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xoxardnekoxo · 11 months

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Movie Review: TMNT Mutant Mayhem

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

Ah, Ninja Turtles. My childhood superheroes... oh who am I kidding, my eternal superheroes. :D This fabsome foursome debuted in 1987, the same year I was born, so I literally grew up watching the franchise. The series has gotten several reboots over the last three decades, and it's still going strong. The hype now is around the latest installment, Mutant Mayhem, created by Seth Rogen.

So, confession - when I first heard details about this movie and saw promo images, I was NOT on board. The art style is amateur at best, and yet another one of my beloved childhood redheaded characters has been black washed. First Ariel, now April? If we could stop doing that, that would be great... I'm totally okay with her being heavyset and more realistic in terms of body. We could all use THAT type of PC upgrade for beloved classic characters. But at least keep them the same race we've always known them to be.

But enough about that. It wasn't just the art style that made me stick my nose up in disgust at yet another remake of my ultimate childhood series. I'm literally a mega fan - my TMNT collection dates back 30+ years and is still growing, and it features some sort of item from every series thus far (with the exception of Rise... because even I can't get on board with that one). I'm talking figures, plushes, clothes, jewelry, hats, backpacks, bookmarks, magnets, buttons, piggy banks, etc. You name it, I've got it in TMNT form. So I'm very passionate about the show and can be quite critical of changes to it.

Which is why when I was starting to get past the art style, I was appalled to learn that not only would Shredder not be the main antagonist this time around, he wouldn't even be referenced at all.

Uh... yeah, we all know - we've known since 1984, when the comics came out - that Shredder is THE villain of the turtles. That's the one thing that's been consistent with every franchise (except The Next Mutation, but he at least made an appearance in that, albeit for a brief time). Instead, the bad guy is a hideous creature called Superfly. Kind of a double play on words considering he's literally a giant mutant fly with fancy/classy/fast cars and an entire mutant army and crime baddies at his disposal.

And Splinter? OMG, what did they DO to him? His face looks like someone splattered vegetables on the sidewalk. I see a squashed tomato/potato where his nose should be, and his "beard" is like the top of broccoli or a garlic clove. (shudder) And let's not get into the fact that, when the turtles were kids, he had a freaking Afro and a mustache. The turtles are meant to be 15 in this time, which would make the year roughly 2008 when they were kids, so the 70s look was way dated at that time.

Then we get more great news... not only are we now race-swapping characters; we're also gender-swapping them. Leatherhead and Wingnut, while minor characters throughout every iteration, are now girls instead of guys.

Leatherhead has always been an ally to the turtles, except in the original series, and considering the direction this movie took, I have to wonder if the writers thought it would be inappropriate to make them enemies because it would show teen guys beating up a girl. I mean, "beating up" may be a stretch, but you get what I mean. And Wingnut has always been super annoying to me, so I would have been okay had she not been in the movie at all. But I digress.

Okay, so, plot. Since Shredder isn't the main villain, the plot isn't the usual "stop Shredder from conquering Earth" thing. The movie starts with Baxter Stockman raising a giant mutant baby fly - in a crib and all - in a lab surrounded by test tubes of animals. Yeah, I didn't make that up. Animals of all different species and sizes are somehow shrunken down to conveniently fit inside a test tube.

Some heavy-duty suit guys break in and grab Stockman to take all his research at the behest of a mysterious woman named Cynthia Utrom. We know from prior series and lore that the Utroms are the alien race that created the ooze that caused the mutations of, well, all mutants. Utrom looks like a woman here, but she could be wearing a human suit like in the 2003 series. We don't know, and we don't find out.

Anyway, the baby fly escapes and takes out all the suits because, well, he's super strong and inhuman. And he has wings. He manages to grab all Stockman's test tubes and book it out of there, and then we fast forward to 15 years later where we meet our protagonists. Their current mission? To acquire necessities for the lair from a list given to them by Splinter. So they do this and they're like, "Hey, we've only been gone for a little bit. Let's go check out the outdoor movie playing in the park." So then we get to see them watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yep, a live action movie in a CGI movie with art that's literally meant to resemble sketches like kids would draw.

So then they get back to the lair but Leo guiltily confesses that they all went to watch a movie in close proximity to humans. We're then introduced to the origin story of the turtles and Splinter, and while we're all familiar with it, it's slightly different this time. Splinter was a normal rat before, but he wasn't anyone's pet. He was a typical NYC rat, hated by humans (and raccoons... and dogs...) and one day he finds himself in the sewers and comes upon four baby turtles crawling around in green ooze. This ooze had come from a canister kicked into a sewer grate from Stockman's lab earlier. Splinter was shocked that the turtles took right to him, and they were the first and only things to not instantly hate him or want to kill him. So of course he touches the ooze and mutates, as do the turtles. He raises them as his sons, and honestly, I don't recall ever hearing him being called Splinter. All the turtles called him Dad. I don't think we ever knew his name... so if you didn't know of any other TMNT series before this, you'd have no idea what his name was.

Anyway, the turtles, as kids, wanted to go above ground one day, and Splinter thought he'd give it a try. Bad idea, because, of course, everyone freaked out and chased them away. So Splinter vowed to keep his sons safe and refused to let them leave the lair except to get supplies. We're also treated to a montage of cheesy old footage of actual martial arts movies/shows depicting how Splinter trained the turtles in ninjitsu as a means of self defense. He now loathes humans and wants nothing to do with them, and wants the same for his sons.

So after the confession of watching a movie, the turtles get grounded and are all talking in their room about what they'd do if they could be normal. Meanwhile, a crime spree has broken out with mega villain Superfly (yep, that's his name) stealing all kinds of high-tech scientific items... and if anyone sees his face, he kills them.

We're soon introduced to April, who, this time, is not an adult reporter. She's an aspiring reporter in high school, and she's collecting information on the Superfly case because, due to the crime spree, the school's prom has been cancelled and she thinks she can get it back if she solves the mystery of Superfly.

Well, the guys are throwing ninja starts at watermelons (because why not) on the rooftop one night, and one lands in April's helmet. As she's chewing out the shadows on the roof that she can't see, someone steals her scooter. And Leo decides this would be a great time to play hero and get the scooter back for the "beautiful human girl." Yeah, in the 2012 version, Donnie had a crush on April. This time around, apparently it's Leo.

The guys then partake in their first actual fight with bad guys - I'd love to say that I went YES in the theater when a car radio turns on and "Ninja Rap" from the original second movie is playing - and shortly thereafter, April sees them. But she doesn't freak out even when she realizes they're not wearing costumes. She's more interested in getting a story about them for the school newspaper. But of course, considering they aren't supposed to be seen or known about, that won't do. April then tells the guys that, had they not helped her beforehand by getting her scooter back, she probably would have had a much different and more negative reaction to seeing them. This gives the turtles an idea: Become heroes by finding Superfly and bringing him to justice, allow April to get it all on film to showcase them as heroes, and then she can write and submit her story.

April accepts the terms, and the turtles go to her high school with her and are all "ooohh, ahh, we want to go here." They find April's locker, which has been graffitied with things like "puke girl." We're then treated to the ever delightful scene of our female protagonist spewing what looks like green ooze all over a desk because of nerves while giving the morning announcements. Look, I know this is CGI and not real, but that was completely unnecessary. More on that later.

So to get to Superfly, the guys have to interrupt a transfer of goods, i.e. the final piece of some machine Superfly is building for his nefarious plot (which we don't know what it is yet). The guys are waiting in the truck and he shows up... with Bebop and Rocksteady. You remember them. The mutant warthog and rhino, respectively, from 1987 and 2012? Shredder's mutant allies? The ones Shredder created? Yeah, those two. Well, this time, since there is no Shredder, they were created in Stockman's lab. Remember all the animals in test tubes? Yeah, they're all grown now as well, raised by Superfly since he was the oldest. Stockman's plan was to create a family of mutants because he was never liked or understood by people. Superfly's plan is to pick up where his "father" left off... by turning all animals into mutants and killing all humans.

So of course, eventually the turtles manage to turn the tables and attempt to escape with the last piece of the machine Superfly needs to spread the mutagen. But of course, that falls apart and a bunch of Utrom's suits find and capture them. April races back to the lair to tell Splinter that his sons are in trouble... yeah, that's an awkward first meeting. Splinter shows up and takes out all the suits (Utrom has been taken away to safety), saves his sons, and they all start to head back home to come up with a plan to stop Superfly. It results in them basically appealing to all the other mutants, telling them that they don't have to listen to Superfly and that they have a choice. Surprise, surprise, they all turn against the big bad. Even Rocksteady and Bebop, and they're supposed to be villains... I realize their origin is different here, but come on.

Well, everyone takes out the giant mutagen machine... sort of. It lands in the river below, where there are dozens of species of sea life. Yep, you guessed it. Superfly merges with all the animals in the river. He gets a whale body, crab pinchers, some sort of tail, etc. And, for some reason, random horses on his legs. Wha... Oh, and he's now taller than the Empire State Building. Awesome.

Yeah, as if he wasn't ugly enough before LOL. Well, the suits in Utrom's lab had been working on an anti-mutagen, and April managed to swipe one of these canisters... somehow. It didn't really show how, she just did it. Times Square has a huge news report going on about mutants attacking, so April manages to get inside the Channel 6 (yep, the right station!) building to take over the report and explain that she knows the truth - that the only bad mutant is the giant fly/whale hybrid thing. And then she pukes again. Seriously, STOP THAT.

Splinter is trying to get to his sons, but Superfly manages to knock him back hard enough to break his leg. Humans approach, and he's terrified... but they're reaching for him to help him. So then we have humans and mutants working together to get the anti-mutagen to the turtles, who manage to throw it into Superfly's weak spot - the whale blow hole. Yep, that takes care of it. So then the turtles are revered as heroes, and the other mutants are all now living in the sewers with them... and the turtles wind up going to high school. They're got human clothes on, ditch their masks, etc. And all the kids welcome them and think they're super cool. April's locker has been re-graffitied with things like "cool girl" instead of "puke girl," and then the movie just... ends.

Then we get a post-credits scene, showing how the turtles are getting along in high school. Each one seems to have found his niche, and they're even all at the prom together. However, Utrom is watching them, and she says that capturing them will be difficult. So she asks her assistant to bring her... The Shredder! Then we see an outline of Shredder before the scene cuts away. So yeah, totally open for a sequel, as is the norm with movies these days. In fact, a sequel (and TV series) has actually already been confirmed! I mean, honestly, how could Seth Rogen, a self-admitted TMNT addict, create a TMNT movie without at least planning for Shredder to be in it?

So, all in all, it wasn't a bad movie. I appreciate the throwbacks to the original series, and I'm glad to see my favorite heroes getting so much recognition again.

However, there are definitely some things in this movie that weren't necessary. The top of that list is April's barfing scene. She was nervous doing the morning announcements at school and wound up throwing up as a result. Then later, during her news broadcast telling everyone that the only bad mutant is Superfly, she does it again... honestly, I get that we may need a reason for her to rather be behind the camera instead of in front of it, and she needs an obstacle to jump over to tell the people who tease her to suck it, but did it have to be that??? We're showing puke in kids' movies now? Please, just, don't... I don't care that it's a cartoon and looked like the ooze that mutated our beloved heroes. That doesn't mean I want to see it spewing out of someone's mouth. What is it with Seth Rogen and vomit movies? Is it like some unwritten rule that someone has to upchuck in everything he's in? UGH.

Also, this movie is rated PG, but... were all the nipple references necessary? Splinter is legit concerned that, if his sons are found by humans, they'll be put in a lab and milked...and they're like, "But we don't even have nipples!" Then the turtles say the same thing to April when she talks about writing a story about them, and she asks how that could be done for the same reason. Then later, in Utrom's lab, they are getting milked... but, I mean, how... way too much emphasis on that.

And did Splinter seriously need a love interest? With an unintelligible giant bug? Just... why? That's wrong on so many levels.

It was said from the start that this movie would focus mostly on the "teenager" aspect, and it absolutely did that. The guys weren't all serious about ninja training and mastering new techniques; they were more interested in what it would be like to be a normal kid, go to school, go to the prom, etc. And since it's 2023, and because it's Seth Rogen, we have to have some swearing and such, even in a cartoon. Mostly it's by Superfly (aka Ice Cube), so not surprising. But even the original 1990 live action movie had cursing LOL.

You know, I'm almost positive that the turtles never officially introduced themselves to April upon meeting her. She introduced herself, but I don't think they ever identified themselves. The closest we came was in they were in the school and Michelangelo was signing himself up for a talent show. We all know who they are, but a human meeting them for the first time more than likely wouldn't. Hmmm... I think some details got overlooked. Just like how I swear Splinter's name wasn't mentioned once in the entire hour and 49 minutes of the movie's runtime.

Anyway, as a hard-core TMNT fan, I did enjoy the movie. Definitely some things that I would have changed, and others that should have stayed true to the original, but all in all it wasn't bad. I think I can give it 8/10 and be satisfied. :)

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