#no ​you don’t understand HE WAS A LONER. he DIDNT HAVE ANY FRIENDS

[dahldahlbills]

i miss kakyoin so much

[stargaby13]

Straw Hat Legacy Challenge

Another Legacy Challenge? YES! Or should I say... "Yes, Captain!"

This legacy challenge has generations inspired on the crew member, following the order in which they joined, story and/or backstory from them, canon information that I found in wikis plus manga and stuff... And, of course, personal ideias and adaptations.

*I'm playtesting it, things WILL be changed as I go and I'm open to suggestions.

*As you can see, I still didnt finished all generations, but I'll be updating this as possible.

*The basic rules are tha same as any Legacy Challange, don't use money cheats excessively (especialy when money is a parte of the generation challenge).

*I already gave a basegame option for almost everything, but your free to choose whatever you want when given options.

*I intent on given extra generations so you can add to your playthrough as more gens or just challenges for more sims in your household (like, if you want to give a set of rules for a spouse or sibling of the heir).

Generation One - Monkey D. Luffy

Your parents were never really in the picture, but you kinda had a grandpa that looked after you, but he was a bit too strict and almost never home, so you raised yourself. You were always a restless person with a burning passion for freedom, adventure and the unknown, so it wasn't a surprise when you decided to explore the vast space for a living, but the thing is, you never really played by others' rules and are always up to some mischief. Your motto is “anything, but a boring life!”. Oh, and you love fishing, it’s your way to calm your mind.

Color: Red

Traits: Cheerful, self-assured, Ambitious

Aspiration: Chief of Mischief

Career: Astronaut - Interstellar Smuggler Branch

Rules:

Master Astronaut career picking the Interstellar Smuggler Branch and complete Chief of Mischief aspiration;

DON’T level up the cooking skill (eat fruits, quick meals, buy food, etc.)

Master Mischief, Fitness, Charisma and Fishing skills;

Meet and keep ten friends (bonus if they are occult sims or from different worlds);

(Optional) Go on adventures when you have free time - like climbing, snorkeling, exploring new places, fishing and swimming (like vacations and new worlds);

(Optional) Make your neighborhood have a green footprint;

(Optional) Complete the postcard collection.

Generation Two - Roronoa Zoro

Your parents were always a bit too adventurous and busy with their own things, you had anything you could ask for as a child, but something was always lacking, not that you wanted more attention, you really do prefer to be left alone, but a bit more recognition would have been nice. You don’t really understand rules, ‘cause your parents never really cared for them, but what you do understand is being the best at things, so everything you do, you do to an extreme.

Color: Green

Traits: Ambitious, Hot-Headed, Loner

Aspiration: Bodybuilder - or -  Extreme Sports Enthusiast

Career: Athlete

Rules:

Master career and complete the aspiration;

Master Fitness skills (and if possible the Rock Climbing Skill) and any other skills needed to your career and/or aspiration (like Charisma);

Marry a childhood friend with whom you have something in common (like trait, aspiration or career) and this sim should have an unexpected death;

You can have as many kids as you want, but remember this sim is a loner and not really focused on family - you can have kids with your spouse before their death or adopt;

Have a declared enemy;

Generation Three - Nami

Your parent was a bit distant, but you grew up listening to your grandparents stories about being a space pirate and the crime life always looked like fun, and a good way to make easy money and if something is there for the taking, why not take it, right? Oh, yeah, you don't really care about rules, it always seemed like something made for other people, the only thing you care about other than money is your orchard, and that’s it.

Color: Orange

Traits: Kleptomaniac, Materialistic, Loyal

Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy

Career: Criminal - Boss Branch

Rules:

Master aspiration and career;

Have a neighbor that is a declared enemy;

Complete the crystal collection and one more at your choosing (if you have packs, can be the snowglobe or simmies for exemple);

Buy something new every week;

Have only one child;

Plant and tend a fruit orchard.

Generation Four - Usopp

Your parent always seemed to like their trees and collections more than you, so lying and inventing stories were the ways you found to be noticed by them. You always wanted to be more, but never really knew how, so you always tried to say what you think people wanted to hear, even if you had to invent something and you're damn good at inventing stuff. 

Color: Yellow

Traits: Creative, Clumsy, Goofball - or - Paranoid

Aspiration: Nerd Brain - or - Master Maker

Career: Writer

Rules:

Master Aspiration;

Master Handiness skill (If possible Master Fabrication Skill too) 

Marry someone from the neighborhood (bonus if they are from that on your parent hated);

 Leave your job as a writer at some point to invest in your creations and after this your spouse leave you;

Have five kids;

Generation Five - Vinsmoke Sanji

Your parents never really cared about you, especially after the divorce, and your grandparent were not the best exemple being a criminal and all… So you decided to live your own life in your own way no matter what, even if it means starting from scratch all alone and by yourself!

Color: Blue

Traits: Romantic, Glutton, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Serial Romantic & Master Chef

Career: Culinary - Chef Branch

Rules:

Don’t really get along with siblings as kids, but when adult reconnect with them;

Runway from home as a teenager and start with zero simoleons;

Only eat when the bar is in the red until you're a young adult;

Master both aspirations and career;

Master cooking, baking and mixologist;

Cook all food recipes and drinks;

Fish all fishes (complete collection);

(Optional) Collect all recipes from city living, etc.

Generation 5.5 - Nefertari Vivi (bônus gen/extra)

You have a wonderful family and you believe you can help make the world a better place, but are still trying to find out how exactly (maybe hands on working behind the scenes, or maybe being the face of the change?). But not only this, you want to start doing the best you can in your own home too! Maybe this way your kids can also have what you had and then they’ll want to try to do what they can for other people too, like you and then… Well, you get the idea.

Color: White & Gold

Traits: Good, Family-Oriented, Loyal/Proper

Aspiration: Neighborhood Confidante

Career: Secret Agent until becoming an Adult, then Business - Management Branch - or - Politician - or - Civil Designer (Civic Planner)

Rules:

Have a loyal pet (any pet, can be cat, dog or cowplant!)

Master aspiration and the second career;

Master Charisma skill (and if possible Parenting skill);

Have kinds only when adult, because you were too busy helping the world;

(Optional) Marry an occult sim! (then your heir will be the kid that comes as occult too);

(Optional) Achieve a green footprint.

Generation Six - Tony Tony Chopper

You always knew you were different from other sims, even with loving parents and all the support at home, all you wanted was to help people and for everyone else to accept you as you are.

Color: Pink

Traits: Genius, Childish, Bookworm/Awkward

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Career: Doctor - or - Secret Agent (Diamond Agent Branch)

Rules:

Eat sweets at leats once a day;

Generation Seven - Nico Robin

Color: Purple

Traits: Non-committal, Genius, Loner

Aspiration: The Curator - or - Archaeology Scholar 

Career: Writer (Journalist) - or - Scientist - or - Education

Rules:

Master career and aspiration;

Master writing and logic skill, (if possible) master Archaeology and Selvadoradian Culture Skill; 

Generation Eight - Franky

Color: Light Blue

Traits: Bro, Genius, Erratic/Goofball/Maker

Aspiration: Computer Whiz - or - Academic - or - Eco Innovator

Career: Tech Guru - or - Engineer (Mechanic) - or - Civil Designer (Green Technician)

Rules:

Master Career and Aspiration;

(If possible) Go to university;

Master Handiness, Logic, Fabrication, Robotics, Programming and Rocket Science skills;

Generation Nine - Brook

Color: Black & White, Grey

Traits: Music Lover, Goofball, Gloomy 

Aspiration: Musical Genius

Career: Entertainer (Music Branch) - or - Paranormal Investigator Branch 

Rules:

When adult, let your sim die and play with him as a ghost until someone in the family can resurrect him;

Generation Ten - Jinbe

Color: Ochre/Gold & Cooper/Orange

Traits:

Aspiration:

Career:

Rules:

[mcd-ms-rants]

sorry for the delay I’ve been really busy lately but it’s here now!!

STUFF I DIDNT LIKE ABOUT PDH SEASON 1:-

• ya theres nothing good to mention here

• Before the door opens Aph keeps mentioning a crowd that doesn’t exist. where is the crowd?? When the doors open she says k let’s go with the crowd now- girl I hate to break it to you but you’re the only one moving

• I JUST NOTICED THIS but when Aphmau uploads her pic on instagram she’s got 283000 on there. wayyy to many for a homeschooled loner who just has this one online friend. we get it she’s the protag but please

• LAURANCE MY BELOVED

• finally a season where he actually exists

• this school has enough budget to continually replace broken windows in the werewolf class but not enough to get a sane principal or a decent healthy plotline

• sdhjshdh pdh zane’s voice

• KC. WHAT IS HER CHARACTER HERE. also technically since Aphmau and Aaron are real people in the aphverse she’s shipping real people?? And shes been shipping them here in pdh, where they have almost a four year age gap which is NOT HEALTHY. Not to mention that as always she has like no character development

• SPEAKING OF THE FOUR YEAR AGE GAP WHAT WAS THAT. we get it it happened the same way for you irl you wanted to promote aarmau as the main ship but let’s be real there were SO MANY WAYS that could’ve gone better. they could’ve had a smaller age gap or gotten together after pdh when their both more mature and understanding of their own wants and needs in a relationship. Putting it here, where aphmau is completely oblivious and innocent and aaron is gonna graduate by the end of the year ISNT HEALTHY and MAKES NO SENSE from a plot standpoint. also I’m pretty sure Aaron was held back a year WHICH MEANS HES 18-19 AND TRYING TO GET WITH APHMAU WHO IS 14-15!!! YA WTF JESS??!!

• I’m sorry lmao the knocking when Aphmau discovers Aaron is fc

• Dante is a cheater and this is also somehow ok. why doesn’t Travis or Aphmau tell him it’s wrong. how are they good friends if they let him do it even till mys s2 and don’t say anything even after that

• Vylad is a whole mood right there

• that weird dream that Aphmau keeps getting of ??irene?? telling her to confess to aaron makes no sense but was probably foreshadowing mys s4, s5 and s6 since I’m pretty sure aaron was a werewolf in the dream and aph was using the irene voice tho idk if jess thought this far ahead from here itself. any other theories that you all have??

• lol Zane is on FIRE at the ro’meave dinner he’s not gonna let Garroth have anything and i love it

• tho garroth kissing aphmau without consent was probably not the best way to get your feelings across just sayin :/

• same with laurance honestly,,, stop kissing her randomly thanks

• why does Aphmau keep leading garroth and laurance on like that?? It took like 20 episodes for the guys to put their foot down and for Aphmau to realize what she was doing had bad consequences

• I miss jeffory this is one of the rare moments we get to see him

• Gene calling Aphmau kitty could be taken in a number of ways and each one gets progressively worse. she’s uncomfortable with it that’s clear and i feel like this shouldn’t have been the way gene showed that he wasn’t nice

• Aphmau constantly gets meif’wa to follow her for mouse toys. why are they treated this way?? can I call that meif’wa racism?? why are they portrayed as (somewhat) airheads who love mouse toys and will do anything for them can we portray them in a nicer way with yknow actual unique features of their own

• teony is so underrated but I love her she’s best girl

• all of Aphmau‘s friends are ok with aphmau getting closer to Aaron like DO NONE OF THEM SEE THE AGE GAP

• it would’ve been nice to see janus and lillian some other characters that werent best friends with Aphmau. yes there’s Zane and Gene but they’re antag for like one episode each and you can’t seriously tell me that the whole of the remaining school body loves Aphmau and is on good terms with her

and thats about it. as always if I think of more points I’ll edit them in

no I did not put too much jo9 content, you’re too much jo9 content

thanks for reading!! <3 <3

[vivinightingale]

Hi there~ First, I wanna say how much I enjoy your YGO writing (especially about Atem)!! I'm so glad to have found this blog!! (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)♡ I wanted to ask if you're still accepting Matchup requests? I'd like to request a male matchup from YGO DM, if that's okay with you :) If not, feel free to ignore this! Sorry for bothering! >_<

I'm a 5'0, both chubby and muscular girl. I love to sing! I'd be the type to sing softly to my s/o while we're alone and close together. I often take endless pictures of the sunset since it's so pretty!

I'm shy, quiet, and tbh a loner. I don't really reach out to others because I'm awkward and I enjoy my time alone. I have profound thoughts but I often can’t communicate them properly nor effectively :') I'm friendly & good-willing towards others nonetheless! I can be silly & funny around family. I highly value family & genuity. I have a short temper but I forgive just as quickly. I can be hard on myself yet I feel it's necessary to improve. I'm an appreciative person so I'll say thank you like 1000 times lol!

On that note, thank you so much! Sorry it was so long, please take your time! I appreciate your hard work! Stay safe and healthy (*´˘`*)♡

So I had a hard time choosing just one so I decided to go with both 💕

I pair you with....

Yugi and Atem!

The two of them were infatuated with you as soon as they saw you, and when they got to know it only amplified their infatuation.

Because Atem doesnt have a body of his own yet he would often to switch places with yugi just to see and talk with you.

They would go with you to various places to see the sunset. The look on your face, and the way the light reflected on you beautiful skin was always worth it.

When Ra granted Atem a body of his own the three of agreed to stay together because the thought of being apart didnt sit right with any of you.

The activities and cuddles also multiplied when Atem got his own body. Whether it be playing games at home, or going to the arcade it was always a good time when three of you were together.

When it comes to cuddles they like it better when your in the middle that way they can give you all the comfort and love you could ever ask for.

However they also understand that you need some time on your own. So on those days they would check on you now and then, but keep to themselves until you ready to come see them.

It didnt matter to them how long they to wait, you were always worth the wait to them.

Side note: not only did Yugi and Atem love but the whole friend group did too. You made them happy, and you were fin to be around. What more could they ask for?

[yume-fanfare]

hi i am that anon from like 29th Dec (last dang year) who said i read ur tsuki no hime and loved it and that u understand Aizou. i have read more of ur stuff since then and now i NEED to ask you for writing advice, on both characterization and general writing tips since I didnt mention it before. Sorry about that! i just forgot i sent an ask and i do not get notifs at all (or does anon asks not get notifs?) Also, ART STUDENT! That's why the nice art and art leaning!! I feel smart for sensing it

oh yup, tumblr doesn't send notifs for anon asks! but i'm glad you did see the answer anyway

this post is hideously long, so answer under the cut!

so, on characterization: it is mostly a matter of what would they say, rather than what you want them to say. the joke about "the characters do what they want to" instead of what the writer wants is pretty much true if you want them to be in character lol (that's why sometimes a little bit of OoC isn't too bad)

checking the source material is the most important thing: look at prior similar interactions the characters have had and how they reacted

this is kind of hard with LIPxLIP, as there aren't that many translated texts about them but with honeyworks the most canon and reliable thing to use as reference are the mvs. the mvs are drawn in a way that can pretty much be understood even if you don't have the lyrics, and sometimes it's even better if you can't read them, to properly focus on the images better

look at their expressions closely: while aizou is always explosive in his anger, yuujirou often has a more indifferent expression. so, when they fight, aizou is probably the one to blow up first while yuujirou maintains his composure better. it's kind of the classic "this was only a brief passing panel but i am going to expand on it" www

but the thing about fanfiction is that it's always a bit of a character analysis in itself. you don't start writing having already a color-coded folder of possible situations and reactions a character would have for each setting. you just throw the characters in a scenario and then think from there onwards, and eventually you'll be able to have the folder of situations and what you think their reactions would be like. (though, this links back to the prior point, if the characters have gone through a similar situation in canon, use that as guide! plus, finding little references to canon when reading is always fun)

for general writing, i'm going to mostly talk about my own experiences and process! i'm in no way a professional though

the basic is reading a lot. not just books but also fanfic. in fact, since you're writing fanfic, i Encourage you to read fanfic. even if your story ends up novel length, the way of treating the story is different from that of an actual novel. for example, because you're working under the premise that everyone knows the characters already. the general style of fics is different as well.

in fact, the style is the main reason i'm saying this slfkslfkslkf

read a lot of stuff and find a style you like. think of it as sewing together pieces from here and there to make a frankenstein amalgamation: this person's metaphors, the comparisons from here, the descriptions from there

personally, i adore the "long one-shot with a long title formatted (like this)" fics that are mostly feelings and descriptions and as little dialogue as possible, and some that occasionally play with the "show don't tell" rule, and some months ago i read a book whose descriptions amazed me because you could feel what the character was focusing on the most, rather than being general descriptions of the situation (i actually have a lot of thoughts about descriptions but that's a post for another day). but also i really like dialogue and plot-driven stories, descriptions can get boring and before trying to break rules, you have to be really good at following them

but, let's go step by step: developing an idea

for this i'm going to mostly reference the multichap i finished a while ago as an example

i started with just a few vague concepts in mind: non-idol au with aizou who does some sport and likes music but is insecure about his singing and yuujirou who does some music related thing and encourages him to sing in a way that's somehow related to the hozier song to noisemaking (sing), because it's what inspired me to write in the first place

then, from then onwards i wrote down what would happen in the first chapter of the story bullet-point-list-style, including things like the roommates part or the clubs the boys were in (at first yuujirou was in the choir club lol the change was a last second decision that idk why i took) and then bits of dialogue here and there that would be The Turning Points. those first dialogues were for the fight at the end of ch 1, the apology-date in ch 3 and then some vaguely unused ones for the "yuujirou encourages aizou" part, as those were the first key moments i thought of

because, since it's enemies to friends to lovers, an important aspect was character development

not all fics have character development bc not all of them are long enough (if you're aiming for short and sweet then there's no need). but if they do, i recommend you write down how the character was at the beginning of the story and then how they were at the end and then fill in the middle later, think of what those key turning points that made the character change were (the more little things you add, the more gradual it'll be)

samishigariya illustrates this very nicely: the song starts and finishes with the same lines, but the ending ones feel more light-hearted. the beginning has pre-arisa ken and pre-getting-along-with-yuujirou aizou, when they were the lonely people the title mentioned, and the ending, when they're not lonely anymore. the in between can be seen in depth during the other songs: ken before arisa was a playboy who didn't take love seriously, but after meeting her he realized that games were not all there was to love; and aizou used to be quite cranky and high-key a loner, but then he "meets precious things and knows of love". i will not elaborate on that because this isn't an aiyuu post but Oh You Know

for the fic, aizou would go through that same process, more or less: someone who doesn't really form meaningful connections with people but who, in the end, would end up having quite a bunch of people who care about him as his relationship with yuujirou advances too

since the relationship was the main focus, i wrote a very simple outline for how it would develop throughout 5 hypothetical chapters that was just: 1. civil w each other but mostly bad > 2. bad > 3. half friends > 4. pining > 5. date

and then with that in mind and the bullet point list, the final basic outline ended up like this:

there were scraped ideas and ideas that made it in later, but i believe having a simple outline, a bare skeleton to add things to, is important. stories need continuity, development requires a prior buildup

it's especially important in multichapter fics where you post as you write, you need to have a more or less clear idea of what's going to happen because you can't ignore scenes you've already posted

shorter stories don't need it as much, you can think as you go, but it's still helpful to know where you're going with things to avoid getting stuck

and, on getting stuck: don't be afraid of deleting things. if you can't figure out how to continue things, then delete the situation and start again. it might feel like you'd be wasting time but in the end, it is so much better than being stuck on the same scene for weeks

in fact, you don't have to write in order. jump to the next scene and you'll figure it out later. you Can write the scene you want to write and then build everything else around it

it's normal to write a scene and then realize it would make more sense later in the story, or that it would be better if you added another scene earlier, or sometimes you just find it easier to jump from one part of the story to another. rely on your outline to keep track of what you've written, what you have left to write and what's the best way to arrange your story. make your story understandable

which bring us to editing

there's a lot of much better posts on editing stories, but yeah ctrl+f is your best friend: don't repeat yourself too much. and be sure to vary sentence and paragraph length, as well as sentence structure, to give dynamism to the writing

now, i've mentioned before the show, don't tell rule, but i'm going to talk a bit more about it because it's quite important

once again there's a lot of posts that explain more in depth what it is, so i'm not going to expand too much on that, but, very basically, try to avoid things like "then some time passed and they became friends". explain it: what happened exactly? how did they become friends? if it's important, show it to us, instead of summarizing

since things like these make the story longer, it also gives room for more development and proper explanation for things that happen

for example, the fic was originally going to start with them already in the room, and the whole situation would have been explained in a single paragraph somewhere, but by actually adding the scene where they first arrive to the dorms and argue with the lady at the main desk, the story flows better and it let me actually describe their first meeting

and uuuhhh i think that's all? this took super long to write i hope i didn't forget any super basic stuff lol

i want to add that for enemies to lovers i greatly recommend this post bc it's super good but yeah i think that's basically it, if you have any more specific questions just shoot me an ask

[howlsentiment]

Chapter 1 - Another Day

*buzz buzz*

“Wake up buddy, it’s time for a new day” a dark sullen voice said.

*buzz buzz*

“We have business to take care of”

*buzz buzz click*

“I just need 15 more minutes, after fifteen more minutes exactly i’m sure I’ll wake up reinvigorated with the energy to start my day” the boy thought to himself. His world was now fading into a dark cloud as he started to doze off.

*buzz buzz*

“Breakfast is ready sweetie come and get some!” This time it was a much softer, kinder voice that greeted him. “If you don’t come down soon it’ll get cold!....or I’ll eat it all”

“Mmkaaay I’l be daown in won minet” the boy replied sleepily. He wasn’t going to be down in one minute. The boy wasn’t a spry one, but he wasn’t particularly lazy either. He just always had a hard time convincing himself that his bed isn’t where he should always be. He lay in his dark room which wasn’t of much note either. A computer and a few books is all that could really be seen around and a messy desk where rarely any time was spent because he much preferred the bed. He was a college loner, not because he was particularly awkward or because he was particularly ugly, but instead by choice. He was actually particularly liked by most people, especially it would seem so by the man sitting in his room with him.

“Get good sleep sleepyhead?” The boy nodded

“Alright good, you have another long hard day of work today, these spirits aren’t gonna pass on themselves”. This man was no man, he was death incarnate, some would say a grim reaper. It would seem this boy had a gift, ever since he was in middle school he started noticing that he could see the dead, and all at once he started noticing the strange man too. He didn’t know really what he could do with his power other than get picked on at school for being scared all the time. This made him become distant with his fellow classmates and thusly he started attending school alot less just to avoid interaction and found peace within himself...and this man

“You haven’t found me many ghosts recently i’ve noticed, have you been getting lazy ? If you get lazy you know I’d get angry, and you know what happens when I’m angry right”

The message was coming across loud and clear, his tight grip on the twined scythe and sunken eyes would strike fear to anybody in the world and fear that this day was his last, but to him, it was a wednesday.

After a good 5 or ten minutes he heard the voice come from downstairs again,

“I made chicken porridge!”

This time he did not hesitate. He hastily rolled out of bed, put on one of his 3 outfits that he cycles through and ran down the stairs. But as he approached the stairs he noticed he might’ve seemed too excited so as to not show how happy he was, he slowed down his speed as he descended the stairs.

“Good morning mom.”

“Good morning Sol, how come you couldn’t greet me with the same enthusiasm i heard when i told you i had chicken porridge for you?”

His mom was a kind soul, with nothing but love and warmth in her heart. Even though they wouldn’t always get along, she would always prioritized her son's happiness and safety in every situation. He’s always relied on her whenever he felt down, and even though there were times where he felt that he was taking advantage of her and maybe he hurt her feelings, she would never take it out on him, she would always just smile and tell him that everything was alright.

“Sorry” he smiled with the might of his 8am energy and repeated himself with a chuckle “Good morning mom, I hope you didn’t wake up too early to prepare this”

“Don’t worry about me sweetie, I never get sleep anyways” she smiled and snickered over the sink continuing to wash the dishes. “I’ve been noticing that you were feeling down so I wanted to surprise you with something nice this morning, you know, to kickstart your day a bit!””

He knew that was exactly what she was doing, and without a secondary motive to been seen from miles away. He knew by the way she prepared the meal. Rice slow cooked in the broth from the chicken in a boil with alot of nice chopped garlic with eggs salted perfectly finished with green onions. Everything he loved and nothing he didn’t. She didn’t even mention the lil sausages she prepared on the side to pair with the meal.

“You didn’t have to mom, I’m feeling alright. It’s just...you wouldn’t understand.”.....

….

….

Sol’s mom continued to stare at him as if she was waiting for something to emerge out of this awkward pause. Her kind eyes piercing through him as if they were daggers.

“...thank you mom”

“You’re welcome honey, and yes I wouldn’t understand what you’re going through, but I can still try to cheer you up” Her smile glowed even warmer as if otherworldly. “How’s school been for you hun?”

“Oh you know, math and books, and writing and pencils, oh and im drinking ALOT, like a WHOLE TON, and I’ve been partyiiiiing and oh yeah a whole bunch of drugs too”

“Ooooh no im sooooo scared, I would say that if I wasn’t happy that if this were true, you’d at least finally have friends to be doing the drinking and the drugging with”

“Well I have-”

“She doesn’t count” She said sternly, ending with a smile. Sol has had only one friend his entire life. Her name was Madison and they met at both of their lonely spots they would have throughout the school. At first they would just eat lunch silently distant from eachother, but one day when Sol noticed Madison didnt bring lunch, he offered part of his food because his mother would always overpack his lunches. And just like magic, a friendship was born.

“You have to get new friends, its not healthy to only have one friend, and you’re such a sweet person, I’m sure if you had the chance to talk to anyone they would become close to you immediately.”

“Oh sure here let me just get new friends, easy done, all I have to do is get over my crippling social anxiety and I’ll just BAM super popular kid COMING THROUGH” He said this a bit harsher than he intended mostly fueled by the anger he felt from feeling like such an inept person and as he looked over at his mom, he noticed her weakened disheveled look.

“I’m sorry mom, I promise I’ll try harder okay?”

“That’s my boy” She smiled and continued her work

Sol finished his and went over to put the food bowl away and help his mom.

“What are your plans today mom?”

“Oh the usual, clean, watch some TV, go on a walk, maybe spook a few neighbors along the way oooOOOoOOoooo”

Sol chuckled, “Don’t spook them too much, they’d want you to keep ‘haunting’ them instead of me” A big grin spread across his moms face and she just said

“You know I’d never leave you, you’re my precious child”

“I know mom, I know”

After they finished washing the dishes he went upstairs to pick up his backpack and the man was still there waiting patiently.

“Did you save me anything?”

“Fuck off”

“Woah woah woah language mister. I don’t know how you think you’ll help all these spirits pass peacefully with a mouth like that. Tut tut, did your mom teach you those words?” The man said.

“Yes actually she did” The boy continued the get together his things to get ready for school. “I don’t wanna hurt anyone.”

“Why do you insist on helping these people? They’ve never helped you”

“I’m not Helping anyone, it’s just easier not to deal with people’s sad emotions...and ghosts are annoying”

He finished packing up his bags and ran back downstairs.

“Goodbye mom ! Don’t spook the neighbors too much!” He said hurriedly running through the door.

“Sol you forgot this !” His mom runs out to the half indoor sol and hands him his lunch.

“Mom I’m an adult, you don’t have to pack me lunch all the time I can just buy it” He looked embarrassed at the school lunch with a big heart drawn on top of it.

“Once you have friends to get lunch with we can talk.” She said with another one of her smiles. She leaned over to give him a kiss on his forehead but as she went for the kiss,

She passed through him.

“Oh right, I forgot that I can’t do that anymore” She looked as if all her strength was sapped out of her, and joy leaked out of every crevasse in her body leaving just an empty husk.

“Yeah, if you keep doing that you’re gonna undo all the dak-juk did” sol said light heartedly to lift the mood. This did not work.

“Sorry” She looked sadder than ever, that bright beautiful smile was not replaced with a grey and muted one as if she was seeing her whole life work collapse infront of her. Seeing how upset she was, Sol kissed two of his fingers, and placed it on his forehead. This did seem to work and some of her glow was restored in her eyes.

“See you mom” He said with a grin, “Spook the fuck out of our neighbors for me”

“Language!”

[xdeep-sea-leviachanx]

"Levi-" she sighs, sitting him down and holding his hands.

"Firstly, if that makes you disgusting, I would be too. I've watched hentai, and on occasion, go back to it. I know of plenty of people who do, who are single or in a relationship. I have body pillows as well. I do go some days without bathing. Which honestly isn't a terrible thing, sometimes that just happens. I don't really like dealing with anyone, human, demon, or angel. I'm not a big people person on less it's someone I'm close with."

She smiles softly and squeezes his hands.

"There is no reason to be ashamed. Everyone is going to have different levels of popularity. I'll tell you for one, i was always that loner kid who never talked in high school or college. I never had any friends. I wasn't cool. But I don't think that's a big deal. I was doing what made me happy and what I wanted to do, so fuck what ever anyone else thought. You're pretty smart too. I don't know what your grades are like, so I don't know if you're smart academically, but you have an amazing memory and attention to detail when it comes to anime and stuff. I think that's pretty cool, pretty awesome actually. I like anime, but do I remember everything that happened in a specific one? Hell no. I can't even remember what I had for breakfast yesterday. And the idea that they are better or stronger than you, well I doubt that. You're the Grand Admiral of The Hells Navy, aren't you! That's a pretty big fucking deal and I think that makes you pretty fucking cool. You have to be strong willed to do something like that!"

She cups his face in her hands.

"None of what you said is true. You are a beautiful person Leviathan. You've been nothing but sweet to me, and I've enjoyed the small amounts of times we have talked and hung out. You're one of my favorite people I've met here."

----------------------

Tears prick the corners of his eyes.

"Aofie... I am a demon. I'm nothing but sin. I lead people to ruin. I can never be good. Not anymore."

He wiped them out of his eyes before continuing.

"I'm... the avatar of envy. It is my title. My job. But most importantly it is my curse. I didn't chose it and to be honest I would do almost anything to get rid of it."

He pauses.

"You see... it doesnt matter what I do. I cant be better. I honestly feel deep down inside myself that I have no worth and that everyone else is better than me. I HATE ME. All of you can tell me otherwise but deep down I know that I can never feel worthy. Because... how can I wish to be someone else if I didnt feel so worthless. That's how it works...."

He is crying at this point.

"I have to feel worthless or else... or else I cant be the avatar of envy. If I dont want to be like somebody else or want what someone else has I..."

He doesnt finish that sentence.

He takes Aofie's hands and places them back in her lap. He tries to fake a smile despite tears pouring from his face.

"I understand what you are trying to do. It won't work. You will grow sick of my constant whining eventually. Don't worry about me though. Being around me with just exhaust you and you will make someone else very happy I'm sure. I have ways of dealing with it."

He is starting to choke on his words.

"I will be fine."

[harryfeatgaga]

The one thing I need everyone to understand is that L*rry isn’t in any way a harmless ship. It ruined their friendship, people to this day harass their friends/family/SO’s about it, people still believe that Freddie is a publicity stunt and isn’t really Louis’ and say HORRIBLE things about that poor baby, and Eleanor was literally attacked in an airport. It’s not something to toy with or joke about.

oh ik I think pretty much everyone on here knows this lmao its just........I cannot theres no words SO WERE GONNA MOVE ON

Anonymous said: That’s the thing. There was no need for it to be Larry. It didn’t need to be about those two, they didn’t need to name them, it could have been fictional. I’m a writer and that show sounds like they have the laziest fucking writers who did it purely for shock value and it’s annoying as fuck and totally lacking in any actual creativity I hope the show gets canceled.

exactly

Anonymous said: Okay yes the show shouldn’t have done the larry scene, and it’s pretty fucked up. I don’t know if it will really give larries anything though... like it made larries look bad almost lol, like they legit said this random girl on tumblr created larry. But also larries are the most delusional people on earth so who tf knows.

ugh

Anonymous said: The show is filmed already so even if Harry followed the whole cast from the show and they maybe but probably didn’t tell him what happens in the episode, they would have never cut the uncomfortable scene out... what they should’ve done but probably DIDNT do was tell Harry/Louis and their team about the episode before it was even filmed and get consent bcuz you know Louis and Harry would’ve never been okay with it from the beginning... now there’s nothing they could do smh

so annoying

Anonymous said: you don't have to post this if you're running out of posts but the author is gucciwoodnymph! She wrote that fic about the best friends in love and Harry worked for RS in 1985. I could have sworn you read it dkksdjfksd sorry!!!

OH YES OKAY I DID READ THAT I JUST DIDNT REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS CALLED HAHAH

Anonymous said: Am I a bad gay if I didn’t go to pride? I just get such bad anxiety in crowds it makes me too nervy

no ofc not!!! I didnt go either crowds can be very overwhelming

Anonymous said: So he did leave NYC then, anons were right that's an airport. We were such clowns thinking he's go to Pride and it turns out he wasn't even in the damn state. WE'RE CLOWNS PAIGE.

TRU WE STILL DONT KNOW WHERE HES AT THO

Anonymous said: more harry roles I want: an artist (think basquiat, Picasso) who is pretty much a loner who finds his new muse, something some greta gerwig (lady bird director) indie, some indie like moonlight with good visuals, something like the place beyond the pines with Ryan gosling (who is hot af in that movie- a badass criminal who gets caught up with the law the same time he falls in love with Eva Mendes and has a baby)....

LOVE PLACE BEYONG THE PINES

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #208

Don’t forget to vote on the season 7 polls!!

BTVS 7x21 End of Days

Stray thoughts

1) So this is how Faith is doing as the leader…

…and this is how Buffy is doing as the outcast Slayer…

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder who’s the boss… (maybe we should ask Abed.)

2) I don’t like seeing Faith hurt, but I do get a very sick (I admit it) satisfaction at seeing all these girls hurt and scared because they kicked Buffy out and they screwed everything up in the worst possible fashion. I know that by having Faith lead them into yet another trap the writers were trying to prove the point that what happened at the vineyard could’ve happened to anyone and that it wasn’t Buffy’s fault (Buffy will make this same point herself later on the episode.) Both Buffy and Faith were trying to do what they thought was best, yet it backfired. Shit happens yada yada yada. Yet I just can’t help but feel personally vindicated when I see Faith and the potentials fuck everything up so spectacularly.

On the other hand, not only was Buffy able to pull herself together after the group (and her friends! Her family!) kicked her out and made her feel like the worst piece of shit in the whole world, but she also managed to A) get the scythe and B) make Caleb nervous, which was a first. So yeah. #teamBuffy

3) So why exactly were the Scoobies looking for Buffy? I mean, didn’t they kick her out literally the day before? And now they’re suddenly worried about her or something? The only person who followed Buffy after they all kicked her out was Faith. Faith! Do you see how wrong/ironic that this? Do you see how painful it must’ve been for Buffy not to have NONE OF HER FRIENDS – not Xander, not Willow, not Giles, not even her own sister! – go after her to see if she was okay? To ask her where she was going or what she was going to do? The only person who showed any concern whatsoever about her was probably the only person she would’ve labeled a potential enemy. 

Damn you all, I’m still pissed off. I hate this. I hate having to feel this way about the characters I’ve loved for seven seasons in the FINAL EPISODES OF THE SHOW. It just feels so wrong, but I can’t help but HATE THEM. What the hell was this fucking writing choice? I hate it. I hate everything about it.

4) If I have to say something in favor of Kennedy is this, when shit hit the fan, she was the only one who wasn’t screaming like a moron and who was actually trying to fight off the Turok-Han. So yeah. The girl got spunk.

5) But she’s nothing compared to our designated BAMF.

6) No one is kicking Buffy out now, HUH? HUH???????????????????

7)

Yes. Yes, you did.

8) And this is exactly why they shouldn’t have kicked her out or “rebelled” against her or whatever the fuck they thought they were doing.

BUFFY You guys, it was a trap. It's not her fault. That could've just as easily happened to me.

9) While I do appreciate the pun and the side glances between Buffy and Willow…

I still feel it’s very wrong they’re all just talking and Giles is playing around with the scythe as if the last time they’d been together they HADN’T HUMILIATED BUFFY AND KICKED HER OUT OF HER OWN FUCKING HOUSE???? LIKE SERIOUSLY??? In Willow’s own words, you're not gonna jokey-rhyme your way out of this one.

Like, I know the apocalypse takes precedence, but maybe say “sorry for kicking you out” and “thank you for saving us AGAIN”.

10)

11) Again, I get the same feeling with Xander. Like, did they all suddenly forget they had left Buffy alone and kicked her out of her own house? Xander is all like, “I don’t need you to protect me just because I lost an eye” but literally a day before he was telling her it was HER fault he’d lost it, and using that as a justification not only for removing her from her role as a leader but also TO KICK HER OUT OF HER OWN HOUSE. And now it’s just like nothing ever happened? How is that possible? How is literally no one apologizing to Buffy? And not only is he not apologizing, but Buffy is telling him that he’s her heart and the reason she’s still alive, which okay, it’s all kind of true, but he’s also the guy WHO BLAMED YOU FOR LOSING HIS EYE AND WHO KICKED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE THE DAY BEFORE?!

I didn’t know that End of Days could make me as angry as Empty Places but here I am.

We’re 14 minutes into the episode and still, no one has apologized to Buffy and they’re all pretending like they didn’t turn their backs on her and it’s pissing me off. I hate feeling this way in the episode prior to the series finale. This is not how a fan should be feeling right before the show ends!

12) Not only do I know what a glottal stop is but I’ve also learned how to pronounce it. Or at least I was able to pronounce it a few years ago. 

13) And hence the fate of Miss Kitty Fantastico was finally revealed…

DAWN Xander, my crossbow is not out here. I told you, I don't leave crossbows around all willy-nilly. Not since that time with Miss Kitty Fantastico.

If you must hate Dawn, it should only be for this.

14) Did anyone really believe Xander would hurt Dawn?

15) What was the point of this scene…?

…I mean, other than to give us Nathan Fillion’s orgasm face?

16) And this is the difference between Buffy and the rest… just remember how everyone reacted and treated Buffy after the vineyard, and see how she acts here after literally the same happened with Faith in charge…

FAITH What do you want me to say? I blew it.

BUFFY You didn't blow it.

FAITH Tell that to—

BUFFY People die. You lead them into battle, they're gonna die. It doesn't matter how ready you are or how smart you are. War is about death. Needless, stupid death.

She’s understanding and reassuring, she’s not pointing fingers or kicking people out. And that’s why she’s a hero and the rest are a fucking bunch of morons. I’m sorry, I’m still so angry about Empty Places and this episode is not making things any better.

17) But I do love when my two slayers see eye to eye…

FAITH So, here's the laugh riot. My whole life I've been a loner.(…) No ties, no buddies, no relationships that lasted longer than... (…) Me, by myself all the time. I'm looking at you, everything you have, and, I don't know, jealous. Then there I am. Everybody's looking to me, trusting me to lead them, and I've never felt so alone in my entire life.

BUFFY Yeah.

FAITH And that's you every day, isn't it?

BUFFY I love my friends. I'm very grateful for them. But that's the price. Being a slayer.

FAITH There's only supposed to be one. Maybe that's why you and I can never get along. We're not supposed to exist together.

BUFFY Also, you went evil and were killing people.

FAITH Good point. Also a factor.

BUFFY But you're right. I mean, I... I guess everyone's alone. But being a slayer? There's a burden we can't share.

FAITH And no one else can feel it. Thank God we're hot chicks with superpowers.

BUFFY Takes the edge off.

FAITH Comforting.

BUFFY Mm-hmm.

This is something that had been a long time coming. Since day one, Faith had envied Buffy. Just like Buffy saw in Faith her road not taken, Faith saw in Buffy the life she could’ve had but didn’t. She envied it and she wanted it for herself. She literally tried to steal it away several times. So if she couldn’t have it, if it wasn’t meant for her, then she could take Buffy away from it, drive her to the dark side, where she lived. Every attempt was futile, even stealing Buffy’s body and literally taking her life. It only made her feel more undeserving, more inadequate, more unworthy. But every time she’d taken a shot at being the leader, it was by playing tricks, by taking what it wasn’t rightfully hers. This time around, she had somehow earned it. There was no foul play on her part. Others made the decision for her and gave her the role she’d craved for so long. And she finally understood that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Yes, Buffy did have friends and people who looked up to her and cared about her. But when push comes to shove, when tough calls must be made, the Slayer is always alone. The weight of the world is only on her shoulders, and she can’t share the burden. It took four seasons but Faith finally got it. And she could finally let go of all the envy and jealousy.

18) I just love the fact that for the first time Buffy is the one who opens up to Spike. She’s always been the one who pretends there’s nothing between them and who skirts around her feelings and dismisses his. But not this time. And for me, it was enough that she acknowledged that it meant something, even if they – and we – don’t know exactly what that was.

BUFFY You're a dope.

SPIKE I'm a what?

BUFFY You're a dope. And a bonehead. And you're shirty.

SPIKE Have you gone completely carrot-top?

BUFFY Do you see this? This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything. And the reason I'm holding it is because of you. Because of the strength that you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and weird, mixed signals. You know, I have Faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, OK? I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not—

SPIKE Terrified.

BUFFY Of what?

SPIKE Last night was... God, I'm such a jerk. I can't do this.

BUFFY Spike...

SPIKE It was the best night of my life. If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that, 'cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean that much to you, but—

BUFFY I just told you it did.

SPIKE Yeah... I hear you say it, but... I've lived for soddin' ever, Buffy. I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but... I've never... been close... to anyone. Least of all, you. 'Til last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep. And it was the best night of my life. So, yeah... I'm... terrified.

BUFFY You don't have to be.

SPIKE Were you there with me?

BUFFY I was.

SPIKE What does that mean?

BUFFY I don't know. Does it have to mean something?

SPIKE No. Not right now.

19) Update: 29 minutes in and I’m still waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

20) Am I the only who thinks this speech is okay but like, the writers were trying too hard to give Anya her “Anya Speech Moment” of the season and it kind of feels a bit, I don’t know, forced?

ANYA Well...I guess I was...kinda new to bein' around humans before. But now I've... seen a lot more, gotten to know people... seen what they're capable of, and... I guess I just realized...how amazingly screwed-up they all are. I mean really, really screwed-up in a monumental fashion. And they have no purpose that unites them, so they just drift around, blundering through life until they die...which they...they know is coming, yet every single one of them is surprised when it happens to them. They're incapable of thinking about what they want beyond the moment. They kill each other, which is clearly insane. And yet, here's the thing. When it's something that really matters, they fight. I mean, they're lame morons for fighting, but they do. They never... never quit. So I guess I will keep fighting, too.

21) #priorities

22) And in another episode of Plots Totally Pulled Out of the Writer’s Ass… (a.k.a. Joss Whedon Tries to Rectify the Fact that He Wrote a Bunch of Men Violating the Original Slayer by Putting a Demon Inside of Her and Thus Utterly Destroyed the Whole Slayerness Equals Feminism Theme)

WOMAN We forged it in secrecy and kept it hidden from the Shadow Men, who...

BUFFY Yeah. Met those guys. Didn't really care too much for 'em.

WOMAN Ahh, yes. Then you know. And they became the watchers. And the watchers watched the slayers. But we were watching them.

BUFFY Oh! So you're like... what are you?

WOMAN Guardians. Women who want to help and protect you. We forged this centuries ago, halfway around the world.

Okay, I get it, I get what you were trying to do, but it was so fucking obvious, it was so transparent. Like, I know most of the so-called metaphors in this show were not so subtle (think the fucking monster-penis in Doublemeat Palace, for instance.) But the feminist struggle in the slayer vs the council struggle was always something that I personally enjoyed. And this is how Joss’s brand of “feminism” began to crumble down, in my opinion. This is what a white dude who is a self-proclaimed feminist believes to be a Good feminist storyline, but it’s so clichéd and self-evident it's almost cringe-worthy. Like, you get a bunch of Evil Men quite literally raping a Poor Woman, who is faked Empowered (her powers were lent to her by the Evil Men and the source of her powers is Evil, Demonic in nature because  duh! she is a Woman)  so that they can Manipulate her and Use her for the benefit of the Patriarchy. But oh wait! This is a Feminist Show! So in spite of what the Evil Men who were supposedly the Powerful ones did, there always were These Great and Powerful Women behind it all, the True Guardians of the Slayer, This has been a Matriarchy all along, you see?! PLOT TWIST!

Yawn.

The worst part? I can imagine all the writers patting themselves on the back for writing such a groundbreaking and Feminist storyline and for sticking it to the Men.

23) And btw, just to show you how big a Feminist Show this is, we get this…

I guess since this is a Feminist Show and Angel is the hero here and Buffy the damsel in distress, that makes Angel a woman, right?

But hey, at least he (or she?) literally let Buffy deliver the lethal blow…

24) And yes, this totally makes sense!

because Angel has not claimed to be in love with Cordelia and Buffy has not just had her more honest heart-toheart with Spike. Let’s just disregard whatever arcs have been developed in both shows in order to deliver a Ship Moment for the Bangel fans, right? Who cares about character development, right? Because I’m positive this is what former lovers do after not seeing each other in over a year, being currently emotionally unavailable, and facing the greatest evil of all. Suck face.

25) Update: minute 42 and I’m STILL waiting for someone to apologize to Buffy.

26) Sorry for the bitter rant! 

27)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[macbookpro-hard-drive]

HI HOW DO YOU WRITE CHARACTERS

hewwo! i can answer this! im literally gonna do a quick list of both deh and bmc characters for u under this readmore! :D

im gonna start with deh because smaller cast!

evan: 

isn’t so much stuttery as he tends to repeat things and uh stammer a bit here and there. stutters over his words sometimes but it’s more l-like this and uh, like… like this

evan hansen has anxiety. he is not anxiety. evan hansen fucks up and makes mistakes and probably internalizes a lot of things. very polite when in public but he can be a bit snappy (as seen w evans comment abt how zoe’s parents have never been poor i believe? it was something he said to zoe)

soft spoken, most of the time. probably not the kind of guy to vocally ask for things until he’s at a comfortable enough point that he feels like he’s not bothering you (same buddy)

i see evan as someone who gets frustrated with himself easily. not as a sense of “god i wish i were normal” but more of a “i should be able to do this, why cant i do this, i want to do this but i cant” because sometimes it’s just a matter of i literally cant do this and i dont know why? and god its so frustrating sometimes

jared:

jared kleinman is a fucking asshole and he knows it. very sarcastic and uses it to cover up his own insecurities, probably the kind of dude who laughs in your face when you tell him off when internally he’s just OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK

a lot of ppl write jared as being insecure abt his weight and tbh i don’t see that being a problem for him? i see jared as being insecure abt the fact he comes off very snarky and assholeish but he turns it around and tries to own it even though… that’s not something you want to be proud of? and he knows that

not the kind of dude who stops to assess his feelings. he powers through shit and insists he’s okay until he’s out of steam. i think it was psy who said he’s a “needs therapy boi” and tbh she’s right? 

can be very passive aggressive imo it’s something he really needs to work on.

arrogant, sarcastic, and just a big fucking dick who needs to learn how to watch his mouth.

zoe:

not an pure baby angel, by any means. we’re at a disadvantage because we only see zoe when she’s sort of grieving (because grief can and will come in different ways, and while i see her as not missing connor, i do think that her pushing away her feelings is a form of her grieving imo? it’s a weird thing to explain but there’s a part of zoe that does miss (the old) connor’s presence as w the fake emails evan “gave her her brother back” (albeit a very fake version of connor) and sort of standoffish when it comes to the subject of connor

a bit of an ambivert. extremely outgoing when she’s around her friends or when it comes to music and other things she loves.

very individualistic! her style tends to have doodles on her clothes, she dyes her hair a lot, she probably would be the kind of person to make her own jewelry!

very sweet. the castng call for zoe describes her as being the kind of person who learns the names of the kids who sit alone at lunch and thats she goes out of her way to be nice to people since. connor. yeah.

thats all ive got for zoe but u can always send questions in and i can say yes or no after i ask my pals too

alana:

smart gal! valedictorian! president! i love her! tends to overshare a bit. anxiety + depression gal.

probably into gardening tbh? i can see alana having succulents in her room and maybe a dog that just chills with her.

dont be afraid to make alana mouthy. alana is someone whos extremely headstrong in her actions imo and does what she believes is right, even if others dont believe that. like… think about the fact that she literally published what was believed to be connor’s suicide note because she thought it’d get them the last bit of help they needed for the orchard. it literally fucked the murphys over - but she never considered that?

very much an extrovert. just really wants to belong, man. very optimistic on the surface but i can see her being a little less so underneath. she looks on the bright side because if she doesnt, she doesnt know who will and idk i dont think alana’s the kind of person who just... lets that risk be there.

connor:

we dont kno much abt connor in canon but uhhh…. i can see connor as being a loner, sort of aggressive by accident (tbh this dude’s probably used to people being a dick to him so he’s just sorta standoffish in response) but like… whenever i write connor i usually write him as getting better? he’s gotten the help he needs and he’s doin better 

artsy depressed dude. poetry, painting, ect - whatever u want tbh. i just see connor, with help, finding himself in art or something creative (theatre and music included! u do u!)

very much a reader. this dude both has a lot of books on his bookshelf and a lot more books he hasnt fucking read because hes terrible at reading new books. (i personally hc he loves all of poe’s work)

to sorta sum connor up: bold, but not outgoing. caring, but not obvious with it (once he gets help btw). easily angered but sometimes he just doesn’t fucking know why and that frustrates him further. troubled.

honestly if u want to see one of my fave connors - check out @ask-sincerely-memes​! i rly love how they portray all three of the boys, but connor is by far my favorite! (mod con and/or mod ev if u read this i love u)

OK ONTO THE BMC FUCKERS if you want to kno abt the adults for either show then feel free to ask

jeremy:

anxiety boy, but not evan hansen level of anxiety. more just… self deprecating, not super confident in himself, probably underestimates himself a lot.

jeremys hard to explain sometimes because a lot of his actions and dialogue comes naturally since i can actually relate to jeremy a lot, personality-wise? a really good fact to throw out there is i don’t think jeremy’s the kind of guy who just goes for stuff sometimes. he has to sorta be hyped up by others imo. michael motivated him to sign up for the play, rich and michael both played parts in getting him squipped (michael in the aspect of “lets check this out and see if its legit” bc i doubt jeremy would have genuinely done that on his own).

which really means jeremy isnt the kind of guy to just… confess things, unless it’s built up enough (i.e. jeremys confrontation w reader in unlonely since it was a conversation he’d been thinking about for a bit). in canon, he didnt really… confess to christine without the help of alcohol (at the halloween party) or without other people building him up (voices in my head). 

im literally rereading jeremy fics rn because im trying to come up with a good way of describing him

extremely horny teenage boy. hormones suck. for anyone who writes nsfw: i dont see jeremy being incredibly kinky and sexual and dominant (god forbid) his first fucking time having sex. especially if its both him and the readers first time. sex can be clumsy. you can laugh during sex. but also sex smells. like… once you’ve smelled it, you fucking know it - its just a weird combo of sweat and bodily fluids. 

that last part was just a PSA for ppl.

lightweight boy. a lot bolder when drunk. thank you.

honestly if u have any questions abt jeremy, i can try to answer them more specifically but this is as general as i can get.

michael

not an uwu anxious depressed innocent baby boy uwu. remember that michael literally withheld the mtn dew red from jeremy because he wanted an apology. remember that michael wouldnt have been squipped because michael had been completely comfortable with who he is. michael likes his place. he doesn’t want to be cool and popular - he likes who he is. michael in the bathroom was a peak moment of michael finally letting go of emotions he’d been withholding - jeremy calling him a “loser” was the final straw that broke him. thank u this has been a psa.

a goofy boy. probably snorts when he laughs and im not projecting there what are you talking about-

okay, canonically: likes video games, likes retro shit (probably the kind of nerd who LIVES for arcades and record stores and vintage clothing stores even if he doesnt mix that into his personal style), very into music. there’s a lot you can do with this! 

imo he’s very caring? like. okay, yes he did withhold mtn dew red from jeremy - but michael still went through the trouble of finding and obtaining that in order to deactivate the squip. i think michael’s a fairly understanding dude, even if he has moments of anger.

just a very warm person. probably the kind of person who stops and makes sure people are okay when he notices they’re upset.

sometimes impulsive. sometimes very restless, imo. bouncy boy. 

like w jeremy - you can absolutely send me questions abt michael (or anyone tbh!) and i’ll answer them the best i can! im by no means an expert but ive got pals i can bother in order to help get a solid answer :3

christine

chriiistiiiiiiiiine, the love of my life. a gal w ADD! please don’t forget that! i personally hc that she got into a theatre as a way of like… sort of getting energy out since she’s fairly restless??? track girl christine….. also good

loves herself a lot tbh! like. in the show, its canon that she has stuff to figure out but i personally think christine loves herself and her body and is proud of who she is?

very friendly, very open, very passionate abt theatre! these are basic facts lmao

very sweet! very smart! she’s like... The Girl in all the movies that everyones like “oh no i love her” bc shes just a bubbly gal

writing christine is really hard to describe sometimes. like with all the characters, i write what feels right and sounds right to me and to others.

but like... to be honest, as long as you stay a bit happy and supportive and loving with christine - you’re on the right track.

jake

god - one of my favorite boys to write sometimes because there’s a lot to do with jake’s character

he’s the ultimate cool dude in high school. probably the kind of dude who would join a frat in college. handsome, popular, flirtatious - you fucking name it man.

sorta effortlessly popular and cool. there’s problems underneath - considering his family - but it’s hard to see that he has flaws when everything just comes so easily to him.

a very caring and sweet dude tbh. his friends mean a lot to him and he’s the kind of boy who carries your books and asks where you’re going and how you’re doing

he makes mistakes. he gets aggressive and protective and just angry physically - he did try to attack jeremy, albeit drunk, based purely on the idea that jeremy was having sex w chloe - so like... that’s a good thing to acknowledge

i said hes flirtatious and he is - without realizing it. someone probably has called him out on it and he’s like “sorry what?” bc he was caught up in talking to someone and not realizing that the dillinger charm never went off. because it never goes off. rip.

rich

GOD, my FAVORITE BOY, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, i love him.

squipped: aggressive. a bully. stinky. 0/10.

post-squipcident: getting better. sorta numb at first before happy, outgoing rich resurfaces because He’s Fine! Do Not Worry! but y’know like... he definitely has a lot of problems with what he did and who he was while he had the squip

a bit sensitive imo. easily upset on certain topics, easily angered on others. really misses his mom (i hc she died and his dad took up drinking as a coping mechanism and its mainly rich and his older brother relying on each other but thats just me tbh.)

rich is tricky to write when it comes to his home life. while i see rich’s dad as being a loud drunk, others see him as being physically abusive and so forth and - okay, that’s your decision, but please make sure you’re being respectful and you post trigger warnings because some people are in abusive homes and it’s not a fun thing to read. 

great sense of humor imo. flirtatious but in the more obvious “haha hey lets bone ;)” way. alternatively: flirtatious with squip, floundering a bit without it because all he knows is “haha hey wanna fuck” 

would probably fight a dick for his pals. rly just loves his friends even if he doesn’t show it.

chloe

chloe is a bit hard to write without saying “shes kind of a bitch” but like... she is and she knows it and she fucking owns it.

casting call: “ confident, crass, sexy, manipulative, and downright mean at times”

so like. she’s nowhere near bein a sweet angel baby uwu

has problems. explore them. she literally was down to fuck brooke’s boyfriend since jeremy was dating brooke yknow. part of it could be alcohol but like... dont ignore that fact. like. she probs needs to talk to both brooke and jeremy.

i think of chloe as someone who can see the potential in others tbh. gets slightly annoyed when people arent achieving what they could - but i like to imagine she gets it after a while since some ppl dont have confidence and such. 

yknow the kind of people that take charge when the situation calls for it? that’s chloe. she’s very much a leader. cunning, ambitious - she’s fucking ready.

brooke

more of an angel i guess? sweet, a bit insecure, and a little more caring. not very dominant in situations - tends to be more of a follower (as shown w her and chloe’s friendship)

very caring actually. she literally followed jeremy out and said “uhhh he was kind of a dick to women but i know u like eminem” upon his death in the show??? like??? she literally went to check on this boy.

imo she sorta needs to learn to be bolder. to not take shit. shes probably the kind of person who says yes to a lot of things even if they’re conflicting bc she doesn’t want to like... bother someone and make things worse

emotional, imo. fairly feminine.

its hard to keep describing sdfkjhds sorry

jenna

not popular. remember that she wanted people to be interested in her, which is why she gossips a lot

probably tends to overhear half of the gossip. other than that, i can see her easily finding shit out bc she has eyes Everywhere

bold, fairly extroverted, probably really fucking smart tbh. give her love. she deserves it.

thats both at me and everyone else. jenna rolan ily...

very much a big sister figure, post-squipcident. theres this kdrama i was watching where the main protag lives w a couple other girls and one of the oldest one of the bunch is very much a big sister figure that will call other people out on their bullshit because she knows protag isnt the kind of person to do that? thats jenna. and chloe, but mostly jenna.

probably the kind of person who wants to be helpful imo. she likes feeling useful.

[survivor-guyana]

Episode 5 - "Another day, another swap." - Jess

Sarah was robbed.

Please tribe swap, please tribe swap.

Not really sure how to feel at this stage...

Jess absolutely botched this challenge for us, and it was probably the worst individual effort in a competition that I have seen in years. For that, she automatically created a target on her back.

HOWEVER, I need to control who goes here, and it won't be Jess. It sounds like Dani and Nick were on opposite sides of the joint tribal, and will likely target one another.

I would personally like to see Alyssa go sooner than later, but there is no context in taking her out right now. She is "Hosororo strong" apparently, but the tables have turned. I'm not sure if I am willing to give her the same mercy that the favs gave us.

Honestly I wouldn't mind losing this so Mitchell goes home but then again I wouldn't mind Arakaka going to tribal either. I also feel like Nick is fucked over at Takama. He has the idol but that'd require someone using it on him which I doubt would happen. He better up his social game! If Arakaka goes to tribal then it should obviously be Aidan bc of his advantage and bc of Jones, Sammy, and Chelsea/JD alliance. Wait is Chelsea a fan? Lol idk.

So Ive been talking to Maynor and TJ individually about having an alliance of us 3 since I put them both high on my list! They both agreed and so I formed the alliance called... JONES'S ANGELS! I feel like we're gonna be a good alliance as well. Oh José is on our tribe as well as Mitchell. José is someone that I talked to the least on our OG tribe and from the looks of the trust list, someone who is not very trusted. Mitchell has his karma coming from the joint tribal round and for voting out Sarah. (PSST Sarah I miss u queen I can't wait to see you in Survivor Michigan.)

Another day, another swap. I've officially been on EVERY single tribe now. I am Guyana's Orphan. Honestly, I'm actually okay with how we swapped this time around.

I'm in the majority both in several ways. 1. I'm in the majority if Devon and I decide to stick with the "Fans" (barf). 2. I'm in the majority if we decide to go to Hosororo Way (yassss bitch) 3. I'm in the majority if Favourites attempt something (meh).

BUT this bitch is literally her OWN ENEMY RIGHT NOW. I flopped that memory competition harder a nerd at Comic Con trying to talk to a female. YIKES. I hope the flu isn't what sends me home or else I'm going to FUCKING RAGE.

I was able to re-connect with Dani which was okay? for me? I guess? Honestly at this point I have no loyalty to the Fans tribe (I don't think I ever had any tbh). I don't think a label in front of someone's name should stop me from trying to further my game. That being SAID....

Nick is on A WHOLE NOTHER' LEVEL Y'ALL. This man literally knew me for 5 seconds and spilled his whole game. I expected more from a dude who owns a buff personally. The only thing he didn't tell me last night was his social insurance number. I kind of feel bad for him but I don't want to let him get far. I rather keep Dani around than him at this point. I don't want that to hurt my relationship with Alyssa so.. I AM STRESSING RIGHT NOW.

Speaking of Alyssa...

MY GIRL ALYSSA GETTING FIRST.. fucking SCARES ME SHITLESS. I would honestly consider her my #1 at this point but now this has me thinking.. am I really HER number 1? Does she have the same relationship with me like she has with others? If we merge does she have my back over people like Jones/JD who she speaks HIGHLY of to me? I have my doubts but I think having someone like her on my side in this crucial time is an ASSET. She is VULNERABLE and I need to make sure I make her feel as fucking comfortable as possible. It's times like these where those strong relationships form and I honestly think if we can possibly

That's my bitch, that's my girl. I honestly think Alyssa is my gate-way drug to the Favourites at this point. I also really just want to meet Jones because I'm convinced she's my future best friend.

Something I haven't touched on.... ever BUT I can't wait to possibly re-connect with TJ. I miss being able to strategize with him. The way he sees games is insane and I have a half of a brain cell so it's always nice to have a smart person do the thinking for you.

I NEED TO FIND A FUCKING ADVANTAGE OR A GOD DAMN IDOL.

I cant believe we won immunity. I was really scared that we would have to go to tribal. Me, TJ, and Tim made an alliance called Jones’s Angels and i cant wait to be reunited with Jones. Mitchell is acting like last vote wasnt against me but it was like. How can you say theres 100% trust when there isnt. The Jenna vote was not  as much of a suprise for Mitchell cuz i mentioned my worries about Jenna. Im being buddy buddy but if we lost next round. He is going home for sure. Once you brake my trust, you cant really get it back. Sorry mitchell buddy. And i have eyes on Aidan and Dani. Karma for Sarah is coming.

WOW! That's all I have to say right now. This game is really putting me through the ringer but I'm in it to win it and this fucking tribe swap threw me for a loop. I knew the trust lists would come into play but I didn't know right away. But I sort of made such a power move on my tribe and then got shuffled into this and I saw the numbers and went FUCK.

Like four favorites versus little old me! But I like a challenge... I'm not Sarah, I'm not going to let myself get swapfucked. *gives the camera a shady look*

Having the Opal Idol in my pocket is amazing and I'm glad I went for that temptation. Everyone knows I have it but honestly I think there's an advantage to standing out. I feel like this series is used to a lot of UTR, lowkey players and people lying low and that's just not my thing... I honestly can't lay low to save my life. So my plan is to go after them. Honestly since I was low on the trust list it makes sense to go after people high on the trust list. I'm honestly not that bitter but if I can use it to justify targeting some people, I'm going to do it.

I'm not sure of my tribe because everybody is meh so far? I don't know if I'm dry or they're just all in alliances but I can't get a read on them for shit. I saw how well they all did in their past games and JD is giving me this loner act but she's been to an FTC so I know she's not as dumb as she's letting on. For some reason the fact that there are more girls than guys concerns me because I feel like those bitches could link up?

I guess I like Chelsea the best but maybe that's because she seems a little more exciting. Sammy does too but he seems like a game threat. I think I'm reluctant to share anything with anyone because I'm not sure of their relationships with each other. I think I want Jonesy out though... she has this cutesy act that is relatable and did pretty well on her first season. She was high on the trustlist too.

In all... I feel isolated but not intimidated.

Nobody has asked about the temptation but I'm ready to lie about it being a vote steal like I told Dani and Mitchell. I need to start keeping my lies in order because they're going to be PISSED when I reveal what it really is but hopefully they understand... if I ever see them again. I'm worried about Dani AND Jess over there at Takama because Devon is crafty. They are some people I hope I can rekindle with at merge. I'd consider working with Maynor but he seems like the type to want revenge.

WE WINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN fuck yeah also i wanna elaborate on something i said in my last confessional about using Aidan as a shield bc idk if I ever explained that Aidan has proclaimed that his tribe did not trust him at all, AND he has an advantage, right? so obviously, people would want to vote him out because of it. HOWEVER, if I get him to trust me/on my side, not only can we work together, BUT everyone will always target him over myself, so yeah, logic ;)

Unfortunately we didn't lose and just as I feared Nick's tribe lost. Welp you had a good run Nick.

So this round has been messed up.  I was swapped to a tribe with 1 person I talked to breifly on our original tribe and had an alliance with to search for idols.  The other 3 players were all people I never spoke to.  Furthermore Dani even voted vote for a few tribals ago.  After a botched challenge I’m hoping that it’s going to be Dani tonight and not me.  I’ve spoken with Jess and Devon and get good vibes that they want to play together.  Let’s hope their not playing me.

So pretty much I’ve been able to establish a strong relationship with Maynor this game... now I just need a majoritu on this tribe to be able to cause some damage within the merge, so we’ll see how things go when I reach that phase 😤 I want to work with TJ tbh, but we’ll see how that goes I guess haha

Ugh I hope Jess and devon aren’t ducking with me but I think it’s me or nick. Really hoping it’s nick. Sorry for typos drubk

Ummmm, so what did i do? Nothing, what have I done? Nothing, I didnt do the challenge ether cus like, wow I do not have a shity memory. But we won so yay team! 

[strengthpushingthrough]

The fundamentals of my being

Most days my brain feels like a labyrinth of endless thoughts swirling around and for most of my life it has felt that way. I am a thinker, I think all day every day and even in my sleep. I have lived with Anxiety and Bouts of Depression since I can remember and ill live with it until i die. That being said I have let it control every emotion and outcome of every situation, confrontation and even just simple conversations. Until now.

I think it always starts at the beginning i mean thats what a beginning is for right? what i mean is i think the way we think, feel, communicate, love and express ourselves and our personality and temperament are all decided before we even leave the womb and from there its dependant on our environment and  parents providing a nurturing and stable upbringing in order for us to develop in a way that is healthy. I alike many others was not given that and as much as i enjoyed my childhood breaking it down little by little i can see exactly where things when wrong and why i keep running into the walls i the built against this world. Its time to tear them down and dissect myself piece by piece.

Perfection and what it means to me

I have always been kind of a loner and have always found myself searching for that person thats going to stay. I think Perfection has been built up as this thing that will provide happiness for me sort of like a life goal. “If I'm not perfect people are always going to leave or i wasn't good enough, i wasn't perfect.” instead of having a healthy goal and striving for it i developed my own self destruction. I think it started out as “If someone didn't want to be friends with me” i wouldn't think well maybe theres something wrong with them or thats their issue. i developed the habit of blaming myself of looking inwards and looking for the imperfections that caused that person to not like me. I developed a little voice telling me i was the reason, that came from the constant bullying about my appearance of looking like a “boy” dressing in what i was comfortable with rather than what little girls were supposed to look like and it wasn't easy. I developed this from the comments from the kids at school and it seemed everywhere else too. At home it was “put something nice on and look like a girl for a change” like being comfortable in my own skin wasn't the most important thing, it was “ if you don't want to be teased dress like a girl” so i did i conformed and i learnt to be what society wanted me to be so i would be liked. but even that had its limits, that only gets you so far. it also destroys your self worth and tells you that people don't want the real you. I learnt to strive for perfection because to me if i could be perfect people would like me and i would find the person that would stay. growing up with this mindset saw me develop unhealthy attachments to clothes, shoes and material things because in school all the cool kids had all the cool stuff so surely thats what made them cool. Perfect skin is another one of these things, its like where taught from a young ago from the magazines and tv shows and movies that we must strive for that perfect skin and hairless body that anything else is disgusting. High school made me feel like my life was a joke. I had braces and pimples and i was not one of those tall girls with boys falling all over them and I'm ashamed of the way i talked to myself day in day out. I would get asked out by boys only to be dumped a minute later because who would want to go out with me. People didnt care about me I was someone to be laughed at. I was a joke. by now i had developed a sense that i was only beautiful if a boy said so and even then he could change his mind. I had a sense that i had to find validation from others, that i was more or less obsessed with trying to be perfect. How could anybody love me if i was broken, i got to the end of that with they won't and i lost interest in everything i became depressed, i wanted to die, i just wanted this pain to end. I would self destruct so much nobody even needed to say anything horrible to me i was saying it to myself from the moment i woke up and i didnt sleep i just thought about ways to end it over and over, i struggled to get out of bed in the morning so much so i wouldn't have time to do anything but get dressed and brush my teeth and be out the door. Weekends became endless days of sleeping to escape my mind and the vicious circle kept on loop. Leaving school and getting a job made this a lot better although and people weren't as horrible as they were in school and i learnt to find happiness in small things, but my strive for perfection was still there and was until about a week ago until i realised i was only enabling my self destructive side by doing that and things have changed. I feel like i opened the flood gates to the good in life. Perfection has been a rope around my neck for years and it is nothing but the most destructive word in the world. Today I am Learning to accept my imperfections because they are what make me fundamentally unique they are apart of me and i am taking control of my rebuild. I am Enough, i am more than enough for me.

My Fears

My Biggest fears are Rejection and Failure.

Rejection for me this is simply a crippling fear, it keeps my words hidden. I have in some ways found that i can put myself in positions where i could be rejected and faced this many times, because for me the risk of not living and experiencing is far worse than being rejected. So i will make the first move, i will  initiate intimate situations, i will say hello first i try to push past this fear so much but it still holds me back in so many areas.. its linked to not being good enough and perfection because if i do get rejected i will look inwards and i will self destruct. Failure is a similar fear and i think its all linked back to those feelings of hurt kept the deepest.

What I’m learning

For me i am learning that the only way to get out of my depressed mindset is to figure out what the deepest issue is thats causing it. Writing is helping so much and its a release I've never had before i feel like i am empty when I'm done and my brain can finally relax the anxious buzzing goes away and i can breathe again. I read a book Called The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown a couple weeks ago and this one tip she gave me has changed my life. she talks about how she gets anxious and how to only way to stop the horrible crippling control of anxiety for her was to bring light to the Gremlins. ‘Side note here The movie the Gremlins who would come out in the darkness and could only be destroyed by the light’ its the same concept when you have the anxious feelings taking over your body step back and say okay right now right in this moment whats the issue  this is bringing light to the darkness controlling you. Usually its something small and easily fixable when you take away everything but the current moment and it really made me think.

Anxiety- This is the fear and worry about the future.

Depression- This is the inability to let go of the anger and guilt associated with the past.

For me Depression is very much the Anger and Guilt of the past, Its also environmental.

Bryan he was a source of depression for me but it was actually the feelings that were associated with it and once i was able to bring light to what was making me feel it, it went away. I have been very angry at him for a very long time and working towards forgiveness has helped manage it.

I know when I'm depressed and i now know how to manage it. it may never go away but knowing how to keep it from controlling me makes a world of difference. its the same with my anxiety.

I have also learnt to Meditate i have a mantra in which i say over and over in my head every morning for 20 mins and before bed for 20 mins this really has helped me to relax and gain control over my thoughts. sometimes my mind wanders throughout the meditation and as it does i bring my attention back to this mantra, it has helped me in situations where i feel those anxious and depressed feelings taking over and without thinking about it i stop and bring myself back to the current moment and i am able to figure out what really is bothering me.

This is my mantra

I am my skin in which i fit

I am this seat in which i sit

I am the sun warm on my face

I am the stones that pave this place

I am all trees that gives me shade

I am all grasses each single blade

I am the fresh milk in my glass

I am the cloud that make to pass

i am fur, feather, nail, beak and claw

i am heart and soul and so much more

I am earth, air, water, wind and fire

I am the sum of sexual desire

I am the eternal galactic tune

i am the planets , stars and moon

I am everything, yet nothing at all

i am a dancer at the universal ball

i am here, gone, yet here again

I am wild and free, all-knowing and tame

I am at peace in a state of elation

I am at one with the act of creation

I also have list of Affirmations on my mirror and i read them aloud to myself in the mirror before i leave for the day. Reality for me is that i am in control of my life, love and the pain i suffer. I choose to see the good and life is what i make it.

I believe in how powerful our minds are and if i can make myself feel the horrible pain because of habit and words then it is proven i can rewire my brain to find the positive as habit. This is a long journey we call life and i believe in the power of myself. if you think about it i think we all give the power of validation to others and when someone says something it can either make us feel good or bad and that can change our entire day so if i am kind to myself i will intern feel good.

The last month has been some intense soul searching, looking to the depths of my being in order to understand myself in any way I can. I think the way its going i can say that 2017 is the year i find myself in the darkest corners of my brain and breakdown the giant wall i have built to protect me.. it hasn't protected me from anything but the acceptance and love that i deserve to give myself. So heres to the start, to taking the steps in the right direction, to growing expenentially through experiencing life as myself and validating that i am whole and i have a light bright enough to light fires in the darkest of places, to endless possibilities, and to wake up everyday with the mindset that I have the power to do anything i can think of.

Peace out