I were you’.”
You look down at the screen and see the message still sitting there waiting to be read. She’d be worried. Should you be?
You look back up at him, “Well, should I be?”
“Should you what?”
“Should I be worried, Con?” You return, trying to avoid the tremor in your words.
“What are you talking about?”
“You know what, forget it, I shouldn’t have said anything,” You shake your head, pushing past him to walk down the corridor.
He hurries after you and his hand reaches out to grab your arm, turning you around, “No, talk to me (y/n). Why did Shayla text you that?”
As you turn around, it doesn’t feel like the same Conrad looking back at you, but it only lasts for a second. His face is so full of worry you’re sure he could break there and then.
“Wh-“ You stop yourself, “What happened after I left last night? At the party, what happened?”
He frowns, his eyes looking between each of yours, “What are you talking about?”
“Tell me what happened.”
He blinks like he’s completely lost but continues, “Okay, you left with Belly. We got a few more drinks, Steven rang Taylor, Jere saw this guy he hooked up with last summer, the keg ran out and it got cold, we walked home.”
You purse your lips together, “Nothing else?”
“(Y/n) if you think something happened I’d rather you just say it because I can’t think of a-“
“Were you with Nicole?”
He raises his brows, “Nicole?” He practically scoffs over her name, “You can’t be serious.”
“Answer the question, Conrad.”
“Okay, yes, I saw her there,” He shrugs, “I didn’t realise that was an important part of the story, I saw her, we said hello, I didn’t see her for the rest of the night.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and pull out your phone with shaking hands, unlocking it and pushing it into his hands, “That’s not what it seemed like to Shayla.”
His eyes scan quickly to read the message and you watch his shoulders drop.
“Is it true?” You ask shakily, tears brewing once again.
“(Y/n)…”
For a second, you’re convinced he’s going to admit to everything and you’re going to feel your heart break beyond words.
“Is this really what you think of me?”
You stop before speaking again, “Conrad I woke up this morning to that text and I-“
“And you believed it?” He half laughs over the word.
“Why wouldn’t I believe it Conrad?” You exclaim, your words catching in your throat.
Conrad pauses.
“I know how things were when you were with Nicole. They were easy and fun and you didn’t have to think about anything. I’m not like that,” You shake your head, biting your lip to stop it from trembling, “I know I’m not who people expect you to be with and I know this isn’t… I just know that people see you with Nicole and they think that’s who it should be, not me.”
“(Y/n),” He looks at you so strongly you’re sure you could crumble, “I chose you. I chose this. And I still choose this. Every single fucking day I choose this. Why can’t you see that?”
“I just… I can’t get the thought of you and her out of my head.”
He laughs, “There is no me and her! There was no me and her last night! But if this is what you think of me (Y/n) then this is a really sad conversation.”
Before you can speak, he swallows the lump in his throat and walks past you, his shoulder bumping yours. You listen to his footsteps receding until the door slams and he’s gone.
Without another thought, every emotion spills from you, dropping to the floor as you sob.
In seconds, the bedroom door opens and Jere and Belly step out, both of them crouching down to wrap you in their arms, holding onto you as much as they were holding you up.
———
You leave the house almost an hour later, forcing yourself out of bed and down towards the short walk to the beach. On your way, you’re already certain that that’s where he’ll be. The place that made him think more clearly. The place where he’d first kissed you.
As you expect, Conrad’s sat just a little way down on the sand, his knees at his chest and his arms draped over them, a burgundy hoodie wrapped around him.
You sit down without a word and his eyes look up from the sea to watch as you do so, following you down until you’re beside him.
Both of you are silent, neither of you willing to break that just yet.
“I’m sorry Con,” You exhale, “I shouldn’t have just jumped to conclusions.”
He shakes his head, looking out at the moving sea, “I should be apologising.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?” You feel the lump form in your throat, as if part of you is so sure he’s about to admit to your worst nightmare.
“I would never cheat on you (Y/n). I’d never even think about looking at another girl like that,” He explains, “But if I’ve made you feel like there’s even the slightest possibility that that’s something I’m capable of, then I’m doing something wrong. Because you shouldn’t feel like that. And you shouldn’t have felt like that today.”
“Con it’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault,” He returns, “Why do you think I would cheat on you?”
You take a deep breath, reaching out to take his hand into yours, watching him visibly relax at the contact, “I love you Connie, and I always have, and you’ve made me feel loved since the first day you kissed me and every day since. But, even with us together, there’s always this part of me that’s so sure I’m just… not enough. And that one day you’ll realise that too. And that’s not you, or Shayla or Nicole or anyone that’s causing that, it’s just me.”
“But (Y/n) I-“
“I know,” You squeeze his hands, “I know you might think it’s stupid and you might think you need to be doing more but it’s just… sometimes it’s hard to believe that you feel that way about me.”
He shifts in his spot so that he’s facing you, reaching both of his hands out to cup your face, “I love you, (Y/n) (Y/l/n). And I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll spend the rest of my life if it takes that long for you to be sure of that. Do you understand me?”
You let out a laugh and tears prick at the sides of your eyes, his thumbs shifting instantly to catch the tears as they fall.
“Now how could I not love you?” He grins, leaning in until his forehead presses against yours.
You rest there for a while, as if you’re breathing in every ounce of love he can offer you, letting out an exhale of every worry of the day.
“Do I love you?” Conrad raises his eyebrows.
You giggle, “You love me.”
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