#nonserious

[sealed-valkyria]

Mmm free salad. : )

[ashenmind]

as an aside, I not generally too concerned about trans women falling into the “women are pure and wonderful” trap, if only because many of us used to have moms

[xrolasmoment]

I literally just randomly started imagining Dirk being short. Like this.

[cassyapper]

only noritaro can save me but unfortunately i will not be making it on the dean’s list yet again so i doubly dont get to get a special noritaro treat at the end of this quarter. considering suicide

[intestines-3001]

No idea where 500 of you came from in my Killer DTIYS but thanks for the compliments.

Probably won’t draw myself here often

[asktheevilgeniusesson]

I’M MAKING A CALLOUT POST 9N MY TUMBLR.COM, @theshadowandhislight TRICKED ME WITH AN AMONGUS VENTING JOKE, THATS RIGHT HE ASKED IF HE COULD VENT AND HE VENTED INTO MY GODDAMN ROOM LIKE AN IMPOSTER, YOU GOT A SMALL VENT ITS THE SIZE OF THIS WALNUT WXCEPT WAY SMALLER, AND GUESS WHAT? HERES WHAT MY VENT LOOKS LIKE-

(BWFOOOOOOOOF)

THATS RIGHT BABY. NO AIR. NO DUST. NO NAILS. LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE A MINECRAFT TRAPDOOR-

HE BAMBOOZLED ME WITH AN AMONGUSJOKE SO GUESS WHAT, IM GONNA BAMBOOZLE OUR ENTIRE FOLLOWERBASES! THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET- MY SUPER. LASER. IMPOSTER PISS

YOU HAVE TWENTY THREE HOURS BEFORE THE TWERKING PISS-POSTER HITS YOUR FUCKING FACE, NOW GET OUTTA MY FUCKING SIGHT, BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

[snorp-gorp]

ERM I DONT THINK I'VE EVER GIVEN MY GRUMPUS SEXUALITY/GENDER HEADCANNONS SO HERE IS THAT

-Filbo and the Journalist are both aroace and in a queerplatonic relationship

- The journalist is transmasc nonbinary

-Filbo's a cis man

- Wambus and Triffany are both cis and bisexual

- Beffica is either bi or sapphic/unlabled (also she/they pronounce)

- Gramble is a heterosexual trans man

-Wiggle is a pansexual trans woman

- Chandlo is a bi trans man and Snorpy is a cis, demiromantic gay man

- Cromdo cis gay (old man yaoi)

-Floofty is nonbinary(obv) transfem, greyromantic and queer/unlabled

-Shellsy genderqueer aroace-flux lesbian

-Lizbert is cis lesbian, Egg is lesbian trans woman

- Alegander is a twink to me, sorry I dont make the rules

-Clumby cis lesbian (old woman yuri)

This is just for sillies feel free to disagree 💥‼️

[miserycorde]

E1 fooooor Nepenthe! the coolest nep

Give me a character and an expression!

hell yeah! immaculate war surgeon swag!

bonus:

[getcuboned]

Wait Chappell Roan is gay? Why do people have to pretend Taylor Swift is gay then?

[mockerycrow]

shhh you’ll ignore any and all plot holes and inconsistencies in my writing. you will nod your head yes and salute me /j

[sealed-valkyria]

AND HERE COMES THE BRACKEN WITH A STEEL CHAIR-

[hecho-a-mano]

I find it so funny that felines have canines. So much for being the opposite of dogs 🙄🙄🙄

[xrolasmoment]

The classic Strider resting bitch face, the tell-tale sign of the emotional neglect they faced (extremely relatable)

[jdijwa-blog]

Encountering Horizon

Whatever it was that had him paralyzed had started to wear off.  Slowly he was able to feel his limbs again.  Move a pinky there, move his foot off that pebble there.  That was an instant relief.  Just not as much relief as finally being able to get out of the sun with his dark armor.  Maybe that’s why the overgrown cockroaches ignored him.  Must’ve stunk too much.

Things must have been quieting down as the gunfire came to a stop after something exploded.  Disconcerting as it came near where the defense tower is.  Finally enough feeling came back into his legs that Kaidan was able to turn around and see that it was still standing and now it was time to go assess what damages may have incurred and who managed to get the tower up and running.  But not enough feeling  to prevent him from tripping over some of the overgrown grass.

Do they not have lawn mowers here?! This is a main foot traffic lane!

As he neared the tower area he could hear some ruckus going on.

“I did what I could”

Wait…Shepard?  That can’t be?!

“Don’t beat yourself up, Shepard”

He turns the corner to see Shepard standing alongside a turian and some other human female.

Is she seriously fighting in a catsuit?  Who is she?! Cute though.  Good to see Garrus is alive and well.  Lost track of him when he left Citadel.  Wonder if Joker ever paid up his debt to him.

“Shepard?  Wait, I know that name.  Sure, You’re some type of big Alliance hero.”

“Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy.”

Kaidan can’t believe his eyes.  Shepard is looking healthy.  Few new scars.  Few missing as well.  Strange.  

That’s not a HMWSR sniper rifle.  He always hated the Mantis… Strange.

“The first human Spectre.  Savior of the Citadel.  You’re in the presence of …

As Shepard arches his arm over to finally put his rifle away, Kaidan’s eyes roam over the not-dead…Undead?  Whatever-he-is Spectre.  More like spector.  But then stops abruptly in his track as he sees it.

You have got to be kidding me

“You’re not Shepard.”

“What” exclaimed both the poorly dressed but cute human and Shepard at the same time.  Garrus kept quiet but just did some funny thing with his mandible that showed his shock.

“There’s no way you’re Shepard.  He would never find this acceptable!”

Apparently the irritable mechanic turned around and left after saying something but no one was paying any attention to him to know what he said.  Or the fact he slipped on a Collector heat sink hiding in a patch of tall grass that no one mowed down yet.

“Kaidan, this isn’t what it looks like.  Cerberus brought me back from the dead and I’m abusing their resources to fund the kicking the Collectors to hell campaign.  I tried to…”

“Wait! Cerber… That makes it even worse!  There’s no way those terrorists who love experimenting on whatever the hell they get their hands on would leave you with that!” Kaidan aggressively interrupted.

Shepard and Garrus turn to each and share a confused look.

“Dammit Kaidan, you’re so focused on whatever it is you’re focused on that you’re ignoring the real threat!” Garrus finally manages to spit out.  “What are you so upset about?”

Kaidan is fuming by now.

“Seriously Shepard, what would Tali think if she were to see you now?!  And Garrus? You’re allowing this as well?  I thought we were teammates!”

Shep always took Garrus and me with him on missions and he’d chat about it with Adams and Tali constantly in Engineering.  We even teased Ashley about hers!

“Kaidan would just spit out what you're trying to say!”  Shepard was starting to lose his patience now.

Really Shep?

“Why?! Do you?!! Have?!!! A Bluewire?!!!!  They’re so junk they don’t even classify as omnitools!”

Also why we back to standing in the sun?  We have buildings right here where we can grab a drink!

Shepard and his companions just stared agape at each other.  Normally composed Miranda even managed to drop her pistol.

Shepard glares at Miranda.  Then at Garrus albeit a bit less.

“Look Kaidan. I’m the same person as before.  Apparently,” Shepard continues his glare at Miranda, “Cerberus spent too many credits on reviving me and building space ships with fish tanks to have anything left over so I can have some decent equipment.  Do you see this rifle?” Shepard grabs his rifle again and starts shaking it in front of Kaidan’s face.  “A Mantis! A friggin Mantis! They manage to find my body but can’t recover my equipment that I spent how many hundreds of thousands of credits on!  It’s her fault!” Shepard exclaims while pointing at Miranda.  Miranda just icily glares back.  “She’s the one who brought me back.  I thought having her along would let you ask any questions you needed.  I know you’re slow to trust.” 

“To be fair, Shepard, we did pick up that Incisor rifle,” Garrus adds.

“It's worse than the Mantis!!  The only way to kill a pyjack with it is to just hit the monkey with it!” Shepard heatedly exclaims, “So I gave it to the cranky merc so he'd have something relevant to complain about.”

Kaidan worries he may be starting to get a migraine from all the events today.

“Look, I still know where my loyalties lie.  And it’s not with a company that ruins their product with their encryption overlay.  I’ve got to head back to the Citadel.  They can decide to believe your story or not.  Take care, Shepard.  And please stay safe.”

Kaidan turns around and starts checking which pocket has his medication in it, not able to hear Shepard chewing out Garrus how he didn’t have enough credits for a new omni tool because he just had to get Garrus that new rifle mod that only improved performances by .01 percent.

-x-

Back on Citadel

Shepard enters into Councilor  Anderson’s office all grumpy. 

“Hey, Anderson.  Decided to take a stroll on Horizon for kicks and you’d never guess who I ran into there.  Too much to ask for a simple correspondence to let a certain someone know I’m alive?  Instead I’m forced to deal with a stinky situation!”

Anderson had been side eyeing Shepard the moment he walked in, his face stoic as ever.

“Are you done, Son?”

Shepard crosses his arms in front of him and sulks against his mentor's desk.  “Fine.”

“Kaidan made mention how you were there," Anderson continues. "Says he regrets some of the things he may have said.  He figured if you come through here he left something for you.  So if you calm down, turn around, and open the second drawer you can have it.”

Shepard blinks.  He quickly turns around to see what his mentor alluded to:

No way!  I haven’t had time to see if I could haggle any merchant  for a new Savant.  All of the dead mercs we’ve come across so far have only had Human brands.  Kay always knew what my preferences were so this will be great!

His heart is warmed by the hand written note attached to the top of the box:

Hey Shepard

I’m sorry for my actions on Horizon and what I may have said.  I should have given you more time to talk.  Guess the stress of the day got to me.

It took me a long time to get over the stress of surviving that day over Alchera.  My friends have tried taking me out for drinks but it's never been the same without you.  They have no taste for good whiskey.  They like Old Crow can you believe it?!

Anyways, all I want to say is I’m sorry.  Hopefully, this can be of use to you and also help start to mend our friendship.  I already downloaded some of those antique games you always liked on there.  I also left a secondary extranet address of mine that should be untraceable in case you need to get ahold of me.  

Please be careful.  I’ve seen too many die around me – Eden Prime, Vermire, Horizon.  I couldn’t bear it I lost you again.  I know you’ll find a way to get rid of the Collectors once you get rid of that Bluewire .

When things have calmed down a bit… Maybe.. I don’t know.  Please just take care.

Kaidan

Shepard carefully tucks the note in a pocket and eagerly turns his attention to the box.  He starts to open it and sees that shiny brand of his new tool.

Logic Ar…

“Oh you sonofabitch!”

[cryptidko]

By the way, this blog is a NO CHRISTMAS DURING NOVEMBER OR ANY MONTH BEFORE blog.

We won't tolerate anything Christmas related (there are a TWO exceptions though)

- Mariah Carey defrosting memes

- Halloween + Christmas posts (it cancels out)

This is mostly because we find comfort in Halloween and need it for a little longer as in out country it's not that popular, and despite liking Christmas, we have and will punch people irl if they start playing Christmas songs before December.

[albi-bumblebee]

read war of the roses by saintsenara i am so upset that sirius & albus didn’t fuck in the room under the mural smh.