#no pressure! if u dont wanna share! but my messages are open if u do ! i spent years thinking about it and only this year really put it dow

[hisfluer]

Please feel free to delete this or not post it, but I really relate to your post & feelings on god. You so eloquently put into words the way I’ve felt about god as a concept (but never explored to much) and it’s inspired me to also write about it

Anyways just thank you for sharing the post and your thoughts!! Happy super full moon 🌚

can i read it 👀 if it's on tumblr? or if not and its super personal, totally okay!! and if u want to just ask questions or smth, i encourage it! or read some good books ... there's this podcast episode that really like helped me expound on this idea.

and of course! thank you for taking the time to actually read the whole dang thing. it's been been weighing on my mind a lot and i've been thinking also about this blog bc i started it as a big believer in faith and god with a capital g and all that and now it's just where i put pretty pictures that make me think of figures of mythology that i identify with, haha! and think we should be allowed to explore that .

and i don't know ... i told my partner once that if god ever wanted me to believe then god would have to come down here and apologize to me face to face for all the heartache i went through. and i was just so angry. i was so angry with god. and coming to this conclusion was like: ... oh. all that energy i spent being angry with god can go to something. now i can do whatever i want because i don't have this baggage holding me down or making me feel guilty or bad about myself. like ... i used to be so scared to learn things because what if god didn't want me to know? what if it was disrespectful or it condemned me? honestly, it relieves so much anxiety to know that the only judgement i have in my life is my own.

also i think we should explore it. not that you HAVE to but i think there's incredible growth in understanding where you and god ( as concept or as being ) stand. even if you realize you're not seeing anything at all. or if u do! and u just didn't have the right words for it.

it's not a crazy new idea, obviously. but i think it's finally good have smth that makes sense. i'm glad you also can find something good in it.

IS THAT TONIGHT? i thought i missed it bc of the hurricane ... HAPPY SUPERMOON TO YOU TOO!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hello 💗 wishing you a lovely valentines :)

heres my confession. ..... i wanna put myself out there more.. ive been honestly feeling like a baby, doing badly at college, jobless, aimless, inexperienced compared to friends my age, so..i just want to have more experiences this year, a job,going to places events bars local art stuff etc...., and hopefully those new environments can bring me closer to also new people ....:)

i feel profoundly for my friends..sometimes its sad to have to 'define ' "platonic" vs"romantic".... Do you know what i mean..? Its a beautiful feeling that i do not want to dismiss inside me even if i know expressing that is a whole diff thing

wishing U the best . Ur blog reminds me to stay hopeful. Its so easy to turn cynical.haha. sorry for the word vomit .... i wanna listen to people better too so it feels selfis of me to share so much but i am grateful for your openness to anon confessions i assume you feel similarly about sharing ?

^ yet you always give off a very, genuine interest in others , and thats so valuable

speaking is very hard , saying anything to another person, so i realized when someone shared something, that must be really delicate & Treasurable. Something to take with care

Its always worth it 2 reach out 2 others i think we need community more than ever. Much love 2U and anyone reading this . SPREAD THE LOVE.💗🌍🌎🌏💗💘🩷❤️

- 🌊💫🌙☀️🩷🌈

thankyou for this <3 no need to apologize for "word vomit" , it's all valuable to me, this is the reason i asked for confessions in the first place ^^ every day i am endlessly grateful for the tumlblr anonymous message feature & the way it empowers people to speak in a way that transcends their personal identity. to be able to facilitate a place where ppl trust me with their secrets & i trust u all enough to be able to leave anon turned on without fear of receiving hate. its not st i take for granted <333 i am overwhelmingly interested in everyone on earth lol. i want to help preserve traces of humanity for future gens.

please don't feel it's se;lfish to express yourself! especially when someone is asking you to :] people want to know more about you, im sure. its great to hear ur motivated to put urself out there. "inexperience" is a subjective thing, it's all relative.. for example i never went to college & im a 30 yr old neet w no money, compared to people my age im waaaay "behind", however i feel deeply experienced in emotional matters, death, love, spirituality, etc ! Everyone has something unique to bring to the table.

and dont be afraid to love your friends as fiercely as you would love a romantic partner. treasure them!! friendships can be so freeing when you love each other vastly but there's less expectations & pressure than a romantic partnership. Community is the answer to so many of the world's pronblems rn, we can start small in our own lives to help encourage it. even just by blogging together ^-^

thankyou for this awresome and thoughtful confession anon.. have a wonderful valentines<333333333

[ughgoaway]

Hi ace, im the anon from hallas asks discussing my addiction

Thanks for the super kind message you sent, im still a bit weary of coming to the dms because i do post here and follow u guys, and anon asks are too public and i dont wanna disturb anyone, but i say with my whole heart that i appreciate this so so much

of course, my love. there's absolutely no pressure to message, but the door is always open. you're not disturbing anyone by sharing by the way, everyone have the ability to just scroll on! but I understand that sharing so publicly must be fucking terrifying. but I'm proud of you for talking to someone, and just know you are nothing these disgusting people say you are. so much love <3

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[xllxxrbxg]

so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

[artisticallys]

              omg hey... what’s going awn  ?  i havent dont an intro in soooo long i dont even have anything fun or interesting to say about myself errrrrr my name is sam  !  i use they/them pronouns we big chillin.... im real bad at answering messages but i get to them eventually i schwear. yep that’s all if anyone wants to plot or whateva just lmk okie  ?  there’ll be a tl;dr at the bottom before plots if u dont wanna read all this it’s a lot-_____-  without further adieu may i present miss scout kang.... 

﹤𝙺𝙸𝙼 𝙲𝙷𝚄𝙽𝙶𝙷𝙰, 𝚂𝙷𝙴/𝙷𝙴𝚁, 𝙲𝙸𝚂𝙵𝙴𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙴﹥; * - hello SCOUT KANG. long time no see. i know a lot about you. like how you're TWENTY TWO, how you're a GAME DEVELOPMENT major,  and in fact.. how you KILLED YOUR TWIN BROTHER AT HIS REQUEST AND LIED TO YOUR FAMILY ABOUT HIS PASSING AWAY TO STAY IN THEIR GOOD GRACES. would be a shame if it got out, wouldn't it ? so let's play a game. 𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 𝙾𝚁 𝙳𝙰𝚁𝙴 ?

ok so yeaaaaah her secret is kindve a lot ! we gone get there... but first i gotta discuss her childhood u kno ? set things up <3 scout was born to 2 vewy loving parents with a twin brother. there were complications in the pregnancy some medical shit i cba to research but basically her brother wasn’t getting all the nutrients he needed to develop with a good immune system. scout was born two minutes before him, he never let her forget it with his hag jokes and she never let him forget when it came to calling shotgun. 

as i said her brother was born with an auto immune deficiency it left him in a place to get sick very, very often. almost anytime he caught the flu he was hospitalized and generally his life was lived through a glass case from the outside world. and oddly enough it made scout feel trapped too as he was her twin flame, they were the best of friends and wherever he was she wanted to be. there came a time where his health plummeted drastically, doctors weren’t sure he’d make it and the pressure of it all finally cracked down on their father

not being able to watch his own flesh and blood rot away in a hospital bed he took his chance to get out while he still could and vanished into the night never to be seen again. scout remembers hearing an argument between her parents before pretending to be asleep when he came into her room and gave her a final kiss on the forehead and secured her blankets about her body.

it was a shock, really, when her brother pulled through and was somehow stronger than ever. an elaborate hoax was curated by their mother but scout knew, and deep down she thought her brother knew too. but it’s hard to give life to such a grievous monster and so it stayed in a grave.

life went on, doctor and hospital visits became routine and her brother never let things get in the way of living his life. in high school they were quite the pair. mostly it consisted of conversations about where they wanted to run off to after graduation, who their dream spouse was ( he always wanted to marry the student body president while scout had dreams of marrying some degenerate *her brothers words* ), things theywanted to do before dying. they wrote that stuff down on an old study guide scout was using to cheat off of for ap chemistry....

which was something she did often as early middle school days, her mother planted the seed of her going to medical school. to find a way to help people like her brother and at first it was a welcomed idea, do good for people like the one she loved more than life. time went on though and the pressure to have a 4.0 to get into a good premed school with tuition help was mounting. it made dreams that had been forced upon her to morph into something ugly but there was no hopes of standing up to her mother, not when she was already looking forward to such a future. but scout didn’t have the best work ethic when she wasn’t really invested in something, she was smart yeah but that just... wouldn’t cut it and she found that out real fast

her scenes changed quickly during the summer of junior year. her brother had fallen incomprehensibly ill, worse than she had ever seen him and the fear she had as a child slowly crept back, licked up her neck and nested on her shoulders making a home there. reports came back soon enough and he was diagnosed with leukemia. at first it was manageable, some chemo and radiation should do the trick, they said. then it became bone marrow transplants and blood transfusions and fluid drips. she was the first to volunteer, obviously as his twin, for marrow transplants, blood, any organs he might need. 

desperation came in the form of a crying mother after news that he wasn’t going to live past christmas came. it came to scout as her mother accused the doctors of knowing nothing and doing nothing for her son. and it lastly came to her brother when he had been going through these treatments for 2 years and he still could feel how his soul was rotting away. how he was just a carcass in a paper thin nightgown. 

it was then he proposed the idea they travel and cross things off their bucket list and scout both ready to escape greyed walls and sterile affections as well as their small town agreed, readily. took every penny she earned from working, even opened up a gofundme for this trip and was lucky. things went well, so well in fact, that the pair forgot that half of them had one foot in the grave already.

until one day his pain became unbearable, too much for him to handle anymore, and he asked scout as she was helping him into bed after an attempt at leaving the house that day. it was hushed, whispered in shame and fear. had what he just said really happened? was the summer sun getting to be too much? it wasn’t until he had cleared his throat and said it with his chest, “i want you to kill me.” 

call her wrong but she actually laughed. retracted from him with brows creased and a confused laugh slipping out. there’s no way he could be serious. but when he didn’t laugh too she knew he meant it and that’s when she knew she had a choice to make.

it took a week of pondering the thought before she came to the conclusion that she’d end her brothers suffering. they spent the next few days doing something that haunts scout to this day really: planning the best way for her to kill him. for her to end her twin flame. 

their last night together was something memorable, spirits were shared and tears were shed. he left her with only 2 promises to keep.   1. never reveal to anyone that she ended his suffering and 2. to stop letting their mother decide scout’s life and future

she didn’t go to his funeral. didn’t want to replace what she had left of him with what was in that coffin, spent the night drinking homemade sangria and watched star trek. his 2 favorite things. 

this obviously didnt go over well with her mother, went even worse when scout announced she had dropped from pre - med and planned on becoming a video game developer. she was called an embarrassment, a failure, and that she would end up nowhere. and for a while she believed it, still does. 

she got really lucky though when the streaming community got more recognition and now she plays video games for a living and attends classes to make good games. 

TL;DR 

scout grew up w a really sick brother, their dad left, and scout basically became her brother’s keeper. was forced into studying shit she had no interest in and when her brother had enough suffering asked her to take his life, which she did. now she streams video games with hopes of making her own and somehow finding her mother’s love again. 

𝑃𝐿𝑂𝑇𝑆𝐼𝐸𝑆  ? 

got the songs it’s you & bang bang stuck in my head rn maybe some romance shit off theeeees? dunno...

dudes... some people who knew her AND her brother growing up like maybe they went to hs together idk maybe they’re like girl what ever even happened...

ex’s yupppp gimme

her bestest friend(s) maybe even shares her world w them u kno? im in it...

maybe something unrequited or like some sort of clueless sheet who knows!

frenemies...? like enemies that actually just have some weird tension they gotta get through :kissing:

literally anything u think scout would be good to fill like if u got any wcs?

OMGGG wait last one. i really want someone who her brother was in love with or like had feelings for and shit got crazayyyy after he died we can discuss

[eorumverba]

side note u should totes write a jongtae based off one being anon or something (noooo pressure just a random thought i had)

this prompt is 10 months old?? yikes. n @orgel-ontae ♡♡♡

And there’s something about it, something that makes Jonghyun feel soft and almost flustered even though they haven’t even really said anything.

It’s been a lazy day and an even lazier night, Jonghyun stretched out in bed, half under the covers with their phone in their hands and their stuffed animals close to their face. They’re warm and soft and sleepy in the way they always get when they lay down after they eat, but it’s that awkward time of night where it’s too early to go to bed but too late to take a nap. They’re sort of mindlessly just scrolling through tumblr, just to keep their eyes from slipping shut even though every few minutes, they’ll close and they’ll start to drift off.

But then his phone buzzes in his hand, startling him awake and forcing his eyes open to read the question he’s just gotten. It’s a short one, but it’s one that makes his heart melt and a soft smile spread across his lips. He almost doesn’t want to answer, wants to keep it like this, his, forever, but he wants a new friend more, and the person that’d asked it seems so cute.

Anonymous said: hello… i like, rlly, rlly wanna be friends w you guys, but i’m so shy and awk with new ppl so i’ll just say……. ily both, you’re the cutest!

It’s to their shared blog with Jinki, and Jinki’s been asleep for hours, so Jonghyun sits up and reaches out to grab their laptop from the end of their bed before flopping back down to stay laying down while they use it. It takes only a moment to log onto tumblr and to find the ask, but longer to figure out what to say to answer it.

kjh: ♡♡♡ pls dont be shy ;;;; we’re both really nice,,jinkis really shy too but i really really like meeting people so pls feel free to message either one of us if u ever want to !!

Even after fifteen minutes, the anon doesn’t come back in their inbox like Jonghyun had been hoping, so they close their laptop and put it back at the end of their bed so they can curl up with their phone again, but it isn’t long before their phone is blinking again with a message from someone on tumblr.

chaitaem: (hi, i said i wanted to b friends on ur other blog and i just thought maybe i could come say hi..?)

And there’s something about it, something that makes Jonghyun feel soft and almost flustered even though they haven’t even really said anything.

petitjonghyunnie: !! hihi would lov eto be friends mhm ♡♡♡

chaitaem: !! that’s so awesome ur so cute n i’m so annoying u’ll prolly get bored of me but !! great 💓💓

And at this point, Jonghyun is kind of glad that Jinki’s not here, because he’d tease them so much about how they’re blushing, how soft they are, how cute, how sweet. And it’s true that they’re soft, but they haven’t even…god.

petitjonghyunnie: i fgdhkj m nOt cute omg n ur not annoying !! promise im ghjfkfgd rlly flustered so i dunno what o say otl ;;;

As they wait for a response, Jonghyun clicks onto their tumblr, skimming their bio and giggling a little. Taemin, they/fae, dancing is like walking to me. It’s simple, sweet, cute. Fae seem adorable, and Jonghyun likes fae already.

chaitaem: ah, me either,, i just wanted to say hello ur v cute i want to friend u,, i didn’t think past that otl

petitjonghyunnie: ! fkjdhg shsu h

chaitaem: ahh, but why would i shush when ur so cute tho??

petitjonghyunnie: shs u sh omg

chaitaem: mmh, but ur bein even cuter?? adorable, one might say

And here come the first twinges in their stomach, the simple praising words already making them edge on fluster. It’s Jinki’s fault, honestly, Jinki’s fault for conditioning them to react so easily to words like cute and adorable and baby and of course, baby boy. God. And it’s not like Taemin knows about how easy they are, but maybe fae do? Because fae do follow their and Jinki’s blog, and that one is…pretty revealing.

Jonghyun shifts under the covers, pressing their face into Roo’s soft fur before peeping back out at their phone to answer Taemin.

petitjonghyunnie: s h u s h thats n ot fair !!

chaitaem: totally fair! if ur bein adorable aren’t i allowed to tell u? ur absolutely adorable!!

petitjonghyunnie: not fair n Not adorable n im pouting at u

chaitaem: pouting? oh no but now ur the Most adorable…

petitjonghyunnie: s h u s h

chaitaem: mmmmh but ur so cute it’d be a shame not to tell u how much of a cute babe u are.

petitjonghyunnie: ;;;;;;; shh

chaitaem: cutie~

petitjonghyunnie: n o

chaitaem: yes! ur such a cutie~

petitjonghyunnie: Pouting At You

chaitaem: u can pout all u like, ur still Adorable

petitjonghyunnie: shhssuhshh

chaitaem: i thought u were bein extra cute and pouting? i won’t shh if ur bein like that

petitjonghyunnie: n ot cute

chaitaem: mh but u must be at least a lil cute if i’m tellin u so

petitjonghyunnie: s t op my heart is rlly weak

chaitaem: if u stopped bein such a babe i’d stop tellin u~

petitjonghyunnie: m not talkign to u bc ur v vv v vmean mhm

chaitaem: i’m bein mean? well then maybe i won’t talk to u bc ur v vvvv v v cute, hmm??

petitjonghyunnie: p o u t i n g

And they are. They’re pouting, and their heart is fluttering, and it hasn’t even been a day yet but Jonghyun’s realized both that they have a crush on Taemin and that they really, really want to be soft for fae.

chaitaem: bein cute so i’m not talking

petitjonghyunnie: mean !!! mad at you

chaitaem: mad at me? but i don’t want cutie to be mad.. just sayin ur rlly a cutie~

petitjonghyunnie: ;; my heart though s very weak

chaitaem: is it all the cuteness that makes it weak then?

petitjonghyunnie: ;;;;;;;;;;;; youre flustering

chaitaem: ur easy to fluster~

petitjonghyunnie: mean for teasing

chaitaem: mm,, not teasin just tellin u ur a babe a rlly cute babe

petitjonghyunnie: s h h that Is teainsg

chaitaem: hmm, guess i am teasin then but ur cute to tease tho

petitjonghyunnie: ;; like being teased

chaitaem: ahh i can tell that’s why ur being such a cute baby..

petitjonghyunnie: ;; i wanna say

chaitaem: hmm?

petitjonghyunnie: wanna say !!

chaitaem: yeah ??

petitjonghyunnie: ;; flustering

chaitaem: ur so cute sound like ur blushing, sweetie, it’s so cute

petitjonghyunnie: m pouting not blushing

chaitaem: ur not mad at me still? when ur bein so cute to me too

petitjonghyunnie: m mad at you cuz i wanna say

chaitaem: u can tell me sweet honey, just say

petitjonghyunnie: ;;; shh Flustering wanna say but its flustering

chaitaem: c'mon, wanna tell me, cutie?

petitjonghyunnie: ;;;; shhshhsh

chaitaem: but u won’t say so if i shush we’ll just be quiet

petitjonghyunnie: ;; i wanna call you daddy

chaitaem: all right, baby, you can call me daddy

petitjonghyunnie: ;;;; s flustering

chaitaem: no, it’s cute~ ur cute

petitjonghyunnie: not cute;;;; flustered

chaitaem: flustered is cute on u tho

petitjonghyunnie: ;; do you have a kakao?

chaitaem: yeah i do, you want it?

petitjonghyunnie: mhm

chaitaem: it’s just chaitae

petitjonghyunnie: ;;; thank u daddy

[ikkanrana]

like honestly i dont wanna sound like the worlds grumpiest old man but just.... i keep seeing all these posts about “if someone shows you a video/sends you a song/starts talking about something theyre in to you Really Should Watch/Listen/Hear them out” and absolutely, like real if you get a song sent for example its not to force it on to you or nothing its just a kind gesture and a “hey this is good maybe you’ll like it too if you wanna listen” kinda thing which is like??? totally fine and what pals do lmao  but also personally i feel there is a line where a certain thing just do not interest you and maybe you dont want to listen to that certain song sent or whatever and its not a personal attack or diss against the one sending you the content/wanting to talk to about a certain subject but i feel it often gets taken in that sort of way??  which oki fair enough if youre very in to something and open up and share its a bit personal on some level, but honestly if you say share your fav 20 min long youtube clip maybe the one you sent it too wont find it as funny or just do not have the energy or are in a state to actually sit through it.. you cant force something upon someone which is like.. my entire point lkdagn sometimes you might simply just not have the energy to get involved in a discussion or dive in to stuff youre not super hype about, and there are a lot of those times you politely tell the person that “thats nice tho its not really my thing and i cant really contribute to this discussion” and call it an end there but STILL get bombarded with content that you simply do not have the energy or want to go through at the moment or maybe ever becuse its?? simply just nor cup of tea??? we all have our own fav clips or fav songs or fav whatever like thats just how it is  like friends doesnt have to be in to the same fandoms or the same music or shows or books, but theres like a line you can cross and make them uncomfortable with you gushing about something they have absolutely no idea how to respond too, i probably have done it a billion times and i bet you have too it happens if youre very passionate about something sometimes its hard to stop talking about it (believe me i know)  but like... what at least personally makes me super uncomfortable are people sending stuff and literally sit around and WAIT for me to watch/read/look at it when ive told them “aw well might not be my thing/not really up for it” because it just puts pressure on you to engage in something and Rate And Comment on stuff you literally do not have the energy or want to be involved in  again listen im not saying getting a song sent with a “this is real good :^)” message is like The ENd Of The World thats how you find new good stuff and maybe something you really enjoy and pals who apparently also enjoy it you feel, thats normal human fucking interaction sending each other The Good Content what im saying is (and again i cant speak for anyone else it just rubbed me a little bit in the wrong way reading like five of these kinda posts in a row) if someone isnt interested in the same things you are its not a personal insult or attack on your taste or likes. its the furthest from, and you cant expect everyone to like everything you do because thats just not how it works not even between pals tbh so you cant sit around and literally WAIT for this person to return with a ~review~ of something that they clearly werent very in to to begin with because that is, to be honest, the most stressful shit ever and personally it makes me so so uneasy (and especially when it comes to like.. personal work?? like writing or art or whatever because then its like youre asking me to review something Super Personal and what am i to say if its not up my alley you feel??? if i havent asked to get updated or like “please show me when its done” of course) and the content doesnt have to be bad not in the least but some things just dont interests you and thats how it is if i send someone a vip or whatever of art i never sit around and expect Praise or a Review on it, and like sure i get the want to share stuff youve done with others like of course!!! and you should advertise for yourself and show off your works (most people here have it as their fucking income source so like of course)  but idk this turned out longer than i intended it to and its just ramble at this point but OKI  summan av kardemumman: dont force stuff on to others, i get that a compliment is nice to get and i get that its nice showing off something youve made or something you like or just the want to share a youtube vid now and then but like... PLEASE dont force it on to your friends, and if they dont want to its not about you its so far away from any form of personal attack its just simply them not wanting/being able to you feel???  keep sharing content with each other and recommend good stuff to your pals but please dont corner anyone in to something theyre not willing to get involved in and on the other hand sometimes take one for the team tbh im not saying you should bat away everything people is willing to share with you, cause thats like... a totally different kind of bleh but yeah and tbh some times it might turn out you actually ARE in to it, so yeah dont be a dick that way either obviously  again i can only speak for myself and honestly im not really up for discussing anything just wanted to vent some because there were so many posts in the tone of “hey if someone tells you something about something you should put effort in to researching some and be part of the discussion every time because its terrible being shot down for something youre interested in” which, lmao listen i KNOW how it feels getting laughed at or ridiculed for liking A Thing  but again we all have to remember that its not about us all the time, sometimes people just simply do not have the energy to go research space facts or watch your fav youtuber for 22 mins just cause you wanna talk about it at 11pm like... we all gotta be conscious about each other u feel   

[akaydah]

ono I know you’re probably both watching all my shit rn, I can assume sammi knows all about what’s going on (i.e you told her too (((: ) because you both blocked me on absolutely everything lol V typical but I only wanna kinda say my thing and then I’m not going to speak to/about u anymore because literally no one I know cares (or knows u) so I’ll be washing my hands of it.  Riley today u pulled some shit I honestly never evr evr evr expected from YOU of all people, but you did, you betrayed me soooo fucking hard and now private info abt me is available to the public&people who dont fuckin like me. Because of a featherweight amount of pressure. And you hid it from me for months. I still do not agree with what happened initially to cause this mess (Still think he’s in the wrong and shouldn’t have hurt you), but after 8 years I figure you know you can come and talk to me about anything (as soon as I found out I was offering amends, literally would have took 3 seconds to send me a message), but instead you chose to fuck me over in the worst way and DO THE ONE EXACT TTHING I FUCKIN ASKED U NOT TO DO AFTER I TRUSTED YOU N OPENED UP TO YOU. What sort of friend does that. that isn’t a friend. thts snakey as fuck.  Who knows who else knows now too loooool C: Fuck me I guess right?? Musta been so spooky to see a post like that. clearly you’re just in exposing peoples private info. I want you to know you’re the first nd only person tht I opened up to on the level that we did. We’ve related on things I’ve never related to anyone else on before and for someone who shares a similar experience I can’t fuckin wrap my head around why tf you did this dude :C I’m still never going to utter a word of anything private tht you revealed to me no matter how mad I get. Ever. Because I’m real af when I say ur secrets are safe with me.  It hurts so fuckin bad. 8 years of friendship for what?? Like what do I have to show for this now besides ANOTHER fuckin scar and another fuckin blow to my trust. A burn. just like always And sammi, I can’t really say I’m surprised you went with them. We had good times and all that but I fully expect you to stand by your partner no matter how many times they fuck up nd hurt the people around them. I appreciate you standing by them because everyone needs someone and you two deserve each other <3 But the fact that you obviously know every detail about what’s going on and every detail about how riley betrayed and then proceeded to abandon me, and still choose to stick around a person that can do that to someone they called a friend, best friend, sister, family.... I can’t fuck w that. That’s some sociopath shit. idc what ur justification is.  Anyway feel free to talk all u want about this and how I’m probably somehow evil for having feelings and wanting privacy, I’ll read a response if ur inclined to make one bc I LIVE FOR THE TEA but i’m really not gunna reply or talk about this anymore.  I guess this is it.  Please do not contact me or my friends on any accounts now or at any time in the future. I don’t want to talk to you. I’ll never want to talk to you. We never met. Should be easy bc we’re a whole country apart lol H8 u.  Baaai..