#not me psychoanalyzing myself

[sorryicantquitequeeryou]

My 1st time feeling touch starved...

Recently I became touch starved for the first time in my 22 years of life where I have always been like: Touch is something I do because others like it.

It came on suddenly and I was very alarmed because I kinda felt like I was gonna die if I wasn't snuggly held against someone right away. It was horrible and very difficult to distract myself from and since I'd never really experienced something like that it just felt even worse. I tried hugging myself and holding my own hand because I used to do those things a lot without having this intense desire for other people's touch, but it did nothing.

Then I had the weird idea to see if there were like... partner/boyfriend/girlfriend ASMR videos on YouTube. There are! I'm not a huge fan of ASMR but I thought it'd be really nice to have a soft voice in my ear telling me everything was gonna be okay or just talking to me. ...It was very nice.

For the past week, I've now been listening to boyfriend ASMR sleep aids where there's a little talking at the beginning and then just breathing and the sound of rustling the sheets or rain. It has been AMAZING! I feel so relaxed going to sleep!

But it's SUPER weird because I hate sleeping in the same room with other people. I can never sleep well with someone in the room because I always wanna be able to wake up if they need something. I never thought that I'd find this sort of thing comforting. But it's a video, I don't have to worry about caring for a person. That's so nice. That's really telling I think. It's really difficult for me to let anyone try and care for me, and I always wanna be able to care for everyone else if they want me to. So... Listening to a person pretend to cuddle me is nice. I don't have to worry about caring for anyone and I still feel cared for without having to feel like I'm burdening them or being weak.

[brigatebajor]

pt2

bonus:

[cadmuslabs777]

My favorite character from the crew since S1 is Frenchie because he opened the first episode playing and singing (and because I love trickster characters who are also a bit dumb ig). Music is like air to me, I don't know what to do without it so I always automatically get attached to characters who sing. And then I found out Con sings beautifully. And that he was going to sing this season. Like, at this point I shouldn't be surprised I'm shipping Izzy with Frenchie. Since they are now obviously my two favorite characters.

[mandyzoe]

PETEY LORE!!!!!!!!! according to some of gary’s cut dialogue, pete was born out of wedlock and implied to have separated parents. they could also still be together and just umarried, or have since gotten married after he was born, but gary implies he’s sensitive about it so it’s more likely that they are not together and possibly not on good terms.

assuming this lore hasn’t been completely nullified since its removal and could still reasonably be considered canon, it adds a little more context to his chronic loneliness issues and validation seeking, especially when considering he’s also an only child. if he only ever lived with one parent at a time, didn’t have any other siblings or friends, and was thrown into boarding school as soon as possible, it’s reasonable to assume he didn’t get a lot of attention in early childhood which now manifests as insecurity, clinginess, and fear of rejection/loneliness. peter kowalski i know what you are (mentally ill)

(source)

[summertimemusician]

Linktober Day 7

Sky(loft)

*throws rose* For the First lovers.

Soft and sweet drabble with just the barest hints of tragedy, and more set on Skyloft than anything but I'd say it counts.

This chapter was brought to you by me getting emotional about the First Hero and his fate again due to the rain, the fact I believe all Links deserve to have love and appreciation but specially him. And the fact I think it's an absolute CRIME that we don't get anything more on him and that he and Sky don't get to have what Time and Twilight have, no I'm not bitter Nintendo I just want to talk, y'all can't just keep giving us like four Links before the actual heroes and then expect us NOT to want to elaborate with the crumbs we are given. If you ask me First and Sky deserve to interact and for First to have closure.

Anyway, as always can be read as romantic or platonic, up to y'all, and can be read in or outside and LU context, I just use Sky and First for simplicities sake but if you don't gel with LU then feel free to interpret this as something else, this is all highly self indulgent before I pass the heck out lol

If there was any place in Sky’s Hyrule that you could confidently say you adored with all of your heart and soul, Skyloft would be the most likely pick.

Even so high above it all in a way that would have you catastrophizing had you think too hard about what could happen if anyone ever accidentally fell from the isle even with all of the knights trained to not allow that to happen, you’d be lying if you said that it’s a wondrous mix of empyreal beauty and the comfort of safety and the wonder of touching the sky, a true breath taking haven that could soften even the hardest of hearts with time. Fitting of the warmth of the reincarnated goddess in Sun and the vast nature of Sky’s kindness, for all you knew he could be as frigid as the title of Godslayer demanded.

Looking at the way First let himself be tugged along the isle as soon as they’ve arrived in Sky’s land in a tour just reinforced that notion, you couldn’t help but chuckle a little. First was one of the harder Links to read, even more so than Time or Warriors, but looking at the way the stars of his azure eyes brightened with the fire of life hearing Sky talk about life in his home and about the many people made you feel so, so warm, like finding a nice sunny spot for a afternoon nap.

What could you say? First was such a wondrous person, calm and charming and perfectly polite and oh so kind in the way you knew all of your boys were. If there ever was someone who embodied chivalry and the ideal side of knighthood, he’d probably be the one to come to the forefront of your mind, and you’ve been insatiable for his happiness ever since.

When he first arrived to the Chain, he was as cold as the howling blizzard winds, heart a cold fort left in ruin and remade as best as a single man could for the sake of remaining kind, to do the right thing no matter what, it was a sentiment you knew far too well in your other boys, but specially so in First, who tried so, so hard to distance himself from getting attached. But who you knew loved the sight of the sky, as cold and numb it was in it’s distance, whom cared so so much he would driven himself into an early grave just to make the Surface a safer for the people who’d shunned him, whom after a long, long period of adjustment and effort from the Chain, allowed you to hold him close as he shaked from nightmares at night, allowing you to chase away memories of being held up by cold chains until the impression of them became one with his skin and subconscious, of being entombed and imprisoned in uncaring stone and iron to starve alone, being bitten at by hungry, crawling rats all because he wished to keep his people safe, made sure he could tell that your presence was tangible and real through telling stories from your world and singing him into dreams even through the fortress’s that was his stubborness. Trying your best to make lilies bloom on what looked like a most hopeless winter.

The day he actually chuckled and smiled, safe and healthy and alive in the presence of the Chain felt like the biggest victory you’d ever had.

He deserved to know love and to be loved as much as any of your boys, something real and tangible and that was actually properly reciprocated rather than used to justify an end. So seeing him being able to visit Skyloft with his descendant with a whispering, hidden smile was more than enough for you. And you can’t blame Sky for being equally animated about it, bless his heart, always wanting his people to be happy, always so, so kind, wanting to bring some solace to the older hero but being carefully attentive so his mood was still good

After all they went through they deserved it.

“Oh! There you are, I was just about to show First to the waterfall, want to come with?”, Sky snaps you out from your thoughts, touching your shoulder with a gentle smile.

“Unless something is ailing you, you did look quite deeply in though.”, added First, soft as the warm breeze on the isle in the sky.

You shake your head, smiling as you take First’s offered arm, an instinctive motion when he wished to be close but wasn’t quite ready for any other touch yet, and Sky’s hand in yours, which he swings with a hum, ears twitching, how precious. “Not at all, lead the way.”

As Sky leads you along, and you catch the ghost of a smile in First’s otherwise stern countenance and you take in the warmth of the late afternoon sun in Skyloft and the soft, eternal spring breeze. You think there’s quite a bit you’d give to keep witnessing these moments indeed.

The road to recovery was long and arduous, but you’d be there, and you knew the Chain would do their best to be there too.

[yinyuedijun]

Realizing that the reason you got attached to both Aventurine and Dan hang despite their superficial differences is because they both have been denied their cultures in very traumatic ways in childhood and the pain of that loss still echoes in their characters in adulthood

Are you okay ?

well I'm a second gen chinese diaspora who is largely disconnected from their family for traumatic reasons and in addition to nearly forgetting my heritage language for the purposes of assimilation, it also nearly died out due to political repression . so do with that knowledge what you will 💀

[thecupboardhasitsmoments]

NPD culture is

I made another conversation about myself: 😃😃😃

I made another conversation about myself: ☹️☹️☹️

[nyoomymph]

trying to figure out why I find this character so emotionally attractive and realized it's probably the repressed god complex and the bitterness that got smothered by my anxiety, huh

also pink

[anoddopal]

BTW in case I haven’t said it- a genuine thank you to everyone who has been kind and supportive of my current fixation on the Bla.ckbeard Pirates.

I know they are very unpopular [read: very much hated] characters but they’ve helped me shuffle along as I walk down the path of recovery from a very devastating bought of mental illness. Despite the horrors they persist - despite being the horrors they persist - and so will I.

[campingwiththecharmings]

ever feel like you have so much love to give but you just have no idea who to give it to or where to direct it? 🥲

[min3nc]

do i like the found family trope because i have step and half family members or was it so easy to accept my situation because i liked the found family trope

[steffigraf]

sometimes i wonder whether i havent been making gifs just cause im busy or if im using that as an excuse to myself bc i might still be subconsciously fucked up abt the whole “being seen as a gif machine instead of as a person” thing from when i had my whole breakdown during ao

[touchingwater]

i cannot stand waiting for people. like waiting for someone to come back from somewhere so i can see them, or waiting for a text or call. i would rather chew glass than play the waiting game

[fkmarrycill]

Lovely way to congratulate our man.

Look at these lovebirds on vacation! Look at how relaxed and confident Cillian is. And the casual affection is adorable.

[fencecollapsed]

[whacking myself with a newspaper] stop being wishy washy about having a hatchetfield oc in public, stop cringing at yourself be free

[rosielav]

Desperately need to find another currently ongoing podcast to listen to. I have nothing in my feed that releases new episodes except for MBMBAM and that's not nearly as exciting as I'd like it to be haha

PLEASE REC ME YOUR FAVORITE PODCASTS, PREFERABLY ONES STILL ONGOING OR WITH LOTS OF EPISODES!!!

Blease 😭😭😭😭