#no I didn't forget anything at the end

[raiiny-bay]

alien emoji

[singingcicadas]

"I hugged everyone in the room so that I could hug you."

[ikamigami]

THE CYCLE OF TRAUMA

In this post I'll try to explain how Sun is trapped in a cycle of trauma and I'll try to answer the question whether he can escape it or not and how he can escape it if it's possible.

I think that I know the answer to why Sun is often pushed aside and doesn't even feel like MC in Sun and Moon Show sometimes.. it's because the show is telling two stories.

One story is the one that we see. The one which follows mostly what happens with Moon because Moon does more things than Sun. Sun is doing his own things in the background. Or he's a gag character in most of funny lore episodes. This story is the surface level of watching it and seeing the obvious parallels between events.

It's not a bad way to engage with the show but it's more like watching MCU - easy story to follow with foreshadowing, payoffs and parallels.

But there's also a second story.. a story hidden in details and subtle hints and lines which are echoes of the past events.. and the main character of this story is Sun who is a traumatised victim of abuse.

This is more deep reading of events in the show - we could say it's meta interpretation of it.

I'm not going to lie to you that I found it weird and a bit repulsive how awfully Sun is treated as a victim of abuse.. because his trauma was never addressed properly - Sun could never talk openly about what happened to him and no one even helped him with that.. sometimes they didn't even want to listen to him..

I didn't want to accept that Sun healed off-screen or just even got better off-screen because of how much he went through and things like that just don't magically disappear.. all this trauma couldn't just disappear.. especially if Sun never had a break. His life is traumatising event after traumatising event after traumatising event..

"Stop! How can you say that Sun didn't have a break when he literally did while Solar and Moon took care of everything?" you're probably asking this right now. And my answer is: yes, you're right, Sun literally had a break. Literally - a surface level of watching show.. a story that we see..? You probably don't know what I'm trying to say. But this is exactly why I'm making this post.

Today's episode helped me realize that what's happening right now is just another face of Sun's trauma.

Moon is not only acting similarly to Old Moon but he even tried to guilt-trip Sun and he minimized his trauma by mocking it which was the exact same thing Old Moon was doing during their fights.

Moon even said that only after two years Sun was able to grow a spine to stand up to Moon.. doesn't it sound familiar?

Old Moon said during one of their fights that Sun shouldn't apologize for yelling at him because he shouldn't apologize for having a spine.. hmm.. it's obvious parallel yet it's a reverse one.

Old Moon was trying to make Sun stand up for himself in abusive way.

Now Moon is trying to squash Sun's confidence by laughing at Sun's efforts of trying to stand up for himself which essentially mocks Sun's trauma.

And later when I was watching mgafs episode it dawned on me. Sun went to Monty for help when Moon is dangerous.. doesn't it sound familiar?

The last time Sun went to Monty for help was when kill code reactivated in Old Moon.. but before that Sun went to Monty for help when Lunar was pretending to be Old Moon and they couldn't switch places.

But who told Sun to go to Monty for help if situation with Moon would be too much to handle for Sun? Old Moon.

It seems that Old Moon's words still have an impact on Sun.

But there's more.. Sun locked Moon in a cell just like Old Moon did to him a year ago. Sun decided to use shocks to keep Moon from doing something stupid and harming himself.

It really seems that Sun was influenced by Old Moon's actions.

But also the only helpful thing that Sun knows is talking to Earth because Earth was the one who helped him back then.. so if Earth's words didn't help Moon what else can?

Old Moon never listened to Sun and now Moon also doesn't listen to him. So what left?

He went to Monty for help but it turned out that Monty can't help. Monty's words don't work anymore with Moon like they used to with Old Moon. Monty and Foxy's only solution is to forcefully snap Moon out of it by endangering Sun at expense of Bloodmoon's life cause who cares about Bloodmoon..

So the only answer is violence. But if you think about it Sun's life is filled with violence to the brim. Old Moon used to solve their every problem with violence. New Moon also tried to solve their every problem by killing whoever he deemed an enemy.

Sun tried to talk with Eclipse but it didn't work. The only thing that left was to expell him from his head which was a death of OG Eclipse.

He tried to warn Bloodmoon. It didn't work and he killed them in self-defence.

He tried to listen to V2 Eclipse (Eclipse with the star) but Eclipse could only threaten them and told them to kill Lunar. So the only thing that left was to push Eclipse through the portal and Moon killed him.

He tried to talk to New Bloodmoon but it didn't work either and the only thing that left once again was violence.

He convinced Moon to help Ruin which turned out to be Solar's and trillions of others' lives doom. So what left? They had to lock Ruin but it created more problems - Molten trying to kill him and now Ruin is once again working with Bloodmoon and we can only imagine that they're up to no good. So they'd most definitely have to use violence.

Sun tried to resolve things differently. He tried to help. But none of this worked. His help only made things worse. And everyone's answer seem to be only violence.. violence violence violence violence violence violence violence..

So it's not surprising at all that Sun is doing what Old Moon taught him. Even if it isn't what Sun wants. And the worse thing is that now others are trying to force him to make a decision that will have an impact on everything. It'll either work and things will get better or it won't and everything will get worse.

You may say that Sun has Earth and Lunar as a support. But while it is true that he still has them they already expressed that they don't want to help. And let's be honest, neither Earth nor Lunar did much to help Sun with his trauma. They aknowledged it but that's it. Lunar never talked about it with Sun. And the only thing Earth did was apologizing to Sun for making him sad by mentioning Old Moon's death because she knows how hard it is for him.

But it isn't what Sun needs. He needs help. You may say "why he doesn't talk to them about his trauma?" The thing is he tried. But when he needed help the most - after Old Moon's death - they told him to move on or Moon straight up yelled at him for just simply mentioning Old Moon.

So it's not surprising that Sun doesn't try to open up about it anymore. Because he learned that it's better not to do that. And that's why he thinks that his issues are less important than others' problems. Because no one cared to help him. But because Sun knows that they love him so there's only one reason why they didn't help him. And this reason is that his issues aren't that much of a big deal. Why should he bother others with his issues when others don't seem to care that much? They probably don't care that much because these issues aren't real problems.. I bet that this is what Sun thinks about that.

Let's get back to the main topic of this post. Sun is trapped in a cycle of trauma. From the beginning of his existence the only thing he knows is trauma. First with Old Moon who abused him physically, mentally and emotionally. Later Old Moon promised to change yet he left Eclipse in Sun's head which created another trauma for Sun and Old Moon didn't stop being abusive. Later when they thought that they defeated Eclipse another problem appeared - Bloodmoon. But it wasn't enough because it turned out that there's new Eclipse who activated Old Moon's kill code reopening Sun's trauma.

Eventually Sun's already poor mental state worsened even more and he experienced psychotic episode. And what others did at that time? They abandoned Sun and because he was too detached from reality he wasn't able to stop himself. And in such state he did things that he regrets. But even if he regrets them he can't do anything about it. He has to live with consequences of his actions even if he wasn't at fault for neither Old Moon's nor Lunar's death. But it only deepened his trauma.

At that point Sun thought that the only solution is to die hoping for fresh start like Moon had. Hence why he decided to be conduit for star's power and tried to sacrifice himself. Thankfully he survived and Eclipse was gone. Things seemed to get better. Unfortunately Sun's family didn't help him with his trauma at that time. Even if it was the best time to adress his issues considering that he was still suicidal back then.

Though Ruin already was a threat. After all he kidnapped Sun and the way Moon dealt with it wasn't the best - reminding Sun of his trauma once again. Yet back then Ruin's threat seemed so distant. Until he decided to bring Bloodmoon back. And also Solar's appearing disrupted dynamics in the family regardless of this being unintentional. Then Ruin blew up the Daycare and Sun and Moon were sent to Ruin's dimension.

And even if later things seemed to get better once again it wasn't long before Bloodmoon completely mauled Earth's body and they had to deal with them and also Stitchwraith threatened that if they'll try to interfere he will do worse things then simply kidnapping Earth.

At that time Sun seemed very distanced from everyone. He had serious memory issues and he wasn't answering any messages and calls. It didn't seem good.

And then Eclipse returned once again. And we all of a sudden found out that Sun was feeling great until Eclipse's return.. it doesn't add up.

And later Sun decided to leave everything to Moon and Solar to deal with while he was spending time alone in their house, drinking wine and relaxing with his cats.. and he seemingly got better. He just needed a break.

It doesn't make much sense when you consider everything Sun went through. Yes, on surface level Sun seems to be doing much better and break helped him.. but is it actually true?

If we look at it deeper through lense of a story of very traumatised victim of abuse.. it seems that this was Sun's another attempt at breaking the cycle of trauma. The first attempt was sacrificing himself. Second was to try and avoid getting engaged with anything. After all when he tried to help everything got worse. So he naturally tried to do the opposite.. which turned out even worse.

Solar died because of Ruin's plan and he wouldn't be able to do it if it wasn't for Sun convincing Moon to help him. Moon is now losing his mind because of Solar's death and like Sun said he wishes that he said more to Moon when he had mental breakdown. And now Moon is acting worse than Old Moon and Sun is basically reliving his trauma. Sun is trying his best to keep his family together but is he actually able to do that?

You may think that he is.. but when you consider Sun's mental state - depressive psychosis and delusions centered around guilt and unworthiness making Sun feel like he's the one who is bad.. it doesn't seem likely.

You can disagree with me but there's plenty of evidence that support my claim. Also Moon told Sun that he has a little bit of Eclipse in him still.. and not so long ago Eclipse told Sun that he would make a good Eclipse when this is exactly what Sun was afraid of a year ago. And Lunar back then told him that he's acting exactly like Eclipse.

I'm pretty sure that it's affecting Sun. As much as he tries to say otherwise. That Moon's words doesn't have any impact on him anymore. It's not true. After all, we can still see how much Old Moon's words affected him.

Having all of this in mind, I wouldn't be surprised if Sun ended up blaming himself for what happened. Also considering that things will get worse soon. After all, Taurus is after Lunar and he'll either execute them immediately or put them to test.. which probably won't be anything nice. And Earth is hiding that she's friends with Eclipse and she trusts him more than her family because she tells Eclipse things that she wouldn't say to them. And who knows what Ruin and BM will do. And lastly.. Sun will find out soon that Dazzle is victim of July 16th incident. It doesn't look too good for him.

Even if Sun keeps going for his family. Will he be able to take more of this?

I don't think so. Because why then showrunners didn't let things to get better even if a bit? Why everything seems to get worse?

But is there a way for Sun to escape the cycle of trauma? He tried to sacrifice himself which even if it'd ended with him being dead he still would do something good, right? He'd protect his family. He tried to distance himself from everything to not make things worse with his help. But it ended up making everything even worse. So is there any option left for Sun to break the cycle?

Yes, the help of others. Unfortunately it doesn't seem likely. Even now when Sun is clearly suffering he still chose not to talk about his own feelings but focused on Moon. Even when he's hurting so much that Monty and Foxy found Sun crouching outside Monty's house. Yet he didn't say anything. And what they did to help him? They told him that he needs to make a decision that he isn't capable to make in the state he is right now.

But what about Earth and Lunar? Like I said Lunar will have a much more concerning problem soon enough. And when Sun will find out about Earth's secret.. I doubt he'll trust her to talk about his own issues. You may say that he can change his mind about Eclipse. Maybe normally he could but not now. Not when he's reliving his trauma and his mental state is threatening to worsen. Sun isn't in any condition to deal with his own issues with Eclipse unless Eclipse will surprisingly not insult Sun and will be able to convince him that he wants to help. But Sun isn't in the right state of mind to deal with it, to rethink everything between the two of them and try to forget about trauma Eclipse caused him and his family.

And when Sun will learn the truth about Dazzle.. I wouldn't be surprised if it'll be a final straw for him.

So what else left? How can break the cycle? The answer is he can't. He could with a help of his family but it really seems not to be an option.

Though there's one thing that will stop the cycle of trauma once and for all. And it's death. You may say that Sun already tried to do that. Yes but also no. Back then Sun thought that he'll be lucky if he get reset and if not he'll at least sacrifice himself to protect his family.

But what about now? There's a plan to put Sun in dangerous situation that will cause Sun harm in order to snap Moon out of the state he's in. But if it won't work Moon will kill Bloodmoon and then I doubt that he'll stop at that. And then what?

This plan is messed up because no one can be sure if it'll work and there are very high chances that Moon's mental state will worsen either way. I bet that Sun will try to help no matter what.

Edit: I forgot to mention that Foxy wanted Sun to decide when he'll say enough is enough and he let them kill Moon which isn't an option for Sun - imagine keep going with this in mind that the life of your brother depends on your decision.

But when things will get worse will he be able to keep going? After all he wasn't able to help anyone, to stop anyone, to comfort anyone.. he tried everything yet things only got worse. And because of Sun's mental issues I'm pretty sure that he'll blame himself for everything. So even if Sun will still have Earth and Lunar (maybe).. can he be sure that his decisions won't end up harming the rest of his family?

I wouldn't be surprised if Sun will consider taking his own life as an answer to how stop this madness. If he thinks that all of this is his fault and he even expressed that himself that he was wondering if it'd be better if Moon and him never separated.. and even if Sun went to dimension where they separated but Eclipse never happened and they seem to have happy lives. That Moon didn't help Sun that much and even if he said that deep down Moon still cares.. now Sun learned that it isn't true. Sun can't handle this anymore.

Sun's mental state seems to be not good but considering what is about to happen it'll only get worse. I doubt that Sun will be able to think it through and stop himself from doing it while everything around him is collapsing and he thinks that it's all because of him..

I won't say that he'll succeed because there's high chance that someone will stop him or even if he'll attempt it he may end up heavily injured or in a coma and not dead dead.

But seeing how showrunners keep making things harder and worse for Sun and knowing that Davis wanted to include topic of suicide but previously received backlash for that though it seems that the issue either got resolved or they decided to implement it anyway it seems highly likely that Sun may try to kill himself.

I'm not saying that he'll do that but this is just my hypothesis based on the analysis of events in the show and meta analysis of Sun's character and that his character represents a story of traumatised victim of abuse. I'd rather have them addressing it even if it'd mean that Sun will attempt suicide then them completely ignoring it showing viewers that "screw victims of abuse".

We may argue about whether VAs are doing good job with portraying this things in the show but I don't want to immediately say that there's no hope and that they just don't care about the fact that they made Sun to be a victim of abuse.

I'm trying to be positive about this and I hope that Sun's trauma eventually will be addressed. I'm trying to trust the process. Maybe I'm a fool for doing so but whatever. I don't care about it.

[pyro-madder]

master_i_ve_done_it_i_have.png

there are holes, there are characters i don't know what to do with yet, there are probably things that contradict canon, but have mercy i can always update it later

and congrats damian for his "favorite summon" privilege pass letting him see the whole thing through

[mango-ti]

Don't worry, I didn't forget about my girl for my birthday (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

[wereh0gz]

It's oc posting time

Rue has vivid revenge fantasies. Extremely violent ones about the many ways they'd kill Nox if they ever got their paws on him. Crushing his exoskeleton under their bare paws, tearing him apart limb for limb, ripping his guts out and eating his heart while he's still alive- you name it, they've probably thought about it

These thoughts *terrify* her. It proves what Nox has always told her right, that she is a hopeless, violent, uncontrollable *monster*. That the reason she became a beast in the first place is because she is truly evil at heart, just like him

(In actuality, it's just a symptom of their PTSD, but going to therapy and actually unpacking all of that isn't an option to them. They'd rather die than actually talk abt their struggles)

So the thoughts fester in her mind for years. She thinks about it daily. It becomes like an obsession. An impulse. A need. And she begins to think that the only way to free herself from that torment is to do it. To kill him. Even if it proves Nox right

Even if it proves *her* right

So they hunt him down, trying to kill him every time they encounter each other. And every time, Nox gets away, and he taunts them. And the thoughts, the want, the *hunger* for vengeance grows stronger

The cycle continues. The thoughts never cease. She never finds peace

(At least, she *thinks* she will never find peace, but she does. Eventually. After Nox dies from his own hubris lol)

[agentperezbian]

Can you explain the saw ending please? Thank you

I thought you'd never ask, anon.

So throughout the movie we see Lawrence Gordon and Adam Stanheight chained up in the bathroom, and it cuts to the perspectives of two other characters - Detective Tapp, and Lawrence's wife Allison, who is tied up with their daughter, Diana, and being threatened by an unseen man with a gun. We are lead to believe, up to this point, that the man with the gun IS the Jigsaw killer. He's actually Zepp, the orderly that we saw in a flashback earlier in the film.

One of the twists of the movie is that Zepp was actually playing his own game, having been told that there is a slow-acting poison in his veins that will kill him if he doesn't do exactly what Jigsaw says, which includes holding Allison and Diana Gordon hostage until Lawrence and Adam are done with their game, and killing them if Lawrence fails.

Lawrence goes past the allotted time of six hours, technically failing his game, so Zepp tries to kill Allison and Diana, but Tapp shows up and the Gordons manage to escape. Meanwhile, Lawrence goes through with cutting his foot off to escape his chain, believing his wife and child to be potentially dead. He reaches the gun and shoots Adam, fulfilling his task, but late.

Adam isn't dead and was only wounded (in the shoulder) so when Zepp shows up to kill Lawrence for breaking The Rules and going past his time limit, Adam beats the shit out of him with a toilet lid, leading to Lawrence and Adam's ✨️love scene✨️ where they embrace and Lawrence tells Adam he will come back with help for him, before crawling away.

This is where the twist comes into play. Adam, believing he has killed the Jigsaw killer, searches Zepp's pockets to find some way to free himself from his chain. Instead, he finds the tape that reveals Zepp was merely another player - a pawn. The "dead guy" in the middle of the room then stands up - he's the real Jigsaw killer, John Kramer. The patient that Lawrence had been telling his students about in the flashback of the hospital previously. He's a cancer patient who, upon realizing he only has months to live, tests other people who he deems to be wasting their gift of life through deadly games, often requiring people to mutilate themselves or endure extreme pain to survive.

Adam watches in horror as John tells him he has failed and locks him in the bathroom, shutting off the lights and leaving him in the dark to die. It was never really clear what Adam needed to do to survive, but it's implied that his chance depended on the key that was in the bathtub with him, which went down the drain before he woke up.

[junonureyev]

Season 1 thoughts, initially: (partially/a lot of anaylsis and partially just... rambling. I talk a lot.)

When I started this relisten I listened to the murderous mask and then thought "this'll be easy, I remember how the murderous mask functions I was 16 and I was amazing at understanding this podcast, evidenced by how well I rped at Juno at the time" and I did rp Juno well. I have no evidence of this but... take my word for it.

I think where I personally struggle the most is the individual plot story lines, because it's true. I do understand the characters boarder functions more than I do individual plotlines. I think (especially because of how Juno is written) it's incredibly well conveyed how Juno as a character (and also Nureyev) functions, in season one our protagonist is more of a mystery in the sense we don't know why he functions the way he does whereas with Nureyev we eventually do find out. The character writing is so stellar, and unique, and colourful, and immediately vibrant that it makes sense the thing that drives the story is obviously the character. The plot takes a minor backseat to that.

I fucking love Nureyev as much as I did when I was 16 and it was 2019 and he's completely earned the title of "my favourite fictional character of all time" when he got it without a doubt and remains at that level even now. I love the angel of brahma as an arc, I think it's my favourite season one pair of episodes. It's the perfect cocktail of Juno and Nureyev getting tortured, Nureyev comforting Juno (holy shitt) and character development for the both of them. I feel it's a arc fully-hellbent on conveying their romance to the audience and it makes me feel like what I imagine people who really love romance in stories feel like all the damn time. I also love the conclusion, that the people of brahma rely on Nureyev as a robin hood boogeyman because being a comfort to people who need it and scaring people who suck, it makes me think that Peter Nureyev would really love the role he's played in real peoples lives outside of his fiction. (And the role he's played in my life.) And that weird parallel brings me a lot of joy.

Peter Nureyev is an incredibly good person regardless of whether he likes to acknowledge it or not. He has a very interesting relationship to the concept of being a saviour, because Juno fully has a saviour complex, but Nureyev doesn't seem to realize that he does default to being a good person with an incredible amount of patience and a saviour figure. (Which is something he at least subconsciously wants to be) He just doesn't let people in, and so maybe his lack of self awareness in regards to his not-saviour-complex-in-the-way-juno-has-it, comes from his lack of experience with intimacy. He wants to be with Juno and has decided that Juno is a good person and will do anything to compensate for that, but Juno is way more complicated than both he and Nureyev would like him to be at the moment, and so it fucks up and Juno takes advantage of his kindness. Peter Nureyev deliberately presents himself as the guy of your dreams to take advantage of people, yeah, but for Juno it's all genuine. So inexperience. (He doesn't even realize what he's doing when Juno points it out. He is not self aware about it at this period of time)

I think this is what makes the ending interesting is that Juno is absolutely being selfish and terrible to Peter, (taking advantage of him and ghosting him) because Juno anticipates that someday this will all go wrong and is too afraid of that so cuts it off before it happens (BPD behaviour. Do not get me started) but narratively it makes sense because Juno absolutely is not ready for a relationship at that point and had been genuinely way too mean and non-communicative towards Nureyev to ever even remotely start a healthy relationship. Nureyev couldn't compensate for Juno's behaviour forever so, it was a good decision to cut it off. Not for those reasons or in that way, it was a total fuck up indicative of Junos most intense neuroses, but still. Juno at that point did not deserve that man. In my opinion. Although I can see an argument for otherwise, I think Juno leans too heavily on the explaination that they're on other sides of the law for his distrust even though it's mildly unclear how much he actually cares about being on the right side of the law. Considering. I personally don't think he cares that much and this is a case of him justifying his distrust by going for a more surface level explanation than what is truthful (deep seeded mental health issues and trust issues)

I personally find this last scene truthful to the core of their characters and the relationship they've built, and I think it does a wonderful job portraying the types of mental health issues Juno has.

I think he's insane for leaving Peter Nureyev in a hotel room after he just said "I'm in love with you" but I get it. (If I was in that situation I don't even know what I'd do, but the likelihood that'd it'd be something similar is... a lot, I'll admit) The writing is so good and that scene goes so smoothly it doesn't feel unjustified at all and I think we can attribute that to how well written Juno is. Nureyev also presumably had some inkling that Juno was going to pull this, since he can read Juno and also confirmed twice in-ear that Juno was okay with this. But he believed, because Juno was communicating otherwise, which is what makes it such a bad decision on Junos part? and why I specify specifically that Juno took advantage of him. It's not like he didn't have an out to communicate like a normal-ass person. He was given at least 1 onscreen and we all know how comforting and needy Nureyev is.

It's why I'm so compelled by them, and why they're my favourite fictional romance, is the entire latter half of season 1. I stopped in 2019 (so the beginning of season 3) and I hope they resolve what happened late season 1 well, as I never got to that.

My urge now to listen near constantly is going to be at an all time high even though season 1 took so little time because you think "oh I have so much podcast left" when in reality you have like 5 days of podcast left and I'm not going to survive the next 5 days because stopping feels like letting Juno rot in that grave he dug on purpose 'cause he's a fucking idiot. I love him and I can't leave him in there for long. I need to get him out.

[nayruwu]

why mahiru and shinya should've been close

as we all know, their relationship in canon is incredibly shallow. and when i say shallow, i mean it literally does not exist. so here's a couple of steps i would take to change that.

1. so the general vibe mahiru has (or rather, is supposed to have) in catastrophe is a simple girl that just wants love but turns into a ruthless demon in her desperate tries to escape her fate. i don't mind that. it's a cool trope. the thing is, it's incredibly inconsistent. sometimes she's sane but incredibly cruel, sometimes she's apparently possessed but acts normal - it's just whatever kagami needs at the moment. resurrection shows a fully demon mahiru uncaring about guren's feelings or his affection for his friends, calling them his "pathetic attachments". in vampire reign however, she seems so... tame. she consoles him and looks sad when he breaks down. she's not the terrifying evil anymore, she's just another ally.

so i say, screw that. draw a definitive line between the original mahiru and the possessed one. show her beginnings as gentle and kind and portray her slow descend into madness as something horrible and irreversible. i think using shinya to do this is a very good option because it gives depth to both of their characters.

2. it makes sense for them to bond one way or another. they even set it up in canon! making shinya promise to cover for her and guren and showing them spending time together in the garden. of course they could never achieve a deep and trusting friendship, as shinya only learns about this later on and mahiru bears the burden of shikama doji. but they do share very similar experiences, live in the same household, and are supposed to spend a lot of time together because of their engagement. how did this buildup turn into the complete indifference, or even disdain they have for each other? mahiru losing herself and starting to terrorise him could explain this.

3. shinya was never given an actual reason to want to save mahiru. it's this mix of "ah, well she's my fiancée so i guess i have to" and "guren wants this and i want to help guren" that renders him pretty ambitionless. if he was there from the start to watch mahiru turn from someone he considered a friend to a monster, a completely different person, of course would he want to change that. of course he would try until the very end, knowing he's about to be killed by that very person.

4. it would make mahiru killing shinya so much more tragic, and her madness much more believable. canon mahiru had no attachment to any of guren's friends, but now she would be taking the life of her own. it would be the clear point of no turning back.

it would also make mahiru possessing guren so much more tragic because he would associate her not only with "she hurt guren" but with "she hurt me". she is gone but not at the same time, taking his best friend away from him and haunting them both. it's a lot more personal, and shinya lacks some of this.

[spacephrasing]

hello sorry if this is really long and tmi but besties i need some advice

[direwombat]

what form of love does your ship embody?

tagged by @detectivelokis, @socially-awkward-skeleton, and @inafieldofdaisies to do this uquiz

tagging @adelaidedrubman, @sstewyhosseini, @aceghosts, @strangefable, @strafethesesinners, @fourlittleseedlings, @confidentandgood, @purplehairsecretlair, @baldurrs, @deputyash, @harmonyowl, and anyone else who sees this and wants to give it a go!

r: define your meaning of war

LOVE AS VIOLENCE. [ love as bloodshed, crimson as a knife slipped between your ribs ] when ocean vuong said "to arrive at love, then, is to arrive through obliteration" and when franz kafka said "you are the knife i turn inside myself; that is love" and when ada limon said "how do you love? like a fist. like a knife" and when richard siken said "sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine"

and some joseph/augustine as a curveball/treat :)

r: the father and the confessor

augustine la roux

LOVE AS HUNGER. [ love as ravenous desire, love as something fragrant and home-built ] when florence welch said "we all have a hunger" and when jenny slate asked "who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?" and when violet trefusis wrote "I want you hungrily, frenziedly. passionately. I am starving for you..." and when anne carson asked "what are we made of but hunger and rage?"

joseph seed

LOVE AS RELIGION. [ love as the sole object of your reverence--nothing about you is holy, but maybe your love for another is ] when sappho said "in the crooks of your body i find my religion" and when the cast of les mis sang "to love another person is to see the face of God" and when halsey said "i found God, i found him in a lover" and when katherine philips wrote "to the dull angry world let's prove there's a religion in our love"

[gar-a-ash]

I have not done any bitework really since the seminar (and it was a while before then even) so she is SUPER rusty but I kidnapped another person to feed to the dog get bit by my dog help out with some basic decoy-ing! She is pretty nervous around bigger dogs (people consider Tassie big? Wild) but she really wanted to do it anyways and was a very good sport about it.

Huge milestone for Tassie today with her, usually when I tell Tassie to bite a stranger she goes "Ugh I guess" but today she said "OKAY! :D" and absolutely did not hesitate to put a full bite onto my poor helper. I was actually not expecting that and had actually told my helper that Tassie would probably barely interact with her. Oops.

Timestamp explanations since traffic is so loud:

Right from the get-go I had my first indication that Tassie was way fucking overdue for this because she could not keep the sleeve out of her mouth. This continued for most of the session, as seen by the fact that she keeps focusing on the sleeve and trying to take potshots at it.

0:50 helper took her first bite and went "Okay I don't think I want to do that again" and I switched gears to other ways she could help, mostly by being a big distraction for her.

3:00-ish I tell my helper to yell at Tassie and call her names. My helper is the nicest person in the entire fucking world so hearing her scream "TASSIE YOU'RE A BITCH" was the funniest fucking thing in the world, especially because it was immediately followed by "YOUR MOMMY WANTS ME TO SAY BAD WORDS TO YOU!"

3:40 Emergency Out rehearsal! As I explain to my helper after, this is trained and practiced just often enough to keep it fresh just in case something might happen where I need to stop my dog while she's going for a bite, like say the decoy trips or god forbid a child runs onto the field. I like to know it's there!

Immediately after this Tassie lets me know she is extremely overheated so we take a brief break to spray her down with the hose and cool her down, to return at about 6:00 where my helper lets me know she wants to try the sleeve again. I put her closer to the dog so Tassie has less room to build up momentum, and we work on some self control a bit. It does not go anywhere near as well as it should because it's been so long but we hammer it back (side note, the reason we're struggling to slip the sleeve is because it's padded so thick that the satin liner on the inside basically creates a vacuum with our sweat. It is genuinely a struggle to remove it, especially with a dog attached applying pressure at a super inconvenient angle)

8:40-ish we try to revisit barking. Tassie has apparently forgotten all the work we've put into barking. I eventually settle for two very sad baby barks. I'll have to revisit it.

10:30 I've been starting to apply some additional pressure on her as she's coming in for the bite, mostly by swinging the clatter stick at her as she's coming in. Only took two tries to get her solid on it when we started, so I might have to find something else soon! This works for now though.

11:30-ish I parked her in the shade to cool down and had my helper straddle her in a down stay while I was a decent distance away. Helper put additional pressure on Tassie by squeezing her ribs with her feet and fidgeting. Tassie pinned her ears back a few times but otherwise completely ignored her!

12:30-ish we wrap up with a running bite, which is Tassie's favorite thing to do so I like to end with one. She does not time it very well and barely pinches the end of the sleeve with her canines and almost gets my fingers, and it took a few attempts to get her to regrip properly. Not the best but it was 85 degrees out so I let her end with it, she was working really hard for me in this heat and I wanted to end on a strong note.

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day

[nero-neptune]

List 8 tv shows for your followers to get to know you.

tagged by @bruceewayne

(i limited myself to shows i really got into within the past five years bc otherwise i'd go way past 8. i also added a brief explanation for why i chose which, but you don't have to! that's just a me thing)

the expanse (2015-2022) (politics and outer space might be a tough sell for most people, but i'm not most people)

dead to me (2019-2022) (i'm a shameless supporter of women's wrongs)

deutschland 83/86/89 (2015-2020) (it's another day in '80s west germany, and martin rauch is a Horrible east german spy)

soap (1977-1981) (before the golden girls, susan harris made this parody of 70s soap operas and i promise you, it's one of the funniest sitcoms i've ever seen. and jodie dallas is one of my fav characters of all time, understand this and you'll understand me)

eerie, indiana (1991-1993) (literally the x-files before the x-files. alex hirsch cites it as a huge inspiration for gravity falls and it Shows)

black sails (2014-2017) (i don't even like pirates and i think it's one of the best shows of all time. you can quote me on that)

a league of their own (2022) (gone too soon, but it meant the world to me, then again, i've always been a sucker for baseball media)

northern exposure (1990-1995) (part of the "weird shit in a small town" genre and, based on my current output, i'm Clearly very obsessed w/ it)

i tag: @officialjanetweiss @jonniechill @holly-mckenzie @akajustmerry @madeline-kahn @ramdaughter @chicafinal and anyone else who wants to!

[dredshirtroberts]

it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such

[imminent-danger-came]

listened to monster from frozen the musical today and had so many mk thoughts. literally “is the thing they see, the thing i have to be.”

^me rn. like this is me a lot of the time but also rn

I'm making my world colder How long can it survive? Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive? Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage Caught in a war that I never meant to wage