#no one read this i know there's gotta be typos and stuff that doesn't make sense but i can't reread it before i queue it or it'll never go u

[gem-tavvy]

IMPROMPTU TAVROS NITRAM WRITING COURSE

VOL 1. ~ OF QUIRKS AND SYNTAX

wanted to work on a fun lil post to remark on some common problems i see in tavros nitram's portrayals in fanworks, and how he actually Acts, using in-comic examples! please tell me if you enjoy!

i think more people should learn how tavros' quirk works. cause i see a lotta ppl making the same handful of mistakes, and while there are more important things to worry about. the comic is Right There and Chock Full Of Text.

obviously there's the basics. capitalization and punctuation. these are the basic building blocks of every character's quirk. john using apostrophes and periods separates him from, say, dave and jade.

and jade using an excess of question marks, exclamation marks, and smileys separates her from dave. and roxy using a lot of acronyms and shortenings (and typos while drunk) separates her further from the "all lowercase" gang.

for tavros: let's look at capitalization first.

tavros types in reverse case. that is to say, where most people would write capital letters, he writes lowercase letters, and vice versa. he starts every sentence with a lowercase letters, and every lone 'I' is lowercase as well.

(important to note: he also uses lowercase after EVERY comma. when it comes to capitalization, treat every comma like it's a period.)

the only exception to this rule seems to be proper nouns. unless he's saying it at the beginning of a sentence or after a comma, that name is written in capital letters, like when he says "THE KNIGHT" and "DAVE" in his conversation with rose above.

as for his punctuation,

tavros uses a lot of commas. where you'd expect a dash or a semicolon, use a comma. where you'd expect a period, use a comma. you need a set of ellipses? use a comma.

wait. i want you to read that last sentence REALLY closely. "use A comma." i need you to drill this into your head right here, right now, forevermore. if you care even remotely about writing tavros correctly, HEED MY WORDS:

USE A SINGLE COMMA.

i don't care how many pieces of art, how many fanfics, how many Whatevers you have seen, tavros dOES NOT,,,,, uMM,,,,,,, uSE THIS MANY,,, uH,,,,,, cOMMAS. he only needs to use one at a time. the exceptions to this rule are INCREDIBLY rare, and only appear when he is genuinely distressed or compromised.

in the first example, not only is he merged with vriska - causing numerous quirk changes - but they are under a tremendous amount of mental and emotional stress. in the second example, he is caught off guard by gamzee's sudden advances. in the third, he is experiencint a severe allergic reaction caused as a result of being permanently fused with a cat.

even in his conversations with vriska where he is being actively bullied and harassed, he largely only uses a single comma at a time. this is absolutely THE most common mistake when writing tavros.

the SECOND most common mistake i see is making him s-s-stutter. a lot of people think that just because he's awkward and is described by vriska as "stuttering," he always has to "s-stutter like t-t-this." but it's not true, and tavros Does Not talk like that.

tavros DOES stutter, but the better word to use to describe it is stammering. he doesn't really think a sentence out before he talks - it's why he often says "uh" and "um" between clauses. it's also why he drags out words sometimes, like "hIII," or "hEYYY," or "wOAHHH,". he's the kind of guy that's always gotta make a noise when he's talking, even if he doesn't really know what to say yet.

i have more stuff to say about WHY people write tavros this way, but i'll save it for later. we're still on the topic of his quirk!

so he doesn't use more than one comma at a time, doesn't use dashes to stutter, and as we know uses apostrophes mostly properly. what about exclamation points and question marks?

now, this is where we have a bit of a schism. previous images i've posted, if you noticed, have sentences where tavros is asking a question. namely when he's asking rose all those questions about dave. when it comes to EARLY homestuck, which i personally subscribe to as the purest form of his quirk, tavros ONLY uses commas. even if he's asking a question.

but later on, usually during act 6, tavros starts using exclamation marks and question marks more. so there's a precedent for it, sure. i'd personally err on the side of caution, though. use them like you'd use multi-commas: sparingly and for a good reason.

combining capitalization and punctuation, i also want to mention how he whispers, too, because it's one of my favorite gags in homestuck.

in homestuck, whispering is typically denoted by surrounding one's text in (parentheses.) for tavros, this is no different. if a character normally speaks in all upper case, like karkat or terezi, they might also replace all of that upper case with lower case.

but tavros sucks at whispering. if he's outright muttering under his breath, he (jUST SPEAKS LIKE THIS,) but if he's genuinely trying to be surreptitious, he will TRY to speak all in lower case. however, little pockets of upper case will still (sNEak, inSIDE,). if you need to write tavros whispering for whatever reason, this can be a fun gag to call back to for comedy's sake.

the final syntax element to touch on is simple. emoticons!

tavros uses a variety throughout homestuck. all of them have a common theme: they always start with a "}". NOT a bracket "[". he ALWAYS uses one of the curly brackets, without exception.

he uses }:) , }:o) (when speaking to gamzee once), }:( , }:'( , and }:D ! might be more examples, but you get what i mean. he has a good variety! he typically either uses these after a sentence OR as its own "line," without any text. he also even uses them outside text. like:

AT: aWW, sAD SURE IS WHAT THAT IS, }:(

TAVROS: }:D

[someperson3431]

PLEASE READ!!! (or don't its not that serious)

hello everyone so if you know me personally you would know i have extreme OCD lmao, so I'm here to announce I've made a separate blog for random Isaac stuff i want to do. i want to have this blog for only asks so its mor organised and the other one will be for comics memes stuff like that. i really like doing asks and i love doing comics just and telling story's a lot as well so i thought this is the best option for everyone anyways that all i gotta say please go check it out and if you have an idea for a comic im open for suggestions anyways thanks for reading here's the blog

(oh yeah if my messages have typos or just don't make any sense i have dyslexia but i think that was pretty obvious)

like here for example lilith was ment to say "polly my arms are gonna give in" but my brain is stupid and doesn't like to work (its fixed now btw)

[discoidal]

hi this is one of your mutuals being shy. how did you get into publishing your works with lit magazines?? i dont even know where to begin or how to be organized and Professional

HIIII omg i am not organized or professional at all and dw u can always talk to me<33 esp mutuals omg we're like already friends! just in case u want to stay anon tho, ill get this as detailed as possible under the cut; sorry if it gets long or wordy

anyways so i got into publishing after following jasmine from candied/spit for a long time, and i've found it's mostly a game of knowing your work and finding the right publisher market for it.

there are sites that like collect magazines and presses for ease of submission; i got started with submission grinder, but the most effective and convenient right now is chillsubs.com ! chillsubs has a browse feature with a bunch of filters; u can use those filters to find magazines that are right for u, for example like looking for specifically poetry mags or looking for specific demographics

once you've found smth u want to submit ur work to, u go to their site and usually they have a submit page with instructions on what to submit and how to. there might be some terms that you're unfamiliar with at first; u can always google them or ask me for clarification. if you follow those conditions, you'll get a better chance at getting accepted by that mag obviously. a lot of mags will straight up not read your work if you don't follow the submission rules or whatever.

mostly, in my experience, the mags have you submit by submittable (a site that you sign up to), emails, or gforms. they may ask you for a cover letter, which doesn't need to be detailed or formal; i usually just do a hi im zoe heres my shit thanks for your time peace out. think like office emails or emails to yr teacher; some litmags want it more formal while others are v v lax

they may also ask you for a 3rd person bio; thats the stuff like "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" or whatever. usually people take that opportunity to list previous notable publications ot credentials, but esp when you're starting out that doesnt need to be the case! you can put socmed or your website if ever, describe yourself, or you can even just joke. some litmags want a more formal tone; others will literally accept the "zoe adrien is a megahot swagapino" one, so while you can do just a rote one, i usually like to customize it per submission.

sometimes litmags have a "reading fee" which is where YOU pay THEM to read YOUR work; this does not guarantee an acceptance, and i try to avoid paying when possible. some other litmags have an "expedition fee" where you can submit things for free and it might take months, but if you pay the fee your work gets read faster or gets read straight by the editor; again, does not guarantee acceptance, but can be a good way to support a struggling lit mag that you're passionate about or get a quicker acceptance or rejection.

a big term that i remember being confused by is simultaneous submissions. that's the way i usually work, and it's when you have work that you submit to a bunch of markets simultaneously. this makes it faster for you, the writer, since you don't have to wait for markets to get back to you before submitting; otherwise, you'll have to do that, and esp with rlly prestigious litmags (literature magazines) the wait time can be months to years. sometimes though the litmags dont accept simsubs; that means if you submit to them, u submit to only them and wait for their reply before submitting again. theyre dicks if they do this imo but u gotta do what u gotta do

anyways, back on track. once a market gets back to you with an acceptance, you can accept their acceptance (thereby entering into an agreement or contract with them, especially if there's payment involved— note that payment isnt always involved). they might want to do some editing, but usually you'll get the chance to approve or reject their edits before it goes live. typos are common and you can absolutely contact them abt GETTING THAT SHIT FIXED!! (im still listed as zoe adrian in one mag anyway)

if you simsubbed like detailed above, especially if they have an exclusivity clause in the agreement, you'll then have to withdraw your work from the submissions queue of all the other markets. this is to say that that specific work isn't available anymore, as you have found a market for it. if thru email or gform u can just do a quick email like "thx this has been accepted elsewhere thx for ur time" and theyre usually like congrats and thts it

acceptance to publication usually takes months. usually, in my experience, the contract with the litmag will tell you how many months you have to withhold the specific work you've published with them from being published again. for example, i published with foglifter press and agreed for them to have six months exclusivity. if another market agrees to publish it, you have to make sure it's after the six months or the exclusivity period you agreed to, just to make sure no contracts are broken.

you're allowed to publish work you've published before again, usually if they are the first publication mags will ask that you credit them as where that work first appeared . while you are allowed to republish, a lot of mags don't accept "previous publications" so you have to check for that.

a lot of lit mags are online-only nowadays, but i've got a fair few print publications; print pubs will usually send you an author's copy, though in some cases you might have to buy it yourself.

now that i think (?) i've detailed the process, ill tell u smth: u dont need to be professional if u dont want to be! theres prestigious litmags, sure, and they should be paying better, but if you're content with small mags a lot of them are no fucks given. if you go off anon i could help you find some chill mags to start with; im very fortunate to have published with some cool people.

some small mags are my absolute favorites. being smaller, they sometimes only pay nominal author fees to you, or often they cant pay at all, but they can take more risks bc of that. their audiences, while smaller, might be more vocal and supportive. gotta shoutout my absolute fav indie mag, bodyfluids lit; they pay YOU 1 euro per submission and theyre my fav to work with, communication is so quick and easy, and i find almost all the work they publish to be right up my alley

if you can afford to be picky, i would say try to submit your work to magazines you yourself want to or love to read. ive gotten pieces published for relatively a lot of money but felt no joy in it beyond that money; meanwhile, getting published in wrong publishing and bodyfluids brought me so much joy and community. if writing was my main source of income or even a source i was reliant on, i'd have to be working harder for less joy, i feel

a thing i have to say when encouraging people to submit: you're going to get rejected. like a lotttt. it's not about you or the quality of your work, even, it's just that markets have specific tastes or themes and they have limited slots and maybe you mentioned bacon and the editor's hungry right now so they hate you for it and so they throw you in the reject pile. it happens.

publishing for me has been a game of so much luck and wild persistence and, im sorry to say it, thick skin. it hurt a lot when i first started, so much so that i stopped submitting for like 6 months after i got my first few rejections. you gotta keep trucking friens!!!

also im talking like i know sooo much i have like. 11 publications counting one that isnt even available anymore bc the litmag went down lmao i am a little baby! and i am unfortunately so lazy with submitting sometimes like i havent sat down and submitted to a bunch of places in like. 6 months. so yeah i dont know that much el oh el

omfg this is so long but i hope this wasnt overwhelming; theres so much more i want to say abt like readings and submission calls and themes and categories and shit. dont be overwhelmed tho, its usually a pretty streamlined process. again, it's a long game, but it's worth it to me :)) ask me anything any time! and i am SOOOO excited for you!!

[ilaiyayaya]

My PSP Is So Overpowered >:]

It's insane how vast the PSP modding scene is. Like, to an extent I already knew it was pretty in depth, it's one of the most heavily modded consoles ever made and is generally considered one of the best pieces of hardware ever made for emulation but like, it's way deeper than I even expected. You can practically turn a PSP into an unrecognizable system on the software side, or even probably the hardware side if you know console hard-modding, but I don't, and I don't really care enough to learn, modding hardware isn't going to give me Umineko Background!

The closest thing to hard modding I'd probably ever do would be like, making a custom shell, but I wouldn't consider that the same thing since it doesn't affect the internal function of the system, and it's also pretty simple.

So far modding this thing has been really simple too, like, I'm dumb, like really really really dumb, and the only console modding I've ever done was some minor Wii U modding like, 3 years ago, but that was extremely minor and was also 3 years ago. But the PSP has some really good guides online and the process itself pretty much just comes down to transferring files onto the memory card and occasionally (that took 3 attempts to spell that correctly and I do this every time I type occasionally, it is an impossible word for me to speel like I said I am very idiot) making a couple of new folders and .txt files.

For now I'm sticking to some pretty entry-level modding, mostly just aesthetic stuff like custom themes (I want that fucking Umineko theme goddammit) and better sorting for the home screen, along with loading a few emulators mostly just to test them out (althooo I may end up actually using this in the long run as my main way to play GBA games cuz like, handheld :) and maybe Game Gear (I LOVE SONIC BLAST!!! I FUCKING LOVE SONIC BLAST!!!!! you could genuinely not pay me any amount of money to ever play that game again. You could however give me a coooool freaking Sonic factoid in exchange for my service on the front lines of Sonic Blast) also possibly the Wonderswan). Depending on how much my neurons activate by the time I'm completely done with my planned modding, I may dive deeper into some more complex stuff, not really sure what exactly I would want to do that's more complex but like, I'm sure there's something I'd find interesting, it's a super deep area there's gotta be some freak shit in there.

BUT that's for later, for now, I am far too absorbed in looking at all the existing custom themes available for download that I can add to MY personal Sony Playstation Portable, there's so many good ones. If it's not super difficult I may also attempt making one myself too, I love making custom UI's and stuff for things I use I love custom Zeedmillenniummon mouse cursor.

So far these are some of my favourites, obviously there's the Umineko one earlier and I just realized I accidentally typed "favourites" instead of "favorites" British typo I'm not fixing it it's funny but there's a lot of outher good ones chew:

I have still not watched anything beyond the first episode of Monogatari and considering how long it is and since it's still getting new parts, if I ever do it will likely not be soon. But I like the way the show looks! And I think a lot of the character designs are nice so like even though it would make me a fake fan, I'd maybe include this one in the routation.

I have also not watched the Clannad anime, and by extension After Story, so this would also go into the Fake Fan category, but I did read a bit of the common route of the VN a long time ago, didn't get anywhere near the end though so still a fake fan. But I just really like the way this one looks, I think the yellow silhouette over the pink clouds in the background looks really nice, the plain font text in the center does kinda take away a bit of the charm, but it's not too bad.

No I will not download the Elfen Lied one, moving on.

Ah yes, my Microusoft Xbox 360 Portable... This one's just a fun meme but like, it's kinda funny, and the UI is like actually different and kinda creative so like, not bad for a lying, cheating, faker console.

I FUCKING LOVE MEGA MAN ZERO!!!! there's a really small image limit on Tumblr posts so I'm not adding this one I just wanted to shill Mega Man Zero.

I will however add the Chris Paul theme. I know nothing about sports. I know nothing about Chris Paul. But judging him entirely off this PSP theme, I think he seems like a very polite gentleman, and yes I think I do wish for him to be constantly staring at me as I load my pirated games on my Sony Playstation Plokable.

There's a lot of like, just genuinely good looking ones I'm skipping past that I don't have anything to say about, I hid the website link the Umineko Beatrice picture earlier I don't need to write a 12 page essay about all of them

I could write a 13 page essay on this one however, just look at that beautiful stare. My lovely ex-husband Sanji Weedsmoke on his iconic 77 billion dead poster. Shrimply magnificent.

This is just the Among Us drip picture like, the fucking angle I can't keep looking at it all I see is fucking shoes, fucking Among Drip Shoes.

SONIC! GREEN SONIC!!! why is one of them green sonic, I don't think that's his normal colour I think they did something to my favorite little blue guy. And of course it's the fucking 06 renders, I mean they're fine enough renders on their own but like, they look so out of place, and the basic green background. I'm sorry, I'm being so mean but like, it looks so shit I'M SORRY OKAY!!!!

That's all of the noteworthy ones none of the other ones are interesting/funny enough to comment on, I will report back in approximately 800 system hours to report on how cool and epic the Umineko theme is. Thank you and goodbye.

SHUT THE FUCK UP SLITHER WING AND FLUTTER MANE PLUSHIES GOT ANNOUNCED RIGHT BEFORE I WROTE THIS and also chien pao and whatever the jigglypuff paradox form is called idk i only care about the robots and flutter mane. This was almost a coherent post, with a decent narrative throughline. Almost. But I just had to fuck it all up at the end. This is intentional you know? This is the bit. The joke. The joke is that I'm crazy and there are rats in my brain and they won't let me talk about the PSP like a normal person without also talking about my love of Flutter Mane.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

To Do Today!

OK, I am gonna try to do laundry AND start reformatting the site. Obvs, one must do laundry. However, the site issues are more complicated.

Basically, WordPress is pushing out another interface change. The last major one was the block editor, that's taken years to be usable, and it still breaks sometimes. But it is more versatile than the old editor, so I get why they hafta. The new thing is some kinda universal site editor and last time I checked it was awful. You don't HAVE to use it, much like the block editor, but all the themes are scrambling to work with its new features. One of these is "global colours." My theme is really struggling with them. They keep changing, overriding my pathetic coding skills, and making things impossible to read. I either need a theme where the dang colours actually work, or one without global colours that's gonna stay that way. The former is slightly more likely.

I also have issues with ALL my custom blocks. You're supposed to be able to save a block and use it like a rubber stamp, forever, but the updates have left all of them coughing up errors. They'll usually stay legible unless I open the page they're on in the editor, and then all hell breaks loose. I need to figure if I'm going to update them all or simplify. I should probably simplify anyway, I think I get really annoying trying to make sure people understand me. Maybe that scares off potential readers?

So, first order of business, change the theme. That will change the whole look of the site, live, and it'll barely work until I find everything that broke and fix it. I'll also need to redesign the front page, and maybe the menus, header, footer, background - all kinds of stuff. When I've done that, I gotta go page by page and find/replace the blocks. That'll take me a few days. 😅I've found some more typos and errors to fix along the way too - including one major continuity error. (Mordecai doesn't seem to recognize someone he should, and I'm bringing that guy back way later, so I hadda add a couple words. It was a math thing. When I wrote it, I thought, "That can't be X it must be Y and he wouldn't know Y..." But when I went into my notes recently and added up the years, "Aw, crap, no, that MUST be X!")

They do say it's super important to know when to stop working on your art, lest you cough up a travesty like the Star Wars Special Edition that obliterates the original. I have obliterated the original, but parts of it needed to die. I've also over-edited in a lot of places - I'm trying to catch those and un-fix them! It's never going to be perfect. Even "real professionals" cough up typos and errors that go live and stay that way, but I have a real terror of being misunderstood and hurting someone. Even just confusing them. Anything that might make them not like me.

So, yeah, I gotta throw in some laundry and go kill my ego. And fix a website! Probably no feed for a while, at least not until I get frustrated and need a break.

Ah, yes, and Patreon still hasn't deleted my data so I'm yelling at them. I'm not going to worry about setting up at Ko-Fi until I'm ready to publish the next six, but I'll keep you posted. I took down my page and I didn't want to charge you for January, so check your records, my few supporters. If they charged you anyway, you need to yell at Patreon too.

[xenonmoon]

I have VERY conflicting feelings about this issue because I usually LOVE found footage stuff, but I know. I know what happens next. And it's not good.

So, basically, there's a hostage situation and they're interviewing Flint

"We have our best men in place"

the best men:

This is the comic in which Steven and Jake are reintroduced as an active part of the character, not just mentions or cameos

Except, there's a "but"

woosh

You can already see from the dialogue here they're sort of cycling through the alters with no apparent reason

and being open about that with Flint (but I'll get to that later)

This is the issue that completely fucks up Jake's characterisation, exaggeratedly portraying him as a violent psycho mutilating sicko

JAKE

J A K E

Not Marc, who's got a fucking actual precedent with this shit in the 2006 run and he's always been well known to be the most violent of the three

JAKE

WHY JAKE

there is literally NOTHING to back up this deviation of the character

On the contrary, one of the previous runs (Vengeance of the Moon Knight) portrays Jake as the polar opposite of Marc, the genuinely "good" and chill guy and they kind of insist on that point

This is just pain made up out of blue and it makes me furious (I meant to write "plain" but decided to leave the typo)

Almost as furious as this one:

First of all

1- How the hell did Flint have MK's psych phone number

2- MK always kept his identity secret with Flint. Steven and him knew each other, but Flint doesn't know they're the same person. Flint just knows Steven as "ah yes our local resident eccentric millionaire Mr Grant"

3- There was no reason why MK would just "come out" like this after all those years. It's as if the character had no history at all with Flint or the whole area

4- did the author even read the previous volume of the SAME RUN? Like, with actual reading comprehension. "You don't have DID" and "were diagnosed with DID" - pick one.

This is- idk. distasteful glamourising of MH illness for edgy drama points but in the worst possible way

Gotta hand it to Smallwood for those sad, "oh no" vibes eyes. This guy's living through some nightmare fuel scenario

[harpywritesfic]

Look at me, a wants-to-write-but-blocks-themselves-because-the-first-letter-I-type-down-has-to-be-perfect-fanfic writer.

I've been hoarding various prompt lists like whumptober and fluffbruary. I even snatched myself one of those ironstrange bingo cards in hopes I could fill one of prompts in a year. But now half of the year is over and my card still empty.

I feel like a failure 😞

ah, you've come to the right place. abandon your perfectionism, all ye who enter here. this is a land of unedited drafts, fics written in a haze of hyperfixation, caffeine highs and/or mental breakdowns. i've mastered the art of "good enough".

remember- writing is messy! the process is messy, and the product can be messy too. in a sense nothing people write is ever truly 'finished'- there's always room for improvement. that's how art works, in my humble opinion. try to find enjoyment in the process, not the product. as the artist, your own work will always seem imperfect. but that doesn't make it any less valuable.

it might help to know how i write most of my fics. maybe my method isn't your style, but i'll walk you through it anyway since it might help.

sit down to write. or write standing up. where isn't important. what matters most is you've got an idea or a prompt or an anything that makes you want to write.

word barf. this is the very rough draft phase. throw out everything you know you want to have happen into the doc. try not to read over what you're putting down (the messiness of it all can be daunting). mine often are made up of unfinished sentences, half-baked scene ideas, 'they do x and then y", mixed with some finished portions. if you get stuck, you can always come back, and you'll already have a little something on the page :)

splice and dice. this is where i put my scenes in their order (if they weren't already, it rly depends on what you're writing. sometimes it's linear, sometimes it's not). biggest thing i use this phase for is working out where i need transitions between scenes, where i need to expand my "x then y" bits into writing, and and where i can just put a empty line with a "-" in the center to indicate a new scene.

flesh it out. i get stuck here a lot. this is the step where you weave your scenes together, write your dialogue, fill in your placeholders. it's okay to just skip parts and come back to them. some parts, if they're really giving you trouble, can just be removed entirely. you're the writer- it's up to you. choose your battles.

(optional) editing. sometimes i just don't even bother, especially if i know i'll hate reading what i've written (if this happens to you, it's best to skip the editing! a few mistakes are no big deal. i find it easier to just throw it to the wolves (readers), who are usually very nice and rarely point out mistakes. they're not picky). sometimes editing is just a quick pass for typos. but you can also get into it a little more, really go elbow-deep, and edit to improve things like flow, pacing, tone, and other boring stuff. totally unnecessary, though. if you hate this step? skip it.

it took me maybe a year to feel comfortable enough to post something i'd written. and it's okay, too, if you don't feel comfortable posting anything. you can never post it. or you can do it anyway. sometimes i say to myself, "i want to read more of this specific ship/trope/situation/dynamic/whatever" and i make it myself. they say to write what you want to read, and that's even more true for fanfic. there are people out there who want to read the same things as you. sometimes you gotta look your fear in the eyes, quote Freddie Mercury and say, "I'll fucking do it, darling."

having said that, this might be most important- it's okay if you never post anything you write. fanfic is something we do for fun- there is no failure. the most important thing is to enjoy yourself. there doesn't have to be any finished product- just enjoy the process.

i hope this wasn't too ramble-y or anything. my brain works in strange ways, so this might be totally unhelpful. who knows! but i'll post it anyway, in case it is.

[dear-tumby]

just got out of a manic episode lol

yeah so im depressed now, no longer depresion haha funnys more like depresion no hahas and im pretty sure im scaring off my boyfriend so yeah, he stopped talking/hanging out with me when i was being honest about my feelings, like i was there when he relasped but i start talking my crazy shit and then suddenly mental illness is off the table??? whatever its not even like i like him or nothing like that. i dont understand why i do this to myself, this is just turning into a rant but ive been holding this down for so long it feels good to scream it out into the void that is tumblr yk? also like i drew on cut marks because it hurts less plus i can just wash that off, yk i do that a lot i put on makeup that made me look like i commeted suicide bc i was sad and suicidle(who would have gussed???) plus i just found this collage i really want to go to but no one belives i can do it and i act like that makes me wanna do it more but really it just shows how much people belive imma be a no body and im so scared im going to be suck here forever like my mom and dad. why does life have to be such a bitch like why do i always gotta screw up everything???? lke i have two boyfriends that care about me yet i want to date this girl thats never gonna love me back?? and when i say love i mean i actually love her so much and i cant talk about it because shell find out that im totally in love with her and shell flip out and distance herself from me and i need her shes my everything and if i don't have her in my life even just as a friend i think i need to switch schools again because that's what i always do, when shit gets rough go and hide because i cant handle all this shit and my parents are finally in a good place (mentally) and im gonna screw it up for them because ill stress them out by ignoring everyone and sleeping through meals and holidays and they'll yell at me because they don't understand and i don't blame them im a mess filled with self pity and gross tindencys so i cant have anyone love me truly because im so gross and i just want the felling of everything to stop, like i want to be so fucking happy that everyone thinks on on drugs, which i was on anti anxiety pills but then i felt nothing so i cut myself bu my dumbass was wearing white pants and my mom found out and yelled at me, and screamed and woke everyone up and my sibling still reminds me about it and every time he does i want to hold him down and beat the shit out of him, like does he even take my mental illness serously, does anyone??? are my parents just pretending to give a shit, at least my mom is, my dad cares for me but he just never says the right things, and i forgive him but i just want nothing to go wrong for once i just want everyone to stop. stop talking to me, stop trying to help but also ignoring my despreat cries for help doesn't make me feel any better and also i don't want to be lied toi want the truth even if it would hurt me yk? i don't know what i want, but i know it'd make me feel safe and happy and no long like everyone's trying to get me, i just want to have someone who'd look at all different sides of me and go "wow their awesome, and sure they do stuff i disagree with but there a good person who's gonna make it big and ill stand with them through thick and thin and its okay they have issues we all do and love every flaw" like im sure my boyfriend would say this but i don't want him to say it i want it shown i want to see and trust i can tell them anything and they'd stick around.

tldr: i was origanally posting this so everyone would know i didnt commet suicide but then it turned into a rant so, yah sorry, uh i read a really good south park fanfic so thats something good that happened, though it reminded me alot of me and me is my enemy rn so i was really angry but in a healthy good way, also thought my dad died but thats justsum good ol paranoia also sorry for all the typos, did ths on my computer at like 11:55 so im kinda half asleep

[sinfulwrites]

For the fanfic ask game: 2, 17, 19, 23, 32, 39 (if it's too many questions, just pick some of them 😊)

Hi Doots, thank you for sending in some asks!

2: How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

I want to say I'm a 50/50 split, but that's just not the truth. I do both, but I sometimes don't have any time for reading in between work and writing anymore. I try to read as much as I can though.

17: How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you've just posted and wait for feedback?

So, I actively try to avoid every new upload for a while. Sometimes the lack of response in the first day or two of a post can be very disheartening, so I avoid my works after I post them for a couple days for my own sanity.

19: Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it's someone else's problem now.)?

Oh I make tweaks all the time after I post stuff. I can't stand looking at it, it bugs me, so I gotta fix it. Even if people don't care about a typo, I know it's there and it's gonna bug me until I fix it. (Yet I somehow keep making typos and errors in every single post, you'd think I'd learn my lesson at some point.)

23: What' your absolute favorite trope to write?

I really really really love writing soft domestic stuff. Just everyday stuff. Like having normal everyday conversations with characters, listening to music with some characters, imaging how they are with simple things like, for an example, how a slasher would deal with a bed hog S/O. Simple stuff like this. (And then of course, right after that is porn lol)

32: Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you've ever written. What fics do they come from?

Ooh, this is a good one.

“Film it…” You panted up at him. “Film it.. I want you to fill my pussy on camera, Vincent." from this wonderful fic

“I love you, and you deserve it, Thomas.” from this lovely fluff, just because I've always wanted to tell him that.

"Where did he learn to drive? God only knows." From my beloved Michael road head fic.

39: What's something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I pride myself on writing as accurately to the character as I can. Yeah, I definitely add a lot of extra stuff that probably doesn't fit, but I do my best to add every quirk I see, I make note of any behavioral patterns I may see in the characters, I remember little things they may have done, even if it's only once. I want the character to feel like the actual character, not like I just made a new character and just slapped their name on it.

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

headcanon #011: 2016 scandal

word count: 1,575 words

triggers: brief mention of depression

the scandal dropped around valentine’s day of 2016. because what better time to risk ruining someone’s entire career and personal life than the day of love? in total, ash was linked to four different women by the end of the scandal, although the company pretty successfully buried one. bc entertainment denied any romantic involvement with any of them, though in truth, ash had had casual romantic or physical involvement with three of the four at some point, but only one was ongoing at the time of the scandal.

the whole thing started when a media outlet obtained pictures of ash and a junior girl group member (though she was senior to him in age) who he’d gone on a few dates with in late 2015. they had called any prospective romantic relationship quits after a few dates and became only friendly acquaintances afterwards, and being unable to catch the pair on any more dates is what prompted the outlet into considering releasing the pictures before they could become old news.

the outlet had gotten a number of pictures of ash and the girl group member and had been paid off for the more incriminating pictures of them getting into his car or being obviously affectionate. the scandal wouldn’t have blown up from these pictures alone, as even though pictures of ash kissing or embracing a girl would be terrible for pr, if there were only pictures of them meeting up, they could easily be buried and written off as senior and junior friends. bc entertainment had much more power than the girl group member’s company who probably couldn’t afford to pay off or buy the pictures on their own. no one told ash or the girl group member in advance of the pictures dropping and they found out when everyone else did.

if everything had gone as expected, the pictures would have earned ash some minor criticism for hanging out with a female friend in a way that could be misconstrued, but unfortunately, the release of the pictures prompted a much bigger situation than anyone had anticipated thanks to there already being rising discontent among ash’s more “““devoted””” fans.

a few of ash’s sasaengs knew about ash’s recent dating history before any pictures were released, but had kept their knowledge a secret out of “““loyalty””” to ash, until he was exposed by the media outlet. at that point they turned on him thanks to their increasing annoyance with knight’s falling image and a perception that ash was ungrateful for them due to his more reserved nature and his having dated consistently since debut. a number of fan sites released pictures (either through fan forums or by selling them to media outlets) they had of ash with three other girls which were equally or more damning than the initial pictures. they didn’t gain much steam at first as bc and ash’s remaining fans tried their hardest to bury them.

first to be released were pictures from one of ash’s most followed fan sites, although they did so semi-anonymously. this time, they were photos of him with an established actress four years older than him. she was generally well-liked and had a very clean image, so the release of pictures of ash entering her at her apartment building and pictures of them meeting up outside of ash’s hotel during a time when their overseas schedules overlapped were pretty scandalous in the eyes of fans and the public. the fact that the date of their overseas hotel meet-up wasn’t very far from the dates the media outlet had claimed he had with the junior girl group member didn’t go unnoticed and started the real fire under a scandal that would have otherwise blown over pretty quickly. while the source of the photos being one of ash’s most followed fan sites was never officially confirmed, cryptic tweets about having worked so hard to protect his image for him and an immediate closing of the fan site right before the release of these pictures are often pointed to as proof. it’s an open secret at this point. in truth, his relationship with the actress was very similar to his relationship with the female idol from the media outlet’s pictures, which was some casual dating and hookups, but the periods of time he was seeing each of them didn’t overlap like netizens claimed must be the case.

a few photos also surfaced of him with a rookie model, but he was genuinely only ever friends with her and they gained the least attention thanks to how blurry and relatively innocent the pictures were and their respective companies catching on quick enough to bury them and take down any posts that gained steam. only his dedicated fans and antis seem to really know about those pictures, though antis have tried their hardest to spread them around to further ruin his image.

the last photos that got released were the final nail in the coffin. again, they were released by a sasaeng and involved pictures of him with a female idol, this time one who was his industry senior. she was the only girl ash had actually still been seeing at the time the pictures broke, but they hadn’t been dating, only hooking up. following the handful of pictures of them together surfacing, the idol cut off all contact with him.

eventually a post was written on a fan community site tying all of the pictures together and, in the most clear way possible without risking legal action, made enough implications for the title of player or womanizer to begin to be attached to ash’s name. the writer of the post claimed he was already well-known among fan sites for being a player, when really, it was more like it was known among some stalker fans that he had been dating around like an average young adult for the past few years. the post blew up and became a top trending post in the fan community, which made other news sites in toxic cyclical fashion.

in the aftermath, fan communities were ablaze with rumors and criticism for ash, though most of it never extended beyond fans passionate enough to keep up. members of the communities brought back old blind items about alleged womanizers in the industry and attributed them to ash without any proof and over-analyzed every interaction he’d ever had with a woman. his image suffered especially because he had previously been seen as shy and reserved and fans felt these couldn’t possibly be true traits of his if he’d been dating girls. people claimed they’d seen him out with girls without any proof and over-analyzed his smallest public interactions with female friends. in very specific corners of the internet that never blew up too much beyond dedicated netizen fans, others claimed they had convenience store receipts of him buying condoms with girls (think that invasive ka*stal receipt mess). for the most part, most people doubted or criticized these receipts for invasion of privacy and lack of sufficient proof, but some committed antis believed and latched on to them. there were also lovestagram accusations as come with any dating rumor, but the accusations were very obviously a stretch to most. this all happened in the span of a few weeks among fan communities, which helped to amplify voices of antis.

many of ash’s fan sites closed permanently or rested after the scandal and some of those who remained open received criticisms from knight antis and fans of other members who believed ash should be kicked from the group. some fans claimed to be more upset ash was careless enough to get caught and put knight’s career in jeopardy, while others were upfront about being disappointed in him dating or sleeping with girls while under a dating ban.

the saving grace to his scandal that didn’t get him completely blacklisted or kicked out of the group was that there were never clear pictures of him kissing any of the girls released (though there were some pictures with varying levels of skin ship), so the claims were based on him being in popular date locations with girls alone and meeting them at apartments and hotels at night, allowing bc to officially deny all dating rumors and also allowing for a small minority of fans to still insist to this day that ash has never dated anyone and that he was “framed”, though, in general, people agree that bc was doing damage control.

ultimately, the scandal took an incredibly bad toll on ash’s mental health and it set off the worst bout of depression he’s ever experienced which lasted for months and has, in the long term, led to a lot of paranoia in his dating life and a general distrust and even dislike of and resentment toward his fans. it’s harmed other relationships he’s had afterward since he’s now private about his relationships to a fault and doesn’t tell even his closest friends when he’s seeing someone.

it also led to a change in his image, with less emphasis on any kind of innocence, and, for a while, less of an emphasis on a boyfriend-like image. instead, his image began to shift to really play up a heartbroken/~fixable~ aspect to the brooding artsy guy image to reel fans back in. the effects of the scandal are still ongoing, really, and have contributed to him being pushed in a sexier and more mature direction now.

[thedailyotaku]

on the way home. (Azami X Kumon oneshot)

Summer is almost over and autumn will come soon. There goes the school bell, ringing that it's time to go home. I stood up and picked up my bag and head over to Azami's room to pick him up.

It's been a year since he entered my school, Tsukushi High, and we always head home together. To be honest I was happy that Azami came to my school so I can have a new friend to hang out after school. Sometimes we hang out at my favorite batting place, to the mall to check out new makeup for him and I ending up as his model to test the products. But I don't mind at all, as long he's enjoying himself.

There are times we come home late from spending too much time on our hangouts haha. I smiled as I approach Azami's room and happily greet him,

"AZAMIIII, school's out c'mon let's hang out!" I cheerfully called out as he turned to me frowning as he pick up his things.

"Alright alright no need to shout," he said and head out and I tag along.

"Azami, is there any particular place you wanna hang out today? It's gettin pretty chilly since autumn is comin' up."

"Nah I wanna head home early today, how 'bout you?" he shrugged and yawns.

"Me? Well I wanna go for a little detour but since you said you're going straight home, guess I'll go home as well."

"Well we have time thou, where is that detour you're sayin'?"

"Hehe wanna find out? Follow me." I said teasingly and dash ahead.

"Hey no fair! Get back here!" Azami yelled and dash off as well chasin' me. I laughed and ran like a mad man as I head to the place where I found a new spot for hangin' out.

It's only a few blocks away from school and no one has ever set foot on it so I wanted to show Azami this new spot to hang out. It's an empty field with a perfect spot to watch the sunset.

Finally we arrived at the empty field and I lay down on the ground, catching my breath and I saw Azami's face starin at me from above.

"You're such a dumbass, dashing off like that what if you suddenly faint from exhaustion? You know your health is not that well. You're gonna be heavy as I carry you home." He sighed and lay down as well beside me.

"Well when that happens you're still gonna carry me home right?"

"How about no?"

"EH. You're so mean Azami!" I sat up and glared at him.

"I'm kidding, you're so easy to tease haha." He laughed and sat as well. There it is again, that throbbing feeling in my chest whenever Azami smile or laughs. I wonder if I'm getting sick or something. I just laughed it off and stare at the setting sunset.

"This is a pretty cool spot to relax. When did you find this?"

"Oh. When I was runnin' late last time I passed by here and it was close to the station and no one really comes here so yeah another free space to relax and practice swings! Hehe." I laughed and Azami just looked at me, smiling.

"Well thanks for the new hang out place, maybe if we're gonna skip school let's go here since it's not that far."

"Ah! Skipping school is a no no Azami!"

"Heh, but you go along with me whenever you feel like skipping your class."

"W-Well that's only a one time event! Besides I promised Mom that I'll do well at school so I can stay at the dorms with niichan."

"Haha you really love your family Kumon, I kinda envy you." he said and stares at the sunset.

"Why though? You have Sakyo-san, the Ginsekai and Mankai as your family, also me! You're like a brother to me too, Azami." I said but I know my feelings are not merely a brotherly love. It's something else.

"Well I know that, it's just I don't know how to react back," he muttered.

"But yeah even I can't tell it in words, I can just simply show it with my actions."

"Yeah exactly! You're a good guy Azami that's why I like you so much hehe."

"Huh like?"

"Uh I mean I like you as friend! Ha ha ha..."

"You're such a weirdo sometimes Kumon, but I like that part of you. It's like your charm that people come to like you."

"Really? I'm kinda shy to hear that." I laughed and scratch my head that Azami is complimenting me.

"I'm serious, you're approachable, kind and full of energy. And I think that's really cool."

"Well you're more cooler Azami! Even though you're young, you're dependent, can fight and manly!"

"Pfft. Stop the flattering,"

"Eh~ but I'm serious, I really like those characteristics of yours Azami."

"Well it's look like we admire each other's good sides," We laughed it off and stare again at the setting sunset. Then he turns to me and chuckles,

"What's so funny?" I asked confused that he's suddenly laughing.

"Can I say something weird?"

"Yeah?"

"Well in most situations, normal couples mostly hang out here in an empty field like this to make out, but here we are, two guys chillin as we watch the sunset."

"There's nothing wrong with that though, it's just we're chillin. Couples are not the only ones can hang out in places like these haha."

"Yeah right." He said and lay down again on the grass closing his eyes.

"Hey Azami, I gotta say you're pretty good looking, and I bet you're popular with the girls at school. Is there a type you like?"

"Nah. Girls at school are annoying and noisy. But Kantoku is an exception."

"Do you like Kantoku then?"

"Yeah I like her, but not in an romantic way. I respect her as our Director and nothing else."

"Hmm I see,"

"Looks like you have more something to say, you can ask me anything if you want,"

"Anything?"

"Yeah yeah, since we're chillin' out here and all."

"Then," I paused and took a deep breath and turned to him, completely serious about what to ask.

"Hey Azami, what would you do if a guy confesses to you?" I said and he looked at me shocked and I turned away at him scratching my head. Great, you're the best Kumon, why in the world did you ask that thing? Especially to Azami. As I roast myself when Azami muttered,

"Well, I would feel weird but yeah I'll respect the guy's gut for confessing. And I-I don't know if I would like a guy..." he muttered and started to blush. I don't know if he's blushing or it's just the sunset. But I pressed my thoughts and ask him again,

"Then what would you do if I confessed to you?"

"You confessing to me?"

"Yeah." I said firmly starin into his eyes. I don't know what got into me and why am I sayin' these things.

"Well I'm flattered, that you like me. Ah I mean, why would you confess to me anyway? Are you teasing me again Kumon?"

"Why would I joke at a time like this, I'm serious, I Iike you Azami."

"Huh, what does that mean." he muttered and starts to cover his face. I chuckled and stop him from covering his face as I lean in to him. We're so close that I can feel his breath and can hear his heart beating.

"Well if you don't like it, let's just forget this happened and stay as friends. I don't want our friendship to get awkward and all haha." I smiled bitterly and starts to stand up when Azami stopped me and clutches my sleeve.

"Wait. You didn't heard my answer yet dumbass," he said and I sat down, focused about what he's going to say.

"I, I like you too Kumon. I know it's weird that we're both guys but I really admire the things you have which I don't. And yeah, ugh. You know what I mean," he said and blushes looking down at the ground.

"Haha you're so cute Azami blushing like that, oh then that means we're going out now?"

"Whatever you call it," he muttered and I hugged him so tight, I'm so happy right now coz we feel the same way. I feel I hit a homerun right now.

I smiled and stare into Azami's eyes and about to lean in for a kiss when he stop me.

"Hey just because we're going out doesn't mean we can do those things,"

"Those things?"

"Aw c'mon you know what I mean Kumon,"

"And what is that?" I asked teasingly as I lean in so close that I can just peck his lips.

"Like kissing and stuff... Wait how do guys kiss?"

"Pfft hahaha, you really gonna ask that? I'll show you," I chuckled, leaning in and pecked his lips.

"How do you know these stuffs? You don't look like the type to do these things like kissing, dumbass."

"Well I learn a one or two from Muku's shoujo mangas and there's nothing different except we're both guys haha."

"Whatever let's go home, Shitty Sakyo might yell at me again if we come home late again," he said standing up and starts to walk.

"Ahh Azami! Wait for me! You're so cruel." I pout and followed him.

I held his hand and he held back. We head home with smiles as we gaze into the starry sky as we head home.

✧ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ✦✧✦ ▬▭▬ ▬▭▬ ✧

Thanks for reading! It's been quite a long time since I wrote a fanfic again and it's my first time writing shounen ai genre and fluff. Apologies if there are errors, typos, wrong grammars coz I wrote this in one sitting and just focused to finish it. Hope you liked it! Until then ^^

Credits to the Azami x Kumon fanart,

ついったlog | 石榴 #pixiv https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/80636008

[twaeilmoon]

XMAS SPECIAL🎄🎉: ATTRACTED TO YOU [YUTA]

Available on my masterlist for other member

SUMMARY: Sometimes, neighbourhood can be a good place to find love.

WARNING: BAD GRAMMAR, MISPELLING/TYPOS, CURSES.

There he was again, cleaning his house yard. What a coincidence. Everytime you go out he will always be outside too, doing some errand on his house. That's what you love. Let's say that it's easy for you to quitely spying him. Yuta, your next door boy was way too good looking that he always succeed on shaking you heart. Not just that, he is nice too. A nice neighbor so far.

There was a family living next to you before he came and take over the house. Those previous neighbours you had before always drive you up to the wall as they don't know how to even make the resident live peacefully. They shouts and laughs histerically almost every night that everybody couldn't even sleep well. What an annoying neighbour you ever had. Now that someone better in advance has move in, you feel better with a bonus of his manner and good looking face. You love it when he shot you his wide smiles and have a small chit-chat even for a shirt time everytime he saw you going out from house. He oftenly makes your heat drop because of his softness.

"Oh, hi y/n! Have a nice day". Shoot! He saw you. Your heart starts to faster up it's pace. Yuta was watering his flower. You never know someone, a single man maybe, keeps plants at home and taking care of it so well. His plants grow up so well than yours. "Oh, hi. You too", you couragingly give him a smile back although you could feel your lips was trembling while saying back. "You're going somewhere?", he asked while pouring water to his plants.

"No. I'm just.. going to put this away", you lift up a plastic bag you was holding. You've jusf clean up some piles of papers that you have in your room so you're going to throw away some useless paper out. He nodded as he saw the plastic bag. "Winter is coming so I need to take care of my plants before snows falling down. I don't want them to froze later", he slightly laughed. You nodded as he stated his plans before winter. Yuta has a good knowledge on most of housekeeping stuffs better than you do. 'What a good husband material', that's what you always thought about him.

"Uhh, I guess we have to talk later? I need some more works to do actually", you shyly said. You don't want to cut off the starting part of your conversation with him but how can you stay being shy and trembling in front of him? Something will for sure happend if you stay this way. "Oh, okay then. Talk to you later", he bid you a small goodbye. You shot him one last smile before turning on your heels to head back into your house until you hear him call you back. You turned back to him, expecting him to say something.

"If you don't mind we can have some tea together sometimes. You know we can have some talks too. Why don't you come over if you have time?", he suggested. Never once in your life getting invite by a neighbour. Actually, there was plenty times back then when you was staying at your parent house. Well, it was back on your childhood days though. A really long time ago. You nodded in agreement, happy to accept the invitation. Great, you get to know each other soon. "That's pretty good idea. I'll make it when I'm free", you modestly said. "Okay then. See you other time", he bid you goodbye for the second time and you walked back into your house.

--

Good timing. It's your day off and you have nothing to do. So, you decided to go next door. Hopefully, Yuta will be free too. You don't want to bother him if he got some work to do. You never have a plan to be such an annoying disrespectful neighbour. Not after what your previous neighbour has done. You got enough of it.

Wearing just a casual outfits that you usually wear at home, you went to his house next door. You pressed his bell hoping that he's at home and free. It was relieving to see him show up, opening the door. "Hi. Come in", he greeted as he move aside to let you come in. The moment you step in into his house, you never expect him to have such a great place that he lives in. It was clean and tidy, as if it wasn't a solo man. Well, as for now he is solo since he doesn't have wife and family. But who knows if he already got girlfriend?

"Woah.. You really live in this perfect house alone? Everything is so fine and clean. Do you have maids? You live with them? You're from rich family?", you asked him lots of questions only to have him giggle on you. You frowned as to his sudden giggles. "I never expect you to have such a talkactive mouth, y/n. Now that I'm slowly getting to know you", he said while still giggling. You pouted. For his information, you also never expect him to ever act this way. He never speak like this before although he's the one who always talk to you first.

"What? Um.. I don't know. I'm getting excited maybe?", you rubbed your nape. Yuta smiled to your cute behaviour. "I don't have any maids. And yes, I live alone in this house. One more important thing, I'm not from a rich family, Miss y/n. I work myself to have some money for my life and I keep my house clean by myself. All by myself", he lead you to the cozy living room. He motioned you to have a sit on his expensive-lookin couch as he take a sit too. "Ah.. I see", you mumbled, enough for him to hear you.

"Oh wait. I'm going to make some tea and then i'll come back. Just make yourself at home", he smiled before heading to his kitchen. You nodded, patiently keeping yourself comfortable and steady. You look around, observing the surrounding. You envy him for having such a nice plave to live in. You've been living in the resident for years, way much longer than him who've just move in 3 years ago but he already turn this house into such a private paradise. "He must be living in a good life", you mumbled to yourself.

"You okay?", Yuta asked as he came back with a tray of tea cups and teapot in his hand. He looks so husband material at this point. You can't ever denied that anymore. "Yea I'm fine. Just kinda impressed of your house. It's so nice", you awkwardly smile. "Nothing much. I just want to live in a good comfortable house. To be honest, I'm kinda lazy to do housekeeping though. But gotta do it since I don'f want to live in messy", he said, putting down everything that he got in his hand.

You nodded, completely understanding him. Still, your house can't compete him. Yuta poured hot tea into two tea cups carefully. Why do he looks so perfect doing all this stuff? No wonder your feelings toward him keep on growing. "So how long already you've been living here?", he started the conversation by asking a question. "Quite long already. Maybe almost 5 years? The first time I move in to the next door the previous neighbour was quite bad actually. They're way too loud ", you told him about the previous neighbour. He suddenly got his eyes widened.

"What do you mean 'theyre way too loud'? You mean.. when they're doing stuff.. you know?", this time, his words got your eyes widened in surprise. "No no! Why did you thinking that way?! Oh my god..", you hid your face into your hands, feeling embarrased that your words got him thinking in other way. He laughed out so loud that makes you feel more unconfident to show up your face. "Oh god you're okay? Sorry sorry. I didn't meant it but I thought that's what you actually mean. I was wrong so sorry. But still it's good to see your cute side. You're cute when you're acting this way", he said while laughing . He might die due to out of breath because he was laughing so hard that he might lose his breathing.

"Stop it! You're bad! This is not funny, Yuta!", you smacked his shoulder using one of your hand while the other one still covering your already red face. "Ouch! Sorry sorry! Stop it! It hurts!", he beg but still laughing like crazy. And that was the first moment where you both get closer to each other even more.

--

It was already late night when Yuta send you a text. You just got out from the bathroom, brushing your teeth before going to sleep. You laid on the bed, unlocking your phone password to check for his message.

"Y/n I can't sleepㅠㅠ"

You smiled upon reading his text. He's getting silly  day by day. Sometimes he'd just call you when you're at work just to mumbled silly sweet things to you.

"What? So you want me to put you to sleep?"

You replied him playfully. Just to see what he's going to say.

"Yea. Seems like that I guess? :D"

Just like your expectation, his reply will always be something silly but cute. As you was about to type a reply to him, there was another new message from an unknown number. You frowned as you don't have any idea as to who could it be. The text says:

"Hey, babe. It's been a long time now. I really miss you. You miss me too right? I know it"

"What the hell?", you angrily mumbled. What an annoying person he is disturbing someone at this hour? "This must be a scam", you deleted the message before going back to reply Yuta.

"Alright~ I'll help. But hey there's an unknown number just send me a text calling me babe and he said that he missed me. Who the heck is that person though?"

You tap the send button before you find out that there was another text from the same previous unknown number coming in. You opened the text again in annoyance just to read something even more mad.

"I know you're ignoring me. I'm Taeyong so no need to scare. Can you come out for awhile? I'm outside of your house babe~"

"Shit", you cursed under your breath.

He's crazy. Yes, he's your ex-boyfriend. So he need to act as an ex and know his place as an ex. Why the hell did he come to you house at this hour, suddenly messaging you weirdly and all? You quickly type a new message to Yuta.

"Maybe just a wrong number person? Tbh I've been receiving lots of that stuff to these days. So annoying"

"It's my ex, Taeyong."

You don't want to be bother by this dork anymore. So, you're going to just go out and ends everything, forever. You look through your window and hell, he was really there. What was he thinking about?

"Y/n babe! I really miss you so much", you could see Taeyong walking closer to you wide his arm widely open, ready to hug you. He doesn't seems like he was drunk. It's just that he's acting crazy. "Go away, Taeyong. You ended it. We have nothing to do anymore. So let's just not meet again", you hug yourself as you feel imsecure. "But why? I love you y/n", he pouted. "It's already midnight. You should go back home. I don't love you and I don't want to see you again", you said, hoping that he will go. "Don't be like this. I'm here because I miss you. I want you back y/n", he step closer to you and you back away. "No Taeyong! Go away before I call the cops!", you half yelled. "But I don't want to go. I just want you. I really miss you", he came even closer. You shake your head, telling him to stop being crazy.

As you was keep backing away from him, someone's hand scoops your back. Their hands on your shoulders, bringing you closer to them. What a surprise, it's Yuta.

"Stop. You better go away", he said to Taeyong who was already stop from getting closer as he saw Yuta. Taeyong smirked evilly. "Who are you? You're the one who better fuck off. She's my girlfriend", his face suddenly changed into a cold one. "She's not. I'm her boyfriend now. Forget it and go home dude. It's late already. She needs to sleep", Yuta gently said. Woah, is this really a man's fight? Taeyong smiled sarcastically. "What? You're her boyfriend? Is that true babe?".

You don't want to give any response but as to get rid from an even worst thing from happening, you take the option to just have some words. "Ye-yes. He-he is.. my boyfriend Taeyong. You can't say that i'm yours anymore..", your face down to the ground, no wanting to see his face. You can hear Taeyong's small laugh of disatisfaction. "Okay", you lift up your face to see him shrugging before leaving. Finally.

"Wow.. that was crazy. Are you okay?", Yuta asked, smiling. You nodded. To his shock, you punch his chest that makes him wince in slight pain. "What?", he asked, laughing. "Why did you say that I'm your girlfriend? Can't you just made up other story? Like you're my bestfriend or something and you need to protect me because my dad told you to?!", you cover up you face with your hand. "Why? I think by saying that you're my girlfriend is easier and simple. Then why don't you be my real girlfriend?", he asked as if it was a joke. You face him even with your red face. "Is that how you're going to propose me?", you playfully shot back him with question. He smiled before patting your head, making your hairs in mess. Yuta then pulled you into a tight hug. "Y/n. Would you be my girlfriend?", he whispered into your ear closely that his hot breath tickles you. "Yes. Id' like to", you smiled and burried your face into his chest. "I love you. For a long time ago", he whispered again.

Both of you didn't break the hug until one of his hand let you go while the other one still on you. "Y/n, look. It snows!", he told you, voice full of ecitement.You look up and yes, snows starts to fall down that moment. You lift your hand, waiting for the snow to fall into your hand. "Do you know that couples who watch the first snows falls down together will stay long last for a looooooong time?", he asked while tightly holding both of your shoulders. You looked at him and shook your head.

"We're going to last forever?", you asked him, looking deep into his eyes. Yuta nodded his head. "Let's go inside and wear something warm and then go back to sleep", he said, leading you to your house. "You wanna stay in my house tonight?", you asked him, curious as he was following you to your house.

"Why not?"

"No way Yuta"

"By the way, how did you know I'm going out to see Taeyong?"

"I didn't get any reply so I thing somethings went wrong. So I go out to check on you"

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Hello, and Welcome to the Frog's Blog!

(Pinned Intro Post!)

I am here to do capitalism!

I hate capitalism.

Wanna give me a few paragraphs to explain why I'm doing it anyway?

I'm telling a story that I want people to see. Being generally a good person and asking nicely for people to tell others about me has not gotten a lot of eyes on my story. I need not only currency, to buy space to be seen and items directing people to look at me, I need social capital. Social capital is way older than currency, but it's still not my thing. This society was not built for me, and I'm missing a lot of the usual equipment for navigating it - we can put all kinds of labels on my neuro-spice blend, but the bottom line is, I'm out here at the edges, and it's gonna take a lot of effort for me to swim my amphibian butt anywhere near the mainstream. I gotta hope some of you will see me struggling and give me a little assist with a net, if you can.

And not scoop me out and throw me away.

I'm gonna put myself out here and do my own version of the Leftist Boogie, but I will probably elbow more than one person in the face and take a few pratfalls of my own. All of it in the hope that you'll see something in my style worth watching, and then go look at the other, longer, and much-better-proofread things I've done. (I got a lot going on and I often don't see typos, spelling errors and missing words. It's not because I don't care!)

My story is available right now and free to read without blinking ads that'll steal your data and assault your senses. I don't want that to change. So:

I need your eyeballs. It's super hard for me to keep performing when most people just walk on by, give me a little wave, or detour just long enough to spit in my open violin case. I need your money. (Oh, god.) My health issues can keep - and have kept - me from telling my story. I got a real wake-up call in 2022. If I can't offer someone fair compensation to help me, I will have to stop telling my story, and I don't know if I'll be able to come back and start telling it again. (My finances are weird because I moved to Canada as a +1 on my partner's work/study visa and I'm not, technically, allowed to work here. But the Patreon is hooked up to my US account - the only account with my name on it right now - and it still works.) I need your help. I can't give you a lot of money right now (in part because my account has a finite amount in it, that I am also using to buy groceries and home goods, and when it's gone, I no longer have any money or credit in my own name) but "fair compensation" doesn't have to mean money, from me or from you. I am more than willing to give away free content. I hope you're willing to give away free reblogs and signal boosts and eyeballs. Everything else is negotiable, and I do have a little money, so contact me here, or through my website, or just use that little "ask me anything" widget, if you have any ideas. I need your patience. I will cough up an occasional bright yellow Blazed ad, or other self-promotion, and I will keep reminding you that I'm telling a story and I need your help. My health is not in real great shape either. I may disappear, on this platform or others, because I'm dealing with a lot and I don't have enough left to create or be social. I hope not to disappear altogether, but there are no guarantees. I'm not trying to scam you, but you need to be aware that you're backing one fragile human being who may have to quit. Also, I make a lot of really stupid mistakes. Social interaction goes too fast for me. I can't always check myself before I wreck myself - or someone else who doesn't deserve it. Please believe I'm trying my best, and I'll try to believe that of you too. OK? I'm in the process of codifying the reasons why I'm trying to tell a story and I will not shut up. So you'll also see a lot of Big World stuff about art, storytelling, artists and storytellers around here. Eventually, you'll also see my art manifesto, but I'm juggling a lot of things I need to get done. You'll have to stay patient and let me do my best.