#no pressure ofc haha but really once again thank you for this!!! i am now a very happy girl ^^

[reineydraws]

op. op pls i devoured your fic rec list. do you have. perchance. more to share. pls. (if you want ofc) jason requires All the hugs. esp when he gets to be Safe in bruce or dick's arms again like they're protecting him even though hes all grown up now and doesn't need protecting but that's his Family and they Love Him op im having emotions (tone lighthearted i just think you have good taste in fics and am wondering if you would want to rec some more? no pressure LOL)

anon, this has to be one of the best compliments ive ever received in my life lmao thank u for saying i have good taste in fics 😂

ive got 10 more recs for ya! i tried to centre it on jason with bruce and/or dick but there are a couple that have an even focus on other siblings too. those will still have the good jason stuff in it tho. 😌😌

also this time not all of them are h/c lol soz some of them are just fluff 🙏 but they do all have good family feels!!! and im pretty sure jason gets hugs in most of them too haha.

anyways, onto some (more) good jason todd family feels gen fic! once again: word count rounded to the nearest thousand, and listed in no particular order.

The Cave by lurkinglurkerwholurks | 4k

jason and dick get stranded on an island and dick is injured so jay goes to explore the island on his own and finds a sketchy cave he goes to explore. shit happens. as a younger sibling myself, i found it pretty accurately captures the complexity and the depth of sibling feelings and relationships (esp dick's older brother-ness) in a situation thats been dialed to 11.

through the valley of the shadow by Goldmonger | 10k

jason gets captured and tortured and inadvisably makes his way out of the building even though he's exacerbating his wounds bc he doesnt want to risk waiting for a father bat that will never come. bruce does get there in time and jay recovers at the manor, to his great annoyance and reluctant warmth.

Ornaments by haunt_the_stars | 2k

it's the holidays & bruce is counting kids (checking in on them) when he finds jason crying by the christmas tree bc bruce buys them all a new ornament every year and jason doesnt have any after his death and it's not fair he missed out on so much of his youth. i cried reading this but it was also cute. (tbf, literally any time jason contemplates the teenage years he missed out on due to his death etc., i cry lol.)

and if only i could make a deal with god by foreverstudent | 21k

one of the ones with a more even focus on everyone. id actually say it's about bruce. feels are good tho, and jason does get a hug. the bat boys get sent back in time and find a bruce that just started being batman standing in front of his parents' graves and wondering if he should stop being batman to find happiness in marriage. the boys unanimously decide to convince bruce to give up the bat so he can be happy, even though it majorly risks their own futures (and in dami's case, his actual life).

Tap Out by coyote_nebula | 8k

jay's at a gala and gets poisoned and as he struggles to breathe (and his family panics), he contemplates all the other times he felt like he was gonna die. focuses heavily on the concept of tapping out as a way to practice boundaries, esp in his relationship w bruce.

You, Me, and the Humanity in Between by JUBE514 | 66k

this is kind of fantasy realism? and this is another fic that focuses more evenly on everyone. bruce keeps finding these kids that arent really human, adopting them and giving them a childhood (and family!) anyways. it's sweet and my favourite thing about it is that the boys all pass around bruce's gotham knights sweater for comfort clothing. also there's a part where john constantine is like "h o w do you keep finding them?!?!" it's good lol. ah and i just love when stories explore what it means to be human.

The 70 Days After Groundhog Day by Ptelea | 44k

this is a dick pov fic that goes through the aftermath of a time loop only jason remembers. it's not often you get to read about the after effects instead of the time loop itself, which i thought was cool, and it goes into the way jason and his relationship to the family has changed bc of this thing only he remembers. focuses most heavily on dick & jay.

Commencement by ivy_and_ivory | 3k

jason invites bruce to his uni graduation :') what i like the most is that jason's not just thinking of how he feels now, he's thinking about how he'll feel in the future. he might still feel weird about bruce now but in the future he thinks he'll have wanted b to be there. it makes me so soft to read about this jason that's looking toward the future again, instead of focusing on his death and his past.

The Bedtime Chronicles by SillySunshine | 5k (series)

the rule is, as long as bruce can pick you up, he can still ground you. 😤 the first fic is robin jason and it's all v fluffy and adorable. the second fic is red hood jason so it's angsty and then hilarious (obvs b can still pick him up) and then fluffy. we love sappy father & son fic in this house!

pantry by envysparkler | 4k

one by one, jason's siblings congregate in his apartment to get away from bruce/seek refuge after a hard day/generally annoy him. jay-centric, tho all the siblings + bruce star pretty equally. fluff & humour! spoiler alert: eventually he escapes to the manor lmao.

[cubedmango]

once again thanks so much for putting up with my long ass ramblings, and you're welcome too :-) it actually took me a few hours to finish typing out all of it, plus that sort of post-script message afterwards, but it's not like i did it all in one go and there were breaks in between, so it's fine haha. i genuinely appreciate your concern though :') and that's the power of a relatively new fixation i'm really excited about i guess? wjdfjkcnvzs though i did cobble some parts of it from tentative posts and meta i've had in my drafts for a while now, so they're not totally things i had to come up with on the spot the other day at least. and that's okay (i do like what i've seen of your writing though), like obviously no pressure to feel as dedicated as i am when it comes to talking about my blorbos and glup shittos and whatnot - your actual passion for the media is what matters and that ofc manifests in cool different ways for each of us 🫡 [1/?]

(rest below)

ah i'm glad my description of build was intriguing enough for you! i hope i didn't seem like i was laying it on too thick with my constantly paralleling and comparing it to aa though - i mean at first glance, the narratives of aa and build could not seem more different, but in hindsight they both prominently deal with the concepts of truth, justice, corruption, redemption/atonement, identity, and family and friendship in their own ways (though ig that's probably true of kr in general, which then makes sense as for how toku would feature as a major element in many aa cases), even if not always perfectly in either series, but the effort is generally appreciated and still pretty compelling imo. and i really love aa too (i actually discovered your blog and your twitter through your very cool and beautiful aa fanart a while back, and then when i started watching cm, i was pleasantly surprised to also see your fanart in the tumblr tags, so it was nice to see some of my interests align with that of an artist i liked and followed <3) so finding ways to make analogies between whatever i'm currently into with one of my favorite franchises ever seemed like the natural next step haha [2/?]

also let me just say that ryusen is one of the few m/m couples to get me this obsessed apart from narumitsu and the like over the past several years, so that's really my best way of recommending them. again, idk if that will truly be your experience too by the end, but hopefully you'll still find something to like about their dynamic so my being this much of a shill for them won't feel embarrassing later on kjvbrhsfjs [3/?]

and yeah the rings!! they're far from the only gay-coded kr duo to get that kind of official romantic jewelry ofc, but they were apparently one of the first to really make it popular, so yeah their overall cultural impact sure is something to not be underestimated lol. and yup i've found that it's actually fairly common for many companies behind popular japanese media to go for selling that kind of merch, regardless of the actual canonicity of the pairing in question - like capcom, toei/p-bandai, etc. are aware that there's sizeable enough shipping fanbases for said media, and yeah ig selling that stuff while not having the guts to actually canonize said pairings can come off as pretty baity which is not really Great but well that's capitalism and queer/fujobaiting for you ig 😔 and here's what the sento/banjou rings look like btw: www . tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/190132806767/a-new-entry-into-the-growing-selection-of though i can't share a picture of it rn, their names (spelled as sento kiryu and ryuga banjo) are also inscribed on the insides of their respective individual rings :-) [4/?]

as for the 'silly little rabbit with a death wish' part of that post... hehe. you'll Get it if/when you get there >:) btw sento's given name literally means 'rabbit tank' and banjou's given name ryuuga means 'i'm a dragon' iirc (although the former having that name actually has a good in-universe explanation for once, but the latter definitely has no such excuse 😭) - tbh kr (+ other toku franchises i'm sure) is right up there with aa in terms of often corny yet still charming pun names, but because they're mostly in japanese and don't have localized english equivalents, one doesn't always get it right away but i suppose that's what google and wiki are for lol and actually one other particular example that's stood out to me so far is the name of the protagonist from ex-aid (the one played by iijima from odt, and yeah he, inukai, and akaso all knew each other from their time in kr because their shows also had its own crossover movie which also featured a bunch of other popular previous rider protagonists), which is the season immediately preceding build, because it's literally houjou emu - houjou as a pun on the japanese word for 'assistance,' and emu as in short for 'emulator' and derived from the japanese word for 'smile,' because guess what that season was about? doctors who are gamers. so yeah subtlety.exe nowhere to be found here lmao [5/?]

and hell yeah feel free to join me in the madness ^_^ toku can be one hell of a rabbit (lol) hole though, so it might lead you to become interested in other shows and movies of the medium/genre, in which case we'll be in this together as i'm also still beginning to get into other kr shows in particular (like after i finish build, i think i'll be focusing on the earlier heisei seasons of ooo, den-o, or maybe kuuga). as for where to watch it, i don't have one particular strong rec for a site rn, but what i've gone for are kissasian (kissasian . fm/info/kamen-rider-build) or toku . fun (toku . fun/post/watch-online-kamen-rider-build-full-series-49-episodes-english-sub) - obviously kissasian is more of a general site for which to watch asian dramas on, but that's if you don't mind ads popping up every so often and also the subs used are not very consistent like the source for one episode's translation could be a different team/person from the previous episode's, whereas toku . fun is specifically an archive for toku shows and movies, and is more consistent with the subs and is basically ad-free iirc, albeit i think i've also heard said subs on there described as 'usually the most accurate but also the least funny/entertaining' (ig bc tvnihon, their source, tends to err on the side of 'purism' when translating), so whichever is more your style in the end? i personally switch back and forth between the two sites, purely on the basis of if there's a translation i'm not satisfied with, even if i don't know how actually accurate it is lol on a side note, build's opening song 'be the one' by pandora feat. beverly is a nice jam, and it has an official english version where i think the lyrics (+ the original japanese version too) are something that would make one come to realize just how much they fit sento and banjou's relationship by the end of the show :') [6/?]

and thanks again for giving me the go-ahead to keep on rambling ^_^ moving on to build's female characters: there are only 2 really prominent female characters (a few others pop up here and there, or have relatively big roles for an arc or 2, but not throughout the whole show), misora (as mentioned before) and sawa. imo, both are treated decently, being fun and interesting characters with their own arcs not purely tied to the men (although obviously romance with men or the lack thereof are not inherent markers of the quality of a female character's writing, it's worth noting that neither of them are written as love interests (so you'll never get the sense that they get reduced to just that role) to any male character - but tbf, kr and other popular toku aren't really big on romance, even the het ones, in the first place, maybe bc of some japanese cultural conventions or something, but i've heard that the few canon m/f relationships that are present are usually not written very well, which is once more very shounencore of them lol - although unfortunately, there is a guy with a frankly kinda creepy and annoying parasocial crush on misora which most of the other characters don't care for either but it's still played off as comic relief, kinda larry-like in that sense if we're comparing it to aa again, and that's definitely one of the show's major drawbacks; i mean i still think build is overall worth the watch, and again, since you've gone through all of aa already, you'd be a veteran wrt this kind of trope, but regardless i think it's good to give some warning in advance to help you prepare for some of the shit that's about to go down) plus misora and sawa are eventually shown having a personal relationship/friendship with each other outside of the men too :-) however, overall they're still kinda underutilized and underdeveloped (sawa in particular) compared to the guys, plus neither of them are riders, though in kr, that's also definitely not an automatic indicator for whether a female character will be well-written or not, but then again, since we're both aa fans, i'm sure we're already very familiar with the feeling of seeing interesting and compelling female characters not get their full due from their writers, so based on that, build is survivable for sure 😔 [7/?]

and idk how well they would fare next to female characters from other kr seasons, but i also think it's worth pointing out that, for all that build's writer/s are clearly still not immune to misogyny, misora and sawa's overall writing doesn't come off to me as 'so misogynistic it becomes gay' in the vein of idk, naruto or death note, bc again, neither of them were touted as viable love interests to male characters before getting shoved to the side in favor of primarily focusing on homoerotic m/m relationships for most of the story only to still get together with those men in the end, and the only thing build was really marketed as in terms of its relationship writing was the 'heated drama between men' stuff so you already get a sense of what's in store for you from the start, and so ultimately you also don't really feel that annoyed or 'cheated' you know? [8/?]

and then on to akaso: that anecdote was from a full interview with him and inukai from when the show was just starting out - docs . google . com/document/u/0/d/1BwqtHLs5d8Vs2YCJA7XJW3TxhaGta8jo9huEo70ehq0/mobilebasic there's only very mild spoilers for the first episode and then vague allusions to what happens in the next couple of episodes or so, but if you'd still prefer to wait until you've actually watched those episodes to read it in full, i'll just copy here the most relevant parts for what we're talking about: "Inukai: The first scene we appeared together in was…. Akaso: Wasn’t it the first encounter scene? Inukai: [...] At that time, it was really hot at the filming location. During out spare time we just tried to preserve our strength, so we didn’t talk much. Now that I think of it, that day, you were staring at my face the whole time. Didn’t anyone notice? (laugh) Akaso: I was feeling dizzy from the heat, but among all the actors, I suddenly noticed Inukai-kun’s face and was captivated by it, thinking “wow, he is so pretty...” (laugh) The director, Tasaki Ryuuta pointed it out to me. I instantly came to my senses. I’ve never stared at any actress like that before, no matter how pretty, but at that time I suddenly became dizzy and just kept staring in a daze. Turns out, it was a heatstroke (bitter laugh). Inukai: You had a heatstroke because you sensed the dangers of my body (laughs). That was the moment I decided I shouldn’t let my guard down around you. Akaso: Nononono, I wasn’t trying to hit on you!! Inukai: (laughs) Akaso: Please stop, don’t add any unnecessary mental images to the word “partners” (laughs). But when Inukai-kun plays Sento, you get the feeling that he’s a very smart person mulling over a lot of thoughts in his head, I think he looks very pretty and cool. Inukai: That makes me happy, I think. Thank you." [9/?]

so there you have it lol. apparently akaso did use the word for 'heatstroke,' but the translator of this interview pointed out on tumblr that it seems like what happened had no actual severe effects on him, so it was likely just heat stress at most and he just said 'heatstroke' to clearly get the point across or something. in general, akaso during his time on build seemed to have a bit of a pattern of saying some kinda out-of-pocket things that would make one go "oh he really had the nerve to go there huh but like... is he wrong?" like when he also infamously claimed at two separate promotional events that banjou was the real 'heroine' of the story (which makes his previous comment to inukai to not add "any unnecessary mental images to the word 'partners'" funnier) 😭 during the first event, he was asked to introduce his character and then himself, and when he said banjou's name, he added that he was the 'heroine,' at which takada kaho (misora's actor) interjected and pointed at herself to say that *she* was playing the 'heroine' and there was a bit of back-and-forth between them as both kept insisting they were the 'heroine' (all in a lighthearted manner ofc) but in the end i think akaso got in the last word before he passed on the mic to takada so she could properly introduce herself this time, although she didn't bring up the heroine stuff again from what i could tell lol. the video i watched from that first event didn't actually have subs, but you could get the gist of it especially since they said 'heroine' in english. as for the second event, i also watched a bit of its video but i don't think i got to the part where he made the comment, so i only saw later on a screenshot from that same video where what he said was translated as "then, when i read the final script, it said that kaho takada was feeling down because banjo ryuga was the heroine." [10/?]

and. well... neither of them are wrong exactly fnsjngkbs. like ofc misora filled the obligatory female lead role, but generally speaking, it seems like it was obvious even among the cast that banjou, in addition to being the typical male co-protagonist like in a 'buddy cop' type of movie or show, was the one pretty much framed as the story's 'heroine,' imo in the style of a shounen anime or manga to sento's shounen protagonist position (well, the shounen animanga with well-written central m/f romances anyway), with the implication of being sento's love interest in all but name officially also. like... it's still very much subtextual but also wow talk about the lack of subtlety here too 😭 and at that second event, there was another comment he made that made me go "okay come on don't do this to us" but it's related to spoilery series-finale and post-series material, so it's probably best that i save discussing it for when you're done watching, if ever. but well yeah i'm kinda obsessed with his mind for all that like. thank you for continuing to help us fans not sound delusional via all these very enlightening comments (i mean aside from how heavy the subtext already was in the actual story) but also what's his issue 😭😭 [11/?]

btw build isn't actually akaso's first kr show - it's amazons, specifically its 2nd season, which also got released in 2017 some months prior to build's airing. amazons is one of those aforementioned more adult-oriented toku webseries and was meant to be a 'darker and more mature reimagining of the 1974 television series, kamen rider amazon,' but it got more mixed reviews overall compared to build, especially since iirc a lot of fans think it didn't handle said darker themes too well or something (there's cannibal cultists?? i think??? idk if akaso's character hiroki was one of them though). but the upside to it is that it was precisely his work on amazons that got akaso cast on build (from what i can tell, hiroki is nowhere near as dumb as banjou, but there's a similar delinquent vibe, albeit hiroki's aesthetic seems to be somewhat edgier). i find it funny though bc hiroki is apparently a 17 year old high schooler, then a few months later akaso made the jump to playing a 23 year old (which was his actual age at the time of filming) ex-pro fighter... the range of this man jwkfjksfdlms [12/?]

on a final side note about something that's not really relevant to all that other stuff but still kinda funny: i just remembered that apparently back when cm was airing, and that moment in ep. 2 (?) where adachi forces the elevator doors open to ask kurosawa out to dinner happened, people were commenting "well that's kamen rider training for you" and yeah i definitely believe banjou could/would have done something like that. though he probably would have punched the doors in the process too, or because he's a dumbass, he might also let himself get accidentally hit by the closing doors and then that's when he'd punch them in response lmao also i think i'll save my further thoughts on the kamen rider yuri and also the few canon lgbt+ characters the series does have so far + the varying qualities with which they've been written for later messages, bc once again this has gotten far too long and there's already a lot of things here for you to process and respond to so. thank you so much again and bye for now 🙏🏼 [13/13]

thank You again for all the info omg theres so much detail again ur a legend..!! reading it is so fun too i can rlly tell u like the franchise a lot that makes me happy ty for sharing all this w me 🥺 and actually to update u i watched a couple of eps since ur last asks (currently on ep8 kdjfksj i did a littol binging) and 1) it is Very different in tone from what i was expecting! i thought itd be like . moody and serious action etc but its actually rlly silly and thats a huge plus for me i love me some silliness always and 2) did take a bit of getting used to the format (+ to akaso and inukai in these roles theyre so different from cm and odt How are these the same guys) but honestly im rlly enjoying the buildup of the mystery?? and the charas are v endearing i care them already. also i cannot believe they dropped this one me in ep *ONE*

LIKE HELLO??? all i could think at first was "this is so nrmt in turnabout goodbyes coded" with the whole "i believe in you" thing but goddam . u werent kidding about these two huh. i get why the rings now i get it. Man. but yeah big fan of their dynamic so far !! and a little unrelated but im hoping they keep up the bit w banjou figuring out best matches in 1 second its my favorite thing rn fkdjsjfjdfhs

(also also this bit im just . thinking. a lot. kind of a crazy line to drop in the middle of all the silliness isnt it 👁👄👁)

anyway . onto misora and sawa omg theyre so good too ???? misora esp shes so funny and i keep wondering when theyll get into her whole powers deal its been on my mind since ep1 ........ these two are def not getting as much screentime ive noticed but at least the times they show up are great so far and none of that forced romance stuff which is what im used to sadly so ill take it 👍 just hope we do get to their backstories too eventually or im gonna be :(

also little cut to the villains too since theyre p prominent but although i already figured gentoku was involved somehow from the start i cannot for the life of me figure out what blood stalks deal is???? like is he just there for the drama of it all . whys he kind of helping the guys what does it Mean-

THE INTERVIEWS HELPJFKDJF ive heard legends of mr akaso eiji and his out of pocket commentary im understanding now ..... that "heroine" thing is Crazy though like surely he had to have known the implications right ????? doesnt he know that stuff is dangerous to fans come on man 😔 ur right abt the range tho im already so impressed by his and inukais acting in here since its so different from the charas they played in cm and odt but still p similar in how they do emotional scenes so im enjoying seeing those 👀

i think ill keep watching bc mostly i just. Really need to know what the mystery is (and still that "silly little rabbit has a death wish" thing, tho im starting to have a hunch about who its referring to.........) so yeah maybe ill have more liveblogging updates for u next time if ur interested in seeing my reactions akfjkdsjf

(before i go one last thing . ACE ATTORNEY REFERENCE???????)

[rrxnjun]

I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE TO TAKE THE BUS AGAIN CUZ THIS JUST SOUNDS SO ANNOYINNNGGG

I LOVED EVERY SECONF OF THE YANGYANG FIC BOTH CUZ OF THE STORY AND THE SONG CHOICES!!!! awsten being a guitar teacher is just such a weird thing imo like i would've never imagined that about him ngl :o but now i see the fic in a new light might reread it once more later in the week🫢

I LOVE LOVEJOY SOOMUCH AND ITS SO RARE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO ALSO DOES!!!! (THAT IS ONE OF MY FAV PARTS FROM THE FIC!!! LIKE THE LOVEJOY LYRICS TOOK ME BY SURPRISE) perfume is one of their best songs istg!! i'm so glad tommy convinced them to release it!!! i was(and still am) such a diehard mc youtuber fan;-; wilbur and tommys vlogs are just so funny!! i'm glad they led u to lovejoy cuz their music is truly amaziiinnggggg;-;

aespa are so amazing i'm so excited about their upcoming album all of the songs sound like such a bop!! U SOULD CHECK OUT BEABADOBEE I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HER MUSIC SINCE SUMMER SHE IS SO GOOD!!! I RECOMMEND HER VERY MUCH!!! AND I HOPE U WILL ENJOY HER MUSIC AS WELL

HIHIHI OFC I LOVE 5SOS🫢🥰 tbh when i realized how many of the same artists we both listen to i was like this person was meant for me💆‍♀️i love ur music taste so much!!!! and i will check out wallows cuz i listened to a couple of their songs before that were popular but i never really checked them out so thank u💞💖💓 (i'm an avid listener for both chase atlantic and the driver era as well🫡) wahhh i will check out baekhyun too i always see his name but i never listened to him!!! (and the way u wrote that made me laugh so hard, i hope u will win against haechan some day don't give up the fight🤞)

i'm so scared to recommend cuz they might not be ur taste in music😟buuttt some of my fav songs atm: kár by elefánt, macskák by elefánt, bálnák by dzsúdló, sprint by dzsúdló, na mindegy by carson coma, porszem my carson coma (and tbh i recommend anything by carson coma i feel like they would fit ur music taste the best if u happened to like any of these)

i may happened to be from hungary yesss🫣so hi neighbor🥳🙋‍♀️

(IM SORRY FOR WRITING THIS MUCH I KNOW U PROBABLY DONT MIND BIT I STILL FEEL THE NEED TO SAY SORRY - liebestraum anon💕)

I PROMISED TO MYSELF TO NEVER FEEL PRESSURED TO DO SO EVER AGAIN HAHAHA.

AAAAH thank u sm for saying that!!! awsten being a guitar teacher is a weird concept i agree but it strangely fits?? also i remember him saying he used to teach 5sos songs which made my heart so happy AHAHA anyways perfume is literally the best song ever and lovejoy slap idc what anyone says. tommy deserves the whole world for convincing them to keep the song i owe him my life AHAHA you being a mcyt fan is so valid of you. i had my mc phase when i was younger (mainly bc i have an older brother so we played together) so i was big on my slovak/czech mc youtubers back in the day HAHA but nowadays i dont watch many youtubers tbh,,, i WAS a big sidemen girlie tho DJFKLA i still watch their vids sometimes. also the uk commentery scene back in the day had such a chokehold on me that i still follow will, alex and memelous on instagram lmaoo

DID U SEE THE CLIPS FROM AESPAS CONCERT ningnings solo killed me. i love that girl w my whole heart and thIS ?? if they dont add the solos to the album im gonna riot

i havent had time to check up beabadobee but i promise to do so soon and then give u a report!! if u have any favorite songs from her pls send them my way!!

GIRL WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER our music taste matches so well what the fuck this never happened to me before AAA YOU EVEN LIKE THE DRIVER ERA????????? ross lynch was my first ever celebrity crush and im afraid to admit that he has the same hold on me now that im almost 20 than he had back when i was 9. i dont know ALL wallows songs btw im more of a casual fan but the ones i know are so good omg. also baekhyun!!! my kr&b king!! pls listen to his music he is such a good vocalist AAA (i dont think im winning against hyuck any time soon tho >:()

also im now listening to the songs you recommended so let me give you a live reaction. kár sounds very very vibey omg i love it actually ???? went straight to my playlist i love the synth?? macskák has very edgy depressed vibe i love it too omg?????? in my playlist you go. bálnák sounds like a nct dream b-side but in hungarian i stan. very very vibey. sprint has a very good beat!! its enjoyable to listen to but not really my vibe tbh. na mindegy is sO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ?? you were right this is truly my vibe i added this to my playlist too omg. porszem towards the end when it gets louder?? slaps. my favorites were definitely the first two and then na mindegy !!!!!

hello neighbor hhhh im slovak <33 (if you didnt know already bc i slap it to everyones face LMAO)

dont apologize for writing so much i really enjoyed talking abt music w you!!!!!! <33

[levi-supreme]

My name is Levi and my favorite emoji rn is 🤺

Levi my love my beloved my baby my husband my most precious person my entire world 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I will give you the moon and the stars and the universe if you want me to <333 also because you're Levi, I'm giving you the best of the best and everything I can 💖💖💖💖 and of course, you're getting more of everything because you're my love <333

Chinese name: 勇安 (Yong An): 勇 (Yong = brave, courageous, fierce); 安 (An = peaceful, quiet, tranquil, safe)

Japanese name: 翔 (Shou = soar, fly, glide)

Korean name: 준용 joon-yong (Hanja: 俊荣 Jun Rong): 준 [俊] (Jun = handsome, talented, capable); 용 [荣] (Yong/Rong = honour, glory, flourish, prosper)

Bubble tea order: Earl grey milk tea, 0% sugar, no ice

Dessert: Lavender cookies // Palmier // Hanami dango

Send me your name and I'll give you three things!!

[warabidakihime]

i have a lot to unpack so hear me out i guess?

hey guys.

i'm sorry for being inactive and for taking so long to post the epilogue for invisible strings and the next chapter for roses and rules. things have been incredibly busy at work, we are preparing a lot of things for the anniversary of my company and although i'm not overworked or anything, the tasks that are assigned to me are lowkey draining. i am in charge of writing an article for our executive director and this will be published in local news outlets so you can only imagine the pressure i am in right now haha. i'm having fun though. it's challenging but also very rewarding, and i am particularly thankful to my teammates and my supervisor for being so supportive and uplifting. sadly, til this day there's no irl boss tengen yet lol.

another thing is, last saturday i was supposed to attend a concert. one that i've been waiting and craving for so long. my ultimate kpop group suju or super junior was supposed to hold their concert here, but unfortunately, they had to postpone it to another date. what happened was, when they got to the airport and were about to travel here, one of the members' father suddenly passed away and so said member had to rush to his family and the rest were obviously very heartbroken by the sad news. they've been together for more than 20 years, and so they have been very close with their respective families.

tho the remaining members still decided to fly all the way here and at first they intend to push through with the concert but ofc they were not in a healthy head space to perform and so they decided to postpone altogether but still decided to meet us even for a short moment so that they can personally talk and confide to us about what happened and what will happen.

it was a surreal experience not gonna lie. never in my life would i ever thought that i would experience something like that. i've been a fan of them for more than 10 years and they have been my rock during my darkest moments. basically, they saved my life multiple times lol. and so, being the one to give comfort to the people who have been comforting me through their music and lovely personality, it was really bizarre. to be honest, even though they still performed three songs for us, it didn't feel like a concert or a fanmeet, it felt like i was visiting a sad friend to comfort them. they call their fans elf or everlasting friend, so after that night, the meaning of that fandom name became even more meaningful. i was quiet the whole fanmeet because i was scared that my voice would break if i attempted to talk let alone scream while watching them perform. i was sobbing the whole time lmao the moment their voices broke while saying sorry to us break my heart so much. it really hurt to see them like that especially when they're widely known for being cheerful and chaotic.

this will be a core memory for sure. sigh.

it didn't helped that the weather here has been awfully gloomy all week.

so yeah, that happened. ngl, i went in some deep thinking and reflecting.

but don't worry, once i'm a little bit free i will get back to writing again. the epilogue is about 60% finished i'm just having a little trouble with writer's block. ;-; nevertheless, thank you for being patient. (lol if there's even a single person that's waiting.)

anyway, i hope you're having a pleasant week~

[neocrush]

flirting w chenle on knowing bros seems like it'll be a wild ride HAHA i love the concept~~

thank u so much for sending in an ask 🥰

lezgeddit

flirting with chenle on knowing bros

you were a member of a girl group with 6 members

you being the youngest ofc

that day you were filming a variety show

knowing bros

and you LOVED that show

mainly bc heechul’s in it

and he’s hilarious asf

and bc he’s dating your senior

anyways u were told ur group wasn’t the only guest they had for the episode

the only info u received was that it was a boy group

part of you hoped it was nct dream

you had developed a tiny your leader would say giant crush on a certain chinese member

renjun

jk no its one and only zhong chenle

you had watched previous variety shows w nct dream in it

and he never failed to amaze you

his personality, voice, charm, and screaming never failed to put a smile on your face

the only interaction you had was during boom era

you had just debuted and both ur group and dream were nominated for first place on a music show

after winning, the boys of dream congratulated ur group in the hallways

“you guys just debuted? that’s so impressive wow” the blonde one, jeno exclaimed

you swore you saw ur leader blush a little

“congratulations~ i can’t lie and say ur song sucks” haechan — you recognized — chuckled

renjun started singing ur groups title track and the boys started dancing along to the chorus

both groups shared a laugh and just overall had a great time

it was great

with all the pressure both groups got from their big companies, it was nice to just laugh everything off once in a while

until ur managers called you to return to the dorms

and their manager called theirs

as it was you, chenle, and jisung’s curfew

you said ur goodbyes and as u were leaving

chenle accidentally bumped on ur shoulder

u gasped from the sudden feeling of ur bare shoulder in contact with his denim jacket

“oh my gosh i’m so sorry! ah~ you okay?” he said

eyebrows furrowed in the cutest way possible as he was worried

u blushed and got lost in his eyes

then u came back to reality as u shook ur head

“ah yes.. i-i’m fine.. sunbaenim” you bowed as he was technically ur senior

“oh okay that’s a relief. by the way, just call me chenle oppa. sunbaenim’s too formal, don’t you think?”

“o-oppa..?” you questioned while tilting ur head

“y-you don’t have to if it makes u uncomfortable!” he blushed, regretting what he just said

“no it’s okay. i think it’s cute. bye chenle oppa!” you giggled as you waved at him and left to go to your managers car.

he smiled to himself for a good minute until jaemin called him to get into the car

damn jyp why u gotta have a stupid three year dating ban

was all the orange-haired boy could think of

fast forward ur group had ur first comeback already n dream came back w ridin

as you were both promoting at the same time, the chances were very likely they’d be the other group on the episode

filming started and there you were w ur groupmates w ur school uniforms on

u wore a white sweater and a white dress shirt underneath with a short plaid skirt that had a matching tie hanging around your collar

after introductions and a conversation w the cast

a knock was heard from the door on ur left

a blue haired boy walked in confidently

na jaemin????

and so came the rest of dream

OH FRICK CHENLE’S HERE

ACT NATURAL

ur group moved a little to the right to make room for the boys as they walked to the desk where all the guests would introduce themselves

they did their greeting which u memorized in ur head

a bunch of conversations and segment went by

until the cast introduced a new one

it was called flutter my heart

cheesy

but cute

the challenge was easy

one person had to use a machine that would detect their heartbeat

and the other would have to try their best to make the opposing player’s heartbeat go faster than usual

u were divided into two teams

ur group vs dream

duh

laughter was everywhere as some of ur groupmates try flirt w dream and vice versa

starting with ur visual cringing at hyucks aegyo

and then ur leader making jeno lose in a second by winking at him

renjun serenading ur main vocalist

which turned into a duet

ur japanese member reciting anime lines

in which jaemin fell hard for

not in a dirty way no

then jisung calling ur oldest “noona”

in which she cringed

poor sungie lost :(

then as if the writers knew about ur crush on him

u were paired w him

it was ur turn to make his heart flutter

were u nervous? duh.

but were u gonna take advantage of the situation to flirt with ur crush of 3 months? absolutely.

so they put the detector on his chest and you had 5 minutes to make this boi go loco

u were bold and went for his hands

ur tiny fingers intertwined with his slender ones

even without looking at the machine

u could tell his heartbeat was going one million miles per hour

u were only holding his hands and his ears were already red asf

“oppa~ you’re so cute when you’re flustered~” you say with sparkling eyes

if ur hands in his didnt already kill him, then ur intense eye contact would

u let go of him hands as you crashed ur body in his and placed your arms on his shoulders

“oppa have you eaten today?” you innocently asked

“i-i.. n-no..” he couldn’t even breathe steadily

u smirked at his cute reaction

u reached for his hands once again, bodies still inches apart

“me too” you pouted

“should we go out then? just the two of us?” you stared at his fully red face

“pleaseeee” you pouted

chenle swore he was mentally melting inside

“she’s so competitive!” jisung yelled in the background

you couldn’t hear him tho, u were too busy thinking of ur next move

“20 seconds left!” heechul reminded

“oppa am i pretty?” u rhetorically asked

the taller boy opened his mouth to say yes, looking for revenge

but before his plan could succeed you placed a finger on his lips

“don’t say anything. just kiss me if your answer if yes.” you calmly said

you were exploding inside tho

ur members were screaming

some cringing

some actually enjoying it

they never knew this side of their maknae

“i guess so~” he muttered, enough for u to hear

u were taken aback by his answer in a good way as u suddenly blushed

he inched his face closer to yours and—

“TIMES UP!” heechul exclaimed

“woahhh i think you won that one” your groups visual said in shocked

you laughed as you turn back to ur members to see their reactions

ur gaze returned to chenle as he was still as red as a tomato

dreamies teasing him more than ever

although you didn’t win

curse u jeno why tf does ur heart beat so fast

chenle still couldn’t stop thinking about what happened

filming ended and you went to your waiting rooms to change back

you were at the women’s bathroom as you were fixing ur hair, looking at the mirror

you had tucked out ur shirt that was previously tucked in and slowly you unbuttoned the lower buttons that were super tight

“hey,” a lower voice called out

“pervert!” you exclaimed without knowing who it was as you covered ur lower stomach

for all you could know it could be a creepy staff member

he raised his arms in defense

“ah it’s just you chenle oppa”

u released ur hands from ur body

chenle’s eyes couldn’t help but land on ur abs

ears getting red again as he looked back into ur eyes

“i gotta go soon so i’ll make this short”

u tilted ur head as a sign to listen

“i don’t know if u were being serious or if it was just for the sake of the show but u should eat. it’s 3pm fill ur stomach. wouldn’t want u starving” he smiled as he handed you a block of chewing gum with pink wrapping paper around it

“ur so cheesy oppa” you blushed “but thank you”

wide smiled were exchanged as you bid your goodbyes

eh why not eat it now, i’m in the mood for something sweet

you unwrapped the hot pink paper

as you were about to pop the tiny block in ur mouth

u spotted something written on the paper with what seemed like a black sharpie

you’re so cute. wanna have rappoki some time in myeongdong? -lele oppa

ur whole face was as red as renjuns in mfal

but not as red as when u turned the paper around to see

text or call me whenever you can. don’t wanna lose a gem like you. xxx-xxx-xxx (my number if u were wondering lol)

you chuckled as you read that and the last little message

i’d wait all three years if it meant getting papa park jinyoung’s approval

he really was one of a kind

zhong chenle.

[dimpledpran]

hello i hope you've been having a few lovely days! i hadn't gotten a chance to pop around and greet you and continue our conversation sorry angel!! but i am here now!! also ugh the way desktop version of sending asks doesn't allow you to add like paragraph breaks and whatnot smh let me switch to mobile for this tbh...feel free to tell me about your last couple of days here, how have you been? what have you been doing? feeling the holiday mood or? :)

It is truly fascinating the way the internet can connect you with people all around the world. i know that the internet does have it’s cons but tbh my best friends are from across the lake (croatia) and im so thankful for the internet cause it brought me to them uwu.

Oh wow love your choice in fave characters!! JIANG YANLI LOVERS SQUAD! we love a person w taste lol

my faves are lan wangji, jiang cheng, wei wuxian and jiang yanli...the rest kind of fall under five lmao.

yunmeng jiang IS gorgeous i love it so much and it’s my fave sect too!!

wen qing really is a total baddie!!! i totally get why she’s your fave heh. mine’s yanli ofc )): precious bb angel 😭

oh? but i was told the audio drama is translated somewhere? it’s like in video version with subtitles!! if i can get the link from my best friend again, would you like it? but also yeah i really do love the drama a lot! it is full of such a gorgeous cast like dang lol

i don’t think i have a fave song from the album tbh skdjdj which mind you ive only listened to it all the way through once 🤭

Ngl i have just watched the drama all the way through everything else i’ve left it halfway idk why im like this lmaoooo but i think i answered back all the questions i asked

i will be back later with the other questions once i make a list hehe

take care and stay safe!! — classified cultivators friend ❤️✨

I shall put my reply below the cut. haha

Hello dear friend! Good to see you back! 😊 No worries at all love. I understand that it might be busy times. The weekend was a bit rough, had sleeping trouble. So my brain is being woozy right now. Hope that i get some good rest tonight. 🤞🤞

YESS! I really wish it would allow to add paragraph breaks. I know shift+enter works for FB, but apparently not for Tumblr. 😣

It has been a tiring few days, but christmas shopping is  done! My office is having secret santa gift exchange and a lunch tmr, so I am excited for that! Holiday mood is definitely here! haha😆

I totally feel you! Some of my closest friends are people I met through the internet. The only annoying thing is that you can’t meet them as much as you want to.

HAHAHHAHA yesh! How can anyone not like Jiang Yanli?? 

I went to google if there was a translated version after your previous ask ,and found the link. I downloaded the first season, so I’m gonna start it this week! I’M EXCITED! Cos my friend has raved about it, but i always thought I cant experience it. But now I can! Yeah they really found the perfect ensemble. 

Aww Are you a native speaker? For me I think it was that struggle to enjoy the music and pay attention to the lyric translation at the same time, that made it hard to fully immerse myself in it. 

Hahahha there is a lot of adaptations, and there is alot of time. You can work through it slowly. No pressure.

How about you? Do you celebrate christmas or participate in the holiday season? I look forward to your questions. I hope you have a great week ahead. Sending you all the love and positive vibes. Take care and stay safe! 🥰🥰

[maitlands-protection-squad]

please post more fluffy and blushy and giggly maitland headcanons-you’re doing the lord’s work

Hi there anon friend!!! I’m here to PROVIDE!

Lord’s work???!? I really just love the Maitlands. I’m not anyone special like that please don’t give me that level of pressure I’ll cry ; w;

I know Halloween passed already but I still wanted to include a few spooky headcanons for what I think happens post-movie (as always with some Musical inspiration mixed in)

the Maitlands are only visible to people inside the house

though they tend to hide in the attic whenever guests are over, they make themselves known to everyone nonetheless because Lydia loves seeing her parents and the guests’ expressions and they like feeling a lil spoopy now and then

rumors go around that Lydia aka the weird goth chick brought back the spirits of the Maitlands in an attempt to replace her dad and step-mom with them. the kids around town hear Lydia talking about them sometimes with her actual parents and they always freak when she does

literally the whole town is concerned as to how Lydia the weird goth girl knows about the recently deceased couple that once owned their current home but are too afraid to ask

when Halloween rolls around, Lydia asks the Maitlands to put on their ghost sheets to give out candy to the kids. ofc since none of the kids enter the house, all they see are two sheets mysteriously floating around the house and everyone freaks out. some concerned parents ask for Charles and Delia but bc Lydia doesn’t want her dad learning about what’s going on she tries so hard to convince everyone it’s just props. DONT WORRY EVERYONE ITS JUST REALLY ELABORATE MOVIE MAGIC AT WORK HAHA

Adam is a soft, lovable baby that used to live with two dogs of polar opposite sizes and loved them both equally. one was a massive dog practically the same size as him on its hind legs and the other was a smol nervous chihuahua

he also made friends with a lot of the neighborhood squirrels & birds

Adam is basically the Disney princess of Winter Rivers

Barbara is enthralled when she sees him magically produce peanuts from thin air to give to a squirrel that hopped on his shoulder

the Maitland house is a no-kill zone for animals

the Deetzes learn this very quickly after Delia finds a few rodents in the basement and the resident ghosts refuse to allow them to be killed

Adam teaches Lydia some of his tricks on how to speak to the animals and despite being told it’s to help be rid of the rats, Charles does not approve

the Deetz family knows how deeply protective the Maitlands become once they get attached to a living creature so Lydia and Charles rush to get any and all critters out while Delia distracts them before chaos ensues

Lydia gets all the leftover love and affection and loves it but she doesn’t always say she does because then Barbara will provide EXCESS LOVE and Adam and Delia will join and too much love makes things EMOTIONAL but sometimes it’s GOOD TO CRY LYDIA JUST ACCEPT IT ITS HEALTHY

Adam. Maitland. Loves. His. Wife. and if you are not nice to his W I F E you will not be spoken to ever again what do you think he’s gonna do??? do you even know Adam Maitland???? that’s a man who can’t even frighten a fly. do you think he’d hurt you? are you okay? do the Maitlands need to come hug you too???

BY THE WAY, in my spare time which I definitely have a lot of I MAY HAVE come up with a Maitlands child because I am VERY WEAK for these two and I JUST CAN OKAY

the child is named Charlie

can be any pronouns. I personally choose she/they but I like leaving it open to interpretation

Charlie lovessssssss exploring and going on adventures

it’s very hard to contain Charlie once they learn how to crawl/walk because they are so full of energyyy

their favorite thing to do is ask their dad to pick them up because he never says no and they like feeling tall (yes this is a That 70′s show reference)

when teaching Charlie their ABCs, Barbara came up with the idea of “A is for Adam, B is for Barbara, and C is for Charlie Maitland!”

from then on the Maitlands are referred to as the ABC family, the ABCs, ABC Maitlands, the Alphabets, etc.

Charlie is the hide and seek champion of the house to the point where her parents are concerned as to how she’s hiding so well. they still don’t know her secret to this day

when Charlie meets the Deetz family, Lydia immediately becomes Cool Goth Big Sister

Delia is second mom/silly god mom with all the cool rocks and sparkly clothes

Charlie is convinced Delia is a fairy and Delia loves it because that makes her Charlie’s Fairy God Mother

“D is for Deetz! ABC and the Deetz!” -Charlie at some point after she just met them all

Charlie attempts periodic bonding sessions with Charles whenever they’re in the same room

because they have similar names, Charlie refers to him as Grumpy Me or Grumpy Charlie

Charles secretly adores them and at this point just pretends to be grumpy because it makes Charlie laugh. he knows when to crack funny jokes versus when to actually be serious with them

when Lydia babysits Charlie, they always go out for walks through Winter Rivers together

Lydia always takes pics of things Charlie finds and they keep a scrapbook/photo album of all the Polaroids and neat things they decide to keep

Charlie is very imaginative and comes up with dozens of wild ideas as to where all the stuff comes from

one day they find a birds nest with a momma and her babies in it and Charlie asks Lydia where babies come from

Lydia panics and says that’s a question for their parents to answer

Adam and Barbara freak out when Charlie comes to them with that question and Adam’s scooping them up into his arms and saying “no no not until your older okay??? that’s not something you need to learn about yet!!” meanwhile Barbara’s holding back screams as Lydia explains why the topic came up

whenever Charlie gets in trouble or knows she’s gonna get into trouble, she hides in an easy to find location like under her bed and her parents always console her and tell her it’s okay to make mistakes because you’re only human and making mistakes helps you grow, especially when you admit to them

they’re always proud to hear the teachers’ compliments on how honest Charlie is, even if sometimes it’s a bit blunt

Charlie’s favorite movies are Road to El Dorado, Inside Out, and the Toy Story series

though like their parents, Charlie loves animals, they are scared of spiders because they swear one bit them

in reality some kids were throwing pebbles at a spider web and one of them scratched her leg but she cannot be unconvinced of THE TRUTH

I think that’s all I have for now??? I MOSTLY COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT A MAITLANDS KID OKAY I WANT TO GIVE THE GHOST PARENTS A HAPPY ENDING WITH THEIR CHILD PLEASE I CRY THEY DESERVE SO MUCH

ahem thank you anon friend for allowing me to pour all these ideas out to you :) hope you like them!!!

[xzho-writes]

🌊 — le gasp okay yes i'm back and GOD i had to clean up my bedroom and let's just say it was VERY embarrassing for me and my dad who was pitching in to unearth my stash of chocolates hidden away in some corner. the look he shot me made me want to sink into some whole some where istg-

THAT BEING SAID! i wish you luck on your tests ten! i just finished mine off but i know how stressful they can get so please, don't sink into the same abyss i did. college can eat you alive sometimes.

and the two recent posts had me SCREAMING. first off zhongli???? zhongli!!! ZHoNGLI???!!!

oh lord save me from the person i have become. this is what happens to me when you feed me good food, ten. now allow me to go cry in a corner with the angst and fluff you've thrown our way ( and god i feel so spoiled reading those posts XD ).

and once again, to 🍰 anon,

i'm really glad you like my brainrots! i was pretty worried i might come across as annoying spouting out my thoughts, especially in fear of it being unsolicited. so it means a lot to me to have people liking them. i was really into black butler back in middle school and i recently started catching up to the manga ( and oh lord mei rin is beginning to worm her way into my simp heart- ) so hello there fellow fan!

( and ten i might need some advice because i'm working on a childe fic — which i named 'childe hell fic' in my drafts because god is this thing tugging at my sanity — and i want to know how you write out your headcanons without obsessively returning to a particular sentence and changing it over and over? because that's what i'm going through right now...hehe... )

ooohhh hello 🌊 nonnie! i’ll add my advice utc for this one :)

i can defo relate to your cleaning situation; my room tends to get vERY messy when i’m busy and i have a corner where i like to keep my snacks + wrappers/packaging of said snacks 💀 so whenever someone walks into my room they immediately fix me with that l o o k. just. the look.

thanks for your luck too, i will always be grateful for more luck because LoRD KNOWSSS I NEED IT 😭 and i’m super proud of you for getting through your own exams! that stuff really do be testing our limits in unhealthy ways, but there’s some comfort knowing that you’re not the only one going through it, ya get me? i hope for mine to fly by T-T

anDDD i’m happy you like my recent uploads, especially knowing its zhongli’s you like especially 😂 his was one of my favourites i wrote ;) i’m super excited to spoil you mORE when i’m more free!!! i gotta feed the children at some point, am i right???

about your brainrots: pls don’t feel like you’re being annoying, they’re more than welcome here cause honestly you’re feeding us all with such good ideas 😭! rest assured nothing is being unsolicited :) you’ve even found another fan with similar interests!

(utc is some advice for the childe fic you mentioned! i wouldn’t mind hearing some of those hcs if you don’t mind sharing 👀👀 but no pressure ofc!)

in all honesty? i do tend to go over certain sentences over and over because of how particular i am 😭 but i’ll try my best to help you! this is what i do:

start out by just dUMPING all the ideas that come up in your head as soon as they come to mind (they are called headcanons after all HAHA)

you can worry about refinement after you’re happy you’ve got all your ideas out!

after you’ve done that, return to your first bullet point/idea and refine it more. turn them into better sentences with a lil more detail, and add more ideas to expand on that point if needed!

do this gradually for each bullet point/idea

once you’ve expanded and added detail to each one, go back to the start and reread everything

are you satisfied with all the points? if not, make tweaks as you go along! have more ideas that came to mind that you want to add? then add them in!

(this process just repeats tbh until you feel satisfied with everything)

but remember that writing should be fun most importantly! if you’re feeling too tired then make sure to take breaks in between, and come back once you’re more rested- never push yourself cause that can ruin your motivation :)

headcanons don’t have to be in great detail either, that’s why i love writing them! they’re just silly little ideas that i like to jot down and expand on

-> i hope this helps you even if just a little bit 😭 idk if any of what i said will be useful to you haha—

[findingmarvinchavez]

hello :))

(first i am replying to my short message by the way)

no worries about it taking time!! never feel rushed with answering, i just wanted to make sure you got it because my asks sometimes act weird for some reason (like i kept getting an error message once and eventually had to send it on a different device?? haha so just wanted to be sure ❤️).

ahh, i'm sorry to hear it was exams week, that is always stressful 😭. i hope it went well and you got through it with minimal stress <3. i am very glad to hear your journey began safe, i hope it went smoothly the entire way home :))

those potato-filled dumplings sound amazing, i love almost anything with potato honestly, wishing you success with finding them at home!!

(now onto the longer one!!)

hello again :))

ooh so you have just turned 23!! happy belated birthday 🥳🎊 my birthday is near the end of august! btw am virtually sending you some of my pumpkin bread for the occasion <3

i haven't watched much, only the first few episodes (i have had a hard time watching tv shows lately, i swear my attention span has not been present at all the past few months and i am so forgetful 😭 but now that i am answering this i will remember to pick it back up! haha). but i agree there is some... interesting stuff with abby and buck's character so far. like i believe the last episode i watched, the ending of the episode was where buck said no to a date with her because they'd sleep together? and then they were going to keep talking on the phone instead to get to know each other or something akljfalj. but i will update when i've seen more!! : )

omg to be fair, i remember loving the twilight books as well... like i think i read them in the span of two or three days lol. i have a very vivid memory of being so mad i had to put one of them down because i had to get out of the car at my soccer game hahaha. but yes the hunger games were awesome! my computer password to this day is inspired by part of the series, lol. i never did read city of bones, actually, was it that bad? 👀

also i love that you are now listening to 1d and solo music, are you enjoying them? and are you listening to all the solo albums, or just specific members? 👀 also if you are familiar enough now: do you have a favorite 1d song? (if you haven't listened enough to have an opinion though that is okay<3)

i definitely would recommend cruel summer! i thought it was awesome, and it was really fun watching it week to week trying to figure out what was going on. i was (mostly) satisfied with the resolution, save one thing, and if you end up watching it i am curious what your opinion will be 👀 (just realized i am using that emoji a lot, sry). i really love mystery limited series (probably in part because i was so deeply burned by the 7 (?) season mystery show, pretty little liars, but mostly because i love mysteries lol). also i am very curious what your unfortunate comfort show is!! (and i actually have the entire box set of gossip girl 😔 so love that you might have some lol)

thank you very very much for the song recs! :)) the song 'don't you go up the sky' reminds me so much of some song but i couldn't put my finger on it for like 5 minutes and then i remembered, it sounds so much like 'lonely boy' by the black keys!! i think i like that one and 'poison' the best, thank you again for the recommendation ♥️

i hope you had an amazing weekend as well!! i am doing alright, i haven't felt the greatest the past few days but it is almost christmas which i am excited for and i am getting to hang out with a dog and a cat every day so things are good :)) how are you??

- ♥️♥️♥️

Hellooo and happy 24th of December!!

I got home safely and I'm currently enjoying your virtual pumpkin bread in my head, thank you very much, haha! 😇

If/when you continue 911 I'll be right here, but also, absolutely zero pressure ofc!

Yeah so my Twilight consumption was def very obsessive, I have this tendency to reread books two to three times when the series leaves me with a hangover lol. And then we haven't even mentioned the films... 🧛 And city of bones, first of all, another example of me getting sucked into a fantasy world for months on end, no matter how objectively bad. And like, I really don't care if people just find the writing bad, but I think I read some stuff about the author of that series, like s. Meyer from Twilight, being a huge bigot, tho in very different ways. I didn't go into it much further because I just tend to believe the criticism and feel no need to redeem or defend the author. Otherwise it's just a fairly generic fantasy world, which, if you don't have high standards for that kind of stuff, like me, still worked, at least back then, lol. 🙃 Don't know if this is in any way comprehensible, I have a very specific, uh, stance on stuff like that (celebrity author/content/consumption) which I don't know if I can word it very well, but yeah. Just lmk if something confuses to you/doesn't sit right with you etc.

Concerning 1d, I've only listened to the ten recommended songs so for which as far as I can tell contain solo songs from everybody except Liam. Would you recommend anyone in particular? 😊 Not deep enough yet to make any definite statements but yesterday it struck me that I find once in a lifetime very beautiful!

Cruel summer's on the to-watch list then!

Lol I think I actually started using the 👀 emoji because of you! Please don't apologize for however you message, I love it very much! Do you have a favorite emoji? 👀

Comfort show (one of them at least) is supernatural haha. 😎 At least it means I don't run out of episodes to watch quickly...

You're so very welcome for the recs! psychedelic southern rock is a preddy specific genre so yeah, the stuff will definitely sound like the black keys from time to time haha. 🎸 And poison, that's intriguing, because it's such an unusual song imo, so cool that you like it!!

I hope you'll find some joy in Christmas with the help of the cat and dog! I'll not try to give too much cheesy advice because I'm very aware that that doesn't help but just be patient with yourself, particularly when your spirits don't just magically lift! 💙

I'm mostly good, sometimes even very good, sometimes not that well, changes by the hour and the day. My brain isn't always my friend lol. Glad to be with my family for a bit and very much looking forward to seeing my friends again in a couple of days!! (And always excited about your messages! 🥰)

-- take care! q. ♥️

[okyio-archive]

hey guys !! im so sorry for being absent for so long :+( !! it’s been a crazy couple of days and i really needed to recover after everything that has been happening. again i just want to say thank you for everyone who has been so patient with me. i’m going to clear these anon msgs + i’ll respond to all my private msgs&discord chats + check out what i’ve missed once i wake up tomorrow. i love you guys sm for showing love + support. i wish you a happy thursday :+)

sims related

Would u ever do an editing tutorial? like how u draw little doodles and stuff like that! If it's not too much fo a hassle. love you SO MUCH!! <3

hey nonny :+) please check the faq next time !! I’ve answered how i drew the little doodles there but for a full blown tutorial i’ve already mentioned that i’ll do one once i have more free time :+) !! thanks for the support love !!

What are your favorite brushes for edits?

i recently found one right over here :+) and i’ve been experimenting w/ em !! tbh i dont have a fav cause im always trying out new brushes out + seeing which ones i like !!! so im sorry if that doesn’t answer your question asjkdhf

hi!!! hope you're having a good day!! is it okay to use the sims from your sim dump in a story as long as you get credit? if not i totally understand!

thanks nonny for asking :+) !! yeah definitely !! you can do whatever you like w/ them !! i would love to see so feel free to @ me :’+) have fun and tysm for using my sims :’+)!!

personal questions

Can i be your friend?

ofc nonny :+) !! ill prob reply slow af but i promise you that i would love to make friends :+) so hmu whenever you feel comfortable !!

How do you deal with perfectionism? Or what ever that word is????

honestly, tk wrote a perfect post outlining what she does and it helped me out a lot as well !! so check her post out + hopefully it can help you a bit too :+) if you ever need someone to talk to, im here :’+)

would it be ok if I asked u for friendship advice?

ofc nonny :+) !!! just hmu off/on anon in my inbox or pm if you wish :+) im always willing to help as long as you’re a little patient w/ me since i reply quite late haha but im always here to listen + give my 2 cents :+)

I find it so hard to study, I get distracted so easily and sometimes it isn’t my phone :(

awh man nonny i know what you mean. i struggle w/ studying a lot and i’m a uni student haha. besides the typical tips you can find online, what i found is this app called forest (it’s on ios + android devices!!) to help me stay on task (whether it’s studying/chores). check out more information here. it’s been honestly helping me a lot + who doesn’t like plants??? 

I don't know who to tell this to and you seem really kind: I'm the pickiest eater I've ever met or heard of. It's just NO most food is disgusting it just makes me wanna barf. And everyone treats me like a 4-year-old child. Nothing cheers me up anymore. I think I have selective eating disorder and nobody understands :( People are being mean to me all the time because I don't like certain foods and maybe I AM just a 4-year-old child. I need help and comfort :( Because being a picky eater is hard.

awh nonny first thank you for telling me about that :’+) im really sorry if im replying this super late asldkjf. i honestly really appreciate that you opened up to me about it okay? i know this can be difficult since it’s smt so personal. i want to let you know right now that i’m always here for you + supporting you okay? i know it’s difficult when your surrounding group of people don’t understand / support. although i haven’t personally dealt with this, i would suggest finding a professional + see what their take on it? if it’s to the extent that certain food makes you barf, it’s def more than just “wow ur picky” yeuno? cause you physically can’t eat smt without barfing it all out. seek a professional when you’re more comfortable okay? you dont have to do it now but baby steps!! remember you’re not alone, im always here for you oaky nonny :+) every step of the way!! lmk + update me okay? i’m wishing you luck ily !!

my moms having her 4th child and like im really nervous abt it cause this is the first time im actually old enough to like remember it and take care of him and like im scared

!! nonny thank you for coming up to me + telling me about it - i honestly really appreciate it :’+) !! first of all: congrats !! i know things will definitely be different since there are responsibilities to deal w/ and added stress but remember !! to take it slow okay? it’s 100% okay to make mistakes. it’s 100% normal to feel overworked. there will prob be more little arguments here and there since everyone will be quite restless + more irritable but take it slowly + (literally) baby steps okay? if it gets too much for you, take a breather and come back to it. im sure your mom will understand if it gets too much for you. and besides - im here supporting and rooting for you too nonny :+) !! i honestly cant imagine taking care of another human being at this age either - heCk i can’t even take care of myself askdjhf but remember it’s a learning curve!! it’ll take awhile + there will be a lot of obstacles to huddle through but it’ll be rewarding okay? again, if u ever need someone to talk to, im always here :+) !! ily nonny!! stay strong

Hi! I'm really sorry to bother you rn, but I just really, REALLY miss my dog who passed away several years ago. She was like my sister... I related to her more than people & I could always rely on her for comfort. All I want to do is just hug her again, but I know I can't do that. I just can't move on. I love her so much. I'm sorry, but I need to tell this to someone, ANYONE, because it's really been keeping me down lately...(dog death anon cont.) I've been seeing a therapist since she's died, and I've been on several medicines which DO help, but only to a certain degree. I realize there's a certain part that I, myself, need to control (ie moving on). but like I said, it's hard. I haven't told anyone this, because I'm afraid of looking stupid for letting my dog's death get to me this much that it's required hospitalizations and such. I just want to see her again. (end)

!!!!! asdf you’re never a bother nonny !! dont ever thing that alright? i’m always here for you ready to listen no matter what (i’m just a super slow replier so i apologize for that askdhf). but first thank you for coming to me + telling me about your personal problems - i honestly appreciate sm. i’m honestly so sorry nonny... i can relate to some extent because i got my dog when i was in gr 7 and he was my only friend who i can go to to feel love + comfort up since i’ve been bullied since elementary school & never really had friends. i can’t imagine what you’re going through .. i’m honestly so sorry. don’t think that you’re stupid at all okay? i’m the last person on the earth to ever think you are. i’m glad you’re seeking a therapist right now !! however, i 100% understand if it’s difficult to move on - cause it is!! my grandpa past away 10 years ago and he was one of my best friends and he was really the only “father figure-like” role model i look up to. till this day my heart aches thinking about my grandfather and how much i miss him. similarly, i would definitely feel the exact same way w/ my dog if he passed away because i treasure him sm. so don’t be too hard on yourself about moving on. i know it’s easier said than done but different people vary on how long they mourn for. some can be 100% okay in a couple months while others takes years - and that’s 100% okay! why? because we’re human. there’s no need to rush in “moving on” - take it in your own pace. i know the pressure / stigma of others thinking you’re “weird/stupid” for being like this state further creates anxiety/stress in “forcing” yourself to rapidly wanting to move on. however, i urge to try your best to ignore what others might think + focus on yourself to the best of your abilities. perhaps distract yourself in finding a new hobby / doing smt that you love or smt new. it takes time to recover - no matter how long you take, no one’s rushing you oke :+)? ill be here every step of the way if u ever need me. it’s okay to have those days where you tried so hard but u end up at point A because after you go through that hurdle, you’ll be closer to your goal. take as long as you need - baby steps nonny :+) i’m here rooting for you oke? i love you so much. you’re a strong sweetheart and i know you can do it. 

[inktae]

I'd love for you to share your own story! No pressure ofc, but you're such an inspiring person, I can assure you that no one would find it too long or boring

ohh thank you for showing interest ;; I do have something written down, which I shared with the lovely @4evermerle and it kinda helped her, so I might as well go for it. I’m not embarrassed to showcase this because I don’t mind people knowing, but rather embarrassed for the length haha. but it helps anyone out there.. I’ll be more than happy!

I battled my chronic illness, a thyroid disease, for 5 years, from 2011 to 2016. it started right as I began university and let me tell you, it messed up my journey in school, as well as my relationships and my way of living in general. the thyroid gland controls the hormones your body produces, and the hormones are directly related to your body and mind’s stability. if your hormones are unbalanced, you will be emotionally unstable, and your body will experience uncomfortable changes (in my case it was feeling hot all over, anxiety attacks, quick heartbeats for no reason at all, random weight loss and random weight gain, etc)

my illness is not considered dangerous (many people have it and live with it, actually), and it was supposed to get better just by taking a few pills for a few months. I remember my doctor clearly telling me that 90% of patients got better after 6 months, dropped the meds and moved on with their lives. fair enough, half a year passed and my results seemed okay, so I gave up the meds, but it only took a couple more months to find myself sick again. I went through this never-ending cycle of getting better and getting sick again for five years. every time, my hormones found balance through the meds, and every time they got unbalanced again when I dropped them, so you can imagine how crazy those years were for me. my parents could barely handle my mood swings and I lost a lot of friendships over something I couldn't control. people thought I was exaggerating. I also did really bad at uni and even though I should have graduated 2 years ago, I’m still studying and trying to finish because those years were very hard for me to handle (among other struggles).

all that time I thought why me? why do my parents have to go through this? I felt guilty for my mood swings, and angry and frustrated at the world. then 2016 came, and I found myself in the lowest of lows - my illness came back for the 342839th time, and it did it with a bang. it was worse than ever, I had never felt so unbalanced, so out of touch with the world, and even my doctor was surprised with such terrible results. let’s just say that 2016 was very hard for me, definitely the darkest time of my entire life, and I was very close to ending my life. I had a date set and everything.

I don’t know what changed for me, later that year - but I just remember, one day, just thinking “I can only go up from here. I’m so, so low right now, that I cannot go lower than this. I need to go up. it is time to go up” so.. I did. I went to a therapist (who I stopped going to a few months later because she wasn’t the right fit for me, but she did help me during my few visits, and gave me a lot of important tools for life. her help was not all that adequate, but honestly, just getting the chance to talk my heart out already made me feel better), I talked to my best friend after avoiding him for 4 months, I explained everything and was as honest as I could, which I never really did before (I made him cry so much, but he was also glad that I spoke up, and I wanted to slap myself in the face for not realizing how much he really cared about me), I reached out to friends, who I've tried not to blame for not noticing my mental struggles because I realized that we are all facing our own demons, and I can’t hold a grudge against them for not seeing how low I was feeling (I was good at hiding it, after all).

I took a very important decision, then: I chose to see things differently. I chose not to let my illness define me. I chose to look for a new doctor, someone that could give me a new perspective (and he did - I am way happier with my current doctor). I chose to take matters into my own hands and began meditating, I began taking long, slow walks during the sunset to see how beautiful the sky got, I began appreciating my friendships more. I started appreciating the little things, like how nice a sunny day feels on my skin or how much I love certain songs. I started nourishing my body with healthy foods, which I never did before (nutrition can do so, SO much good! believe me).

and I honestly don’t know what exactly happened, or why, because my doctor assured me that I was going to take meds for life, but after months of healing myself and making changes to my mentality and way of living (I currently eat plant-based only) my results just.. naturally got better. this is probably related to my chronic illness in particular, which is so tightly related to your mental wellbeing (the more stressed you feel, the worse your thyroid can get, and the same can be said the other way around - the less stressed or overwhelmed you feel, the less overworked your thyroid will be) but this helped me see that things can get better even if you believe they won’t, because I certainly thought my illness would only get worse with time, and that I would have to carry it forever. but I didn’t give up, and I found ways of making myself happier.

I went from taking so many meds a week to absolutely none. I went from wishing to step in front of a bus everyday to looking forward to the future and all the things I have yet to do. and no, my life is not perfect (hell, it’s still a mess in so many aspects haha) but all it takes is making small changes to your perspective. to live in the present, to be more mindful, and to care of your mind and your body like you would to a tending wound. so many people who are in a bad place right now say that it is just not possible for things to get better, but see - I thought exactly the same way. it is possible, and the change starts within yourself. it’s hard at the beginning, but once you take that first step, things go up naturally from there

[this-brownie]

3.31.20

it feels therapeutic to write things out and be able to put my thoughts into words that I can visualize. I, sadly, had to stop writing in my old blog because Tumblr locked me out of it because I no longer had access to that Email…fucking yahoo and 2007 emails…anyway. I want to do a continuation from that blog so I will be making quite some posts about my past, starting from around April 2016.

https://somebrownie.tumblr.com

lets begin with a little background. so dad died on April 16 2017, but he had been sick for years before that. it first started off with slurred speech almost like he was drunk or something, which was when I was in tenth grade, and then progressed to him not being able to speak at all, resorting to writing on paper to communicate with us, not being able to eat solid foods anymore, having to get a tube attached onto his throat, bringing in medical equipment that was situated on his bed while he slept, and eventually having to move to a nursing home completely where he spent his final two years. I am not going to discuss what a domineering and prideful man he was, what a workaholic he was, how he tried to show us his love and affection through money and materialism, or how his death impacted me. those can be discussed at a later time. 

one positive result that came from this situation is that I had a little more freedom in pursuing the life I wanted. my mom always looked to him for guidance on every decision— I knew I wouldn't be able to marry the person who I loved because he would never allow it. Levi is a jew after all and as a muslim im supposed to hate him, of course. after he died, my mom became severely lost— she had never been completely independent. however, she still had her reservations when I told her who I wanted to marry. I had to be extremely forward, logical, and manipulative about it because old habits and a lifetime of molded mentality don't wash away that easily. a few factors helped me achieve my goal: I was in the process of graduating and had no means to get a job in my field because I didnt have the legal papers to reside in this country. by getting married, I would obtain a green card which would allow me to make money and make use of my degree. also, there was less pressure to uphold an image for our distant family and relatives— people had naturally started distancing themselves the sicker my dad became. less wealth flowed into our house meaning less parties to throw, less opportunities to give gifts to others, and less reasons to cook fancy food. this all contributed to people checking up less on my mom— all these people who she hold so dearly, couldn't give less of a fuck when they had nothing to benefit them. I asked her, are these the people youre trying to impress? is this the reason you want to hold me back? because it won't look good to THEM even tho they don't help us  at all? even while we are struggling? the last sneaky tactic I pulled was telling her that there are several friends who are willing to marry me, but at a cost. only one person who is willing to do it without a charge (good old Levi haha). and to my utter shock, she slowly agreed. I wasn't sure if she completely understood so I confirmed…”you know that means I have to live with him right…in case the lawyers check?” she said she understood and was okay with it. sweet success. that was June 2018.. in a couple months we will have been married for two years now.

Levi and I have been seeing each other since 2011. so our marriage was….a long time coming to say the least. luckily I had the chance to meet almost all of his immediate family members before we fully committed. the first people I met were his aunt candy and uncle chuck way back in 2013 for thanksgiving, and then again for Levis graduation ceremony in 2014. I've gone over for thanksgiving and passover dinners throughout the years as well. I met Levis parents for the first time in 2015 (I think) in boston and I was deathly nervous. his dad used to teach Jewish studies at both Harvard and yale—he's retired but still gets invited to conferences to gives speeches around the world. his mom opened a free after school program to teach poor children who don't have access to educational resources. so ofc I was so nervous I could hardly breathe. I wore a cute, not too revealing, dress and minimal makeup. thankfully, they steered the conversation and actually didnt interrogate me too much. we mostly just told stories which was nice. I remember one conversation where I talked about my degree in linguistics, my affinity for learning and understanding how languages work, and seamlessly adding an anecdote from a tv show that Levi and I watched from just the night before. the person on tv, I think he may have been European, wasn't able to pronounce the word “skewer” which I found very interesting because there are many sounds our tongues can't produce because we are not used to moving them in that certain way. something about the brain and tongue not being able to make the connection between the ways a foreign word is spelled and the different areas it has intonations. like, native Spanish speakers would have a difficult time saying an English word that starts with ‘sp’ like “special” or ‘sk’ in “school” because in their language the letter s isn't followed by another consonant; the sound of the letter ‘e’ always precedes the ‘s’ (like if you were to literally sound out the letter ‘s’)-- so a speaker would pronounce it as “especial”. anyway! I told his parents this tidbit that I found intriguing and added that Levi isn't able to pronounce the sound ‘gh’ but his dad was able to make all those sounds perfectly! which impressed me and put a smile on my face. his mom, who is French, was practicing the different sounds herself (not properly) and his dad just makes eye contact with me, rolls his eyes in a goofy way aimed at his wife, which cracked me up because here is this sweet woman trying her best and her silly husband secretly, but lovingly, making fun of her. it touched me because it felt so tender and genuine, when I had never really seen something like that exchanged in between my own parents.

I met his younger sister and middle brother, but only after we got married. his sister alissa is a such a sweet, quiet, docile woman who really looks up to and adores Levi. she used to stay near us while she studied law at nyu. his brother David is animated, quirky yet can be very serious, and is very kind as well. I probably didnt leave a good first impression because the three of us had been walking to a restaurant and this HUGE man and his huge ass fucking dog purposely bumped into me, in order to get by me. I don't think Ive ever gotten that angry at a stranger. I was actually in pain at how hard he smacked into me. I started cursing and Levi was shocked that I was being so loud/violent especially in front of his family member. I just said “did you see his fucking size? did he really need half the block just ti get past me?” in my head im thinking, its because im a small woman that he knows he can get away with it. and then Levi finally realized the gravity of the situation and said “should I go talk to him?” but the man had already walked away at this point. I calmed down at that point thinking, yes im gonna let my tiny husband fight this massive douche bag. I apologized to david and we just continued on.

I never got a chance to meet levi’s eldest brother, wife and youngest kids until I visited Israel (different post!) but I did meet hilly, their oldest daughter when she visited nyc with Levis parents. she's sweet, a bit of a rebel, maybe even hotheaded and insecure like the way I was when I was a teen. I enjoyed spending time with her and gifted her a bunch of lipsticks/glosses and a mascara from Sephora when we all had to say goodbye. I think she felt comfortable that I was younger because she opened up to me about her boyfriend, and told me to keep it a secret. I knew she liked me too because once Levi and I finally got married, she told him that she knew we were going to get married as soon as she met me.

even though I had a lot of luxuries as a child, I never truly experienced unconditional love without trauma or negativity. others may have it worse, but I had what I had. I've dealt with it and come away from it as a better person thanks to Levi. I feel happy to call them my family now, and that they accept me without hesitation despite me being muslim, or much younger. I still feel shy to talk to them on the WhatsApp group chat but im working on it! 

[metal-is-life091]

I was tagged by @betchfaceee , thank you :)

LASTS:

Last drink: water

Last phone call: my dad

Last text message: phone bill

Last song listened to: Lords of Summer - Metallica

Last time you cried: like 2 days ago

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice? never dated anyone actually

Been cheated on? no

Kissed someone and regretted it? nope

Lost someone special? yes..

Been depressed? most of the time, but I try to distract myself

Been drunk and thrown up? been drunk many times, but never actually thrown up because of it haha

Talked to someone named tom? no

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

Made a new friend? yes

Fallen out of love? I tried to...

Laughed until you cried? yes

Met someone who changed you? not really

Found out who your true friends were? yes

Found out someone was talking about you? yup

GENERAL:

How many people on Tumblr do you know in real life? nobody

Do you have any pets? a dog and a cat

Do you want to change your name? no, I kinda like it

What time did you wake up this morning? 6:15 AM because school

What were you doing last night? practiced guitar and went to sleep early

Name something you cannot wait for: I can’t wait to see Metallica live in a few months

What’s getting on your nerves right now? School and having to study for finals and shit. This is my last year of school and next year I’m going to college, so I’m under a lot of pressure.

Blood type: idk

Nickname: Nico, Nicole

Relationship status: single

Zodiac sign: Sagittarius

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite tv show: Rick and Morty

College major: not yet in college, but probably gonna be I.T or something

Hair color: dark brown

Long or short: long

Do you have a crush on someone? yes and no

What do you like about yourself? I tend to be very ambitious and work really hard towards my goals

FIRSTS:

Surgery: it was on my teeth, really disgusting and painful

piercing: ears

Best Friend : Daria

Sport: I don’t play sports

Vacation: idk I think it was somewhere in my country, but not sure where

Pair of sneakers: can’t remember

NOW:

Eating: nothing

Drinking: water ( I’m taking pills, so I can’t have a beer, sad but true… )

I’m about to: shower and then go to bed ( bc I have to wake up early in the morning ofc )

Listening to: Turn the Page - Metallica

WANTS:

Kids: maybe....

Get married: once again, maybe

Career: I want to be the rhythm guitarist in a metal band and play in front of thousands of people and stuff ( although a lot of times it feels it will never happen, but I still hope… )

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes? eyes

Hugs or kisses? kisses

Shorter or taller? taller

Older or younger? no preference

Romantic or spontaneous? a little bit of both

Sensitive or loud? both, not too much of either though

Hook up or relationship? relationship

Trouble maker or hesitant? trouble maker.

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kisses a stranger: nope

Drank hard liquor: yeah

Lost glasses/contacts: I don’t wear glasses ( unless you count sunglasses too, but nope haven’t lost them )

Sex on first date: no

Broken someone’s heart: nope

Been arrested: never

Turned someone down: nah

Fallen for a friend: yes, and it sucks

DO YOU BELIEVE:

In yourself: most times I do, but sometimes I lose hope too

Miracles: I guess I do

Love at first sight: yes

Heaven: not really ( but I do believe in some sort of afterlife, but not like in the Bible)

Santa: no, I’m not 10 haha

Witchcraft: no

I tag (if you want ofc) : @scarletsue , @ironwhat , @jessyulrich , @twerkhammett , @iamnightbreed , @hardwired-to-self-destruct , @sabrina-blyton , @jaymzcatfield , @jorelkitten , @masterofpuglets and whoever else wants to.

[my-emotional-self]

Let Me Protect You Chapter 7/?

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Emilia

Word Count: 1,652

Warnings: Swearing

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Self-Harm

Rating: PG-13

Summary: After Emilia’s fiancé cheats on her, she moves to California to live with her brother Eric, who just so happens to be good friends with Chris Evans.  Follow Emilia and her roller coaster life through heartbreak, love, and emotional trauma. Will Emilia choose to let Chris into her heart, or will she remain broken and alone forever?

 Have you ever felt so many emotions at once, but have had to hide behind a mask of normalcy?  Do you know what happens when you stuff all your emotions aside; not being able to act upon said emotions?  You explode.  The smallest thing can set you off.  Stubbing your toe, hearing someone complain, a bird chirping while you’re trying to sleep; can all set off an explosion within your mind, and all those emotions you didn’t act on, come crashing down at once.  It’s not a fun experience; you would know, you’ve been there before. Hell, you’ve lost your voice from screaming in frustration before.  

You didn’t know how to explain the events of last night as you kept running through them in your mind. Were you utterly embarrassed by taking an involuntary dive into the pool? Fuck yes.  Were you completely mystified with the way Chris was trying to comfort you; him being legitimately concerned?  Double fuck yes.  

You still were trying to figure it all out.  Sure, when you first meet someone and are getting to know someone, you seem normal, happy even.  But once the door is opened, and they see the turbulent person you truly are, they run for the hills.  It’s a pretty accurate statement, seeing as you didn’t really have any friends; they just couldn’t handle you.  

You are the type of person that uses all their energy to make those around you happy and you leave your own self in the dust.  Of course it almost always backfires on you; leaving you in emotional turmoil and having to deal with it yourself.  

Chris wanted to help you, fix you even.  He didn’t say it in as many words, but you could tell.  You were always able to read people that way.  The question still remains as to why.  You both talked last night and you were in the same boat. Neither one of you knowing why you felt this instant connection with each other, but he said he wouldn’t push you. He didn’t want you running straight into a relationship when you just weren’t ready yet.

But were you ready? Your mind and heart telling you two different things; breaking you into two.  Logic and emotions never co-existed for a reason.  

A war was raging inside your head and you needed a distraction from the pressure.  You just used your razor last night, and did a pretty good number on yourself; you didn’t really want to do it again so fast. You were starting to become dependent on doing so, and you didn’t want an incident to occur like last time.

Yes, you cut too deep along the vein, and ended up in a hospital under psychiatric care.  You’ve thought about suicide many times, playing out what would happen in your mind; how everyone would react to it happening. But you weren’t trying to do it that time; things just got a bit carried away.  

You hear your phone chime; notifying you of a text and look down to see it’s from Chris.  Fuck, it’s like he’s a goddamn psychic or something. He’s always there at the right moment you need him.

Biting your now smiling lip, you unlock your phone.  

Chris: Good morning Ems.  How’d you sleep last night?

Ems: Really good considering I fell asleep on the couch curled up against a certain someone ;)  But I’m still trying to figure out how I ended up in my bed haha

Chris: You looked really comfortable and I didn’t want to wake you up so I just carried your ass to bed

Chris: It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve done it  ;)

What is he talking about; not the first time he’s carried me to bed?  It takes you a millisecond to realize what he’s talking about.  Your first night here, you fell asleep on Eric’s couch, yet somehow woke up in your own bed.

Ems: You are a sneaky bastard aren’t you Evans?

Chris: hahaha you love it admit it

Ems: I admit nothing Evans.  Nothing.

Chris: I have a feeling one day you will!  What are you up to today?

Ems: Eric is taking me grocery shopping in a little bit. Then possibly doing some baking later on.

Chris: Cookies? Are you going to be baking cookies?

Ems: …….

Chris: oh come on Ems!! Don’t leave me hangin here. You gotta tell a man if you’re making cookies.

Ems: Maybe I am, maybe I’m not :p

Chris: Well maybe I’m stopping by later to find out then

Ems: I wouldn’t be opposed to that

What the fuck.  Where the hell are you getting this boost of confidence from?  Of course the ever constant doubt is nagging in the back of your mind, but still. You’ve never been known to show this much confidence in terms of anything flirtatious.  

A knock on your door broke you out of your concentration.  You walked the short distance from your kitchen to the front door and upon opening it saw your brother standing on the other side.  

You saw the apprehensiveness on his face and asked him to come on in.

“Can we talk about a few things real quick before we go get groceries?” he mentioned, nervousness lacing his voice.

“Uh, sure, what’s up?”

“Look, I know I can be a bit protective of you seeing as your my baby sister and all, but I want to make it clear that I don’t want to dictate your life in any which way.”

You give him a rather perplexed glance, wondering what all this was about.

“OOkkkaayyyyy?” you draw out.

“Chris is a great gu”, he begins but you immediately cut him off raising your hands in defense.

“Really Eric, we’re going to talk about Chris?  Or are you trying to parent me by saying this is all too soon or some shit like that? I know it’s soon, and he and I talked about this last night alright!  We aren’t rushing into anything.  We’re letting nature take its course and just seeing where it goes” you say, a little miffed that he was pulling the big brother card on you.  

You are a grown woman, and whether this will end up being a mistake, then whatever.  Live and let learn.  You’ve made many mistakes in your life; you dealt with them in your own way, and here you were.

“Can you let me speak now?” a soft chuckle coming from him.  “Like I was trying to say, Chris is a great guy Emilia.  He’s passionate, and I personally think he would be good for you. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be ok with everything.  I know how you jump into things sometimes because you have such a big heart.  I wanted to make sure you were ready and weren’t rushing.  So I’m glad to hear you two talked about it.  But that brings up another thing I was going to ask.”

You glance at him, a little weary because you knew what he was going to ask.

“Are you going to tell him about the past?  About what you did to end up in the psychiatric ward?  I’m only asking because he’s an actor Em.  He’s in the spotlight, and if what you two have does happen to go further, sooner or later you will be in the limelight and the fucking paparazzi love finding this kind of shit and exploiting people.”

Of course your family knew about the self-harming you did in the past; but nobody knows that you have continued to use it as your method of relieving your emotions.  How could you tell anybody?  They would be embarrassed to be associated with you.  They would all think you were a nutcase and Chris would definitely not want anything to deal with you.  

“To be honest Eric, I haven’t really thought about it.  But you make a good point about paparazzi digging up the past.  Let me think about it alright?  And thanks for having my back on this and not being an annoying big brother and trying to stop this from happening.”

Your brother moves forward to wrap you in his arms.  “Please, no matter what I say I will always be your annoying big brother.”

You both start laughing, and you had to admit, it felt good to laugh again.  You missed the feeling.

“One more thing before we head out” he says as he pulls away from you, “I have to go to New York with Frank for a week while he’s doing some work out there.  I feel really bad leaving you right after you get here, but it’s for work.”

You shake your head at him, knowing he has a job and you wouldn’t dream of stopping him from it.

“It’s totally fine Eric, I’ll keep myself busy here.  I wanted to get myself familiar with the city anyways.  What better way to do it than driving around and getting lost!”

“Haha, and I’m sure Chris will be around if you need too.  He actually lives really close, only a few minutes away.  But enough about that lets so get some groceries and stock up your kitchen!

And with that, you and your brother headed to the supermarket to stock up on everything you could possibly need for you kitchen.  You also made sure to get all the baking supplies and goodies you needed for the cookies you planned on making later today.  

Things were finally starting to feel normal; at least normal for you.  Your idea of normal in your mind was probably similar to what regular people thought chaos was.  The party wasn’t the best way to get introduced to LA, but right now you felt content in your life.  You could only hope it lasted a long time; hoped your world wouldn’t come crashing down around you.

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