#no more giving certain characters participation points and development they don't actually have

[fromtheseventhhell]

Personally I think it's time for Arya stans to unionize and collectively start being meaner. I'm tired of being "nice" and "fair" to other characters when she gets routinely misinterpreted and turned into a background character. We already get called bullies for pointing out what's written in the books so we might as well embrace it.

[milliebobbyflay]

Okay so I've spent a while thinking about how to word my actual problem with homestuck 2, and the works that make up post-canon homestuck more broadly. I think a lot of people resort to nitpicking bits of awkward writing or art in some attempt to pinpoint a source to an underlying sort of hollow uncanniness, which is funny because homestuck's supposed golden age of acts 1-5 are themselves FAR more of a tonally inconsistent mess of odd character beats, jokes that don't always land, and janky looking art.

Homestuck 2 has been written and drawn by very talented and passionate artists from the beginning, I think the actual issue comes down to a mix between the general pitfalls of hiring fans and the particulars of hussie's outsider background and unorthodox writing style.

First is the issue of hiring fans in general; while it can seem like an easy shortcut to finding talented writers already familiar with the voice and story of the original work, you have to be very aware of how fan culture operates. Beyond the obvious pitfalls that fans are unlikely to approach the story from a detached perspective, there is the larger issue that past a certain point fandom becomes essentially self sustaining. Once a fandom has existed for a long enough period, its most avid members have likely spent FAR more time engaging with other fan works than they have with the original art object. Fandom and the art it produces are, in this way, a sort of a folk tradition; artists are imitating and responding to other artists, characters become archetypes through which to explore certain ideas and dynamics, and the values and tastes of the most prolific and influential fan artists become as inseparable from a participants mental image of the character as the original work itself.

For an example, the affected theatrical mannerisms and cruelty Vriska adopts while in her Mindfang persona have become inseparable from the popular view of the character. Despite the fact that it's heavily signposted as a sort of role playing performance from the jump and she's more or less dropped it by the back half of the comic, it was nevertheless how she had acted in the bulk of her scenes around the time the ur-texts of homestuck fandom were being written, and as so an understandable misread of a character became inscribed into the fandom canon, and by extension her characterization in Homestuck 2.

All of this is extrapolated by the sort of unorthdox, building-the-plane-while-flying-it manner in which Hussie's writing style developed.

Based on his commentary, I get the sense that Andrew is an incredibly clever and thoughtful writer who lacks the theory and vocabulary to precisely describe his process. He tends to communicate in sort of abstract metaphors which aim to bridge the gap in explaining the actual conscious process he uses to plot his stories, but the way he talks about technical nuts and bolts writing craft stuff gives me the impression that his approach is largely intuitive, bordering on unconscious. He's a lot better at describing how he writes than what he writes or why.

You can of course piece a lot this together—his approach to art draws from the tradition of videogame spritework, where the visuals exist as a utilitarian vehicle for conveying information first and a work of illustration only inasmuch is needed to serve the greater story. His character writing draws more from a synthesis of literary fiction, sitcom writing, and "making up a guy" style posting humor, where characters are defined more by their life experiences and underlying psychology than by their goals and values, but also seem to have largely been constructed backwards from a starting point of a funny or interesting manner of speaking. Importantly though, I don't get the sense that these were conscious decisions, just that to Hussie they seemed like the logical way to approach these tasks, and I don't really think he could outline them in a way that would actually help a new team of creators grok how to draw and write in a way that feels like homestuck. I also don't think Hussie could actually explain the psychology that undergirds his character writing, I think he was mostly just drawing on his own life experience and imagining how this sort of character might logically speak and act.

As a novelist, and Hussie is one, both your thought processes and the sum total of your worldview and life experience are just as important to your work as the actual conscious decisions you're making, and I think that where there are gaps in understanding, the new writers are filling in the gaps with both a more conventional approach to the creative process and over a decade of accumulated fanon, and I think that's why homestuck 2 never really rises above feeling like a very well-made fanfic to me?

[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 52. retraining.

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse (including sterilization) and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

"Tell me, Mr. Rogers," the kind young lady had said as she sat beside me in one of the light brown armchairs in the living room, holding a small notepad on her lap where she was jotting down points from our first discussion together.

"You can call me Steve," I had interjected at that point, causing her to look up for a moment and smile. Her eyes shined with a certain gentleness through their soft shades of grey and blue, helping me to relax ever so slightly through the daunting interview.

"Steve," she corrected, nodding politely. "Tell me, Steve, what are your biggest worries for Willa? Or what are the challenges you find most serious when it comes to her emotional and behavioral wellbeing?"

"Oh god," I had said, shaking my head at the overwhelming question. "I... I don't even know where to begin. I mean... she's just been through so much. And even though she's been out of captivity for a decent amount of time, she still functions as if she's in constant danger. I just don't know how to show her that she's safe, that she can let her walls down now and let me take care of her."

"That makes sense," Jenny had said, scribbling down a few more lines on her notepad. "I'm planning on completing a proper set of evaluations to offer a clinical diagnosis, but from what I've already spoken with Dr. Banner about, my best guess is that she's probably developed a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder. Given the nature of the trauma she endured, it'll likely take a lot of time and therapy to help her overcome some of the emotional barriers she's built up as defense mechanisms."

"Yeah, that's what I figured," I had mumbled.

"Do you have any idea of where you'd like to start? Because she is so young, and you're her primary caregiver, I'd like to involve you as much as possible in her treatment as long as you feel comfortable participating."

"Of course," I had agreed, "I want to do whatever I can to help. And as far as where to begin... I'm not sure. I think the thing I worry about the most at the moment is Willa's inability to accept help. There have been several occasions where she's hurt herself or gotten herself into a situation where she's needed assistance, but she's just been too terrified of coming to me for help to actually let me know. And when I've realized it and tried to help her, she's resisted me as much as she could. I'm not exactly sure where her fear comes from, but I'm assuming it's rooted in what Hydra did to her and how they must've trained her to not ever ask for things." After pausing for a moment, I had added, "I mean, I guess it's not even just asking for help. It's really asking for anything. If I try to get her opinion on something, or ask her what she wants to do for the day, she'll clearly be thinking of an answer, but completely unwilling to share it at all."

"That does sound very problematic," Jenny had nodded, "even though she's trying her best not to be. It makes me think of a few specific documents I read out of her files from Hydra; they were recordings of training sessions she went through that had originally been written in another language, so Dr. Banner wasn't able to understand them. After running them through a translator, they revealed that when she was a toddler, her captors had put her through electric shock treatment to train her to not seek help or comfort." My heart had dropped into the pit of my stomach when she revealed this, but I simply nodded, sensing she had more to share. "They would put a shock collar on her, similar to one that might be used on a dog, and set her on the floor. A few feet away, they would place something she might have wanted. Sometimes it was food, after they had starved her for days. Other times, it was a person. Initially, her instincts would drive her to approach another human in hopes of being held or interacted with, as children that small naturally need and seek affection. But as soon as she would move towards them, or the food, or whatever it was she was being trained with, she would be electrocuted through the neck. Eventually, this changed the fundamental patterns in her brain so that she would no longer pursue things she wanted or needed. They continued the treatment until she would cower back in fear as soon as the food was placed down on the floor."

"Oh my god," I had breathed out, angry tears built up in the back of my eyes. "And she was just a toddler?"

"I believe the training began when she was two," the doctor replied. A sick, nauseous feeling bubbled up in my stomach as I processed the information I had been given. No wonder why she never asks for help, never asks for anything, for that matter, I had thought to myself. "It wouldn't surprise me if as soon as she's offered help or faced with having to ask for things now, she's automatically reminded of her experiences and even still physically feels what her body was put through during that training. Even though concrete memories aren't generally formed during toddlerhood, the body simply has fascinating ways of remembering traumas from any age."

"My poor Willa," I had mumbled in defeat, absolutely disgusted by what Hydra had put her through. "Now I feel bad for not being more patient with her; I had no idea something that horrific had happened to make her afraid of me in that way. How do we- how can I help her? How can I show her that it's safe now, that she won't ever be put through anything like that again?"

"Well, it's going to be a long process," Jenny had admitted. "But what I can tell you is that every time she experiences something that contradicts her past experiences, her brain is relearning the ways of the world. This process is called 'reparenting'; I am assuming Dr. Banner might have mentioned it to you?" I nodded, having recognized the term. "It's going to be very hard and very frightening for her for a long time. And the fear might never go away completely. But eventually, little by little, she should start building up more confidence in her safety with you. The most important thing will be for you to always be as patient and gentle with her as you can, as this is what her brain will be replacing all of her previous experiences with."

"Okay, that makes sense," I had said. "How do I start? What can I do?"

"There are some exercises you can run through with her; they're similar to exposure therapy, but more trauma-centered and focused directly on reparenting. I'll give her a simple one today at the end of our session together, something that hopefully won't feel like too much to start out with. I'll let you run it with her, just the two of you, and next time we meet, we can discuss how it went."

"Alright. An exercise?" I had asked, not completely understanding what she meant.

"I'll just give her something to ask you for. If you'd like, you can initiate it with her after I leave so that she doesn't have the pressure of bringing it up herself." I nodded, the idea making sense as something that might help slowly easing her into growing more comfortable with advocating for herself.

"Great. I'll be sure to do it with her then," I had promised the doctor.

Which brings me to this moment, in which Willa is standing before me, her big green eyes filled with tears as she stares at the hard-wood floor beneath her bare feet, her bottom lip trembling violently as she attempts to swallow down her fear. Jenny left about an hour ago, and I was sure to give the little girl a bit of time to recover and breathe before deciding to bring up the exercise with her. Just moments ago, I called her into the kitchen, and as soon as I told her I wanted to try the exposure, as the doctor had called it, her mood went completely out the window.

"Sweetheart," I say as I kneel down just a few feet away from the shaking child, keeping my voice as soft and unintimidating as I can. "Remember when Jenny talked to you today about trying to ask Daddy for something? Did she talk to you about that?" I remind her. Not daring to look up at me, the little girl's terrified body language immediately gives away the answer to my (probably pointless) question. "Hey, Willa-bug," I murmur, an image popping up in my head of the poor child's neck wrapped in an electric collar, helping me maintain the gentle disposition I need. "It's okay, peanut; you can do it. You can always ask Daddy for things, okay? You'll never be in trouble for it, never ever," I promise, but unsurprisingly, my words seem to do little to change her mind.

"P-please," the poor thing whimpers, the word seeming to be her go-to plea when she's too afraid to say much of anything else.

"'Please' what, baby?" I coo, hating to see her so distraught. "There's no need for 'please's with me, sweetheart," I remind her carefully, "there's no scary here, Willa. No scary at all."

"Please, please don't," she begs, a single tear trailing down to the tip of her rosy nose as she sniffles quietly. "Jenny said you-... you're gonna retrain me; please don't g-get the collar, please don't."

"Retrain you?" I ask, my brow furrowing immediately in concern. "Willa, sweetheart, did she explain to you what that means? It's not the same kind of training you did with Hydra, honey. It's retraining your brain to not be scared of- hey, sweetheart, hey," I hum, only growing more worried as the little girl's chest begins to rise and fall more rapidly, her panic clearly escalating despite my efforts to reassure her.

"P-please, please don't," she hiccups again fearfully.

"There's no collar, Willa. We don't do that here, of course we don't. The retraining just means we're gonna show you it's safe, doll. The whole point of the exposure is to teach your brain that it's safe."

"N-no collar, please no c-collar," she mumbles.

"No collar," I coo, "can you ask me, sweetheart? Nobody's gonna put a collar on you; you're just gonna ask and it's gonna be safe for you, I promise."

Sucking in a shaky breath, Willa squeezes her eyes shut, taking a long pause before finally finding the courage to say, "W-will you-... please... c-can-... Willa and Daddy-... Willa and D-Daddy-..." Sniffling, she gasps for another breath before finishing, "you-... I-I-... snuggles?" Silent sobs begin wracking through the little child's body as she waits in anticipation, her entire body tensed up and ready to receive whatever punishment is coming.

But against her predictions, I simply wrap the small girl up in my arms warmly, lifting her into the air as I rise to my feet and cradle her close to my chest. Rocking her back and forth as I begin to brush her hair down gently with my hand, I murmur soothing words to the child. "Shhh," I ease, coaxing her head softly against my shoulder as I hold her safely, her whole body shaking as I grant her request. "Of course we can snuggle, Willa-bug. You're my snuggle bear, after all; aren't you?" I croon gently, my quiet words of comfort slowly beginning to help her relax. "Here, how about we cuddle up in Daddy's bed? It's the biggest one in the house," I suggest as I carry the sweet girl back through the apartment to my bedroom, walking over and pulling back the blankets and sheets atop the mattress.

"D-Daddy's bed," Willa stutters quietly as I climb in with her still cradled closely to me, resting back against the pillows and pulling the soft blankets up over us as she snuggles warmly into my chest. "Big."

"Big bed, that's right," I agree. "Lots of space to snuggle."

"N-no collar," she says carefully, the fear almost completely gone from her voice.

"No collar," I confirm, brushing back her hair with a soothing hand as one of her thumbs finds its way into her mouth. "No collar ever, sweetie. I promise you; I pinky promise." Wrapping my little finger around her own, I lean down, planting a kiss on her head.

"Scratchy pinky p'omise," she tells me at the gentle roughness of my beard grazing over her bare skin. Looking up at me with wide eyes, I'm able to relax slightly as I see a hint of playfulness shining in the little girl's gaze.

"Scratchy, huh? You don't like Daddy's new beard?" I raise my eyebrow in jest.

"No, still like it," she assures me, rubbing her little forehead against the coarse hair lovingly. "Daddy looks so han'some. Bucky told me- m-my daddy's the mos' han'some man in the world."

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[eolewyn1010]

Charité, season 4 - episode 4

I'm here to spoiler, and don't say I didn't warn you!

"Two more Paleobacterium deaths" - not Maral's very first patient tho! He will conveniently stay alive until the very end.

Does anyone else think it'll be a depressing blow to Julia to come home and find that, when Maral finally puts in an effort into unpacking boxes to furnish their new home, all she unpacks is her work stuff?

"Extreme heat wave continues" - but we won't show our protagonists sweating! They have to look like models.

It's not that actress' fault, but her facial structure reminds me uncomfortably of season 2's Magda Goebbels. Plus, she's 1st, dressed like she has too much money (and she probably has if she can afford 4 in vitro treatments), and 2nd, remarkably unscathed for someone who has recently been in a car accident that ended fatally for another participant.

Julia. This woman is pregnant and very freshly widowed. Refer her to grief counseling?

Nurse Kachel is only around to literally open doors and talk some platitudes in Berlin dialect, huh?

Nice of Maral to give away a ticket for an event she planned to go visit with her wife. Oughta be good for the marriage.

Also, what do you mean "men's team or women's"? Does that mean sports are still segregated in a way that makes them inaccessible to nonbinary people?

Dylan, just report her. At this point, her trying to treat a patient is illegal. She should not even be in the tract.

With the background that Ferhat probably attempted suicide at some point, it feels hypocritical of him to be opposed to his patient choosing death over a living situation he deems unbearable.

Wait a minute. She's 16 weeks into pregnancy and already knows her baby is gonna be a boy. But Julia's test was the first that turned up the microplastic poisoning? How quickly does that develop / how incompetent was her previous doctor?

Come on, Julia, you can't be surprised that she's desperate to keep the baby.

I'm not entirely sure why they have to plant the child back in at all. If they have artificial (and completely disease-free) wombs at their disposal, wouldn't it be the safest course to keep the fetus in there until maturity?

It's very rude to develop a revolutionary kind of surgery and then not haste to train others to do it when it treats an issue that a ton of people worldwide are likely to have. 1st season at least had a reason for not many doctors knowing a certain kind of surgery - modern medicine was in its baby shoes and worldwide networking was scarce and slow. But with all that technology? Get teaching!

If you're suicidal, try romance! It solves all depressions! ...Honestly, fuck Ferhat. For someone who also gets to do psychotherapeutic treatment, he's so bad at human emotions.

Marlene is one of very few characters this season I give a damn about, and she's being stood up by this dumbass Ferhat. Ugh.

Maral. Wine is not a balanced diet.

"You wanna talk about your work? No, I get to complain about my work now!" Maral, you suck as a wife.

And then, literally just after that, she has the absolute GALL to accuse Julia of not listening to her about her problems! What the actual fuck. Maral, you suck as a wife!

You also have no right to deny Julia information about her son.

"From my perspective, yes." Have you ever talked to your wife in the past weeks, even once? Sheesh.

That telling-off was so overdue. So obviously, the next thing Maral does? Get drunk, be a workaholic, and go to extremes to prove a point! Woo! It's feminism when it's women who make the bad choices! I hope she knows she's on one level with Robert Koch now. And that is so not a compliment.

Discount Daniel Sträßer would seem even shadier if I he weren't surrounded by bad CGI.

Thanks, Nils, for calling Maral the asshole that she is.

Emilia, if you think Charité has to protect its precious reputation, you go and solve the medical mysteries yourself.

Wow. Wow, Ferhat. This episode is titled "Courage", not "Violation Of Your Patient's Bodily Autonomy". wtf, why is this guy a doctor.

Dylan, you should have Maral arrested. She's a walking (ok, lying-down) breach of infection protection law.

Way to go, Julia! And please change your gloves before you operate any further. That's fucking disgusting.

Does anyone else find it sus that Dylan, Maral's declared but male rival at the hospital whom she keeps trashtalking and tyrannizing at work, gets to look so much more affectionate with her than her actual wife?

Thoughts on this season's questionable queer rep aside - my problem is that Maral's behavior doesn't feel as though she wants to save lives. It feels like she wants to prove at any cost that she is right. That is an unsympathetic feature in everyone and a potentially catastrophic one in a doctor. And Ferhat isn't far behind. Are these supposed to be protagonists?

[ladytanithia]

Get to know your character

Well, actually, it's more like "Let other people get to know your character."

I was tagged by @gwilin-stay-winnin, who chose an NPC, and I couldn't resist. There aren't any real rules here; you could use an NPC or one of your own OCs.

I love these sorts of questions because they help me put more thought into my character development. And we all love to talk about our favorite NPCs or our incredibly amazing and unique OCs!

I'll put just the questions at the bottom so you don't have to work too hard to participate. (Answering the questions is time-consuming enough!)

And share! The more, the merrier!

tagging @skyrim-forever, @thequeenofthewinter, @mareenavee, @dirty-bosmer, and @thana-topsy

questions by @wisteria-lodge

_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–

Your character's name/gender/race:

Miranja Laurentius / female / half-Imperial, half-Nord

Your character's go-to drink order?

Miranja likes sweet drinks, so she usually goes with mead - but it has to be plain Nord mead or Honningbrew mead because fuck Maven Black-Briar.

Their grooming routine?

Miranja is pretty low-maintenance. She bathes at least once a day depending on what she's been up to (adventuring, getting busy, that time of the month). She keeps her nails short, keeps her hair braided when traveling or wearing armor, only really bothers with makeup when she's spending time in town or having a tryst. Her green face paint that helps to cover the scar on her cheek becomes a permanent tattoo at some point (haven't decided when it will happen, but it will certainly be in Riften - doesn't it just seem like the kind of town that would have a tattoo parlor?). She likes to keep her teeth clean because kissing is one of her all-time favorite activities.

What is their most expensive purchase? Where does their disposable income go?

Not sure if it would technically be a purchase, but after the Empire claimed Windhelm, she donated an initial 5,000 septims to the Grey Quarter restoration project, and set up a coffer to build an Argonian community across the river from the docks, across the road from the farms. Lots of open real estate there.

She gives to beggars that aren't rude (coughDegainecough), and she likes to buy little gifts for people, especially her parents, friends, and lovers, but anyone who seems like they could use a pick-me-up. She bought Hrefna some art and journaling stuff (mentioned in Hrefna's Crush - Hrefna is near and dear to Miranja's heart because Miranja and Sondas are lovers).

Any scars? Tattoos?

A 3" long vertical scar on her left cheek, starting under her eye. It makes her look kinda badass, but what she doesn't tell people (unless they specifically ask) is that she got it from an overzealous dog who jumped at her and scratched her pretty hard when she was about 10. She should probably have a lot more scars due to the dangerous nature of her life in Skyrim and on Solstheim, but I chalk it up to either healing spells or wearing good armor. Other than the green face tattoo mentioned above, she doesn't have any tattoos... yet. But now that I think of it, I bet she'd like to get a little something to commemorate a certain someone who shall remain unnamed for those who haven't read Dalliances with Dunmer yet. Something subtle, so as not to be offensive to any future serious boy/girlfriends.

When was the last time they cried? What was the context?

I guess that would depend where in her story line we want to talk about. Miranja does very little crying before the life-changing event on Solstheim, but she's done a lot of crying since then. The civil war tore out her heart, threw it on the ground, and stomped it into mush, and she not only cried but cut during that ordeal. She's in a dark but numb place right now, feeling irreparably tainted.

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest, or only child?

Miranja is the only child of an ex-Legionnaire father and a Nord healer/mage/alchemist mother. They had her rather late in life due to her father being away a lot during his time in the Legion. They never talked down to her or truly treated her like a child. They encouraged her thirst for knowledge and were proud of her loving, outgoing nature. Of course, they didn't know about her teenage escapades with a couple of the randy, persuasive young men in and around Bruma, but they did know about her "official" boyfriend, a handsome Bosmer named Arendor. And Mama (not Da) knew about the herbal tonic she got from the sisters at the Temple of Dibella to prevent pregnancy, because once Miranja brought the recipe home, Mama made it for her and showed her how to improve it with a little alteration magic.

Describe the shoes they're wearing.

If she's not decked out in full armor for adventuring, she prefers soft leather ankle boots that are easy to put on and kick off. If she's relaxing at home, she's usually barefoot. Not that that happens very often.

Where do they sleep? What is it like?

Miranja sleeps in a lot of places (and not because she's the Slutty Dragonborn). She's slept in caves,mines, Dwemer ruins, every inn in Skyrim (and the Retching Netch on Solstheim), and every home she's bought or built in Skyrim and Solstheim. She likes to have lots of pillows to support her neck and use for snuggling, and she actually prefers straw and furs over stuffed mattresses and linens. Probably the primal Nord side of her. She's into primal. :-D

Their favorite holiday/celebration/tradition?

TBH, I hadn't really delved into Tamrielic holidays until now. A cursory glance at the UESP page would have me say: 16th Sun's Dawn - being both Heart's Day AND Sanguine's summoning day. Also, if I had been aware of the Old Life festival before writing the chapter "Getting down to (Imperial) business," that DEFINITELY would have been a thing, since it involves writing letters to departed loved ones.

Miranja does like to observe birthdays and anniversaries whenever possible, but she tends to feel like there's always something to celebrate, even if it's just living through another day.

What objects do they always carry around with them?

Personal care: several changes of smallclothes and socks, spare set of under-armor clothes, green dress, amulet of Dibella, tin hand mirror, charcoal & a jar of dried snowberries, lavender-scented dwarven oil, spare leather thongs for tying hair, soap, washcloth, towel, rags for menses, 3 healing potions, 3 cure disease potions, birth control tea herbs.

This question comes to me not more than a week or two after I made a list of everything in Miranja's backpack - haha! So here's the list:

First and foremost: the pocketwatch her parents sent her, with a tiny portrait of them inside, and the bonehawk amulet she made for Talvas.

Other: journal, ink, 3 quills, flute

whetstone and oil wrapped in oilcloth

empty jars for non-solid alchemy ingredients

alchemist's satchel

It's a big backpack, okay? And probably a little magical, like Hermione's bag. How else would she carry all those weapons and extra armor she picks up during her adventures?

_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–_–

Your character's name/gender/race:

Your character's go-to drink order?

Their grooming routine?

What is their most expensive purchase? Where does their disposable income go?

Any scars? Tattoos?

When was the last time they cried? What was the context?

Are they an oldest, middle, youngest, or only child?

Describe the shoes they're wearing.

Where do they sleep? What is it like?

Their favorite holiday/celebration/tradition?

What objects do they always carry around with them?

[magnetiix]

hm. hm. i have a few- if i can only have one then; - shadow man if i can do a few, id do; shadowman, shademan and bass?

Send in an ask with the name of a Mega Man character that I don’t have as a muse, and I’ll try to talk about how I’d characterize them! Classic and MMX only! (Still accepting!)

((I'd like to give every character their rightful spotlight, so I'll just be focusing on Shadow.))

((Which in all honesty is easier said than done, since there are like six Shadows here, and all of them are genuinely incredible. It's additionally challenging for me because my Shadow.. wouldn't be canon to my verse, since that is @wearewilynumbers' Shadow. That's a little confusing, lol

The first thing that comes to mind is that my Shadow would be incredibly quiet. The thing about the Thirds is that they only had the Seconds to really model off of in terms of personality, and while some of them ended up developing greater extremes to their personalities (Gemini and Top come to mind), the others didn't. Mags takes after Air, Hard takes after Crash, Needle takes somewhat after Metal, Spark is a more ditzy, less aggressive Heat, and so on and so forth. There isn't a one-to-one way to compare the Seconds to the Thirds, but you can point to one of the Thirds and recognize which Second they picked up whatever trait from. Shadow happens to be like Quick.

I don't mean this in the emotionless way, because as we know, Shadow is VERY emotional, to the point where I think it becomes a topic of insecurity for him due to the ideal he believes he should achieve, but rather in the quiet and observational way, hanging back rather than participating in things much with his brothers. Quick is the epitome of the strong, silent killer, and that's something that Shadow is supposed to be as well. And he is! Except for when a certain prototype pisses him off. Another aspect of the Thirds is that they're far more emotionally competent than the Seconds are on a general level, and Shadow is no exception. Which, I think, means he struggles a bit with balancing that ideal of being an emotionless Second with his inherent pack mentality as a Third. As the years progress and he finds himself appreciating his linemates' company more and also becoming more experienced as a Robot Master, I do think he gets better at this, but he will always remain a dork. Unfortunately, Shadow inherited some of the worst of the trademark Wilybot pride, like Quick, and while he isn't aggressive with it like one certain SWN, I don't think there is really much of a match for Shadow in terms of pride until Forte comes along.

Also, is Shadow an alien? I'm inclined to say no. Is he made from alien tech? ...Also no, actually. I do think he was later enhanced with the technology that Wily successfully stole off of the asteroid, though, which perfected his abilities. Wily was the only one who was capable of building a teleporter, and I like to think he built off of his success with Flash and Quick to develop Shadow as well, since shadows are an absence of light and manipulating the speed of light also impacts the distance that light travels in a given amount of time. Hence, Shadow moves through shadows not because he's manipulating a 'shadow dimension,' so much as he's warping distance through manipulating properties of light. Lightyears, and all that. His ability is moreso related to space than it is time itself for this reason too. Funnily enough, Mags was a prototype for the teleporters as well, due to being able to manipulate electromagnetic waves, which light is made of. You can think of it as Flash and Quick being Wily's experiments with time, whereas the Thirds (Mags, Shadow, Gemini) being his experiments with space and light/electromagnetic waves. This is later expanded upon with the manipulation of mass and gravity through Gravity and Star. But I digress.

Now for the age old question I'm sure everyone is curious about: does Shadow love Blues?

You might expect me to say yes.

And the answer is in fact yes LMAO I can't not ship them AJFJSKFJDG

Shadow feels very, very strongly for Blues, and no he has no idea what it means until he actually like. Sees someone else (like Mags I guess) in love. And from there, it's pretty standard. He panics because 'woe is me my wounded pride' and then eventually grows a pair of balls BUT IM NOT HERE TO TALK ABOUT SHADOWBLUES I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE DORK.

He definitely is someone who struggled to become his own person, I think, out of his desire to emulate Quick and also be with his siblings and also serve Wily and also just. exist. The year or two he spent away from Wily was absolutely invaluable to him, and I like to think he returned with a surer mind than ever, not to obey Wily's every command, but to realize a world where machine was no longer shackled by man. And, if such a future was possible, where man and machine could truly coexist.

[quickdeaths]

2. drabbles, 18. shipping, 5. dash commentary, 21. your current RPC, and 30. Your Choice, because I am a menace (affectionate).

2: drabbles

I think I used to like them a lot more than I do now, but I'm trying to find that energy again. I'd prefer not to give specifics publicly, but while it sounds silly and stupid, I once had a friendship that I thought was important dissolve literally over a drabble. Basically, they took issue with certain choices I had made, but didn't tell me or ask me to change things, and the resentment simmered until things were said that couldn't be taken back, and that was it.

It's definitely a dumb story that is more about communication than anything else, but I still sometimes worry about writing a solo thing in that paired RP context and if I'm canonizing something that I shouldn't or taking too much narrative control. I know you and I have stuff planned, and I'm excited for those for sure, but outside of that, I'm not quite sure where I stand, I guess.

5: dash commentary

It's all good, I don't mind it. I'm reluctant to participate IC, and even more so to ever like, start it, but I think that's indicative more of my own awkwardness than like a "stance" on it. I actually do think it's a fun way to have short, silly, and generally noncanon interactions. More often than not, I prefer doing that kind of thing on discord (you would know), but on dash is good too. More OOC commentary just falls into the general OOC category for me which is like, some is okay, too much is too much.

18: shipping

Big fan! I love shipping! I think part of it is I just love writing romance, and part of it is that shipping is a good excuse to get invested in your partner's character and want to build long-term stuff with them. I don't think that's the ONLY way, of course, but it's a good one. It's nice to have the opportunity to really sink one's teeth into long-term development with stories that stretch over a large amount of time, and showcase characters changing and their relationship changing.

That said, I seldom have many ships, even with having a lot of characters. I like ships that have development and build, rather than just skipping straight to "they're dating now and they kiss a lot." For me, it's important to make the relationship feel 'earned' through the narrative. I don't think that's something that always exactly lines up with what other people are looking for, and it might be the case that they see the slow burn stuff as not particularly interesting, or think there's not enough progression, which is a shame, but everyone has their preferences.

And, speaking of, the other big barrier for me is my general preferences. I am very heavily inclined towards f/f shipping, and I think that's only become stronger over time. I feel like male characters are so centered in almost every fandom, and it's simply gotten to the point where I just want to push them out of them way to pay attention to the girls everyone ignores instead. I still remember multiple incidents on another blog where friendly acquaintances would come to me like "I know your character is a lesbian but would you be willing to relax that for my character?" and then pitching me on things like "I know your character is a hardened ex-military lesbian space pirate, but wouldn't it be cool if she totally went heart eyes over this male character and became a sexy housewife?" There's a presumption of "availability to men" with female characters that I don't really like, and interactions like that really crystallized for me the feeling that some people only find shipping interesting or worthy of depiction if it involves one or more men.

At the same time, I know tumblr (like most fandom spaces) has a deserved reputation, and f/f is by far the least popular of the three major types of two-character shipping, and there's only so much I can do about that. The fact that a lot of fandom spaces treat f/f shippers like unhinged psychopaths or pushy, predatory infiltrators or (worst of all) fetishists is a reason why I'm slow to ask about ships. I don't want to give the impression that my interest is limited to shipping, or that I seek out partners with the express purpose of shipping, or that it's an expectation that, if not fulfilled, will make make me upset or something. It's a bit of a downer explanation but, despite the fact that I love shipping, I think it will always be a (very treasured and cherished <3) rarity here unless people are willing to match my freak (slow burn sapphic romance).

21: Your current RPC

It's okay. I've said before that I personally consider an RPC to be less like "everyone who writes in the same fandom" and more "the people you personally surround yourself with." In that sense, not many complaints - I run a tight ship. Beyond that though, thinking about the RPC in the way most people think about it... Eh. The most popular characters generally aren't characters I especially like, and a lot of my faves are very, very underrepresented, which is a shame. I've heard that the fandom was like Really Bad at various point, but it seems mostly? fine to me these days.

There are other fandoms that I'd like to get into, due to having AUs and such, but they seem much more difficult to get into. I would certainly like to do more Persona stuff and Genshin Impact stuff, since I have some AUs already, and would be happy to do some for characters who don't already have them, as well, but especially with the Genpact stuff, it seems hard to break in and find people who fit the vibe and are interested. Who knows? I'll keep trying.

30: Your choice - fanon interpretations

I'm in favor of them! Canon is never going to be all-encompassing, so everyone has to fill in the gaps themselves, and sometimes the process of doing so, or considering more carefully the available canon, or just deciding what you would prefer yields necessary changes to the canon. In my case, I've made a lot of changes (large and small) to Maki just to get her to a place where I feel like her story is consistent and in line with what I think about her. As well, I used to write Hana from Overwatch (still do, but not as often) and for those who were around in that fandom like, 5-6 years ago or whatever, they might remember "Gremlin D.Va" as like the big fandom meme about her. I thought those memes were amusing, but didn't at all square with her "canon" characterization, so my thinking was to kind of use those fanon memes as some influence and inspiration on things, but make sure the context was suitable for a serious portrayal, and that I wasn't sacrificing tone or storytelling on the altar of funny memes.

What I would say is that if some piece of fanon inspires creativity in a writer, they should go with it, even if it requires a bit of shuffling around. If a piece of fanon is just "this character said he likes tomatoes once, so now his Whole Thing is tomatoes! Tomatoes..." and you find that reductive or boring, just ignore it. That said, if a character has a lot of canon-divergence or fanon interpretations in your portrayal, I do think it's nice to spell that out somewhere so people get it going in.

[erithel]

Unpopular opinion rant, but there's something very unpleasant about how the current community characterizes lotor. He's a decent antagonist and interesting as the two face double crosser he was set out to be, but the fandom making this grown man and soft imperialist character the "oh poor baby, :'(" feels so icky. Especially when they use him as an example of a wayward abuse victim and dismisses his more despicable canon actions, all of which are plain to see on screen since his introduction,

Anonymous also adds:

as a byproduct of the writers being "ablest" or even in some reaches,"racist". His seasons long participation in colonization and subjugation of other races, the way he knows how to manipulate his way into others good graces in other to get them to do what he wants without impunity, senseless murder and unethical experimentation, those actions are his responsibility. His past can explain what he's doing but to try to pass it off "bad writing" and painting him as the poster child of poorly written abuse-victim character, when he's no better than any irl ruling class or politician, is such an unpleasant hallmark of this fandom and speaks of wildly poor judgement on fans part. He's very well written as far as antagonists go, better than zarkon and haggar, but I especially can't even with the 'draco in leather pants"-ing of his character.

So I will admit, right off the bat, I always liked the potential of Lotor. It was as if I could almost see what they were trying to do with him, rather than what was actually presented in the show. That's why I've never hated him as much as some others.

The best example I can think of is the character of Regina from Once Upon a Time. I watched the first season of that a while back, and by the time they got to her "redeeming" tragic backstory, I could not have cared less. They had shown her doing horrible, irredeemable things for too long, and by the time they tried to justify it, it was too little, too late.

And I believe like this is how some people feel about Lotor.

(I also think that a lot of people feel bad for him and excuse what he did because – to be absolutely blunt – he was attractive and that is a very real thing.)

I do see, to a certain extent, the comparison you're making between Lotor and "the ruling class or politicians" but the thing that seems to fit a little more for me tends to toe the line of psychopath. - Pretending to care while manipulating. - Committing horrible acts and being able to justify them because there is no real sense of guilt tied to the act. - Using people for personal gain until the point they are no longer useful.

If I'm being honest, this would have been a fascinating angle for them to have chosen for him – just fully committing to the choice of Lotor actually being a psychopath.

That being said, however, the reason why I tend to hang onto the idea of Lotor being redeemable is that he could have been the most interesting character in the show. I mean, his potential was a literal goldmine for character development, and a character arc.

Even if we list the barest of facts, this is what we have to work with:

1) He was the son of the Galaxy's dictator. 2) He was 100% neglected as a child; never shown actual love. 3) He was ordered to subjugate planets by his father. 4) He was exposed to whatever that thing was that made Zarkon and Haggar "turn evil" because she was pregnant with him when she was exposed (I don't remember exactly what that was). Now here's what I think they were going for with Lotor. I think they wanted to give him all of that tragic backstory, and they wanted him to still show an innate sense of good, despite it. I think they wanted something in his very nature to be nagging at him to do the right thing – to find peaceful, diplomatic solutions despite the orders and the example he was given. I think they wanted to take Lotor and say "Here is this kid who was destined to be evil. It's in his bloodline, it's in his DNA, it's been with him since his birth… Except – Except he cares about people. Except he has empathy and compassion, and despite everything inside him that is screaming at him to do evil, his true nature – the goodness of his own heart – was the more powerful thing in the end." And shit, that would have been powerful. Could have been powerful, if it had been portrayed correctly on screen. And that's where the argument for bad/lazy writing comes in. Because Lotor had so much potential, but because his character and his story was not fleshed out to the extent it should have been, he comes off to many of the fans exactly how you described in your post. We were shown too much of the bad, and when we were finally shown the true good they wanted us to see all along, it was too little, too late.

[knoxsunday]

Crash Into You | Chapter One

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x OC Female Character

Summary: The Dagger Squadron's new flight surgeon, Lt Jess Harris has disliked Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw since college. Now that she's the Dagger's flight surgeon, she can no longer avoid Rooster and their contentious past.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: some cussing

A/N: Hello! There's a lot of exposition here, so bare with me on this first chapter. And as a disclaimer, I know very little about medicine and the military so anything in here is literally from looking stuff up and skimming wiki articles. Thank you for reading ♥

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five

I'll get this out in the open: I didn't exactly care for Rooster and I'm certain he doesn't like me either. We matriculated at UVA together, though rarely ever crossed paths aside from various house parties mostly because I was on the pre med track and he was a political science major. There were some distinct moments that I always reference as reasons as to why Bradley Bradshaw is The Worst.

The first was the three weeks I was taking Intro to Poli Sci for some extra credits. Bradley rarely participated in class except when arguing the other side of an issue I had voiced my own opinion on. In the span of three weeks, we had gotten into five heated debates, all of which ended in the professor having to step in just to move the class along. And Bradley never failed to look smug when lobbing his counterpoints across the room, like he was toying with me. I ended up dropping the class because my workload that semester turned out to be oppressive and something had to give.

He found me in the library a few weeks after our last class together and asked if I chickened out of the course because he was the superior orator. I told him his views were too simplified and that he relied too much on emotional arguments. Bradley's counter argument was I leaned too heavily on data and facts when in reality geopolitics are more nuanced. I might have insulted his intelligence and he probably called me callus. The details have gotten fuzzy over time. But I definitely remember flipping him off. He just laughed and gave me two middle fingers right back.

The second was sophomore year when he and his friends woke up half my apartment floor looking for someone who didn't even live in my building. I had pulled an all-nighter the day before and had really been looking forward to getting some much needed rest. But no! Bradley and his merry group of drunks woke me up yelling for Emily or Emma or something. I stormed out of my apartment and gave them a piece of my mind. Instead of apologizing for the ruckus, Bradley tried to flirt his way around my sleep deprived fury - the audacity. There was no way he thought I was actually "lookin' good", what with my ratty t-shirt and old gym shorts, pony tail falling out of its elastic tie and days old mascara smudges under my eyes. But his smirky smile didn't falter and I swear I caught him looking at my chest instead of listening to my noise complaint.

Ugh, men.

Had I not already developed a dislike for Bradley at this point, I might have given him a pass. (College kids are allowed to let off steam and it was just after midterms, after all.) Bradley was definitely cute in his college days: kind, brown eyes and an easy smile; dark, wavy hair that flopped over his forehead on one side. His face was a bit boyish, still in transition from teenager to adulthood. He was easy to spot, too. Bradley's fondness for Hawaiian shirts made him stick out in a crowd. That and he was easily six foot, if not taller. But no such luck with me, oh no. No amount of Bradshaw Charm could get him off my shit list that night.

I saw him the most at parties after that, wherein I learned we are both extremely competitive and don't take losing beer pong well. I lost count of the number of drunken rematches, but we had earned a reputation for quarreling over anything if left alone for too long. My roommate banned me from playing party games my junior year. This coincided around the time Bradley and my roommate were 'dating' but 'not dating'. I made myself very scarce those long four weeks. They broke up after Bradley said he didn't want anything serious - which is how all of his relationships were rumored to end. I sat with my roommate as she cried into a value size tub of cheese puffs, offering to kick him in the nuts next time I saw him. She never took me up on the offer.

More recently, of course, there was the time we crossed paths on a carrier post-college. I was doing a two week rotation on the USS Ford as a fresh faced flight surgeon. Rooster was still trying to stake his claim as the best naval aviator in his squad and had beat out a few of his other squadron members for a high profile mission. The morning of the mission came and his commanding officer pulled him because he looked like he was about to pass out when he showed up for the final debrief. When he came down to the clinic, he was sweating profusely due to a high fever and had a nasty cough. I had been the on duty surgeon, unfortunately for both of us. Neither knew the other was on board, making the entire exam one of the more excruciatingly long moments in my adult life. We exchanged awkward, stiff pleasantries and I gave him the bad news that he had the flu which meant I couldn’t clear him to fly. Like seemingly all pilots I've met, he had something to prove and did not take the news well. He stormed out after some unkind words and I didn’t see him the rest of the time I was on the Ford.

His career obviously didn’t take the meteoric blow like he claimed through a stuffy nose several years ago. Rooster had graduated first out of Top Gun, was a well respected and decorated pilot, and now part of the newly formed, elite special task squadron known as the Daggers. I’d say he overreacted just a bit. Either way, Bradley Bradshaw was loud, annoyingly proud, and egotistical. A position I maintain to this day but didn't exactly vocalize because everyone seems to genuinely like him around the halls of Top Gun. My active avoidance of anything involving Rooster has been noticed by Phoenix though she never pushes the issue. Either she really wasn't as nosey as she claimed or she just didn't care.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In theory, half my time at Top Gun should be spent in the clinic, the other half split between running training evac exercises and flying with pilots. What I was not expecting when taking this post was getting assigned as the Dagger Squadron's flight surgeon, which is how I find myself on an aircraft carrier and not sneaking into the debrief room at Top Gun because it has the best coffee on base. Their old flight surgeon was promoted last week and left to do a stint on the USS Mercy, leaving me as the new Dagger flight surgeon. Wherever they go, I go.

The job title 'flight surgeon' is a bit misleading and I try to avoid using it around civilians. I'm not performing regular surgical procedures on pilots, though I'm not too bad with a scalpel. Really it's just an outdated title for a general practitioner who deals specifically with aviators as patients. I'm trained to make sure naval aviators and their crew can handle the stresses of their job (and there's a lot of mental and physical stress in the cockpit) along with treating minor aches and pains and chronic illnesses.

Phoenix was surprised to see me but also mildly miffed I hadn't told her my 'new job' meant being on base the night we met.

“Not a pilot but you work with pilots, eh?” She had said after a light punch to my arm. “Please tell me you aren’t always that evasive with your answers.”

“It depends,” I responded with a coy smile and she just laughed.

She is part of the Daggers, along with Bob. The two had basically adopted me after my first day. I didn’t see Bob and Phoenix often, but I’ve had lunch with them a few times. Phoenix came over for dinner two weekends ago and helped me assemble Ikea furniture in my new rental by the beach. It digressed quickly once we added forzen margaritas to the equation. I met the other Daggers as they filtered in and out of the clinic for various reasons. They were a tight knit group led by the legendary Captain Pete "Maverick" Mitchell. When they weren't teaching Top Gun students, they were assigned to highly classified missions that required only the most skilled pilots to carry out.

I didn't know what today's mission on the Ford was but it only required two pilots who ended up being Hangman and Rooster. I watched them catapult off the carrier just before dawn. I had seen this maybe hundreds of times but I will never get over watching those powerful planes fling off the end of the runway and sail into the seemingly endless horizon. After helping out in the clinic, I went back to my bunk (thankfully it was just me) to get some sleep. I had just drifted off when I was called back to the clinic to check out a pilot with a possible concussion.

I wasn't anticipating Hangman and Rooster to be waiting on me, the latter with an ice pack smashed against his forehead. They were both in their full flight gear, leading me to believe they had just gotten back on board. Last I heard the mission was a resounding success with no issues so I was beyond curious to know what happened.

I looked over Rooster's chart as he sat on the exam table. He is as healthy as a goddamn horse. Of course he was.

"You made it through the entire mission without any problems and yet you still manage to get hurt," I glance up. "Gotta say, I'm a little impressed."

Hangman laughs and the sound fills the small space. He's got a great smile. I wouldn't be surprised if that won a lot of people over. I can see why Phoenix finds him attractive, though I can't get her to admit it. Next to him, Rooster is shooting a withering glare at both of us.

"Sorry doc," Rooster's wingman says. "I'm afraid it was partly my fault."

"Partly?" Rooster butts in. "Try a hundred percent."

"I distracted Bradshaw here and he ran right into one of the bulkhead doorways."

The joy from the mental image of Rooster bonking his head is payment enough for being pulled away from a nap. It had to have been at least a little funny - possible concussion aside. A few of the larger doors meant to keep water out in the event of hull damage require you to either duck or step over the threshold. There were a few I even had to lower my head for and I clocked in at five foot nine inches with boots on.

"Let's take a look at the damage," I roll over on my stool.

"I'm gonna hit the showers," Hangman says. "I think you've got it covered, doc."

I wave the blond pilot off and to Rooster I say, "I need to look at your head."

Rooster doesn't move for a moment and just stares at me. He opens his mouth to say something but decides against it and removes the hand with the ice pack to reveal a red, slightly raised mark near the hairline. I ask the normal questions while I go though concussion protocol. Headache, nausea, blurred vision, etc.

"What's the verdict?" Rooster mumbles. He sucks in a breath as I gently poke the bruise that is forming. It's the sort of bruise that will turn all sorts of unpleasant colors before it disappears.

"A minor concussion," I roll back to the table with my tablet to make notes. "What were you doing, speed walking through the ship?"

"No, I was - wait, does this mean I'm grounded?"

I glance up from his chart. Rooster's jaw is set, expression stoney. It's just like last time. Here we go.

"Yes," I say evenly. "If your symptoms get worse, obviously let me know but come back tomorrow and we can see about getting you up for flight status. But with a concussion, even minor-"

"Yeah I got it, Harris," Rooster cuts me off and grimaces. "Not my first rodeo."

"Run into a lot of bulkheads?" I ask and close out of his file.

He ignores the jab. "You know, the only times I've been grounded for health reasons have been by you," he crosses his arms, which looks a bit awkward with all of his gear still on.

"I doubt that's true," I say even though I'm 90 percent sure he's actually right. I was just in his medical records after all. But the knee jerk reaction to contradict him was unstoppable.

"Nah," he's got that combative glint in his eyes. "I think you have it out for me. Just don't know why."

I scoff. "Excuse you, I take my job very seriously and would never abuse my position."

"But you haven't denied that you don't like me."

"One, that wasn't your original statement. And two, oh no, someone doesn't like you. I think your ego could take the hit."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Don't you like me?" He smiles wryly. "Sheesh, Jess I'm beginning to think I'm not the one with the head injury here."

"Seriously?" I rub my temples. "You were rude and obnoxious to me at every opportunity in college."

"You weren't exactly peaches and cream, darlin'." he replies. "I distinctly remember you saying I was the reason God created the middle finger."

"You called me a soulless ice queen the first time we were on this boat together."

Rooster finally looked a bit guilty. "Not exactly a shining moment for me, but I did have a high fever."

"That's cute, not even taking responsibility for your own words," I say curtly.

"Neither are-" Rooster's face jockies between something like annoyance and practiced calm. "Listen, Jess-"

"Lt. Harris," I cut.

"Lt. Harris, I'm sorry. I don't actually think you're soulless. But you are kind of standoffish. You've been that way since I've known you. Makes you unapproachable."

"I'm not unapproachable, I'm reserved which is the only way women seem to get taken seriously in medicine and the navy," I can hear the blood rushing in my ears. "Plus, we aren't in high school, I don't need tips on how to be popular. Least of all from my enemies."

I hated the word choice instantly. Rooster latches onto it instantly.

"Enemies? What are you, nine?"

"That's what you take away from what I just said?"

"What grown-ass adult has enemies?"

"Gah, get out of my exam room!" I stand and open the door. Rooster doesn't hesitate to leave.

And because I am a good doctor, I yell after his retreating form down the hall, "Make sure you take acetaminophen, not ibuprofen, and get some rest."

[nyxicnymph]

okay, so, I know I've mentioned nanowrimo this month, but I thought I'd share what's actually happening!

I started a fic in a notebook about a week before Halloween, kinda playing with a new comfort character and a realization that I can come to terms with certain problematic parts of my life through writing.

So I was kinda half heartedly working on it, sure it was going to do the same thing as Cracks, where it would take me about six months to write, or maybe more.

But on the 1st of november, I saw a post about Nanowrimo. I had vaguely known about the concept, but this was the first I'd seen about the depth of it.

I knew that between parental restrictions and school, plus the general distractions, I wouldn't be able to do very well if I participated with a digital fic. But I already had a good starter, and lots of inspiration to continue, as well as minimal distractions and restrictions in my notebook fic! So, I set out to write in the fic every day of November.

And it's been going really well! I usually write in the evenings, after school and dinner, and whatever activities are planned or sprung on me. I go to bed around 10 pm, so on a free night, I have three to four hours to write. I had started the fic in the back half of a notebook, and filled that up by the 7th of November. I've been working in a new notebook since that night, and I've continued to write every evening since then. I almost missed the night of the 12, but I did make sure to write something even in my very distracted state that night.

On the "definitions" for meeting Nanowrimo standards. I may not reach 50k words, since I am writing the whole thing by hand. I also fully intend to take a couple of days, maybe a week, to rest my hand once this month is over to rest my wrist/hand/back, as I don't really have a desk to write on, so I tend to write on the couch or bed, using my legs as my table. But I am aiming to hopefully finish the fic, or at least the majority of it, by the end of the month. Then I may type up a finer draft(less spelling/grammatical errors as caused by writing somewhat close to my bed time. Nothing I can do about that really at the moment as it's my only real free time) and post it to ao3 when I'm done, after I divide it into chapters.

I'm specifically not writing it as a chaptered fic at the moment because my thoughts flow better when I don't break it up like so, and I have less of a pressure to reach stupid goals such as "One chapter a night regardless of how much time I actually have to write".

But I know I've reached a little past the halfway part of the fic, and I know I'm reaching important turning points in the character developments! :D

I'm really glad I started with this fic. It's helping me work through things. It's giving me a place to channel my emotions in a healthy way. It's giving me a chance to experiment with my skills. It's allowing me to test my limits. And it's just something I'm glad I'm doing.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you all will be supporting me as I continue this journey. This year has had a lot of firsts, and I'm thankful I've had the chance to share so many of them with you all!

[alo-piss-trancy]

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.

[ca-3]

Just curious, but why don't you ever have Kuro romantically participating when you talk about Kuromahisaku headcanons? I always thought he'd be pretty clingy, myself, if he had people that important to him that he'd take the jump to a relationship.

Another message I am a day late to aaaaaaaaaaa sorry.

But…. I really had to think about this one anyway… cause I don’t know what you are trying to say with “ever” right there, cause?  I don’t have a ton of KuroMahiSaku stuff, most of it is pretty far and few in between, but in my own works I have definitely had Kuro participating “romantically” so I don’t know why we are jumping to any conclusions or assumptions here? -3-);;

I have a had him being affectionate, protective and even somewhat jealous before in comics/artwork. I would have a lot more but I don’t finish shit and it’s very unfortunate. RIP. (and some of the things I do are just meant to be silly and not taken too serious anyway. 😂 but I think people still do? So oh well, what can I do?)

Also??? I don’t actually talk about KuroMahiSaku headcanons here very often anyways? I actually keep most of them to myself, unless someone asks me about it or something. Sometimes I babble about it in dm messages with a friend or even in chat servers, but here? Not really??? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But how I see each of the characters affects how I see the relationship working out. I definitely have a lot ideas and thoughts for Kuro. I see him being sweet, somewhat shyer and not sure how to ask for certain affections sometimes or has small difficulty expressing his feelings but definitely wants those things. A much more simple (no pun intended haha) kind of love. Doing things like giving a casual kiss on the cheek or lips, cuddling while he naps, leaning against the other to relax and so on. I could go on, but you get the idea I hope. Basically, he gradually becomes more and more comfortable with those kinds of things and doing so much more. 💙

The idea of KuroMahiSaku is kind of funny to me sometimes. Like…. when you think about it realistically, the three of them don’t seem to have a lot of relationship experience. I could be wrong, but there’s not much evidence of any of that of course. Servamp isn’t a series about romance. Despite it’s somehow ended up under the “shojo” category once, like what? Is it still considered that? Cause it definitely ain’t your typical shojo haha

I would expect Kuro to have the most experience because, yeah, literally the oldest out of the three. But he hasn’t really had another eve before and never had any subclass either. So??????? But has he ever had a past romantic relationship? That’s extremely up in the air still, so who knows? There is so much potential in his past. 

There is so much potential that these three have together in my opinion.

KuroMahiSaku doesn’t necessarily have to be 100% romantic. 

it definitely wouldn’t start out that way at least.

Another thought I have about Kuro is I think he would definitely be a bit wary of Sakuya at first and them becoming close at all would take some time. So would  building up any kind of trust. If it ever becomes possible for that to happen I would think. They haven’t had their chance to get to know the other yet.

 Cause I remember quite awhile ago in another ask I ended up discussing “You know what…where did some of us, including myself at some point, get the idea Kuro and Sakuya hate each other?”

Read about that if you want, but my main thought with that is just, Kuro for sure has to understand that Sakuya is definitely important to Mahiru.

You know.

Just like how any of his other friends are to him and as his Servamp, Kuro helps Mahiru to achieve his goal of wanting to protect others. Kuro is an equally understanding person. He has grown so much since the beginning. Sloth Pair together has grown so much. 

I’M SORRY BUT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS REAL QUICK CAUSE I HAVE MANY FEELINGS ABOUT A LOT OF THIS STUFF

All of Mahiru’s friends (Lust Pair, Greed Pair, Pride Pair ,Ryusei, Koyuki and so many more.) the people he wants to save/protect are all unique and ALL have their own unique flaws/troubled pasts. They are all important to Mahiru in their own way because each relationship he has with them is different and Sakuya is definitely one of them. Sakuya was originally one of Mahiru’s main motivations. His contract with Kuro began because Mahiru wanted to be able to help his friends and even though Sakuya isn’t Mahiru’s number one priority anymore(because he has so many other things to worry about right now. There is too much going on and out of his control.) but it’s obvious Mahiru still thinks/worries about Sakuya. 

Mahiru probably always remembers his promise to Sakuya in the back of his mind a lot too. There’s many examples of this. A lot of the time when Mahiru worries about Kuro, Sakuya sometimes ends up coming up too. He comes up whenever Mahiru defends vampires in general. Mahiru knows the truth about them BOTH.

(SOME CHAPTER 67 SPOILERS HERE, BUT I FEEL THIS IS  IMPORTANT)

Mahiru seems to think about them both a lot. The look on Mahiru’s face in both these pages hurt so much because this chapter was about Mahiru’s thoughts, some of his past and motivations. He wanted to be someone’s “Pride”.

This isn’t even about shipping anymore. I just have too many feelings about these guys in general, romantic or not. This is valid stuff about them.

But back to the Kuro stuff. Again, he definitely knows and understands that Sakuya is a friend to Mahiru and a person he wants to protect too, HE’S GOT TO KNOW. 

Kuro was there for the fight, he has there on the rooftop, he heard their conversation and apologies.

 If Sakuya really bothered Kuro…. wouldn’t he have said something then or by now? Or will he ever? There really isn’t a reason for Kuro to hate Sakuya now. Not while Kuro trusts Mahiru’s decisions. Part of Sloth Pair’s development and bond is how much they trust and respect each other decisions more than ever now.

So as long as Mahiru considers Sakuya a friend, Kuro likely will too.

There hasn’t been a super obvious statement or moment yet that has convinced me that he does hate him. I won’t believe it until I actually see concrete evidence. 

Kuro doesn’t hate anyone Mahiru cares about. Kuro doesn’t come off to me as a jealous person but a protective one instead. We all know Kuro is very protective of Mahiru.

So that’s why I feel so much about Kuro and Sakuya potentially being friends someday. If they had the chance to talk or be friends, I feel Kuro would actually try his best with Sakuya even if he would potentially be wary of him. I can definitely see Sakuya being a lot more cautious about Kuro and have a super hard time trusting him. But it’s possible, I could be wrong, but I still think it’s just very possible if they ever get the chance.

A good example of Kuro potentially befriending Sakuya, is because of Tsubaki. Kuro and Mahiru both want to “stop” Tsubaki, sure but they don’t want to kill him. They just want their friends and the rest of the Servamps safe is all. It’s been established in the anime and manga that Kuro wants to solves things with Tsubaki in non-lethal way and wants to give him a chance even if it’s dangerous.

They want to talk to him then want to fix things between both sides. They believe he deserves to have a chance to be in the Servamp family still. So I can definitely see Kuro accepting others like Sakuya too and make peace with them. Kuro wanted things to be peaceful anyway.

I have so many more thoughts and stuff I could talk about from canon that  makes me link these 3 together or why these relationships are both important to me in their own way. But I’m starting to ramble again. 

So that’s why I actually do have a lot of feelings and thoughts on “KuroMahiSaku” and each of them in it. Cause the basis of it just comes from the fact that I never once thought either relationship(romantic or not, or however you see it) should be considered lesser for those reasons. Again, all my opinion but I hope people can understand this better. What I show in silly or in published vs. unpublished works isn’t always accurate to how I feel. But different interpretations are what makes things interesting after all.

That’s why I think it’s silly when I hear about people trying to put others against each other or just want to argue and be mad over such a thing. It’s rare, but it happens and it’s not worth it. Ever.

This whole relationship all ends in I just want them to be happy. Sure, we have our ships or we even don’t ship anything, but ships in the end don’t mean anything to me either. It would be great if one happened, but I truly just want them all to be happy and get along at the end, at the very least. ❤💚💙

Jeez, this got a lot longer then I anticipated, I went a little off the rails but I REALLY DO have many thoughts about these three.  PLEASE HELP.

[justanotherghostwriter]

Fortnight, August, and September for your ask game! I hope you have a spectacular day!! 💜💜

Thank you, Ever, for the thoughtful questions, and for answering the ones I asked you back before I got to these. XD Hope you've had a great day! 🦋

Fortnight: What WIP do you plan on posting next, if at all?

You asked for one and I, induced by utter guilt, will give you the next bunch as a promise to the universe that these are actually coming one day, despite what it seems from my lack of follow through. Maybe this will magically hold me accountable.

1. Chapter 2 of "Lessons Worth Learning". Which was supposed to come out around December 2019. So that's how that's going.

2. My SSR Confidential gift for this year. Because why stop participating in fan events when you're several fic behind?

3. Chapter 2 of "Battles After War". Also from 2019.

4. It will probably be the end of the year by this stage so I'll put the FMA Big Bang piece currently looming over my head in this position.

5. Just post-war-ends ATLA fic.

6. ATLA AU oneshot.

And, from there on, it could be any of the various others slithering around on my newly ordered external hardrive. They include three Animorphs fanfic I've had around since... 2018, probably. Four Zutara fic with already fully developed outlines. A Kenshin fic, of all things, that will hopefully just fade into obscurity before I have to post it. And an Edwin Modern AU. Plus some vague ideas of doing another chapter for the Edwin fairytale AU I did for last year's 503 Week.

Sorry for turning your answer into a confession of sorts, Ever, but I feel better promising people on the Internet who don't care that I am trying my hardest to write fic many don't know exist or have forgotten about because I care more than the rest of the world does lmao.

August: Are any of your fics associated with certain genres/artists/songs etc?

"Welcome to the Black Parade" (Animorphs) is the most obvious one, here, because it's fully, 100% based on, and interposed with lyrics from, the titled My Chemical Romance song. The FMA BB story I'm working on is very closely linked to an album that I listen to when planning for it.

For the rest of what I've written... Not that I can remember? I definitely listen to music when in the brain planning stages of scenes and the overall storyline of the fic, but it's mostly just 'put music on shuffle, skip until a song that hits the right tone'. I'm a lot better at finding songs that fit other people's fic.

September: Share a comment or review that still warms your heart?

Listen, every single review is a gift, and I don't just mean that glibly. I don't clean out my A03 inbox so that I can go reading through all of them when I need an ego boost. People take the time to write the most beautiful things that I'm not sure my keyboard puttering deserves. I love it when they point out characterisation moments that felt right to them, because characters are more important to me than plot. And, as I've rambled about before, I love it when the lines I think will hit hard actually do. It's like winning something I can't quite explain.

All that to say that this comment humbled the heck out of me, and still does whenever I tackle things that are sensitive but that I feel, deep in my core, need to be talked about in fiction as well as in discourse:

"This is such high-tier whump and angst ;-; <3 I suffer from chronic pain and the small details like having the hot water bottles in an easy accessible place and then brushing aside the pain because that's normal for you - I felt very validated and I thank you for writing this!"

It's the 'I felt very validated' for me. Somehow, my writing managed to do that. I still don't have words to describe how much that means to me.