I wonder if my trauma took away my humanity. I wonder if my autism took away my humanity.
Being so alienated and rejected, belittled, broken down, shouted at, hit, hurt.
I was human once. I remember it; the way my life was before. The warmth of the sun's rays on my skin. The way others interacted with me. I was one of them. I was not "other".
Things changed. I changed, and with it humanity slipped from my fingers and vanished before I could even blink. I was wrong. Everything about me was wrong. I tried to fit myself into a human mold but I couldn't.
So I embraced it. I've shed my humanity and I wear my canine nature with pride.
But I still wonder what life would be like if I was still human.
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honestly im tired of ppl only lieking lizzie bc of her skill in the book of atlantic . im tired of " lizzie supportive " posts that basically boil down to " i know she may SEEM liek some stupid awful girly girl , but look , theres a part where shes bloody !! what a badass !! "
the book of atlantic arc definitely gave her character some more depth , i understand that some ppl may have lieked her moar once they got some insight into tha things she was dealing with . but it feels liek im expected to liek her in SPITE of her girliness . or rather , liek im only allowed to liek how cutesy and girly she is because , " dont worry , shes ALSO a fencer !! dont worry , she was really cool n fought zombies liek a badass !! "
ive been in tha fandom since liek 5th grade ( i dont remember what year that was , but im 24 now , to put things in perspective . ive been here for a while , i know what tha fandom has been liek ) . to be fair ive interacted w tha fandom on and off over tha years , but it rlly seems liek tha attitude has shifted from :
before boa : ew lizzie is so annoying i hate her shes just a stupid pink girly girl that gets in tha way of everything , ciel definitely hates her hahaha !! eew she sucks !!
after boa : aaaah omg lizzie is so wonderful shes such a badass , omg she looks cute AND can use a sword , slay queen !! give us girls who are feminine AND kick ass 😎
okay .. what abt girls that are just feminine tho ... why did she have to showcase her fencing skills and defend ciel from zombies to be allowed to be cutesy . why was she considered super annoying and awful before boa , but now its liek we can " let that part of her slide " bc we know what shes capable of on tha inside . its tha misogyny innit .
idk . i know how rancid this fandom was wen i was a kid , which is why i distanced myself from it in tha first place . so really i should be happy that lizzie is finally getting some love , that things are changing for tha better , and that tha fandom is looking liek a better and better place . but it still bothers me that ppl only support this idea of lizzie as a cute badass . that when she was only known as a girly girl , everyone hated her . for what .. ? she never did anything to deserve so much hate , unless you count being a cutesy 13-14 year old girl a crime . but now that shes displayed that shes capable of violence , tha tone has shifted into loving her . okay .
idk . ranty post is moar of a diary / journal entry lol . and again i understand ppl who werent fans of her bc she didnt have much depth turning around and lieking her moar bc of how tha manga went into her struggles as a person . but tha ppl who hated her for being " annoying " suddenly kissing her ass bc she got to use her fencing skills and now they wont shut up about it ,, buzz off . can you appreciate something else about her please . shes kind and cheerful and cute and hardworking but all i ever hear is " wow , girls can wear dresses and fight at tha saem tiem !! "
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So i made a train creature (not literally)
Heres this thing! It doesnt have a name but i made it while thinking abt infinity train aus
Its VERYYYY big but also extremely friendly
Its whole job was to be a rest stop for the passengers of the train but it wanted to do more than that. Now it spends its time gathering supplies like paint and toys or medical supplies for anyone who comes thru its train car. It lets the children paint on it and it helps people through their problems. Its very aware of what the train is and what it does for passengers. It also knows much of our terms, languages, and history because it always wants to know more about how it can help. Also it could scan your mind for information if it really wanted but it usually wont if youre willing to talk to it. It has been around for a long long time. It knows a lot and probably has also met the apex before. It has no care for making friends or romance or anything like that. It just wants to help people (denizens and passengers)
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I think a lot of my frustration with modern theoretical physics (especially string theory) can be summarised as, if we're handwaving the physical constraints, and we're handwaving the lack of experimental results, and we're handwaving the maths, then who's flying the damn plane???
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thinking about how frank has a flashlight built into his briefcase, he could've put it anywhere else like maybe incorporate into his mask or idk let his watch have a flashlight function. fuck it tho bro its ur job.
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Ok so they become friends, that’s the AU
I colored them btw
I’m thinking about a name for this AU, but I’ll have more information about the situation soon, but if you have any asks, send them my way!
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I have thoughts to articulate on how N.Elias's analisys of the (artificial, european) concept of "civilisation" being a natural predecessor to and justification of colonialism Does Not Ever mention the USA because at the time it was still in the middle of its transition into having a national conciousness of "this is the (static, perfect) model of democracy and we should export it everywhere". And now its. yk. been doing that to the detriment of the rest of the world. But I'm notoriously bad at articulating thoughts. Anyways read Norbert Elias and think about the current panopticon-like state of things and what the west did with it 👍for me
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Most of my Art Fights fer First Half of Artfight (1-14).
My first piece and piece for @krtart , Sandydash and a Spire Cat named Brownie.
Nearly 3 pieces in a row for @salmonseelie
A first attack and then a revenge for @gooseeatsholywater / GooseEatsHolyWater
Fellow Beachcats w/ @cozyscarecrow
And an animal-loving wizkid (they/them) from @big-green-wall w/ my medcat Meadowfleck
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