#no i have not reached my peak of dumbassery

[auduux]

"Wukong-Wukong what the fuck is this?"

"It's-it's a game..."

"Why is it like this? Why are you like this? WHY IS THE MONK A STOREKEEPER?"

"I can-I can explain I swear!"

"WHY ARE YOU HOT?"

"YOU THINK I'M HOT?"

"THE GAME VERSION OF YOU!"

[thepeonysbackup]

◇Satisfaction◇

Pairing: Alastor x Fem!Reader

Summary: THE LAST PART TO DRY HUMPING??? Thank you guys for liking my dumbassery? Craaaaazy to think any of you would liked this weird brain shit I got goin on in this blog.

Warning: Smut, pure, unadulterated smut. Smut smutty smut smut smut! (Just enjoy-)

Word count: Noneeee! Just made this

That pleading look in your foggy eyes, “I'm afraid I won't be going back on my word, Darling. But I will let you have the release you crave.” He explained while moving his hands from your chest and wet, squelching cunt to your waist, from there he drew your body forward and watched as you jolted and squirmed with a noise of embarrassment from your enjoyment of the feeling. His wicked grin grew, eyes narrowing as his smile twitched until you able to see the blackness that was his gums, “Mm-” Your hips jerked against him, hands coming up to his shoulders as a brace as you began to move yourself, no longer needing Alastors help in the matter as strings of moans and blubbering gasps started up again. Satisfied with your eagerness to please yourself from his teasing attacks on your most sensitive area, he leaned further away, back falling flat onto the grass as his ears flattened against his hair and he growled at the feeling of your wet juices flowing over his pants, your knee grazing his bulge that was oh so noticeable. But not to you. “Fuck- Al.. ‘S not enough.. It's not- I can't..!” You whined, body bending forward so that you were hovering over him, hair coming undone from its once firmly tied place, framing the two of you like a curtain as the radio demons claws slipped behind your head to bring you further down. Your body was laying atop his, hands gripping the grass near the sides of his head as his lips caught you in a kiss that broke your mind in half from the unexpected action and surprising amount of affection placed behind it. He plunged his tongue as far into your mouth as he could, his other hand continuing its guidance of your lower half as your eyes rolled back into your head, and your body began to twitch harder. You were right there, and all he had to do was push you all the way. How lovely for him, to have you in this bind, and not even one with your soul but with your mind. Your leg hiked up and slung over his other thigh, your heat pressing firmly on his straining bulge before you finally could hear a noise bubble from beneath Al's static that crackled. A noise resembling a glitched moan left him, noise transferring into your mouth which you reciprocated as he bit down onto your tongue, blood falling onto his lips which he lapped desperately up before you both flipped over.

“I really am impressed,” Al hissed into your ear as his lips trailed down your neck, fingers working deep into your clenching heat as his other hand kneaded the flesh of your breast from underneath your knitted button-up sweater, “You lasted far longer then I believed you would, but alas you didn't meet my true expectations.” His fingers curled, two digits rocking into the spongey spot right near your entrance, drawing a cry from your lips at the teasing. “I fear you haven't earned me inside you just yet.” Finished with a nip to your ear, tweaking your peak with a roll of his forefinger and thumb as your ground down into his other hand, whines and soft gasps continuing to climb in volume as fireflies hummed and blinked around you both. He'd brought you into the swamplands of his pocket dimensional room, his tie, belt, and cane strewn halfway to where he had worked you up from at the door. Your body relaxed flat against the deer demons chest upon his lap so he could have his way with you as he pleased. It was torture though, the edge that was just close enough to reach always furthering itself as he'd slow his movements or move his thumb from your swollen clit to stop that thread from snapping in two. “N-no- I- But!-” You writhed, hands feverishly trying to find a place to rest as the repetitive edging was starting to become to much. “No, Al.. I'm sorry, I never- I didn't mean—” He hushed you, grinning lips placing another kiss on your skin before he managed to switch your position on his lap, making your legs straddle a single thigh so he could see that begging expression.

You felt the soft grass, hair messy against it as you panted against the man above you’s lips, your legs being tugged upwards as he broke the kiss and buried his face into your shoulder so he could rut down between your legs at a quick pace. “How..” He breathed heavily, eyes failing to focus properly on your blissful expression, “How dare you do this to me.. You filthy thing..!” Those words were dripped in malice, anger from the pleasure you were providing for him when he had only wanted you to break for him. You had, but at what cost to his own pleasure. This grotesquely marvelous feeling he'd detested with his entire soul finally feeling as it should, like he needed it to feel as his hips pushed harder, the throb becoming nearly unbearable. He was there, the gooey warmth finally adding to the damp spot that had nearly dried and then some as it seeped slightly through the fabric, the white stickiness gently coating your lady lips as he continued to rub against you until your own climax hit you like a truck. With a groan of sorts, hands holding him into your chest while your body arched, you came undone against him and allowed your mind to fade as he pulled himself flat down against you with a sigh before darkness consumed you.

[disco-tea]

I reached a whole new level of insane today and clowned myself into a brand new plane of existence because:

So you know Elizabeth and Darcy? And everyone calls him Darcy even though his first name is Fitzwilliam

So technically it’s

Elizabeth and Fitzwilliam

And you know how Buffy actually is short for Elizabeth and Spike’s real name is William. So technically it’s

ELIZABETH AND WILLIAM

And please just know I’m going to be so normal about this so here are some quotes/parallels

you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love--I love--I love you. // I... love you. You're all I bloody think about... dream about. You're in my gut... my throat... I'm drowning in you, Summers. I'm drowning in you.

…you were the last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry // It wouldn’t be you, Spike. It would never be you.

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” // I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. // “You think I like having yet in here? Destroying everything that was me until all that’s left is you in a dead shell?” // “End ... my ... torment. Seeing you, every day, everywhere I go, every time I turn around.”

“My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever” // “I know you’ll never love me, I know that I’m a monster”

And finally, the peak dumbassery of trying to kiss the girl you love 2.4 seconds after she told you how much she absolutely hates your guts and would never marry/date you

[waltwhitmansbeard]

my fair lady: chapter thirty

lol if you saw this back in january (or approximately twelve hours ago) congrats on witnessing some peak dumbassery. i deleted the old post so i have no idea what i wrote here originally but rest assured it was clever and helpful. here's the previous chapters and extra special shout-out to @romeoandjulietyouwish for letting me know that this posted early way back when.

Black. In every direction, deep, inky black. It presses in on Vax's eyeballs, seeps into his lungs. The black is oppressive, and yet there is peace in it, he thinks. He exists in the black, with little sense of his body or his breath, and settling over him like a fog rolling in off the sea is the understanding that he is in the realm of the Raven Queen.

He stands—or floats, perhaps, he isn't really sure—in silence. Vax has many skills, and patience is chief among them. If she wishes to speak to him, surely the goddess of death knows where he is. He has no way of gauging the passage of time, if such a thing can even be measured here, so when the mask appears, it is both sudden and inevitable.

The mask is featureless, an unremarkable set of eyes, an average nose, a plain mouth, all porcelain white. It hovers just above him, some indeterminate distance away. If Vax was confident that he had hands, he might try to reach out and graze his fingertips along the cheek, to see if it is as smooth as it appears.

"Vax'ildan." The voice, sourceless, is soft, not as low as a whisper, but calm, subdued. It is the voice of a woman, though last he heard it, it was coming from the beak of a bird. "Welcome."

"My lady." The guilt swells up inside of him. He regrets it now, how he never said goodbye, never went back for his sister, never gave his wife their final kiss. "I am a man of my word, and I am prepared to resign myself to your realm forever. I only ask, by your mercy, a few extra hours, to make my peace before I go."

The mask moves closer, or perhaps just grows larger. "Vax'ildan, I believe there has been a...misunderstanding."

He blinks, and then the mask is only a few feet before him, and it is being worn by a woman robed in black with long, flowing black hair. She is of a height with Vax, her head tilted just to the side in what he guesses is curiosity.

"Misunderstanding?"

"I have not brought you here to claim your soul into my realm. You, my sweet, are to be my Champion."

All at once, Vax is in his body. He looks down, and in the darkness he can see his hands, and he knows himself to be corporeal, whatever that means here. He looks back up at the goddess. "I am no champion, my lady. I am a thief, and a rogue, and a bastard, nothing befitting the honor of a god."

A ghostly pale hand extends toward him, and though she seems too far away, her fingers gently caress his cheek. "So many villains imagine themselves heroes. So few heroes think they are the villain." The hand falls away. "My chosen, you are exactly the one I require to enact my will in your realm. Even from the shadows, you walk the path of righteousness, of nature, of life. You seek to dance on the threads of fate, not to cut them or pull them from my tapestry. This is what I need."

"I don't understand. I bargained my life to save Keyleth's."

"You pledged your life to me, and it is now mine to use, and I hope to use it well. As my Champion, you will stand against those who seek to escape death and you will challenge those who defy fate. My enemies chase undeath and immortality. My enemies work to wrest control of their destinies from me, the weaver of fate. You will strike down these enemies, and you will maintain the balance between life and death."

Vax's brow furrows. "And is this balance not tipped by my continued life? If my love died, and I do not die in her stead, will not the harmony between life and death be disrupted?"

For the briefest moment, Vax swears he sees the corners of the porcelain mouth curl up. "Did you not listen to your beloved in Syngorn?" His face must expose his confusion. "She told you, my Champion, that your purpose lies beyond dying for her. She is wise, your queen, your love. She speaks true. I have claimed your purpose for my own ends. This is the price you will pay for your lover's life."

Vax's mind is swimming with doubt and hope and elation and trepidation and awe. "But I...I can stay with her? With my sister?"

"Your actions are your own, Vax'ildan, so long as you continue my mission in your realm."

He can hardly breathe. "I...thank you, my lady. I will serve you well."

"I have little doubt, my Champion. Now." The hand comes up again to tap him once in the center of his forehead. "Wake up."

Vax shoots up with a gasp, blinking wildly as he tries to orient himself. He is in a bed, and there are sheets, and then there are hands on his bare shoulder. "Vax?" He turns, and Keyleth's face is there, eyes wide with concern. "Are you alright?"

He takes a few moments, willing his breath to come under control. He lifts a hand to rest against her cheek. "Yes, I...apologize. You should go back to sleep." Just then, a wave of emotion crashes over him, and he smiles, and the smile turns into a laugh, and the laugh dissolves into tears.

Keyleth is looking at him with bewilderment, running one hand up and down his back. "I...am entirely at a loss right now."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He takes her face and pulls her in for a kiss. "I'm not going anywhere."

The bafflement remains. "I should hope not. Where would you be going?"

And then it spills out, the entire story. He begins with Finefirn's appearance in her chambers, the scuffle in the room, and the attempted escape. Then he has to break the news to his wife that she died, and when he does his tears are no longer tears of relief. She claps a hand over her mouth in shock, tears of her own spilling forth, and he grabs her other hand and presses on with his story. He describes running, panicking, trying to get somewhere, anywhere safe. He tells her of the small shrine to the Raven Queen, and how empty and cold he felt laying her body out on the floor. At this point, Keyleth is squeezing his hand so tightly it's a wonder his fingers don't break, but still she says nothing, only listens with bated breath.

Then he explains his conversation with the goddess of death, and he does not mince his words. He informs her of the bargain he made, and what he believed himself to be agreeing to at the time. Before he can finish, the hand on Keyleth's face whips out and slaps him across the shoulder.

"Ow!" he yelps, rubbing his arm with a pout.

"How dare you," she breathes.

"How dare I? Have you forgotten what it was I was hired to do?"

Her eyes flash. "Have you forgotten that we are married and that your position in this castle means nothing to me when compared to your life?"

"Listen to me." He looks her dead in the eyes. "There is no world in which I let you die when I have the option to prevent it. There is no world in which I live on without you when you could have been saved. You can choose to be angry with me for this if you wish but know that it is not going to change. I will always, always put you first." And then he blinks, remembering that there is another who has been asked to be prioritized, one whose mission is now Vax's mission.

Keyleth's anger has started to melt into worry. "But what does this mean? Are you...am I going to lose you?"

"Just listen." He continues on his story: their escape through the catacombs, making it to his home in Zephrah, being so sure that at any moment, he was going to be snatched away to the domain of the Raven Queen. He tells her about the conversations with his sister, with Percy, and about his attempt to see her after she'd been brought here to the castle. When he recounts the confrontation he'd had with her father, her eyes go wide with shock.

"You just...burst out with it?" She buries her face in her hands.

"I was distraught! I believed myself to be moments away from being taken from you forever, and I thought that if I died before seeing you one last time, I would go mad. I am sorry for it."

"No wonder he was so upset," she groans. "But then what? Why do you say that you're not going anywhere?"

He's closing in on the end of his tale. He describes sitting in the holding cell, terrified that he was going to die before he could say his goodbyes, and then coming to see her and being unable to say them anyway. And then he details the dream—or, not a dream, a communion?—he'd just had with the goddess of death herself. Keyleth pays rapt attention to his every word.

"And then she told me that as long as I serve her, I may remain here, with you, with my sister." He takes her face in his hands and tips their foreheads together. "Kiki, I am allowed to stay."

She heaves a sob and throws her arms around his neck. "What a thing it is, to learn you are to lose your love and keep him all at once." She pulls back and claps her hands to his shoulders. "I hope you believe me then, now that you have heard it directly from a god. You are meant for more than sacrifice. You have so much to offer this world, and it would be a grievous crime for it all to be lost for the benefit of a single other."

He brushes her hair back behind her shoulder. "We shall have to agree to disagree, my love. But if the Raven Queen demands my loyalty in exchange for even an extra hour with you, I will serve her gladly." He glances past her to the darkness outside. "There is still some time before dawn. You should get some more rest."

An uncharacteristically mischievous smile tugs at the edges of her mouth. "Perhaps I am not as tired as I was." She lets her hands trail slowly down his arms. "Perhaps I need to show my husband how overjoyed I am at his triumph over death."

He lets out a low groan. "What did I tell you of tempting me, devil woman?"

Her impish grin has widened, and she gently pushes him back against the sheets. "Perhaps you need to be reminded that while you may serve a goddess, you serve a queen as well."

And he lets her teach him a most valuable lesson.

.

In the morning, tired and sore in newer, more pleasant ways, they meet with her father. Keyleth has resolved to tell him the truth, the entire truth, with one glaring exception: she will not tell him of her death. Vex had not divulged that detail when she informed him of Keyleth's escape to hers and Vax's cottage, and Keyleth is choosing to keep it in the small circle of those who already know. She has caused her father enough stress these past few weeks, and he does not deserve to have weighing on his conscience the knowledge that his only child was, even briefly, dead.

He listens to them fumble through the beginnings of their love story over breakfast, Keyleth blushing furiously and stammering through each sentence as she recounts their early days, their desperate attempts to stop the inevitable, and the inevitable happening anyway. Vax cannot stop apologizing for overstepping his bounds as her guard, though he promises on his life that it never once interfered with his duty to protect her, and Keyleth cuts him off to absorb the blame, reminding them both that she was the one who had the responsibility to respect the power balance between them. Her father watches them trip over each other with a look in his eye somewhere between exhaustion and amusement.

Once he has the whole story, from their attempts at staying away from each other to Vax's bargain with the Raven Queen to save her life, her father steeples his fingers in front of him and sits in silence. Keyleth's leg bounces nervously beneath the table, and her eyes dart between him and Vax, whose own expression is infuriatingly placid. When he catches her looking at him, he offers a small, reassuring smile, but she is far from placated.

After a lifetime, her father turns and calls over his shoulder, "Grog!" Keyleth shares a wild look with Vax, convinced that he is about to be hauled off to the dungeons again. Grog opens the door to the small dining chamber and peeks inside. "Please have Mistress Pike summoned here at once."

"Yes, Your Majesty." The door closes again, and now Keyleth is even more confused.

"I want you to explain to our Mistress of Divinity what you've just told me, Vax'ildan," he says quietly. Vax nods slowly, looking as unsure as Keyleth feels.

It only takes a few minutes for the door to reopen and Pike to scurry inside. She approaches the table with a bow. "How may I be of service, Your Majesty?"

"Vax?"

Vax recounts his two conversations with the Raven Queen for Pike, who listens on with wide, excited eyes. When he uses the word Champion, Pike's jaw fully drops, and Vax cuts himself off. "What?"

"She called you her Champion?"

"Yes."

"Oh Vax." She turns to the sovereign. "This is going to mean a lot of paperwork for me, isn't it?"

Keyleth's father chuckles low. "My apologies, Pike."

"Can someone tell us what's going on?" Keyleth demands.

"Being the Champion of a god isn't some small thing." Pike reaches up onto the table and snags a knife. She walks over to Vax and says, "If a god has chosen you, then..." Before either Keyleth or Vax can stop her, she settles the blade over her palm and slices quickly, leaving a bleeding gash behind.

Keyleth yelps and Vax immediately snatches up a napkin to staunch the bleeding. "What the hell, Pike?"

"Heal me."

Vax looks at her like she's lost her mind. "What?"

"Heal me."

Bewildered, Vax removes the napkin and places his hand over the wound, as Keyleth herself has done to his, and Keyleth watches him concentrate. After a few seconds, the skin on either side of the cut begins to stitch itself back together, and Vax's face blooms in surprise. "How...?"

"You are a god's chosen," Pike whispers, her voice filled with wonder. "This comes with both power and responsibility."

"And," Keyleth's father interjects, "it comes with a title."

Keyleth's head whips to face him. "It does?"

He nods. "You are no longer Vax, a common guard. You are Vax'ildan, Champion of the Raven Queen. It is a title that transcends nation or alliance." He smiles wryly. "Technically, you are no longer my subject, but instead answer only to the Raven Queen herself."

Keyleth's mind is whirring to keep up with the rapid influx of information. "If he is titled, that means any legal objection to our marriage would be unfounded."

Her father nods. "Congratulations, my daughter. You married up."

Vax leaps from his seat and picks Pike up in a bear hug, lifting her clear off of the ground and spinning her around in a circle. She squeals, "Let me down!" and he obliges, his face bursting with more joy than Keyleth has ever seen there.

"Thank you, Pickle," he says, and then he turns to Keyleth's father and bows. "And thank you, Your Majesty."

Her father stands, walks around the table toward Vax, and clasps their forearms together. "Thank you, Champion. For protecting her. For loving her."

"It's what I was meant to do," Vax answers, and Keyleth watches the two most important men in her life nod to each other with respect, and she feels that perhaps no one in all of history has ever been this happy.

[enpassants]

i think i have just reached peak dumbassery levels in my entire 17 years of life.

[copperbora]

Copper Prattles: I'm Thinking of Getting Spayed

So to avoid avalanching my loved ones in my various prattling I'm going to blog my prattling here instead so that my potential dumbassery is optional reading instead of something that they have to wade through in order to reach the cute cat pictures that I also spam them with. Which means, yes, now you poor souls will be subjected to my addled mind but at least that's easier to skip over and entirely ignore.

I'm thinking of getting spayed. I have only done a bit of research but so far this is what I have learned:

- Recovery for a laproscopic or vaginal spay is only two weeks! Of course, this means that I would need income to cover those two weeks. Hmm. In vet med we call this variety of spay an 'uncomplicated hysterectomy' because I have never been pregnant which means that my uterus is tiny and therefore much easier to remove.

- For reasons so far unknown surgeons like to leave the ovaries behind. Apparently this is to 'preserve the hormones' which to me who would absolutely love to skip menopause, and who absolutely despises having a period, sounds like utter tripe. My hormones can eff right off and my ovaries can take a hike to the kuiper belt for all I care.

EDIT: Whoa, okay, so the reason why they leave the ovaries behind in human hysterectomies is that if they don't leave the ovaries behind women whose ovaries are removed are significantly 30% more likely to develop cardiovascular disease (CHD or stroke,) which is a significantly higher risk than them developing ovarian cancer. (1 in 413,800 will develop ovarian cancer per year versus 1 in 14,700 fatal heart problems per year.) This is the study I found which explains this.

Reasons I want to be spayed:

- Not only do I carry neurodivergency genes which would almost certainly make any biological descendant of mine suffer as I have suffered, I probably carry multiple potentially extremely dangerous blood clotting factors on my maternal DNA based on far too many family members' medical experiences. And there's a possibility of cancer. And there is generational trauma in my epigenetics. (I do have some good genetics too, but the scary stuff has weight.)

- CLIMATE CHANGE.

- There's so (too?) many humans in the world and parentless kids, I don't need to add to that. If I am ever in a healthy headspace for parenthood I can adopt instead and love the crap out of a kid who really needs me, and who is already here through no fault of their own, who should grow up adored, thoroughly hugged, and supported unconditionally.

- I am already 33, which means that I am about 10-15 years past peak childbearing age which means that should I reproduce I will be at increased risk of life threatening pregnancy complications (which could also debilitate me for the rest of my life,) at increased risk of carrying multiples (after 30 your body gets desperate to throw out as many offspring as possible it seems,) increased risk of miscarriage (potentially life threatening,) and at increased risk of biological offspring having glitched genes - aka health problems.

- I don't feel female. I have always had some body dysphoria; making myself physically more neutral would be kinda great. (I would be gleefully on board with the entire removal of all of my lady bits including the exterior parts.) Puberty was The Worst for me; I did not welcome it - if anything I gritted my teeth and spat expletives because of how thoroughly unwanted it was. I already feel spayed, like an It. That's why I identify as not-quite-female.

Hangup #1: Culture Conditioning

I was born biologically female. That means according to my unbelievably misinformed and religiously influenced white European-Canadian culture that I am supposed to meet a nice boy either during or right after highschool, get married with him, become pregnant (multiple times of course,) and spend the rest of my life raising his spawn while he potentially cheats on me ('boys will be boys') in order to 'sow his wild oats' (because humans are not actually monogamous by nature.)

This all means that everyone around me is by default aghast at the idea that a woman like me might want to yeet her uterus. When my mom had her hysterectomy - a procedure done to save her life - her surgeon had the gall to ask my father permission to remove it. Which is enraging for so many miriad reasons.

People will say "But what if you want to have kids someday?"

Yeah, I want to be a mom, but at 33 the good ship Biological Offspring is already sailing off without me into the sunset with its imaginary friend Prince Charming.

"You'll meet a nice man someday and you'll want to give him some kids."

Probably not. Kids, like women, are not objects to be 'given' and as an aromantic ace I'm just not attracted to other human beings. I'm honestly more likely to adopt a dog than another human being. (Honestly I want a dog more than I want to be a mom to another human.)

But then there's my own culture conditioned mind, and how I feel like a traitor for wanting to yeet my uterus.

Hangup #2: Instinct

There's something that I can't seem to beat down: instinct. I'm prone to fussing over my loved ones and I have extremely strong maternal instincts so there's a significant part of my psyche that gets upset at the idea of slamming the door on my uterus' misty potential forever.

Hangup #3: (Which Kinda Goes With Hangup #1,) DOCTORS

- Doctors will generally argue the same stuff as #1.

- They'll also probably try to make me keep my uterus just because.

- They'd also likely insist on my ovaries being left behind which makes zero sense to me. In veterinary medicine we yeet the ovaries without batting an eye; why in perfect hell would anyone want to retain them? (I need to research this more!)

- Gaslighting. I get gaslit by my doctor eeevery time I visit her so I can't imagine other doctors being any different.

Hangup #4: Money

'Nough said.

________

Anyway, that's today's prattle. If you want a solid educational source regarding women's health I strongly recommend Mama Doctor Jones on Youtube. The podcast Lady Killers and the wonderful television show Call the Midwife are also fantastic sources of feminine knowledge and history.

[stellaslunas-moved]

anyway. today’s genshin struggle tweet is me realizing that u can actually grind for heroes wits and other level up books via ley lines and i’ve been playing this game for 5+ hours daily since october

[uwusenpaiuwu]

Baji Being A Menace To Society (And Your Relationship) 2.0

Sequel to: Baji A.K.A. The Worst (Best) Matchmaker

Summary: Baji’s at it again, acting out-of-pocket and creating chaos for absolutely no reason, other than to see you suffer. In his own Baji-esque way, of course.

Pairing: Sano Manjiro | Mikey x Male Reader

Warning(s): Boku no Pico is mentioned, but there is absolutely nothing graphic; mentions of masturbation

Note(s): I am so sorry if it isn’t funny. Sadly, I am but an amateur writer, not a comedian. Still, I hope you all enjoy! ^^

"(Y/n), want some ice cream? My treat."

Usually, you'd be the first to jump at an offer for a sweet treat, especially when you don't have to pay. However, as of now, the word 'ice cream,' when said by Baji, instantly triggers your fight-or flight-response. Paired with the fact that he’s broke as hell, your suspicions only increase for the sudden indulgence.

Since you know you're no match for the long-haired menace, your body automatically prepares to flee, legs twitching to lurch into a sprint. Unfortunately for you, just before you can get the fuck out of there, your hand is being grabbed by Mikey, who leisurely begins to tug you along to claim your dessert.

“You like ice cream, right?” he turns to ask, eyes unbelievably soft when looking at you.

And because you’re weak for him, all you can do is nod stiffly, trading in your sanity for the pleased grin that spreads across his face, his confident strides thereafter likely a result of him successfully remembering another miscellaneous fact about you, as has been the case since you officially started dating him. From the most trivial of things, like which brand of pens and pencils you prefer, to the slightly more important stuff, like ice cream being one of your favorite desserts; he’s made the effort of remembering them all.

He really doesn’t need to do any of that, ‘cause you’ll love him either way, but the conscious decision to do so is what makes you love him even more.

Zoning back into reality, you shake your head to reorient yourself. It isn’t the time to be going over the reasons why you’re such a lovesick puppy.

No, there are other things to worry about, mainly Baji.

You squeeze Mikey’s hand as you’re led to the nearest ice cream parlor to try and calm yourself. It works for the most part, especially when you get a reassuring squeeze back.

‘Right,’ you tell yourself, ‘it’s going to be okay.’

After all, Baji wouldn’t do anything too drastic, right?

~~~

You were wrong. So, so wrong.

Despite nothing having transpired yet, every alarm in your head is going off, pounding at the door of reason to get you to wake up and realize that it’s Baji you’re talking about, the same person that sets cars on fire when hungry and punches the first unfortunate soul he passes by on the street when sleepy.

You really should’ve listened to your survival instincts and ran. Alas, it’s much too late to escape, leaving you to wallow in your anxiety, while you wait for misfortune to strike.

And strike it does.

“Please, don’t sit next to me. You make me nauseous.”

“That’s cruel. I bought you ice cream, and you treat me like this?”

Yeah, he may have bought it, but you refuse to eat it because of how intensely Baji is staring at you. Fucking weirdo.

"Oh, do you want some of mine instead, (Y/n)?" Baji accentuates his question with a sensual lick to his ice cream from the edge of the cone to the finessed peak, making you extremely uncomfortable as he stares you down with the full motion.

As slowly as he licks his frozen treat do you slowly raise your middle finger, eliciting chuckles from the other occupants of the table.

You think you won that mini battle, though?

Ha! Nope.

Baji mirrors the vulgar action, not once breaking eye contact as he dips the tip of his finger directly into his ice cream, pulls it out, and proceeds to lick that, too.

Disgusted, you promptly avert your attention elsewhere, praying that Baji won’t continue being, well, himself.

Your prayers fall on deaf ears.

"It's cold!" As soon as the exclamation leaves your mouth, your blood runs glacial, knowing that you've unintentionally played into Baji's trap. The appearance of a sly, almost feral, smirk when you whip your head around to glare confirms what you already know.

The curtain has risen, and you’re standing center stage in a performance you can’t break free from.

"Aw, can't let it go to waste,” Baji continues, reaching over to scoop the ice cream you’re 100% certain he purposely spilled on the front of your shirt, with his fingers.

Then, to your horror and everyone else’s shock, he asks, without an ounce of virtue to his name, "Want me to lick it off with my mouth?"

Chifuyu is seated on the other side of the table, hiding his face in his hands. “Baji-san...”

"It'll stain if it dries like that." Dear God, how you wish to un-see Baji batting his eyelashes at you.

“I don’t care!” At this point, you’ve resorted to clumsily scooting your chair as far away from him as possible, which isn’t actually as far as you’d like considering your surroundings. Hell, so long as you put some distance between yourself and the crazy bastard that wants to see you suffer, you don’t mind having to force yourself halfway onto Mikey’s lap. (The firm hand that keeps you steady by the waist proves that your presence isn’t unwanted either.)

"Geez, (Y/n), you're such a scatterbrain."

Seeing Baji sell the line with a slow tugging of his hair behind the ear has you torn between laughing and dying a little more. Truthfully, his acting is frighteningly impressive, and you would’ve applauded his performance, if not for the fact that the role he’s playing still haunts your dreams.

By this time, most of who accompanied you to the ice cream parlor have figured out what kind of drugs Baji is on this time, which also means that those fuckers have seen, or are at least aware of, the cursed trilogy of questionable porn that’s being reenacted before their eyes, with you as an unwilling co-star. Those that are puzzled as to why people are shoving their fists in their mouths to refrain from laughing are obviously God’s favorites.

“The fuck is going on? I wanna laugh at Baji’s dumbassery, too.”

“Pah-chin... I think it’s best you don’t know.”

Interestingly enough, the one you’re most concerned about hasn’t said anything yet, splitting his attention between observing the scene unfolding and eating his portion of a deluxe sundae.

Then, out of nowhere-

“I understand.”

You and Baji freeze where you are, each of you grasping the other’s collar, you to shove him away, and him to draw you closer.

“(Y/n),” Mikey says, your name rolling silkily off his tongue in a tone much too fond for his next words, “if you like roleplay, just tell me.”

...

“Huh?”

“I’m fine with pissing, remember? So, roleplay shouldn’t be a problem.”

Heat rises to your face at an alarming pace, and it continues to climb as Mikey takes your free hand in his, which serves not to comfort but to unintentionally remind you of the humiliating experience from a few months back. And just when you convinced him that you didn’t want anything to do with getting freaky with the body’s excreta, too.

“You’ve got it wrong! I don’t- arfghfgh?!”

Your prayer to help cool down your flushed cheeks must have been heard, but you’re pretty damn sure you didn’t ask for Baji to shove his ice cream in your mouth!

“Oh, yeah. (Y/n)’s a fuckin’ geek when it comes to roleplay,” the unhinged bastard speaks in your stead, indifferent to the nails clawing at his hand clamped over your mouth. “You should try it with him. We were doing a scene from his favorite anime.”

Mikey tilts his head, interest positively piqued. “Which one is that?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, leader?”

Mikey raises an eyebrow.

Baji opens his mouth.

You lunge.

It’s a series of events that happens in the blink of an eye and ends with loud crashing as you tackle Baji to the ground.

“Listen up, Baji Keisuke. We took an oath that day, and if you dare utter a word of what went down, I’ll consider that a breach of the code of secrecy and take you down, making sure you drown in a pit of your own shame and despair.”

Surprised to have been pinned down so quickly, it takes a while for Baji’s brain to catch up, but when it does, he’s frustratingly unfazed at the threat.

“Oho~ How scary. Too bad for you, I have no shame.”

“Not even if I tell Mama Baji where your porn stash is?”

That has the great Baji tensing up.

“You wouldn’t dare use an underhanded tactic like that.”

Your lips turn into a wicked grin. “Are you sure? I have as much dirt on you as you have on me, and like you, I won’t hesitate to use it to my advantage.”

If your grin is wicked, Baji’s is downright evil, showing off his sharp, gritted canines and all.

“You got balls, (Y/n),” he snarls, “but mine are bigger.”

The boy beneath you opens his mouth, and faster than you can stop him, he just...does it.

“(Y/n) (L/n) watched Boku no Pico and liked it!”

Silence.

Silence is all that’s heard for a good, long minute following the booming roar of the revelation.

You dare not look up to gauge everyone’s reactions, instead keeping your icy glare fixated on Baji, who looks smug as shit for having caused the glorious eruption of heat to spread like wildfire across your entire body, from the tips of your ears down to where your skin disappears under the collar of your jacket.

This...

This is war.

Taking in a deep breath, you answer his uncalled for declaration with your own thunderous shout of, “Baji watched Boku no Pico and jacked off to it! Twice!”

Baji laughs. “Oh, pray tell, saintly (Y/n), how many times did you jack off to it?”

“None of your fucking business, asshole.”

“Pretty fucking sure it is, since we were in the same room.”

Someone chokes, while you choke Baji.

“We. Swore. To. Secrecy. You. Asshole,” you practically growl, with each of your words accompanied by a ruthless back-and-forth shaking of the other boy’s person.

“Let up on the choking, dude. I’m not into that. You, however-”

Unable to take the ceaseless slander to your name anymore, you reel your fist back, but, upon seeing Baji’s cheek turned to you, jaw jutted out, as if inviting you to take your best shot, you hesitate. You know you wouldn’t be able to pack enough of a punch to actually leave an impact on him, which is terribly upsetting.

On the bright side, there’s still one tactic you can use that’ll be just as effective, a technique courtesy of your health teacher, who happily taught it to the class to use in case of an emergency.

Technically, it’s meant to be used to assess a person’s level of consciousness, but you suppose it can be used to get back at inconsiderate idiots, too.

“Ow! Ow! What the fuc-! Ow!”

You keep a straight face as you continue to rub your knuckles against his sternum, fully intent on delivering the worst possible pain to the current bane of your existence. It brings a sort of sadistic satisfaction to hear the ever prideful Baji’s screams of pain, and while it doesn’t completely undo the damage done, it does help soothe your wounded self-esteem.

“You want me stop? Beg for it.”

“Pissing, roleplay, choking, and begging? Goddam- OW!”

Your reign of terror comes to its untimely end when you’re lifted up into the air by the armpits, and through the haze of your power trip, you realize that Baji’s saving grace is Draken, who proceeds to carry you out of the parlor with ease.

“People are staring,” he coolly explains when you protest to having unfinished business.

Pouting, you cross your arms over your chest. “It’s his fault.”

Once outside, Draken doesn’t immediately put you back on your feet, until Mikey strolls out of the parlor. Only when the gang leader has his arms outstretched to you are you promptly deposited on the ground and taken into his embrace.

“Are you done letting off some steam?” is the first thing he asks you. Even though you can’t see his expression, the way he holds you and the way he cradles the back of your head, handling you with the utmost care, is indication enough that there will be no reprimand for, essentially, assaulting your division commander. (You would argue that it was an act of self defense against verbal harassment, but whatever.)

There’s just an overwhelming amount of love. So, so, so much love for each other.

“Yeah, I am,” you eventually answer, followed by a content sigh.

“Good.”

Naturally, that’s the perfect time for the tinkling of the bells above the parlor door to pilfer your attention. Baji’s appearance causes your face to morph into a scowl.

You cling tighter to Mikey, peeking over his shoulder to flip the ravenet off and mouth, ‘Go to Hell.’

As always, Baji answers your attempt to appear opposing with an obnoxious smirk.

‘See you there.’

~~~

“Boku no Pico, huh?”

“Draken, don’t laugh! Baji forced me to watch it!”

“All 3 episodes?”

“Twice.”

“...”

“...”

“Favorite scene...?”

“As if I’d have one.”

"Actually-"

“Ahh! Shut up! Why are you here, stupid Baji?! You live in the other direction!”

~~~

“Hey, (Y/n). Want to try doing the same thing with me?”

You look up, perplexed. Mikey literally just walked into the room, and that was the first thing he said to you.

“Do wha-?”

Your breath catches in your throat when you turn your head, only for you to come centimeters from bumping noses with him. And because he can, he lovingly knocks your foreheads together, too.

“It’s okay. I promise it’ll definitely be fun.”

You should feel ashamed for recognizing the same sequence of lines from Boku no Pico so quickly, though any coherent words are overtaken by an incomprehensible, high-pitched screech, a feat achieved solely by a teenage boy going through puberty.

A combination of shock and amusement crosses over Mikey’s features then. He’s never heard you make that sound before.

It’s cute. Strains the ears quite a bit, but cute.

While Draken lurks beside him, questioning Mikey’s standards of what constitutes as ‘cute,’ you’re sprinting across the room, red-faced, to Baji, who’s already grinning from ear-to-ear.

“Stop tainting my boyfriend, you piece of shit! Give him back his innocence!”

(Unbeknownst to you, whilst immersed in your fit of hysterics, your use of the word ‘boyfriend’ has a certain blond beaming.

“Did you hear that, Ken-chin? He called me his boyfriend.”

“Wow, congrats.”

Mikey either doesn’t give a shit or is simply too smitten to acknowledge Draken’s apathetic response.)

Baji blinks, unable to believe what you’re trying to insinuate. “Innocent? That little gremlin motherfucker?”

Both of you look in Mikey’s direction. When he sees you staring, he breaks out in a smile and throws a wave.

Your heart involuntarily skips a beat at the sight, and, okay, you’re convinced. Mikey deserves better than knowing of that cursed series’ existence.

Clearly, you’re down bad for Toman’s leader, and as such, Baji figures he can use that to quench his boredom for the day.

“Ooh, if only you knew what he gets off to.”

The tone in his voice instantly rouses suspicion. You narrow your eyes at him. “I don’t care what kind of porn he gets off to.”

“Porn? Nah, ya silly goose-”

“Don’t call me that.”

Baji ignores your comment as he moves to sling one arm around your shoulders, the other raising up to mimic an obscene tugging motion that no teenage boy is a stranger to.

“He jerks it to yo-”

BAM!

One second, Baji is lazily hanging off of your person, the next, he’s sprawled out on the floor, face down, and groaning in pain. You expect nothing less after witnessing him receive a rather impressive flying kick to the chest from Mikey.

Before you can assess the full damage, your view gets obscured by a pair of keys.

“Wanna take my bike out for a spin?”

Yes, you know Mikey is trying to divert your attention from whatever Baji was going to say, and, yes, you probably should check on the figure that has yet to get up.

But do you really care?

You take one glance at Baji’s concerningly unmoving body and quickly come to a conclusion.

You do not.

That being said, you quite literally drag Mikey and, by extension, Draken out of there, chanting an excited, “Let’s go!” on your way, abandoning Baji to wither on the ground.

Baji?

Baji feels betrayed.

~~~

"Chifuyu?”

“Hm?”

“Y’know, I was joking.” Baji flips onto his back with a grunt. “Man, who knew Mikey was all grown up?”

The vice captain of the first division hums, seemingly uninterested in his commander’s musings.

It goes quiet for a few minutes, the sole instigator of noise being Chifuyu flipping the pages of his manga.

Unpredictable is Baji, and the same goes for his train of thought.

“I should punch Mikey for kicking me.”

“No, you’d get beat up.”

“...”

“I should punch (Y/n) for Mikey kicking me.”

Truly, unpredictable and senseless.

“You’d still get beat up.”

Baji opens his mouth to argue.

“By Mikey.”

He promptly closes it.

“Fuck it. I’ll keep spicing up their relationship as payback.”

Sighing, Chifuyu closes his book to crouch down next to him. “Baji-san, with all due respect, you’re an asshole.”

Baji Keisuke has experienced betrayal twice today.

And he deserved it both times.

[semianonymity]

HONESTLY A VERY GOOD QUESTION. I don’t know if I have it figured out yet?

So in this AU Toriko is the one to chase after Komatsu because I make the rules. He’s at an event and tastes something Amazing. It is So Delicious, and he wants to know who made it. But it was a charity event type thing with like 11 different restaurants contributing to the catering, and he’s not sure WHICH restaurant was responsible for the Delicious Thing, Which Tasted Like Coming Home, let alone which chef. So he gets a list of restaurants, and goes down it one by one trying to figure it out. He has to skip one, because the restaurant’s closed.

And obviously that one restaurant is Komatsu’s, and he realizes when he reaches the end that it has to be that one. So he shows up to the (closed) restaurant location, because he’s bored and ridiculous, and there’s a guy there who’s super helpful and apologetic about the fact that he has the time wrong and the cooking lessons are NEXT week.

(Possibly the restaurant closed because someone was embezzling? Or general mismanagement. Peak drama: it was Ootake and Komatsu was dating him and is now Heartbroken and down a restaurant simultaneously.)

So OBVIOUSLY Toriko shows up for cooking lessons, and falls in gluttony immediately and then in love like 2 classes later.

And then of course basically everyone else ends up following Toriko because they’re nosy. (Except for maybe Starjun, who might go through the same process Toriko did, because I LIVE for Toriko and Starjun parallels but peak dumbassery.)

And of course that works for basically everyone except Coco, the one man who Might have a boundary/idea of what a boundary is.

On the other hand, I can see Toriko blackmailing/arguing Coco into showing up to cooking lessons with him. Possibly it’s a class that’s meant to be for pairs of students and Toriko doesn’t want to be stuck with a stranger. Possibly because he wants Coco to understand/suffer with him? Possibly because he ran into Coco who’s like “wow, you’re in town for my birthday!” and his response is “OH RIGHT THAT I mean yes of course, I have thoughtfully scheduled a cooking lesson for us.”

Thoughts???

[adhdeancas]

hi! if you still take requests for your transnatural series, could you do kaia, claire, and jack hanging out and kaia uses they/she? maybe jack learns about gender?

sorry it took me so long! I finally got the inspiration bc of LDOV, so here’s what Claire, Kaia, and Jack are doing to celebrate! featuring sickly sweet gays, gender-fuckery, and young dumbassery

Jody had made them promise not to drink. Like they would, with Jack right there. He may look like he’s their age, but that kid is… well, a kid. Claire had antagonized her purposely by pouring all their drinks into old empty bottles of margarita mix and tequila. Kaia reaches across her girlfriend to grab one now, swinging the Cuervo bottle of water toward their picnic setting. Jack and Claire may be cool enough to drink the homemade punch all day long, but Kaia’s teeth are starting to ache. Christ, she’s starting to sound as old as Dean and Sam. 

“Babe, pass me the box over there.” Claire interrupts her thoughts. Kaia blinks and passes said cardboard over to Claire, realizing they don’t actually know what’s in this one. Claire grins, obviously recognizing her confusion. “Surprise, Jack, we’re actually here to celebrate.” 

Jack’s whole face lights up. “Really? What? Is it someone’s birthday?” 

Claire rolls her eyes and Kaia presses a smile into submission. “No, kid, it’s lesbian day of visibility,” she says. She hands Kaia a cupcake from the box then, one of the giant ones they sell at the supermarket, with Claire’s clear personal touch of ‘congrats, you’ve got taste’ written in icing over the top. Kaia lets out a short laugh, and Claire beams. Jack cranes his neck over to see the writing until Claire passes him his own cupcake. It distracts him long enough that Kaia can duck in for a long sweet kiss that leaves Claire blushing. 

“Thanks, Claire. Let me see yours?” 

Claire obediently takes the last cupcake out of the box and sticks a candle in the middle, not quite covering up her message that says ‘congrats, you escaped the evangelicals.’ 

“Impressed that fit on a cupcake,” Kaia teases. Claire waggles her eyebrows. 

“I’m real talented with my fingers.” 

Kaia nudges her with a snort. “What’s a lesbian?” Jack asks abruptly. 

Kaia takes a peak at his own cupcake now as Claire lights it with the bic she keeps in her jacket. His says ‘congrats, your whole family is lesbian.’ “A lesbian,” Claire says studiously, lighting their and her own candle. “Is somebody who likes girls. Women. In a gay way.” She raises her eyebrows at him but he just blinks. “I’m a lesbian. They’re a lesbian.” She nods her head to Kaia. “Jody and Donna? Big ole d-” Kaia coughs loudly. “Lesbians. Sam and Eileen too, totally gay. And Dean and Cas don’t quite count, but they get an honorary title because it took them twelve years to figure out they were totally in love with each other.” 

Kaia shakes her head. “True kid, you’ve only got lesbians. Good for you,” She extends a fist to Jack and he bumps it happily. 

“Now blow out your candle.” Claire commands. They all take looks at each other to get on the same page and then blow them out at once. Well, Claire and Kaia blow theirs out. Jack huffs and puffs on his, but the stubborn thing stays lit. “Come on, Jack, blow it out!” 

Kaia starts laughing when they realize, and they’re leaned all the way back in the grass before Claire leans over to check on them. God, their girlfriend is a bitch, and she loves her so much. “You fucker,” she whispers, pointing at the poor kid. He’s about to turn blue with effort all for a trick candle. 

Claire winks. “That’s okay, Jack, I got you,” she licks her fingers and pinches the flame out, to Jack’s huge fucking amazement. 

“How did you-” 

She shows him her unburned fingers, grins. “I’m a badass.” 

“Do it again!” 

Claire laughs. “Later, dude. We’ve got plenty of flames to practice on tonight.” She sprawls out so her head’s in Kaia’s lap, apparently too good for the ground. 

Kaia sits up to put a hand on her cheek and sends an exaggerated wink to Jack. “Remember, nothing to anybody, but especially not Jody or Cas,” She reminds him. They’d kill them all if they knew she and Claire had brought fireworks with them. But hey, it’s Lesbian Day. They’re allowed. Being gay and committing crimes, and all. Fireworks in an abandoned field? That’s nothing compared to what they do on the regular 9 to 5.

“I remember.” Jack solemnly swears. “But Kaia, I thought-” He stops, eyebrows twisting in confusion. 

“What’s up, Jack?” 

He hesitates again before continuing. “I thought you weren’t a girl. Aren’t lesbians supposed to be girls?” 

Kaia grins. “Hm, kinda.” She looks down at Claire, whose eyes have fluttered shut with Kaia’s soft touches. She doesn’t open her eyes but must feel Kaia’s look, because she chips in.

“It’s more about loving girls in a gay way than being full-blown girl,” she tells him. Her hand seeks out the one of Kaia’s that’s not on her cheek and intertwines their fingers. Kaia’s heart flutters, and they can feel the tips of their ears flush. “Like Sam and Eileen. And Kaia.” 

Kaia nods, thankful for the start of the explanation. “Gender’s complicated. And sexuality. But, uh, it’s more about what you feel. Than the labels or anything,” 

“But being a lesbian’s great.” Claire says emphatically. “I mean, look at her.” She gestures wildly up to Kaia and ends up flopping a hand against her shoulder. “Sorry, babe,” 

“‘S okay,” Kaia assures her. They look up to see Jack looking at them with like the softest eyes she’s ever seen. It makes her blush and look back at Claire, who has the good sense to keep her eyes shut when she’s being sappy.

“I wanna be a lesbian!” 

Kaia grins, full-out this time, at the childlike wonder on his face. “Awesome, dude. Go for it.” 

Claire reaches a blind hand out to do an awkward version of her and Jack’s secret handshake. He complies just as clumsily. “Hell yeah, Jack. It’s in your blood. But, y’know, live your truth or whatever.” 

Kaia pats Claire on the cheek, once, twice, slapping a little harder each time until Claire’s eyes fly open and she tackles her. They tousle on the ground with Jack cheering and switching sides depending on who’s winning in the moment, until Claire rolls over and lets out a harsh gasp. Kaia stops immediately, turning her to look at the damage. “My fucking cupcake!” Claire cackles maniacally and shoves a handful of cake and icing at her face.

It devolves into a full-blown food fight. Kaia manages to eat most of her crushed cupcake through Claire’s repeated attacks with it, but once Jack gets involved, all bets are off. Jack squeezes a bottle of mayonnaise onto Claire’s shirt, and she upends the Tito’s bottle over his head. At one point Kaia gets hit with lunch meat (they make a vulgar joke that only Claire understands) and manages to get Claire in a headlock so Jack can smush the cupcake frosting he’d scraped off all over her face while she swears vengeance. 

They sneak onto the nearest farm to hose each other off, during which Claire very nearly gets her revenge in a water fight until the farmer catches on and runs them off the property. They’re all breathing hard and laughing by the time they get back to their field, and they huddle under a horse blanket from the back of Jody’s truck while they watch their fireworks. It’s a good day.

[auduux]

I don't care what anyone says, Eska and Bolin is better then Opal and Bolin and I will die on this hill willingly

[chaos-burst]

If you think I have reached peak polyamorous dumbassery with Keg/Calianna/Reani/Calliope you thought wrong, because my brain has arrived at the wonderful possibilities of Caduceus being surrounded by paladins, aka Eodwulf/Caduceus/Fjord/Darrow.

[lycaran]

Meet Lonnie

So uh...May have made a Hardenshipping fankid.

His name's Lonnie, an orphan street kid that Archie and Maxie adopted who counts as a fankid in my eyes, god damn it.

I can’t draw muscles or children to save my life.

Originally @cryptidanaphafsi​ did this I with their fankid I believe? 

Info under the cut because I really started to ramble about details...A lot. 

Bad Quality picture, but his adult versions both have a keystone in the middle of their mask that they use for Mega Evolution.

Notes:

RSE canon is Emerald, which leads in Alpha Sapphire in the future, though in this canon way, RSE events get resolved Without a protagonist. Hypothetical game futures for the SM and USUM games.

RSE Version -

-Still living on the streets at this point, 8-10 in age.

-Met a few times over the course of the story, usually found hiding around a corner after an encounter with Maxie or Archie(outside of hideout encounters), seems mostly in awe of how cool the plans seem.

-Selectively mute, if talked to he'll make gestures towards the player but since the player is about ten, all you really get from talking to him is "...."

-Jumpy, running off as soon as the player is done talking

-Vitiligo

-In the Sapphire & Emerald versions of the game, post game, he's absolutely Terrified of Kyogre, developing Aquaphobia as he grows older.

-Sometime post game, Archie and Maxie pick him up bc he still seems to tag along just behind one of them, and hey, the kid needs a home. And when they’ve patched things up, they’re really good dad’s.

ORAS Version, constants-

- Adopted pre-game and raised by Maxie and Archie before they split bc of differing ideals...again.

- Mid-twenties.

- Team Magma Admin.

- Aquaphobia from past trauma, selectively mute.

- I can't draw muscles but he's definitely the strongest person there, thanks to Archie and a bit of Matt.

- As an adult, Vitiligo patches have spread and caused part of his hair to grow in white.

- Personality wise, he's a rather nice man, only really being a sore loser. And takes after Maxie alot in the brains department, including dumbassery. 

- He’s dating both an Aqua Grunt and a Magma Grunt, don’t tell his dads though. A grunt in the Magma hideout asks you if you want to place a bet on that happens when the bosses find out, then realizes you are Not one of the grunts, and runs off.

- Aqua Grunt is named Dew

- Magma Grunt is named Ashe

- I will draw them eventually, they will be mentioned elsewhere.

Omega Ruby -

-he appears somewhat sporadically, usually around Maxie. Fought once at Mossdeep city when the player beats the gym, viewing the player as a threat to Maxie's goal...and wanting to make use of himself, aquaphobia keeping him from following the rest of the team down to the Seafloor Cavern. Team: Crobat, Camerupt, Mightyena, Sealeo.

-A Grunt, Ashe, follows him around and acts as an interpreter. Talking directly to Lonnie is always "..." before the grunt buts in to explain what he's trying to say.

-When defeated by the player, he'll turn to the grunt, signing furiously, only for the grunt to exclaim "I can't say that to a child!" before Lonnie leaves in a huff.

- During the Delta Episode he's fought at the Magma Hideout, without Ashe, absolutely Livid about what Zinnia did to Maxie, and fighting the player as soon as they enter, seeing them as just something else that'll upset his dad. Team: Crobat, Camerupt, Mightyena, Walrein.

- Post Delta Episode, you'll actually find him alone in a house on the Battle Resort. When talked to, he still won't talk, but after interacting with him Maxie walks in to explain that he and his son were there, trying to lay low, relax a bit, and they're waiting on "a certain someone" to show up for a talk.

Alpha Sapphire Version, aka the Canon Version-

- Not very active story wise, always seen rather ominously popping up mere seconds after an interaction with Team Aqua. He doesn't have an interpreter this time, so all the player really gets is "...." then a yes/no text box before he leaves.

- Appears on Mt. Chimney with Maxie to try and stop Team Aqua's little attempt. Maxie will actually translate some of what Lonnie's trying to say, and while it would be nice, he doesn't exactly explain Why Lonnie tends to be tailing Team Aqua, Archie most specifically

-And ho boy. When Kyogre gets awoken, this poor man is having the Worst day.

- In Sootopolis, he's seen quite visibly shaking, signing Something at Archie, who might be having a "Oh shit." moment and a half because his Son is VERY MUCH AFRAID OF WATER, AND VERY MUCH CAN. NOT. SWIM.

- So yeah. Not a fun time.

- Half of what he's signing is ruined by how shaky his hands are. Ashe looks ready to strangle Archie, and Dew is reeling from the reality and Actually starts cursing Archie out as soon as the player leaves to handle Kyogre.

- Tbh if the two boys didn’t start trying to murder Archie first, Maxie might’ve.

- When Kyogre is captured, when the player leaves and all is said and done, he gives the player a piece of Cameruptite with a small little Thank You note.

- Battle Resort/Battle Maison, he is once again found in a house, but this time Maxie is already there. And once the player talks to the two, Archie walks in, but when that happens, the player is asked to leave so they can have a Family chat.

Sun & Moon Games-

- Okay this is just me being self indulgent and including him in my favorite games of the series, plus it’s just neat.

- Basically, he’s there on a honeymoon with Ashe and Dew.

- Even after the teams disbanded, he’s very partial to his Magma outfit. Only real change coming coming from the removal of the Magma symbols on his vest. Still keeping the combined symbols on his mask.

- More or less appears as a cameo. The only reason they’re even having a Honeymoon in Alola is because it has both Water and Volcanos near eachother.

- Shows up in post game, investigating the Altar of the Sunne/Moone as the idea of other worlds really peaked his interest.

- Funny Images: 6′0″ string bean and a 5′7″ man with average muscle trying to carry a 6′5″ man with muscle from hell because the waves touched him and he freaked out.

Ultra Sun & Moon Games - 

- Mostly the same.

- With the addition of the player actually getting his help against Rainbow Rocket

- When reaching the mansion, Lonnie will be there. Along with Ashe and Dew.

- He’ll then “ask” which side the player wants to take on, fighting either Archie or Maxie depending on choice. Vs. Archie, he takes Ashe with him, Vs. Maxie, he takes Dew. The other of his husbands goes with the player to help handle the other boss.

- After this, you can find Lonnie, Dew, and Ashe at the battle tree.

- Funny Images: Trying to get Lonnie onto Aether, a man made island in the middle of the ocean.

Pokespe Version -

- His age is more me throwing darts at a board trying to guess when shit happens.

- He’s alot more playful and joking in this version.

Ruby Sapphire Chapter -

- 16

-Actually adopted prior to the Ruby&Sapphire Chapter, but in a surprising twist, stays mainly with Archie.

- Interacts with Ruby and Sapphire once, maybe twice through the whole Manga.

- Hard for Archie to be intimidating with a giant of a teen in a life jacket clinging to him everytime they get near water, but he makes it work

- He stays with Arche and team Aqua for two reasons and two reasons only

- One, he lacks past trauma with Kyogre in pokespe, thus doesn’t fear water as much and can stand to be around it more. Two, alchoholics scare him more than water ever could.

-Along with that, Archie also has the safer public persona, so win win on his part

- Lonnie, being a teen, does tend to wander though. Barely seen for most of the chapters. When Archie and Maxie have their fight, he's there for a split second, before letting out his Crobat and fleeing.

-I don't have it all ironed out, but basically, the whole battles between Magma and Aqua through the whole arc have slowly built up this fear in Lonnie's brain when it comes to his dad's, and this is the tipping point.

- Sadly, both leaders are a bit preoccupied to notice at first that he's gone, and it's a fullblown panic after the fact.

-Sadly tho, this doesn't slow down their plans. But Blaise and Amber are put in charge of trying to track him down and find him.(Not in a bad way, more in a Extremely worried parents with a missing son way)

- Cue end of arc.

Emerald Arc

-still 16

-Makes brief cameos, he tends to linger around the back.

- Actually, screw it, I'll make this pretty later but he and Emerald do become friends.

- Has a small interaction with Emerald, writing about how he finds his equipment cool, and is in awe of how he calms pokemon.

-And boy oh does this lead to some Fun

- Cut the confrontation with Guile in the cave, the first Jirachi attempt

- Alot changes here.

- First of all, while Jirachi still escapes, Guile lingers for a moment. Looking at Lonnie for a long moment. And while he does 'reflect' back the attacks with his sword, he sends the attack flying off into a wall instead of at Emerald and Lonnie.

- Later, Guile actually snatches the poor kid, pulling off somewhere just to have a few moments to make sure he's okay

- If you know the manga, you know it's gonna be revealed to Lonnie at this point that Guile is, in fact, Archie. And while he tries to avoid the details, he does tell Lonnie he needs Jirachi to fix things

- Lonnie assumes, sadly naive, that this has to do with Maxie and their family. Even asking Archie where his other dad is, only to be met with silence.

- That doesn't settle well with him, actually demanding to know what happens, atleast as much as you can demand when you can’t talk. The last he heard about them was nearly destroying Hoenn so what happened?

- Archie doesn’t tell him, straight up Refuses to tell him what happened.

- This does not go well. Leading to Lonnie once more running off.

- Lonnie keeps in touch with Emerald after the arc is over, basically adopted him as a little brother because they’re both weird looking kids, Emerald being unusually short, and Lonnie having Vitiligo.

- He runs into Amber after this and kind of just, vibes there, treats Amber like an uncle, and that’s who looks after him for the next few years.

ORAS Arc -

- 20

-Lives with Amber, mostly helping the man with fishing and all around, just trying to have someone around he can 'talk' to without needing an interpreter or to write down every word he says.

-Team Aqua....2!

-He does end up joining the New Team Aqua, since he feels more safe with them in Pokespe. Along with this, he’s curious about where they came from and what’s going on here.

-Looks most like my concept sketch for him in this version.

- Eventually just, disepears in the midst of fighting. He's learned enough and doesn't want to face that all.

- Listen when I tell you. When he sees Maxie and Archie, he's pissed.

-And when The Dustening happens...

- He actually does cry. Hell, it's probably the only time he speaks, begging in a hoarse voice he never uses for his dad's to stay there. Just for once. Let them be a family just for Once.

- It doesn't work.

- Funny Images: Emerald, looking up at Lonnie who is like 3-4 times their height: “I AM GOING TO STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS!!!!” Lonnie, amused, signing: “You-can-try.”

-Pokemon Seen: Crobat, Sharpedo, Sandslash.

Sun and Moon Arc -

- 22

-He actually appears here.

- Listen, he's a smart man, and he knows a lot.

-Appears after that small time skip after Sun and Moon disepear through the portals, ultimately he's here investigating the portals.

- He 'talks' with Kukui and Burnet to try and figure out what's going on.

-I don't know how it'd be incorporated, but basically, he's trying to figure out where the Hell his dad's are. And if these Wormholes can help him, by god is he going to use them

- Knows that, most likely, they’re dead and gone for good. But still holds out hope that somewhere out there, they’re still alive.

- He's still wearing the life jacket. Less for Aesthetic, more because he’s scared shitless about being on an island.

- Are this chapter is where he would have started dating Dew and Ashe, having met them when that whole, other Team Aqua & Magma were made in ORAS.

[starryseo]

purify. [3/3] | seo changbin

the gif has absolutely no relevance but holy shit it’s beautiful

pairing ↠ changbin x gn!reader genre ↠ humour, fluff, the boys are Bad Bros wc ↠ 2550 summary ↠ the gang comes to your rescue. naturally, chaos ensues. warnings ↠ swearing, a lot of dirty jokes (this is peak dumbassery for the boys)  a/n ↠ please don’t do any of this at home. but if you do, let me know how it goes!

read:  mess (part one) | mayhem (part two) | PURIFY

series masterlist

Fact: Seo Changbin was not a tall man, by any means.

And yet taming this wild beast of a boy was no easy feat - especially after Woojin, Taekwondo maestro and Kendo wizard, took a knee to his nethers and was out of the game.

Changbin had headlocked Jisung who, in turn, had kicked out reflexively at Hyunjin which had Hyunjin toppling over onto Seungmin. And now, Seungmin was sitting on Hyunjin’s back (as he screamed about how he can’t fucking breathe with this bitch on me), punching his ass and Jisung was turning redder than a hot chili. Jeongin was, thankfully, recording this from a safe distance, so when the day was over and done with, none of you ever forgot the beautiful memories that transpired on this fine evening.

You were nursing Woojin back to health, but Changbin had landed a solid kick to his nuts and he was still whimpering in pain as you held an ice pack to his unfairly-thick thighs - the poor, poor man - and you made sure to add kick bin’s tic tac to your to-do list. Nobody hurts Woojin and gets away with it.

Chan, who had been underneath Changbin this entire time, has stopped screaming - you’re pretty sure he’s unconscious now - and it takes Minho and Felix both pouring water over Changbin for the chaos in front of you to stop.

Jisung’s wheezing filled the room and Changbin was heavily panting out his frustration. “I’m not," he huffed, “a demon. Now- fuck off.”

“You’re an-” a loud, shuddering inhale from Jisung, “an asshole.”

“Holy shit,” - holy shit, Chan was alive! - “your bony ass was stabbing me.”

“Serves you right,” Changbin gloated, finally moving off of Chan to slump against the sofa.

“We’re adding squats to your workout,” Chan continued, rolling over before wincing and rolling back, “Someone massage me, please, I think I’m dying.”

“Stop being a baby,” Seungmin replied, and it was only then that you all noticed he was covering Hyunjin’s mouth with one hand and pummelling Hyunjin with the other.

“Oh, fuckin’ hell, get off him,” Minho laughed, making no move to actually help Hyunjin out.

You pulled Seungmin back by his shoulder and he easily fell off of Hyunjin, giving the other boy a blissful reprieve from a brutal spanking.

“I need a massage, too,” Hyunjin groaned, tenderly rubbing his ass and recoiling, “holy shit, this burns, what the fuck, man?”

Seungmin shrugged, “You hit me first, man. War is fair shit, y’know?”

“That’s not how the saying goes, you prick.” Hyunjin’s pout had you aww’ing, sitting down cross-legged in front of him so he could rest his head on your lap.

He sighed and nuzzled in further, placing your hands atop his head, urging you to massage him. You snorted but acquiesced, running your fingers through the strands, “Want me to kiss it better, too?”

“Yes please, babe,” Hyunjin replied, eyes closed and mindless tracing shapes onto your leg.

Changbin kicked Hyunjin’s ass after that which had the latter gripping your thigh reflexively and growling, “What the fuck?”

Your mind couldn’t even begin to process how hot that sounded - seriously, you’d seen Hyunjin proudly burp the alphabet, yet this one moment had you weak in the knees?

Pathetic.

“Y/n’s my babe, duh,” Changbin shrugged and you rolled your eyes when he shot you a wink.

“Bastard,” Hyunjin grumbled, sighing out and closing his eyes once more.

“I hate to interrupt this cute-as-shit moment between you all, but are we forgetting why we came here?” Felix questioned, hands on his hips, looking like a disappointed Superman because everyone was relaxing instead of un-demonising Changbin.

A second outbreak ensued after Felix’s announcement - his words had somehow enlivened them all, Woojin leaped up, Hyunjin and Seungmin tag-teamed and took down Changbin, Chan’s back pain was still there, sadly - but this was much more successful than their first takedown attempt.

You stayed on the safe side once more, massaging Chan’s shoulders - holy shit, the man was broad - and maybe your hands slipped to feel his biceps but neither of you were complaining; you’re pretty sure Chan was flexing, just to show off, too, and damn, was that a great life experience. You prayed to God that nothing would ever make you forget the feeling of his muscles beneath your hands.

Hyunjin and Seungmin were now sitting on each of Changbin’s arms; Minho was shirtless - what a sight that was - as he’d used his top to tie Changbin’s legs together; Felix was cooing, gently brushing Changbin’s head as he muttered, “It’s all gonna be okay, baby, I’m here for you, we’ll get through this, yeah?”

Woojin was slumped on the sofa, holding the wet ice pack to his face because Changbin had managed to headbutt him near the start of this fiasco. It was just not his day.

After hauling Changbin into his room and ever-so-gently dropping him onto his bed, the boys took a breather.

“Damn,” Chan whistled, looking around Changbin’s room, “you cleaned this up nicely, y/n.”

“It was me, asshole!” Changbin exclaimed, a proud grin on his face, “I tidied up.”

“Sure you did, Bin,” Seungmin rolled his eyes, “We believe you.”

“Y/n,” Changbin whined in response, “Tell ‘em the truth.”

“Of course it was all me,” you smirked, “Changbin just supervised all my hard work.”

“Sweet, wanna help me and Lix out, too, then?” Jisung popped in, sending an overly-sweet smile your way.

“Nope, nevermind, it was all Bin, he’s your man.”

“He is my man,” Felix sighed dreamily, laying beside Changbin in bed.

“Alright, let’s get him ready,” Minho said, dragging in a duffel bag - when did that get here? - as he entered.

From his position, Felix easily rolled on top of Changbin as the others held down whatever flying limbs they could. 

Just as they all managed to pin him down, Minho whipped out handcuffs, the fiery red cuffs immediately drawing everyone’s attention.

“Why…” Chan started, loosening his grip on Changbin’s leg, but he was too shocked to move anyway, “Why on Earth do you have handcuffs?”

“Do you see me questioning your kinks?” Minho drawls, walking over to Changbin who just stares in wonder at Minho.

“Right,” Chan coughed, grabbing onto Changbin’s leg once more, “forget I asked.”

“That’s what I thought, daddy,” Minho teased, shooting a wink over his shoulder to Chan who had a pretty pink blush tainting his cheeks.

The sound of the cuffs clicking seemed to break everyone out of their stupor; you viewed Changbin laying down on bed like that - arms restrained above his head - in a whole new light, and the sight had you snickering.

“You like being tied up, Bin?” you teased, pinching his cheek and, despite having his wrists tethered to his headboard, he tried reaching out for you anyway.

The cuffs pulled him back, clinking against the board as he growled, “Watch your ass when I’m outta these, y/n, you’re so dead.”

You pouted. “Don’t they feel good, though, Binnie?”

You trailed your finger around his wrist, feeling the fluffy material of the cuffs and, you definitely should have expected this - but whatever brain cells you had probably died when you were feeling up Chan - because the next thing you knew was that your own wrist was being grabbed by Changbin’s hand, and damn was his grip strong.

“Let go,” you groaned, trying to pull your hand away, but Changbin was mighty and relentless. “Help me!” You pleaded to the other boys who stood there and watched - Jeongin was still filming (pay respects to his phone storage) as the others just laughed at the turn of events.

“Stay there,” Minho replied, returning to the bag, “Keep him occupied while we do this.”

“Keep him occu- What the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Well, he is tied up, you could… you know...” Minho trailed off and you stared at him dully as he kept raising his brows suggestively.

“Nope, no, you do not have my consent, y/n,” Changbin shook his head, grip on your wrist tightening.

“Oh my God, ew, I would never,” you scoffed.

“Why the hell not, what’s wrong with me?” Was Changbin being serious right now?

“Holy shit, where do I start?”

“Maybe y/n’s just jealous?” Jisung interrupted. He continued when you and Changbin raised your brows in question. “Maybe they wanna be tied up instead?”

Changbin turned to you with a smirk, raising his eyebrows teasingly and you rolled your eyes, facepalming with your free hand. 

“Being on top is great,” Felix randomly interjected, leaning his chin on Changbin’s chest.

“Yeah, I can really feel your happiness,” Changbin snickered, and that remark had you all shrieking in disgust.

“Gross, Lix, what the hell, dude?” Jisung exclaimed, punching Felix’s shoulder.

“You popped a- a- Ew, fuck dude!” Hyunjin sputtered, jumping off the bed and away from his perch beside Felix.

“No!” Felix yelled, instantly sitting up and straddling Changbin, “Look, I haven’t!”

“Oh fuck- No one’s gonna look!” Chan said, immediately turning his face to the ceiling.

“I’m looking,” Minho smirked, “And so is y/n-”

“No, I’m not-”

“He’s safe, don’t worry. Woojin you can open your eyes again.” Minho dumped the contents of the bag onto Changbin’s bed, a wide variety of objects and food tumbling out. “Onto more… pressing matters.”

(He smirked when Felix muttered Fuck you.)

“Grab some shit, ladies, let’s get to work.” Minho stated, grabbing a blindfold.

Jisung jumped to pick something up first, but he groaned when he couldn’t open up the cheesy nacho sauce jar. His hands were red from trying to twist the top off, and he whined when it still wouldn’t budge. “It’s so hard!”

You snorted, “That’s what Felix said!”

Felix shot a nasty glare your way. Tough crowd.

“Give it here,” Chan said, holding his hand, “you just need to grip it right before you twist.”

From the lewd smirk he shot your way, you knew exactly what was going through Changbin’s mind. You rolled your eyes because of course his mind jumps to the gutter, how typical.

You haven’t ever taken part in an exorcism - at least you could tick that off your bucket list now - but you were pretty sure whipped cream and feather dusters weren’t usually part of the ritual.

Seungmin had pulled out a bluetooth speaker and was playing some Latin chants out loud as they all began to work on Changbin.

This was more revenge for all of the times Changbin had played you all and you wondered why none of you had thought to do this sooner. Five years of torture and you only got your revenge now? You were slacking.

Changbin’s grip on your wrist didn’t cease - really, it only got tighter when the others began their tormenting - but he loosened up whenever it was too tight.

With your restricted movement, you resorted to just pinching whatever parts of Changbin you could reach. You started with his cheeks, squishing them together until he pouted and you moved on to pulling his ears then flicking his neck.

Eventually, you got tired. You nudged his shoulder and he shuffled along his bed as best as he could. You sat down, mindlessly tracing his red cheeks, booping his nose which he promptly scrunched to look like a bunny. Your hand found its way into his hair and you messed around with the strands, twirling them around your fingers as you leaned your head against the headboard.

You gave up on focussing on what the others were doing.

Chan had spread jam on Changbin’s hands, Seungmin had poured water on Changbin’s socks - Woojin had even signed his forehead. God, this was a disaster.

You stopped watching when Minho began taking off Changbin’s belt. 

After some time - about ten minutes, but the boys had done some seriously-traumatic damage - they all stopped, dropping whatever was in their hands and slumping on the floor.

“By the power vested in me,” Minho started, voice half-muffled as he spoke into the floor, “I condemn your demon ass back home.”

“S’it finally over?” Changbin groaned, nudging you with his shoulder. He had long since let go of your wrist but you had made no move away from him, finding comfort in just resting beside him. You had, however, removed the blindfold a while ago, so he was mentally preparing everyone’s (except yours, of course) cruel demise.

“Alrighty,” Jisung said, jumping up from the ground and clapping loudly to invigorate everyone, “Let’s haul ass, boys!”

“Yep, have fun cleaning this shit up!” Hyunjin said, and the rest of the boys followed him out of the room.

Were they seriously just leaving you with this mess?

Holy shit, there was ketchup on the ceiling, and mayo on the lamp? What the hell had they been doing?

You were too stunned to stop them because there was no way they were leaving you to clear this shit up, but the slam of the front door informed you that yes, that was exactly what they had done.

Assholes.

“Can you please untie me now?”

After releasing the cuffs, Changbin had eased into his bed, despite all the questionable substances on his sheets. The man went through a fate worse than Hell for ten whole minutes, and you felt kind of bad. 

So, you got up despite your aching neck - slouching on the headboard was not your smartest idea - and headed to the bathroom. You turned the tap on, filling the tub up before you pulled out some new sheets from the cupboard and headed back into his warzone of a room.

His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t sleeping. “What’re you doin’?” He slurred, shuffling on his bed and groaning when some orange sauce trickled down his neck.

“Cleaning up,” you laughed, moving to help him sit up, “I started a bath for you, go.”

He trudged out of the room and you groaned, staring at the disaster in front of you.

Just yesterday, his room was sparkling brighter than Edward Cullen, and now? His socks were hanging off the lights.

You stripped away his bed sheets, dumping them on the floor, but the room was still a shitshow and it was way too late - holy shit, it was past 3am, so too early - to try cleaning the room. You quickly put on the new bedsheets and decided that, after this hellish day, he could sleep in your bed. The man deserved something nice after having Felix straddle his thighs.

“Yo, y/n!” Changbin called out from the bathroom, “Mind bringing me some clothes?”

You grabbed some fresh nightwear out of his cupboard and some Pokemon boxers because obviously he had those filling his drawer. After passing those to him through the door’s opening, making sure not to peek because you didn’t want to be scarred for life with a naked Changbin, you waited for him to come out.

He wordlessly followed you back to your bedroom, turning the lights off and taking your offer to share the bed.

“I could’ve slept on the sofa, y’know,” he mumbled, voice drifting into a yawn.

“S’not that comfy,” you murmur, “just sleep.”

“Night, babe.”

“G’night, Bin.”

And if either of you woke up cuddling the other, not a word was mentioned to the other boys.

[egossideblog]

this is just a prologue

i am dying at class, writing dumb shit in like 3 hours, i wrote it for me because i am here with people who are 20, act like boomers, and say that bowties are gay and i want out

ship: dr iplier/the host

word count: 1130

warnings: injuries, flirting while having a concusion, (i don’t have an autocorrect but i have a dyslexia and i am so sorry, i’m trying my best)

tag list: @fioxis @lostinegomayhem @the-anti-average-family

The Author plopped down onto his matress. He’s never had a bed in the cabin, and it was one of the days when he regretted it. His hands hurt, both from furious scribbling while trying to get his character not to move too much while their body morphed into a monster he needed for his latest work and from said monster grabbing his wrist and pulling it away from the paper to stop the transformation. 

Writing was supposed to be a safe job, and yet here he was, with a swollen wrist and, probably, a mild concussion.

Now, after the monster had escaped and was probably causing heart attacks within the local forest rangers population, the Author just wanted to lie down and maybe to get some painkillers. He would have to get up to get those, though, and he really didn’t feel like it. His body was too heavy for it and moving caused his vision to go blurry. He was so tired; his eyes were closing on their own and looking around worked in that weird kind of slow motion that made him feel nauseous. His shirt grew warm around the area where he pressed his wrist to avoid moving it too much.

The situation was not good.

At least Dr Iplier was on the way. He always seemed to know when he was needed in the cabin, almost as if he had his own type of a sixth sense which made him able to sense whenever the Author’s dumbassery reached its peak. He would arrive, carry the Author to the car and drive them to the office, and take care of him while screaming about how this was irresponsible and stupid. And the Author would love every minute of it while acting all defensive about it. 

Doctor was not supposed to know about this. He was just doing his job, taking care of the other Egos, and while the Author was not very subtle and not even trying to hide his feelings, it never occurred to him that he could have said something. Edward had the perfect brain power to be a good doctor (despite being weird about it) but not nearly enough brain power to notice the signs. 

The Author looked down at his shirt, which now, in addition to the warmth, was also wet. Huh, he thought. He hadn’t noticed his wrist was bleeding before. Sudden dizziness replaced the exhaustion he’d felt as he pressed his other hand to the wound and hissed in pain. He had to focus on something to stop himself from passing out. 

He looked around the cabin. Concentrating on writing ideas wouldn’t do it. It was his power, using it now would only make him weaker. He was ready to fight himself from making it the most empty place possible so that nothing could distract him. He didn’t even have a phone to try to get someone to show up faster.

His vision started growing dark around the edges when the door finally opened.

“Author?” Edward stepped into the cabin and looked around with concern.

“Here.” 

The Author tried to sit up straight but his body had apparently decided to go into a shutdown. He couldn’t move; keeping his eyes open was a struggle. He could see Edward approaching him and putting his bag down next to him but it all seemed so far away for some reason.

“Come here often?” he asked with a smirk (or at least what he thought was one, controlling his face was also a struggle) as Edward kneeled down next to him.

Doctor sighed deeply. 

“Every time you decide to do something stupid, apparently. What happened?” 

There was no anger in the doctor’s voice. He sounded professional and the Author was trying his best not to think about it too much. He was trying not to think about anything now that he was safe. God, his head hurt. 

“The Authorstein’s monster’s escaped,” he replied. “My child betrayed me, can you believe it? Also I think it broke my wrist.” “Did you really call it that?” “Yes, and please remember that Authorstein is the creator, not the monster.”

Edward snorted. The Author may have been dying but making the doctor laugh was always his priority, mostly because of how nerdy and perfect his laughter was. 

The concussion made him even gayer for some reason.

“I hate it,” Edward smiled, taking a roll of bandage out of his bag. “Not like I don’t. It tried to vore me.”

Doctor rolled his eyes and gently moved the Author’s arm from where he was cradling it against his chest to take a closer look at the injury. The writer tried not to scream. He squeezed the blanket thrown over the mattress with his other hand. It didn’t hurt this badly when it happened. 

“Sorry. It is broken. And you need a few stitches. And a break from writing until it heals.” “I’m ambidextrous, you know?” he informed just as Edward began to wrap the bandage around his wrist. “I meant more, uh- emotionally? To get some less dangerous ideas. Did you hit your head?” he asked suddenly, pulling a package of tissues out of his coat pocket. “Yeah, why?” “Your nose is bleeding.”

He hadn't even felt it until Doctor mentioned it. He looked down to see more bloodstains on his shirt. I should have worn black, he thought, bringing his unbroken hand up to his face to wipe the blood off. “Oh. Didn’t notice.”

“Keep your head down, please.”

The doctor pressed a tissue into his hand. He assumed the Author wasn’t conscious enough to take one himself and press it to his nose and while the writer hated it he couldn’t help feeling grateful for it.

Edward went silent, trying not to hurt the Author even more while bandaging his arm. The stitches would have to wait until they got back to Egos Inc. 

“I’m taking you to my office.” Edward zipped his bag up and stood up, trying to figure out how to help the Author get to the car. “Well, I’m taking you on a date when this is over, so I think I win here,” he said before his filter had a chance to kick in; he never had much of it anyway. 

Edward rolled his eyes but smiled gently, moving to help the Author up. 

“You have a concussion-” “Well, maybe, but I mean it,” he interrupted, letting the doctor lift him. 

It wasn’t the first time that was happening. He wanted to help, maybe even to try to walk but he felt so weak. 

“No, I- you have a concusion, be careful. We’ll walk slowly, okay?” “Oh.” 

“And I’d be more than happy to go on a date with you.”

“... Oh.”

[adrama-astra]

Today in Noha’s stream...

I hope I didn’t mess this up.

Soooo... the stream’s chat has collectively decided we were a family and my brain had the great idea to make a little “family tree”. I still don’t know who decided it was a good idea to make me the mother please help.

@weird-girl-1​, @baka-yu​, @maggafun​ and of course our one and only @nohaijiachi​

I have no idea what is happening in these streams anymore but I’m here for it (and the Angel Stalking of course!). We still haven’t reached Peak Dumbassery trust me.