#nobody can argue anyone on that boat deserved what happened.

[creacherviolence]

I love horror stories centered around hubris.

Sure, hopping in a death trap and taking a slow joyride to the soggy depths of hell is arguably the fucking stupidest series of life choices possible. And sure, the majority of these men spent decades hoarding wealth and said wealth made them feel invincible. They disturbed an antique mass gravesite for their own personal enjoyment. And yet, there's this sort of cognitive dissonance surrounding the conversation.

In a work of fiction, the plot would be perfectly set up for them to "have it coming." It's got all the tropes. A dangerous, spooky setting at the bottom of the ocean. Rich men with little regard for human life. Hubris, in their own arrogant assumption that enormous wealth gave them godlike invulnerability. Hubris again, underestimating the raw power of the ocean. Disrespecting the dead, whose ghosts have haunted the world for over a century in the form of a story we never stopped telling. Ghosts who were innocent victims of the same hubris: The Unsinkable's dire shortage of lifeboats and other emergency supplies. It's like it was written to be a story about bad men who get their comeuppance. It's irony layered in irony like a goddamn metaphor ratatouille.

But can anyone have that coming?

Who gets to decide what is justice and what is tragedy?

There is no author figure outside the extremely predictable consequences of their own actions. There's nobody on the other side of the plot typing out a heavy-handed morality tale. There's no intent to force the reader to decide between empathy and condemnation because this is the news and not a short story in literature class. The whole thing is built like a sick twin of some lost Ray Bradbury tale but it isn't.

And not only is it real, it's happening right now. I don't know how long an actual event needs to cook before it becomes modern mythos, but it sure as shit is longer than yesterday. Though some facts are lost to the water, the broad strokes of the sinking of the Titanic are largely known. The events in the sub are a complete mystery because Schrödinger's boxheads are still nowhere to be found.

Now, maybe analyzing the last moments of the missing-presumed-dead like a piece of literature is in poor taste. But I think the most chilling, the most compelling part of this whole shitshow, is how quickly someone can change from a person into a story. Both immortalized and already dead before they even knew they were doomed.

[snowflake-of-destruction]

A House Divided

A little, silly kidfic Sorikai for the soul, and for @shaky-mayhemm

Note: The more times I try to change colors of the first letters of the first words in each paragraph, the more formatting glitches and scrambled paragraphs I get, so see if you can get the “oh so secret message” without it being completely pointed to.

Selphie was at fault to start with, though, if she was going to be ascribed the blame for the hurt feelings, she would have to be given credit for starting some wheels in their lives turning, which Riku and Sora both agreed she did not deserve, even if Kairi was more magnanimous. Thus, it became a habit just to talk of conversations and promises made when they were too young to fully weigh choices. Still, the most accurate account begins with: one day when they were all young-- too young to even be allowed to swim in the water surrounding play island without an adult in the surf with them--if that gives perspective--Selphie, to everyone's surprise, scored the winning goal in the game of land-blitzball the group of them were playing in order to decide what game they would really spend the day playing, and chose, to absolutely nobody's surprise, house.

How it went down, everyone accepted their fate and divided into family units with minimal grumbling, phrasing which means that Wakka threw the blitzball into the sea and lost it forever when Jecht--the parent chaperone on play island that day who was five minutes away from falling asleep on the sand and typically didn't care what they did, unlike most parents who at least had restrictions about not hitting each other in the head with wooden swords or throwing sand--refused to go into the water after it. 

As it was, the game mistress, Selphie, who should have, by all rights, been content, found a problem with Sora, Riku, and Kairi's family. Specifically, she didn't like that the family was Riku, Kairi, and Sora all together parenting a yellow coconut Kairi was trying to rock to sleep while Riku built him a bed out of sand and palm fronds and Sora cooked dinner for the household--a savoury stew of sticks, sand, and mushroom. She stood with pursed lips and hands on hips, and declared that their proud coconut son, Rekka, couldn't have all three of them for parents because that wasn't how things worked.

Kool-aid stain lips pursed and Sora asked, with all the curiosity and innocence of a child, “Why can’t it work that way?”

Yearning to prove his maturity, Riku tried a more practical, solution based approach with, "Can we change the rules?"

Madly defending her rights as alpha-female of their friend group, Kairi was more direct and firm, her, "It does if I say so," leaving very little room to argue. 

Already invested, Selphie stuck firm in her first assessment, voice gaining volume and rising in pitch to an affronted shriek that doubled down on, "It's just not how it works!" that was rooted in fear that they were trying to sabotage her game on purpose and embarrassment at being left as a single mother since Tidus and Wakka had happily coupled up and were introducing a piece of driftwood they had named Chappu to the newly dubbed Grandpa Mark IV Jecht who "just wanted a damn nap."

Young Sora provided the counter argument of bursting into tears while Kairi used every bit of her clout as the girl who had fallen out of the sky last year to put power behind the statement that she was going to launch Selphie to the moon, which caused Riku to wrap his arms around her from behind in a combination restraint and hug as the glare that he leveled at Selphie over Kairi's shoulder as he repeated his request to change the rules said that, while he'd stop Kairi from launching Selphie to the moon, he was just as upset by Sora's crying and would bury her in the ground. 

Heroic duty calling him to intervene, Tidus left Chappu in Wakka's expert care, reminding him to support the baby's head, and padded over to see what was the matter. He proceed to have the situation explained to him by an increasingly agitated Selphie who refused to admit she was wrong when the other three were cheating and leaving her with no partner to raise her baby with after she'd won fair and square, and, in the end, took Kairi, Riku, and Sora's side. "I have two dads and a mom. It happens in real life. Isn't that right dad?" He yelled the last words and Jecht gave a thumbs up, undoubtedly having no idea what he was agreeing to and not caring.

Even presented with such evidence, Selphie stayed strong, however. "Your parents are dee-vorced and your dad second-married your Papa. You don't have two dads and one mom all in the same house together. That would be chaos!" She threw her arms out to demonstrate the extreme degree the universe would be thrown off by the anarchy of two dads and one mom all living together, "And a couple is a two. When you ask for a couple of cookies even if you want three cookies you only get two cookies."

“My grandmother always told me three cookies will make you sick!" Kairi argued, "So it’s because of stomach aches, not because a couple equals a two!"

“Mmm, no, she's right." Riku's arms slackened their grip on Kairi and defeat entered his voice. "A couple means two. Three is a few. Miss Rosa taught us that grammar rule." 

In wake of that knowledge drop, the argument ended there. Riku was one year older and had been taught a great many things in school the rest didn't know yet, which made him a Trusted Authority. If he knew the rules, those had to be the Enforceable Law. Riku would have liked to lie, especially when Selphie started dragging the still distraught Sora away by his arm to be her husband and pick out a baby with her, but he couldn't compromise his Trusted Authority status. He also ruled out revenge when Kairi suggested throwing Rekka at Selphie's head ("I'm allowed. We're both girls.") both because the plan could "trauma-ato-rize" baby Rekka and cause one billion years of therapy but also because Selphie was not being mean. She was right. The three of them would never raise a baby together, or be married, or be a couple. A couple was two.

Luck decreed Sora and Selphie would divorce after fifteen minutes when Tidus and Sora started using Chappu and Sora and Selphie's baby, Spaceship Train, as swords in a fight over a spot of beach where both wanted to build a vacation home to get away from the hustle and bustle of the beach ten feet away. After a brief huddle, Riku and Kairi divorced amicably so Kairi could marry Sora with the promise that they in turn would divorce soon so Riku and Sora could get married. This triggered a new round of accusations of cheating and renewed fighting until Jecht was forced to intervene and decree that they could either all find a way to get along or he'd row them straight back to the main island. The children meant to choose the former, but the latter came true sooner rather than later

On the way back home,  Sora, Riku, and Kairi were especially subdued, each lost in thought bigger than child brains usually were forced to hold in an afternoon of beach play. Sora was absorbed in planning how to train a pet dolphin, but Riku and Kairi were both still  consumed by melancholy at the revelation about their future, or the restrictions on it.

Very carefully, Kairi traded spots in the boat, going from sitting beside a sulky Selphie, to hanging on to Tidus, to slipping beside Riku. He smiled at her, obviously faking, so she wasted no time in giving him a reason to smile for real. “You and Sora have known each other longer. You two should get to be the ones who get married when we grow up.” She had decided it, and when she decided something, she made sure it happened.

“Even if you knew you would always-and-forever-pinky-promise mean that, it doesn’t mean Sora would agree.” Riku replied after a too long pause, his face shifting into a frown that added centuries not just years to his rounded baby face. “You’re pretty special, Kairi, and pretty pretty too. He might choose you.” He knew then that he’d choose Kairi for himself over just about anyone else, using forever stakes as puppy-love often did when forever to the young mind often only lasted as long as five minutes (or ten, if you counted five as merely an eternity, less than forever).

“You know I can hear you,” Sora grumbled. Everyone could. Sora was just the only one that still cared about deciding how the friends would avoid becoming an illegal trio. “I should get to decide for myself.” Sora sucked in air to puff out his chest. “And I choose that I won’t choose. We’re going to all stick together, and we’re going to be a family. You two have to promise. Nothing can take us apart, and, even if it’s wrong, then we all go to jail together.”

On the bench behind him, Riku and Kairi shared a look, searching for one another’s reactions before forming their own. Riku was the first to nod, and give his word, clenching and unclenching his hands. “I’d make sure only I went to jail to protect the two of you.” Kairi screwed up her face like she was going to argue, so Riku took her hand to hold and squeezed it. “But it should be the three of us together. If you marry your very best friend, I have two of them now.” He paused again and waited, not getting the chance to say more when Kairi and Sora expressed their agreement by jumping to their feet and setting the boat to rock and Mr. Jecht to yell.

Undeniably, it wasn’t the most thorough or well informed discussion, and there were times where the childlike resolve that it was always to be the three of them equally, inseparably, and united in commitment (may the first to change their mind be launched right to the moon) was replaced with doubt or temporary jealousy, but all three would pinpoint that day as an early memory of being faced with the heartbreak that came trying to imagine a life not lived as one--and, yes, grudgingly, they would consider thanking Selphie for making them play house.

[tev-the-random]

What it Ursa took her children with her? - Pt.1

So I was thinking about that idea I had the other day. And as no one could guide me to a fanfic on the matter, I thought I would try and expand on this idea a bit.

Right! So, if I were to write a full-length story – and I don’t know that I could. Unfortunately I don’t have a lot of time for that right now –, it would go as such:

 Just like in the original, Ozai dares ask his father to revoke Iroh’s birth right, so Firelord Azulon orders him to kill his own son as punishment. Literally what the fuck, both of you.

 And just like in the original, Ursa discovers Ozai’s intentions and makes a deal with him: in exchange for Zuko’s life, she’ll make an odourless, colourless poison for him to kill Firelord Azulon with. Additionally, Ozai demands Ursa to leave the Capital City and never show up again, to which she agrees on the condition that she can take her children with her.

And here’s where things will change: Ozai accepts these terms. There is no reason for him to keep Zuko, and although he can see potential in Azula as a tool for his needs, he can easily think of ways to replace her. If it means he can get rid of the threat Ursa presents (read “he’s scared shitless now that he knows she was a poison-making master this whole time”) and get the throne he wants, he doesn’t give a shit if he has to dispose of the children. And Ursa would be more than relieved to leave that hellish place anyway.

She hurriedly wakes up Zuko, takes a sleepy Azula in her arms and leaves through a secret passageway, as to not be spotted. Ozai watches from a distance as his wife disappears into the night with her children.

The next morning, Ozai puts up a whole act to his father about how he killed Zuko as ordered and how his wife, horrified by what he did, took his daughter and left. Azulon believes this and declares that the man has suffered enough of what he deserved, and that they are to wait for Iroh’s return as if nothing had happened.

(Yes, I do wholeheartedly believe Ozai is capable of fantastic acting abilities and menacing deceit when he really wants to.)

What about the whole thing with connecting Avatar Roku’s bloodline to their own in order to fulfil a great destiny or something? I’ll say Azulon would plan to eventually get Azula back in the picture. And that’s all I’ll say for now.

In the middle of the night, Ursa and her children take a boat to travel to her hometown, Hira’a.

While she goes into a spiral thinking about how her life got to that point, Zuko – who was barely processing anything that was happening – falls asleep by her side, whereas Azula starts to stir on her mother’s lap. She wakes up and silently looks around.

‘Where are we?’ She asks.

‘Azula,’ Ursa calls, snapping out of her thoughtful state. ‘Don’t worry about it. Go back to sleep, sweetie.’

‘What’s happening?’

‘Go back to sleep,’ she repeats. ‘I’ll explain everything later.’

Azula doesn’t go back to sleep, instead pondering about this unusual situation.

Upon arrival in Hira’a, Ursa is concerned about finding them shelter. So, unlike the original, she doesn’t stop after discovering her parents died years ago. She searched for old friends, finding that most of them had left the town at that point. Eventually, she finds the old director of the local acting troupe, Grandma Guchi, who is alive and well, albeit retired.

The old lady is happy to see Ursa again, and even happier to take her in in what seems to be a very difficult time for the Fire Princess and her children.

Guchi breaks the news that Ikem disappeared into Forgetful Valley a long time ago. This isn’t compatible with Ozai’s story, for his assassins couldn’t possibly have found Ikem in Forgetful Valley, could they? Regardless, nobody ever saw the man again.

The moment is interrupted by the sound of Azula indiscreetly opening cabinets around the house.

‘Azula, be respectful of others’ homes,’ Ursa reprehends.

‘I don’t like this place,’ Azula comments, visibly confused by why they’re here, by the fact that – and she noticed – they had spent the past few hours practically begging for a place to stay and by the apparent lack of royal procedures. ‘When are we going home?’

She receives no response.

‘Mom?’ Zuko asks meekly. Part of him hadn’t spoken so far because he didn’t want to overwhelm his mother, who already looked so perturbed. But he, too, was getting preoccupied. ‘What is happening?’

Ursa very carefully explains the situation to them, trying to make it seem as non-terrifying for two kids as possible. So instead of going full “I gave your father the means to kill your grandfather so that you wouldn’t be brutally murdered in your sleep, now he’ll hunt us down if we even think of going back to the capital”, she says Ozai asked her to do something, and the only way to keep them safe after that was to leave the capital.

Azula believes this situation is temporary, and they’ll come back home in due time, even if her mother didn’t know when that was.

Zuko is… uncertain of what to think. He wonders, again and again, if what Azula had said the day before was true; was his father actually willing to kill him? What was it that his mother did? Why did their safety lie in leaving their home?

Ursa is unsure if they’ll stay in Hira’a, but for the time being, she considers finding herself a job there. Grandma Guchi suggests she goes back to working with the local theatre, as an actress or otherwise.

The ex-Fire Princess is then formally presented to the new director of the acting troupe, Noren.

Ursa restarts her theatre life as a part of the production crew.

Noren doesn’t make his true identity known right away, as he doesn’t want to overwhelm her. So he acts as if they just met, and Ursa doesn’t quite notice the overly fond looks he gives her.

He is absolutely delighted to meet Zuko and Azula.

As days go by, the siblings get increasingly… frustrated. This is all new to them. No more servants, no more training, no more studies, no more feeding turtleducks by the pond, no more palace, no more of their friends, no more Ozai… they now have chores to do – which they find a tad bit indignant at first –, but apart from that, life is pretty boring in this remote town of peasants, stuck in this old lady’s house, told to forget their royal identities and customs…

Little more than a week goes by following the trio’s arrival to Hira’a, and word gets around that Firelord Azulon passed away in his sleep, leaving the throne to his second son. As literally no other family member attends to the funeral or to the coronation, Firelord Ozai immediately spreads the idea that he is to be a strong ruler who doesn’t let himself get overwhelmed by emotion, unlike his brother. (Little do they know he probably doesn’t have any emotions at all.)

Ozai took a bit of his time before using the poison so that no one would connect his father’s death to his wife and children’s sudden disappearance. These were two separate and completely unrelated events, and Ozai holds ultimate responsibility for neither.

Azula and Zuko are obviously upset. One would think that after their grandfather’s death, the family ought to stay together.

Azula is the one to reassure her brother. If Azulon wanted Ozai to have the throne after all, it means he was pleased with young man; He probably thought Ozai went through with killing Zuko – ‘don’t you see, Zuzu? That’s why mom brought us here in the middle of nowhere: so that grandfather could see that dad is much stronger than uncle Iroh. But now that grandpa’s gone, it’s only a matter of time before dad sends for us.’ And although they both come to the conclusion that their father loved them, it was also implicit that he needed them. They were his heirs, after all.

But as several weeks go by and there is no sign of them leaving Hira’a anytime soon, Azula starts to get apprehensive. While Zuko kind of likes it here – of course he misses home, but the absence of that watchful eye telling him everything he did was worthless makes him feel a bit more patient –, she is utterly done with the place.

Other kids don’t want to play with her because she’s scary and demanding and burns down things on purpose. She doesn’t want to play with other kids because she considers them to be beneath her.

The first performance of this season’s play comes, and Ursa is glad to see things work out. But of course we have to ruin that, so moody Azula breaks into an argument with her mother. As patient as Ursa tries to be – despite the clever and sassy remarks, this is a child she’s arguing with –, she ends up letting out that they’ll never go back home.

This confirmation is the last straw for little Azula. She can be as precociously mature as it comes, there’s only so much a nine year-old child can take when her entire world crumbles down beneath her. So she runs away.

The girl is determined to return to the Fire Nation capital. But as it turns out, Hira’a is quite far away from Capital City. She can’t firebend her way there, she can’t demand her way there and her manipulation skills only take her so far. By the end of the day, she’s lost, she’s alone and she doesn’t quite know what to do.

Deep down, she’s terrified of the fact she can’t do anything; already at this early age, Azula internalized that she’s supposed to be the “fierce prodigy soldier princess” and forgets that she’s just a child.

Hours later, Noren finds her somewhere in the outskirts of town.

‘Azula! Thank goodness you’re ok, your mother was so worried about you!’

A moment of silence. ‘I want my dad,’ Azula murmurs, almost as if afraid anyone will hear her vulnerability.

Noren takes a second thinking about it, then sits beside her. ‘I know you miss your home and your dad,’ he says. ‘Life is probably very hard right now, and it’s unfair that you never asked for things to change so much. But you know you can count on your mother and your brother, right? They love you-‘

‘No, they don’t. They think I’m a pest.’

‘They don’t.’ Noren sighs before continuing, ‘I know you probably don’t want to hear it from me, but your mother is trying her best to protect you.’

‘I don’t need to be protected,’ Azula retorts. ‘I’m not weak.’

‘Someone wanting to protect you doesn’t make you weak. It makes you loved.’

‘Dad says the only way to be strong is to fend for yourself. Those who don’t have no place in this world.’

‘Maybe he was wrong?’

‘He’s the Firelord!’ She cries.

‘Well, he was supposed to be a father.’

Azula goes silent. After a minute, Noren moves, and the girl flinches – for a split second, she thought she was about to be attacked. But when she raises her eyes, she sees the man was merely offering his hand. ‘Let’s go get your mom,’ he says.

(Excuse me if I can’t help it, but I think Noren is just a Nice Person.)

It takes a little while for them to find Ursa – who was running around the town like crazy searching for Azula –, but when they do, the woman is dishevelled and so, so glad. ‘Are you alright? You’re not hurt, are you? Oh, my dear baby, I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you! I was so worried!’

If somewhere inside her Azula actually believed Ursa didn’t care, she’s now just… strangely relieved to be in her mother’s arms.

Cut to sometime in the future, maybe a week or so later: Zuko is watching over Azula. He’s messing with some flowers, whiles she’s pensively looking at the sky.

‘Do you miss dad?’ She asks.

‘And uncle Iroh. And Lu Ten. And the turtleducks. And even your crazy friends-‘

‘Ugh, I just asked if you miss dad!’ Azula rolls her eyes.

‘Yeah…’

Silence.

‘I wish none of this ever happened,’ she comments.

‘You’d rather dad had killed me?’ Zuko asks disheartened.

‘Maybe, yeah!’ She stares at him for a few seconds, then sighs. ‘No.’

‘If it makes you feel better, here’s what I think dad would say:’ he clears his throat and starts making an impression of Ozai, ‘you have to fight for your honour! The children of the Firelord cannot be intimidated by weird situations, so always hold your head high! Now be more like Azula, Zuko.’

The two of them laugh. ‘Well, a princess has to maintain her dignity no matter what,’ Azula admits. ‘But I don’t think he would be proud of us meddling with dirty peasants.’

‘Call it tactical espionage,’ Zuko comments, and places his newly finished flower crown on his sister’s head ‘O, princess of the Flower Nation!’

‘Since when do you know how to do this girly stuff?’ The girl chuckles, taking the ornament from her head.

‘Mom taught me. Do you want me to teach it to you? It’s not hard.’

‘I’m a brave warrior, I don’t do this silly stuff!’ Azula says and proceeds to set the flowers on fire, because that’s still Azula.

Zuko has half a mind to snap at her for burning down his hard work, but he puts on a smug smile instead. ‘Ok. At least that’s something I can do that you can’t.’

She pouts at him. ‘Fine. But I won’t learn from anyone can’t even fight properly. So you better learn some actual firebending before giving me any lessons!’

This is only one scene, but please give me more of Zuko and Azula as children getting to close that gap in their relationship that was being formed by their parents. Quality Sibling Time, if you may.

Meanwhile, Ursa and Noren are overviewing the preparations for the last performance of the season. They chat idly, Ursa commenting on how Love Amongst the Dragons used to be her favourite play.

Basically, Noren takes that cue and says something awfully suspicious, Ursa suspiciously suspects and he ends up telling her that he’s actually Ikem. Yes, with the whole “When we were six you kicked me in the stomach and pushed my face into the dirt. When we were twenty-one, you shattered my heart.” Because I love that line. Heartfelt emotions when she realises the love of her life was alive all along.

Somewhere else: a few months go by and Iroh is finally back from Ba Sing Se. Things in his home are definitely different: his son, his father and (supposedly) his nephew are dead, his sister-in-law and his niece are missing and the throne that was meant for him has been passed to his brother, who rules as a ruthless Firelord and only plans to aggravate the war.

A changed man, Iroh sees the impacts of war very differently. A part of him wants to leave the palace behind and find peace; another part tells him that his brother has literally no one else left. So he vows to stay, not only because he takes pity on Ozai, but also because he is aware that, if left unchecked, the new Firelord would fuck things up even further.

Yes, Iroh becomes the Firelord’s advisor. No, Ozai doesn’t listen to half of what he says.

Back in Hira’a, Ursa is slowly getting to convince her kids that this is their home now. Slowly, very, very slowly.

The siblings are becoming closer, as seen by the fact that Azula has willingly been helping Zuko become a better firebender – both of them see firebending as less of a competition now that it isn’t being held against them anymore. But it’s still no common kids’ play. Don’t tell me they don’t “play” Agni Kai whenever they’re bored – and Zuko is willingly spending time with her and teaching her nice, non-destructive things.

I like to think that Hira’a isn’t a place where many firebenders would like to live, considering the jungle just around the corner and the fact that all houses seem very flammable. But I also like to think that there are two local firebenders, one of which is more erratic than the kids and another who is fairly well-trained, but refuses to teach anything to the Firelord’s children. Of course, eventually he cracks and teaches them one thing or another because he can’t bear to leave these demons to their own devices.

Ursa is having some Quality Time with Azula. Although the girl has the innate ability to say some disturbing things, Ursa finds herself to be more patient as time goes by. Now imagine the two of them by a riverbank as the mother is telling stories that have nothing to do with the royal life; imagine Azula excited to show this new firebending trick she learned and performing complicated yet beautiful moves; imagine the Quality Time.

The kids are being home-schooled by Ursa. And Grandma Guchi. And any willing member of the acting troupe. And any local elder and/or master. Truly, they’re getting some street smarts around the here.

Cue to Azula getting to discover something called “childhood”.

Cue to Zuko getting to be appreciated as a human being and loved by people around him.

So one day Ursa and Noren decide to finally get married – as they planned to do over eleven years ago.

Of course, this is a little disheartening to the kids. Ursa doesn’t quite know how to explain Ozai’s Abusive Husband Shenanigans, but they all know Noren is such a nice person and he’s made it pretty clear that he does not intend on trying to be their father – even though he unintentionally acts like a father every now and again. So the kids are sort of in denial for a while.

Zuko is a little afraid the prolonged company will drive Noren to take over his life and start acting cruel/mistreating him. The poor boy is just so used to the table being ruled over by Ozai that he expects Noren to snap any minute, so it feels strange when all the meals together are so… peaceful?

Azula sees all this as some sort of act. She never quite gives up on the idea that Ozai will come around any day now. Until fateful news come around…

(Cliffhanger, dun dun dun!)

(If you can even call it that)

Ok, so… This got kind of long. Way longer than I expected it to get.

My ideas for what happens next are a bit fuzzy – as in: they’re less structured and more like… just loose ideas –, but I still have a lot to talk about, so I’ll split this into a two-parter and get back to you in a bit.

[alien-tech]

i rewatched frozen 2 the other day so it’s time to talk about just how badly anna is treated in the movies

before this i would like to clarify i'm not anti-elsa at all, but disney really did a number on anna

obvious frozen 1 and 2 spoilers ahead

first of all, let’s start with the fact that both movies are centered around elsa's growth. yes, anna is in the movies as well but ultimately when you consider the plotlines a lot of it place elsa at the center of attention. elsa ran away and is struggling so anna needs to go after her as well as fix the winter issue that elsa inadvertently started. elsa has a whole song about her struggle when essentially she ran up the north mountain (which was a whole lot easier for her than anna since she does have powers) and made a castle where she was living blissfully ignorant to what her kingdom was going through. disney tries so hard to pass this off as elsa’s struggle but considering that it takes anna most of the whole movie to even get up there in the first place, i’d say elsa overnight trip wasn’t really much of a struggle right?

and on that note, elsa and anna are supposed to be the main characters right? they're both supposed to be the main characters, but both movies feel so much more centered on elsa and elsa's arc. it's about elsa's struggle with her power, elsa's mission to the enchanted forest, elsa's the gift, elsa's the spirit, elsa’s etc etc. again, yes anna is there too but the way disney focuses on how elsa grows and glosses over anna's growth is very underwhelming and disappointing.

everything that happens in the movies is perpetrated by elsa. elsa starts the winter and then runs away and in the end it’s anna who fixes the problem. elsa triggers the spirits and wants to run away yet again, this time to the enchanted forest and in the end she goes too far and dies and it’s anna who again, fixes the problem; which she figures out how to do on her own without any powers. disney portrays anna as a side character, focusing on elsa's arc so much more instead of anna's.

this is kind of a different point but still relevant, here's this post about elsa's oufits in the second and first movies. anna has at most 6 outfits. elsa has at least 8. it’s obvious that disney intended to market elsa as a main character and put her before anna in every way possible, even putting less effort into giving anna varied clothing design. disney will try to pass off frozen as a movie about sisters but it doesn’t even do that well. elsa undermines anna at every possibility. she lies to anna about hearing the voice, she remains distant from her throughout movie two (even though her growth in movie one was supposed to be about opening up herself again and trusting in her powers), elsa blames anna for trying to save her from the fire, she continues to promise anna that they will do it together, and then essentially tells anna she's not powerful enough to come along with her ("no anna, i have my power to protect me. you don't" to which anna replies "excuse me i climbed the north mountain, survived a frozen heart, and saved you from my ex boyfriend without any powers"). elsa still pushes anna away in movie two, even though it was a lesson she supposedly learned in movie one. anna then says "you promised me we would do this together" and elsa says agree and then turns around and COMPLETELY BREAKS THAT PROMISE RIGHT IN FRONT OF OLAF AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER SAYING THAT TO HER SISTER.

without anna, elsa died and even though anna did die (because of elsa but that was largely an accident) and everyone is talking about how strong elsa is for surviving becoming frozen but that EXACT thing happened to anna and while that was happening she managed to survive it, save her kingdom, and save her sister AND she didn't have any powers! going by this point, anna is the stronger sister.

movie one is arguably, all about elsa which would be alright if they made movie two about anna. despite the fact that in movie one, anna climbed the north mountain, tried to save elsa in order to save her kingdom only to be shoved out again, shot in the heart with magic, froze to death, and still managed to save elsa from hans and play a part in stopping the winter; the movie still ends on the note that elsa has learned to control her powers. it's about elsa learning to stop fearing herself and elsa learning to let people in right? and yet, if that movie is about elsa and elsa’s growth (even though again, anna did everything) then movie two should definitely be centered about anna right? but it's not about her and if the growth for elsa in movie one was learning to trust in herself and her sister then why in movie two does elsa continually shut anna out? it's like she made no growth at all.

anna is such a strong character and it’s so disappointing how much disney glosses over her. when anna was FIFTEEN she lost her parents. she went to their funeral ALONE and then she stood outside her sister's room, BEGGING for her to come out and comfort her. she BEGGED elsa to come out, to be there so they could grieve together and elsa didn't. nevermind the fact that elsa “couldn’t”. that’s her SISTER. even if she couldn’t open the door to hug her, she could at least talk to her through the door. but she ignored her and essentially insinuated to anna once again that she hated her and that she wasn’t worth talking to. disney focuses so much on how hard it was for elsa when she was young but to say nothing of the hardships anna faced when they were younger. she lost her BEST FRIEND and older sister in one day and she blamed HERSELF. elsa never telling her why they weren’t allowed to play with together anymore. her parents never telling her why her sister suddenly didn't want to play with her anymore. nobody telling her why her sister suddenly didn't love her anymore. i get that you could argue that it would be dangerous for anna to know, but is the better option really not telling her anything and having anna blame herself?

i get elsa had a hard time with her powers and all, but anna had it so much worse. can you imagine the sort of things that would have gone through anna’s head after losing elsa? her sister is the eldest and maybe has royal lessons (because as you know eldestborn children receive ruling lessons but youngest children do not). maybe anna figured “i’m not important enough for her anymore”

and do you think anna had her parents? the only person anna could play with was elsa because their parents are the king and queen and have royal duties. most princes and princesses are raised by nannies and nursemaids. anna didn’t have her parents and elsa was GONE and she thought it was because of her. anna's parents were the king and queen, they were busy with their duties and the rest of their time was spent with elsa trying to help her control her powers. anna had no one. no one.

back to movie two though, elsa defied anna over and over again and anna still said "i believe in you elsa, more than anyone or anything" and as SOON AS ANNA SAID THAT elsa said they would do it together and then sent her away. on a fucking ice boat. and you know what happened then? ELSA DIED WITHOUT ANNA AND ANNA YET AGAIN THOUGHT IT WAS HER FAULT. after olaf said “i think she [elsa] went too far” anna’s face fucking FALLS because she thinks “if i was there for her..” nevermind the fact that anna WANTED to go with her and was turned down because elsa implied that anna wasn’t strong enough to go with her. 

as said by their grandfather "magic makes people feel too powerful, too entitled" now in the case of the northuldra, they weren’t entitled nor did the magic make them feel such. but with elsa? she definitely has an entitled attitude that is only exemplified as the movie goes on. the parents clearly favored elsa so much and i would say elsa's entitlement comes about 40% from her parents treatment

the movies focus so much on elsa and what elsa is doing, it's not fair to anna. nevermind that anna is literally the hero of the first movie AND of the second movie. elsa was dead and anna knew that, as well as the fact that anna just lost her childhood best friend and still she got up climbed out of that mountain, woke the giants, destroyed the bridge, and ALL OF THAT while ALONE AND AGAIN WITH NO POWERS but oh my god, elsa is the HERO because she stopped the flood. again, i would like to clarify i'm not anti-elsa i'm just anti-anna underappreciation.

that was most of it for my rant but @mamadragon404 brought up a good point when we were talking about this yesterday. does anyone bring into question the fact that anna is supposed to be queen with no training? any child born after the first are never trained to rule. only firstborns receive ruling lessons and secondborns are supposed to be married off for political gain. this actually explains so much about why anna tries to find a true love at the party, and attaches onto hans so quickly because at home in arendelle, she has no one. her parents are gone, elsa has continually shut her out again and again, and her whole duty as a princess is to marry off for a union. she thinks that's what she's supposed to do and it's the only thing she can do because she feels so alone at home there's nothing there for her in arendelle, so her best hope at happiness is to run off with a prince, hopefully the man of her dreams because with a duty like “marrying off” the best thing she can hope for is that she’s stuck with someone who loves her. she's so quick to trust hans because she has to convince herself it's what she wants, she has to because it's supposed to be her duty and at least it's not her parents choosing which country's prince she has to marry she's trying to choose for herself, because subconsciously she knows she doesn't actually really have a choice.

so yeah the movies should've been nicer to anna and i am sorry but they did not do justice to anna at all, she deserved so much fucking more appreciation than she was given.

[allmidaddies]

woke up in 6.

Having Mat beside you felt like home. You couldn’t remember the last time you felt this at peace. At least since before you moved to Nashville. But, you were trying not to think about that.

What you were focusing on instead was Mat’s hand resting heavily on your thigh, having found the exposed skin where there was a slit in the silk material. He kept tracing his thumb back and forth, sending chills along your spine with each stroke. And you couldn’t help but lean into him, fingers curled around his bicep as you rested your chin on his shoulder.

For a moment it was like nothing had changed. Like you were still staying in your old bedroom in your parents house and Mat was blowing up your phone, asking you to take a night drive with him.

 “....and you’re not even listening to me anymore,” Mat chuckled, the sound breaking you from your trance. You had been busy staring at him, the way the sunlight was cast over him and his eyes looked like pools of honey.

 “Sorry,” you smiled sheepishly, “I missed your voice.”

 Mat thought he might just die right there. The look on your face and hearing you speak those words to him sent him into a spiral. How could you love him so badly and still not be with him?

 “I asked you how you like your new job,” Mat said, a smile on his lips. That smile, though, faded as he watched your expression drop.

 “I don’t really want to talk about work, Mat,” you said quietly. It wasn’t that your new job was bad, it just...it was the thing that was in the way. It was the big, clunky, awkward elephant in the room and even when you weren’t talking about it you couldn’t avoid it. So talking about it would only make it worse.

 Mat draped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze,

 “Okay. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

 You nodded, resting your head against his chest. You hoped the ceremony would start soon, that way you didn’t have to sit in silence with Mat for too long.

 Years of friendship had allowed you to be comfortable without speaking to each other but today you didn’t want that. Because you knew what he was thinking. And he knew what you were thinking.

 Thankfully the music started playing shortly after you cut the conversation short. You sat up and Mat let his arm fall to rest on the back of your chair, but his thumb still rubbed mindless circles on your bare shoulder.

 Your mind traveled back to the night of Jasmine’s wedding and the night you made the pact with Mat. After the last few months you had nearly forgotten that you had agreed to that. It seemed as though once you confessed your love for each other, that was it.

 You still intended on keeping your promise. And surely Mat did too. He had flown across the country to keep this promise, what would he do to keep that one?

 You shifted your gaze to look at him. If he felt your eyes on him he didn’t move, his attention remained on the bride and groom at the altar. The expression on his face had your heart melting.

 The thing about Mat was that he looked at everyone like he was a little bit in love with them. You wondered what it looked like when he was looking at you.

 Wordlessly you leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his jaw bone before returning your focus on the altar. Mat barely had time to react before you were no longer staring at him. A smile spread across his face and he squeezed your thigh where his hand rested.

 Mat had felt your eyes on him but he was so lost in a daydream that he hardly registered it until your lips were brushing against his skin.

 It would be a summer wedding. Late in August. You always said you wanted to get married at a vineyard and Mat couldn’t exactly argue that a winery was an ideal location for a wedding. There was one not far from Coquitlam and he knew that the boys would have no problem flying out for the occasion.

It would probably be pretty small. While Mat knew a lot of people he liked to keep his life private and you were not one to enjoy being the center of attention. He would let you pick out the flowers but he would certainly come along to help because he could already hear you chastising him for not giving any input.

Mat would be happy if all you did was go down to the courthouse but he knew that you wanted a ceremony. And you deserved it. You had been there through everything with him, never letting him slip away from his roots even amongst all the craziness.

There would never be another person who could be for him what you were. Mat knew he'd wait forever for you. If it took months or years for you to get to him, he would wait.

 ~

 You hardly left Mat’s side all night. Not that he would have let you if you tried. You were stuck together like glue. And Jasmine made sure to point it out to you any chance she got.

 “So what are you going to do?” She asked, settling herself into the empty seat beside you. Mat was stuck in conversation with Ryan about golf when all he had really gotten up for was to congratulate him on the wedding. You giggled to yourself as you took another sip of wine.

 “Hello?” Jasmine laughed, waving her hand in front of your face.

 “Sorry,” you smiled as you turned to look at her, “What did you say?”

 Jasmine opened her mouth to repeat her question but the look on your face stopped her. You were so happy. Happy to be back home. Happy to be with your friends. Happy to be with Mat. It was a completely different version of you than the one she had seen in Nashville. She couldn’t ask you about the future with Mat now. She couldn’t take away this moment from you.

 “Nothing,” she shook her head, “Just a stupid joke.”

 You hummed, looking back at Mat once again. He had ditched his suit jacket almost two hours ago now, his tie stuffed in the breast pocket. As the night went on it seemed more and more buttons of his dress shirt came undone. Not that you were opposed. The silver chain around his neck caught the light every time he turned his shoulders towards you again as he shifted in conversation.

 “And when we have our wedding,” Mat grinned, his fingers moving to hold the chain that you had given him all those years ago, “This can be your something borrowed.”

You burst out laughing, hardly able to take Mat seriously.

“It wouldn’t really go with my dress though, would it?” You raised your brows at him, watching as he thought about it for a moment.

“You could always stick it somewhere else,” he smirked over at you, “Somewhere only I would find it.”

“Mathew!” You shrieked, launching a pillow at him that he dodged and sent back your direction.

While you took the pact you had made to heart, it seemed so silly whenever the two of you talked about it out loud. Which didn’t happen often since you still hadn’t told anyone about it.

Mat unclasped the chain and set it on his bedside table before rifling through his drawers for swim shorts. You were taking the boat out and he was afraid he would lose the necklace in the water if he didn’t take it off.

“I’m pretty sure with your big head you don’t have to worry about losing it,” you teased, ruffling his hair with your foot from where you laid out on his bed, already dressed in your bikini.

“I don’t have a big head,” Mat rolled his eyes, smacking your foot away.

“Mmm,” you hummed, “Maybe not physically.”

Mat’s jaw dropped as he tossed his t-shirt to the side,

“Are you implying that I have a big ego?”

“Would certainly be bigger if I weren’t around to humble you as often as I do,” you laughed, cackling when Mat tackled you on the bed, his hands finding your sides to start tickling you.

“You humble me too much for me to even get an ounce of an ego,” Mat said, halting his attack for a moment, now that he was hovering over you. His hips rested heavily between your legs and beneath the thin material of his shorts you could feel his length pressing against your core.

How easy it would be to take this a step further, you thought to yourself. His lips were just inches from yours. You could lean in so easily and just-

“Are you guys ready yet?” Liana’s voice came from the hall and Mat scrambled off of you while you rolled off the bed before she opened the door.

“Give me two minutes,” Mat groaned, shooing her away. You ducked your head, slipping out the door behind her.

You laughed to yourself at the memory. It felt like so long ago you had sat on the porch, the night before Jasmine’s wedding, and made that pact with him.

 One of the flower girls made her way over to Mat where he was stuck in conversation with Ryan’s elderly aunt. You could read her lips as she tugged on his suit jacket,

 “Mr. Barzal?”

 Mat was cut off mid sentence but there was a smile on his face as he crouched down to be eye level with her.She had a shy smile on her face as she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

 Your heart was swelling in your chest as his smile grew wider, speaking back to her with something you couldn’t make out. She nodded and clasped her hands together in front of her chest.

 Mat lifted his head to look at you. The look of adoration on your face as you watched the two of them had him wanting to give you a little girl of your own.

 He turned back to the flower girl and extended his hand towards her, letting her lead him to the dance floor.

 You were so lost in watching him spin her around on his feet that the rest of the room faded away for the next few minutes and it wasn’t until a gasp left Jasmine’s mouth that you found yourself back on earth.

 “Oh my god,” she breathed, looking past your shoulder towards the bar. You furrowed your brows and turned to figure out what had her wide eyed and panic struck.

 “Oh my god,” you echoed as your eyes fell on the person you last expected to see at the wedding.

 Lauren. Mat’s high school girlfriend. They were together senior year of high school up until they mysteriously broke up after a rough patch in their relationship. Nobody ever really knew what happened and Mat hated talking about it so eventually people stopped asking.

 You and Lauren had never had any bad blood. Everyone expected the two of you to hate each other, given that you were Mat’s best friend and she was his girlfriend but you liked Lauren. When they broke up you were probably the most confused out of everybody. But, Mat wouldn’t ever dish the details on what really happened that night she had shown up on his front porch just a few days before prom.

 In fact he hadn’t even been the one to tell you that they broke up. Jasmine had called you the morning of the dance as you were getting ready and spilled all the details she knew. You remember being confused, completely blindsided by the breakup and immediately calling Mat. Who said nothing.

 You didn’t really see Lauren again after that. There were a few occasions where she would be at bonfires during the summer but her and Mat were always cordial and she greeted you with a hug every time. So, the mystery remained.

 And now it had been years since you had seen her and with all of the other emotions in your mind you had a thought you hadn’t had in a while.

 Would Mat replace you the way he replaced Lauren?

 After their breakup Mat had been at his most promiscuous. You tried to pretend it hadn’t bothered you but that summer it seemed as though every time you saw him he had new hickeys and a new girl blowing up his phone. It wasn’t until his season picked back up and you were off at college that he finally chilled out.

 Since then he had remained pretty mellow. Most of it was because girls were less inclined to come up to him whenever you were at the bars with him and he pretty much refused to go out without you.

 However, seeing her was like a blast from the past and you found yourself gripping the table for stability until your knuckles turned white.

 You turned your attention back to the dance floor, the feeling of anxiety washing away as you watched Mat and the flower girl sway amongst the crowd. You rested your elbows on the table, a smile stuck on your face.

 “Well yeah but if you’re thinking kids and stuff you don’t want to wait too long,” Mat said.

“Oh so we’d have kids in this deal?” You teased.

“I want kids,” Mat was leaning forward now, elbows on his knees, “And I know you want kids.”

“Mat you can’t be serious about this,” you laughed airly. Mat cracked a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes,

“It’s just a back up plan. I’m not saying you’re not going to find the one somewhere down the road, but if we find ourselves in the same situation in the next ten years then why not?”

“You’re my security?” You smiled softly, feeling your heart swell just a little bit.

“Yeah,” Mat grinned, “I’ll be your security. Besides, I wouldn’t mind putting a baby in you. I think you’re going to be an awesome mom.”

“This seat taken?” Lauren’s voice brought you back to reality. She was standing beside the empty chair next to you and for the first time you realized Jasmine had slipped off in search of her husband.

 “Go ahead,” you smiled as she settled herself in the seat.

 “So I heard you’re in Nashville now,” she said. You nodded, shifting your body so you weren’t turned away from her.

 “Yeah, it’s been a few weeks now. I’ve honestly lost count,” you laughed softly.

 “Do you like it? I’ve never been but I’ve heard a lot of good things.”

 You paused for a moment, wetting your lips with your tongue,

 “Yeah. It’s nice.”

 Lauren searched your face for a second, like Mat had earlier when you avoided his question,

 “It’s a long way from home though, eh?”

 Subconsciously you let your gaze travel back to Mat, his laugh ringing in your ears even from across the room.

 “Yeah,” you sighed.

 Lauren looked at you and then back out on the dancefloor where Mat was letting the flower girl guide him across the floor in clumsy steps.

 “He’s a great guy,” she said quietly. You glanced over at her,

 “Yeah. He really is.”

 Lauren smiled at you,

 “You know when we broke up I thought he was finally going to stop being a completely lovesick idiot and ask you out, but it looks like he still just as stupid as he was four years ago.”

 You furrowed your brows, sitting back in your chair.

 Lauren laughed, shaking her head,

 “I guess he never told you the real reason we broke up.”

 You shook your head, stealing a glance at him once again. He had that boyish grin on his face, once perfectly styled hair falling over his forehead as he kneeled down to give the flower girl a hug before she bounded off towards her parents once again.

 When he straightened back up his eyes fell on you, his smile only widening when he realized you were already looking at him.

 “We broke up because I asked him if he had feelings for you….and he couldn’t say no.”

 You nearly got whiplash as you turned to look at her, conflicting emotions in your expression as you stared at her,

 “What?”

 Your words came out in a breath, barely a whisper. Mat was weaving through the chairs to get to you but you needed Lauren to tell you everything.

 “It was after their last game of the season and we were both there and I saw the way he was looking at you that night and I knew that he had never and would never look at me that way. And as hurt as I was that I had wasted my time on someone who didn’t love me back the way I loved them, I knew that you guys were made for each other.”

 Your heart was beating out of your chest, your mind racing with every emotion you could feel. Of course you knew Mat loved you now but you hadn’t ever known how long he had loved you for.

 “I’m so sorry,” you said, your voice cracking as you spoke.

 “No!” Lauren’s hand came to rest on your shoulder, “It’s not your fault. And I’m not mad or upset, even then. You guys are perfect for each other. Just know that I’m rooting for you guys. Seriously.”

 Mat’s cologne finally reached you and Lauren stood up, excusing herself with a smile and a pat on Mat’s shoulder. You barely even glanced at him as you pushed your chair back and made a beeline for the back door.

 “Where are you going?” Mat asked, confusion all over his expression as he followed after you. Nobody seemed to notice the two of you take off, Mat just a few feet behind you as you skipped across the stone path that led down to the dock.

 The sun was beginning to set and the string lights around the yard turned on, giving you the light you needed to reach your destination. The first few stars were reflecting off of the still lake like it was glass and you had an overwhelming urge to disrupt its peace.

 “Y/N! Wait!” Mat called after you. You finally reached the boardwalk and stopped, your breath a little uneven.

 “What did Lauren say to you?” Mat asked, his fingers catching your elbow in a touch that was soft.

 “Nothing,” you sighed, shaking your head.

 “What did she say?” Mat asked again.

 “Nothing,” you repeated, “Well….not nothing but-”

 “I don’t know why she would feel the need to come back after four years and stir up drama-” Mat began to ramble, his own panic setting in as he tried to figure out what it was that made you so upset.

 “Mat stop,” you said, grabbing his arm to silence him. He looked at you, concern set in his pretty features.

 “Four years, Mat,” you whispered, “Four years you’ve had feelings for me and you didn’t say anything.”

 “Wha-”

 “Lauren told me why you guys really broke up,” you said, “And you never confessed to me until this summer. We could have had everything Mat.”

 Tears were welling in your eyes again as you looked up at him.

 “We could have been together all this time and I would have never even thought to move to Nashville and I never would have had to make the decision to leave you and I wouldn’t know what it would be like to be without you but because you never told me the truth I have to spend every night alone in a city that I can’t even call home!” You cried.

 It was taking every ounce of self control that you had left to keep your voice down, not wanting to disrupt the wedding reception that was still happening in the main house.

 “I know,” Mat said, running his fingers through his hair, “I know that I should have said something the minute I knew but I was more afraid of losing your friendship. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I couldn’t risk losing you.”

 “I know that that should make me feel better, Mat but it doesn’t. Because look at where it got us,” you said, wiping at your tears.

 “Well what about you?” Mat asked, his voice wavering, “You never said anything either.”

 You stared down at your hands. He was right. The only time you confessed your feelings to him was the night of his 18th birthday but he was dead asleep on the couch in your basement, unaware.

 “I don’t have an answer for that,” you muttered. Mat chuckled, stepping closer to you and wrapping his arms around you,

 “Listen, pretty girl, we’re going to be okay. Even though we’re a few hundred miles apart, we’re going to be okay. Soon we’ll be together. And we’ll always have our pact.”

 You laughed, the sound muffled by his shirt.

 “You made the choice to move to Nashville and that’s okay. It’s a valid choice. If it makes you happy then I’m happy for you, okay? Being apart is just going to take some getting used to, yeah?” Mat said, rubbing circles on your back, his hand warm against your bare skin.

 You nodded. But were you happy in Nashville? It was a question that you had avoided asking yourself, afraid of the answer you might uncover.

 “And fuck I know we didn’t really talk about it but you’re my girl, okay? I know that we’re not together right now but there’s nobody else for me. And I know, I know, that we’re going to end up together eventually. One day the stars are gonna align for us and everything is going to work itself out. Okay? Can you hold on for me?”

 Mat was looking at you with so much sincerity and love in his eyes that you had no choice but to believe him.

 “I’m all yours, Mathew Barzal.”

 Mat cupped your face in his hands, bringing your lips to his. You curled your fingers around his dress shirt, pulling your bodies together as close as you could get. Mat let his hands drop to your waist, and lower still as he held you against him.

 “Mat,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to speak.

 “Hmm?”

 “Boat house?”

 Mat looked back over his shoulder to the shed just to the left of the dock. His eyes met yours again, a look of desperation and mischief dancing through them.

 “Boat house.”

 He took your hand in his and led you back across the dock towards the shed.  

 A few glances over his shoulder just to check nobody was watching or following, just to be safe, before he pushed open the door to the small shack.

 It was a dirt floor with one window on the opposite wall from the door. To the sides were stacks of inflatables and wake boards, along with fishing rods and various other water sport gear. The only light that illuminated the space was the setting sun that was coming in through the window and the lights from the main house.

 “Well...there are definitely less romantic places to have sex,” you muttered, trying not to catch your heels on the netting that was strewn across the floor. Mat chuckled as he shut the door behind you. As soon as it was in place he was catching your waist and bringing you back into him again,

 “You look so gorgeous right now.”

 “Right after I’ve cried?” You teased. Mat rolled his eyes,

 “Yes. You look beautiful when you’re sad, and emotional, and stressed, and when you’re happy, and at peace, and when you’re laughing-”

 “Okay, okay,” you giggled, “I get it.”

 “Do you? Because I can keep going,” Mat grinned.

 “Right now I kind of want you to get going on other things,” you hummed, dragging your nails over his exposed chest.

 “Let me show you just how much I’ve missed you,” Mat said, his voice low.

 Mat bumped his nose against yours before crashing your lips together. He was quick to tangle his tongue with yours, moving you back towards the wall so you could have something for leverage.

 You stumbled back against the fishing poles, nearly knocking them down like dominos before Mat caught your waist.

 “Easy, pretty girl,” he said softly. Your fingers curled around his dress shirt, one for stability and two to keep him close to you.

 “Mat,” you whispered, brushing his hair off of his forehead. Mat met your gaze, his eyes searching yours for answers. For his next move.

 “What?”

 “Please fuck me,” you said. Mat didn’t have to be told twice. He pushed you back against the wall, pressing his lips against yours as you fumbled with the remaining buttons of his shirt. Once you had it fully open you ran your palm across the smooth skin of his chest before looping your hand around the back of his neck. Mat dragged the material of your dress up your legs and over your hips, fingers dancing across your lace panties.

 “You’re so wet baby,” Mat murmured against your lips, grinning to himself when your body shuddered at the feeling of him running his fingers over your covered pussy.

 “Mat,” you whined. He pressed his lips against yours again, hands only leaving your waist so that he could undo his belt and push his trousers and boxers down just enough so he could free his hard length.

 “Think you can keep quiet for me?” Mat asked, nodding back towards the house where guests were still mingling. There was a faint sound of chatter and music but all you could hear was the sound of blood rushing in your ears and Mat’s ragged breathing mixed with yours.

 “Yes, yes,” you nodded eagerly, stroking him gently with your free hand. Mat’s eyes fluttered for a moment, begging to shut but he snapped himself back into reality. If the two of you had more time he would have sunk to his knees right there and hooked your leg over his shoulders so he could get a taste. But dirt on his pants wouldn’t exactly fair well in keeping this a secret.

 So instead, Mat hooked his long fingers around the flimsy material of your panties and pulled them to the side. You gasped at the feeling of him spreading your wetness around.

 “Fuck baby I want a taste so bad,” he hummed, slipping two fingers inside of you. Your grip on him tightened,

 “Don’t tease Mat,” you frowned. Mat lifted his eyes to yours again, a coy smile on his lips.

 “Why not?”

 “Mat,” you tried to sound stern but he was curling his fingers at just the right angle. You could barely keep your breath even.

 “Feel good babygirl?” He asked. You nodded, biting down on your bottom lip to stay quiet.

 “You want me to fill you up, eh?” Mat asked, leaning into you again so his lips brushed over yours.

 “Yes Mat, please, please fuck me,” you begged. Mat obliged, pulling his fingers from your soaked pussy and tapping your lips so you would take them in your mouth. Just as you swirled your tongue around the tips, eyes heavy on him, Mat slipped into you.

 “Ohmygod,” you moaned, eyes rolling back as you spoke with your mouth full. Mat pulled his fingers from your lips and gripped your jaw, catching your lips with his.

 With each stroke you dug your nails into his chest harder, trying to steady yourself as he thrust into you. There were surely going to be bruises on your shoulder blades from the wall and on your hips from how hard Mat was holding you. But you were so overcome with pleasure you didn’t even feel the pain in the moment. And even if you did you wouldn’t care.

 Mat knew exactly how to take care of your body. He hooked one leg up around his hip, giving himself the best angle for both of you.

 “Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned, burying his face in your neck. His teeth grazed the sensitive skin and sucked along your collarbones. You weren’t sure if he was leaving marks but if he did everyone would be able to see them. Just one more thing that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered more than having him there with you.

 “Mat I’m so close,” you panted, trying to find anything to hold onto.

 “Yeah baby?” Mat said, lifting his head to rest his forehead against yours. His hand dropped to your clit, rubbing hard and fast. A string of profanities left your mouth as your head dropped back, fingers tangled in his hair as you pulled him into you. Mat was pressing sloppy kisses along your exposed neck, chasing both of your highs.

 “I’m cumming, I’m cumming,” you gasped, pussy clenching around Mat’s hard cock as you came. Your body fell limp against the wall and Mat wrapped one arm around your back to steady you, thrusting a few more times as he finished.

 He pulled out slowly, catching the cum that dripped out on his fingers and licking them clean. You whimpered softly as he brushed over your sensitive clit.

 “Sorry baby,” he murmured, pressing his lips against your forehead. Mat moved your panties back into place and let your dress fall down over your hips again before adjusting himself.

 “They’re all gonna know,” you said, running your fingers through Mat’s hair. It had been perfectly styled and now it was obvious he, or someone, had been running their fingers through it. Mat ghosted his fingers over your neck, tracing the marks he had left,

 “Maybe. But every single person in there is drunk off their ass so I doubt they will care.”

 You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning up on your tiptoes to press a kiss against his lips.

 “What do you say we just get out of here?” Mat asked, chasing your lips.

 “Yeah?”

 “I just need to grab my jacket,” Mat said, “And maybe I can stay the night if you’ll let me.”

 You smiled, melting into him,

 “Please.”

 Mat smiled,

 “Okay, come on pretty girl. Let’s get you home.”

 ~

 What was supposed to be a quick round of goodbyes resulted in three more glasses of wine each and you and Mat finally dragging your drunk asses into an Uber at the end of the night. And you couldn’t seem to keep your hands to yourself.

 Fucking him in the boat house had only spurred you on and with his dress shirt still half unbuttoned you were itching to get him completely naked underneath you.

 His mind wasn’t far off from yours either. Mat kept his hand high on your thigh, beneath the material of your dress. With each bump in the road his fingers traveled closer and closer to where you wanted and needed him most.

 By the time you got back to your house you were practically dragging him behind you. It took everything in you to stay quiet as you kicked off your shoes by the door before leading him up to your room.

 Lucky for you your parents were already sound asleep given the late hour and your room was on the opposite side of the house from them. Still though, you were whispering at Mat to stay quiet through drunken giggles as he pulled his belt off and tossed it across the room. It hit your closet door, clattering loudly in the silent house.

 “Shh,” you hissed, clamping a hand over Mat’s mouth as he fought back laughter.

 “I’m trying,” he said, words muffled by your hand.

 “Try harder,” you said.

 “Then let me keep my mouth occupied,” he smirked, his fingers finding the zipper of your dress and tugging it down. The smooth material fell away from you, leaving you in just your panties in front of him.

 “Oh lord,” Mat sighed, drinking in the sight of you. He should have expected you weren’t wearing a bra, if the way your nipples had been showing through the thin fabric in the chilly, late summer air had been any indication.

 “Well come on superstar,” you smiled, walking backwards towards the bed. Mat’s feet were carrying him to you before he even had time to think about his next move.

 The back of your knees hit the mattress and before you collapsed Mat caught your waist and laid you down against the pillows. He spread your legs apart,

 “I bet you taste just as sweet as I remember.”

 You whined softly, attempting to grind your hips up against his hand as he brushed over your center.

 “I’m taking my time with you this round,” Mat murmured, pushing his pants to the floor. He was straining against his boxers but he wasn’t thinking about that right then. He licked his lips, climbing onto the bed. Your eyes fluttered shut as he settled himself between your thighs, his calloused hands rough against your soft skin.

 Painfully slow he dragged your panties down your legs, the cool air of your bedroom hitting your dripping heat.

 “So pretty,” he hummed. His lips were gentle against the inside of your thighs, slowly making their way to your pussy. The anticipation had your entire body buzzing and you just needed him to get there.

 And when he finally did make contact with your heat, licking a bold stripe up your slit, you found yourself falling into euphoric bliss. Time stopped, and everything seemed to look like stars.

 Each touch of his hand and tongue had your body on fire, aching for him. Your heart had been aching for him for a long time but tonight there was a different type of desire flooding through your veins.

 By the time he collapsed on the bed beside you, chest glistening in the moonlight, you were both breathless and exhausted. All you could do was curl into him, tugging the thin bed sheet over your naked bodies.

 You didn’t even care if your parents found his shoes by the door in the morning. Just one more night with him before you were back on a flight to Nashville was all that you wanted.

 Come morning, only a few short hours later, you were filled with dread once again. Mat’s words from the night before were still heavy in your mind and you knew that he meant every single one of them. However, it didn’t make the goodbye hurt any less than it had the first time. In fact, it hurt more. Because now you knew what it was like to be without him.

 But he asked you to hold on, so you would. Anything for him.

 ~

 Ever since Mat had returned to his place in Brooklyn he tried to stay busy.  Between training camp and the upcoming pre-season games he had a lot on his mind during the day. It was the quiet time in the evening that remained the hardest. And so Mat did what he did best. Distract himself.

 Almost every night he was hanging out with the guys in order to shut out the feelings of loneliness. Tonight was no different as he had some of them over to watch the football game. Even though he didn’t even like football.

 Which Tito had been sure to point out to him.

 Everyone knew why he was suddenly inviting them over for Sunday night football but nobody was brave enough to bring up the subject.

 They all missed you too. It wasn’t the same without you around. While many nights they had gagged amongst themselves over the blatantly obvious flirting that you and Mat would engage in, they missed it.

 You were a part of the Islanders’ family and always would be. Mat couldn’t imagine playing games and not seeing you up in the stands.

 He leaned back on the couch, his beer half drunk on the coffee table as Anders shouted at the TV. Anders and Marty were really the only ones who were semi invested in the game happening but Derick and Pager were rooting for the other team just to start an argument. Tito stayed mostly quiet in the corner, an eye on his best friend as he worked on his own beer.

 Every few minutes Mat would let out a heavy sigh and he tried to play it off like it was the game but the truth was he wasn’t giving an ounce of attention to the screen in front of him. He had his nose buried in his phone, watching your instagram story over and over again.

 You had gone out to dinner with some co-workers in Nashville and while he was happy to see that you were having a good time, given that you hadn’t divulged anything about work at the wedding, it made him miss you.

 He had been feeling this ever since he had been back in Brooklyn at the end of summer but now after having just seen you it weighed far more heavily. You should be sitting on the couch beside him, rolling your eyes at Pager’s jokes right along with everyone else. But you weren’t. And Mat didn’t think he would ever be over it.

 Mindlessly he reached for his chain, needing something to hold onto as the wave of missing you crashed over him. Mat dipped his fingers beneath the material of his hoodie, searching for the cool metal. His brows furrowed when he was met with just skin. He reached around to the back of his neck, trying to feel for the clasp at the back but he was met with nothing.

 “Fuck,” he cursed to himself, sitting up suddenly, catching the attention of the boys. He ran his fingers through his hair trying to think of when he had it last.

 It wasn’t like he ever took it off. It was the best gift you had ever given him and even when you were standing right beside him it was nice to have a piece of you close to his heart. And he just had to go and lose it.

 “Barz what are you doing?” Tito asked as Mat felt for the chain once again. There was a look of panic on his face and the guys exchanged glances, all rightfully confused.  

 “Nobody fucking move,” Mat said, standing up, his heart beating against his ribcage,

 “I lost it.”

[esausrpmemes]

(Originally posted by galacticrpmemes who has since deactivated. Now available again without having to reblog from private users)

ᴅʀᴀɢᴏɴ ᴀɢᴇ II ꜱᴇɴᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛᴇʀꜱ

change genders as needed!

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“I could create such desires if I wished, but it is far easier to nurture those which already exist.”

“You’ll hardly find my services “standard”.“

“That’s right. Once you’re numb, you’ll do anything I ask.”

“We’ve lost it all. Everything your father and I built.”

“Those elves you’re friends with, they’re… Rather strange, aren’t they?”

“My little boy/little girl has grown so strong. I love you. You’ve always made me proud.”

“The people fear what we can do, but to use that fear to bludgeon us into submission is wrong! And they do it with our blessing!”

“I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation! Why do you threaten it?”

“Since when is Justice happy? Justice is righteous. Justice is hard.”

“The oppression of us stems from the fears of men. Not the will of the Maker.”

“I will not stand by and watch you treat us like criminals, while those who would lead us bow to their jailors!”

“I haven’t been on the surface very long, I keep thinking I’ll fall up into that sky any minute.”

“Killing my former brothers-in-arms is oddly satisfying.”

“I’d rather him alive and furious than dead and buried.“

“You should all be grateful!”

"Your kind think selfishness and want are normal. This city, all of it, leaves a bad taste.”

“Friend and enemy blend together in this sea of filth. I can barely discern one group from another.”

“Their actions are merely symptoms. Your society is the disease.”

“I have seen every vice and weakness of your kind, how few of you take responsibility.”

“We’re not killers or slavers. Anything short of that, however, is fair game.”

“I intend to take what you owe––––with interest.”

“A dangerous thing, taking sides. I avoid it wherever possible.”

“Ah my little _____, predictable as always.”

“ Do I detect a note of jealousy? It’s not surprising. The lad is rather skilled, isn’t he?”

“You weren’t always this way, _____. Once upon a time you had affection for me. I remember it fondly.

“What do I care what shield they carry? If they challenge us, the dead themselves will meet the call!”

"Zealots are bravest where their lies can’t be argued: behind closed doors.”

“I’m preparing for the worst. The very worst. This may require absorbent linens.”

“There are other ways to see the world.“

“If I offend, well—some people try very hard to be offended.”

“Shameful, isn’t it? How I don’t mindlessly repeat the mistakes of my father?”

“Death is never justice.”

“Eternity is long enough that we need not rush to meet it.”

“I cannot take sides.“

"I saw something nasty in the woodshed.”

“You smell like cinnamon buns.“

“Can I have some Salamanders, please?“

“One day the magic will come back. All of it. Everyone will be just like they were. The shadows will part, and the skies will open wide.“

“They know what I am. Let them come, if they find the courage.”

"What has magic touched that it doesn’t spoil?”

“Now the battle awaits us. Na via lerno victoria. ‘Only the living know victory.’ Fight well.”

“Am I supposed to forgive, no matter how many times they hunt me down? Am I supposed to forget all the things they’ve done to me?”

“You realize this is a cause you can’t hope to win.“

“Everything was fine until today!“

“I have… dreams. There are voices in the dreams. They ask me to come, to give shape to the Void around them.”

“Hurtled into the chaos, you fight… and the world will shake before you.”

“Is it fate or chance? I can never decide.”

“Regret is something I know well. Take care not to cling to it, to hold it so close that it poisons your soul.”

“We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment… and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly.”

“There is always a catch. Life is a catch! I suggest you catch it while you can.”

“It’s the only way…to hear the music.”

“I did not think any of us would leave those caverns alive.”

“You’re very brave. Take this, with my blessings. You remind me of someone…I hold dear, though I never had the courage to say that to her.”

“Felicitate me!”

“There are men who struggle against destiny, and yet achieve only an early grave. There are men who flee destiny, only to have it swallow them whole. And there are men who embrace destiny, and do not show their fear. These are the ones that change the world forever.”

“I’m sure someone thought far too long about my name.”

“When in doubt, run away, and let me handle it.”

“Something else I can help with?”

“Onward! There’s much to be done.”

“Next time, could we hunt something small and cuddly? Maybe vegetarian?”

“We do a lot of walking, don’t we?”

“I have an excellent sense of dramatic timing. And good hair.”

“They say your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die. Any helpful flashes yet?”

“Seems to me, the last man standing gets final say on who is right or wrong.”

“Anyone who leaves, is a deserter. And we all know what happens to deserters…”

“You better have a good reason for bothering me.”

“I don’t like it when people interrupt my thoughts.”

“Other people always took the risks to keep me free.”

“Maker’s breath! Can’t you do this when I’m not around?”

“You’re a far better representative of the family than I would have been.”

“It seems I am again in your debt… and shadow.”

“You soulless bastard!”

“If you have a problem with my brother/sister, you have a problem with me.”

“A hundred ways to run, and we choose backward.“

“I’d prefer to stay in this world as long as possible. And if I can make it an ordered place without looking like a zealot, all the better.”

“The world is a big place, but the faces are the same. We do right here, we make a difference.”

“There’s no escaping you, it seems.”

“I am a visionary. I’ve seen our destiny.“

“Our mistakes make us who we are.”

“Sailing is like sex. Do it wrong, and it’ll make you sick. But do it right, and there’s no feeling in the world like it.

"When you get right down to it, we’re not responsible for anyone but ourselves. You can choose to be free, or you can choose to be saddled with all the world’s problems.”

“I like big boats, I cannot lie.”

“Don’t bet anything you’re not prepared to lose.”

“You see, sweetness, men are only good for one thing. Women are good for six.”

“Shit. What have you gotten yourself into this time, _____?”

“Justice… answers to nobody!”

“Leave! This does not concern you!”

“Do not say his name! He will hear you! Do not wake him!”

“Me and my boys will get our money’s worth, bitch.”

“Need a little special something for that special someone?”

“Did you say something? I didn’t hear you. And clumsy me, I seem to have dropped a coin purse in your hand.”

“I’ll try not to hit anyone. On our side, I mean. I’m babbling again. Let’s go.”

“If anyone is to do any slaying, it will be me.”

“Would you hurry it up? I haven’t eaten all day…”

“We tried to be good! We did everything we were told!“

“You deny us our freedom so that you may sleep better at night, but I say it is a restless and undeserved slumber.”

“You push us into desperate acts, and then use that as justification to press ever further!”

“Start talking, _____. They tell me you’re good at it.”

“Bullshit! That’s not what really happened!”

“I’m not interested in stories. I came to hear the truth.”

“What makes you think I know the truth?”

“I hope you live a long life, _____, because your judgment before the Maker will be harsh.”

“We all have our strengths to exploit, mine is finding like-minded people.“

“I found her eyes, her skin, her delicate fingers… and at last, her face. Oh, this beautiful face.”

“I have chosen my path.”

“Your words did not fall on deaf ears.”

"How about ‘the smart-mouthed _____ gets slapped across the face’?”

“Oh, don’t be jealous, sweetie.“

“Let’s get you some experience, sweetie!”

“Why is this taking so long? Can ones so evil truly be so powerful? Maker, guide your humble servant! Please tell me what I must do! What if… I’m not doing the right thing? What if this is all madness? No! I must remain vigilant!”

“How does it feel, _____, to know I hold the life of one you love in my hands?”

“The job’s simple: break up the meeting and kill every one of those bastards.”

“There are few things in this world more powerful than a promise kept. Remember that.”

“There’s truth in your face. A rare thing in a human.”

“There is a light in your heart, human. Don’t let it go out. You will need it.”

“It has been a long, hard journey to this place. And it’s far from over.”

“Do you ever feel like you’re part of a story that someone’s telling? Maker, I wish whoever was telling the story had made me more handsome.

"When was the last time you were with a woman?”

“'I don’t like this’? That’s right up there with, 'What could possibly go wrong?’”

“There’s a recipe to a good hero, _____. It’s like alchemy. One part down-to-earth, one part selfless nobility, two parts crazy, and you season liberally with wild falsehoods. You let that percolate through a good audience for a while, and when it’s done, you’ve got your hero.”

“Once more I am falsely accused of whatever it is that I am accused of. Falsely.”

“_____, I’m a businessman. Now and then, I shoot people.”

“You should know by now that I love the sound of my own voice, _____.”

“What a mess of mud and blood. No resale value at all.”

“Protect what matters with everything you have, or you’ll have nothing, and deserve it.”

“They will not have you…not while I breathe.”

“Shout if you need me, _____. I’ll always be there for you. Just… knock first.”

“Honey, I could write volumes on the things I know.”

[dailyaudiobible]

07/20/2020 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 1:1-3:17, Romans 6:1-23, Psalms 16:1-11, Proverbs 19:20-21

Today is the 20th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I am Brian and it is an honor and a joy to be here with you today as we settle into this brand-new week that we've got before us. And in the Scriptures yesterday we concluded the book of first Chronicles. So, that obviously means we’ll be beginning the book of second Chronicles today.

Introduction to the book of Second Chronicles:

And as we've already talked about at length as we were going through Samuel and Kings and first Chronicles, this delineation, like there's nothing to really describe here as far as like this is the brand-new totally different context for where were going. It’s the same thing. We just basically turned the page. These delineations between first and second Chronicles were for ease of reference. But second Chronicles does begin in the same way that second Kings does. We finished the reign of King David yesterday. And, so, David died at a ripe old age as we concluded first Chronicles. And, so, now as we begin second Chronicles we’re moving into the reign of Solomon and all that comes next. And I guess I could also say what…what…what I’ve said all along as we’ve come through this territory, first and second Kings, first and second Chronicles, they both kind of cover the same stories in the same time period with the same Kings and the same situations and they sound very, very familiar because they are very familiar bur they’re just coming from a little bit of a different perspective whereas first and second Kings is kind of coming from the royal perspective versus second Chronicles is coming from the priestly perspective on the same material, the same stories. And, so let's dive into another book. We’ll read second Chronicles chapters 1, 2 and 3 today and we’re reading from the New English Translation this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we are, you know, moving into the thick of Romans, not that Romans doesn't kind of start out in the thick because it does, but we’ve been kind of moving through the different arguments or persuasions Paul is laying out in order to reveal the truth that he's trying to communicate. And, so, a number of really important things have happened. Paul has not redefined the Mosaic law, but put it in a different perspective by saying, “things were happening on this earth before the law was given and those things were happening among our people, like our patriarchs, like Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, whose name became Israel of which we are the children. There was no Mosaic law. Moses was not going to be born for a long time.” And, so, Paul goes back to Abraham, the start of it all, the beginning person for the Hebrew people and said, “he didn't obey a law. He was circumcised, but not before he was declared righteous before God because he believed and followed God and trusted God. Like, his circumcision was a sign of the covenant.” So, Paul in part is trying to refrain the Mosaic law and saying, “like this isn't the end all be all. This is the pathway to righteousness, but nobody can do it. Nobody's gonna earn their way into righteousness before God and stand before God righteous and there's nothing God can say about it because they just have achieved perfection. And all of a sudden they are almost divine in the presence of God made righteous before Him on their own.” Ans, so then Paul argues, “the law is what revealed our transgressions. Like it was the line in the sand, this measuring rod that revealed how sinful we are, how rebellious we are toward God because we can't achieve it and it exposes that fact. But even while we were estranged, even while we were enemies of God falling deeper and deeper into the fact that we cannot possibly achieve a righteous life before God fully and perfected on our own, even in our inability, even while we were estranged from Him, he wouldn’t let us go. He came for us to rescue us.” And, so, as we move into today's reading then Paul is discussing sin, this essence of rebellion basically, this interruption of the shalom that God offers and desires for the people of the earth. I mean, these obvious questions arise then, “okay. So, I don't have to…I don't have to try to become righteous by obeying these rules. These rules are good and ethical and upright and they provide a context for my life but they aren't…like I'm not gonna achieve perfection before God and I can't, but God is going to make me righteous by His grace. So, sin doesn't have a place in my story anymore. So, then I guess I can sin and do whatever I want because it's not my own attempt at righteousness that's going to do anything. It's God's grace that's gonna do everything.” And, so, Paul’s kind of addressing this, “then should we keep sinning so that God can show more and more grace?” Of course, Paul’s like, “absolute not!” He says that a couple of times in our reading today, “absolutely not, because that sinful nature, that sinful self the separates us from God estranges us from God, that person was crucified with Christ so that sin loses its power. We’re not slaves to it anymore”, which actually kind of confronts us with the…with the fact that we must consider our reality then because we’re kind of kind of in the same boat knowing when we have willingly done what we know is wrong and interrupted relationship through sin. And, so, like we’re constantly aware of our shortcomings. But what Paul's trying to reveal here is that sin really isn't supposed to be category in our lives anymore because we have been resurrected with Christ and have been made a new creation. This is where things start getting mind boggling. We are not who we were before Christ in any way according the apostle Paul. Like the transformation at the spiritual level, at the essence of our identity, we have been made new, a new creation. Interrupting the shalom that God offers us, right, interrupting the relationship that God offers to us isn't just a foregone conclusion. For Paul, he's like, “this all boils down to who you’re going to obey. You're going to be a slave or a servant of whatever you obey. So, you have the choice, the volition to be a slave to sin, but how many more times do you need to be told where that road goes. It leads to death and destruction. But you now have a choice as a child of God choose to serve God which leads to righteousness and eternal life.” And the point is that we don't have…like we live our lives, certainly feeling regret and guilt for the transgressions of our lives. We understand that we are forgiven. We embrace that forgiveness and step into a relationship with God but then we fall down and then we get up and we fall down and we get up and over time can accumulate until we have so much condemnation upon ourselves that we can't even find the sky anymore. And then we feel the crush of God's mercy when we don't deserve it and we realize how much He loves us and then we are restored only to maybe repeat the same pattern over and over and over, like we have one foot in one world and one foot in another world. And what Paul’s saying like, “you don't have to do that. Like, it doesn't have to be that way. There is a story and it's called good news and it's called the gospel. You are a new creature. You aren't enslaved to the darkness in any way. It's not mandatory that you're going to just fall down and have to get up again, you've been lifted up as a new creation made righteous before God. There's nothing you can ever do to earn this and when you choose to enslave yourself to the darkness it's almost like you're trying to go back and live within a corpse that is already dead and gone. It’s almost like you are trying to be a zombie in the darkness. When you do that you are a new creature.” The picture more fleshed out of what this actually…like the repercussions of this or the implications of this are fleshed out a lot in the letter to the Ephesians, which we will get to. And it's so good. It's like too good to be true. The good news is way better news than we may think or have thought. But even when we kind of see the vista and it comes crashing in and we see it for a second, it still does become, “how do I practically live this in my everyday life because I sin every day and it's not on accident. I do things I know I shouldn't do. I say things I know I shouldn't say. And the Scriptures bear the truth that when I do…like when I say something I shouldn't have said to my spouse or to my child or to my coworker or whoever, I see that that brings darkness that leads to death and destruction in some way. How do I escape this pattern?” We escape this pattern like we escape every other pattern, we stop doing the pattern. Like we…I have been married a long time and I have still found myself unsuccessful on many, many occasions where I find coming out of my mouth things I should not be saying and they are not fully things that I mean and they are in the heat of the moment and I regret them. What do we do with that or any other kind of transgression? What we do? And we can say, “well I asked God to forgive me. He forgives me and I move on.” But over time, like these things accumulate and you just start feeling like you're a failure in every sort of way. So, what is…what is the antidote? It's understanding that God is a God of radical reconciliation. When we trespass against our brother or sister, we seek reconciliation and forgiveness. When we have sinned against our neighbor, we restore it, we seek it out. God, while we were still sinners, while we were the enemies of God, desired reconciliation and provided it. We’re supposed to do the same thing every time. And over time, these things accumulate until we are living in the light with nothing between us or anyone else. We are living in the truth. We aren't trying to be right. We aren’t trying to even demand our rights. We are trying to be the light of the world. It's a bigger story that we have been swept into. And may we begin to see that. And may we begin to allow the Holy Spirit to flesh out, in a very literal way, flesh out within our own flesh what that's gonna look like according to our own individual stories and relationships and locations.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit we invite You. Come Holy Spirit and help us understand that our failures are not the end of the story. We are moving toward the light. We are leaving into the fact that we have been created anew at the most deep level, at the spiritual level. We are new creations. And our mission is to infect this world with the knowledge of the good news, that we can all be new creations. There is a totally different way of being upon the earth, one that is reconciled and made righteous before You our Creator allowing us to become aware that we are Your children and all of the polarization of the world that tries to deceive and crush us can't change the reality that we have been made new. And we don't have to live as servants to anyone but You. Come Holy Spirit. Lead us into all truth we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

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If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you. Thank you profoundly. Thank you with all humility for your partnership. We wouldn't be here if we weren’t in this together. I say that often. It has never not been the absolute truth. We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t in this together. And, so, thank you, thank you that we are. So, there’s a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address if that is your preference is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today on Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi DAB family this is Joe from Pennsylvania. Just calling in to encourage the brothers and sisters that have been struggling with not feeling worthy. I’ve heard a lot of prayer requests come in about that and we just speak to that in Jesus’ name. And I just want to encourage everybody that…that I struggled with this for a long time. None of us are worthy on our own but through the power and the blood of Jesus we all become worthy. And that took me a long time to…to realize and to understand but there’s so many promises in the word of God. If we are…if we confess our sin, He’s faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us or from all unrighteousness. And just…I just want to encourage everyone that’s struggling with that just to think about the faithfulness of God. God is not a man that He can lie. And the Bible says to come boldly to the throne of grace. And we don’t do that on our own. We come boldly through His son who gave His life for us. So, I just want to encourage everybody to stand…that’s struggling with that to stand in humility and to resist the devil when he tells you that you’re not worthy because you are worthy through the blood of Jesus. And Father I just pray that you would lift up those thoughts in the minds of people that are struggling in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Hello, my DAB family this is Mark Street from Sydney Australia. Today is Thursday, the 16th of July and I am calling in for some prayer and to touch base as well but like everybody I suppose I haven’t been in a great mental state. This year has been a challenging year. I’ve lost 20% my wage but that’s not really what I’m calling in for. I’ve decided I want to start a business and I want to resign 15th of August. Now, I have run a business in the past. I know what the trouble of running a business __. I know what I’m up against, but I do want this to be kinda like God’s…what God wants for me. So, could you please pray? Before I put my resignation in, if God does not want me to do this that He makes it very clear to me before I put my resignation in. I also don’t want to be scared of man because I feel a little bit like the scouts of Moses that’s going out scanning the promised land and seeing the big Giants and I’m feeling fearful but I don’t want that to overrule my decision as well. I’ve done all the work but please pray for me and I’m listening every day. Thanks family. Love you. Bye.

Hi this is Steve from Arizona I just want to call in with prayers for John from the Sudan about the loss of his brother and also about the gentleman from Kenya whose brother’s daughter was kidnapped. I’m glad they found her alive, but my prayers go out to all the people in Nigeria and Kenya who are being persecuted because of their faith. God bless you all. Bye-bye.

Hello DAB family this is Veronica. This is my second time I’m calling, and I want…first wanted to say thank you to everybody for this community. I wanted to say a special thanks to Victoria Soldier. I heard your prayer calling me by name and that really blessed my heart and I thank you for that and everybody that’s prayed for me. I really wanted to call because I…the thing that I should have been asking for prayer is I’m in an unequally yoked marriage. I’ve been praying for salvation from the husband for over 10 years. I also, due to infertility and the depression that comes with that, I have been on antidepressants and sleeping pills and I have a shopping addiction that I really want to be delivered from. And I just want peace. I don’t want to depend on something to wake me up in the morning and something to help me go back to sleep and to please pray for my marriage. And my husband and I to just accept God’s will for our lives and our marriage. Thank you DAB family. God bless all of you. Bye-bye.

Hey DAB family I’m just calling to say that I’m so thankful for you all. I listen every day and I look forward to hearing your voices especially during such an alone…a lonely time with the pandemic. In general, I just…I’m calling to bring awareness and ask for prayers for Armenia. Armenia, if you don’t know, is a very small beautiful Christian country in Western Asia. It is noticed Cilicia in the Bible and there’s said to be descendants of Noah, specifically Japheth’s grandson named Hike. But why I’m calling is because Armenia has been through a lot. They’ve been through genocide where 1.5 million Armenians were killed for being Christian and to this day is being denied. And right now, they are being attacked by a neighboring country and the people of that country are asking to caution on the side of the Armenians again. I ask that you keep Armenia in your prayers, that the war will stop. Armenians want this war to stop. We just want peace. Please keep Armenia in your prayers. Thank you.

Good afternoon DAB family this is Lady of victory it is Thursday, July 16th and I am calling in for Casey Short or is it Stacy Short, 13-year-old who says she listens with her family every evening at 8 o’clock. Such a precious young lady. She said in today’s society we can be easily influenced. And, so, she wanted to be prayed over. God what a precious, precious daughter that at 13 years old she recognizes that she could be influenced God by social media, by her surroundings, by her friends, by what she sees with her eyes God but she is recognizing Father that that stuff that she’s with her eyes is temporal but it’s only what is in the Spirit that is everlasting. And, so, I lift Your baby girl up to You or Your Young lady up to You God asking that You would just show Yourself mighty and strong in her life. She desires Lord God to be the Young lady that You have called for her to be, not to conform to what society wants her to be or thinks she should be. And, so God I lift up Your daughter up to You, Casey, I believe she said Casey Short. God I am lifting her up to You. You know her intricately God. You know her because You made her fearfully and wonderfully. And, so, I lift her up to You asking God that she will dare to stand out God, that she will dare to not fit in, that she would dare to even be ostracized God by standing up for what is right and not for what is popular. So, I ask Father that You will strengthen her, that You will give her all that she needs, surround her with friends that are going to encourage her in the Lord and not influence her with society. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Hi there this is Marie from Alberta Canada. And Marta I just heard your call and I will be praying for you. Marta from Alberta Canada, you said that your sons had just been diagnosed with autism and I have a son too and he was diagnosed a long time ago. He’s ten now, almost eleven and it’s been a long road. Lots of lifestyle changes but one of the things that has helped so much with his depression and depressive thoughts is listening to the Daily Audio Bible. He listens every morning and has been doing it for more than a year now and just memorizing the Scripture and listening to the Daily Audio Bible every morning and the word is just getting in him and at least those depressive thoughts about himself have almost disappeared. So, praise the Lord I will be praying for you because I know what you’re going through. Thank you.

[louu-7]

everything i don’t know

on wattpad

CHAPTER 6:

“Thara, we have to go. Don’t worry for your father, he just call me and he doesn’t seem to be mad at you.” Sarah’s dad comes in her room and we smile. “OK, I’m coming.”

“I’m waiting for you in the car.”

“Thank you.”

He closes back the door and I look at the girls. My Dad’s gonna kill me. I sigh and get up out of the bed as I take my phone. They both take one of my hands and pull me towards them to hug me. “You’re definitely not a kook, but you’re not a pogue yet.”

“We’re gonna teach you how to become a pogue when you’re a kook, it’s easy, you’ll see.” Sarah kisses my cheek and I smile when they let me go. “Thank you girls, I text you to see when I can join you.”

“We’ll coming at yours to take you to the chateau.” Kiara proposes and I smile even more. “OK, thank you so much you two are the best. I love you babe, Kiara, you too you’re amazing. Later bitches.”

“Call me Kie.”

I send them a kiss and they do the same before I leave the room and close the door to rejoin Sarah’s dad. Ready to get murdered, everything’s OK. To be honest I have a plan, I don’t know if it’s gonna work but I hope.

I sit next to mister Cameron and he starts the car without saying a word. He’s so different than before. I remember the old him; he was so close to Sarah but at the same time really protective and mysterious about some things.

“Thank you again, it’s so sweet from you to let me sleep at yours.”

“No, that’s OK. Come back when you want.”

“Gonna be delicate with my father but I’ll see with him.”

We quickly arrive at home and I get out of the car as I’m thanking again Sarah’s father. I walk to the front door and exhale, girl you just have to apologize and say that you drank to much champagne. Lies are better than get killed by your own father so, I guess it’s my only option here.

I open the door, my dress from last night on, and as I do a first step Dad comes in the lobby to look dagger at me. I look away for a second and am ready to talk when he beats me to it. “We have to talk young girl. Right now.”

“I’m sorry.” His eyes slightly widen and I guess I wasn’t supposed to notice it. He becomes right away colder and… a kind of anger emerges from him and makes me shiver.

“I get too far, I’m sorry for what happened.” My hands are shaking and a feeling of scare take possession of me when he starts walking slowly towards me. My heartbeats resonate in my whole body and he puts his large and freezing cold hand on my cheek before making his eyes diving into mine. My breath becomes irregular and I grit my teeth to prevent myself from saying anything.

Why is he so… impressive and serious. “You’re excuses aren’t gonna settle the situation created by your little scene of last night.” His deep voice, almost whispering at my ear, is giving me chills as a knot is installing in my stomach.

My excuses aren’t gonna be enough and I don’t fucking have anything else to try to be as a good girl as possible. I should say that I’m not gonna be the good girl anymore. Only when I have to. And I’m in one of these moments where the good girl needs to be. “Dad I am really sorry, tell me what can I do to sort everything out.”

“Listen to me. Don’t do anything, is it clear? If I hear that you get out of this damn house I swear you’re not gonna be able to get out for the whole summer. For now go to your room and don’t leave until we call you.”

“Dad please I didn’t want to d-”

“Just go. Now.” I look down at the floor and stop myself from answering him back. “Well…”

He takes off his hand from my face and step aside to let me reach the stairs and rejoin my room. I didn’t miss this room. It’s too boring, I have to do something in there, at least to feel more in my world. And if they don’t like it, who cares, this room’s not theirs.

I lock the door to put on a pajamas and close my blind be in a good mood to read. Staying at home is absolutely not in my new goals, but to get out I must wait for everyone to leave before I do. And, I have to make sure anyone of the watchmen are seeing me; if they are I don’t know what would I say to them… Let’s say I’m not gonna be seen.

“T, can I come in?” Alyssa’s asking with a kinda neutral tone. “Gimme a sec, the door’s locked…” I get up out of the bed as my phone starts ringing. It’s Sarah. I get it and unlocked the door to open it. “So, did your dad killed you?”

“I guess he didn’t but you can’t imagine how cold he was, colder than JJ’s eyes when he’s looking at me, just imagine…”

Alyssa’s coming and frown at me when she understand who’s calling me.

“Are you sure of what you’re sayin’ because it’s serious, worse than JJ’s not possible.” Asks uncertainly Kie.

“I swear it is. Can I call you back later girls, in like, an hour?”

“Yeah, OK, later. And, be careful, we never know what can do something worse than the blond kid.”

“Yeah, bye.”

I look at Alyssa and she sighs silently. I know what does that means when she’s doing that. She’s disappointed, and if she’s telling me off in the next few seconds, I don’t understand. “C’mon, tell me to-”

“No Thara just…” She throws up her hands, kinda weary of me. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“So don’t say-”

“Stop. You used me last night. To help you to be arrogant towards Mom and Dad, in front of the whole island. What’s wrong with you?”

“For someone who didn’t know what to say…

I roll my eyes, rather annoyed that she’s got to accuse me, like everyone. She’s supposed to be on my side, and I didn’t used her, or at least it wasn’t my intention, I just wanted the things to be as clear as possible with Sarah. “You know you can talk to me, why don’t you do it?”

“Look, I didn’t used you, and I would never do that because you’re the only one who’s OK to talk to me and be so kind lately. I just wanna have a life. You all lived your life as you wanted, why wouldn’t I be able to do it as well? You ask me what’s wrong with me, but I’d like to know what’s wrong with Mom and Dad for them to stop me from seeing anybody.”

The conversation becomes heated and that’s not really usual, but if they need that to get what I want then they’re gonna have it. At least if I manage to be as bitterly as now...

“You can’t understand, you’re too young for that and we all have had problems with pogues. We’re just doing our job when we’re protecting you!” She almost shouts out to me as I feel like they’re taking me for a fool. “Of course, yeah, but I don’t need you to protect me! I’m responsible, I know what I’m doing! The only thing that I ask for is a life!” The words are getting out of my mouth by themselves and the anger’s gonna make me say things I don't want. “You, responsible? Are you kiddin’? So what you did last night was responsible and fit for an adult?”

“Sometimes when nobody’s listening to you, you have to act differently. It’s what I did.”

“You know what? Maybe you deserve what Dad’s doing to you by locking you up. You’re not an adult Thara, you’re a capricious little girl who only wants attention.”

She doesn’t even let me answer to this hurtful comment and storms out of my room. The walls are shaking for a second as I clench my fists and grit my teeth, not wanting this mean remark to affect me. I’m stronger than that. I guess I thought I was, because when the first tear’s running down my cheek, I can’t stop the others to do the same.

“Fuck.”

It always has been a big problem for me, I’m too sensitive, too attached to this family, and that’s stopping me from really letting go my anger and tell them hat I think. This argument with Alyssa’s maybe the beginning of me saying what weights on my heart lately.

Someone’s knocking at my door. Again. “What?” The door opens and Isaac appears, looking at me with a disgusted air. I roll my eyes full of tears and look at him, waiting for his remark. “What you did was really fucked-up.”

“Fuck you! Get the hell out!”

“No, because I want you to get it. You have no idea of the Mom’s state last night, why? Because you’re-”

“Just leave me alone Isaac!” I walk to the door and close it before turning the key into the keyhole and let myself slide against the door. Fuck all, all they can do is yelling at me and never listen to what I have to say. For everybody else, the youngest of the family is cherished and loved, but to be honest I’m not asking for that. I wanna live, I don’t think it’s a complex things to get.

~

The girls picked me up more or less two hours ago, and we’re at John B’s house, also known as the chateau. It’s chill, and it kinda makes me feel better than sooner in the morning… I can’t stop thinking about what happened, because… I’m usually never arguing with anyone of them. I don’t wanna say something I’ll regret or anything so I shut up and do my things, but this morning it was… hard and hurtful, I never seen Alyssa like that.

And to add at this shitty family that I love, there’s the arrogant behavior of JJ who’s not feeling better about me than last night. And I do the same, I’m not especially talking to him anyway.

“Who’s in?” I look up at them and frown as they all get up to walk to the boat. “What are we doing?” I rejoin them and we all get into the boat. Am I seasick? Don’t think so, but we never know. “Whatever we want, whenever we want. Remember our mission for the summer?”

“To have good time, all the time.”

“Or, having a better summer than the last one at least, shouldn’t be too hard.” I don’t ask anything about this famous last summer and JJ starts the boat as the girls take off their top to sunbathe.

The afternoon’s going well, we’re talking, laughing and bathe in the marsh. At least they bathe, not me. It’s not that I’m not comfortable in swimsuit but, they’re not all close people to me, at least not yet, so I prefer to keep my clothes on and see how it goes before even think of joining the girls and John B in the water. It doesn’t stop me from having one of the best moment in my life in a long time.

“C’mon girl, the water’s so good!”

“I don’t know, I-”

“Eh, do you wanna be a pogue?” John B’s asks and I open my mouth in front of his kinda threat. C’mon. “Are you sayin’ that if I’m not comin’ into the water I won’t be a pogue? Is that threat?”

“Yeah maybe.” He shrugs as getting close to the boat and then grab the ladder to come back onto the deck, where Pope was sitting against the side of the boat. John B puts his hands on his hips and looks at me insistently, waiting for me to say something.

“What? I have nothing more to say, you’re threatening me dude, and I’m not listening to orders anymore, so no, I’m not going into the water.” I raise my eyebrows and can’t avoid a smile. “Sure ‘bout that?”

For a moment that seems to last an eternity, he doesn’t do anything, and at the second where I dare to look at the girls in the water also looking at me, Pope and him catch hold of me to throw me into the warm water of the silent marsh, where my scream resonate in echo before I dive and come back to the surface to breath and put my hair back.

I look at the two guys who are laughing and giving each other high fives, proud of their little trick, as I slightly sigh in a smile. “Fuck you man.”

We laugh, I swim next to the boat to take off my clothes and I throw them at the boys who are looking at me like they falsely were superior to me. They complain when my soaking wet clothes are punching into their faces and John B shows me his middle finger.

“You really think you scare me?” I laugh and he whispers a little ‘fuck you’ before gathering speed and jumping into the water, splashing the girls by the way.

My first impression about true life is… absolutely freaking great, I love this life and, I’m not ready to go back to the old one. Bye bye to the old Thara, the kook bothered by her parents. Welcome to… Thara Abrams, neither a kook nor a pogue.

[spookywolflee]

Alicia had demonstrated some brilliant Policing and had tracked down Michael Drake within 20 minutes. She’d asked Captain Brus about him, who we were luckily well acquainted with. The good thing was, Michael wasn’t very hard to find. The bad thing was; they were due to leave the dock on a cargo ship at 10.00pm, and would be out at sea for anywhere between 3 to 6 weeks. Alicia kept him monitored from afar, and was hiding in some undergrowth, just so a Police presence didn’t spook him. I’d ordered her not too approach him without backup. Although I’d hacked all the way to Firgrove from Golden Hills, I didn’t have time to hack back. So I had Felicity drive both me and Sunny back. The quickest route would take bordering on 2 hours taking the shortest route and not following the speed limit. It was 7.49pm now. Time was of the essence. I was fidgeting in my seat although I knew that there was nothing I could do about it right now.

Time slowly passed, and during the trip I speed dialled the Police Chief and she answered after one ring.

“Hey Viv!” She answered.

“Hey...Sorry, can’t talk long. We’ve located Amanda Drake’s husband. Alicia has him visually tracked as we speak, but she’s not on horseback and she’s in Police gear. I’m not sending her to speak to him on her own, it’s too risky, and I fear if he sees Police Uniform he will think the worst and bolt. We can’t exactly arrest him, he’s done nothing wrong.” I informed the Police Chief.

“Mmmmm” She pondered.

“Are you going there?” She asked me, sounding slightly preoccupied.

“Yes, I’m on the way there undercover now. I was in Firgrove which is how I got the tip off. I’m not far from Golden Hills now.” I told her.

“You are to go to the dock in Police gear.” She ordered suddenly.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

For one, I didn’t have time to get into all my Police gear. Every second counted here, and for two, I was almost certain he was going to run away or hide if he seen Police snooping around the dock, and his fellow dock workers would help him, too.

“I’m not letting you go with no Police gear on, Viv. The dock workers down there are the shadiest type, they could be armed with anything. Even without your uniform on they will know you’re a Police Officer. Nobody with horses bar mounted Police venture down there. And the dock workers....They’re not exactly...fond of the Police, most of them are ex-offenders, or are probably still offending low key. We’ve had incidents down there before. You go in Police gear, or not at all.” She instructed.

I pursed my lips and sighed. She was my superior, I couldn’t argue with her.

“Fine.” I responded, putting the phone down. I knew I’d regret that.

“Felicity, I’d never encourage anyone to break the speed limit but right now I need you to put your foot down and get us to Golden Leaf stables as quick as you can...It’s an emergency.” I told her, feeling quite flustered now. The time was now 8.56pm. We were still about 30 minutes away from Golden Hills and I still needed to get changed. I still didn’t understand why the Police Chief seemed to want to sabotage the investigation like that, if we missed Michael Drake tonight then we had nothing for another 6 weeks potentially, and a lot can happen in 6 weeks. People deserved their horses back, and frankly I didn’t want Amanda Drake walking free for a day longer.

After what felt like forever, Cape West and the stables were finally in sight. But then Alicia radioed in. “Viv! I’ve been chased out of the dock. One of them had a knife, and another a gun. I’m so sorry, I don’t know how they found me, I suspect Captain Brus blew us up.” She updated me.

I felt myself tense up, how dare they run at Alicia like that. I gritted my teeth and felt myself started to sweat.

“Don’t apologize, you did the right thing leaving. Let me handle it. That ship is not leaving the dock with Michael Drake on it no matter what. If I have to arrest Captain Brus and all his stupid brain dead cronies I will.” I reassured her. I was furious, why had Brus done that to us? I was starting to understand now the Police Chief asking me to wear uniform. You really couldn’t trust nobody.

Before Felicity could even stop I jumped out of her Range Rover and ran to my cabin. I quickly took off my jumper and pulled my bulletproof Police vest over my head. I put my hat back on and swapped my boots. Then I walked over to the padlocked drawer where my gun was. I hated carrying this thing around, and I’d hate it even more if I had to use it. I hesitated picking it up.

“Get a grip, Viv. They’re armed.” I mumbled to myself, picking it up and making sure the safety was on. I tucked it into my holster and left the cabin. Felicity already had Sunny ready for me whilst I got changed.  

I bounced over and grabbed Sunny’s reins and put my foot in the stirrup and swung onto her back.

“Thanks so much Felicity. I owe you one, big time. If you ever need anything at all, let me know.” I said to her with a smile. But I had no time now. I clicked and pushed Sunny into a gallop out of the stables, and onto the the bridge leading to the dock. I’d galloped past Alicia and Speck, but I didn’t have time to stop. I was glad to see she looked unharmed, anyway.

Captain Brus came into my view, and my brow furrowed in anger. My hands tightened around my reins. Bastard. I urged Sunny on even more, she gave me a disproving snort, but obeyed nevertheless. As I approached him, I squeezed my knees into my saddle and pulled Sunny up.

“What’s your game captain? Huh? Getting a young female Police Officer chased out of the dock by a group of violent armed men? You’re tough!” I spat with a glare.

He took a long, cocky pull of his pipe and blinked at me slowly.

“I did want to help you. But, I’ll always have my men’s backs. I can’t make enemies of these people, they’d slit my throat in my sleep, and I’m trapped on a ship with them for most of the year. Michael Drake just wants an easy life. I think he deserves that.” Is all he said back. I rolled my eyes.

“And he can have an easy life. He’s not under arrest, but if keeps running away from Police then he will be.” I threatened.

“So where is he?” I asked, struggling to keep Sunny still.

He gave me a shrug back, and took another pull of his pipe. It smelt disgusting. I hated smoke.

“You know, people like you are the fucking worst. I expected more from you.” I cursed, quickly spinning Sunny around on the spot and kicking her into a canter again. I tended to unintentionally ride a bit harsher when I was involved in a chase, and my current anger didn’t help.

As I made my way through the dock, dock workers shouted profanities at me, and were throwing all sorts of strange foreign objects at me. One even threw a dead fish at me. Nice. I was starting to struggle to bite my tongue. Animals.

Where was he? I could not let this man slip through my grasp like his ex-wife.

“Viv? Over” Alicia radioed in.

“You okay?” I asked, my eyes scanning everyone and everything around me. I held the radio in one hand and my reins in the other. I slowed Sunny to a trot.  

“I’ve just got back to the stables, and I’ve just caught eye of a boat heading over to the Pirate’s island. I think Michael Drake is in the boat. Captain Brus has led us on a wild goose chase, he was never getting on that ship, he was fleeing from us the whole time. The ship thing was a distraction so he could get away.” She gulped, putting the pieces together.

“I’ll be there in 2 minutes, keep eyes on him Alicia.” I commanded. I put my radio back on my vest and grabbed both my reins. My blood was boiling right now, we’d been played big time.

“One last time for me girl.” I whispered to Sunny, encouraging her into a very flighty gallop back down the bridge. I steered her to the left once we’d reached the end and arrived onto the beach. It was dark now, but the ocean was peaceful. The waves overlapping every few seconds was one of the only sounds, along with Gulls calling to each other looking for their dinner. Sunny’s hooves thundered on the soft sand, and I weaved her around various bricks and rocks that had been washed up on the shore.

Then I spotted the boat.

“Michael Drake!!” I screeched, not slowing down and matching his speed on shore, But I feared I was too late. He was already halfway across to the other island, and there was nowhere I could get a boat from right now.

“Michael, you’re not in trouble! We just....need to speak to you about your wife. But if you continue to run away from us then I have no choice but to arrest you for hindering a Police investigation!” I shouted to him from the shore, panting quite heavily now.

“Amanda Drake has ruined my life enough. Leave me alone!” He shrieked from the boat, not even turning around. Great.

What was I going to do? I let out a deflated sigh. I’d called for backup but they were all coming from the other side of the country. I pulled Sunny up and watched helplessly as he drifted further and further away.  

I looked down at the dark tranquil water in front of me. The shores around here were the worst, Sharks were a common sight and there were other unsavory creatures that lurked in it’s depths. But I had no choice. Before even thinking it through properly, I nudged Sunny towards the water. It went from shallow to deep within one step. Sunny threw her ears back and snorted at me, seemingly unsure of what I was asking her to do. I turned her a tight circle and gave her a kick. She threw a buck and reared up.

“I don’t have time for this now!” I snapped, and with that, she launched herself into the water after the boat. What a saint of a horse. “Good girl Sunny! Good girl!” I praised her. Almost immediately it got too deep for her to stand and she started swimming. The water was freezing. We were literally swimming in the ocean, I looked to my left and saw nothing but endless water. If a current came or the weather turned, we were done for. It was so cold it took my breath away. But I had to get to that island. If I got onto that island before he could call someone to help him escape, then I had him and he was trapped. But it seemed a lot further away when you were swimming towards it aboard your horse, freezing to death, than when you were walking along the coast on a warm summers night. Come on Sunny, don’t give up on me.

[huntertales]

Part Four: The Bitch is Still Here. (Like a Virgin S06E12)

Episode Summary: Ten days after regaining his soul, Sam wakes up with no recollection of the past eighteen months since returning from the cage. The reader anxiously wonders if the wall Death put up in Sam’s head, made with part of her very own soul, will be strong enough. Meanwhile, the Winchesters and the reader investigate a string of disappearing virgins and discover dragons are behind the kidnapping. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 3,367.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

Dean had never felt more like a little kid on Christmas until today. A duffel bag full of gold he could fit laid at his disposal on Bobby’s work space table. The dragon’s loss, his very expensive gain. He had been rifling through the belongings those things stole to find what he could pawn off to some extra cash. During his search he found a gold watch that looked to be a rolex, encrusted with tiny diamonds. It looked like it could have belonged to one of the girls the three of you rescued last night. Dean wondered if you might like the watch as a spontaneous gift. All though, knowing you, it would take you all of five seconds to realize where it came from. It was the the thought that counted. Dean couldn’t give you luxury gifts like this expensive watch or other sort of things most boyfriends would do for their significant others. As a hunter who lived life on the road and countless motel rooms, it was the smallest things that he could give you. And you cherished them all. He continued tinkering with the watch for the past ten minutes, trying to make sure the time was right on the thing. As he heard footsteps approaching, Dean broke his concentration away from the watch to see that it was his brother. “Hey, Sam. Ask me what time it is.” Dean said. His request made the younger Winchester look down to the gold watch that he'd been playing with. Sam chuckled at the sight of his brother greedily hovering over the pile of gold that he insisted on bringing back. “Why don’t you cut to the chase and just roll in it?” Sam suggested, knowing well enough that’s what his brother probably wanted to do. “I rarely have wealth.” Dean said. He chuckled to himself as he broke out into a grin at the sight of all of this precious and very expensive gold, all for yours to do whatever you wanted with. Sam smiled slightly at the sight for a moment before he began to fade, knowing he wasn't here to watch as his brother with money signs in his eye. The younger Winchester swallowed as he approached the empty stool across the work space. "Dean." He spoke the older man's name, deciding right now was the best time to discuss the elephant in the room between just the two of them. Right now it was tackling one person at a time, apologizing for the dick that he was over the past year and a half. "I am so...so sorry. I can't even begin to say." Dean glanced up from what he was holding and to his brother. He began to wonder what the young man would be apologizing for right now. Sam had only been "back" just a few short days. He hadn't done anything out of the ordinary to cause a heartfelt apology. When Dean noticed that his brother had that guilty expression on his face, something wasn't right here. "For what?" The younger Winchester seemed pained just at the mere thought of having to say what he was told about. He let out a sigh and decided to hint at his crimes. “You know what.” It wasn't hard to tell that Sam knew he'd been walking around a lot longer than what everyone had tried telling him. Sam must have been told the truth about everything. While you wouldn't dare do such a thing, knowing how much you risked for Sam, there were a few other colors Dean could think of that would do it out of spite. “Did Bobby…?” Dean wondered if that old man decided to be a complete dick because his life was in danger. Bobby knew that if he opened his mouth and started spilling all sorts of secrets, he would be putting two people he cared deeply for in danger. But it seemed the man hadn't grown completely senile. Sam said that it was another friend, a particular angel who had been against this plan since day one. "Cas. Frigging child." “You should have told me.” Sam said. “You weren't supposed to know.” Dean argued with his little brother. "What I did? To Bobby? To you? Of course I should know." Sam said. He shook his head as he stared off into the junkyard of endless abandoned crushed cars, worthless to anyone, except for a piece of scrap to make something better again. He didn't know if he felt like the crushed car, or the brand new one fixed with a different part that he felt like he didn't deserve. "You shouldn't have let Y/N do what she did." "Right. You honestly think I have the power to tell her what to do?” Dean asked. He scoffed as he looked over to the house in the far distance, where you remained as this private conversation continued on. “I didn’t like it either. But it was the only option we had going for us.” “You could’ve found another way.” Sam muttered. “Sam, you don’t realize how badly your soul was. Cas said it felt like it was flayed to the nerve. If we shoved that thing back in you without a little padding, it would’ve killed you. That why Death put up the Great Wall of Y/N between you and the things you don't remember." Dean said, trying to explain to how serious this situation was. "Trust me when I say 'Ignorance is bliss.'” “All right. I understand what you’re trying to get at here. I’m thank for what Y/N did for me. I am. But it doesn’t change what I did. It only makes me want to set things right. I have to return the favor. ” Sam said. His brother let out a loud sigh as he turned his gaze away in frustration from how bullheaded he was on being good. “Or what I can, anyway.” “Don’t go scratching at that thing, Sammy. I swear. I put on a band aid on you to stop the bleeding. It’s fixed far as I’m concerned. I’ve got too much on my plate right now. Can you please let it be for now?” Dean asked. He almost was pleading with the man on this matter now. Sam was ready to say that it didn’t matter, he would do the exact same thing if he were in position. When he looked at his brother, Sam realized something was wrong. “Let me guess. Cas didn’t tell you.” “Tell me what?” “That the bitch is still here.” Sam looked at his brother with a confused expression, wondering who Dean was trying to hint at without saying the name. Nobody from their past that posed a problem was here. Lucifer was in the cage. Crowley was dead. Cas told him about how it was the demon who had pulled him and you out of the cage, but “forgot” his soul. However, it wasn’t an accident at all. It was leverage Crowley used against the three of you to work for him to find this little place called Purgatory by hunting monsters so he could torture them. Yet, the King of Hell wasn’t posing a threat anymore because he was dead.

Cas killed the demon himself when he learned that Crowley couldn’t get Sam’s soul like he’d been promising for weeks. That’s why you ended up patching up a deal with Death himself to get his soul from the cage. When Cas said that, Sam remembered how he got so angry...how bad the consequences would be. Not just for him, but for you. Sam could feel his stomach tighten in nervousness at the conclusion he was jumping to before getting another clue to what really was going on here. He thought back the first moments when he first woke up. The good news you shared with him, how happy you seemed...like you thought what you were saying was the truth. Sam quickly realized you and him were in the same boat. “She doesn't know, does she?” Sam asked. He watched as his brother's expression turned into a guilty one as he began to shake his head no to answer the question. Sam scoffed at what was happening here. "So you've been lying to Y/N about everything, too? Is that how you want to handle this situation? Keep us both in the dark?”

"Damn it, Sam. This is not a situation you can dictate." Dean hissed. He felt himself snapping as he roughly slammed his hand against the table, making some of the contents jump from the force he used. He kept his voice to a whisper as his eyes darted around the junkyard, wondering if this situation was going to get worse. When he saw that the two of them were alone, Dean looked back to his brother to tell him the truth. "Y/N’s soul, it's not like how it was when she went to the pit. It’s split in two. She’s part human, but part demon. It's like there's two different people in there. She had this whole split personality when she was working for Crowley. Didn’t even know about it.”

“And why can’t she?” Sam questioned his brother.

“Because this demon side—it’s nothing me or Cas has ever seen before. It’s like a parasite. Cas told me that this thing feeds off any sort of bad emotion it can get its hands on. So it can grow stronger.” Dean explained the situation to his little brother. Sam’s actions to do the right thing would have severe consequences he couldn’t go back from. “If we tell Y/N everything, sure, probably won’t kill her. But it would most likely turn her back into a demon. And I’m not gonna let that happen. That’s why I need you focused, Sammy. We got you back to normal. Now we need to return the favor for Y/N.”

Sam didn’t like the idea of being kept in the dark of what he did as a soulless man. Part of him felt like it was his duty as your best friend to tell you about your own vices. He thought your situation compared to his was the same. The both of you had been walking around for the past year and a half with a blindfold over your eyes, not having a single clue of what was going on. Sam thought he had been in the cage this entire year up until a few days ago. Only it was his soul that had been down there until it was returned by the help of Death himself after you made a deal to get the young man back to his old self.

During his time absent without a soul, he was an unrecognizable monster that caused mayhem and attempted to kill two people that he loved. His actions were terrible, something that would probably keep him up for a few weeks and keep his mind constantly riddled with guilt. But his guilt could be solved with some time, he could right some wrongs. Wounds heal, people forget about the nasty things they do to each other. Your situation was very different, and more complicated that Sam would understand in the moment.

You had spent this entire year and a half thinking that you were back to normal. That all of the hard work and sacrifice you put in was worth it. Sam knew if you found out that you were a half demon, it would hurt, but you would understand and try to find a way to get back to normal. The thing that would send you over the edge was what you did as a demon. Working for Crowley, torturing all those monsters. You didn't do it just to get Sam's soul back or because that was part of your deal with Crowley, because you also enjoyed it. You, the human part of you, would be crushed inside. To learn what you did as a demon would be the reason why you would turn into one. That’s why you couldn’t learn the truth.

Or so, that’s what the Winchesters thought. They were so worried about the truth they buried it by keeping secrets from you and pretending like everything was fine. The thing about the truth that the Winchester didn't realize after all this time, that it’ll always come out. “The truth will set you free…” And that little black soul in your body was getting closer to freedom than it ever had before.

The boys were so caught up in trying to keep you from learning about the truth, because that's what they thought would make this entire situation unravel. They didn't once think that your action of selflessness would be your downfall. You didn't realize how vulnerable you made yourself to your own worst enemy.

Death really didn’t care about three people that mangled and ruined the flow of the natural order time and time again. What he cared about was the big picture—finding Purgatory. It was the hot place everyone wanted, Heaven and Hell. All those souls...Death knew that someone else wanted it as well. So, he decided to invest in your demand. Giving a piece of your soul away was a win-win to him. Because he knew it would make you inferior to your demon side. Because whether it be the truth or time, the bitch would gain her freedom like she wanted.

You felt your lips stretch into a smirk as you stared at yourself in the mirror; the reflection that was staring back at you looked almost the same as your human self, but it was the black eyes that disguised that you were in control. And you were growing stronger with each passing day.

You were the demon side that had been stuck inside this body for the past three decades. There were moments and long periods of time that you were allowed to come out until you were shoved back inside. But this was the moment where you had more control than you ever had before. You could come out when you wanted. All though it was only for a minute or so, it was better than nothing. You could work with it. You were growing power over this body since your human self decided to pawn off a bit of your soul for Sammy.  

“Y/N?” Knocking on the bathroom door and Bobby’s muffled voice broke your concentration away from the mirror. You blinked, making your eyes and personality go back to normal, just like that. You quickly reached out and opened the door to see the older hunter standing in the hall with a rather peculiar expression. You gave him a smile, saying how you were just finishing up your business. “Come on. There’s something I think you and the boys ought to see.”

You and Bobby headed ot the library to join the brothers after he pulled them inside from the junkyard to discuss the translations from the book you found in the sewers. You crossed your arms over your chest as you examined the book and tried to translate the language, hoping you could figure out what it was so you could understand the importance of the book. Bobby took a seat at his desk and got to explaining what he brought all of you here for.

“Now, as near as I can figure it, this dates back around the fourteenth century.” Bobby said. You asked him what language it might be in, his reply made you quickly understand how much of a headache this was going to be. “Da Vinci Code. Real obscure Latinate.”

“Guess four years of high school Latin isn’t gonna help much.” You said.

“Gonna take me my golden years to translate it all.” Bobby said. You and Sam would help much as you could with the translations if the man got stuck. You reached out an arm to flip through the contents of the book, slightly grimacing from how the pages felt against your skin. Bobby took notice of your reaction. “Oh, and, uh, FYI...that ain’t paper.”

“What is it, then?” You asked,

“It’s human skin.” Bobby said. You quickly drew back your arm as you quickly wiped your palms down your jeans acting as if that would help erase the leather like feeling now burned in your memory. You shuddered and crossed your arms over your chest again, deciding you would look and not touch. “Okay. I’m fairly clear on this first bit. It basically describes this place. It’s like the backside of your worst nightmares. It’s all blood and bone and darkness. Filled with the bodies and souls of all things hungry, sharp and nasty.”

You furrowed your brow from the cryptic words, “Monsters?”

“It’s monster land. According to this, it goes by many names, most of which I can’t pronounce, bu I’m thinking you know purgatory.” Bobby explained. You nodded your head slowly as you felt yourself biting your bottom lip slightly. A place where the freaks go to die. And from the sounds of it, it wasn’t sweet as Heaven. And worse than Hell.

Awesome. Well, that is good to know.” Dean muttered. He decided to help himself to a glass of whiskey when he grabbed a half-full bottle from Bobby’s desk so he could pour himself a drink and sit down on the couch. “So you’re saying that these dragon freaks were squatting in the sewers and reading tone poems about purgatory?”

“Oh, no, no, no. They’re reading an instruction manual.” Bobby said, clarifying the situation. “If you’re nuts enough to want access to a place that gnarly, this book will show you how to open a door.”

“Door to Purgatory. I know a demon who would have loved to have known about that.” Dean said. Good old Crowley. He would have done just about anything to get his hands on that piece of paper. Now that you had it, maybe you could destroy it since you stole the book from those dragons. “So, how do you open the door?”

“Ask Cloverfield. I’m pretty sure he’s got that page.” Bobby flipped back a few of the pages. You noticed there was a clear indication that someone ripped out the thing. You let out a breath from what kind of trouble that could mean for all of you. “It gets worse. This ain’t talking about how to take a vacation over there. This is about opening a door to let something in.”

“Bring something here?” Sam asked. “What?”

“I’m working on it.” Bobby said.

You found yourself gritting your teeth, “Could you give us something?”

“I got a name.” Bobby said. You raised your brow, wondering what it was. Only to figure out that it was another cryptic clue that didn’t lead you into figuring out what the hell was going on with this world anymore. “Mother.”

“Mother of what?” Sam questioned the older hunter. “Mother of dragons?”

“I wish. It says it a few times here.” Bobby said, giving you the only clue that he had left. And from the sounds of it, what they were about to let in wasn't something you've ever seen before in in your lifetime. “Mother of all.”

You weren't the type of person who liked to drink in the middle of the afternoon or on an empty stomach, for that matter. From the information that Bobby was telling you, you found yourself reaching for that bottle of whiskey and a clean glass meant for you after you politely declined a drink earlier today. You poured yourself a hefty drink and, without hesitating, you downed it in the matter of seconds. You winched from the slight burn that you felt as the whiskey went down. You had just got done putting something back in the ground.

You let out a sigh and shut your eyes when you felt the alcohol hit your system as the room began to spin slightly around you. Maybe it was caused by the thought of whatever this kind of situation you might be dealing with in the near future.

“Oy vey.” You muttered underneath your breath.

[Next Part]

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[violetsystems]

#personal

When people wonder how long I’ve spent being ignored down here like everybody else it’s nothing compared to how long I’ve held the same job.  Truly one of the things I’ve been most successful with in proving consistency has been my work ethic.  It helps that it returns financial compensation and benefits not that any of that impresses anyone these days.  I say that work is work a lot and leave it at that.  It is important to note I work in an extremely liberal environment.  I don’t mind being inclusive in fact I think it’s more rewarding in the long run.  You expect that respecting people’s right to be will create an atmosphere that encourages you to do the same.  This is the Utopian vision of liberal America that always has it’s heart in the right place but fumbles upon execution.  Mainly because accepting people in America seems to be largely an egocentric experience.  We the people.  Wait who are we all again really?  It’s true I don’t really feel much in line with extreme politics on either side these days.  I spent years soul searching after making dance music on how to do something more important.  I volunteered for a Korean American Festival for three years back in 2011 through 2013.  That imploded in such a Tarantino-esque way like everything else in my life.  People come together and power struggles emerge out of the vacuum.   Around 2013 I worked with a collective of mostly women from my school in a project called Collective Cleaners.  It was a project about cleaning and the value of human labor.  I learned how to weave rags from old bedsheets.  We did a year long show at Jane Addams Hull House at UIC.  I could go on and on right.   But it seems like I’m telling a joke about my life with no actual punchline.  Like I’m mockumentary in the flesh.  Here I am still out here ambiguous proving myself to some phantom army.  And here I am still not good enough for America staring it in the face.  After all this my life is still a fucking joke to people in the worst and most hurtful way.  It becomes exhausting to remind people you have acted on solutions to these modern problems.  Nobody cares about me and what I do about it year after year.  Trust me I get that part by now.  That’s what it seemed like for awhile.  And then I had the painful realization that the work never stops.  And it seems like I’m all alone doing all the work.  To be truthful a lot of the work and expectations follow me around after I leave my day job.  On my lunch break I had to break up a fight between a white christian woman and a fake monk on Michigan before it happened.  The woman came running down the street making a sign of the cross with her fingers.  I stepped in front of her and calmly asked her what the fuck she was doing.  She ran away in opposite direction.  Where’s my comic book Marvel?  

For all the things I’ve done I’m still just as mistrusted and questionable in the eyes of the social elite.  I’m never quite good enough.  Never quite valid enough to prove I’m just as just viable as a closet misogynist with a six figure salary.  I’ve been questionable for years only to realize that nobody has any answers for me on how to be otherwise without being me.  Other than me.  And so in the end only I really know how successful this has all been.  And only I know when it’s appropriate to stay the course or give up entirely.  I haven’t given up.  That’s self confidence talking.  And sometimes you have to lead yourself forward towards some sort of progress through the hazy chaos.  I spent an entire year answering political calls and surveys out of guilt.  Mostly due to what I would hear from my peers about the intrinsic value of being politically aware and woke in the arts.  When it comes to American politics I do participate at bare minimum in voting.  One robocall asked my political leanings.  I said left.  “So I’ll mark you down as progressive.”  I didn’t know how I felt about it at the time.  Progressive in Illinois is a strange beast.  We elected a billionaire for Governor and a lawyer for Mayor.  At surface level that sounds horrible and I guess the more you dig into Chicago and Illinois politics you’d find the same shit.  You need money in America to have a say in politics regardless of how many free speech arguments you win on the Internet.  You can of course vote and it would be remiss to say I haven’t seen progress in that.  As of January we have recreational Marijuana and abortion legal across the state.  I have seen the drug war up close and personal.  It sounds like I’m a vice news reporter.  I’ve probably nudged up against them too in the field but they pretend I don’t exist.  Maybe that’s a parable of the drug war and the media industrial complex.  Maybe shit was lame.  All I know is through a series of miracles in the democratic process smoking weed in Chicago isn’t as dangerous to your personal freedom as it used to be.  Making friends in public still is.  Welcome to snitchville.  Whereas New York is up close but never personal Chicago is your best friend and your arch enemy at the same time.  Progressive politics signifies that things move on, evolve and change.  I’ve read enough news feeds to understand the Governor made whatever possible by crossing the aisles.  Which can be read as compromise.  That’s government.  I’m a private citizen in America.  Or so one would think.  There’s endless commentary about how people like me don’t do enough.  Americans love to talk all day about privacy and talk can be cheap.  Facing the realities of a growing surveillance state that likes to masquerade as the land of the free is troubling.  So can facing the reality your favorite punk rock festival is using public space for profit in under served neighborhoods.  I’m more concerned about white dad rock masquerading as punk.  But insecure men would rather lash out at the me too movement than rock the boat.  You pick your battles right?  Generally when I’ve been the one to stand up to things it’s been about not moving backwards in terms of progressive beliefs.  I believe in a woman’s right to choose.  I got targeted on the street all summer because of it by Christians who thought it was ok to bring it to my face.  I didn’t get a medal and I sure as fuck didn’t really get a pat on the back.  I still have my secret support systems but I don’t have the luxury any more of hiding from who I am and what I believe.  I often stand by myself and what I believe and suffer for it.  Or worse it gets hijacked, misunderstood, and misrepresented by someone’s interpretation of what I’m trying to say.  And I sit here every Saturday morning wondering if I’ve made any progress in being happy at all.  

After failing so much in everything you get a little tired of falling for the same old tricks.  The personal is the most political you can be and I have years of resistance to draw from.  Nobody ever wants me to be me even after all the passionate posts on the internet about what I believe.  It goes nowhere.  There are people who do understand and people I trust.  But the reality in America is that is few and far between in public space.  The propaganda that we’re all free is largely based on some huge stipulations.  Money is one of them.  I work for a non profit.  You can do the math.  It feels like everything that the Left wanted me to be based on critique is largely ignored unless I have my wallet out.  And even then I’ve been happier being less liberal with my money in places where it isn’t respected.  I guess I could run away to Hong Kong and start over.  The irony of that is pretty funny right now.  I haven’t talked to that side of the family in a while since I’ve been off Facebook.  I haven’t left the country since I came back from China, Korea and Japan by myself since the first summit between Moon Jae-in and the other guy.  I don’t know that I feel very safe leaving the country.  I don’t feel very safe leaving my house these days.  So do I shrivel up and waste away hoping somebody will save me.  What have I done to deserve all this I’m not sure.  I’ve spent over three years clocking in hundreds of miles running around desolate and abandoned areas of Chicago.  What am I really afraid of at this point?  Dying alone and forgotten?  I feel dead inside already every day.  I have no hope any of this will change no matter how much we sit and argue about it.  Nobody does anything.  Nobody is out there with me other than the people close to my heart.  Nobody invites me to a special club other than me at my kitchen table on a Saturday morning.  For all the good I’ve done I’m still the first person to scapegoat as ‘problematic’ after all these years.  And I can’t even profit off it on the internet?  That’s a joke.  If listening to all these criticisms and taking them to heart got me where I am why do we still pay so much attention to Dave Chapelle’s career and for profit opinion?  I’m invisible.  Just like all the victims out there who are invalidated when somebody says they’re over reacting to sexual abuse and harassment.  I think America has enough problems that nobody wants to confront without us having an opinion about any other country’s sovereign dirty laundry.  And this is where I think we can all learn a little something about progress.  I got to where I am by believing in myself and resisting people’s judgements of who I am.  I got there by challenging my own perspective and growing into my own by putting my ideas into practice.  It hasn’t been easy.  It has been largely thankless and a complete mind fuck.  But I haven’t been alone as much as it seems.  People use so many words and get nowhere.  And then people learn how to communicate without ever opening their mouth.  People can say they love you all day long.  I’m always going to be out here showing you just how much it means to me regardless of who sees it and how they feel about it.  In that I err on the side of consistency.  If that makes me a loser I’m happy with the results.  <3 Tim

[fallen-gravity]

Your tag for Moana and Maui is "Team Bun Buddies" and a prompt came to mind: Maui, unless it's absolutely necessary, wears his hair long to cover the tattoo on his back, the tattoo of his abandonment, the proof that no matter what he does, he isn't good enough. Moana, messing with his hair, gets snapped at for trying to put it up. He explains why he doesn't want it to show. It's still hard, after all this time. (Love your fics btw)

kSHdajkl thank you so much!! I loved getting to write a story based on my tag for them, because the fact that I can proves even further that it’s the perfect tag to use on these nerds

“Do you want blue flowers or yellow flowers?” Moanaasks, finishing up on twisting a small bouquet of flowers into a crown shapefor herself. “I was gonna make you one with both, but now I don’t think I haveenough” she says, places her little flower crown on her head before reachingdown to pick up her basket.

“Well, then why do you get both?” Maui asks, sittingwith his legs crossed on the floor in front of her, turning his head around andpointing an eyebrow up at her yellow-and-blue crown.

Moana smirks. “Because I’m more important than you”she says, and he glares at her.

“I’ve got an entire spread of tattoos right herethat would love to argue the exact opposite” he deadpans, and Moana rolls hereyes, then gestures vaguely towards the direction of her fale door.

“And I’ve got an entire island ready to arguefor me.” She shakes her head amusingly. “Tattoos just don’t compare” She says,and Maui opens his mouth to argue, closes it, and grunts.

“Fine. Blue”

“Yellow it is” Moana smirks, placing her basket ofwildflowers on the ground. She sorts through them, picking out all of theyellow flowers and leaving the blue. She keeps the basket close to her feet, incase it turns out that there’ll be enough room to add blue later on.

Maui had been the one to ask her to make him one,after he had spotted her wearing one a few hours ago. Not because he wanted tomatch with her or anything, he’d insisted, but no matter how many times hetried to argue against the notion Moana wasn’t buying it. So instead of justmaking him one or giving him the one she had on, she tossed the one she hadaway. The flowers were wilting anyway, and she wasn’t one to argue with havingmatching flower crowns with her best friend. So when she was finished with herduties as Chief for the day, she told him to meet her in her fale whileshe gathered the flowers herself.

Taking her bouquet of yellow flowers, Moana ever socarefully begins to tie them together into a crown shape. It’s harder, making onefor him instead of herself, because his head is so much bigger than hers, butthis isn’t the first she’s made for him in the past. She takes the leftovertwine she didn’t need to make hers, and begins to tie the flower stems aroundthem. One at a time she works, tying and snipping and attaching each flower tothe twine until the brown rope underneath is no longer visible. Then, she takesthe rest of the yellow flowers, snips the stems off completely, and shoves themon top of and in between other flowers to add fullness to it.

Once she’s completely satisfied with it, she bouncesit around in her hand a few times for good measures, and then she smiles.

“All set!” she says, and grabs at his hair with herfree hand to begin parting it here and there. “Now, I think I might’ve addedtoo many flowers to this one to really let it sit on its own”, she starts,places his flower crown on her wrist like an oversized bracelet as she gathershis hair in both of her hands. “So I’m going to have to put your hair up in abun in order to-”

“No!” Maui suddenly snaps, almost sounding afraid,and jumps to his feet so suddenly Moana physically stumbles at the gesture,accidentally knocking over her basket and sending the blue flowers scatteredall over her fale floor.  She frowns.

“Maui?” she asks, and when he turns to her he’sreaching back to fix his hair to how it was before.

“Do whatever you want with my hair, I really don’tcare” he says, still reaching back to fix whatever problem with it Moana hadapparently caused. “Put anything in it, mess it up all you want” He says,shaking his head. “Just-just don’t put it up, okay Moana?” He asks, and eventhough he’s facing her now he’s still reaching behind him and pattinghis hair down like there’s something he’s trying to hide from her.

Moana frowns, because in the ten years that she’sknown him, she’s only seen him this nervous and fidgety with his hair oncebefore. It was right after Lalotai, the first time. No matter where on the boatMoana would walk, Maui would start to grab at his hair and push it around, likethere was something on his back he didn’t want her to see. Moana had brushed itoff at first, but then later on, just as the stars were coming out, he went to reachfor his hair to put it up in a bun.

And he hesitated. His hands froze, and Moana couldswear that his eyes darted towards her for a moment, like he was afraid of whatshe would do if he did put it up. But just before she could return his gaze, hesighed, and for some reason he decided to put it up anyways. He lied down onthe deck before Moana could see whatever it was he was trying to hide from her,and it wasn’t until much later that night did Moana learn what it was.

The tattoo of his abandonment. It broke Moana’sheart to pieces in ways she couldn’t begin to describe when he told her thefull story. Of his own mother tossing him into the sea like he was less thanworthless to her. His own family, the people who are supposed to be there forhim no matter what, to support him unconditionally, and they turned a blind eyeon him like he didn’t matter to any of them.

And to make matters worse, to break Moana’s heartjust a little further, he believed they were in the right. Moana would’veexpected him to feel anger or some form of indignation towards his family, butshe found none. All she found was apathy, and when she looked deep into hiseyes, even when they did not turn to meet hers, she nearly recoiled when shefound remorse. Like he blamed himself for what his family did to him. Itstill bothered him. Thousands of years later and it still hurt him to thinkabout.

And even now. Even today, it still bothers him. Howcan it not, her brain adds painfully, when it’s branded into his skin.

Moana frowns. “Do you want to talk about it?” Sheasks, and instantly his hands freeze on his head. He drops them to his side.

“About what?” he asks, and the fact that he’spretending he doesn’t know what she’s talking about is only making her feelworse.

“About what’s bothering you” Moana mumbles,empathetic sadness creeping its way into her tone. For a few seconds, Maui saysnothing, but then when their eyes meet his expression sort of crumples and hedrops down onto the floor into a sitting position. Frowning, Moana walks overand sits by his side.

“I’m sorry” Maui says first, shaking his head beforeturning to look at her. “I shouldn���t have snapped at you. It’s just-I don’t-”he pauses, stuck, and Moana scooches closer to him as a means of encouraginghim to keep going. He sighs. “I don’t want that tattoo to be exposed”

“It’s okay”

“It’s just-” he starts, and leans back on his hands.“It’s just hard sometimes” he mumbles, averting her gaze.

“It still hurts you to think about it” Moana fillsin, and Maui nods.

“More than I’d like to admit” he mumbles, and turnsto meet her gaze again. “And I know that maybe I should be over it by now,right?” He pauses, and picks up one of the little blue flowers from the floor.“But-they were supposed to be my family. My own family didn’twant me, Moana, and that’s just-that’s not-”

“That’s not just something you can get over” Moanafills in, speaking both for Maui and for herself. Because it hurts her, too.The idea of Maui- of her best friend being left alone to die- it hurtsher more than she’s willing to let him know. Nobody deserves something likethis to happen to them, and especially not him. He’s so caring to so manypeople, and there’s nothing that he wants more than to be accepted. Everythinghe’s ever done he’s done so selflessly, and for someone likethat-someone like him to have to go through something like this-he doesn’tdeserve this. He doesn’t deserve a family like that.

“And to make things worse”, Maui continues, “Ofcourse I’ve got a tattoo of it. Right in between my shoulders, weighing medown” He looks down at the blue flower in his hand that he’d apparently stillbeen holding before he drops it onto the ground. “It’s like a reminderthat-that no matter what I do-” He drops his head. “I won’t be good enough” Headmits, defeat ringing heavily in his voice. “Not good enough for myself-” hepauses. “Not good enough for anyone else” he mumbles, and for a few solidseconds Moana just sits and stares at him, heartbroken.

Because those are the untruest words he’s everspoken in his entire life. He means so much to so many people. To her. He meansthe world to her. He’s the most important thing in her life, right up therewith her people, and right up there with-with-

With her family.

“Maui, listen to me” she says, trying to ignore theshakiness in her voice. “I don’t ever want to hear you say those words again”she says, and Maui turns his gaze back on her at her words. He goes to protest,but she shakes her head, and he closes his mouth instantly.

“Maui- those things you just said- how you’re notgood enough-” she pauses to shake her head at how wrong it sounds comingfrom her mouth. “That couldn’t be any less than true” she says, and at thispoint she can’t help the wavering in her voice. “You’re not-you’re notworthless”. She scooches even closer and wraps her arms around him. “You meaneverything to me, Maui-you’re-” she pauses to attempt to pull him closer.“You’re my best friend” she says, head pressed gently against his shoulder.“You’re not worthless, you can’t be, because-” she pauses, and pulls her headaway so she can look him in the eyes. “Because- you’re like family to me, Maui”she says, and all at once, his face crumbles again. Not in sadness this timethough.

“Moana…” he says, almost sounding touched, and whenshe presses her head against his shoulder again she feels him adjust himselfbefore he moves his arms to wrap them around her.

“You’re so important to me, Maui- I don’t want youto forget that.” She pulls her head away from his shoulder again. “Not just meeither-Everyone here on Motunui, you mean so much to every one of them” Sheshuffles slightly in his arms to allow herself to look at him more comfortably,tucks a strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face back behind herear. “If you’re-If you’re ever looking for, y’know, a place to go, or-or afamily to turn to-we’ll always be here.” She pauses. “I’ll always be here” She says, looking him right in the eyes toprove to him how much she means these words.

Maui only looks at her for a long second, like he’slooking for something in her eyes, but then he sighs, long and heavy. “Okay” hesays, and places her gently back onto the ground. “Okay” he repeats, noddinghis head. Moana rolls her eyes, and as she does she catches sight of theall-yellow flower crown sitting on the ground a few feet away. Careful not tocrush any of the blue flowers still scattered around the floor, Moana standsand goes to pick it up before she goes to sit back down beside him.

“And if you ever start doubting yourself again, justremember that you’ve got a tattoo that proves you’ll always be goodenough” she says, and he blinks at her in this weird sort of mixture of shockand confusion.

“Huh? Where?” He asks, looking all over himself, andMoana laughs as she reaches forward and jabs right over his heart, right atMini Moana raising her hand to measure the stars. And before he can do or sayanything else, Moana stands, and as she walks by to pick up the basket as wellas the blue flowers, she plops the all-yellow crown right on top of his head, ruffling his hair slightly both to push the crown into place and for a bitof an added effect.

[teeky185]

(Bloomberg) -- President Donald Trump’s campaign vow to get the U.S. out of costly foreign entanglements is colliding with the messy reality of America’s commitments in the Middle East, where tensions are rising between Washington and Tehran after attacks on two tankers last week.The dilemma emerged again as the administration ordered another 1,000 troops to the region on Monday in response to what Trump officials say was Iran’s role in the latest strikes. The Tehran government has rejected those accusations.So far the international response to the U.S. charges has been muted. With the rhetoric on both the American and Iranian sides rising, the relatively small deployment announced Monday appears calibrated to show the U.S. will push back on what it sees as Iran’s bad behavior without changing the balance of American power in the region.“Trump is very determined to avoid getting dragged into a military conflict if he can avoid it,” said Gary Samore, a former White House coordinator for arms control and weapons of mass destruction in the Obama administration.The president seemed to reinforce that impression in a Time magazine interview published late Monday. “So far, it’s been very minor,” he said of the attacks. Asked if he was considering a military confrontation, he told Time, “I wouldn’t say that. I can’t say that at all.”A Navy explosives expert who briefed reporters on the attacks at the Pentagon on Monday said the mines attached to a Japanese tanker were above the water line, which may indicate the attackers meant to damage the ship but not destroy it. A Pentagon spokesman later said the expert wasn’t part of the U.S.’s official investigation into the attacks.Analysts say that the broader Trump approach to foreign policy -- exerting maximum pressure on adversaries to force concessions -- raises the risk of an unintended conflict and has yet to pay off. From Tehran to Caracas to Pyongyang, U.S. efforts to force hostile regimes to back down have met stubborn resistance, despite threats or demands from officials including National Security Adviser John Bolton and Secretary of State Michael Pompeo.Read More: Pentagon Shares New Photos, Timeline of Gulf Oil Tanker AttacksBefore Bolton joined the Trump administration last year, he publicly advocated war with Iran to eliminate its nuclear program. And it was Pompeo who last year announced a lengthy list of demands Iran had to meet to enter talks with the U.S., only to have the president say he just wished officials in Tehran would call him to work things out.“If it was up to others like Bolton and Pompeo, they would advocate more aggressive action but I don’t see any sign Trump is spoiling for a fight,” Samore said.The mixed messages and a general distrust of American motives have fueled doubts about U.S. intentions toward Iran, even among allies. The situation has been exacerbated, analysts say, by Trump’s decision to withdraw from the 2015 Iran nuclear accord and his administration’s general skepticism of alliances and multilateral institutions.“Unfortunately, our great comparative advantage as a nation — building and working with alliances — has eroded, particularly with respect to Iran,” Brett McGurk, Trump’s former envoy to the global coalition to combat the Islamic State, wrote in a tweet June 14. “Key western allies warned of this very circumstance and sequence of events when the US began its maximum pressure campaign a year ago.”Trump may be even less willing to consider military force this week given he will symbolically kick off his re-election campaign on Tuesday in Florida. Though he campaigned in 2016 on promises to get out of overseas conflicts, Trump has struggled to draw down troops in Syria and Afghanistan, and now is in the position of sending more forces to the Middle East as he tries to convince voters he deserves another four years in office.Sensing inconsistencies in Trump’s strategy, leaders in Tehran may even be trying to call the president’s bluff.Limited OptionsIranian officials have indicated the country may stop abiding by some elements of the 2015 nuclear accord, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, in days, a move experts argue is a carefully calibrated bid to exert new pressure for sanctions relief on European nations that have urged Iran to remain in the deal.Short of war, options for additional U.S. pressure include stepping up military escorts for tankers in the Gulf region or striking boats or facilities belonging to the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, which the U.S. has said was involved in the latest attacks.Air Force General Paul Selva, vice chairman of the Pentagon’s Joint Chiefs, said Tuesday in Washington that the U.S. has communicated a message to Iran of “hands off -- don’t come after our forces” in public statements as well as through Iraqi and Swiss intermediaries.If Iran “comes after U.S. citizens, U.S. assets or the U.S. military we reserve the right to respond with military action -- and they need to know that,” Silva, the No. 2 U.S. military official, said at a breakfast with defense reporters.Selva, who’s retiring next month, said tanker escorts like those the U.S. organized in the 1980s, would be “ill-advised” unless the “international community” fully participates.‘Lot of Hysteria’“There’s a lot of hysteria that holding Iran accountable has to be justified as a prelude to war,” said Ray Takeyh, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. “We’re already in the midst of a low-intensity conflict that has managed to regulate itself.”Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, a close Trump supporter, told reporters on Tuesday that “nobody’s talking about an Iraq War, but we are talking about a military response on the the table that would cripple their ability” to disrupt oil flow and about “destroying their ability to refine oil.”Yet others among Trump’s allies, such as Republican Representative Michael McCaul of Texas, the ranking member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, caution that the U.S. and Iran must not edge closer to conflict.McCaul said that American forces in the region are in a “defensive posture” to protect transit through the Straits of Hormuz and he warned that military action against Iran would be “very, very complicated.”“I don’t think anyone has the appetite for war, although we do have military plans, obviously, contingency plans, in the event that is to happen,” McCaul said on Bloomberg Television. “I would caution that Iran is about the size of Iraq and Afghanistan combined and it would be very, very complicated."(Updates with Senator Graham in second paragraph after ‘Lot of Hystery’ subheadline.)\--With assistance from Margaret Talev, Daniel Flatley and Tony Capaccio.To contact the reporter on this story: Nick Wadhams in Washington at nwadhams@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Bill Faries at wfaries@bloomberg.net, John HarneyFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://yhoo.it/2FkQQK6

[morningusa]

(Bloomberg) -- President Donald Trump’s campaign vow to get the U.S. out of costly foreign entanglements is colliding with the messy reality of America’s commitments in the Middle East, where tensions are rising between Washington and Tehran after attacks on two tankers last week.The dilemma emerged again as the administration ordered another 1,000 troops to the region on Monday in response to what Trump officials say was Iran’s role in the latest strikes. The Tehran government has rejected those accusations.So far the international response to the U.S. charges has been muted. With the rhetoric on both the American and Iranian sides rising, the relatively small deployment announced Monday appears calibrated to show the U.S. will push back on what it sees as Iran’s bad behavior without changing the balance of American power in the region.“Trump is very determined to avoid getting dragged into a military conflict if he can avoid it,” said Gary Samore, a former White House coordinator for arms control and weapons of mass destruction in the Obama administration.The president seemed to reinforce that impression in a Time magazine interview published late Monday. “So far, it’s been very minor,” he said of the attacks. Asked if he was considering a military confrontation, he told Time, “I wouldn’t say that. I can’t say that at all.”A Navy explosives expert who briefed reporters on the attacks at the Pentagon on Monday said the mines attached to a Japanese tanker were above the water line, which may indicate the attackers meant to damage the ship but not destroy it. A Pentagon spokesman later said the expert wasn’t part of the U.S.’s official investigation into the attacks.Analysts say that the broader Trump approach to foreign policy -- exerting maximum pressure on adversaries to force concessions -- raises the risk of an unintended conflict and has yet to pay off. From Tehran to Caracas to Pyongyang, U.S. efforts to force hostile regimes to back down have met stubborn resistance, despite threats or demands from officials including National Security Adviser John Bolton and Secretary of State Michael Pompeo.Read More: Pentagon Shares New Photos, Timeline of Gulf Oil Tanker AttacksBefore Bolton joined the Trump administration last year, he publicly advocated war with Iran to eliminate its nuclear program. And it was Pompeo who last year announced a lengthy list of demands Iran had to meet to enter talks with the U.S., only to have the president say he just wished officials in Tehran would call him to work things out.“If it was up to others like Bolton and Pompeo, they would advocate more aggressive action but I don’t see any sign Trump is spoiling for a fight,” Samore said.The mixed messages and a general distrust of American motives have fueled doubts about U.S. intentions toward Iran, even among allies. The situation has been exacerbated, analysts say, by Trump’s decision to withdraw from the 2015 Iran nuclear accord and his administration’s general skepticism of alliances and multilateral institutions.“Unfortunately, our great comparative advantage as a nation — building and working with alliances — has eroded, particularly with respect to Iran,” Brett McGurk, Trump’s former envoy to the global coalition to combat the Islamic State, wrote in a tweet June 14. “Key western allies warned of this very circumstance and sequence of events when the US began its maximum pressure campaign a year ago.”Trump may be even less willing to consider military force this week given he will symbolically kick off his re-election campaign on Tuesday in Florida. Though he campaigned in 2016 on promises to get out of overseas conflicts, Trump has struggled to draw down troops in Syria and Afghanistan, and now is in the position of sending more forces to the Middle East as he tries to convince voters he deserves another four years in office.Sensing inconsistencies in Trump’s strategy, leaders in Tehran may even be trying to call the president’s bluff.Limited OptionsIranian officials have indicated the country may stop abiding by some elements of the 2015 nuclear accord, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, in days, a move experts argue is a carefully calibrated bid to exert new pressure for sanctions relief on European nations that have urged Iran to remain in the deal.Short of war, options for additional U.S. pressure include stepping up military escorts for tankers in the Gulf region or striking boats or facilities belonging to the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, which the U.S. has said was involved in the latest attacks.Air Force General Paul Selva, vice chairman of the Pentagon’s Joint Chiefs, said Tuesday in Washington that the U.S. has communicated a message to Iran of “hands off -- don’t come after our forces” in public statements as well as through Iraqi and Swiss intermediaries.If Iran “comes after U.S. citizens, U.S. assets or the U.S. military we reserve the right to respond with military action -- and they need to know that,” Silva, the No. 2 U.S. military official, said at a breakfast with defense reporters.Selva, who’s retiring next month, said tanker escorts like those the U.S. organized in the 1980s, would be “ill-advised” unless the “international community” fully participates.‘Lot of Hysteria’“There’s a lot of hysteria that holding Iran accountable has to be justified as a prelude to war,” said Ray Takeyh, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. “We’re already in the midst of a low-intensity conflict that has managed to regulate itself.”Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, a close Trump supporter, told reporters on Tuesday that “nobody’s talking about an Iraq War, but we are talking about a military response on the the table that would cripple their ability” to disrupt oil flow and about “destroying their ability to refine oil.”Yet others among Trump’s allies, such as Republican Representative Michael McCaul of Texas, the ranking member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, caution that the U.S. and Iran must not edge closer to conflict.McCaul said that American forces in the region are in a “defensive posture” to protect transit through the Straits of Hormuz and he warned that military action against Iran would be “very, very complicated.”“I don’t think anyone has the appetite for war, although we do have military plans, obviously, contingency plans, in the event that is to happen,” McCaul said on Bloomberg Television. “I would caution that Iran is about the size of Iraq and Afghanistan combined and it would be very, very complicated."(Updates with Senator Graham in second paragraph after ‘Lot of Hystery’ subheadline.)\--With assistance from Margaret Talev, Daniel Flatley and Tony Capaccio.To contact the reporter on this story: Nick Wadhams in Washington at nwadhams@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Bill Faries at wfaries@bloomberg.net, John HarneyFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

[beautytipsfor]

As U.S. Boosts Pressure, Iran Tests Trump's Appetite for a Fight

(Bloomberg) -- President Donald Trump’s campaign vow to get the U.S. out of costly foreign entanglements is colliding with the messy reality of America’s commitments in the Middle East, where tensions are rising between Washington and Tehran after attacks on two tankers last week.The dilemma emerged again as the administration ordered another 1,000 troops to the region on Monday in response to what Trump officials say was Iran’s role in the latest strikes. The Tehran government has rejected those accusations.So far the international response to the U.S. charges has been muted. With the rhetoric on both the American and Iranian sides rising, the relatively small deployment announced Monday appears calibrated to show the U.S. will push back on what it sees as Iran’s bad behavior without changing the balance of American power in the region.“Trump is very determined to avoid getting dragged into a military conflict if he can avoid it,” said Gary Samore, a former White House coordinator for arms control and weapons of mass destruction in the Obama administration.The president seemed to reinforce that impression in a Time magazine interview published late Monday. “So far, it’s been very minor,” he said of the attacks. Asked if he was considering a military confrontation, he told Time, “I wouldn’t say that. I can’t say that at all.”A Navy explosives expert who briefed reporters on the attacks at the Pentagon on Monday said the mines attached to a Japanese tanker were above the water line, which may indicate the attackers meant to damage the ship but not destroy it. A Pentagon spokesman later said the expert wasn’t part of the U.S.’s official investigation into the attacks.Analysts say that the broader Trump approach to foreign policy -- exerting maximum pressure on adversaries to force concessions -- raises the risk of an unintended conflict and has yet to pay off. From Tehran to Caracas to Pyongyang, U.S. efforts to force hostile regimes to back down have met stubborn resistance, despite threats or demands from officials including National Security Adviser John Bolton and Secretary of State Michael Pompeo.Read More: Pentagon Shares New Photos, Timeline of Gulf Oil Tanker AttacksBefore Bolton joined the Trump administration last year, he publicly advocated war with Iran to eliminate its nuclear program. And it was Pompeo who last year announced a lengthy list of demands Iran had to meet to enter talks with the U.S., only to have the president say he just wished officials in Tehran would call him to work things out.“If it was up to others like Bolton and Pompeo, they would advocate more aggressive action but I don’t see any sign Trump is spoiling for a fight,” Samore said.The mixed messages and a general distrust of American motives have fueled doubts about U.S. intentions toward Iran, even among allies. The situation has been exacerbated, analysts say, by Trump’s decision to withdraw from the 2015 Iran nuclear accord and his administration’s general skepticism of alliances and multilateral institutions.“Unfortunately, our great comparative advantage as a nation — building and working with alliances — has eroded, particularly with respect to Iran,” Brett McGurk, Trump’s former envoy to the global coalition to combat the Islamic State, wrote in a tweet June 14. “Key western allies warned of this very circumstance and sequence of events when the US began its maximum pressure campaign a year ago.”Trump may be even less willing to consider military force this week given he will symbolically kick off his re-election campaign on Tuesday in Florida. Though he campaigned in 2016 on promises to get out of overseas conflicts, Trump has struggled to draw down troops in Syria and Afghanistan, and now is in the position of sending more forces to the Middle East as he tries to convince voters he deserves another four years in office.Sensing inconsistencies in Trump’s strategy, leaders in Tehran may even be trying to call the president’s bluff.Limited OptionsIranian officials have indicated the country may stop abiding by some elements of the 2015 nuclear accord, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, in days, a move experts argue is a carefully calibrated bid to exert new pressure for sanctions relief on European nations that have urged Iran to remain in the deal.Short of war, options for additional U.S. pressure include stepping up military escorts for tankers in the Gulf region or striking boats or facilities belonging to the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, which the U.S. has said was involved in the latest attacks.Air Force General Paul Selva, vice chairman of the Pentagon’s Joint Chiefs, said Tuesday in Washington that the U.S. has communicated a message to Iran of “hands off -- don’t come after our forces” in public statements as well as through Iraqi and Swiss intermediaries.If Iran “comes after U.S. citizens, U.S. assets or the U.S. military we reserve the right to respond with military action -- and they need to know that,” Silva, the No. 2 U.S. military official, said at a breakfast with defense reporters.Selva, who’s retiring next month, said tanker escorts like those the U.S. organized in the 1980s, would be “ill-advised” unless the “international community” fully participates.‘Lot of Hysteria’“There’s a lot of hysteria that holding Iran accountable has to be justified as a prelude to war,” said Ray Takeyh, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. “We’re already in the midst of a low-intensity conflict that has managed to regulate itself.”Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, a close Trump supporter, told reporters on Tuesday that “nobody’s talking about an Iraq War, but we are talking about a military response on the the table that would cripple their ability” to disrupt oil flow and about “destroying their ability to refine oil.”Yet others among Trump’s allies, such as Republican Representative Michael McCaul of Texas, the ranking member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, caution that the U.S. and Iran must not edge closer to conflict.McCaul said that American forces in the region are in a “defensive posture” to protect transit through the Straits of Hormuz and he warned that military action against Iran would be “very, very complicated.”“I don’t think anyone has the appetite for war, although we do have military plans, obviously, contingency plans, in the event that is to happen,” McCaul said on Bloomberg Television. “I would caution that Iran is about the size of Iraq and Afghanistan combined and it would be very, very complicated."(Updates with Senator Graham in second paragraph after ‘Lot of Hystery’ subheadline.)\--With assistance from Margaret Talev, Daniel Flatley and Tony Capaccio.To contact the reporter on this story: Nick Wadhams in Washington at nwadhams@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Bill Faries at wfaries@bloomberg.net, John HarneyFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines https://yhoo.it/2FkQQK6 via Beauty Tips

from Blogger http://bit.ly/2IUk4Au

[sweatygardencollectorblr]

(Bloomberg) -- President Donald Trump’s campaign vow to get the U.S. out of costly foreign entanglements is colliding with the messy reality of America’s commitments in the Middle East, where tensions are rising between Washington and Tehran after attacks on two tankers last week.The dilemma emerged again as the administration ordered another 1,000 troops to the region on Monday in response to what Trump officials say was Iran’s role in the latest strikes. The Tehran government has rejected those accusations.So far the international response to the U.S. charges has been muted. With the rhetoric on both the American and Iranian sides rising, the relatively small deployment announced Monday appears calibrated to show the U.S. will push back on what it sees as Iran’s bad behavior without changing the balance of American power in the region.“Trump is very determined to avoid getting dragged into a military conflict if he can avoid it,” said Gary Samore, a former White House coordinator for arms control and weapons of mass destruction in the Obama administration.The president seemed to reinforce that impression in a Time magazine interview published late Monday. “So far, it’s been very minor,” he said of the attacks. Asked if he was considering a military confrontation, he told Time, “I wouldn’t say that. I can’t say that at all.”A Navy explosives expert who briefed reporters on the attacks at the Pentagon on Monday said the mines attached to a Japanese tanker were above the water line, which may indicate the attackers meant to damage the ship but not destroy it. A Pentagon spokesman later said the expert wasn’t part of the U.S.’s official investigation into the attacks.Analysts say that the broader Trump approach to foreign policy -- exerting maximum pressure on adversaries to force concessions -- raises the risk of an unintended conflict and has yet to pay off. From Tehran to Caracas to Pyongyang, U.S. efforts to force hostile regimes to back down have met stubborn resistance, despite threats or demands from officials including National Security Adviser John Bolton and Secretary of State Michael Pompeo.Read More: Pentagon Shares New Photos, Timeline of Gulf Oil Tanker AttacksBefore Bolton joined the Trump administration last year, he publicly advocated war with Iran to eliminate its nuclear program. And it was Pompeo who last year announced a lengthy list of demands Iran had to meet to enter talks with the U.S., only to have the president say he just wished officials in Tehran would call him to work things out.“If it was up to others like Bolton and Pompeo, they would advocate more aggressive action but I don’t see any sign Trump is spoiling for a fight,” Samore said.The mixed messages and a general distrust of American motives have fueled doubts about U.S. intentions toward Iran, even among allies. The situation has been exacerbated, analysts say, by Trump’s decision to withdraw from the 2015 Iran nuclear accord and his administration’s general skepticism of alliances and multilateral institutions.“Unfortunately, our great comparative advantage as a nation — building and working with alliances — has eroded, particularly with respect to Iran,” Brett McGurk, Trump’s former envoy to the global coalition to combat the Islamic State, wrote in a tweet June 14. “Key western allies warned of this very circumstance and sequence of events when the US began its maximum pressure campaign a year ago.”Trump may be even less willing to consider military force this week given he will symbolically kick off his re-election campaign on Tuesday in Florida. Though he campaigned in 2016 on promises to get out of overseas conflicts, Trump has struggled to draw down troops in Syria and Afghanistan, and now is in the position of sending more forces to the Middle East as he tries to convince voters he deserves another four years in office.Sensing inconsistencies in Trump’s strategy, leaders in Tehran may even be trying to call the president’s bluff.Limited OptionsIranian officials have indicated the country may stop abiding by some elements of the 2015 nuclear accord, known as the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action, in days, a move experts argue is a carefully calibrated bid to exert new pressure for sanctions relief on European nations that have urged Iran to remain in the deal.Short of war, options for additional U.S. pressure include stepping up military escorts for tankers in the Gulf region or striking boats or facilities belonging to the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, which the U.S. has said was involved in the latest attacks.Air Force General Paul Selva, vice chairman of the Pentagon’s Joint Chiefs, said Tuesday in Washington that the U.S. has communicated a message to Iran of “hands off -- don’t come after our forces” in public statements as well as through Iraqi and Swiss intermediaries.If Iran “comes after U.S. citizens, U.S. assets or the U.S. military we reserve the right to respond with military action -- and they need to know that,” Silva, the No. 2 U.S. military official, said at a breakfast with defense reporters.Selva, who’s retiring next month, said tanker escorts like those the U.S. organized in the 1980s, would be “ill-advised” unless the “international community” fully participates.‘Lot of Hysteria’“There’s a lot of hysteria that holding Iran accountable has to be justified as a prelude to war,” said Ray Takeyh, a senior fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations. “We’re already in the midst of a low-intensity conflict that has managed to regulate itself.”Republican Senator Lindsey Graham, a close Trump supporter, told reporters on Tuesday that “nobody’s talking about an Iraq War, but we are talking about a military response on the the table that would cripple their ability” to disrupt oil flow and about “destroying their ability to refine oil.”Yet others among Trump’s allies, such as Republican Representative Michael McCaul of Texas, the ranking member of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, caution that the U.S. and Iran must not edge closer to conflict.McCaul said that American forces in the region are in a “defensive posture” to protect transit through the Straits of Hormuz and he warned that military action against Iran would be “very, very complicated.”“I don’t think anyone has the appetite for war, although we do have military plans, obviously, contingency plans, in the event that is to happen,” McCaul said on Bloomberg Television. “I would caution that Iran is about the size of Iraq and Afghanistan combined and it would be very, very complicated."(Updates with Senator Graham in second paragraph after ‘Lot of Hystery’ subheadline.)\--With assistance from Margaret Talev, Daniel Flatley and Tony Capaccio.To contact the reporter on this story: Nick Wadhams in Washington at nwadhams@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Bill Faries at wfaries@bloomberg.net, John HarneyFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

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