#no context we're just funny and i love my best friend

[gatheredfates]

Me to @riftdancing: "We're a PACKAGE DEAL. We're a SHIP. ...Haha, get it? SpicySeas."

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Just Take It | Jeon Jungkook | Part Three

Summary: You settle into your new normal with Jungkook but looks like this new normal is going to get a little more interesting Pairing: Inexperienced f!reader x Best Friend's Dad Jungkook (20 year age gap) Word Count: 7k~ (Damn I spoiled ya'll lmao) Warnings: Smuuuuttt, Explicit Language and a crap ton of pet names (I'm sorry okay I love pet names lmao) a/n: I got carried away with this one and it's barely edited but I wanted to post it asap since I left you guys hanging for so long. I know I used hella pet names but I had to okay it was very necessary if you ask me 🤭 Requested by: @kkusadmirer 💜

After getting up from my nap yesterday Jungkook and I spent the night just talking about anything and everything and nothing all at the same time. It's been nice getting to see him in this kind of context, the both of us totally relaxed and comfortable around each other. He does throw the occasional compliment or flirt my way and it gets to me every time but I try to hide it. I have a horrible poker face though and he knows it.

Sunday morning started out the same as yesterday, minus the hangover thank God. I woke up late and Jungkook had lunch ready for me along with a coffee made just how I like it. "How do you know how I like my coffee?" I ask while taking a sip, smiling when I see his body stutter for a second before relaxing and going back to cleaning up, even though I told him I would do it after I finished eating. 

"I just kind of noticed from the times you would sleep over and have breakfast the next morning with Jina" he says and I nod my head, a reasonable enough answer but still cute that he took the time to make sure he got it right. "Do you have any plans today?" I ask and he shakes his head no before responding. 

"No, not really. I was planning on going on a hike later on though if you'd like to join me" he offers and I cringe at the thought. "Are you going to be running?" I ask, knowing for a fact that I couldn't keep up with him even if I tried. "I said go for a hike not a run Darling" he chuckles, his pet name of choice always causing a fluttery feeling in my stomach. 

"Then okay, if you don't mind" I say and he brightens up at my answer before telling me the details and soon enough we're getting in his car and heading out. 

"What's the name of this place again?" I question as I unbuckle my seatbelt, looking over at him while he does the same.  "Lunar Falls, I'm guessing you haven't been here before" he says with a crooked smile before getting out of the car. "No, I don't think I've ever heard of it. I guess it's because I'm not much of a nature girly" I respond truthfully and he chuckles at my wording. "Well hopefully this will convince you otherwise" he finishes while we make our way to the path. 

~~~~ 

After we've been walking for a bit I start to notice a bit more of the wild life and Jungkook humors me when I stop and watch as a little bunny hops around in a little clearing we're passing. 

"Do you like bunnies?" he questions, his eyes crinkling at the sides while he smiles softly. "I do! I used to have one when I was a little girl" I say while watching it continue to hop along. "What was their name?" he questions, eyes totally focused on me without my knowledge. "Bunny!" I say, turning my face back towards him, eyes lighting up at the memories I made with her.

I watch as Jungkook gives me a crooked smile and holds back a laugh. "What's so funny?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows together. "No, no it's nothing. It's just that Bunny isn't a very imaginative name for a bunny" he laughs, finally letting it loose. "I was four okay leave me alone" I mumble, crossing my arms over my chest and pretending to be upset. 

I start to walk away and make my way further up the path but he jogs up in front of me, and stops me in my tracks. "Hey, hey I'm sorry I just thought it was cute" he explains, making my ears go red and I walk around him wordlessly and continue up the path, making him feel even more guilty.

"Are you mad at me?" he questions, walking beside me and I glance over at him briefly before cracking a smile. "No I'm not mad at you, I was just playing around" I say, uncrossing my arms and settling into a more relaxed posture to further support my claims. "Okay good" he says, visibly relieved and following suit and settling into a more relaxed pace. 

As we continue walking we stop a few more times to look at more wildlife and as we finally make our way to the top I stop in my tracks. "What's wrong?" he asks stoping beside me, following my line of sight and notices that I'm staring at three beautiful waterfalls with a steady stream of crystal clear water rushing down them into a great big pool that's as pure as the water falling into it. 

"You don't like it?" he questions, worried that he might've oversold the place to me since I haven't moved or said a word once I laid sight on it. "N-no, no Jungkook this is amazing!" I stutter out, hardly believing that something this beautiful had been so close to home this whole time. "Really? I thought you might like it but from your reaction you kind of had me second guessing myself" he says while rubbing the back of his neck, almost looking bashful. 

"No I mean it this is incredible! How did you find this place?" I question, making my way over to take a closer look. "I mean I've always loved to hike and so I looked up places to go hiking when I first moved here and this was the first place that caught my attention" he explains and I nod my head mindlessly, listening but keeping my focus on the scene in front of me, shivering once the mist from the falls starts to hit my skin. 

He takes notice of how silent I've gone and decides to just fall back and let me take my time enjoying the serenity of the moment.

"Thank you for bring me here" I say, turning to face him after a while. "I figured you needed to get out and clear your head for a while" he says softly, walking over to where I'm standing against the railing and watching the various fish that are swimming below us. 

"I can bring you back another time if you'd like?" he asks and I can't help but let my face light up at the offer. "Maybe next time I can bring you after dark? That way you can see why they call it Lunar Falls" he suggests and I agree immediately. "I'd like that" I respond and he nods him head, satisfied with my answer. 

~~~~

After we finished our hike we made our way back to Jungkook's house and got cleaned up, deciding to keep things low key for the rest of the day.

"This has been really nice" I say aloud, voicing my thoughts and garnering his attention while we spend time on his back patio, enjoying the night sky. "What has?" he asks, curious to know more. "Well, being here with you and I don't know, feeling like I'm welcome and appreciated and safe. I feel like it's been a while since I've felt like this" I admit and he nods, listening intently and hanging on every word. 

"Well then I'm glad my intentions have been conveyed well because you are very welcome, appreciated and safe with me" he reassures with a soft smile, making sure to use my wording to show his sincerity. 

"Thank you Jungkook, really, for everything" I say and I see his features soften a bit, relieved that he's been able to help a bit. 

"You're welcome Bunny" he says with a cheeky smile. "Bunny? What happened to Darling?" I laugh, enjoying the switch up, maybe a little bit more than I should. 

"Well you just looked really happy watching the bunnies hopping around, so I feel like the nickname fits. Would it be okay with you if I called you that?" he asks, which makes me want to say yes even more. "You can call me Bunny if you want to" I say, feeling almost a bit bashful at the memory of it. 

"So Bunny, have you thought things through a bit more?" he questions, bringing up the topic I was scared to broach our whole time together. "I'm still not sure what I should do but all I know is that I really don't want to stay there while I try to figure things out" I say and while I take a deep breath before continuing he jumps in. 

"Just stay" he offers again and as much as I want to say yes I don't think it would be the right thing to do. "Jungkook..." "No I'm serious, just stay. What kind of man would I be if I didn't help a friend in need? I told you I have more than enough space for you and it would be nice to have another person around the house again. Things have gotten pretty boring here ever since Jina moved out so please, just stay" he say and I know that he really does mean it. 

"You sure you don't mind?" I question and his face lights up at my words "So you'll stay?" he says, not bothering to answer my question. "Yes I'll stay. But only until I find my own place!" I say, making my motives clear right off the bat. "Of course but you're free to stay as long as you want" he says and I nod my head, excited but also scared that I made the wrong choice. 

Who cares though? There's no reason to deny him since he clearly just wants to help. Lord knows I need all the help I can get...

~~~~

Living with Jungkook for the past month has been great! We work well together and share the household tasks even though he wants me to leave them for him to do. 

"I said I would wash the dishes. Just go sit down and relax, you had a hard day at work today" he says, while coming up behind me and grabbing the sponge out of my hand. "Hey!" I say in protest, reaching out for it while he holds it over my head, water droplets falling on my face. 

"You had a hard day at work too! Plus you cooked tonight so let me do it" I say still jumping up and trying to grab it from him but to no avail he still keeps it far out of my reach. 

He places his hand on me and I falter a bit, feeling his strong touch on my bare waist, my shirt having ridden up a bit from jumping and that's when he gets his way. "Go sit down on the couch and we'll watch a movie together" he says and I just end up looking up at him, watching the way his mouth moves instead of listening to what he's said. 

"Bunny?" he says, squeezing my waist a bit to get my attention. "Huh?" I question, now looking at his eyes, and I see the amusement written all over his face after catching me staring at his lips. 

He leans down and decides to whisper in my ear instead, teasing me mercilessly like he does every now and then and I have to brace myself against the sink behind me to keep my knees from giving out. 

"Go turn on the TV Bunny and we'll watching something together tonight yeah?" he says in a hushed low tone and I'm only able to nod in response, clearing my throat to choke back the whimper my body was begging me to let out. But with the way that he is I know that answer is not good enough for him so he decides to play dirty and starts rubbing circles on my waist, waiting for a verbal answer. 

"What was that Darling? I couldn't hear you" he presses leaving me choking out an 'okay' before slipping out of his hold and running up stairs to get dressed for bed although my main reason is to catch a breath after that. 

After opening and closing my door quietly I throw myself on my bed face down and scream into my pillow. 

'What the fuck am I doing? What the fuck is he doing?' I ask myself and this hasn't been the first occasion I've done this, oh no. These lines have been getting blurrier and blurrier as the days go by and this was one of the reasons I wasn't sure about staying here.

We're both two adults though. Two adults that live in the same house who, as far as I know are attracted to each other. We haven't really talked about that kiss after my engagement party since the morning afterward and nothing like that has happened since. 

I don't know what's supposed to be done in a situation like this but I think I just need to stop over thinking it. If something happens then it happens and that's all there is to it. 

I get up and quickly get changed into more comfortable clothes and head back downstairs and grab a blanket out of the little basket he has before plopping down on the couch and grabbing the remote. 

"Did you pick something out yet?" he asks while coming downstair, also having gone to change into sweats and a t shirt and I glance at him for a second to say something but do a double take after having seen he's wearing grey sweatpants. I can't help but gulp at the sight before quickly looking back at the TV, praying that he didn't catch me but from the way he decides to sit a little closer to me I know I've been caught. 

"Um no, is there something you want to watch?" I ask after clearing my throat and going back to scrolling through our choices. "Let's watch the next episode of that show you showed me last time" he says, picking something he knows I would like to make a choice quickly. "Oh um, yeah sure" I say, typing it in the search bar and pressing play. 

As the show progresses I can't seem to pay the slightest bit of attention to it. All I can think about is the line we've been toeing for a while, and at this point I'm not sure what side of the line I want to end up on. 

"Is everything okay?" he asks, placing his hand on my lap, catching me off guard and making me jump. "Yeah no, I mean yeah everything's fine" I stammer, not really knowing how to respond. He takes his hand off me and nods, not bothering to push anymore so as to not make me anymore uncomfortable than I already look.

I feel bad since I know I've changed up the atmosphere and for what? Because I might have a crush on my ex best friend's dad that I've been living with. Well, now that I lay it out like that I guess I do have something to be conflicted about but I don't know what to do, especially since I think he might like me too. 

"Did you want to watch something else?" he questions, noticing again how spaced out I am. "Can I ask you a question?" I say before I can stop myself. "Ask me anything you want" he says, turning to face me. 

"Why don't you have company over?" I ask the most general question I possibly could, leaving him laughing. "You wanna be a little bit more specific with that?" he chuckles making me squirm in my seat, trying to figure out how else to word this. 

"Well I mean you haven't really had any friends over ever since I started staying here and I feel like I'm kind of getting in the way of your life here" I say truthfully, looking down at my lap, feeling a bit insecure at the fact that I might've overstayed my welcome. 

"What do you mean? Did I do something to make you feel like that?" he asks and I immediately jump in, hating that I even brought this up. "No Jungkook you've been the perfect host I just can't help but think that I'm, I don't know, cramping your style" I say, cringing at my efforts to dance around the subject that I'm really curious about. 

"You're not cramping my style Bunny. I don't have friends over because I don't really enjoy bringing people over to my house. Especially other women" he says the last part in a slower more purposeful tone, making me look up at him embarrassed and relieved that he's gotten down to what I had been getting at. 

"I told you before that first night that you stayed here that I don't have a girlfriend and I'm not seeing anyone. I'm okay with not having someone right now and plus I wouldn't want to ruin what we have going on here" he say, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "What do you mean by that?" I question and he smiles at my adorable reaction from his point of view. 

"That's a topic of discussion for another time Bunny" he says booping my nose and turning back towards the TV and grabbing the remote to change it to something else. "I- what? No tell me please!" I plead but he doesn't budge. "Another time, I promise" he says, giving me a soft smile and I nod my head before letting it droop a bit. 

"I think I'm gonna go to bed" I say, getting up but he grabs my wrist before I can get too far. "Oh come on Bun don't be like that" he says, his eyes full of concern but I know that he won't budge on the subject. "No it's okay I really am tired" I say and gently pull out of his grasp and walk over to the basket to put the blanket back. 

"Are we okay?" he asks, following behind me. "Yes Jungkook we're fine don't worry" I say while turning the face him and my heart stops from seeing how close he is, giving me his undivided attention. After standing there and studying my features for a bit he nods his head and leans towards me, giving me a kiss on the forehead like he always does. 

"Okay Darling, goodnight" he says grabbing my hand and placing a kiss on it as well before letting me walk away after I say a quick 'Goodnight' in response. 

My heart races all the way back to my room and what feels like hours afterwards while I'm laying in bed. I don't know what's happening to me and I'm scared to find out. I never saw myself as someone who would be with an older man but the thought alone excites me when it comes to him. If he means what I thought he meant down there then what am I supposed to do? 

Where do we go from here?

~~~~

It's been a few days since we had that conversation and I wouldn't say things are weird between us but I would definitely say they're not normal. 

I guess until we have that conversation he had mentioned there's gonna be a bit of tension between us. I'm too scared to broach the subject again so that leaves me to just wait helplessly until he brings it up again. 

Putting my keys in the lock and opening the door I'm expecting to see Jungkook downstairs but seeing as I've gotten home a bit early I guess he might be busy doing something else and as I make my way further into the house I hear the shower water running and realize he's in there. 

Walking upstairs I go to put my things in my bedroom but stop in my tracks when I hear what sounds like him calling out my name. 'He doesn't know that I'm home though so why would he be saying my name?' I think to myself and I place my things inside my room before walking over to his door but before I'm able to knock I hear something else that has me stopping in my tracks.

"Fuck yes Bunny just like that. Shit y/n, fuck" I hear Jungkook say between grunts and groans and I unconsciously clench my thighs together. 'I shouldn't be listening to this' I say to myself quietly and turn to go but my feet feel like they're stuck to the floor and I'm drawn back in by the sound of him moaning my name again. 

"Fuck, wish I could have you in here y/n. My pretty little Bunny" he says and I start to hold my breath, trying to catch onto each and every word he says. 'I really shouldn't be doing this' I think to myself but lean in closer, curious to hear more. I've never heard a man moaning like this, let alone hear someone moan my name like this. 

I never knew someone like him would be so, vocal. 

I don't think I'll ever be able to hear him call me Bunny ever again without getting images of what I know he's doing on the other side of this door. "Darling want you so so bad. Come choke on this cock, there you go, just like that Bun" he groans and I know I'm a goner. 

The pulsing feeling between my legs is getting stronger and I can't seem to catch my breath. 'What is this man doing to me? How am I gonna face him after this?' I ask myself but I lean my ear against the door and listen until he finishes, sounds of curses and my name are mixed with a low moan before I hear the shower turn off minutes later. 

I stand there almost frozen in place before my brain catches up seconds later. 'Shit I've gotta get out of here' I scream in my head and run downstairs as fast as I can, grabbing my keys and putting on my shoes before running back to my car. I open it up with my key, not bothering to use the remote in fear of Jungkook hearing it from inside and sit in it for a few minutes, trying to calm my racing heart. 

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? What the fuck am I supposed to do in a situation like this? It's not like I can call someone and say 'Hey I caught my ex best friend's dad who I happen to be living with moaning my name in the shower. What should I do now?' like who the fuck could I possibly go to to talk about this? 

Taking a few deep breath in and out, I quiet down my racing thoughts as best as I can before opening my car door and heading inside. When I unlock the door I'm stopped in my tracks as I'm met with the sight of Jungkook with his bare back to me while he drinks a cup of water he just poured for himself. 

"Y/n? I didn't know that you'd be coming home so early" he says flashing me a smile and putting his cup down on the counter before walking towards where I stand. "Oh, um yeah we finished up our meeting early so they let us go home" I say while bracing my hand up against the wall while taking my shoes off. 

"I'm glad they let you do that! You've been working way too hard recently" he says while watching me. Just as I'm stepping out of my second shoe I end up tripping over the first leaving Jungkook grabbing my waist to steady me on my feet. "Careful Bun" he says and my heart rate picks up again from almost falling as well as gaining flashbacks of the last time I heard that name from his lips.

"Darling?" he asks, breaking me out of my train of thought "Huh? What?" I ask quickly, straightening back up and pick up my shoes to put them on the shoe rack by the door. "Are you feeling alright?" he asks, taking note of the sweat on my neck and shortness of breath. 

"Yeah I'm fine why do you ask?" I say, looking into his eyes and trying my hardest to not look at his bare torso but ultimately losing the battle, my eyes flickering down to it for a second. He looks down and takes into account that that might be the thing that's making me act like this so he takes a step back to give me some room to breathe. 

"Sorry Bun, I wasn't expecting you to be home this early. Let me go put on a shirt" he says and walks towards the stairs "You don't have to say sorry. It's your house, don't let me stop you" I call after him and he laughs in response before disappearing down the hall and into his bedroom. 

I sit down on the couch to take another breather, begging my flustered self to get over it. I'm flattered that he thinks of me that way but I don't know how to act around him anymore after hearing him. 

Like what am I supposed to do? Pretend like hearing him in the shower didn't turn me on and make me want to beg for him to take my virginity again. What am I supposed to do with this information? 

"Y/n?" he calls out to me again and places his hand on my shoulder, now sporting a black t shirt and appearing behind the couch and looking down at me. "I'm sorry did you say something?" I say after almost jumping out of my seat from the scare he gave me. 

"I said your name like ten times and you didn't respond. Are you sure you're alright?" he says, taking inventory of how I'm acting again. "No, yeah I'm fine don't worry about it. I guess these long days are starting to catch up to me" I say awkwardly scratching my head. He nods and takes his hand off my shoulder, not pressing me for more answers. 

"Maybe you should go lay down until dinner?" he suggests but I go to protest right away. "It was my turn to make dinner tonight though" I say and get up to head into the kitchen but before I can get there he takes a hold of both of my shoulders and stops me in my tracks. 

"No you need rest. Go upstairs and I'll come get you when it's ready" he orders. "But I-" "No buts y/n" "I-" "No. Go" he says, emphasizing each word and not giving me a chance to get in a word edgewise. "Fine" I grumble and he smiles before placing a kiss on my forehead. "It'll be ready soon" he says and turns me by my shoulders and points me towards the stairs. 

I turn to face him and try to say something one more time but he cuts me off again "Go!" he chuckles and I let out a sigh before running up the stairs and into my room. 

~~~~

"Bunny? You awake?" I hear him say as he comes into my room quietly after having sent me upstairs.

Somehow I ended up falling asleep after taking his advice of coming upstairs to lay down and I'm really glad I did. Hopefully I'll be able to act a little more normal now that I've given my brain a rest. 

"Hmm?" I hum out, acknowledging his presence while trying to slowly regain consciousness. "I told you you needed some rest" he says, coming to sit down on my side of the bed. 

"You ready for dinner?" he asks and I nod my head right away leaving him chuckling at my enthusiasm. "Do you want me to bring it up to you?" he asks while brushing the hair off of my face. "No I'll be down in a second" I mumble and he chuckles again at my groggy state. 

"Okay well, don't fall back asleep okay? You don't want it to get too cold" he says, standing up and heading out of the room after gaining a nod in response. I take a deep breath and stretch before sitting up and taking in my surroundings for a second before throwing off the covers and getting out of bed. 

Trudging downstairs I'm met with a the table all set with my favorite meal and a glass of wine for each of us. 

"What's this?" I question sleepily, still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "I thought you could use a little pick me up and remembered how much you liked this dish when we tried it for the first time" he says, pulling out my seat and pushing it back in once I've taken a seat. "I feel like I'm at a five star restaurant" I joke and he chuckles at my enthusiasm. "You flatter me" he responds while taking a seat next to me, feeling as though sitting across from each other would feel too distant. 

"Should I have dressed up?" I continue to tease and he does a motion for me to look at what he's wearing and laughs at my question. "Do I look like I'm dressed up to you?" he says, and I smile and shake my head before taking a bite. "This is delicious! It's even better than last time!" I say, humming in content and savoring the rich flavor. "I'm glad you like it! I wasn't sure of the spice blend but I'm glad it worked out alright" he says and take a big bite of his too. 

As dinner continues it feels like normal again, the both of us talking freely and laughing together and it all just feels right, until he uses that nickname again. "Are you feeling better Bunny?" he asks, bringing up my weird behavior from earlier again and suddenly everything comes rushing back. "Yeah I think I really was just tired" I say awkwardly and he nods his head and thinks for a second before saying something else. 

"Did I do something wrong?" he questions and I feel my heart break at his words. "No you didn't do anything wrong I promise. Why would you even say that?" I question, hating that he's doubted himself. 

"I just feel like you've been acting a bit strange these past few days and I just thought I was doing something that might've made you feel uncomfortable" he explains while pushing around the rest of his food with his fork, distracting himself from having to look at me. 

"You've done nothing to make me feel uncomfortable I promise. I've just been tired and drowning myself in work lately so I think it's starting to catch up to me" I say, telling him a half truth. I have been working a lot more lately but I've been doing it to distract myself from having to think about him. 

It feels as thought all I can do is fixate on that conversation and it's been driving me crazy. I just wish that things could go back to the way they were but a part of me wishes that we could be something more than this. What that is exactly I have no clue but I think I might want to find out...

~~~~

After washing the dishes together I tell him that I'm going to bed early and although he looks as though he was about to ask me to stay he nods and says goodnight before letting me go.

Tossing and turning is all I've been able to do since I came back up here and I can't seem to catch a break as my mind plays and replays the sound of him moaning my name. The sounds of him growling in pleasure and praising me as if I was there with him makes me clench around nothing, begging to be full. 

After trying to ignore that feeling as long as I can I finally break. 

I trail my hand down my stomach and play with my waistband, debating on if I should really do this but as the memory of Jungkook's bare torso and his sweatpants hung low along his waist flashes through my mind I finally give in and take my clothes off, leaving me totally bare and open to touch myself.

My right hand trails down my torso just as it had before while my left one trails up and gropes my breast, pinching my nipple and making it harden from the contact. Once my right hand reaches the apex of my thighs I drag my ring finger along my folds, teasing myself and only just barely tracing over my clit. 

I let out a shaky breath and continue my movements, slowly dipping further into my folds and dragging my finger up and down, gathering up my slick, making my movements more fluid. I drag my finger back up and draw circles around my clit, slowly working myself up and starting to get in that fuzzy headspace. 

One that's desperate for release. 

I let out a moans as I pick up the pace, switching to drawing figure eights with my thumb against my sensitive bud while dipping my ring finger into my entrance, making me let out a shaky breath. "Jungkook please" I whimper, my thoughts traveling back to him and how he touched me today, his strong hands on my waist and his intense eyes paying attention to me and only me. 

"Fuck" I say, throwing my head back as I add another finger and continue rubbing my clit. Feeling myself getting closer to that edge I start thinking about how his hands would feel if he touched me like this. My left hand now on my other breast tugs on my other nipple and I call out his name. 

"Jungkook please" I whine, so lost in this fantasy and not bothering to keep quiet anymore to the point of not noticing how he's standing in the doorway and watching me as I pleasure myself to the memory of the sound of his voice. 

"Please what Bunny?" he says in a deep tone, leaving me pulling my fingers out and sitting up, pulling the blanket up higher on me. "M-mr. Jeon?" I say, reverting into that more formal tone, having gone from one extreme to the other. 

"Come on Darling, you know better than that. Now what were you saying? Jungkook please? Please what Bun?" he says, stalking towards me and I can only open and close my mouth, losing my words from the shock of being caught. 

"What would you like me to do for you baby?" he says while sitting next to me, the bed dipping under his weight. He called me baby this time, he's never done that before, why is he doing this? What is he doing in here?

"Look at how cute you are. Confident enough to moan my name while I'm sleeping just a few doors down but now that you've been caught you can't even say a word. But you sounded so pretty Darling. Can you say it again for me?" he taunts, leaning in and placing a kiss under my ear. "Come on Bunny, I know you know how to use your words" he whispers in my ear, leaving me choking out a response. 

"P-please Jungkook" I say just barely above a whisper. "Please what Darling?" he says, ghosting his lips along the nape of my neck. "Please let me cum" I choke, tears now threatening to fall. The embarrassment and intensity of this moment being nothing like I had ever felt before. 

"Would you like me to help you cum Princess?" he ask, leaning back to look at me and I nod my head, a stray tear streaming down my cheek. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I can walk right out of here and we can pretend that nothing ever happened" he says, reassuring me that this is my choice. 

"Please help me cum" I plead, another tear falling and he cups my face and quickly wipes it away. 

"Lay down for me yeah?" he says in a hushed tone, kissing my forehead again and guides me back down onto the bed. I watch as he caresses my face again, studying my features before saying another word. 

"Can I kiss you Bunny?" he asks and I nod my head immediately. He leans down to kiss me but stops just short of letting our lips touch. "Use your words Darling" he says, his warm breath fanning across my lips and making me choke back a moan before saying 'yes' leaving him smiling against my lips before pressing them against mine.

This kiss is different than the one we shared before. It's more delicate, more sensual and it has my hips bucking up, begging for some friction. "Someone's needy now aren't they?" he taunts before kissing me again. "Can I take this off?" he questions, playing with the blanket I have covering me and I nod before letting go and he gets up only enough to push the blankets off of me.

His eyes drink in my form, trailing slowly up and down my body and leaves me clenching my thighs together, still frustrated from having my orgasm cut off. "You want me to touch you?" he asks, his cold fingers ghosting along my waist, leaving me shivering at the feeling. "Please" is all I can manage to choke out, overwhelmed and excited by what's to come. 

"Open your legs for me Princess" he says while guiding my legs apart and now tracing patterns on my stomach. "Were you just using your fingers baby?" he asks and I nod leaving him following the path my fingers once traveled. "Want me to use mine?" he continues and I nod again, taking in a sharp breath once he runs a finger through my folds. 

"Baby was all wet just thinking about me huh?" he says and I cover my face, too embarrassed to say anything. "Can I ask you a question Darling?" he says while he traces lazy patterns up and down my slit. "Y-yes" I whimper, pressing my head back against the pillow. 

"Did you hear me earlier today when I was in the shower?" he asks and I take my hands off of my face, looking at him like a deer in headlights shocked at the fact that he found out. 

"I noticed that you didn't bring your bags in from your car like you normally do and when I was walking out of my room I noticed that your door was open and your bags were already inside. Meaning that you were probably in the house before I first saw you. Isn't that right Princess?" he says before pushing a finger inside me.

"Yes" I moan, my back arching as he drags his fingers lazily along my folds, never having felt this before, never having been touched like this before. 

"Is that why you were acting so jumpy today? Were you thinking about how I was moaning your name in the shower? How I was saying I wanted you in there with me so bad? Were you listening when I said that Princess?" he says while easing another finger into me leaving me choking back a moan and letting tears fall down my face from all of the intense feelings I'm having all at once.

"Yes, fuck yes" I moan out when I feel him hit that spot inside me that I've never been able to reach. "You like that? You like it when I touch you like that?" he says now leaning down and biting my collar bone gently leaving me arching up into his touch. He licks the spot slowly, easing the slight pain and trails kisses down my breast. 

He looks up at me before he goes too far and glances down at my nipple that's right in front of him and looks back up at me wordlessly asking for my permission. "Yes Jungkook please" I groan out and he pushes his fingers in further dragging harder against my walls as he takes one of my nipples into his mouth. 

"You make such pretty noises Darling" he praises, switching over to the other nipple after having abused the first one, leaving it puffy and wet. I clench around his fingers in response, loving the way he's talking to me. 

"Does baby like getting praised? Do you like it when I tell you how pretty you look while you're under me?" he taunts and I clench around his fingers even harder while my back comes off the mattress, feeling myself getting closer to tipping over the edge. 

Babble out a slur of curses attached to his name, begging to cum and he chuckles dryly, enjoying the way my face contorts in pleasure. "That's it Bunny, just like that" he say, coaching me through it until I'm about to reach the edge and as I tip over I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, smashing his lips against mine, making him swallow my moans as I come undone. 

 His fingers don't falter for a second as he fucks me through my high and only stops when he hears me whining from overstimulation. "You did so well Princess" he says while brushing the tears off my face. "You did so good for me" he praises again and I hum in contentment, feeling myself start to drift off to sleep. 

He chuckles at the sight and goes into the bathroom and comes back to clean me up before picking me up and taking me into another guest bedroom so I can sleep on fresh sheets.

"Goodnight Bunny" he says, leaning down and placing a kiss on my forehead before slowly leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

prev / next Series Masterlist

Psst! Check out Jungkook's pov here

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[aubaee]

class buddy — p.js

enhypen jay head cannon

classmate!Jay whom you met as your desk mate in college.

classmate!Jay is chic with a mysterious aura around him, his demeanor drawing you closer in curiosity.

classmate!Jay who dresses fashionably in a vintage style with his favorite cologne.

classmate!Jay who asks to be your partner in the upcoming project for your class.

classmate!Jay asks for your phone number to discuss about the project once you’re outside of class

"hey, is it okay if we can exchange numbers? Now that we're partners in this project together."

classmate!Jay invites you to go to the library together, using the excuse of “research” for the project

"when are you free so we can go work together?"

classmate!Jay who you get to know as someone with a firm resolve in his beliefs.

classmate!Jay whom you get to know as someone with a unique sense of humor, sometimes pulling dad jokes out of context.

classmate!Jay who you get to know as a person with a warm, selfless, and pure heart.

classmate!Jay who saves a seat for you in class if you’re slightly late.

classmate!Jay in which you enjoy his company during class as he never fails to make you laugh.

classmate!Jay whom you get close to for the remaining of the semester despite finishing the project together.

classmate!Jay invites you to go out for drinks at a cafe he recommended since he found out about your interest in trying new drinks/foods.

classmate!Jay in which you get really close to after spending time outside of class together.

bestfriend!Jay who thought of you and sends you messages regarding a new restaurant he went to with his guy best friends

"we should go together here next time, I think you'd enjoy it"

bestfriend!Jay who matches your energy and jokes around with, occasionally bickering with each other

"let's play fair at least!!"

bestfriend!Jay is afraid of the horror genre but tries his best to watch horror movies with you because he knows you enjoy the thrill of it

"ahh I told you that would happen! now look who's being haunted next."

bestfriend!Jay who sends funny memes on social platforms to share laughter with you

"this is us" "why does it remind me of you from that one time?? lol"

bestfriend!Jay who pays attention to the smallest details of you, especially noticing your habits, which he thinks is cute.

bestfriend!Jay who’s love language is acts of service, in which he plays close attention to you a lot.

“Here, I cooked this for you since you told me it was your favorite.”

“My dish will become the best you’ve ever had.”

bestfriend!Jay who carries an extra hair tie in case you needed it because you either lost it or forgot.

bestfriend!Jay who keeps an extra pouch (comb, hair clip, pads/tampons, cough drops) of your stuff in his car glove box, just in case you forgot to bring an item you needed.

bestfriend!Jay who comforts you when you’re going through a hard time regarding your family, academics, or relationships.

bestfriend!Jay who enjoys cooking for you just to see you smile.

bestfriend!Jay plays the guitar occasionally when he comes over to your apartment complex.

bestfriend!Jay whom you have an annual weekend together to travel far outside of the city.

bestfriend!Jay who treats you out for cafe dates just cause

"let's go out"

a/n: hi hii, hope you enjoy this really short cannon of Jay. for sure there will be more scenarios along the way~ the idea came up to me in the middle of the night as i was streaming their comeback for XO (only if you say yes). 🚨 also if you haven’t yet pls stream their XO (OIYSY) mv, esp on Spotify or Apple Music, and vote for ENHYPEN on all voting platforms (ALLCHART/U Pick/Mnet+/Superstar X/Mubeat)! Thank youu! ♡

☆ please like & reblog ☆

[brisquad-unit-4402]

Hello it’s me again! It’s been a while, I hope you’ve been doing okay. I recently have been reading through a lot of angst to comfort and I have an idea for a request!

May I request an Ike fic where reader is a liver in NIJISANJI and has a crush on Ike but knows they have no chance with him. Then one day reader accidentally spills their feelings to Ike and Ike comforts them after hearing about readers feelings?

I hope you’re not tired of me requesting Ike fics (ily him to much) and I hope you have a good day/night! <3

-🖋️

stars above your skin

oh 🖋 we're really in it now

how long have i had this request in my inbox? early march? and now exactly one day after blue light dropped, i give you a ~19.5k word ike fic. much love and effort has gone into this one, only seconded by the massive amounts of brainrot.

so yeah, i'm not tired of ike requests. i'm literally a quilldren that writes fanfic. this is the opposite of a problem

in fact this might be one of my favorite things i've written... the second half is such a good bedtime story for me...!

this is going to get NASTY to read on tumblr—as in my site is lagging so hard just typing these a/n notes. so i'm going to remind you all that not only is liking/reblogging recommended to keep track of this fic, but also that i have an ao3 account (same name as url but without dashsince it's much more accessible than tumblr for long fic. i recommend reading on tumblr if you can because of some formatting but to each their own!

here’s a funny story about this fic. i was working on it while a bunch of people sat behind me, you see, and one of my greatest irrational fears is that people sitting behind me will be able to see my laptop screen and laugh at what i’m writing…! and with these requests i usually title them the fandom name and my name, and a short phrase about the request, and this one was “workplace romance”, and i just got so afraid right then and there i changed it to the first thing i could think of, based off a clip i saw of pomu, selen, aia and doppio…!! and that’s why the wip doc is titled “nijisanji 4402 - pliskin”, and why i will always refer to this fic as "pliskin" much more than the actual title

by the way here’s a cover of iris that was pretty fitting for this fic. you’ll know when to play it. enjoy

tags: hurt/comfort, reader is a niji vtuber, gender neutral reader, off-collab, mutual pining, misunderstandings, fluff, angst with a happy ending, friends to lovers, cuddling, everyone in niji is your wingman, implied uki/ren if you squint but it’s mostly because uki will flirt with 80% of the men in this company

cameos: aia amare, alban knox, mika melatika, nina kosaka, ren zotto, uki violeta, vox akuma, fulgur ovid (mentioned)

⚠️ drinking/alcohol (unspecified if reader drinks alcohol)

⚠️ horror/gore mentions (non-detailed), out of context outlast spoilers i guess?

author's commentary here (spoilers) ↣

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

There are dozens of these videos on YouTube, and never have you come across the same one twice. You would know. You have a bad habit of clicking on them. 

After all, they’re labeled with your name on them, and right next to it, Ike Eveland. You are smart enough to recognize it’s not worth your time and just another compilation of the same moments and fans trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but your heart says otherwise. To be fair, the compilations were a much more recent development than the one you hid under lock and key. 

When you first joined Nijisanji, some of your senpais sent you messages full of greetings and offers to help you get on your feet as a streamer. Ike was one of those senpais, and whenever you popped into voice calls just to hang out, he was easy to talk to, like an old friend. Naturally, a fast friendship formed, and when you debuted, he was one of the first people you collabed with- and the one with the best reception. Your new fans (‘Bookworms,’ they called themselves, after your name Reader) loved how well your humor bounced off each other, and when weeks passed and you announced another collab on your schedule with Ike, your Bookworms rejoiced. 

Even when you weren’t working, you would still talk to him. He told you about his homeland in the past and his novels, both released and unpublished. He was a storyteller even when he was talking about something as minute as making a sandwich, and whenever you brought up your past and interests, he was an excellent listener. You had your differences, but he always knew what questions to ask so he could understand you better, and you loved the opportunity to ramble. 

It had been nearly three months since you debuted, and four if you count the day you were officially hired and began to build yourself as a streamer. Whenever you look at the endlessly long text history between you and Ike, you have to wonder: is it normal to feel so connected to someone you’ve only known for three-maybe-four months? 

You’re not an idiot. You aren’t about to say Ike is the most important thing in the world to you, but he gets pretty damn close. That terrifies you. You shouldn’t be so attached to someone you barely know. 

But then again, you trust Ike. He’s opened up to you about things he would never say to others, and he keeps your secrets buried in the grave. You’ve lost count of how much advice he’s given you, but you’ve never forgotten a single one, and whenever you feel lost about something you know you can count on him to help you out. 

You grimace, sip out of your drinking glass, and press ‘play’ on the next compilation. 

A cute intro plays with the clipper’s name. Above it are the words Pen and Paper, surrounded by puffy pink hearts. 

That was the duo name between you and Ike, but "ship name" was more accurate among fanwork.

You weren’t exactly unaware about it. Weeks ago, you were surfing Twitter and the site’s algorithm granted you your introduction into Pen and Paper. This was shortly after your first collab with Ike, and after you established your shipping rules with your audience (“I’m fine with anything, as long as the other liver is okay with it!”, you proclaimed, totally oblivious to how soon that would blow up in your face). The fanartist posted a messy black-and-white sketch, but you could make out the pattern of Ike’s scarf wrapped around you and him at the same time, forcing your bodies into close proximity with averted eyes and dusty blushes. 

You appreciated the fanartist’s passion and skill, but the thought of you and Ike as an item sunk in your chest like you swallowed a rock. You swiped past. You went back to your scrolling, found some good thumbnails, and retweeted some cute solo fanart, but before the week ended, you made a private account with a fake name and staked out the tags for Pen and Paper to follow that fanartist.

Damn fanartist. You tried to deny it, and told yourself that you followed their art because you liked the style. But their account was full of ship art, and when Twitter gave you similar users that all worked under the hashtag, you had to face facts. If you wanted to look at it optimistically, at least you figured it out early on before anything had the chance to sour while you were still blissfully ignorant of yourself; even then, that doesn’t make it any harder than it already is.

Besides all the texts, the meetings, the schedules and events, and then including the streams and collabs and the art and the fandom… 

“Why?” You ask out loud in the silence of your room. “Why did I have to fall for my coworker?”

And with audiences of over hundreds of people watching you fall for him, nonetheless!

It’s irritating. You have a job that keeps you motivated to work hard. It’s given you a dedicated fanbase, rare opportunities, and coworkers you all recognize as your friends. Really, finding someone to care for because of it should be a blessing, but it’s such a headache. What if your fanbases get jealous, or even worse, outright hate it? Would you be able to keep up a relationship when you and Ike are dedicated to your careers and streams? Why are you even thinking like this? You scold yourself. There’s no way this would ever work out. It’s all fantasy and smoke and mirrors, because fandoms love love. Shipping is never a reflection of the streamers, just the characters you play. You’re delusional if you think your stupid crush could actually go anywhere.

But fandoms love love. The only comfort you have is being able to pretend something could happen. The ship art is a lie, and so are the fanfics, and the clippers that tag their videos as Pen and Paper are just here for a possibility that never could happen.

The compilation is full of little hints and teases, and if you were being honest with yourself, most of it was more like two friends getting along than actual flirting. But you didn’t trust yourself to see your clumsiness for what it is when Ike’s little laughs are like music to your ears. 

Damage control, you tell yourself. It’s like studying how you play your favorite games. You can pinpoint where you stumble and leave yourself open for attack in Apex, Smash, even Crab Game, and then amend those mistakes the next time you pick up the game. Real life should be no different. Just stop acting so dorky all the time by finding moments of dork in your VODs and avoid them next time you talk to Ike.

This clip was from your second collab with Ike. Captions floated along the bottom of the screen. Ike's captions were in his signature blue.

IKE: You know, there’s a lot of content about us two as a duo.

READER: They call us Pen and Paper, right?

IKE: Yeah, my art tag is flooded with art of the both of us. 

READER: Oh my God, look at the chat. Mine’s full of people saying they love us together. 

IKE: Aww, thanks, Quilldren! I’m happy I can play with Reader too. 

READER: Thank you, Bookworms; thank you, Quilldren. Hey, there’s a lot more overlap than I expected.

IKE: They’re like Bookdren.

READER: Or Quillworms.

IKE: Quillworms, that sounds way better. They’re like our children.

READER: www

IKE: www

Never fucking mind about acting so dorky all the time. You kick yourself for bringing up Pen and Paper, and your giggly laugh. You hate it. A neon sign above your head that says “SIMP” would be less obvious than that stupid schoolkid laugh.

But Ike’s laughter is music, back in the moment and now as you revisit it, and his model’s eyes squint with a wide smile.

He really is an amazing man. If you didn’t know him as well as you do, you’d think he’s perfect. But you’ve seen him in moments of vulnerability, the parts of himself that never shows through on stream and even rarer among his friends. Through it all he manages to keep going, and you admire him so much for sticking to his guns even when he’s expressed all his doubts about himself. The fact that he trusts you enough to let his guard down only adds to how honored you are to know him, and at the same time, the fact that there’s so much trust between you two just makes you feel worse for having a crush on him. You hate keeping secrets like this when you let Ike read you like an open book for everything else, and even just wishing you were something more to him feels like a betrayal of all that trust. You wish you could just be satisfied to know him.

The compilation continues. The next clip is a totsu Fall Guys collab hosted by Fulgur Ovid that you and Ike joined in on. Fuuchan got eliminated early in the match, and spectated on you while the other livers ran around Roll On with players tugging them this way and that. 

You moved around the rotating levels at the perfect sweet spot between two rings, and balanced at the top of the roll as the slime level slowly rose.

A longer wall approached, so you shuffled from one level to another, but another player grabbed your bean avatar and dragged you along to the wall even as you yelled out in panic on Discord. You smashed your keys to struggle, but they had an advantage, and it was clear the wall would push you down to the slime for an impending elimination.

That is, until a familiar Miku bean grabbed the other side of your avatar, and pulled the other way towards the ring that would save your life. Resigned, your attacker backed off and barely dodged out of the way while Ike’s Miku bean brought you back to safety.

The other two livers in the game were too noisy to notice you. Fuuchan was commentating every move you made, and when Ike saved you, he said, “Ike coming in clutch, let’s fucking go.”

Your recorded self didn’t hear him at all, though. You swooned, “Ike, my hero!”

Meanwhile in the present, you wanted to puke. You meant for that to sound like an over-the-top joke, but you crush is getting so serious that it sounds less like a bit and more like how you gush about him in private. 

At least Fuuchan’s audio was louder than everyone else, since he was the host, and the other two livers were preoccupied with their own game to notice your lovey-dovey tone and how Ike laughed music at you. It was bad enough clippers transcribed your words in captions, but you weren’t sure how you would handle it if those three picked up on you and your dumb crush. The less that know about your workplace romance, the better.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

“Reader,” Aia coos. Even with audio only, you could tell her eyes were sparkling. “You didn’t tell me you had a workplace romance!”

Well, so much for that plan. You froze over. “Who told you that?”

Mika answers way too quickly. “It’s Alban’s fault.”

“Fuck off, Mika, you brought it up first!”

“You said it though!”

Man, you were already starting to regret joining VC today. You finished your offline work a lot faster than expected, so when you realized that three of your close friends in the company were all online in VC together while Alban privately streamed a rhythm game, you figured you would join the call while you prepared dinner. 

But if that was your greeting, you needed to mentally prepare for the wild interrogation you were about to experience. At least Aia, despite her love for drama, knew how to navigate these sorts of things delicately. And you don’t mean to call Mika and Alban bad friends—they were the exact opposite, in fact—but they were much nosier than Aia ever came across.

“Okay, but Reader just asked who leaked it, and didn’t deny it,” Aia says. “So that means it must be true!”

Scratch that. Aia is the worst out of all of them.

“I hate you guys. No hello or anything, just gossip about my love life,” you lament.

She gasps, and if her eyes were sparkling before, then roses bloomed around her as she spoke. “It’s love?”

Mika shrieks like a banshee. “Oh hell no, you’re in love and you didn’t tell us?!”

“It’s not love. It’s nothing!”

“Nah-uh, Reader, no running away from it, we know,” Alban says. “Better to just get it all out in the open than pretend like nothing’s up.”

“You’re just saying that because you want to snoop.”

“I’m being serious. Keeping stuff bottled up deteriorates you, especially when love’s involved.” He missed a note. “Shit. And yeah, okay, I want some gossip, but I have a point and you know it.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck you, I blew a full combo just to say that!”

“Can I add? In case you forgot, Reader, we’re all in the same company,” Mika says. “Sure, I might be in a different branch, but who knows? Maybe we can help.”

“And fuck you too.” You sigh in defeat. As vitriolic as your shared humor was, these three were still some of your best friends, and you know they don’t mean any harm. “Ugh, I hate this. This is confidential information. Like, CIA levels of confidential. If I tell you guys, you can’t tell a single soul about it. Understand?”

The three all chime in agreement. And unfortunately, you trust them. You take advantage of your coworkers swearing themselves to secrecy to hype yourself up and just rip off the band-aid. “It’s Ike.”

“We know.”

“What the hell do you mean, you know?!”

“It’s obvious,” Aia says. Your heart hammers in your chest. Then she sputters for a moment, like she realized she might’ve hit a soft spot. “Well, you have to focus on it to see it, but once you see it, it’s hard to ignore. You two go well together.”

Alban pitches in. “Agreed. I’m not even gonna be subtle about it, you and Ike have great chemistry. I’m happy for you two.”

“Okay, I guess.” Your eyes drift away from your prepared ingredients to the corner of your kitchen. “But I don’t know. Are you sure? Because I feel like I always act like an idiot whenever I’m around him. And I doubt he’d ever feel the same way.”

“Wait.” Aia pauses. “You’re… not dating?”

“No. Just a crush. Not love, not dating, nothing. And it’s never going to be anything more than that because it’s just a big stupid crush on my coworker, who doesn’t even live close enough to visit, and this is all a recipe for disaster.”

She doesn’t say anything about that. Actually, none of them do. Even Alban pressed pause on his game, and the Discord stream went motionless as your words sunk in. 

Mika is the one to break the silence. “You’re shitting me.”

“That’s the truth. Happy?”

“No, like, you’re shitting me, there’s no way.”

“Mikaaa.” Alban drags out her name as he scolds her. 

“Hey, I’m just saying, that’s crazy, especially since—“

“Don’t tell Reader that!”

“Tell me what?” 

“We thought you were already a thing. You know, dating, in a relationship, whatever,” Mika clarifies. It hits you like a punch to the gut. “Or at least that you had something going on, and kept it secret so it wouldn’t be awkward for everyone else to work with you two. Which, by the way, we’re all chill with, so if, hypothetically, you decided to hypothetically go for it, we would hypothetically cheer you on and set off hypothetical fireworks. I’d rent a food truck.”

Alban resumes his game. “Yeah, what she said. Go get that hypothetical novelist bussy.”

“Don’t hypothetically talk about my brother like that.”

“You’re sure this is okay?” You ask. “Mika, I know you and Ike are close. This isn’t going to make anything weird, is it?”

“You’re fine, Reader. If I had problems, I would’ve cornered you and threatened you over text ages ago when I figured it out.”

“That’s another thing. How did you guys know?”

Aia pipes up first. “I know I said it was obvious, but I think that’s just because we know each other since we’re good friends. You two just go together, you know? It’s hard to explain, but whenever Reader and Ike-senpai are in the same room you think, ‘those two would be cute,’ and then you realize they are cute, right there in the moment. And you talk a lot faster on stream whenever you’re both on the same page. Almost as fast as me.”

 “Plus, it’s really common to see both of you on VC at the same time, and you’re always happy whenever he shows up,” Mika affirms. “Alban says whenever one of you enters the call the other is soon to follow.” 

“It’s true. You talk fast whenever you talk to him on VC too, not just stream. And your laugh kind of changes?”

“Dammit, I knew my laugh was my tell. This sucks. This seriously sucks.”

“It might not be all that bad,” Mika says. “Who knows, maybe things might end up better than you expect. You should tell him.”

“No way,” you fire back. “There no way he’d actually reciprocate. And I know you guys are fine with me asking, but Ike himself is just going to reject me, and it’s going to be awkward, and literally everyone in the company who has ever talked to us will be able to tell something’s up.”

“They won’t be weird,” Aia insists. “We won’t, either, and Ike-senpai is a good guy. Even if it doesn’t work out, he wouldn’t leave you out to dry like that.”

“You don’t know. None of you have ever been in this situation.”

“That’s true, but there’s always a chance.”

“If you ask me, it sounds more like you’re afraid of what you think would happen instead of what rationally would,” Alban says. He’s still laser-focused on his game. “I dunno. If you’re really set on getting over it, then go ahead and ignore it, but that’s just going to eat at you for who knows how long before your crush starts to fade.”

“Well, I didn’t ask.”

“Fine. Forget I said anything.”

You regret the acidic tone in your voice the second you said it, but Alban was off in his own world of music. He’d tell you if he had a problem with how you spoke to him, but you still feel gross about your knee-jerk reaction. 

You’re just… defensive. Yep, that’s the word. Whenever you’re this interested in someone, you put your walls up and protect yourself from letting anyone worm through and hit a weak point. 

Aia hums like an analyst. “Just keep it in mind, Reader. Not everything is out to get you.”

You know your friends just wanted the best for you, but things just aren’t as simple as they’d like to imagine it. It’s none of their business, anyways. It was pure coincidence that they figured out your thoughts on Ike, and that means none of them have any real authority to advise you on your love life.

“I think we’re done talking about this,” you assert.

“Well, you heard ‘em. Pack it up, show’s over.” Mika changed the subject. “Hey, did you guys know if you try to break open a freshly boiled egg, it explodes?”

Alban slams his hands on his keyboard so loudly that you hear the switches over his noise suppression. The stream goes from a string of Awesome! notes to nothing but misses as he abandons the game. “YES. Yes, actually, I DO know.”

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

“MEAT! WANTS MEAT! WANTS MEAT! MEAT!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHH!”

The stream is to the birds. Fuck that noise. Godspeed to the Bookworms, they’ll need it, but not nearly as much as you. 

When you were settling on a schedule, the last undecided spot for the week was Friday’s stream. That simply wouldn’t do. Friday nights kick off the weekend, and the break from school and work is prime time for a wide audience, so pretty much everyone in Nijisanji reserves their juiciest streams for the weekend. You’re no exception.

…Except for the fact that you didn’t have a clue about what to do for Friday’s stream. One Twitter poll and conveniently timed Steam sale later, you published your schedule with a game your fans voted on: Outlast.

You walked in knowing it would be a horror game, and you figured it would be fine. After all, you’ve played games from Chilla’s Art before, and a few quirky indie psychological releases here and there. You wouldn’t call yourself a stone-faced horror lover that can keep a straight face at anything, but aside from a few creepy moments in those game, you’ve kept your cool relatively well. 

Outlast threw all that out the window. You realized almost immediately that you had no idea how to handle the primal fear of the chase. 

Footsteps pound against a metal floor. You plead for help in the emptiness of your home as you smash the controls, as if that would make your character move the cabinet over the door any faster. Screams resonate in tune between you and the chained man in the room with you, and all the while, the howling of your pursuer grows louder and louder as he gets closer.

You finally uncover the door and dash through. Tremors run though all your thoughts while your heart beats overtime. 

You still haven’t gotten used to all the jumpscares, even though you’re at the edge of your seat and ready to start running yourself. A fork in the road approaches, and when you start off one direction, you’re greeted by a bloodied man in the distance. “AAAHH!”

Faster than light, you slam the key to the other hall and book it. You spot a new storage container to shove in front of the door just in time for text to appear on the screen: Look for pushable objects to block doors.

“No shit, why wouldn’t you tell me that before, oh my God, aaaaah!” The screams—from both the voice actors and your own cries—grate against your eardrums while chase music thunders in-between the gasps for air. 

As you grab the container and start to push, you mash the pause button. When the menu appears, you lean back in your chair and run your hands over your face. Your model pouts cutely while the real you whimpers. The mic barely picks it up.

You take a breath before groaning in fear and pain. “Guys. I don’t think I can do this…” Another groan as you trail off. “This game is so much. Give me a second.”

As you raise yourself back from your chair, it’s with a slump forward. Your chat is full of headpat emotes and hearts in your color, along with some quick words of courage. A few are recommending you take a break. “Thanks, Bookworms. I’m so afraid, but I’m committed and I don’t want to just leave it here.”

Your eyes flutter closed as you take a sip of water to clear your head. The cold drink startles you out of the dingy asylum atmosphere, but the screaming still lingers between your ears. “You know what? Who else is online right now? Maybe I need someone in VC to hold me to this.”

The emojis in chat slowly patter out as your viewers go back to text. Looks like most of your Bookworms like the idea of calling someone else while you stream the game. Some of their messages catch your eye. 

gatamiizuus: you can call ike :ReaderHeadpat: 

messXed-up!: ike!!

lunasmortas: what about ike?

A few more chats mention Ike, and while usually you’d be irritated they mentioned another liver out of the blue, your shoulders still relax at the sight of his name. “Wait, Ike? Is Ike here?”

You scroll back in the chat history, and search for any mod messages. Sure enough, barely a minute ago while you were still being chased:

Ike Eveland 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : GANBARE!

You cling onto that message like a lifeline. Ike is familiar. Ike is comforting. And most importantly, Ike would never call you a pussy.

Chat floods over with his name while you check the official Nijisanji Discord server. Almost everyone in Nijisanji sets their status to offline by default, and Ike is one of them, but you still scan through the member list anyways, praying a little green indicator will light up by his icon.

His status doesn’t change, but before you can even click on his profile, your Direct Messages tab gains a notification. He just messaged you.

Ike Eveland: Watching your stream right now

Ike Eveland: Are you okay?

You exhale. Ike is the most dependable guy you know, even when it’s pure coincidence he was watching your stream while you freaked out. 

With your heart still in your throat, you respond.

Me: uuuuuuugh i guess

Me: the game is really scary

Me: i don’t want to cancel the stream but i don’t think i can play it by myself 😭

Ike Eveland: 🫂    | 🫂 1 |

Ike Eveland: Would you feel better if I called you?

Me: i was just about to ask    | 👌 1 |

Me: you don’t have to if you don’t want to tho!! i don’t want to be a nuisance lol

Ike Eveland: Don’t worry I offered to!

Ike Eveland started a voice call.

“Ikeee!” The second the call starts, all your restraint goes forgotten. “Ike, I was so scared!”

You babble on about everything you’ve endured up to this point: the gore, the grime, and the patients in the asylum that hunt you like animals. 

 “I’m here, it’s alright now,” he assures you. “I’m here, okay? Take your time, you’re safe.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m relieved. But it was so scary.” You sink and bury yourself in the collar of your shirt. “You’ve streamed this before, and kept a cool head the entire time, right? How do you do it?”

“Well, it wasn’t my first time playing, for starters. Everyone gets freaked out at first. It’s a horror game, Reader, it’s okay to react to it. I remember the first time I played it, it scared me so bad I had to quit after half an hour.” He giggles a bit at himself. The sound is comforting. “That was a few years ago. I think I had nightmares about it, until I realized I needed to know the rest of the story. ”

Your voice is small. “That was really brave of you.”

“I avoided it for days. I doubt that’s brave.”

“It’s braver than calling someone just to get the guts to play the game.”

“Hey, don’t put my friend Reader down just to bring me up.” He keeps his tone light to let you know you’re allowed to smile. “Being able to face your fears is plenty on its own, and you shouldn’t be devaluing that. How long have you been at it?”

“A little over two hours?” You glance at the stream monitor, and ignore the chat as much as you can. You still register the hearts in your color and his signature blue. “I don’t know. I did a lot of pausing, too, so it’s probably less than that…”

“But you were still able to stream for that long. Remember, I could only play for thirty minutes during my first time! You’re stronger than you think you are.”

You avert your eyes from your stream setup. You feel painfully seen, but the chat is nothing to you. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“Then I’ll be here to remind you. Is that okay?”

“I’d like that.” You return to the screen, and in the darkness of the blurred labyrinth, you see your reflection stare back. Your hair is disheveled from how you kept thrashing around in reaction to the game and your shoulders are high with tension, but only now did you realize how the corners of your lips rose after the call started. Ike really got to you. “Thank you, Ike, you’re so considerate. I appreciate you a lot. You’re a really good guy.”

He chuckles slowly, soft like a blanket. Your shoulders ease. Ike’s words are just as soft, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he’s nervous too. “Haha, um. Yeah. Thank you?” He doesn’t take compliments well, but they’re true, and you hope he knows it as well as you do. He clears his throat. “Ahem. Um, how are you feeling?”

“Not great, but better. I want to try again.”

“You’ve got this, Reader, you can do it.” Ike is still quiet, but enthusiastic. “You can do it!”

You go shaky. “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.”

But you still press Return To Game.

And when you scream barely five seconds later, Ike is still calm, and you hone in on his voice as you persevere.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Just as you go to bed, you realize that you basically just made a fool of yourself in front of your crush by getting scared at a game he’s already conquered. 

You slam a pillow over your face and groan.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Ike lands an all-out attack just in time to check the chat and the swarm of viewers that just joined. “Oh, Reader! Thank you for the raid, it’s good to see you! Welcome, everybody.”

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : take care of my bookworms for me? i’m getting milk

“Of course. They’re our Quillworms, after all.” You go fuzzy. He remembered the fan name! “Have a good break, Reader! Rest well.”

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : 👍

It was the end of the week, and the stream you just finished was the last on your schedule. You announced a few days ago that you would take a break for a little more than two weeks so you could catch up on offline work as well as rest, and the Bookworms sent you off with a lot of love. It’ll be hard for some of your diehard fans, but you’re sure they’ll manage. You have a feeling it’ll be easier than they expect. 

“Speaking of breaks, I haven’t finished my schedule yet. I think I’ll wait a day or two to post it.” The stream cracks in red and black as Ike’s party in Persona 5 Royal clobbers the enemy Shadows. Monsters bleed out behind the protagonist’s cocky smirk. “I’ll be offline for the next two days, so I’ll have some time to think about it.”

Ike mashes through the battle results, and sets back off into exploring the palace. His stream fades into background noise as you get back to the task at hand. 

You sent a few messages to some of your other coworkers regarding your break. Next was finishing some paperwork for management, and reaching out to others that needed access to the files. Sure, your time off was for offline work, but the work you had to get done would only take an afternoon at most. You wanted to meet even the far-off deadlines as soon as possible so you could be properly free for the rest of your vacation.

By the time you finished your paperwork, your coworkers were able to respond to you. A group chat full of other livers had a new response every minute about the next two weeks, and Aia sent you a QR code that would let you save some time and money on your flight. 

Ike ended yet another super-long P5R stream just a few minutes after you grabbed all your luggage, got to the airport, and made it to your terminal. You had some time to kill, but you were sick of the headphones over your ears.

Not to mention, you were waiting for the fans to catch up on the real reason why you were on break.

Curiously, you log into your private Twitter—you don’t plan to interact with anything but you’re always paranoid about your online presence—and start searching for the code words fans think Vtubers have no idea about. Symbols replace letters and names morph into sounds while emojis speak volumes.  

The Stargazers don’t mention it at all. That’s to be expected, after all. Their oshi goes on break often, so nothing seems too out of the ordinary. Besides, you wouldn’t put it past them to have even more intricate subtweets than what you’re looking for.

Only a few of Nina’s Honeybunnies put the pieces together at first, but then you check Quilldren subtweets. As it turns out, when Ike mentioned he’d be taking a few days off, a few of his fans noticed how Nina was going to be offline at the same time, and a smaller fraction of those compared how Mika had yet to release a schedule. 

Underneath your face mask, you smile. With the career being dependent on both anonymity and your voice, you wore a nondescript black mask through the entire airport in case someone recognized you, just as well as to hide the tiny giggle that always bubbles up whenever you watch your fans scramble around theorizing. They don’t have all the pieces, after all. None of the Aiadmirers nor the Renvaders even considered it.

They’ll figure it out in time nonetheless. Uki and Nina are close to landing, and Aia was the first to disembark her plane. The rest of your friends are set to arrive after you, and besides, Vox should be ending his last stream of the week right now. You’re sure the Kindred will start plotting in the next hour, provided their oshi didn’t give them too big of a hint about his plans for the next week as he’s known to do.

You board your plane and settle into your seat, ready to nap the flight away. You’ll need the rest, after all. It’s about time you join an off-collab.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

Nina doesn’t even get the chance to look away from her phone before she gets a rush of replies on her first voice tweet.

She doesn’t bother to read them anyways. She’s too busy howling out the lyrics to “Wannabe.”

It’ll be hard to discern all the voices. Ike’s high range is always easy to pick out, but Vox blends in as a bass, and you can always hear Mika’s grin through her singing. Ren and Aia are the furthest from the phone, and as loud as they sing, they’re still drowned out along with you, Uki, and Nina herself.

Mika chooses the wrong time to look around the karaoke booth. While Aia sings passionately about what she wants (what she really, really wants), her body language crumples and rises like an electrocuted high school theater kid. The ghost has a hiccuping, sweeping laugh that overpowers half of the singers, and then Aia snorts at herself when Mika covers her mouth, which gets Vox to snort even louder, and before you know it, it’s just Uki and Nina doing their damndest not to break. Even then, Nina’s voice wavers along to the Spice Girls as she resists a laugh, and Uki’s eyes are squeezed shut smiling.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

The bar stool slides out from the counter so quietly that you wonder if the Airbnb owner knew just how handy it would be for a house full of streamers on vacation. You lean forward while Mika tells a story about how she, Aia, Ren and you went out for a coffee run, and crossed paths with some teenagers with matching Iluna keychains on their backpacks. 

Speaking of Iluna, their represents sat together on the couch. Aia set her plate and fork on the coffee table, not a single pool of sauce left over from the pasta dinner Vox and Uki prepared together. Somehow Ren made enough room in his luggage to bring along a teal ukulele, and idly strums along. Uki sits between Ren and the armrest, swirling the last of his pasta between his fork.

Across from them, Vox and Nina took ownership of two plush chairs that could only fit one person each. Each chair was next to a corner table, and they stacked their plates on top of one another to make room for a jug of orange juice and two cocktail glasses. Ike took a bottle of rum and poured it into his soda, then slid it back to the corner table before pulling up the bar stool next to you. 

“It was like, one of them had a clear phone case and held it out to show the others a video,” Mika says. She perched on top of the counter itself, next to her travel microphone and the second-nastiest kitchen stream setup you’ve ever seen. She was no Scarle, but so many wires stretched across the island and along the way that it was just easier for her to climb onto the polished granite to keep an eye on the chat. “Smack-dab in the center was a PNG of Vox. And then a bunch of tinier Voxes around it. And here’s how you know it’s bad, you could see the color of the phone itself through the case because it’s clear, right? It was red. Red! That’s commitment!”

“I’m telling you, Mika, there’s no way they got a red phone just because of Vox,” Aia says. “That’s got to be a coincidence.”

Vox hums into his glass. “No, they absolutely did. You mean to tell me your fans don’t spoil you rotten and buy new phones just because they’re your color?”

“My color is white, Vox, like every phone ever is my color!”

“Still, I’ve never seen Aia go so quiet so fast.” Ren’s ukulele twangs as he grins. His fangs were just as prominent in real life. “It was awesome.”

“It was scary, but funny,” you say. “We saw the Vox case and the Iluna keychains, and all of us just went silent. And we all had masks, too, so it was like, one moment you could hear Ren’s fuckboy laugh, and the second we saw the case, we all put up our masks and went quieter than the grave.”

Ren palms the neck of the ukulele and mutes the chord in mock offense. “Hey! I’m not a fuckboy!”

“Didn’t say you were, but if you want to out yourself like that, be my guest. They’d chop off your horns and sell them like Kyo.”

“One of them had an Aster keychain.” Ren bitterly resumes playing. Uki sets his plate on the table and drapes himself over the alien’s shoulder as he opened up his phone to check the off-collab’s live tag. The stream was supposed to be a live Q&A, but was so easy to talk to everyone that the questions often turned into conversation before someone remembered the stream. “If Aia or I said anything, we’d be fucked.”

“Imagine how fucked we would’ve been if Vox woke up in time to go with us,” you say.

Ike snickers. “Is it bad that I would’ve paid money to see that?”

The two Luxiem members get into a playful argument over who would win in a fight: all the effort Nijisanji and its employees put into protecting their privacy, or one silly phone case. Ren’s riffing turns into a simple rendition of “Iris” and Nina hums along from across the living room. The ukulele is slow and unique enough to not be mistaken for the original, but you wonder if those two would be able to avoid copyright entirely.

Nonetheless, the vibe is comfortable. You’re miles away from home, but in a room with some of your closest friends in the world, it’s like you never left. Truthfully, it’s more like you’ve finally found your place. The music just feels right, like it was written for this moment, and Aia leans back into the couch while Nina sways in her seat to the jaunty little ukulele. Ren looks as cheery as his instrument sounds, especially with a peaceful Uki nuzzled up to him. 

While Ike and Vox go at it, Mika props her chin up with both hands and watches them like a reality TV show. There’s a glint in Vox’s eyes as Ike drums up a snide response, the only sane man to the demon’s goofiness. He brings his rum and coke to his lips like punctuation, a silent so, what? hidden in the boozy soda. 

Vox knows how to run his mouth, and he launches into one of his patented anecdotes. While all eyes are on the demon and the chat hones in on his voice, you focus on how Ike tilts his head up to drink. His neck stretches out from the collar of his black band tee, and with each sip, his Adam’s apple bobs. 

You’ve always thought he was good-looking on stream, but he’s gorgeous in person, all long lines and graceful features, and cameras can’t capture the tiny little freckles drizzled down the back of his neck. You didn’t even know he had freckles. It was only after you saw him for the first time that you noticed pale, reddish dots all over his nose and cheeks, fading out by his temples and the arch of his lips. Spending the day walking around in the sun from place to place revealed more whenever the wind flicked his jacket collar out right. They scatter at his nape, right below the blue tips of his hair, and meet one another further down his back, or so you’d presume. Without the jacket, you can catch marks spread out along his arms with distance between one another, and his shirt sleeve starts right where the freckles cluster together. You can only imagine how far down they go.

You avert your eyes. You can’t think about what’s under the shirt when you’re sitting right next to him, and certainly not while on stream, even if chat can’t see you check him out!

Unfortunately, the side opposite of Ike is the one with Ren and Uki. Those two are idyllic. Without a care in the world, it seems. You envy how easily Uki can act on what he wants, even if you know he doesn’t see Ren like how you see Ike. Ren doesn’t mind it at all, either. He literally lives by the rhythm of his own ukulele. 

Ike lowers his drink with his eyes closed, as if it would make the refreshing feeling last longer. His eyelashes are the same ashen color as his hair. Gold gleams between his ears and on the chain of his glasses.

Possessed by the music, and distracted by the rambling, you become one with the background and lean along Ike’s arm.

It’s an indulgent dip into the waters, but shallow compared to all you feel for him. Ever since you met Ike in person it’s been easier to control yourself around him, and if anything, you’re reminded that this is the man you’ve gotten the closest to in both career and friendship. The only barrier between your cheek and his body is his shirt sleeve, but your arm rests against his forearm, right where the freckles taper off. There’s no resistance at all as you make yourself comfortable in the crook of his arm. 

But you hold yourself back. Even though the off-collab made you feel gutsier than before, you think that you’d pass out if you tried anything else. Besides, you feel so at peace against his arm, but too afraid to look up and see his reaction. 

The blend of peace and fear churns in your heart as it dawns on you: you were wrong to call this a crush. It runs far deeper than you could’ve imagined.

Vox says something with finality. His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, but the words go unregistered. As he spoke, his eyes drifted around with his body language, but he snaps to look at Ike expectantly. You swear his smirk gets a little more mischievous as he does. 

The air stills, even though you know eyes aren’t on you, just the man you lean on. It stays frozen as Ike waits to respond. You still don’t have the heart to look up at him and break your selfish, unrequited fantasy.

You just want to stay here, unresisted.

Ike deadpans. “Anyways.”

Just like that, the moment is over, and Mika laughing at Vox striking out clears the air around you. But Vox’s eyes fall to you for just a split second as he moves in his seat. Frost settles down your back at the thought that he knows, but there’s a solid chance he hasn’t connected the dots. You pray he hasn’t.

Then you see Fox Mom herself right behind him, and she shoots you a shit-eating grin with a hand over her heart and a glass in the other. 

No doubt about it. You’re screwed. 

The frost turns to glaciers and burns into hot shame all at once. You love Nina, you really do, and you’d always consider her a good friend before coworker. However, she’s known for fishing around for any crumb of fanservice, and she gets straight to the point whenever she eggs it on, not to mention how she loves to tease her kids on just about anything. You are never going to hear the end of this if she can help it.

You really don’t know what you expected. It feels like everyone’s staring at you, even the chat. You can’t help but feel bitter. How come Uki can flirt with as many guys as he wants, you wonder, but I can’t even touch Ike without getting eyed up? 

You know the answer, but it doesn’t do anything to help the bitterness and the embarrassment, and how much you want to hide. On instinct, you take advantage of the warmth and nestle yourself deeper into Ike to hide your face, just in time as he curls his head above yours.

Nina makes a sound kind of like a fork stuck in the garbage disposal for the briefest of moments before smashing her lips together and bringing her glass to her mouth like a mute button. As if you didn’t feel seen enough. 

“Find any other questions, Uki-senpai?” Aia’s nose is buried in her phone, and God, you could kiss her for changing the subject. As much as she poked fun about you about Ike, she was still a total angel and a ride-or-die all at once. 

“Oh, I have questions,” Uki says. Luckily, he’s graceful enough to leave it at that. “Twitter wants to know first impressions for everyone that hasn’t off-collabed before.”

Ren speaks. “I think the only person I’ve done an off-collab with before is Nina, so is it cool if I go first?”

Aia gestures for him to go on. She’s still stuck on her phone as he continues.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket, but you ignore it. Then again and again and again, and when you finally check it, you understand why. When Aia, Mika and Alban first heard you spill your feelings for Ike, they made a group chat dedicated to wingmanning—or at least, that’s what they pitched it as. They tease you more than anything else, and as irritating as it gets… you have to admit, it’s nice to confide in them, and nice to know they wouldn’t hold it against you.

Anyways, Alban’s going apeshit. 

Group Chat: 💙 PENANDPAPER REAL 2K4EVER 💕 (4 Members)

Aia Amare: image.png    | 📌 2 |

Alban Knox: AKDHSLSJDKSHSA

Alban Knox: AASDFSDF

Alban Knox: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Alban Knox: AAAAAAAAAA

Alban Knox: HAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA KYAAAAAAAA

Alban Knox: 💕💕💕💙💕💙💕💙💙💙💕💙💕💕💙

Alban Knox: 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Alban Knox: HOW ARE YOU GUYSS NOT LOSING YUOR MINDSA BOUT THIS

Aia Amare: I AM

Me: omfg did you seriously get a picture of us 

Alban Knox: WHAT ARE YOU DOINGGGGGGG DONT CHDCK THIS GC    | 👆 1 |

Me: wtf did you expect you’re spamming 

Alban Knox: YOU AR ELITERALLY CUDDLNG GO FOCUS ON THAY JOT US

Me: we are not cuddling

Alban Knox: YOU ARE

Aia Amare: YOU ARE

Mika Melatika pinned a message.     | 🖕 1 |

Me: mika wth you too? 😭 

Mika Melatika: image.png

Me: did you srsly take a selfie with us in the background

Mika Melatika: YES this needs to be immortalized

Me: you people suck    | 🥰 3 |

Alban Knox: GET THAT NOVELIST BUSSY!!!!

Aia Amare: As if you aren’t about to save that picture yourself~

Alban Knox: NOVELUSSY!!!!!!!!!

Fuck, she got you there. You cast a pointed look at the angelic maiden herself, or at least as pointed as you can be with a man you’re scared to love wrapped around you. She looks as satisfied as a cat pushing a glass off a counter. 

You set your phone on ‘do not disturb’ and placed it behind you on the counter with a huff.

“Reader, honey, how about you?” Nina leans forward, half-lidded and as sultry as ever. She swirled her drink around in its glass. “It’s your first off-collab ever, right? I’d love to hear what you have to say.”

“Oh, well, um.” Your brain struggles to catch up. “First impressions, right…”

Aia slips you a thumbs up. You’re going to rip her a new one after this. Her, and Mika, and definitely Nina; this is the most subtle Nina’s ever been but you can tell she’s fishing for an answer here. You can take your friends figuring it out, embarrassing as it is, but you are not about to expose yourself to thousands of live viewers. 

“It’s kind of crazy actually meeting up with everyone,” you start. “I’ve known them for so long, but all online, and being able to match the voice to the face in real life, I don’t think I can actually describe it. It’s kind of surreal, but it feels so nice to just talk to them in person. Aia, Nina and Uki were the first people I met up with, and man, those three are a sight. I know everyone says it, but Uki is absolutely the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Nina and Aia are really pretty, too. Hey, Aiadmirers, did you know when your oshi laughs, she looks just as cute as she sounds?”

Aia yells. “Reader, shut up!”

“Then stop being so cute all the time, you dork!” 

“I’m not a dork! I’m cool!”

You resume, satisfied with your revenge. “Mika and Vox are both really chill. They’re kind of quiet, so if you’re just walking by, you’d think they’re two normal people just going about their days. But whenever we talk it’s always something insane. Vox sounds like a dignified gentleman and Mika is kind of like that cool girl that you want to be friends with, but if you actually pay attention, Mika’s showing Vox a picture of her insides during surgery while he’s reciting something about the Bite of ‘87. And Ren is probably one of the most straightforward people you’ll ever see. He’s so optimistic, and really expressive, too, even though most of the expressions are all different types of smiles.”

“What’s your impression of Ike?” Nina asks.

What does she expect you to say to that one, that screens can’t capture how the sun glitters through his glassy green eyes? Hearing him say your name in-person sends shockwaves through your body? How you want to kiss every little freckle he’s never mentioned before and keeps hidden under long sleeves, even though it’s the beautiful skin he lives in daily?

“Same old Ike. He’s exactly like how I expected,” you say. A total fib. 

She cocks her head. “Really? Even after all the time you’ve spent together?”

“I’m trying to hang out with everyone.”

“You haven’t answered my question.”

Cornered. Nina takes a long, slow drink from her glass as you scramble for a quick answer that won’t immediately out you. “Whenever I talk to Ike, he’s really emotive. You can tell what he’s thinking before he says anything. He also has a good sense of style, so he’s fun to go shopping with, and honestly, fun to do anything with. He’s someone you can always have a good time with, and always makes you feel so comfortable around him. Ike’s magnetic.”

Mika muffles a coo behind you. You’re going to kill her if you survive this stream.

“That’s very sweet, Reader,” Nina replies. “Hear that, Ike?”

“Yes, I did.” He sounds strained.

“Got any feelings about it?”

“Yes? I mean—er, thanks?” You feel Ike’s head rustle. “I, umm. What am I supposed to say about that?”

“I don’t know. I just think that about you, that’s all…”

“Aww, cute. I love that you love each other,” Nina muses. 

Ike spits out, “It’s not like that!” Just as you admit, “Yeah, I guess so.”

You process his words too late, though, and even as you sputter the ukulele music cuts out just in time with Nina and Mika’s unfiltered fangirl squeals. Ren’s palms mute the chord as his eyes go wide. Aia is already on her phone with her jaw to the floor and Uki throws a look at Nina while he mouths, did that just happen? 

“I-I mean!” Your throat goes dry and Ike lurches away from you when Vox gleefully shakes Nina like a rag doll. “I—wh—Ike, I mean, of course I love you—“ Mika screams again— “As a friend!”

When you turn to face Ike, he’s curled up into a ball on the barstool with his shirt collar over his face. Even as you feel the blood rush to your face, you keep shouting. That’s all you have left. You’re live. “Like, we’re best friends on and off stream and I love you!”

He mutters something, but you can’t tell what. Only his neck and the tips of his ears poke out from his shirt. Were they always that red?

You repeat yourself. “I said, we’re best friends and I love you, so much!”

“And I said, I know, thank you, I love you too, Reader!” Ike jerks out to face you as he cries. He looks like a tomato. 

Then he buries his face into his hands and squeaks like how he always does when something’s too cute to handle, or he’s got too many emotions he needs to let out. “You can’t see me, I’m too embarrassed. I’m hiding forever and I’m never coming out.”

You hope the ground swallows you up and you never have to confront this moment again. 

Uki hisses under his breath and muffles Ren's ukulele. You don't know what he said, but you realize all too late that the alien prince himself was laying down the first few notes of “Fly Me To The Moon.”

While you slump and fold your arms over your face on the counter in pure embarrassment, Aia stands up and commandeers the mic. She slaps a hand over Mika’s mouth to muffle the scream. “Man, bummer that Ike-senpai is gone from us forever, but you know what else might be gone forever if you don’t get it now? The sponsor for this stream, our current limited-edition Nijisanji voice packs!”

And as much as you could kiss her yet again for changing the subject, you can’t get over how everything blew up in the last five minutes, and groan into your arms instead. 

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

The stream passed, luckily, without a hitch after that. No one asked any questions, but it was pretty damn clear everyone in the room had an idea of what just happened, and the impending shitstorm. In fact, it was so clear that when you stalked off to your room to sulk, no one made a fuss, and when you realized ten minutes into your sulking session that you left your phone on the counter, you figured it wasn’t worth it to show your face again until after you finished your pity party. 

The entire time, you laid in your bed with a pillow over your face so you could pretend like you were being absorbed into the sweet embrace of death. Overdramatic, sure, but you figured you were justified. 

Without your phone, you had no way to check exactly how bad the fallout was on Twitter. The poor Pen and Paper tags were sure to be flooded with fans imagining a happy ending to that stint you’d never be able to experience yourself, like salt in the wound. Not to mention, it was a huge seven-person off-collab! It didn’t just end with the Pen and Paper fans. No, it would extend past the Bookworms and the Quilldren, and certainly to the rest of the fandoms with an oshi in this Airbnb. Maybe even the offshoot viewers who don’t regularly watch your content, but made an exception for the off-collab, or, you know, the ones who have no idea who you or Ike are but can’t get enough of the whole accidental-confession-live-on-stream thing. Forget Nina; the entire Vtuber community is never, ever, ever going to live this down. 

Ike sounded so distraught, too. You wanted to kick yourself for it. Not only did you make a fool of yourself, but he got caught in the crossfire just because you didn’t catch yourself slipping. Not like he’d reciprocate anyways. He’s always been bad at taking compliments, but you keep thinking about how embarrassed he was about you loving him. 

All your frustration and humiliation coursed through the darkness under your pillow, and you stew so bitterly that you don’t even dream when you fall asleep. 

You just wake up groggy and exhausted, but too restless to go back to sleep. You look out the window, and the stars have barely come out to play in the early night sky. 

As much as you’d hate to admit it, that impromptu nap made you tired of brooding. Besides, you can’t hide from your friends forever. Hopelessly in love or not, they’re still your friends, and even if you decided to stream during the trip, this off-collab was always about spending time with them instead of worrying over your online presence. 

It takes you half an hour to hype yourself up, but eventually, you open your door and step out into the hall. 

You can already hear voices further away in the Airbnb. You place one of them as Nina, and after her, a baritone that could only belong to Vox. 

“…Fuck Twitter, they’re going to forget about it in two weeks or less anyways.” You overhear as you walk down the hall of rooms and closer to the living room. You’ve heard Vox passionate before, but never this serious as well. “Besides, what exactly did they say?”

A mumble. You can’t place the words, but you bristle when you recognize the voice. That’s unmistakably Ike. 

“See? Again, I’m so sorry. I was out of line, and I forgot my place. I shouldn’t have interrogated them like that,” Nina says. “But you’re overthinking what they said.”

Another mumble. By now, you’re in the kitchen. You lift your phone from where you left it, and hold your fingers over the half of the screen where your notifications appear as you check the time. It’s barely 11 PM. 

The kitchen and living room are connected, with plenty of seating space all around. That was why Mika’s travel laptop was still on the counter and plugged into the wall from the stream earlier, but on the other side of the wall from the kitchen, you noticed an open window and silhouettes from it. Four people sat on the shallow roof overlooking the uneven ground plenty of feet under the building. A pair of fox ears twitch at the night wind as they watched the stars grow brighter in the sky. 

You look through the fridge. You’re peckish, but if you were to be honest with yourself, you’re trying to stay quiet for a reason. 

There’s a huff. “Oh my god, dude. Just tell Reader already.”

You stand up a little straighter. Mika was with them? Were they talking about you?

“There’s nothing to be said, Mika!” Ike huffs back. “I’m screwed anyways. Just drop it, okay? I don’t need this getting in the way of what was supposed to be just a normal trip.”

“You can’t keep running away forever. Just act like an adult and tell them. It’s going to be fine, I swear.”

“And how exactly do you know that?”

“Well…” Mika trails off. “I can’t say. I just know, okay?”

“Uh-huh. And I know I’m screwed.” The wind rustles outside. You stay motionless. “Just two weeks. Can I please just have two weeks where I don’t have to worry about this until the trip is over.”

It’s a question, but he says it with such exasperation that no one can consider any other answers. 

“Fine.” Nina relinquishes. “Have it your way. I’m just worried for you two.”

“It’s going to work out, Ike. But I’m tired.” Vox stifles a yawn. “Tomorrow is going to be better. Let it go for the night and come back to it once you’re in better shape, and just remember. It’s going to work out.”

“Thanks, Vox.”

“Now get in here.”

You hear shuffling fabric before the two men start yelling. Vox cackles while Ike cries through gritted teeth. “Dang it, Vox, I’m going to shove you off this roof!”

“Get ruffled, idiot! That’s your fault for trusting me!”

“I just wanted a hug!”

You snicker under your breath. Vox loves to ruffle Ike’s hair despite the latter’s protests, though he tends to accept it instead of shove him off like anyone else that would dare. Besides, as dreary as Ike sounded during that conversation, he nearly sounded like his old self as Vox and the others laughed.

“I think I’ll go too. Mommy needs her beauty sleep.”

“Mm, I’m still pretty awake. Wanna keep looking at the sky with me, Ike?”

“Sure. Here, Nina, let me move out of the way…”

Shuffling turns to footsteps, and brings you back to reality. You busy yourself looking through the paltry groceries.

The sound of footsteps gets louder and louder, until they become a hollow click on the hardwood floor. Nina crawls through the window, but stops in her tracks with a startled noise.

You turn around and nod as casually as possible. “Oh, hey, Nina.”

Vox is also halfway through the window, and his eyes go comically wide as he forgets how to move. “Oh. Hey. Reader. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Yeah! Um!” Nina coughs long enough to make you uncomfortable. “What are you doing here?”

“Took a nap. Got hungry.” It’s not a lie. You grope around in the fridge and breathe a sigh of relief when you see a stick of string cheese in your hands. “You guys just hanging out?”

Nina nods. “Yeah, we were on the roof. It’s getting late, though. You should get some rest for tomorrow—“

Vox elbows her. “But not after looking at the sky for a little bit. It’s beautiful. Very clear. Romantic, even. The architects did a wonderful job placing this house right at the perfect angle to watch the stars rise. Did I mention it was romantic?”

You act natural and take a big bite out of the string cheese. “Once or twice. Is it the seniors’ bedtime?”

“You got me,” Vox says. 

“I love going to sleep early and giving my kids private time before bed to reflect and hold deep conversations with one another about their feelings,” Nina says. “And also nighttime face masks.”

“Woo, skincare, what she said.” 

“Hey, by the way, Reader, honey, did you hear anything we talked about?”

“No,” you lie.

“Cool,” Vox says. You eat the rest of the string cheese in one bite. “Good for you. And goodnight, Reader.” He dusts himself off before casting his golden gaze down at you. “Be nice, will you?”

Shivers go down your back. You have a feeling he’s referring to something unspoken. “I will.”

“That’s my sweet thing,” he purrs. “Anyways, I’m going the fuck to beddy bye. Honk shoo, Reader, don’t stay up too late.”

Vox struts off with dark hair flowing behind him and the scent of his aftershave in the air. He leaves you to stand awkwardly next to Nina. 

Suddenly, she takes you by your shoulders and forces you in front of her. You blurt out an unflattering startled noise before she gets right up in your face and stares dead into your eyes.  

“Please be good,” she says darkly. Was that a threat? “Please be so, so good to my baby.”

“I will,” you say, more out of fear than anything else.

She blinks once, then she’s back to the doting mother you know and love. She squeezes your shoulders. “Thank you, honey! Sweet dreams!”

And just like the Voice Demon before her, Nina bounds off to her room. 

Huh. That was weird. Nonetheless, you’re alone in the living room, and you can see the outline of Ike and Mika sitting on the roof in silence. 

You lightly knock on the side of the window. They both perk up at the sound. “Cool if I join you?”

Mika responds quickly. “Sure! Watch your step, Reader. The roof isn’t that steep but it would be awkward if you ate shit.”

“Agreed.” You step onto the tiling, and shift your body to match the angle. You feel like a newborn deer learning to walk. Luckily, Nina and Vox leaving meant that there was more than enough space for you right next to the window. 

Ike sits between you and Mika. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah…” 

‘Pretty’ is putting it mildly. The stars are so clear tonight, and scatter across the sky like sequins. The Airbnb was located further away from the heart of the city, so the darkness only amplified how bright the stars shone against the stark night. A breeze drags through the air and fallen leaves rustle between the grass. 

“This is so nice.” Comfort settles into you like the breeze in your hair. “I love it.”

Ike sighs. “Right? It’s so peaceful.”

“And there’s so many more stars out here than there are in the city.”

“It makes you want to just zone out and cool down.”

“Yeah, totally.” Mika coughs. “Huh! Cool! Well, I’m tired now. Just keep staying out here and enjoy the sky, I’m going to bed. Enjoy yourselves.”

Mika inelegantly shuffles around your bodies and slips back inside before either of you can properly tell her goodnight. 

Ike cocks his head as he watches her stumble through the window. “She just said she would stay out…”

“Hm?”

“Ah, nothing. Just thinking to myself.”

With the extra space, Ike leans back and lays along the roof. The stars cast a dreamy glow over his soft smile as he continues. “It really is something that just makes you want to have a deep conversation, or just think, you know?”

You hum in agreement. You get what he means, but there’s only one topic you can imagine having a deep conversation about right now, and it’s the very one you brooded over earlier that day. 

But Ike is Ike. He’s rational and calm and kind, and laughs at your stupid jokes, and texts you first before any of your other mutual friends. The night turns the tips of his hair bluer than usual, and the stars remind you of the freckles hidden along his creamy skin. His glasses reflect the galaxy above.

Even though today’s stream was embarrassing, you know Ike trusts you enough to tell you if you’ve ever crossed a boundary. After all, it’s commonplace to discuss limits on and off stream as soon as possible, and your friendship was so strong that you’ve both opened up to one another. He’d let you know if the whole cuddling thing was too much. Besides, he didn’t resist. He even rested his head on yours. That has to account for something, right?

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel a gentle tug on the sleeve of your hoodie. It’s Ike. He asks, “Lay down with me?”

A wave of fondness washes over you like the tide. He’s cute when he’s earnest like this. You get as comfortable as you can on the tiling, and when you still, you hear something shift before your hand grows warm. Ike scooted closer to you, and placed his pinky finger over yours. 

This is bliss. A beautiful sight with a beautiful boy next to you. Your best friend. 

“I do love you,” you say. 

It just feels right to say. 

Ike is silent. He doesn’t make a single sound as you stare up at the stars and the blackened sky. The breeze rocks a tree, and as the leaves part, you see the moon for the first time: one thin, waning crescent that blends into the darkness. 

Ike’s head is turned away from you. You can’t tell what he’s thinking at all. 

“…I don’t know what you mean,” he admits. “You do? As a friend?”

“We’ve always been friends.”

“Just that?”

“I don’t know what you’re asking me, Ike.”

“N-never mind. I’m sorry, am I making it weird?”

“No, you could never make it weird.” The colors of the view gloss together. You feel like a balloon slowly deflating. “Feels like that’s all I’m doing lately, though.”

Neither of you say anything. 

This was a bad idea. 

You swear the rustling leaves mock you. 

“Wait.” Ike practically snatches your hand up. “Wait, Reader, are you saying you like me?”

“Yeah. I’m saying that I love you.”

Ike stares at you, and if you had to choose just one word to describe his expression, it’s stricken. His mouth is slightly parted, and his shocked eyes drive holes through your skin, leaving you exposed. The brief stutter that escapes him sounds like it was dredged out from frozen, murky waters. “I—”

He drops your hand and turns away. 

“I’m sorry,” he finally says, barely audible. “This is… this is a lot.”

“I’m sorry too, this was a stupid idea. What was I thinking?” You get on your feet, but the slope makes what could’ve been a fluid motion into a stumbling, slow rise, as if your legs weren’t jelly enough already. You inch to the window mortified. “I think I should go. Sorry to bother you.”

You don’t dare to glance at him before you step back inside, not even when he calls your name halfway through the window.

Once you’re back in the living room, you cover your face, then drag your hands through your hair. You can’t even begin to describe how exhausted you feel. This is heartbreak, isn’t it?

You blink furiously, and the outline of a figure by the fridge comes into view. 

“Reader?” Mika asks. She has a stick of string cheese in her hand, but walks to you. “Reader, what happened—”

You take her empty hand and pace to your room. You open the door. “Are you okay?”

The second it shuts, your breath hitches. Mika doesn’t hesitate to take you in her arms. She holds you as the first tear falls, and you begin to cry.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

You wake up the next day sprawled in your bed, even though the blankets are tucked comfortably around you. On the floor is a pillow and another pile of blankets, and when you recognize the dark hair tied into a loose ponytail, the memories of last night come rushing back.

What an awful night. Awful decisions all day, really, and all of them ones you made. You really don’t know what you were thinking. You groan at the memory.

“Reader?” Mika perks up. Her phone is in her hands, but she sits up level to your face on the floor. “Good morning. How are you feeling?”

Another groan.

“Yeah, I figured,” she says. “Nina, Vox and Ike went out to do their own thing, and I think Ren and Uki are cafe-hopping. It’s just you, me and Aia in the house right now.”

You rub the sleepy out of your eyes. “That’s cool, I guess.” You cast a downward glance to Mika’s makeshift bed on the floor. “Sorry for being a nuisance.”

“You’re not a nuisance, Reader, don’t say that.” She nudges you. “We’re friends. It’s what friends do. Speaking of, do you want Aia to come by? And Alban’s online, so I can call him, too. If you want.”

“It’d be nice…”

Less than ten minutes pass before Aia shows up at your door with breakfast sandwiches and orange juice. All three of you sit on the blanketed floor while Mika voice calls Alban on her phone. A pot of coffee brews over speakerphone as you recount last night. 

“...And to make things worse, we just streamed yesterday,” you explain. “God, I should check Twitter. There’s got to be a million people with eyes on our ship tag, and ugh, I hate thinking about how many weirdos are going to push a ship that can’t work out IRL.”

“I can check it for you,” Aia offers. You hand her your phone. “You remember your Twitter password?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Sorry in advance.” She deletes the app off your home screen.

You begin to protest, but she turns off the phone and sets it aside, out of your reach. “You’re off the clock, Reader! Work troubles can wait until you’re back online, and that includes doomscrolling. You can redownload it when you’re in a better headspace.”

“I really hate admitting you’re right.”

“Shit, Reader,” Alban finally says. “He seriously dropped the ball. I’m sorry.”

“I know. I really thought he would get it, but it took him so long to piece it together, like he never thought about us like that before. I should’ve known it was just me. I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid, you’re hurt,” Mika says. “It’s understandable, but that still doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Is it wrong that I feel like I deserve it? I mean, I knew day one that this wouldn’t work out. We work together online, and we have fans that ship us with each other and the rest of this company, for fuck’s sake. Getting heartbroken was inevitable and I still went for it. Either I’m a glutton for pain or I’m just plain clueless.”

Alban’s voice is distant from the phone as he messes with his coffee maker. You can’t properly hear him under his breath and over the pot, but if you could, you could’ve heard him mumble, Trust me, you’re not the only clueless one here.

But he returns back at the phone, and you’re totally oblivious. “You can’t choose who you fall for,” he says. “It was really that bad?”

“It took him like a minute to realize I was confessing. And then when he realized it, he apologized to me.”

Aia straightens. “Did he say no?”

“Not really, but why would he apologize if he reciprocated?”

Aia exchanges a look with Mika. Alban grumbles. “No fucking way.”

“Tell me exactly how he reacted,” Aia instructs. She plowed through her sandwich during the conversation, but she left the remaining half on her plate forgotten as she laced her fingers together and leaned forward like a calculated boss. 

“It was like he couldn’t comprehend what I was saying at first. He asked if I meant it as friends, until he asked me if I liked him. And when I told him I loved him in response, he was so shocked that he let go of my hand, so I left.”

“No fucking way,” Alban repeats, and groans as he drawls out his words. You can practically hear him drag his hands over his face. “No fucking way. Ikeeeee. He seriously dropped the ball.”

“I know. I can’t believe it.”

Aia takes both of your hands in her own. “Reader, I’m not even saying this to hurt you, but this is the clumsiest confession I’ve ever heard of.”

You squint. “Right, that makes me feel so much better.”

“I’m really not! You know what this sounds like? Miscommunication,” she declares. “You didn’t get a solid yes or no. So now it’s going to be awkward between you two until you get an actual answer to the confession, or at least some kind of resolution. You wanna know what I think? It sounds like he didn’t even believe what he was hearing before you left. Which, by the way, is a common response to not just confessions but other major news, so chances are you didn’t blow up your friendship as hard as you thought.”

“She has a point,” Alban says. “I believe you, Reader, but Ike isn’t the type of person to just crush other people’s feelings like that. You just woke up, right?”

“I haven’t even left my room yet. Mika says everyone else is out of the house. He’s with Vox and Nina, I think.”

“So then he hasn’t had a chance to talk to you since the confession,” he continues. “And those three are really close. I’m willing to bet they’re helping him manage it, ‘cause it sounds like he’s going through it just as confused as you are.”

You stare at the floor. Hope feels foreign, yet you can’t help but wonder. You struggle to remember the exact way Ike reacted last night, but you really can’t tell what facts were clouded over by the rejection. A rejection that possibly didn’t even happen, mind you. The confusion and regret blurs over everything like water on wet ink.

“You really think so?” You quietly ask.

Aia nods, and Alban agrees over the phone.

Mika pipes up, a glass of juice in her hands. “Here’s my take. We can theorize as much as we want, but none of us really know what Ike’s thinking about, least of all you. Especially since you didn’t actually resolve anything, and that tension is going to eat at you until you get an answer or it actually damages your friendship. You ask me, the next best thing you can do is bring it up.”

She takes a sip of her juice and leaves you to absorb her advice. 

You mull it over along with the memory of last night. “He called my name as I left.”

Alban chokes on his coffee. “He called your name?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t respond.”

“Oh my God. READER!” He shouts so loud that Mika turns the volume down. “I’m going to lose it. I’m actually freaking it right now. Reader!”

“What?”

“Fuck what Mika said earlier, you are stupid!”

“Hey!”

“I’m saying this in the nicest way possible, you are so stupid. He was trying to talk to you!”

Your face goes through a handful of emotions as you sputter. “Are you serious, Alban?”

“Yes! Mika, Aia, back me up.”

Aia crinkles her nose. “I did just say it sounded like a total miscommunication.”

Meanwhile, Mika twirls a lock of red-and-black hair between her finger, distracting herself. She hesitates, trying to figure out exactly how she wants to say her piece, before she simply shakes her head and stills. “Just talk to him.”

“Which is easier said than done.” Your shoulders roll back as you stare up at the ceiling, your hands supporting you as you lean. Even with your friends’ encouragement, the memory of how hard you blew it last night still haunts you. It’s even worse than starting at ground zero; you’ve already tasted failure once, and you’re hesitant to embarrass yourself again. 

That stricken look Ike gave you flashes across your sight every time you blink. What was he thinking when he stared at you like that? You can’t tell if the disgust is true or if your anxieties are getting the best of you.

The best solution to anxieties, however, is looking at the facts—or at least, what isn’t tainted by your bias. Your friends mentioned there was nothing wrong with a workplace romance, and as much as the stream made you want to cringe, no one seemed put off by it. Alban and Aia are set on getting you and Ike to talk, and so is Mika. In fact, Mika spoke with Ike as well as Vox and Nina last night before you entered, and even if you had no idea what those four were talking about, you still picked up your name and that apparently Ike had something to tell you.

Pieces start to fall into place when you consider the three around you, staging an intervention over a late breakfast. Aia always gets you in situations where you can be close to Ike and bails you out when it gets awkward, and as much as he won’t get off your back about it, Alban gave you great advice between all his teasing. Mika was nosy at first when she learned about your feelings, but now that you think about it, she’s been incredibly tactful ever since the off-collab began. 

You can’t help but snicker as you connect the dots. “Is this the first time you guys actually started wingmanning for me?”

Aia purses her lips. “Hey, not the first. Remember when we made that group chat? We’ve always been your wingmen.”

“I know. But you guys are seriously helping,” you say. “Thanks. Though I do wonder, Mika…”

She perks up as you say her name. “Be real with me. Do you know more than you’re letting on?”

She flinches. Alban’s fingers snap over the phone. “Busted.”

Mika holds her hands up like a criminal caught in the act, but there’s a loose, sly smile hanging on her face. “I don’t think it’s my place to say.”

“What do you mean, it’s not your place to say?”

“I’m sorry, Reader, but I made a promise not to spill, and I’ve been doing way too much behind the scenes to break the promise like that. Just do me a favor and talk to the guy, will you? That’s the best I can tell you.” Mika rests her head in a hand, and the smirk looks even more knowing. “And if you can’t figure it out after that, then you’re definitely stupid.”

You bluster. “I’m not stupid!” 

“Still remains to be seen.” Aia gently flicks your forehead. “But you do look a lot better. How are you feeling now?”

Aside from the fading pain on your forehead? You’re surprised at how much lighter you feel now that you unloaded all your worries with your friends. The rejection still stings, and you’re not exactly confident, but, well, you’re smiling. The clean, tangy taste of orange juice lingers between your tongue. Aia and Mika sitting on the pile of blankets reminds you that regardless of your love life, they’d stay by your side until the bitter end, and Alban’s voice keeps you connected with your friends no matter where in the world you are.

You snatch Aia’s half-eaten sandwich off her plate and sink your teeth into the bread. She cries out in protest. “Hey!”

“Better now.” You set the sandwich back where you found it. Even though your future with Ike looks cloudy, the smile doesn’t leave. “Don’t flick me.”

“Speaking of.” Mika picks up the phone and scrolls through her messages. “Nina just texted that she, Vox and Ike will come back in an hour or less. Reader, are you up for this?”

“What do you mean, ‘up for this?’”

“Just seeing Ike again. It was a weird night,” she says. “I stand by what I said, but if it’s going to be too much too soon, then Aia and I can cover for you until you feel better.”

“I don’t know.” That’s what gets your expression to sink from light to thoughtful. “I think I want to take your advice. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk it out yet.”

“Still wanna hang out with us or take a moment to yourself?”

“I think I’d just go back to moping if I was alone,” you joke.

“Cool. Let me go grab some nail polish Nina gave me yesterday.” Mika rises and strides to the door. “You have a steadier hand than me. And Nina said the color suits me more than her.”

Aia’s face lights up. She happily cries ”Girls’ night!” even though it’s barely noon and Alban is decidedly not a girl, but then he croons something in a valley girl accent so strong you can’t even tell what he’s saying. Scratch that; he’s a girl by association.

When he drawls out one long “Yaaaaaas, bestie!” you can’t help but laugh. Your love life is in shambles, but at least your friendships are solid as hell. You’d give the world for these three.

Mika returns a moment later, travel-sized nail supplies in her arms and a totally unrelated topic on the mind. The sharp scent of the lacquer startles you out of your thoughts as you uncap the bottle and Mika splays her hands out, and Alban and Aia air their opinions on something entertainingly dumb. 

Nina was right: this color is stunning on Mika. You paint Aia’s nails too, and halfway through her second hand, you hear the front door open, the end of an intelligible conversation, and telltale footsteps, each diverting across the house. The girls’ eyes flicker to you. You know they’re trying to read your expression, but you concentrate on how the brushstrokes pool together into one smooth coat. Your thoughts are a storm and you can’t even pick out the emotion commanding it. 

So you keep joking along instead and focus on the nail polish, refusing to give the storm an opportunity to strike. Alban quips off of you, and the moment passes as Mika and Aia return to the conversation. 

That is, until half an hour later when you hear a knock on the door. Mika cocks her head, a silent question, and when you nod she stands. Her nails dried when you finished Aia’s, and dot the doorknob as she cracks it open. A tiny margin of light from the hallway shines into your room, and you realize she positioned herself square in front of the threshold, shielding you from the person on the other side. 

She talks evenly. “Hey, welcome back.”

“Thanks. Is Reader here?”

Your mind thunders as you register the voice. You can only see the leg of his jeans behind Mika, but you recognize Ike’s voice on the other side. 

Aia shuffles by as a second shield. “Need them for something?”

“Kind of,” Ike says. “Do you mind if I talk to them?”

“I don’t know, what’s it about—“

“Aia, you can lay off him.” You call from your corner of the room. “You too, Mika.”

“Whatever you say. Just let me just grab my stuff…”

Mika grabs the nail supplies and deafens on Discord, but doesn’t even think to pick up the blankets along the ground. Instead, she glides to you and whispers under her breath. “We’re rooting for you. Send us a text if you need anything, okay?”

You nod. Aia slips past the threshold, but not without shooting you a thumbs up and mouthing ‘good luck.’ Not even a second later, your phone buzzes, and you catch Alban’s contact sending you an encouraging message in all-caps. 

“See you later!” Aia chirps. “Play nice, you two.”

The scent of the lacquer follows them as they leave, and the sound of their footsteps fade in time. 

Still in the doorway, Ike raises a hand to fidget with the chain along his glasses. “Do you mind if I…?”

“Oh! Come in. Sit anywhere, I don’t mind.”

You stay planted on the floor like how you were with your friends, and Ike sits next to you. You face the wall in front while he gets comfortable.

No words are exchanged as Ike maneuvers around the blankets, and eventually settles down with his back on the floor and head resting on a pillow, staring up at the ceiling. The light is off, but the blinds filter in thin beams of sunlight that cross over the room and the edge of his collar like a grid. 

“Lay with me?” He asks. Then it strikes you like ringing metal; you sit next to each other in the same positions as that night on the roof. 

Suddenly Ike raises his hands like static. “Not that you have to! I just figured it would be good to get comfortable and all, you know?” Ike hastily explains, then clears his throat. “I wanted to talk. About last night, I mean.”

Your chest flutters at the mention of it, but you remember all your friends’ encouragement. Here he is, the novelist of your (heartbroken) dreams, already bringing up the topic you dread to mention. You need to take this chance to face it head-on, now or never. 

You glide down like the ceiling is full of stars. “Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

“A lot, honestly. I don’t know how to go about it, but first of all, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

You cross your arms. “You said that enough last night.”

“Not like that! I mean I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I think I made every wrong choice once you said that you… that.” He shovels a hand through his hair. “I’m making it weird again. I should apologize for that, too, it’s just kind of embarrassing saying out loud that you, um, you loved me. Not that you should be embarrassed. I mean, I get it if you are, but that took a lot of guts. You should be proud of that. I admire you for that.”

“Slow down. What are you even saying?”

“What I wish I said last night. More than anything else, I’m sorry I got caught off-guard. I must’ve been so standoffish, because my idiot brain just didn’t believe what I was hearing until it was too late and the damage was already done.” Hair the color of ash and ocean falls over his face. “Honestly, I can’t believe it now.”

“I get it. Bad idea from me. Can we move on from that yet?”

“I don’t think it was a bad idea at all. I just had no idea that you liked me.”

“Give me some time and I’ll get over it, eventually. I’m not going to let it get in the way of working with you, if that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

“No, that’s not it either! I—“

Ike’s eyes squeeze shut. His voice is so quiet, you can’t discern what he’s saying. “…Actually, I’m…”

“Repeat that?”

“I’m happy. Really happy,” Ike says. His pitch rises like a balloon floating up into space, struggling to stay composed. “I’m not good at saying it, but I meant it when I said… when I said it during the stream.”

You wave a hand in the air. “It was weird timing, and I know you mean it like a friend,” you reply. “I didn’t mean to pressure you into saying it, and just being friends is fine. Even though I’m a loser that messed up just about everything.”

The hand catches in midair. Doll-like fingers weave through your grasp, and turn your touch warm as Ike turns to look at you. “Not with me. Don’t say that about yourself, okay?” 

You stare at how easily he held your hand, and how his fingers cradle your heart between the palms. The corners of Ike’s eyes are narrowed, two beads of peridot stone that can see through every little line of text between your pages, but there’s gentleness under his glasses. Something uncertain and fluffy. Softened like a lamb even though he leaves you defenseless. 

You don’t know what to say. Ike is beautiful and kind and handsome and thoughtful when he’s earnest like this. He’s got you stupid in the head and wrapped around his pinky finger, and doesn’t have a single clue.

Peridot sparkles. “You’re so much more than that. You don’t mess things up, Reader. I’m in love with you.”

Your mouth goes dry and your tongue is still tied. Forget speechlessness; the man took your own damn thoughts away. Your hand remains frozen in air with Ike’s. If it weren’t for the light drag of one of his fingernails along your skin, then you would have figured he took your senses as well.

But the drag ends, and the fingers unlace themselves, and chilled air fills in the gaps Ike once held close. The tips of his fingers rest at the curve of your palm for just one second more before they drift away.

The glint in his eyes dulls. His hand falls to his chest, over his heart, just as slow as he parted. The uncertainty took over, and now it’s like staring at a cloud that doesn’t know if it should rain. Ike’s gaze lowers to his heart. There’s a stretch of silence and motionlessness as he stares at where your touch once was, and you’re paralyzed where you lay.

Ike's hand curls in on itself, too loose to make a fist, and his lashes sink over his eyes. His mouth is set into a flat line, but the cheeks are dusted in pinks and reds and peppered freckles in-between, demure and shy all the while.

He turns his face away soon after that. Another break of silence, and he shuffles again, with your vision on his back as if it were a hiding place.

It startles you out of your stupor. The gridded sunlight lets you analyze what you missed. After months of thinking your feelings would never be reciprocated, Ike thought of you just the same. He’s always been in your corner, and you would go to the ends of the earth for him, and everything is in its perfect position. But his back is still turned, and the memory of last night—your confession, and his inaction—it rushes to your head.

So you reach out instead.

Maybe it’s a little selfish. You’re tired of bumbling around and concealing your true feelings, and now that everything's out in the open, you aren’t about to let go without resolution.

But Ike is your best friend, and the man you fell in love with. There was no way you’d ever let go in the first place.

You wrap your arms around his back and hug Ike.

“I think I get why you were so taken aback last night,” you whisper. Even though you’re alone with Ike, you still say it like a secret. “I can barely believe it myself.”

Your warmth is inviting, and every second that passes is another defense downed. Your head perches right above his neck and along his shoulder. It’s not your first hug with Ike at all, but there’s only been so many since you first met him in person that it still feels special, and with your bodies flush to the floor, it’s intimate. His eyes are averted and one cheek lays down on the blankets, but the tips of his ears glow scarlet under his jewelry. 

“I’m glad you were patient with me. I really didn’t think I had a chance with you. You know, the long distance and the company, and you know, the standard pining fare. I’m really lucky.” A smile slips through your words. “I’ll stay with you, okay? So take all the time you need.”

Ike chuckles. Even his laughter is blushy-bashful. “I’m just so happy you feel the same, too. I don’t even know what to do with myself.”

His body curls as he lays, and your legs brush along his as you cuddle. Holding him makes it feel like he was made to fit in your arms. You sigh. “I love when you can’t contain it. It’s so cute.” 

Ike squeaks at that, and unwittingly proves your point. “It feels so good to say that out loud. I mean, you’re okay with it, right?” A nod. “And you’re okay with… I don’t know. Are we still friends?”

“Of course we are, no matter what. You said you loved me first, so let me say this one?” 

You have a feeling you know what’s coming next. You hug him even tighter.

“Reader, let’s go out. I don’t want this feeling to end,” he confesses, and your world turns into rose and blush. “Can we?”

Though you expected it, he still takes your breath away—until he taps you on the hand. “Come on, say something before my heart explodes!”

“Mine already did! I can’t even think straight, and—I’d love that. I really want this.”

Another squeal breaks out as Ike buries his head into a blanket, and your heart soars as he melts. He resembles a swaddled-up kitten, and the rays of sunlight line his silhouette. The fluffy blanket reminds you of an angel’s downy wings along his kitten features. You can’t even see his face between the blanket and his hair, but his squeal continues, muted through the blanket as he swoons. 

Somehow that only makes you feel even more flustered. “No, don’t hide! I want to see you!”

Maybe it would’ve been better for your heart if he stayed put, because when Ike rises—with disheveled hair and glitter in his eyes the color of seaglass, and jewelry that frames his red face, and that galaxy of freckles you hold so dear and shine like stars between his blush—you feel your heart stop. Again.

“When did you start having this effect on me?” You ask, mesmerized, and before you know it you thumb over one of his rosy cheeks. “Your freckles are so beautiful.”

He sheepishly grins. “They don’t really show up online. They’re pale.”

“Never noticed them until I met you in person. I love them. I love you.”

The grin gets a little wider. One of his fingers grazes along the corner of your ear. Has his hand always been along your jawline?

Ike’s eyes are shining under the grid of sunlight. The lashes flit just a bit lower from your gaze. “Reader, can we…?”

You close your eyes.

And when Ike’s lips graze your own, you smile on instinct before you remember to kiss back. 

Ike brings you near, searching for the taste of you as he continues. His touch lodges past your jawline and into your hair, and when one of the fingers grazes along your ear you’re reminded just how much you love Ike. All the yearning you hid for so long bleeds through as you sink down to his level with his head in your hand, gentle yet impassioned.

Then your face bumps against Ike’s glasses. The kiss breaks as you back away.

There’s a brief pause in the aftermath. Ike wordlessly adjusts his glasses, now knocked off-center. Despite finally getting on the same page on your relationship with Ike, you’re still as clumsy about your feelings as ever.

But the corners of your lips curve up as he inspects the lens you squished, then a barely-stifled giggle, and next thing you know, Ike’s laughing along with you, still underneath your body and with one hand in your hair while the other holds his glasses in place. He sounds as charming as he looks, and the fact that he joined you even when you chuckled out of the blue means that his mind is just as charming as well.

Not that it was breaking news. You know your best friend well, and now that you don’t need to deny your feelings any longer, you know you’ve got good taste if Ike’s under you with crinkled eyes and hearty laughter.

When you speak next, the giggles patter out between your words but the quiet delight hangs in your teeth. “Can we try that again?”

Then his lips are on yours again, and the laughter twists between the second kiss, and the third, and the fourth, all the way until you collapse on the blankets with arms around each other, staring up at the stars on the bland popcorn ceiling as adoration fills the space between you. 

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

bonus.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Starting soon…

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

The chat flickers alive as a four-pointed flower, a diamond, and a thorned heart give way to the stream and the novelist behind the stinger. 

Kaidororero: welcome back ike!

Min (Ikey’s Book): 💙 IKEY IS BACK 💙

A normal broom: HI IKE

lunasmortas: 💙💙💙

viperip: ike! :_heart: :_heart: :_heart:

Sun shines through a clear day in Ike’s room onscreen, but in reality, blackout curtains block out the day outside. A sweet smile graces both Ike’s face and his model as the Quilldren welcome him home. 

He greets them, and cracks open a can of soda as he quickly scans through the chat. Obviously, the off-collab is on everyone’s minds. 

juuuuuuuuuus: did you have fun?

Kaidororero: offcollab POOOG

lunasmortas: SO CUTE :_heart: :heart:

Johnclone: Hope you had a good time!

zZirasthingZz: PEN AND PAPER REAL

Hm. A mod will eventually bonk that message. But then again, it’s inevitable that the ship would come up in chat. 

Ike takes it in stride and ignores it like any other shipper, but his heart still skips a beat. Nonetheless, he doesn’t call any attention to it. “How about that off-collab, right? I met up with my friends! Where do I even begin?”

Ike recounts his trip from the beginning, and the Quilldren react to his stories with interest. He was one of the last to arrive, so Nina, Uki and Reader picked him up from the airport, and met up with Aia, Ren, and Mika at the Airbnb. Vox was the only one to arrive after him, hot off the heels of a flight delay, but the demon was a welcome party all his own despite his exhaustion. 

“We went to karaoke once Vox got situated,” Ike explains. “Nina put that song in first so we could all let loose, and so she would have a fun voice tweet for everyone. Might as well confirm everyone that showed up, right?

“But after that, we didn’t want to stress ourselves out to perform for voice tweets instead of just having fun, so that was the only song we recorded. I wish you could’ve heard Uki and Vox’s duet, though. And while we were singing, turns out Ren packed a ukulele with him! Sometimes he would learn how to play along by ear, like a jam session. Mika knows how to play ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ too, so everyone joined in singing that while she played it. It was so much fun.”

Johnclone: Everyone sounded great!

sunblast99: uki’s voice >>>>>> everything else 💜💙

haabinae: :_tskr:

Festersk: WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT 🗣🗣

A normal broom: what did you sing?

Ike leans back in his chair. He blows a lock of hair out of his sight as he tries to think. “I remember Vox sang something by George Strait, so then we all egged him on to sing ‘Country Roads.’ He only did it once I promised to queue up ‘Toxicity’ by System of a Down afterwards.”

lunasmortas: OMG 💙💙💙

gatamiizuus: ayo?

Y A M: YESSSSSSS :_tskr: :_tskr:

haabinae: I LOVE SOAD :_fanboy:

Thornmy: SO COOL 💙

“Thank you.” He says it out of obligation. If he thinks too hard about the compliments, he’ll get embarrassed. “What else was there? I think there was some Motionless in White, and Spiritbox. Oh, and My First Story. Can’t forget My First Story.”

K. K. Soda: ooooo

Alban Knox 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : what about mcr

asper ch.: METAL SCREAM?

deeboorgur: HI ALBAN

Y A M: MCR YEAAAAA  :_glowstick_1: :_glowstick_2:

“I’m getting there, Alban!” 

Ike takes a sip while the Quilldren greet Alban. He’s not too surprised Alban seems to know more than the other viewers. He’s close with almost everyone that went on the trip, and was super active on Discord during the off-collab. The novelist lowers his soda as the chat floods in orange hearts. He wonders how Alban learned so much as an observer. He should ask. 

But that’s a question for after stream. Ike continues. “Thank Nina for that. She queued up ‘I’m Not Okay’ by My Chemical Romance, and then shoved two mics in my hands and Reader’s.”

And the chat explodes. 

Kaidororero: OMGGGGGG 💙💕

Y A M: PEN AND PAPER SO CUTE :_tskr:

zZirasthingZz: PEN AND PAPER DUET

asper ch.: AYOOOO MCR

gatamiizuus: I LOVE READER

ystariya: PEN AND PAPER MY BELOVED

“It’s a really fun song! It’s almost all clean vocals, but there’s this scream in the middle. Up until then, we sang together, but then I screamed, and Reader picked up the slack and sang the parts of the verse I couldn’t. They’re amazing.”

gatamiizuus: READER SIMPS COME GET Y’ALL’S JUICE

Thornmy: THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD

lunasmortas: 💙💕💙💕

ystariya: READER KARAOKE STREAM WHEN

Kaidororero: AWWWWWWW

The model on the screen doesn’t have the same glint in Ike’s eye when he talks about you. That first day of the trip was all about getting comfortable after long travel hours, and the stories went on as the days went by. Sightseeing with Aia and shopping with Uki by day, and spending the night shooting the shit with Ren until it turns into the littlest hours of the morning.

“Vox wanted to try a bunch of different restaurants with me, but you know me, ya boi is not good with most foods. So Nina usually came along in case I couldn’t finish something. She and Vox would share my leftovers.”

Something fond crosses over Ike’s face. His eyes cloud over in fog descending over a clear-sky day. “We would always talk over food about anything. I appreciate it a lot. They really get me.” The fog stills. “And over breakfast one morning, they gave me some excellent advice over something I’ve been meaning to do.”

ver*batim: ❤️💙❤️

K. K. Soda: MILORDDDDD

nroneo: :_heart:

A normal broom: upcoming project? 👀 

Johnclone: I love Nina Kosaka!

“Not a project, no. It was something I was really worried about, even when I was supposed to be taking a break with my friends,” he says. “But those two seriously helped me clear my head about it. Mika, too. Vox and Nina had a lot of nuanced advice, but Mika told it to me straight, and helped handle what I couldn’t. I’m really thankful to have them.”

His set jaw loosens. “Maybe I’ll talk about it one day.”

The model cocks to the side. Motion blurs the foggy sobriety away. With a lightness to his voice and a knowing gaze, Ike looks straight into the camera and smiles, sentimentality forgotten. The air clears. “But for now, it’s a secret~!

“Ah, now where was I? Spending time with my friends, right? Reader and I hung out often. Sometimes with others, but it ended up being the two of us more than not.”

Birds chirp outside Ike’s window in time with the hum of his PC. The backlit keyboard in front of the monitors glows the same color as the computer, a healthy blue light that tints the tips of his fingers. He usually sets it to a rainbow spectrum in his own time, but static blue is reserved for going live. It gets him in the right mindset for streaming, and makes his little apartment feel fantastical like the noble background that accompanies his model, even if it only reaches his fingertips. 

He’s sure the Ike on the screen has fingertips tinged with blue just like him, an extension of the man outside the screen but without the grittier details. Smooth, pristine hands under gloves where his are callused from guitar playing. Nothing under the model’s eyes but lashes and a line of red that brings out the pink in his eyes, very much unlike the heavy bags and sunken face from an awful delay on his flight back home. No freckles, either, but even cameras rarely pick them up on video call. Nina cooed over them the first time they met, as motherly as ever, but behind closed doors Reader was utterly fascinated with them. They mentioned something about watching blush travel around his face with the smattering of freckles in-between once or twice… maybe more? Doesn’t matter when he’s never heard that before and it repeats in his head when he catches himself daydreaming. It’s one of the best things he’s ever heard.

Vtuber Model Ike’s face doesn’t heat up like how Real Ike’s certainly is now. He clears his throat. “The weather was really nice during the entire trip, so we would always get into good conversations while walking back to where we were staying. And sometimes we didn’t want to end the conversation, so we’d just keep walking past our Airbnb until our feet hurt or it got dark, whichever came first. 

“Oh, here’s something funny. Uki really loves cafes, right? Usually he woke up early with Ren to go check out some cafes in the morning, way before the rest of us would even think of waking up. By the time everyone else woke up, they already finished their breakfast, and Uki would tell Reader about the ones to visit or skip. Whenever Uki recommended one, Reader always wanted to go themselves, so I went along to keep them company.” 

Even as his skin returns to its original shade, the sweetness sticks to his throat like the soda he’s barely touched at all. He’s wistful. He didn’t expect to miss Reader this much; after all, his relationship with them has bloomed so much ever since you first started working together, but two weeks together (including mutual close friends) changes things. It’s only been two days since he returned home, but he feels out of rhythm with them. 

He’s gotten too accustomed to them. Over the last few months, he thought he did a good job putting aside his feelings for Reader, even when Nina would tease him after every Pen and Paper collab and Vox and Mika would be right behind her, hyping him up to make a move. The fear of rejection was what motivated him to keep his close friendship with Reader without ever confessing to them.

“Reader…”

The world around him is nothing. Paused to buffer as he thinks. He can’t remember the last time he felt so happy. Just being in the same room as them makes him feel stupid, and surely he’s been acting like it. Everything he says sounds clumsy when he’s with them. After all, on that day when he owned up to the feelings he repressed for so long that he couldn’t properly react to Reader’s confession, he couldn’t say much more than how happy he was. Words fail to describe what Reader means to him, yet he’s a novelist, for crying out loud! How ironic!

“...Reader is so patient with me,” Ike says. “And they’re so considerate and dedicated. I wish I told them that earlier. It’s hard to say things out loud like this, but you only meet people like Reader once in a lifetime if you’re lucky, and even then, there’s no one quite like Reader.”

ystariya: i love reader

Kaidororero: pen and paper awwww

Y A M: PEN AND PAPER

acklmystafoot: ike is so sweet!!!

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : 💙

“Aaah!”

Ike recoils like his keyboard is flaming lava. The model on the screen leans back and freezes in place while he nearly throws himself out of his chair. “R-Reader! What are you doing here?!”

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : FKJLJJSLKFJDKS LMAOOOOOOOO

Johnclone: Hello Reader!

Y A M: OMG

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : just wanted to say hi

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : hi!

Festersk: LMAO

Ike sputters out nothing but empty air and nervous laughter. “Haha. Um. Hi! Welcome!”

Stupid! He wants to kick himself. He’s made improvement on verbalizing affection, and he’s comfortable with Reader, especially now that there aren’t any secrets left, but he’s still so unfamiliar with affection being returned that his heart is still doing kickflips in his chest. 

haabinae: :_blush: :_blush: :_blush:

juuuuuuuuuus: most normal pen and paper moment

Thornmy: AWWW

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : check discord

A normal broom: Oh?

“Ah, okay! Give me a second.” Ike keeps his Discord on mute, and usually disables desktop notifications when he’s live, so he’s not surprised to open the window to unread messages and some non-urgent pings. Sure enough, Reader sent him something.

Reader: because you were talking about cafes

Reader: image.png (3)    | 💙 1 |

Me: Oh I recognize these from our first date!

It’s been over a week now, but just saying he went on a date with Reader has him squeezing his legs together so his feet wouldn’t start kicking in the air. 

Reader: ahh you remembered! 

Me: I should’ve figured you took more pictures than the ones you showed me

Reader: dw i have more i wanted to show you

Reader: image.png (8)    | 💙 1 |

Me: Seriously how are you so good at photography I don’t get it-

Me: You’re really pretty in this one!

Me: UGHHHH WHY DO I LOOK SO WEIRD    | ❌ 1 | 💕 1 |

Me: I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE YOU TAKE THIS ONE

Reader: WTH YOU’RE NOT WEIRD

Reader: YOU’RE LITERALLY SO HANDSOME WHY DO YOU  T H I N K  I TOOK THAT PIC

Well, great, now he’s actually kicking in his seat. Ike is inclined to disagree, but when Reader says it, it’s a super-effective attack on his poor little novelist heart. 

Me: Akaslwdnja

Me: Thank you 😭

Reader: anyways i gotta go i stream in 20 min and i’ve barely eaten my food

Me: Go eat! Do you have enough water?

Reader: just refilled my bottle

Me: Good then don’t let me keep you! Have a good stream!

And before he can overthink it, in the moment—

Me: I love you!

His sights are set on his second monitor.

Reader is typing…

Reader doesn’t have to respond. Sometimes just saying it is enough. 

Reader: fdsjdfkl.

Ike’s been trying to relearn that lesson ever since he realized everything he repressed was reciprocated.

Reader: i love you too, ike

Words heard across the world, one of the people he holds most dear.

His heart beats loud in his ears, but he can feel it slow, somehow. Reader is exhilarating, but there’s security in them, too. The nerves kick in until he remembers they’re just as exposed as the other, and the vulnerability generate a sense of comfort. Reader makes him feel understood like no one else in the world does, and he trusts them more than anything.

He does. He does, he does, he does, even if he only has the strength to say it one at a time. Ike is in love.

Reader: i’ll let you know when i’m done streaming, we can watch a movie together after

Me: It’s a date!    | 💕 1 |

It takes him a moment to tear his gaze away from your messages. 

His streaming monitor reflects his movements. The chat moves along. Blue light spreads through his fingertips, just like how he imagines Vtuber Model Ike’s hands resting on his own keyboard, an extension of the man outside the screen, proof of the fantastical.

“They sent me something.” Ike’s laughter is gentle. “I really do love them.”

The chat zooms past, as expected. Surely that would get clipped alongside the off-collab Q&A, but he can’t seem to care. He doubts the fandom would really understand how deep the connection goes, and if they do? Some things are just meant to be private.

Besides, on the day Ike and Reader get comfortable enough in their relationship to go public, he knows the Quilldren have his back, just like Reader and their Bookworms. 

“Reader, if you’re still there, we need to meet up again,” Ike says. “I don’t know when, but one day.”

A flurry of messages, but only one truly matters.

Reader 【NIJISANJI EN】 ✓ : i wouldn’t miss it for the world

The model onscreen grins. It pales in comparison to Ike himself.

.　 . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆

✧. ┊commentary ↣

✧. ┊ masterpost ✧. ┊ kofi

[dayslynthesix]

break point | charles leclerc x tenis player!oc

just a small observation, i don't like to write social media au with y/n or user1/user2 thing, so i just named every character of this one, jeremy made a small appearance on deuce and slice (danny ric x tennis player), for context, he's also a tennis player lol and all the other ones are supposed to be cath's friends

hallieriley

liked by benshelton, scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, usaopen, ao, f1 ans 328.233 others

hallieriley splitting my time between an actual sport and fast cars going vroom vroom, scuderiaferrari thank you for the invitation, i love miami and i love the red car 🏎 | 📌 miami

scuderiaferrari alway a pleasure to have you with us!

hallieriley it would be very funny if you let me do a hot lap with a certain driver 🤨

benshelton so that's why you didn't came to see me play?

hallieriley you're not even playing bro, you came to miami with me just so we could see fast cars going vroom vroom

charles_leclerc cmonnnn going vroom vroom is lovely

hallieriley lovely, simply lovely

volleyserve wait... hallie is watching 20 playboys racing in circles?

rileyxverstappen actually is 19 playboys racing behind max verstappen

hallieriley nice to see there's people around the world who supports me (most amazing players ever) and max (i don't actually know him)

queenofrg hallie sweetie??

maxverstappen1 what ferrari promised you? i assure you redbull can offer twice

hallieriley im a redbull athlete they should have invited me first, maxie 😇

redbullracing our bad 😔 next one is on us!

f1tennisgirl the fact that max doesn't follow her but went to her profile just to tease ferrari is so max coded

maxverstappen1 i do follow her, we're redbull athletes besties

hallieriley yeah, best friends (i didn't knew him until 2 days ago but sure whatever he says)

carlossainz55 thank you for the support, hallie, having you here was amazing!

liked by hallieriley

norrisprivateacc carlos bro be more subtle

rileygirl i love how she answered charles coment with a max radio and she just liked carlos comment

ccaspari wow you were there and didn't stand to say hello to your BEST FRIEND?

hallieriley omg where you here? hold on let me find the mercedes garage i need to see you 😭😭

mercedesamgf1 third one right to left 🫡

jeremyrossi oh us tennis players that somehow are related to f1 🫠

jensonbutton i don't think you'll ever accept the fact that I married your sister and it's been 6 years

yrossibuton 8 years*

may 5th, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, rolandgarros, scuderiaferrari, redbull, benshelton and 210.087 others

hallieriley oh is that time of the day where im calling ben so we can practice together and he's not answering me 🤪

benshelton omw

hallieriley you're not supposed to be on your way benjamin, you were supposed to be here 15min ago!

benshelton omw!!!

coachjames i see...

breakpoints how does ben and hal know each other? just recently got into tennis and i love they're friendship and they're awesome playing doubles

hallieriley thank youu!! our parents played together at the same tour back in the '90 and we sorta grew up together, we're close in age (im 1 year older than him) once ben started to play tennis we started to play doubles together, we're friends since childhood

charles_leclerc i won a padel match a few month ago does that count as tennis? actually im a padel king 👑

hallieriley charles... do you read what you type before you send it?

charles_leclerc so it is not tennis?

maxieboy he's trying to impress her but he's just embarrassing himself

maxverstappen1 im pretty confident that i can beat you in a 2h2

hallieriley redbullracing can you organize a tennis match between me and max?

max1rileychamp he's allergic to failing and 2nd places but im so ready to see him and his delulu thoughts having his ass kicked by catherine

merliagrace i would never do this to you

hallieriley i know!!! missing you btw, when are you going to italy so i can see you play?

merliagrace we're playing rome in 3 weeks, hope you can make it

hallieriley YESSSS !!!! finally, yep ill be home in 3 weeks

gialis pick up the phone, ps: looking good

rileyxverstappen i love how gia and carlos communicate with the world almost the same way, i think they should be friends

maxverstappen1 🤨🤨🤨

gialis i think carlos and i should be friends as well, hallie can you introduce us?

scuderiaferrari we should send you some official merch 🤔

nike get out, we got here first!

redbull how i love being a redbull athlete 😊

hallieriley don't lie adm, you guys don't even remember me at this days 😭😭😭

hallieriley but if you want to reward me there's this skydiving thing im dying to do...

redbull on the way!

redbullracing we'll send you monaco tickets and after the race we will have a court ready!

besttennisgirl i think we lost hallie to fast cars going vroom vroom

alinariley why there's so many f1 drivers in my daughter's comment section?

charles_leclerc my bad, im sorry 😭

alinariley not you sweetie!

maxverstappen1 mama riley we're sorry for being so chaotic

alinariley are you? 🤨

queenofclay i wish i could call ben shelton my bff

sheltonriley and double partner

queenofclay i completely forgot that ben and her are a pair in doubles

janniksin i didn't

carlitosalcarazz me neither

hallieriley both of you don't even play doubles 👁👄👁

alcarazwimbledon oh to be hallie riley and have both alcaraz and sinner fighting to be her double 🤭

may 15th, 2024

hallieriley

liked by scuderiaferrari, charles_leclerc, benshelton, usaopen, maxverstappen1, redbullracing and 344.562 others

hallieriley multitasking at rolandgarros, see you in a couple of days 🎾

gialis hallie's life is so easy, she goes there, play a tennis match, win, go back to hotel, see her team mess around... us ferrari girls at this point we're just happy with not being knocked out of q3

charles_leclerc have faith on the team

gialis heyyy charlie hello!! faith and ferrari on the same sentence... lol not happening, but i have faith on you

rolandgarros looking forward to have you back on court!

nike there's a lot of ferrari and charles leclerc on this post 🤔

hallieriley nike x ferrari when?

queenofrg hallie is... soft launching?

jeremyrossi 👏🏻👏🏻

maxverstappen1 charles is trying to get out of imola to go see you play can you get us some vip passes?

hallieriley call my agent and ask her, nicely

maxverstappen1 what do you think im rude for free with people?

charles_leclerc you took me out of the race for free last week

hallieriley not everything is about winning but charlie got the ability to lose all the times, maxie you've been a bad team player so no vip passes for you 🤪

f1 i think the tifosi army got another member

redbullracing well, they didn't, she was our girl first

hallieriley yeah, since seb (jenson button walked so seb could run) (please everyone knows im a ferrari girl trough and throughout)

charles_leclerc got pole for you 🫶🏻

hallieriley i saw it hihi amazing lap charlie

benshelton you're not coming to see me play?

hallieriley omw!! i forgot my credentials 🫠

gialis and me! your forgot me!!!

coachjames so that's why you were late?

hallieriley lies! im never late and you know that 🥺

sheltonriley ben and hallie are not playing doubles at roland garros?

hallieriley we are!!

may 18th, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, rolandgarros, usaopen, benshelton, carlitosalcarazz, redbullracing and 432.122 others

hallieriley first match ✅️ love to play here, love the french crowd and the croissants 🫶🏻 waiting for wilsontennis to send me a pink racket

wilsontennis pink? it shouldn't be red?

jeremyrossi congratulations hallie, you played an amazing tennis this match and it was worthy the sleepless night

hallieriley thank you jer!!! and im pretty positive that im wasn't the one who got you up all night, hope little mia was watching me play as well! 🥺🫶🏻

charles_leclerc great match!

hallieriley thank you charlie 🫶🏻 did you see the point i made for you?

charles_leclerc obviously

sedicislice hello?

queenofrg the queen is back at her castle

merliagrace WOW WOW WOW that was a high level tennis

sheltonriley waiting for the doubles even though i think ben and hals are insane for playing single and double at the same tournament

maxverstappen1 we got the tickets haha see you during the next match haha

verstappenxriley not max getting into tennis just to annoy charles

f1tennis5 i think max is living in a parasocial relationship with hallie

charles_leclerc he's living in a parasocial relationship to annoy me, where i go he goes, if i go to a volleyball match, he's there, if i go to a tennis match, he's waiting in front of my car, if i go to a baseball game IN THE USA HE'S THEREEEEEEE

hallieriley me and my agent we're about to have a nice little chat 🤨

maranellosun ok so i just got into tennis why are people saying charles and hallie are a thing? or is cath and max?

sedicislice she was invited by ferrari to the miami gp and they were caught outside the circuit having dinner, they're always interacting on social media and they went to a very famous gym in monaco after the miami gp, and no, she and max are just friends since she became a redbull athlete

scuderiaferrari well done, hallie!

rolandgarros the people princess!

georgerussell63 hey charles_leclerc is it possible for you to ask your girl if she can come and take a picture with carmen?

hallieriley rude, I'll find you and carmen after this match and we can go for a coffee 🥰

hallierileyupdates she is indeed the people princess

may 22nd, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, carlitosalcarazz, wimbledon, benshelton and 321.944 others

hallieriley time to see my #2 boy, vamos carlossss! anxiously waiting my turn to play

benshelton 🤨🤨

hallieriley I SAID #2 YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY #1

charles_leclerc 🤔🤔

sedicislice hallie is everywhere, volleyball match, tennis match, f1 races, you blink and she's there

hallieriley im here to support my girl's!

merliagrace at this point she'd just watching random matches from the turkish league and the italian one

sedicileclerc charles be like: what about me?

jeremyrossi wow i thought i was you number #2

hallieriley you're yolanda number #2

jeremyrossi yes, she's my sister

hallieriley out of the old ones you're my number #2

jeremyrossi old? im 32! who's your number #1?

hallieriley federer 🥺

benshelton i see...

hallieriley no fighting over who's my favorite! everyone knows that if federer haven't retired he would be my number 1!

rogerfederer thank you! 🥰

maxverstappen1 about that match we played... can we rematch it?

hallieriley why would i? everyone know i kicked your ass once and i would do it again

redbull our athletes are on fire!

nike ready to the next round 🫡

queenofclay oh to be hallie riley #01 taylor swift fan and #00 carlos alcaraz support friend and ben shelton bff

july 3rd, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, rolandgarros, carlitosalcarazz, janniksin, nike, wilson and 644.173 others

hallieriley played my first final here 3 years ago and now i can finally say IM A WIMBLEDON CHAMP! as i said in my acceptance speech, thank you wilsontennis and nike for having my back. thank you to my coach, my team and my boys, thank you for the british crowd and thank you james mcavoy, this one is for you! also i would like to quote a good friend of my, jannik boy: i wish everyone in the world could have my parents as their parents, thank you mom and thank you dad, for making this dream possible and for walking along the way with me, i love you 🥰🫶🏻

carlitosalcarazz vamossss hally!

carlitosalcarazz 👏🏻👉🏻🏆🥇🎾🔥

coachjames well done kid! super proud of you!

alinariley our daughter is a wimbledon champ we cant believe this 😭😭😭 (your dad cant put coherent sentences)

benshelton well done halliecat, congratulations

jeremyrossi amazing!! congratulations!!

gialis my girl!

janniksin well done, hallie!! mega job

merliagrace congrats hally

charles_leclerc wow wow wow that was amazing! super proud of you! 🥰❤️

gabiguimaraes10 congratulations!!

hallieriley gabiiii, hiii!! thank you girl! looking forward to see you play at the olympics

nike hallie riley ladies and gentlemen is a wimbledon champ

wilsontennis always a pleasure to have your back! 🎾

oscarpiastri good job

maxverstappen1 it's starting to get boring, you win everything, also, congrats 🫡

hallieriley now you know how i feel every sunday watching you win 🤪

charles_leclerc karma is queen indeed

lewishamilton speak the truth hallie!!!

jamesmcavoyrealdeal 🤔🤔🤔

lewishamilton amazing!

lifeofriley did you see how adorable she was while holding that cup??

queenofrg queen of wimbledon as well

queenofclay WJJJAUAIAIJHAKAIIQUAJQI oh god she did it!!!

halliechamp our champ is back!

hallierileyupdates amazing!!

july 13st, 2024

hallieriley

liked by paris2024, charles_leclerc, redbull, nike, wilson, benshelton, gabiguimaraes10 and 633.421 others

hallieriley already in paris for the olympics and while it is not time to play we took some time of to go around, he's awful at tennis, have no idea how he won that padel match, if i was max i would demand a rematch

charles_leclerc that was very rude, im very good at tennis, i was just warming up

hallieriley yeah, warming up

maxverstappen1 i told everyone he was cheating

charles_leclerc how could i cheat on a padel match? you're just saying this because you're bad at padel

georgerussell63 i would like to know so i can cheat as well

nike time to be olympic champ!

wilsontennis charles leclerc is the new face of wilson, stay tuned

leclercupdates charles was racing in hungary yesterday but his girl called and asked if he wanted to go having a tourist date and the next thing we know is that he is in france

benshelton he is indeed very bad at tennis, i was there, i saw it

sedicislice SO WE DID HAVE BEN AND CHARLES MEETING UP AND THERE'S NO FUCKING PICTURE OF IT?

diallinginshelton i would pay rivers of money to see them playing tennis 😭😭

carlitosalcarazz 👏🏻🫡🥰🤨🏎🎾

hallieriley translation of the emojis please

carlitosalcarazz no

usaopen time to shine in paris!

july 25th, 2024

kitcathriley

liked by usaopen, charles_leclerc, nike, wilson, ccaspari, laurencaspari and 433.193 others

hallieriley tooke a little time off to enjoy the post olympics, and let me tell you, being an olympc champion is AMAZING!!!! also i would like to thank you guys for the support, a little disappointed that ill have to wait another 4 years to play another olympics but really grateful for the results at this one. now IT'S USOPEN TIME!!!

usopen waiting for you at court number 3!

charles_leclerc credit for the pics when?

benshelton now you know!

maxverstappen1 wish we could get to see you play this one

hallieriley you can always quit f1 and be a fab (friends and boyfriends) 🤪

maxverstappen1 nice try

nike that kit suits you

wilsontennis 🏆🏆

lewishamilton good look at the USOpen, hallie! i know you will blast this one as well!

hallieriley lewis omg hello hiiiiii, thank you! if i win i will dedicate this one to you 🫶🏻

queenofrg i can't wait for her to win this one, we need that!!

laurencaspari you and i we need to catch up!

gialis doubles at beach volley when? 🏐☎️ plus can you get me a pic with ben shelton????

hallieriley oh to be a pro volleyball player and former olympian and not be able to fan girl her fav athlete

benshelton i though gia's favorite athlete was gabi?

gialis it is! your my number 2! can i please get a pic? 😭

maxverstappen1 what about me?

gialis don't try lol

august 23rd, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, scuderiaferrari, f1, lewishamilton, nike, maxverstappen1 and 766.143 others

hallieriley last round of the 2024 fast cars going vroom vroom season, well done prince charlie, congrats on the p2 on the championship, we'll fight for the highest spot next season. and oh, congrats to max car as well, it was a tough season. AND alson congratulations to oscar on his first winnnnn!!

charles_leclerc thank you my love ❤️❤️❤️

oscarpiastri thank you cath!

maxverstappen1 if your boyfriend haven't tried to take me out of the races so many times my car would be just fine

sedici16 dude, he tooke you out once in barcelona and just because the tyres weren't warm enough

hallieriley not my burn account i sweat but thanks sedici16 you're 100% right!

puma hallie x charles x puma when?

nike 🤔🤔🤔

scuderiaferrari wish we got to you sooner, it was lovely to have you with us one more time!

redbullracing bahrein vip passes are on the way 🫡

hallieriley now you do remember me 😭😭😭

december 8th, 2024

hallieriley

liked by charles_leclerc, boweandstowe, australianopen, benshelton, nike, wilson and 633.493 others

hallieriley happy birthday sir lewis hamilton! oh, and its australian open time againnnn, me, charlie, bowe and stowe we are ready to go! see you in 3 days 🔥🎾

charles_leclerc can wait to see your reaction to the t-shirts i have made to see you play

hallieriley im scared to death about which pants you're gonna wear

lewishamilton thank you, hallie! wishing you the best australian open you can get and rooting for you

australianopen rod laver arena is ready for you!

nike let's go!

wilsontennis i hope the pink racket is what you wanted

redbull 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻

benshelton make it double!

gialis oh shit here we go again with 2 weeks of the bare minimum of sleep

merliagrace i put money on you, plese win this one

usaopen wake up, it's australian open time

january 7th, 2025

[cosmicalily]

my japanese kpop-stan mother gives kpop idols roles in her life (if she knew them) - SKZ, BTS, TXT and ENHYPEN

tagging @thevampywolf since she loves my mother and her iconic content (and my mum loves her too, they're like the same person at times welp)

my mum and dad are currently beefing about seungmin and jeongin bc both of them like to annoy each other so vote here on opinions and to hear the full story since it's fun

SKZ

chris - "my client." (for context, she's a psychologist, and she likes to assess kpop idols for fun)

minho - "he would have been my boyfriend, but i wouldn't marry him, because we're too similar, and we'd have too many cats and be a bit crazy."

changbin - "my workout buddy." (they're both gym rats)

hyunjin - "a popular boy in high school that i did a group assignment with."

jisung - "my best friend." (she thinks he's funny)

felix - "i probably would've had a crush on him when i was junior high school."

seungmin - "a guy i hated in high school." (mum's very minho coded, and so she'd probably beef with him the way minho does, so sorta affectionately)

jeongin - "my son in law." (she wants me to marry him, like she straight up told me she won't let me marry any other boy.)

TXT

yeonjun - "the nephew of a twin i didn't know i had." (she's getting a little too creative with these and this one made me snort)

soobin - "son in law."

beomgyu - "my best friend." (i'm actually scared of the chaos that would ensue)

taehyun - "school captain that i hated." (she actually loves taehyun and seungmin, but she thinks she wouldn't get on with them when she was young since she was very sassy and probably would clash personalities or get annoyed lmao)

huening kai - "my son." (he's her child in her opinion, and he reminds her of my little brother so she sees him as a son)

ENHYPEN

heeseung - "he would've been my boyfriend in high school." (duolingo has another person to battle here, although she says she wouldn't marry him or minho, because she's already married to my dad, which is cute lmao)

jay - "classmate in uni."

jake - "my neighbour's son who i didn't hang out with much." (i swear she's thought about these answers before sjgdhs)

sunghoon - "classmate."

sunoo - "my little brother." (this was cute, she has a very soft spot for him and i can see her protecting him and also fighting with him since they're both sassy)

jungwon - "a kid i made cry in primary school." (i'm literally WHEEZING)

niki - "my son." (he's a japanese boy, so of course he's close to her heart.)

BTS

jin - "the rich neighbour's son i hated." (the way she's beefing with so many idols i'm CRYING)

yoongi - "my friend in high school." (they'd get along well, i can see that)

namjoon - "a weird guy in my university class who liked making friends and tried to talk to me too much." (THE DETAIL HELP)

hoseok - "my best friend." (she once dreamt about him working in a theme park as one of those dress up characters lmao. him, gyu and hannie and her would be a chaotic and unstoppable team)

jimin - "my gay friend." (i asked her why she thought this, and she said he reminds her of me, and since i'm bi, she just decided that was the defining factor)

taehyung - "my brother." (she loves him, his music and his dog, he's her bias and i think he belongs in the 'has a soft spot for' category with jeongin, sunoo, huening kai, soobin and niki)

jungkook - "a kid who had a crush on me in junior high school." (i asked her if she liked him back, and she said even if she did, she would avoid him, since he'd be annoying. i think her reference for this was the seven music video and since then her view's been tainted)

my mother is such an icon for this welp, she was just like "you know let me give skz roles in my life," and then it turned into this

[whatbigotspost]

On being real mean and then less mean

Long post incoming........I've been chipping away at writing this for like a month now and (unlike my usual self) I've stalled out a few times unsure of what all I want to say. But I think I've got it squared up the way I would like to. Unfortunately, I need a long context laying preamble. Sorry this will feel like an online recipe experience 😅

As the 5 of you who usually read my blocks of text will know well, I grew up in a very toxic, abusive, high-control environment. If you wanted to intentionally produce kids who would have anxiety, shame, self-loathing, aggression, be overly-competitive, angry, and equipped with little-to-no social skills, you should be parented like I was. In my nuclear family, we couldn't have had worse life lessons or role modeling when it comes to building healthy relationships, strong friendships, and harmonious existence with others. Violence was often normalized. Manipulation was encouraged. Specific conditions and rules were put on receiving love and/or affection. We weren't seen as independent humans who had their own lives and thoughts and ambitions--we were seen as extensions of my father, brought into the world to be his unquestioning cheerleaders and adoring team, to do our best to become his clones, to live out his unrealized dreams, and to combat his grievances w/ the world.

In short, it sucked.

Above all, I was taught in a very deep and real way to hate myself, not that this was explicitly acknowledged mind you, but it was the implication of everything. This self loathing was an extension of my father's own insecurities and full inability to grow the fuck up and build a life for himself that was emotionally mature, resilience, and self-caring. This mentality, if truly internalized, creates ugliness from the inside that radiates outward. I can see that so clearly now, but back then, I didn't understand it at all.

I was implicitly taught a thought process like, "the best way to 'own' someone is to shit talk them into crying" or "you can make yourself look stronger and distract from your own shortcomings by staying 1 step ahead of everyone through making THEM feel like shit about their shortcomings."

But you weren't just mean to someone to stay ahead of them, you were also mean as a way to ingratiate others to you. "Telling it like it is" even if what you said was unnecessarily cruel, was a virtue. Like, "what? I'm just saying what we're all thinking!" kind of stuff. I was taught that "teasing" is a way you show someone you love them, where "teasing" means saying all kinds of awful things that are quite hurtful. I was taught that being funny was one of the most important qualities and it didn't matter if those laughs came at the expense of others' feelings and if, over time, your comments began to destroy those around you.

It's "just teasing." It's "just joking." It was a lot of "oh come, on grow a thicker skin" over "maybe saying cruel shit for fun is bad?" It was "God, I can dish it and I can take it, why can't you?" over "maybe I want friends who support one another instead of digging at our insecurities."

Some recent nostalgia I've been wallowing in this summer reminded me of my grossest self who lived by these rules.

Those worst moments, where I was a bully and an asshole, all occurred for me at school, when I was probably around 11/12 and older. School was a very interesting place for me. When I try to paint an efficient picture of what my childhood home was like for others, I often say, my family existed in a weird liminal someplace between mainstream, mid western white suburban society and a survivalist/separatist/cult/fringe culture (like Tara Westover describes in Educated or as seen in Captain Fantastic if you're familiar w/ either of those.) We were a cult of 4 and there were many things We Did Not Do, all my dad's rules. (My grandparent's house was a safe harbor unlike my home, but that's a tangent for another time.) That said, accessing education was something my father DID trust the local government to do (as long as he could emphasize over and over how we can't trust everything they say, we could trust their lessons of math, music, English, etc.) He strategically chose a place to live where I could get the best "free" education possible in Central Indiana. My social life existed fully in a traditional school setting, where it took me all of 2 seconds to clock that other kids' lives weren't like mine, and that was compelling to me. I became a lifelong student of interpersonal relationship dynamics far before I realized I had become a lifelong student of relationships. I remember when I was in elementary school journaling about and thinking about and talking about all the friend groups and dynamics, etc. Writing stories about friend groups. Creating Barbie universes and dramas with 2 neighborhood friends. Trying to spend more and more time w/ peers instead of family.

Beyond that, I loved school because I would receive praise and love at home for A's and praise and love from my teachers for being "so good" (aka offering 100% deference to adult authority as I been told to do, even if I could question them inside.) This all means when I was very young, I did SO WELL at figuring out school...how to make friends...how to get an A+...how to get teachers to love me...how to be The Good Kid...how to reduce my value to my grades and what I produced, which is a mentality I've still only begun to unweave from within me, some 30 years later.

Anyway, point is, despite the hand I was dealt, I somehow never had trouble making friends and with a lot of my closest friends, I wasn't all that mean to in the way I describe above, at least initially. But when I did apply that behavior, god damn was it ugly. I get that now, but back then, I felt cool as fuck.

The more it (temporarily worked for me) the more I used meanness. By the time I was like 17, I literally was known as mean and wore it as a badge of honor. Lacking emotional intelligence and an overtly loving home environment, I thought it was normal? cool? idk...to "not be able to handle mushy emotional stuff." I would (LITERALLY) run if friends were telling me they loved me. It became more and more common for me to apply, "witty mean girl" quips to even my closest friends. Stuff was said about me like, "oh, if she makes fun of you, it means she really loves you." I was always saying shit to gain laughs from others that really hurt some people and I would act like that was a THEM thing like "god, they're so sensitive, poor widdle baby."

NOT GOOD. Nothing to be proud of. Signs of someone who deep down hates themselves and hopes you don't notice because of a big, bad exterior. In this era, I was someone who attracted and accepted other toxic people and was abusive toward and accepted abuse from friends who had these same issues. How I met and fell in love w/ my partner who is not at all like this during that period of time back when sometimes confounds me. His boundaries and feelings are why I started really looking inward. His patience and willingness to understand what was going on for me was immense (as I was similarly patient for things related to his baggage.) FOR YEARS we had a dynamic where I'd "make fun of" "tease" "just joke" about him too harshly in front of others and he would ask me over and over to stop. I'd get better for a while, then I'd backslide and make him feel like shit in a group setting again--but hey! everyone laughed at my ~*~*just oh so hilarious comment*~*~ and so that makes it fine right?? Obviously, not, and the older I got the more I started to FINALLY see "mean" as mean and not "telling it like it is" or being a core part of my humor.

How I REALLY know that this toxic coping mechanism I used to my benefit was a thinly veiled defense mechanism style behavior to cloud my deep deep deep self loathing is because when I'd be talking w/ my partner about his very reasonable and normal request that I not say unnecessarily cruel things about him for fun in front of others, I would be afraid of things like, "But that's part of who I am? It's my humor."

I really thought so lowly of myself that I believed that if I wasn't witty-mean, people wouldn't love me. That I wouldn't still be funny. That I wouldn't be ME unless I was being MEAN. It was so backwards and upside down because my meanness did make me harder to be around, and people were right there loving me anyway, not because of it, but despite it.

It's so sad to realize this! Looking back and describing this girl now feels in both parts foreign to me and also like looking in a mirror. I've been in 20 years of some form or another of "recovery" from this kind of childhood now, and I'm about 15 years into true healing and re-parenting myself. Almost 14 years ago, I made the biggest shift toward killing this old mentality...I moved away from my home town and the people I spent my days around to that point. I had an opportunity for a hard reset in my social life and behaviors, leaving behind old reputations that didn't serve me. And I’m still me. I’m spicy and I’m real and I’m blunt and I’m funny but I’m not cruel or mean anymore. The old me sometimes still rears her ugly head, especially when I'm tired, stress, or dysregulated. But it's less "how I am" now than ever in my life.

As I've been thinking about this whole topic for quite a few weeks now, and I tried to articulate what I did that really changed me and allowed me to shed that mean girl shell of armor I was wearing that I had so thoroughly needed to outgrow. If these things resonate with you, I do have some pieces of advice.

Speak from your personal values 100% of the time. That means defining your personal values first, not just accepting what you think is valuable you've been told by others. Once I grew the maturity to understand I needed my own life values, it was very simple to grasp that I was not in line with them. My top 5 personal life values are: love, equity, humor, loyalty, and open communication. Mean jokes don't check many of those boxes.

Become your own best friend first. My behaviors were driven by self-hatred I did not choose. When I choose how I want to feel about myself, I choose self-compassion, and I actively cultivate this mentality and practice all. the. time so that I don't backslide.

Stop "telling it like it is." This is not helpful. No one needs something obvious and cruel pointed out. This is basic "THINK" acronym stuff. It's a classic because it works. Is what you're about to say.... "true, helpful, inspiring, necessary, kind." Telling it like it is is only TRUE, it's rarely -HINK.

Never "just joke" about something someone could possibly be vulnerable about. If someone has a physical wound, you don't jab your finger into it for fun. When someone has an emotional tenderness, you similarly don't jab a mean comment into it. When in doubt, just don't joke about it.

Have actual hard conversations and "call outs" in the right times/spaces. Sometimes behavior that one friend may call "mean" is actually a very necessary hard conversation to the other person. So it's helpful to just remember that those kind of real-deal communications are rarely done effectively or productively with an audience or by using humor. Real shit deserves a real shit tone.

Push yourself to say the nicest stuff and just be fucking sincere and genuine. Tell your friends you love them. Tell your friends when you are obsessed with what they are achieving/doing/saying. Tell your friends WHAT you love about them. Make an effort for your most important relationships to have far, far more "positive bids" than negative.

Use "teasing" or "self deprecating" humor selectively and strategically. Sometimes, my partner and I DO tease each other by having open communication and actually knowing one another's boundaries, I now understand what's fine and what's not. So I can proceed w/o hurting him. But I don't know most people to that level, so I'm not going to try to tease someone else in front of others w/o that knowledge anymore. Self deprecating humor has also been a go-to for me in the past and one of the people I could be meanest to was myself. I realized I should use it sparingly with people who I don't know well, too, because I don't necessarily need to give them a cheat sheet to what my baggage is. And lastly, in general, I think that we should ALL be very very careful to spare strangers our sarcasm, deadpan comments, or whatever. Many folks are neurodiverse or otherwise don't get your sarcasm and your implications can be lost in translation. You never know what topics, with strangers, might be a hornet's nest you stumble into.

PFEW! Ok, I think that's plenty for now! If you've got similar tips or thoughts, LMK! Of course, I still fuck up my practice of not being mean all the time, but the best thing about having done this work and shared it with those around me is that my friends are much more like to say something like, "OW! Was that your dad talking for a sec?" and help me than to just go on assuming I'm an asshole. 😆

[alloftheimaginesblog]

Headcanons for dating George O'Malley...

He's always thought you were pretty, beautiful actually, but you were friends and nothing more.

Until one day Izzy lets slip that you think George is cute.

"(y/n)? (y/n) thinks I'm cute? They think I'm... Oh god, I'm gonna pass out."

Through Meredith and Izzy's incessant pestering, they keep telling George to ask you out but he's terrified, he's so freaking scared.

"What if she says no?!"

"But George what if she says yes?!"

It takes a few days of convincing but after a drink in Joe's with some liquid confidence, George asks to have a chat with you and tells you in a very George like way.

"We're friends, right? We're actually pretty good friends but Izzy told me something and I keep going over it in my head that maybe we're not just friends... Maybe we could be more. What I'm trying to say, (y/n), is that I like you. A lot. And I want to spend time with you that isn't in the hospital or at Meredith's mom's house. I want to go out like two normal people going on a date. I want to take you on a date."

To his surprise, you agree eagerly and you plan a date for the next night when the two of you should be off work.

He's sweet, god he's so sweet. He's nervous as all hell but it's endearing the way he stumbles over his words as he tries to tell you how beautiful you look as he stands at your front door.

The first date is a little awkward initially but George probably does something a little silly like spilling his water down his shirt which makes the two of you laugh until your stomach hurts and then the ice is broken.

He's always been so damn easy to talk to but in this context where it's the two of you on a date, he's so attentive, listening intently to what you're saying, asking genuinely interested questions. You've never been on a date like it where the other party is so curious about you.

He's so funny. You'd known George a long time, been friends for ages, but you never realised just how funny he was. He had a whole lot of stories about his family, about his wild brothers and his dad that had you in hysterics the whole night over dinner.

He takes you home once again nervous and bumbling and you know why. He wants to kiss you. He just doesn't know how you'll be if he asks. Will it be weird? He doesn't know.

"I had a great time tonight, (y/n)..."

"Me too, George. That's the best date I've had honestly."

"Seriously? I mean, uh, yeah, me too..."

There's an awkward pause but George takes a breath and asks, "Can I kiss you?"

You don't answer but instead clash your lips together in a passionate though short kiss.

From there on your friendship blossoms into a steady relationship.

You sneak away from your busy lives as Doctors to make out in closets where Bailey catches you and gives you the worst cases but it's worth it.

Izzy teases the two of you whenever she sees you cuddled up together on the couch when she comes home from her shift. She loves seeing the two of you happy though.

George gives the best cuddles, it's like everything else disappears when he cuddles you. He's warm and soft and his arms are home to you. If you've had a crappy day at work, he's the only one you want to make you feel better.

Forehead kisses, cheek kisses, neck kisses, knuckle kisses. George loves to kiss you, he kisses you anywhere and everywhere he can.

The sex is always so passionate and tender and he attends to you like no other. He makes sure that you're satisfied no matter how long it takes. He loves to pleasure you. He loves the taste of you, loves the smell, loves the way you react to him. That alone is enough to please him.

It's one night after you've had a bad day at work and you're curled around each other he whispers that he loves you. You're falling asleep but you hear him, "I love you too, George."

He lets you call him Georgie and he surprisingly doesn't mind it. It doesn't annoy him like his brothers when they call him it. He likes it when you call him it.

He has about a million pet names for you. Babe, baby, sweetheart, love; any sort of cutesy name George will call you it along with some silly ones too.

He introduces you to everyone as his girlfriend, even patients, because he is so damn in love with you.

Date nights curled on the couch watching scary movies.

Date mornings having breakfast and coffee before work every morning.

Helping each other study for tests, grabbing coffee for each other every so often during your shifts.

You don't get a lot of free time together but when you do, the two of you make it count.

[ilions-end]

uh oh i've finished THE THEBAID! time to talk about it!

disclaimer: i'm not a roman empire girlie. like with the aeneid, i'm AWARE the author is using the medium of greek myths to say things about the state of the republic and roman culture, and i'm just kinda... not interested in that. i'm here for the plot and the characters. envision i'm a child watching saturday morning cartoons with my bowl of fruit loops going "yayy did you see the character do the thing?! that was so cool!!". basically i'm enjoying these stories on the "easily entertained dumbass" level

and i LOVED it. i got FUCKED UP by this epic in the best way. HOW TO DESCRIBE THE THEBAID?

it's so deliciously engaging and funny and dark. to me it feels more closely related to the iliad than either the odyssey or the aeneid, but it's in conversation with all of them and also so unique. there are bitter ironies everywhere, troubled people making worse choices. ALL the characters are flawed, but in extremely interesting and engaging (and even endearing) ways.

there's something about how it starts out as a GREAT EPIC telling the story of BRAVE HEROES except they can't retain their integrity as the story progresses, they can't fathom their own limitations or flaws. it's like the iliad if achilles HADN'T accepted priam's plea, it's the odyssey if odysseus hadn't retained enough of himself to string that bow or remember the bed. it's a story that tells you "they failed, none of this mattered, but also all of it mattered".

i love how statius as an author is SO present, leading you by the hand through the narrative, offering his views (he has so many opinions and snide asides! and sometimes he complains about how much WORK it is to tell you this story, omg why are you forcing him to do all this work!) and it all feels so -- aw that's my buddy statius!! my funny friend statius is telling me this story and it's great!

this might be the first epic i've read where we know the author wanted it to more or less BE like that, so there are some LONG LINES being drawn from the beginning of the story to the end

i'll be honest, i didn't know much about the theban cycle when i started reading. i knew about oedipus, and antigone, and that diomedes' dad was in it, and that everybody fails spectacularly at what they're trying to achieve. and turns out that was more than enough knowledge to hit the ground running, it's surprisingly straightforward

i'd assumed diomedes' dad was just "one of the seven leaders against thebes", but no he's a MAIN main guy! tydeus is so central, at one point he is ENTIRELY to blame for everything bad that happens later, and i fell in love with that awful little murderman

like the way tydeus introduces himself in the first chapter saying he's from "calydon, the breeding ground of monsters". and you're sitting there like HOHOHO i think we're gonna discover who's the latest monster to come out of calydon!

like the iliad, it shows both sides of the conflict, and arguably our main point of view guys are WAY MORE fucked up than they guys they're fighting. like i love polynices, he's sympathetic because he's been treated so unfairly but that doesn't mean he's not kinda fucked up; i love eteocles, who's a tyrant and cheated, but he's fun to watch and equally fucked up

the wonderful thing is that it doesn't matter who you cheer for, everyone's gonna lose :D

it has everything you want from an epic: gods taking sides, glorious aristeias, tragic battlefield deaths, a trip to the underworld, funeral games, evocative descriptions of weaponry and equipment (statius is SO to the point when it comes to ekphrasis, love him for that), a sexy night raid... the contexts for some of these might surprise you!

AND. AND. IT HAS WHAT THE ILIAD LACKS. that's right: DIONYSUS, baby!! he's here, he's involved, he's getting his hands dirty! also he gets to play a very thetis-like part at one point, which i think is sexy.

statius does amazing work making all these characters distinct. i never thought i'd get a detailed sense of all SEVEN against thebes (and other characters besides ofc) but each of them has their uniquely memorable moments and oddities and they're all so different from each other. it's about PERSONALITIES and it's about those personalities gradually being INFECTED by polynices' transgressive thebe-ness. and still i'm hugging them all to my chest. my little fucked up dudes

it's fascinating that the thebaid is ultimately a tragedy, but it's not like athenian tragedy -- this isn't about how there was no other way, or that everything's already locked down heading for catastrophe; it's the opposite! the heartbreak is in how we see that the conflict could have ended HERE, or HERE, or HERE, or HERE, but they're all so set on doing this they're willing to ignore EVERY bad omen, write off EVERY loss, and convince each other OF COURSE they're gonna win (which they won't!) because they're THE HEROES, DAMMIT. it's HUBRIS, THE EPIC

my favourite moment of "this could easily have ended here" is before the war, when polynices falls out of his chariot during the funeral games, and he's in the middle of the track when all the other racing teams come thundering towards him. statius STOPS TIME at that moment to tell us how close polynices is to dying, that ALL THE PAIN AND DEATH that is sure to come would have been avoided RIGHT HERE if only he'd been trampled and killed, and what a blessing that would have been. but the story has to continue, polynices escapes without a scratch and everything bad happens as it must. THE FLAVOUR of moments like that?? GAWD

so those are some general thoughts. specific moments under the cut because i can never stop talking once i get going

a main thing is how IMMENSELY DISGUSTED zeus is with oedipus, and it never stops being funny. because, like, 1) oedipus' incest kids are adults at this point, and you're still THIS worked up about it?? 2) zeus has got it all wrong, he's like "OMG EWWW can you believe he SOUGHT OUT his own mother to fuck her?? that this PERVERT wanted to fuck his own MOTHER all along?! DISGOSTANG!!" like mate that's REALLY NOT how that happened! and 3) zeus buddy, you're having a tantrum about the concept of incest to your sister-wife........

you know what never gets old? statius describing the activities of the furies' snake hair. the snakes get thirsty! they get sleepy! they get excited! amazing.

MAN how the beginning of book 2 drew me in. we're dropped straight into the action with hermes on an important mission heading out of the underworld, we have no idea what's going on but it's SO atmospheric, it's SO intriguing, and we have to follow his tracks to see where the narrative is going with it. THIS STORYTELLING FEELS SO MODERN

there's a CURSED NECKLACE that i really thought would play more into the plot. i mean it's there to emanate bad vibes, i guess, and indirectly influence things. i'm just not used to full-on CURSED ARTIFACTS in my epics

tydeus' stint as an emissary is hilarious, i'm still not over it. when he loses his cool and basically yells at eteocles "WELL YOU'RE THE SPAWN OF INCEST!!" when he's there ON BEHALF of the other spawn of incest......... tydeus you're SO bad at this

OOOOUGH TYDEUS FIGHTING BACK THE AMBUSH AT THE SPHINX' ROCK IS SO SEXY AND HORRIFYING OMGGG. hang on i gotta go reread that now...

...fucking hell, it's so good. IT'S SO GOOD!!!! it's my new favourite aristeia in any of these epics, from the first cheap shot that almost gets him in the jugular, to the clambering up the rock, and his shield BRISTLING with enemy spears which he pulls out and uses against them, and not to mention how it shows just how fucking EXHAUSTED he gets once the initial adrenaline rush is through

man, statius is so excellent at realistic physiology. like the detailed descriptions of how the runners at the funeral games warm up, how their muscles feel doing this or that... statius obviously knows so many things firsthand

also love how from there on out tydeus lies about the ambush. honey you killed forty-nine guys, not fifty, and you know it!! it's impressive enough, you don't need to round up

i wish athena would play a bigger part as she's taking tydeus as her champion and everything. she's probably the MOST unknowable of all the gods in the thebaid, she rarely speaks directly to anyone, and is kinda only present for her core scenes in the myth. tell me what you're thinking about babe...

we get way more of that "UH OH YOU'RE A GOD'S FAVOURITE, THIS ISN'T GONNA END WELL" with apollo's love for amphiaraus, though. i appreciate that

while we're on the gods, i'm also VERY weak for how openly ares simps for aphrodite. when she jumps in front of his horses to stop him and there's this lovely passage where he rushes from the chariot to take her in his arms and comfort her... awww. and then it's kinda wild when he's like "darling you're my only respite from war"... ares babe, you LOVE war!

there are several suicides in this story, and each one is surprisingly disturbing in its own way, but maeon though??? guy went out with IMMENSE STYLE and INTEGRITY. respect

statius is really good about chronology (since the theban war happens before the iliad-aeneid-odyssey) EXCEPT at one point someone throws a big rock (hippomedon maybe? i can't remember) like polyphemus threw boulders at odysseus and i'm like NO THAT HASN'T HAPPENED YET. ODYSSEUS IS A BOY IN ITHACA AT THIS POINT

i didn't expect to love parthenopaeus so much!! he's a BOY who's snuck off to war, he's glorious but he doesn't understand the consequences! that's a still-developing brain in there!!! when he's killed, EVEN THE ENEMIES GRIEVE FOR HIM, aaaaah! and statius keeps using him as a symbol of how meaningless the war is, and he's a proto-achilles (proto-neoptolemus?) in so many ways and it just KILLS ME

the whole nemea section is sooooo weird. and i GET that it's meant to be weird, that it's part of this whole campaign's WRONGNESS but it's... it's weird. like WHY does their entire army get involved in this place's family and history and politics? why do they get DELAYED FROM WAR eagerly listening to a nurse talking about the massacre of lemnos? why would she put the baby on the ground and leave it? what's UP with that snake? why do they have these MAJOR FUNERAL GAMES OF MILITARY PROWESS for a random dead royal infant? it's so weirddddd

the funeral games in themselves are great fun actually. and that only makes it worse because the next day the battles start and EVERYONE STARTS GETTING KILLED. the vibes turn on a DIME here

there are so many references to heracles that i can't appreciate because i'm clueless about heracles. i should fix that.

i cackled SO HARD at how statius reveals tydeus' cannibalism. that perspective change?? how athena is watching his comrades trying to WREST the decapitated head from him like he's a dog chewing on plastic? oh gosh it's amazing

AND i love how eteocles USES TYDEUS' CANNIBALISM AS A POINT OF PROPAGANDA. he's SO good at painting the entire enemy force as savages because would you believe even one of their fucking LEADERS chomped on theban brains!! THEY'RE HERE TO EAT US UNLESS WE FIGHT

also. also way later when we're told tydeus' wife's love for him is SO GREAT that she even managed to forgive him for that final taboo... do you know who else forgave him for that? INSTANTLY, without a moment's doubt? who was even impressed with him for it because he's fucked up like that? POLYNICES. his love for tydeus goes unremarked but statius sure implies...

i'm not deeply invested in gore but statius is VERY good at describing gore. he's definitely more... structured about battles than homer is though (two leaders dying per chapter, chosen for maximum contrast and effect, etc), to the point where towards the end of the fighting i was getting hungry for something else

the weirdest quirk of statius is how he will reuse names all the time? if there's a random argive background character you can almost bet that there's a random theban background character with that exact name -- i guess to make a point how similar they truly are -- but in a book that shit gets CONFUSING.

the night raid is clearly based on the iliad's night raid except everyone's more twisted and making worse choices, and i appreciate that. then while the heroes are doing awful dishonorable stuff, you get the lowly squires of tydeus and parthenopaeus sneaking off to steal their corpses back and being ACTUALLY HEROIC! oh the contrast is delicious

when statius interrupts his own storytelling to beg the muses to MAKE HIM MORE MENTALLY UNHINGED for the next part he's going to tell?? this man is GIVING IT ALL to tell you this story properly. i love you statius

polynices and eteocles' final duel is the CLIMAX we've been waiting for the entire epic and it's perfect. oh they're equally horrible and they're equally interesting and ohh yummy yummy this storytelling

i would have been fine if the story ended on the battlefield. i understand the "mini epic" in the final chapter as a way to contrast the whole thing ("look at theseus being an ACTUAL epic hero!") but it is a bit of a major vibe shift in the final round

and then it ends with statius pondering if people will enjoy this story after he's dead? :'-) i'm heeeere i'm reading it love it! it's still so great don't worry!!

[limerence-17]

Can i request a Steddie x read where they go mattress shopping and the sales guy is coming on way to hard on read and the boys get really defensive. Then there is smut to be had breaking in said new mattress. Also like to think that they broke the old one lol

this is so crafty and i'm such a sucker for anything steddie related PLUS i can totally see the doing this. hope you enjoy!!

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THE LAST FIRST MATTRESS

not intended for minors. do NOT read if you are not 18+!

–pairing: steddie x fem reader

–word count: 2.8k words

–summary: After forcing your roommates Steve and Eddie to go mattress shopping with you after a little mishap, they can't waste to test it out a week later.

–warnings: p in v unprotected sex, oral sex f receiving and m receiving, fingering, blowjobs, handjobs, kissing, explicit words and context. read at your own disclosure!

A/N: this story is set where everyone is 21/22.

The salesman walks ahead of you, he's leading you over to the next mattress. It's the seventh one he's shown the three of you so far, but you can't help it that you've always been indecisive. I mean hell, maybe this was why you couldn't choose between Steve or Eddie.

It had been that way since you'd decided to move in with your high schools acquaintances after high school. With your struggling love lives it surprisingly brought the three of you together, in more than just three ways. But it never disappointed that the two of them wanted you as well. You never really saw yourself as greedy, not when your two best friends were happy to share you equally- no strings attached of course.

Once the salesman was a bit further ahead of you, you felt a hand grab onto the top half of your arm, squeezing so tight that you turned around the slap it playfully off.

"What, Eddie?" Eddie asked a pouty look painted out all across his face. He looked like a child at the carpet store, begging his parents to go home.

"Seriously, Steve and I already talked about it- we promise we'll buy you a new mattress," Eddie said, turning to Steve for validation, who began to nod very quickly up and down.

"We won't be much longer guys I promise, there has to be one here- besides I can't wait up to a week for a new one. In case you guys forgot or something, I need someplace to sleep tonight, not tomorrow." You say, widening your eyes in a sarcastic kind of way.

"But we're so tired, please. I mean c'mon you could come crash at mine!" Eddie pleads, gripping your shoulders in desperation. It's a little funny seeing how much control you have over the boys and granted you're only shopping.

"Yeah, so... tired..." Steve says in between yawns, covering his mouth to exaggerate it.

"Jesus! I'll go grab my mattress and drag it to my house even if that's what it'll-"

The salesman interrupts Eddie quickly, coughing a little to gain his attention which he notices, releasing your shoulders from his grip quickly. There's 80s music playing softly on the muffled speakers in the store, you can pick up on the soft hum of Into The Groove by Madonna playing and the busy footsteps of other customers walking around.

"So this one is half off, but it is actually quite the steal for its price. A lot of people don't like it for it's sturdier firm, but if you ask me it's perfect if you're planning on doing some more uh... rigorous exercises." The salesman has a small smirk that appears on his face and he's giving you a look that you can't help but feel a certain funny feeling in your stomach. Is he... no he can't be. Wait, is he flirting with you?

"Half off you say? Is it good for uh.. sleeping at least?" You croak out, feeling your throat get a little dry. You can feel Eddie and Steve growing a little impatient, and this time they notice how the salesman has moved his gaze to the cleavage on your chest.

"Oh trust me darling it's perfect for sleeping. After a busy evening, you'll be grateful you own this mattress," He says. And with that, Steve pipes up.

"So say if she wanted to share this bed with... I don't know maybe me for example, do you think it would be a good fit?" Steve asks, clearly gritting through his teeth.

The salesman met Steve's gaze and noticed his glare, which was clearly focused in jealously, perhaps a little competition. You'd be lying if you'd said it didn't make you feel a little giddy inside.

The salesman coughed a bit, clearly his throat and shifting his footing.

"Uh- yes, yes I believe it would." Steve took a step back, crossing his arms.

"We'll take it! Thank you!" Eddie said, stepping in in front of Steve. Steve could be a little unpredictable at times when it came to the woman he cared for in his life.

"Alright well er, I'll go get the papers and I'll check you out- sorry er- I'll get you checked out." The salesman made awkward contact with Steve, Eddie and you as well before he walked away.

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ONE WEEK LATER

It was a late Saturday evening, you'd decided to have a couple drinks at your guys' place with Eddie, while waiting for Steve. You were standing in the kitchen, sipping gently on your wine as Eddie leaned back against the kitchen counter sipping on his beer.

"So, guess what arrived while you were out with the band?" Eddie's eyebrows raised, a little bit confused as to where you were going with this.

"Steve's sense of direction and time management," Eddie said a little sarcastically.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, Eddie could be so infuriating while so fucking handsome at the same time.

"The mattress dickwad, it finally came in and I even set it up on the bed frame all by myself this time," You said, playfully pushing on Eddie's shoulders.

"You know all by yourself doesn't count if you're inviting the movers in to do it for you y'know?"

"Oh shove it Munson," You say, meeting his gaze and pulling him for a quick kiss. He gently pushes in further to deepen the kiss and you can feel his tongue gently grant access into your mouth until suddenly he's pulling away.

"Wha- Eddie?" You ask, whining a little bit. It'd been too long since you'd had sex and you were starting to feel a little more needy than usual. How could you not be anyway? You had two perfect guys who were completely open to a friends with benefits three way.

"Don't you think we should wait for Harrington? Now that you and I are already two drinks in?" Eddie says, still tracing small circles against your arm as you're still pushed up against him. You can feel the outline of his cock against your waist the more you adjust yourself against him.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we got a head start, plus it's kind of his fault for never being on time," You say, running yours hands through Eddie's hair as he's looking at you with lust filled in his eyes.

Just as Eddie starts to give in, placing soft kisses against your neck, there's a knock at the door.

"Jesus!" Eddie shouts, trying to pull himself together. You look down and it's clear he was beginning to have a boner.

"Oh my god Eds pull yourself together," You say, scoffing a bit as you tug your hair behind your ears. You make your way over to the door and look outside the peephole. Outside the door is Steve, standing a little awkwardly tucking his car keys into his wallet. You open the door, with a hand on your hip which makes Steve scoff a bit.

"So I'm gonna assume that you've already started drinking and uh..." Steve leans his head in, starting to walk a bit slowly into your guys' apartment. From behind you he spots Eddie, whose attempted to compose himself on the couch.

You look down for a moment and notice that your tank top strap is down your shoulder. Steve follows your gaze and notices that you've noticed this as well.

"The two of you are so sneaky," he says pretty nonchalantly, smirking a bit as he puts his belongings down as heads into the kitchen, opening a beer as he takes a couple of sips.

"I'm sorry Steve, but you know I'll make it up to you later," you say as you walk over to the counter, pulling your tank top strap up again.

"You know we both will!" Eddie says, lifting his beer up in agreement from the couch. Steve rolls his eyes.

"Oh shove it Munson," he says, taking another swig. You can tell Steve's had a long day at work, and you know the perfect way to get this night started. Besides, that quick make out sesh with Eddie had your dirty thoughts already spiralling out of control, and the messiness of Steve's hair and slight droopy look in his eyes was driving you insane.

"So I already told Eddie, but my mattress arrived today," you say, cracking a small smile. Steve swallows his sip from his drink slowly and looks at you with wide eyes.

"Oh really?" You nod very fast, pretty proud of yourself for doing it in the first place.

"Apparently she did it all herself too Harrington," Eddie says, now standing up from the couch. He's hit play on the stereo beside the couch. Your 60s tape was left in it, so to Eddie and your own surprise Lonely Sea by The Beach Boys.

"Really, Beach Boys?" Eddie asks.

"I was studying, give me a break it's calming," you notice as Steve has moved closer to you and placed his hand on your waist and almost as a reflex, you place your wine glass on the kitchen island.

You turn around so that now you're facing Eddie, whose begun to walk closer to you, his eyes glaring across you and Steve, who's now begun to place gentle kisses across your neck. It's taking everything in you to keep your composure even with the feeling of Steve's lips on your neck.

"You know- I'm starting to think we should give that mattress a little test y'know, whaddya think Harrington?" Eddie asks, now extremely close to the two of you, starting to place kisses on the other side of your neck.

You find yourself running both of your hands through both of their heads of hair, the feeling of their lips on you driving you mental.

"That-sounds-incredible-" Steve says in between his sloppy neck kisses.

"Follow me," you say, finally managing to pull away, strutting slowly into your bedroom and sitting down on the bed, jumping a bit on the mattress.

"Looks a shit ton better than the shitty disaster we made of the last one," Eddie says, nudging Steve a bit who lets out a scornful laugh.

Steve's already started to take off his shirt, and feeling as if you should comply you've started to take yours off as well.

"You guys are too fast seriously," Eddie says, unbuckling his pants and shirt as he scrambles over to you.

"Let me have her for a moment first Munson, Steve's had a long day and could really use some assistance," Steve says now leaning on top of you, causing you to fall backwards onto the mattress. Before you know it, his lips are on you and your hands are running through his bouncy brown hair.

"Fuck," Steve says, as he's suddenly aware of your hands scratching up and down his back. "Yes keep doing that babe, that feels so good god," Steve says, now slowly planting kisses across your chest and stomach as you quickly unclip your bra.

As Steve is working on pulling your pants down, you've lost your focus as Eddie's begun to kiss you, a longing kiss as his tongue begins to dance with yours. Naturally, you find yourself gravitating to his boxers, where you finally place your hand around a most longing boner.

"All this for me?" You ask, looking at Eddie with siren eyes.

In the living room, you hear Lost in Your Eyes by Tommy James start to play on the stereo.

"God you make me fucking feral baby," Eddie says, as you manage to pull out his cock, stroking it slowly watching as he lets out a low gasp and his eyes roll back for a moment. You're pumping your hand up and down just at the speed you've grown to know that Eddie goes mental for.

"Just like that baby, yeah stroke my dick just like that mmm," Eddie grunts lowly.

You're so focused on pumping Eddie, and his shaky breath and sloppy kisses on your lips that you haven't even noticed that Steve's already pulled your panties to your ankles. Steve plants kisses on your inner thighs. His lips are cold to touch to you and you feel goosebumps grow against your legs and shivers through your spine.

He slowly gravitates towards the upper end of your inner thighs and you want to grip at his hair so bad, give him all the praise imaginable but you're so consumed with the feeling of Eddie's dick in your hands, pre cum running across your fingertips.

With a few kisses, Steve now moves on your clit, placing small but excruciatingly incredible kisses on your heat.

"Oh god," you say, moving your gaze a bit to see Steve now sucking and grunting against your clit. His tongue is moving up and down so quickly you can't help but pull away from Eddie for a moment. What you see in front of you is so fucking hot you can't help it. Steve is now eating you out as if he's been starved for too long, and you even catch a glimpse of him running his hand through his long hair before he gets back to tongue fucking you as hard as he possibly can.

You don't get to look for much longer though however because Eddie's gripped his hand tightly on your cheeks, redirecting you to him.

"No baby, you keep your eyes on me." Eddie says, and suddenly your focus is redirected to stroking Eddie once more. You can hear his orgasm building as his grunts gets louder. After a few more pumps, Eddie pulls your hand away.

"Jesus Christ baby you're gonna make me cum, not yet, not until I'm inside you," he says, now kissing you once more. He pulls away to look at Steve, who's still eating you out.

"Look at Steve, eating you out like that, you're such a good girl you know you deserve it," he says, his eyes widening with infatuation and lust as he watches him going down on you. As you feel your heat rising and climax building up, Steve pulls away quickly.

"Munson I mean- Fuck you gotta come see how wet she is, I mean it's as if she's been thinking about this all day," Steve says, a little exasperated and flushed from the heat in between your legs.

"Oh really huh?" Eddie says, moving from the bed to the front of the bed where he's now kneeling beside Steve. Eddie pulls your legs closer so that his fingers now line up perfectly with your now obviously soaking wet pussy. All it takes is for Eddie to run one slow finger across your slit and you're already throwing your head back, desperate for more.

Steve's now moved back up to you, kissing you gently. "See how fucking incredible you taste?" God that was so fucking hot, you think to yourself, grabbing Steve's neck and pulling him in for another kiss. Suddenly Eddie's got one finger inside you, pumping inside you slowly, then it's two and you can feel yourself starting to see stars.

"You gonna let Munson fuck you now?" Steve asks, although you and him already both know the answer to it.

"Yes, please Eddie you know I need your cock inside me," you practically beg through muffled gasps.

Eddie obliges and stands above you, pulling your hips closer to him to adjust himself. With the grip of his hands on you, he turns you around so that now you're facing Steve's dick.

With a few adjustments, Eddie slowly inserts his full length inside you, pumping slowly at first and you both let out moans of need and lust.

"C'mon baby I need your mouth on me," Steve says, and you follow his direction, placing the tip of his length across your tongue, moving it in a circle and watch as he puts his hands up and rolls his head backwards mumbling obscenities.

"That's it baby, take Steve's dick, take it all in that pretty mouth of yours," Eddie says between grunts as he pumps himself harder inside you. After a few minutes of grunts, low moans you find that both of the guys have come to their orgasms and the three of you let out gasps and exhales and lay back down on the bed. You find yourself in the middle and Steve has now laid his head on your chest.

"At least we didn't break this mattress this time," Eddie says, scoffing a bit raising his arm.

"Yeah god I mean- that is the last first mattress we ever buy for my room again," you say, laughing.

"Anyway, I think it's Steve's turn now," you say, sitting back up two face the two boys in front of you, a small smile on your face.

[homeless202]

I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

-

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

-

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

-

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

-

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

[mashihope]

❥ ZB1 and their Palia romances

(This mini moodboard is made by me; I don’t own any of the pics.)

Oh my god!! Luna making a (quick) comeback!! Yeah, so rare. I've gotten way too into Palia, I'm not gonna lie. This random thought came into my brain while I was watching random videos, "who would they go for?" and it suddenly became a need to make this. I'm not gonna make any promises, as usual, I'm just trying to get myself in the creative mood after such a long time. I'm doing this for reasons that I will 99.9% not be able to fulfill once more. I apologize if I lack a lot compared to previous posts. Ignoring that, let's do this! Little disclaimer: I haven't gotten that far on the lore or the relationships on their own so these assumptions and descriptions of the characters could not be completely accurate!

Jiwoong

I found it really hard at first, not gonna lie.

I think he would find Tamala really attractive, given her whole witchy vibe (and overall attitude, I guess).

There's something about her that I feel matches Jiwoong really well.

It would be a kinda interesting pair, a vampire and a witch, who would have thought??

When asked he would simply say "age is nothing but a number" (obviously wouldn't apply out of the adult context!)

Matthew would tease him saying that they are an immortal couple after all.

Zhang Hao

This one was way easier than other members.

Funny enough, he has his priorities straight.

Yeah, we're talking about zerostraightnone after all.

He simps for Hodari. (affectionatelly)

He's been found looking at fanart questionably often.

He goes "THIS MAN" while biting his lip whenever there's a flirty dialogue. He actually blushes sometimes.

He just can't help it lmao.

(The members do side eye him when that happens though)

Don't even mention the shirtless dialogue to him or he'll go crazy.

Aside from Hodari, come on, we're talking about the one and only ZHANG HAO.

He can get whoever he wants at his feet. (or vice versa, honestly)

And that someone is Hassian.

He just loves strong men *sigh*

Hanbin

This one was hard too.

The reason? The recipe for this man keeps confusing me.

Too sweet or too spicy.

I can kinda see Kenyatta as one of his options.

Something about her rebellious nature, maybe.

I wouldn't say that it's a perfect match, but I think he would like such an open minded and free spirited woman by his side. (+ she can be kinda cute at times too!)

He would support her every decision, we love a supportive partner!

He would make Eshe love him, by the way. Not even her could resist to his charms!

To go with this, I feel he would also go for Nai'O, you know, to spice things up since (spoiler) they already had a thing going on ;)

That guy can also say the sweetest things sometimes so I think there would be a really great balance among the three :)

Matthew

We all know how much of a sweetie he is.

And who else is as sweet as him and could absolutely match his sunshine energy?

Best girl Tish!

I think they would be an instant and perfect match.

He would see her for the first time and go :0

"Oh my god you're so pretty 🥺💕" "Are you single? 🥺"

He would treat her as the prettiest and rarest flower, so "delicate and ethereal"

If not, he would try to flirt with Reth.

You know, the usual "no homo" at first. "He's just a friend"

But maaaan, "how gorgeous he looks, doesn't he?"

He finds himself giggling whenever he sees soup in a menu.

Taerae

This guy would fall for the sweet girl too.

Simp number 2?? Maybe?? More like simp then. (affectionately)

You can see him silently smiling at the screen while he's talking with her. Even when he sees her walking by.

Would never say anything weird about her, he's a soft and gentle man 😌

Dare I say... he's a "man in love"? Yes I do.

Going on a personal quest of picking up a lot of flowers just to gift them to her? Absolutely! Decorating a "special" room of his house (very cottagecore themed) so "she could someday feel at home"? You bet he will!

Other than that... Hey, hear me out.

He gives me the vibes that he may or may not be into older girls.

He has a certain charm on his own that the ladies wouldn't be able to resist.

I'm talking specifically of Subira. I know she's supposed to fall for the human anyway, but she would 100% find Taerae unusually charming and attractive.

𝓡𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂

He would have a hard time admitting the real reasons behind this one.

Want a hint?

Young and rich.

Tall and handsome.

Passion for Fashion.

Who's that Paliamon?! ...It's Jel!

He finds that guy unexplainably familiar. "Have I seen you before??".

He'd be sooo confused at first, his brain can't process what's happening.

Gyuvin would finally be 100% convinced that 𝓡𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂 loves himself way too much (and would definitely tease him for it lmao). #selflove king

𝓡𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂 would be a blushing mess the second he realizes why he's gotten so attached to Jel all of a sudden.

Gyuvin

He's the embodiment of "At first I was like mmm (Einar) as a joke. But bro... I don't think it's a joke anymore".

Being his usual goofy self, he would actually find it kinda funny when he finds about Einar being an option for romance in this game.

He would take a photo and send it to the group chat "lmao guys look at this".

𝓡𝓲𝓬𝓴𝔂 would joke saying that he "should totally date him".

Gyuvin would see it as a challenge and start working on that.

Yes, he's goofy and silly, but he's really sensitive and emotional as well.

He would slowly get closer to Einar, starting to find himself relating to the most random things or empathizing too much...

He's found a really good friend after all 🥺 he doesn't even find dating the fishing robot as weird as he used to.

But. He wouldn't hesitate flirting with Hassian if that means he gets to spend more precious time with Tau 🥺

(I can definitely see Tish being an option too).

Gunwook

Our favorite nerd (affectionately).

The one who started all of this. But I'll forgive him because he's such a cutie pie.

He was the first one when I started to think about their different options.

I'm 101% sure he would LOVE Jina.

Other than just for her looks, you know what they say "smart is sexy"... Or something like that.

I feel like he's the type of person to fall for the brain first (which sounds kinda creepy and weird without context oopsie).

He would try his best to focus in and prioritize all of the quests that are related to her in any way.

There's also a chance he would kinda get jealous of Hekla, but it wouldn't go farther than a simple joke.

Assuming he actually loves to talk non-stop about "smart stuff" and throw around random facts he's learned, he would be all "smile and nod" (and blush) in real life if she wasn't a fictional character.

Yujin

Wasn't sure about adding him, but I found it really cute.

Once again, going for the popular option here, he would have a crush on Tish.

I can not see this any other way.

He's a shy baby but would try his absolute best to have a "clear" mind when it comes to choosing the best responses on dialogue.

You know, he wants to show that he can act like a rational adult too.

...would actually fail more often than not and ask the older hyungs for advice. He wants to do things right (he's taking this seriously).

He likes to see it as a "traning for real life". There's a lot to learn that can also be applied to non romantic relationships!

At the end of the day, he would try to sound "poetic" (or something like that) by saying that "with love, patience and communication all relationships can bloom".

The hyungs can't help but tease him because of how cute he is!

[zukkacore]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

ANYTHING ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT THE LOVERS UNIVERSE OR ANYTHING AT ALL

Hiiiii truly sorry friend this literally took so long!!!!!!!!!!!! b/c i sat here wracking my brain abt what tf i wanted to talk abt and i got all distracted by wanting to finish Biggest Lie and. i decided to just do what i did last time and. Just go over everything that was a reference or not to something else within Almost b/c I do think that is the easiest way to comb over this gd fic from head to toe. If i don't finish in one go I'll just reblog w/ additions and tag you in

"You're in love, aren't you?" / "You've been sighing all day" I've talked about this before, it's actually a pull from Howl's moving castle. Easily one of the most shameless things i've pilfered and it doesnt even really have a meaning, I just think the exchange is funny.

When J2 approaches, Porter Cliffbreaker lights up with the most insufferable, self-satisfied grin J2’s ever seen in his short life. “You’re early,” he practically purrs. - (In ch 3 for context. This is Porter seeing J2 for the first time.) Obviously we're continuing the Hadestown motif of "you're early" "I missed you". This is again part of the Porter n Jace whole Thing of like. Jace breaking up with him (not in the Big Break but you know). Obviously part of the reason Porter is being so smug is that he thinks Jace is coming crawling back to him. Lol. He thought, didn't he?

"I’m in the correct place, right?” / J2 turns to a tiefling girl in a plaid skirt and a ripped band shirt who is strapping bass guitar to her chest. “Hey, kid. Am I in the right class?” This is a weird pull but this is actually Twelfth Night to me, the scene where Viola first meets Olivia. I just think it's so funny when Viola comes in and doesn't know whether Maria or Olivia is the lady of the house. "The honorable lady of the house, which is she?" / "Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty—I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast away my speech—" etc etc. There's a lot of Twelfth Night influence just b/c there's a lot of like mistaken identity stuff and being in love with someone while they're in love with someone else etc etc all that good stuff. I also think the scene where Viola has to woo olivia is just like. Hot. To be fair tho, J2 is kinda doing the opposite here, he's letting Porter down easy abt the breakup. It's a loose pull but i like the idea of J2 being so out of his element he doesn't even know he's in the right place.

“ What are you?” “I… can’t say. An olive branch? A… A best kept secret, maybe. Between you and the guy up top.” “A secret?” “A parting gift.” But also “What am I?” “That. But also why are you here? A beat. “I’m…” Finally, J2 settles on, “A messenger?” and “It’s—he wants to insist he’s not at war, here.” “Well, that’s a damn shame" is so this Twelfth Night exchange to me:

^^^ to elaborate (sorry i didn't wanna type it out): Idk the viola n olivia vibes in this whole scene not just this part are so flirtaeous and i liked the mentions of war and divinity. Like Porter is the god of war and yet the clones existing as this kind of olive branch. And there's this question of What J2 Is. And there isn't really an answer to that. I liked this idea of him being a secret. A gift. The line "to your ears divinity, to any others profanation" was just. ough.

I'll do this like. It's a big block of text so:

The fluorescence flickers. Mindless, as if purely out of routine, he makes his way over to the sink, to the cabinets full of mugs and glasses. J2 spots Jace’s immediately—it’s purple, with a slogan from his favorite podcast. He snatches it by the handle and throws it against the floor, where it shatters into a million pieces. He thinks about Jaceprime, and about being Dispelled. Despite the fear he can feel rising in his chest, making it hard to breathe, he thinks for another long moment. What a satisfying crash. He wonders if his fear of oblivion is unique to simulacra, or if it's something Jaceprime also has to grapple with every day. He wonders about the weird glowing gem in his chest, and how Jaceprime always refers to a time Before, with him and The Big Guy, but refuses to say outright what happened. He thinks about Porter—and of rage. He stares at the shattered pieces of the cup on the ground. And after a moment of serious contemplation, he grabs another mug off the shelf, and he does it again.

Anyway^^^: That's a reference to The Haunting of Hill House! Both the show and the movie. Theodora says it in both versions. Here's the anecdote I love so much:

“When I was a child,” Theodora said lazily, “—'many years ago,‟ Doctor, as you put it so tactfully—I was whipped for throwing a brick through a greenhouse roof. I remember I thought about it for a long time, remembering the whipping but remembering also the lovely crash, and after thinking about it very seriously I went out and did it again

The variation from the show also includes something along the lines about "I learned a lot about my own mother that day. Taught her, too." which I completely forgot is such a movie special but. I think was also so vital to why I loved that line and wanted to include a nod to it. Like. I've already talked about this but i wanna reiterate that I do not feel bad making motherhood comparisons w/ Jace and the clones b/c he is their creator! He is their frankenstein! Anyway, the imagery of like, getting satisfaction out of doing something destructive, and then doubling down out. Even if you get repercussions from your parent. Or maybe because of that. Maybe spite is the motivator. It was so striking. I think we tend to get this perception of J2 as this soft baby boy but this is one of my fav moments of his because it's so impotent and petulant. It's so him trashing a bathroom to have some semblance of power. J2 has so little power, but he can destroy Jace's favorite mug! (also, yes it was a complicated woman podcast mug. Also in IYWD Jace mentions the fact that he started bringing crappy mugs to work bc his kept disappearing and this was kinda a nod to that.)

"I—Fuck, Porter! Why don’t you just tell me what to do!" Ok, this is also pretty broad. Pulling from a few things here. I mean. This is very Pearl-coded to me. I still think about that scene to garnet where she says "I'm useless on my own. I need someone to tell me what to do". Also Please don't laugh, I have an old Hugh grant comedy that's my favorite and there's a scene where the son is having an argument w/ his mom and when he says "Because we never have any discussions, we have an argument, and you always win! Why don't you just tell me what to do" and she goes "Because I want you to think for yourself!" and then he's like fine then mom its not up to you if hugh grant is my friend even if he did pretend to have a two year old son so he could sleep with the single moms at the single parent support group. I love this movie btw. which i've already said like the paternal connotations to godhood mean i don't feel TOO bad when Porter's vibe gets weird and paternal. There's also a definite "I want someone to tell me what to wear in the morning. I want someone to tell me what to wear every morning fleabag vibe. I mean. Who said that.

“I—I’m not a consolation prize, Porter,” I think this is technically broad enough to not be a when harry met sally reference, but Sally does say this to Harry when he's trying to apologize to her and he's basically like "lol if neither of us have a date to the new york party we can go together" which. If that's not the vibe for whats going on. Filling in a spot because the other person is lonely.

“I want you. I’m only here for so long, and all I know is. I like you, ok?” and “I think you’re right.” J2 is working to keep his voice steady. “We both know that I was made for you. Literally. But more importantly… I like you. I know that much.” This is such a weird pull but this is such a Parks and Rec "I love you and I like you" (evil version) for me. I think there's such an interesting distinction between like and love. There's something so sad about J2 trying to insist, to me anyway, that he would also choose this even if he wasn't destined to love Porter due to being Of Jace. Love is destiny, but "like"? Like has the connotation of. Friendship. New feelings, innocence, juvenile. Just enjoying each other's company. J2 has so little, and he enjoys being around Porter. He loves Porter, but he likes him. It's... almost... adolescent. But it's also very. Forget the sweeping romance. I would do laundry and taxes with you.

“I like you, too, Bluejay.” I mean. Barely a reference but we all know Bluejay is so Hey, little Songbird coded from hadestown. I've joked about this but legit i was so so so so so terrified to give J2 a nickname to individualize him b/c i was so scared of completely blowing it. And I was just like. This is BARELY an individualization. He likes blue. Is that the dumbest thing ever. Obviously the concept of ownership is so prevalent in almost, and J2 is so comforts of a gilded cage coded. He's the precious gift, the one who learns to love the cage that Jace rejects. He's ESPECIALLY hey little songbird coded to me, b/c it's about Jace running away (Persephone) and Porter finding someone else to replace him (Eurydice).

“Hey. What’s with the silent treatment?” says Porter. “Cat gotch’er tongue?” Um. Hey. Little songbird. Cat got your tongue? Always a pity for one so pretty and young... No excuse.

I'll pair it with Porter rises from his desk, and J2 is in the embrace of his arms. and It feels so good being in Porter’s arms. and “I can make it go away,” says Porter, so softly—tenderly—even as he tightens his grasp on J2, secure. etc etc. Because that's not like. As on the nose but that's ALL Hadestown comforts of a gilded cage imagery. Someone who could love these walls that hold her close, and keep her safe, and think of them as my embrace. etc etc. Just. This idea of J2 running away from somthing and straight into the trap that was so heartbreaking to me. "Strange is the call of this strange man. I wanna fly down and feed at this hand. I want a nice soft place to land. I wanna lie down forever." etc. Even as he's getting this like. Horrible revelation about the truth of what Porter did to jace, and he's feeling this new fear that this could be him, he was built to find comfort here. He was raised to find comfort here. Porter wants everything. And J2 owns nothing, not even himself. "Seeing as you've got nothing to lose, and I could use a canary"

To go to something... maybe funnier? Maybe not. Again. Silly pull. J2 sniffs. Finally, he braves a look up, blinking back tears as he says, “Can… you just hold me a little longer?” Porter’s smile makes him forget all else. “Of course.” Like. This doesn't take place in chapter 7, but to me, this is the smoking gun that J2 and Porter were always going to sleep together (i mean, they already have, but in a Mega Turbo Detect Thoughts Sex Trick Orgasm Way). This is actually something from When Harry Met Sally! Sally says this to harry when she's crying about her ex getting married. And he holds her and gives her a kiss and this is the first time they sleep together. Like this is so Hurt/Comfort (evil version) of that scene to me, and the nature of like, comfort that turns into sexual tension is fascinating to me. And like. There's something so comedic and pathetic and cloying about the way she asks it too. Like. The desperation but also the slight comedy of it.

I'll also say, if you wanna read this into it too. I do this this is All I've Ever Known (evil version). "all i've ever known is how to hold my own, but now I wanna hold you, hold you close, I don't wanna ever have to let you go. Now I wanna hold you hold you tight, I don't wanna go back to the lonely life" etc etc

 “He still loves you, you know.” / Jace is... “ —A good guy,” he insists hard, / “I—I know we are… of the same. But—I don’t understand it. If—” / “Porter, gods, Porter, if I loved you the way my master loves you…” / "How does he love me?”  OK. So this entire scene is a little bit Handmaiden coded in that it's like. Ohhhh what if we were fucking and I was pretending to do this in service of teaching you what the person you're supposed to be with and what they would do this is just instructional i prommyyyyy.

But Also this whole Thing to me I was taking on a kind of. Like. Reverse Twelfth Night thing? Like, the concept is very much closer to Orsino and Viola's deal, in that Viola loves Orsino while Orsino loves olivia (Say that some lady, as perhaps there is, hath for your love as great a pant of heart as you have for Olivia! You cannot love her, you tell her so. Must she not then be answered?". "I am all the daughters of my father's house. And all the brothers too") But I do really like the idea of Viola having to convey the depth of Orsino's longing for Olivia by using her own pining for Orsino. That's littered throughout this scene. There are a ton of nods to the exchange. "How does he love me" is a direct quote. There's also this:

If I did love you in my master’s flame, With such a suff’ring, such a deadly life, In your denial I would find no sense. I would not understand it.

But yeah it's this idea of like. J2 is channelling jace and getting extremely horny about it. He's imainging the depth of Jace's longing and he finds it genuinely moving. He things Porter deserves that. but also. J2 is using his own longing here, and essentially giving Porter a gift because he knows the depth of that longing would mean more to Porter if it was from Jace. Which of these is the truth? Maybe both

"With adorations. With fertile tears. With groans that thunder love. With sighs of fire" This is the only thing that is like. A direct quotation of something Viola says in Twelfth Night, and I just think its so horny and honestly? Effective. Why ruin a good thing?

OK! Last one!

J2 is getting what he wants. He gets to be by Porter's side, despite the risk. (And in his memories, Jace looks so happy. Doesn't Porter deserve that, too?) So why does this feel like… death? Like he’s dissolving into snow—dissipating in the warmth of the sun? That’s how it works, right? He doesn’t know that much, but it feels true, doesn’t it? When your heart breaks, you should die.

Like.... Am i gonna get stoned for this? Do I have the right in invoke Tony Kushner? Do i deserve this? I'm being so real here, this is one of those "janelle is using paradise lost to talk abt jaceporter" things that just feels deeply WRONG.

Anyway. This is 100% and Angels in America reference. And I... It feels a little wrong to put Jaceporter fanfiction and such a beautiful piece of art in the same breath but here we are. The line is:  "I don’t understand why I’m not dead. When your heart breaks, you should die. But there’s still the rest of you." Like... I just think that line is so sad and beautiful. Am... Am I allowed to do this??? Like. It doesn't feel right. It felt right to put it there. It was so clear in my mind. It just felt so emotionally true... J2 is so green... And it's this like. Invocation that he's a person but he's a simulacra. he's animated snow. How does being a person even work. How does it work when you've been robbed of your purpose?

It's just. That's how it should work, right? When your heart breaks, you should die.

Anyway. Thank you for my long winded nonsense. Genuinely sorry this took so long.

[calamitaswrath]

Cal Lucia plays Fire Emblem Path of Radiance: Chapter 13

Not much of a lead-in for this chapter, huh? I'm just plopped right into my pre-chapter preparations. But then again, since in previous cases that was always accompanied by a change in location, and we're still very much on a boat, I suppose that makes sense. Let's start with Jill!

"Why are you still here?" - Blunt, Ike. Blunt. And calling soldiers stupid, too! Reminds me of that one post that's like "everyone who died for their country is a clown". It does make me wonder why exactly Jill really is still with us, though. The basic interesting is obvious, but where does it come from, and why is it enough?

Conversation with Daniel, about the best means to defend on a ship map. Very subtle, game. And they're playing an in-universe war game? Fire Emblem-ception?

Aimee continues to simp for Ike. The game really does make a running gag out of him not caring for women romantically or sexually, huh?

Sibling interactions between Oscar, Boyd and Rolf!! Those are always fun. Judging by the fact that it was a three star one, I thought that it would actually lead to something, but I haven't noticed anything yet. Do they get their own triangle attack now, or. . .?

Right, time to start the actual chapter. And we get more worldbuilding! Begnion's got an empress, Crimea and Daein used to be part of it, and we seriously gotta wonder why they want to see Elincia in the first place

Tanith. . . woag. . .

Hmm, we got a high priestess? The only context in which I've heard of priestesses in the context of PoR/RD is with Micaiah's classes, but I really don't think that she's going to make an actual appearance here yet

Heyy, Gatrie's back! And he got himself a new job. Have to wonder about that other character, though. . . her name in the German version is Stella, but I don't think that's gonna be the same in English. And after looking that up, her English name is Astrid. . . okay? Seems to be another instance of the German version carrying over the Japanese name.

Ohoho, defend map! And one with a lot of chests, too. Gimme gimme gimme!

Ah, there's Nasaela. Based on these early vibes, I can already somewhat understand my friend's obsession. I am curious though why the king of an entire nation is out here making deals with rather lowly soldiers for money like this. Is his country not doing well financially speaking?

Ergh, as I'm playing through this map, I'm beginning to realize that I really don't have the turns to actually get all the items with just Sothe. I think I'll need to restart and hand everyone chest keys. . . lovely.

Well, that second attempt went a lot better in general. I got all the enemies on the upper ship, including the boss, by just turn five! Let's see what else is gonna happen on this map.

Ah, so that other character flying near Nasaela is. . . well, a character. Kinda funny to see an old winged man like that. And pfft, he Nasaela doesn't like being called. . . what would it be in English? Hatchling?

Tibarn and Janaff. I would say these two have the look of playable characters to them.

Hold on, Tibarn's a king as well? Do the bird Laguz have multiple kingdoms? So far, I was under the impression that they only got the one. . .

This lot really was just there to show that they're there, huh?

. . .And I left the defend point unguarded on accident. I thought the enemy ravens would make a beeline for the treasure, NOT that point. Guess that's my first game over!

Jesus fucking christ, my luck on this second attempt was terrible. Astrid missed a ~90% to hit twice, Rolf also missed one, I took longer to beat the boss. . . but at least I managed to still turn things around in the end. Still just absolutely stucks about Astrid though, because she did get a lot more kills, and by proxy, exp, the first time around.

Sigrun! I heard the name before, but I don't have any associations. With Sanaki however, there are some half-remembered tidbits there. I think she's related to Micaiah somehow?

Ah. So the high priestess is the empress as well. Then why even make a distinction in introducing her?

Ike and Soren having a little heart-to-heart! That's nice.

Sanaki's found, and Ike really can be rather thick at times. . . let's see where that leads him

It gets him invited to court, is what it does. Fair enough.

[camillescreations]

EDIT: I've edited some points because I've watched the trailer more and understand things a bit better! So reread if you want!

So loved the trailer but I don't really feel like doing an in-depth analysis like I did for the teaser, so I'll just point out some things that I thought were interesting!

1. Stede is adorable and looks great in his outfits, I love his "I didn't dump him," and "we're on a break." I also love how it seems like people around Stede are teasing him about his rocky relationship. And on that note I'm SO EXCITED to see how Stede tells the crew (or maybe just Olu?) about what happened on the beach!

2. Ed is equally adorable and I love the hint that he'll be a total bitch to Stede for a while lol

3. Izzy is missing half his left leg! Huh. I know people speculated it but it's cool to have confirmation! The missing toe must have gotten infected. I wonder if that will play a part in Izzy realizing he made a mistake in bringing Blackbeard back.

4. Stede saying he's been a failure his whole life really hurts my heart

5. There's a scene of Stede in his Chinese garb looking horrified at what the Revenge looks like. This must be after the storm damaged it. Poor guy

6. Izzy and Stede training together! Love to see it. I'm excited to maybe have a reason to like Izzy more and see Stede become better at... well a lot of things lol

7. STEDE EARRING STEDE EARRING I wonder who pierces his ear, I hope they show it haha

8. Ed standing on the rocks with what people have speculated to be Hornigold, or his ghost, I wonder what the context of that scene is

9. There's the bunny from the poster! (Note Ed says "new best friend," hinting Stede isn't his bestie anymore aw). I wonder if this is from Ed's island days or maybe when he's trying to figure himself out again (aka the trying something new scene?)

10. What kind of wound does stede have on his shoulder when he's tied to the mast? Doesn't seem to be a stab wound, it's more of a hole. Bullet perhaps? Hot cigar burnt into his skin?

11. Seems like the "torture" scene may be comical after all? It looks like Jim is smiling?

12. In the scene where they're on the "torture" boat, seems like before the "torture" happens, Stede is smiling! Good to see him happy for a moment, since pretty much every other scene he hasn't smiled lol

13. Who is this weird-nosed character? Is he the villain of the season? Seems like he's leading the Navy officers, so probably.

14. WEE JOHN LOOKS SO GOOD IN DRAG OMG WHAT A QUEEN

15. Jim and Olu are together again awwww

16. Why is Stede running along the shore? Is he running to someone? Ed perhaps?

17. Yeah that headbutt from Ed was definitely on purpose 😂 But we love to see bedside vigil worried Stede! Is this where they officially reunite?

18. LOOK AT SWEDE THERE HE ISSS BABYGIRLL (so is he one of Jackie's husband's now?? I'm excited to see the story of how he ended up working at Jackie's lol) Also his little "are you poor now?" is so funny

19. I love how Ed sputters after taking a puff of the joint or cigar or whatever it is, shows that he's not used to it lol

20. The Ed crying scene probably happens around the same time that the painted cake topper scene does, since we see the bride topper in the right corner. Also I really want Stede to find the cake toppers (or at least Ed's if Ed throws the groom overboard)

21. When Ed says "no more booze, no more drugs, and no more" the "Stede" at the end is clearly not from that same line. So I wonder what he actually says at the end?

22. What are Stede and crew escaping from during the crossbow scene? I've watched the trailer again and I think they're firing the crossbow for the zip line rope! And they're escaping from a ship to the Revenge. I hope Stede gets to shoot the crossbow!

23. The "you two know each other?" scene must come around the same time that Stede reunites with Ed after Ed is hurt, since Ed has the same split lip. Or maybe the headbutt scene comes after that? I'm not sure. I would bet that the headbutt scene is first.

24. Why are Jim and Olu and that other person warding off vampires lol

25. We finally see a glimpse of Lucius!! In the scene where he and Frenchie are under a log. He has a beard now! We definitely know it's him becouse of the wooden finger. Yay the boy is back! Can't wait to see how he survived and the Lucius x Black Pete reunion!!

Anyways that's all, I'm even more excited for the new season now and I hope we get a clip or two or more photos! But we only have 3 weeks left guys hang in there!!!

[meadow-roses]

reblog to get an ask, you say? well. i love your sketches and doodles and have been checking your blog pretty much daily for almost three years now to see your green ember, keepers, deepwood, and shifters art. i love felix and skylar's dynamic and id love to know more about their relationship in particular!

Oh my goodness thank you 🥺😭

That means so much! I'm so glad you've enjoyed it all and you've been here 3 years????? 😭😭 Thank you,,,, 🥺🥺

Oh man there's so much for Felix and Skylar afcfhf the story has kinda built itself around these two basically since it's conception like 4 years ago. It's hard to describe it cause I can't think of any trope they slot into nicely to shorthand describe them 😂

Since I don't know how to put this concisely I'll just ramble about them under the cut lol!

So Felix is this funny guy who's super chill and casual about stuff all the time but also is so so oriented around friends. He'll meet someone and just be like "You're my new friend now I decided", which meshes with Skylar's 'loner protagonist' tendencies hilariously. Skylar's just cruising around the universe with Gigi, popping in here and there to save the day then disappear as spontaneously as he arrived under this assumption that it will always only ever be him and his brother (hair blowing dramatic in the wind(that's all he really needs, right?)). Then he meets this guy who's just as stubborn as he is that he can't seem to shake off his tail?? It doesn't matter what time or planet or dimension he goes off to, this guy's always there! It's like the universe itself is pulling this on him. He doesn't like how the guy's face lights up whenever he sees him and sometimes he says some pretty crazy stuff like "we're best friends in the future" like that would ever happen. 🙄

Meanwhile Felix is just struggling. His entire life has always been structured around "his people"- friends, neighbors, family, coworkers- anyone he can make a connection with. But now they're all gone, and worse still he can't settle in and try to make new connections, he's gotta figure out how to get home! In the midst of all this he keeps running into the same kid over and over and over again who seems to be living in this mindset that he's the only person who's really real. It starts out with him thinking "man this kid needs an adult in his life" but the more they hang out the more they develop this mutual respect for each other. Skylar may be a teenager, but also he's brave and capable and has seen so much- he's literally hundreds of years old. Felix may be a silly softie who likes following rules so much he invents his own and his hair style is super dumb, he doesn't fit the impossible standard of "manhood" Skylar's father set for him, but he is pretty brave and capable and something about how he talks about his own kids hurts somewhere deep down (though he'd never admit it) and he just WANTS to be home SOMEWHERE actually. Despite all the pretending he can't fully bury that ache.

So reluctantly, not like he'd actually admit that's what he's doing, he starts purposefully crossing paths with this crazy weirdo who's trying to map the universe (?? literally what kind of idea is that??) Skylar may be human but he hasn't lived like a human for so long it's almost like he's become some Other magic thing. ...and the more time goes on the more Felix changes too. By the time he finally finds his home he's changed so much from the (admittedly unusual) man he was before and there's no going back. And it kind of ends up that all they've got is each other who really understands what it's like... seeing all of time play out in snapshots here and there, dying a hundred deaths and watching the hundreds of lives being lived all around you.

Please please go read this comic August made :DDD (at this point Felix still doesn't know really what happened, why Skylar left home and refuses to even try to go back. So he's got as much context in this conversation as you all do. ;)

There's so much of this too that just goes unsaid in their relationship. Felix is a quiet guy and he's not great with words- especially spur of the moment- if he's gonna say something he's gotta plan out the whole "script" in advance. Skylar's got so many layers of emotional repression and is like. allergic to ever giving a straight answer to anything or talking about his feelings (yuck), but they don't need words to know how much the other one cares. You just end up with these two dudes who just... they love each other, ya know? The closest I've ever seen their dynamic get to another piece of media is Kuzco and Pacha from "The Emperor's New Groove". 😂

Anyway thanks for reading this far. As I'm sure anyone who follows this blog is aware I am insane about these guys adsfdsaf