#no but really i've finished working on the animation fixes I picked up on for both episodes

[kaiowut99]

GX Finalized-Subs!93 & 94 Update

That’s all--you can go back to scrolling now

[ultimate-shipper-trash-blog]

The Epilogue

It starts off on a simple hot sunny day at the lake.

The kids are giggling and splashing water in each other's faces.

Dustin and Steve are off to the side getting the sandwiches ready. Steve is watching Eddie flip the boys into the water.

"I'm so glad we're all like this together. I never thought I'd even get you an Eddie into the same room."

"Well he's really changed a lot. Definitely since we were kids. I like being his friend, I think we're better for it." He finishes wrapping up the sandwich he's working on and ignores Dustin's eyes piercing into his skull. Behind him he hears another splash and some screaming.

"What."

"I didn't know you used to be friends."

"Friends? It's been a long time since I've been regarded as one of those."

"Be for real I didn't know you and Eddie used to hang out."

"Yeah we used to hang out all the time." Steve looks off into the distance wistfully.

"So what happened?"

"Well, we grew up. I grew up and Eddie grew up and we both grew into different people and Eddie didn't like how different we ended up being. It happens all the time. We didn't have monsters to bond us like you guys."

"Well that sucks, maybe you guys will reconnect as strong as you used to be."

Steve rustles Dustin's hair much to his complaint.

"We'll be fine champ, we're doing well now aren't we?"

"Yeah Stevie we are." They both spin around at the sound of Eddie's voice. He's giving them a confused look. Squinting his eyes at Steve like he doesn't know how to feel.

---

A long time ago

"Do you want to be friends?"

"Why?"

"I think you're cool."

"No you don't you just think I'm cool cause I'm in 4th grade and you're only in the baby 3rd grade class."

"Am not!"

"You are!"

"UGH...I'm Steve by the way."

"Eddie."

Middle school

"Steve there's something wrong with me."

"Don't be ridiculous Eddie, whatever it is we'll fix it."

"This can't be fixed."

"Dude just spit it out I won't get mad!"

"Ok...I have a crush...on a boy."

Eddie's eyes are welling up with tears.

"Hey it's ok Eds." Steve walks closer to him, slowly, like approaching a wounded animal.

"I won't judge you."

"Really?"

"Yeah! So what if you like boys I'll kick anyone's ass who says anything bad. You're still my best friend that's never going to change." He wraps Eddie up in the tightest hug he can muster.

"I love you Steve."

"I love you too Eds."

Before high school

"I just don't know why you're being like this!"

"What Steve? You can't believe I'm mad at you for blowing me off for your other friends?!"

"I wasn't blowing you off! I had basketball practice! Tommy's mom just drove me home dude it's not as crazy as you think it is."

"Oh really?!"

"Yeah! If anything you're being crazy!"

"Oh! If that's how it's gonna be then we don't need to be friends anymore."

Eddie's stomps off. So angry he doesn't hear Steve calling back out to him. The next time they interact, Tommy is pushing Eddie into a locker.

When Steve called Jonathan Byers a queer he remembers the promise he made to Eddie and promptly throws up afterwards.

When Robin comes out to Steve on the bathroom floor he thinks he has a second chance to prove himself. When she ends up being better than he imagines he is so thankful.

God he misses Eddie.

---

"Me and Stevie boy can pack up the car don't worry munchkins."

The two try to pick everything up but Eddie gets progressively angrier by the second. Steve is trying to figure out why he has personal beef with a cooler.

When they reach the car Eddie tries to shove everything in the trunk but it all falls apart.

"What's wrong."

"Me? Nothing, why?" he hastily folds the towels again, shoving them back in.

"Well...you're all huffy."

He spins around, his face getting closer, red with anger.

"You wanna know what my problem is?! I can't believe you told him that like I was the one to break things off, like you ever missed me, like you never hated me!"

"That's ridiculous! I've never hated you! You hated me!"

"No! You're the one who changed. You made the final decision!"

"Yeah because you pushed me away."

"You didn't fight me on it."

"I fought you everyday. Everyday I thought of you. Everyday with the name calling and the lockers, I was trying to get your attention."

"You think I wasn't? You think I stand on tables for fun?!"

"...it's all been a misunderstanding?"

The two stare at each other not even daring to blink.

"We wasted so much time, we could fix that, that is if you still want me"

"I never went a day without thinking of you."

he gets shy, his face darker than his sunburn.

"I know you've changed, I've dealt with that but a part of me still thinks you hate me. For what I am. What you'll hold against me. I don't know if I can handle being friends with you with that fear in my heart."

"I'd never. Ever. Do anything. Besides," Steve flicks his hair back. "Birds of a feather and all that." The blush on his cheeks is high and getting darker by the second.

"The what?"

"I'm uh kind of bisexual."

"Kind of?"

"Definitely. Definitely bisexual."

"Oh."

"Right um...so you won't have any problems from me. I hope that won't be a problem for you."

"No! Never! I'm just...surprised."

"Yeah you would be," Steve grumbles.

"What?"

"Nothing!"

----

Steve is sleeping in his bed when he feels something wrong. His eyes shoot open and he spots a figure standing over his body.

"Jesus Christ!" He shoots out of bed and is ready to grab his weapon when he registers who's in front of him.

"Eddie?" He says softly. "What're you doing here? You had a gig tonight, how did you get in my house? Why are you in my room-"

"Steve." Eddie's face is golden. The moon is reflecting into his eyes, shining so bright. He looks so happy, like he's going to cry. His smile is so bright.

"Steve. I got it."

"You go it?"

"The record deal. I got it."

Steve runs at him and Eddie catches him. Of course he did. He always will.

"Oh my god oh my god," he mutters into his shoulder. Eddie's arms are squeezing his waist tighter. "I'm so proud of you oh my god."

"Steve. I have to tell you something, that's what I came here to say."

"What's going on Eds? You never sound this serious." Eddie lets go of him and sits him down on the edge of the bed. Eddie lingers closer to the door like he's ready to make an exit.

"The recording studio is in Chicago."

"Oh."

"I leave in a week."

"Oh."

"I want you to go with me."

"What?"

Steve feels confusion run through him but he's not complaining. He'd follow Eddie anywhere.

"Yes! Ok! Let's go!"

Eddie smiles but it looks like it's causing him pain.

"There's a condition to you coming with me." He comes closer to Steve but still keeps his distance. "You need to know the truth before you agree to leave everything behind."

"What's going on Eds?"

"Ever since we were kids I've been in love with you. Big. Gay. Feelings. I want to hold you and kiss you and start a life with you. I know you're bi but that doesn't mean you'd be into me, especially considering our history. I was going to keep it a secret, never tell you, but it's not fair for you to be with me and not know my true intentions. I understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore but I'll do anything to keep our friendship. I've tried to forget you but have you met you? You're unforgettable. You're too damn loveable." He chuckles at that, eyes darting at every corner of the room.

"Eddie..."

"I understand-"

"Come here please."

"Um...no."

"Edddiiie," Steve whines. He stands and grabs Eddie's hands and drags him back to his bed laying him down. He crawls on top of him and tucks his head into Eddie's neck.

"I am very confused right now Steve."

"Thank you for telling me, I understand how scary that can be to share your feelings. The only thing is I can't believe you don't see how I feel!" He props his head up until their noses are touching. "I love you you idiot. I've been in love with you since forever. Of course I want to start a life with you and whatever else you wanted-"

"Kissing. I wanted kissing."

"And you'll get it."

Steve giggles into his mouth and the two kiss for what feels like forever. They finally break apart and keep their foreheads touching.

"So...Chicago?"

"Chicago."

-----

Eddie's suit jacket is grabbed and he's thrown into a bathroom stall.

"Oh my god I can't believe you did that."

"Steve how did you even get back here? Bribed a guard. He knew who I was anyway, congratulated me on having such a loving partner." He ends the sentence smashing their lips together shoving Eddie against the wall.

"Mmm well," Eddie pulls away. "I didn't know the next time I'd win a Grammy I wanted to make it count."

"Eddie you confessed your love for me and came out in your speech that was something...something so special. God all I wanted was to see you, be near you. I couldn't go another second not being by your side."

"A bathroom stall was the closest you could get huh?" He smirks.

Steve smirks, sinking to his knees. "What? It's not good enough for you?"

"Nope! It's perfect! Absolutely perfect sweetheart no complaints here.

----

"You want to marry...me?"

"Yeah baby why wouldn't I?"

"I- I...yes! Ok! Yes!"

----

It ends on a simple hot sunny day

seventy years later

"Hello everyone, my husband lived a long successful life. You may know him as the lead guitarist for the many bands he's been apart of during his long career. You knew him as Eddie Munson rockstar but I knew him as much more. I knew him as my love. My husband. An uncle to our little gremlins little gremlins. A friend to all. A supporter of all. He passed away yesterday from natural causes. I was asked by his Manger how I wanted to handle this and I knew I had to do it."

There are tears in his eyes as he stares down the camera but a small smile on his lips.

"He lives on through our friends and family. Through those who have watched him grow. Through his awards and his fans. Through his charity work. Most importantly he lives through his love. He loved so much. So hard. Everthing had meaning to him. Everything had purpose." He wipes a stray tear away.

"I'll see you soon my love."

The final epilougue is the next day, for the sweethearts could not live long without the other. They had already been making up for the time they did not know each other, for they time they spent ignoring each other. They couldn't spend another minute apart.

[warabidakihime]

Rules and Roses Chapter 6

★ characters: kibutsuji muzan x reader x akaza

★ plot summary: Kibutsuji Muzan has finally decided to expand his empire, and the way he intends to do so is by running for the highest political position. With you, his darling wife, at his side, he believes he can achieve and have everything the world has to offer. He is, after all, the Phoenix of Phario.

★ fic playlist: sometimes, same day, as time stops, wolf’s song (this is also the vision board for the fic). 

★ content warnings : implied violence, self-harm and abuse, profanities, toxic relationships, smut.

★ Previous Chapter

a/n: heya! things are finally picking up and it will only go up from here and then BAM! i wasn't able to update last weekend because i wasn't doing great mentally and i was also pretty tired because of work, and so i just focused on resting last weekend. but voila! a new chapter for y'all! i've not proofread this yet, so apologies if there are any typos or parts that confuses you. will fix those tomorrow morning.

i sincerely hope you've been enjoying this fic and i really would like to hear your thoughts so don't be shy and leave a comment or two! you have no idea how much your comments inspire me to write.

anyway! enjoy reading!

--

Year 2016

A vast, icy expanse stretches before the camera. The crowd's excited murmurs gradually build into a roaring applause as a spotlight illuminates the center of the ice.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are on the edge of our seats as we welcome back the phenomenal Y/N! The reigning champion, the undisputed queen of the ice, is about to grace us with her artistry once more,” the commentator exclaimed to the mic.

You glide onto the ice; your every movement, fluid and effortless, as if you're dancing on air. Your breath, visible in the cold, adds a touch of ethereal beauty to your performance.

“There she is! The moment we've all been waiting for! The crowd is on their feet, their eyes glued to every twist and turn. Her posture is impeccable, and her lines are clean and sharp. This is what true elegance looks like!”

The commentator continued, his voice filled with excitement and passion.

As you progress through your routine, the music swells, mirroring the intensity of your performance. You execute a series of complex jumps with astonishing ease, landing each one with precision and grace.

“And there it is! A triple axel, executed to perfection! The crowd is in awe. This woman is on a different level. Her speed, her power, her control—it's simply breathtaking. Watch as she transitions into a spin; look at that speed and the way she controls her body. It's like she's defying gravity itself!"

You transition into a series of spins, giving your body a blur of color and movement. The commentator’s voice becomes more animated.

“Unbelievable! She's a ballerina on ice! The way she blends strength and delicacy is simply mesmerizing. And did you catch that change of direction? From a Biellmann spin to a layback spin in mere seconds? It's like she's speaking a different language on the ice. A language only the greatest can understand.” 

As you approach the end of your routine, the music crescendos, and you unleash a final burst of energy. Your emotions are raw, and your movements are filled with passion.

“She's pouring her heart and soul into this performance! The crowd is on its feet, cheering and applauding. This is a moment that will be remembered for years to come. And can we talk about the flexibility? Those splits, those extensions! She's not just an ice skater; she's a gymnast on ice! A complete show stopper!”

The commentator exclaimed, his voice filled with awe.

A tear escapes your eye as you finish your routine, and you drop to the ice in a deep bow.

The crowd erupts in a standing ovation.

“A performance that transcends the boundaries of sport. Ice Queen Y/N has once again proven why she is the greatest ice skater of her generation. And speaking of greatness, this woman has it all. Talent, beauty, grace, and, let's not forget, a heart of gold. They say behind every successful woman is a great man, and this woman's boyfriend is definitely one to watch. Though we can't confirm anything, rumors have it that he's a rising star in the business world,” the commentator said, adding a touch of intrigue to his commentary.

You skate slowly towards the edge of the ice, your breath coming in short gasps. The crowd’s cheers and applause gradually subside as you approach your coach.

“And there she goes, skating towards her coach. A moment of pure relief and exhaustion. The pressure is off, and she can finally let go. This is a moment of truth, a moment of waiting. The scores will determine her fate. Let’s hope she’s brought her A-game today, but this is Y/N we're talking about; she's always on her A-game!” 

The camera cuts to the judges’ table as they begin their deliberation. The crowd holds their breath, their eyes glued to the screen.

After what feels like an eternity, the announcer steps up to the microphone.

“And the gold medal goes to... Y/N with a final score of 250.34 , a whopping 12.78 points ahead of her closest competitor! This not only secures her gold medal but also breaks her own world record, a record she has held for years! This is a historic moment, ladies and gentlemen!”

The announcer proclaimed, as the crowd erupts into a frenzy of cheers and applause.

The camera returns to you as you cover your face with your hands, tears of joy streaming down your cheeks. Your coach gave you a fatherly hug, obviously proud of the feat you have achieved. Your family and friends were screaming at the top of their lungs, trying their best to convey their support for you. Meanwhile, the crowd continues to cheer as confetti falls from the ceiling.

You raise your arms in victory, a radiant smile on your face.

The physical therapy room was a familiar purgatory. The sterile white walls and the metallic gleam of the equipment were a constant reminder of your limitations. Once a sanctuary of grace and athleticism, it had become a battleground for recovery.

You moved through the routine with mechanical precision, your movements devoid of the once-fluid grace. Your breath came in short, labored gasps as you pushed your body to its limits. The pain was a constant companion, a dull ache that pulsed through your leg. Yet you persevered, driven by a stubborn determination.

Akaza watched from the corner, his eyes following your every move. His expression was a mask of indifference, but his posture spoke a different story. Tension rippled through his muscles as he observed your struggle.

Finally, exhausted but determined, you collapsed onto the mat, sweat beading on your forehead. Your body ached, but there was a sense of satisfaction in pushing through the pain.

The doctor entered, his footsteps echoing in the quiet room. He carried a clipboard, and his expression was serious.

"How are you feeling today, Y/N?" he asked, his voice gentle.

You managed a weak smile. "Tired, but okay."

The doctor nodded, his eyes scanning your form. "The progress is steady. Your strength is improving, and the range of motion in your leg is expanding."

A flicker of hope ignited in your chest. "Does that mean I can start... doing more?"

The doctor hesitated, his expression turning somber.

"There is good news and bad news."

Your heart sank. "Tell me the bad news first."

"The bad news is, the full range of motion you once had is unlikely to return. The scar tissue and the nature of your injury have created limitations. While you can walk and perform daily activities without significant discomfort, activities that require sudden bursts of speed, agility, or excessive weight-bearing are still risky."

A wave of disappointment washed over you. You had never entertained the thought of returning to competitive skating. That chapter of your life was firmly closed. But the idea of never being able to skate again, even for leisure, was definitely a bitter pill to swallow.

"I understand," you managed to say, your voice barely a whisper.

"But," the doctor continued, his voice softening, "the good news is that you've exceeded expectations in your recovery. You're stronger than most people in your situation. With continued therapy and careful management, you can lead a normal, active life."

A normal life.

The word echoed in your mind.

A far cry from the extraordinary life you once lived.

"But remember, and I mean this in all seriousness, there are certain activities you should avoid," the doctor warned. "High-impact sports, for instance, are out of the question, and you need to be cautious about putting too much pressure on your leg."

You nodded, trying to absorb the information. The weight of disappointment was heavy on your shoulders.

"But I also want you to remember," the doctor added, "every day is a step forward, and you've come such a long way, Y/N. So you should be proud of your progress."

You forced a smile. "I am."

As the doctor left the room, you turned to Akaza. His eyes met yours, and in that brief moment, you saw a flicker of something in his gaze—a mixture of pity and something else, something you can quite pinpoint. You decided to dismiss it, attributing it to your overactive imagination.

Akaza approached you, his hand reaching out to offer support. "You're stronger than you think," he said, his voice low and comforting.

You took his hand, grateful for his presence. "I know," you replied, your voice trembling slightly.

Akaza studied your face; his eyes were filled with a strange intensity. "I've seen stronger people break," he said, his voice barely audible. "But you... you're different."

You raised an eyebrow, intrigued by his rather cryptic statement. "Oh?"

Akaza hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully. "Some people," he began, his voice low, "are defined by limitations. Others... they find a way to transcend them."

You didn't know what to make of his cryptic statement.

You simply nodded, grateful for his support.

Akaza chuckled, breaking the tension. “You’re too serious,” he teased. “Come on, let’s get you out of here. You look like you could use a break.”

You smiled, and the weight of the world momentarily lifted.

“Alright, let’s go.”

As he helped you up, he studied your face, his expression turning serious again. “You’re doing well,” he said softly. “Like what the doctor told you, you’re way stronger than you think.”

You nodded, grateful for his support. As you walked out of the physical therapy room, you felt a sense of peace wash over you. The road to recovery was indeed long, but you persevered and made incredible progress.

And as long as you have your friends and family, Muzan, and, believe it or not, people like Akaza by your side, you knew you would eventually find your way back.

Several Years Ago at the Winter Olympics 2018

The ice was your stage, a crystalline expanse where you could lose yourself. Muzan, your fiancé, watched from the stands, his eyes filled with adoration. The crowd roared as you took your final bow, the applause a symphony of admiration. You were in your element, a whirlwind of grace and power.

But then disaster struck.

It happened in an instant—a cruel twist of fate.

As you landed a triple lutz, your skate blade, despite multiple quality checks, betrayed you. It snapped, sending you into an uncontrolled spin. Your body, once so graceful, became a helpless projectile. You felt the ice scrape against your skin as you tumbled, the world a blur of pain and fear.

Muzan watched in horror as you fell. Time seemed to freeze as your body crashed into the ice. A sharp intake of breath escaped his lips. His world narrowed down to you, a blur of white on the unforgiving ice.

Fear, cold and sharp, clawed at his insides.

He leaped over the barrier, his movements a blur. Kneeling beside you, he assessed the damage. Your face was pale, and your eyes closed. A deep gash marred your leg, with blood seeping through the fabric of your costume. His hands trembled as he cradled your head. His voice, usually so calm and commanding, was now a frantic whisper.

"Darling, please wake up," he begged, his voice filled with terror.

"Open your eyes, please, Y/N!"

Panic surged through him as he realized the severity of your injury. The once pristine white of his suit was now marred by the crimson stain of your blood, a stark contrast to the pristine white of the ice.

His voice rose, filled with a desperate urgency.

"Someone help! Get an ambulance! Fucking do something, now!" he shouted, his eyes wide with fear and seething anger.

He frantically searched for a button or a lever—anything to call for help. The crowd's noise seemed to muffle, as if he were underwater.

He scooped you up into his arms, your weight heavy in his arms. The crowd's gasps and cries were a distant echo as he carried you off the ice. His mind raced, a whirlwind of fear and desperation. He had to get you help, and he had to get you help now.

In the ambulance, Muzan held you close, his touch a desperate attempt to reassure you and to reassure himself that this too shall pass, but the metallic smell of your blood, your pale skin, and the way your body trembled in his arms filled him with a cold dread, as did the horrific way you would slip in and out of consciousness. 

*

The days that followed were a blur of pain, surgeries, and endless nights in the hospital. You woke up to find yourself encased in a plaster cast, the once lithe body you knew confined to a hospital bed. The news of your injury sent shockwaves through the world, leaving your fans devastated by the abrupt end to your glittering career.

The doctors were blunt in their assessment. Your career as an ice skater was over. The extent of your injuries, combined with the long recovery process, meant that you would never be able to return to the ice. The news was a devastating blow, and it took a long time to come to terms with it.

Muzan was by your side through it all; his unrelenting and passionate support was a constant in your life. He held your hand through the painful procedures, his presence a comforting anchor.

But the emotional turmoil was immense. The loss of your identity as a skater was a profound shock. The physical pain was a constant reminder of what you had lost, but the emotional pain was even more debilitating. You questioned your worth and your identity.

There were even moments when the darkness consumed you, when the thought of ending it all seemed like the only escape.

But despite everything, you managed to hold on and cling to the hope that things would get better.

And frankly speaking, Muzan didn't let you succumb to despair. He did his very best to show his support for you and his faith in you, and with the help of dedicated therapists, you slowly began to rebuild your life.

It was a long and arduous journey, filled with SO many setbacks and triumphs, but you were able to emerge from the shadows stronger and more resilient than ever before.

*

The car ride home was heavy with silence. You stared out the window, lost in thought. The physical therapy session had been grueling, but it was also a stark reminder of what you had lost. A sudden impulse surged through you.

"Akaza, make a detour," you ordered, your voice firm.

Akaza was startled by your sudden demand. “Where to?” he asked, his voice laced with caution.

“The ice rink,” you replied, your tone leaving no room for argument.

Akaza hesitated, his mind racing. He knew better than anyone the risks involved. The doctor's warnings echoed in his mind. Yet, he couldn't ignore the determination in your eyes. 

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. "The doctor said..."

You cut him off. 

"I know, Akaza. And I don't care, so please."

He sighed. He knew arguing with you was futile. With a heavy heart, he turned the steering wheel.

The ice rink was eerily quiet.

The once-vibrant atmosphere was replaced by an eerie stillness. You slipped into your skates, a familiar weight returning to your feet. As you stepped onto the ice, a wave of nostalgia washed over you.

It was here that you had spent countless hours honing your craft, dreaming of standing on the Olympic podium.

Akaza watched from the sidelines, his heart pounding in his chest. He was a mixture of worry and admiration. You were a force of nature, but he couldn’t shake the fear that lurked in the back of his mind.

You began to glide, your movements tentative at first. But as you gained confidence, your body seemed to remember the familiar motions. You started to hum the melody of your short program, your movements following the rhythm. It was as if you were reliving a distant memory—a ghost of your former self.

Akaza watched in awe as you executed a series of spins and jumps with surprising ease. It was as if the years of physical therapy had erased the trauma of the accident. But as you attempted a particularly challenging move, your body betrayed you. Fear crept in, and your balance faltered.

You landed with a painful thud, your knees buckling.

Tears streamed down your face as the pain shot through your leg. The physical agony was a stark reminder of your limitations, but it was the emotional pain that truly consumed you. The floodgates of memories opened, overwhelming you. The taste of victory, the roar of the crowd, the thrill of competition—all of it came rushing back, only to be replaced by the bitter reality of your present situation.

You curled up into a ball, your body trembling.

Struggling to tune out the pounding of his heart, Akaza hesitated to rush to your side, and when he was about to, Muzan's voice echoed across the empty ice rink, firm yet still laced with concern.

"What do you think you're doing?"

You looked up; pain and confusion were painted on your face. Muzan knelt beside you, his eyes filled with worry.

"I thought I could do it," you whispered, your voice trembling.

Muzan’s expression hardened. "You could've seriously gotten hurt! And you!" Your husband shot Akaza a glare, his temper flaring uncontrollably.

"What were you thinking, letting this happen? Your job is to keep her safe, and you failed miserably! Do you have any idea how irresponsible this was?!"

Akaza bowed in apology, his face pale. "I'm sorry, sir. I did everything I could—"

Before Akaza could finish, Muzan took a step forward, his fist clenched. "Everything you could? Everything you could?! You're supposed to be her bodyguard, not some useless bystander! Do you even care about her safety? Or are you just pretending to do your job?!"

Akaza flinched, taking a step back. "Sir, please, I—"

Muzan raised his hand as if to strike, his face contorted with rage. "Don't you 'sir' me! If anything happens to her, it's on you! Do you understand that? It's on your head, you worthless—"

"Muzan, stop!" you interjected, your voice firm despite the pain.

"Don't blame Akaza. He did the best he could. I was the one who was stubborn."

Muzan paused, his raised hand trembling, before he slowly lowered it, his eyes still burning with anger. He turned back to you, his frustration now mixed with deep concern.

"All those months of therapy, Y/N. All the pain you’ve endured, thrown out the window just like that? What were you thinking?"

You lowered your gaze, feeling a wave of shame wash over you. Muzan’s words cut deep, but you knew he was right.

Upon seeing you shrink when he raised his voice at you, Muzan’s expression softened immediately.

He sighed heavily.

"You do understand where I am coming from right?" he said as gently as he could. "I completely empathize with you, Y/N; and just like you, I also miss you performing on ice, but you can’t ignore the doctor’s orders. You know how fragile your recovery is. What if you got seriously hurt again?"

You looked away, your heart aching.

"I just miss it," you admitted, your voice barely a whisper. "I thought I should give it a try, then maybe... I could get a feel of it again. Maybe a miracle would happen." You trailed off, unsure of where the thought was leading you.

Muzan’s eyes softened as he watched your tears fall. He reached out, gently lifting your chin so your eyes met his. "Love, I understand the longing; I really do. But we can't rush these things. Your body still needs time to heal."

And then Muzan’s grip tightened around your hand. His voice, stained with pain and frustration.

"Do you have any idea how terrified I was when I saw you lying there on the ice? How many sleepless nights I've endured, haunted by the image of your lifeless body? You risked everything just now—your life, your future, and for what? For a fleeting moment of glory? For old times sake? For a stupid, careless stunt? Do you understand the gravity of your actions?"

Your heart pounded in your chest.

Guilt eating at you by the second.

Muzan rarely raised his voice at you, but when he did, it sent shivers down your spine. At this very moment, you knew he was angry, but you also knew he was speaking from a place of deep love and concern.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, your voice trembling.

Muzan’s expression shifted from frustration to sorrow, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You don't need to apologize, love. I'm just... I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Suddenly, the memory of that dreadful day started playing in his head like a slideshow—the sight of you lying motionless on the ice, the panic in the ambulance, the sleepless nights by your hospital bed. He groaned, his grip on your hand tightening involuntarily as the trauma washed over him again. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to banish the haunting images.

"Seeing you in pain, feeling helpless... it tore me apart," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "I remember every second of that day, and it still feels like a nightmare I can't wake up from."

Drowning in shame and guilt, all you could ever say at that moment was, "I'm sorry."

He opened his eyes and looked at you, his expression softening as he saw the concern in your eyes. "I know, love. But please, let's not do this again." He paused, his gaze unrelenting.

"I know how much skating means to you, and I promise we'll find a way to bring back the joy of skating into your life. But for now, let's focus on healing."

Akaza nodded in agreement. You looked at them both, feeling a mix of disappointment and understanding. "But the doctor said..."

Muzan interrupted gently, "I know what the doctor said, my love. And I respect his opinion. But I won't let that be the final word. We'll explore every option, every specialist, every clinic. We won't stop until we find a way for you to skate again."

Hope flickered in your eyes. "You mean it?"

Muzan nodded resolutely.

"I mean it with all my heart, love. You've dedicated so many years to this already, and I know how much it means to you. But for now, let's focus on healing your body and your spirit. We'll find a way to bring back the joy of skating into your life, I promise. But let's not rush it, okay? Your well-being is my top priority. It should be your priority too."

Eventually, you yielded, but before you could get a word out in response to what your husband just said, tears came falling down your face profusely, and the sight pained both Muzan and Akaza so much.

It was so hard seeing you like this.

Muzan gently pulled you into his arms, his embrace warm and protective. He whispered soothing words into your ear, his voice a calming balm to your frayed nerves. "Shhh, it's okay, my love. Let it all out. I'm here for you."

Akaza, who was standing nearby, looked away, giving you and Muzan a moment of privacy. He clenched his fists, his own emotions—a tumultuous mix of anger at the situation and a deep, abiding concern for you.

Muzan brushed a strand of hair from your face, his touch tender.

"You've been so strong, Y/N. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. It's okay to grieve and to be angry. Feel free to use me as a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, or even your personal punching bag when you need to let off steam. I'm here for you, always."

You clung to him, the weight of your emotions finally finding an outlet. The tears seemed endless—a torrent of grief and frustration. Your husband held you tighter, his own eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"We will get through this," he murmured. "One step at a time."

After what felt like an eternity, the tears began to subside, leaving you feeling drained but slightly lighter. Muzan pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. "Feeling better?"

You nodded, unable to find the words to express your gratitude and love for him. Muzan kissed your forehead gently, his lips lingering as if to impart some of his strength to you.

Muzan then took a deep breath and turned to Akaza, his anger still simmering but under control. "Akaza," he began, his voice tight, "I apologize for lashing out at you earlier. My temper got the best of me, and that was uncalled for."

Akaza bowed slightly, his expression unreadable. "No, sir. It's alright. I deserved to be called out like that."

Muzan clenched his jaw, feeling the lingering frustration. He took a moment to calm himself further before continuing. "However, let me be clear. If something like this happens again, there will be consequences. Your primary duty is to ensure her safety. Don't you ever forget that."

Akaza nodded solemnly. "I understand, sir. It won't happen again."

Muzan's gaze softened slightly as he regarded Akaza. "Thank you," then he turned to you again and helped you to your feet. 

"Let's get you home," he said, wrapping an arm around your waist.

*

In the car, the quiet hum of the engine filled the space between you and Muzan. After a few moments of contemplation, you turned to him and broke the silence.

“How did you know I was at the ice rink?”

Akaza cleared his throat, glancing at you through the rearview mirror. “I called him,” he confessed, his eyes avoiding yours.

You turned your gaze to Akaza, surprised by his uncharacteristic admission. "You did?"

He nodded, his expression serious. "Yes, madam. I figured it was better to be safe than sorry. Apologies for taking action without consulting you first."

Understanding the weight of his actions and the potential danger Muzan might have faced because of you, guilt washed over you. You turned back to Muzan, remorse clear in your eyes. “Muzan, I’m so sorry. You must have been very busy today, and I even put you in potential danger by rushing to my aid without Kokushibo with you.”

Muzan shook his head, his expression softening as he reached out to take your hand. “Nothing and no one is more important or more special to me in this world than you, Y/N. I would leave everything behind to ensure you’re safe and well, so don’t ever feel guilty for needing me. Besides, I can’t call myself the president of a nation if I can't protect or be there for the people who are closest to me.”

You felt tears welling up again, but this time, they were tears of gratitude. “Muzan…”

Muzan gently wiped away your tears with his thumb, then pulled you into a warm embrace, his touch tender and reassuring.

The car settled into a comfortable silence once again, and after a few seconds, you glanced at Akaza, who was focused intently on the road.

“Hakuji, thanks again for today.”

“Hakuji?” Muzan asked, confusion lacing his voice. “Who’s Hakuji?”

In the driver’s seat, Akaza froze, his heart skipping a beat. The sudden use of his real name caught him off guard, and he quickly regained his composure, masking his panic with a carefully controlled expression.

He gripped the steering wheel tighter, a hint of unease creeping into his voice.

How did you...?

Wait.

Have you perhaps, by any chance, finally–

“That’s me, sir. Hakuji is my real name; Akaza is just a nickname a relative gave me when I was a kid.”

“I see,” Muzan said, his tone shifting to a more measured curiosity. “You refer to yourself as Akaza to everyone? I don’t recall this being disclosed during your application.”

Akaza flashed a sheepish smile, though it did little to hide the tension in his eyes. “Yes, sir. I’ve used Akaza for most of my life, but I’m fine with Hakuji as well.”

Muzan studied Akaza with a penetrating gaze, sensing the subtle shift in the atmosphere.

“Very well,” he said finally, his voice a mix of intrigue and skepticism. 

The drive continued in relative silence, the weight of the recent events settling around the car like a tangible fog. You leaned against Muzan, comforted by his presence, while Akaza focused on the road, his mind racing with the implications of his slip.

When the car finally arrived at your home, Muzan helped you out with a gentle hand, his concern still evident in his eyes. While you were still traveling back, you asked your husband how he got to the ice rink, and apparently he drove there by himself, and because he accompanied you in your car with Akaza, his car was left at the ice rink parking lot. Muzan assured you that he would have Gyokko retrieve it first thing in the morning.

As you walked towards the entrance, you glanced back at Akaza, who had a thoughtful expression on his face.

"You can rest now, Hakuji. Thank you, and I'm sorry too."

Akaza shook his head and smiled gently before bowing. "Don't worry about me, madam. Please rest well."

Muzan took the liberty to officially dismiss Akaza for the night and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, his gaze softening. “Let’s get you settled. We’ve had a long day.”

*

Akaza slammed his bedroom door shut, his mind racing. He had been waiting for this moment—a sign, a confirmation. He leaned against the door, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps.

The adrenaline coursing through his veins was intoxicating.

This was it.

The opportunity he had been waiting for.

A chance to rewrite his destiny and prove his worth.

But he had to be careful and meticulous. One wrong move could jeopardize everything. He took a deep breath, calming his racing heart.

It was time to put his plan into action.

He pulled out a drawer and retrieved a small, leather-bound notebook. It was a relic from his past, a journal filled with cryptic codes and half-formed plans. He opened it to a blank page and began to write. The pen moved swiftly across the paper, his thoughts flowing onto the page.

A plan was forming—a dangerous and intricate one, but it was a plan nonetheless.

-

taglist: @bffrrufr @unadulteratedhandsbanditdreamer @unlikelybananawerewolf

[bellaxgiornata]

Falling For the Devil [Part one: "The Night You Met"]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader [Series Masterlist]

Summary: You have a bad Monday back at work and grab a few drinks at a nearby bar with a co-worker who takes the opportunity to have a certain attractive lawyer buy you a drink.

Or

How you meet Matthew Murdock and then repeatedly embarrass yourself.

[Series of one-shots about Reader meeting, falling for, and dating Matt Murdock.]

Warnings: 18+ for this series; contains humor, fluff, romance, angst, smut (like...a lot of it later in the series), language, some violence

Word Count: 4.2k

a/n: So I'm finally sharing a few of these installments on tumblr, but I've been posting them on AO3 since the beginning of the year. Currently there are 74 parts posted on AO3 (almost 300k words total) and still counting. I update this series a few times a week and I figured I'd finally share a few installments here and maybe, eventually, post them all on tumblr? Please heed the warnings--there is a ton of sex later in this series (y'all who've read it know what I'm talking about) and some hurt/no comfort for a bit later during what I deemed Big Angst. If you haven't heard of this series, I certainly hope you enjoy it!

Tapping your fingers lightly against the cold bottle in your hands, your eyes fixed on your beer, you blew out a rough breath. Classic rock was playing in the dimly lit dive bar, a random one you and Katy had last minute ducked inside after work. Neither of you had been here before but after the rough Monday back at work, both of you were dying for a drink and it didn't really matter where.

"I feel like I'm chasing a goddamned dead-end," you complained, glaring at the half-finished beer. 

"Maybe you need a new angle?" Katy suggested. 

She threw back the rest of her beer from her place beside you before raising a hand, flagging down the surly bartender. The older woman behind the bar headed back towards you both and Katy ordered another drink. 

You were lost in thought for a moment, focusing on the story Ellison had been telling you to drop for over a week now. Running a hand through your hair exasperatedly, you picked up your beer in your other hand and took a long pull from the bottle. Your head was buzzing from more than just the alcohol in your system as you swallowed the drink down. 

"Didn't Ellison give you a new piece today?" Katy asked, her attention returning to you when the new beer was set in front of her.

"Yeah," you answered her with an eye roll. "Fluff piece on the local animal shelter. Which, don't get me wrong," you said, raising a hand, "I love dogs and all, but I'm not really in this to write about dogs. I didn't bust my ass to get onto The Bulletin to write fluff." You sighed, eyeing Katy beside you. "What's he got you working on now?"

"That warehouse murder last night," she answered.

"Fuck," you grumbled, slamming your head to the bar counter. Immediately you regretted the action, raising your head and pulling a face as you rubbed at the sticky dampness the bar counter had left behind. "Ugh," you grunted. "I'm on his shit list this month, aren't I?"

"Yup," Katy answered bluntly. "You know he doesn't like any of us chasing dangerous stories about mobsters after…everything that happened a little while back."

You groaned in frustration before picking up your beer and finishing the last dregs of it. Katy nudged you abruptly in the arm, just about causing you to spill the beer. You swallowed, turning to shoot her a pointed look. 

"Isn't that Karen Page?" she whispered, gesturing her head towards the blonde at the pool table. "The one everyone whispered about saying Ellison supposedly fired her because she might know Daredevil's identity?"

Your eyes turned to the pool table, examining the blonde who was laughing with two other gentlemen. "Yeah, looks like her," you answered. 

"Now she had some good shit she wrote," Katy said with a grin. "You know, before Ellison started doling out pieces on animal shelters."

Your eyes returned to your empty beer, but Katy continued to stare at the pool table, fingers drumming on the bar.

"Maybe we should stop talking about work," you said. "The point of grabbing a drink was to forget about this shitty Monday. I'm currently not forgetting."

"Mmm, I wouldn't mind forgetting about my Monday by getting underneath him," Katy replied, her eyes still on the pool table as she gestured her beer towards someone.

You glanced back over, your eyes landing on the man drinking back a beer with Karen Page. It was obvious Katy was drooling over the dark haired gentleman with the red glasses and cane. His jawline was perfect, his hair practically begging to have fingers run through it, his body clearly well-built under that tight dress shirt with buttons tempted to pop when he moved just right, and he had an absolutely breathtaking smile.

"Isn't that Murdock from Nelson, Murdock, and Page?" Katy said after a moment, her eyes narrowing. "They're the guys who took down Fisk. Shit, he's hotter in person." When you didn't respond, Katy glanced back at you, eyebrows shooting up on her forehead. "Is your silence you disagreeing about that man’s perfection?"

You shook your head, your eyes landing back on the man. It almost seemed like he was looking at you and Katy at the bar, but considering he was blind, that would have been impossible.

"He's attractive, yeah," you agreed with a shrug. 

Katy's eyes widened at you. "Really? That's it? That guy looks like sex on legs and I'm pretty sure I've heard rumors that he is amazing in bed and…that’s all you’ve got?"

"Your point?" you asked.

"Are you serious right now?" she asked in disbelief. "You wouldn't want a night with that guy?"

You let out a heavy breath, your eyes returning to the now empty bottle of beer as you debated on another or just going home and making dinner and writing that pointless article for Ellison.

"I wouldn’t know what to even say to a guy like that," you muttered. "You know outside of interviews I am shit with human interaction."

Katy chuckled lightly before shaking her head. "You do have a knack for being awkward. But you wouldn't need to say anything, just let him fuck you senseless as you're screaming his name on your back." 

Katy abruptly threw out some light, breathy fake moans that had you slapping her arm sharply and your face burning up. 

"Pretty sure you could handle that ," she teased you with a light laugh. 

"You're a fucking animal," you joked, burying your reddening face in your hands.

"You're thinking about it though," she shot back. 

You glanced at the man between your fingers, face still buried in your hands. He was holding a beer in one hand as something that looked like a smirk broke across his face. He was standing by the pool table, his gaze in your direction as his friends focused on the game they were playing. Your heart sped up at the thought of him throwing you onto your bed and you swore you saw his lips pull up even higher before you turned away. 

"Would literally never happen," you mumbled. "Guys who look like that don't talk to chicks like me." 

"Sexy and awkward?" Katy supplied. 

You snorted, rolling your eyes. "Only one of those is an accurate description," you replied. "Anyway, I should probably get back. Make dinner and slam my head into the wall repeatedly as I write that piece for the next issue."

"Or you could stay and see if you're awkward enough to scare away Hell’s Kitchen’s sexiest lawyer," Katy suggested with a playful grin. "Maybe end up finding God on your back."

She opened her mouth and got out one moan before you kicked her shin. 

She laughed, waving a hand at you. "Alright, fine. Let me chug this and I'll leave, too. I've got a lead I need to check out tonight anyway."

You watched her raise the beer to her lips and toss it back, downing the last half of the bottle before slamming it to the counter. You slid off the bar stool and turned to leave only to run head first into someone. You stumbled backwards muttering out an 'oh shit' as your back hit the bar counter, and then your eyes went wide when you saw it was the attractive lawyer you and Katy had just been talking about.

"Shit, sorry, I didn't see you there," you blurted out an apology. 

"Neither did I," he answered, a grin spreading across his mouth. 

"Right, because you're…" you trailed off quickly realizing how rude it would be to point out his disability. 

Katy appeared just beside him, her eyes going wide as she gawked at you, shaking her head sharply. 

"Blind?" the man finished for you. 

Your cheeks burned as you awkwardly tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. He was somehow even more attractive up close and he had a nice, deep voice. For a moment you couldn't help but imagine him on top of you in your bed again and your heart stuttered in your chest.

"And I'm tactless," you breathed out. "Sorry, I didn't mean to literally run into you and then be completely rude. I'm just going to go," you said quickly, trying to skirt around him.

"Or you could buy her a drink," Katy blurted.

Your eyes widened as you stared open-mouthed at her, entirely taken aback. Katy shot you a look, shrugging a shoulder. The man chuckled, the sound drawing your attention back to him beside you. He was grinning in your direction and you internally groaned.

"You want me to buy your friend a drink?" he asked curiously.

Your eyes narrowed to a glare at Katy as you quickly answered him. "She's kidding," you told him. "You know, just a bad joke ," you said, the last two words coming out at Katy between gritted teeth. 

"Well," the man mused, "I may not be opposed to the idea."

Your palms immediately began to sweat as Katy sent you a wicked grin. Your heart was thundering wildly in your chest as you chanced a glance back at him. He looked entirely calm and collected as he stood there with a charming smile on his face.

“That’s uh, that’s nice and all, but I actually have work to finish tonight–”

“No you don’t,” Katy cut in sharply, eyes narrowed. “You could write that article in thirty minutes with your hands tied behind your back using only your tongue. You don’t have work.”

The man whose first name you were still unaware of chuckled good-naturedly beside you at Katy’s words. “I have absolutely no idea what she’s talking about, but that sounds like quite the talent you have,” he teased.

Katy snickered loudly as you audibly groaned, shrinking back into yourself. This was easily the most humiliated you had felt in a long time. 

She turned towards the man next and pointedly told him, “She had a bad day, she’d love another drink.” And then her attention returned to you, a sly grin on her face as she said, “Now I actually have a lead to follow up with. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” She proceeded to mouth ‘you’re welcome’ before she turned and left.

You were torn between trying to chase after her and feeling obligated to converse with this insanely attractive man who was for some reason giving you the time of day. You were tightly gripping the strap of your crossbody bag with indecision as you stood there uncomfortably. Thankfully he spoke and broke the awkward tension.

“Would you like another drink?” he asked, gesturing towards the bar beside you both. “You could maybe tell me your name?” he suggested. “And why you’re having such a bad Monday?”

“Look,” you began, “you really don’t have to. She was just being a pain in my ass thinking that she was–” You stopped short. You couldn’t exactly finish that thought and tell him she was trying to help you talk to him because you obviously thought he was attractive and you would never approach him on your own. That would have been even more embarrassing. “I just–you’re clearly here with your friends and I don’t want to pull you away,” you quickly shot out instead.

His dark brows rose up behind his glasses, a slight amused grin forming on his lips. “Oh? You were paying attention to who I was with before you even ran into me?”

Wincing, you wished a bus would just barrel through the bar and hit you, putting you out of your misery and ending this embarrassing conversation. How the fuck were you even supposed to deny that?

So you decided to do what you always did when things got too uncomfortable–run.

“You know what, I really do need to go,” you said, quickly turning and stepping away.

“Wait,” he called out.

And you did. For some unknown reason you actually paused, back still towards him. You could see his two friends at the pool table still enraptured in their game, currently either unaware or uninterested in the fact that he wasn’t back with them.

“Okay, I really am blind, so you’re going to have to actually, you know, acknowledge that you’re still here so I know I’m not just talking to myself right now,” he said.

You cleared your throat nervously, your eyes dropping to your scuffed up dress flats. “Wouldn’t exactly be too out of place in a bar, at least,” you muttered.

He laughed lightly, the sound causing you to glance back at him over your shoulder. He was smiling and the sight nearly gutted you. You wished he’d take off the glasses so you could see the entirety of his face–his eyes were probably as beautiful as the rest of him.

He slid onto the bar stool beside the one you’d just been on, folding up his cane as he patted the seat beside him. “Please, sit. Let me get you a drink,” he offered again.

The words flew out of your mouth before you could stop them. “Why, are you just that curious how far I can shove my foot into my mouth?”

Your mouth immediately clamped shut, one of your hands flying up to cover it as your eyes grew wide in horror at how your sarcastic comment actually came across. His eyebrows once again flew all the way up to his forehead, his lip twitching up at the corner in amusement. 

“Another one of your curious talents?” he asked with a slight laugh.

“Fucking hell,” you groaned, taking a step back. “This is the most embarrassed I’ve probably felt in years,” you blurted. “Which is saying something because I have a tendency to make things incredibly awkward and uncomfortable and I should just really go home now.”

He was fighting the grin on his face as he shook his head. “No, please, don’t be embarrassed. This conversation has honestly been the highlight of my day.”

“I’m glad my mortification brings you joy,” you said flatly, taking another step back, “but I’m pretty sure I’m teetering on the edge of being the first person to actually die of embarrassment. So I should probably really go now.”

“I’m Matthew,” he said, extending his hand out towards you. “Usually I just go by Matt.”

Your eyes dropped down to his extended hand, staring in silent confusion at it. Why the fuck was he offering his hand and introducing himself to you?

He cleared his throat, hand still outstretched. “I know you said you’re a bit awkward and all, so I’ll let you know this is usually the part where you shake my hand and introduce yourself, too.”

“I–” you began, hesitating as you continued eyeing his outstretched hand. “I just told you like five times that I should go…”

“I know, I’m blind, not deaf,” Matt said, grin still intact, causing you to flush further. “But yet you’re still standing here instead of actually leaving. So,” he continued, extending his hand out further towards you, “my name is Matt, and you are?”

“Dying of embarrassment,” you muttered, unable to resist the slight smile on your mouth when he chuckled again. 

And then you caved and against your better judgment you shook his hand, offering him your name as you sat on the bar stool beside him. 

“That’s a pretty name,” he told you.

“And that sounds like a line,” you quipped back.

He raised a single brow at you this time, the corner of his mouth quirking up. You watched as the bartender made her way over towards the pair of you, the surly expression on her face morphing into a large smile when she saw Matt.

“What can I get you, Murdock?” she asked.

Matt turned towards the woman, a charming smile on his face as he said, “Just another beer, Josie, and whatever this lovely lady is having.” His head tilted towards you and Josie’s eyes followed curiously.

“Uh, just a beer, thanks,” you muttered awkwardly.

She nodded, lightly tapping a hand to the counter before sauntering off to grab two beers. You took a moment to take a deep breath, not entirely sure what to make of the evening so far. Normally you’d have scared someone off by now, making them entirely too uncomfortable to try to endure conversation. But not Matt. He was still sitting beside you, clearly relaxed and comfortable.

“So why’re you having a bad day?” he asked.

You glanced over at him. He was studying you, head tilted to the side and one arm resting along the bar counter, the cane folded up on the surface beside him. With the way he was turned towards you in the bar stool, and you towards him, your knees were almost brushing.

“Just a bad day at work,” you mumbled. 

“Where do you work?” he asked curiously.

“The Bulletin,” you told him.

He appeared to perk up instantly, sitting up straighter in his chair as his head shifted further to the side. “You’re a journalist?”

“Uh, yeah,” you answered. “Or at least, I try to be when my boss isn’t throwing fluff pieces at me instead of letting me chase real stories.”

You briefly noticed the thinning of his lips at your words before Josie’s return with two beers caught your attention. You thanked her with a smile, surprised when she returned one, and watched as she disappeared. You took a deep drink from the beer, definitely feeling like you needed it to survive in Matt’s presence. When you set the beer back on the bar, your right hand absently playing with the condensation on the bottle, you turned your attention back to Matt and noticed the slight frown on his mouth.

“So you’re…chasing a dangerous story and your boss doesn’t want you to?” he asked curiously.

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Maybe you should listen to him,” Matt suggested.

Your eyes narrowed at him. “And what, write about the upcoming adoption event at the animal shelter forever?” You shook your head. “No, that’s not what I signed up for with this career. Your friend over there is Karen Page, right? She was the same way when she worked at The Bulletin, too.”

“Yeah, and you see how she no longer chases after the dangerous stories for a newspaper anymore, right?” he replied, his tone more serious than it had been.

“I’m sorry but, I just met you literally minutes ago and now you’re trying to dictate what I should be doing?” you asked skeptically.

Matt abruptly shook his head, his charming smile returning. “You know what? You’re right. I just remember Karen having some terrible situations arise because she was chasing a story. I shouldn’t project that onto you. I apologize.”

You continued to study him curiously as you raised your beer to your lips, taking a drink. You swallowed, voicing your thought aloud as you asked, “Why’d you want to have a drink with me so badly?”

“I liked the sound of your voice,” he answered easily. “You sounded nice and I thought I’d like to continue hearing you talk for a bit more tonight.”

You snorted loudly, shaking your head. “Okay, now that is a terrible line,” you said.

“Says the woman who wanted to show me how far she could shove her foot into her mouth before she even knew my name,” he countered.

You blushed furiously, shaking your head with a grin. “No, I said you wanted to see that, not that I wanted to show you,” you shot back.

“Well,” Matt said with a shrug of his shoulders as he brought his beer to his lips, “I’m blind anyway so I couldn’t actually see it one way or another.”

“How many blind jokes are you going to make tonight?” you asked him.

He grinned smoothly back at you, swallowing down his beer. “As many as you continue to easily drop into my lap,” he answered.

You laughed, your eyes darting to the beer beside you. Matt’s knee nudged yours and you glanced back at him.

“What’re you thinking about?” he asked softly.

You shrugged a shoulder, eyeing the beer again. “I can’t decide if I’m regretting staying for this drink or not yet."

"Oh, ouch," he said, feigning hurt. 

You laughed, rolling your eyes. "I mean I’m still debating whether or not you laughing at my intense embarrassment has been worth it or not yet for the current conversation."

"Uh huh," he replied. "So where are you landing with that? On a scale of one to ten?"

You pulled a face, head tilting to the side. "How would I even rate that on a scale?" you asked him curiously. 

"Well, one would be 'Oh shit I'll just stop talking and slip away since he can't see me’–'"

"Jeez, has that happened to you before?" you asked, cutting him off.

He shook his head, bringing his beer to his lips again as he answered. "No, but I get the feeling you might."

Your face reddened further as you watched him take a drink, eyes lingering on the way his throat bobbed as he swallowed. "No," you corrected, "I'd at least blurt out something weird and then sprint out of the room. You'd at least have some warning."

"Oh, well I appreciate that at least," he teased. "But really, scale of one to ten how much are you regretting staying for the drink?" 

You eyed him, bringing the bottle to your lips and thinking over your answer for a moment as you studied him and took a drink. He was charming, that was obvious, and he didn't seem even remotely put off or like he was struggling with conversation no matter how awkward you'd been so far. In fact, you'd go so far as to say that you were surprisingly having fun.

"Okay I'm pretty sure you just told me you'd at least blurt something awkward before you disappeared on me," Matt joked.

You grinned, unable to help it. "A seven," you answered. 

His eyebrows shot up onto his forehead again, an amused smile still on his lips. "A seven isn't bad but I was hoping for higher," he mused. "Why so low?"

"You could do with some better jokes and your lines are terrible," you told him.

"Duly noted," he answered quickly. 

"So what about you?" you asked somewhat nervously. "On a scale of one to ten, how much do you regret asking me to stay for this drink?"

You anxiously took a sip of your beer while he cocked his head to the side as if he was in thought for a moment. 

"An eight," he answered. "But only because I'm still waiting to find out how far you can shove your foot in your mouth."

You choked on the beer you were drinking, coughing lightly as Matt laughed and asked if you were alright. It was a moment before you recovered but his next question had you reeling again.

"You want to stay longer than that one drink? Meet my friends?" he asked when you'd recovered. 

Your cheeks flushed as you bit your lip, taking only a few seconds to think over your answer. "Yeah, sure," you said. "I've got time."

"Considering your friend said you could write your article in a half hour with your hands tied behind your back using only your tongue," he mused, "I imagine you do. You need any help with the restraints for that, by the way?"

You threw your face in your hands, groaning loudly as Matt let out another bark of laughter beside you. "I cannot believe you just said that," you mumbled.

"Really?" he asked curiously. "In the probably fifteen minutes you've been conversing with me you really can't believe I would say that?"

You began to laugh behind your own hands, turning your face to peek at him through your fingers. He was smiling wide, perfect teeth exposed, as he gazed in your direction. 

"Okay, yeah, maybe I can," you answered. 

"But you seem a little more relaxed now," he pointed out. 

He was right, too. Somehow after all the awkward tension and comments you'd found him funny and a little disarming. And he still hadn't run off, instead he seemed like he was also enjoying your company and he clearly didn't want you to leave yet. Which you certainly hadn't expected.

"Yes, maybe marginally less embarrassed," you agreed.

"Good," he responded. He slid off the bar stool, knees briefly grazing yours before he grabbed his cane and began to unfold it. "So, would you like to meet my friends? Stay a bit longer?"

You smiled, shrugging a shoulder. "Sure, let's give my anxiety a bigger audience," you joked, sliding off of your bar stool. 

"I have a feeling they're going to like you, too," he assured you.

You smiled nervously, feeling your palms sweating a bit again and trying to discreetly wipe them against your dress pants as he led you towards the pool table. He'd just said he liked you and you felt yourself becoming a bundle of nerves all over again.

But he couldn't possibly have meant it like that , right?

[kozachenko]

Ok the WIP I posted a little while ago is no loner a WIP yipeeeeeee I am so tired of looking at this drawing.

Artist's Notes:

THIS DRAWING IS FINALLY DONE YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Ok so this drawing was a WIP that I had had sitting around for a while, and so because I wanted to do a test run with the new face style I'm trying out, I decided to pick it back up again. Now you may notice that compared to the other version of the WIP, the shading is different, and that's because I had to change all of it to match the light source of the moon, which was.... not exactly fun (especially cuz I stayed up late at night to finish this which was tiring), but it was worth it because I am a lot happier with the shading now. Also, when I initially redid the shading on the white trim of her outfit, I ended up making them look like indiscreet white blobs that just looked... bad, so I had to fix that and I think it looks a lot better.

My favourite parts of this drawing have to be the face and the hair, though I'm not surprised about how much I like the hair since hair is my favourite thing to draw. Also the wolf, I really like how the wolf turned out, since I also love drawing animals from time to time. I also like how the background turned out.

Also, Enoko's design was a hit hard to get right, and I decided to add the white trim separating her shirt and skirt mainly because I didn't like how abruptly it changed in the original design. Also, for some reason her dress makes me think of 1800s-y southern/western clothes, which has given me the headcanon that Saki gave her these clothes when they first met. Makes me wanna draw the two of them together in very western styled clothes, I think it would be cute. I also changed up some of the colours on her original design to fit in more with the palette that I was going for with this piece. Also, I like how her tails turned out, mainly because when I was working on some of the sketch for this I tried to make them smaller, but they didn't look right so I just went "fuck it" and made them big and poofy. Also drawing her wolf ears was fun, I like drawing simplified wolf ears like that. Overall, I'd say I did a good job incorporating elements (like the bear trap hands, the tails, the gem) in a way that didn't feel like they were out of place in the piece (something I was concerned about with Enoko's design).

All in all, I wouldn't call this my best work, but I do like a lot of aspects of it. I've also noticed that I'm kinda getting a bit frustrated with certain parts of my style like the lighting (mainly the lighting), so I think I wanna try and branch back into that more painterly style that I started out with when I first started posting here while still mixing in some elements of my lineless style. Also, I need to get better with my colour values, mainly just for clarity since I kinda think that's where this drawing falls flat a little.

[artbyblastweave]

hello. I am in the middle of doing My Take on vampires and would appreciate your thoughts on Them in fiction. they don't seem to pop up more than occasionally in superhero media, but also you are pretty widely read & they have noticeable Eras/Tendencies that I can see.

I'm definitely not as much of a vampire guy as I'm a Superhero guy, so all my opinions on vampires should be taken with a grain of salt, and with the knowledge that a lot of this is stuff I've picked up through Osmosis and the occasional lit-review for that one class in college. But here goes-

One of my potentially more controversial takes about Vampires is that I think Vampires (and adjacent creatures like werewolves) are great at capturing the emotional truth of being part of a marginalized group, or sometimes just for being subaltern- the world against you, people make you feel like you're wrong for existing, that you're dangerous, etc.- and this is why they go gangbusters both on this website and in general. But the narrative often faceplants for me if it tries to portray vampires as a literal marginalized group because all of that stuff is often objectively true within the fiction in a way that it isn't true of real-life marginalized groups. It's a souped-up version of the X-men problem, because most of the X-Men aren't obligate cannibals! The result of this is that there have been several times I'm consuming something vampire-related that wants me to primarily sympathize with the vampires, and meanwhile I'm going "geez, that's a rough deal, but I think you all need to be killed on purely utilitarian grounds, sorry."

(I do also get the sense as well, right, that this is inextricably tangled up in the fact that a lot of foundational vampire literature was kind of just taking a lot of the horrible lies people tell about the scapegoat group du jour to justify their oppression and then making a guy of whom these things were objectively true. I get the impression, at a distance, that Dracula demonstrates like fourteen different flavors of "Those Depraved Easterners Are Coming For Our Women," although to truly lock in that Take I'm gonna have to read the thing instead of just absorbing it through Tumblr Osmosis whenever Dracula Daily is running.) There are ways to thread this needle, the big one of which is to just sand down the negative externalities of vampirism. Have them feed on animals or voluntary donors or make the human predation thing an in-universe slanderous fiction to begin with. Have them feed on exclusively on quote-unquote "criminals," if you have the right unexamined assumptions about the validity of the death penalty. Go the Elder Scrolls route, where drinking blood isn't necessary to survive but is necessary to maintain a human appearance, thus ensuring that the most morally conscientious vampires are the ones most likely to be identified as vampires and scapegoated by the angry mob. The issue I sometimes take with this is that the act of implementing a "fix" of any kind can sort of broadcast that you're trying to have your cake and eat it too- that you're cutting away the ideatic core of what makes vampires interesting when divorced from metaphor, taken objectively- that they're living trolley problems. As others have said, if you sand them down too much, what are you getting out of a vampire story that you couldn't get from a Tolkien Elf, or from Batman?

A fictional group which I've never really had this issue with, though, is Zombies, in the Romero tradition. When a work wants to construct Zombies as a primarily sympathetic group, it's much easier for me to get on board with that without feeling like the core Vibe has been compromised. This is because there's actually a fairly recent source text for zombies in the form of Romero's Living Dead films, and a major component of the Living Dead films is how much it sucks without recourse to become a zombie.

I was working on a post once, which I never finished, about how there are like, three-to-four vectors of horror that zombies can embody, which different works play up to different extents. While obviously one of the big straightforward ones is the fear that your entire community starts trying to kill you and eat you one day for basically no reason, a major anxiety on display in the original Living Dead trilogy- Dawn in particular- is that in the face of a weird but manageable problem human society would act as its own condemnation, totally failing to rise to the challenge-the horror is that we would let something as inept as a zombie be dangerous to us! Also present in those films? The horror of the idea that your daily routine is so rote and conformist that you wouldn't need to be sentient to continue to carry it out- that the biggest difference between you and them is that you can occasionally be evil in more interesting and evolved ways. And there's this fear of physically and mental degradation with zombies, which for a host of reasons I find extremely fucking relatable. The sense that your body is falling apart piecemeal, bits of you sloughing off when you turn the wrong way or turn your head too quickly. There's this fog over your thinking. The bone-deep knowledge that you used to be more, and are now fundamentally less capable- that there's just enough of you left to understand something is missing. (Read into my personal circumstances whatever you want from this.) Being a zombie is foundationally, fundamentally gross in a way that being a vampire isn't; when people try to do "sexy zombies" half the joke is the pairing of those two words. There's this horror comic Kieth Giffen did once called Tag which is basically entirely about the horror of being a corpse that could feel it; I think about that comic a lot. Anyway, because so much of the horror of zombism is external to whether they're actually attacking and killing people or not, you can totally sell me on zombies as an unfairly-maligned demographic in a way that's much harder for me to buy with Vampires- dropping the danger they pose to other people allows you to maintain so much more of the core of the thing than it does with Vampires, where it feels much more like you're tip-toeing around the tensions between Wanting To Have Fun and the moral horror inherent to what you're trying to have fun with.

[sphaxcca]

My Candy Love New Gen ep. 4 Review

Here I am after finishing the last episode of MCL New Gen ready to give my honest and unasked opinion about it. Fasten your seatbelts cause we are about to start and i'm not gonna be gentle

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT...

So the episode opens with Elenda who's basically trying to drag us so bad to the Cosey Bear because apparently Castiel was serving there ( No judgement toward Elenda, i wanted to see my husband too). Unfortunately for me and her, he already had left when we showed up to the Cafe. >3>.

Seeing Lynn animated was so cute and a little bit nostalgic but nothing compared to the GASP I emitted when she started talking to Thomas and he told her he was in love with her. GEEEEZ, now i get why that kid was a pain in the ass and RUINED my pic-nic date with Tomato head, THE DOTS CONNECTED. Btw it was a very cute scene and a tribute to Iris that I hope she will show up in Thomas' route.

Moving on, inspired by Thomas' love confession, everybody starts talking about their love life (expected since the episode's name is hearts looking for love). And this is where things went horribly cringe and outrageous: Ofc i'm not talking about Elenda and Devon ( It was cute to know that she had a crush on Devon and, about him, a little peak to where the story is possibly going to lead - a busy man that works his ass off so bad for Devenementiel and has no time to date)or Amanda but about ROY and BRUNE.

Hoooooly shit, the chill of second hand embarassment that I got just by reading the interractions between these two was undescribable I swear( Elenda became basically my guide spirit: her reaction was the same i had. ). Everything was so outofcontext and nonsense that I'm actually wondering why Beemov decided it was a great idea to give space to something so....childish? I mean, we're talking about (almost) 30yo people.. and they got together because they were...desperate??????? - "Yeah with my exes things weren't doing good so we decided to date even tho we don't talk, don't touch and fell uncomfortable with each other" - COOOME ON, BFR, you guys ok? Also, I really hope that we're gonna discover something deeper about Roy (or that he's going to get a development at least) that makes him more that what i can pick up and feel from him right now: childish Gymrat fixed on pool that give us nothing. I'm genuine deluded about the way they handled this.

Moving on to JASON PART. He basically shows up when we're still talking sitted by the table. I was obviously expecting the part where he was going to be pointed out as a "womanizer" but what I DID NOT EXPECT was the reaction he had when he overhears our conversation: I felt him being sarcastic as usual but at the end i felt he was kinda....hurt??? idk if you get what i mean, he literally said he had REASONS why he doesn't want to be in full term relationship and this opens my mind to an INFINITE AMOUNT OF THEORIES

Connected to what I've read on some theories here, someone said it's because of the condition ( or the pathology) that made his hair go white...

This is a really good point but I genuine think about something else that is connected to this and the SHOCK NUMBER 2: Why Devenementiel hates Jason so much?

Apparently our "proud and superior" man with an incredible fragile ego had PLAGIARIZED the project the would have helped Devon to found Devenementiel and, because of that, he was fired and disqualified by the contest. So...first things first: PIECE OF SHIT. Secondly, I genuine would have never thought about him doing something like this and that's the reason why i don't think he did it because he wanted to but perphaps he WAS PUSHED to do so.

Another theorie said that probably he was helped by a third person that played dirty and suggested him the same project Devon did

And I have to admit that this is something very likely, but stil don't really convince me too much.

We can clearly see that Jason has a lot of money, A LOT, and by the way he has so much money i'm assuming he comes from a family that at least has the same amount of capital he has now. We got told that he was basically working as an employer (if i remember correctly) so why trying to steal something from others if you are satisfied and don't need a job? perhaps because you NEED that first place to REDEEM yourself and PROVE someone wrong at least so that.. THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS. That's where his family and the white hair make their part: A Dad Ceo that basically disgraced his Son because he couldn't follow or keep up with the family business or - he wasn't good enough- for the role ( and that's why the white hair, because of the stress) . Another thing that might prove this is the fact that Devon told us that he had "private investors" and...i mean, if you're broke, i don't think you can find them just by snapping your fingers and make them appear in front of you, especially when you get fired and disqualified in a competition. He could have use the "family" name and hi charisma to persuade the investors to help him found Goldreamz. And THIS leads me to the last point: Why no long term relationship? Because his family has to end with him and he's scared of the consequences that a partner can have in his life. This reminded me so much Simon from Bridgerton btw. So yeah...I might be wrong (99%) but i want to think that he's a piece of shit just because he's hurt.

His special scene was normal i guess, i love the way my candy was looking at the instagram photos be like - "i'm just studying the enemy...not doing something wrong..maybe".

In the end i decided to try for the Thomas illustration and nothing to complain about, the scene was genuine one of the most cute one in the game so fare and the ilusstration 10/10 chef's kiss and handshake by the president.

[ozwuv]

I love your art! So, I was wondering if you have any drawing tips you could give?

Hiii thank you so much for the kind words, I am really glad you like it!!! :’3

As far as tips, this is kind of a broad question that I think it varies widely in terms of how you want your art to look. Personally, my main priorities are fluidity and character interaction, so that’s what I focus on even though it means I don’t really draw elaborate backgrounds and such. I’m sure I could become better at other things if I tried, but I’m not a professional nor am I trying to be, so I just focus on what’s fun to me.

Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it's gonna be long

As for actual advice, I have three big rules which I think have helped me continue to enjoy drawing as long as I have, which is the most important thing to me. I started drawing as soon as I could hold a pencil, and it's been my main outlet for good and bad times throughout my whole life (I am 26 now). Other people liking what I draw is a treat, but as long as I have fun, that’s ultimately what matters to me. That said, please keep in mind I am speaking solely for myself here since everyone draws for different reasons and in different ways.

The first thing is avoiding perfectionism at all costs when drawing, because it sucks the fun out of the process and ruins the visual fluidity in whatever I’m working on. An example of this is that I don’t like to go back and revise lines I’ve already placed, because the more I try to polish them, the stiffer they look. Even in digital art I try to roll with mistakes instead of erasing, or just completely undo the line I placed and try again. 

The other thing is something I actually picked up from dog training which is arguably my biggest passion in life. There’s a common saying amongst dog trainers: No “one more time” — which essentially means that when find yourself thinking “one more time,” you need switch gears immediately and do something else because you have hit your frustration threshold and every attempt from then on will be frustrating & counterproductive for both you and the dog. 

This applies to pretty much every aspect of life for me, but it made a huuuge difference when I started to consider it within the context of drawing. If I just stop whatever I’m frustrated with and go back to it later, 99% of the time I can pinpoint exactly what bothered me and how I could have fixed it. I’m typically not the type to work on something over various sittings, so even if I don’t finish the picture I was working on after coming back to it, being able to pinpoint what went wrong about it is a lesson I can apply to whatever I work on next.

The third rule ties into the last one, which is just not pushing myself. If I’m not having fun with a drawing anymore, I’m not going to force it. If it’s not coming out the way I want it to, I’m not gonna push it. Any time I've pushed through frustration to finish something, I wound up disliking how it came out. This isn’t really realistic for someone who is a professional (or aiming to be), but for me who just likes drawing anime characters for fun, it’s perfect. Because of this, I haven’t dealt with constant art blocks like I used to. I definitely still have them, but they're usually brief and not distressing to me. I feel like I’ve kind of stagnated the past several years, but at the end of the day I have a blast when I draw and that’s all that matters to me!

There's a common sentiment that everybody hates/is embarrassed of the things they drew in the past or even right after finishing and/or posting them. But it doesn't have to be like that, and imo it shouldn't. I think that just means there are some things about one's process and mindset that need to be reflected on.

Hopefully that helps somewhat, but YMMV if your priorities are more in the vein of constant improvement and/or being a professional :] I know this was kind of an abstract response, so if anyone has specific questions feel free to ask lol

[ahordeofwasps]

WIP Questionnaire Tag

I've been tagged by the terrific @tabswrites! Thanks for the tag! I'll answer the questions for Crying Wolf.

But first, the no pressure tags! I'll be tagging @mary-is-writing, @afoolandathief, @amewinterswriting, @space-writes, and open tag! I'll leave a blank set of questions under "read more."

Now, onto those questions!

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

I would say Chapter 1, wherein chaos hits a tavern, but that chapter got scrapped and rewritten. The first part that is still in the WIP is Chapter 2, which is from the perspective of a minor villain.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Definitely a Church of the Cosmic Skull song! If I were to pick one, I'd go with Movements in the Sky:

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

That's like asking me if I have a favourite child.

That being said, probably Ogwut or Daisy. Ogwut's a giant cinnamon roll, so it's hard not to like him. Daisy unexpectedly wound up having a sense of humour and resourcefulness that got me attached to her quite quickly.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

I don't know. Haven't really thought about that. I guess art?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Pacing. The first half of the story is way too slow and I'm trying to fix it at the moment.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There are a lot of animals and they're all important to the story. Wolves, sheep, Brutus the dog, birds, and possums are the most prominent though.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Either on foot or, in one section of the story, being carried upon Ogwut's shoulders.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I'm working on draft 6 which involves rewriting the first half. I'm on Chapter 10 (out of like 60).

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

Probably how wild the plot sounds whenever I try to summarize it. The main villain is a lonely military A.I. who ressurrects the boy who cried wolf as an undead cyborg. The boy wants to kill everyone in his village because they let him die and the A.I. will do anything to help him. Anything. There's a robot who believes he's human... and is also 10 feet tall. He wants people to not kill each other. There's a gravity worshipping cult that wants to kill all three but only knows about two.

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

To get it finished and to share it somehow. Not entirely sure how. Maybe I'll attempt to pursue tradpub (when it's legal for me to do so), maybe I'll just share it to the internet. Not sure at this point.

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

[galaxietm]

popping on to give some updates!

- updated blog icon to match @peachiiihearts (ily dew) - updated pinned list for june bdays (with the exception of my own, but there's several muses whose bdays i'm excited for, so hopefully i can hop on to do stuff for them) - considering updating blog header?? not sure - trimming down muse list in the background, will probably post what muses i'm dropping soon(ish??) - working on getting muse pages finished so i can share carr.d link, may just share carr.d link without the pages being done. - a few more oc pages are done, others have been started

other general updates below the cut, somewhat unrelated to rp stuff but adjacently related to blog status i guess? feel free to keep scrolling if you'd like! no pressure ♡♡

tl;dr / me attempting to condense it all here. i haven't been around as much due to mental health (probably the second biggest reason) as well as stressing about money-related things; i don't want to bring that energy and such onto here so i've been avoiding it, more or less. i've been working a lot the last two weeks, in part so i can catch up with rent and try to get ahead of that and bills, and i think i'll start to have free time in about a week / week and a half (as my birthday this month comes up, funny enough lol) since i've been all over the place due to work, that's why some of my activity is all over the place. my shifts at work vary from overnights (think 10pm to 6am) to early mornings (around 2am - 7am, 4am - 9am, etc) and sometimes somewhat close to each other- so i really mostly have time to come home, eat, wind down and relax. so if i hop online, it's moments like now (where it's like, 2:30am-ish) for a little bit before one of my early shifts.

have also been dealing with random aches, pains and headaches as well (woke up with a really bad migraine a week ago when i was gonna try to be online / try to write, so that didn't happen) so i've been attempting to self-care while i can, and i'm trying to get up the courage to reach out to a few therapists for consultations so i can finally like. i dunno- try to get that part taken care of since my last therapist didn't work out and it's been a while. i'm also trying to fit in getting new glasses, since i've had my current pair for, uh- way longer than i should have.

but anyway. aside from the stress and still slow recovering from the legal stuff with evicting ex-roomies early this year (as well as avoiding the attempts of updates people have tried to give me about them, because there's people who have been attempting to tell me about them lol) i've been slowly doing better. trying to do what i can to fix up my place and trying to get things in shape on my end. i've been far happier without them here, i can actually relax and like. start to get to know myself and be myself again. it's been?? a little bit bittersweet, honestly. complicated feelings for different reasons, i guess. i had to hide parts of myself because of the first set of roomies, and i didn't get to bring those parts back for a while.

i've been finally watching through some anime on my backlog and i've been resisting the urge to joke about possibly writing dungeon meshi characters or others- but there's a few characters i've picked up (one i'm finally indulging myself on trying to write lol) and a few that that i'm waiting until i finish trimming the muse list until i decide to pick them up- for my own sanity, really. i'm trying to be less attached to them and more 'do i get to write for you aside from saying i'd like to? then bye' about some of them.

but anyway. i hope all of you have been doing well. think of this as a bit of a vent post? i haven't done one of those in a while, haha. it's been an interesting year, but hopefully soon i'll get to be active here again- i really miss writing, so hopefully soon i'll be able to get back on here and just. write and interact with some of ya'll again.

if you'd like to try to keep in touch better, i've got a disc.ord i can exchange with mutuals.

[kaleuh]

Day 194: What did you do today?

IT ALL STARTED with a dream I had!! (This is important for later, I swear.) I was solving a supernatural mystery at the beach with my friends but the snack shack was serving this bubblegum smoothie!! I saw it SO vividly in my dream. It was pink and delicious (when I tried to put whipped cream on it, it came out as bubbles for some reason.) That's really all I remember.

The Mailman wakes me up to wish me a good day like he does every morning when he's about to go to work. Except this time...he wakes me up by putting his phone in front of me and playing this fucking atrocity. I swat at it like a feral animal, curse him to the nines and tell him he's going to hell for this. He says, "Uhm, if that's what's there, seems like a pretty cool place." I say, "Diversity win: we're all going to hell no matter what." He tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him. He leaves.

I talk to myself for a little bit and then at like 8:40am I get up to do this morning stretch routine I like doing sometimes. I follow along in my living room (I'm struggling since I haven't done it regularly in a bit) and then at 8:55am I go to the computer to work!

The Mailman calls me while I work and we talk about a bunch of things. Friends, politics, the loneliness epidemic. Our East Texas University campaign. I air fried hotdogs the day before so I had one for breakfast (it was very good!) I noticed he had one before he left, too. I'm glad they were all eaten since I was about to make a bunch of porkchops tonight!

The handyman comes to the door. He's here to finish up fixing a spot of water damage on our bathroom ceiling. He's a nice guy. I ask, "How's work going on the other buildings?" He says "Terrible." These buildings are very old so he's had quite a bit of work to do! He finishes and leaves. I hope they were all quick and easy fixes!

I continue to talk to The Mailman throughout my day. I tell him about my dream. I tell him that I am 100% certain that I need to recreate that shake in real life. It was a vision. The most beautiful thing I'd ever tasted and seen in a dream. It even had gumballs in it. I say, "For Christmas, all I want is a blender. There used to be this place that sold bubblegum shakes, but they stopped. I found the mix online. I just need a blender for it. That's the only thing I want for Christmas."

Work goes well. At the end of the day I announce that the new method we've been using to generate new leads has been working swimmingly! I give tips on how to keep implementing it. I feel very good! I am indispensable there and love what I do. I look for a new job even so.

The Mailman comes home. I love him. I give him little kisses and get up on the ledge in the kitchen. I perch. He hates when I perch. He thinks I'm going to fall and get hurt, but he keeps forgetting that i'm the fucking best at what i do and i'm going to live forever. He gingerly picks me up and places me on the ground. I act like a turtle stuck on its back. I get up and start cooking porkchops.

Parmesan Encrusted Porkchops. They're a messy bit of work! I've never cooked them before but I want to learn. He asks if I need any help. They're actually coming along really well! I tell him I might need help with the green beans later. He says okay.

He then puts a freshly purchased Blender on the counter.

I freak out. I say, "WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! OH MY GOD!" And he goes "Merry Christmas!"

I give him a BILLION kisses. I tell him he didn't need to do that! There was no special occasion, no reason! He says that he really wants me to make my dream shake. I tear up and give him a big hug. I later buy the bubblegum mix online. I talk about these god damn bubblegum milkshakes the entire time I finish cooking dinner. Also the smoothie potential. He asks me, "Oh, I was also wondering if you maybe wanted to watch Don Bluth's Thumbelina? Or maybe Don Bluth's All Dogs Go to Heaven?" I ask him if he wants to get married tomorrow. He says okay, and that he'd do it today if I wanted. It's after business hours so we put a pin in it for later.

The porkchops came out perfect. We sit on the couch and watch that Kitchen Nightmares episode with Anna's Bakery. I love him. I also realize Barnes & Noble is about to close and I need to head over there! I kiss him and tell him I'll be back in 20 minutes.

On the drive there, I felt it. The heartbeat of the sun. I have felt like that god damn camel from Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure one too many times. The sun gleams right through some clouds on the horizon, as though it were the eye of the world. I went, "I am going to cherish however long I have this feeling." It lasts about a minute or two. I think about how if the sun exists then I'm happy forever, in it somewhere. I think about my future with someone as wonderful as the man I'm with and I feel full. I keep driving. I pick up The Book of Bill and a birthday present for my friend. The clouds are beautiful on the ride back.

I get home and cuddle up to The Mailman. He cleaned the whole kitchen while I was gone. He puts on All Dogs Go to Heaven, and I'm excited to blurt out facts I know about it from Don Bluth's autobiography. As it plays, he asks if I watched this movie at a particularly impressionable age in my life. I have to emphasize that I do not want to fuck the dogs in All Dogs Go to Heaven. I do not want to fuck the Burt Reynolds dog. I do not want to fuck the Dom DeLouise dog.

The movie ends and we start talking about the fucked up straight-to-video sequel. We talk about how long Itchy realistically lives. We decide it isn't very long.

Then we start talking about Against Me! I tell him the first song I ever heard from them was Tonight We're Gonna Give It 35%, and it was because I saw it in a Newgrounds flash cartoon. He plays it. I remember every lyric, despite not hearing it in 10 years. I'm happy. We talk about Sink, Florida, Sink and other songs. He tells me he started listening to them when he was 10. I say What Kind of a 10 Year Old is Listening To Against Me. He says, "I don't know," and gets all shy. I ask him if he was sad. He tells me he "was fine." We joke around. I start tickling him and kissing him and kissing him and kissing him. I get a million compliments I don't ever really feel like I deserve. I am eventually Forcibly Removed from the Boy since we didn't realize he was way past his bedtime and he's got mail in the morning. He asks if I'm coming to bed, and I tell him I need to sit down and write this. We say goodnight, and that we love each other, and now I'm here at my desk.

[aspharon]

I am inviting you to get into all the details on the new order (😏)

(This is in reference to the alternate Code Lyoko watch order I made which shuffles around some episodes in season 1. I talked about it first in my Code Lyoko rewatch thread here, and you can find it in this link:)

Okay, you asked for it. [big inhale]

Code Lyoko season 1 is rough. Apart from the final two episodes, the series can be watched in pretty much any order. However, the timing and grouping of some episodes can make for an awkward overarching story and can be a bit of a pain for new people, as its first few episodes can be somewhat rough. I made a bunch of changes to attempt to fix it, mostly aimed at new viewers.

If you haven't watched the series yet, this post will contain some spoilers for the first season and particularly the finale, so be warned. Good news, though, as this alternate watch order was made specifically for people like you, so I'd say just jump into it.

My watch order starts with the prequel. This one's obvious. It was made between seasons 2 and 3 so it shows off the better animation the series gets later on, as it is particularly rough in the first season, and also explains the status quo.

I've swapped the first two episodes, making Seeing is Believing the first real episode. I feel like it introduces the series a little better, as it explains why they don't just tell any adults/the police about the situation, and also has some great characterization, particularly showcasing Aelita's selflessness. It's great.

After that, I've kept Teddy Gozilla and Log book together, as they're the only two episodes where Odd has a different voice actor. Thought it be better if they were back-to-back.

Then comes The Trap, which takes place exactly a year after the prequel, setting it on October 9th, 2002. This'll be important later. It's worth noting that the entire first season takes place in the school year after the prequel, so this isn't as big of a time jump as it might seem.

Then comes Ghost Channel, which I moved allll the way from the end of the season. It was recently voted as the best episode in the series, and though I don't agree with that, it is really good for season 1 standards. In the original order, it is directly followed by the finale, which is already great, so I thought I'd move this one much earlier to give new viewers a taste of what's to come.

Then comes Big Bug, followed by Holiday in the Fog. Moving Big Bug to before Holiday in the Fog actually solves a continuity error: In Big Bug, Jim mentions never having seen Kiwi before, but he does see him in Holiday. Switching them fixes this!

Holiday in the Fog also has to come after The Trap, as it portrays the first holiday of the school year, which in France takes place towards the end of October. Told you that date would come up again.

Then there's a group of five episodes, originally aired back-to-back: Cruel Dilemma, Image Problem, End of Take, Satellite, and The Girl of the Dreams. These episodes have been dubbed by fans as "Pick on Yumi week", as Yumi generally has a bad time in all of them. I've scattered them throughout the season to make this less obvious.

Skip this paragraph to remain spoilerless. There's four episodes in the first season that elude to the season finale, being Cruel Dilemma, The Girl of the Dreams, Just in Time, and Frontier, all of which show Jeremie working on Aelita's materialization program. In Cruel Dilemma, originally episode 6(!!!), he is just a few keystrokes away from finishing it, though it takes him 18 more episodes to actually finish it, which is silly. Same thing with Just in Time, where he manages to materialize one of Aelita's hairs, but can't materialize the rest until 11 episodes later. I've moved all these episodes more towards the back of the season, with them getting more frequent as the viewer approaches the season finale.

There's a few other tweaks as well. Originally, Image Problem and The Girl of the Dreams only had two episodes between them, and they're the only two episodes in the series that have XANA use a Guardian. I've moved these apart to make this less jarring. Similarly, I've moved Plagued and Swarming attack apart. Originally back-to-back, they have very similar XANA attacks. Moving them far apart makes this much less obvious.

I've made Killer Music the last 'normal' XANA attack of the season, as it shows him directly paralyzing humans. Having this late in the season shows how he's slowly getting stronger.

In the end, only three episodes keep their original place in the season: The final two episodes, and Routine (which needed to stay towards the end, as the episode revolves around Ulrich getting tired of doing the same thing over and over).

I think that's everything? This will be on the test. If anyone has questions, meet me after class.

[usamamoweek]

Meet the Creators - RiverLethe

What username(s) and platform(s) can folx find you on? (Please include links!)

@riverlethe - I am on Tumblr and Ao3!

(Fun Fact) What is your favorite kind of potato?

Yes. If it is a potato, I will eat it (except for mayo-based potato salads - no thanks), and my preference absolutely depends on mood, but if I had to pick one.... Have you ever tried Chef John's Potatoes Romanoff? If the answer is no, go fix that right now! (add in crisped up pancetta before baking - you're welcome)

How long have you been creating works in fandom spaces? How long have you been active in the SM fandom?

If reading fanfic counts as being active in the fandom, I've been active, on and off, for a little over 20 years, but I didn't actually start writing fanfic until 2 years ago.

What type(s) of creative works do you usually make? (fanfics, digital art, cosplay)

Fanfics are my #1 contribution, but I also crochet. I made @linlamont's Sailor Rex plush based on her amazing artwork for her adorable story "Treasures", and I am currently working on a custom Sailor Rex for my 6 yo daughter. There are plans for a Tuxedo Rex and Tuxedo Kamen

What do you enjoy about creating for the SM fandom?

I love the sense of community and making friends within the fandom. Discussing and theorizing all things Sailor Moon is one of my favorite things! Plus, there is just so much to explore, both in canon and fanon

Are you strictly UsaMamo or do you create for other pairings as well?

I wrote a Kunz/Venus fic for Heavenly Pearl's/@kaleidodreams' first ever Rare Pair week, but I otherwise exclusively write for UsaMamo. Who knows, maybe I'll be inspired to create for another ship in the future. Never say never!

What inspires you to create works for Usagi and Mamoru?

The emotions! Everything these kids go through is dark, scary, intense, etc etc, and I love to explore how it affected them, how they're feeling in the moment, and how Usagi and Mamoru support each other through it.

Do you tend to work on multiple projects (WIPs) simultaneously or try to finish one at a time?

Ideally, I would work on one WIP at a time, but with my ongoing story Once More, with Feeling!, I always have multiple going on. While I normally don't mind putting OMwF aside for a OS or two, I haven't updated it in almost a year, which I feel really bad about, so I am trying to put any new ideas on hold right now so I can get Chapter 13 done. OMwF will eventually update, I promise!

Do you prefer large projects (chaptered fics, webtoons/zines, highly detailed art) or small projects (one-shots or simple art)?

I love how much of a story can be explored and fleshed out in a chaptered fic, but, for fans, they can be daunting to start reading if you aren't there from the very beginning (depending on length), and there is always that ever present nemesis: time. As a writer, I like the regular engagement with the community that posting new chapters allows, but writing as I go can be very stressful, especially when motivation just isn't striking. For OSs, I love that ability to focus on one small part of the characters' lives without needing to generate a lot of backstory or lore. Will I do another Chaptered fic once OMwF is finished? Probably, I do want to continue into R, but I will hopefully take everything I've learned working on OMwF (it's my very first ever fanfic!) into the sequel so I'm a little more prepared.

Are there any common themes, situations, tropes, or mediums in your work?

Angst and Romance are probably the most common as I love the emotional impact the angst imparts and how Usagi and Mamoru support each other through it. Honestly, I find the original anime (and the manga to a lesser extent) a bit emotionally stunted, so I absolutely love fics that elicit emotions, in me, either happy, sad or anything in between!, and I strive to do that for my readers. With any luck, I succeeded!

Is there anything you haven’t explored artistically and would like to try?

If I could draw, I would totally do art. I am in awe of what artists can create through their medium and would love to be able to visually see what so many of us use words to describe, but, alas, I'll stick to crocheted dinosaurs with odangos! Regarding writing, I have more OSs in mind for stories and ideas I haven't explored yet, and maybe I'll actually learn some restraint and create chaptered fics that aren't 12+ chapters long at 5k-12k words each. Anything is possible! (Except for me and art. Not gonna happen)

[takerfoxx]

Alrighty, High School DXD, season 3! AKA, the one that everyone hated and caused a big rift between the anime's director and the light novels' author that caused him to go to a different studio entirely for the next season and completely retcon the last four episodes of this season!

It's funny going into something already knowing that it's going to be bad and knowing the circumstances behind it. I mean, I've been enjoying the series thus far, even with its flaws, but I was curious to see how much of a trainwreck this was going to turn out to be.

And honestly, it got off to a fairly strong start. Like, the character interactions felt more developed, a few of the ones that had faded into the background were getting more focus (except poor Kiba, who's been pushed aside ever since his own focus arc finished up), the whole turning the Issei house into a multi-story mansion was a hoot, we FINALLY get some focus on Issei's trauma from being betrayed and killed by Yuma, Koneko looked like she was going to finally get some development, the whole gods and demons lore was getting expanded, and so on. Like, it was going good! I'm sure fans of the light novel were annoyed at them doing things out of order, but it was still good.

Also, they fixed those damn eyecatches! Seriously, how'd they fuck up something so simple last season?

But while I did like the training arc and the Loki fight (though he could have stood to have had some more personality), the next arc started to go off the rails. It was basically just a weird mix of past arcs (save Asia, the rating game, creepy suitors) with not a whole lot new mixed in, and I was bummed that the rating game thing got nixed, because I liked the last one and was looking forward to this one. Still, the villain (already forgot his name) was suitably hateable, kidnapping Asia always means some level of instant investment for me, and this series is meant to be a power fantasy anyway, so seeing a loathsome douche get his ass handed to him is still a good time.

And then things rolled over into the last four episodes, the ones that get retconned by season four, and I was like, "Ooooh, NOW I get it."

Yeah, it was a mess.

Okay, okay. Individually, there was some good stuff. Like, the fights were still pretty hyped, the voice acting and animation were good, and we get both the big Asia and Rias kisses. And there were some neat ideas to be had.

Unfortunately, it couldn't seem to just pick one. Like, wow, it cycled through one plot line after another here.

So...Asia gets suddenly transported to another dimension where she'll die and everyone is grieving and Issei is losing his mind and going berserk on a bunch of villains that I also kind of forgot who they were and what their deal was to begin with...only for her to get rescued by the C-team offscreen. It's fine.

Next, Issei's Dragon form has malfunctioned and is slowly killing him and everyone is so worried...except they suddenly remember that they have a healer. So Asia heals him up, easy-peasy. He's fine.

And then Issei's doppelganger shows up and mind controls Rias so everyone needs to go get her back so I guess Rias is the final boss now, but power of love and...what the hell was going on? Is the Chaos Brigade the villains or not? Wasn't Koneko's sister supposed to be important? Akeno's whole thing with her dad got wrapped up way too quickly and too easily and was never really mentioned again. I remember Loki cursing Rias and Issei, so I guess that's an explanation for the doppelganger, but even so. What the fuck is happening and why?!

Yeah, it was all over the place. I completely lost track of what the plot of this season was even supposed to be. And while I can't say that I didn't enjoy aspects, on the whole it really fell apart.

Plus, we are running into cast creep. What worked about the first season is that the number of characters was manageable, so everyone got time to shine, but now there's so many that most just sort of do one thing per fight and other than that just sort of stand aside (poor Gasper). It's the Z-fighters all over again.

Well, at least the OVA was genuinely good. Like, bringing back the Big Bad from season one and find out that his loss has traumatized him so badly that even the heroes feel sorry for him and try to get him back on his feet? Yeah, that's great. And him and Issei's rivalry is just so wonderfully petty. Honestly, keep Riser around. He's got way more rival chemistry with Issei than Vali does.

Also, I've said it before and I'll say it again. How in the hell haven't Issei and Asia fucked already?!

[distortedataraxia]

Hii can I get a matchup? I’m an omnisexual INTP girl and I’m usually quiet unless I’m with my friends. I don’t like going out much and usually stay home unless I have to go out for some reason like school n stuff. I have a messed up sleep schedule but I had to fix it for school this august. I like to read books and I’m really fun to be around when you get to know me. I suck at math and I think that’s pretty much it

Author note : hi ! I'm really sorry for the time i took to work on it , i've been busy as always , but here is your request and , I really don't know what to think about this one , i guess I hope you'll enjoy ! :') ★ ~

Now into the matchup ★

I pair you with ...

Ranpo !

Out of all people , you , the student that only goes out when needed and that always stays home and has a messed up sleep schedule during holidays, and him , the detective that eats and solve cases , how did you both meet ?

It was a rather fine day outside , and it wasn't raining at all , it was sunny enough for you to write on your way to school , in fact , you were trying to get your maths homework done on your way to school , and you were determined to do so , you stayed up all night on theses maths homework you haven't been understanding and you were desesperate to finish this piece of homework , why so determined for maths out of all you might say ? Well that's because everyone did put their pressure on you for maths and somehow you succombed and did your best , wich was counterproductive because you need rest to be productive and perform well , it was also a nightmare , atleast it wasn't raining you thought.

You didn't sleep , and here you were still trying to do your maths homework on the way to school , just one more question and i'm done ! you thought , as you were shaking due to the stress , not realizing you almost got hit by a lot of cars , the situation was really disproportional ,you were going to get hit by a car at any moment for one math homework that was making your life hell out of all the other you didn't finish so well. Yet , you were too stressed to think clearly apparently , and somehow you bumped into no one so far , not like the anime girls do , guess… YoU'Re NoT lIKe THe OthEr GIrLS !

Nop , that's wrong , you did end up bumping into someone that was also in a hurry , great.

And there goes your pen and your book and papers all across the floor , you picked them up fast and the other boy picked up his stuff aswell, he started telling you to watch where you were going and somehow he ended up talking about how he was the best detective in all nation and you started walking away ignoring him , but your ears then heard something interesting enough to slow down

" wait ! i'm great at maths i can do your homework! "

When was this rather strange stranger so observant ? you wanted to ignore him but you were tired and every inch of your body was begging you to not go to school and skip , while your thoughts were racing and you did your best to go , but this was too tempting , so you stopped and he said " but I don't have much time , we were sent a threat , your school is about to blow up in about 30 minutes , there's no use going there

—What ? But- how do you-

—There's no time , we have to evacuate everyone

—No I don't trust you , i need to get my friend "

And this is how you ended up being held off by a complete stranger and kept at the so called armed detective agency so that you didn't run off to school to tell your friend , you were really tired and everything seemed confusing so it was hard to think properly , the stranger , who you knew was named ranpo soon after , watched over you as made sure you didn't leave , as you ended up falling asleep in one of yosano's beds. Once you woke up , the nurse , called yosano , explained to you that everyone was fine and that your school was canceled for about a week , but that someone wanted to talk to you , and that someone was the stranger you bumped into earlier , Ranpo.

For some reasons , ranpo wanted to help you with your homework and maths , was he taking pity in you ? You didn't know but you couldn't refuse , even though this situation was just , really strange to you , and there were people confused about it too as you noticed , one of his coworker saying it wasn't really in line with his work and ranpo proceeding to tell him he needed to upgrade his social skills for an upgrade of performance in his next cases , if that even made senses , and to not doubt him, the man apologized , and now , here you were , being helped by this complete stranger ,and having now his number on your phone.

Somehow , it all started from this heavy coincidence and bizzare event , you sucked at maths , but guess now there was this rather fine detective helping you with it , and you were really stressed and pressured lately , so that took a weight off your shoulders.

Soon enough , you started meeting ranpo more often , for your homework , but you also started talking about your books preferences , and somehow you started being friends - and you two talked on the phone more often than you met though , but you were always exited to talk to him and happy after some time.

You learnt about the armed detective agency and you were grateful to them , they saved you , and even though it was just one of their countless missions to evacuate your school , it still meant a lot to you , you were kind of curious about them , but most of the information were confidential , not that ranpo cared , he ranted about his work a lot over the phone, and it was very interesting.

What you didn't realize , is that as the time went on , you found yourself more and more wanting to talk to ranpo , and you were ready to go out everyday if it was to talk to ranpo , strange.

Guess you turned into a simp-

erm- sorry , continue.

So yeah,eventually , you felll in love with that detective, and he made you confess one day at a café , by pointing out evidences you've fallen for him , and he surely made you flustered on this one , damn ranpo .. why ???

and that was how you both met and ended up together.

And surprisingly , your first date , was in a fricking book.

Like??????

I mean , everything was beautiful but you didn't think you'd end up in a book

So yeah , you both have a lot of fun hanging around , talking over the phone , suggesting books to each other , and i'll let you imagine the rest , by example , whether or not you spent time with ranpo solving riddles in poe's books , how ranpo made sure you had no chance of dying in that book and that you were safe , and how ranpo would mess up his sleep schedule with you during your holidays , stating that he doesn't need that much sleep to work as long as he had enough sugar in his blood , and how you would maybe try to stop him from doing that when he had work the next day, anything, it's all up to you !

And nontheless , you both are a nice match and you have fun around each other

[carriagelamp]

A combined May and June book list because work was too busy for me to have any extra time or energy for reading. Now that things have slackened a bit though I've been able to start picking up more things! It feels so good to sit down with a book again and just read for the pure joy of it. Still, despite a lack of time I did read a few really cute books over the past couple months.

Doctor Who: 13 Doctors 13 Stories

A collection of Doctor Who short stories that was honestly just a lot of fun. Each story features a different Doctor, so by the end you’ve had one story for each of the Doctors that there’s been so far. Since I’m primarily familiar with NuWho and only have only seen/read a handful of Classic Who stories, this was a fun way to get to know them and their companions a bit better. I don’t think there was a single story I disliked! Though the one that amused me the most (even if it wasn’t necessarily the “best” in the collection) was probably “The Nameless City” because the idea of a Doctor Who / Cthuhlu crossover is way too funny. The Doctor throwing the Necronomicon across the Tardis? Outstanding, no notes.

Charlotte’s Web

A classic that I feel the need to reread every few years. It really is the perfect spring novel, and it made a very comforting read this May. Now that I’ve read E B White’s other children’s novels, I can now say without a doubt that Charlotte’s Web is the best of the lot. It feels like a more tightly written, cohesive and compelling story than either Stuart Little or The Trumpet of the Swan. White's writing just draws your right in, his descriptions, the way he'll wind you through these leisurely lists of details, the way every thing feels new and special and comfortable... it's impossible not to feel content while reading.

For those who have never read Charlotte’s Web, it’s a story about a pig called Wilbur, who is saved from being killed as the runt of the litter by Fern. Her parents allow Fern to raise the pig, and eventually Wilbur goes to live in her uncle’s barn. After he learns that he will most certainly be killed for meat in the autumn, his animal friends — particularly the clever and beautiful spider called Charlotte — start hatching a plan to save Wilbur’s life. 

Enemies

I’ve read the other Berrybrook Middle School books written by Svetlana Chmakova and by and large I've enjoyed them, but I have to admit they’re wearing a bit thin for me (Brave was definitely the peak of the series for me). Which isn’t the fault of Chmakova! She draws nice stories that have good themes and morals for that age group, they tackle very relevant social problems kid that age might go through. But as an adult, this one in particular felt profoundly middle school.

In this book, Felicity is struggling with the fact that she never seems to “finish” anything while her sister seems to be good at everything and impresses everyone. Felicity is struggling to learn how to balance the importance of going at your own pace versus sticking with something to meet obligations versus asking for help when you need it. During all this Felicity struggles with friendships that have faded and may even be getting worse — how easy is it to make enemies and how does one fix that?

The Innocence of Father Brown

I’ve been wanting a good cosy murder mystery and I’ve always heard good things about Father Brown so I decided to give the first collection a try. It was pretty darn good! Father Brown is an unassuming little Catholic priest who appears to bumble his way good-naturedly through life. However between his keen ability to observe and appreciate every day life mixed with the fact that a man who hears Confessions gets exposed to the way of the criminal mind, me makes an astounding detective. No one expects anything of him until he absolutely dazzles with his observations and connections. His nemesis-cum-bestie Flambeau is stupendous and I love him.

The religious fervor / aggression / intolerance of any slight deviations is a bit trying though and definitely dates the stories… I would be interested in trying another book to see if that’s toned down. Or maybe even watching one of the modern adaptations since I suspect they would chill out that a little on the blatant xenophobia. Makes me long for good old Father Mulcahy.

The Hardy Boys: The House on the Cliff

I never read The Hardy Boys as a kid but I feel in my heart that I would have loved them. This book was a fun detective story about the Hardy brothers initially attempting to stake out a group of smugglers, only to stumble across a seemingly haunted house and the sudden kidnapping of their father. The peril mounts and they need to rely on their friends to foil the plot. My only complaint is that it lays the whole "wholesome 1950s" schtick on pretty thick. I would really like to try reading the original 1930s version before it was toned down… except it’s damnably hard to find. I think if I had gotten this as a kid it would have scratched a similar itch to Tintin.

Hazel’s Shadow

A thrilling YA survival horror! It combines some neat, unexpected elements to make a really intriguing, fast-paced horror story that is part haunted house and part zombie plague survival.

Hazel has always been able to see ghosts, every since she was a child, and they don’t particularly worry her... they don't except for one creature — a horrible, black shadow — that lurks in her grandmother’s house and seems to haunt her every step, leering and waiting as her grandmother gradually grows sicker and sicker. Hazel would have thought that this would be her biggest concern until what starts as a localized fear suddenly seems to spread, turning the recently deceased into mindless, unfeeling monsters, hellbent on destroying any living person they can get, to kill them and turn them into one of them. Hazel and a small group of fellow classmates are at school when this happens, and find themselves — and a pair of ghosts — needed to band together to survive and possibly to face the horror that’s been haunting Hazel.

American Girls: Kit Saves The Day

I’ve often heard that these American Girl books are actually really good so I grabbed one from the library. And dang, people weren’t kidding, I was really impressed at how much nuance they fit into such a short book written for such a young audience. Kit Saves The Day is about a girl whose family is living through the Great Depression. It shows the life she has to live in order to help make ends meet and how its different from the life she once knew. Her understanding is expanded when she meets a young “hobo” who rides the rails and is invited to help with the family's gardening in exchange for food.

My Dress-Up Darling v2

A ridiculous series that’s just a little addictive. It's about a student, Wakana, who is trying to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps of becoming a doll maker, and is passionate and skilled at creating the costumes and accessories that goes with them. When popular, trendy Marin catches him at it, he’s sure he’s going to be humiliated… until he finds out that she’s passionate about cosplay and really wants to try cosplaying her favourite character but doesn’t have the skill to make the costume. The two end up teaming up to bring that dream to life. It’s charming and pretty and just the right amount of fanservice-y mixed with more technical aspects that keep it interesting.

Torchwood Tales

Short stories have been great for me lately — I’ve been so busy at work that they let me sample a bunch of different adventures without demanding too much time or attention — and this audio collection was a godsend. Like the Doctor Who collection, this one features a variety of exciting stories set in the Torchwood universe. I really enjoyed the first half of the stories, but honestly the second half didn’t quite do it for me. My favourite thing about Torchwood is the team dynamics, and the last four stories were set late enough in the series that they were mostly down to only Gwen or Jack… who I love in tandem with the other characters but am less interested in as solo agents. “Everyone Says Hello”, “Department X” and “Ghost Train” were probably my favourites because it really let a group of character bounce of each other in funny ways as they try to solve whatever absolute weirdness is going down. Rhys getting to the be the "most important man on Earth" for a story was such a pure delight!

Up To No Gouda // Cheddar Late Than Dead

Wow. This series. Was a disappointment. As I said with Father Brown, I was in the mood for some “cosy murder mysteries” and stumbled across this completely by accident. The concept of grilled-cheese-themed murder mysteries paired with the hilarious awful puns made me certain that this was going to be a fun series. It must, I naively told myself, be at least somewhat self-aware and probably have a humour/parody bend to it. I could not have been more wrong. This may have a negative amount of humour. I think every time it tried to be funny is actively sucked mirth and enjoyment out of the air.

This series is about the whitest woman in existence, who is so blandly pleasant that it made the 1950s Hardy Boys edgy in comparison, who goes through life running her grilled cheese restaurant, banally making uninteresting conversation with everyone (who apparently feels compelled to answer her incredibly dumb, probing questions), and brownnosing the cops so hard I might almost call it indecent if it were for the fact that this book even censored the term “that sucks” in reference to something being disappointing.

Nothing happens. Midsomer Murders is the perfect example of how I want this sort of small town murder mystery to go: it should have an at least somewhat interesting detective character, completely fucking mental background characters who make things more difficult than they should be, and an absolute pile of dead bodies by the end. I want the first corpse in the first five minutes and a steady bodycount from then out. It took an hour before the book’s one single death and I had to listen to this woman talk about cheese until then. The deaths weren’t even gruesome.

Why did I read two of these dumb books? Because I started with the third in the series (Cheddar Late Than Dead) and it was juuuuust interesting enough that I thought that maybe the author had run out of steam by this point and that the debut might be better. It was somehow the inverse and the first was EVEN MORE BORING.

I can’t emphasize enough how much she doesn’t do anything. It does not feel like anyone is investigating anything. Most of the story is absolutely unrelated small town nonsense that doesn’t even manage to be properly charming.  Most boring murder imaginable. This is a Hallmark murder mystery. Do not read these. They're not even bad enough to be funny.

Wind Rider: Rescue on Turtle Beach

A charming little introductory book to a new series. Wind Rider is about a pair of kids who find a small, abandoned ship wrecked on the shore… but which suddenly transports them across the world and becomes not only whole and seaworthy, but also capable of sailing itself. The kids go on an adventure to Hawaii where they help save some endangered sea turtles. Reading it as an adult it was fairly dull, but I can see how it would appeal to the intended age group. It had nice art and decent facts about endangered animals. It feels like it’s trying to be a new, nature-conservation-themed Magic Tree House. ...Which might be one of the reasons I wasn't that into it, I felt like I could have gone to read Magic Tree House and had a better time of it.